0:00

Hello, and welcome to

0:00

textual tension. Every other

0:04

week I jump in here, me, Rachel

0:04

with our other coast bitsey. Say

0:09

Hi, Betsy. She turned away from

0:09

the microphone to give you guys

0:12

the What's What in the world of

0:12

textual tension. I hope you guys

0:16

are still staying safe out

0:16

there. And I hope everyone's

0:19

nice and cozy and safe and warm.

0:19

And to kind of help you stay

0:23

nice and cozy and safe and warm.

0:23

I just want to give you guys a

0:25

quick reminder that for the

0:25

foreseeable future, all textual

0:29

tension Patreon bonus content

0:29

will be available to everybody.

0:33

So if you guys want a little bit

0:33

extra to listen to, and I have

0:37

something to do with, we're all

0:37

still self quarantined. I

0:39

recorded this in advance. Or,

0:39

sorry, social distancing. Hey,

0:44

check that out. Go to

0:44

patreon.com/textual tension and

0:48

take a listen. We have some

0:48

really fun stuff, especially

0:51

this week, because ladies of

0:51

Stranger awesome. And I have

0:53

like over 30 minutes of bloopers

0:53

from this episode. It's

0:57

wonderful. By the way, hey, so

0:57

episode is recorded with the

1:01

ladies of strange you need to go

1:01

check them out. They are amazing

1:05

and incredible. And they're all

1:05

over social media and stuff.

1:07

They talk about it a little more

1:07

in the episode. Check them out

1:10

too. You can check us out on

1:10

social media at textual tension

1:14

pod across the board as well as

1:14

textual tension pod.com. And

1:19

send us an email at textual

1:19

tension pod@gmail.com All kinds

1:23

of pods over here. I'm speaking

1:23

of Facebook, similar to last

1:27

week, remember, we are revamping

1:27

our Facebook page into a book

1:34

club. And this week, Margie is

1:34

reading The Night Circus and I

1:37

realized this is coming out in

1:37

April this month. I mean sorry,

1:40

not this week. And it's not too

1:40

late to jump on there. Go check

1:45

it out. See what everyone's

1:45

talking about. It's a great

1:47

book. We love it. And we'll be

1:47

over there talking about how

1:50

amazing it is so and if you

1:50

don't like it, let us know. Do

1:53

we want to know? So hit us up at

1:53

Facebook and please join our

1:57

Facebook book club. We would

1:57

love it if you did. Um, I think

2:02

that's just about all we have

2:02

this week. So thank you guys so

2:08

much for listening. And, you

2:08

know, we still love you. You're

2:12

still great. Bitsy loves you.

2:12

She told me away from the mic.

2:15

So you know you didn't hear it,

2:15

but that's okay. So without

2:18

further ado, please enjoy

2:18

episode of 41 the modern Gabriel

2:29

tearing me apart from Rocky sea.

2:39

Hello, and welcome to

2:39

textual tension, a love hate

2:42

relationship with romance novels

2:42

podcast. I'm your co host

2:45

Margie.

2:45

I'm your co host Rachel

2:45

and I'm your co host Tiffany.

2:50

I'm your co host Rebecca and I'm

2:50

your co host Ashley.

2:53

Hey friends. Today we're

2:53

joined by the ladies of strange

2:58

together we we will unpack what

2:58

the fuck just happened.

3:07

Yes, join sorry.

3:08

We do. All right. So

3:08

y'all all I know is that I'm

3:13

drinking wine because I'm gonna

3:13

hate this. You're gonna hate it

3:15

so much. You're gonna use a

3:15

stranger also drinking wine

3:18

because they're gonna hate us.

3:18

So welcome, friends.

3:21

Welcome. We're so happy

3:21

to have you here.

3:23

Thank you so much. We

3:23

are so excited to be here. I'm

3:26

like nervous sweating.

3:30

That well reason. That's

3:30

why we told you to take off your

3:33

bra.

3:35

And I complied. I'm nothing. Because to wash it sooner. And

3:38

nobody wants to have

3:40

to do that exact Yeah,

3:40

exactly. Exactly.

3:43

So before we get too

3:43

deep into this, I'm not looking

3:47

forward to it. But I am at the

3:47

same time. Do you guys want to

3:50

go ahead and introduce what you

3:50

do?

3:53

Absolutely. So we are

3:53

the ladies of strange. We are a

3:57

comedy podcast that unpacks the

3:57

history mystery and theory of

4:01

all things questionable. Odd, an

4:01

eerie, and we talk about

4:04

everything from murders to penis

4:04

festivals to sex. Yeah, go sex.

4:12

So it's fun. Good.

4:15

If we ever have go sex

4:15

I'm now gonna bring you in is

4:18

like research expert about Go.

4:21

Yes, Tiffany's. I have spent way too much time

4:23

googling it. I'm ready.

4:27

That's in your search.

4:30

The FBI agents are like

4:30

this. What?

4:34

They've got so much

4:34

more than

4:38

we. There's more. But

4:40

wait, there's a lot

4:40

more. We had a lengthy

4:43

discussion about the longest

4:43

erection both in length and time

4:48

and I took it upon myself to ask

4:48

your doctor if it's last more

4:52

than four hours, and then I calculated the

4:53

velocity of it it's amazing. Oh

4:59

my oh I'm gonna Heart is singing

4:59

I love it.

5:02

Okay. All right, here we

5:02

go. 123 Turn it over.

5:07

Oh, oh, oh wow

5:14

what is this phantom of the

5:14

opera bullshit? The guy I know,

5:23

please let him have an evil

5:23

twin, please.

5:27

There's enough of him to

5:27

go around already back.

5:32

Okay, Margie? Why the

5:32

fuck is he wearing a tuxedo

5:42

he loves capes. Wow.

5:44

I mean, you can't go

5:44

wrong with a good cape,

5:47

though because he exists.

5:51

Okay, okay, so let me go

5:51

ahead and describe this for

5:53

listeners. Although I will say

5:53

real quick. I will only refer to

5:57

him as Endymion yet from Sailor

5:57

Moon because tuxedos. Okay, so

6:07

this is embrace the night by

6:07

Amanda Ashley. sensuous,

6:12

mesmerizing electrifying from

6:12

the romantic times. Okay, so as

6:17

you guys mentioned, this dude's

6:17

on here twice, in very much an

6:20

80s Montage sort of. So there's

6:20

like a real big close up on his

6:26

face. And he's kind of given you

6:26

the like paudi bedroom esque

6:31

eyes. He's

6:32

good at that. Okay.

6:33

All right. All right.

6:33

But is that good?

6:37

I don't, I don't know if

6:37

that's good. I don't. I'm not

6:40

particularly one for that level

6:40

of flowing black hair. But

6:44

it's a very 80s

6:46

it is very 80s. When

6:46

it's a mullet. It's in its own

6:50

other category. But it's hard to tell. Oh, baby, all kinds of party in

6:57

the back.

7:02

And then what about the woman?

7:03

Okay, yeah. So there's

7:03

so there's the the close up at a

7:07

montage of his face in the

7:07

background. And then in the

7:09

foreground. There's him. And

7:09

it's really hard to see where

7:13

how his arms work, but I'm

7:13

assuming he is carrying her. And

7:16

she's like, maybe passed out.

7:19

There's a lot of that too.

7:20

Great. Good.

7:24

Looks like he's pouting

7:24

intensely at her throat which I

7:28

can only assume he's going to

7:28

bite her in some way.

7:36

I thought he was

7:36

smelling her. But

7:43

I also can we talk about

7:43

how her legs are not the right

7:47

size for her body.

7:48

And they're in a very

7:48

awkward heightens the, I guess

7:52

the best way to describe them.

7:52

Okay, that's too.

7:59

So when you look at her

7:59

his hand, he's holding her the

8:02

lower leg and one of her legs is

8:02

like up a little higher. And you

8:05

have to assume that even though

8:05

she's passed out, she is

8:07

actively raising that second

8:07

leg.

8:10

She's ready. She's so

8:10

ready.

8:13

Okay, and she's, she's

8:13

wearing like, it looks like a

8:16

like, like, we're looking like

8:16

Charleston, South Carolina.

8:19

Nope. Okay, not the right here

8:19

for that. Sure. It does look

8:26

like a dresser that requires at

8:26

least 12 More petticoats than

8:29

she's wearing though.

8:29

Absolutely, yeah. 100% Alright,

8:32

so um, is there an inside?

8:34

I don't know. She's

8:34

barefoot.

8:38

She is also barefoot. So

8:38

he

8:41

also sort of explained,

8:41

okay, okay, that would be maybe

8:46

to carry her to the

8:46

street.

8:52

So I can only assume

8:52

that she lost all 12 petticoats

8:56

and her stockings and shoes in a

8:56

horrific carriage accident.

9:02

All right. Okay. Not to

9:02

Charleston.

9:05

Anywhere but Charleston.

9:05

Okay, so Oh, Jesus. Master of

9:13

darkness mistress of light.

9:16

I looked at this book.

9:16

Subscription.

9:21

Oh, no. Yeah, okay.

9:24

Oh God, a creature

9:24

doomed to wander the earth in

9:27

eternal darkness. He searched

9:27

the ages for someone to share

9:31

the Endless Night of his

9:31

existence for that one woman who

9:34

would recognize the man within

9:34

the monster, an angel of purity

9:39

and sunlight. She feared the

9:39

mysterious stranger whose eyes

9:43

promised endless ecstasy even as

9:43

he whispered dark secret secrets

9:47

she dared not believe. They were

9:47

two people longing for

9:51

fulfillment, braving the danger

9:51

of a love like no other alone.

9:55

They faced a desolation and

9:55

despair together. They would

9:59

share undying Passion defy

9:59

attorney attorney and hang on to

10:03

read this how it's written

10:05

embrace this Tuxedo

10:05

Mask motherfucker Oh also

10:13

vampire yes Jesus Christ

10:16

in change very intrigued to know

10:16

more

10:23

this is why I've always thought

10:23

that romance novels should have

10:26

less descript front covers

10:26

because that just grew all of

10:29

that fantasy that could have

10:29

been created with that

10:31

description looking at him is gone

10:35

100%

10:36

Oh you shouldn't be

10:36

fantasizing about okay, he's a

10:39

horrible vampire being

10:41

so I really watchman I

10:41

really wish that we'd printed

10:44

off trigger bingo cards for this

10:44

oh yeah cuz I think it's gonna

10:48

be a big one

10:49

so much trick so many

10:49

triggers Marty so

10:52

little time list off our triggers.

10:54

We got psychological

10:54

groups write

10:57

them all down. Yeah.

11:01

We got sexual behavior

11:01

with a minor. stalking and

11:07

suicide.

11:10

Oh, and for

11:12

more weight. Wait. Oh

11:12

my. There's more. Wait, there's

11:18

Oh, no. Um, so I'm gonna start

11:18

off by introducing the

11:22

characters. So we got our

11:22

homeboy, Gabriel definitely.

11:27

Oh, God, really? He's

11:27

an angel.

11:30

She names him that. He

11:30

does but he's just like, yeah,

11:35

use whatever name you want. I don't care.

11:39

Thoughtful Thank you.

11:41

Okay. He's absolutely

11:41

your stereotypical vampire self

11:44

loathing lives in a quote

11:44

unquote, what he self describes

11:47

as a layer decrepid old

11:47

monastery and he brews on the

11:53

literal throne. Wow. Wow.

11:57

Anyone here ever get

11:57

into getting into some

12:02

Castlevania bullshit? No, no.

12:02

Okay, should I just want you to

12:07

know, great games but and the

12:07

anime on Netflix is incredible.

12:13

But Dracula named his son Aaloo

12:13

card, which is just back

12:20

backwards and I'm getting very

12:20

heavy Castlevania Dracula vibe.

12:24

Oh, just wait. Alright,

12:24

so then to go on about Gabriel.

12:27

No one stroke is Gabriel. Blood

12:27

as fast as Gabriel

12:35

he's the best. He's the

12:35

best.

12:39

He can hypnotize he can

12:39

keep things up with his mind. He

12:42

can turn into mist and basically

12:42

teleport he can erase people's

12:45

memories. He also he can I think

12:45

he has telekinesis. He can quote

12:51

unquote blood Bond himself to

12:51

people basically with some vor

12:55

asleep that happened before so

12:55

yeah, with a selected other

12:58

person will be read his mind as

12:58

well but also be emotionally

13:02

connected to him in a very

13:02

dependent sort of way. So like

13:05

he said, they drink so like he

13:05

has to drink their blood and

13:09

that they have to drink his

13:09

blood. And then they're like the

13:12

blood bound that happened

13:13

in the Atlantis one,

13:15

which is one

13:22

all right, so then we

13:22

got our incredibly naive girl

13:25

who is a paralyzed a paraplegic,

13:25

orphan living in an orphanage

13:29

with a bunch of nuns, the legs

13:29

she's her mother had abandoned

13:40

her when she was really young

13:40

after a string of bad luck. And

13:44

she ended up at that orphanage

13:44

homeboy found Sara after her

13:47

mother had hightailed it out of

13:47

town. He dropped her off at the

13:50

orphanage run by the nuns and

13:50

since then has sworn he would

13:53

always protect her. She was

13:53

somewhere under eight at this

13:56

point.

13:57

No, Jesus. Yeah. He's

13:57

just gonna take care of her like

14:05

a big brother and then fall in love with somebody else. Right? Definitely have

14:11

this Interview with a Vampire.

14:13

Okay, so I need to know

14:13

how old is she when they do?

14:16

I was just about to get

14:16

to that. Thank you. So we now

14:19

jumped to when she's 17. And

14:19

still marginally better but

14:25

better. I homeboy hangs out at

14:25

the creepy monastery when he

14:30

started stalking a literal

14:30

child. Oh, and by the way, he

14:35

doesn't need to hang out at the

14:35

monastery. He has several other

14:38

rich people properties, but he

14:38

just likes the beauty aspect

14:41

aesthetic. Like a castle. And

14:41

like a townhouse. He's like,

14:46

Nah, he is but homeboy is

14:46

obsessed with Sarah Jane. He has

14:50

watched her at night constantly,

14:50

but it's never revealed himself.

14:54

Oh no. Phantom of the Opera.

14:56

No. Yes. Yes. Makes me a

14:56

little bit of Twilight. Right.

15:00

Yes, you are poor girl is hella

15:00

better, um, just because of

15:05

like, you know, live in an

15:05

orphanage like, it's like, late

15:09

1800s.

15:10

Okay, but if you were a

15:10

woman in late 1800s You'd be

15:12

bitter about everything.

15:13

Yeah, right. Exactly.

15:14

Also a paraplegic also.

15:14

Yeah. But she's not dead by now.

15:19

But

15:20

homeboy loves her saying

15:20

It was no wonder Sara was

15:23

better. he mused. Perhaps you

15:23

should have told her that she

15:26

was the single ray of sunshine

15:26

in his own miserable existence,

15:29

that her life had purpose, even

15:29

if it was only to bring light

15:32

into one man's world of

15:32

darkness. Okay, but but isn't

15:36

sunshine

15:36

bad for vampires?

15:40

Yeah, literally.

15:42

Killing to murder. She's

15:42

gonna murder him.

15:45

With her love

15:47

worth is not defined by

15:47

how he feels about her. Also,

15:51

then,

15:52

also, this is very

15:52

pedophilic and I am a slightly

15:55

uncomfortable. Oh,

15:57

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

15:57

drink. That's why That's why

16:00

you're drinking wine.

16:00

All right, mine in a

16:00

sippy cup. So okay, I have a

16:05

couple of questions real quick.

16:05

Okay. One, how old? Is he at

16:08

this point? 300. Okay, so the

16:08

whole like, like, what is it

16:12

multiply their age by two or

16:12

whatever? Like that rule does

16:17

not work.

16:18

divided in half, at

16:18

seven years?

16:20

Yeah, do that way too well,

16:22

so it's 157. Yeah, it's

16:22

not that No.

16:27

Two, can we just take a

16:27

hot second to talk about how the

16:30

paraplegic part of this makes

16:30

her is literally a physical

16:35

representation of her dependence

16:35

upon him. Yep. Okay. Yeah. Just

16:39

wanting to make sure that not

16:39

very subtle on the symbolism

16:43

there.

16:44

Whatever your Julie whatever. Amanda, Ashley, Amanda.

16:48

It gets worse.

16:51

All right. Whoa. Textual

16:51

tension drinking game everyone

16:53

Drink. Drink. She says it gets

16:53

worse.

16:57

Homeboy is a homeboy.

16:57

He's a major creep. He'd watched

17:01

her grow from a beautiful child

17:01

into a beautiful woman.

17:04

and.dot.is Less had grown grown

17:04

with her.

17:09

She's not a woman yet. Thank you. She's not a woman. I'm not

17:11

a girl. Not yet a woman.

17:17

That lust was there when she was

17:17

younger

17:29

my next note is just

17:29

kill him. Okay, so one day after

17:36

Sarah tries and fails to walk

17:36

again, like it's in the evening,

17:40

she's in a room alone. She's

17:40

like, Oh, time for a cyanide

17:43

cocktail. I'm done with this

17:43

life. What pages 20 That's

17:51

what I thought. Okay.

17:51

Maybe the ground running. Oh,

17:55

homeboy. It leaps

17:55

through the window and stops her

17:58

from taking this it was still

17:58

watching. Yes, she'd never she

18:01

had never seen him before but

18:01

immediately calls him her quote

18:04

unquote guardian angel and name

18:04

some Gabriel herself. What was

18:09

his name before that? Giovanni?

18:11

It's such a better name.

18:11

Honestly.

18:15

Yeah, it is, but it's a

18:15

bit more pretentious. So it

18:18

fits.

18:18

Right, exactly. It's a

18:18

little bit more brooding and I

18:21

like it more. Yes.

18:22

So home boy finally meet

18:22

Sarah again. After staring at

18:26

her through a window for

18:26

literally years. They talk very

18:28

dramatically. He comes back the

18:28

next night and gives her a book

18:32

of poems and then decide he's a

18:32

bad influence on her. He should

18:35

never see her again. So like for

18:35

at least a couple weeks. I think

18:38

I don't remember how long the

18:38

period of time is. He just goes

18:42

back to brooding and staring at

18:42

her through a window. She

18:44

responds to that by becoming

18:44

despondent and refusing to eat.

18:48

That is one hell of

18:48

emotional whiplash. I've been

18:53

staring at you and lusting after

18:53

you for literal literally like

18:57

10 years. But now that I've

18:57

talked to you once, I'm a bad

19:01

influence. I'm gonna leave.

19:03

I'm gonna leave.

19:05

I also think back to

19:05

when I was 17. If a guy had been

19:08

like, I am in love with you and

19:08

I've been staring at you. I

19:11

would have been like, okay,

19:11

cool. Yeah, let's do this. He

19:13

disappears for weeks a dark brooding

19:14

vampire. No.

19:17

Girl you knew 17 year old

19:21

man like those Twilight vibes. I'm

19:23

telling you what? You

19:23

girl went hard for the broody

19:25

people and go for the video game

19:25

person. Cloud Cloud Strife.

19:32

Hell, yeah. Drama.

19:35

Okay. All right. All

19:35

right. She nearly dies. And he

19:40

hurts himself into a room and

19:40

forces her to drink his blood

19:43

which saves her life. He

19:43

promises to stay near her at

19:48

once. She's like when she wakes

19:48

up and then starts begging him

19:51

to stay. He

19:53

could have jumped in

19:53

anytime in that two week period.

19:57

Didn't have to be when she was

19:57

literally dying.

20:00

I think he I don't know

20:00

that I think about I don't know

20:03

if he was actually if he had

20:03

like really stepped back at that

20:05

point was not watching her. So

20:05

she wakes up the next day

20:08

feeling great happy thinking

20:08

life is so bad she got

20:11

Gabrielle. She tells Gabrielle

20:11

she's thinking about joining the

20:16

nunnery and he hates that for

20:16

the horrible obvious reasons,

20:19

but also

20:20

because he's a vampire

20:20

and Christians are against

20:22

vampires, right? Yes, that too

20:24

well, so because that's

20:24

not the only reason he he was

20:28

that person.

20:31

Anybody else so let any

20:31

other man have her.

20:35

Oh, including God.

20:40

Jesus keep your mitts

20:40

off. He takes her to the ballet.

20:47

He takes her to dinner in the

20:47

evenings he sings to her holes

20:50

or in his arm, etc. Did

20:50

wheelchairs

20:52

exist in the hundreds?

20:52

Yes. No, I want to know like,

20:55

for real? Go ahead.

20:57

Alright, so one day

20:57

however, a fire breaks out in

21:00

the orphanage. Sarah nearly

21:00

burns to death of the flame.

21:03

Okay, death. Number three.

21:06

We're keeping

21:08

a tally when when

21:08

homeboy wakes up from his

21:11

daytime death sleep because he

21:11

does that vampire thing if he

21:14

sleeps the whole day, right?

21:14

Like can't be in the spring. He

21:17

rushes to the hospital, grabs

21:17

her and takes her back to his

21:20

lair. Not probably

21:22

has better tools than

21:22

you know. The hospital. Medical

21:25

professionals

21:27

like blood. Exactly.

21:30

Blood hospitals are

21:30

terrifying. So maybe actually he

21:32

did well he actually did

21:33

give her some of his

21:33

blood and her and burns he'll

21:38

man good luck works. It

21:38

is so incredibly fortunate that

21:41

they are the same blood type.

21:45

Sure, but he didn't

21:45

reject that donation.

21:49

He keeps her at his lair

21:49

by everything she needs for at

21:52

least several days if not a week.

21:56

You know what? In this?

21:59

Oh, well. They do kiss

21:59

that was my next note. Great

22:05

she's still does. She still does

22:05

not know that he is a vampire

22:09

despite the fact he's missing an

22:09

action all day. I think at one

22:13

point he does so like and

22:13

literally Leapt Through her

22:16

window twice. Right.

22:18

And game gave her his

22:18

blood twice.

22:21

Get and gave her Yeah.

22:22

His vampire blood heals

22:22

her legs so she could walk

22:25

again. Cool. Oh, that's not how

22:25

that works.

22:30

Because I can heal you

22:30

from burns. But I can't fix your

22:33

legs.

22:35

This is the second time

22:35

he's given her his blood.

22:37

No. That's so instant to

22:37

her twice but it's like super

22:41

effective. The second

22:43

it was just a super

22:43

effective hit right at the time.

22:46

Got it? Yeah, the first time in exercising.

22:49

Yeah, even really blood out.

22:49

First, it gave her drinking a

22:54

lot of milk.

22:54

The first time he gave

22:54

her his blood to it's described

22:57

that he like massages her throat

22:57

to get her to swallow. Yeah,

23:02

there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

23:06

This, you know,

23:08

I hated this. And I

23:08

didn't think I could hate it

23:12

more.

23:12

No, you will. Well, you

23:12

will though. Like it's

23:16

impossible for you not to

23:16

because we're just at the

23:18

beginning. Do I need to get my

23:18

throne? No, not yet. Okay, now

23:21

that she can walk he sends her

23:21

to ballet school in France.

23:24

They're in Italy right now. Yeah.

23:27

Teen. Also her legs have

23:27

definitely haven't atrophied by

23:31

this point. Not

23:32

at all. They're walking

23:32

around town. She's fine. Like

23:35

she's like they're dancing like

23:35

my spine. Lucky magic. Yeah, but

23:41

there are special

23:41

snowflakes. Yes.

23:44

Special in this special

23:44

boy. In the span of five years.

23:47

She becomes a prima ballerina

23:47

while he sits in brutes at home.

23:51

18 To 23 She's a prima

23:51

ballerina.

23:55

Yay. But she is legal

23:55

now. Such a low

24:00

bar on board. Oh, to be fair in 18 countries

24:02

like 12 was legal.

24:07

Oh Nikoli Shut up. It's

24:07

still not okay. Eventually he

24:13

can't stand it anymore. And he

24:13

goes to see her perform. By and

24:18

so like he sees her perform. And

24:18

he sees that she's living a

24:21

happy life, but he still can't

24:21

stay away. He sees her at her

24:24

place again. And they keep

24:24

meeting up at night and they

24:28

almost have sex. And Gabriel

24:28

realizes her alert is too

24:33

powerful and he can't stay away

24:33

for

24:35

no swiping.

24:40

She says she also says

24:40

she loves him and never wants to

24:43

be without him. And a response

24:43

to that he makes her promise

24:46

that she will do what he says

24:46

without questions that they can

24:49

be together.

24:50

No, no.

24:52

I swear that exact same.

24:57

It's in it's in writing

24:57

and everything.

25:00

I tried I said no.

25:03

So the closest there

25:03

were a lot of updates in

25:08

wheelchair technology between

25:08

like 1650 and 1885. So in 1650,

25:15

this was a wheelchair.

25:21

Oh, that looks like fun. More than a vampire carrying you

25:26

around.

25:29

I'm sorry. There's one

25:29

more that was in 1760. And it's

25:33

like a tiny carriage.

25:36

That's it. I picked

25:36

actually dope. I want to ride

25:39

around.

25:41

Which would feel bougie

25:41

as hell.

25:44

I'm here for it. Alright.

25:47

Um, Sarah has another

25:47

friend who dances alongside her

25:52

at the ballet Maurice, and he

25:52

has asked for Sara's hand in

25:55

marriage. Sara originally said

25:55

yes. But now that Gabriel's

25:58

around she's like, I can't do it

25:58

now his mate. Sorry. That seems

26:01

unimportant. But I assure you

26:01

Maurice is an important

26:03

character. Okay,

26:06

next thing, we're male

26:06

ballerinas a thing in 1800. So

26:11

after Sarah, after Sarah

26:11

pleads with Gabrielle. They do

26:15

have sex. And then he

26:15

immediately hates himself for

26:19

it. He's D purified yours. D

26:19

purified her. He has deflowered

26:27

if you will. He did not replace

26:27

that water filter. They so to

26:35

get back into it. So after Sarah

26:35

pleads with Gabrielle they do

26:38

have sex. Right hates himself

26:38

for it naturally as you do. Joey

26:42

all

26:45

the healthy coping mechanisms.

26:48

They continue this

26:48

charade. He meets her after

26:50

dark. They have sex he leaves

26:50

before he hated himself for

26:53

Yeah, it doesn't matter. She's

26:57

good that much.

27:00

Yeah, he's not that

27:00

worried about the Brita filter

27:02

anymore. She's

27:05

okay, but you should have seen her when she was seven years old.

27:17

She still does not know

27:17

that he's a vampire. But she's

27:20

getting frustrated as his

27:20

unwillingness to tell her

27:22

anything. Maurice is very

27:22

suspicious of Gabrielle he's

27:26

convinced something's up with him. Anyone who

27:28

wears a tuxedo during

27:28

the day out in public All right.

27:30

He does he's ever after. Right?

27:30

Sorry. He's a fan.

27:34

He even tries to follow

27:34

Gabriel back to his French

27:36

cottage layer a couple of times.

27:36

The first time he fails as

27:40

Gabriel turns into mist. But the

27:40

second watch is Gabriel go into

27:45

a boarded up cottage on the edge

27:45

of town and he's like, this is

27:48

weird. He's super rich. Why is

27:48

he doing this?

27:51

So he doesn't question

27:51

him just disappearing into

27:55

follow him again.

27:56

He finds that very

27:56

creepy. And he tells Sarah about

28:00

he's like, dude, this guy's not

28:00

good. I saw this guy turn into

28:03

mist and she's like, stop

28:03

talking about my boyfriend. I

28:08

really want

28:08

to daddy I love him.

28:11

Gabriel Daddy will so I

28:11

was cheating on Rachel telling

28:26

the story. And she was like, she

28:26

could say that. So she was like

28:30

so the Phantom of the Opera. So

28:30

like, this is the Phantom of the

28:33

Opera. Right? That was like just

28:33

wait. Oh, darn. Oh, so Maurice

28:40

tries to warn Sarah that hey,

28:40

something's up. Your dude is

28:43

weird as fuck, but she doesn't

28:43

believe him. But she is

28:46

persuaded to go check out of the

28:46

cottage. And when she gets to

28:48

the cottage, she hears Gabriel's

28:48

voice in her mind saying telling

28:52

her to turn back like get out of

28:52

here. Do not be here. I turned

28:55

back Sarah

28:59

to leave David Bowie in

28:59

my head and

29:03

I'm sad. Oh, now there's a

29:03

mullet. And

29:10

all right. A really good

29:10

codpiece.

29:13

Yes. Yeah, extra large

29:13

there. The next night Gabrielle

29:18

tries to create like a cover

29:18

story and she's not having it.

29:21

And so he's like, okay, then

29:21

we're done. I can't give you any

29:24

answers as to who I really am.

29:24

They meet one more time after

29:27

this. But Gabriel after that is

29:27

really like I can't do this to

29:30

her anymore. I've done like I'm

29:30

gonna let her live her life like

29:33

and but Maurice is like yeah,

29:33

not good enough. And he wraps

29:38

Gabriel's layer up with garlic

29:38

and holy water. So homeboy can't

29:42

leave the cottage.

29:43

You're gonna say saran

29:43

wrap. Like he's playing a cool

29:50

High School prank.

29:53

Just wraps the doorway

29:53

and saran wrap. So when he tries

29:56

to run out he just runs What is this?

30:03

What is this magical place?

30:06

Um, basically homeboy

30:06

almost starves to death because

30:10

he can't leave the cottage right

30:10

so you can't get any of that

30:12

good day cumin blood. Good,

30:12

good.

30:18

Good good human blood

30:19

because of fuck you

30:19

magic. Right before homeboys

30:23

about to die Sara hears this

30:23

voice in her mind calling her to

30:26

him. She goes out to the cottage

30:26

and offers hers offers him some

30:30

fresh hot blood because she

30:30

finally puts all the clues

30:33

together realizes Hey, he's a

30:33

vampire.

30:37

Do you think the girl

30:37

Oh, holy water is what to do

30:41

with it?

30:42

Maybe like sleeping in

30:42

the basement? Or something? So

30:46

in a box,

30:46

okay, do we if we ever

30:46

established in this world the

30:49

rules for turning someone into a

30:49

vampire?

30:51

Like yes, well, but I

30:51

will say this, it's not

30:54

explained well at all. Okay,

30:55

because in previous

30:55

books, the rules have been, like

30:58

exchanging blood three times.

30:58

Ah, ah, Sesame Street, there's

31:05

another one of our favorite fandoms

31:08

we need to get up a

31:08

Treasure Island and there's so

31:13

there's still time.

31:14

There's still time. So

31:14

I'm assuming she doesn't become

31:19

a vampire.

31:20

No, I think my remember

31:20

now is that so you have to drain

31:23

the person of almost other blood

31:23

drink almost all their blood to

31:26

the point of dying and then off

31:26

the vampire offers the human.

31:30

Okay, I've read that. And that's

31:30

the transformation sequence of

31:34

empiric blood transfusion got

31:34

it? Yeah, he he drinks her blood

31:38

after pages and pages of telling

31:38

her to get the fuck out and then

31:41

has a long period of self

31:41

loathing naturally. So at this

31:45

point, Gabrielle realizes he's

31:45

he has blood bound her to him.

31:49

Oops. So he's like,

31:50

I gotta get binding.

31:52

I've got to get out of

31:52

here. I have to give her the

31:54

chance of a normal life. So I

31:54

need to leave so that she can

31:57

like try to find somebody else

31:57

will be happy. Too late. It's

32:00

too late. He returns to Italy

32:00

and it's like I'm never going

32:04

back to France. I'll let her let

32:04

her live her life when suddenly

32:07

surprise villain appears.

32:10

Yes. Oh.

32:12

We're more than halfway.

32:15

Okay. Gabriel was our

32:15

villain. bear, bear?

32:23

normal functioning human

32:23

a Dory. No,

32:26

no, he's he's got the villa.

32:28

So we have tell me about murder.

32:30

How about the surprise

32:30

villain his creator and to Nina

32:33

appears. She's like,

32:35

Oh, sexy lady villain.

32:35

Hell yeah. She's

32:38

like, let's hook up.

32:38

It's been literally ages. And

32:42

he's like, No, I'm too. broody.

32:42

Peace out.

32:45

How old is she?

32:46

She's way I think she's

32:46

much older than him. But I cool.

32:48

I

32:48

like her a lot. She's my

32:48

favorite. She is she's not the

32:52

villain. She's my hero.

32:54

And antamina does not

32:54

take that well and threatened

32:58

Sarah's life. It's like you fell

32:58

in love with this other bitch.

33:01

How dare you? And he's like,

33:01

Don't you dare and she's like,

33:03

Oh, I they're still

33:04

my hero.

33:07

So hopefully is age

33:07

appropriate? Yes, yes.

33:11

She though cuz depending on the

33:11

map and how much older you could

33:15

still have the same age gap.

33:16

They both look like adults.

33:21

And adults the least

33:21

concerning part of this.

33:25

Now let's really drill down on

33:26

low. Bar. Let's dive in

33:26

here. All right. So homeboy

33:36

returns to Sarah to protect her.

33:36

Um, it doesn't go well. Sarah

33:42

gets kidnapped once and is

33:42

easily rescued by homeboy and

33:46

Maurice the second kidnapping

33:46

does not go as well. So which

33:49

kidnapping

33:51

So wait, homeboy

33:51

Marie's are now teaming up to

33:53

save Sarah?

33:54

Yeah, cuz they're both in love with Sarah. But Sarah really only loves homeboy.

33:59

Sarah Well, she's kind

33:59

of blood bonded to him. Right?

34:02

Exactly. blamer

34:04

right. So um, the second

34:04

kidnapping does not go as well.

34:09

Homeboy nearly gets killed and

34:09

Maurice does actually die so Oh,

34:16

so holy shit. Oh, Blake is

34:16

Maurice the option A become a

34:20

vampire because he's about to

34:20

die. Maurice has like been

34:22

stabbed or some shit. Or B. Let

34:22

me drink your blood. So I can go

34:26

save Sarah and Maurice chooses

34:26

option B and yeah, homeboy

34:31

drinks more. Whoa,

34:33

hold up. Pause. We have

34:33

already established that in

34:41

order to turn someone into a

34:41

vampire. They have to drink

34:46

almost all of that person's

34:46

blood

34:48

any way he kills

34:48

Maurice, though, like he drinks

34:51

his blood to death. Yeah,

34:52

but it didn't turn him

34:52

into a vampire. He still would

34:55

have drink almost. Oh, I think

34:55

Gabriel is just an asshole.

35:00

Laurie's didn't want to

35:00

become a vampire. Gabrielle was

35:02

trying to give him that choice.

35:02

He didn't want to become a

35:04

vampire didn't

35:05

need to be a choice though.

35:08

Could it just lay him

35:08

bleed out by himself on the

35:11

street?

35:11

Right? He is being such

35:11

a Giovanni right now.

35:17

Oh my God fucking

35:17

Giovanni. What the fuck?

35:20

You're being such a

35:20

Giovanni? Oh my god,

35:24

I'm so and oh, god this

35:24

is where happened don't have

35:29

what I thought you would say oh

35:29

did

35:32

I say? You said no?

35:35

I thought you said or

35:35

because I gave you option A or B

35:40

let me drink your blood and that

35:40

I said c or I don't know find

35:44

the doctor Wow.

35:50

But he had the

35:50

discussion about the lack of

35:53

proper medical care in 1800

35:53

enrolled doctors out

35:58

option D give him some

35:58

of your blood because

36:04

that's right. I could

36:04

have added another tick

36:07

tomorrow. But instead he went with option

36:07

E and just said nom out in the

36:12

streets. No, no, no he won't. He won't

36:12

be. He drank

36:15

his Oh, that's right. Yeah, let

36:15

him drink all of his blood.

36:17

Yeah, for camera.

36:19

Like, I don't know man.

36:19

The number of potholes in this

36:22

book is concerning to me.

36:23

It's a Nina berries.

36:23

Sarah a lie.

36:27

Wait, what's my

36:27

potholes?

36:36

Um, dude, Anthony

36:37

in his metal as fuck and

36:37

I love her. She definitely wears

36:40

red. So no.

36:41

Oh antamina Berry Sarah

36:41

alive. Yep, I love her. Um,

36:47

homeboy shows up to Anthony and

36:47

offers himself up on a silver

36:51

platter to save Sarah's life.

36:51

Homeboy agrees to be with

36:54

antamina Until the day Sara

36:54

dies. Sarah, oh, Sarah's like,

37:00

fuck that shit and pulls

37:00

Gabrielle away from Anthony and

37:02

I honestly, I thought she was

37:02

gonna go the suicide route

37:05

again. I guess this is

37:05

improvements. Well,

37:09

I also bar Yeah,

37:11

yeah. Anthony. Wait,

37:11

hold on.

37:15

Yes. Yes. Absolutely.

37:15

So he said he would be with

37:20

antamina. Yes. Until Sarah died.

37:20

Yes. But is Sara still buried at

37:26

this time?

37:27

He pulls her up out of

37:27

the ground. He does save her so

37:30

he doesn't let her die. Yeah.

37:30

Okay. Say he saves her life. And

37:33

then he's like, I'm sorry. I

37:33

gotta go. Sorry, bitch. Fuck

37:36

this shit. Sorry, I gotta go.

37:36

You can deal

37:39

with this on your own.

37:39

Yeah, gotta go. Yeah, that's

37:42

just even a Maurice to

37:42

go to Dan.

37:49

Boy, hey,

37:50

Hagen. The most

37:50

unbelievable thing in this

37:57

entire book is the fact that she

37:57

is a single woman in the 1800s

38:06

and is able to do all of this

38:06

shit.

38:10

Well, so when he sent

38:10

her to France to go to ballet

38:13

school, he also sent her with a

38:13

shit ton of money. So

38:16

yeah, but she's still a

38:16

woman. I know. I know. She's

38:19

dying of syphilis and 12

38:19

children which only survived

38:28

black holes too many?

38:28

Too many. Okay,

38:32

sure. Okay, what even is history on us? All

38:33

right,

38:34

so answer to Nina throws

38:34

Sarah against a wall like

38:39

hardcore sure that puts

38:39

Gabrielle in rage mode and rage

38:43

mode and he stabs antamina

38:43

through the heart with a wooden

38:45

part of a cross. So she did

38:45

metal his shin metal as shit and

38:50

he like literally feel the cross

38:50

burning his skin as he's

38:54

stabbing love Oh my God. All

38:54

right. All right, guys. Don't

39:03

worry. We're almost there. We're

39:03

almost there guys. Are you

39:07

ready? I'm so ready. She's dead.

39:07

Yay. Gabrielle and Sarah go back

39:11

to a hotel.

39:12

They pay attention.

39:12

She's dead

39:19

promise themselves to

39:19

each other. They live happily

39:21

ever after she stays human and

39:21

then he steps into the sun when

39:25

she dies the end psych bitches

39:25

thought we were died

39:52

I need to stop stepping to the

39:52

side when she does live her life

39:55

as a human with him

39:57

with him at night.

40:00

Okay, I wasn't invested

40:00

now I'm invested. Yeah, right.

40:05

Yes. Hey with that part too.

40:07

So she dies. I think

40:07

Sarah Jane dies in like 1940 I

40:14

think you said this. Well,

40:14

because she lives her whole

40:19

human life with him.

40:20

But 1800 140 100 Oh, I'm

40:20

sorry. Early 1800 Okay, okay.

40:28

All right. So

40:28

she is just

40:29

a side note. Yeah, we

40:29

talked about Saran Wrap earlier.

40:33

It was invented in 1949. So she

40:33

missed saran wrap. Okay, wait,

40:39

I want to put my money

40:39

on reincarnation.

40:43

Oh, you are saying

40:43

nothing? I think I right.

40:48

It's it's half been 15

40:48

years since Sarah's death in

40:56

1945 or so. It is down 1995 In

40:56

the span of time Gabrielle has

41:01

literally interred himself in

41:01

the ground next to Sarah and

41:05

slept for 15 years. I plan

41:12

I plan on doing

41:15

I will myself you can

41:15

join me I'm not joining you I am

41:21

digging you

41:22

it's gonna be a fucking

41:22

luxury casket All right? We're

41:25

gonna have a minibar. We

41:28

can't record a podcast

41:28

out there is an internet

41:31

connection priorities.

41:32

No look by the time

41:32

Zack dies hopefully Wi Fi will

41:35

be better and you'll be able to

41:35

get Wi Fi down there.

41:40

I'm an electrical

41:40

engineer. I can figure this out.

41:43

Oh my God kill me. I

41:43

don't I don't want to

41:46

hang out with me I'm a

41:46

vampire. My hotspot

41:59

knocking on her coffin

41:59

listen to my

42:07

podcasts. Just got an

42:07

XFINITY update that the Wi Fi is

42:11

out in the graveyard so BRP

42:16

Alright, alright. Okay.

42:16

So the part two wakes up to a

42:20

new world and like Lucifer moves

42:20

to Los Angeles buys a big old

42:24

man. I mean,

42:26

as you do, you know, as

42:26

you do this without any

42:29

passports or identification, or

42:29

it was the 90s basically pre

42:35

history.

42:37

He wanders the city at

42:37

night, you know, being broody at

42:40

all and notices a girl tracks

42:40

for

42:42

LA in the 90s in the mid 90s.

42:44

Yes, absolutely. That

42:44

sounds perfect spot for him.

42:47

And he notices a girl

42:47

sitting in a park by herself

42:50

most nights she ate no, she's

42:50

legitimate

42:57

he probably just because

42:57

he wasn't her time. Right? She

43:01

wasn't his time.

43:03

He introduces himself as

43:03

Gabrielle and she introduces

43:07

herself as Sarah with an H this

43:07

time

43:10

Oh, totally different

43:10

the show

43:12

does she specify that?

43:14

No but like the first

43:14

Sarah is for Sarah was with was

43:18

Sarah Jane without an age. So

43:18

yeah. Oh, he does remark remark

43:22

to himself how much He looks like his

43:24

Sarah is Sarah. Oh, no.

43:24

Yeah, his property Sarah. Yeah.

43:28

He tries

43:28

to stir up a relationship with the Sarah every night. He goes back to

43:30

that park to see her and they

43:32

talk even if, like every night

43:32

weirded out by it. We'll get to

43:36

that. Okay. Sarah is a recent

43:36

widow. She lost her baby, her

43:41

husband and her parents in the

43:41

same car wreck. Whoa, whoa. She

43:47

was the only survivor and then I

43:47

bought a note bitch. Where are

43:50

your friends? Like if that

43:50

happened to be like, Rachel, I

43:57

think you'd adopt me. I mean, I

43:57

don't say like oh for a week.

44:00

I wouldn't adopt you. I

44:00

would go and sit in that park

44:03

with every night.

44:05

Oh, I would read the

44:05

part you're a true

44:13

god okay, so um, he can

44:13

see that his that this Sarah has

44:18

lost her entire family and is

44:18

grieving. Yay. Mind reading is

44:22

about to say.

44:23

How can he see and it's

44:23

primo opportunity to jump in

44:27

on it. invasion of privacy. No,

44:27

not

44:29

at all. No. Does he still have a

44:29

mullet? No idea. Yeah.

44:36

The 90s He has a rat tail, huh?

44:41

No. Um, so this girl

44:41

Sarah is guarded and when she

44:45

wants to like when she wants to

44:45

leave the park. This changes

44:50

later. Now

45:00

Just keep going so

45:02

they keep me this way

45:02

really awkwardly in the park

45:05

meeting

45:08

originally in a park

45:08

that I won't

45:10

let you leave, you asked

45:10

earlier, the reason why she goes

45:12

to this park is because it's the

45:12

park that she and her daughter

45:15

would go and play at when our

45:15

daughter was still alive. It's

45:17

healthy to go. Oh, night it's

45:17

just like at night because she

45:22

doesn't she only sleeps during the day.

45:24

Are you okay? Yeah, no,

45:24

that hurts. Oh, it's all good.

45:29

Anything with kids just like,

45:29

oh, it gets me.

45:32

Oh, literal physical

45:32

pain because my heart is dead.

45:36

So I just did.

45:39

I'm not sure.

45:43

There you go. Got

45:43

diabetes. I'm done with you're

45:46

gonna go? Yeah. Um, so the keep

45:46

meeting this way really

45:50

awkwardly in the park. And when

45:50

they should just sort of snaps

45:53

it's the night ever fourth

45:53

wedding anniversary with her now

45:56

deceased husband. And she like

45:56

likes just starts like screaming

45:59

at Gabrielle. And it's like, Why

45:59

the fuck did this happen? Like,

46:01

I'm so angry. Like, how could

46:01

this happen? I don't understand.

46:05

And um, he does his signature

46:05

move of picking her up in his

46:09

arms and carry and he tries to

46:09

carry her back to her apartment.

46:13

Because, you know, he knows

46:13

where she lives at this point.

46:17

He was on the cover. Cover. Um,

46:17

I think she's mostly wearing

46:26

jeans in the part two.

46:28

Now I got it. The one on

46:28

the cover is the one from the

46:31

Charleston era.

46:32

Yeah, exactly. Because

46:32

he's older home at this point,

46:39

obviously. So he knows where she

46:39

was. No, yes. But she's like,

46:44

but she's like, I don't want to

46:44

go back home. There's too many

46:47

memories there. So he brings her

46:47

to his mansion.

46:50

She she had four years

46:50

to leave that house. Also, did

46:57

he

46:58

support the anniversary

46:58

of her husband's of their

47:01

anniversary like their wedding?

47:01

died recently? Oh, they died.

47:05

Bear. Okay,

47:06

nevermind. But also

47:06

second problem with that. Did he

47:09

just not have any problem

47:09

accessing his money in banks

47:12

that he hasn't touched for 50

47:12

years or? No? No, thank you.

47:16

They very, very lightly

47:16

explained that. Like, put it

47:20

away and sort of trust before he

47:20

went before.

47:23

Rachel. Rachel, I don't

47:23

know if you're aware with the

47:27

fucking magic, but that's the

47:27

thing.

47:32

Alternatively,

47:32

Alternatively, he buried it in a

47:36

treasure chest. And he's also a

47:36

pirate now. Well, so

47:40

also

47:41

Oh, when you're

47:49

Treasure Island. There. You

47:51

got it good. puts her in

47:51

a bed in his mansion. Because he

47:54

has a bed because obviously

47:56

I mean, he's a sex

47:56

vampire. Of course he hasn't

48:01

been in his mansion. That's

48:02

not why when oh

48:08

that's when she starts to freak

48:08

out. He hypnotizes her to put

48:14

her to sleep.

48:16

Oh, no, no, I'm not

48:16

okay with this.

48:20

Is it bad that like the mind

48:20

control is the part that I have

48:23

the most issue with in this book.

48:26

The pedophilia or the

48:26

mind control, but I understand

48:29

that I get out of my

48:29

head. The answer is yes.

48:32

Yes. Rachel, you have

48:32

thoughts? Please tell me them

48:36

need to know

48:37

has pedophilia mind

48:37

control happened yet? No. Okay.

48:41

All right.

48:44

Well, so here's the let's throw a question out there

48:51

though. What would he have done

48:54

if he saw the Sarah at night

48:54

with in this accident had not

48:58

happened and he saw her with her

48:58

family. He probably

49:02

plot wouldn't have given

49:02

a shit. It's just what twist? He

49:07

created

49:07

the accident. Oh, he

49:09

was injured in the ground. He wasn't turned in the ground.

49:13

Telekinesis powers? Oh,

49:13

they're still alive questions

49:18

talking with their brain. Let's

49:19

question sorry. Let's

49:19

question this once we get to the

49:22

end of the book. Okay. All right. All right. All right. Okay. She sleeps through the

49:24

night and through the next day.

49:28

It's not clear if this is called

49:28

as Gabriel. Okay, but goals

49:32

Nichols and when she wakes up

49:32

the next evening. Gabrielle is

49:36

there she takes a shower and

49:36

when she comes out she has she

49:40

joins Gabriel for a glass of

49:40

wine. And she has some she's

49:43

like so you have no girlfriend?

49:43

No wife. No feminine person

49:46

living here you are is it wine?

49:46

Wait, wait, wait. No, hold on.

49:52

Is wine. No feminine person

49:52

living here. So why is the room

49:56

I was staying in so feminine.

49:56

There's pink everywhere. Okay.

50:00

cuz that's feminine.

50:01

I mean that does like

50:01

that. Yeah, you can only be a

50:04

girl if you if you're a girl you

50:04

can only wear pink. That's why

50:09

I'm wearing pink right now. Yes.

50:09

Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. What?

50:15

No, no.

50:16

Like I made it for you

50:21

don't like it

50:34

you made her a room

50:34

Rachel. You made her

50:37

own Hang on, I have to

50:37

adjust my settings. What did you

50:45

do?

50:48

Did you turn off the

50:48

camera broke so, um, this causes

50:58

her to freak out, understandably

50:58

so, and she flees his mansion.

51:03

She gives her his car for her to

51:03

take home.

51:06

This is something like

51:06

50 shades crap.

51:08

How does she fleep He

51:08

gives her her car. That's just

51:11

so letting her she tries to run

51:11

up to the mansion door and it's

51:15

locked and she's like freaking

51:15

so she can't figure out how to

51:17

open it. So he like gently comes

51:17

behind her. I'm saying gently

51:19

because it's described that way.

51:19

I'm sorry. And he like unlocks

51:22

the door and gets these keys. So

51:22

she goes home but not long after

51:27

she returns ostensibly to return

51:27

his car keys but she admits that

51:31

she missed him. No. Play have

51:31

one more after that. She she

51:38

does leave that day. They have

51:38

another awkward meetup in the

51:42

park where Gabrielle is now 100%

51:42

certain that Sarah is Sarah Jane

51:47

reincarnate.

51:48

Okay, one how to. Why

51:48

would you keep going back to

51:51

that park?

51:52

Oh, because they want to

51:52

meet it's like this weird thing

51:55

where like, they're both middle

51:55

schoolers who are like, Hey, I

51:58

know that that guy hangs out

51:58

over there. I should just kind

52:01

of like randomly be hanging out

52:01

over there. Three. Does

52:03

he still have the

52:03

mullet? No,

52:07

these are the question. I don't

52:09

know. That is a priority question.

52:11

Were detector the book I

52:11

need to know when this was

52:13

published.

52:14

Oh my god. No, it was

52:14

published in 1995 theory,

52:17

then why is it an 80s as

52:17

fuck I have no idea.

52:20

My theory is because

52:20

there are two pictures of him

52:23

and both have the bullet. He has

52:23

the bullet with the first Sarah

52:26

and the second Sarah and I'm not okay.

52:29

Oh shit. You're right.

52:29

Hang on.

52:33

A Molly in the 1800s

52:33

that makes even less sense.

52:40

Martines why wouldn't

52:40

you have a Moulton? 1800s I'm

52:45

sorry. I don't remember

52:45

my last reincarnation.

52:48

You could be ahead of your time.

52:50

So she died in like

52:50

1895 ish, right? 19? Four. No,

52:55

she died in 1940 1940. So yes, she.

52:55

So he's just wearing a mullet

53:02

and a suit this entire time? Well, no, I'm just curious about

53:04

the properties of reincarnation

53:06

because traditionally as soon as

53:06

you die, you are reincarnated.

53:10

So is she like 55?

53:13

Yeah, she'd be like, 50

53:13

something she's got? She's not

53:16

50 Well, or

53:18

did she like to live

53:18

for a little while and

53:22

I'm just I'm going with what this

53:24

book has to say. You

53:24

arguing with religion? How dare

53:26

you? How

53:27

dare I'm sorry. There were no bullets in 1800

53:29

Men's hairstyles according to

53:33

are you looking it up? There's a lot of beard and

53:36

mustache. Okay. Oh my god. right

53:40

on track.

53:41

So, here we go. I'm

53:45

distinctly out of style

53:45

in 1995 he

53:49

on that day, he begs her

53:49

to win when when he's like,

53:54

Okay. This is definitely Sarah

53:54

Jane. He begs the new Sarah to

53:59

come back to his mansion. She

53:59

does they have sex? She leaves.

54:05

But how does Oh, he he like he

54:05

feels it in his heart. Rachel

54:09

Right Rachel is I love

54:09

the body. You have that

54:12

connection and you just know you have a connection to cheese curds.

54:20

Five, this could be Sarah

54:20

reincarnated daughter.

54:24

Oh, so Sarah and him

54:24

never had children.

54:30

But no, I'm saying if

54:30

Sarah died and was reincarnated.

54:33

Oh Jesus,

54:36

might by the laws of

54:36

reincarnation. If she was Sarah

54:40

reincarnated daughter, then

54:40

Sarah would have had to die and

54:43

Sarah incarnated would have had

54:43

to die in childbirth. still

54:46

possible. still

54:48

possible. Yeah.

54:50

Nothing's off the table at this point.

54:53

It's like a Kikyo in my

54:53

situation.

54:57

And there's a new Yoshua

54:57

we're bringing it in All in. We

55:01

are not right. God we are not

55:01

bringing Lord of the Rings into

55:05

this. Oh we are to treasure No,

55:05

no, no.

55:10

Harry Potter reference,

55:10

don't you worry.

55:12

So she goes back to her

55:12

apartment they kind of spend a

55:15

couple of weeks apart from one

55:15

another but one night he just

55:18

shows up at her place, picks her

55:18

up off of the couch, takes her

55:23

back to his mansion with like

55:23

superspeed and he tells her he's

55:29

like look, you're Sarah Jane,

55:29

you are my wife in a past life.

55:33

And she starts having flashbacks

55:33

of a past life she starts

55:36

remembering being Sarah Jane.

55:36

Oh, as you do is that the book?

55:41

Yes. Yes, that's how that works.

55:41

Um homeboys Okay, I gotta get to

55:46

this like Spark hate it so much.

55:46

A lot of times I read this do it

55:51

homeboys like Look you've got

55:51

three options you can a great

55:55

excuse me the weights set state

55:55

you can agree to be my wife

56:04

again in this life or you can

56:04

either become a slave to me I'll

56:09

blood bond you to me or you can

56:09

become a vampire like me

56:17

Gabriel someone get the

56:17

water spray bottle Notes version

56:25

of Sarah get the option to be blood

56:25

bonded to him because the last

56:28

one didn't have a choice. Yeah,

56:28

yeah. So maybe those 50 years

56:33

underground did him some good

56:33

and he's giving her options. Oh,

56:37

and to be fair,

56:38

I I I personally

56:38

expected blood bonding to go

56:44

through like reincarnation so I

56:44

actually kind of expected her to

56:49

already be blood bonded because previous

56:53

candies with him like

56:53

she said. Like six pack of six

56:58

pack.

56:59

Yeah a lot of chicken tenders.

57:01

Honey Mustard with it though.

57:02

Barbecue. Sounds good.

57:02

So as but as creepy as what he

57:10

said before was slash is. I

57:10

think what's even creepier is

57:15

what he says is like she's like,

57:15

I want to go home. I don't want

57:18

to do this. I want to go home

57:18

and in response, he says you are

57:22

home

57:36

okay, all right. Okay,

57:36

finish it out.

57:40

I gotta do a super bad

57:40

so he doesn't. So he dropped. He

57:43

does. He picks her up. He dropped her off at home. He's like, I'm sorry. I did that to

57:45

you. I'm sorry. I'm such a

57:47

douche canoe. I will leave you

57:47

alone. I will never see you

57:50

sorry, means nothing.

57:50

In this case. Three weeks later,

57:53

she goes to his mansion

57:53

and he is ready to step into the

57:57

sun. He like fuck this noise.

57:57

Yeah, now I'm tired. Do it Do

58:03

you also was not had any blood

58:03

three weeks. So I'll let you

58:08

keep going. So she just shows up

58:08

and it's like, blood.

58:14

Does he turn her into a

58:14

vampire? No.

58:17

And so they she drinks a

58:17

little blood and then they're

58:20

like, Okay, then they have sex

58:20

of course. And they're like,

58:22

Okay, so we're gonna spend our

58:22

lives together again. She's in

58:25

love with him for whatever

58:25

reason. I've just been reading

58:28

through this. So guys, we got a

58:28

Blade Runner this so he got some

58:35

of her blood. And then he's

58:35

like, so you're gonna live here

58:37

now? Right? And she's like, yep.

58:37

And he's like, and she's like,

58:39

but I want to get a job and he's

58:39

like, No, with that. Alright,

58:45

alright. Alright. So eventually

58:45

they so she's kind of they're

58:50

both uncomfortable with the

58:50

situation like he doesn't want

58:53

to be a vampire. She didn't like

58:53

the fact that he's a vampire. So

58:56

like maybe there's a cure for

58:56

vampire ism. So the consult is

58:59

really really old vampire who

58:59

says yes, there is a cure for

59:04

vampire ism but it also has a

59:04

high probability of killing you

59:07

so cool. Basically have power of

59:07

love power love power love Come

59:13

on power love. It's basically

59:13

have a white witch chant some

59:17

spells over you while you have

59:17

some dope herbs and then step

59:21

into the sun. All Hallows Eve

59:21

and then you might become human.

59:28

You might

59:29

guess in my

59:31

job All right, so you

59:31

just need to be treated fucking

59:43

terrific so much. You

59:43

were willing to die like you're

59:46

like yeah.

59:48

Like whatever. Yeah,

59:48

give it a shot.

59:52

Plot twist. I've been tripping

59:52

balls this whole time and I'm

59:54

not a vampire. I'm just

59:57

unfortunately, there's

59:57

your problem. Super old man. I'm

1:00:00

tired betrays them because he

1:00:00

doesn't want Gabriel to become

1:00:02

human again. Why? Because he's

1:00:02

like, but then you'll know all

1:00:05

of our vampire secrets and like

1:00:05

we can't let that getting out

1:00:08

and

1:00:08

he already knows all of

1:00:08

his vampire so yeah, but

1:00:10

like getting out to the mortal world you

1:00:12

can already talk to

1:00:12

people. Right?

1:00:15

But like but wow so like

1:00:15

so now I'm the old vampire tries

1:00:22

to kill Gabriel neither really

1:00:22

succeed tries to kill Sarah

1:00:26

nearly succeeds except Gabriel's

1:00:26

like have some of my blood and

1:00:29

she's like cool so she has some

1:00:29

of his blood.

1:00:32

Oops. Oh, blood binding.

1:00:33

Oh, yeah. Tada. They are

1:00:33

now Bloodbound she's a slave

1:00:39

like, yeah, when she she got

1:00:42

that job she was

1:00:50

okay, so when our girl

1:00:50

wakes up, and she's separated

1:00:54

from him after this whole

1:00:54

ordeal, she has a panic attack

1:00:57

and goes and snuggles with him in his coffin.

1:00:59

Sure. Oh, god, he's

1:01:00

not dealing with a dead

1:01:00

body gets me off every time

1:01:03

because

1:01:03

she can't stand to be

1:01:03

away from him. When they both

1:01:06

wake up, she agrees to become a

1:01:06

vampire at the end. But the

1:01:09

what? At the end, so my boat

1:01:09

when they both wake up, she

1:01:12

agrees to become a vampire at the end,

1:01:14

Mikey. I really like

1:01:14

you. But um

1:01:22

there are a lot of Oh,

1:01:24

I did. It's okay. But

1:01:24

there is one thing, I guess. So

1:01:28

there's this ad in the back of

1:01:28

the book for like a romance like

1:01:31

subscription. I have one of

1:01:31

those. Right, exactly. Well, so

1:01:37

it was actually a phone number.

1:01:37

So you call I didn't call? Oh,

1:01:42

yes. I called the number and

1:01:42

they were like, Thank you for

1:01:45

agreeing to take the survey for

1:01:45

the chance to win a Bahamas

1:01:48

vacation. Full shift was also

1:01:48

for people who are like 50 and

1:01:55

above. Oh, yeah. Sorry, we are

1:01:55

not rating this. We have

1:02:02

decided it's Well,

1:02:02

that's fair. So I decided

1:02:06

we're not going to read

1:02:06

this because it is so

1:02:08

problematic. But I think that we

1:02:08

should I was thinking that we

1:02:10

should go specific into the

1:02:10

reasons why it's problematic.

1:02:13

Alright, just kind of lay them

1:02:13

out. And then that that that

1:02:18

will be the writing

1:02:19

is it maybe that she is

1:02:19

considered to be completely

1:02:23

dependent on society until she

1:02:23

meets a man that is obsessed

1:02:26

with her and that's the only way

1:02:26

that she can be defined as a

1:02:29

human.

1:02:29

Also, that happens in

1:02:29

two different time periods. Two

1:02:32

different time relays which

1:02:33

honestly, twice, look

1:02:33

no, that's impressive.

1:02:36

Oh, the pedophilia?

1:02:36

Yes. Feel? Yeah. How

1:02:41

did we forget about minor league, a minor league

1:02:53

you're keeping that the

1:02:53

fact that he really seems to

1:02:56

prey on people who are

1:02:56

vulnerable. So like a girl

1:02:59

paraplegic in an orphanage in

1:02:59

like 1880. And then a young

1:03:03

woman in 1995, who's literally

1:03:03

lost everything months before.

1:03:06

Also, here's something I just thought. That's interesting. And I don't know

1:03:08

why I didn't put two and two

1:03:10

together before in both

1:03:10

timelines, because time is

1:03:14

illusion. Yeah, she had to lose

1:03:14

someone in order to be with him.

1:03:19

Yes.

1:03:20

Yes. And then the first

1:03:20

one isn't that

1:03:23

kind of like the vampiric mo

1:03:23

though that they prey on

1:03:28

vulnerable at it? Yeah, it's women. Perfect.

1:03:32

Okay, so I think we've

1:03:32

Is there any other like meat I

1:03:35

mean, there's so many

1:03:36

honestly we've talked a

1:03:36

lot so the

1:03:40

the hypnotism is really

1:03:40

problematic. The mind reading?

1:03:43

Yeah. Kidnapping, jamming. It's

1:03:43

not even

1:03:46

gonna go and all the

1:03:46

fucking plotholes Okay, now he

1:03:49

magically lives in 1995 society

1:03:49

with all those technological

1:03:54

advances. Computers are holding

1:03:54

now.

1:03:57

Side. Oh, go ahead. Sign up. I wasn't able to like

1:03:59

combust things because mine come

1:04:02

up

1:04:03

she sees so what the

1:04:03

reason I say that is because

1:04:05

when he brings the new Sarah

1:04:05

back to his mansion, he like

1:04:08

sets a fire in with just the

1:04:08

heat. Just the

1:04:12

heat of his gait, the

1:04:12

heat of his loins. Oh God

1:04:16

that's why was he staring at

1:04:18

her neck and the cover?

1:04:18

Because her blood he's like

1:04:21

constantly that's how she

1:04:23

died in 1940 Think what did you think that he

1:04:25

was gonna come bust her neck?

1:04:29

Yeah.

1:04:30

I also Well, so here's

1:04:30

the other thing is that when he

1:04:34

starts to either get lusty or

1:04:34

literally blood nice turned red

1:04:40

Oh, that was a question

1:04:40

I was gonna have whenever he was

1:04:44

first described or his eyes a

1:04:44

diamond colored or a gem colored

1:04:48

I think going game. Do we play

1:04:48

the game?

1:04:52

Yeah, let me see if I

1:04:54

Yeah, no, no, I

1:04:55

color but yeah, I don't

1:04:59

know. It's not No, I'll

1:04:59

take it.

1:05:02

It's fine if we can be

1:05:02

best friends. Best friends. Oh,

1:05:05

Ashley, just real

1:05:05

quick. I know we have to wrap

1:05:07

this up. But Ashley just took

1:05:07

the cover and Googled

1:05:11

Rose McGowan. And it's the same

1:05:11

person is Rose McGowan.

1:05:21

screenshots.

1:05:22

please do send that

1:05:22

shape to us pulleys. Yeah,

1:05:26

you'll get a lot

1:05:27

going on the gram. Yeah, sorry. We send a lot of pictures to each

1:05:29

other.

1:05:32

Yes, please, please,

1:05:32

please, please. Alright, so,

1:05:36

so I got ultimately, as

1:05:36

we've discussed throughout the

1:05:39

course of summarizing this

1:05:39

episode, it's real fucked up.

1:05:43

And we're not going to write the

1:05:43

show. No,

1:05:45

no, I'm not going to write that's fair.

1:05:47

No. So,

1:05:49

uh, you so much for

1:05:49

listening. Thank you for hanging

1:05:52

on to that. Right. Yeah. Jesus.

1:05:52

Right. And thank you

1:05:57

so much. It is a strange

1:06:01

drinking wine. Oh, my God. You guys, thank you so much for

1:06:03

having us on. Because I'm so

1:06:06

happy right now. And Amanda

1:06:06

Ashley should be

1:06:12

I really should have

1:06:12

done more research on Amanda

1:06:14

Ashley. Okay. Okay. All right.

1:06:14

Covers, but still to

1:06:20

Ala near you. Thank you.

1:06:20

Thanks so much for the use of

1:06:23

your song. Oh, love off the

1:06:23

album be held. Gotta get that in

1:06:27

there. Yeah. And hey, y'all,

1:06:27

Thanks for holding on to that

1:06:31

motherfucking ride. Yeah,

1:06:32

appreciate it. And thank

1:06:32

you to the ladies of string.

1:06:35

Yes.

1:06:35

Thank you ladies straight. You want to go ahead and plug your plug holes one

1:06:37

last time. Everyone's posting

1:06:39

me okay. Hi, we're

1:06:39

lazy. Strange. You can find us

1:06:42

on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook,

1:06:42

and we do have a website, the

1:06:46

Legion strange.com

1:06:48

And they are genuinely

1:06:48

just awesome podcasts. So you

1:06:50

should just go out and listen to

1:06:50

them. We love them. 100% Yeah,

1:06:55

wonderful. Sense of Humor is

1:06:55

awesome and talking about

1:06:57

horrible things and it's great.

1:06:57

So

1:07:00

coping mechanisms and coping mechanism. Yeah, yeah.

1:07:02

And

1:07:04

your little your Brian

1:07:04

at the beginning is so hard. Oh.

1:07:11

Goodbye. Say goodbye really

1:07:11

quick. Jesus Christ.

1:07:15

Ready? Okay,

1:07:15

so it has to be in like

1:07:15

a singsong voice like yours. All

1:07:21

right. So we're gonna do it

1:07:21

together. Hey, thank you guys

1:07:24

for listening. This is gonna be

1:07:24

a fucking mess to edit. It is

1:07:28

I'm so sorry. All

1:07:28

right. Okay, all right.