0:00

Well, in this episode, very funny comedian Erica Rhodes

0:02

is back in studio, and Jason Mahan Miller

0:04

is going to hang out and do the

0:06

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0:08

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Getting into being an esports mom. It's like

1:00

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1:07

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1:44

Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California,

1:46

this is The Adam Corolla Show.

1:50

Adam's guest today. Erica

1:52

Rhodes. Plus the

1:54

news and trending topics with

1:56

Jason Mayhem Miller. And

1:59

now... Then

14:00

during Christmas, he

14:02

trucks in a snow machine and

14:05

blows all the snow and makes the

14:07

sledding and everything for the kids.

14:12

He just makes winter? Yeah, the

14:14

fates winter. That's when you

14:16

know you've made it. When you can

14:18

just make a season. Bring winter to

14:20

Ventura. You can literally, like if you

14:22

get enough snow on you, you could

14:24

walk a hundred feet and be in

14:27

the Pacific Ocean and wash your snow

14:29

off. He's making winter at the beach.

14:32

Oh, it was the best. Like I

14:34

got pulled over on

14:36

the way back to LA from

14:39

the winter snow camp. And

14:42

the cop did that thing where they start asking

14:44

questions. You know, what's the rush? You know, and

14:46

then they go, where were you heading? Where are

14:48

you from? I said, I

14:50

was hanging out at Kostas range playing in the snow.

14:52

And he's like, oh, okay,

14:55

well have a nice day. It

14:57

was like, I out cooled him. I

14:59

gave the coolest answer in the world.

15:03

And the answer was so good that he

15:06

just stepped back and went, all right, we're

15:08

done here. He's got money

15:10

to fight this ticket. Yeah,

15:13

he's probably got a team of lawyers in his

15:15

back seat. Was he the one that was not

15:17

dating Jewel, but it was a rumor that he

15:19

was dating Jewel? Yeah,

15:22

it was. He

15:24

said he's not dating her. Says he's not

15:26

dating Jewel. He said it on Howard Stern.

15:28

He's like, I'm not, we're friends. And I

15:31

don't want this rumor to ruin our friendship.

15:33

Well, we'll see if she's at the after

15:36

after party. Yeah, if she keeps hanging out,

15:38

maybe it's a little more than friends. Yeah,

15:40

she's a delight. She seems cool. Yeah.

15:43

Has she been on the show? Wait

15:47

a minute, yes? Did we get her

15:49

on? Someone said yes. She said yes, yeah. Well, I

15:51

can't, first of all, it's been 15 years. Secondly,

15:54

I'm not a name dropper. Now

15:57

you're not. I was wondering. I'll

15:59

tell you what. Foster pulled me aside and he

16:01

said, do not be a name dropper. And then

16:03

we high five and we hugged it out. And

16:07

then he asked for advice on a script. But anyway,

16:09

I don't drop names. No,

16:12

we went, I went, we

16:14

went and saw John Popper

16:16

and Blues Traveler and Jewel,

16:18

who was playing together here recently, but

16:21

I'm friends with John, but Jewel, they

16:23

just kind of know her a little

16:25

bit, but maybe talk to her after

16:27

a show. Amazing

16:30

talent, by the way. Amazing

16:32

voice, amazing vocalist. And John

16:36

Popper said, he said after Blues Traveler

16:38

said, he says he pulls up a

16:40

stool backstage and he just watches Jewel

16:43

said every night. Yeah, that's

16:45

how good she is. So

16:47

we'll see about that. Can I ask

16:50

you guys this? But

16:53

you tell me if you

16:56

would agree or disagree with this policy.

16:59

It's been brought up before, but I

17:02

now live above Pacific

17:04

Coast Highway. And

17:08

the way Pacific Coast Highway just

17:10

happens to work the

17:13

topography is whatever's

17:15

going down Pacific Coast Highway,

17:17

everybody above it and next

17:20

to it can just hear it. If it's

17:22

a motorcycle with the baffles out, it

17:25

doesn't matter if it's two in the morning or two in

17:27

the afternoon, you hear every

17:29

piece of traffic heading down. And

17:33

during the day, they got all the Sunday, they

17:36

got the guys on the hogs and they're making

17:38

a bunch of noise and you got the Rice

17:40

Rocket guys making a bunch of noise and it's

17:42

like they got the mini bike guys and they

17:44

got the BMW guys are throwing revs. And

17:47

I get it, it's fine. I like cars

17:49

and bikes and stuff, but then

17:52

there's constantly an emergency vehicle heading

17:55

down PCH because there's constant accidents.

17:57

That's a horrible. stretch a highway

18:00

and there's always. I actually hit

18:02

someone on that road once. Caitlyn Jenner?

18:05

Who'd you hit? No, a homeless guy was

18:07

jumping in front of cars. Oh really? On that

18:09

highway. And you hit him? He

18:11

was wearing all black and I felt this big bang.

18:13

Now was he dressing all black or was he naked?

18:16

He was in

18:18

all black and you couldn't see

18:20

anything. And it's. At night? It's at

18:22

night, I was going to yoga and. So

18:26

you were doing the whitest thing in the world.

18:28

I was doing the whitest thing and I

18:30

was completely sober and

18:33

alert and I just heard a bang. And

18:35

it was the most terrifying thing that's ever happened.

18:38

On PCH. On the PCH, because I used to

18:40

live right near there too. Heading

18:42

towards Santa Monica. To

18:45

go to yoga. To go to yoga. Huge

18:47

bang. I have to, so immediately I

18:49

pull over and I'm shaking because

18:51

I'm terrified that I like actually

18:54

really did something serious. And

18:57

I pull over and the nicest kid in like one of those,

19:00

you know, it was like a hotel or like a, what

19:03

are those, resort. Yeah, I have like the

19:05

Jonathan Club, the beach clubs and stuff that. He

19:08

was the only one still working and he, I

19:11

was shaking and I kept getting out trying to see

19:13

if he was okay but it was so dark I

19:15

couldn't see. And so the kid just

19:17

said, get in your car, just sit there, I'm

19:19

going to go check. And he

19:21

goes and checks and he comes back and he goes,

19:23

well the guy's still jumping in front of the cars.

19:26

So I think it's okay but he told me you should

19:28

call the police and I called the police and they said

19:31

five other people had called about this

19:33

guy. Oh really? Yeah, and he was fine. So

19:37

there's, well there's

19:39

my point. A lot of emergency

19:41

vehicles heading down, PCH, fire trucks,

19:44

ambulance, cop cars, whatever. Okay, now

19:46

here's what I'm trying to figure out. 3

19:51

a.m., 3 a.m. Sunday night, 3 a.m.

19:55

PCH is either a beehive

19:58

of activity or just... It's just nothing. It's

20:00

desolate no man's land. Once you get to

20:03

Sunday 3am, you could take a nap in the

20:05

middle of it because no one's going to

20:07

the beach and then everyone who lives there is

20:09

at home. And nobody uses PCH. So, I'm commuting

20:11

to go to my job. You know, it's just,

20:14

it's either beach or it's

20:16

people who live there. Anyway, there's nothing

20:18

going on. But at 3am, I get

20:20

up because there's a cop car with

20:22

the siren rolling and that guy's

20:24

just going, right, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo,

20:28

Every single person on PCH must

20:30

now get up and acknowledge this

20:33

26 year old

20:35

asswipe driving down the middle of the street. Now,

20:38

I get it, safety. There

20:40

is nobody on that highway and

20:43

you got your lights rolling.

20:45

And then later on, when I

20:47

was, like, driving to here, a

20:50

cop pulled somebody over and the cop car

20:52

was stopped. But the guy had the rollers

20:54

on. They'll leave the roller flashers on by

20:56

the side of the road or whatever. But

20:59

there was no siren. Is

21:01

there a way to get these guys to go

21:03

down the sidewalk or sorry, down PCH

21:05

where I wouldn't get up at 3 a.m.? Like

21:09

what I'm saying is, could we leave the

21:11

audible siren at home and

21:13

just leave, just put. Because isn't

21:15

the audible just to move the other cars? And

21:17

if there aren't any cars? There are no cars.

21:19

Yeah, then why do you have to put the.

21:21

And you got the rollers go and it's

21:23

pitch black. It's three in the morning. There

21:26

is nobody there. There's nobody's going to see

21:28

it. Maybe the one guy dressed like a

21:30

ninja might jump into the side of the

21:32

car. Well, yeah, that guy dressed like

21:34

a ninja. Why do you have

21:37

it's three a.m.? You

21:39

are sitting in your car. I mean, it

21:41

is the equivalent to you

21:43

just going. I'm

21:46

going to mount a speaker on the roof

21:48

of my car like the Blues Brothers, and

21:50

I'm going to play eruption by Eddie Van

21:52

Halen. And I'm going to just

21:55

drive down the street at three in the

21:57

morning and watch every light come on on

21:59

every fucking house. I pass like I am

22:01

going to wake up. I everybody

22:03

on PCH everyone running along

22:05

PCH and everyone above because

22:08

I'm above it. And it's

22:10

clear is a bell.

22:12

It's clarion clear like every single house on

22:14

that hill is going to hear me as

22:16

3M and I have a

22:19

siren rolling but there's nobody on the street and

22:21

I don't even know where he's going. Is he

22:23

going all the way to Santa Monica? Is he

22:25

going like two more blocks? Could he just put

22:27

the rollers on? Ace you give me a pocket

22:30

full of money. I'll roll over to the city

22:32

council and buy off everybody. We will change this

22:34

policy for you. I feel like you're taking away

22:36

the one fun thing about that job though. Exactly.

22:39

That's the main thing that we like to do. I

22:41

get to put on my... We can't... First

22:43

we had to stop shooting black

22:46

people. Now we can't

22:48

even roll the sirens and wake up rich. Why do

22:50

you three... What are we here for? What do I

22:52

go to the academy for? I'm

22:55

quitting. Yeah. That's the

22:57

only thing that they signed up for. I can't mace

23:00

people with a disability. Well

23:03

then now I'm out. Because I

23:05

signed up to shoot black people, mace

23:07

people with a disability and fucking roll

23:09

this siren at 3AM on

23:11

a Sunday night on an open

23:13

wide open highway. Right through

23:15

just a valley of humanity where I just

23:17

woke up every single person that was sleeping.

23:20

Thank God the prostate is getting bigger and

23:22

I was just like good I'm taking a

23:25

piss. You know what I

23:27

mean? I was like fine I'm going to make lemonade

23:29

out of this piss. You know what I

23:31

mean? And this happens every night around the same

23:34

time? No. It happens

23:36

whenever, whatever, like all the

23:38

time. But it doesn't matter

23:41

if it's 3AM and there's

23:43

not a soul on the

23:46

street or it's noon

23:48

on a Tuesday and this guy's trying to

23:50

make his way through traffic. Just siren is

23:52

on. What I'm just saying is could

23:55

we do a policy where you just go look, this

23:58

is a pretty good tax base here. They

24:00

need their sleep. They gotta go to work. Like, could

24:03

we just hit the lights, but not

24:05

the actual siren? Yeah, I think

24:07

there might be a possibility to do

24:09

that. If there's like people piled up

24:11

at the intersection, they're blocking you at 3 a.m. on

24:13

Sunday night, which would never happen, then you could hit

24:16

it for a second to go like... But

24:18

if there's just nothing but open highway and you

24:20

got the lights spinning, just

24:22

leave it at that. Yeah, have you ever

24:24

been there where there's like the gang of bikers

24:27

that keep going and going and going? And

24:29

they're so loud, and you just have

24:31

to wait like 20 minutes until they

24:33

all go by? Yes, yeah,

24:35

because there's always... Just

24:38

when you think they all went by, there's

24:40

this straggler fat guy who they don't seem

24:42

to like. There's always like two signals behind,

24:44

and that guy's trying to catch up, but

24:47

they don't like him, clearly, right? No, they

24:49

try to leave him in the dust, and

24:51

he's the loudest one. He goes out to

24:53

ride with the pack, but he's 200 yards behind the pack,

24:58

like the whole time, you know? And why do

25:01

they have to be so loud? Because they revved

25:03

their engines on purpose. They're like, rrrrrrrr! What's

25:07

that sound like? Spot on! It's

25:11

a weird... You know what's a weird concept with

25:13

those guys? What? Okay,

25:17

here's the concept. Jason, you

25:19

probably rolled with these

25:21

guys in the dojo or... Loud pipes

25:23

save lives, this kind of guy? No,

25:26

the guys... A lot of these

25:28

guys are like Hispanic on

25:31

the biker guys. They're white guys, Hispanic, a

25:33

couple brothers. They have their own category of

25:35

bike. They ride different kinds of bikes, depending

25:37

on what their ethnicity is. Oh, really? Oh,

25:39

yeah. Yeah, I didn't know that. Oh, yeah,

25:41

it's very... I don't know anything about... ...racial

25:44

lines. Asian guys

25:46

got the Rice Rockets, you know, it's one of

25:48

those things. Asian guy got the Rice Rocket. Black

25:50

guy's got the Rice Rocket with the extended

25:52

swing arm, so it looks like a drag

25:54

bike. It's getting confusing for you, Erica, I

25:56

know. But what I'm saying is, there's a

25:58

weird drag... Black guy, drag... bike version.

26:00

Yes. Then there's a weird chopper

26:03

guy choppers, white guy. Then there's the

26:05

Latino version that everyone has just like

26:07

with cars, they have their own version

26:09

of and there's a little

26:11

crossover. Like once in a while you see

26:14

the black guy with the rice rocket guy

26:16

and you see the Asian guy with the

26:18

Harley guy. You almost never see the Asian

26:20

guy with the Harley guy. Yeah. There's a

26:22

mix that you look like Harley. It's like

26:24

an extension of their personality through. Yeah. But

26:26

it's also like going, you know, Hans the

26:28

German lowrider and everyone goes, no, I've

26:31

never seen Hans the German lowrider because

26:33

it Germans love cars, but

26:35

they don't like going super slow and

26:38

shitty cars. Right. They want to go

26:40

fast and good cars. You know, there

26:42

is. So there's, there's

26:44

a little crossover, but not, not,

26:46

not much crossover. Do you have

26:48

a bike? No, no,

26:50

I'm kind of a personality style.

26:52

They would be dead if I

26:54

had that. Okay. But

26:58

here's the question, Jason, mayhem

27:00

Miller. Yeah. The

27:03

guys who ride those bikes

27:06

oftentimes Latin guys, um, sometimes

27:09

white guy biker guys, maybe Asian guys

27:12

and who are throwing all the revs

27:14

and just fucking causing a scene, you

27:16

know, like one wheeler thing. Well, that's

27:18

the rice rocket Asian guy. Oh, it

27:20

is. You can't ride a wheelie on

27:22

a Harley. You could try. You could

27:24

try. Well, evil can evil. Good. But

27:26

this was modified, but not, not a

27:28

full dress hog. Okay. Cause very

27:31

heavy, too heavy. Okay. But the rice rocket

27:33

guy. Okay. But that's not the black guy.

27:36

The black guy's got the long swing arm. So you

27:38

can't get the front, but that's for a drag bike.

27:40

Jason knows what I'm talking about. But

27:42

the rice rocket, that's a white guy's

27:44

move or an Asian guy's move. Okay.

27:47

We're really dragging her into the dude.

27:49

Yeah. That's not a man. You're doing

27:51

that. You're, you're expanding her horizons. This

27:54

is all foreign to me. Fine. Be

27:56

educated. So here's the question for you

27:58

and especially Jason. I

28:03

often think about the Latino guy who's

28:05

on the hog who's got the baffles

28:07

out of a bar just throwing monster

28:09

rabs you can hear it in

28:11

your feelings when the guy goes by wake

28:13

up there's nobody on PCS everyone has to

28:15

turn and look this

28:17

guy lives in apartment building somewhere in East LA

28:19

when he pulls out of his apartment in the

28:21

morning he throwing rabs everyone's waking up setting off

28:24

car alarm okay so this

28:26

guy is the center of

28:28

the focus of the attraction but

28:31

if that same dude is just wearing a

28:33

t-shirt and shorts at a barbecue or a

28:35

party he doesn't say a word he just

28:37

sits there and stares down at his takati

28:40

he's not up on he's not the belle

28:42

the ball he's not the light he's not

28:44

fucking Jeff Ross he's not roasting people's he's

28:46

not the life of the party he's a

28:48

quiet guy a lot Latin guys

28:50

I work constructions guys they just don't talk they

28:52

don't they'll go I got another joke I got

28:55

a thing or I got a story they're quiet

28:58

but then he gets on the bike and he

29:00

becomes a bullhorn so sort of which is

29:02

it is it like overcompensation

29:05

because what I'm saying is is Erica

29:09

you're on stage with a microphone every night but as

29:11

soon as you get in your car you're like don't

29:13

anyone look at me right now quiet

29:15

I'm not

29:17

a joker at parties either right I'm

29:19

like quiet yeah you don't get

29:22

invited to parties and I'm

29:24

kind of

29:26

a loudmouth at parties and chattery you

29:28

know and conversely

29:31

in the car I just want the car

29:33

to go and right I don't have to

29:35

show us the guy who's super quiet at

29:37

work he's quiet at the

29:40

party's like he's quiet everywhere and then

29:42

he gets on that bike and he

29:44

lets his pipes do his talk and

29:46

now everyone's fucking staring at what it

29:48

is is like I progressive did a

29:51

whole series of ads about it where

29:53

people with motorcycles that's their alter ego

29:55

they get on the bike and there's

29:57

some bad they feel powerful new

30:00

person and the open road is there.

30:02

So the wall flowers coming out of

30:04

the cocoon, like a butterfly. No,

30:08

they get their opportunity. It's

30:11

like a drag show for

30:13

straight people. Yes. It's

30:15

like, you know what I mean? You know how

30:17

the drag performance is a gay dude who just

30:20

suddenly puts on this new persona. Or

30:22

it's like a prop comic. Yeah, prop

30:24

comic. Everybody who is the carrot top

30:26

of the road. That's not just themselves.

30:29

They need something outside of

30:31

themselves. Yeah. Feel cool.

30:34

An expression, you know? Yeah. It's

30:36

an artistic expression. Right. So we get

30:38

it out of our system on stage or at the parties

30:40

or rolling in the dojo and they get out of their

30:42

system in front of my fucking condo in

30:45

Malibu. I'm just like thinking of

30:47

my situation. I live in the

30:49

hood in Pacoima. So I get

30:51

all of that. Uh-oh. And

30:53

on top of that, it's like not just it's

30:55

the city, the ghetto that I live in. So

30:58

I get the rolling sirens and

31:00

I get the helicopter flying around.

31:02

But I also get like chickens

31:04

at 3.30 in the morning. Yeah.

31:07

So it's like I got all of that. You're

31:09

in Pacoima, huh? I am. So

31:11

Pacoima. I don't even know where that is. Well,

31:14

it's probably a good thing. Yeah. Pacoima

31:16

is, yeah. No, it's a certain innocence. Like

31:19

if I said to my kids when they were nine, do you guys

31:21

know about Guantanamo Bay? I'd

31:23

go, no, Papa. I don't. I'd

31:26

go, you're right. You know what? You're right. Good

31:28

for you. Good for you. And you

31:31

shouldn't know about Pacoima either. What's going on over

31:33

there? I'm moving out so I'm soaking it in.

31:35

Like I'm really like observing. Pacoima, for those who

31:37

do not know, and I know,

31:40

there is not a

31:42

direct difference between Tijuana and Pacoima.

31:44

You have to say it. Not much. That's

31:47

what I pictured. Here's what you get. You get a lot of

31:49

dirt lawns, a lot of dirt. You don't see a lot of sod.

31:52

Yeah. A Mexican can make

31:54

a fence out of anything. There is

31:56

no material those people can't make a

31:58

fence out of. simplysafe.com/Adam

42:00

save that 20% there's

42:02

no safe like simply

42:04

safe. Oh Oh, oh

42:09

O'Reilly auto parts man, they're

42:11

in the business of keeping your car

42:13

on the road friendly helpful service and

42:17

Parts and the knowledge you need

42:19

and where my O'Reilly hat quite often

42:22

because I like it and I've always

42:24

been an O'Reilly fan I mean Used

42:27

to live under a foothill Boulevard and they

42:29

had the O'Reilly up there and I take

42:31

my zuzu trooper up there I'm I told

42:33

a Supra back in the day and I'd

42:35

get all my parts from O'Reilly and I

42:37

still do thousands of parts and Accessories in

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42:47

car and if it needs to

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42:51

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42:53

wipers replaced or a brake light

42:55

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42:58

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43:00

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nearest repair shop that can do

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or visit O'Reilly auto comm

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slash Adam That's O'Reilly

43:22

auto comm slash Adam And

43:28

she's like do I go out on a boat sometime like she had a

43:30

friend with a boat and I was like you've been on a boat before

43:34

Right. Is that something we have to do twice? In

43:39

this lifetime because I don't think about the boat

43:41

anymore I think about all the steps

43:44

that lead up to the boat, you know, like I

43:46

have to put my bathing suit on Then

43:48

I have to figure out who else is gonna be

43:50

on the boat And can I wear my bathing suit

43:52

in front of the people on the boat? Then I've

43:54

do a research project on the people are gonna be

43:57

on the boat to determine if I can wear my

43:59

bathing suit in front of them. Then I have to

44:01

get to the boat. I'll probably get

44:03

lost getting there because I'll take Waze and Waze

44:05

is gonna be like, try making this left turn,

44:07

sucker. And

44:11

I'll get on the boat, not really wanna

44:13

be on the boat. Everyone else will probably

44:15

not really wanna be on the boat either,

44:17

but I'll be Instagram Snapchat story that they're

44:19

on the boat because they want other people

44:21

who aren't on the boat to wish that

44:24

they were on the boat. So what

44:27

I'd rather

44:29

do honestly is just stay home, put

44:35

my bathing suit on, get

44:38

in the bathtub, put

44:41

on my heart will go on from

44:44

Titanic, take

44:46

a selfie, post it

44:49

on Instagram and label it living

44:51

the real dream. That's

44:56

on the Adam Carolla show.

44:58

And Jason Mayhem Miller, ericarodescomedy.com

45:00

is where you go for

45:03

a live dates and

45:05

Jason Twitter, Instagram,

45:08

Mayhem Miller. That's me. All

45:11

right, here's a philosophical thought that

45:14

I shared with Dr. Drew earlier

45:16

today. And I'm curious where you

45:18

guys come down on

45:20

this, which is my

45:24

twins had just graduated from high school, not

45:30

with a lot of accolades, not

45:32

heading off to college and everything. Well, you wanna

45:34

know it's a shame or now. The

45:37

kids put all the

45:39

college colors that they're going to

45:41

on their cap. So

45:45

you can see if they're going to Oregon

45:47

or USC by the

45:50

cap, the cap and the

45:52

gown. So you got basically 12 inches by

45:54

12 inches worth

45:56

of real estate and you put the

45:58

Oregon green and yellow the USC

46:00

Golden Maroon

46:02

on there and the USC, are you

46:05

right USC or whatever? My

46:07

kids were wearing, one kid was wearing a Duns cap,

46:09

the other was wearing a windup beanie, so

46:11

they didn't have the college on there, but

46:13

the kids are shaming the other kids now

46:15

because you sit up in the stands, you

46:17

go, oh, that kid's going to Brown, oh,

46:19

that kid's going to SC. Oh, that kid's,

46:21

yeah. That would have been brutal in my

46:23

high school because everybody was so into college,

46:26

it was like the main thing. It was.

46:28

Did you go to private school? No,

46:30

but I went to sort of a snooty, snooty

46:33

public school. You don't seem, oh yeah, you

46:35

seem like exactly like that. I seem snooty.

46:37

It's just your blonde and pretty. I wasn't

46:39

snooty though. No, no one thinks they're snooty.

46:41

But my friends all went to Ivy League

46:43

schools. No one admits to snoot. No

46:45

one goes, I was super snooty. I was the

46:48

snooty, I was voted most likely to snoot. Most

46:51

likely. Hold on, let me snoot on you

46:53

for a second. Okay, we're good. I

46:55

just snooted you. Snoot should be a verb. That is

46:57

a good verb. She was snooting on

46:59

me. It rolled up

47:01

snooting on me heavily. Who's

47:04

snooting who? Wasn't that a song? So

47:08

you were amongst the snooters, but you

47:10

were not a snoot, or

47:12

you were a snooty. I was anti-snoot. But

47:14

you received more snoot than you gave. Yeah,

47:18

I was a snoot receiver. You

47:20

were the recipient of much more

47:23

snoot than you snooted. Yes.

47:26

But occasionally you could get caught snooting off, right? I

47:31

snooted off, but I didn't snoot at anything. I

47:34

didn't snoot, you know, I wasn't an aggressive snooter. But

47:36

did you ever get like detention for snooting? You

47:41

were always snooting up, you know. Oh, you didn't

47:43

snoot down. You never snoot down. I would never

47:45

snoot down. Don't snoot down. Yeah. No. Yeah,

47:48

so you were kind of a Robin

47:51

Hood snooter. You snooted

47:53

from the rich and gave to the poor. You didn't snoot

47:55

to the poor, right? No, no. No,

47:57

I did not snoot down. I

48:00

went to North Hollywood High and I think there

48:02

was enough there for anyone to snoot. Oh really?

48:04

There was no snootage because the

48:07

teachers were dumb and poor, the kids were

48:10

basically dumb and poor. The

48:12

only kids that were doing well were

48:14

the Jewish kids and they're not snooters

48:16

that tried. Ironically, they got the schnoz

48:18

for snooting. I was in an all-Jewish

48:21

neighborhood. You were? They

48:23

were Jewish snoots. You had Jew snoots? Yeah,

48:25

they were Jew snoots. I love her. She's saying, she

48:27

claimed the Queen of Hearts. Jew

48:29

snootin'. Jew snootin'. Jew

48:31

snootin'. Yeah, she's awesome. Playing

48:34

with the Queen of Hearts. Do

48:37

you have a Jew snootin' song there, Dawson?

48:39

That's hilarious. So you live in a snooty

48:41

Jew snootin'? Yeah, I was in a Jew.

48:43

Really? I was in that neighborhood but I

48:45

wasn't like a snooter. Where in the neighborhood

48:48

was this? Pekoima? Newton, Mass? Newton?

48:51

Jew snootin'? They call

48:53

it juten. Juten snootin'? They call it

48:55

juten. Wow! The Jew snootin'

48:57

boogie? Is that what they did? This

48:59

is Jew snootin' playing

49:02

with the Queen of Hearts. Is

49:04

this a real song? Don't

49:07

play dumb snootin' with me. Yeah, we

49:09

know. You come in here

49:11

with all your highfalutin' snootin' friends and pretend

49:13

like you don't know what Jew snootin' is?

49:17

No, I know. Come

49:20

on. Jew snootin'. Jew snootin'.

49:22

Oh, I get it. You're totally done

49:24

with it. I didn't get it at all. What the fuck am I here

49:26

for? I didn't get it. Why

49:28

am I spinning gold with you people? That

49:30

went totally over my head. I'm spinning gold

49:33

and you guys are staring at your feet.

49:38

I pulled out a Jew snootin'

49:40

preference and came right back with

49:42

playing with the Queen of Hearts.

49:44

That was really good. Oh,

49:46

man. Jew snootin'? All right, all right.

49:48

Now we got it. All right, all

49:50

right. That took a thought. He had

49:52

to explain the panduas off through multimedia.

49:54

We appreciate that. I'm a visual artist.

49:56

You should be on a construction site.

50:00

I'm gonna speak fucking English, so that could

50:02

explain every joke in Spanish. Ah,

50:04

senora Newton, don't know? Wasted

50:07

puns on Mexicans. You don't have a word

50:09

for Snoot in Spanish? This is why you

50:11

know I'm not a Snooten. So you're living

50:13

amongst Jews, and

50:16

you're saying they're highfalutin' Snootin'. And

50:18

I'm only half Snootin', I'm only half

50:21

Jew, Jew Snootin'. Right, so you're half

50:23

Jew. And you go to

50:25

a public school, but it's a highfalutin' Snootin'

50:27

public school. And so there's

50:29

a lot of Snootin' goin' on, and people goin'

50:31

off to college, and braggin' about being accepted. I

50:34

mean, it's all they talked about for like three

50:36

years. Like I thought it was all that matter.

50:38

And where did you go to college? I went

50:40

to BU for a year, and then I dropped

50:42

out. All right, but at least you got to

50:45

explain to people you're leaving for Boston

50:47

University, right? Kind of, I barely got,

50:49

I don't even know if I knew

50:51

I had been accepted. Well,

50:54

you got there, you went there? Yeah, I went for a

50:56

year. But it was because of the music, I did cello.

51:00

Oh, that's right. So it's the only way I got in. I

51:02

would not get in otherwise. The

51:04

snootin'est of the instruments is

51:06

the cello. It probably is. It's

51:09

not an accordion. No. It's

51:11

not. Not the flute. It's not

51:13

the Jew Snootin' harp, the

51:17

boing, boing, boing. It's not the spoons.

51:20

It's not the washboard. It's not the guitar.

51:23

Certainly not the giant Mexican guitar. It's

51:26

not the standup bass. No. Weirdly

51:29

intimate, you have to hold it between your legs,

51:31

right? Yeah, it's a very sexy instrument. I get

51:33

it. So you

51:36

went to a snootin' school with

51:39

the Jew Snootins, and

51:41

you played the snootin'est of all the instruments, but

51:43

you claimed to not be a snooter. Yeah, not

51:45

really. Well, I was raised with

51:47

musician parents, so they were not wealthy.

51:50

But you can be snootin' as a musician,

51:52

anything like Lenny Kravitz does a little snooting.

51:54

You can be an artsy snoot, but you

51:56

can't be like... You can't be

51:58

an intellect... Yeah, I can't be an... old school snoot.

52:00

I think what he's getting at, this is a snooter

52:02

vention. We're trying to get you to admit that you're

52:05

a snoot. Bring your parents in. I'm like

52:07

half-snooted. My mom's a little snooted. Oh,

52:10

so now you get to the root. But she's

52:12

like an intellectual snoot. Well,

52:14

so I believe that the snooting comes

52:16

through the female line. It's on the

52:19

mom's side. Yeah, hair is on the

52:21

mom's side, and snooting is on the

52:23

mom's side. Yeah. Wow, I didn't

52:25

know I'm learning so much this episode. There's

52:29

a phrase called the snootin' apple doesn't fall

52:31

too far from the snootin' tree. And

52:33

I think that may be what's going on with you and snootin'

52:35

mom. Now,

52:38

does she know Juice Newton? She's

52:40

a musician. Oh yeah, she probably does.

52:42

I mean, Juice Newton. Juice

52:47

Newton is probably contemporary of

52:49

your mom's. I don't know

52:51

how your mom was when she had you, and your mom's

52:53

still alive. Yeah, she's like 75. Juice

52:57

Newton could be 73 years old. She

53:00

was a musician. A contemporary of Juice Newton.

53:02

She could have hung with your mom. Juice Newton

53:04

may be staying with the Boston Pops. My mom played with

53:06

the Boston Pops. Oh really? So maybe

53:09

Juice Newton was a special guest

53:11

once. Well, let's see. Your

53:13

mom's, what's the name, Snootin' Rose? No,

53:15

Christina Nelson. She kept her maiden name, which

53:17

is also Snootin'. Oh, Snootin',

53:19

not super snootin'. That's Snootin'. Juice is 72

53:22

years young. She's

53:25

72? Juice is? Maybe

53:27

she's the same age as my mom's. There you go.

53:29

Maybe my mom's 73, actually. Where does Juice

53:32

hail from? Yeah, where's Juice from? I

53:34

mean, I would think Florida. My mom's from Minnesota.

53:36

Because that's where they, you

53:38

know, that's where they'd make the juice, but. I

53:41

mean, you're gonna mean Juice. You gotta

53:43

be from Florida, right? What about the? She's

53:46

from Lakehurst, New

53:49

Jersey. Uh-oh. Oh,

53:52

really? I wouldn't guess that at all.

53:54

Juice? Juice from the Juice. First

53:57

off, you never heard of Juice, Snootin'. Exactly, yeah. Tell a

53:59

minute, 41. seconds, Justin, don't

54:01

tell me how you're all off.

54:03

From that song, it just doesn't

54:05

sound like a Jersey girl. All

54:07

right, well listen, I'm digressing. Yeah.

54:12

Kids off to college. Oh, yeah. Not

54:14

my kids. Not your kids. Not going

54:16

off to college. But other

54:19

kids wearing it on their. What

54:21

is that called? What's the hat called in

54:23

the cap in the gown? Oh,

54:26

the mortarboard hat. Mortarboard

54:29

hat. Mortarboard, yeah. On the mortarboard

54:31

is the college. They did not

54:34

have anything. But my

54:37

daughter left the

54:40

other day for Spain. Oh,

54:42

nice. Which I've never been to. Really? No.

54:46

No, I paid for people to go

54:48

to Spain, but I've never physically been there myself.

54:51

And then my son was

54:53

talking about, he

54:55

will soon depart for his

54:57

second visit to

54:59

Japan. Wow. Another place

55:01

I've never been, but I've underwrote the

55:03

journey for those who are like

55:05

the figure. Well, they're getting a better education, I

55:07

think, traveling. Well, they're traveling. Yeah. They're going to

55:10

be having fun. But they're not going to be,

55:12

I mean, they'll get the education that you imbibe

55:14

when you're with the local color. Yeah. But so

55:17

then, now, tell me what you guys think

55:19

of this. I

55:21

was lamenting the fact that I

55:23

just pay for people to see the world,

55:25

but I don't actually go

55:28

anywhere myself that often.

55:30

Yeah. Because my feeling is I

55:32

was talking to Dr. Drew. If

55:34

you said to Dr. Drew or me, hey, take a couple

55:36

of weeks off and hang out in Japan, I'd go, I

55:38

can't afford that. I've got to work. Except

55:41

I can't afford to pay for other people to

55:43

go to Japan and hang out for a couple

55:45

of weeks or Spain. But I couldn't afford it

55:47

for myself. I go to Levittown, New

55:50

York, and I go to Governor's.

55:52

Or Kevin Costner's house. Or Costner's

55:54

house. Yeah, at the Cos Ranch.

55:56

So now here's

55:58

the question. So I was sitting around. I

56:00

was thinking, oh boy, now if I was

56:02

a better parent and these kids would have

56:04

had summer jobs and saved their money and

56:06

then used that money to buy the ticket

56:08

to Japan or Spain instead of just coming

56:11

to dad and hitting him up. And

56:14

then I realized that that is true for

56:16

sure. But there's

56:18

something that happens that

56:21

is important that I was unaware of

56:23

when I was young. So when I

56:25

was young and I'm older and you guys and

56:28

I was growing up just poor in North Hollywood,

56:30

I did not know it was a possibility

56:33

to go to Japan. I

56:35

would have no idea. Really? No,

56:38

where would you get a ticket? Who

56:40

would pay for the ticket? How would you get a ticket?

56:42

Would you have to get a

56:44

ride to the airport to buy a ticket? How

56:46

would one buy a ticket? Like when I was

56:48

18, when I was my

56:50

son's age, I left North Hollywood High, I went

56:52

to the garage in my dad's house, I sat

56:54

there with no air conditioning, laid on a futon

56:56

and waited to die. There was no money, there

56:59

was no credit card. There's

57:01

no snootin' going on. I guess I'm snootin' because I

57:03

went to Japan when I was 14. Ah! I

57:06

knew it. She already saw it. I admit

57:08

it. The root of the snoot right there.

57:11

If I would have said to my dad

57:13

or my mom or anyone in my family,

57:15

I would like

57:17

to go to Japan, they wouldn't

57:19

have said no or even argued with me.

57:21

They would have looked at me and just

57:24

went, I don't know what

57:26

you're talking about. Like I physically, I don't even

57:28

know. Be like, I like, like,

57:31

it'd be like a cowboy in

57:33

1861, just

57:36

with his bed pack, laying out in

57:38

the chaperel, the fire at night and

57:40

just looking up at the moon and

57:42

just going, one day we'll

57:45

go to the moon and you go, how's

57:47

my horse going to the moon? Like all

57:49

I got's a horse and a blanket. Yeah,

57:51

well, the moon. Like it was that far

57:53

out of reach. I didn't know anyone who'd

57:55

gone there. I didn't know people had credit

57:57

cards. It was like off the

57:59

table, not. even discussed. And then I

58:01

realized that that mentality carried

58:03

into every endeavor in life. Like if

58:05

you would have asked me when I

58:07

was 19, what

58:10

would your dream be? I'd be like, to be

58:12

in radio. I would love to be in radio.

58:14

Then someone would go, well, how's that going to

58:16

work? I'd go, well, it's not going to work.

58:18

It doesn't exist. I don't know anyone. I don't

58:20

know where radio station is. I've never met anyone

58:22

in radio. I can't find the building. Who's

58:25

going to let me in. What are we going to

58:27

do? Talk. But isn't that what books

58:29

are for when you're a kid, you're supposed to

58:31

read about things that you don't

58:33

know about and then and then dream about doing

58:35

it. But I was like, I was watching like

58:37

Star Wars and Jaws. So it was either, you

58:40

know, I know I oddly identify with

58:42

what you're talking about all poor people

58:44

identify all the non-snooters. Yes. The loaves.

58:47

If you've never seen anyone in your

58:49

neighborhood make it out, you know, like

58:51

I was like part of like my

58:53

high school experience was, oh, I'm going

58:55

to the war machine. Like now I'm

58:57

going to go fight in the army.

58:59

And that's my whole life until I

59:01

found fighting and saw people

59:03

that kind of gave me like a path.

59:06

Oh, you can make money doing what I'm

59:08

already doing in the neighborhood all the time.

59:10

Yeah. So for me, you know, and for

59:12

you in this Newton high school, you could

59:14

see that people are going to college for

59:17

me. College is like, ha ha. Yeah, sure.

59:19

Yeah. If I get a wrestling scholarship, I'll

59:21

go to college. But, you know, it's it

59:23

wasn't a clear defined path. So I'm identifying

59:25

with what you're saying. Loaf for snootin. Yeah.

59:28

Not high for for lute.

59:30

Like, yeah, high for snootin.

59:32

Yeah. It was what I

59:34

realized is it was almost

59:37

confusing. Right. We understood

59:39

that people went to Japan and

59:42

I understood that people went to Europe

59:44

and understood that people went to college.

59:46

But to anyone I knew that would

59:50

have sounded confusing. Like when I

59:52

would whenever I'd watched a

59:54

Brady Bunch and like the Brady Bunch are going

59:56

to Hawaii, I'd be go, how do you go

59:58

to Hawaii? How? How do you? do this because

1:00:00

like we didn't have

1:00:02

credit cards. Yeah. And we were like,

1:00:05

how much cash do you need? And then you

1:00:07

have to take the cash to the airport and

1:00:09

buy a ticket at the airport. Like it was

1:00:11

physically didn't know it could be done. And

1:00:13

it was that way with every career.

1:00:16

I knew there were lawyers. I knew people went

1:00:18

on vacations, but nobody I knew. And

1:00:21

then I realized the real problem with

1:00:23

the inner city and the kids and

1:00:25

the kids they're latchkey kids and no

1:00:27

way out. It's not

1:00:29

that they don't have enough money. Like they

1:00:31

figure out how to get money. They end

1:00:34

up getting cool shoes and a fucking bike

1:00:36

or something. They just don't

1:00:38

know it. It's not it's confusing to

1:00:40

them. And so when I was thinking

1:00:42

about my kids and

1:00:44

I was lamenting the fact that they've learned

1:00:47

no lessons in life because highfalutin dad has

1:00:49

just come in and saved the day, I

1:00:51

thought at least they're going

1:00:53

to know shit is possible. At least

1:00:55

the process of my son going, I'd

1:00:58

like to go to Japan. And then at some

1:01:00

point he's going to be walking off an airplane

1:01:03

in Japan and he went, well, that's

1:01:05

a I know things can

1:01:07

be done. For me,

1:01:09

the disconnect wasn't the money or

1:01:12

the education or anything. It was I

1:01:14

didn't physically know you could do things. I

1:01:16

didn't write. I understood there were

1:01:18

radio DJs, but no, I was never going to

1:01:20

be on the radio. And I understood there were

1:01:22

comedians, but I was never going to be a

1:01:25

comedian. You know, with the people that went to

1:01:27

Japan, but I was never like

1:01:29

it. Going to Japan. Also, it didn't seem

1:01:31

possible because it didn't seem it feels

1:01:33

like not you. Right.

1:01:35

That's it's almost like

1:01:37

you're living in a different time

1:01:40

and you're seeing people like flourish

1:01:42

in modern America, but you're living

1:01:44

back in a different time. You

1:01:47

know, are you worried that you're going to snoot your kids

1:01:49

up a little too much? Yeah, they're

1:01:51

all topped off. Snootery. Yeah.

1:01:54

Yeah. No, they're for they

1:01:56

they're pretty good. Like their heads are

1:01:59

screwed on. and remarkably straight

1:02:02

for people that should be

1:02:04

horrible. Yeah,

1:02:06

because I always see that problem where I lived

1:02:08

in Orange County for a good long time. And

1:02:10

so you'd see this guy who's like 23 years

1:02:13

old, who just everything

1:02:15

has been, because of his parents' success,

1:02:17

handed to him. Then

1:02:19

he has this warped vision

1:02:22

of the world. And I feel like because of

1:02:24

your background in a blue collar

1:02:27

arena, you have more of

1:02:29

a grounded, you give them a

1:02:31

talk about being grounded.

1:02:33

But at the same time, how

1:02:35

could you stop them from being

1:02:37

highfalutin when that's what they

1:02:39

lived around? But then you kind

1:02:42

of also work for that. There's a reason

1:02:44

you worked so hard is because you did

1:02:46

want to have snootin' kids. Yeah,

1:02:49

yeah. Yeah, you're right.

1:02:51

Yeah, but a certain level of snootin'

1:02:53

and then I was gonna stop. I

1:02:58

also, I was talkin' about this with somebody.

1:03:01

I don't know where you guys, how you guys feel

1:03:03

about this, but I just

1:03:05

wanted to do, so

1:03:08

it's a kind of hard thing to explain. Like, did

1:03:10

you want to do comedy? Were you wanted to be

1:03:12

famous? Did you want to be famous? What about people

1:03:15

who want to be famous? Don't

1:03:17

you hate people that want to be famous? Yeah, but

1:03:19

you're standing on a mic, you're standing on the stage

1:03:21

holding the mic and you're talkin' about doin' a comedy

1:03:23

special or somethin' so then don't you want to be

1:03:25

famous? And then why do you? So

1:03:28

you start kind of trying to break it down and

1:03:31

maybe it's convenient, but I always

1:03:34

go, I

1:03:36

felt like I was

1:03:38

compelled to do comedy because I

1:03:40

felt like I was squandering some

1:03:42

ability that I had and that

1:03:45

was the real reason I

1:03:47

wanted to do comedy. I felt like

1:03:49

I can do this thing, I'm

1:03:51

not doing this thing, I

1:03:54

have the ability to do this thing,

1:03:56

I'm not religious, but there's an element

1:03:58

of like, God gave you. this

1:04:00

ability. It's ability like some

1:04:02

people are good with languages

1:04:05

or good with kids or

1:04:07

you're good artistically. Look some

1:04:09

people have a singing voice.

1:04:11

Your mom snoot-nootin, juice-snootin. My

1:04:13

mom's a violinist but she thinks she's a

1:04:15

singer. When she drinks

1:04:18

she puts the violin down.

1:04:20

She starts singing. There's

1:04:24

a gift and I believe

1:04:26

that I had a gift

1:04:28

of comedy. I was like I have natural

1:04:31

ability to do comedy. I'm not

1:04:33

jacking myself off. I did. I

1:04:36

was going nowhere. I was doing nothing and I

1:04:38

was swinging a hammer. For me I was like

1:04:41

I must see what I

1:04:43

can get out of this thing and not

1:04:45

squander it. The same way

1:04:47

as if I got a gift to

1:04:49

play an instrument or to sing or

1:04:51

to play sports. How old were

1:04:53

you when you felt you had the gift?

1:04:59

I always was

1:05:01

a jokester. I always had a sense of humor and I

1:05:03

was always the funniest person in the room. It

1:05:06

was a liability and it was good for

1:05:08

nothing. It just tended to hold you back

1:05:10

and you got into trouble with teachers or

1:05:12

your foreman on the job side. It

1:05:15

was a negative and

1:05:18

then at some point it was like oh

1:05:20

well maybe it's good for meeting girls or

1:05:22

something like that people like you and now

1:05:24

you have more friends and stuff but it

1:05:26

wasn't a money. It wasn't a way to

1:05:28

make a living. It was just a way

1:05:30

to kind of have fun on the weekends

1:05:33

and then it sort of became like

1:05:36

well maybe there's a path to getting

1:05:38

paid to doing this.

1:05:41

It was kind of a slow process but I

1:05:43

realized and again maybe

1:05:46

I'm just being too kind

1:05:48

to myself but I really wanted

1:05:51

to figure it out like

1:05:53

a fighter wants to think he's

1:05:55

the champ because he wants to be the

1:05:57

champ but he also thinks he has the

1:05:59

ability to be the

1:06:01

champ and if he doesn't try then it's

1:06:04

gonna bother him when he turns 50 It

1:06:07

sounds like you went a different route because

1:06:09

like you say that in a party you're

1:06:11

very wallflower sort of yeah And

1:06:13

then so was it did you come

1:06:16

to comedy because it was sort of like

1:06:18

you're playing an instrument of words Well,

1:06:20

I I mean, I remember getting laughs but

1:06:22

never on purpose, you know So it was

1:06:24

like if I said something in class or

1:06:26

asked a question I would get

1:06:29

a laugh because my voice and things like

1:06:31

that, but I never thought Being

1:06:33

funny was an asset I always thought

1:06:36

I got annoyed that people I

1:06:38

because I took myself very seriously And

1:06:40

then I did all the performance arts and all of

1:06:42

them kind of didn't go anywhere and so

1:06:45

comedy was the last the

1:06:47

last straw It

1:06:50

wasn't my first choice. Oh, I

1:06:52

see yeah and school to

1:06:54

liability. Yeah school. They don't like

1:06:56

it I would get laughs for the wrong

1:06:58

reasons, you know I was getting a brawl

1:07:00

all the time because I'll make a smart ass

1:07:03

remark and then whoops to the wrong person and

1:07:05

That's how it is or the teacher throws

1:07:07

you out or you know The boss fires

1:07:09

you because you just you

1:07:12

know out smarted them in front of everyone whoops,

1:07:14

right? Yeah, it's not I can see you

1:07:17

on a job site just totally getting

1:07:19

kicked out by the foreman because

1:07:21

yeah real funny a I I

1:07:24

was very Dutiful

1:07:26

because I was desperate and

1:07:29

I would do whatever the foreman

1:07:31

said all day every

1:07:34

day and I

1:07:36

didn't really talk back and I

1:07:38

didn't really what

1:07:41

crack wise I I

1:07:44

needed a job like

1:07:46

so desperately When

1:07:48

I was young that I would never

1:07:51

Think about upsetting or crossing the boss and

1:07:53

in any kind of way if they would

1:07:56

say can you come in Sunday at 6

1:07:58

a.m? And dig did I'd go like? okay

1:08:00

I'll be there. Like I would never say

1:08:02

no. I would pretty

1:08:04

much run everywhere. I would

1:08:07

just do everything they said

1:08:10

because I was in

1:08:12

such a desperate spot that if I lost

1:08:14

a job I was so scared of not

1:08:16

having a job because jobs

1:08:19

were tough to find back then. I

1:08:22

didn't have anyfalutin family members

1:08:24

to fall back on and

1:08:27

I was like hanging on with with both

1:08:29

hands. Like I'm like. Are you talking about

1:08:31

like a normal job or? I never

1:08:33

had normal I mean I only had construction

1:08:35

jobs which are not construction

1:08:38

jobs are not really normal

1:08:40

jobs. They're kind of you're

1:08:42

in between a regular

1:08:45

job and a kind of migrant

1:08:48

illegal sort of

1:08:50

cash you know labor you know it's

1:08:53

it's a fuzzy line

1:08:55

of you

1:08:57

know you don't have 401ks

1:08:59

you don't have insurance you don't have

1:09:01

golden time you don't have days off

1:09:04

there's no union you can

1:09:06

join there's no like two

1:09:08

hours if you go hey I'm taking a 10 minute

1:09:10

break they go get the fuck up or you're gonna

1:09:12

get fired or I'll kick your fucking ass it's

1:09:15

a kind of it's a job the job site's a place

1:09:17

where if if your boss

1:09:20

or your foreman started getting into

1:09:22

it with you and you got

1:09:24

into it you would physically fight.

1:09:26

Really? Yes that's that's who those

1:09:28

guys were they they it

1:09:31

was so blue collar there was no

1:09:33

disagreements like you did what they told

1:09:36

you to do or there was a

1:09:38

fucking throw down. Wow. There was

1:09:41

crazy Vietnam vests like

1:09:43

on pain pills different culture yeah

1:09:45

different culture fucking screamed at everybody

1:09:47

it was like and

1:09:49

it was not like having a job as

1:09:51

most people know it yeah but there was

1:09:53

no coffee maker

1:09:55

or break rooms there's no

1:09:58

telephone there's no anything. The

1:10:00

porta potty. There's a porta potty. And

1:10:03

so you probably don't want to be funny

1:10:05

in construction. Well, it makes

1:10:07

the day go faster. Yeah. You know, if

1:10:09

you're talking shit with your

1:10:11

buddies, you know what I mean? Roofed

1:10:14

a job. There was like, there was

1:10:16

always, all right, most everyone, well, not

1:10:18

most, many were Hispanic. So there's a

1:10:20

language barrier there. There was

1:10:23

always some dude named Rick who was kind

1:10:25

of funny, you know, who liked to fuck

1:10:27

around a little bit, you know. And there

1:10:29

was always sort of

1:10:31

guy, you know, they had their

1:10:33

sayings, like the

1:10:36

guy'd fuck something up. They'd fire a nail gun

1:10:38

and like go through the side of the siding

1:10:40

or something. I'd go, Rick, you fucking fuck that

1:10:42

up. And he'd go, hey, can't see it from

1:10:44

my house. And he started laughing real hard, you

1:10:46

know. And then they'd like,

1:10:49

if you spent too much

1:10:51

time on something, they'd come

1:10:54

by and go, you're not building a

1:10:56

fucking piano. Just put it down. They

1:10:59

had their sayings. They're like

1:11:01

fart humor a lot. Like there was

1:11:03

a lot of farting on other people

1:11:06

was good. Was good. That

1:11:09

would work. That was cross-cultural.

1:11:12

Sometimes they would screw your bags

1:11:14

down to the subfloor. Like if

1:11:16

you're in a framed house, you're

1:11:18

just on sub flooring. It wasn't

1:11:20

on finished flooring. You're just on

1:11:22

plywood. And then you

1:11:24

go to lunch. When you go to lunch,

1:11:26

everyone just take their bags and drop them. Basically,

1:11:29

you don't go like hang your bags up or

1:11:31

anything. It's like you'd undo your bags and just

1:11:33

drop them where you were and then you'd go

1:11:35

eat lunch. And then sometimes they nail

1:11:37

your bags down to the ground, you know, when

1:11:39

you pick it up. Just a practical joke. There

1:11:43

were some good ones like, you

1:11:46

know the handle of like a Ford truck from the

1:11:48

80s? It's like you scoop your hand and lift

1:11:50

it up. If they took drywall

1:11:53

joint compound and just scooped it and filled that

1:11:55

whole void and then wiped it off and smoothed

1:11:57

it out, you wouldn't see it and you just...

1:12:00

You know, guy tied a six

1:12:03

foot aluminum bump, six

1:12:07

foot aluminum level to

1:12:09

my bumper, my car, and left like six

1:12:12

foot of rope on it, and then just

1:12:14

set it on my bumper so it would

1:12:16

fall off, and so I was just all

1:12:18

the way home, I was just dragging a

1:12:20

aluminum level that was. That's

1:12:22

great because that's a joke he doesn't get to

1:12:24

enjoy. He just knows that you had a bad

1:12:26

ride home. He's a peace of mind type joke,

1:12:29

you know? Yeah, they do

1:12:31

a lot of fucking around. Yeah,

1:12:34

it was

1:12:36

kind of okay, but it wasn't

1:12:38

like a real job in

1:12:41

terms of everyone

1:12:43

just wore whatever they wore the day

1:12:45

before, nobody put on deodorant or anything.

1:12:47

Nobody, there was not, you know,

1:12:49

just eat on a pile of drywall. It's a man

1:12:51

job. Yeah, it's like a- Almost

1:12:54

an animal. It's more mule, like it's more

1:12:56

donkey than it is. Than it

1:12:58

is for men, but yeah, so you

1:13:00

learn to, but it's not that

1:13:03

unlike comedy, and that comedy is

1:13:05

not a real job either,

1:13:07

you know? I mean, there's stuff, but

1:13:09

it's like, people say

1:13:12

I've never filled out a job application

1:13:14

my entire life. Wow. Why

1:13:17

would I fill out a job application? You don't fill

1:13:19

one out when you go onto a construction site. It's

1:13:21

just you can either frame or you can't frame, or

1:13:24

you got tools, or you drive a truck, you know?

1:13:27

There's no job, there's nothing to fill

1:13:29

out. Just like you. And

1:13:31

then you get into comedy, where's

1:13:34

your job app? There's no job application for

1:13:36

stand up. You show up to open mics,

1:13:38

or they get booked, or the book or

1:13:40

C's here, or whatever, but you never really,

1:13:43

there's no application. So

1:13:46

were you doing construction and comedy at the same

1:13:48

time? Yeah, at

1:13:50

night. I was doing, I was doing, not

1:13:52

the same time, but I was

1:13:54

doing my groundlings classes, and then- doing

1:13:57

my, swinging my hammer during the day.

1:13:59

Buddy, I'm gonna- I did a

1:14:01

couple of groundlings. Oh, you did? But

1:14:04

I'm not an alumni. Which

1:14:06

classes you guys make it through? I made

1:14:08

it through the first two. I did one

1:14:10

and then the space work was like, I'm not

1:14:13

into this. But everybody would give me, I

1:14:15

would try to be edgy and everybody, it

1:14:17

was like, you know, soccer moms, they're taking

1:14:19

the class. And when I was edgy, cause

1:14:21

I was on Sirius back in the day

1:14:23

and we were all doing edgy jokes. Oh

1:14:25

yeah. And so I would try them in

1:14:27

there and it would be dead silence. What

1:14:29

year were you being edgy at the groundlings?

1:14:31

Oh, six. What year? Yeah, oh

1:14:34

six, I think. Oh man, I was there in

1:14:36

like 80s or something.

1:14:38

Jesus Christ. What year were you there,

1:14:40

Erica? Probably like, oh, seven or oh eight. Oh,

1:14:42

what? We were almost crossing paths

1:14:44

now. Oh wow. But I didn't last long. Yeah.

1:14:47

You didn't like space work? No, space work,

1:14:49

I just, I couldn't multitask. I

1:14:52

couldn't think of what I was doing and do it.

1:14:55

You know, the funny thing about space work is how

1:14:57

they do this thing where they go like,

1:15:00

all right, everyone gather around. That's a

1:15:02

mine. We're lifting a giant manhole cover,

1:15:04

super heavy. And we're all just lifting

1:15:06

it at once. And there's like nine

1:15:08

people in a circle lifting at once.

1:15:11

But there was always one person that when everyone

1:15:13

else had it up to their knees, they were

1:15:15

over their head with it. And I was like,

1:15:17

yeah, it is the same

1:15:19

manhole cover. You do have to see that

1:15:21

you're trying to stand out. You got the

1:15:24

shit up your forehead, except for everyone else is still

1:15:26

down I knew that guy.

1:15:28

He knew that guy. He would wear no shoes to

1:15:30

the class. Great, no socks, no shoes. Great class. Yeah.

1:15:33

All right, let's take another break. And

1:15:36

then Mayhem's got some news.

1:15:38

Got some news. And we'll do that

1:15:40

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1:17:24

They never. ["The

1:17:29

People Are Not On My Way," by

1:17:31

A-Man plays in the background.] It's time

1:17:33

to check Adam's voicemail. ["The People

1:17:35

Are On My Way," by A-Man plays in the background.]

1:17:38

Hey, what's up Ace man? Another

1:17:40

thing you have to do before

1:17:42

you die is happy hooker tell

1:17:44

you no payment is

1:17:46

necessary. It

1:17:49

was my pleasure. Going on the

1:17:51

house. Get it on. You

1:17:54

can leave us a message at 888-634-1744. All

1:18:01

right, Erica Rhodes in studio.

1:18:03

Erica Rhodes comedy.com is where

1:18:05

you go. And then Jason

1:18:07

mayhem Miller. He's going

1:18:10

to be doing the news. Mayhem Miller is

1:18:12

where you go. Twitter,

1:18:14

Instagram as well. All

1:18:16

right. What do you got for the news? Well,

1:18:19

this one was hand selected. I

1:18:22

believe for me, Donald Trump proposes

1:18:24

migrant versus American cage fighting match.

1:18:27

Donald Trump has proposed that migrants should

1:18:29

take on Americans in a cage

1:18:31

fighting tournament. Well, he already

1:18:33

took all those kids and put them in cages,

1:18:35

right? You could keep remember when AOC went down

1:18:37

there to cry. She doesn't

1:18:40

seem as concerned. There's two people that cared

1:18:42

the most about kids and cages were J.Lo,

1:18:45

as I learned from her halftime preparation. Oh,

1:18:47

really? Oh, yeah. Her whole thing was about

1:18:49

I saw a whole doc about it. She

1:18:51

was all into the kids in cages and

1:18:54

then AOC was into the kids in cages.

1:18:56

But that was like five years ago. And

1:18:58

now we got more kids in cages and

1:19:00

those bitches don't give a shit. So it makes

1:19:02

me wonder. But maybe it's the

1:19:04

kind of thing you like, like Pokemon, like you

1:19:07

just lose. Like your kid gets older and they

1:19:09

used to be into kids in the cages. But

1:19:11

now they're in the going to Japan. Now

1:19:13

they're grown up. Yeah. They're

1:19:16

on construction sites. That's right. But

1:19:18

the same Mexicans, the former president floated

1:19:21

the idea in a speech to Christian

1:19:23

conservatives and again at a rally in

1:19:25

Philadelphia on Saturday night. Trump

1:19:28

recalled the conversation he had with his friend

1:19:30

Dana White. Well, wait a minute. Yeah. So

1:19:33

they used to have a lot of wrestling matches

1:19:35

where the loser leaves town. You

1:19:37

know, yeah. You don't remember that. But it

1:19:39

was like a lot of like loser leaves

1:19:42

town. Yeah. But they're always in shitty town.

1:19:44

So it's like, you know, let's just say

1:19:46

you and I wrestled in Pahkoyma. Yeah. And

1:19:49

I would throw that match. I would fucking

1:19:51

lay down and let you pin me away.

1:19:53

I would be on the floor before you,

1:19:55

but that's the whole point. What if you

1:19:57

wanted to leave town? But

1:19:59

the. Losers should have to leave the country.

1:20:03

Yeah, that's what I thought he was saying. Yeah,

1:20:07

oh, we have the video, sorry,

1:20:09

I made a funny video of

1:20:13

J.Lo talking about how, is

1:20:15

this like five years ago? She's doing

1:20:17

a halftime show and she was very concerned about

1:20:20

the kids in cages. The

1:20:22

cages, the image of

1:20:24

the cages for me, like I couldn't believe what

1:20:26

I was watching. There's just

1:20:28

certain things as a human being that

1:20:30

you don't do. What

1:20:33

is my message? I

1:20:35

mean, that's what the girl can say.

1:20:37

She's shaking her caboose. That's her

1:20:39

message. This is a dark subject

1:20:41

matter. But

1:20:44

if we can get the message across

1:20:46

in a beautiful way, or

1:20:48

soft and it can be received, four years

1:20:50

ago. Then maybe more people get the message.

1:20:55

That's just shaking her ass. Oh

1:20:57

my God. Something with substance, not

1:21:00

just us out there shaking our fucking

1:21:02

asses and fucking belly dancing. I want

1:21:04

something real. That's

1:21:06

all they did was shake

1:21:09

their ass. This is about human rights. This

1:21:11

is about human rights. I'm facing

1:21:13

the biggest crossroads of my life. But

1:21:16

to take out the cages and sacrifice what

1:21:19

I believe in, would be

1:21:21

like never being there at all. This

1:21:24

is why bands split. Yeah.

1:21:28

I thought it was her movie. No,

1:21:30

no, it's this. She's

1:21:33

worried about kids in cages and shaking

1:21:35

her coolly. Those are two things.

1:21:37

And that's the way you get the message across.

1:21:39

You shake your ass. Didn't you always think about

1:21:41

kids? Might be kids in cages the whole time.

1:21:43

There were kids with hula hoops. So that

1:21:45

was sort of a metaphor, you

1:21:48

know, for freeing the children. Metaphorical

1:21:50

cage. Letting them hula hoop. Yeah. So

1:21:52

they're in cages. And now they're going

1:21:54

to have a cage fight. I can't

1:21:56

see. Here's what

1:21:59

I could see. That's what I would want to see.

1:22:02

I don't want trained migrant

1:22:04

guys going against trained American

1:22:07

guys in the octagon. I

1:22:10

want the guys, the migrant

1:22:12

guys who get caught raping and killing

1:22:14

people, the ones that show up on

1:22:16

Fox News, to just go into

1:22:19

the cage with Brock Lesnar and he just fucking

1:22:21

goes nuts on them and we can all stand

1:22:23

and cheer. And by the way, they

1:22:26

don't have to, but if they choose that

1:22:28

route, no jail time. They

1:22:30

may not leave the cage alive. I mean,

1:22:32

what if they like last the whole

1:22:34

time? Maybe you can hand out a green card

1:22:37

for this if you survive. If

1:22:39

you survive, I will make you a citizen

1:22:42

and I will get you a job on the construction side.

1:22:44

Swear you in, have a Bible cage side and just swear

1:22:46

you right in. I've been watching a lot of Game

1:22:48

of Thrones, which I know I'm late on, but it's

1:22:51

like trial by combat. There you go.

1:22:53

Everything they resolve with sword

1:22:55

fighting. Yep.

1:22:58

UFC senior, they

1:23:01

say. All right. So that's

1:23:03

good. Yeah. So Trump, you

1:23:05

know, Dana White said Trump's remarks were a

1:23:07

joke. He said that, you know,

1:23:09

Dana, I have an idea. Why don't you set

1:23:11

up a migrant league of fighters and have your

1:23:14

regular league of fighters and then have the champion

1:23:16

of your league. These are the greatest fighters in

1:23:18

the world. Fight the champion of the

1:23:20

migrants. I think the migrant

1:23:22

guy might win. That's how tough they are. He

1:23:24

didn't like that idea too much. Dana

1:23:26

White says that was a joke. Well,

1:23:29

Trump jokes all the

1:23:31

time. I know. And they don't

1:23:33

know he jokes. Or I think they know

1:23:35

he jokes, but they just kind of take

1:23:37

him first. I mean, you read this literally,

1:23:39

then it sounds very, but. Well,

1:23:42

you got one guy, so one

1:23:45

candidate jokes all the time, which

1:23:47

is Trump, but they take him literally every time

1:23:49

he says he's gonna be dictator or whatever he

1:23:51

says. And then you got Biden,

1:23:53

who every time he's lying goes, no joke,

1:23:56

no joke. When he says, you

1:23:58

know, I drove. been on

1:24:00

seven million miles on Amtrak. No joke. No

1:24:02

joke. When he goes to no joke, then

1:24:05

he means he's lying. And then the other

1:24:07

guy jokes, but doesn't say he's joking. And

1:24:09

then they don't think he's joking. So we

1:24:11

got a little joke division

1:24:14

going on. That's hilarious. The

1:24:16

next, uh, report that we got

1:24:19

is NYC holds a fat beach

1:24:21

day to create accepting environment for

1:24:23

plus sized community. Fat

1:24:25

beach day events are springing up across the U

1:24:27

S in an effort to fight back against fat

1:24:29

phobia, reclaim safe spaces for

1:24:32

the community and honor plus size

1:24:34

culture. Hold on, hold on. The

1:24:36

fat phobia, is that a

1:24:38

thing? I mean, I don't think it's a real

1:24:40

thing anymore. I don't know. I have a little

1:24:42

bit of fat phobia myself. You know, I

1:24:45

feel like I'm a little nervous around, uh,

1:24:47

plus size models. Well, then you're

1:24:49

identifying as isn't that offensive to

1:24:51

the plus size community. If you're

1:24:53

identifying, I mean, let them

1:24:55

be offended. Let them be offended. Well,

1:24:58

okay. There, there are definitely way

1:25:01

more fat people than there ever

1:25:03

was. Right. So like

1:25:05

when people talk about like,

1:25:07

it's like fat phobia or

1:25:10

homophobic, how can you

1:25:13

be homophobic? What does phobic mean? Well,

1:25:15

phobic, you're scared of fat people. You're,

1:25:17

yeah. Yeah. You're fearful

1:25:20

of gay people or gay people are

1:25:22

fat gay people. We're the best, the

1:25:24

best. Yeah. So

1:25:27

first off, there's no phobia. Like, I

1:25:30

don't know when it was scared. I

1:25:32

know. I don't feel they're annoyed by

1:25:34

gay people constantly and fat

1:25:36

people. They don't want to fuck them, but

1:25:38

they're not, they're not fearful of them. That's

1:25:40

what you're talking about. Also,

1:25:43

the last I checked, fat people aren't scared to

1:25:46

take their shirt off at the beach. No,

1:25:48

they're all fat all the time.

1:25:50

Can I tell you, I had

1:25:53

the misfortune of

1:25:55

staying at Harrah's in Vegas. Oh,

1:25:58

it's going to be a lot of fat people. Harrah's

1:26:00

is way down the totem

1:26:03

pole over there. And I

1:26:05

was staying at Harrah's. And

1:26:07

Harrah's, for reasons

1:26:09

that are unclear to me, put

1:26:11

their gym on

1:26:13

the second floor. Overlooking. Overlooking

1:26:16

the swimming pool. With

1:26:19

the treadmills facing the swimming pool.

1:26:22

So if you're on that treadmill

1:26:24

for a half hour, it's

1:26:26

a tub of lard show going on

1:26:28

there. It's a fucking cannonball competition. In

1:26:31

Inverton, they don't mean it. Every time they get in,

1:26:33

the water spills out over there. You

1:26:35

see some of the scariest, fattest

1:26:37

people who you never think would

1:26:39

get in a bathing suit and

1:26:42

even go anywhere in public. You

1:26:44

look at, you sit on that treadmill for 30 minutes,

1:26:46

you will see 50 fat

1:26:49

people just blobbing around

1:26:51

that swimming pool, out drinking, drinking,

1:26:53

you know, pina coladas and God

1:26:55

knows what. No shame,

1:26:58

it was not fat person day.

1:27:01

This is called Thursday at Harrah's.

1:27:04

Last time I was there, two weeks ago, and I just

1:27:06

sat on that treadmill and I thought, am

1:27:09

I a witness to this because they're saying to

1:27:11

me, you don't fucking, you get off that treadmill,

1:27:13

you're gonna end up down? I

1:27:15

think so, yeah. A little motivation. Is it a

1:27:17

motiva, is it like a scared straight kind of thing?

1:27:20

I think they're trying to do the opposite. They're trying to

1:27:22

be like, oh, look at all these people who you wanna

1:27:24

look hot for. But then it's doing

1:27:26

the opposite. Look at these sexy beasts that you

1:27:28

wanna get buffed for. Look at all these hot bikini

1:27:31

models, but that's not what's happening. I

1:27:33

don't think we need a fat person

1:27:35

day at the beach. It's all I'm

1:27:37

saying. No. Well, you're getting one, but

1:27:40

the event organized by Jordan Unwood sought

1:27:42

to create an environment where people could

1:27:44

feel comfortable and accepted, regardless of their

1:27:46

size. We're going through something

1:27:49

culturally that is impacting us every day

1:27:52

on an individual level and a systemic level

1:27:54

under what explained to the Guardian. We're

1:27:56

really trying to open up that space. What date

1:27:58

is this? When is this? I mean, it's coming

1:28:00

up, bud. I mean, market calendar. It's every

1:28:02

day for Chris Christie, right? He's fucking taking

1:28:04

over the beach. Remember he shut down the

1:28:07

beach during COVID and then him and his

1:28:09

family were like, finally a place we can

1:28:11

eat ice cream judgment free? Shh,

1:28:14

fat ass. Yeah, so similar events are

1:28:16

being held across the United States and

1:28:18

provide safe spaces for the plus-sized community

1:28:20

to come together and celebrate their lives.

1:28:23

So are skinny people not allowed on those days? I

1:28:25

guess not. A fat friend's pool

1:28:27

party is scheduled in Chicago in July and

1:28:29

a bellies out beach day will soon take

1:28:32

place in Los Angeles in a few

1:28:34

weeks. A few weeks, bud, so market

1:28:36

calendar. All right, being fat is,

1:28:39

okay. Okay,

1:28:42

can we just, all right, let's figure this out. Smoking

1:28:46

is bad for you and

1:28:48

we've waged a war on

1:28:50

smoking. And if

1:28:52

you don't believe me, then watch

1:28:54

the movie, Saint Elmo's Fire, as

1:28:56

I did the other night. Saint

1:28:59

Elmo's Fire, you have no

1:29:01

goddamn idea how much smoking

1:29:03

there is. There's

1:29:05

an opening scene in

1:29:08

Saint Elmo's Fire where someone goes

1:29:10

to the hospital and

1:29:12

they're all smoking in the

1:29:14

hospital. Oh my God. And no one

1:29:16

is saying anything to them. They

1:29:18

all walk in, they're smoking in the

1:29:21

hospital. They're smoking at Saint Elmo's. They're

1:29:23

smoking in their apartments. They're smoking in

1:29:25

cars. They are literally everywhere

1:29:27

they go, there's

1:29:30

a cigarette hanging out of everyone's mouth.

1:29:32

First of all, they all smoke. Everyone

1:29:35

in the cast smoke except for

1:29:37

Judd Nelson. He's the only one who,

1:29:40

oh, Ali Sheeding, Judd Nelson

1:29:42

don't smoke. The rest of

1:29:45

the cast smokes. Are they alive now or

1:29:47

no? I think they're just

1:29:49

like powdered cigarettes for them. Oh,

1:29:51

it's fake. You can find it,

1:29:54

Joe, in the hospital. They're

1:29:56

in there, just Rob Lowe who

1:29:59

got into a car. accident trying to light

1:30:01

a cigarette probably is in there

1:30:03

and and they're visiting their

1:30:05

friend and Rob gets a DUI and

1:30:07

whatever it is but they're

1:30:10

just lighting up so they just smoked

1:30:12

everywhere okay but

1:30:14

we determined that cigarette smoking was bad

1:30:16

for you so we launched a campaign

1:30:19

against cigarette smoking and now a

1:30:22

list celebrities if they want

1:30:24

to smoke and there's a lot of like closeted

1:30:27

a list you know there's closeted smokers

1:30:30

yeah you see them you'll see pictures

1:30:32

of them on TMZ they go outside

1:30:34

the club and they crouch behind a

1:30:36

dumpster in the alley with the

1:30:38

fucking rats and the cockroaches and they

1:30:40

try to cop a couple of

1:30:43

puffs crouch down next to a dumpster

1:30:45

in an alley it's not glamorous

1:30:47

not glam they used to light and cigarette

1:30:49

and hand it to everyone in the club

1:30:51

no no you got to hide you want

1:30:53

to smoke now you've got to hide and

1:30:55

smoke all right so we sufficiently shamed smokers

1:30:58

to the point where they're not even going

1:31:00

to do it but the worst thing

1:31:02

you can do is be fat for your health

1:31:04

it's the worst thing you could have been during

1:31:06

COVID the worst thing you could have been is

1:31:08

fat yeah can we discuss it discuss it or

1:31:10

we just gonna open up a fat beach and

1:31:13

a fat day in a fat

1:31:15

pool day and then they're just gonna get

1:31:17

fatter and then they're gonna get diabetes and

1:31:19

their joints are gonna give out and we're

1:31:22

gonna have to fucking pay for all these

1:31:24

undisciplined fat asses why don't we wage a

1:31:26

war against it for those people not for

1:31:28

me for them you got my vote thank

1:31:30

you I mean I feel like society is

1:31:33

pulling two ways where yeah you got the

1:31:35

Instagram buff people yeah super buff

1:31:37

and then you got the other side that's

1:31:39

going stay fat and you know be proud

1:31:41

of it listen here's the whole deal you

1:31:45

cannot convince people to love themselves

1:31:47

just fucking do things that would be

1:31:49

considered accomplishments and then you can have

1:31:52

some pride in that don't just love

1:31:54

yourself for the sake of loving yourself

1:31:56

being fat isn't just about the visual it's

1:31:58

like it's a health problem like what you're

1:32:00

saying. So it's like you can like how

1:32:02

you look, but you shouldn't like how you look.

1:32:04

If it's dangerous to your health. But

1:32:08

there's a bigger conversation too, because it's

1:32:10

like a systemic thing where all our

1:32:12

food is have corn in it, sugar

1:32:14

in it. So that people, and it's

1:32:16

an addictive thing, like people are naturally

1:32:18

drawn to what makes them feel good.

1:32:20

And so they get stuck on drive-through

1:32:22

food, our car culture where

1:32:25

you have to drive everywhere, you can't

1:32:27

walk anywhere. Cause walking is the biggest

1:32:29

thing to make you lose weight. Really

1:32:31

every time guys ask me, like if

1:32:33

they're like obese, I go, dude, start

1:32:36

walking. They should have a pro fat walk. Mm-hmm.

1:32:40

Man, all right, so now you're getting meta with

1:32:43

us right now. Yeah. All

1:32:45

right. Next story is kind of a

1:32:47

bum out. Pirates of the Caribbean star

1:32:51

killed in a shark attack. Yeah, I

1:32:53

heard about that. Yeah, Pirates of the Caribbean actor,

1:32:55

Tamayo Perry has died after being attacked

1:32:58

by a shark white, surfing up the

1:33:00

island of Oahu in Hawaii on Sunday.

1:33:03

Perry is a surfing legend known for appearing

1:33:05

in the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

1:33:08

According to Stabb Magazine, TP's

1:33:10

arm and leg were missing when local surfers

1:33:12

recovered his body. We don't know, he had

1:33:14

them going into the water though. No. We

1:33:17

don't know he had that arm and that leg. Shark

1:33:19

apologist here? I'm just saying, I need a,

1:33:21

well maybe it is. This photo doesn't look like

1:33:23

he has one of those arms. I can't see

1:33:25

his right arm. Look,

1:33:29

okay, we all gotta go, right?

1:33:32

If you're a surfer, that's the way. That's the

1:33:34

way to go. Okay. Uh,

1:33:36

no, the way to go, sorry. This

1:33:40

is the second best way to go. The

1:33:42

first best way to go is Patrick Swayze

1:33:44

in Point Break. When he's

1:33:46

just on the beach with the kind of

1:33:48

reefs and they're had a hundred year storm

1:33:50

blowing in off the coast of Australia. He

1:33:52

just paddled it. That coast bumps right now.

1:33:55

He just paddled out to his death, right?

1:33:57

That's badass. That's the way you go as

1:33:59

a surfer. You rob a couple banks,

1:34:01

you do a little skydiving. Then

1:34:04

you go to Australia to find the perfect

1:34:07

wave and you just paddle, you literally just

1:34:09

paddle to your death. But

1:34:11

being attacked by shark, that's

1:34:13

the second. But so here's

1:34:15

the deal. We've all gotta go. If you're

1:34:17

a surfer, sharks are way to go, I

1:34:21

think. Yeah. Really? It sounds

1:34:23

painful though. I mean, for a moment, but

1:34:26

then you're done. Then you're done. You're mostly confused.

1:34:28

You're not like sitting in a hospital bed for,

1:34:30

you know what I mean? But

1:34:32

you probably drown and get

1:34:34

eaten. I doubt it. You probably bleed

1:34:36

out and you chop out. Yeah, you bleed out

1:34:39

first. And then you just slowly go off into

1:34:41

the night. Oh, it sounds awful. Yeah. Yeah,

1:34:45

you're showcasing the gender gap here. Me

1:34:47

and him think that it's awesome. Do

1:34:49

not wanna be eaten by a shark. No,

1:34:52

but if you gotta go, oh,

1:34:55

we have the point break scene at the end. This is

1:34:57

the way it goes. Bodhi's out

1:35:00

there. It's a rainstorm. He's

1:35:04

like, I'm going out. Kana's gonna let him get

1:35:06

his stick and hit

1:35:08

the ocean. Man,

1:35:11

he's going out. He's just paddling to his death.

1:35:19

By the way, you let him go. He

1:35:23

literally is going in a 40

1:35:25

foot swell. By

1:35:27

the way, what are they thinking? He's doing it in

1:35:29

Australia. What's he gonna do? Paddled in New Zealand? What

1:35:31

do you mean you let him go? Do

1:35:34

they think he gets away or? It's

1:35:37

a plot point. I don't think he's, they

1:35:39

know he's not getting away. Hoping to interpretation.

1:35:42

That's right. They never found...

1:35:44

Everybody comes back in. Not coming back.

1:35:46

He's not coming back. Oh,

1:35:49

like I haven't seen point break. He's not

1:35:51

coming back. I have seen St. Elmo's fire

1:35:53

in point break more than any podcast

1:35:56

are alive. Whoa, okay,

1:35:59

that's the matter. That's the way to

1:36:01

go. Yeah, in a big

1:36:03

wave like that. Yeah. That's

1:36:05

now he's done. Yeah.

1:36:09

Oh. Just scooting down the front of a

1:36:11

giant wave. That's one of the best films

1:36:13

of all time. That's

1:36:15

a good scene. Mm-hmm. All right.

1:36:18

That's the way you go. Rest in peace, Brody. That's

1:36:20

right. All

1:36:24

right. Our last story comes from the

1:36:26

world of the internet. The

1:36:28

viral Hocktua girl has been identified.

1:36:30

I got to claim naivete

1:36:33

here because I must have got tweeted

1:36:35

five times. I don't know anything about that.

1:36:37

Good girl. My algorithm

1:36:40

is all about some Hocktua girl. I got

1:36:42

Hocktua and I was like, I don't know

1:36:44

what Hocktua girl means. Oh, you're going to

1:36:46

like it. You're in for a treat right

1:36:48

now. Maybe I saw this, but I didn't click on

1:36:51

it. So I'm not a sucker. Oh, yeah. All

1:36:53

right. What's one move in bed that

1:36:55

makes a man go crazy every time? Oh,

1:36:57

you got to give him that Hocktua and spit

1:37:00

on that. Do

1:37:04

you guys not see the genius in this,

1:37:06

the beauty and like the charisma that's coming

1:37:09

out of this lady with their Hocktua? Oh,

1:37:12

man. This is out of idiocracy. Man,

1:37:14

welcome. Welcome. The

1:37:16

interesting thing is like

1:37:19

when people go, I'm going to make a video and

1:37:21

I want it to go viral, but how can you

1:37:23

ever? No. You don't know

1:37:25

because. She's like some rando chicks drinking

1:37:27

at some street fair or something makes

1:37:30

a stupid joke. It's called authenticity. Yeah,

1:37:33

I know. But what is in

1:37:35

the alchemy of human beings

1:37:37

that makes something like

1:37:40

what I'm saying is is a

1:37:43

pop song, a really good pop

1:37:45

song. But why like

1:37:47

anyone who knows good

1:37:49

musicians and good acts

1:37:51

and good whatever like if you go

1:37:55

into the deep cuts

1:37:57

like you go, well, I like the Jayhawks

1:37:59

and I like. like John Hyatt and you're

1:38:01

like people that are actually talented and good,

1:38:03

you go, well, they have hundreds of songs

1:38:05

and they're so good, but not a hit.

1:38:08

There's no hits. And then there's

1:38:10

Palabdul. You know what I mean?

1:38:12

And it's like, it's such a shit song, but

1:38:14

yet it captured something or it did something. I'll

1:38:16

tell you, I'll tell you, my theory on it

1:38:19

is that the intersection of not

1:38:22

quite too edgy, but just edgy

1:38:24

enough, right? And not slanted

1:38:28

one way or another. So you

1:38:30

capture that Venn diagram of people

1:38:33

who like sexual innuendo, okay?

1:38:35

And people who like pretty girls

1:38:38

talking dirty. And then

1:38:40

you know, you capture this center

1:38:42

mass of general people where

1:38:44

it's safe enough where it's

1:38:47

not offending everybody, but

1:38:49

it's not, but it titillates you just

1:38:51

the right. Well, no, I

1:38:53

get it. And what you're trying to

1:38:55

do is like, you're trying to, you're

1:38:58

trying to explain guacamole to someone who's

1:39:01

never ate and guacamole before. And then,

1:39:03

but there's what's deeper than that. You

1:39:05

know what I mean? Because

1:39:08

let's just say the Hocktouey girl

1:39:10

came along, but let's say it

1:39:12

happened the night of the Trump

1:39:14

Biden debate where Biden had a

1:39:16

stroke and fell off the stage.

1:39:19

Then we wouldn't have heard of it. Well,

1:39:21

no, I'm sure this happened like a couple

1:39:24

months ago or like a couple of weeks

1:39:26

ago, at least. And then it kind

1:39:28

of gained steam in a certain pocket, you

1:39:30

know, it kind of, one of those things

1:39:32

born from 4chan, somebody like last week is

1:39:34

when it came out. There you go. Well,

1:39:37

what I'm saying, there needs to be the stars

1:39:40

need to align in a certain way.

1:39:44

There cannot be, it needs to catch a

1:39:46

wave. Yeah. Like

1:39:48

Swayze. Yeah. Yeah.

1:39:51

So there's internet wave. There needs

1:39:53

to be that. But my point

1:39:55

is you can't fully explain it

1:39:58

just like you can't fully. explain

1:40:00

the Macarena or some

1:40:02

other shit song that

1:40:05

everyone hears. You know

1:40:07

what I mean? And whether you want to hear it or

1:40:09

not, you're going to hear it. I

1:40:11

saw three days of Hock Tooie

1:40:13

Girl and I really had

1:40:16

no idea what it was. And

1:40:18

I was okay. I

1:40:21

had made my peace with going to the

1:40:23

grave and not knowing who the

1:40:25

Hock Tooie Girl was, but somebody

1:40:28

explained it to me. You know what I

1:40:30

mean? It was me. I couldn't. Someone had

1:40:32

to stop and say, it was much like

1:40:34

two girls in a cup for me. Oh

1:40:37

yeah. I just went. I

1:40:39

never watched that. I don't want to see this. No. But

1:40:42

you know what? It had to be seen

1:40:44

because I couldn't avoid

1:40:46

seeing it. Yeah. It

1:40:48

was. That's a depressing thing right now about

1:40:51

what does go viral. It's

1:40:53

forced on you. Yes. You don't go

1:40:55

on your phone looking for that. No. Even

1:40:58

if you're a conscientious objector, it's

1:41:00

still going to find you somewhere.

1:41:03

Right? So the Hock Tooie Girl

1:41:06

found it. Now to me, it

1:41:09

never really feels like enough to

1:41:11

go viral. Like you know, they

1:41:13

go, there's a nine year old kid who has

1:41:15

300 billion views of

1:41:17

him opening toys, you know, and

1:41:19

you go, right? What's so

1:41:21

fascinating about this kid and what's so smart?

1:41:24

And this one chick has 200 million

1:41:27

downloads and all she's doing

1:41:30

is trying on a sundress or something.

1:41:33

And you go, what's so? And then you

1:41:35

watch it and you go, there isn't any,

1:41:37

there's nothing here, which is weird. Right?

1:41:41

So like, Hock Tooie is okay,

1:41:44

but not enough to go viral.

1:41:46

But in a world where we need a

1:41:48

pop hit and it's not going to be

1:41:51

the best song, but it is going to

1:41:53

be the song we all agree is the

1:41:55

pop hit of this time. Then

1:41:58

that's the Hock Tooie Girl. Right?

1:42:00

Yeah. Her friend was the

1:42:03

hot one in the mix. If you

1:42:05

watch closely as I did. I find

1:42:07

that in a hot chick dynamic, when

1:42:12

there's one that's slightly less hot, she

1:42:14

will be more personality driven. So

1:42:16

the hot two came out of that. Oh,

1:42:19

so if you're a little less hot, you gotta

1:42:21

get the hot in the two way. Well, let's

1:42:23

watch it again. I think if

1:42:26

her friend was kinda hot. Oh, the one next to

1:42:28

her. That's a hard move in bed that makes a

1:42:30

man go crazy every time. Oh, you gotta give him

1:42:32

that huck too. And spit on him. I

1:42:34

can't believe it. Yeah. But

1:42:36

you have to admit that she has some

1:42:38

type of riz that's next level.

1:42:41

Like there's some Genesee-quat in there.

1:42:43

I know all you cage fighters,

1:42:45

but the Genesee-quat, it's all I

1:42:47

hear. Every press conference, every post

1:42:49

fight interview. They say the Genesee-quat

1:42:51

a lot? Yeah, look at my

1:42:53

opponent. Well, you know, he's skilled

1:42:55

in the stand up. He has

1:42:58

a certain Genesee-quat, your ground game.

1:43:00

But I was able to defeat him. Someone

1:43:05

got a hot dewy tattoo already. What?

1:43:08

Yep, that's accurate. Even

1:43:10

a celebration by Bryce

1:43:12

Harper. Ew, that's disgusting. Who pulled

1:43:14

the move after, oh wow, yeah.

1:43:16

Spit on that thing. Yeah. Yeah,

1:43:19

so, you know, it's interesting what like

1:43:21

draws, you know, all the eyeballs out

1:43:23

of nowhere. On a sleepy weekend in

1:43:25

June. Just as quickly as it

1:43:27

came. Yeah, and then it moves on to

1:43:29

the next Gundam style. The

1:43:32

next really trashy thing. Yeah, we

1:43:34

have to have those. Now, here's

1:43:36

a question. In

1:43:39

other societies, do they have

1:43:41

as much of that as

1:43:43

this? Like in Middle

1:43:45

Eastern societies, you know what I mean? Do

1:43:47

they have other things to worry about? They

1:43:49

have other things. They have problems

1:43:51

like clean water. But things go viral. I

1:43:54

mean, anywhere you have the internet, you have

1:43:56

like this community. There's jabbering on about whatever.

1:43:58

And since we don't have. any real

1:44:01

problems yet? We like, I

1:44:03

mean, we have plenty of real. Well, what I

1:44:06

mean is like on the internet. Right,

1:44:08

but okay, so you have cultures,

1:44:11

like European cultures and Japan

1:44:14

and stuff. Okay, I

1:44:16

think you need a culture that has

1:44:18

a sense of humor to

1:44:20

have as many of these things go, right?

1:44:22

That could be because they think that's funny.

1:44:26

Well, like who are the cultural,

1:44:28

like when you kind of

1:44:31

go like, who's

1:44:33

kind of laying out the culture

1:44:35

here in the United States? And you

1:44:38

go Dave Chappelle and LeBron James,

1:44:40

you know what I mean? And

1:44:42

Oprah, you know what I mean?

1:44:44

Comedy and sports. We're not the

1:44:46

philosophers, not the politicians, not the

1:44:48

serious people, but it's the culture

1:44:50

that's laying out. So it's like

1:44:53

you need a society that has

1:44:55

sort of dominated by a comedic

1:44:57

culture. So I think

1:45:00

the more that you're gonna have, and

1:45:02

now I don't know who's passed the

1:45:04

United States on that, parts

1:45:07

of Canada, like I

1:45:09

don't know, not the Middle

1:45:11

East, not Germany, not Poland,

1:45:13

you know what I mean? Maybe there's

1:45:15

some in France, you know?

1:45:18

But I think to have the most

1:45:20

generated kind of viral

1:45:23

moments, you

1:45:25

need a society that's kind of humor based,

1:45:28

because this is humor based. That's true.

1:45:30

This is everyone, the little bit

1:45:32

of fucking around with everyone else, right? Yeah,

1:45:34

well I guess when homemade videos, remember when

1:45:37

those were big? That was just people kind

1:45:39

of being dumb. That was

1:45:41

a really equivalent of this,

1:45:43

Yeah, right. of just people

1:45:46

like people being stupid. They

1:45:49

think it's funny. Yeah. Whereas

1:45:52

in other societies, they don't wanna look stupid. Yeah,

1:45:55

yeah, they have dignity. Yeah. Yeah.

1:45:57

They have self respect. Well, they're like, like

1:46:00

100 years ago in

1:46:03

this culture, when

1:46:05

we took pictures, people had a

1:46:07

serious face. Because they

1:46:09

would go, we are taking a photograph and

1:46:11

we need to be serious. And

1:46:13

there was no fucking around. And they only get one. They

1:46:16

get one, so they can't make

1:46:18

a funny face. Yeah, there

1:46:20

was no screwing around. Everyone was like

1:46:22

super straight and super serious in pictures,

1:46:24

because it was like, hey,

1:46:27

you're a serious person. Now look serious.

1:46:29

And it took like three minutes to

1:46:31

develop. So they had to stick with

1:46:33

a face that they could keep. But

1:46:35

now, everyone's just doing something nuts with

1:46:38

their face in that picture.

1:46:40

Yeah, big smiles are funny.

1:46:43

Right. Well also, it's

1:46:46

harder and harder to get attention. So maybe everything

1:46:48

has to be bigger and bigger now. So

1:46:51

that's a big choice that she made. So it's

1:46:53

like, ooh. I

1:46:55

think that she just did that straight from the

1:46:57

heart. Got it. It felt genuine

1:46:59

to me. Yeah, it felt genuine. Oh yeah, no,

1:47:01

I don't think she was trying to go viral

1:47:03

or anything. No. I think she really believed in

1:47:06

what she was saying. She's just being silly. And

1:47:08

now she's selling merch. What?

1:47:10

Yeah, her name is Haley

1:47:12

Wells. She's

1:47:15

from Nashville. And she just let this

1:47:17

loose. And now she's selling merch. And

1:47:22

she's a top Google search for weeks to

1:47:24

hock to a girl. Wow, this is going

1:47:26

to go south. This

1:47:28

is why I miss Playboy. Because when

1:47:30

Playboy was around, Playboy would have offered

1:47:32

her $50,000. Because

1:47:35

that's how Playboy would do it. If somebody

1:47:37

caught fire for a moment, they'd go, oh,

1:47:39

we'll give you. Playboy would just offer you

1:47:42

a lump of cash to do. So now

1:47:44

you're suggesting that she'll start an OnlyFans or

1:47:46

just show her how to. She has one,

1:47:49

I bet. No. No? Because

1:47:51

that seemed genuine. The reason that that went viral

1:47:53

is because that seemed like a normal. But you

1:47:55

don't think she seems like someone who already has

1:47:57

some kind of OnlyFans? I mean. I'd...

1:48:00

No, the guys are all like, no, I haven't

1:48:02

ever been on it. Yeah. Oh,

1:48:05

you looked for it? Oh, wow, they already did

1:48:08

the research. They looked for it. Yep.

1:48:10

Yeah, well, I heard she was a school

1:48:12

teacher. Oh, no. Yeah, wow. Did

1:48:14

you hear about that? No, but that's gotta

1:48:16

be awful then. Her kids are gonna be,

1:48:18

I guess, or they're thinking she's

1:48:20

really cool. Oh, she got fired? I

1:48:22

heard she wasn't getting fired from her

1:48:25

delicious hot dewy. She's... That's

1:48:27

so funny. She's not, oh, wow. Who

1:48:29

do you have for social studies? Mrs.

1:48:31

Hot Tewey. Oh, I got

1:48:33

Mrs. Parker. Mrs. Hot Tewey's so... She's

1:48:37

so much better than Mrs. Parker.

1:48:39

Yeah, I wish I... I'm so jealous

1:48:41

you have Mrs. Hot Tewey for homerooms. I'm

1:48:44

gonna ask my counselor if I can transfer to Ms.

1:48:46

Hot Tewey. But

1:48:49

isn't that discrimination to fire her? I

1:48:51

think so. Yeah, I don't think she should

1:48:53

be... She should sue if she got fired.

1:48:56

Well, the only thing I can think to

1:48:59

think of is when they go, you

1:49:01

become a distraction. Call

1:49:04

the conduct. Yeah, like them calling her Mrs.

1:49:06

Hot Tewey. Yeah, she would be

1:49:08

Mrs. Hot Tewey. Yeah,

1:49:10

okay. That she really got fired though, huh,

1:49:12

Joe? Because I heard she was a teacher. That's

1:49:15

too bad. Well, she's

1:49:17

onto bigger things. Bigger, better

1:49:19

hot too. All

1:49:21

right, and now it says might not. So maybe

1:49:23

she wasn't fired. I heard she was a teacher.

1:49:26

I heard she might get fired or something, but

1:49:28

I heard they couldn't because you

1:49:31

can't fire people willy-nilly. It's

1:49:33

not like she refused to be vaccinated

1:49:36

or something really important like

1:49:38

that. This is just a Hot Tewey incident. This

1:49:41

is a minor Hot Tewey incident. Yeah, so this

1:49:43

is, we're having conflicting reports. So we'll

1:49:45

have to get back to you on

1:49:47

that. But let's give some plugs. Erica

1:49:49

Rhodes, everyone's got shows

1:49:51

coming up, Peoria and Minneapolis and

1:49:54

all the dates. You go to

1:49:57

ericoroadscomedy.com. I'm gonna be Levittown

1:49:59

and... New York, that'll

1:50:01

be coming up this Friday, Saturday. So come on

1:50:03

out, I've never been to governor. So come on

1:50:05

in. Oh, I've been there, it's fun. I

1:50:07

hear, it's great. Very New York. Legendary,

1:50:10

never been, so look forward to

1:50:12

that. Mayhem Miller, you can shoot

1:50:14

him a tweet and

1:50:16

Instagram at mayhemmiller as

1:50:18

well. And nice job,

1:50:20

guys. Thanks for having us. God

1:50:23

bless these. And until next time, Adam

1:50:25

Crawford, James Mayhem Miller and Erica Rhodes,

1:50:27

sayin'. Mahalo. Pick

1:50:33

up your phone and leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744. And

1:50:39

then get some tickets to see the H-Man. Get

1:50:42

them now at adamcarolla.com. It's

1:50:55

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