2:00

you're losing $250 a week at least

2:04

just to get in the work right

2:06

35 70 and 70 is one. So you

2:10

got 175 that's 700 a month just

2:14

just commute before you fucking

2:17

eat a sandwich before you got a fucking $8 coffee, you

2:20

know, so these are the things I look at.

2:22

All right. And you know, then what I also have is the

2:26

same thing. I have a concert.

2:29

Right now the prestige

2:31

of the concert world the tickets are ticking

2:34

down like people like holy shit last summer

2:36

I did 800 this summer I'm

2:38

doing four like that's the reality

2:40

of it, you know, but half

2:43

of these bands don't belong

2:45

on the road. Anyway, it's

2:47

mediocrity. So we're accepting

2:50

mediocrity at all levels

2:52

from the presidency all the way

2:55

down to the next the

2:59

tickets, you know,

3:02

it's it's we are a country

3:06

that we lowered our standards and

3:08

that's not good. We're American baby.

3:11

We're American baby. We're the fucking you

3:14

know, we push people around we sling

3:16

dick and not even that with

3:18

a we're cutting edge, you know,

3:21

not anymore. Not any fucking more, you know, and you

3:24

know, people say that we're not going to laugh that around the

3:28

world. Listen, something's got to change.

3:30

Something's got to give. I hope

3:32

it gives before this becomes

3:34

something ugly, you know, but just

3:36

the fact

3:39

that fucking there was a felon

3:41

on the presidential stage.

3:44

Right. But even like take

3:47

both of them off the like I

3:50

I'm 35. I don't know if I've been

3:53

a felon politician that like

3:55

I actually like my

3:57

entire like I is there one I don't

3:59

think I I think all of them are liars. I

4:02

think they all use it for their personal gain, which I

4:04

get, but like it's, they're

4:06

going up there like it means, like what they say means

4:09

anything. Like it, it, all

4:11

their, it doesn't mean anything. They're just trying to

4:13

win. And then whatever they want to do when they

4:15

get in there is what they do. I,

4:18

I feel worse for the musicians. Cause like they, they

4:20

at least, that's how they make their money right on

4:22

the road. Like they don't make any money if they

4:24

don't go on the road. So I get, I get

4:27

that. Well, some of these bands weren't putting nothing out

4:29

anyway. The mother's skin

4:31

is out for the 18 time, the tour, another

4:34

farewell tour. And the brothers have been dead

4:36

for fucking 34 years or something

4:39

since my mother died in 79. I mean,

4:41

you know, we have as a

4:43

country, we have, it's

4:46

mediocrity. It's

4:48

mediocrity. We don't even go for the good

4:50

anymore. It's mediocrity. I've been

4:52

in Jersey here for fucking years. You

4:56

know me, I'm a fat fuck goat. I

4:58

love the look of food, the smell of

5:00

food. You know me. Even

5:03

the food, like if I

5:06

don't go to my restaurants or my good little haunts,

5:08

the food is all the same and it

5:11

tastes the fucking same. And

5:13

people will tell you this is the best. Yes,

5:15

I had it. My daughter's fucking triple header. There

5:18

was like a two hour wait. So I said,

5:21

let me go to the weed store. Get

5:23

refuelled for last game. And

5:27

my wife called me, she goes, I'm going to the pizza

5:29

place around the corner. I went over there and the pizza,

5:32

best pizza in town. I'm about, go

5:34

get me a sausage parm. Today

5:36

is a cheap day for me. I

5:39

fucking took three bites and threw it away. No.

5:42

Bread was awful. The

5:44

sausage, nobody has a spicy Italian

5:47

like flavor anymore. It tastes

5:49

like fucking Jones's little sausage links

5:51

with mozzarella cheese on it. And

5:53

the guy cut the sausage. So

5:56

it was a little like it looked like Kilbasa. I'm like,

5:58

no. Especially if you're high

6:01

and then you get in if you still don't like it when

6:03

you're hot cuz I'll eat anything. I'm high No,

6:05

I won't eat it. I threw it away and fucking

6:07

ate corn nuts. Oh It's

6:10

all pissed off. I was I ate when I got home

6:12

and shit. I don't believe it's funny. I did a Hell

6:16

what is it called when you raise money for a like

6:18

a show whatever it's called they were raising

6:20

money for a fundraiser for a softball thing last

6:23

night and I was

6:25

trying I've been trying to like ad-lib

6:27

some stuff. So I just made some jokes about Taking

6:30

edibles like taking edibles at a softball game getting

6:32

like they all bring their cups and they get

6:34

drunk It blows my

6:36

mind like how like those games those

6:38

sporting events the parents get fucked up Like

6:42

you're by far like you're not you're probably the

6:44

most sober one there. I had most of these

6:46

events. Well, I'll tell you what The

6:50

first three years we played it

6:52

was a lot of fun. I never drank But

6:56

the people would drink Which

6:58

I mean you was a little much for

7:00

me. Yeah, my business. I do fucking mushrooms

7:02

and reef But I can't judge

7:04

somebody because they drink but it was a Couple

7:08

times I dosed a couple parents one time

7:10

a parent couldn't fucking get up. We

7:13

had to walk them to the car You

7:18

know But we

7:20

played them this year And

7:23

I couldn't believe how whack they were and From

7:26

what I'm hearing their whacked every time

7:28

they play the coaches the assistants the

7:31

really the coaches to Me

7:35

the old team got mad at me for smoking dope

7:37

at a game in my car Fucking

7:40

a half a mile away from the stadium wasn't my

7:42

walk the wind was blowing. What am I a fucking

7:44

sailor? I don't know Nautical

7:47

not Joe. I don't fucking know nothing about

7:49

this shit And

7:51

I the kids game is like you kind

7:53

of have to be high All you're gonna

7:55

do is sit there and cheer anyways and

7:57

like stare when people like

8:00

get into fights when they're drunk, they

8:02

start yelling, you're never gonna do that

8:04

high. Like the kids game is

8:06

almost, you kind of have to take an edible

8:08

sometimes. I've witnessed two fights and I didn't even

8:11

get up off my chair. Really?

8:13

What were they fighting about? One

8:16

day the coach from another team said something and

8:18

it was kind of, you

8:21

could have taken it both ways. I didn't take it the

8:23

wrong way, but the girl's parent did. And

8:28

they started yelling at each other from the fences

8:30

and people were pulled and people were held. And

8:34

then in a tournament last year, one of the

8:36

moms got drunk and went over to the other

8:38

side, started yelling, I'm like, she's gonna get beat

8:40

up. That's got nothing to do

8:42

with me. Domestic violence is gonna be big here today.

8:46

Cause this is New Jersey. You start drinking at

8:48

one of the softball games, a wife punches another

8:50

wife, a husband gets involved.

8:52

That's like fucking not for me.

8:54

I don't even wanna be in the footage. No.

8:58

Let me tell you what happened. So sadly,

9:00

I had three

9:02

fucking games. Okay. Had

9:04

a party of five. I got home like at 4.30. I'm

9:06

like, I'm not going anywhere. I got to take a shower.

9:10

And I got to fucking relax for a while. It was

9:12

one of those days you're out in the sun, you walk

9:14

a mile to get your car,

9:16

then you got to bring equipment back. Then you

9:18

forgot you're fucking lighter. You know, I'm

9:21

wiped. It was like 6,000 steps. And

9:24

I didn't even exercise. It was just walking to the fucking

9:26

car and back. I

9:29

get home. I take a little nap for like

9:31

45 minutes. I get up and my buddy's playing

9:33

at seven o'clock, about 45

9:35

minutes away. Now

9:40

I know. Mosquito

9:45

bit me. Ah, damn. Right

9:47

behind the fucking neck. Jesus

9:49

Christ, that cocksucker. These Jersey mosquitoes, they

9:51

bite you in the weirdest places. They

9:54

don't bite you in the arm. They'll bite you on the

9:56

toe. They'll bite you on

9:58

the heel. Fucking Jersey. Mosquitoes

10:00

and cocksuckers, dirty

10:03

cocksucker. So it was

10:05

starting at seven, I thought. And then I looked at

10:07

it and started at eight. So I took a shower,

10:09

got dressed, jumped in the car, and

10:11

went down. And now, before I knew I'm going down

10:13

there, I'm walking into the fucking mouth

10:15

of the line. People are going

10:17

to torture me, the whole thing. But I get to

10:19

see my buddies. My

10:21

buddy from the seventh grade is his

10:24

band, and all

10:26

my other friends that live down the shore now go

10:28

to those ones. And then he has events up north,

10:31

friends up north. I don't tell these people when

10:33

I'm performing. And you're going

10:35

to find out why. Yeah. And I love them. I

10:38

love them all like family. I really do. It

10:41

was a great night for me. I saw a couple people I

10:43

hadn't seen in a long time. I

10:45

saw one of my brothers. I saw another brother

10:47

that I haven't spoken to, maybe 30 years. Him

10:50

and I were very tight together. We're out in

10:52

Colorado for a while. I saw some

10:54

girls. And then

10:56

one of my buddies was there. Oh,

10:59

Jesus. One of my buddies was there.

11:02

Then I go. Then

11:04

I used to go to a bunch of concerts

11:06

with. I had a tremendous smoothie for lunch

11:08

I made upstairs. I think I put

11:10

too much yogurt in that motherfucker today. My

11:13

stomach was fired, Jack. Protein,

11:15

yogurt, coconut. I fucking doped

11:17

it up today. So me

11:20

and him used to go to a lot of concerts, man,

11:22

when we were kids. We hung out tight from like maybe

11:26

1980 till about 19. We

11:30

hung out tight for maybe two years. All

11:33

of us were a little drug group. And

11:35

we'd go to all the concerts. And we went

11:37

to see ACDC with Def Leppard. We

11:40

went to see Ozzy. We went to see

11:43

fucking Judas Priest. I mean, me and these

11:45

guys went to a lot of shows together

11:47

and good shows. One of

11:49

the best stories is where I became the ball

11:51

buster dilute. We went to a concert

11:53

in the city. I think I went to see ACDC

11:56

that time. And

11:59

with the new singer. It was the first tour back

12:01

in black and

12:03

we did window paint acid Okay,

12:06

and we're not on the paper. Okay,

12:09

it's on the paper. You know, it's not a paper.

12:11

It's like a four way This

12:13

was like a four way four tabs for

12:15

ten bucks You could do

12:17

one or you could do you could split it four

12:19

ways. I just take the whole one. I mean why

12:21

fuck around So you're

12:23

walking in the so be honest of

12:26

you to be honest of you He got the story

12:28

wrong when I thought about at home. We

12:30

mixed up stories We

12:33

had gone to a couple concerts together book One

12:36

night we came back and we would we

12:39

took a bus and we it was

12:41

a wrong bus So we ended

12:43

up like in Fairview, New Jersey and we had

12:45

a walk like maybe two miles

12:47

home you know no biggie you're on acid you don't

12:49

want to go home you're giggling and Somebody

12:52

must have broken into a business and the

12:54

alarm was going off. This is about 1130

12:56

at night. Well, well well

13:00

well And

13:02

after a couple minutes this guy stopped. He looked

13:05

at me goes bro. None of you guys are

13:07

reacting to that siren And

13:09

we're like no and I look at my buddy I'm

13:11

like don't say nothing to him and he's

13:14

like no I don't hear the siren He's like we

13:16

walk like two more minutes. He stops again He's

13:18

like you got to tell me

13:20

you motherfuckers don't hear that siren. We're like, I'm

13:22

telling you we don't hear it You're

13:25

just hearing things and he's like no no I'm

13:28

not hearing things this acid isn't doing this

13:30

to me. Well, bro. Just keep walking and

13:33

relax I don't hear no siren

13:35

and he's like holding his ears. I mean it was

13:37

loud He's holding his ears

13:40

going. I'm a fuck you not hold

13:42

that so We're

13:45

like on a busy fucking road like Kennedy Boulevard

13:47

and he's looking around and we're still in Fairview

13:49

we're walking down by the There's

13:53

a diner up on Fairview

13:55

Boulevard there before you hit North Bergen and

14:00

He looks around he's sweating You

14:03

know, I just rain it just rained and it

14:05

was humid and the acid he

14:07

was fucking drenched all of us were But

14:10

to make matters worse the green light was

14:12

on cars are going back and forth This

14:15

motherfucker looked in the middle of the street and

14:17

just took off off

14:20

into the middle of Street Cars

14:24

are beeping out of his shit. I'm like, that's

14:26

it. This guy's dying tonight. I'm like, thank

14:28

God Somebody's gonna get hit

14:31

by a car Thank

14:34

God Expecting

14:39

and all of a sudden he bends over he takes the

14:41

water from a puddle Oh,

14:43

no, I hold on the street with

14:45

like fucking ants on it and

14:49

he goes over to the puddle and starts throwing

14:51

the water in his face He was

14:53

like can't stop hearing this siren He must

14:55

have thrown ten handfuls on his face and

14:57

just ran fucking home We

15:00

don't see you 16

15:02

I Love that.

15:04

Do you think it was the acid that like you and your buddy like

15:06

connected 17, huh? Well,

15:08

you would like to was it the acid that you

15:11

and your buddy connected like we're gonna fuck with this

15:13

guy Fuck with this guy. We knew it right off

15:15

the bat. We laughed the whole fucking way home. He

15:17

ran home We went by

15:19

his house. We thought we threw rocks at the

15:21

window. He wouldn't answer it and shit Oh

15:25

my god, and this and this guy you saw at

15:27

the show was the second guy This

15:31

guy at the show was no. No, this guy was

15:33

the one we did it to no Yeah,

15:36

I was tight with him. We were real tight. I kept

15:38

it He lived

15:40

in Florida with my other buddy. My buddy

15:42

died when he moved back and then

15:44

he's been thrown off Facebook like eight times You

15:47

know, he's a trumper. He argues of

15:49

people on Facebook He

15:52

had to go to a Facebook therapy group, you

15:54

know Facebook sends you for six weeks Was

15:57

he like the first Owen Benjamin? Why you? giving

16:00

people drugs and they lose their mind. He

16:02

lost his mind. So Saturday

16:04

night I'm talking, give him a big hug. And he's telling

16:07

me like it was his birthday. Okay.

16:09

He's telling me how good it was to see. And

16:11

it was good to see him and another drug dealer,

16:14

drug dealer buddy of mine. That's a fucking me and

16:16

him were criminals. And now he's like fucking

16:19

Johnny Bananas. And

16:21

so I'm talking to him,

16:24

you know, and there's a lot of people that a lot

16:27

of old girls like you grew up with. And

16:29

I was talking to them and I

16:31

was trying to watch the band and I go, I'm never going to

16:33

watch the band. These people aren't going to

16:35

let me, like they got to keep asking me

16:37

creepy questions. Right. And a bunch

16:40

of the wait staff and the manager came over. We'd like

16:42

to take a picture. I said, absolutely. I mean, the bar

16:44

was great. The bar was great.

16:46

The food looked good. I just wasn't, you know, in

16:48

the mood to eat. I was

16:50

just in the mood to fucking giggle

16:52

and see people. So I walked to the stage for

16:55

the second set. And

16:57

that's when I noticed things are getting

16:59

a little wild. People started dance like

17:01

hillbilly moves to Huey Lewis and

17:04

the news and shit. And that's when I

17:06

get fidgety and shit. And one of my

17:08

buddies knows me came up to me

17:11

and he goes, hey, Lisa's

17:16

looking for you. His wife, you know, who was

17:18

a dear friend of mine. She knows,

17:20

he goes, oh, there you are. He goes, Lisa's looking for

17:22

you, but she thought you left already. And

17:25

then say goodbye. I go, nah, nah, I'll say goodbye to

17:27

them before I leave. She goes, she

17:29

goes, she thought you slipped out the

17:31

back door. I go, no, no, not yet. No,

17:34

I look and I see one of my buddies dancing

17:36

like a lobster, like creepy crawl. And I

17:38

was like, well, it's time

17:41

to go. So she

17:43

called it before. I wouldn't have been surprised if you

17:45

just left. I looked at the clock.

17:47

It was about I got there about 7 15. It

17:49

was about nine 30. I was starting to get it.

17:51

You're ready. I took some medicals

17:53

I had, but they didn't work some fucking crazy shit.

17:55

I had. I just took them to see what happened.

17:59

They didn't work. So all

18:01

these people fucking waiting there and talking and

18:03

all this and something I just turned around

18:07

And started walking towards the door And

18:10

I saw my one Drug

18:12

dealer buddy good guy. Good guy. We've been

18:14

friends since we were 15 And

18:18

I just smiled on and I saw somebody else. I

18:20

just kept walking towards the door Right.

18:23

I keep walking towards the door and then the guy

18:25

that ran home and put the puddle

18:27

of water in his face. I Hear

18:29

baboon. Bye. I hear a bunch of women

18:31

yelling. He got knocked out some guy

18:33

hit him Punched him

18:35

really hard. He banged his head on the bar and

18:38

then he banged his head on the sidewalk so

18:43

Like I looked over I wanted to see what's going on

18:45

But everybody was rushing and I don't want to get over

18:47

there because they take pictures on the jail for 20 years

18:50

Some days on the side grabbed him when they get sued So

18:53

I just kept walking towards the fucking door like

18:55

nothing happened, you know And I just went to

18:57

my car. Everybody was running from the commotion. I

19:01

Just got my car started it and took off

19:03

and then when I got home people calling me

19:05

I knocked out the ambulance had to

19:07

come and put him in the ambulance. He woke up

19:09

in the ambulance He didn't know his friends

19:11

were his shit. I'm like, that's cuz he's got that

19:13

acid left on him from 19 fucking 80 It

19:19

knocked it loose that's cool. Cuz if you hadn't left

19:21

there would have been a problem Well,

19:23

you would have got stuck there you wouldn't you might got

19:25

roped in for it I would have gotten involved

19:27

off the bat, but there was 200 gorillas day.

19:29

He didn't need my fucking 61

19:32

year old fat ass and he's 62 So

19:35

he was going to a fight when he's 62 listen At

19:39

my age, I'm not going out looking for

19:41

no problems. I ain't no fucking UFC fighter.

19:44

I'm here to protect myself If

19:47

I could do I'll do the best I can but I'm not

19:50

going out the bars and getting drunk and telling people

19:52

Political shit and fucking you know, that's

19:55

the wrong shit to talk about when you're fucking

19:58

drinking now. But anyway, let's

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thefreezepipe.com code Diaz

22:44

for 10% off. I

22:47

wanna thank Freeze Pipe for giving

22:49

you guys the best experience and also for

22:52

supporting our show. Let's

22:55

get this party started. It's a beautiful Tuesday.

22:57

I love your TVs. Run for your lives.

23:00

It's over. They didn't put you on this planet

23:02

just to give up. I thought, well, Joey, you

23:04

can do it. I can rule the world. That's

23:06

what you gotta be thinking. Welcome back to

23:08

church! What

23:26

up, Luke? Good to see

23:28

you, buddy. It's a beautiful fucking Tuesday, a

23:30

new month, a new set of rules, a

23:32

new set of fucking heat, a

23:35

new set of problems. It's beautiful. Oh,

23:37

so I was

23:39

laughing right before we started. You

23:41

were telling a story about just leaving.

23:45

I did that at a bar. I had

23:47

to go up to Maine for my day job, and

23:49

they went out to, we were out on a boat,

23:52

and then we went to dinner, and then they

23:54

wanted to go to another bar, and I

23:56

was there for about 12 minutes.

24:00

And they had a DJ and people were dancing. And

24:03

I just, there's nothing I like more than

24:07

leaving really anywhere.

24:10

I love just walking out. So

24:13

is that something that you do a lot? I never, I

24:15

feel like you always told me when it's time to go,

24:17

it's time to go. But like, I didn't know you were.

24:20

Once we see this, that means wrap it up. We

24:22

got 30 seconds. We

24:25

don't even have a minute. We got 30 seconds. I'm

24:27

already on the way out. Things

24:29

are already starting to get fidget. I

24:31

see people, once I see people getting drunk, like people

24:33

already, like the other night when I got there, nobody

24:35

was drunk. It was 715. These

24:38

guys are all my age or 10 years younger. They've

24:40

been drinking since they were three. They

24:43

have six beers now and their

24:45

tolerance goes down and they get loose. A lot of

24:47

those people also work. They don't

24:49

like, I was talking to one girl I'm

24:51

tight with. She's like a fucking regional manager

24:53

for ShopRent. She

24:56

retires from Pathmark. And

24:59

ShopRent hired her out of retirement. So

25:02

she was telling me, she goes, I stay in every fucking

25:04

night. But when I come

25:06

here, I start drinking three hours before I get here. She

25:09

was fucked up. Wow. So

25:12

I wasn't there to judge anybody or

25:14

nothing. Like, bro, everybody has a different

25:16

journey. These people probably work

25:18

six days a week. When they have that one

25:20

day off, they go fucking ape shit without their

25:22

kids and the husband and you know. Oh yeah.

25:25

But even for me, it's not even like

25:27

a bar thing. Like I love, it

25:31

was just people going over to someone's house. I

25:34

get uncomfortable. I'm good with like two or

25:36

three people. And then it just

25:38

starts to be, like I get quiet. I

25:41

just, it might not be a good thing,

25:43

but I just prefer to be by myself. I'm like, let's

25:47

get the fuck out of here. I'm

25:50

the type of, listen, what's

25:52

that movie with Denzel where he says, you don't

25:55

have no time for goodbyes or something. Stay on

25:57

fire. Yeah. Once I

25:59

saw that, I go, I'm not crazy. No. I

26:02

hate saying goodbye to people. Especially

26:05

the last

26:08

10 years, because I'll never leave, I'll never

26:10

get out of there. Really?

26:13

And once they start drinking, hey, one question.

26:16

You know, like, yeah, I went to play bocce.

26:18

And I didn't know the kid next to me

26:20

was like a JRE historian. Oh

26:22

no. Next to him, he was

26:24

all giggly and weird and shit. And I'm like,

26:26

all right. And right away, we started talking.

26:28

I could tell this guy was a JRE fucking

26:31

historian. He wasn't going to let me go. If

26:34

he had poor drinks with him, forget it. No.

26:38

I want to chitchat. I'm not drunk. So I'm

26:40

on a different fucking level. I'm

26:42

high and maybe I'm sober. And you

26:44

want to talk to me drunk and tell me a story that's

26:47

going to last and last and last. I got to

26:49

go. Call me in the fucking

26:51

morning and we could go over this. But

26:53

when it's time to go, it's time to go. I don't want

26:56

to hit no store. I'll tell you whatever you want to hear

26:58

on the way to the copyright back. Let me

27:00

go get you a joint. I got 500 in the car

27:02

for you. Wait right there. I'll go get it. God.

27:07

Did you have you left it? Cause like you never left me,

27:09

but I always made sure to know where you were. But like,

27:12

did you ever leave someone who like wanted to, oh, we'll be

27:14

all dead. All the fucking time.

27:17

All the time. Why? Well,

27:20

what did they do? They just weren't ready. I had

27:22

tension. They were playing that drunk shit. I've

27:24

left girls, girls are the number one culprit.

27:27

Really? They started talking shit and Nancy

27:29

on the way out. And my girlfriend says, make sure

27:31

you call me. Listen, I'm gone. We're

27:35

going to snort at two grams of blood. What do you want?

27:37

She ain't going to call you till Tuesday. Oh,

27:41

so you were doing it before cell phones. Like you were

27:43

doing it like back in the day.

27:45

I was doing it to Rogan and those guys.

27:47

Ask Redman. I was leaving

27:50

those motherfuckers everywhere along the city. I

27:52

telling them coming right back, getting my

27:54

cab or Uber or a fucking ride in

27:57

the door, man, peel,

27:59

stop at this. Get a nice

28:01

chicken cutlet sandwich. Take me back

28:03

to the hotel go upstairs

28:05

roll a fucking joint Eat

28:08

the sandwich go downstairs smoke another joint come

28:10

up finish the other half the sandwich drink

28:12

the soda Get a bag of

28:14

M&Ms at the fucking checkout at the hotel Come

28:17

on dog some peanut M&Ms while you're watching law

28:19

and order and you feed a fucking

28:21

up on the bed You're looking at your toenails

28:23

thinking they need to get cut

28:25

but not tonight That's

28:27

that sounds so much better There's nothing I

28:30

like more than getting high and

28:32

eating in a hotel room by myself dog There's

28:35

different people that like different things. That's

28:37

why we you know If

28:39

it's up to me since the time I was 16 All

28:43

I want to do is night. Did you come pick me up

28:45

at about? 745

28:48

okay, we take a ride to a dealers

28:50

house or the Harlem we go get a

28:52

quick-to-time bag We roll a

28:55

joint we smoking on the drive We stopped for

28:57

a hot dog or a carvel ice cream soda

28:59

and you drop me off in a quarter to ten You you

29:02

did your job for the night. That's a great eat You don't

29:04

need to go to a bar and I'll

29:06

have to say goodbye and all that fucking nonsense.

29:08

I Hate bars now.

29:11

Yeah, I mean bars now more than ever what's

29:16

I Was around it for too long.

29:19

Oh In the

29:21

comedy clubs comedy clubs my

29:23

mother's bar when I was out drugging.

29:25

It's been too long. I Hated

29:28

bars in 85. I swore that if

29:31

I ever got a North Bergen I

29:33

would never go to a fucking bar again and I stayed

29:35

out of one for like four fucking years Wow,

29:39

I don't like there's nothing about a

29:41

bar that I like Except

29:45

promoting a party. I got a cool bar. I would like it

29:47

with my friends and reefer and TVs

29:49

and fucking you know, everything else that goes

29:51

to the DJ, but besides that I Don't

29:55

know. I've always felt like

29:57

there's a potential for something better I'm

30:00

not even sure if

30:02

I had a bar.

30:04

Yeah, there is a and I've seen

30:08

it and I've seen it. So, you

30:11

know, you're at a bar hanging

30:13

out. This guy pulls a **** gun. Whatever and I gotta

30:17

talk to cops. I'm not in for that but the real

30:19

reason is I just I was never in a uh

30:21

drunk so I don't

30:23

understand it. I don't understand the lingo. I don't

30:26

understand what happens to people after they drink. I'm not

30:29

even sure if you don't ****

30:31

torture me. I'll sit and watch you get

30:33

drunk and love it every I'll even send

30:35

you drinks. Really? Yeah, I'm one of

30:38

those guys. I'll send you over a **** drink. Do you like

30:41

people like do you like watching them get drunk

30:43

or like how do you pick your person? I'll be

30:46

sitting there eating at a restaurant and I'll just pick two

30:49

people at the bar that I have a great time drinking and it

30:52

makes me very jealous because I never had

30:54

that quality. I never had the quality to stay at

30:57

a place and drink, you know, unless when

30:59

I was doing drugs but

31:01

for me right now after the podcast to get in the

31:03

car and go to a bar and have a beer, no

31:06

desire unless it's

31:09

a mug a frozen

31:12

mug like you've had it in

31:14

the refrigerator for two years like freeze pipe

31:17

or oh yeah and it's

31:19

gotta have like something to pick up. So

31:22

I enjoy like uh clams

31:25

on the half shell with some hot sauce and

31:27

some **** horseradish and

31:29

some cocktail sauce. Little bit of

31:31

lemon. I like that. How many beers am

31:33

I gonna drink? One. Right.

31:37

Until the clams are done and then you go home. Then

31:39

I go home. I don't

31:41

blame. II. I'm jealous of that

31:43

too. I'm very envious

31:46

of people who like are okay

31:48

in social situations or like being out

31:50

in a crowded place and

31:52

just talk like I it's

31:54

it's interesting to me that you don't like it cuz it seems like

31:56

you would. degree.

32:02

The beginning of it. Like

32:04

the eight o'clock show. I like those people. The

32:06

ten o'clock show after the ten o'clock show. They're

32:09

a great audience but they're fucking lit. Oh,

32:12

yeah. Don't understand what they're saying. They're spitting on

32:14

you. They're offering you coke. They're

32:16

offering you their sister. It's fucking

32:18

insane. It's

32:21

fucking insane. And that

32:23

I like. I like the socializing after

32:25

a comedy show. But for me

32:27

to leave a comedy show and go to a bar like Bert.

32:30

Oh, I know. Woof. Bert's

32:33

a motherfucker. That's why I love Bert. He

32:36

loves it. He loves it. He'll

32:38

fit right. He'll go to any college bar, go in

32:40

there, drink with motherfuckers till

32:42

they all fall down. He's still walking

32:44

around pounding his chest. Gotta

32:47

love that. That's a great quality to have. Like I

32:49

said, I wish. It's

32:51

so weird when you start cocaine, you're very

32:54

extroverted. Right. And

32:56

then at the end, you become very introverted. Like

32:58

towards the end, you could come

33:00

up to me and go, let's go back to your house. I

33:03

got, you know, a clean

33:05

pussy and a shiny asshole. And I

33:08

don't know, I don't want people around me.

33:10

And that started bothering me. Like for the

33:12

last, I

33:15

quit coke in 2007 from like 2003 to 2007. I didn't like mingling

33:17

with people and

33:23

like the booze wouldn't do it either. Or the booze

33:26

just wouldn't even really work when you're doing that much

33:28

coke. The booze works, but the amount

33:30

of coke I was doing it would just burn

33:32

right through it. You can feel the alcohol burning.

33:35

Every time you do a line of coke, I can

33:37

drink like fucking I cannot drink people

33:39

when I do coke. Oh,

33:41

yeah. Isn't that the point? Like you? I don't

33:43

know. I've never done it. Yeah,

33:46

the soberness of it. I

33:48

don't know. And now I'm to a point where I taste

33:51

alcohol and I don't like the taste of it. It's

33:54

like edibles. Sometimes that

33:58

are gummies. If you eat

34:00

those I'm not one shot you get that taste

34:02

about like alcohol like vodka and

34:04

you're like what the fuck You

34:06

know, that's funny cuz that

34:09

happens like when you drink sometimes like if you drink and

34:11

you throw up on vodka Like you don't like vodka anymore.

34:13

I The

34:16

stars were hard to get down towards him, but we

34:18

also had to like 15 of them But

34:20

it's it like fucking ether alcohol

34:24

Like God awful at

34:26

the end. I couldn't even

34:28

I'm having a problem with all that shit now.

34:30

Anyway, so that's why

34:32

I eat the chocolate mushrooms like I like the Fungi

34:37

farms they have the best fucking peanut

34:39

not peanut brittle, but the other one

34:41

like peppermint bark. Oh, yeah. Yeah Yeah,

34:43

holy shit. It's fucking good. Now either

34:45

half a bar and go play bocce

34:48

Whoo, I'm often running for two hours How

34:52

are you going you having fun? We

34:55

won a couple games. We got slaughtered last week

34:58

Quickly, I mean we scored

35:00

points. We lost like 11 to 7 But

35:05

they they took us out in 13 minutes How

35:09

long is like a normal watching game or match it

35:12

started 830 and we were done by a 45 No,

35:15

I'm just gonna like a normal one would it take till

35:17

9 or to take half hour 45 minutes, you know Give

35:21

or take listen, man. It's it's an activity

35:23

for me. Okay, it's one night out of

35:26

the house. Oh shit Oh, yeah,

35:28

yeah mercy's got a baseball game tomorrow night But

35:31

I'll boogie after the baseball game and then Wednesday. I

35:33

don't know if I'm going to dojo and I don't

35:36

know what I'm doing this week No,

35:38

it's a light one Yeah,

35:41

it might be a light week. I've

35:43

been writing Nice I

35:45

tightened up that joke about how much

35:47

I I love that joke.

35:49

There was one other joke I was tightening up a

35:51

little bit and I liked Listen

35:54

man, it comes and it goes it is what a fucking

35:57

is, you know Hey,

35:59

at least you want I wanted to write. I

36:01

am like, what made you do that? I

36:06

really enjoy that. That's the part

36:08

of stand up I fucking love is building a

36:10

set. Really? That's

36:12

your favorite part? Yeah, everything else is bullshit.

36:16

Everything else is bullshit. Wow.

36:18

Like I always, like even when I wasn't

36:20

doing it for the time, I missed, I

36:25

missed thinking about the words. When

36:28

you do stand up, you have to think of your words a

36:31

lot and you have to play some different things. And

36:33

I started doing that

36:35

six months ago. And

36:37

then every day I write something, you

36:40

know, I'll journal and then I'll open up the comedy thing.

36:42

Even if I just put a premise in there, I was

36:45

thinking about like how my cat

36:47

looks at me when I'm putting my sleep apnea machine on.

36:50

It was right about that the other day. Like

36:52

she can't believe it. Then I sit down, she comes next

36:55

to me. She's ready to get petted and I

36:57

gotta go hold on one second. And

36:59

I put the fan on and I gotta fuck

37:01

him do this and fix the mask and clean

37:03

it. And then I cleaned my

37:05

toes and I scratched my feet. Then

37:07

I put the mask on the whole time she's looking

37:09

at me like what the fuck is he doing with

37:11

that mask on? Yeah, listen, is it funny? No, but

37:14

you make it fun. And am I like, you

37:18

could put it somewhere. I love the

37:20

relationship you have with that cat with gray.

37:23

Like when I was there a couple of whatever it was two weeks ago, like

37:25

you were like, all right, in about 20

37:27

minutes she's gonna come down and she's gonna start

37:29

talking shit. And like clockwork, like you call every

37:31

move that she does. I

37:34

know her like a fucking, once my wife

37:36

goes up, that's not good enough for

37:38

her. She has to come down and get me. And

37:41

she won't go up till I go up or she'll go

37:43

up and sit on top of the stairs and. I'm

37:47

like, God damn it. I

37:49

tried to take a nap this afternoon. She

37:52

wasn't having it. She just kept licking my

37:54

fingers. Really? Picking me

37:57

up and scratching her nose with my. hands

38:00

on my hip. I can't scratch her but she's

38:02

up there fucking scratching and waking me

38:04

up and do a little me house for you. He

38:08

doesn't really want to wake me up but listen

38:10

man when you have

38:12

a pet dog, cat, bird, longevity

38:14

is king. Yeah. Longevity,

38:17

you bring the best out of an animal and

38:19

that animal brings the best out of you and

38:22

you've already cut to the bullshit. You

38:24

feed them, you clean their little box, you

38:26

pet them, you give them love, they know where they stand. You

38:30

know it's funny on Instagram, they have these

38:32

cat lovers and I've been following a lot

38:34

of them lately. They're more interesting than anybody

38:36

else on there and

38:38

there's like this one page like there's

38:41

one cat that oh Bruno is name. I

38:43

told you about him. The Siamese that attacks

38:46

this fucking owner. Oh yeah. So

38:48

bad Bruno day twenty three day twenty four

38:50

but then they have these other ones and

38:52

they tell you about cats and then they

38:54

have these other ones that they tell you

38:56

about the distinctive cat

38:58

that you may have like she's a tuxedo. So

39:01

I was watching the other day and it's it

39:04

was right on cue. It

39:06

was right on cue. So after

39:08

she chases me upstairs. Right. Comes on

39:10

the bed with me. I pet

39:12

her and once I start

39:15

getting comfortable, she takes off and she goes

39:17

to eat. Now she could eat because

39:19

everybody's at rest and now she could play

39:22

fucking warrior. And

39:24

she'll come back and lay next to me facing

39:27

the fucking door waiting for somebody to come

39:29

in to attack. She weighs six pounds if

39:31

she's lucky. You know and

39:34

then at night about four, she gets off the

39:36

bed and stands by the door gardeners. All

39:40

along. What like what

39:42

would happen because I

39:45

know you've gotten close over the years obviously but like

39:47

when you were when you would be gone, would your

39:49

animals like get upset with you? Both.

39:54

Both. Like last time I went to bed and I hugged

39:56

my wife before I hugged Gray this

39:58

morning I woke up. She took a shit. I

56:01

just think that once people first off this shit

56:03

of Me charging

56:05

people 30 bucks to work out material. I

56:07

didn't like that either towards the end That

56:11

was an agent induced

56:15

conversation and That's

56:17

why everybody's doing it now. I Don't

56:21

have the hour But I'm gonna

56:23

go up there and throw thoughts on you But at

56:25

the same time I'm gonna charge you 25 hours

56:27

to let you watch a bad show A

56:31

Comedian listen to what I'm telling you comedian would never

56:34

allow that Right the agent has

56:36

to okay and say sure you can make money

56:38

doing and you do it If

56:41

I'm gonna do one remember when I did him at the ice

56:44

house they were fun and they were $15 Yeah,

56:47

they were cheap. I don't know if there were 15 to be

56:49

honest. I think sometimes there were 10 like

56:52

that that I like I Like

56:55

I don't mind. I like it a lot. I Love

56:58

bottom of the barrel at Joe Rogan's Club

57:00

with Brian Simpson show. That's the

57:03

best show I've done for material What

57:05

do they do? You go on a bucket

57:07

the audience ask questions. You don't want to bucket

57:10

When you pull them out and you answer the

57:12

question with a joke Some

57:15

people ask for a topic some people ask you

57:17

a question That's

57:19

the way to get your mental going on a

57:21

Tuesday night Right. Have

57:24

you ever? Got a show like that and

57:27

like got a joke from it like that you actually used

57:30

My favorite night at Joe Rogan's Club is Tuesday

57:32

night Brian

57:35

Simpson bottom of the barrel.

57:37

He's doing it in Denver now. I

57:39

saw that weeks. It's it's just a

57:41

great show It's

57:44

a great within a year every club will be

57:46

doing an off-night Yeah,

57:50

I told him okay in the copyright the name and Just

57:54

like comedy juice did he does that? You

57:58

know fucking the stank when

1:06:00

you watch other people and see what their interpretation

1:06:02

is of that same movie. Right.

1:06:07

My acting teacher used to make three of us

1:06:10

get the same scene and do it

1:06:12

all in a row. So it would be me and you doing a

1:06:15

scene from Donnie Brasco, the

1:06:17

one when you come visit me in the jail,

1:06:19

Steve Simone and Renazese, the one

1:06:21

when you come visit him in the cell

1:06:24

and Ari and Duncan. Okay.

1:06:26

Boom. And then like that, you

1:06:28

learn three

1:06:31

different minds, three different ways, three different

1:06:33

people, how they looked at it. Don't

1:06:36

get me wrong. Two people going to look at it the same, but

1:06:40

one guy is going to be different. And that's the guy you

1:06:42

learn from. I'm

1:06:44

not saying other two guys aren't good.

1:06:47

I'm just saying that they didn't go outside. They created

1:06:49

a box. This guy

1:06:51

brought it. Number three brought it. It's

1:06:57

the thing about like how the audience is

1:06:59

like. Receiving

1:07:04

sounds like a douchey word, but like how the

1:07:06

audience is perceiving your act is like, because

1:07:08

I had a couple people tell me recently that

1:07:10

like when I seemed angry, like

1:07:14

if I was talking to an audience member and in my

1:07:16

head I was being silly and I

1:07:18

didn't think of it as that. But like, you

1:07:20

take that stuff into heart and like try to adjust

1:07:22

how you do things. If people give you that feedback.

1:07:28

Listen, people always going to give you feedback. Some

1:07:31

people have no idea what they're saying. Their

1:07:33

feedback is right on. And

1:07:36

some people, I'd rather listen when

1:07:38

somebody comes up to you that you don't know and

1:07:41

says, Hey, Lee, you're fat. It

1:07:44

bothers you. It's different than me going, what are you

1:07:46

doing? You little fat cop sucker. Right. You

1:07:49

follow me. It's, there's

1:07:51

people that come up to you sometimes after

1:07:53

a set, you're frustrated enough. And they're like, excuse

1:07:55

me. And they start, nobody wants

1:07:58

to hear that. You try. that

1:18:00

it make as we can complete. I

1:18:02

love you motherfucker, stay black, have a great week

1:18:05

and we'll be back next Tuesday,

1:18:07

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