Episode Transcript
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0:01
Welcome to the ADHD Women's Wellbeing
0:03
Podcast. I'm Kate Moore-Yousuf and I'm
0:05
a wellbeing and lifestyle coach, EFT
0:08
practitioner, mom to four kids and
0:10
passionate about helping more women to
0:13
understand and accept their amazing ADHD
0:15
brains. After
0:18
speaking to many women just like me and probably
0:20
you, I know there is
0:22
a need for more health and lifestyle
0:24
support for women newly diagnosed with ADHD.
0:27
In these conversations you'll learn from
0:29
insightful guests, hear new findings and
0:32
discover powerful perspectives and lifestyle tools
0:34
to enable you to live your most fulfilled,
0:37
calm and purposeful life wherever
0:39
you are on your ADHD
0:41
journey. Here's today's episode.
0:48
So I wanted to give you a little bit of an intro to today's
0:51
episode and today we're talking
0:53
about emotional freedom technique EFT or you
0:55
may have heard it being referred to
0:57
as tapping and we've got
0:59
my teacher, a mentor, Pearl Lopian on
1:01
the podcast. Now Pearl has genuinely
1:03
taught me mostly everything I
1:05
know in this field and I'm so excited
1:07
to have her on, but I'm also very
1:10
aware that many of you may not be
1:12
familiar with tapping, you may not understand what
1:14
it is or you may have heard me
1:16
talking about it, but actually
1:18
just need a little bit more of a breakdown. So
1:21
EFT is short for Emotional Freedom
1:23
Technique. It's tapping
1:25
on different parts of your body, mostly
1:28
on your face and upper body and your hands
1:30
and these are different meridian
1:32
points, acupressure points and
1:35
we're tapping on these to help
1:37
bring up emotions and release
1:39
them, but it's also calming
1:42
and regulating our nervous system, the
1:44
amygdala, the fight or flight response
1:47
and very often we use tapping to
1:50
release stuck trauma, to
1:52
release negative emotions. Now
1:55
what I want to say is if you're struggling
1:57
to kind of understand or even know where these
1:59
meridian points are, What I would
2:01
like to say is on my
2:03
website, I've got free resources and I've
2:05
also got workshops that you can
2:07
pay for and really understand and
2:09
how you can bring EFT to
2:11
help you maybe release your RSD
2:14
to help release anxiety or to help your children
2:16
with anxiety On
2:18
my Vimeo account you can go and you can
2:20
check out lots of free resources I'm going to
2:22
put all of this in the show notes and
2:25
you can use tapping to help you
2:28
find more clarity, release your indecision
2:30
in your self-doubt And I see
2:32
how calming and regulating it can
2:35
be for an ADHD brain. So
2:37
here you go. Here's the episode I really hope
2:39
you enjoy it. And as always please do drop
2:41
me a message on Instagram Share
2:44
it really, you know, if it's anyone
2:46
that you feel that needs this, please
2:48
do share it. Here's today's episode I'm
2:51
really delighted to invite my
2:54
EFT trainer You've
2:56
taught me I've taken me through the
2:58
ranks and I talk about EFT a
3:01
huge amount and it's down to Pearl
3:03
Lopian My teacher who is on the
3:05
podcast and we're going to be talking
3:07
all things EFT tapping Understanding
3:09
it now. Let me give you a
3:11
little bit of background information on Pearl
3:13
So Pearl is a psychotherapist and the
3:16
EFT master trainer and practitioner with over
3:18
15 years of experience And
3:21
she specializes in EFT commonly known
3:23
as tapping It's
3:25
a proven set of techniques used
3:27
to efficiently resolve emotional issues and
3:30
their root causes Now EFT
3:32
combines elements of regular talk
3:34
therapy CBT clinical
3:37
hypnosis NLP EMDR
3:40
Acupressure techniques and mindfulness. It's a real
3:42
mix and that's actually a really fantastic
3:44
way of Explaining
3:46
it and I've talked about
3:49
it on the podcast, but it's very
3:51
effective for anxiety trauma self-esteem Relationship
3:54
issues fertility, which is interesting
3:56
fears chronic pain phobias and
3:59
lots more. And also
4:01
Pearl helps many mothers to clear their
4:03
child's issue without having the child being
4:06
physically present. So we're going to talk
4:08
about that as well. So I just
4:10
wanted to welcome you. I'm delighted to
4:12
be able to actually talk about EFT
4:14
and tapping in more detail. Welcome to
4:17
the podcast. Thank you so much for
4:19
having me. Thank you. I had a look, I think it
4:21
was in 2019 that you trained
4:23
with me. I remember. I
4:26
remember. It feels like a lifetime ago
4:28
and that was way before my
4:31
ADHD diagnosis, way before I
4:33
understood why my brain was
4:35
working the way it did and why I
4:37
was prone to feeling anxious
4:40
and worrying and overthinking and feeling
4:42
like I needed something to help
4:44
calm. And I've talked about
4:46
this a lot that the EFT training really
4:48
enabled me to find a tool to help
4:52
calm and self-regulate. Obviously it's been
4:54
incredibly helpful with clients, but I
4:56
think initially I found it really,
4:58
really helpful. Can I ask
5:00
where did you begin your journey with tapping? How did
5:03
you find it? Where did I find it? I
5:05
found it purely by chance,
5:08
purely by chance, because I
5:10
was known as being a little bit, what
5:13
I use the word, quirky, I like alternatives
5:16
and I don't reiki. I become a psychotherapist.
5:18
And then someone said to me, you've got
5:20
to try this. You've got to try this.
5:22
And I went along and I tried and
5:25
there was two things that happened that actually
5:27
made me see how amazing it was. One
5:29
was just for a toothache. It
5:31
was for a toothache. I just went
5:34
along. I decided I'm going to
5:36
learn it for myself and my very, very first person
5:38
I worked with, she said she had a toothache. And
5:41
I said, I've learned this thing that
5:43
you can tap. When you think
5:45
about it, how does it make sense? Just tapping on these
5:47
points can remove some
5:49
physical pain, but it did. She
5:52
tapped on the symptoms of her
5:54
toothache. And that is
5:56
something that anyone can do when we have a physical ache
5:58
or pain and get relief. I did that.
6:01
And then the second thing that I did
6:03
with Somdee was working on a very, very
6:05
painful traumatic memory that she was speaking about
6:07
with me in a regular psychotherapy session. And
6:10
I said, I've come across this new technique. Let's
6:13
try it out. And she spoke
6:15
about a situation that had been bothering her
6:17
and she was in her fifties and been
6:19
bothering her since a child. And I said,
6:21
as you talk about it, let's just tap
6:23
together on these points. And that's what
6:26
she did. And
6:28
when she came the next week, she said,
6:30
it's completely gone. So I was completely
6:32
blown away about this system that you can just do
6:34
in a few minutes, regulate yourself,
6:36
use it in therapy and do so much with
6:39
it. And you said all the different things that
6:41
it takes elements from all those different things. There's
6:43
so many ways that you can actually use it
6:45
for yourself. Yeah, I think
6:47
that's what's really interesting, isn't it? Is that we
6:49
are understanding that, yes, there's
6:52
energy, it's meridians. We're utilizing the
6:54
acupressure points that we've got in
6:56
our body that have been identified
6:58
for thousands of years, but
7:00
we're blending it with the
7:02
Western modalities of understanding our
7:04
brain, understanding how our neural pathways
7:06
work, our nervous system, and
7:09
we're sort of blending it together with something that
7:11
is really hard to explain and can look bizarre.
7:13
And when you start saying, oh, I do this
7:15
tapping on my face and then the memories kind
7:17
of like disappear or lessons
7:19
or the intensity of the memory or the trauma
7:21
lessons, it is hard. But whenever
7:23
people have tried it, I
7:26
always find that it's a very, quite
7:28
not an extreme reaction, but they're blown
7:30
away by how different they feel within
7:32
just a few minutes. Yeah.
7:35
Are you able to explain any of that? I
7:38
wish, I wish. I've probably after doing
7:40
maybe 7,000 individual sessions, my
7:44
work is all anecdotal. It's all
7:46
anecdotal. I think first
7:48
of all, just tapping on the points is
7:50
sending a calming message to the stress area
7:53
of the brain. So that's something that it's
7:55
doing. And what are we also
7:57
noticing? That's more what happens in a therapy
7:59
session. we're changing
8:01
our brainwave state. So
8:04
when we change our brainwave state,
8:06
so the repetitive tapping on the
8:08
points changes the brainwave state. And
8:10
when we change our brainwave states,
8:12
we get in touch more with
8:14
our subconscious areas and it gives
8:16
us the ability to see what's
8:19
really going on in our deeper minds
8:21
and where our issues have come from.
8:23
And that's why we use it in
8:25
therapy sessions as a retrieval technique, which
8:28
is very different from anyone can do
8:30
this any day to feel better. So
8:33
to do it any time to feel better,
8:35
it's just a matter of tuning into whatever's
8:37
bothering us, then just
8:40
gently doing some rounds, gently just
8:42
going around the points and that
8:44
is calming the nervous system down.
8:47
But I have to be honest, I'm not
8:49
medical. My work is all
8:51
anecdotal. It's the results that
8:53
I see. Also,
8:56
I'm seeing how you
8:58
can help a loved one by
9:00
tuning into their energy system and
9:02
helping them. So we'll have an
9:05
energy body that's living inside our
9:07
physical body. That's
9:09
how we operate. So when
9:11
we're tapping, we're connecting to our energy
9:13
body and something that we often don't
9:16
think about it. For example, before we
9:18
started, we had a little bit of
9:20
difficulty setting up our microphones now, I
9:23
might have been getting a bit of
9:25
hot and bothered from that. So my
9:27
body was responding to some thoughts. So
9:30
that's how our mind body system works. We
9:32
respond in our body to whatever we're thinking.
9:34
If I'm late for a meeting, I
9:37
might get what or something
9:39
might start to feel inside me. If I
9:41
have an exam, I might start churning in
9:43
my stomach. So our body responds to what
9:45
we're thinking. And when we're
9:47
tapping, we're interrupting that whole system.
9:50
That's what we're doing. We're interrupting the
9:52
mind body. So instead of, you
9:55
know, we like to talk mind body, but it's
9:57
actually body minds. Because if we can change how
9:59
the thought... sits in our body
10:01
and the body feels calmer, the
10:04
thoughts change. So that's really
10:06
what we're doing, because we have a
10:08
circumstance, we have a circumstance
10:10
and then we have a feeling about
10:12
a circumstance. Whatever's going on in our
10:14
lives, we have
10:16
thoughts and feelings about it. Tap,
10:19
tap, tap, tap, tap. The
10:21
way we feel about the circumstance
10:24
starts to change and that is
10:26
so empowering. That is so
10:28
empowering. So what I want to do is I
10:30
want to give you this example. I want to
10:32
give you this example. So I call
10:35
a situation, imagine this block as a
10:37
situation and imagine this
10:39
pen is you. So
10:41
the situation can either imprison
10:43
you, push you down, grab you and
10:45
you can't move, or you can
10:48
get on top of the situation. So what am
10:50
I thinking that tapping is doing for us? It's
10:52
giving us movement and freedom and that's why we
10:54
call it emotional freedom techniques. Situation might still be
10:57
there and it might be hard like a block,
10:59
it might be really strong. However,
11:01
we can move around and the tapping
11:03
kind of takes us from underneath to
11:06
on top and we can
11:08
start to feel better and we have
11:10
a different perspective about the situation. And
11:13
that's the paradox. That is the paradox
11:15
that tapping and we do say negative
11:17
words than we tap. We'll say I'm
11:19
angry, I'm angry or whatever
11:22
it is, I'm feeling in a bad mood,
11:24
I'm not coping very well. We
11:26
give ourselves permission to articulate how
11:28
we feel and the paradox is
11:31
that the energy changes the
11:33
thought, the tapping changes how that thought
11:35
feels in our body. So tap, tap,
11:37
tap a few rounds of saying I'm
11:39
angry or a few rounds saying I
11:41
can't resist cake, something
11:44
changes and that's the fascination. Yeah,
11:46
it is amazing and I always
11:49
feel it like a release when
11:51
I do the tapping and we tap on
11:53
the negative and it is I'm angry, I'm
11:56
frustrated, I'm annoyed, I'm hurt, I'm upset, whatever
11:58
that is and we're tapping. and
12:00
we bring it all up and it kind of
12:02
just feel like a bit of a purge. And
12:04
often that comes out with tears or yawning, and
12:07
we can sort of feel a bodily release. But
12:09
it's also like you said, if we're honing in
12:11
where we can feel that the tension in our
12:13
shoulders or the tightness in our
12:15
chest, we can feel it moving as
12:18
well. And that I think helps
12:20
a lot of people understand that it is
12:22
working. This is stat stuck energy. You know
12:24
how you sort of said that the energy
12:26
in our body, like we hold on to
12:28
so much, don't we? We don't even realize.
12:30
And I think with ADHD
12:32
especially, we hold on
12:34
to a lot in our body. And there's
12:36
a lot of chronic pain and inflammation with
12:39
ADHD. A lot of people
12:41
talk about they suffer with autoimmune
12:43
issues, with back pain,
12:45
jaw issues, lock jaw. And
12:49
it's very much this sort of internalization
12:51
of how they've been feeling for many
12:53
years, of not understanding why
12:56
certain emotions come up, why
12:58
they feel more sensitive or
13:00
emotionally dysregulated, or just
13:03
where they've been holding on to
13:05
a lot of stories and shame
13:07
because they've not understood themselves. It
13:09
contains in their body. From very
13:12
early on of understanding ADHD and
13:14
EFT, I've seen this connection that
13:17
it's really effective because we've held on
13:19
to so much without even understanding it.
13:22
The release actually is very powerful,
13:24
especially old beliefs. I know we've talked
13:27
about this many times,
13:29
that EFT is fantastic for
13:31
letting go of old stories,
13:33
old beliefs, limiting beliefs about
13:35
ourselves. Can you tell us a little
13:37
bit about some of the work that you do? If someone comes to
13:40
you and has this belief, and
13:42
it's a block and they're stuck, and
13:44
it could be about business, it could
13:47
be about relationships, food, how
13:49
does tapping work for that? You
13:51
know, it's fascinating because I hold a lot
13:53
of groups. One of the groups I
13:55
do is for people to attract success and abundance in
13:57
their life. What
14:00
we do is and it's so interesting to see
14:02
is when we tap together as a group and
14:04
they start thinking about What happens in my body
14:06
when I think about being really successful or having
14:08
a lot of money or putting my name out
14:10
there? physically
14:13
Physically something we feel that disruption if I
14:15
say I make a lot of money or
14:17
I'm successful I'm good at what I do
14:20
And then when we get together as a
14:22
group we tune into what is the sensation
14:24
in the body when I say that and
14:26
then we tap on it together and Very
14:30
very often because we're tuning into
14:32
our subconscious Memories and
14:34
thoughts where this comes from starts to
14:36
show up and then we
14:38
use more tapping to clear it So
14:41
that's how I would use it in
14:44
a in a limited belief situation in
14:46
a group Start to see
14:48
that the story that we've made up about
14:50
ourselves can start to change and we get
14:52
such insights about ourselves Oh,
14:55
I believe that because my mother said we're
14:57
the kind of family who never do well
14:59
or oh Don't
15:01
ever don't ever put yourself out there.
15:03
Whatever it is We're holding on to
15:05
these thoughts and these stories that we've
15:07
been taken on and when we
15:09
tap They start to come
15:11
to the surface and we can release them
15:14
That's the beauty of it and the
15:16
beauty of it also is how quickly
15:19
it works how quickly we get to
15:21
Those hidden memories. Yeah, that's
15:23
it when you talk about the effective
15:25
nurse the efficiency and again
15:27
I think it's so aligned for the ADHD
15:29
community because we're impatient. We want things done
15:33
We don't want to have to sit we may
15:35
have gone through years of therapy already and because
15:37
the therapist hasn't picked up on the neurodivergence We've
15:40
gone round and round and round in
15:42
circles. And then what happens is with
15:45
tapping it feels quick It
15:47
feels like okay We've addressed the root
15:49
cause and we're able to kind of
15:51
re rewire and rewrite a new story
15:54
And I think what you're saying about, you
15:56
know, the group work as well. Do you
15:58
find that when you're tapping? in a group,
16:00
do you find that things
16:03
move faster because of what's called in
16:05
EFT the borrowing benefits? How do you
16:07
sort of see things moving in a
16:09
group? I run lots
16:11
of groups. I run a group almost every day. I
16:14
have noticed that 10 minutes
16:16
of group tapping will
16:19
release things. You could take an
16:21
hour on a private session and
16:24
in a group you can release things
16:27
within 10 minutes of group tapping
16:29
because there's a connection of
16:31
the energy it multiplies. We're
16:33
working through different planes here
16:36
when we talk about tapping.
16:38
We're communicating in an
16:40
area that's beyond verbal. What's
16:42
fascinating is you can even use other
16:44
people's words and you
16:46
start to feel better because sometimes I've
16:48
done groups where one person has got a
16:51
pain in her leg, another person is
16:53
angry with her sister, and another person is
16:56
just talking about her daughter's messy bedroom.
16:59
They all get relief even
17:02
tapping together. Something's
17:04
going on. It's fascinating. The more we
17:07
do it, the more we like it.
17:09
There was something else I wanted to say before. I'm
17:12
also a kind of person who can't be still. I
17:15
find when you're tapping, I like
17:17
it because you're doing something. It's the doing
17:19
of it that's really, really good. I think
17:22
especially for ADHD, I think I've got some
17:24
elements of that myself. I
17:26
know that the fact that we're doing
17:28
something, it's not meditation, it's not let's
17:30
sit still, let's breathe. It's the doing.
17:32
It's the doing
17:35
that appeals to us and we're doing
17:37
it and it's calming the system down.
17:39
When I do my groups, I can
17:41
sometimes just do even three minutes and
17:44
I ask people to rate beforehand zero to
17:46
10, how anxious are they feeling? They
17:48
can come around from a nine to a four,
17:51
five minutes, 10 minutes in
17:53
a group. That's what's incredible. I mean,
17:56
that's what you said then. I mean, I'm
17:58
a firm believer in sort of. of like a
18:00
collective consciousness of being able
18:03
to use our energy. And especially in
18:05
this time in the world where there's
18:07
just so much hostility
18:09
and awful trauma going
18:11
on. I've really believed that
18:13
when we can direct consciously our energy, and
18:16
I think tapping is really, really good for
18:18
that, and I think that's why one of
18:20
the reasons, again, it's not scientific, but if
18:22
we're tapping in a group and
18:24
we are all kind of like
18:26
focusing on positivity or focusing on
18:28
healing, I think it can
18:30
be really effective. Yes,
18:33
and listen, we always believe what
18:35
we tell ourselves. So talking to
18:37
our subconscious, our subconscious
18:40
is listening to what we're saying and
18:42
tapping is getting it in, tapping is
18:44
getting it in. I wanted to speak
18:46
a little bit about trauma because you
18:49
brought up the subject, but I
18:51
think it might be interesting also to understand
18:54
how tapping does help trauma. Yeah,
18:57
let's do that. Because
18:59
if we think about elements, what
19:01
happens when somebody gets traumatized, there's
19:05
always going to be a shock,
19:07
something, when we think what goes
19:09
on when there's trauma, there's something
19:11
unexpected happens, and very often
19:13
somebody feels powerless and
19:16
isolated. That's
19:18
usually what's happening. Now,
19:21
when we're tapping, we're actually doing
19:23
the antidotes to that, we're offering
19:25
the opposite. Because if we
19:27
think about the three things, about
19:29
when somebody's shocked, what's most important
19:31
is to talk about it. So
19:33
we're tapping and we're doing the
19:36
talking part. We're doing the
19:38
talking part. The
19:40
tapping is helping us connect.
19:43
So when we're working with somebody who's
19:45
been traumatized and we tap with them,
19:47
we're connecting with them on such a
19:49
deep level. This is what's
19:51
also fascinating. When you tap with
19:54
somebody else, we connect so
19:56
much more than just talking. We're connecting really,
19:58
really in a deep subconscious way. So that's...
20:00
person feels not so isolated
20:03
anymore, they don't feel so alone. That's
20:06
what the tapping can do. And
20:08
the other thing is it empowers, it
20:11
gives us the ability to see
20:13
there is another way I can
20:15
respond. It sets us free, so
20:18
it empowers the client so they
20:20
don't feel that helpless feeling. So
20:23
tapping for trauma is, I would
20:26
say, the best method to use.
20:28
Yeah, and listen, you're in Israel right
20:31
now, and I know since October the
20:33
7th, you have been using every
20:36
single day because I follow you on all
20:38
your channels. And you
20:40
have nonstop committed your time, volunteered
20:42
hours to helping the victims of
20:44
trauma. And, you know, being in
20:47
Israel, every single person has been
20:49
traumatized by what happened in October
20:51
the 7th. Unfortunately, a lot of
20:53
people have been closely connected. There's
20:55
so much going on with the
20:58
conflict. Tapping has been used
21:00
around the world in war, in conflict. I
21:02
know in the Congo, I think it's been
21:04
used. People use it as
21:06
like almost like a first port of call,
21:09
almost immediately to help stop the
21:11
trauma from storing in the body. What
21:14
have you noticed since using it so
21:16
much since October the 7th? And I
21:19
guess, yeah, compared to like other modalities. So
21:22
definitely you can use it as a quick
21:24
calm down method. But the way I'm using,
21:26
as you said, every day I'm running a
21:28
group. The whole idea is
21:30
that we should balance our nervous system
21:33
in relationship to what's been going on
21:35
because nobody should have long
21:37
term PTSD and nobody should have long
21:39
term traumatization. So if we deal with
21:41
what's in front of us day by
21:43
day by day, we're coping much better.
21:45
So when we get together in the
21:47
group, we do this foreign benefits
21:50
group, some people will speak
21:52
up and some people won't. And then we
21:54
just do. Sometimes
21:57
it's 20 minutes, sometimes it's half an hour to
21:59
give people to time to talk and to
22:01
share. Sometimes we don't say
22:03
very much. Sometimes we just see
22:06
what's going on in our bodies. Sometimes
22:08
we may talk about emotions but just
22:11
doing the tapping together and
22:14
people will rate their numbers from 10
22:16
to 0. They come down and they're so
22:19
much calmer and then I'm getting
22:21
messages that people are sleeping better, they're able
22:23
to face things better. The whole
22:25
idea is whatever's going on we want to
22:27
think clearly and function as our best selves
22:29
and that's what we can do and I'm
22:32
grateful that I've got the opportunity to help
22:34
all the people. At the moment there's over
22:36
500 people in that group that
22:38
I'm able to help the people just
22:41
feel good in their body, sleep
22:43
better, feel calmer and also
22:46
feel connected because again one
22:48
of the most important human
22:50
basic needs is to feel
22:52
connected. More than anything
22:54
else, more than anything else that's what
22:56
we need. I'm not talking about food
22:59
and shelter. The next basic need is
23:01
to feel connected and meeting up as
23:03
a group is helping us all to
23:05
feel connected to each other especially with
23:08
what's going on in the outside world.
23:10
So here in Israel where I am
23:12
in Jerusalem we all feel so connected
23:14
and that sense of connection together
23:17
with the tapping. We
23:19
call the tapping emotional doublet d40.
23:21
What does tapping do? It
23:23
loosens. It loosens those stuck thoughts
23:26
so it takes the thoughts and
23:28
it loosens them. So we're applying
23:30
our emotional doublet d40 together in
23:32
a group and it's so
23:35
empowering. Hi,
23:39
so I'm just interrupting today's podcast because I wanted
23:42
to let you know about some upcoming
23:44
workshops that I've got opening in
23:46
July, June and July August actually.
23:49
So firstly I want to let you
23:51
know about my four session live Ask
23:53
Me At Anything. Now this is an
23:55
opportunity for you to come on live,
23:58
ask me questions, get some hot seat
24:00
coaching really to get some support you
24:02
know whether it's before or after a
24:04
diagnosis if you've got any burning questions
24:07
anything that you just wanted to ask
24:09
my advice on or guidance I'm
24:11
there I can't wait to do this
24:13
we've got the first one happening on
24:16
the 27th of June so that's literally
24:18
next week and this is
24:20
your opportunity just to come on meet the
24:22
like-minded people you can either send
24:24
me your question beforehand and I can answer
24:26
it live or you can come on on
24:28
camera or you can just write
24:31
in the chat now remember that whatever we do
24:33
these live sessions and you ask a question that
24:35
question is always going to be for someone else
24:37
as well and you know likewise when
24:39
someone else asks a question they are going to
24:42
always be asking for the collective and that is
24:44
what I think is so powerful about this community
24:46
we are all dealing with
24:48
things maybe differently and just different circumstances
24:50
but very much with ADHD we have
24:52
a lot of common denominators and that
24:54
is why I want to do these
24:56
four sessions there's one in June it's
24:58
the first one's June the 27th we've
25:00
got two in July and one in
25:02
August so these will be
25:04
recorded and you're able to really just
25:07
come on and tap into my knowledge
25:09
I really want to make this as
25:11
supportive and affordable as possible and I
25:13
just want to let you know about
25:15
a free webinar I'm doing with my
25:17
friend my colleague Adele Whimsett she's an
25:20
ADHD hormonal expert and what
25:22
she doesn't know about hormones and ADHD
25:24
is you know really is second to
25:26
none and this is happening on July
25:28
the 9th at 7pm and
25:31
with the conversation that we're going to be having is
25:34
about demystifying progesterone and ADHD
25:36
so we hear a lot
25:38
about oestrogen and perimenopause but
25:40
actually can we understand the
25:42
role of progesterone and perhaps the slightly
25:45
negative reputation it's had especially for those
25:47
of us who considered ourselves progesterone sensitive
25:49
and many of us with neurodivergent minds
25:51
and nervous systems we have very much
25:53
felt that progesterone is sort of the
25:55
anti-hero in our in our story so
25:57
this is happening on the 9th of
25:59
July. Now I know that all this
26:01
information is very overwhelming so I'm going
26:03
to just say go to my website
26:06
adhdwomenswellbeing.co.uk and you'll see on
26:08
the home page the two
26:10
buttons and all the information
26:12
is on there. Now back to today's episode.
26:15
What I'm hearing as well is that
26:17
it can help build resilience because we
26:19
can't control the outside world but what
26:22
we can control is how we react
26:24
to them and how we
26:26
can hopefully lessen some of the
26:28
anxiety and boost a bit of
26:30
our resilience and hopefully like
26:33
feel empowered that we can get through
26:35
that day and I
26:37
know that tapping is
26:39
incredibly effective at calming
26:41
and stabilizing our nervous
26:44
system, regulating and
26:46
also when we, I think with ADHD
26:49
especially, we're very prone to overthinking,
26:52
ruminating, getting really stuck in our
26:54
heads and like you said at
26:56
the beginning we are able to
26:58
gain more perspective and
27:01
that's a really hard thing to
27:03
gain when we believe
27:05
the thoughts that are going on in our head. So
27:07
to have a way of creating some
27:09
distance and some space for
27:11
me was probably one of the most powerful
27:14
things like I've used tapping in so
27:16
many different circumstances. Sometimes if I've had
27:18
a really crazy day, the kids have
27:20
been driving me mad, work's been hectic, rushing
27:22
around I feel like I haven't can't
27:24
breathe, I'll get in the shower and
27:26
under the hot water and I'll just tap
27:28
and I'll tap and something will shift,
27:30
I'll get out the shower five minutes
27:32
later and I'll be like
27:35
I feel totally different about the whole
27:37
day. There'll be maybe more gratitude like
27:39
thank God I've got my kids, thank
27:41
God I'm working, thank God
27:43
I'm able to have a busy life and I'll
27:46
get in the shower thinking I'm so stressed and
27:48
so overwhelmed and for me that
27:50
perspective shift has been probably
27:52
the most powerful because I know that
27:54
I'm prone to the negative thinking and
27:56
then the anxiety and I don't
27:58
know what are the modalities of it. would have
28:01
helped me, maybe medication, I don't know. But
28:04
for me it's always, and you know what's
28:06
really interesting, sometimes I forget about tapping and
28:09
I'll forget and I think maybe it's an ADHD thing again,
28:11
I forget that I even know it and I've not done
28:13
it for about a week and
28:15
I'll feeling so overwhelmed and frazzled and stressed and
28:17
exhausted and all these things and then something will
28:19
just pop in my head and go try
28:22
the tapping and I'll be like,
28:24
okay, so it's always there. Yes,
28:27
yes, it's always there. Some people like to do
28:29
it first thing in the morning and
28:31
don't always wait till you're feeling, you
28:34
know, till your number's gone up, just do it all at any time.
28:37
I also wanted to mention about surrogate
28:39
tapping a little bit if that's okay
28:41
because I think it's fascinating
28:43
to know that not only can you help yourself,
28:46
you can also help a loved one by
28:49
tuning into them and thinking about them. Okay,
28:51
so let's break this down. Let's just, you
28:53
know, for someone that's literally listening to this
28:55
right now and tapping is new to them,
28:58
explain sort of very simplistically what would happen.
29:00
Can you do surrogate tapping on your own
29:02
or does it have to be in a
29:04
session? Okay, so yes
29:07
to all of this first of all. Let's
29:09
define self-help and therapy. Now if I
29:12
want to just do something small for
29:14
day to day, I can do it
29:16
myself. If I need to do
29:19
something much deeper, if it's a deeper issue,
29:21
then I myself would go and speak to
29:23
somebody. That's for sure. So
29:25
as regards helping a loved one or a
29:27
child, let me just give
29:29
you some examples in the past couple of weeks. Babies
29:34
that cry less, children
29:37
calmer at school. So it's
29:39
wonderful when the headmaster rings
29:41
the parents up and say I've
29:44
noticed that your son, your 11
29:46
year old son, is much calmer
29:48
at school. Now in the session
29:50
with me, and the child has
29:52
no idea this is happening, the
29:54
mother tunes into her child and
29:57
has this imaginary dialogue. Now as if...
29:59
same way that you'd work as your
30:01
own client, we're talking
30:03
to the child and the child becomes
30:05
the client in our mind and we
30:08
have a conversation with the child and
30:10
the child feels the energy change. Yeah
30:13
but they won't know it, they won't know
30:15
this. They never know it, they never know
30:17
it. It could be in a different country,
30:19
you know, you can work for your adult
30:21
child, you can work for your spouse, your
30:23
partner. If you want to do it for
30:25
yourself, this would be my suggestion, you just
30:28
tune into your child, you bring up a
30:30
picture of them in your mind and then
30:32
just tap on yourself and acknowledging what you
30:34
see without any
30:36
judgment, without
30:39
any judgment. So you know I'm looking
30:41
at you and I can see that
30:43
you're looking angry today and you just
30:45
do a few rounds of saying that to
30:47
your child in your mind as you're
30:50
tapping, you know, when I say in your mind, they're
30:52
in your mind but you can say the words aloud,
30:54
I'm looking at you and I'm
30:56
noticing that you're really really angry today
30:58
and I'm noticing that you're
31:00
really really angry and even though I'm
31:02
seeing you really really angry, I acknowledge
31:04
how you feel and I send you
31:06
love and you would say that very
31:08
repetitively for about
31:11
two or three minutes you will notice
31:13
a difference. Yeah. And I summed in
31:15
one of my groups, she
31:17
said, I said bring up a picture of your
31:20
daughter, she's 17 and she's
31:22
all over the place, ADHD all over the place,
31:24
she's just running around the room, that's what I
31:26
can see. I'm looking at
31:28
you and I can see you're running around the
31:30
room and I can see you're running around the
31:32
room and I acknowledge your need to do that.
31:34
I acknowledge you're running around the
31:36
room and I'm sending you love and I
31:39
acknowledge you need to do that round
31:41
and around and around for
31:43
about three minutes just very
31:45
repetitively and then I said and how
31:48
is she looking now? She goes, oh she's stopped, she's
31:50
not running around the room anymore and
31:52
then she reported back to me the
31:54
next day to say that the daughter
31:56
was much calmer. Now you want me
31:59
to explain that I cannot, I
32:01
cannot. Again, my work is anecdotal
32:03
and I could talk about this
32:06
over and over again of different
32:08
examples. And that's what
32:10
sorrow that is having means. You tune into
32:12
a loved one, you talk about them, you
32:15
tap on yourself. Sometimes one
32:17
needs to release trauma from a loved one
32:19
because they can't do it themselves, it's too
32:21
painful. And a mother and a spouse
32:23
can do that. I
32:26
know this works really well with
32:28
things like nail biting, bed wetting,
32:32
junk food eating, messy
32:34
bedrooms. I'm just thinking of lots of
32:36
different things that I've seen it work
32:38
really well for. And what
32:41
the underlying tone
32:43
I always love about EFT is
32:45
this sort of acceptance. And when
32:48
we tap on, we do the
32:51
beginning statements, it's traditionally,
32:53
I love and accept myself. And
32:56
that love and accept myself and I send myself
32:59
love is always about we're
33:01
just recognizing where you are right now and
33:03
we're just accepting it. And kids
33:06
just need that, don't they? It's not
33:08
easy for us as parents in the
33:10
moment. We can be as reactive. And
33:12
if we're neurodivergent ourselves and we're parenting
33:15
other kids who are neurodivergent, it can
33:17
be really hard. There's often a
33:19
butt of heads and lots of
33:21
emotion, lots of dysregulation. And
33:23
it's only when we get a bit of distance and
33:26
a bit of space, insane
33:28
a session, like a surrogate session with you,
33:30
where we can say, I can
33:33
see that you're biting your nails and I can
33:35
see that it's really hard for you to stop
33:37
and I'm sending you love. And
33:39
I've seen, I did it with my daughter actually a
33:41
few years ago. And I noticed
33:43
a couple of weeks later, I didn't say anything.
33:45
And I noticed that her cuticles and her nails
33:48
were much better. And I said to her, I
33:50
said, I look at your beautiful nails and look
33:52
at your cuticles. She goes, Oh yeah, I've tried
33:54
really hard to not be picking them. So
33:57
it can be little things, can't it? Just little
33:59
sh... shifts. You
34:01
know how you say you can't explain it. I do believe
34:03
there's this quantum energy.
34:06
It can sort of be explained with
34:08
quantum physics. I'm not scientifically minded, but
34:11
we know that energy is everywhere.
34:14
And if we're able to direct as
34:16
a force of God and help and
34:18
send love and acceptance to a child
34:20
or a loved one, hopefully,
34:22
you know, there's always going to be
34:25
some positive shift. Sure. It's the idea
34:27
also that when we're feeling
34:29
a lack of something, so
34:31
if we're feeling angry or fearful, or
34:33
whatever emotion we're feeling, that it means
34:35
there's a lack of something in that
34:38
space. So what are we doing? We're
34:40
filling it with love. So when we
34:42
say I send love
34:45
to the part of me that's hurting,
34:47
or I love and accept myself anyway,
34:49
the body is receiving love in that
34:51
space. And then it doesn't need
34:54
to have that anger anymore. It doesn't need to
34:56
have the pain anymore. So when we
34:58
do it for ourselves, or whether we do it sorrowfully
35:00
for a loved one, telling them, you
35:03
know, I'm looking at you and I
35:05
love you anyway, that's what a child
35:07
needs to hear more than anything else.
35:09
And because we're tapping on ourselves at
35:11
the same time, if it's a mother,
35:13
for example, the mother's calming
35:15
herself down as she's
35:18
tuning into her child, because she's, she's
35:20
still going to start to feel better about it.
35:23
And she's taking the moment with me to step
35:26
into that space to acknowledge the child
35:28
and just get the connection with her.
35:31
And quite often the relationships really have
35:33
a massive shift, because she starts to
35:35
see the child, the child's only doing
35:37
the best they can.
35:39
And they have that ability to
35:41
see that. I love,
35:43
love the idea that sending love to
35:45
the parts of us that hurt is
35:48
the healing. And just by saying it,
35:50
even if we don't relieve it, say,
35:53
and you know, I would encourage everyone
35:55
to say, I love and accept myself
35:57
anyway, even if we don't relieve it.
36:00
our body needs to hear those words. So
36:03
that's the important thing. Let the body
36:05
hear those words. They may never have
36:07
heard them before. Like if you've had
36:10
a parent that was not emotionally connected
36:12
or dysfunctional, there may have been,
36:14
you know, neurodivergence going on
36:16
that we didn't even know about. And
36:18
we've never heard those words. Then
36:21
like you say, we need to hear
36:23
it. And I wanted to move that
36:25
on to in a child work as
36:27
well, because I know that EFT is
36:29
really helpful in healing the younger version
36:32
of us. And, you know, you've taught
36:34
me beautifully, and I've used it a
36:36
lot. And I've seen how
36:38
healing it can be for the version of us
36:40
to go back to the eight year old version
36:42
of us who didn't get the
36:44
care or the love or something happened in
36:46
that situation. And we go back and heal.
36:49
And how that then comes back to the
36:51
present version of us and impacts,
36:54
you know, as for the rest of our life. It's
36:57
just beautiful, because sometimes we need to go for
36:59
example, say to the seven year old child within
37:01
us that's hurting. And we go and help
37:05
that child understand herself even so
37:07
much more, especially, you know, when
37:09
children are being told sit still,
37:11
be still, you know, and we
37:13
can't, we're giving back all
37:15
of that to them in that memory and
37:18
filling that space so that then they feel
37:20
better, they feel connected, and we're connecting to
37:22
our own inner child. So
37:24
again, we're giving love to our inner child,
37:26
we're connecting to our inner child, where sometimes
37:29
we've got to take away the shock of
37:31
something that happened. And once
37:33
the inner child inside of us feels better, then
37:35
we can live much more in the moment. I
37:38
mean, that's what we want to do is whatever's
37:40
going on in our lives, we want to feel
37:43
in the moment and have healthy responses and accept
37:45
ourselves because none of us are perfect. So we
37:47
want to accept all parts of us. And
37:50
I always think like guilt, shame,
37:52
self judgment are a route
37:54
to nowhere. And I would banish them.
37:57
We banish, we banish any guilt, we
37:59
banish any self judgments, we've banished shame
38:01
because there's no there's no
38:03
plus sign to having it. It doesn't serve us in
38:05
any way. So we're able to do
38:07
that with the tapping. I think what
38:09
happens is the minute someone tries it and they
38:11
really resonate with it, they think I want to learn
38:14
how to do this. But we
38:16
can use this very simply.
38:18
I know you've got videos, I've got videos,
38:21
like you say every morning. It's just part
38:23
of our, you know, the morning routine. If
38:25
you know you don't kind of align with
38:27
meditation of sort of sitting there, the tapping
38:29
and maybe visualising how you want your day
38:31
to go of, you know, closing
38:33
your eyes, tapping and just sort of seeing the
38:36
day going calmly and everything
38:38
kind of just falling into place and
38:40
accepting where you are right now, you
38:42
know, with your day. There's just so
38:44
many different, that's what I love about
38:47
it. It's so flexible. I'm
38:49
wondering if it would be helpful if I give
38:51
two suggestions for people so you've got something to
38:53
go away with. So there's two things
38:55
that I think would be useful to do. So
38:58
one is tune into how you
39:00
feel, rate at
39:02
zero to ten. Zero is always the calmest
39:04
and ten is the worst. And then, you
39:07
know, why don't we just go around the points
39:09
and I'll just show you just by tapping very,
39:11
very gently on each point. And there's the eyebrow
39:13
point. I'm going to name the points as I
39:16
go around the eyebrow points. And
39:18
then you can spend maybe 10 to 15 times
39:20
on each point. So if you're doing it
39:23
silently, I would be quite slow with the
39:25
tapping and then side of the eye, 10
39:29
to 15 times on each point and then under
39:31
the eye, very gently,
39:34
very, very gently, then under the
39:36
nose. And I would
39:38
say go around maybe two or three times,
39:40
not more than three or four minutes. That's
39:42
it. And then the chin point.
39:46
And then we come down to the collarbone point.
39:49
Just very, very gently. And
39:51
it's a doing thing. As I said, again, it's a
39:53
doing thing. We're not being still with doing. We can
39:56
do it with breath work as well. We can just
39:58
take nice breaths while we're doing it. and
40:00
we're trusting the tapping to hit them up and then
40:03
the arms at arm point which
40:05
is just about three inches
40:07
below the arm hit and then the
40:09
top of the head point and then
40:11
you can just keep going around so that would
40:14
be one thing we would do and then we
40:16
take a breath in and
40:18
blow it out and then you
40:20
measure where you're up to and then you repeat
40:22
as necessary so that's one thing you
40:25
could do the other thing is
40:27
have a rant
40:29
as you tap so just say exactly
40:31
how you feel so
40:34
I'm feeling in a bad mood today
40:36
I'm not I'm not liking how my
40:38
day is going and I'm feeling on
40:40
whatever it is I'm feeling just
40:43
go around and let yourself say
40:46
whatever because I promise you you
40:48
will not make yourself worse by
40:52
saying it and tuning into how you
40:54
feel you do not feel
40:56
worse it you'll feel better so
40:59
whether I'm angry I'm upset name the
41:01
feeling say the feelings give yourself permission
41:04
to say whatever you like go
41:06
around the points a few times saying how
41:08
you feel and then just checking in afterwards
41:10
and that is so simple and it's at
41:12
your fingertips yeah fingertips you can do as
41:14
you know as you know I
41:16
love that one that's one of my favorite ones
41:19
because what happens is it could be two
41:22
rounds it could be four rounds but eventually
41:24
you'll be like oh I've run out of
41:26
runs now and actually you kind of think
41:28
look at the person you're ranting about the
41:31
situation and you think oh
41:33
actually maybe they are doing the best that they
41:35
can maybe it's not as bad or I've got
41:37
I could actually do this or maybe I need
41:39
to speak to that person and get some help
41:41
I find it so resourceful it's like tapping into
41:43
our inner resources cleans all the
41:45
muck allows us to
41:47
tap in words I
41:50
really I literally how many
41:52
years do we all now five years later and
41:55
I still rave about
41:57
it because I've seen how it works and
41:59
I see, I've done it with my kids,
42:01
I've done it, you know, with all
42:04
my daughters for different reasons. And
42:07
they see it works as well.
42:09
And their kids are the most cynical. And as
42:11
they get older, teenagers are the hardest ones. But
42:13
when you crack a teenager, or you
42:15
crack a man, I mean, I don't want to generalise, but
42:19
that it can be really, really amazing.
42:22
The last thing I wanted to talk to you about, because you
42:24
taught me this as well, and I've shown this to a lot
42:26
of people, is the touch
42:28
and hold. So we're not actually
42:30
tapping, we're just holding. And I
42:33
do this where I'm holding on
42:35
touching. Touch and breathe. Touch and
42:37
breathe. Touch and breathe. And I
42:39
hold, and
42:42
I go round. And again,
42:44
that's just really calming. Yeah.
42:46
Yeah. So just touching each point.
42:50
So I like to start off first of all
42:52
by crossing hands over chest. So I do that
42:54
first. And
42:57
the breath out. And
42:59
when it comes to touch and breathe, I like to
43:02
do two rounds. We like to
43:04
do two rounds. So we're touching each point,
43:06
breathing in, holding it,
43:09
and blowing out. And
43:12
doing that on each point, breathing
43:14
in, holding it, and breathing out.
43:16
And the breath out is more important,
43:18
because it's the breathing out. When we're
43:20
breathing out, we're emptying. And when
43:23
we're emptying, we get quiet inside. And I
43:25
think it's a mistake that we make sometimes.
43:27
We think it's not good to be quiet
43:29
inside. I would say the quieter
43:31
we are inside, the more resourceful
43:33
we are, and the more in control we
43:36
are, and the better we feel. You know,
43:38
our aim is always to have,
43:40
as you were describing before, you
43:42
were describing what we call a
43:44
cognitive shift, which means the relationship
43:46
to whatever's bothering us changes. The
43:48
relationship to the thought changes. So
43:50
where's the thoughts gripping us? Then
43:53
we get this shift in our cognition.
43:55
We see it differently. And sometimes just doing
43:57
the touch and breathe will allow us to
43:59
see it. different and you know that's a
44:01
third way. So we can do the silent
44:03
tapping, we can do the rant and tapping
44:05
or we do the touch and breathe which
44:07
is just going around each point. Breathing
44:10
in and end
44:12
off again. It's
44:15
so so helpful. I mean
44:17
to finish off I know you train teachers,
44:19
you've gone into schools, I
44:22
know that doctors are now starting
44:24
to to recognise it midwives I've
44:26
worked with, you know helping with
44:28
labour, post-traumatic stress after a
44:30
labour that's you know been very difficult. There's just
44:32
so many different ways. I mean I've helped people
44:35
drive and test, job interviews,
44:38
doing something like a big workshop.
44:41
It's so flexible in so many
44:43
different ways. So tell people how
44:45
they can find you, if they want to work
44:47
with you, like how do you work Pearl? So
44:51
my name is Pearl Lopian. You
44:53
can actually just google me, that's
44:55
for a start. You
44:58
can find me on Facebook and
45:00
Instagram, just put my name in.
45:03
My website is efttappinginstitute.com and you'll
45:06
find me, you'll find me. I'm out
45:08
there. I really love the fact that
45:10
millions and millions of people are now
45:12
knowing so much more about tapping. Back
45:14
in the day after 15-16 years when
45:17
I used to have to explain myself, I don't
45:20
have to do that anymore. It's nice
45:22
to know that people are realising how
45:25
amazing it is and I'm teaching more and
45:27
more people how to use it for trauma. That
45:29
is, you know, unfortunately that's what's big in
45:31
Israel at the moment and more and more people
45:33
are learning how to use this to release
45:36
trauma because it's in the moment as well
45:38
as for the past. So
45:40
it's so versatile, it's got everything in it.
45:42
It's a blend of the talk therapy, it's
45:44
talking. We need to talk, we need to
45:47
tell our story, we need people to hear.
45:50
So we're doing that. But just talking about
45:52
the story doesn't make it go away. Talking
45:54
and tapping about it makes
45:57
it go away. Yeah, so it's a spectrum
45:59
you're in. able to use it from trauma
46:01
to what you were talking about, attracting abundance
46:03
and manifestation. And that's
46:05
what's beautiful about it because it can
46:08
be used in so many different scenarios.
46:10
And you have been, you know, you've
46:12
been pivotal in my journey, Pearl, and
46:14
many other people's journeys and, you know,
46:16
what you've contributed over the past sort
46:18
of seven months now has been,
46:21
you know, huge. And yeah, I just want
46:23
to thank you for everything that you do.
46:25
And I'll put all
46:27
the details in the podcast episode, show notes,
46:30
so people will find you. Thank
46:32
you so much. Yes, and I am starting. I
46:34
am starting. It will be every two weeks. We'll
46:36
be doing borrowing benefits groups. So
46:40
that will be on a Tuesday at 4.30. Okay.
46:43
So if people want to get in touch with
46:45
you about some of the group works. If they
46:47
want to join the group, that's, I'd be delighted.
46:49
Okay, perfect. I think people will find
46:51
that, as you say, borrowing benefits work so fast.
46:54
So it'll be fascinating. And one of
46:56
the meetings will be for General Streat and the
46:58
other one will be for Soregut. Fantastic.
47:01
Well, thank you. And
47:03
we'll speak very soon. Thank
47:06
you very, very much. I
47:11
really hope you enjoyed this week's
47:13
episode. If you did, and it
47:15
resonated with you, I would absolutely love it
47:17
if you could share on your platforms or
47:20
maybe leave a review and a rating wherever
47:22
you listen to your podcasts. And
47:24
please do check out my
47:27
website, ADHD, women's wellbeing.co.uk for
47:29
lots of free resources and
47:31
paid for workshops. I'm uploading new things all
47:34
the time and I would absolutely love to
47:36
see you there. Take
47:38
care and see for the next episode.
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