4:00

Energy. Holy shit. Uh

4:02

oh. Holy shit, man. He

4:04

just got off Torgasm too. I know.

4:06

He was out doing his little fish

4:09

and trips. It's not what Tor's

4:11

supposed to be. He's supposed to sleep

4:13

and stay in a dark room all day watching true

4:15

crime on my TV that nobody wants to watch with

4:17

me. Is it that much still? Is it bad? Is

4:20

it like you- Now bad's the wrong word.

4:22

It's so fun. No, I know it's fun. I just

4:24

mean like are you like find yourself

4:27

against your own wishes like having to be like partying

4:29

all the time or up all night like just like.

4:32

Yes. I've done a couple of nights with

4:34

it but I still go I'm

4:36

sorry I have to go to bed. I can't do

4:38

anything. You do feel like the the jag when you

4:40

do that though and this weekend was particular.

4:44

I hear this weekend was a particular I

4:46

had a couple outs. I have Sodor with me

4:48

and for the first three shows I had Dave

4:50

Attell. Dave Attell's an easy out. You could always

4:52

just roll with Attell because he does what he

4:54

wants to do. No activities during the

4:56

day. Doesn't

4:59

even pretend to take part. He goes to the hotel

5:01

the second day. He stays up all

5:03

night Dave. He has the same regimen as Dracula. He

5:05

does. He stays up all night. Then

5:08

there's that situation as you feel bad

5:10

then going to bed knowing that

5:12

when that's why I started I

5:14

learned by day two I'm going to

5:16

bed I'm gonna start making the move to go

5:18

to bed because other people start

5:21

going and you're out there with Dave. You

5:23

know we all want to be happy and we all

5:25

love him and respect him so much. It's

5:27

just you feel like no dude I definitely want to stay

5:30

up till six in the morning with you and then you'll

5:32

go to a hotel and then in

5:34

four hours I'm going to find out that Bert's

5:36

you know we have to go deep water fishing.

5:41

And he sets up the day trips and stuff like

5:43

that. Yeah. Yeah there's always a thing

5:45

to do. They got last day. I'm so susceptible man. It's

5:48

so easy. I go. I

5:50

go hey when I woke up the last day

5:53

I was like it's the last day I just

5:55

got to get I got to get all my stuff out of the bus put

5:57

in the hotel. So I was

5:59

like they got. I go, Jay, you going to the

6:01

surf lessons and stuff? And I went, I

6:05

went no. And they went,

6:08

okay. And then Bert goes, no, you're not gonna

6:10

go? And I was like, nah, not on this one, buddy. I did

6:12

them all this week. I go, give me, I

6:14

need one to just go

6:16

recollect. And he goes, how

6:18

about you come for like an hour? And

6:21

the runner will take you back if you want to go in an hour. And

6:23

I was like, you

6:25

know, everyone's standing around you and I'm still brushing my

6:27

teeth and I have wipes in my front pocket because

6:30

I'm gonna go take a show. I just took a

6:32

shit also. And you're like, okay.

6:36

You went? I did everything. You went

6:38

surfing? No, you didn't

6:40

have to surf. Me

6:43

and Dan just, me and

6:45

Dan just rode waves like

6:47

with our bodies. I don't like that these

6:49

guys got banged boozled into a TV show.

6:52

Oh yeah. This is a TV show. So

6:55

is it all content driven? Or is it just like,

6:57

let's go have fun because we're on the road and

7:00

otherwise we're gonna be sleeping in our hotel rooms? No.

7:03

This is one million percent

7:05

content driven. I hope it comes out.

7:07

I hope it comes out in HBO just like Torghasm.

7:10

And it's just like a 10 episode

7:12

mark. Me and Dan, I'm surprised he wasn't really.

7:15

They make Jay the fucking, the sleepy

7:17

one, the sleepy dwarf. True.

7:21

I mean, they. It's basically, it is, it's basically

7:23

like he releases it on his channels, but it

7:25

is a show. It's fully produced. Yeah, fully produced.

7:27

Me and Dan could walk away.

7:30

Would be walking away to like talk

7:32

shit or not even just whatever. And then you

7:35

just like, even the conversation like when we go

7:37

get on the electric bikes or we'll go smoke a

7:39

joint, blah, blah. And then you just look up and

7:41

there's like a little microphone. They'll be like, huh? Jesus.

7:43

Are they following you with a boom? Yes. If

7:46

they're following you with a boom, it's not just on the camera.

7:48

It's not a. A lot of times it's just camera,

7:50

but sometimes there's a boom. And

7:52

there's a, and they're all great. His

7:54

whole crew is fucking great, man. They're

7:56

all so good. Everyone does

7:58

their job, like phenomenal. The way that thing

8:00

runs is you know, I did it

8:03

with like bands and shit before and it's like a major

8:05

production for that for like the biggest bands Some

8:08

of the biggest bands and it's this production is

8:10

not but it's more than a like you get

8:12

hired to do a comedy show What

8:15

do you mean? Well, you're really doing a TV show

8:17

with comedy in it, right? They're

8:19

not filming the comedy right? They film everything

8:21

I think so they filmed the whole thing

8:23

and but you're also doing shit during the

8:25

day So you're filming a TV show kind

8:27

of your content house content house. It's content

8:29

house. I am I'm

8:32

so past Like I can't

8:34

I wouldn't be able to I'd have to go he

8:36

had to rename it partially loaded. I Can't

8:40

even like I I am so now on the

8:42

road Just like wanted to get to bed like

8:44

just do nothing do the show and nothing else

8:46

I've been to every state a million times. I

8:48

don't want to see like the this

8:50

or that I to think that like they'd

8:53

be like, alright, let's go we're going to

8:55

do, you know We're taking you know Candlemaking

8:57

I'm doing this weekend. It was you know

9:00

it into surfing. I took a

9:02

surf lesson once we did a four once

9:06

Yeah, we did a J's

9:09

fake smile and I

9:11

mean that everybody else is really having

9:13

and J's just fake. Oh Shit.

9:16

Oh, yeah, by the way, that's here. I want to

9:18

I want to be doing tummy time in my hotel

9:22

They got one shot at that

9:25

photo Jay gave him one shot

9:27

at getting a photo No,

9:30

I did a couple those up on the bow and I tell

9:32

you what felt like I was gonna fall twice. I don't See

9:36

this is being raised by mom and grandma for

9:38

too many years and my step-pop not being an

9:40

outdoorsman is That it's that's

9:42

all icky to me. I don't

9:44

want to touch it when the guy would just go We were all sitting

9:46

in the front there and at one point the

9:48

guy when he brought him one of the fish He just throws

9:50

it down by our feet and it starts flopping around and I

9:52

feel it Huh, huh, and I jump up because

9:55

I don't like that then he made me hold one Then

9:57

they throw back it now. I will say all these things

10:00

I mean this I would tell who gives a shit. I would tell

10:02

you if I didn't have fun or whatever They were all fun and

10:05

fun things to do It's just you're doing

10:07

the thing and you sort of even you

10:09

can now me personally. This is very much

10:11

my thing I can't let go of the

10:13

idea that I need time to go I

10:15

have to in these hotel rooms. Keep in

10:17

mind unpack entirely You

10:19

know, I mean open that entire back to take all

10:21

my toiletry everything out and get a

10:24

shower Now you're also collecting

10:26

dirty clothes. I'm a person. It's like I don't

10:28

just put everything back in the bag I

10:30

have a dirty clothes bag now that

10:32

I'm packing back in the suitcase and everything's just

10:34

like So it's unpack

10:36

take five seconds to yourself Take

10:39

a shit take a shower and then the

10:41

thing is you go but when you go back It's

10:44

it's a thing. You got to bring all the

10:46

luggage back put the suitcase under the bus put

10:48

your bag back on the bus that you know

10:51

that bags gonna have to come apart because that's where you put the Sleeping

10:53

shorts and so it's just a lot of that.

10:56

You know, I mean, yeah, you gotta put stuff

10:58

here and there and everything The I like going

11:00

to a hotel. Yeah one time. Yeah unpack Everything's

11:03

everywhere the last night right

11:05

after the show I go back to the room. I

11:08

pack everything So the morning

11:10

I wake up my pants my socks

11:12

my underwear toothbrush same hat ready to

11:14

go Put it on brush

11:16

my teeth out the fucking door. Take a

11:19

key just in case same one scan in

11:21

the car on the plane home My

11:24

suitcase Empty

11:27

that fix that my suitcase is standing up

11:29

now. I've started I don't know why

11:31

anything was before toothbrush and toothpaste

11:33

travel within my carry bag my

11:35

strip my backpack So

11:38

I can close my suitcase up

11:40

completely the night before all

11:42

I gotta do is brush my teeth Dry off

11:44

the toothbrush. Yeah, put my carry on bag. I'm

11:46

out the door. I've known how to reflect so

11:49

doing this though Four

11:51

times over five days the entire

11:53

thing that when it got to stuff where I agreed I'm

11:55

like, let's go to the beach for like an hour. I

11:57

went Okay, I'll go for

11:59

now And then like the second wave of the

12:02

these are such minor trivial. Are you afraid if you

12:04

say no? He's gonna like be

12:06

mad at you if you go dude. I

12:08

ain't doing fucking surf and go fuck yourself

12:11

No, but it's understood that like, you know

12:15

He knows David tells not gonna do it. It's totally

12:17

fun. He doesn't have shorts But

12:20

I'm not in this case you have It

12:22

makes you in a fucking in a barracuda

12:24

jacket and then five hats on

12:26

whatever he's wearing now Dave on the surfboard

12:28

with his black car heart Jay

12:32

with his little finger was mittens in a

12:34

wallet He's

12:38

holding like a big cool on a I I

12:42

didn't do the that pool day. They were just showing there.

12:44

I did not do the pool. How

12:46

does Bert do it though? How does

12:48

I don't understand? Well, I'll tell you what I'm

12:51

an after big-time napper. Yeah, he's a big napper

12:53

So like also that's what I'm saying. That's what's interesting

12:55

too. And also the way he he lives He's just

12:58

by the way, he's made for that. This is not

13:00

a bad thing I've been on a bunch of tours

13:02

now and the people who are the most Like

13:04

love it and get into it as people that go like

13:07

yeah No, I might not shower today and if I

13:09

do I'll grab one backstage of the place and like I

13:12

Don't care if someone knocks and I'll take a shit somewhere

13:14

here at the venue And do you know

13:16

I mean like when people can live like that

13:18

they kill it. Oh shit. I

13:20

stink man I gotta take a shower. Finally.

13:22

I can't live like that. You can't live

13:24

like that. No besides Bert Yeah, besides

13:27

Bert and other people on the tour that

13:29

are our age or older are all gotten

13:31

ho Or just do you secretly share looks

13:33

like? We

13:36

want some dirt dirt what have anybody

13:38

I understand like no fight yet. It's

13:40

an experience That's it's it costs money.

13:42

Like it's a nice thing. He's doing

13:44

it's a great You know, it is amazing

13:46

to do these extra things make these memories how these

13:48

laughs it is But like when it's

13:50

like but I like when it comes organically like it'd be

13:52

tough for me like a lot of times I'm like I

13:56

Need to have downtime

13:58

quiet before this show tonight You can't

14:00

just go from that to the... It's

14:02

just like... It's not as black and white as right or wrong,

14:04

who's right or wrong in that situation. Burt's

14:06

kind of right, and I do believe, like, again,

14:09

it is expected, because he lives his whole life

14:11

in content. He even says that he's

14:13

worried about that in his life, that it's so much like

14:15

anything that happens in his life that he's not even filming,

14:17

he's like, please God, someone be filming this. Which

14:20

is like a scary place to be, where he says

14:22

he's worried about being too performative.

14:24

But I do, and call me a

14:27

sucker if you want, I believe in

14:29

the boyish innocence of Burt, to

14:31

the degree that like, in his mind though, and he

14:33

is, and he means it, and he's right. When we

14:35

all go, everyone has a blast. He's

14:38

creating memories with Frank. He's like, yo, I

14:40

get to do this with people I picked

14:42

to do this, and it's like, man, I'm

14:45

gonna be on a boat with Jay,

14:47

Soder, Mark Normans and

14:49

everything, and we're fishing and re-owning fish. He does,

14:51

he loves it. The rest of

14:53

us, we're the cynical ones. So

14:55

like... Because we're comics. Of course.

14:58

That's what we do. We

15:01

rip everything apart, we're cynical about everything. I

15:03

told you outside, me and Sal, especially two

15:05

people who have had many, me

15:08

and him, maybe me, you, and

15:10

one other person, emotional

15:12

conversations about comedy,

15:16

the business, the quote

15:18

unquote art of what we do, or something, because

15:20

we know, you gotta keep it to three of us,

15:23

because we know it's cheese dick, but this is our

15:25

moment to have that moment. We're stoned or whatever, you

15:27

know what I mean? And you

15:29

can have that sitting in a big circle

15:31

when it's crossover to a jelly roll being

15:33

there and burnt, and having a musician who

15:35

is great, complimenting your stuff.

15:39

I don't know how to take that and give that

15:41

conversation back, you know, you're just like, ah, you're great,

15:43

dude. Because they're always like, the

15:45

poetry, which is how you talk, and this isn't even

15:47

to me. Forget it, I'm not saying this to me,

15:49

just like, the mastery,

15:52

the way, and the builds. I think you're saying in

15:54

Chad Daniels, he's like, you build, it's like a rock

15:56

show, it's like you open with this thing, you set

15:58

a tone, and then it. Bill, and you're just gonna

16:00

sit there and go, thank you. You just keep

16:03

saying that. I don't know what to say. It's such a weird

16:06

grand thing. You know what I mean? And you're like,

16:08

if you do it, if you get wrapped into it,

16:11

you can get wrapped into it, we all can. But then you're

16:13

like, but my personality is the

16:15

guy who goes, what are you jerk offs

16:17

babbling? And be like, shut up, who cares? Oh,

16:21

the art, the way we work them with them,

16:23

we get in their heads and do things like,

16:25

shut up about it. David Tell

16:27

called it behind the music talk, which is fucking

16:29

hilarious. He goes, you

16:31

guys done with the behind the music talk

16:33

back there? David, why couldn't you just say

16:35

that? I mean, putting- he's

16:38

not gonna do it. Jelly Roll, I mean,

16:40

Jelly Roll's a, man, it's great. Great guy,

16:42

but when they start fighting, when actors,

16:44

musicians get into there, they love jerking each

16:46

other off with the art of what they've,

16:48

and I get it, because they're amazing. It's

16:50

a more serious art. The art is rooted

16:52

in serious, that's why. So what are you

16:55

talking about? Like, how Jay's levels of, hey,

16:57

about pussy jokes, how I fucked

16:59

a stool, because the way you

17:01

grabbed the stool, other people grabbed the stool, but

17:03

you kind of grabbed it, and I was like, that's a woman.

17:06

I didn't even see wood, I saw her female.

17:08

And when you went and you started banging it,

17:10

it was like, I felt like emotion. Shut the

17:12

fuck up. Dude, the way that you do that

17:17

Mexican voice is- It's

17:20

crazy. No, it really is, that's what I mean.

17:22

It's that kind of- When you get scared and

17:24

terrified, I was scared. I was like,

17:26

is there a spider? Like,

17:29

you're amazing. Look at me, Sal, look at

17:31

me. Unfucker, you're amazing.

17:34

Yeah, you feel weird, because you don't want to be like- It's because

17:36

you're- Jay, when you go, hey, where are you from? I

17:39

believe you. I believe you. That's all

17:41

I get to do. I'm like, this is nuts. All I want

17:43

to be is someone that you believe what

17:46

I'm doing. Yeah. It's a good compliment.

17:48

Fuck it, assholes. Do you believe it? Now listen,

17:50

again, it's the thing, too- Listen, I should talk,

17:52

I did a prayer circle with Dane and Gary

17:54

Gohman. Of course, dude, you did everything. Guys, kick

17:56

ass tonight. You wrote a horse, you tore your

17:58

ACL, playing touch football. I

24:00

think you're great on stage. Because I'll do

24:02

that and you don't have to talk at all. I walked away.

24:04

I was like, I can't even stay. You're like, no, was it

24:06

always with the ball or was it wherever without the ball? I

24:08

think I even did this. I

24:11

think I did a summer sanitarium tour

24:13

1997. I picture

24:15

it. You

24:17

turned into a frickin'... Baltimore, Maryland, Raven Stadium.

24:19

It's a brand new stadium at the time.

24:22

I got crotch rock from a long walk in the

24:24

hot summer sun and I forgot to baby powder my

24:27

inner thighs. I had what

24:29

I would call was debilitating inner thighs and

24:31

yet I sat there and you

24:34

and that midget just wowed the shit out of me

24:36

in a way I've never seen. Hey,

24:39

what's up? I'm BK Burglar, Bob

24:42

Kelly, AKA The Rooster. I'm

24:46

Big J O'Kerson. I only have one

24:48

AKA. I'm a cowboy. Look, if

24:50

you love the ball fire, which you know you do, this

24:54

is just half of the show. That's right.

24:56

This is the podcast version, everybody. So

24:58

if you want to hear the whole

25:01

thing, go to siriusxm.com/bonfire to

25:03

get the whole thing. Yeah, you get tons of other

25:05

entertainment too. It's not just us. You got other shows

25:07

that you can go to after you listen to our

25:09

show. You can go to all kinds of other shows

25:11

and you know what, tell a friend. But

25:13

most importantly, this show. Yeah, this show. Just

25:15

go to the show. Do something resembling anything.

25:21

I went into this cellar, I think it was last week.

25:24

I was there late and I came in Josh

25:27

was holding court with all the new.

25:30

Josh Adamarves. Josh Adamarves was

25:32

holding court and just, you know

25:34

what happens is when you're up on stage, I walked

25:36

in and go, fuck all of you.

25:39

Although you guys are all fucking losers.

25:41

This table stinks and you guys

25:43

suck. The fact that you're literally looking

25:46

Josh in the eye while he's preaching

25:48

whatever horse shit. And then

25:50

they all started laughing. And then we just started trashing out

25:52

and Josh was like, God, I was just telling them, shut

25:54

up. That

25:57

is the sad state of New York

25:59

City comedy. right now in this regard that

26:01

I'm saying that table that Bobby's

26:03

talking to the walked up to and that was

26:05

happening is a table that when

26:08

I started comedy and by the way the

26:10

city's greats were there every night

26:12

Colin Quinn. The Paulo

26:15

Keith Patrice Bobby. Norton

26:18

you know this is young time

26:20

before I'm a kid yeah, I'm saying we're going

26:22

in there and we're sitting at a different table.

26:24

This is me and Kevin Hart and key and Kurt

26:26

sitting at a different table because

26:29

we're not there yet, but we know that you know we

26:31

were brought in by key so they all know us. Not

26:35

one of them ever gave us

26:37

one piece of comedy on stage

26:39

advice or tell us what the thing

26:41

is and how you should approach it. In fact if you

26:43

had a good joke they would shit on it they would

26:46

make they would tell you that that they would say we

26:48

should they would just and if you did it too much.

26:51

You get shit for them everything was a a

26:54

beat down that built a character.

26:56

Now's a bunch of guys going up there. You got

26:58

to go up there and just it's

27:01

like uncorking your mind. Well what I'm saying

27:03

is that the comedy stores on its way

27:05

back. I mean Rogan did take a lot

27:07

of shot the fuck up. Yeah,

27:10

we didn't even walk. I remember one night, somebody

27:12

was like hey there got news thing you want

27:14

to watch it is a yeah come

27:16

down and I can go fight this

27:18

right we didn't watch each other's time

27:20

it just go you're funny fuck face

27:22

just go do your comedy come back

27:25

up here and we're going to trash

27:27

the world. Yeah and be what we

27:29

were. But I think now it's I can't

27:31

friends with funny people you become friends with

27:34

the next guy because he's the next guy

27:36

or some do you know, I mean it's

27:38

that's right organic thing like everybody

27:40

that was doing comedy was funny outside of

27:42

comedy. That's why they started comedy right that's

27:44

why you know I plenty of some of

27:46

the most hilarious people to me aren't like

27:48

the top people. I mean she would say

27:50

that I'm saying there's people

27:53

who I find as funny off stage as

27:57

them is on stage I guess isn't there whatever you

27:59

like that so yeah. It's just a weird thing to like, who's

28:02

the best comic of this group gives a shit.

28:04

Yeah, like what the fuck is up with your

28:06

fingernails? These, these. You

28:09

gotta, you gotta fucking stop, Joe. Well,

28:11

this has been- That's Mother of Pearl. Well, they got,

28:14

no, it's Friday- That's Mother of Pearl. Friday, they all

28:16

did Mani Peddi's. I'm sorry, that was,

28:18

I'm sorry, that was part of the tourgasm. No,

28:20

no, no, this was all last week, but you

28:23

had these all last week here with you. The Mother

28:25

of Pearl? Yeah, well, they're just growing out. You did

28:27

not have Mother of Pearl. I haven't changed his wife.

28:30

I mean, dude, they, I saw your fingers coming

28:32

up while you were walking

28:34

up to Sirius. Nice. I mean, they look

28:36

beautiful in a weird

28:39

way. I mean, they're shiny Mother of Pearl

28:41

fingernails. Mother of Pearl, I think, is

28:43

slept on. Yeah, but the key word is mother. They should be

28:45

on a mom. It's not my friend,

28:48

Jay. But there's something about the Pearl, the

28:50

Mother of Pearl. It's iridescent, it has little

28:52

flashes of other color. It's got a little

28:54

flake. Yeah, it's like jizz. Flex. Very

28:57

much like jizz. Flex of a color in it. It's

29:00

crazy. But yeah, I do believe I was-

29:02

You have fucking trends. I do believe-

29:04

Fingertips, dude. I do believe I was able

29:06

to talk the production out into one of

29:08

next week's activities being

29:12

manis. Oh, did you really? Did

29:14

you really? Yeah. That's fun. You're

29:17

gonna get mani-pedis? Yeah, why not?

29:19

Go full gay on this tour. I'm

29:21

going to. I could sit and get a mani or

29:23

a pedi. Yeah, but you're not gonna get color

29:26

on your fingers. Well, I'll go with where the

29:28

waves go. You would just- No. Let

29:30

me ask you, everybody's doing it. I'm not above a mother of

29:32

pearl. You don't control the ocean, Bobby. I'm gonna pick, you get

29:35

mother of pearl, I pay, I got it. I wanna see it.

29:37

You don't think I could live my life a quarter mile at

29:39

a time? I- You

29:41

know what? This is fucking ridiculous,

29:43

dude. You know, two people, Sal Valcano

29:45

and Dominic Toretto. You don't have to

29:47

live their lives. You

29:50

know what was really weird this weekend? You were having

29:52

a great time. I had a

29:54

rough time, started out a little rough,

29:57

tried to sneak me into a

29:59

condo. sneak you? Yeah,

30:01

they, Hotel Hotel showed up, condo, and

30:03

then was like this isn't a condo.

30:05

I'm like, well there's people that actually

30:08

live here so that

30:10

would make it a condo apartment hashtag.

30:12

You know, hotel is, everybody

30:14

leaves, you know, at one

30:16

point. You're not a moron. I checked myself

30:19

out immediately. I was like, I'm sorry, you know,

30:21

I, I, no. What are you talking, this is

30:23

a permanent hotel. Yeah, this

30:26

weather's a guy with three dogs next door. Or

30:29

pet friendly. Not pet friendly. So

30:31

anyways. If you need housekeeping, just

30:34

call down and hire a

30:36

housekeeper. It was,

30:38

I can't stay where I know

30:40

Luis Gomez was jerking off a

30:43

month ago. At best jerking

30:45

off. At best jerking off. You

30:48

can't stay in most places. You

30:50

can't fly, you can't take a

30:52

bus. It wound up being a

30:54

good time though. The club was great, except

30:56

for the two, the last show, front row. He's

30:58

telling me I like a good problem. I love

31:02

stage bro. It was too fucking, as soon as

31:04

I got up, too kind

31:07

of hot, middle-aged, have their

31:09

shit together. That's my

31:11

rule at the village, the pussycat, when I do

31:13

my hour on Tuesday, I have a rule. Me

31:16

or uglier front row. Got

31:19

it. You can't put somebody hotter

31:22

than me, they have to be me or

31:24

uglier. Which is a low bar. I understand

31:26

that. Disagree. I'll talk to you about this.

31:28

Hard disagree. Thank you guys, I appreciate that.

31:30

Thank you for that compliment. It means a

31:33

lot to me. Who I am as an

31:35

artist right now, that's gonna perfect, that's gonna

31:37

actually affect my next hour. Most hot guys

31:39

aren't funny, Bobby. Thank you. Yeah, you're actually

31:41

an exception to the rule. And also because,

31:44

but your comedy comes from like, Christine's sarcastic

31:46

smile fucking bothers me. No, I

31:48

just like that you're like genuinely touched

31:50

by it. Well, I was actually still

31:52

doing the artist's kind of thing, but it's okay.

31:54

Bobby, your comedy doesn't come from here.

31:57

Yeah. Comes from

31:59

here. Yeah. Right his rib

32:01

cage. Yeah, my my where I'm still

32:03

kind of fat. Yes Just

32:06

comes from your couple of problem areas the company

32:09

comes from my donut area My

32:12

comedy is delivered from my muffin top Doesn't

32:15

come from your Billy Zane face I

32:18

literally said that on stage I go I lost right at

32:20

50 pounds and to do what you still fat and I

32:22

was like ow I was like

32:25

I hurt. It's all relative

32:27

you piece of shit Your

32:29

merch should be pictures of old you so there is

32:31

you're living compliments then kindly just have all the

32:33

same guy Well

32:36

the first of all the club put

32:38

an ad up they used every fat

32:40

photo of me They they went back

32:42

got every fat photo. I've ever taken

32:45

Collaged it they know they're doing it

32:47

and then they put then they put

32:54

Which was hurts worse than the

32:57

photos then they made code use

32:59

code R Kelly, okay Now it's

33:01

now now we're kind of stepping over it

33:03

now you kind of hurt my feelings Now

33:06

I'm just a pedophile that that was you think

33:08

that was measured that was a measured act I

33:10

mean, that's three things in a row. I think

33:12

it was no I think people probably trying to

33:15

be funny they go to the first

33:17

thing they see they don't know me Whatever, but these two

33:19

girls in the front row as soon as I got up

33:22

It was she was just facing her like

33:24

like Jay's the guy facing her and just

33:27

talking Yeah, anyways, that was going over there and

33:29

I let it go for a couple minutes because

33:31

I don't really you know Maybe uh, maybe yeah.

33:33

Yes Jacob So

33:35

you purposely you'll say you don't want hot

33:38

girls in the front row because the okay You'll

33:41

tell the club don't put them there I

33:44

don't I don't tell the club but when I

33:46

do my show in my thing I say, you

33:48

know I don't want in when I do the

33:50

lounge. It's no pretty no no hot chicks in

33:52

the front row. It's still us It's still it's

33:54

still you're not allowed to do that. I don't

33:56

think in the world. You can't keep

33:59

people out because they're Attractive that's gonna be funny

34:01

when that becomes its own thing us attractives are

34:03

having such a hard time None

34:06

of us can sit front row for any of these

34:08

ugly ass performers Dude, there's

34:10

something the I don't know what it is.

34:12

They suck they she just and then I

34:14

was like The one

34:16

was just fucking mentally ill

34:19

Why did they hate me? They didn't

34:21

hate me. They just love themselves. They

34:24

didn't hate me at all I was just talking amongst

34:26

themselves I don't want him to turn to me and

34:28

she was actually laughing and the other one You

34:31

know, I talked to her a minute. I said something to her like

34:33

towards the end I was like talking about Fingerbanging

34:35

and she was like, oh gross She was

34:37

the Miranda and I said why you don't

34:39

like finger she goes Fingerbanging is

34:41

disgusting. You should never do it women. Women

34:44

don't like it I go you're saying that

34:46

women don't like being finger Christine's face now.

34:48

That ain't sarcastic. What's this bitches, bro? Christine

34:52

lives for a little digital manipulation And

34:56

I said, okay all the women in here raise your hand

34:58

if you don't like fingerbagging and None

35:00

of them did Roomful of

35:02

squirters and she was like, I

35:04

think they're lying I'm like if you're mentally ill

35:06

because now that you know and at the end

35:08

she was actually in the military You know, which

35:10

I love right-wing. Poppy loves that. She

35:13

was in the army for Confederate Bob Confederate

35:15

Bob I said right wing I'll take this

35:18

I think right wing I'm not gonna take

35:20

Confederate but klukluks, Kelly I Kumi

35:26

a Bob Kelly I But

35:28

I literally said at the end I go. Thank you.

35:31

I said, thank you. Good night. Great. Whatever I made

35:33

it through without having to kick him out because I

35:35

didn't want to kick him out and I

35:37

said Thank you for your service. She went fuck you

35:39

and I went I just thanked you for

35:42

your service I you go all dyke. She

35:44

was like, oh, I'm sorry. I

35:46

didn't know she's just fucking nuts Ruined

35:49

the fucking they go to they they've

35:51

seen enough and heard enough that like

35:53

they've seen especially now Right on social

35:55

media where you got packers being destroyed

35:57

by calm. They want that Yeah,

36:00

they want to be part of it. I said

36:02

it's it's like they're changing the Was

36:06

I hate to use the term culture of

36:08

audiences We're like if they're having the what

36:10

the culture is changing Yeah, the culture of

36:12

the audience is changing where it's like they

36:14

really you can say all that shit you

36:16

want. They do not Like

36:18

think they're there's they can't be part of the show You

36:21

know, I mean like real comedy fans will but like

36:23

tourists are like this is what it goes down now

36:25

Do you at this point because it's rare. I'd

36:27

say at this point on the road I

36:30

rarely have an a shitty heckler most

36:32

of my heckling is positive which is hilarious Yeah,

36:35

like they just want to yell something out like

36:37

about the show or about me or whatever Just

36:39

say they love me or whatever which is sweet

36:42

But like it still gets on the nerves of the other people

36:44

in the audience. So it's like this it's It's

36:47

causing the same sort of issue without me really

36:49

being able Someone's being shitty at least you could

36:51

acknowledge it and kind of play off that at

36:53

least I would you know But like when they're

36:55

just positive and someone's like shut the fuck up

36:57

And you're almost like I know

36:59

I'm supposed to shut up but like it's hard when you just go.

37:01

I love you big J Thank

37:04

you, but you can't the front row though.

37:06

The people in the back don't hear it.

37:09

They just hear you. That's the pretties It's

37:11

it's the you can't see them. They

37:13

can't see them So if you start, you know, you

37:15

hate you shut the fuck up because you should they're

37:17

like just we don't hear it Just keep fucking going.

37:20

Yeah, so it's like to get you got to kind

37:22

of just barrel through it Cuz if

37:24

you get into it with them you're

37:26

fucked either way the crowd I wish

37:28

the crowd would actually Take

37:31

care of it. I wish like other girls that

37:33

are there would be like, hey shut the fuck

37:35

I wish that would do though. It happened on

37:37

the crowd, but I was asking you south this

37:39

point with like just being so

37:41

recognizable Yeah Was

37:44

there any ever negative heckling still for you? It's

37:47

the same as that or just someone that

37:50

is so drunk That they

37:52

walk up to the stage just want to have a conversation

37:54

me and them at that moment They

37:56

get to the stage what they get to the stage

37:59

people get walk up Twitter I've had people come

38:01

up on stage really yeah I mean it's

38:03

gotten on yeah yeah

38:06

but that's crazy I know and I'm

38:08

just like like what is it

38:10

less so little time to hit her. I'm about

38:12

to shot in the head from that. Yeah West

38:14

Palm Beach improv I had a girl in

38:17

the she was in the front table she

38:19

was so drunk that she just stood up walked

38:21

up a little three steps and just stood there

38:23

was like well hi and I'm just looking at

38:25

her I'm like what I'm looking at

38:27

the security and I'm like what do you want me to

38:29

I mean you have to get off you know the stage

38:32

or whatever and she just she just she wouldn't go to

38:34

stage I'm just like someone's gonna have to eventually take this

38:36

woman off I don't want to touch her she was bombed

38:38

yeah so she goes to get down

38:40

finally the security guards come they like standing below stage like

38:42

come down and she goes to go to stage trips

38:45

flies smashes into a brick wall

38:48

and then like basically goes to pull down sorry

38:51

they catch her and then they

38:53

put her in her seat right

38:56

and they don't throw her out then

38:58

I mean within five minutes later she is head

39:00

back mouth open snoring and

39:04

they still did not throw her out they still just

39:06

left her there snoring at the same that same night

39:08

I was in the green room and just a woman

39:10

walked in with a video recorder on she's like hey

39:12

you got to say hello to my whatever I'm like

39:15

what are you doing in here she's like coming in

39:17

I'm coming in what do you like she don't even

39:19

like they don't even think it's anything wrong with it

39:21

I'm like you can't come in here like this I

39:23

had a guy in my crazy person I had a

39:25

guy come in my green room sit

39:27

down start talking to me and

39:29

I was like he was so comfortable I thought he

39:32

was part of the club happened and I and

39:34

all of a sudden the comic came in he's like hey man what's up

39:37

he's like now what's up big fan of Bob just

39:39

thought I come in and say hi it was a

39:41

fucking dude for the next show I've had that more

39:43

than one same exact thing happened to Sam a crazy

39:45

man crazy I was done right in tour with Nate

39:47

and Burt and Kyle Canine for like a weekend one

39:49

time we were at Chicago Theatre like years

39:51

ago and then we all went up to

39:54

the the green room and there was someone there before

39:56

all of us and all of us

39:58

get in there and we all think that that person is

40:00

with the other person, no one says anything. Burt's

40:03

got his shirt off, he's ironing his shirt,

40:05

and we started talking about real

40:08

life things. And the guy

40:10

just sitting there. Burt ironing his shirt should have

40:12

gotten a bigger reaction in general. Ironing the one

40:14

thing he doesn't have. Someone was ironing,

40:16

I don't know, I think it was Burt actually, yeah. And

40:19

then we started talking about real stuff. And

40:22

then the guy's just eating

40:24

and drinking, he's just talking to him.

40:26

And then someone finally said, oh, and

40:28

I was like, how do

40:31

you know whoever? And

40:33

then he just looked at everybody and he goes,

40:37

I gotta come clean. And we're like, what? He goes,

40:39

I don't, I'm a fan, I just snuck back here.

40:41

And I just was like, it was really cool. 20

40:44

minutes he was there with us talking about- How

40:46

did you get him out? Did you get the phone out? I

40:48

was a little bit more, I was like, dude, come on,

40:51

man. But Burt was like,

40:53

well, you did it. Burt made a content. That's

40:56

weird, not on that fully loped, there was a guy last year

40:58

who got in, wore

41:00

a workers shirt for the venue

41:03

and was backstage for like an hour or so. That

41:05

was wild, he got into a fight with the security guy. Not

41:10

so much, it doesn't happen a ton. I think

41:12

so far maybe one person's gotten backstage, but they

41:14

got him like right away. Jerry Seinfeld this weekend

41:16

fucking had, at

41:19

his show, did you see the video? No.

41:22

Hamas? Hamas supporters, not- Hamas

41:24

themselves? Hamas showed up. I mean, Jerry

41:26

is big. They showed up and

41:29

started chanting shit at his show.

41:31

Hamas is actually pretty funny. What

41:35

is the deal with pop talks? And

41:40

who makes these borders, am I right? They

41:44

seem pretty random. I

41:47

don't have socks, but if I did, I would

41:49

say one would disappear. This

41:51

kebab is making me thirsty. Yeah,

41:54

he was at, I don't know, we're a big

41:56

theater. To drink minimal. So

56:00

I would never check it. Uh, I would never check it out.

56:03

I was that Gotham one time But he's very funny

56:05

doing a spotlight on comedy juice or something like that

56:07

and I was up next and Chris

56:09

came to me He's like, oh Jerry's gonna Jerry's

56:12

gonna do a quick spot before you whatever and

56:14

I was like, okay You know, no problem and

56:16

I was like cool. I get to watch Jerry, you know,

56:18

I get to follow him whatever I that's cool see what

56:21

happens and he was up there for like Maybe

56:24

like it was cousin Jerry from facts alive I

56:30

love on stage so much. He

56:33

goes it's a five-minute guest spot, but we got to give her 15

56:35

minutes for it He

56:40

did like 30

56:42

plus minutes. I had a spot like

56:44

downtown so I was like I Hope

56:46

I can get on after him and he does like 30 something

56:49

minutes and then he could tell he's like about

56:51

to like get Get off and so I'm standing,

56:53

you know in in Gotham There's no you just

56:55

stand right in front of everyone to get on

56:57

the stage Yeah, right. So I'm just standing right

56:59

there and I'm like

57:01

anxious because I'm like I have to get on soon. Otherwise, I'm gonna

57:03

you know, whatever and So

57:05

Jerry looks to the right so looks to write

57:08

and I see someone say something to him and

57:10

he goes, okay Okay, and he goes, you know

57:13

He goes I'm gonna bring up

57:15

this next guy He goes and

57:17

and he's looking, you know, he's looking right at

57:20

me He's looking and he goes a lot of

57:22

people a lot of people ask me

57:24

who I think is funny and I was like He

57:28

doesn't know he doesn't know who I am

57:32

Maybe he is just being very generous in

57:34

this moment and he's just being like very

57:36

kind But I was like, I

57:38

can't believe he's saying these words And

57:41

he's like a lot of people who asked me who I

57:43

think is funny and that's a guy I want to bring

57:45

up next Ladies and gentlemen,

57:47

Dave Chappelle Chappelle was

57:49

standing behind And

57:52

he's like, excuse me and just like when I used

57:54

to start yelling speakers Sal

57:58

I stupid me I'm staying