0:01

Welcome to the ADHD Women's Wellbeing

0:03

Podcast. I'm Kate Moore-Yousuf and I'm

0:05

a wellbeing and lifestyle coach, EFT

0:08

practitioner, mom to four kids and

0:10

passionate about helping more women to

0:13

understand and accept their amazing ADHD

0:15

brains. After

0:18

speaking to many women just like me and probably

0:20

you, I know there is

0:22

a need for more health and lifestyle

0:24

support for women newly diagnosed with ADHD.

0:27

In these conversations you'll learn from

0:29

insightful guests, hear new findings and

0:32

discover powerful perspectives and lifestyle tools

0:34

to enable you to live your most fulfilled,

0:37

calm and purposeful life wherever

0:39

you are on your ADHD

0:41

journey. Here's today's episode.

0:48

So I wanted to give you a little bit of an intro to today's

0:51

episode and today we're talking

0:53

about emotional freedom technique EFT or you

0:55

may have heard it being referred to

0:57

as tapping and we've got

0:59

my teacher, a mentor, Pearl Lopian on

1:01

the podcast. Now Pearl has genuinely

1:03

taught me mostly everything I

1:05

know in this field and I'm so excited

1:07

to have her on, but I'm also very

1:10

aware that many of you may not be

1:12

familiar with tapping, you may not understand what

1:14

it is or you may have heard me

1:16

talking about it, but actually

1:18

just need a little bit more of a breakdown. So

1:21

EFT is short for Emotional Freedom

1:23

Technique. It's tapping

1:25

on different parts of your body, mostly

1:28

on your face and upper body and your hands

1:30

and these are different meridian

1:32

points, acupressure points and

1:35

we're tapping on these to help

1:37

bring up emotions and release

1:39

them, but it's also calming

1:42

and regulating our nervous system, the

1:44

amygdala, the fight or flight response

1:47

and very often we use tapping to

1:50

release stuck trauma, to

1:52

release negative emotions. Now

1:55

what I want to say is if you're struggling

1:57

to kind of understand or even know where these

1:59

meridian points are, What I would

2:01

like to say is on my

2:03

website, I've got free resources and I've

2:05

also got workshops that you can

2:07

pay for and really understand and

2:09

how you can bring EFT to

2:11

help you maybe release your RSD

2:14

to help release anxiety or to help your children

2:16

with anxiety On

2:18

my Vimeo account you can go and you can

2:20

check out lots of free resources I'm going to

2:22

put all of this in the show notes and

2:25

you can use tapping to help you

2:28

find more clarity, release your indecision

2:30

in your self-doubt And I see

2:32

how calming and regulating it can

2:35

be for an ADHD brain. So

2:37

here you go. Here's the episode I really hope

2:39

you enjoy it. And as always please do drop

2:41

me a message on Instagram Share

2:44

it really, you know, if it's anyone

2:46

that you feel that needs this, please

2:48

do share it. Here's today's episode I'm

2:51

really delighted to invite my

2:54

EFT trainer You've

2:56

taught me I've taken me through the

2:58

ranks and I talk about EFT a

3:01

huge amount and it's down to Pearl

3:03

Lopian My teacher who is on the

3:05

podcast and we're going to be talking

3:07

all things EFT tapping Understanding

3:09

it now. Let me give you a

3:11

little bit of background information on Pearl

3:13

So Pearl is a psychotherapist and the

3:16

EFT master trainer and practitioner with over

3:18

15 years of experience And

3:21

she specializes in EFT commonly known

3:23

as tapping It's

3:25

a proven set of techniques used

3:27

to efficiently resolve emotional issues and

3:30

their root causes Now EFT

3:32

combines elements of regular talk

3:34

therapy CBT clinical

3:37

hypnosis NLP EMDR

3:40

Acupressure techniques and mindfulness. It's a real

3:42

mix and that's actually a really fantastic

3:44

way of Explaining

3:46

it and I've talked about

3:49

it on the podcast, but it's very

3:51

effective for anxiety trauma self-esteem Relationship

3:54

issues fertility, which is interesting

3:56

fears chronic pain phobias and

3:59

lots more. And also

4:01

Pearl helps many mothers to clear their

4:03

child's issue without having the child being

4:06

physically present. So we're going to talk

4:08

about that as well. So I just

4:10

wanted to welcome you. I'm delighted to

4:12

be able to actually talk about EFT

4:14

and tapping in more detail. Welcome to

4:17

the podcast. Thank you so much for

4:19

having me. Thank you. I had a look, I think it

4:21

was in 2019 that you trained

4:23

with me. I remember. I

4:26

remember. It feels like a lifetime ago

4:28

and that was way before my

4:31

ADHD diagnosis, way before I

4:33

understood why my brain was

4:35

working the way it did and why I

4:37

was prone to feeling anxious

4:40

and worrying and overthinking and feeling

4:42

like I needed something to help

4:44

calm. And I've talked about

4:46

this a lot that the EFT training really

4:48

enabled me to find a tool to help

4:52

calm and self-regulate. Obviously it's been

4:54

incredibly helpful with clients, but I

4:56

think initially I found it really,

4:58

really helpful. Can I ask

5:00

where did you begin your journey with tapping? How did

5:03

you find it? Where did I find it? I

5:05

found it purely by chance,

5:08

purely by chance, because I

5:10

was known as being a little bit, what

5:13

I use the word, quirky, I like alternatives

5:16

and I don't reiki. I become a psychotherapist.

5:18

And then someone said to me, you've got

5:20

to try this. You've got to try this.

5:22

And I went along and I tried and

5:25

there was two things that happened that actually

5:27

made me see how amazing it was. One

5:29

was just for a toothache. It

5:31

was for a toothache. I just went

5:34

along. I decided I'm going to

5:36

learn it for myself and my very, very first person

5:38

I worked with, she said she had a toothache. And

5:41

I said, I've learned this thing that

5:43

you can tap. When you think

5:45

about it, how does it make sense? Just tapping on these

5:47

points can remove some

5:49

physical pain, but it did. She

5:52

tapped on the symptoms of her

5:54

toothache. And that is

5:56

something that anyone can do when we have a physical ache

5:58

or pain and get relief. I did that.

6:01

And then the second thing that I did

6:03

with Somdee was working on a very, very

6:05

painful traumatic memory that she was speaking about

6:07

with me in a regular psychotherapy session. And

6:10

I said, I've come across this new technique. Let's

6:13

try it out. And she spoke

6:15

about a situation that had been bothering her

6:17

and she was in her fifties and been

6:19

bothering her since a child. And I said,

6:21

as you talk about it, let's just tap

6:23

together on these points. And that's what

6:26

she did. And

6:28

when she came the next week, she said,

6:30

it's completely gone. So I was completely

6:32

blown away about this system that you can just do

6:34

in a few minutes, regulate yourself,

6:36

use it in therapy and do so much with

6:39

it. And you said all the different things that

6:41

it takes elements from all those different things. There's

6:43

so many ways that you can actually use it

6:45

for yourself. Yeah, I think

6:47

that's what's really interesting, isn't it? Is that we

6:49

are understanding that, yes, there's

6:52

energy, it's meridians. We're utilizing the

6:54

acupressure points that we've got in

6:56

our body that have been identified

6:58

for thousands of years, but

7:00

we're blending it with the

7:02

Western modalities of understanding our

7:04

brain, understanding how our neural pathways

7:06

work, our nervous system, and

7:09

we're sort of blending it together with something that

7:11

is really hard to explain and can look bizarre.

7:13

And when you start saying, oh, I do this

7:15

tapping on my face and then the memories kind

7:17

of like disappear or lessons

7:19

or the intensity of the memory or the trauma

7:21

lessons, it is hard. But whenever

7:23

people have tried it, I

7:26

always find that it's a very, quite

7:28

not an extreme reaction, but they're blown

7:30

away by how different they feel within

7:32

just a few minutes. Yeah.

7:35

Are you able to explain any of that? I

7:38

wish, I wish. I've probably after doing

7:40

maybe 7,000 individual sessions, my

7:44

work is all anecdotal. It's all

7:46

anecdotal. I think first

7:48

of all, just tapping on the points is

7:50

sending a calming message to the stress area

7:53

of the brain. So that's something that it's

7:55

doing. And what are we also

7:57

noticing? That's more what happens in a therapy

7:59

session. we're changing

8:01

our brainwave state. So

8:04

when we change our brainwave state,

8:06

so the repetitive tapping on the

8:08

points changes the brainwave state. And

8:10

when we change our brainwave states,

8:12

we get in touch more with

8:14

our subconscious areas and it gives

8:16

us the ability to see what's

8:19

really going on in our deeper minds

8:21

and where our issues have come from.

8:23

And that's why we use it in

8:25

therapy sessions as a retrieval technique, which

8:28

is very different from anyone can do

8:30

this any day to feel better. So

8:33

to do it any time to feel better,

8:35

it's just a matter of tuning into whatever's

8:37

bothering us, then just

8:40

gently doing some rounds, gently just

8:42

going around the points and that

8:44

is calming the nervous system down.

8:47

But I have to be honest, I'm not

8:49

medical. My work is all

8:51

anecdotal. It's the results that

8:53

I see. Also,

8:56

I'm seeing how you

8:58

can help a loved one by

9:00

tuning into their energy system and

9:02

helping them. So we'll have an

9:05

energy body that's living inside our

9:07

physical body. That's

9:09

how we operate. So when

9:11

we're tapping, we're connecting to our energy

9:13

body and something that we often don't

9:16

think about it. For example, before we

9:18

started, we had a little bit of

9:20

difficulty setting up our microphones now, I

9:23

might have been getting a bit of

9:25

hot and bothered from that. So my

9:27

body was responding to some thoughts. So

9:30

that's how our mind body system works. We

9:32

respond in our body to whatever we're thinking.

9:34

If I'm late for a meeting, I

9:37

might get what or something

9:39

might start to feel inside me. If I

9:41

have an exam, I might start churning in

9:43

my stomach. So our body responds to what

9:45

we're thinking. And when we're

9:47

tapping, we're interrupting that whole system.

9:50

That's what we're doing. We're interrupting the

9:52

mind body. So instead of, you

9:55

know, we like to talk mind body, but it's

9:57

actually body minds. Because if we can change how

9:59

the thought... sits in our body

10:01

and the body feels calmer, the

10:04

thoughts change. So that's really

10:06

what we're doing, because we have a

10:08

circumstance, we have a circumstance

10:10

and then we have a feeling about

10:12

a circumstance. Whatever's going on in our

10:14

lives, we have

10:16

thoughts and feelings about it. Tap,

10:19

tap, tap, tap, tap. The

10:21

way we feel about the circumstance

10:24

starts to change and that is

10:26

so empowering. That is so

10:28

empowering. So what I want to do is I

10:30

want to give you this example. I want to

10:32

give you this example. So I call

10:35

a situation, imagine this block as a

10:37

situation and imagine this

10:39

pen is you. So

10:41

the situation can either imprison

10:43

you, push you down, grab you and

10:45

you can't move, or you can

10:48

get on top of the situation. So what am

10:50

I thinking that tapping is doing for us? It's

10:52

giving us movement and freedom and that's why we

10:54

call it emotional freedom techniques. Situation might still be

10:57

there and it might be hard like a block,

10:59

it might be really strong. However,

11:01

we can move around and the tapping

11:03

kind of takes us from underneath to

11:06

on top and we can

11:08

start to feel better and we have

11:10

a different perspective about the situation. And

11:13

that's the paradox. That is the paradox

11:15

that tapping and we do say negative

11:17

words than we tap. We'll say I'm

11:19

angry, I'm angry or whatever

11:22

it is, I'm feeling in a bad mood,

11:24

I'm not coping very well. We

11:26

give ourselves permission to articulate how

11:28

we feel and the paradox is

11:31

that the energy changes the

11:33

thought, the tapping changes how that thought

11:35

feels in our body. So tap, tap,

11:37

tap a few rounds of saying I'm

11:39

angry or a few rounds saying I

11:41

can't resist cake, something

11:44

changes and that's the fascination. Yeah,

11:46

it is amazing and I always

11:49

feel it like a release when

11:51

I do the tapping and we tap on

11:53

the negative and it is I'm angry, I'm

11:56

frustrated, I'm annoyed, I'm hurt, I'm upset, whatever

11:58

that is and we're tapping. and

12:00

we bring it all up and it kind of

12:02

just feel like a bit of a purge. And

12:04

often that comes out with tears or yawning, and

12:07

we can sort of feel a bodily release. But

12:09

it's also like you said, if we're honing in

12:11

where we can feel that the tension in our

12:13

shoulders or the tightness in our

12:15

chest, we can feel it moving as

12:18

well. And that I think helps

12:20

a lot of people understand that it is

12:22

working. This is stat stuck energy. You know

12:24

how you sort of said that the energy

12:26

in our body, like we hold on to

12:28

so much, don't we? We don't even realize.

12:30

And I think with ADHD

12:32

especially, we hold on

12:34

to a lot in our body. And there's

12:36

a lot of chronic pain and inflammation with

12:39

ADHD. A lot of people

12:41

talk about they suffer with autoimmune

12:43

issues, with back pain,

12:45

jaw issues, lock jaw. And

12:49

it's very much this sort of internalization

12:51

of how they've been feeling for many

12:53

years, of not understanding why

12:56

certain emotions come up, why

12:58

they feel more sensitive or

13:00

emotionally dysregulated, or just

13:03

where they've been holding on to

13:05

a lot of stories and shame

13:07

because they've not understood themselves. It

13:09

contains in their body. From very

13:12

early on of understanding ADHD and

13:14

EFT, I've seen this connection that

13:17

it's really effective because we've held on

13:19

to so much without even understanding it.

13:22

The release actually is very powerful,

13:24

especially old beliefs. I know we've talked

13:27

about this many times,

13:29

that EFT is fantastic for

13:31

letting go of old stories,

13:33

old beliefs, limiting beliefs about

13:35

ourselves. Can you tell us a little

13:37

bit about some of the work that you do? If someone comes to

13:40

you and has this belief, and

13:42

it's a block and they're stuck, and

13:44

it could be about business, it could

13:47

be about relationships, food, how

13:49

does tapping work for that? You

13:51

know, it's fascinating because I hold a lot

13:53

of groups. One of the groups I

13:55

do is for people to attract success and abundance in

13:57

their life. What

14:00

we do is and it's so interesting to see

14:02

is when we tap together as a group and

14:04

they start thinking about What happens in my body

14:06

when I think about being really successful or having

14:08

a lot of money or putting my name out

14:10

there? physically

14:13

Physically something we feel that disruption if I

14:15

say I make a lot of money or

14:17

I'm successful I'm good at what I do

14:20

And then when we get together as a

14:22

group we tune into what is the sensation

14:24

in the body when I say that and

14:26

then we tap on it together and Very

14:30

very often because we're tuning into

14:32

our subconscious Memories and

14:34

thoughts where this comes from starts to

14:36

show up and then we

14:38

use more tapping to clear it So

14:41

that's how I would use it in

14:44

a in a limited belief situation in

14:46

a group Start to see

14:48

that the story that we've made up about

14:50

ourselves can start to change and we get

14:52

such insights about ourselves Oh,

14:55

I believe that because my mother said we're

14:57

the kind of family who never do well

14:59

or oh Don't

15:01

ever don't ever put yourself out there.

15:03

Whatever it is We're holding on to

15:05

these thoughts and these stories that we've

15:07

been taken on and when we

15:09

tap They start to come

15:11

to the surface and we can release them

15:14

That's the beauty of it and the

15:16

beauty of it also is how quickly

15:19

it works how quickly we get to

15:21

Those hidden memories. Yeah, that's

15:23

it when you talk about the effective

15:25

nurse the efficiency and again

15:27

I think it's so aligned for the ADHD

15:29

community because we're impatient. We want things done

15:33

We don't want to have to sit we may

15:35

have gone through years of therapy already and because

15:37

the therapist hasn't picked up on the neurodivergence We've

15:40

gone round and round and round in

15:42

circles. And then what happens is with

15:45

tapping it feels quick It

15:47

feels like okay We've addressed the root

15:49

cause and we're able to kind of

15:51

re rewire and rewrite a new story

15:54

And I think what you're saying about, you

15:56

know, the group work as well. Do you

15:58

find that when you're tapping? in a group,

16:00

do you find that things

16:03

move faster because of what's called in

16:05

EFT the borrowing benefits? How do you

16:07

sort of see things moving in a

16:09

group? I run lots

16:11

of groups. I run a group almost every day. I

16:14

have noticed that 10 minutes

16:16

of group tapping will

16:19

release things. You could take an

16:21

hour on a private session and

16:24

in a group you can release things

16:27

within 10 minutes of group tapping

16:29

because there's a connection of

16:31

the energy it multiplies. We're

16:33

working through different planes here

16:36

when we talk about tapping.

16:38

We're communicating in an

16:40

area that's beyond verbal. What's

16:42

fascinating is you can even use other

16:44

people's words and you

16:46

start to feel better because sometimes I've

16:48

done groups where one person has got a

16:51

pain in her leg, another person is

16:53

angry with her sister, and another person is

16:56

just talking about her daughter's messy bedroom.

16:59

They all get relief even

17:02

tapping together. Something's

17:04

going on. It's fascinating. The more we

17:07

do it, the more we like it.

17:09

There was something else I wanted to say before. I'm

17:12

also a kind of person who can't be still. I

17:15

find when you're tapping, I like

17:17

it because you're doing something. It's the doing

17:19

of it that's really, really good. I think

17:22

especially for ADHD, I think I've got some

17:24

elements of that myself. I

17:26

know that the fact that we're doing

17:28

something, it's not meditation, it's not let's

17:30

sit still, let's breathe. It's the doing.

17:32

It's the doing

17:35

that appeals to us and we're doing

17:37

it and it's calming the system down.

17:39

When I do my groups, I can

17:41

sometimes just do even three minutes and

17:44

I ask people to rate beforehand zero to

17:46

10, how anxious are they feeling? They

17:48

can come around from a nine to a four,

17:51

five minutes, 10 minutes in

17:53

a group. That's what's incredible. I mean,

17:56

that's what you said then. I mean, I'm

17:58

a firm believer in sort of. of like a

18:00

collective consciousness of being able

18:03

to use our energy. And especially in

18:05

this time in the world where there's

18:07

just so much hostility

18:09

and awful trauma going

18:11

on. I've really believed that

18:13

when we can direct consciously our energy, and

18:16

I think tapping is really, really good for

18:18

that, and I think that's why one of

18:20

the reasons, again, it's not scientific, but if

18:22

we're tapping in a group and

18:24

we are all kind of like

18:26

focusing on positivity or focusing on

18:28

healing, I think it can

18:30

be really effective. Yes,

18:33

and listen, we always believe what

18:35

we tell ourselves. So talking to

18:37

our subconscious, our subconscious

18:40

is listening to what we're saying and

18:42

tapping is getting it in, tapping is

18:44

getting it in. I wanted to speak

18:46

a little bit about trauma because you

18:49

brought up the subject, but I

18:51

think it might be interesting also to understand

18:54

how tapping does help trauma. Yeah,

18:57

let's do that. Because

18:59

if we think about elements, what

19:01

happens when somebody gets traumatized, there's

19:05

always going to be a shock,

19:07

something, when we think what goes

19:09

on when there's trauma, there's something

19:11

unexpected happens, and very often

19:13

somebody feels powerless and

19:16

isolated. That's

19:18

usually what's happening. Now,

19:21

when we're tapping, we're actually doing

19:23

the antidotes to that, we're offering

19:25

the opposite. Because if we

19:27

think about the three things, about

19:29

when somebody's shocked, what's most important

19:31

is to talk about it. So

19:33

we're tapping and we're doing the

19:36

talking part. We're doing the

19:38

talking part. The

19:40

tapping is helping us connect.

19:43

So when we're working with somebody who's

19:45

been traumatized and we tap with them,

19:47

we're connecting with them on such a

19:49

deep level. This is what's

19:51

also fascinating. When you tap with

19:54

somebody else, we connect so

19:56

much more than just talking. We're connecting really,

19:58

really in a deep subconscious way. So that's...

20:00

person feels not so isolated

20:03

anymore, they don't feel so alone. That's

20:06

what the tapping can do. And

20:08

the other thing is it empowers, it

20:11

gives us the ability to see

20:13

there is another way I can

20:15

respond. It sets us free, so

20:18

it empowers the client so they

20:20

don't feel that helpless feeling. So

20:23

tapping for trauma is, I would

20:26

say, the best method to use.

20:28

Yeah, and listen, you're in Israel right

20:31

now, and I know since October the

20:33

7th, you have been using every

20:36

single day because I follow you on all

20:38

your channels. And you

20:40

have nonstop committed your time, volunteered

20:42

hours to helping the victims of

20:44

trauma. And, you know, being in

20:47

Israel, every single person has been

20:49

traumatized by what happened in October

20:51

the 7th. Unfortunately, a lot of

20:53

people have been closely connected. There's

20:55

so much going on with the

20:58

conflict. Tapping has been used

21:00

around the world in war, in conflict. I

21:02

know in the Congo, I think it's been

21:04

used. People use it as

21:06

like almost like a first port of call,

21:09

almost immediately to help stop the

21:11

trauma from storing in the body. What

21:14

have you noticed since using it so

21:16

much since October the 7th? And I

21:19

guess, yeah, compared to like other modalities. So

21:22

definitely you can use it as a quick

21:24

calm down method. But the way I'm using,

21:26

as you said, every day I'm running a

21:28

group. The whole idea is

21:30

that we should balance our nervous system

21:33

in relationship to what's been going on

21:35

because nobody should have long

21:37

term PTSD and nobody should have long

21:39

term traumatization. So if we deal with

21:41

what's in front of us day by

21:43

day by day, we're coping much better.

21:45

So when we get together in the

21:47

group, we do this foreign benefits

21:50

group, some people will speak

21:52

up and some people won't. And then we

21:54

just do. Sometimes

21:57

it's 20 minutes, sometimes it's half an hour to

21:59

give people to time to talk and to

22:01

share. Sometimes we don't say

22:03

very much. Sometimes we just see

22:06

what's going on in our bodies. Sometimes

22:08

we may talk about emotions but just

22:11

doing the tapping together and

22:14

people will rate their numbers from 10

22:16

to 0. They come down and they're so

22:19

much calmer and then I'm getting

22:21

messages that people are sleeping better, they're able

22:23

to face things better. The whole

22:25

idea is whatever's going on we want to

22:27

think clearly and function as our best selves

22:29

and that's what we can do and I'm

22:32

grateful that I've got the opportunity to help

22:34

all the people. At the moment there's over

22:36

500 people in that group that

22:38

I'm able to help the people just

22:41

feel good in their body, sleep

22:43

better, feel calmer and also

22:46

feel connected because again one

22:48

of the most important human

22:50

basic needs is to feel

22:52

connected. More than anything

22:54

else, more than anything else that's what

22:56

we need. I'm not talking about food

22:59

and shelter. The next basic need is

23:01

to feel connected and meeting up as

23:03

a group is helping us all to

23:05

feel connected to each other especially with

23:08

what's going on in the outside world.

23:10

So here in Israel where I am

23:12

in Jerusalem we all feel so connected

23:14

and that sense of connection together

23:17

with the tapping. We

23:19

call the tapping emotional doublet d40.

23:21

What does tapping do? It

23:23

loosens. It loosens those stuck thoughts

23:26

so it takes the thoughts and

23:28

it loosens them. So we're applying

23:30

our emotional doublet d40 together in

23:32

a group and it's so

23:35

empowering. Hi,

23:39

so I'm just interrupting today's podcast because I wanted

23:42

to let you know about some upcoming

23:44

workshops that I've got opening in

23:46

July, June and July August actually.

23:49

So firstly I want to let you

23:51

know about my four session live Ask

23:53

Me At Anything. Now this is an

23:55

opportunity for you to come on live,

23:58

ask me questions, get some hot seat

24:00

coaching really to get some support you

24:02

know whether it's before or after a

24:04

diagnosis if you've got any burning questions

24:07

anything that you just wanted to ask

24:09

my advice on or guidance I'm

24:11

there I can't wait to do this

24:13

we've got the first one happening on

24:16

the 27th of June so that's literally

24:18

next week and this is

24:20

your opportunity just to come on meet the

24:22

like-minded people you can either send

24:24

me your question beforehand and I can answer

24:26

it live or you can come on on

24:28

camera or you can just write

24:31

in the chat now remember that whatever we do

24:33

these live sessions and you ask a question that

24:35

question is always going to be for someone else

24:37

as well and you know likewise when

24:39

someone else asks a question they are going to

24:42

always be asking for the collective and that is

24:44

what I think is so powerful about this community

24:46

we are all dealing with

24:48

things maybe differently and just different circumstances

24:50

but very much with ADHD we have

24:52

a lot of common denominators and that

24:54

is why I want to do these

24:56

four sessions there's one in June it's

24:58

the first one's June the 27th we've

25:00

got two in July and one in

25:02

August so these will be

25:04

recorded and you're able to really just

25:07

come on and tap into my knowledge

25:09

I really want to make this as

25:11

supportive and affordable as possible and I

25:13

just want to let you know about

25:15

a free webinar I'm doing with my

25:17

friend my colleague Adele Whimsett she's an

25:20

ADHD hormonal expert and what

25:22

she doesn't know about hormones and ADHD

25:24

is you know really is second to

25:26

none and this is happening on July

25:28

the 9th at 7pm and

25:31

with the conversation that we're going to be having is

25:34

about demystifying progesterone and ADHD

25:36

so we hear a lot

25:38

about oestrogen and perimenopause but

25:40

actually can we understand the

25:42

role of progesterone and perhaps the slightly

25:45

negative reputation it's had especially for those

25:47

of us who considered ourselves progesterone sensitive

25:49

and many of us with neurodivergent minds

25:51

and nervous systems we have very much

25:53

felt that progesterone is sort of the

25:55

anti-hero in our in our story so

25:57

this is happening on the 9th of

25:59

July. Now I know that all this

26:01

information is very overwhelming so I'm going

26:03

to just say go to my website

26:06

adhdwomenswellbeing.co.uk and you'll see on

26:08

the home page the two

26:10

buttons and all the information

26:12

is on there. Now back to today's episode.

26:15

What I'm hearing as well is that

26:17

it can help build resilience because we

26:19

can't control the outside world but what

26:22

we can control is how we react

26:24

to them and how we

26:26

can hopefully lessen some of the

26:28

anxiety and boost a bit of

26:30

our resilience and hopefully like

26:33

feel empowered that we can get through

26:35

that day and I

26:37

know that tapping is

26:39

incredibly effective at calming

26:41

and stabilizing our nervous

26:44

system, regulating and

26:46

also when we, I think with ADHD

26:49

especially, we're very prone to overthinking,

26:52

ruminating, getting really stuck in our

26:54

heads and like you said at

26:56

the beginning we are able to

26:58

gain more perspective and

27:01

that's a really hard thing to

27:03

gain when we believe

27:05

the thoughts that are going on in our head. So

27:07

to have a way of creating some

27:09

distance and some space for

27:11

me was probably one of the most powerful

27:14

things like I've used tapping in so

27:16

many different circumstances. Sometimes if I've had

27:18

a really crazy day, the kids have

27:20

been driving me mad, work's been hectic, rushing

27:22

around I feel like I haven't can't

27:24

breathe, I'll get in the shower and

27:26

under the hot water and I'll just tap

27:28

and I'll tap and something will shift,

27:30

I'll get out the shower five minutes

27:32

later and I'll be like

27:35

I feel totally different about the whole

27:37

day. There'll be maybe more gratitude like

27:39

thank God I've got my kids, thank

27:41

God I'm working, thank God

27:43

I'm able to have a busy life and I'll

27:46

get in the shower thinking I'm so stressed and

27:48

so overwhelmed and for me that

27:50

perspective shift has been probably

27:52

the most powerful because I know that

27:54

I'm prone to the negative thinking and

27:56

then the anxiety and I don't

27:58

know what are the modalities of it. would have

28:01

helped me, maybe medication, I don't know. But

28:04

for me it's always, and you know what's

28:06

really interesting, sometimes I forget about tapping and

28:09

I'll forget and I think maybe it's an ADHD thing again,

28:11

I forget that I even know it and I've not done

28:13

it for about a week and

28:15

I'll feeling so overwhelmed and frazzled and stressed and

28:17

exhausted and all these things and then something will

28:19

just pop in my head and go try

28:22

the tapping and I'll be like,

28:24

okay, so it's always there. Yes,

28:27

yes, it's always there. Some people like to do

28:29

it first thing in the morning and

28:31

don't always wait till you're feeling, you

28:34

know, till your number's gone up, just do it all at any time.

28:37

I also wanted to mention about surrogate

28:39

tapping a little bit if that's okay

28:41

because I think it's fascinating

28:43

to know that not only can you help yourself,

28:46

you can also help a loved one by

28:49

tuning into them and thinking about them. Okay,

28:51

so let's break this down. Let's just, you

28:53

know, for someone that's literally listening to this

28:55

right now and tapping is new to them,

28:58

explain sort of very simplistically what would happen.

29:00

Can you do surrogate tapping on your own

29:02

or does it have to be in a

29:04

session? Okay, so yes

29:07

to all of this first of all. Let's

29:09

define self-help and therapy. Now if I

29:12

want to just do something small for

29:14

day to day, I can do it

29:16

myself. If I need to do

29:19

something much deeper, if it's a deeper issue,

29:21

then I myself would go and speak to

29:23

somebody. That's for sure. So

29:25

as regards helping a loved one or a

29:27

child, let me just give

29:29

you some examples in the past couple of weeks. Babies

29:34

that cry less, children

29:37

calmer at school. So it's

29:39

wonderful when the headmaster rings

29:41

the parents up and say I've

29:44

noticed that your son, your 11

29:46

year old son, is much calmer

29:48

at school. Now in the session

29:50

with me, and the child has

29:52

no idea this is happening, the

29:54

mother tunes into her child and

29:57

has this imaginary dialogue. Now as if...

29:59

same way that you'd work as your

30:01

own client, we're talking

30:03

to the child and the child becomes

30:05

the client in our mind and we

30:08

have a conversation with the child and

30:10

the child feels the energy change. Yeah

30:13

but they won't know it, they won't know

30:15

this. They never know it, they never know

30:17

it. It could be in a different country,

30:19

you know, you can work for your adult

30:21

child, you can work for your spouse, your

30:23

partner. If you want to do it for

30:25

yourself, this would be my suggestion, you just

30:28

tune into your child, you bring up a

30:30

picture of them in your mind and then

30:32

just tap on yourself and acknowledging what you

30:34

see without any

30:36

judgment, without

30:39

any judgment. So you know I'm looking

30:41

at you and I can see that

30:43

you're looking angry today and you just

30:45

do a few rounds of saying that to

30:47

your child in your mind as you're

30:50

tapping, you know, when I say in your mind, they're

30:52

in your mind but you can say the words aloud,

30:54

I'm looking at you and I'm

30:56

noticing that you're really really angry today

30:58

and I'm noticing that you're

31:00

really really angry and even though I'm

31:02

seeing you really really angry, I acknowledge

31:04

how you feel and I send you

31:06

love and you would say that very

31:08

repetitively for about

31:11

two or three minutes you will notice

31:13

a difference. Yeah. And I summed in

31:15

one of my groups, she

31:17

said, I said bring up a picture of your

31:20

daughter, she's 17 and she's

31:22

all over the place, ADHD all over the place,

31:24

she's just running around the room, that's what I

31:26

can see. I'm looking at

31:28

you and I can see you're running around the

31:30

room and I can see you're running around the

31:32

room and I acknowledge your need to do that.

31:34

I acknowledge you're running around the

31:36

room and I'm sending you love and I

31:39

acknowledge you need to do that round

31:41

and around and around for

31:43

about three minutes just very

31:45

repetitively and then I said and how

31:48

is she looking now? She goes, oh she's stopped, she's

31:50

not running around the room anymore and

31:52

then she reported back to me the

31:54

next day to say that the daughter

31:56

was much calmer. Now you want me

31:59

to explain that I cannot, I

32:01

cannot. Again, my work is anecdotal

32:03

and I could talk about this

32:06

over and over again of different

32:08

examples. And that's what

32:10

sorrow that is having means. You tune into

32:12

a loved one, you talk about them, you

32:15

tap on yourself. Sometimes one

32:17

needs to release trauma from a loved one

32:19

because they can't do it themselves, it's too

32:21

painful. And a mother and a spouse

32:23

can do that. I

32:26

know this works really well with

32:28

things like nail biting, bed wetting,

32:32

junk food eating, messy

32:34

bedrooms. I'm just thinking of lots of

32:36

different things that I've seen it work

32:38

really well for. And what

32:41

the underlying tone

32:43

I always love about EFT is

32:45

this sort of acceptance. And when

32:48

we tap on, we do the

32:51

beginning statements, it's traditionally,

32:53

I love and accept myself. And

32:56

that love and accept myself and I send myself

32:59

love is always about we're

33:01

just recognizing where you are right now and

33:03

we're just accepting it. And kids

33:06

just need that, don't they? It's not

33:08

easy for us as parents in the

33:10

moment. We can be as reactive. And

33:12

if we're neurodivergent ourselves and we're parenting

33:15

other kids who are neurodivergent, it can

33:17

be really hard. There's often a

33:19

butt of heads and lots of

33:21

emotion, lots of dysregulation. And

33:23

it's only when we get a bit of distance and

33:26

a bit of space, insane

33:28

a session, like a surrogate session with you,

33:30

where we can say, I can

33:33

see that you're biting your nails and I can

33:35

see that it's really hard for you to stop

33:37

and I'm sending you love. And

33:39

I've seen, I did it with my daughter actually a

33:41

few years ago. And I noticed

33:43

a couple of weeks later, I didn't say anything.

33:45

And I noticed that her cuticles and her nails

33:48

were much better. And I said to her, I

33:50

said, I look at your beautiful nails and look

33:52

at your cuticles. She goes, Oh yeah, I've tried

33:54

really hard to not be picking them. So

33:57

it can be little things, can't it? Just little

33:59

sh... shifts. You

34:01

know how you say you can't explain it. I do believe

34:03

there's this quantum energy.

34:06

It can sort of be explained with

34:08

quantum physics. I'm not scientifically minded, but

34:11

we know that energy is everywhere.

34:14

And if we're able to direct as

34:16

a force of God and help and

34:18

send love and acceptance to a child

34:20

or a loved one, hopefully,

34:22

you know, there's always going to be

34:25

some positive shift. Sure. It's the idea

34:27

also that when we're feeling

34:29

a lack of something, so

34:31

if we're feeling angry or fearful, or

34:33

whatever emotion we're feeling, that it means

34:35

there's a lack of something in that

34:38

space. So what are we doing? We're

34:40

filling it with love. So when we

34:42

say I send love

34:45

to the part of me that's hurting,

34:47

or I love and accept myself anyway,

34:49

the body is receiving love in that

34:51

space. And then it doesn't need

34:54

to have that anger anymore. It doesn't need to

34:56

have the pain anymore. So when we

34:58

do it for ourselves, or whether we do it sorrowfully

35:00

for a loved one, telling them, you

35:03

know, I'm looking at you and I

35:05

love you anyway, that's what a child

35:07

needs to hear more than anything else.

35:09

And because we're tapping on ourselves at

35:11

the same time, if it's a mother,

35:13

for example, the mother's calming

35:15

herself down as she's

35:18

tuning into her child, because she's, she's

35:20

still going to start to feel better about it.

35:23

And she's taking the moment with me to step

35:26

into that space to acknowledge the child

35:28

and just get the connection with her.

35:31

And quite often the relationships really have

35:33

a massive shift, because she starts to

35:35

see the child, the child's only doing

35:37

the best they can.

35:39

And they have that ability to

35:41

see that. I love,

35:43

love the idea that sending love to

35:45

the parts of us that hurt is

35:48

the healing. And just by saying it,

35:50

even if we don't relieve it, say,

35:53

and you know, I would encourage everyone

35:55

to say, I love and accept myself

35:57

anyway, even if we don't relieve it.

36:00

our body needs to hear those words. So

36:03

that's the important thing. Let the body

36:05

hear those words. They may never have

36:07

heard them before. Like if you've had

36:10

a parent that was not emotionally connected

36:12

or dysfunctional, there may have been,

36:14

you know, neurodivergence going on

36:16

that we didn't even know about. And

36:18

we've never heard those words. Then

36:21

like you say, we need to hear

36:23

it. And I wanted to move that

36:25

on to in a child work as

36:27

well, because I know that EFT is

36:29

really helpful in healing the younger version

36:32

of us. And, you know, you've taught

36:34

me beautifully, and I've used it a

36:36

lot. And I've seen how

36:38

healing it can be for the version of us

36:40

to go back to the eight year old version

36:42

of us who didn't get the

36:44

care or the love or something happened in

36:46

that situation. And we go back and heal.

36:49

And how that then comes back to the

36:51

present version of us and impacts,

36:54

you know, as for the rest of our life. It's

36:57

just beautiful, because sometimes we need to go for

36:59

example, say to the seven year old child within

37:01

us that's hurting. And we go and help

37:05

that child understand herself even so

37:07

much more, especially, you know, when

37:09

children are being told sit still,

37:11

be still, you know, and we

37:13

can't, we're giving back all

37:15

of that to them in that memory and

37:18

filling that space so that then they feel

37:20

better, they feel connected, and we're connecting to

37:22

our own inner child. So

37:24

again, we're giving love to our inner child,

37:26

we're connecting to our inner child, where sometimes

37:29

we've got to take away the shock of

37:31

something that happened. And once

37:33

the inner child inside of us feels better, then

37:35

we can live much more in the moment. I

37:38

mean, that's what we want to do is whatever's

37:40

going on in our lives, we want to feel

37:43

in the moment and have healthy responses and accept

37:45

ourselves because none of us are perfect. So we

37:47

want to accept all parts of us. And

37:50

I always think like guilt, shame,

37:52

self judgment are a route

37:54

to nowhere. And I would banish them.

37:57

We banish, we banish any guilt, we

37:59

banish any self judgments, we've banished shame

38:01

because there's no there's no

38:03

plus sign to having it. It doesn't serve us in

38:05

any way. So we're able to do

38:07

that with the tapping. I think what

38:09

happens is the minute someone tries it and they

38:11

really resonate with it, they think I want to learn

38:14

how to do this. But we

38:16

can use this very simply.

38:18

I know you've got videos, I've got videos,

38:21

like you say every morning. It's just part

38:23

of our, you know, the morning routine. If

38:25

you know you don't kind of align with

38:27

meditation of sort of sitting there, the tapping

38:29

and maybe visualising how you want your day

38:31

to go of, you know, closing

38:33

your eyes, tapping and just sort of seeing the

38:36

day going calmly and everything

38:38

kind of just falling into place and

38:40

accepting where you are right now, you

38:42

know, with your day. There's just so

38:44

many different, that's what I love about

38:47

it. It's so flexible. I'm

38:49

wondering if it would be helpful if I give

38:51

two suggestions for people so you've got something to

38:53

go away with. So there's two things

38:55

that I think would be useful to do. So

38:58

one is tune into how you

39:00

feel, rate at

39:02

zero to ten. Zero is always the calmest

39:04

and ten is the worst. And then, you

39:07

know, why don't we just go around the points

39:09

and I'll just show you just by tapping very,

39:11

very gently on each point. And there's the eyebrow

39:13

point. I'm going to name the points as I

39:16

go around the eyebrow points. And

39:18

then you can spend maybe 10 to 15 times

39:20

on each point. So if you're doing it

39:23

silently, I would be quite slow with the

39:25

tapping and then side of the eye, 10

39:29

to 15 times on each point and then under

39:31

the eye, very gently,

39:34

very, very gently, then under the

39:36

nose. And I would

39:38

say go around maybe two or three times,

39:40

not more than three or four minutes. That's

39:42

it. And then the chin point.

39:46

And then we come down to the collarbone point.

39:49

Just very, very gently. And

39:51

it's a doing thing. As I said, again, it's a

39:53

doing thing. We're not being still with doing. We can

39:56

do it with breath work as well. We can just

39:58

take nice breaths while we're doing it. and

40:00

we're trusting the tapping to hit them up and then

40:03

the arms at arm point which

40:05

is just about three inches

40:07

below the arm hit and then the

40:09

top of the head point and then

40:11

you can just keep going around so that would

40:14

be one thing we would do and then we

40:16

take a breath in and

40:18

blow it out and then you

40:20

measure where you're up to and then you repeat

40:22

as necessary so that's one thing you

40:25

could do the other thing is

40:27

have a rant

40:29

as you tap so just say exactly

40:31

how you feel so

40:34

I'm feeling in a bad mood today

40:36

I'm not I'm not liking how my

40:38

day is going and I'm feeling on

40:40

whatever it is I'm feeling just

40:43

go around and let yourself say

40:46

whatever because I promise you you

40:48

will not make yourself worse by

40:52

saying it and tuning into how you

40:54

feel you do not feel

40:56

worse it you'll feel better so

40:59

whether I'm angry I'm upset name the

41:01

feeling say the feelings give yourself permission

41:04

to say whatever you like go

41:06

around the points a few times saying how

41:08

you feel and then just checking in afterwards

41:10

and that is so simple and it's at

41:12

your fingertips yeah fingertips you can do as

41:14

you know as you know I

41:16

love that one that's one of my favorite ones

41:19

because what happens is it could be two

41:22

rounds it could be four rounds but eventually

41:24

you'll be like oh I've run out of

41:26

runs now and actually you kind of think

41:28

look at the person you're ranting about the

41:31

situation and you think oh

41:33

actually maybe they are doing the best that they

41:35

can maybe it's not as bad or I've got

41:37

I could actually do this or maybe I need

41:39

to speak to that person and get some help

41:41

I find it so resourceful it's like tapping into

41:43

our inner resources cleans all the

41:45

muck allows us to

41:47

tap in words I

41:50

really I literally how many

41:52

years do we all now five years later and

41:55

I still rave about

41:57

it because I've seen how it works and

41:59

I see, I've done it with my kids,

42:01

I've done it, you know, with all

42:04

my daughters for different reasons. And

42:07

they see it works as well.

42:09

And their kids are the most cynical. And as

42:11

they get older, teenagers are the hardest ones. But

42:13

when you crack a teenager, or you

42:15

crack a man, I mean, I don't want to generalise, but

42:19

that it can be really, really amazing.

42:22

The last thing I wanted to talk to you about, because you

42:24

taught me this as well, and I've shown this to a lot

42:26

of people, is the touch

42:28

and hold. So we're not actually

42:30

tapping, we're just holding. And I

42:33

do this where I'm holding on

42:35

touching. Touch and breathe. Touch and

42:37

breathe. Touch and breathe. And I

42:39

hold, and

42:42

I go round. And again,

42:44

that's just really calming. Yeah.

42:46

Yeah. So just touching each point.

42:50

So I like to start off first of all

42:52

by crossing hands over chest. So I do that

42:54

first. And

42:57

the breath out. And

42:59

when it comes to touch and breathe, I like to

43:02

do two rounds. We like to

43:04

do two rounds. So we're touching each point,

43:06

breathing in, holding it,

43:09

and blowing out. And

43:12

doing that on each point, breathing

43:14

in, holding it, and breathing out.

43:16

And the breath out is more important,

43:18

because it's the breathing out. When we're

43:20

breathing out, we're emptying. And when

43:23

we're emptying, we get quiet inside. And I

43:25

think it's a mistake that we make sometimes.

43:27

We think it's not good to be quiet

43:29

inside. I would say the quieter

43:31

we are inside, the more resourceful

43:33

we are, and the more in control we

43:36

are, and the better we feel. You know,

43:38

our aim is always to have,

43:40

as you were describing before, you

43:42

were describing what we call a

43:44

cognitive shift, which means the relationship

43:46

to whatever's bothering us changes. The

43:48

relationship to the thought changes. So

43:50

where's the thoughts gripping us? Then

43:53

we get this shift in our cognition.

43:55

We see it differently. And sometimes just doing

43:57

the touch and breathe will allow us to

43:59

see it. different and you know that's a

44:01

third way. So we can do the silent

44:03

tapping, we can do the rant and tapping

44:05

or we do the touch and breathe which

44:07

is just going around each point. Breathing

44:10

in and end

44:12

off again. It's

44:15

so so helpful. I mean

44:17

to finish off I know you train teachers,

44:19

you've gone into schools, I

44:22

know that doctors are now starting

44:24

to to recognise it midwives I've

44:26

worked with, you know helping with

44:28

labour, post-traumatic stress after a

44:30

labour that's you know been very difficult. There's just

44:32

so many different ways. I mean I've helped people

44:35

drive and test, job interviews,

44:38

doing something like a big workshop.

44:41

It's so flexible in so many

44:43

different ways. So tell people how

44:45

they can find you, if they want to work

44:47

with you, like how do you work Pearl? So

44:51

my name is Pearl Lopian. You

44:53

can actually just google me, that's

44:55

for a start. You

44:58

can find me on Facebook and

45:00

Instagram, just put my name in.

45:03

My website is efttappinginstitute.com and you'll

45:06

find me, you'll find me. I'm out

45:08

there. I really love the fact that

45:10

millions and millions of people are now

45:12

knowing so much more about tapping. Back

45:14

in the day after 15-16 years when

45:17

I used to have to explain myself, I don't

45:20

have to do that anymore. It's nice

45:22

to know that people are realising how

45:25

amazing it is and I'm teaching more and

45:27

more people how to use it for trauma. That

45:29

is, you know, unfortunately that's what's big in

45:31

Israel at the moment and more and more people

45:33

are learning how to use this to release

45:36

trauma because it's in the moment as well

45:38

as for the past. So

45:40

it's so versatile, it's got everything in it.

45:42

It's a blend of the talk therapy, it's

45:44

talking. We need to talk, we need to

45:47

tell our story, we need people to hear.

45:50

So we're doing that. But just talking about

45:52

the story doesn't make it go away. Talking

45:54

and tapping about it makes

45:57

it go away. Yeah, so it's a spectrum

45:59

you're in. able to use it from trauma

46:01

to what you were talking about, attracting abundance

46:03

and manifestation. And that's

46:05

what's beautiful about it because it can

46:08

be used in so many different scenarios.

46:10

And you have been, you know, you've

46:12

been pivotal in my journey, Pearl, and

46:14

many other people's journeys and, you know,

46:16

what you've contributed over the past sort

46:18

of seven months now has been,

46:21

you know, huge. And yeah, I just want

46:23

to thank you for everything that you do.

46:25

And I'll put all

46:27

the details in the podcast episode, show notes,

46:30

so people will find you. Thank

46:32

you so much. Yes, and I am starting. I

46:34

am starting. It will be every two weeks. We'll

46:36

be doing borrowing benefits groups. So

46:40

that will be on a Tuesday at 4.30. Okay.

46:43

So if people want to get in touch with

46:45

you about some of the group works. If they

46:47

want to join the group, that's, I'd be delighted.

46:49

Okay, perfect. I think people will find

46:51

that, as you say, borrowing benefits work so fast.

46:54

So it'll be fascinating. And one of

46:56

the meetings will be for General Streat and the

46:58

other one will be for Soregut. Fantastic.

47:01

Well, thank you. And

47:03

we'll speak very soon. Thank

47:06

you very, very much. I

47:11

really hope you enjoyed this week's

47:13

episode. If you did, and it

47:15

resonated with you, I would absolutely love it

47:17

if you could share on your platforms or

47:20

maybe leave a review and a rating wherever

47:22

you listen to your podcasts. And

47:24

please do check out my

47:27

website, ADHD, women's wellbeing.co.uk for

47:29

lots of free resources and

47:31

paid for workshops. I'm uploading new things all

47:34

the time and I would absolutely love to

47:36

see you there. Take

47:38

care and see for the next episode.