0:02

Welcome to Cruel

0:04

Classics, I'm your

0:06

host, Superfan Giovanni.

0:08

This is the

0:10

podcast where we

0:18

play the best moments, highlights, and fan-selected clips

0:20

from all 15 years of the Adam Carolla

0:22

show. We have a YouTube channel, youtube.com/at adamcarollocorner.

0:24

Make sure to subscribe, check out some clips.

0:27

If you would like to request a clip,

0:29

please email us, classics, at adamcarolla.com. There's a

0:31

separate podcast feed titled Cruel Classics. Make

0:33

sure to subscribe. Coming up for our first

0:36

clip today, we have Adam Carolla Show 575

0:38

featuring Amber and Angela Cope, Alison Rosen and

0:40

Brian Bitchard for 2011, an episode never before

0:42

played on Cruel Classics. Hope you guys enjoy.

0:49

Good day, Ball Brian. This isn't a game!

0:51

This is my life! And

0:53

good day, Alison Rosen. Hello, Adam

0:55

Carolla. Oh man, I did

0:58

myself one of those radio tours

1:00

that started promptly at 4.57 this

1:02

morning. This

1:04

is for the new book, I mean the new

1:06

version of the book. The paperback book out as

1:08

we speak, bonus chapter and all that. And it

1:10

started at 5am, went right

1:12

on through to 8 o'clock. Three hours

1:15

of just yammering on the radio and

1:17

felt like nothing to me. That's

1:19

the sad part. I

1:22

never know, I never count, I never care, I

1:24

just talk and talk and talk. But I do

1:27

refuse to

1:29

mail it in because I have

1:32

this insecurity slash ego which

1:34

is whoever it is

1:36

and wherever it is, I can't have them

1:38

hang up the phone and go, ehh. Right.

1:41

You know, and have someone go, hey, how was

1:43

Adam Carolla this morning? Footnotes

1:46

to that though, we should stop using mail it in

1:48

as the way to do something easily. That's right, email

1:50

it in. Now emailing is the

1:52

hardest way to do something, you've got to find an

1:55

envelope, you've got to look up the address, you know

1:57

what I mean? He's not going to text, he's not

1:59

going to text. Text message it in yeah,

2:01

for Adam perhaps mm-hmm all right. Let's say

2:03

dry anal rape it in there you go

2:05

easy I'm not one

2:08

of these guys. It's gonna dry anal rape it in That's

2:11

a little bumpy. Maybe we'll work it out an acronym or

2:13

something for that Also a lubed

2:15

anal rape would just be smoother. Yeah.

2:17

Oh, that's the point I

2:19

did a I did the CNN Entertainment

2:22

tonight entertainment this week entertainment. What

2:24

is that CNN? AJ

2:26

Hammer, I don't know what the hell that show. Yeah.

2:29

Yes. What is that entertainment tonight?

2:31

I think yeah, whatever it is I

2:34

did one of those shows We sit in a room and

2:36

you stare at a thing and they have a monitor that's

2:38

underneath you and then the camera is Above it and I

2:40

go don't stare at the monitor because we stare at the

2:42

monitor It looks like you're looking down the whole time and

2:44

I'm like well don't put it on that don't look at

2:46

it I You

2:49

know what fucking drives me nuts about

2:51

CNN and about television in general, but

2:53

especially CNN they

2:55

are So goddamn

2:57

insecure. It sort of reminds you remember

3:00

once in a while. There'd be an

3:02

80s video There'd

3:04

be some some all right take take

3:06

a band like the the divinals I

3:09

will you touch me she touches herself,

3:12

right? And so picture this

3:14

it's like you have a band and it's

3:16

like a lead chick and four dudes and

3:18

the lead chick is Not

3:20

bad, but she's a little long in the tooth and

3:23

she has a little bit of an ass on her

3:25

and the song becomes a hit Right. So now

3:27

they have to shoot a video and

3:29

they shoot it that video very differently than

3:31

they shoot The very

3:34

differently than they shoot the Beyonce

3:36

video Beyonce videos like let's look

3:38

at that chicks inner thigh and look at

3:40

that chicks face This is one

3:42

they got to keep it moving keep

3:44

it moving. Why well, we got

3:47

a chick 37 and

3:49

a half got a couple of crows feet got a little

3:51

bit of an ass on her You don't want to focus

3:53

too much on the singer if you stay on her too

3:55

long. Everyone will go But

3:57

if you keep it moving, no one's

3:59

gonna know that she's not that it's just

4:01

a blur of on the eyes yeah it's just

4:04

a blur of like so whenever you see those

4:06

videos where it seems like they have

4:08

something to hide like why would you you know they'll do

4:10

those videos once in

4:12

a while some singer will come along or

4:14

there'll be some Chris Isaac song or something

4:16

like Helena Christensen or something or like that

4:18

you're just piping hot they'll just they stay

4:20

on her for like 10 Mississippi at a

4:22

time then they go back to him and

4:24

his guitar and it's right back on her

4:26

for long pay counts you know in the

4:28

bright sunlight but when they have the chick

4:30

is not so hot to keep it moving

4:33

CNN programs their

4:36

network like they have a bunch

4:38

of fat chicks who are doing

4:40

the broadcasting and thus keep it

4:42

move in Candy Crowley yes

4:45

hello hello point

4:49

is this they'll do the same we're going we're

4:51

doing the entertainment tonight and I go all right

4:53

and they go what are we doing well we're

4:55

doing Schwarzenegger and then we're doing this reality show

4:58

and then we're doing the bachelor and then the

5:00

bachelorette and then whatever and you go yeah okay

5:02

and you sit there and then I can run

5:04

the tape and then they set the thing up

5:06

and then they throw it to the tape and

5:08

then they then they backsell the last thing and

5:10

then they front sell the other thing and they

5:13

go now you Adam Caroll and you know hey

5:15

man I think that those guys

5:17

from the bachelor okay all

5:19

right hold that thought we got to take a

5:21

break when we come back and then they take

5:23

a break and then they come back and then

5:25

they reload and then they backsell then they show

5:27

another video they go hey we want to thank

5:30

our guests and chrome coming out and you're like

5:32

what the fuck was like why did I show

5:34

up I didn't write anything but you looked good

5:36

no you're moving around a lot that's what I

5:38

wanted a little Vaseline on the lens and keep

5:40

moving I'm just saying no we didn't do anything

5:42

we didn't talk about anything I gave no opinions

5:44

on any of these things hey community man for

5:46

all of this guy's live wire look out people he's

5:49

gonna weigh in on this all right Adam

5:52

what do you think about these kids over

5:54

there from Jersey Shore invading Italy that's good

5:56

stuff all right And

6:00

it's like, do they make you

6:02

do talking points? Sometimes if they do, then

6:04

they'll end up sort of making your points for you and

6:06

then go to you for one word. I,

6:10

fortunately or unfortunately, I had

6:13

a lovely day where I got up at 4.45

6:16

or 5 or 4.50, whatever. I

6:20

did my 35 radio stations until 8

6:22

a.m. Then

6:24

I had to be on the set, and when

6:26

I say on the set, I mean at George

6:29

Barris Custom Cars driving the Batmobile around

6:31

the Batmobile, driving the

6:33

Batmobile around North

6:35

Hollywood until

6:38

1 o'clock. And then

6:41

it's like one of these things where it's like, I

6:44

had this idea and I thought it'd be funny

6:46

for this car show we were doing. They're like,

6:48

they wanted me to do all this lame stupid

6:50

crime fighting bullshit. And I said, you know, it'd

6:52

be funny. Be funny because this

6:54

place where the Batmobile is capped, wrong

6:57

Batmobile. Where

7:01

the Batmobile is capped, George

7:03

Barris Custom Automobiles is in

7:05

North Hollywood. And it's literally

7:07

a mile and a half away from where I

7:09

went to high school, the Taco Bell I got

7:11

rejected from, my mom's house, my

7:13

dad's house, my grandparents' house, blah, blah, blah.

7:16

And I said, you know, it'd be funny.

7:18

It'd be funny as if I got into

7:21

the Batmobile and drove that Batmobile and drove

7:23

through the Taco Bell that wouldn't accept me

7:25

as an employee in 1979. And

7:28

I, hey, Adam Crow is back and he's

7:30

in the Batmobile, bitch. How do you like

7:32

me now? So of

7:34

course they thought this was okay. They

7:36

liked their idea about knocking

7:39

on doors and saying, sir, did you

7:41

pull a mattress tag off of mattress,

7:43

you know, cook stuff that never always

7:45

falls flat. But anyway, so

7:47

at a certain point, I was going to go pull out

7:49

in front of my house, my old house in North Hollywood.

7:51

And it was like one of these things where I didn't

7:53

want to talk to my mom. I didn't want to, you

7:56

know, it was like one of those, all right, I'm just

7:58

going to pull. And I started weighing the things. out

8:00

like is my mom gonna be home

8:02

if she is gonna be home is

8:04

she gonna be standing by the front

8:06

window or she's missus personnel she regular

8:08

Ruth buzzy that one so I thought

8:11

you know what it's just gonna be hit and run I'm

8:14

literally gonna pull in front of the house it's run and

8:16

gun they're just gonna shoot it I'm gonna pull in front

8:18

I'm gonna go yeah 900 square feet no one bathroom

8:22

living out in a service porch well look

8:24

at me now house I'm in the Batmobile

8:26

that was gonna take off you know of

8:28

course as we're pulling up my stepdad is

8:31

pulling out of the driveway it's just one

8:33

of these things it's it's you

8:36

know it's Tuesday it's 11 45

8:38

in the morning you know it's

8:40

not lunchtime it's not morning time if

8:42

you're going somewhere you should have went

8:44

already if you went somewhere you

8:46

should have been back at 5 o'clock how

8:49

should I know literally smoothie making

8:51

time all

8:54

the time is smoothie making time I

8:57

really I really I have this

8:59

fucking mojo where I'm like look

9:03

I a very good example

9:05

of this is I remember one time when

9:07

I was living in an apartment my

9:09

very last apartment before before

9:13

I moved into my first

9:15

house and we had those apartment

9:18

managers that were sort of like the ropers and

9:20

they're sort of not horny but nosy and friendly

9:22

just nosy and oh yeah I noticed you parked

9:24

your car in the wrong spot well yeah we're

9:26

moving you know be like one of these people

9:29

like if you parked your car in someone else's

9:31

space for a second just to run upstairs they'd

9:33

be standing by your car going what's going on

9:35

and then you're going like it's noon it's Wednesday

9:37

what the fuck how do you know how do

9:39

you know all the time what do you do

9:41

do you just hide in ivy with a

9:44

fucking opera glass here waiting for shit to

9:46

happen like what happened to the part where

9:48

you're at work all day and you don't

9:51

the fuck happened like where what goes on

9:53

so I have this fucking horrible mojo and

9:56

like one time I was at my

9:58

apartment and I was like They

10:01

had these big bi-folding wooden doors that were kind of

10:03

in the way and I just wanted to get them

10:05

out of there and I didn't want to go talk

10:07

to them and they didn't know I was a carpenter

10:09

and it was like it was easy for me to

10:11

pull out a couple screws, pop them out, pop them

10:14

downstairs in my storage thing, go back upstairs and I'd

10:16

put them back in before I moved out kind of

10:18

thing. I just didn't want to deal with them. What

10:20

are you doing? What do you want to clean the

10:22

black? Right. I just remember

10:25

thinking, alright, I'm going to wait. I'm going

10:27

to wait until Wednesday, Thursday, middle of the

10:29

day, middle of the week where there's no,

10:31

it's going to take all of five seconds.

10:33

I'm literally on the first floor. I come

10:35

out with these bi-folding doors. Of course, the

10:38

elevator goes down. It goes down into the

10:40

parking structure. Elevator opens. They're

10:43

standing there. It's like, what's going on? Are those the

10:45

doors from here? It's like, of

10:47

course they're standing there. Where else would they be?

10:50

God fucking forbid they be taking a nap or

10:52

fucking or be at work or somewhere. Like

10:55

just camping, waiting for yourself. I'm doing

10:57

this thing where I haven't seen my mom in a

10:59

long time. I haven't really talked her much. Her back's

11:01

been kind of fucked up. It's been a weird little tension.

11:03

Like I haven't visited her. It's always a little lad. I

11:05

want to explain to her what's going on. So I do

11:07

this thing where I rash. I will just pull up in

11:09

front of the house. We'll shoot.

11:12

Literally pulling up in the Batmobile and it's like,

11:14

I have to move it because my stepdad is

11:16

backing out. He's literally backing out of

11:18

As We're Pulling. Like I would have hit him

11:20

if I didn't stop. If

11:23

we had showed up 45 seconds

11:25

later, he would have been long gone. If we showed up

11:27

10 minutes earlier, he would have never known the better. No,

11:30

it was like 1208. And

11:33

he's backing out that driveway. What

11:36

the fuck, you know? Compounding the issue

11:38

is that your mom is a well-known

11:40

huge Batmobile collector. Oh, she was inside.

11:42

When she's not making a smoothie, she's

11:44

doing the Batoozy. Bat

11:47

smoothie. Now, here's the

11:50

thing. Go ahead and weigh that against

11:52

the 289 times I've flown first class

11:54

in New York and never sat next

11:56

to a supermodel. Or a model. Or

11:59

a barber's-on model. Anything over five and a half

12:02

and model be nice or even if someone

12:04

who wanted to keep stakes from drawing a

12:06

parrot or pirate Upside down. Yes. Yes, so

12:08

dad's were next to nothing zero.

12:10

Yeah Yeah,

12:17

mojo just works negatively They're

12:20

always fucking everyone's always running in oh

12:22

my god, so Anyway

12:25

spent the day running around in the

12:27

Batmobile then flew off to CNN Then

12:30

sat there and listen to AJ Hammer

12:32

set up back cell front cell Reload

12:34

and throw two more clips and then

12:36

I went and then they threw

12:38

to another clip that we burned I just

12:40

make sounds you get in a syllable in the half

12:43

Plus they fucking freak you out too because they're always

12:45

on the move like there's music pumping and stuff. So

12:47

if you ever go You

12:50

have to say stuff like you can't just

12:52

go AJ. Here's my opinion on that You

12:54

gotta go real quick real quick real quick.

12:56

It's like why why not? Talk

12:59

for a second. It's not about that Adam

13:01

You don't have a time to set up

13:04

a thought and a notion and ID you

13:06

get one joke and they're moving on It's

13:08

like the opposite of radio where really the

13:10

point is to talk. Oh god.

13:12

It's such an apology It's like

13:14

we have super Unfunny people here's

13:16

our apology. We're gonna pump up the jam

13:18

and we'll give them 18 seconds at a

13:21

time to talk That's

13:23

it. Are you in five Adam? I

13:26

I know and So the

13:28

topics were emailed to me at like

13:31

1030 But I

13:33

was long gone by then so I didn't get

13:35

the topics But the beauty of me and it

13:37

is nice and it is nice that people understand this

13:40

now to where they go Did

13:42

you get the topics and I go no and they

13:44

go do you want the topics and I go no

13:46

and I go All right Which

13:49

that is nice. It's a nice compliment. Yeah,

13:51

it's partially, you know, you're doing and partially

13:53

you're only getting three point two seconds Anyway,

13:55

so how bad can you fuck it up

13:57

unless you just yell the n-word repeatedly? Even

14:00

then. Even then. Even then. That's what happens if you

14:02

don't have a topic. Yeah. But

14:04

wait, what happened though with the whole Batmobile running?

14:06

Did you have to have an awkward exchange? With

14:09

my stepdad? Yeah. Uh,

14:13

my stepdad thankfully is not a big

14:15

talker. So he was heading out and

14:17

even though I pulled up in the

14:19

Batmobile he didn't say much

14:21

about it. But then there

14:23

was this weird thing of is mom inside?

14:25

Because now I have to do this thing

14:27

where I could have probably just shot it but now I have

14:30

to go He's going to go

14:32

back in and say hey guess who's you know, so

14:34

now I gotta head in So

14:36

outside in his new car. I

14:38

headed in and uh, yeah teetops

14:41

I headed in and I said uh, mom,

14:44

uh, don't have a lot of time outside in

14:46

the Batmobile Doing a bit for

14:48

a car show not saying anything bad about you

14:50

or the family moving on and she's like, yeah,

14:52

all right and uh, you

14:55

know my parents in their You

14:57

know keeping their streak alive of you

14:59

know being sort of tepid in terms of their

15:01

interest No big deal. I mean, there's

15:03

no my the good thing about my Family

15:06

for good or for bad as I can say to

15:08

him I spent the day driving around the Batmobile my

15:10

dad wouldn't go for what or how come or what

15:12

was it? What was it like or who was dressed

15:14

as rob? I heard john bon jovi drives the batmobile

15:17

My grandmother would bring that up You

15:19

know, john bon jovi drove the green

15:21

hornet's car once Jesus

15:24

christ Well,

15:26

she's gone no more trouble from her Jovi

15:30

gave a million dollars to katrina. Jesus christ

15:32

Actually the popping and the uh, the keeping

15:34

it fast and all that stuff for cnn

15:36

and all those shows The worst part

15:38

is the underlying messages. It really shows like a lot

15:40

of contempt for their audience. You know what I mean?

15:42

Like yeah, my messages. Hey, we've got to keep this

15:44

moving fast and loud Otherwise people won't

15:46

find it interesting and will tune out and

15:49

they won't be able to pay attention They're

15:51

not smart enough. Are you still talking? Hey,

15:53

thank you. See hey retarded kids We are

15:55

going to jingle a shitload. We

15:57

are gonna here's what we're building We're

16:00

building a chandelier filled with cheese that we're

16:02

gonna jingle over your crib and we're gonna

16:04

hook it up to a paint can shaker

16:06

and it's like, hey, coming up next, man

16:08

shows Adam Crawley's gonna weigh in on this

16:10

old Jersey Shore thing and what about Arnold

16:12

Schwarzenegger? Love child, love child. Coming up next,

16:14

now, in the 8 o'clock hour, we got

16:16

that Drew coming up, he's gonna be talking

16:18

about Drew, coming to Drew, coming to thanks

16:20

Drew, come back to Drew, come back to

16:22

Drew, back aboard, have an eye out, Sell

16:25

it coming up through yougent Cecil association, don't look at your parents

16:27

doing this, they were talking about Drew's We've

16:40

landed by a saying

16:48

anything I'm not saying I'm not saying anything

16:50

I'm not doing anything It's

16:53

got rhythm, it's got rhythm in it's

16:55

loud and you think I'm saying something

16:57

but I'm really not Fear is

17:00

Hilton, Kardashians, go to break That's

17:03

what it is. That's what it

17:05

is. A fucking thing is just

17:07

that. I'm saying nothing. I say

17:09

nothing. I'd watch that though. I

17:13

would too. I'd mute it. And then

17:15

I just, no I listen. It's just

17:17

they say nothing. They show

17:19

a bunch of fucking clips of the Kardashians

17:21

and Snooki. They say nothing

17:24

and they move on. There you go. That's

17:27

what TV's becoming. And yes,

17:29

it is a contempt for the

17:31

audience. You fucking tards are

17:33

so goddamn stupid that we're going to just keep the

17:35

sink pumping the whole time. I

17:38

think that's why podcasts are enjoying

17:40

such popularity right now because people

17:42

actually want to encounter ideas and you

17:44

don't get that on that that

17:47

ravey kind of thing you're talking about. TV.

17:51

Yeah, what she said. that

18:00

car is when that car is when?

18:02

That car is when... Hey, how about

18:04

this Kardashian? Oh, Kardashian! The kim komikor

18:06

in the showroom. Wooo! That's

18:09

it! How's it going? Coming up a

18:11

thousand news. Well, we got some airplanes here.

18:13

No, it's time. We got some of the Kardashians

18:15

again. Do you believe the Kardashians are... I'm just

18:17

kidding. I have a pair of shell Kardashians. Lynch's

18:20

low hands. What's going on? Yeah...

18:24

Everyone, they're coming up with a new... Charlie

18:26

Sheen! Charlie Sheen! What happened yesterday? You

18:28

can see deburred. What?! Are

18:31

we in, is it Kardashian? Everything. That's

18:34

because your person ends with a Kardashian.

18:37

Come and, C'mon up. C'mon up, C'mon

18:39

up, c'mon up. Commin up at the hour. Commin up

18:41

at the hour. C'mon up at the hour. Look at that. We

18:44

got our top 10... C'mon up. Top 10 Kardashian.

18:46

Oooo! Ooo! C'mon

18:49

up! Cos vegetables coming up? Hey t Mauis.

18:52

Go do anything with fares. Hey t Mauis!

18:55

Oh what's good... They're

18:57

not 21 years old. You got it. C'mon

18:59

down. It's a go around right

19:01

there. He ain't a Kardashian. Kardashian, not Kardashian. 11 bruise.

19:04

Darype, Izzy. Darype got the bruise. We're

19:06

movin on. Kim

19:08

from Courtney, Told Told Told Courtney. Kim from Told Told Courtney... Oh, okay.

19:11

Kim from Told Tan from Us Magazine. Boy,

19:13

one of them dies. You got the Ku

19:15

Klux Klan going on there. All

19:19

kind of a Kardashian. The Kardashian coming up top of

19:21

the hour. Parachilton.

19:24

She did not. Parachilton!

19:26

What about Schwarzenegger? Love child. Oh, what's

19:28

not about Schwarzenegger? I'd love to have

19:30

a child with one of them Kardashians.

19:32

Kardashian coming up top of the hour.

19:35

Back hour Kardashian. Five Kardashians. Seven and

19:37

a half. Tomorrow night. And look at

19:39

her head to this side next year. More

19:42

Kardashian talk. Miss Kardashian didn't say

19:44

the following. What?

19:47

Whose birthday is it? It's gotta be one of the

19:49

Kardashians. One of the Kardashians. Alright, answer after dash. Oh,

19:51

we haven't talked about Charlie Sheen in 60 seconds. Sheen

19:54

alert. Alright.

19:57

There you go. I think we're on to something. I think we are.

20:00

Keep pumping this fucking

20:03

horrible electronic music that

20:05

has just become the soundtrack to all

20:07

retarded people out there. Jesus

20:10

fucking Christ. All right, should we do a little

20:12

news? Yeah, let's do it. Live

20:15

from the International News Center next

20:18

to Donnie's minibikes, this

20:20

is the news with

20:22

Allison Rosen. This

20:25

is something that has nothing to do with the

20:27

Kardashians very quickly. Horrible

20:29

tornadoes struck Joplin, Missouri and the

20:31

death toll right

20:33

now is 118 and it's probably going to go up. And

20:36

this is the single deadliest U.S. tornado

20:38

since modern record keeping began more than

20:40

60 years ago. Wow. And I

20:42

was calling it a hurricane earlier and

20:44

Mike Lynch, yeah, my

20:47

syntax is all wrong. He went and he

20:49

said tornado. Yeah. So

20:52

he knows. First

20:54

off, you know, they do that

20:56

thing where, you know, hottest day

20:58

in June since 1871, but they

21:00

only kept track of tornadoes or

21:03

whatever they kept track of starting in like 1950 or 51. Right.

21:08

With all the paperwork blow away or something seems

21:10

like they got out waterlogged. Like once they start

21:12

keeping track of the weather, they just focus

21:15

on all the weather, you know. Also,

21:17

they do that thing in the news where they go.

21:19

One hundred eighty one people dead. Death toll expected to

21:21

go up. I'll do that math. More

21:24

to come. I mean, it's never going down,

21:26

is it? Sometimes.

21:30

Really? I think sometimes they miscalculate

21:32

initially, like with 9-11. They do

21:34

that. They initially give an inflated

21:36

number. They do that with maritime stuff

21:38

too. Sensational. Then they find out. Not

21:41

so many. Or the Holocaust. If it

21:43

happens. Yeah, if you're one

21:45

of the few that believe it. Right. Speaking

21:48

of another big thing, which you may

21:50

or may not believe, the rapture. The

21:53

rapture did not happen on Saturday, as

21:55

was predicted. I've got to say, I'm always a

21:57

little disappointed, even if it means the end of the world. I'm

22:00

like, yeah, I guess we gotta go

22:02

to school on Monday. Yeah. Yeah,

22:04

kind of a bummer. And the weird thing is

22:06

that I noticed on Monday, a whole bunch of

22:08

tweets saying the rapture didn't happen started showing up

22:10

in my timeline. And I'm like, couldn't you guys

22:12

have arrived at this conclusion on

22:15

Sunday or were they waiting? They didn't

22:17

want to be too hasty? Yeah. Giving it

22:19

an extra day? You don't want to jump the rapture. Right. Or

22:22

the broom. Right. That's what

22:24

I found out. Yeah, maybe Sundays, they're

22:27

Sabbath or something, so they wait till Monday and

22:29

tweet. You know what I mean? Maybe.

22:31

On the seventh day, he tweeted. Right. No,

22:34

on the eighth day, he tweeted. Seventh day, he rested. So Harold

22:36

Camping, who's the

22:38

89-year-old man who has

22:40

erroneously predicted the rapture,

22:45

refused to speak to the press on Sunday but did

22:47

give a statement on Monday. But we have a little

22:49

video of him refusing to talk to

22:51

the press on Sunday. Mm-hmm. All

22:54

right. There he is.

22:56

No interviews. No interviews. Say, all right.

22:59

Give me a day. No interviews at all today. Sorry.

23:02

Sorry. You know, you know, this

23:04

is a big deal, big deal, and I've got

23:07

to think it out. And

23:16

so no interviews. Sure. She's

23:19

a great big fat person.

23:21

He's got to get back to his tax preparation business. Right.

23:27

Now he has to get groceries. He's

23:30

throwing them all out. Putting girls at

23:32

the bottom of wealth. Yeah. He's

23:35

a great big fat person. No interviews. No

23:37

interviews. So he's

23:39

explained it, though, on his radio

23:41

program Open Forum. He says the

23:44

rapture he predicted turns out that

23:46

was an invisible judgment day. He's

23:48

kind of understand it as a spiritual rather

23:50

than physical event. It's like a silent but

23:52

deadly fart. Yeah. It

23:54

was just a big SBD. Interesting.

23:57

Okay. Well, now it's all

23:59

coming together. And by the way, to all

24:01

the skeptics, I'm sure they've been won over at

24:03

this point, now that we know it's Invisible Judgment

24:05

Day. We had all of our dates

24:07

correct, he says. He now

24:10

understands that Christ's May 21st arrival was

24:12

a spiritual coming, ushering in the last

24:14

five months before the final judgment and

24:16

destruction. During the 90-minute broadcast,

24:18

he walked listeners through his numerological

24:21

timeline, saying that

24:23

his teaching has not changed. The world

24:25

will still end on, get this, get

24:29

your calendars ready, October 21st. It

24:32

won't be a spiritual on October 21st. The

24:35

world will be destroyed and it will be very

24:37

quick. So it's like we've pressed the snooze button

24:39

on destruction. What

24:41

will you do with these five months? Here's the whole

24:43

thing with this old coot. The

24:45

deal is, here's

24:47

what I will accept. I

24:49

will accept another prediction. That

24:52

prediction is going to have to be

24:54

hooked to a timer that triggers a

24:56

shotgun. Oh, yes. That

24:58

is pointing at your head. Yes, I like that. And

25:01

you know what? Because I'm in

25:03

a good mood, I'm going to give you a full

25:05

20 minutes after you predict the rapture is going to

25:07

happen before that shotgun blows your head off. Or

25:10

zip it, you old douchebag. Seriously.

25:13

So, if you really want to talk, I'm

25:15

all ears. But let me get

25:17

my shotgun out. Now I

25:19

get the feeling you ain't talking. So

25:21

now shut the fuck up. Because it's pretty

25:24

simple. If you really mean

25:26

it and you really believe it and

25:28

you really know it, then go ahead

25:30

and get the shotgun. You'll be dead for

25:32

a full 19 and a half minutes before then. But

25:35

if you don't, and I suspect you don't, why

25:37

is it a guy like that would never agree

25:39

to my shotgun plan? Even

25:42

if I gave him 48 hours after the

25:44

rapture, he would never agree to it. And

25:46

you know he never would agree to it.

25:49

Why do all religious people never agree to

25:51

this kind of stuff and are scared shitless

25:53

like we are and the same old they

25:55

don't believe it. They don't.

25:58

Nobody does. We'd like to. But

26:00

we don't and the more religious you are I'd

26:02

even say the less you believe it He knows

26:04

it's not gonna happen. He would never agree to

26:06

this now Hmm there

26:09

are things you know that are going to happen.

26:11

You know the Sun is gonna rise You know

26:13

the Sun is gonna set you know

26:16

My dogs gonna lick her pussy at least twice

26:18

a day. There's certain things, you know, you can

26:21

set your clock on Although

26:23

I don't know how you set your clock on it. Like let's

26:25

say Molly's looking her pussy All right, does

26:27

that make it 930 or 1020 like what Molly

26:29

like in her pussy? I know at least twice

26:32

a day the point is the point

26:34

is this if you said to me I'm

26:37

gonna put a shotgun to your head Adam

26:39

and if the Sun doesn't rise tomorrow Ten

26:42

hours after it was supposed to rise at 548 in

26:45

the morning. I will pull the shotgun string. I'd

26:47

go go ahead I'm

26:50

insanely confident that the Sun is coming up

26:52

tomorrow. As a matter of fact, I know

26:54

it So don't say that people

26:56

wouldn't do it. They would do it. You'd

26:58

do it about Many I

27:00

could probably rattle off ten topics where

27:02

you'd go. Yeah, I'd do it Is

27:04

the tide gonna rise is it gonna

27:07

recede is there's many other things that

27:09

involve life that just says?

27:11

Okay, I would definitely do this, but

27:13

he would never agree to this why

27:15

cuz he doesn't believe it Of

27:17

course, he doesn't thus we should stop talking

27:19

about his old fucking weathered ass Who

27:22

gives a shit? well

27:25

a lot of people who apparently spent

27:27

tons of money to Do

27:29

things that they wanted to do before the end

27:32

of the world are now More in

27:34

debt and they're angry because now they've got five more

27:36

months to deal with this bullshit we call living well

27:38

you see I cleaned up

27:41

Because I basically just showed up at

27:43

trailer parks, and I just said I'll

27:46

give you $40

27:48

for that double Y and They're

27:50

like huh. It's worth 60,000

27:53

die yeah not after the rapture it

27:55

ain't So I cleaned

27:57

up rapture currency mm-hmm

28:00

What are you gonna do with all the trailers now? I'm ranking it all

28:02

back to them now. Oh, that's smart.

28:04

Yeah. That is smart. So

28:07

get this, Adam. Your favorite

28:09

airport, your favorite airport,

28:11

LAX, has

28:14

a very, possibly the highest

28:16

rate of employee baggage theft.

28:18

I think it is the highest rate.

28:20

It is the highest rate of employee baggage

28:23

theft between January, 2002 and April 2010. What?

28:26

An LAX? Employee baggage? Like

28:28

their own baggage at dawn? I mean, they... Right. Are

28:31

you serious? That's what I thought they meant. No, they're

28:33

stealing your shit. Okay. So it's

28:35

sold by employees. Yes. All right. Thank

28:38

you. Sorry,

28:41

my words are so abstruse. LAX

28:44

had 4,546 claims of items lost or stolen from luggage

28:46

between... That

28:50

can't be... Yeah. The most

28:52

of any airport in the nation. I refuse to believe that. Pinch

28:55

yourself in the face. How dare you?

28:57

How dare you attack my LAX? I

28:59

know. That

29:01

is not the super fucking stupid ass

29:03

wipes at work over at LAX. The

29:06

super mean people that grunt at you when you walk

29:08

by that all look like criminals. Right. Couldn't

29:11

be them. No. Could not

29:13

be them. They would never. They have a high moral code. LA

29:15

is such a piece of shit. It's such a piece of shit,

29:17

but here's what I understand. Get your

29:19

fucking house in order, whoever's running that

29:22

place. I mean

29:24

seriously, your fucking security guard... You

29:27

take... I've said this many

29:30

times. The people that are the

29:32

face of your business.

29:35

Not the people that work for the

29:37

airlines. You work for Delta or Southwest.

29:39

Those are Delta and Southwest American. Those

29:41

are employees. I'm talking

29:43

about the face of your

29:45

company, meaning like LAX. It

29:48

is the person who looks at your license,

29:50

looks at your ticket, and then lets you

29:52

go online. Those are

29:54

some of the surliest cunts I've ever met

29:56

in my life. They're

29:59

all surly. Cunt are those

30:01

government employees or those employees of the airport?

30:03

I Assume their employees of the

30:05

airport and or the government or both or

30:07

I don't know what the distinction is TSA

30:10

whatever they are It

30:12

somebody put a plate of shit under

30:14

these cunts noses many years ago And

30:16

they fucking grunt at you you can

30:18

travel all around the country and you

30:20

get everything from the sort of Grandma

30:22

type that says how you doing and

30:24

have a nice flight or good morning

30:26

or makes you sort of comments like

30:29

early enough for Yeah, or just as

30:31

like little little things like that to

30:34

You know have a good day or good to see you

30:36

or have a safe flight or thank you or whatever Anything

30:39

but what you get at LAX was just fat

30:42

cunt grunt. Just a big big

30:44

fat queef did Fuck

30:46

a walk up is trying to think if the

30:48

grunt is a result of the fat

30:50

cunt Well like the extra

30:53

like the extra half to make just makes you go they're

30:56

they're bitchy because life has dealt them

30:58

a shitty hand that they've accentuated

31:01

by being cunts and I

31:03

don't mind them being a cunt.

31:05

I mind their supervisors letting them

31:07

do it. Do they not travel?

31:10

Do they not go to other airports where they have

31:12

somebody sitting there that says hi? Thank

31:15

you. Come again. Enjoy your flight. Have a

31:17

safe flight or whatever it is. L.a. Just

31:19

good Good, you know

31:21

Yeah, I mean it's

31:24

just they're all fucking fat angry cunts

31:26

and knock it off And the fact

31:28

that they steal more baggage than any

31:31

other air any other airport

31:33

does not surprise me because they all seem

31:35

like fucking felons Who

31:37

have? Contempt they seem to

31:39

have contempt for the flying public like

31:41

they are pissed off they act like

31:43

if you were never born I could

31:45

sit here and Finish

31:48

my crossword puzzle like all the people online for

31:50

security is like I just washed that floor. I

31:52

just right now Yeah, probably all over. Yeah, you

31:54

fuck a lot I just ran the buffer on

31:56

the floor and by the way, I could be

31:58

talking to my friend on a Cell phone

32:00

right now except for you're presenting me with your

32:02

license and your ticket and now I got a

32:04

grunt at you And then

32:06

LAX tried to spin it that because LAX

32:09

is the they're saying the number one Destination

32:12

and this hugely trafficked airport.

32:14

That's why they have this high number of

32:18

Things now stolen however the US

32:20

government begs to defer because JFK

32:24

actually is is busier and has a lower

32:26

number of items. Oh, there's

32:28

a shocker So in your

32:30

face. Yeah, look LA here's the

32:32

deal with LA Everybody

32:36

involved with security or dickheads

32:39

The cops by and large

32:42

or dickheads everyone involved with

32:44

parking dickheads parking

32:46

enforcement dickheads Security

32:48

whether it be at a concert or

32:50

at LAX dickheads LA

32:53

has a whole bunch of dickheads

32:55

and cunts with horrible attitudes and

32:57

nobody straightens them out Nobody

33:00

says a fucking word like hey drop the

33:02

attitude Yes, you're

33:04

pulling over somebody you're not

33:06

pulling over public enemy number

33:08

one You're pulling over some

33:10

fucking guy who rolled through a four-way stop

33:13

sign who's paying your salary now charge him

33:15

Is you know ruin his day with your

33:17

chicken shit? 311 dollar

33:19

ticket, but don't be a dick about

33:21

it and LAX fat cunt We're

33:24

the reason you're employed stop taking it out

33:26

on us. I know you hate man our

33:28

Elmo DVD Yeah, something they

33:31

stole apparently really Elmo Mmm.

33:33

Yeah, so anyway LAX everyone knows it's

33:36

a fucking piece of shit and I

33:38

blame the mayor I do It

33:42

starts at the top and goes down Knock

33:44

it off everybody tell these fucking

33:46

people look. I don't know who's in

33:49

charge I'd love to interview one of these cowards, but

33:51

they'll never come on the phone. They'll never come on

33:53

the show I'd love to talk to a supervisor go

33:55

why can't you tell these people here it is. Thank

33:57

you come again I mean they do it at Mcguffin

34:00

Donald's it's very easy. It's a

34:02

conveyor belt of thank yous. They

34:04

look driver's license Thank you driver's

34:07

license driver's like an ticket little

34:09

weird Marks a lot thing

34:11

little highlighter thing that I don't understand right now.

34:13

You know what that is We

34:16

you should pretend like you're doing something So

34:18

we went down to the 99 cent store We

34:21

bought a shitload of these dry erase

34:23

markers go ahead and do a little circle around

34:25

Something on there like the date you wonder the

34:27

date or should we do the date or the

34:30

origin or the equipment? Right do

34:32

the date man. Yeah equipment. Okay, I'm 737

34:34

or that. Okay, look at it Now I

34:36

know there's not a thought that's running through

34:39

your mind But don't hand it

34:41

back to him immediately look at it

34:43

like you're looking for something count five,

34:45

Mississippi Oh, you can't go up

34:47

to five tap your foot five to oh, sorry

34:49

with the five thing again. All right do this

34:52

About That

34:54

long okay stare at this thing and

34:56

don't do the thing where you're staring up

34:59

toward the sky either stare

35:02

at the paper for what would be

35:08

And then Take take

35:11

this Take this highlight

35:13

sweetie. No, don't eat that sweetie. That's

35:15

that out of your mouth. That's not

35:17

kissing potion people Focus

35:20

then find some numbers No,

35:23

sweetie. Those are letters though.

35:25

The numbers are the things that right

35:28

right like your name is Right.

35:30

No, it's not spelled with numbers. It's spelled

35:32

with letters. Okay Circle a

35:35

random group of the numbers and

35:37

then hand it back to them

35:39

and make sure you grunt which

35:41

random group Any

35:45

Random group just stare pretend like you're

35:47

doing something for a moment then you

35:49

hand it back to them But you

35:51

could do this stare stare stare see

35:54

nothing see nothing see nothing Circle

35:56

random batch of numbers and go.

35:58

Thank you And that would be it.

36:01

But they never do. Not LAX. And it's their fucking

36:03

manager, and like I said, it goes all the way

36:06

up to the mayor, but knock it off. And the

36:08

luck they give you when you pass isn't, uh, it's

36:10

not thank you, it's always, Alright buddy. Yeah. You may

36:12

have gotten past me this time. You made it this

36:14

time. Don't try anything funny on the way to the

36:17

gate. Yeah. Hey, new face of Al-Qaeda. You

36:19

got by me this time, but next time you're not

36:21

gonna be so lucky. You understand? Unless you have a

36:23

ham sandwich, in which case you can go. Yeah,

36:26

I know. And then a big fat picture

36:28

of that, uh, fucking retard, V.R.A.G.O.S.A. up at

36:30

the airport, just smiling with that stupid painted-on

36:32

grin that sociopaths have, when they don't know

36:35

what to do with their face. They go,

36:37

hey, welcome to LA. Anything could happen. There's

36:39

some bullshit like that. Welcome to LA. Thank

36:41

you for the iPod. Right. Cunts.

36:44

Alright. Somebody do something about this.

36:46

Can't they? It's so easy. Go

36:49

travel to any other airport! LA's

36:52

such a piece of shit! And

36:54

this doesn't cost anything! I

36:57

don't know how it goes. Who are their supervisors? How

36:59

come no one ever tells them? Knock it off. Alright.

37:02

Supervisors are on the take as well. Anyway, and

37:04

it's all your faults, too. Everyone who's listening. Because

37:07

you're not demanding anything of these ass wipes.

37:09

Now, where was I? Do you

37:11

guys have, um, do you guys

37:13

have, uh, Schwarzenegger's Love

37:15

Child's, uh, do we get any

37:17

information on that douchebag? I

37:20

was watching, uh, not the Love Child.

37:22

Oh, for the 10 year old kid? Yeah, I

37:24

was watching, uh, an exclusive on Entertainment Tonight. And

37:27

I was watching what they

37:29

thought is, uh, the biological... Alright.

37:32

Can't find the clip. Give me

37:34

some information on this guy. Alright,

37:36

so there's the guy who

37:39

claims to be the biological

37:43

dad of Schwarzenegger's Love Child.

37:45

He thinks he's the dad.

37:47

Who had thought up until now he was the dad. Who

37:49

thought up until now is dad. And he's doing this... He's

37:54

listed on the birth certificate. And

37:56

he's doing this thing where he's doing this

37:58

interview with, uh... And

38:01

he's saying you know I'm his father and

38:03

he'll always be my son and all this

38:05

kind of stuff except

38:07

for he doesn't live in the country

38:09

and he's never seen a

38:11

kid and they got divorced when

38:13

the kid was two months old and You

38:17

know It's

38:19

in a fortnight I get a little preachy,

38:21

but we got to start fucking judging here,

38:23

which is that fortnight Yes,

38:25

okay. Yes the kid and Mother

38:28

listed him on the birth certificate, but listed

38:30

no minor children on

38:33

divorce papers in 08

38:36

so he's a devoted father. Yes. He's

38:38

a Colombian immigrant and he's not he

38:40

claims He talked to the

38:42

kid last year, but by the way Talking

38:45

a kid last year wasn't December 31st of

38:47

last year number one and if he says

38:49

last year What do you think three years?

38:51

What's the over-under? Here's

38:53

all I'm saying worse to talk to kid once a

38:56

year then he's like never talked to them I think

38:58

so be preferable to never talk to miss be disappeared

39:00

and have no relationship, right? I'm sure

39:02

he just said that to save a little

39:04

face, but all I'm saying is this they're

39:06

interviewing the guy and he's like I am

39:09

the biological father. He will always be my

39:11

son He'll always be it's that stupid Latin

39:13

machismo bullshit where it's like he's always he'll

39:15

be my really you haven't seen the fucking kid And

39:17

how many years douchebag and how come whoever's interviewing him

39:20

goes what do you mean is your son? When do

39:22

you see him last when the last time you guys

39:24

hung out? What's the last time you guys shot some

39:26

hoop or he told him about the birds and the

39:28

bees? What's a kid 11 12

39:31

years old? Yeah, this douchebag was out of

39:33

the picture two months Says he

39:35

talked to him last year. He doesn't know

39:37

where he is today doesn't live in the

39:39

same I don't know if he lives do

39:41

we find out what? Dawson

39:45

what goddamn country does this guy live in

39:47

I asked an hour ago. I can't love

39:49

you. Yeah, it says he's from Columbia Where

39:51

does he live and where does the kid

39:53

live which I asked for an hour ago?

39:55

Is that not findable and we've we've been

39:57

everywhere. It's just not out there. We're not

39:59

out there All right, we're trying wouldn't

40:01

it be great if someone like interviewed him with like

40:03

some basic trivia questions about his son Like what is

40:05

your son's best friend's name? Well now you're getting to

40:08

my My

40:10

dad would know that and he sort of raised me. Here's

40:12

the point. He said I am your

40:14

father. That is all But

40:17

he's not the dad. He didn't raise the

40:19

kid. He's not even the dad He's not

40:21

even the kids blood if he was even

40:23

worse and worse that he thinks he's a

40:25

kid and even worse And we have a

40:27

fucking society where it's like oh this poor

40:29

man is a victim This guy's a world-class

40:32

douchebag and a criminal He

40:34

shit out a kid at least in his

40:36

mind He shit out a kid he split

40:38

when that kid was two months old and

40:40

he has no contact with that kid He's

40:42

my blood shut the fuck up you hypocrite.

40:44

That's what's wrong. That's what's wrong

40:47

with this world is ass wipes like you

40:50

Other than that, I don't have strong opinions about it.

40:52

I'm very cool with him. Yeah other than that. We're

40:54

cool All right another three days. We'll

40:57

find out what state this guy lives in and

40:59

we'll get back to you We'll take a quick

41:01

break. I'll tell you what we'll do Do

41:05

you want to do a little what can I'm guy? You

41:07

know what? I've been doing a lot of fucking complaining Good

41:10

that'll make it harder for you to complain about our things

41:12

then cuz we have a lot of money riding on this We have

41:14

$8, but we have our gas than that

41:16

even Seven

41:19

dollars. I'm I

41:21

think I'm looking at seven dollars. Oh I

41:25

Told you. Yes, and Where

41:28

was we the point is we got our

41:30

guests right? They've been here for an hour. Yes

41:33

All right. I think we should take a break to spring our

41:35

guests in I'm blue in the face from complaining anyway Take

41:38

a quick break. We'll bring in who didn't have

41:41

NASCAR twins hot nascar chips. All right, we'll bring

41:43

them in We'll be right back after that Our

41:53

national race and got two of them a

41:55

twist amber and Angela

42:00

Nice to see you ladies. Let

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43:01

and Angela Cope both here, the

43:03

NASCAR Quinn. So

43:05

I'm driving in the, not that the

43:07

Craftsman Truck Series. It's

43:10

the Camping World Truck Series. It's the Camping

43:12

World Truck Series? What

43:14

kind of trucks you guys driving? We drove

43:16

for the Dodges last year. Back

43:19

in October was our first run in

43:21

the trucks. In the Truck Series, they

43:23

have Chevy Dodge, Toyota. They have everything.

43:25

You guys. Same as the

43:27

NASCAR. I mean, same as the

43:29

sedans, I guess. It

43:32

is insane. I don't know about sedans. Toyota.

43:34

Well, I don't know what to call them,

43:36

but. Close. That Toyota. It's

43:39

technically, I guess they're sedans, right? I mean,

43:41

not your truck. I'm talking about like a

43:44

Caprice or whatever the hell they're driving in

43:46

the NASCAR, right? Like the COTs? Yeah.

43:48

What do they call them? Like the COTs. What's

43:50

the COT? We were driving the Chevrolet this

43:52

past weekend. What's the COT? COT. Just

43:55

the body styles. Like the whole body styles. But

43:57

what's COT stand for? tomorrow.

44:01

Really? Yep. They call the car

44:03

tomorrow? Yeah. Oh okay. We just

44:05

came out with them. This is the first day

44:08

that they're driving nationwide so they've been out for two

44:10

years. They started out in the Sprint Cup.

44:12

You guys are driving then the Dodge trucks

44:14

or you drive everything? We drove the Dodge

44:16

trucks in October of last year but

44:19

we last weekend we ran in the

44:21

nationwide. Bitchin right? Yeah it

44:23

was pretty good. How'd it feel in their train paint

44:25

with the big boy? You know it was

44:27

a little nerve-wracking I'll be honest with you. We

44:29

ran against some big guys. I mean it's exciting.

44:32

It's really a dream come true for us to

44:34

be up there you know with

44:36

all those guys that we've always dreamed

44:38

of and it's exciting. There's three females

44:40

in the race so we ran against Jennifer Joe

44:43

Cobb so that's kind of cool. There's

44:45

no reason why the ladies can't

44:47

be competitive in the driving sports

44:50

because you got good endurance

44:53

and you're probably 50 pounds lighter in a lot

44:55

of those NASCAR

44:57

dudes. That ain't bad on the track.

45:00

Unfortunately that doesn't really matter but everybody

45:02

seems to think that. Well

45:04

it doesn't hurt. Well it's a good

45:06

thing you know. Exactly. Well I mean

45:08

it is a weight to horsepower

45:11

thing. I mean it's not it'd be worse if someone

45:13

put 50 pounds of weight in your trunk right? If

45:16

they put junk in your trunk? Yeah. And

45:21

you got I think women women

45:23

have better endurance than men. Is that one

45:25

of the things that I

45:28

don't know if it's a myth or

45:30

what it is but they do like

45:32

for instance when it comes

45:34

to the marathon women are

45:36

wildly competitive. I don't know if they'll

45:38

catch guys but they're right up there.

45:40

It's not like you know a bench

45:42

press competition or boxing or something like

45:45

that. The marathon the guys come in

45:47

at 206 208

45:49

and women come in at like 221 or 220 something. I mean it's not that much

45:54

of a margin compared over

45:57

the distance that they're running. I don't know if they

45:59

average another you know 40 seconds a mile

46:01

or whatever the hell it is you should figure that

46:03

out I don't even know if it's that give me

46:06

a good give me the world record on the women's

46:08

time and the men's time okay I know the men's

46:10

time is like 206 207 something

46:13

like that but I'm curious what the world record female would

46:15

you guys think it'd be 20 minutes or less less

46:18

yeah I'm

46:21

not sure what do you think so you think it's under 220

46:23

under I say I think the gap is is shrinking that's my that's

46:30

my thing I think women are I think I think

46:32

they're a matter of becoming chicks I

46:34

think I think women have been during stepping

46:36

up they have the endurance gene

46:38

and men have sort of the strength gene

46:40

but women have like the endurance gene maybe

46:43

taking care of kids that fucking drives you not

46:47

having kids so how do I get started

46:50

for you guys you know it's funny

46:52

as we started when we were nine years old our

46:54

parents got us kind of involved in the sport we

46:56

got it for Christmas and go kart and

46:58

we didn't even know what it was kind of

47:00

crazy but it's been in our family like our

47:02

grandpa raised our dad did it and then our

47:04

uncle is still driving the nationwide series their cup

47:06

yeah and so

47:08

you started off you start

47:10

doing carding yeah we started to go karting

47:13

we did that for about seven

47:15

years yeah dominated did really well

47:17

and then moved up to like a

47:19

super late model at the age of

47:21

15 before we actually were driving we didn't have our

47:23

driver's license it's kind of crazy deal but winning

47:26

all over traveling all over the Northwest doing really

47:28

well and then a week before we turned 21

47:30

we decided to make the move back east to

47:32

Charlotte because you got to be in here

47:35

basically back east where all the NASCAR is to be

47:37

ready to be noticed and so

47:39

it was a good time for Derek and we

47:41

moved in with him and started kind of pursuing

47:43

everything from that point on what what

47:45

is the next move like what would be

47:48

the next big move I mean I think the

47:50

next big move is we're at like right

47:52

now we just ran our first nationwide race

47:54

last weekend which is really exciting for us

47:56

right and I think time I mean we're

47:58

so once a NASCAR approval So I mean

48:00

for us to you know try to run I think

48:02

it's the rest of Europe be big for us What

48:05

what places did you come in? I

48:08

got 28 30

48:12

seconds. Yeah, it's kind of a rough weekend. Oh It's

48:16

like people yeah, hey we did that No,

48:20

but no like there's mistakes made by us in

48:22

the team which you know all comes with time

48:24

and it's a learning process Yeah,

48:26

yeah, how much of it is the pit stuff and

48:29

the cruise? Oh, it's very important I mean

48:31

it's half of I'd say it's like 50-50 really yeah

48:34

I mean you come in for a pit stop like we

48:36

came in for our second pit stop It was and they

48:39

let the lug nut loose we go out we almost

48:41

put in the wall We come back in we go

48:43

back out. They did it again, so that put us

48:45

down ten laps They don't show that on TV right,

48:47

but we put us down right at what do you do with

48:50

the guy leaves the lug nut loose? You know it's so

48:52

funny. Yeah, Jack man like grab them and like threw him

48:54

over Really? Yeah, cuz I mean it

48:56

caused us and we were running decent in the very

48:58

beginning does that turn you on? So

49:09

it was pissed off But you know it's it's

49:11

rough because there's a lot of sports where they

49:13

do the tire change and they have to one

49:15

Single nut in the middle of the thing and

49:18

the guy just hits it with a big old.

49:20

I don't know 40 millimeter

49:22

impact gun and it's just this thing pops

49:24

up. They got to put on five lug

49:26

nuts I mean, I know they

49:28

like it that way I Mean

49:31

there's a tradition to it, but I mean

49:33

that's that's five chances that well 20

49:36

chances to make a mistake and you go all four corners if

49:38

you think about it that way And

49:40

like some of the you know the more modern Cars

49:43

that racing endurance races they don't even have

49:45

the Jack man They plug an air hose

49:47

into the car and Jack shoot out of

49:49

the bottom of the car and the car

49:51

just lifts off The ground so they've like

49:53

automated all that stuff, but NASCAR Wants

49:55

that sort of tradition. They want the over the

49:58

wall with the Jack guy and Anyone

50:00

find out the marathon thing? No.

50:04

I just, I am Michael Lynch about it. He was looking for the Heinz Ward

50:06

clip. Oh, okay. You're asking for a lot

50:08

of clips today. I got a succession. I guess

50:11

so. I don't need a clip of somebody running. I

50:13

have a question. I'm

50:16

noticing that you guys have, you share a Twitter account. Yeah. And

50:19

you must spend a ton of time together. You know, we spent most

50:22

of the time together. We're always together. I mean... Is

50:25

that how it's always been for you guys? Or is

50:27

that, is it more so because you

50:30

guys are now racing together? I think it's

50:32

really always been like that growing up. We're each other's

50:34

bestest friends. It's crazy. We do everything together. Yeah. You

50:37

ever fall in love with the same dude? No,

50:39

not that. We're completely opposite when it comes to

50:41

that. Really? You like the Jackman. Yeah. She

50:44

likes the guy here. It's the Gatorade bottle on the stick. She

50:46

likes the big guys. I like the skinny. Thirds up in the night

50:48

and later that night. I like the big guys, yeah. You like the

50:50

big guys? Yeah. And

50:52

you like the skinny guys? Sure. Skinny minis.

50:56

Spinners. It's really like calling it a

50:58

kick in the Gatorade business. Yep,

51:02

that's it. Alright. I don't

51:04

need to see a picture of guys

51:06

changing tires, but I do need to

51:09

know what the time is. Alright.

51:11

It's a 215. It's a 12-minute

51:13

difference. Yeah. That ain't bad. 215

51:16

is the woman's world record and 203... By

51:21

the way, 203.59. Wow. Let's

51:24

go ahead and call that 204. A white chick has a

51:26

record. Wow. I would

51:28

have lost money on that now. Not even Kenyan. British.

51:32

Well, the British got a long history of that. Look

51:34

at all the hills. Yeah. No. I

51:37

don't know if the Kenyan women run it

51:39

like the Kenyan dudes do, but point

51:41

is this. Ethiopia, by the way. So, 204

51:44

versus 215. That's

51:48

pretty close. And I think

51:50

that gap has been narrowed. And

51:52

I'm wondering. I'm just

51:55

wondering that if in

51:57

20 years it might be up in

51:59

the same... in the same place. All

52:01

right, Allison, you got some more news? I

52:03

sure do. You guys just hang out and

52:06

crack wise whilst we do the

52:08

news. And

52:10

now, the rest of the news

52:12

with Allison Rosen. Are you guys

52:14

familiar with planking? It's

52:16

this new meme where people lie

52:19

really flat as if their body's a

52:21

plank on top of different objects and it's dangerous.

52:24

And our friend over at Know Your Meme

52:26

have put together a video explaining it

52:29

to us. Mm-hmm. Here

52:32

it is. Yeah, I've seen this

52:35

planking. I'll push

52:38

it out to it later. So

52:41

planking is actually a variation of an older meme

52:44

called the Line Down Game that originated in the

52:46

UK in 2006. It's

52:48

a mass participatory game where you lie rigidly

52:51

face down with your arms to your sides,

52:53

usually in a public place, and have someone take

52:55

your picture so you can upload it to Facebook.

52:59

In Australia, it was called planking and

53:01

started getting buzzed through local radio stations

53:03

that held planking competitions. But

53:05

it really took off once this Australian

53:08

rugby player, David Wolfman Williams, playing

53:10

during a game on March 27th this year. After

53:13

that, it became a popular extreme sport

53:16

and the danger element became increasingly important.

53:19

After that, it blew up in the Australian news media and

53:22

then a 20-year-old from Brisbane, Acton

53:24

Beale, attempted to do it

53:26

off a seven-story balcony at 4.30 a.m. and

53:28

fell to his death. Well, who could have

53:30

seen that coming? Yeah. What's

53:33

a meme? Oh, please. I don't know what it

53:35

is. It's an internet sort of trend that catches

53:37

on. The greatest one of all time, Adam. Rick

53:41

Rowling is the ultimate internet meme. It's one

53:44

of those things that catches on people do.

53:46

You don't have any of the guys in

53:48

the NASCAR sort of talking about meme or

53:50

planking or any of that kind of shit.

53:53

That's just Hollywood bullshit, right? Yeah.

53:56

There's no sad Keanu driving NASCAR or

53:59

I Can Have. Yeah, it's all that's

54:01

a NASCAR. It's all hipster shit right

54:03

gas driving. Good. Nascar's would be cool.

54:05

That would be cool. Mm-hmm so

54:09

There's yeah, that's all the all

54:11

the kids are doing and some

54:13

of them are dying. Mm-hmm Yeah

54:15

well because you're trying to plank

54:17

between two things and It's

54:20

like anything you just have to keep you have

54:22

to keep upping it Meaning you can

54:24

jump a motorcycle over a barrel But eventually have to

54:26

jump one over a bus and then you have to

54:28

jump it over eight buses and then you die Right

54:31

pretty much. I never heard of planking before this very

54:33

moment It's one of those words that when you hear

54:35

it you brace yourself something that's

54:37

much much worse than what ends up

54:39

being Oh like like curbing. Yeah, like

54:42

yeah, exactly a good example curbing or some

54:44

horrible sexual thing people do each other Wait

54:48

a minute what's curbing? I don't know what curbing

54:50

curb stomping like an American history X where you

54:53

kick the guy's face on a Curb and break

54:55

his jaw. Oh, oh that curbing. Oh, I thought

54:57

was sexual. I guess it could

54:59

be you've seen American history X Yes, I've missed

55:01

I mean watch that. Yeah All

55:04

right, I know they think

55:06

this a curb your dog too, but that doesn't

55:08

mean put your nose jaw against curve kick it

55:14

You made all the girls in this room go oh Doesn't

55:18

mean that doesn't mean that All

55:20

right And now I

55:22

personally I've never planked nor have

55:25

I done the lying down game

55:27

I was I don't call it that I planked

55:29

once in college, but I didn't know Oprah's

55:32

final episode was taped today and

55:34

I've heard about that you really

55:36

Mm-hmm thought she was gonna go

55:38

on to have infinite

55:41

seasons of her award-winning show Adam. I

55:43

was hoping she would yes Sorry somebody

55:45

in my one of the 25 radio

55:47

stations. I talked to this morning wanted

55:49

to know what her

55:52

secret guest was that was going to be

55:54

the biggest guest on the planet and

55:56

I Think I

55:58

know Fastino?

56:01

David Fastino? I wish!

56:04

Yeah, it'd be nice. I mean, he's from the Chicago area.

56:06

I sure wish. Married

56:08

with children. I call him Dave. Yeah, me too.

56:11

But no. Um, I don't

56:13

think she had. I

56:15

don't think she went. I think she was the guest. That was

56:17

the whole thing. Right. But she had famous

56:19

people in the audience, including your

56:21

favorite, Tyler Perry. Oh.

56:23

Also, Maurice Driver, Susie Orman, Susie

56:26

Tyson. Look, Oprah

56:30

should be dunked in a well for

56:32

making that ass-wipe a star. And thank

56:34

God folks have finally caught up to

56:36

just how horrible Tyler Perry is. And

56:38

they put aside their... No

56:41

one... At first, nobody wanted

56:43

to talk about what a horrible writer he was

56:45

because there were sort of racial implications. Now it's

56:47

like, fuck it, he's a billionaire. It's okay to

56:49

talk about what a hack he is. He's

56:51

just a shitty writer. He's just a

56:53

bad writer. If you watch his movies, you'll go, what

56:56

the fuck is this? Watch

56:58

his movie. Watch, you know, Diary of a Mad

57:00

Black Woman. And you'll go, I... Everyone... It's like

57:02

one of these things. It's like hearing about some

57:04

sport that's huge in another country. And you just

57:06

go, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or hearing about some band

57:08

that's huge, selling out soccer stadiums in Brazil. And

57:10

you go, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is one

57:12

of those movies you go, yeah, yeah. Sit down

57:14

and watch 20 minutes of it and tell me

57:17

what you think. You think the NASCAR twins have

57:19

seen the Tyler Perry movie? You guys, they're big

57:21

on the circuit, right? I mean, you guys have

57:23

Blu-ray, Black Ray, whatever it is. Of course. You

57:26

guys, everyone's pausing about that. I mean, you guys,

57:28

that's why they have radios in your car, right?

57:30

To talk about media. Yeah, we

57:32

talk. Sure. All right.

57:34

Yeah, now I'm guessing no one knows.

57:38

You know Tyler Perry is? No. Do

57:40

you enjoy good movies? You know what? That's good. I think

57:42

I know who that is. I know. Tell

57:45

me who you think Tyler Perry is. Please,

57:48

Amber, tell us. He's a black guy. All

57:51

right. Good.

57:54

I can't remember what movie he's in now. Okay,

57:56

good. Listen, it's here. Here, the

57:58

moon dome. like this

58:00

so once you feel jealous of me ask me if

58:02

I know what the Holocaust is Allison do

58:05

you know what the Holocaust is

58:07

hmm sayin that nice that's

58:09

what I figured something pure about it you're

58:12

envy me do you not yeah I do yes

58:15

I am you don't know

58:17

who Tyler Perry is nice

58:19

yeah so fans leaving the taping

58:21

said Winfrey had tears in her eyes

58:23

and she said get ready

58:26

this isn't goodbye this

58:29

is until we meet again Wow

58:32

such a pile of vomit she killed a

58:34

hug deadman oh that

58:36

must have been painful painful for the audience members

58:39

kept saying we did it we did

58:41

it while giving employees high-fives

58:43

I like you know I there's

58:46

any doubt they wouldn't do it have

58:48

a like so bruh because she tries

58:50

to help people tries to educate people

58:52

and give them Pontiacs and no one

58:54

else will drive and all that kind of stuff that's

58:57

fine but then that's there's a part of me

58:59

where it's like she's on every single cover of

59:02

her magazine and it's weird because they show the

59:04

cover of the magazine you're like oh Oprah's really

59:06

lost weight and then you see her on TV

59:08

and like oh she's fat as ever and then

59:10

you realize she's just airbrushing her hips off or

59:13

doing whatever she's doing and so on one hand

59:16

she's sending this great and positive message to

59:18

all women and on the other hand she

59:20

never ages because of the airbrushing and has

59:23

all these designers that are making her look good in

59:25

a bathing suit and so on and so forth she doesn't like that no

59:28

no but she you you see her on

59:30

the magazine cover and then see her on

59:32

stage you go oh my god she packed

59:34

on and you're like then that's just a

59:36

real heart it's a mixed message mixed message

59:38

thank you thank you very

59:42

much Kyle Pierce United

59:44

Airlines passenger arrested

59:46

for masturbating and route hmm

59:49

he's from Florida and he was

59:51

flying from Spokane Florida I know

59:53

I know finally they turned out

59:55

Wow someone who want to touch

59:57

his own junk I was flying from Spokane Denver

1:00:00

on May 19th when he shocked fellow

1:00:02

passengers by masturbating in his coach class

1:00:05

United Airlines. I mean coach What's

1:00:07

he that excited about? Yeah He

1:00:10

was Arrested when United flight

1:00:12

340 touched down in Denver He was

1:00:15

charged with obscene and indecent exposure of

1:00:17

his person by exhibiting his penis and

1:00:19

masturbating in plain view He

1:00:22

allegedly started masturbating before he was caught in the

1:00:24

act by his fellow passengers a

1:00:27

passenger seated right behind him told

1:00:29

police I Hit

1:00:31

him with my book in the arm which caused

1:00:34

him to stop and leave to the bathroom. Hold

1:00:36

on behind him Maybe

1:00:39

the seat was like I'm

1:00:41

gonna reach over with a Bible and wax him

1:00:43

in his what's not we don't know which book

1:00:45

or which arm But it was 19 D.

1:00:48

So if you know airplane configuration, well, that's

1:00:50

where the guy the book That's where the

1:00:52

book Wacker was sitting 18 D

1:00:54

is where the Wacker was it could have been

1:00:56

like caddy corner That's the perfect view sadly the

1:00:58

person has that view, you know, they're like over

1:01:00

their shoulder diagonally Well now a woman unlucky

1:01:02

enough to be seated next appears in 18 e

1:01:05

ooh, that's a middle seat Oh

1:01:07

cops. He was masturbating and then he ejaculated and

1:01:09

got some on the seat. I would Yeah

1:01:15

All right couple things number one

1:01:18

I'm seeing he looks like it looks like

1:01:20

a nice gent holding a large Foster's can

1:01:23

First off if you're the gal sitting next to

1:01:25

the guy, that's about as high a praise as

1:01:28

you ever gonna get I mean your husband can

1:01:30

tell you look nice in those jeans and When

1:01:33

your co-workers tell you you look five years younger,

1:01:35

but a guy beating off next

1:01:37

year That's that's as high a praise as

1:01:39

you're gonna get as a female. That's right

1:01:41

That's the ultimate answer to like when did

1:01:43

you feel the most beautiful? That's right. That's

1:01:45

right A flying from Spokane Denver. Yeah other

1:01:47

other than that other than that. It's just

1:01:49

words Jizz

1:01:53

I know like I leave is worth

1:01:55

I you know Apology

1:01:58

is worth a thousand words the

1:02:00

great F Scott Fitzgerald once

1:02:03

said that. Mm-hmm. So I prefer

1:02:05

the words. Ladies am I right? Yeah. They're

1:02:08

nodding. The point is, look, I know it's a

1:02:10

double-edged penis and you know and you guys are

1:02:12

disgusted by it but you know that's a guy

1:02:14

thinks you're attractive. But now how do you know

1:02:16

that he is... Or you really like something in the sky, Molly.

1:02:18

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. How do you know that he's masturbating

1:02:20

to you because the seats are so close together

1:02:22

that he's probably not looking directly at you because

1:02:24

that would be awkward. Mm-hmm. So

1:02:26

how do you know that it's you, how do you know that you

1:02:29

inspired it? He said he got some on

1:02:31

the seat. Yeah. Um. Oh.

1:02:35

Oh. Ah. God,

1:02:37

it's all in the air system now.

1:02:39

After he ducked into the lavatory, passengers

1:02:41

wondered aloud if he was stoned on

1:02:44

marijuana. Mm. It seems like the

1:02:46

kind of thing you do. Yeah.

1:02:49

I call it an early-list flight, specifically the set

1:02:51

of us allergic to jizz. So you can keep

1:02:54

it out of the plane, please. This is why

1:02:56

they usually serve the fiesta mix because it's got

1:02:58

the salt peter in it, it's a boner killer.

1:03:00

Like as long as anyone's in the presence of

1:03:02

fiesta mix, there will be no beating off. It's

1:03:05

too somber a day. You can't

1:03:07

look at fiesta mix and beat off

1:03:09

simultaneously. It's like beating off at a

1:03:11

funeral or a Holocaust museum. Right. It

1:03:14

cannot be done. It cannot be done. He

1:03:16

faces a maximum sentence of 90 days in

1:03:18

jail with a year of supervised release and a

1:03:20

fine of up to $5,000. I

1:03:23

say, what's the big deal? It's

1:03:26

also one of these things where you should get your story

1:03:28

going, too. Like if you're in the joint, you

1:03:30

know what I'm waiting for. Kill the cop. Okay.

1:03:35

Beat off on 7th or 7th. No, it's okay. Yeah,

1:03:38

I mean, that's not going to work. Well, you're arrested on a

1:03:40

plane. Also it's got to be weird

1:03:42

for the guys who, you know, there are the

1:03:44

guys in prison where if you're a pedophile or

1:03:46

you, you know, you have raped a woman or

1:03:48

something, you get, you get beat

1:03:51

up or something. They have to have, oh

1:03:53

yeah, they have frontier justice in the prisons,

1:03:55

which is it. Oh no,

1:03:57

it's good. Because if you're

1:03:59

a child. molester they don't let

1:04:01

you with the general population because

1:04:04

they kick your ass for being

1:04:06

a code yeah they're like

1:04:08

sure I killed a couple of Brinks armed

1:04:10

guards but you molested a kid and now we're

1:04:13

gonna beat shit out of you over by the

1:04:15

monkey bars but I feel like the

1:04:17

beat off on a commercial flight would be that

1:04:20

would send these guys into a tailspin like come

1:04:22

on let's get him hold on wait

1:04:24

a minute watch those hands

1:04:26

hero or criminal like what should we

1:04:29

do with this guy first off he's

1:04:31

game right he'll try anything obviously very

1:04:33

dangerous yeah he likes it but

1:04:36

the other thing is is like is

1:04:38

that uh what do you do with that you

1:04:41

know I mean like can he be out with the

1:04:43

general pop yeah where's that rank in like the prison

1:04:45

hierarchy of crimes I thought white

1:04:47

coat well ironically yeah I'm killing a

1:04:49

cop so good you know that'll score

1:04:51

you the shower doing anything bad to

1:04:53

kids or women not a good thing

1:04:57

beaten off on a commercial killing a cop gets

1:04:59

you get you cred yeah all right yeah I

1:05:01

think bank yeah yeah I

1:05:04

you know what I'd modify I'd

1:05:06

say beat off on a cop on

1:05:08

a commercial on an air marshal that's

1:05:10

right on a lady air marshal that'd

1:05:12

be the

1:05:16

biggest priority feels like masculine eyes

1:05:18

in that job so let's just let's just

1:05:20

talk this through a little bit mm-hmm do

1:05:23

you think his thing is

1:05:26

doing stuff in public and subjecting other people

1:05:29

to watching him masturbate or was it like

1:05:31

he was thinking I just don't think anyone's

1:05:33

gonna notice I'm tucked here in my seat

1:05:36

I want to rub one out I

1:05:38

think it's about the exposure you know

1:05:40

cuz anybody can excuse himself to

1:05:42

the bathroom we've all been on the flight where someone

1:05:44

seems like they've been in the bathroom for 10 minutes

1:05:47

and no one I bet he's beating off in there

1:05:49

it's like now the guy's in the bathroom like no

1:05:51

one even really pays attention so

1:05:53

you guys think it's about the exposure

1:05:55

and that element I do I think probably

1:05:57

yeah I mean it would have to

1:06:00

I mean that's pretty brave that's bold to

1:06:02

do something like that Let's

1:06:05

not ever discount just being fucking stupid

1:06:07

and high and all that stuff you

1:06:09

know, but I'd say that's it if

1:06:11

you're if your job is

1:06:13

to Masturbate and

1:06:15

not get caught that is not the way you go

1:06:18

about doing your job No on the other hand This

1:06:20

is why I'm gonna train my son to be like

1:06:23

a ninja when it comes to this Certain guys got

1:06:25

to be in certain positions to achieve this You know

1:06:27

what I mean? They can't just be standing up at

1:06:29

their head pressed against that weird slanted piece of plastic

1:06:33

I mean, that's that's not a good position.

1:06:35

You have to recline in it. That's right.

1:06:37

Yeah, yeah three sixteens. Yeah You

1:06:40

guys meet a lot of creepy guys all

1:06:43

the time. I mean we're talked about the

1:06:45

Jackman Right.

1:06:47

Yeah, yeah, he's one of them. Mm-hmm. Yeah,

1:06:50

there must be a fair amount of creepy fans out there,

1:06:52

right? Anywhere

1:06:54

you go, you're gonna get creepy. Yeah

1:06:56

people But

1:06:58

say that you but I mean your hot

1:07:00

blonde, you know NASCAR circuit, I mean You'd

1:07:05

be surprised but now you get to your few that

1:07:07

are a little crazy you always have the crazy people

1:07:10

Mm-hmm, you know, yeah, yeah

1:07:12

the creepy creeper tins we call him A

1:07:18

lot of them are your fans, right? Yeah,

1:07:20

we have a lot of fans out there You know, there

1:07:22

was how many fans was there last weekend at Iowa like

1:07:24

65,000, right? Yeah Yeah,

1:07:28

yeah for you if you're 7,000

1:07:31

we're creepy Say

1:07:34

that's your base An

1:07:42

article in time on the Highest

1:07:45

earning college majors and the lowest earning

1:07:47

college majors So if you're wondering what to major in so

1:07:49

you can either make a lot of money or not make

1:07:51

any money. Here we go Mm-hmm

1:07:54

Mining so the highest earning

1:07:56

majors mining and mineral engineering

1:08:00

Metallurgical engineering, mechanical

1:08:03

engineering, and then

1:08:05

there's some that don't start with M

1:08:07

as well. Naval architecture and marine engineering,

1:08:09

I said that too soon. That must be

1:08:12

for drilling, oil and things

1:08:14

like that, right? I think so, yes. Electrical

1:08:17

engineering, chemical engineering, it's a lot

1:08:19

of engineering. Aerospace engineering, mathematics and

1:08:21

computer sciences, pharmacy

1:08:24

and pharmaceutical sciences and administration.

1:08:27

You get a lot of chicks in that one too.

1:08:29

Yeah, hot chicks. Any ceramics? Petroleum engineering.

1:08:31

No, I don't. College majors.

1:08:33

You could major in ceramics

1:08:35

in college though. What? I

1:08:38

think you can. Low-estorney

1:08:40

majors, health and medical

1:08:42

preparatory programs, visual and

1:08:44

performing arts. That's very sad. Communication

1:08:47

disorders, sciences and services. What

1:08:49

is visual? Studio arts. Hold on, what's visual

1:08:51

and performing arts? I think that would be

1:08:53

like painting sculpture. Oh, yeah. Ceramics.

1:08:56

Yeah, there I am. Well, the studio

1:08:58

arts is there, so that might be

1:09:00

ceramics too. Drama and theater

1:09:03

arts, social work, human services and

1:09:05

community organizations, theology and

1:09:07

religious vocations. Let me

1:09:09

say this. Let me say this. I

1:09:12

come from a long line of folks who

1:09:14

don't really work, but the ones that did

1:09:16

work worked helping

1:09:19

people, which is sort of

1:09:21

noble. The only two people in my family that

1:09:23

worked were my grandmother who worked for the VA,

1:09:26

the Veterans Administration. And then my

1:09:28

dad worked for about 10

1:09:30

years at a place called Five Acres,

1:09:32

which was a place for kids who

1:09:34

didn't have a home. They're like an

1:09:36

orphanage. But the problem is, whenever you

1:09:38

get a job where your clients have

1:09:41

no money, whether they're kids

1:09:43

that have been thrown out of their house

1:09:45

or crazy vets, they don't

1:09:47

have. When your clients have

1:09:49

zero money, that means you ain't getting paid.

1:09:52

It means then somebody's going to decide how much to

1:09:54

pay you. And guess what? It ain't going to be

1:09:56

too much because you're not bringing anything in. Also, you

1:09:58

got to go with the work. Like if you're

1:10:00

a visual performing arts or theater major and you live

1:10:02

one of the 48 states who doesn't have a thriving

1:10:04

theater community You're not gonna make a lot of money

1:10:06

You're gonna be community theater and things like that But

1:10:09

if you live in New York or Southern California brand

1:10:11

you might have a chance of making a living I'm

1:10:13

laughing because you should make a lot of money like

1:10:15

a 40s reporter You're not gonna make a

1:10:17

lot of money You're

1:10:19

gonna make a lot of scratch, let it go You

1:10:21

hear me Mimi? I loved you Mimi Hello

1:10:24

my baby, hello my honey

1:10:26

Hello baby, hello my honey

1:10:28

Hello my ragtime guest You're

1:10:30

gonna be a sculptor, you see, you're gonna be a little

1:10:33

muddy If you wanna work on oil or you wanna work

1:10:35

on acrylic, that's your decision, you see what I'm saying? You

1:10:37

know what I got? You know what I got? You got

1:10:39

two kinds You got yourself your fine arts, you got your

1:10:41

own abstract You see boys, you got this down, you understand

1:10:43

what I'm saying? 22 skidoo I

1:10:46

feel like you may be mitigating my thinness Okay

1:10:50

I'm surprised you can't major in being a shipping

1:10:52

magnate Haha, yeah That's

1:10:55

right Hey y'all, what are

1:10:57

you doing for the rest of your life? Haha Why

1:11:00

I'm just hanging out here How about you get together with

1:11:03

me and the Nascar Joints We're gonna get a little spin

1:11:05

around this block What do you say, I got my Stutz

1:11:07

Bearcat out there I'm gonna rock a little coat from both

1:11:09

of y'all Haha Alright

1:11:13

That's the news I'm

1:11:16

Allison Rosen Allison, tell you

1:11:18

about the news tonight What's up, are

1:11:21

you okay? I'm good, well it's just wrapped the news

1:11:23

after the story We had that note It's

1:11:26

a good news, but it'll keep for tomorrow

1:11:28

Alright That was

1:11:30

the news with Allison Rosen I

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choose. All right, Amber, Angela, Copa, best

1:12:44

of luck to you. I should give

1:12:47

out the website by the way. They

1:12:49

got a clothing

1:12:51

line pinkcandyboutique.com. That is

1:12:54

pinkcandyboutique.com. Got some cool

1:12:56

race oriented stuff on

1:12:59

the website. Yeah, we got some

1:13:01

hot t-shirts. I'm imagining. pinkcandyboutique.com.

1:13:04

Where can we find you

1:13:06

coming up? You can Twitter

1:13:09

them, Amber

1:13:11

and Angela Copa and

1:13:13

Facebook them at

1:13:16

AmberAngelaCopa. Guys, you got the same

1:13:18

Facebook and Twitter name? Yeah,

1:13:21

we also have our personal website,

1:13:24

Wissets for Racing, which is AmberAngelaCope. They can

1:13:26

also check out. Check that out

1:13:28

and find out where these guys are going to be

1:13:30

racing on a track near you. So until next

1:13:32

time, this is Adam Carolla for Ball Brian and Amber

1:13:34

and Angela Copa and of course Allison Rosen saying

1:13:38

Mahalo. That's

1:13:41

funny. All

1:13:48

right, this is Adam Carolla Show 575. Coming up next we have

1:13:50

Adam Carolla Show 577 featuring Larry Willis,

1:13:53

David Iseblad, and Allison Rosen. Also

1:13:55

from 2011. Larry has a long history of

1:13:57

appearing on air, with Adam doing a lot of the plug lines. He

1:14:00

was that friends there isn't really

1:14:02

like is as humor animals very

1:14:04

stressful time smoothie big fan and

1:14:07

movie people verse where he was

1:14:09

knowing lot of stories. Was.

1:14:13

Here my. Ah,

1:14:20

Right? Sure we do Moon, let's

1:14:22

see skip News see the gay

1:14:24

walking our I'd Larry Flynt out

1:14:26

there? Let's do some quick gag

1:14:28

jaywalking, selling and will bring I

1:14:30

was. A

1:14:37

Bell Street New York.

1:14:44

Is you are. The

1:14:48

first has this is it.

1:14:53

Keeps us it's go home is. Ah

1:14:58

right, this is bill went

1:15:01

to were. Gay.

1:15:04

Bar real quick I Long Beach Gay pride

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I love Bill and was keep using and

1:15:08

for this but would be funny once in

1:15:10

awhile to use Logan because he so he

1:15:13

so adorable and young and good friends. Here

1:15:15

it feels like without a whole new dynamic

1:15:17

to the to the game for I simply

1:15:19

said about their fresh meat and hairless sister

1:15:22

went against like and since I last year

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and Dogo alpha and and fantastic elegance and

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I saw Gap ties her in I am

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is this is a good yeah such as

1:15:30

use him for his descendants can us as

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a maybe even. Up a pallet

1:15:35

cleanser. So our again and

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Ah right, Let's say some gay walked

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way to get started aren't Let's get

1:15:58

it rolling. Arnold. Schwarzenegger

1:16:01

starred in a Body Building

1:16:03

documentary called what. As

1:16:06

he some things are so heterosexual they

1:16:08

become gay. Or right

1:16:11

on a bare chest in a movie. in

1:16:13

a lot of him toward money coming constantly.

1:16:15

And I'll end up like know, muscles is

1:16:17

kind. Of gag Yeah. And the other hand,

1:16:19

you know if you're talking to twenty one

1:16:22

year old, they don't know shit, right? And

1:16:24

he could. We talk. And so when young

1:16:26

Bob Riley this, it's a fairly. Normal

1:16:29

appeals in a movie. Snl. Right

1:16:31

else and I'm gonna say

1:16:34

yes. I'm gonna say no

1:16:36

as well. Arnold

1:16:38

Schwarzenegger starred in a Body

1:16:40

Building documentary called what. I

1:16:44

don't know but has been is like really big

1:16:46

when you are those basket by sars he was

1:16:48

watching them the right. Move

1:16:51

around. Ah, that's

1:16:53

ah I follow. Brian and

1:16:56

I are both one oh

1:16:58

for for allison artist arguments

1:17:00

and of nothing that Guardian

1:17:02

Levant. And what seemed

1:17:04

as Ron Artest currently blame for. Are

1:17:08

asking out here except

1:17:11

for. They could

1:17:13

say the Dodgers right? Side:

1:17:17

I'll go first I will say.

1:17:20

Yes, Yeah. There's only

1:17:22

twelve Lakers narrow. Love the guardian Lakers

1:17:24

have been around us to her and

1:17:26

I must say yes as well as

1:17:28

you as around with the Ssl three

1:17:30

say yes Answer Blaze what seemed as

1:17:32

Ron Artest currently blame for. That

1:17:35

the of all. Ah

1:17:45

is a clever sorry I'm

1:17:47

allergic to some serious. Was

1:17:50

fired up. His

1:17:53

ass Another lab partners. The.

1:17:56

Real question is how many guys on

1:17:58

the clippers know what? Burris saps

1:18:00

my own. we tried that back in

1:18:03

the day was like to see abs

1:18:05

to out of and twelve vs when

1:18:07

canadian guy with us or cats aren't

1:18:09

so ah we're all over that one

1:18:11

but they're ball Brian I still up

1:18:14

by one. Next question, please name one

1:18:16

John Wayne moving. Wealth.

1:18:20

Through grants. Came.

1:18:22

Out yeah recently and all western thing

1:18:24

leather I mean I think so. My

1:18:27

heel name one it's Hollywood Astro some

1:18:29

a more has long been. Okay You

1:18:31

say? yes? Yes, tell name one thousand

1:18:34

I say now I say no as

1:18:36

well. Here. When you name

1:18:38

one John Wayne movie, how. To

1:18:41

read: Ah, your nose and I'd

1:18:44

bet my mouth snake. I

1:18:46

said fuck it through grants and now you

1:18:49

said. Sam and. I

1:18:52

loved is Charles Nelson Riley as. Long

1:18:56

as see grabbed his the pits,

1:18:58

his glasses, One.

1:19:01

Thing I was laughing about dad I

1:19:03

did get to squeeze in on Cnn

1:19:05

the other day was them they're talking

1:19:07

about Justin Timberlake. been great on Snl

1:19:09

and you know as he the best

1:19:11

host ever and I said that Baldwin

1:19:13

still has that mantle and then I

1:19:15

thought because he does Charles Nelson, Riley

1:19:17

and and Bobby De Niro in the

1:19:19

same shelves. But then I thought. It.

1:19:21

Must be fun for Baldwin to

1:19:24

get together at Thanksgiving time with

1:19:26

the rest of the Baldwin's and

1:19:28

enough. Couple glasses of wine and

1:19:30

be sit around mom's house back

1:19:33

there and pan tuck a rare

1:19:35

rich from and I do the

1:19:37

same mass. Be going. Go on

1:19:39

a you know it's got a

1:19:41

nice mama. Between the all your

1:19:44

son five sons here, we've hosted

1:19:46

as Saturday Night Live thirty three

1:19:48

times. It's. Oh. Wait a

1:19:50

minute, That's just me. As

1:19:56

if he authorized to discuss this All Drugs

1:19:58

Offences makes is a. Yeah, like,

1:20:00

like, just bringing, bringing like an

1:20:02

outsider in and go, now there's

1:20:05

five of us. Right. We're all

1:20:07

celebrities. And collectively, between

1:20:09

the five people you see sitting

1:20:11

at this table, we've hosted SNL

1:20:14

no fewer than 33 times. What

1:20:17

number of times do you think, let's say, Daniel

1:20:19

would have hosted it? Nine?

1:20:21

Hahahaha! That's good, that's good. Caught

1:20:24

to Alec with a glass of wine and his hand

1:20:26

goes up behind Billy, and he's like, Hey Billy, what's

1:20:28

happening bros? What's happening, buddy? He's

1:20:30

like, let me guess, you're gonna ask me again

1:20:32

about not hosting it? Why would you think I'm

1:20:34

gonna win it? Hahahaha! That's because I've hosted it

1:20:36

already. Talk about two Charles Nelson Riley. Come on.

1:20:39

That's right, you don't see one, I forgot.

1:20:42

I love your Charles Nelson Riley. Oh wait,

1:20:44

that's what people say to me. Me, that's

1:20:47

me. That's right. All right. All

1:20:49

right, let's keep rolling. What does it do, Bobby? Oh

1:20:51

no, wait a minute, wait a minute. Okay, so

1:20:53

Brian has two... Thirds... Thirds will

1:20:56

lead. Allison, did you get that one

1:20:58

or not? Uh, no. No, you

1:21:00

got zero and uh, I got zero.

1:21:02

All right, Brian's up uh, two, one,

1:21:04

zero, zero. Okay, here we go. What

1:21:06

does it do, Cottie? No,

1:21:08

I don't think he knows. There's a fucking money, he's gotta

1:21:10

know. I say yes, I say no's. I

1:21:15

think he knows. Come on, gay guy. Let's

1:21:18

not forget the joke answer. Sometimes

1:21:20

they go, boo-cocky. And

1:21:23

then that's it, you know what I mean? So, it's a problem at

1:21:26

Thanksgiving. Yeah. Uh, I'm gonna try and

1:21:28

increase my lead and say no. Okay, two yeses

1:21:30

and a no. We can climb right back into

1:21:32

this. What is it, Ducati? Ducati?

1:21:35

Close. It's

1:21:38

like, I'm fucking gay. There's no wonder

1:21:40

everyone hates it. All right,

1:21:42

well it's true. It's true. They

1:21:44

don't know what a goddamn Ducati is. I

1:21:46

don't know what a Ducati is. What the

1:21:48

f- It's a car, right? A

1:21:51

motorcycle? You're so gay.

1:21:53

All right, I'm just

1:21:55

gonna flip over all the cards, like Arlene

1:21:57

Francis would have done if Baldwin was- playing

1:22:00

Charles Nelson Riley next year. Brian, you want

1:22:02

to show a car? Yeah, I did. Is

1:22:04

it a car or a motorcycle? It's a

1:22:06

motorcycle. See, I knew that. No,

1:22:09

you did not. I

1:22:11

knew it was a hit. Yeah,

1:22:17

the Bill Show is podcast

1:22:20

and it's available on iTunes

1:22:22

and the billshow.com. Good

1:22:24

guy. Support him. Good, good guy. Alright,

1:22:26

let's take a quick break. We'll roll

1:22:28

Larry King. Oh, Larry King. Wow.

1:22:31

That's a different dude. Larry Flint is going

1:22:34

to be in here along with Parker. They

1:22:36

wrote a book and we'll bring him in here and we'll talk to

1:22:38

them. Next. Yeah.

1:22:45

I guess we'll join this in

1:22:47

studio. Larry Flint's here. David Eisenbach is

1:22:49

here. They're going to book

1:22:52

out and I'll tell you all about it in one second. But

1:22:54

first, we want to tell you about our good friends over at bing.com.

1:22:58

You can support this podcast by supporting

1:23:00

our good friends over at Bing. You

1:23:02

want to check something out? Like, for instance, you want

1:23:04

to go see a movie. Maybe you

1:23:06

want to go see Thor. No, you don't want to

1:23:08

do that. No. That movie blew ass. You want to

1:23:11

see Bridesmaid. You know what happened to me

1:23:13

with that stupid bridesman? I had that thing where I go like,

1:23:15

I want to go see a movie. And then I go, oh,

1:23:17

I want to go see Bridesmaid. And then I called one of

1:23:19

my buddies and I'm like, hey, you want to go see a

1:23:21

movie? And he goes, yeah, I'm wide open. I haven't seen anything

1:23:23

this year. Except Bridesmaid. And then I

1:23:25

went, oh, fuck it. Now we go see Thor. And

1:23:28

I went on to Bing and I found out where

1:23:30

it was playing. And not only where it's playing, but

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you can also do this thing where you can see

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what your friends are checking out on Facebook. And if

1:23:37

they liked it. And I should have read some of

1:23:39

the reviews. If Bing was truly helpful when you typed

1:23:41

in Thor, it would have just said why. Yeah. Knock

1:23:43

it off. Knock it off. What are you doing? Go

1:23:45

read a book. Tap out of it.

1:23:47

Go read Larry's book. Yeah. Well, let's

1:23:49

not be let's not blame Bing on

1:23:51

Thor. Thor, by the way, Rotten Tomatoes

1:23:54

gave it like seventy eight or eighty.

1:23:56

I think it's shocking. It's a crap

1:23:58

movie. It sucks a lot. Again, do

1:24:00

not blame the Bing. No, only

1:24:03

the haters blame the Bing. That's

1:24:05

right. So anyway, I decided to go through

1:24:08

Bing and go see Thor, and it was a

1:24:10

disaster, but this is not Bing's

1:24:12

fault. They did nothing. Make it up to

1:24:14

yourself and Bing by typing in Bridesmaids next

1:24:16

time. That's right. Another decision

1:24:18

made by Bing, and yeah, next time

1:24:21

you go to bing.com, check out Bridesmaids.

1:24:23

And again, next time

1:24:25

we're going to read what my friends on Facebook like,

1:24:27

and again, you can do it through Bing. It

1:24:29

is Bing. It is the future. All right, Larry Flint is

1:24:32

here. Larry and I haven't seen each other in a long

1:24:34

time. Good to see you, Larry. Good

1:24:36

to see you, Adam. How is your health, Larry?

1:24:39

My health's excellent. You seem the

1:24:41

same as you did years ago when I

1:24:43

saw you last. I'm the same. You know,

1:24:45

if you would invite me back more often,

1:24:47

you'd know more about my health. Come back.

1:24:50

Don't give me the guilt thing. I

1:24:53

saw you driving. You know, when you get

1:24:55

really successful like you have been recently, you

1:24:57

forget about the people that helped you on

1:24:59

the way up. The little people, I know.

1:25:03

Larry, what do you

1:25:05

do? What is your regimen, like health-wise?

1:25:08

What does your doctor say you have to do? How

1:25:10

does it work? How do you exercise when you're in

1:25:12

a wheelchair? I work all

1:25:14

the time. It's work. The only

1:25:16

exercise I get is in the bedroom. I

1:25:18

like the Energizer Bunny, you know. Larry

1:25:21

told me once that he has a

1:25:23

bladder in his penis and

1:25:26

that he fills it with fluid,

1:25:28

I think to achieve an erection.

1:25:31

And I said, how do you do that? And he

1:25:33

says, it's in my ball sack. Squeezes

1:25:36

an extra ball in the ball sack, squeeze

1:25:38

it, and it fills the bladder

1:25:40

up. I like those old Reebok pumps. Exactly

1:25:43

the same as one of those Reebok

1:25:45

pumps. You're complicating the explanation. All you

1:25:47

really need is to just squeeze. It's

1:25:50

not painful. Just one time? One

1:25:53

time. Is there an extra ball in

1:25:55

your sack? No. This is

1:25:57

about the size of a pea. But

1:25:59

where is it? It's located

1:26:01

in your scotter. Well there you go. But you don't

1:26:03

have to grab one of your testicles to squeeze it.

1:26:05

But is it in between the balls or is it

1:26:07

more on the left or right? Yes,

1:26:10

more on the left or right.

1:26:12

You squeeze it one time?

1:26:15

Yeah, one time only. And you get erection?

1:26:18

Yeah. One pump. How do

1:26:20

you release the thing? Well you

1:26:22

pass it again and it releases it. Jesus Christ,

1:26:24

I gotta get one of these things. If only

1:26:27

it was so easy with all men. Is

1:26:29

it literally a bladder in your

1:26:32

penis? It'll say so hard

1:26:34

it can't catch. Really? Have

1:26:37

you tested that theory? Or is it just

1:26:39

a bold statement? Hold on. Mike,

1:26:42

get the tabby. She's

1:26:44

really mean. Yeah.

1:26:47

Alright. And of course

1:26:49

David Eisenbach. Am I pronouncing

1:26:51

that correctly? David is

1:26:53

a guy himself a PhD. He's

1:26:55

a professor of American history over

1:26:57

at Columbia. La dee da. And

1:27:00

these two wrote a book, One

1:27:02

Nation Under Sex, How the Private

1:27:04

Lives of Presidents, First Ladies and

1:27:06

their Lovers, Changed the Course of American

1:27:09

History. Yeah. So

1:27:11

let's talk. I went

1:27:14

and got an MRI today and

1:27:17

it was awesome. And I

1:27:19

was looking at the cover of, I

1:27:21

don't know, Time magazine or something and

1:27:23

they had a picture of a pig

1:27:25

and it said like, you know, American

1:27:27

men or like men in power, why

1:27:30

they all pigs. And it's like, they're

1:27:32

not all pigs. They do what all

1:27:34

guys who have a little juice do.

1:27:36

They have opportunities. They're no different than

1:27:38

long haul truckers. It's just long haul

1:27:40

truckers can't pull down tail

1:27:42

when they're on the road like these guys

1:27:44

do. Like why do

1:27:46

presidents cheat? Why do athletes cheat? This is

1:27:49

the one thing, by the way, that we've

1:27:51

all decided on. I mean, you know, the

1:27:54

guys in the NBA have nothing in

1:27:56

common with the Republican

1:27:59

white guys. that are making decisions in

1:28:01

Washington right now, except for one thing. They don't

1:28:03

press the same, they don't listen to the same

1:28:05

music, they don't like the same

1:28:07

what, but pussy, that is the one thing

1:28:09

they've all fucking come down on the same

1:28:11

side of the fan song. So, sorry to

1:28:14

interrupt. And this has been true since the

1:28:16

founding fathers. Of course. But

1:28:18

it was something that historians always wanted

1:28:20

to ignore. And what we do in

1:28:22

this book, One Nation Under Sex, is

1:28:25

we explain that founding fathers, Abe Lincoln,

1:28:27

on through the 20th century, they've been

1:28:29

all going at it. Well, even the

1:28:31

Martin Luther Kings and the Jesse Jacksons

1:28:33

and the so-called religious people

1:28:36

are all busy fucking chicks that are

1:28:39

outside of wedlock. And these are the most, these are

1:28:41

the, look, if the religious guys can

1:28:43

do it, and most of them, most of them

1:28:45

are all, I'm sure Jesse Jackson's a fucking hypocrite,

1:28:48

otherwise, what's he doing? Siring kids that are in

1:28:50

his own outside of a marriage. Of course he's

1:28:52

a fucking hypocrite and he doesn't believe in anything

1:28:54

he's preaching. But either way, if these guys can

1:28:56

do it, then of course the guys in the

1:28:59

NBA and the guys in the White House and

1:29:01

the guys in the Senate and the guys on the

1:29:03

movie sets can do this. Well, here's a question. And

1:29:05

David and I were chatting about this before the show.

1:29:07

Is it opportunity or is

1:29:09

it the personality of people drawn

1:29:11

to these sort of larger than

1:29:13

life? Well, I've found, in

1:29:16

my experience of having politicians over

1:29:18

the last 30 years, that one

1:29:21

trait they always have in common is

1:29:24

they've got a huge ego. Right,

1:29:27

they feed this ego through their

1:29:29

sexual conquest. And that's a

1:29:31

fact. And you know, Adam,

1:29:34

when you were laying out, everybody's

1:29:37

doing it. I

1:29:39

would agree with you on that. What

1:29:41

we go after is not exposing people's

1:29:43

sex life with the hypocrisy involved. Because

1:29:46

I think that the greatest

1:29:48

threat to democracy is hypocrisy.

1:29:51

And I think you have

1:29:53

to expose these people. Hold on,

1:29:55

let me hear it. Jesse Jackson, that would

1:29:57

be the greatest. threat

1:30:00

to democracy. It's hypocrisy.

1:30:03

That's good. That would work. I can see

1:30:05

him saying that. Yeah. And

1:30:08

the idea that A, we're all surprised

1:30:10

and B, we're all, we all act

1:30:12

shocked and indignant. Arnold Schwarzenegger, I mean

1:30:15

a big politician and an action star

1:30:17

having a

1:30:19

sexual liaison with someone other than his wife. It's

1:30:21

like, I'm sure I've, here's what

1:30:23

the book should be, the five guys that didn't

1:30:25

do it. Turns out three of them were gay,

1:30:27

but who didn't do

1:30:29

it? Well, and that's, and that's the point,

1:30:31

right? Because once you read this and once

1:30:34

you see that, that presidents have been sleeping

1:30:36

around, then the next time we have a

1:30:38

presidential sex scandal, we won't make a national

1:30:40

security crisis out of it and distract the

1:30:42

presidency like we did with Bill Clinton in

1:30:44

the late 1990s. Sure. And, and

1:30:47

it's now game on, I'm assuming. I

1:30:50

mean, you're never going to get this

1:30:52

cat back into the bag, the one

1:30:54

that can't scratch Larry Flynn's back

1:30:57

into the bag because it is

1:30:59

just on now. That's right. And

1:31:01

nothing is sacred. Nothing is sacred. There's

1:31:03

no controlling it. I mean, during the

1:31:05

Kennedy administration, Bobby Kennedy could make six

1:31:07

phone calls and shut down a sex

1:31:09

scandal from getting into the press,

1:31:11

right? With the internet, there's no

1:31:14

controlling it. So the question is, how

1:31:16

are we, the American people going to

1:31:18

respond when these sex scandals arise? Right.

1:31:20

And hopefully we can become more mature

1:31:22

about it next time it comes around

1:31:24

affecting the presidency. Who are some of

1:31:26

the folks in the book that would

1:31:28

surprise a reader

1:31:30

in terms of the sex scandals?

1:31:32

I think Woodrow Wilson. He looks

1:31:35

like kind of a pharmacist,

1:31:37

but he was actually, you know,

1:31:39

just this sort of all

1:31:42

consumed lover of women. He loved him.

1:31:44

He had his affairs and

1:31:46

he winds up kind of actually

1:31:49

surrendering control of his presidency to

1:31:52

his second wife, Edith Wilson.

1:31:54

And when he has a stroke, Edith takes over at

1:31:57

the White House, hides the stroke from

1:31:59

the American people. and as

1:32:01

a result of that refuses to negotiate with the

1:32:03

Senate over the League of Nations. The United States

1:32:05

does not join the League of Nations and

1:32:08

the rest is history leading up to the Second World

1:32:10

War. I do believe

1:32:12

there was a quote and

1:32:14

Dr. Drew always said it to me and

1:32:17

I don't know if it was from Woodrow

1:32:19

Wilson who it was from. Calvin Coolidge. Calvin

1:32:21

Coolidge, the Coolidge Effect. Do

1:32:23

you know the quote? It's this

1:32:25

sort of discussion between him and

1:32:27

his wife over hens and roosters.

1:32:30

They're touring a farm I

1:32:32

guess and the guy explains

1:32:34

that one of the farmer

1:32:36

says to Mrs. Coolidge

1:32:38

that one of the roosters

1:32:40

fornicate I don't know 200

1:32:44

times a day and she said kindly

1:32:46

repeat that to my husband when when

1:32:48

he shows up and he

1:32:50

shows up and the farmer

1:32:52

says Mrs. Coolidge told me to

1:32:54

pass along this information that one

1:32:56

of these roosters fornicates hundred times

1:32:58

a day and he said yeah

1:33:01

but not with the same chicken

1:33:03

and I think that's that's the point that

1:33:05

guys are trying to make and women

1:33:08

don't understand it. I was listening to

1:33:10

radio show host and I'm gonna be

1:33:12

on the guy's show today which

1:33:15

is his name is Dennis Prager and

1:33:17

he basically is a conservative guy but

1:33:19

he said hey listen ladies if you're

1:33:22

married to one of the few guys

1:33:24

that does not engage in this this

1:33:27

activity paid

1:33:30

forward you know I mean like

1:33:32

appreciate it you got a guy's not

1:33:34

a cheater. He doesn't cheat? Yeah that's how that's

1:33:36

how rare that is. It's pretty good it's not

1:33:38

bad. You know what I mean

1:33:41

like go ahead and let him know you

1:33:43

appreciate it. See what you see what you

1:33:45

can do to keep his streak of not

1:33:47

cheating a lot. Is he talking about politicians

1:33:49

and celebrities or just any guy? He's talking

1:33:51

about he was saying and

1:33:54

I agree with Larry because there is there

1:33:56

is a if you

1:33:58

were doing a study he was saying all

1:34:00

guys do this, all guys are wired

1:34:02

this way, and all guys would do

1:34:05

this essentially if they had the

1:34:07

opportunity, but a lot of guys choose not

1:34:09

to. And if you're with one of

1:34:11

those guys, if you're lucky enough to be with one

1:34:13

of the guys that chooses not to, you

1:34:16

should actually acknowledge it, or at least

1:34:18

appreciate it. It is something. But

1:34:21

I- Looks like a thank you blowjob. I sort of,

1:34:23

yeah. Yeah. Thanks for not cheating

1:34:25

on me. That a boy. A

1:34:27

little that a boy. We're in Pump and

1:34:29

the Magic Bean and the Ball Sack, and we're

1:34:31

in business. What I agree

1:34:33

with Larry, in the sense that it's,

1:34:35

you can't just use these numbers straight

1:34:38

across the board, because guys who are

1:34:40

in positions of power have

1:34:42

a greater predilection for this kind

1:34:44

of stuff, because they actually produce

1:34:46

more testosterone when they're in that

1:34:48

position of power. Plus, that position

1:34:50

of power gives them a sense

1:34:52

of entitlement, and a sense I can get away with

1:34:54

it. Right. Right. I

1:34:57

mean, that's the syndrome they all wind up in. Not anymore.

1:35:00

Now, you got to think, ah, Jesus

1:35:02

Christ, I'd rather be a civilian, like

1:35:04

just a good looking pilot. And

1:35:07

yet, that doesn't stop John Edwards from

1:35:10

knocking up his girlfriend and

1:35:12

still continuing his presidential campaign,

1:35:15

when he could have easily been caught in the

1:35:18

middle of November, right before the

1:35:20

election, and sunk the Democratic Party. You think

1:35:22

of it this way. I mean, if you

1:35:24

think about guys and just how

1:35:26

horny they are, and how it

1:35:28

can affect their decision making. Like,

1:35:32

first off, if you

1:35:35

have an orgasm inside of this woman,

1:35:37

or even if you don't, I've done

1:35:39

Loveline enough to know this, you can

1:35:42

get somebody you don't even know pregnant

1:35:44

and completely disrupt your life with your

1:35:46

kids and your family, whatever. And

1:35:50

guys will still do it. If you get

1:35:52

caught, it can destroy your career. I don't

1:35:54

care. I'm in. I mean, I

1:35:56

would say, I would say

1:35:58

that if you took really horny guys. And

1:36:01

you put a glory hole like a test

1:36:03

this out and he had

1:36:05

like Elmer Pearson one

1:36:07

was labeled Elmer Pearson and the

1:36:09

other was labeled Cindy Crawford and

1:36:11

the other was named labeled a

1:36:13

wood chipper And he

1:36:15

said like oh listen and then you did a

1:36:17

three-card Monte shell thing where you like mix them

1:36:19

all up You went you got to put your

1:36:22

cock through one of these things most guys would

1:36:24

do it Wow Like they got a fucking 66%

1:36:26

chance of fucking Elmer Pearson. I'm going for it

1:36:28

Yeah, Dick Roulette it is Russian cock

1:36:31

Roulette Dick Roulette was my gay porn

1:36:33

name. Oh, it's also when I used to host

1:36:35

a Review style show and

1:36:37

bring a style review now Music

1:36:42

start playing I gotta be

1:36:44

me I gotta be free All

1:36:47

right, can I ask Larry a question going

1:36:49

back to something you were saying before? Why do

1:36:51

you think hypocrisy is the greatest threat to

1:36:54

democracy? Because

1:36:57

you're always presenting yourself

1:36:59

as someone that you're really not And

1:37:02

it's just take a senator that he's I

1:37:06

don't affair with a staffer a lobbyist

1:37:10

Another federal employee and he's

1:37:12

also married Do

1:37:14

you want him walking out on the floor of the

1:37:17

Senate and casting a vote for you? I

1:37:19

just don't trust people that Are

1:37:22

we in that hypocritical and someone

1:37:24

wants to be open about the kind of laughter Well,

1:37:28

they would argue it can't especially

1:37:30

if that senator is bashing gays

1:37:32

and is You know

1:37:35

anti choice and a random self

1:37:37

with the taxpayer once no,

1:37:40

I I agree But let me

1:37:42

ask this I never thought about this It

1:37:44

used to be political suicide up

1:37:48

until Just recently if

1:37:50

somebody found out you're gay as

1:37:52

political suicide It was it was the end

1:37:54

of a career in Hollywood if someone you

1:37:57

might be interested in knowing that our first

1:37:59

gay pleasure was James Buchanan. He served

1:38:01

1856 to when Lincoln was elected in 16th. How

1:38:10

do you know he was gay? Well,

1:38:12

he had a 32-year relationship

1:38:14

with Mr. Rupus King, a

1:38:17

senator from Alabama.

1:38:21

And they lived in the White House

1:38:23

together. He's the only bachelor president we

1:38:25

had. People were always

1:38:27

making fun of it, too. They

1:38:30

knew what... Ooh, yeah. Confirmed, make it, get the

1:38:32

bachelor out of it. Confirmed. Yeah, it looks like

1:38:34

sober Bill Murray. Oh wait, Larry

1:38:37

said first gay president. That implies more

1:38:39

than one. Was there more than one?

1:38:42

Well, that's the only one that we've been able to talk to. However,

1:38:45

there are lots of stories about Abe

1:38:47

Lincoln. Yeah. And in the

1:38:49

book, we get into all

1:38:52

the discussion about Abe Lincoln, how

1:38:55

he is on record of having slept with

1:38:57

three men, including Joshua Speed, whom

1:39:00

he shared a bed with from 1837 to 1841.

1:39:05

To be fair, there was only one bed in

1:39:07

the county. Well, that's not entirely true. At

1:39:09

the time, Lincoln was a state legislator, a

1:39:12

successful lawyer. Joshua Speed was the heir to

1:39:14

a southern plantation fortune and the owner of

1:39:16

a general store. They had plenty of money

1:39:18

to own their own bed. Look at it.

1:39:20

Look at it. Joshua Speed sounds

1:39:22

like a superhero. And

1:39:25

so they have this intense relationship.

1:39:28

And when Joshua Speed abruptly decides

1:39:30

he's going to leave Lincoln, Speed

1:39:33

recalls how he had to remove the razor blades

1:39:35

from their room because Lincoln threatened

1:39:37

suicide. Well, look,

1:39:40

it stands to reason that we

1:39:44

haven't changed as much as we think

1:39:46

we've changed. Meaning, we

1:39:49

always look back a few hundred years

1:39:51

and go, oh, well, we were totally

1:39:53

different. No, what species is? Aquala bears

1:39:55

or alligators? You know, it's not like

1:39:57

the alligators from 500 years ago are

1:39:59

dramatic. different than today they're exactly the

1:40:01

same but we dress differently there's technology we have

1:40:03

iPads now but in terms of our sexual

1:40:05

proclivities I'm sure it was just the same

1:40:08

guys were just as horny as they were

1:40:10

and just as gay as they were and whatever

1:40:12

percentage of society is gay now I'm sure

1:40:14

was gay back then it just wasn't accepted.

1:40:16

People have been putting it in the butt

1:40:18

for a really long time. Yeah that's that's that's

1:40:20

my point the more you know but here's

1:40:23

the question then so

1:40:25

ten years ago if you were a

1:40:27

politician and maybe even an actor well

1:40:30

coming out and being gay would have

1:40:32

been a career-ender but now it's

1:40:34

not you can be a politician be gay for

1:40:36

the most part you can be an actor and

1:40:38

be gay and all that kind of stuff for

1:40:40

the most part. What

1:40:43

about ten years from now could you be a

1:40:45

guy who says listen I like

1:40:47

the ladies I have more

1:40:49

I love multiple partners I yes

1:40:52

I'm married my wife understands that

1:40:54

I enjoy sex and I have a mistress I

1:40:56

mean will we evolve to that the same I

1:40:58

mean we could wrap our minds around that faster

1:41:00

we could wrap our minds around the gay thing

1:41:02

and we probably already wrapped our minds around the

1:41:04

gay thing. I think we're headed in that direction

1:41:06

I mean you look at Senator

1:41:08

David Vitter gets caught with the

1:41:10

DC madam he's been caught with

1:41:13

brothels or Larry Flint catches them actually

1:41:16

this senator from Louisiana. Larry.

1:41:19

David Vitter got reelected in a landslide

1:41:21

last time around. Yeah I think it's

1:41:23

Spitzer right I mean client number nine

1:41:25

right and he gets his own TV