0:00

You can save every day by

0:02

shopping at Whole Foods Market. Seriously.

0:04

Don't just go for the big

0:06

sales. They have literally thousands of

0:08

low-priced goods with their house brand,

0:11

365 by Whole Foods Market, wallet

0:13

happy prices, limited time seasonal flavors,

0:16

and all the quality you expect, like

0:18

no high fructose corn syrup, or over

0:20

300 other ingredients banned from all the

0:23

food they sell. There's so many ways

0:25

to save at Whole Foods Market. Now

0:27

you know. Introducing

0:30

the new Starbucks pairings menu, where you can get

0:33

a tall brewed coffee or tea, hot or iced,

0:35

paired with a croissant starting at $5, or

0:38

with a breakfast sandwich starting at $6. Because

0:40

at Starbucks, we know that some

0:42

things are better together. Limited time

0:44

offer at participating stores. Restriction supply.

0:47

Visit starbucks.com/pairings to learn more. And

0:52

now, simple Jake and the

0:54

boys, right here on Faction

0:56

Talk 103. Presented

0:58

by Hills Quality Construction. If

1:01

you're in the East Texas area and need

1:03

a handyman, Nolan has the hammer. Hills

1:05

Quality Construction in business for over

1:08

four days. No

1:59

matter how. When I'm getting you

2:01

close When we

2:03

move You already know

2:06

To twist them out your neck To

2:08

twist them out your neck Nothing

2:13

I can see but you when you dance, dance,

2:15

dance Feel a good good

2:17

creeping up on you so just dance,

2:19

dance, dance Come on, all

2:21

those things I shouldn't do but you dance, dance, dance

2:24

And ain't nobody leaving soon

2:26

so keep dancing Hey, wow

2:30

Hey Hey, you're so excited

2:32

and dancy I have a feeling Christine hasn't told

2:34

you we didn't get tickets Oh she did No

2:38

No, she did. I'm not happy that we're not going We

2:41

are not going We are not going to JT tonight

2:43

but it's alright I

2:45

was gonna send Isabella and Christine and Christine won't

2:47

go without me Because she

2:49

loves you No, it's weird Because she

2:52

doesn't like you No, it's

2:54

not that either I don't know what

2:56

it is Yeah, it's

2:59

gonna be a JT-less night for me JT for

3:01

all of us For all of us We're

3:03

all gonna have JT night Do you know how bad I

3:05

wanted to dance? Did you tell

3:07

Isabella? No, I haven't told Isabella

3:09

yet She's texting Oh, well

3:11

I was seeing if these tickets come in at all

3:13

still They said they were following up again Who did?

3:15

They could be Your agent's assistant

3:17

When? My

3:21

agents too These are not coming in I don't talk to

3:23

those people These tickets never come down

3:25

like this I hate, I hate, I'm so

3:27

jealous of your relationship with

3:30

our agent See Dude,

3:33

I don't ask for anything I'm paying for it I

3:36

know but I still don't get, I have no

3:38

like friendship connection Oh, yeah I

3:40

get emails Wait, isn't Matt Frost

3:42

like your best friend? I mean, he's

3:44

one of my closest friends But we don't, we

3:47

don't, we don't talk Like you and

3:49

Justin, like he goes

3:51

to like festivals And you guys are hanging out

3:53

Sure And you guys do stuff I

3:56

love Matt more than anything Adam came, Jenna

3:58

Beeson came to one of those shows

4:01

and whatchamacallit. Yeah maybe

4:03

I'll make out maybe I'll make him my manager see

4:06

if he's still interested throw him throw him throw

4:08

him some breadcrumbs see if he's

4:10

still interested I mean he fell off some

4:12

some crumbs soon as I

4:14

got this deal he went away well in case

4:16

you don't want to be managed by the best

4:19

best is Ari still with him too

4:21

right yeah I like that

4:23

guy I think Janis just went with him. Janis

4:26

who's that? Your

4:28

Greek friend. Oh yeah Janis Pappas.

4:31

Yes Janis Pappas. Janis Pappas he was

4:34

he I guess a red bar went

4:36

after Janis. Oh

4:39

yeah yeah yeah what are you gonna

4:41

do? It's just throwing. It's a sign of respect.

4:44

Yeah. In a way. You

4:46

got the crosshairs. You got the crosshairs. I

4:50

have a question. Christine can you look up

4:52

fun fact real quick what's the

4:54

percentage of trans people in America? It's

4:57

uh I think it's seven percent

5:01

that's a fact. Seven percent? Seven percent

5:03

hundred percent true. Okay

5:07

what is it? 3.2. 1.14. 1.1. 1.14% of

5:13

the population of America? Yes I

5:16

believe so. Okay can you see what

5:18

the total population of America is? Then

5:22

times that by the percentage. Let's

5:25

see how many. How many we're

5:27

dealing with? We have most

5:29

of them. Because I want to say I think New York's got

5:31

all of them. The percentage the

5:34

percentage couldn't be possible that every 11th person

5:36

I see on some days is a guy

5:38

dressed as a woman other question why is

5:40

it always a guy dressed as a woman

5:42

and rarely ever the other way around? How

5:44

come everyone that's trans is a guy that

5:46

wants to be a woman for the most

5:48

part? It's that it is way tilted it

5:50

seems than girls that want to be guys.

5:52

You've seen a lot of girls dressing as

5:54

guys but it's so easy to become a

5:56

guy. It's harder to dress

5:58

because you have to Peacock as a

6:00

woman a dude can they don't have

6:02

to they just do well Why wouldn't you if I'm

6:05

gonna turn into a woman? I'm gonna wear a Gucci

6:07

dress Yes, they always want to be living out loud

6:09

women. Yeah, nobody ever wants to be a reserved business

6:11

lady No, why would you be a little

6:13

frumpy? It's not only

6:16

am I was I born a girl I was born

6:18

a girl slut and that's coming out of me right

6:20

now Yeah, see there's

6:22

the guy the guy that used to work at the

6:24

seller who just became a lady Nick

6:27

no, oh, it's what he became Mike first Mike

6:29

Mike the manager. I used to call him not

6:31

Liz Yeah, cuz Liz left he took over and

6:33

I was like that's not Liz. It's not Liz

6:35

was not I didn't I And then he showed

6:37

me he came back and he was like actually

6:39

I am Liz Dude

6:43

I tell you what it's weird hated Mike

6:46

never got along with Mike Nikki We

6:49

get along famously. Wait, where's Nikki? You

6:51

see Nikki that he became Nikki Yeah,

6:54

I know. But where do you see

6:56

Nikki at the seller? She comes down

6:58

really? Oh, she hangs out. No, uh,

7:01

yeah Very polite nice happy energetic Guy

7:04

in a dress. Yeah Mike miserable grumpy.

7:06

I got along well with my yeah

7:08

frazzle. I always got along fine with

7:10

Mike He was never my

7:12

there my issue, but he went and then

7:14

it's like everything but again right away It

7:16

was like salacious sultry. Yeah, everything had to

7:18

be DJ You

7:21

want a fun Instagram follow follow

7:24

her. Oh, yeah. Oh fun Yeah.

7:27

Oh, yeah. Well, it's funny because I when

7:29

I moved into noem's house I when

7:32

I moved out of the city, I rented noem's

7:34

old house for six months till I found a

7:36

house He was living there

7:38

with his family Really in the basement.

7:40

They have like a finished basement. So he was down

7:42

there Living and now you

7:45

call it when you're trans and not telling

7:47

people you're in the basement He

7:50

was in the closet using the whole basement. That's when you

7:52

have a family. He's got a

7:54

family man. Yeah What

7:56

do you do if your dad comes to you

7:58

Jacob your dad comes to you? tomorrow and he goes

8:00

son I'm your mom now and

8:03

then just started wearing dresses do you

8:05

just roll with it completely I can't

8:09

even entertain the idea well I'm asking

8:11

you to be an old-fashioned woman like a woman from

8:13

the 50s he came up with

8:18

an apron on probably his hair in a bonnet yeah

8:21

I mean I guess I'd accept him

8:24

you have to say what

8:26

am I supposed to come hey mom you're gonna go no you know

8:28

you call you whatever the name he

8:31

picked like Mike pick Nicky your dad

8:33

what's your dad's name David

8:35

yeah she'd be Diana no but I

8:37

don't call him first name by

8:39

his first name yeah I'm supposed to call him mom yeah

8:42

yeah well you mean am

8:44

I a bad guy cuz I've been calling him dad

8:46

for a long time now I'm just supposed to swap

8:48

you just post swap it one day that's what society

8:50

wants you to do yeah swap it out

8:52

I'm not doing that why not I would disown my

8:54

father if he transitioned I wouldn't do that to my

8:56

daughter because she's my daughter but my dad I'd walk

8:58

away from I would disown my father he became a

9:00

lady and I would completely

9:09

support my daughter if she became a boy I

9:11

would I would support my dad I mean

9:14

we'd actually be having we probably have a

9:17

relationship now yeah you want it

9:19

because now you want to see his fucking boy pussy

9:21

I know I change that

9:25

back I wouldn't completely support my daughter I would

9:27

support my daughter but I would definitely be having

9:29

a lot of conversations where they're like what you

9:32

sure about this cuz it seems bad shit but

9:36

if she was gonna do it I would never like turn

9:38

away from her father be media

9:41

turn away what about son yeah

9:43

now you stay there you kids you're gonna hang in there no

9:45

matter what yeah if Max goes trans

9:47

I'm I wouldn't I think it's batshit no

9:50

I just you know uncle Jim would have to hang out with

9:52

him oh no you don't want that

9:54

yeah come on dude that's right if you're gonna be

9:56

trans you might as well be molested right He's

10:00

not gonna he he has his own wife.

10:02

It would be Max's fault. No, just know that we're

10:05

being such a hot little girl Why you really take it

10:07

down the hole? The

10:09

Jenner girl still refer to Caitlin his dad. Yeah,

10:11

they call her dad. They say my dad Very

10:14

bizarre. Yeah, it's creepy as shit as he

10:16

was on a Wheaties box winning

10:21

Right, no, I mean no Bruce Jenner You

10:23

know what? I remember I like you for seeing

10:26

keep us in line. I like that You're the

10:28

moral compass of this show Now

10:31

Christine thinks it's freaky Christine. What would you if your dad said

10:33

I'm a lady now? I mean I I Have

10:37

no idea what I do. My dad's like fella Can

10:39

anybody on the show besides me and Bobby just like

10:42

you know, I wouldn't do so my Everyone

10:45

goes it wouldn't happen. So I don't know go to somebody

10:47

else. I feel like we're on CNN Hey

10:50

imagine this no I Don't

10:53

think think about what you might do in

10:55

that situation. I won't do it now next

10:57

subject I wouldn't disown my

11:00

dad. I talk about it a lot behind

11:02

back. Yeah, you know, like I don't know

11:04

if you disowned Gary I think you do

11:06

so hilarious. I think it's hilarious for sure,

11:09

but I wouldn't call a mom You

11:12

don't hang with him. Yeah, you don't go

11:14

and see him regularly Like not regular I see

11:16

him probably about two three times a year. Maybe

11:18

now right when he comes out the

11:20

stuff I'd be going to Florida less

11:23

you'd be going to Florida less. Yeah. Yeah, the three

11:25

times a year I would have him come out and

11:27

you're right I wouldn't disown him because I would be

11:29

like yeah get out of here lady and then when

11:31

he shows up I'll be like everyone look at my

11:33

dad mom Everyone

11:36

take pictures. I'll bring him the skank for this young. Hey,

11:38

you want to be a fucking freaky weirdo, dude Let's fucking

11:40

do it Closer than ever now

11:42

that I think about huh, you'd be closer than ever.

11:44

Yeah. Hey, have you guys met my freak dad? He'd

11:48

be the fifth Mike. Oh, dude. I'll pay for him to

11:50

get his wiener taken off so I could see it I

11:53

want to see the old wiener and I want to see

11:55

the new pussy you want to check Detach your chain wallet

11:57

to the end of it. Yeah back pocket for good luck

12:00

DJ Lou if my dad ever transitions, I'll bring his old

12:02

wiener in and we'll see if it's the same as mine

12:05

So you don't feel like you're playing this game alone Did

12:08

you have a Orthodox Jew or like a Muslim transitioning

12:10

and then all of a sudden they just have to

12:12

like cover or wear a burka or a wig out

12:16

We have Three not

12:18

one not one not two not two

12:21

not Three

12:23

three we do have three it is three. No,

12:25

we had four. Did we? Yeah one

12:27

dropped out. Was there four? Yeah And

12:30

one dropped out one didn't make her make it

12:32

what happened Did

12:35

her wiener get caught in the escalator? Jesus

12:37

Christ. What that means she had a big

12:40

wiener and I got stuck in an escalator. Do

12:42

you know what happened Lou? It says So

12:49

Three we met one in the

12:51

elevator lovely girl you did she

12:53

was the elevator with all of us Now

12:55

lovely girl. Oh, I wonder if

12:57

I possibly Met

12:59

one too. Maybe I think

13:02

one of the other things I was in the elevator

13:04

with it, you know, it's funny. We're having Three

13:06

trans girls on today and it is kind of

13:09

funny that I'm like, what's why am I seeing

13:11

all these trans people? They're probably all

13:13

here for our show What

13:16

the fuck man? What's the house is possible?

13:18

Oh, we invited every one of them. Which

13:20

one isn't showing up No

13:27

That's one of those names it is though if you look though

13:29

America's 1.14% but New York is 5% So

13:34

it is I percent. Yeah, so I

13:36

thought San Francisco would have more

13:38

they probably San Francisco's probably

13:40

around that too because Place for

13:43

them to be San Fran really settled in

13:45

on gay the gay and lesbians New York's

13:47

like yo, let's kick it up a notch

13:49

man Let's get these

13:51

guys dressing like fucking whore pigs Three

13:56

so who is coming in we

13:58

have Isabelle is Isabella

14:00

isabella nice Athena

14:04

Parisi, yeah, Isabella and Morgan Bailey

14:06

who we meet the elevator with

14:08

Morgan's not coming Huh

14:14

I know you're thinking yourself Lou you only

14:16

have two holes, right? You

14:18

can whack the other one off. We should we should play

14:20

we should play your game suck

14:22

jerk fuck Yeah,

14:26

ass mouth hand ass mouth hand in

14:29

the studio, who would you do ass mouth ass

14:31

mouth hand? Who goes in my butt who goes

14:33

in my mouth who takes the hand? Yes Okay,

14:36

I don't mind playing a little round of ass mouth

14:38

hand. We have so many games We do have another

14:40

game too I had a game that I sent Christine

14:42

that you can actually you pick it's a quiz It's

14:44

a big dick quiz and you

14:46

pick certain photos and it tells you what size your

14:49

penis is Black Lou played it

14:51

eleven and a half inches Lou's

14:53

got an eleven half inch penis from from the

14:56

quiz that he took okay, eleven and a half

14:58

DJ Lo took it Four

15:01

and a half. Is that true? Yeah, it's

15:03

like pick a cucumber But

15:06

there's a bit there's a vegetable you have

15:08

to pick there's a bunch of vegetables pick

15:10

a dick Yeah, I picked a

15:12

Van Dyke. You have to pick out like a

15:14

sausage It's all these photos you pick and by

15:16

the choices you pick it can tell

15:18

how big your dick is. I Bet

15:21

the trick on that is if you keep picking a bunch of

15:23

big stuff It gives

15:25

you a little dick because you said you're always

15:27

thinking like that I thought that and I picked the

15:29

smaller stuff and I still got it. It's a little

15:31

weiner. Yeah, so it's double reversing you It's making you

15:34

think that that's what they're trying to do But

15:36

if you pick the small ones, it's still gonna

15:38

say you're small. It's an algorithm I

15:40

got outsmarted an algorithm of small

15:43

dicks. Is this the three

15:45

girls that are doing this? Not the three girls

15:47

this is the event they're promoting but it's Mia

15:49

Isabella Lucy Hart and Athena Parisi are all coming

15:51

in They're all trans and then the host of

15:53

this event the lust files Which is a porn

15:56

industry tell all at the cutting room, which is

15:58

what they're promoting Not

16:01

trans, that's Addis Fusch. Thank Christ.

16:04

Jesus, Lord, keep that in. But

16:06

coming in today are these three? Coming

16:09

in today is Mia Isabella, Lucy Hart,

16:11

and Athena Parisi, not Morgan Bailey. Oh,

16:14

we're not seeing Lucy Hart on here. No, Lucy Hart's

16:16

not on here. She's not performing at the show? She's

16:19

not on the flyer, so I'm not sure

16:22

if she's performing. Maybe she has not enough

16:25

of a big dick or too big of a

16:27

dick for this event. Who knows?

16:29

Because that's what we're gonna find out today.

16:32

When we ask a series of questions and

16:34

see just by these

16:36

questions, and obviously you can't ask two on the nose,

16:38

do you know what I mean? Or on the dick.

16:40

Two on the nose or on the dick. Do

16:43

you wear a, would you fill out

16:46

a Magnum condom? These are dumb questions. You

16:48

gotta ask just things like, has

16:52

anybody ever walked away from your penis

16:54

because of its, you know what I

16:56

mean? Things like that. How many times

16:58

have you heard ow? Yeah,

17:00

yeah. One ow, two ow, or

17:03

the dreaded three ow ow ow.

17:06

What would you say the speed per inch would have

17:08

to be to shoot a load at 70 miles per

17:10

hour? Yeah,

17:15

we gotta, me and Isabella, never

17:18

seen her penis in

17:21

person ever. Me neither. But I said, hurt or

17:23

take a piss once. It

17:25

was loud. Are they

17:28

showing their penises? You're

17:30

holding them. Jacob, you're the producer. Didn't

17:32

you pre-interview them and ask me if they'll show us their

17:35

penises? No, that wasn't in the

17:37

prep. What are you doing? You didn't pre-penis

17:39

these girls. Jacob, if

17:41

you're taking over the show and this is gonna become simple Jake

17:43

and the boys, you're

17:46

gonna start doing a little perfect. I didn't have a little outfit then. Huh? Yeah,

17:48

no. How

17:51

is this gonna work out? Did

17:54

you post the shirt that's coming? No,

17:57

not yet. Oh, you can get it now at

17:59

comicwearables.com. They have you miss Kevin put it out.

18:02

Yeah, Kevin Kevin's an old-school Like

18:05

WKRP shirt. Yeah, it's

18:07

a fun shirt. It's a fun shirt. It's a fun shirt.

18:10

You gonna get one Lou Yeah, my

18:12

fan. You're one of the boys. What's your hoodie? You're gonna

18:14

get what was that hoodie with all the things on it?

18:16

Oh with That's

18:19

a great hoodie for you. Oh, it

18:21

was like this wasn't the description of an Amazon thing It was

18:23

the description of the hoods. There it is right there. Yeah

18:27

Afternoons with 103

18:30

faction talks Sirius XM on such a

18:32

good shirt. It's a great shirt Jacob.

18:35

You have to wear one No, he's gonna

18:37

make one for us It's

18:39

just a rate. It's a mock-up of a

18:41

roll radio show available now on comic wearables.com

18:44

use use simple Jake 20% off

18:47

That's a fact is it really

18:49

yeah 20% off if you use code words simple

18:51

Jake With

18:53

code words simple Jake have

18:55

you gotten bad stuff online Jake if you seem

18:58

very but heard about it No, he got because

19:00

you did two hours on it One

19:03

hour hour hour in 10 minutes. When

19:05

was the second hour? No, you

19:07

just Kind of the second hour you

19:09

just made it part of the second hour you wove it

19:11

in Simple Jake and the

19:13

boys. Yeah, it's pretty funny Here's

19:15

the thing Jacob if it wasn't so fun to say I get

19:18

it radio me gets it I

19:20

don't like it. It's the other part of

19:22

me doesn't like it. Oh, we need radio you

19:25

here I didn't like Cupid Bob to being exposed

19:27

on this show, but I took it And

19:30

then next season I made $700 he

19:32

definitely didn't make frowny faces and do this a

19:34

bunch of times I did I did by myself

19:37

I was on the phone doing that you guys couldn't see it Every

19:41

sense I've said that Jacob's before he's responded by doing

19:43

this Eyes

19:45

flutter, it's interesting office

19:48

something on your computer, too I

19:54

That's what I'm saying are you getting like hammered or something? I wouldn't

19:56

know he I don't look at anything so

19:59

why is it upset ease? I'm off social media

20:01

me too you stay off social media

20:03

totally yeah, yeah, especially Comes

20:06

and flows well, I mean When

20:08

you do something like that you got a lay low for a month.

20:11

I don't need to look at We

20:13

don't wish I had that luxury we

20:15

don't look at you look at your social media. We have

20:17

somebody do it Isn't somebody yeah, oh,

20:19

I don't know I don't look at comments or anything like that,

20:22

but I mean I have to like do social media I mean

20:24

I definitely will see things like it comes

20:26

across my plate It's such a weird thing that

20:28

in our lifetime in comedy We

20:30

went from like radio to having to go in

20:32

a day early to do radio to promote gigs

20:36

to We have

20:38

to fucking make we think so much fucking content

20:40

Oh, you should make videos going like hey check

20:42

me out at blah blah blah All we have

20:44

to do back in the day show up a

20:47

day early do it like two or three radio

20:49

stations, and we had a headshot I Think

20:52

that's all we had to do we had

20:55

to go on the roof of a building

20:57

in New York and get some weird black-and-white

20:59

headshot Yeah, it's a New York roof. Yeah,

21:01

you saw yo. I'm I do comedy, but

21:03

I'm pretty cool All

21:06

those pictures said and then and then you had

21:08

to glue your fucking resume on the back Staple

21:11

it yeah, you always had to have like a thing

21:14

extra things you did like I put jolling

21:16

I put juggling I'm very

21:18

told that for you to juggle. Yeah, it's like

21:20

typing I could do a backflip It's

21:23

so goddamn. It was lame and

21:26

I put I had pantomime on mine once and they

21:28

brought me in for a You

21:30

know the fucking radio commercials. I

21:33

had a pantomime playing basketball One

21:36

of the most I can't play basketball with a basketball Nevermind

21:39

I was dribbling in

21:42

a room by myself God

21:45

yeah promotion sucks voice-off is

21:47

probably um so

21:49

were you really you're not really a social media person anyway though

21:51

are you You

21:54

know it's the only thing I ever looked

21:56

on was Instagram for time to time, but

21:58

I don't look even there You deleted

22:00

it. You deleted your Instagram. Yeah.

22:04

In fear of... I just

22:06

spat for my mental health. I don't want to look at

22:08

all this shit for the next month. Oh, it's so bad. Come

22:10

on. They can't do this! Nothing.

22:13

I don't think it's a bad thing. Nobody...

22:15

Everybody loves you and they love... Yeah, you

22:18

still have no respect for somebody and love

22:20

them. That's

22:22

true. I really love Don. We have to get a

22:24

booth for... We have no respect for that bitch. We

22:26

have to get a booth for Jacob. A booth? What?

22:29

I have no respect for that bitch on his face. It shows his... So,

22:32

every time I look over, this week, I usually look over

22:34

for Jacob to feed laughs and every time I look over,

22:36

he's just... He's so angry looking. We gotta

22:38

shake him out of it. Why, you want me to... He's been

22:41

shaking up for days. Fake it. We're gonna have

22:43

one of these girls tickle you. I can't

22:45

fake it. Huh? I can't fake anything. Yeah, so

22:47

we gotta get you a booth. We gotta get

22:49

you a Robin booth or something like that, like

22:51

Baba Bowie. So you... I'm

22:54

not going in a... No, he's kidding. He's a

22:56

fucking joke. I know, but I mean, how would

22:58

that change anything? Because we wouldn't see you looking

23:00

sad and defeated all the time. You'd

23:02

still see me through the glass. No, we can't... No, no, no,

23:05

no, we can not look at the glass. If you were there...

23:07

We're gonna get a button on it. Show what's happening here. We're

23:09

gonna get a button on it that we can hit a fog

23:11

and it just fogs over. We'll fog you up. Yeah. So if

23:13

you have a shit face on, we'll just go boom and we'll

23:15

pick it up. And then when you're ready, you can push the

23:17

button off. For

23:19

your shit face. Nobody's putting you in a

23:22

booth, Jacob. I love you. I get it. We

23:24

love you, Jacob. Jacob. I understand. We're

23:26

gonna put you in a booth. We'd both put you

23:29

in a booth. But

23:31

only when you seem pissed

23:33

off at the world. It bums us out to see

23:35

you so down, especially when we don't fully understand it.

23:38

I don't know why you expect me to be happy about

23:40

this Monday. Say it, say it. Oh, I thought you were

23:43

gonna say simple Jake and the boys. Yeah.

23:45

I'll tell you exactly why I thought you'd be happy.

23:47

You did a wacky thing. Which I put

23:49

nose on it too and you dragged into

23:51

a two hour thing with shirts now. There

23:54

it was. With shirts. It really

23:56

is impressive how we were able to do that.

23:58

Yeah. You gave us.

24:00

An hour's worth of hilarious content too.

24:02

Thank you. Let me tell you far

24:04

beyond to The

24:06

bit lives. Yeah, it lives on. It'll be

24:08

a goodie real quick We just made seventeen

24:11

thousand dollars on shirts and I'm gonna give

24:13

you five percent of that Could

24:15

you imagine if after we came in

24:17

and laughed at me for not getting into the snake pit? When

24:20

you were talking the rest of the week, I would just do this. Ask

24:22

me a question about a topic Yeah, man,

24:24

we got this whole thing with rich losses

24:27

Barbecue yeah. Yeah,

24:29

you good. Mm-hmm. What's up, bro?

24:32

Nothing. I'll do I'll talk about

24:34

the barbecue Pretty

24:36

good impression. That was a pretty good impression. I mean, come on

24:38

guys Can I try guys

24:40

I try mine the black Lou is an

24:42

hysterical lip biting laughter back there Do

24:45

mine. I'm gonna you do it Jacob. Yeah, okay

24:50

um, oh Bobby

24:53

Did you see the thing that uh that Bill Belichick stating

24:55

a 24 year old cheerleader? So

24:57

it's It's like

25:00

Jacob. He's yeah

25:03

Yeah, he's dating the 24 year old. Yeah, I wrote it on

25:05

the yeah, I thought I'd be a funny. Yep. Good

25:08

to do We'll do it Yeah

25:11

Okay I

25:18

Mean I had a little nuance at the end you did

25:20

you put your own flair in it First

25:25

of all, I'm loving your fingernails I last week

25:28

almost quit the show. Oh this week

25:30

you're back. I'm back I like it. I

25:32

really do like the fingernails and you know,

25:35

I like the color I think he had a little blue to it

25:37

or something. It's a little blue. It's a little blue though The

25:39

pearl white. Yeah, you didn't love didn't

25:42

like it little touch of blue touch of blue I'm

25:44

digging. I like it and your little fingernails

25:47

out there. They're very cute little fingernails. Thank

25:49

you like an esthetician. Mmm I'll

25:52

tell you This was a

25:54

tough one though all by hand this one note.

25:56

This lady had no electronic tools or

25:59

electric tools that they had have the few times I've

26:01

done it, they have electric stuff

26:03

that really takes it all down and

26:05

it sort of goes fast. Everything this lady was by

26:07

hand with a hand tool and a lot of

26:10

scraping and doing stuff and so much cuticle

26:12

stuff. Did you get a pedicure? Not

26:15

yet. Don't get those. I'm

26:17

afraid. That's how I got my dead

26:19

toenail. From a pedicure? Yeah, because they put people's feet

26:21

in those and they don't, you're supposed to wash them

26:23

out really well after, you know, just fill it up

26:25

with water. And I was getting

26:27

pedicures a lot and I put my foot in

26:29

one of those and I got a fungus on

26:31

my toe and it just fucked up

26:33

my toe. Now my toe looks like a Fritos chip.

26:37

Ugh. Yeah. Don't tell me

26:39

that. My toe, thank God it fell off

26:41

and it grew back a little normal. Stop.

26:44

Yeah, still a little fucked up on the

26:46

edge. Now you're going to make an actual

26:48

Jacob face. I have shrekt feet. Mmm. It's

26:52

not that bad. You want to see it? No. Come

26:55

on. No, because it's the Justin Timberlake concert we're

26:57

not going to. I'm not

26:59

mad. I'm fine. I have so much shit to do. I'm leaving

27:02

from New Hampshire in the morning and Dawn's not

27:04

going. She called me. She goes, would you be

27:06

mad if I don't go? And

27:08

I had to be, I want to talk about acting. Wow,

27:11

did I have to act? I was like, what? Why

27:15

would you want, you don't want to go with us? She's like, no, I got

27:17

so much stuff. And I was like, hey, babe,

27:19

if you, you know, if you, if you think it's better that me

27:21

and Max go up by ourselves,

27:23

we'll go up, you know, but

27:25

inside I was like, fucking yeah. Oh,

27:28

we're going to fish all day. We're going to

27:30

eat shitty food. We're going to stay up all

27:32

fucking night. Oh yeah. No, no one's cooking. So

27:34

you get all delivered in. Yeah. Max goes to

27:36

bed. I'm going to go, go

27:39

walk around and see if there's some old

27:41

wood lady somewhere. Yeah. Smack it outside. Smack

27:43

it outside of some flat ass white lady

27:47

on her morning walk. Maybe you'll smack

27:49

it outside. Oh, um,

27:51

Jacob, were you going to, were you going to go to Justin Timberlake? Have you got the

27:53

tickets? Yeah, I was going to go.

27:55

Would you have been happier there? Yes. I

27:58

couldn't look over well at cheering it that Justin Timberlake. They were

28:00

like, and then look over and you're just bump. I go, do

28:02

you like this song? And you go, I don't

28:04

know his stuff, but I would

28:06

have had a good time. You would have, you would

28:08

have danced that fucking blues right out of your system.

28:10

Yeah. That's right. Christine's holding off

28:13

on giving Isabelle the news. Well,

28:15

cause she thinks she's Christine's being positive. We're

28:19

certainly not getting them. Okay. And

28:22

now Isabelle, she won't take Isabelle

28:24

either. Bad. That's

28:27

gonna come up in the step mom review for sure.

28:31

It's gonna come up in your review. You guys couldn't win it.

28:33

Why do you think you couldn't, is it too many tickets? Could

28:35

you have gotten three tickets? That would have

28:37

been easier. Why don't you just try to get three

28:39

tickets? You can't get really good seats for three tickets.

28:41

It's a hot ticket for sure. Yeah. I'm

28:45

gonna look at his name again. Me, Isabelle, Lucy

28:47

Hart, and Athena

28:49

Parisi. Aydis is not

28:51

coming in? She is coming in, she's

28:53

not trans. Okay, so don't keep talking about her

28:55

penis. Aydis,

28:57

what are you rocking over there? I see a big

28:59

old bulge in them skivvies. Get

29:02

over here, guy. I'm not trans.

29:04

Please don't call them guys. Please don't

29:06

call them guys. Do you think I have the balls to do that?

29:09

No, of course not. Do you think they have the balls to have

29:11

me do that? Yes, they do. They

29:13

have big balls. We don't know that. Might

29:16

have tiny balls, big birds. I know one that

29:18

does. But I've said this before. If

29:20

you- You love cock? Yeah, I love cock.

29:22

No, if you are going for the trans

29:25

thing, Yeah. This is the

29:27

argument we have with Josh, the one time Josh

29:29

had a Mars. He's looking for the little tiny,

29:31

little like Vienna sausage wiener. Yeah, he wants to

29:33

ease into it. And I'm like, no, if I'm

29:35

there, if we're going for it, give me a

29:37

big old honker. Yeah. On

29:39

this lady. Yeah. Do you

29:41

know what I mean? Yeah, you want to flap it on your

29:44

belly button. If we're gonna do it, go for the thing. Yeah,

29:46

go for it. For it. Like Rocky.

29:49

Yeah, just have sex with a girl

29:51

if you're looking for him to have a little clit dick.

29:53

You should have a black loose guy talk to you. You're

29:55

gonna suck a dick? Go for that dick. You

29:58

wanna suck a dick? You suck a dick every

30:00

day. Every day every day you find time

30:02

every day put it in my mouth And

30:05

then his wife's doing like ladies suck a dick

30:08

every day Every day

30:10

if your man wants it. I wonder what

30:12

his wife is a vice to the women

30:14

you fuck him every day Yeah, you best

30:16

sit on that cock you get

30:18

that dick if you want to live want

30:21

to live What

30:24

time are they coming in Well are

30:26

they checked in they are here

30:28

why don't we take a break

30:30

and then bring them in? There's

30:41

three of them now yeah, so we have to four

30:43

yeah, we'll take a break We'll come back, and then

30:45

we'll go a little longer. There's three of they out

30:47

there I do it right. Yes,

30:49

you did probably do it right now. I don't

30:52

know if they're days. I think it's her get

30:54

in here them Get

30:56

in here. Yes a lot

30:58

of this oh we got some songs.

31:01

Oh doing oh yeah nice Does

31:03

anybody should we all be wearing like thongs or butt plugs

31:05

or something they come in? That's pride

31:07

month not my bloods. I have only

31:09

come in and act like they we didn't know but

31:12

So we'll have Christine go get them and

31:14

then the fucking five of us just gay off

31:17

I'll get Paco involved wall gay off. Why'd you

31:19

keep Paco on the table like a turkey? We

31:21

just it takes a piece would you

31:23

get like a turkey up there and when they walk

31:25

in we're all just like staring into Your asshole and

31:27

jacking your cock It's pride

31:29

month. Thank you. That's

31:32

called playing ball Jacob Paco's

31:34

coming for your job next dude. He's working his way right up

31:36

to this thing. He's gonna be the next me in a month

31:38

I That's

31:41

how fast he's moving up Me

31:47

throw on I

31:49

could probably get swept up at a Gaga concert

31:51

to just start twirling around with a fucking dude

31:53

with tits Let's

32:00

bring these girls in dude. Let's do it. Dude

32:02

you're so hot for cock fine. We'll take a

32:04

break everybody We'll be right back. It's the bonfire

32:14

That's Bobby I'm Jay and to get our

32:16

full show sign up for a Sirius XM

32:18

subscription at Sirius XM Dot-com

32:20

slash bonfire support our

32:22

show don't be some

32:24

jerk-off just taking the free stuff Let

32:27

him know you want us to be here

32:29

forever. Oh, we won't or We

32:33

won't subscribe You

32:36

ever notice how your relationship with your wireless

32:39

carrier can have the same yada-yada as a

32:41

bad romantic relationship Like you're treated special at

32:43

the beginning with exciting gifts and offers

32:45

But then ignored and overlooked later on

32:47

or your partner gets a wandering eye

32:49

like how some wireless carriers start focusing

32:51

their attention on Newer customers.

32:54

Well, if this sounds like your

32:56

wireless carrier It might be time

32:58

to put an end to the

33:00

yada-yada now at Metro existing customers

33:02

get that new customer feeling again

33:04

and again introducing

33:06

Metro flex More

33:09

than just free 5g phones when you

33:11

join get the same great deals as

33:13

new customers on select devices like Samsung

33:15

Motorola and revel when you stay 12

33:18

months and trade in a phone It's

33:20

the first of many initiatives Metro is

33:23

making to ensure all of their customers

33:25

feel valued. That's Nada

33:27

yada yada stop by

33:29

your neighborhood Metro store bring your number and

33:32

ID and sign up for an eligible Metro

33:34

flex plan Introducing

33:37

the new Starbucks pairing menu where you can

33:39

get a tall brewed coffee or tea hotter

33:41

ice Paired with a croissant starting at $5

33:44

or with the breakfast sandwich starting at $6

33:47

because at Starbucks We know that some

33:49

things are better together Limited time offer

33:51

at participating stores restrictions apply visit Starbucks

33:53

comm slash parents to learn more Some

33:58

people like to deep clean every Saturday

34:01

morning. I prefer

34:03

to spend a few minutes every day keeping

34:05

things fresh with Lysol. Lysol's

34:08

brand new day disinfecting wipes conveniently

34:11

tackle surfaces, including remotes, tablets, and

34:13

smartphones, killing 99.9% of viruses and

34:15

bacteria with

34:18

a fragrance that feels like a tropical

34:20

getaway for your senses. Ahh...

34:24

Don't just clean. Lysol clean. Nothing

34:30

has tasted better after a hard day's

34:32

work than a Mike's Hard Lemonade. It's

34:35

because since day one, Mike's has been

34:37

making lemonade the hard way. We use

34:39

three kinds of lemons, all hand-picked from

34:41

family farms, then blended to perfection and

34:43

cold pressed to create the epic hard

34:45

lemonade you know and love. Mike's Hard

34:48

Lemonade. Hard days deserve a hard lemonade.

34:50

Mike's is hard. So is prison. Don't

34:52

drive drunk. Premium all beverage with flavors.

34:54

All registered trademarks used under license by

34:56

Mike's Hard Lemonade Company, Chicago, Illinois. Everybody's

35:01

green. Ahh...

35:06

If the energy's low in

35:08

this room, it's because we found

35:10

out we're not going to see

35:12

Justin Timberlake tonight. Yes. And Bobby's been our wreck

35:14

ever since. Yeah, I wanted to go... Because

35:17

I wanted to see JT, I was very excited

35:19

about... Dancing with you? No, we just didn't get

35:21

tickets. We thought we were getting

35:23

tickets. Fell through. We thought we were getting six tickets here.

35:26

Wait, where is he? He's playing at the garden

35:28

tonight. It's

35:30

the Bonfire Faction Talk Series XM103.

35:35

Big J. O'Kerson, the great Robert Kelly with

35:37

me. We have

35:39

some very, very fun guests in the studio right

35:42

now. They are going to be doing the cutting

35:45

room this Friday. It's

35:47

called The Lust Files, where porn's

35:49

top trans performers are going

35:51

to tell all. It is hosted

35:54

by Addis Fouché, who is also sitting here

35:56

with us. Thank you for joining the show.

35:59

Um... You can get tickets

36:01

at the cutting room nyc.com, one of

36:04

my favorite rooms. Cutting rooms?

36:06

That's where they just did all the half

36:08

hour digital specials. Justin

36:10

did his show there too. Justin did his show

36:12

there. It's where they do, it's where Joan Rivers

36:14

did her residency before

36:17

she passed. Joining

36:19

us on the show is not everybody, but almost

36:21

everybody who's going to be part of the show,

36:23

everybody. We have Lucy Hart with us. Hey, how

36:25

you doing? Lucy, nice to meet you. And of

36:27

course, Athena Parisi. Hi. Did I

36:29

say everything right? You did. Nice. Nice.

36:33

And we're waiting for Mia. Mia Zebella is on

36:36

her way up, I believe. She's in the elevator. She's in

36:38

the elevator. Nice. Is she pulling a power

36:40

move? I think so. Is that what

36:42

this is? I come in late. I love

36:45

you. Oh, she's alpha dog and everybody. Just

36:47

the show. I wonder what her zodiac sign is.

36:49

What's the final? Sag. That's very Sag.

36:51

That's a fire sign. Is it? I'm

36:54

a Sag. I didn't know that though. I'm

36:56

a Sag. Yeah, what am I going to

36:58

do? I love Sagis Harris. My brother's Sagis Harris. I'm an

37:01

air sign, so I feel like we hate each other. I'm

37:03

a Libra. I don't know any of those things. I'm a

37:05

Libra, too. That's air. Then I am. No,

37:08

we're balanced. We're balanced, aren't we? You guys are.

37:11

You think you're balanced, yeah. You're obsessed with that. I'm just

37:13

mentally ill. I think so, yeah. Okay, great.

37:16

I'm a Virgo, so I'm definitely mentally ill. I have a code for better help if we need it. Addis,

37:19

what kind of mental illness do you believe it is? My

37:22

Virgowness? Yeah. Oh, it's

37:25

definitely the closest to Osi. Osi, dude. Yeah, Virgos,

37:27

we're super organized, super by the books, very loyal.

37:30

I won't help you hide the body. I'll hide

37:32

the body for you, type shit. Oh, I like

37:34

that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, everybody. Me, Isabelle, is

37:36

joining us now. Good to see you. So good

37:39

to see you. How are you?

37:41

Hey, what's up? Hey, thank you. Oh,

37:43

my God. I want to give you a

37:45

hug. Me, Isabelle, also part

37:47

of the show tomorrow. Bring up the plugs. Part

37:50

of the show at the cutting room. Friday

37:52

night, June 28, The Lust Files.

37:58

Is this the first time the show's being performed

38:00

hi how are you I'm Robert I think I'm

38:02

gonna push you in slide me for

38:14

me I'm gonna push you and slide you

38:18

this is yours right here hello

38:20

hi everyone hello how's

38:23

your day it's going great so far

38:25

well first of all I'm gonna say fuck New

38:27

York for this Justin Timberlake bullshit and all the

38:29

hotels booked yesterday Park Central you kiss my ass

38:31

you kicked my room out I

38:33

got sent to the some murderous hooker hotel in

38:36

Jersey City I survived and

38:38

made it to the Virgin I'm in

38:40

New York City how dare you take people's reservations

38:42

and kick good people out of their room

38:44

to spend a lot of money to be

38:47

here and give them no place to go

38:49

agreed to be illegal this city suck shit yeah no

38:51

New York is one of the best cities in the

38:53

world let's be for real that's that's some bullshit

38:56

I know you can stay with me

38:58

if you want money well that would

39:00

have been good to tell Annie yesterday I have

39:02

a three-bedroom ranch okay yeah there's this guy

39:04

I'm dating and

39:17

his grandpa has like 80 cows yeah

39:19

80 cows on a farm this guy I'm dating and his

39:22

grandfather's did it

39:24

blow his mind when he brought a

39:26

black girlfriend home doesn't like a person's

39:28

a black girl first of all you

39:30

know what would be the first time white men have

39:33

black girls on the farm

39:35

yeah I am his first

39:37

black girlfriend I believe but also they're a British so

39:39

it's a little different over there fair enough fair

39:41

enough Addis are you the one

39:43

who put this show together I am yes I'm

39:46

kind of the last I'm so glad to be

39:49

his energy is just rock I

39:51

know right after yesterday I'll

39:53

give it to the gays at the Virgin

39:56

Hotel you really got me right today what

39:58

does that mean fabulous people good energy.

40:00

Let me do that for you. Thank

40:02

you. Thank you. Right. Come on. Like

40:04

a Libra man should. Move his hair.

40:06

You're bringing something mad at Bobby. 50

40:08

pounds of hair. Rich extensions. Thank you

40:10

for making sure I got my hair

40:12

on time. You're the bomb. Hey Jay,

40:14

stop cock blocking. Relax. Oh Bobby,

40:16

you're doing great. Simple bottom. There's no

40:18

more, there's no cock in this room bigger

40:21

than mine. So everybody can stop that. Well,

40:23

you don't know me. I

40:25

wish. And you don't know me. Apparently.

40:58

to say it's true. I'm going to say it's true. I'm going

41:00

to say it's true. I'm going to say it's

41:58

true. It's

42:00

called a clip reach for the boat Oh Christine

42:05

stop calling it your tiny penis I'm

42:13

gardening and it's Morgan Bailey's I'm gonna put her on

42:15

right now to say hi to everybody cuz she's supposed

42:17

to be here today So Morgan Bailey, we're on air

42:19

with serious. Thanks. I'm saying hi to every fucking body.

42:22

How are you? This is my sister Morgan Bailey? Hey

42:39

Okay, I could you call her back in 10

42:41

minutes during the show so she goes I promise Because

42:46

she tried to act like she wasn't coming to

42:48

the show no bitch You're leaving your mansion in

42:50

st. Martin and you're coming here to support me

42:53

like what the fuck you're talking about Well, I

42:55

want you uh Addison. I want you to tell

42:57

us like well how the show kind of came

42:59

about Yeah, so the tennis outfit working. It's giving

43:01

Tashi Duncan. It's getting calendar. You're gonna sell no

43:04

tickets for this show I'll

43:07

be there Files

43:10

I so I'm a porn star all of us sex

43:12

workers in here And I noticed that a lot of

43:14

the spaces to talk about sex are just like either

43:16

like slapstick comedy like no shade to Pillow talk no

43:18

shade to plug talk, but it's like that type shit.

43:21

Oh, you're not okay. Maybe probably I don't know them

43:23

Yeah, um or You

43:26

know it's like all about trauma or it's like very

43:29

instructional like how to squirt like how to do anal

43:31

right? So I said what if there was something like

43:33

a little bit different to talk about sex and so

43:35

I created the last file So we've got panels. We

43:37

have parties coming up. We also have a podcast coming

43:39

out too. So stay tuned for that What's it called?

43:42

Also the last file. She's gonna be a whole last

43:44

files universe, baby Was

43:47

how do you say Lisa Ann was on the last one

43:49

of them? Did she did An

43:53

angel did speak at one of them. Yeah, so what the last is

43:55

all about Small

43:58

hands they're just such a They they are yeah,

44:00

so I'm so good at this fan by the

44:02

way. Oh wonderful Yeah, no we had you an

44:04

angel on our last one that was all about

44:06

orgasm. So we had her Avian

44:08

all the Famer Hall of Famer amazing We also

44:11

had dr. Evan Goldstein who does this procedure where

44:13

he can put Botox in your asshole so that

44:15

you can bottom easier Yes One

44:22

second And

44:27

now back to the bonfire with Big J. Ochre.

44:29

Son and Robert Kelly Well

44:37

I'm not in the trans chicks. Yeah. Well, we've

44:39

got a new name for the show. It's not

44:42

Simple Jake and the boys it's two

44:44

simps and Jake They're

44:56

supposed to be in the whole show I could why

44:58

is there a hair in a cup of a coffee cup?

45:00

What is that? Why is there fake hair in a coffee

45:02

cup? It's wig hair on the cover I Bless

45:09

him interesting stories, but yeah, I Mean

45:13

that was I turned into a fanboy

45:15

feel bad literally Lucy Hart literally

45:17

a fanboy I was like you

45:19

became a fan. I don't know where I

45:22

had to call it off at

45:24

a half hour in I put the

45:26

old Schmutz on it because

45:28

I saw I look over everything's falling to pieces

45:31

Jacobs behind me Christine's heads about to

45:33

hit the keyboard Lou doesn't know what

45:35

sound effects to play and Bobby

45:37

I look over and you're fanning Mia

45:40

Isabella's 10-inch penis with a with a

45:42

with a fan. I turned into a

45:44

twink Black Lou was

45:46

just horseshoe in the room. He was just back and forth

45:48

back there over there. No one knew what to do No,

45:50

you want to see Jacob's? cheer

45:53

up Remember why

45:55

you had a problem with my face the first half

45:57

of the show? Mm-hmm. You didn't

45:59

want to see me You should be

46:01

grateful behind you. Smiling. Paco, can you

46:03

do a montage? Here's

46:05

what the video of today should be, Paco. A

46:07

montage of us going, yeah, but we should,

46:10

mm-hmm. Well, with Mia,

46:13

Mia, well, I have a question for you.

46:17

And then just cut to me fanning. Just

46:19

in between just me fanning. Just Bobby nonstop

46:21

fanning. Bobby should be fanning.

46:23

Let me tell you something. If Dan didn't leave

46:26

when he left, he would've left today. Shit. This

46:29

would've been the one

46:31

right today. Do

46:34

you want to see everyone's dicks?

46:36

Yes, please. Yeah, oh. There's

46:39

Athena. That's a nice horn, huh? Can you get

46:41

another, can we get one without the shadows? For

46:43

the listeners, everything's tagged on Twitter, so you can

46:45

go on the results too. There's a nice one.

46:48

Wow, that's a- Yeah, she's got a good piece

46:50

on her too, huh? That's almost close to a

46:52

Nolan piece. Yeah, look at that

46:54

backstroke. That's huge. That's a big one. Yeah.

46:58

She was the quiet one. I tell you what, go back to

47:00

that for a second. I mean, she's got a sexy

47:03

woman leg, a woman legs. I mean, her legs-

47:05

What are you saying now? Her legs. No,

47:08

you can say it. Say, I'm just, this is Bobby.

47:10

Bobby, what is that Bobby Kelly? I'm

47:13

saying that we should move on

47:15

to the next one. Bobby, it's not about

47:17

looks, Bobby. It's about what's in here. If

47:19

you took that, I mean, that is a

47:21

long, beautiful- She has nice legs. I mean,

47:23

nice legs. That's all I'm saying. And then

47:25

watch me as a bell, I'll say, pussies

47:28

gross feeling. I have to have a connection.

47:31

20 minutes of, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

47:33

blah. Jacob, do you see how that feels though? Do

47:35

you see how that feels when you have somebody to

47:38

bring up a hypothetical and they don't do it? You

47:40

see how it looks from a third person? When I

47:42

was like, Mia, just from a pure physical perspective, do

47:44

you think like there's a better preference feeling wise from

47:46

like ass to pussy? And she

47:48

was like, I can't mentally get there. Sure

47:51

you can. You've had your cock and a pussy before

47:53

and then you- Who's this?

47:56

That's Athena. Oh, that's Athena. There you

47:58

go. That monster peg. You have to

48:00

wear gloves with that thing. Yes, that's

48:03

big. Yeah, she's also very thin.

48:05

Who's this? This is Lucy. Lucy's nice.

48:07

Look at that. That's my type of what

48:10

she said. She was like a starter Yeah

48:13

cock for bottoming. Oh, that's your kind of

48:15

girl cock to fuck your ass Hang

48:18

on. Oh, yeah. Look at that. There you go. I think

48:20

she was very actually she was very She

48:23

was very she was very sweet. Nice

48:25

quiet. You're all sweet. No Me

48:28

I've known that was her comfort. Yes, she's very

48:30

sweet. She's got abs and abs, huh? Mm-hmm.

48:33

Mm-hmm. Looks like Justin Silva

48:36

with tits Damn

48:43

that was dead on Motherfuck

48:48

if that wasn't dead on

48:50

there's Mia. That's me as a Bella

48:52

me as a Bella Wait, why is it not she

48:55

hasn't she doesn't show the hog as much. Oh,

48:57

there it is right there Whoa, whoa falling out

48:59

of her fucking zipper or a sundress. That is

49:01

the that's just so big. It's

49:03

so big Overwhelming because

49:05

he might just look it up on porn. You know, let's

49:08

go to the Twitter thing. They actually talked the size of

49:10

their dicks That's how much they talked That

49:15

is exactly the that is exactly the

49:17

hierarchy of speaking Here's our

49:19

host. Oh, can you please get

49:21

that off of Twitter and bring up type in Aris?

49:24

Foushay gangbang, please. I want to see if

49:26

that exists before I have to go looking

49:28

for it myself tomorrow That's

49:32

the one that bang the football team straight one

49:34

she is Gorgeous.

49:37

Yeah, that was a pretty girl Addis

49:40

that was my tape. Oh,

49:42

I know you didn't I know Bobby. She's

49:44

not your thing technically because She's

49:47

got a pussy Look,

49:50

I know you're from Boston and you come from

49:52

a different kind of background and this girl's got

49:54

I Don't like I

49:56

don't like I don't like energetic talkers. No,

49:59

I don't I get exhausted easy. I

50:01

don't know She

50:03

was she was a sweet girl a very sweet girl and

50:06

all of them were very nice different. Yeah, she's

50:08

sweet as hell It's very sweet. Yeah. I mean

50:10

there was a lot of talking going on. Everybody

50:12

was sweet I just felt no

50:15

one did radio before yeah, and I don't

50:17

think I call this a ray call this an ism

50:20

Whatever kind of transism or whatever you want to

50:22

call it. I feel like if you really got

50:24

to a thing It's like ladies stop. It's like

50:26

this is terrible radio. We're not start talking I

50:28

feel like I would have gotten the thing and

50:31

Penises are not society won't let you

50:33

punch them They're

50:36

gonna say they're gonna say I hit a girl if I did it

50:38

now I want to fuck with now they were all sweet I'm just

50:40

saying I didn't want to get like a like Something

50:42

about the bring getting firm with the situation seemed like

50:44

it was not gonna go well Possibly because I only

50:46

knew one of them and you didn't want the other

50:48

two to get like let's I don't want to get

50:51

My ass kicked by three trans girls Cuz

50:55

we all caught with black eyes and bloody lips

50:57

now Bobby I could have swept this room, dude

50:59

Now I get a swept all Dude

51:02

all three record time Yeah,

51:05

me Isabelle's going right through the glass Because

51:09

here's the one you got to spend your time focusing

51:11

on Lucy heart I don't know if you

51:13

saw that stomach but Lucy hearts buffed up a little

51:15

bit You might get the Christine.

51:17

Do we have a Addis getting gangbang, please? I

51:20

gave you so much time. I'm only finding her

51:22

getting fucked by two guys not a gang. Okay,

51:25

she's not a whore That's a threesome, but I'll

51:27

take it I guess Mm-hmm.

51:30

That's what I was picturing. That's not her That's

51:33

my sister what no? Okay,

51:36

yeah, she's cute little little

51:38

too petite for me. She's

51:41

teeny girl. She's very pretty. Yeah, very pretty girl

51:44

Mm-hmm. Can you go back to the

51:46

other one? Oh Dude,

51:49

I was gonna tell the other sounds like no. No. No,

51:51

I'm like me if you keep talking. I'm gonna put your

51:53

cock in your mouth Why

51:55

don't you say that because I couldn't I

51:58

was said Mia mea,

52:00

mea, mea. And

52:03

then by the time it happened, I go, now

52:05

by the time there was a window, if I

52:07

say the joke now, now comes, it

52:09

was a difference between the timing of that being funny

52:12

or that being. No, I know. I was finding,

52:14

I was chuckling though, you trying to chime in

52:16

and you couldn't get a word in. It should

52:18

be a montage. I was making me a. Mia,

52:20

well question for you, well question, well

52:23

just one question, but we'll go, same

52:26

question. Okay, now

52:28

just give up. Oh my

52:30

God. Yeah. It was, I

52:32

feel. I had to

52:34

go to commercial or punch myself in the face. And

52:36

the other one would have confused everybody. No

52:39

one would have fucking agreed with you.

52:41

Flammed. Oh no, girls emergency, we

52:43

gotta go to commercial. I feel like

52:45

worn out. I do, I feel like I

52:48

just got into a fight. I'm

52:50

like, I'm tired. I'm tired because

52:52

I was fanning somebody for an hour. I

52:54

forgot Bobby had to go full blown fucking

52:56

cabana boy for me and Isabella. Yeah,

52:59

it was like in a fucking Roman Empire at a fucking bath house.

53:02

What happened? Do you forget about, you almost took

53:04

a knee. Like you're the emperor. The face of

53:06

Bobby giving up, but still fanning.

53:08

It was priceless. That was so bad. In

53:11

fairness, Bobby was doing us a favor and

53:13

we all know that the fanning began because,

53:16

and then he gave her headphones at one point, it

53:18

was because Mia was fanning and it was

53:20

going. In front of the microphone.

53:22

That's terrible. Untoppable of the over talking, there was a fan

53:24

noise. She started fanning into the microphone. I was like, let

53:26

me take this from her and I'll do it. And

53:29

then I became that guy. Then he became fan boy. And

53:31

then she said, fan me again. And

53:34

he did. What am I

53:36

going to do? Simple Bob. Simple Bob and

53:38

the boys. No, you're there too. I

53:42

simped for no one. I told them in the nicest way

53:44

possible that we had this, that they couldn't all talk over

53:46

each other. And then they did, they did it. And then

53:48

he did it, clammed up. And then I threw the commercial.

53:51

You pulled the plug. That's when

53:53

I snapped out of it. That's

53:56

when you realize we're simps too.

54:00

Had a Joker smile. I know I saw it.

54:03

I saw Jacob smiling behind you a

54:05

fucking you have beautiful hair the whole

54:07

segment seriously, though February

54:10

and a clock lost files at the

54:13

cutting room the cutting room

54:15

NYC get tickets for that. Yeah, they have

54:19

Wacky crazy stories. Yeah for

54:21

sure Guys that

54:23

are quote-unquote straight now when

54:25

they said I think all guys the

54:27

majority of guys that trans girls have

54:30

sex with Our straight men Bobby you

54:32

don't to tell us all the things you say to yourself in the

54:34

mirror before you go It's

54:36

okay It's

54:38

okay that you're still straight You're

54:41

straight. It's just sometimes you like to do

54:43

things extraordinary

54:47

Jacob's dad is a straight man Shut

54:53

up Christine Some

54:59

of my bitch Wow that

55:02

was My

55:06

god, I'm gonna go dance tonight away just couldn't

55:08

have done Justin Timberlake after that. I don't want

55:10

to go If we get

55:12

I would have went I would have went to Just

55:16

escaping to something. I don't know But

55:19

we never got those tickets, you know, I think

55:22

I'm going to Hampshire tomorrow I can unwind and

55:24

be away from your wife I cover from this This

55:28

is that was crazy. It was just

55:30

crazy. Yeah, easy. You just hug your

55:32

boy and be like Just

55:34

too many. Tell me you're happy Tell

55:38

me you're happy being just a boy, man Oh

55:43

The porn industry's top chance performers tell all

55:45

Friday July 28th 7 p.m.

55:47

The 9 p.m. Good luck, dude You're not getting out of there

55:50

till 1230 Yeah, I'm

55:52

all sit down together at a table. I got

55:54

a little taste of it. She said they'll

55:56

get a segment They all get a minute. Yeah,

55:58

really much Addison Addison fushe

56:01

or Addis fushe as she

56:03

hosts 14 conversations happening at

56:05

once It's

56:08

a seven-hour event and then and then me

56:11

as bells go Okay I'm gonna answer you

56:13

For a little and then a little of her the

56:15

answer for this question and then a little back over

56:18

here and my head's gonna Move constantly and I'll never

56:20

be in the microphone I Have

56:25

to go down tomorrow night and fan her while she's on stage

56:27

I have to cancel You

56:31

know what Don I don't think any of us are gonna go this weekend

56:36

What happened to me oh Man

56:38

she turned you out the simple boys and

56:41

Jake Let me tell you is up Jake

56:43

Jake got turned out. We got turned out.

56:45

How do you feel? You've watched it happen. You love

56:47

it. We need to watch you I watched you fan

56:50

somebody for a 25 minutes,

56:52

but when you changed hands cuz one

56:54

got tired Because

56:56

I felt like if I stopped she'd fucking hurt me

56:59

she would She told you exactly

57:01

how with your unbo talks feeling

57:04

every pinch She

57:08

went from the sweetest I would never do that you

57:11

know but this girl I'll fucking stick it right in

57:13

your foot I'll give you the meat right in your

57:15

ass cramming up your ass till there's more dick in

57:17

my dick Oh my more shit my dick hole than

57:19

your butt I Really

57:24

was exactly you knew who was the

57:26

alpha I hate you Jake You

57:30

fan Me

57:32

as a Bella came in like fucking ice man.

57:34

She didn't move her feet. She slid to her

57:36

chair Talked right over you and

57:38

told you to fan her And

57:42

you did it because you succumb because

57:44

you worship at the feet of that

57:46

10-inch cock lady You

57:51

had the quiet one you asshole This

57:54

one over here dude this one over is building Adam Levine, dude. She

57:56

would have beat the shit out of me dude She was in shape

58:00

Oh, wow. Wow. What a

58:02

fucking ride. I'm

58:04

woozy. She stepped on everyone's nutsack.

58:07

How much of the show is left? Play the whole song.

58:09

Simple, man. Is it five and a half minutes? We go.

58:12

We leave, man. I'm

58:15

fucking I'm whipped. God damn it. We're

58:17

going to, you know, people

58:19

listen to this is going to. We're sorry.

58:22

We're going to ask me tomorrow. People are going to

58:25

ask me tomorrow. I had

58:27

the thing like, what's wrong? I go, I

58:30

want to show you. What's up? You're

58:33

on soon. Oh, all right. I'm

58:36

going to go home tonight and just curl into my Kiki

58:38

cold blanket and just go to bed. I'm

58:41

going to go wait till Christine falls asleep and

58:43

thank her pussy over and over again. Thank you.

58:47

Thank you for not being. Thank

58:49

you for not being that. I

58:51

want to go make love to Dawn. I'm

58:56

going to Botox my asshole tonight. Christine whale

58:58

on it. I

59:01

don't know what's up. I'm going to come in and make

59:03

my own fan and start fanning down at the dinner table.

59:06

That's going to be so funny. He said, guys, welcome

59:08

to the Lost Files of the cutting room. So I

59:10

was about to have an exam. I

59:14

had to come over to think and everything is I

59:16

did the one time they took the thing with the

59:18

boat. And I go, what's your thing? Where do you

59:20

guys live? Do you guys live in the same? Oh,

59:22

my God, I actually did work with them one time.

59:24

I did. I worked with one of them one time.

59:27

I'll tell you what it hurts. Girls are yucky.

59:29

Oh, yeah. Pussy's come on.

59:32

No, I did something about this. That and it's

59:34

actually a big show because everyone goes out there.

59:37

It's a point of view that a lot of

59:39

people don't understand. And

59:41

if people do start to understand that we are

59:43

and then society is open it down. So we

59:45

come up and then start. And then Joanna Angel.

59:49

It's the bonfire. Sorry,

59:53

everybody. Sorry. Every all the people

59:55

in their cars. We're sorry. But

59:58

you know what? Be thankful for what. you have

1:00:00

out there. Yeah. Go

1:00:02

home tonight and kiss your wife's vagina. I'd

1:00:04

love to. Hugs the one you love. Sarah

1:00:06

Beth Wilson, I see that you're a

1:00:09

guy, your little guy, Brooks. Your

1:00:11

dog passed away. And just know, he

1:00:14

didn't have to hear that today. Ha ha

1:00:17

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

1:00:19

ha ha. Shut up. Shut

1:00:22

up, Brooks. You're the better place, dog.

1:00:24

Ha ha ha ha ha. You're

1:00:26

away from all. There's nothing, there's no show happening

1:00:28

like that in dog heaven on Friday. It's

1:00:32

less noisy at a dog park than it wasn't here.

1:00:35

Oh my god. I have

1:00:37

a question for all three of you. After individually, if you

1:00:39

don't mind, he goes, do you guys like vaginas at all?

1:00:42

Well, I like vaginas and it comes on with the

1:00:44

thing. But if you come out there and you find

1:00:46

out, I'm more of a bum person. No, really? I

1:00:48

love it. And then, no, if you don't like it,

1:00:51

that's not my thing. I love it. She likes it

1:00:53

the opposite. OK, so what happened to you, though? Because

1:00:56

over here. God damn it. We

1:00:59

are simps. I want to break

1:01:01

something. Can I break something? Yeah, break my face. Jay,

1:01:04

kick me in the face. Yo, bust my

1:01:06

fucking face open. Yeah, get the

1:01:08

alpha mail back up in the room. Let's

1:01:11

go to one of those rooms where you get to destroy things.

1:01:13

I'm going to need to go to a smash room. Yeah. Get

1:01:17

Ron on on next Monday. We're going to get our

1:01:19

shit back. I

1:01:23

want Ryan Hamilton on the show next week. I

1:01:26

want to get our balls back. Nine years

1:01:29

now of doing radio. I've never felt

1:01:31

I was that out of control of

1:01:33

what was happening on the show. Nine

1:01:35

years. We should have

1:01:40

done a beauty pageant. We should have done a beauty

1:01:42

pageant. I mean, I had. We said we're going to

1:01:44

get to talk to him. We're going to do a

1:01:46

beauty pageant. Howard Stern did the trans beauty pageant. And

1:01:48

we're going to sit and talk to them all at

1:01:50

once. Girls,

1:01:53

a question that's for each of you, and if you could all answer at

1:01:55

the same time, that'd be great. What's your

1:01:57

origin story? Well, coming from the one.

1:01:59

I don't know. Bobby

1:02:02

Kelly. Yes, yes. He's gonna be at the

1:02:04

Gramercy Theater for a live regs on July

1:02:06

10th, everybody. That's with Joe List, Dan Soder,

1:02:08

Louis J Gomez, and himself. I just canceled

1:02:10

that. I'm out of the business. After that,

1:02:13

he's gonna be in Portsmouth, New Hampshire if

1:02:15

he makes it in San Diego. You

1:02:18

can catch Bobby every Tuesday night at 7

1:02:20

p.m. at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge at

1:02:22

the Comedy Cellar. For tickets and all tour

1:02:24

dates, visit punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. In the

1:02:26

middle of those plug reads, I

1:02:28

felt terrible because I didn't put any oomph in the neck.

1:02:31

It's okay, Jay. I feel like I got fucking hit

1:02:33

by a car, but I'm like, okay. But later

1:02:35

that night when you're like, I don't know, actually I think

1:02:38

I am a little fucked up from that. You know, really,

1:02:40

you have internal. My journaling's wearing all the clothes. Big Jay's

1:02:42

gonna be on the fully loaded tour just this weekend, then

1:02:44

Virginia Beach, the 12th and the 13th of July, and then

1:02:46

Atlantic City, the July 27th. bigjcomedy.com

1:02:48

for all his dates. Listen to pre-record

1:02:51

tomorrow. We'll be back live for you

1:02:53

Monday. Sorry. Sorry. One

1:02:56

morning you just walk in with a bag

1:02:58

of everyone's faves from McDonald's, drop it on

1:03:00

the counter and say, uh breakfast is on

1:03:02

me. Boom! That's the power of

1:03:04

saving money on the McDonald's app. Hope you

1:03:06

can handle all that. Save money with the

1:03:08

app. Apperticity McDonald's must opt into rewards. Look

1:03:12

around. You can find cars like these on

1:03:14

AutoTrader, like that car right in your tail.

1:03:17

Or if you're tailgating right now, all those

1:03:19

cars doubling as kitchens and living rooms are

1:03:21

on AutoTrader too. Are you

1:03:23

working out and listening to this ad

1:03:25

at the same time? Well, multitasking pro.

1:03:27

Cars like the ones in the gym

1:03:29

parking lot are for sale on AutoTrader.

1:03:31

New cars, used cars, electric cars, maybe

1:03:33

even flying cars. Okay,

1:03:36

no flying cars, but as soon as they get

1:03:38

invented, they'll be on AutoTrader. Just you

1:03:40

wait. AutoTrader.