0:00

The. Future is the have the responsibility

0:02

and not wanting think likely friends taking

0:04

things like me you've never been would

0:06

have used without. That's why we've created

0:08

a happy new program. Was hard to

0:11

recycle. passes isn't valuable resources for Clinton

0:13

building material. Recently too

0:15

often owns after him that. Often

0:18

drop it in with your

0:21

regular. Recycling isn't that easy.

0:23

It's time to rethink. Recently

0:25

introduced to human resources, Available

0:29

on. The. Seaside

0:31

excursion is just the thing to

0:33

mend a broken heart. Unless

0:35

the lady in question is vacationing

0:37

there to. I'll. And Freddy's

0:39

pals lend a hand. Pg.

0:42

Would house today on the

0:44

Classic Tales podcast. Welcome

1:02

to the Classic Tales Podcast! Thank you

1:04

for listening. The. Vintage episode

1:06

for the week is a slip

1:08

under the microscope. By. H G

1:11

Wells. Be. Sure to check it out on

1:13

Tuesday! If. The show

1:15

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now. Helping Freddie.

1:57

By. Pg would. I

2:16

don't want to bore you, don't know, Know that? sort

2:18

of wrong. But. I must tell you

2:20

about dear old Freddie Meadows. I'm

2:23

not a flyer, literary style and all that.

2:26

But. I'll get some right at Shabby to give the

2:28

thing a wash and brush off when I've finished and

2:30

that will be all right. Dear

2:32

old said don't China. Has.

2:34

Been a deal old pal of mine for

2:36

years and years. So when I

2:38

went into the club one morning and

2:40

found him sitting alone in a dark

2:43

corner staring blankly at nothing. Generally

2:45

looking like the last rows of summer.

2:47

You. Can understand I was quite disturbed about

2:49

it. As a rule the

2:51

old routers the license. So all of our set. Up.

2:54

A lump of fun and all that. Sort of it. Jimmy

2:57

Pinkerton was with me the time. Jimmy's

3:00

a fellow who writes plays it you spoon

3:02

sort of seller. And between on

3:04

this be set to work to question

3:06

the poor Popeye shabby. Until. We

3:08

finally got at what the matter was. As.

3:11

We might have guessed it was a girl. It.

3:14

Out a quarrel with Angela West. The.

3:16

Girl he was engaged to. She. Had

3:18

broken off the engagement. Lot.

3:21

Of the route had been about. he didn't say. That

3:23

apparently she was pretty well set up. Shouldn't.

3:26

Let him come near her. refused is

3:28

often the phone. Since back

3:30

his letters on opened. I

3:33

was pretty sorry for poor old for the. I

3:35

knew what it felt like. I was

3:37

once in love myself with a girl called

3:40

Elisabeth Shue Bread. And. The fact

3:42

that she couldn't stand me at any

3:44

price will be recorded in my autobiography.

3:46

I knew the thing for Freddie. Change.

3:49

Of scene is what you want. Oh god I said.

3:52

Come with me. The mob is bay. I've

3:54

taken a cottage their team is coming down

3:56

on. The twenty fourth will be a cozy

3:58

thought. He. he is obsolete She was

4:00

absolutely right," said Jimmy. Change of

4:02

scenes, the thing. I knew a man. Girl

4:05

refused him, and went abroad. Two

4:07

months later, Girl wired him,

4:09

Come back, Muriel. Man

4:12

started to wire out a reply, suddenly

4:14

found that he couldn't remember Girl's surname, so

4:16

never answered at all. But

4:18

Freddy wouldn't be comforted. He

4:20

just went on, looking as if he had swallowed

4:22

his last sixpence. However, I

4:25

got him to promise to come to Marvis Bay

4:27

with me. He said he might

4:29

as well be there as anywhere. Do

4:31

you know Marvis Bay? It's in Dorsetshire.

4:34

It isn't what you'd call a fiercely exciting spot, but

4:36

it has its good points. You

4:39

spend the day there bathing and sitting on the

4:41

sands, and in the evening you stroll out

4:43

on the shore with the gnats. At

4:45

nine o'clock you rub ointment on the wounds

4:47

and go to bed. It

4:49

seemed to suit poor old Freddy. Once

4:52

the moon was up and the breeze sighing in the

4:54

trees, you couldn't drag him from that

4:56

beach with a rope. He became

4:58

quite a popular pet with the gnats. They'd

5:00

hang round waiting for him to come out, and

5:03

would give perfectly good strollers the miss in

5:05

bulk, just so as to be in good

5:07

condition for him. Here's all

5:09

the peaceful sort of life. But by

5:11

the end of the first week I began

5:13

to wish that Jimmy Pinkerton had arranged to

5:15

come down earlier, for as

5:17

a companion, Freddy, poor old chap,

5:20

there wasn't anything to write home to mother about. When

5:23

he wasn't chewing a pipe and scowling at

5:25

the carpet, he was sitting at the

5:27

piano playing the rosary with one finger. He

5:30

couldn't play anything except the rosary, and

5:33

he couldn't play much of that. Somewhere

5:35

round about the third bar a fuse would blow

5:37

out, and it'd have to start all over

5:39

again. He was playing it

5:41

as usual one morning when I came in from

5:43

bathing. "'Reggie,' he

5:46

said, in a hollow voice looking up.

5:49

"'I've seen her.' "'Seen her?'

5:51

I said. "'What, Miss West?' I

5:54

was down at the post office getting the

5:56

letters, and we met in the doorway. She

5:59

cut me." He started the

6:01

rosary again, and side-slipped in

6:03

the second bar. "'Regie,'

6:06

he said, "'you ought never to have

6:08

brought me here. I must go away.' "'Go

6:11

away,' I said. Don't talk such

6:13

rot. This is the best thing that could

6:15

have happened. This is where you come

6:17

out strong.' She cut me.

6:20

Never mind. Dear Sportsman, have

6:22

another dash at her. She looked

6:24

clean through me. Of course

6:26

she did, but don't mind that. Keep this

6:28

thing in my hands. I'll see you through. Now,

6:31

what you want,' I said, "'is to

6:33

place her under some obligation to you.

6:35

What you want is to get her

6:37

timidly thanking you. What you want, for

6:39

what she got to thank me timidly for.'

6:43

I thought for a moment. "'Look

6:45

out for a chance to save her from drowning,' I

6:47

said. "'I can't swim,' said

6:49

Freddy. That was Freddy all over,

6:51

don't you know? A dear old

6:53

chap in a thousand ways, but no help

6:55

to a fellow, if you know what I mean. He

6:58

cranked up the piano once more, and I

7:00

sprinted for the open. I

7:02

strolled out onto the sands and began to think this

7:04

thing over. There was no doubt

7:07

that the brain work had got to be done by

7:09

me. Dear old Freddy

7:11

had his strong qualities. He was

7:13

top-holed at polo, and in happier days I

7:15

have heard him give an imitation of cats

7:17

fighting in a backyard that would have surprised

7:20

you. But apart

7:22

from that he wasn't a man of enterprise. Well,

7:25

don't you know, I was rounding some rocks

7:27

with my brain whirring like a dynamo, when

7:29

I caught sight of a blue dress, and

7:31

by jove it was the girl. I

7:34

had never met her, but Freddy had

7:36

sixteen photographs of her sprinkled round his

7:38

bedroom, and I knew I couldn't be

7:40

mistaken. She was sitting on the

7:42

sand, helping a small fat child

7:45

build a castle. On

7:47

a chair close by was an elderly

7:49

lady reading a novel. I

7:51

heard the girl call her aunt. So

7:54

doing Sherlock Holmes' business, I

7:56

deduced that the fat child was her cousin.

7:59

It struck me. that if Freddy had been there he would

8:02

probably have tried to work out some sentiment about

8:04

the kid on the strength of it. Personally,

8:07

I couldn't manage it. I don't think

8:09

I ever saw a child who made me feel

8:11

less sentimental. He was one of

8:13

those round bulging kids. After

8:16

he had finished the castle he seemed to get bored with

8:18

life and began to whimper. The

8:20

girl took him off to where a fellow was selling sweets

8:22

at a stall. I walked on. Now

8:26

fellows, if you ask them, will

8:28

tell you that I'm a chump. That

8:31

o' mind I admit it, I am a chump. All

8:33

the peppers have been chumps. What

8:36

I do say is that every now and then

8:38

when you least expect it I

8:40

get a pretty hot brainwave and that's

8:42

what happened now. I

8:44

doubt the idea that came to me then

8:47

would have occurred to a single one of

8:49

any dozen of the brainiest chappies you care

8:51

to name. It came to

8:53

me on my return journey. I

8:55

was walking back along the shore when I

8:57

saw the fat kid meditatively smacking a

9:00

jellyfish with a spade. The

9:02

girl wasn't with him. In fact, I didn't

9:04

seem to be any well in sight. I

9:06

was just going to pass on when I

9:09

got the brainwave. I thought the

9:11

whole thing out in a flash, don't you know? From

9:13

what I had seen of the two, the

9:15

girl was evidently fond of this kid. And

9:18

anyhow, he was her cousin. And

9:21

so what I said to myself was this, if

9:23

I kidnap this young heavyweight for the moment, and

9:26

if when the girl has got frightfully anxious about

9:28

where he can have got to, dear

9:30

old Freddy suddenly appears, leading the infant

9:32

by the hand and telling a story

9:34

to the effect that he has found

9:36

him wandering at large about the country

9:39

and practically saved his life, why

9:41

the girl's gratitude is bound to

9:43

make her chuck hostilities and be

9:45

friends again. So I

9:47

gathered in the kid and made off with him. All

9:50

the way home I pictured that scene

9:52

of reconciliation. I could

9:54

see it so vividly, don't you know, that

9:56

by George it gave me quite a choky feeling

9:59

in my throat. Freddy,

10:01

dear old chap, was rather slow at getting on

10:03

to the fine points of the idea. When

10:06

I appeared, carrying the kid, and dumped him

10:08

down in our sitting-room, he

10:10

didn't absolutely effervesce with joy, if you

10:12

know what I mean. The

10:14

kid had started a bellow by this time, and poor

10:16

old Freddy seemed to think it rather trying. "'Stawty,'

10:20

he said. "'Do you think nobody's

10:22

got any troubles except you? What the

10:24

deuce is all this, Reggie?' The

10:27

kid came back at him with a yell that made

10:29

the window rattle. I raced to the

10:32

kitchen and fetched a jar of honey. It was the

10:34

right stuff. The kid stopped bellowing and

10:36

began to smear his face for the stuff. "'Well,'

10:40

said Freddy, when silence had set in, I

10:43

explained the idea. After

10:45

a while it began to strike him. "'You're

10:48

not such a fool as you look sometimes,

10:50

Reggie,' he said handsomely. "'I'm

10:53

bound to say this looks pretty good.' And

10:56

he disentangled the kid from the honey jar

10:58

and took him out to scour the beach

11:01

for Angela. "'I don't know

11:03

when I felt so happy. I

11:05

was so fond of dear old Freddy that

11:07

to know that he was soon going to be

11:10

his old bright self again made me feel as

11:12

if somebody had left me about a million pounds.

11:15

I was leaning back in a chair

11:17

on the veranda, smoking peacefully, when

11:19

down the road I saw the old boy returning,

11:22

and by George the kid was still with him. And

11:25

Freddy looked as if he hadn't a friend in the world. "'Hello,'

11:28

I said. "'Couldn't you find her?'

11:31

"'Yes, I've found her,' he

11:34

replied with one of those bitter hollow laughs.

11:36

"'Well, then?' Freddy

11:39

sank into a chair and groaned. "'This

11:42

isn't her cousin, you idiot,' he

11:44

said. "'He's no relation at all.

11:47

He's just a kid she happened to meet on the beach.

11:50

She had never seen him before in her life.'

11:52

"'What? Who is he then?' "'I

11:55

don't know. Oh, Lord, I've had

11:57

a time. Thank goodness you'll probably

11:59

sp—' spend the next few years of your

12:01

life in Dartmoor for kidnapping. That's

12:04

my only consolation. I'll come

12:06

to jeer at you through the bars. Tell

12:08

me all, old boy," I said. It

12:11

took him a good long time to tell the story,

12:13

for he broke off in the middle of nearly

12:16

every sentence to call me names, but

12:18

I gathered gradually what had happened. She

12:21

had listened like an iceberg while he

12:23

told the story he had prepared, and

12:25

then—well, she didn't actually

12:27

call him a liar, but she

12:29

gave him to understand in a general sort of

12:31

way that if he and Dr. Cook ever

12:33

happened to meet and started swapping stories, it

12:36

would be about the biggest duel on record,

12:39

and then he had crawled away with a kid licked to

12:41

a splinter. "'Mind,

12:43

this is your affair,' he concluded.

12:46

"'I'm not mixed up in it at all. If

12:48

you want to escape your sentence, you'd better go

12:50

and find the kid's parents and return

12:52

him before the police come for you.'" "'By

12:56

Jove, you know, till I started

12:58

to tramp the place with this infernal kid,

13:00

I never had a notion it would have

13:02

been so just difficult to restore a child

13:05

to its anxious parents. It's

13:07

a mystery to me how kidnappers ever get caught.

13:10

I searched Marvis Bay like a bloodhound,

13:12

but nobody came forward to claim the

13:15

infant. You'd have thought, from

13:17

the lack of interest in him, that he was

13:19

stopping there all by himself in a cottage of

13:21

his own. It wasn't till,

13:24

by an inspiration, I thought to

13:26

ask the sweet stall man that I found

13:28

out that his name was Medwin and that

13:31

his parents lived at a place called Ocean Rest

13:33

in Beach Road. I shot

13:35

off there like an arrow and knocked at the door.

13:38

Nobody answered. I knocked again. I

13:42

could hear movements inside, but nobody came. I

13:45

was just going to get to work on that knocker

13:47

in such a way that the idea

13:49

would filter through into these people's heads that I

13:51

wasn't standing there just for the fun of the

13:53

thing, when a voice from

13:55

somewhere above shouted, ìHi!î I

13:58

looked up and saw a round. pink face with

14:01

grey whiskers east and west of it, staring

14:03

down from an upper window. "'Hi!'

14:07

it shouted again. "'What the deuce

14:09

do you mean by hi?' I said. "'You

14:12

can't come in,' said the face. "'Hello,

14:14

is that Tootles?' My name is

14:16

not Tootles and I don't want to come in," I

14:18

said. "'Are you Mr. Medwin? I've

14:21

brought back your son.' "'I see him.

14:24

People, Tootles, Dad, I can see you!'

14:27

The face disappeared with a jerk. I

14:29

could hear voices. The face reappeared.

14:32

"'Hi!' I churned

14:34

the gravel madly. "'Do

14:36

you live here?' said the face. "'I'm

14:39

staying here for a few weeks. What's

14:41

your name?' "'Pepper, but—'

14:43

"'Pepper? Any relation to

14:46

Edward Pepper, the colliery owner?' "'My

14:49

uncle, but I used to know him well.

14:52

Dear old Edward Pepper. I

14:54

wish I was with him now.' "'I wish

14:56

you were,' I said. He

14:58

beamed down at me. "'This is

15:00

most fortunate,' he said. We

15:02

were wondering what we were going to do with Tootles. You

15:05

see, we have the mumps here. My daughter,

15:07

Bootles, has just developed mumps. Tootles

15:10

must not be exposed to the risk of infection. We

15:13

could not think what we were to do with him. He

15:16

was most fortunate you're finding him. He

15:18

strayed from his nurse. I would

15:20

hesitate to trust him to the care of a stranger,

15:22

but you are different. Any

15:24

nephew of Edward Pepper has my implicit

15:26

confidence. He must take Tootles to

15:29

your house. It will be an ideal arrangement.

15:31

I have ridden to my brother in London to come

15:33

and fetch him. He may be here in

15:35

a few days.' "'May?' He

15:37

is a busy man, of course, but he

15:39

should certainly be here within a week. Till

15:42

then, Tootles can stop with you. It

15:44

is an excellent plan. Very much obliged

15:47

to you. Your wife will like Tootles.'

15:49

"'I haven't got a wife,' I yelled, but

15:52

the window had closed with a bang, as

15:54

if the man with the whiskers had found a germ

15:56

trying to escape, don't you know, and he

15:58

had headed it off just until the door opened. time. I

16:01

breathed a deep breath and wiped my forehead.

16:04

The window flew up again. Hi!

16:07

A package weighing about a ton hit me on

16:10

the head and burst like a bomb. Did

16:12

you catch it? said the face

16:14

reappearing. Dear me you missed it. Never

16:17

mind. You can gather the

16:19

grocers. Ask for Bailey's granulated

16:21

breakfast chips. Toodles takes

16:23

them for breakfast with a little milk.

16:25

Be certain to get Bailey's. My

16:28

spirit was broken, if you know what I

16:31

mean. I accepted

16:33

the situation. Taking toodles

16:35

in hand, I

16:37

walked slowly away.

16:39

Napoleon's retreat from Moscow was a picnic

16:41

by the sight of it. As

16:44

we turned up the road, we met Freddy's

16:46

Angela. The sight of her

16:48

had a marked effect on the kid toodles. He

16:51

pointed at her and said, Why? The

16:54

girl stopped and smiled. I

16:56

loosed the kid and he ran to her. Well,

16:59

baby, she said, bending down

17:01

to him. So, father found

17:03

you again, did he? Your little

17:05

son and I made friends on the beach this morning, she

17:08

said to me. This was the

17:10

limit. Coming on top of

17:12

that interview with a whisked lunatic, it so

17:14

utterly unnerved me, don't you know, that

17:17

she had nodded good-bye and was half-way down

17:19

the road before I caught up with my

17:21

breath enough to deny the charge of being

17:23

the infant's father. I

17:25

hadn't expected dear old Freddy to sing with joy

17:27

when he found out what had happened, but

17:30

I did think he might have shown a little

17:32

more manly fortitude. He leaped up,

17:35

glared at the kid and clutched his head.

17:37

He didn't speak for a

17:39

long time, but on the other

17:41

hand, when he began, he did

17:43

not leave off for a long time.

17:45

He was quite emotional, dear boy. It beat

17:48

me where he could have picked up such expressions. Well,

17:52

he said when he had finished, say something.

17:55

Heavens man, why don't you say something?

17:58

You don't give me a chance, old top. I

18:00

said soothingly, What are you going to

18:02

do about it? What can we do

18:05

about it? We can't spend our time

18:07

acting as nurses to this exhibit.

18:11

He got up. I am going back

18:13

to London. He said, Freddy! I

18:15

cried. Freddy, old man! My

18:18

voice shook. Would you desert a pal at a

18:20

time like this? I would. This

18:23

is your business and you've got to manage

18:25

it. Freddy! I said. You've

18:27

got to stand by me. You must. Do

18:29

you realize that this child has to

18:31

be undressed and bathed and dressed again?

18:35

You wouldn't leave me to do all that

18:37

single-handed. Freddy, old scout! We were at school

18:39

together. Your mother likes me. You

18:41

owe me a tenner. He

18:43

sat down again. Oh,

18:45

well, he said resignedly. Besides,

18:49

old Toff, I said, I did it

18:51

all for your sake, don't you know? He

18:53

looked at me in a curious way. Reggie,

18:57

he said in a strained voice, one

18:59

moment. I'll stand a good

19:01

deal, but I won't stand for being expected

19:04

to be grateful. Looking

19:07

back at it, I can see what

19:09

saved me from Polney Hatch in that crisis

19:12

was my bright idea of buying up most of

19:14

the contents of the local sweet shop. By

19:17

serving out sweets to the kid practically incessantly,

19:19

we managed to get through the

19:21

rest of that day pretty satisfactorily. At

19:24

eight o'clock he fell asleep in a chair, and having

19:27

undressed him by unbuttoning every button

19:29

in sight, and where there

19:31

were no buttons pulling till something gave,

19:34

we carried him up to bed. Freddy

19:37

stood looking at the pile of clothes on the

19:39

floor, and I knew what he was thinking. To

19:42

get the kid undressed had been simple, a mere

19:44

matter of muscle. But how

19:46

were we to get him into his clothes again? I

19:50

stirred the pile with my foot. There

19:52

was a long linen arrangement which might have

19:54

been anything, also a strip

19:56

of pink flannel which was like nothing on

19:58

earth. We looked at each other

20:01

and smiled, wanly. But

20:04

in the morning I remembered that there were children

20:06

at the next bungalow but one. We

20:08

went there before breakfast and borrowed

20:10

their nurse. Women are

20:13

wonderful, by George they are. Did

20:15

you hear that kid dressed and looking fit

20:17

for anything in about eight minutes? I

20:20

showered wealth on her and she promised

20:22

to come in morning and evening. I

20:25

sat down to breakfast almost cheerful again. It

20:27

was the first bit of silver lining there had been

20:29

to the cloud up to date. Then

20:32

after all, I said, there is

20:34

lots to be said for having a child about the house, have you know

20:36

what I mean? Kind of cosy and

20:38

domestic, what? Just

20:40

then the kid upset the milk over Freddy

20:42

Strauss's and when he had come back

20:44

after changing his clothes he began to

20:46

talk about what a much maligned man King

20:48

Herod was. The more he saw

20:50

of toodles, he said, the less he

20:52

wondered at those impulsive views of his

20:55

on infanticide. Two

20:57

days later Jimmy Pinkerton came down. Jimmy

21:00

took one look at the kid, who happened to

21:02

be howling at the moment, and picked

21:04

up his portmanteau. For me, he

21:06

said, the hotel. I can't

21:09

write dialogue with that sort of thing going on. Whose

21:11

work is this? Which of you adopted this

21:13

little treasure? I told

21:15

him about Mr. Medwin in the months. Jimmy

21:18

seemed interested. I might

21:20

work this up for the stage, he said. It

21:23

wouldn't make a bad situation for Act Two of a

21:25

farce. Farce? Snarled

21:28

poor old Freddy. Rather,

21:31

curtain of Act One on Hero. A

21:33

well-meaning half-baked sort of idiot, just

21:35

like, that is to say,

21:37

a well-meaning half-baked sort of idiot, kidnapping

21:39

the child. Second act is

21:42

adventures with it. I'll rough it out tonight.

21:44

Come along and show me the hotel, Reggie. As

21:47

we went I told him the rest of the story,

21:50

the Angela part. He laid down his

21:52

portmanteau and looked at me like an owl through

21:54

his glasses. What? He said.

21:57

I fanged it. This is a play ready made.

22:00

It's the old tiny hand business. Always safe

22:02

stuff. Parted lovers, lisping

22:04

child, reconciliation over the little

22:06

cradle. It's big. Child

22:08

center. Girl left center. Freddy

22:11

upstage by the piano. Can Freddy play the piano?"

22:14

He can play a little of the rosary with

22:16

one finger. Jimmy shook

22:18

his head. "'Now, we shall have

22:20

to cut out the soft music, but the rest's all right.

22:23

Look here." He squatted in the sand.

22:26

"'This stone is a girl. This

22:28

bit of seaweed's the child. This

22:31

nutshell is Freddy. Dialogue leading up

22:33

to child's line. Child

22:36

speaks like, "'Bufa lady, does you

22:38

love data?'" Business

22:40

of outstretched hands. Hold picture for

22:42

a moment. Freddy crosses left,

22:45

takes girl's hand. Business of swallowing

22:47

lump in throat. Then

22:49

big speech. "'Ah, Marie, or

22:51

whatever her name is, Jane. Agnes,

22:53

Angela, very well. Ah,

22:55

Angela, has not this gone on

22:58

too long? A little

23:00

child rebukes us, Angela,' and so

23:02

on. Freddy must work up

23:04

his own part. I'm just giving you

23:06

the general outline, and we must get a good

23:08

line for the child. Bufa

23:10

lady, does you love data, isn't

23:12

definite enough. We want something more.

23:15

Oh, kiss Freddy, that's it.

23:17

Short, crisp, and has the punch."

23:20

"'But Jimmy'll talk,' I said. The

23:23

only objection is, don't you know, that there's

23:25

no way of getting the girl to the cottage. She

23:28

cuts Freddy. She wouldn't come within a

23:30

mile of him.' Jimmy

23:32

frowned. "'That's awkward,' he

23:35

said. "'Well, we shall have to make

23:37

it an exterior set instead of an interior. We

23:39

can easily corner her on the beach somewhere when

23:41

we're ready. Meanwhile we must

23:43

get the kid letter perfect. First

23:46

rehearsal for lines and business eleven sharp

23:48

tomorrow.' Our

23:50

old Freddy was in such a gloomy state

23:53

of mind that we decided not to tell

23:55

him the idea till we had finished

23:57

coaching the kid. He Wasn't in

23:59

the mood to have a. The like that hanging over him.

24:02

So. We concentrated on tools.

24:04

And. Pretty early in the proceedings we saw that

24:06

the only way to get too worked up to

24:08

the spirit in the thing. Was. To

24:11

introduce sweets of some sort of the sub

24:13

motives so to speak. The.

24:15

Chief difficult in. Said.

24:17

To me Pinkerton that the end of the first rehearsal.

24:20

Is. To establish a connection in the

24:22

child's mind between his line and the

24:24

sweets. Once. He has

24:26

grasped the basic fact that those

24:29

two words clearly spoken result automatically

24:31

and acid drops. We've got

24:33

a success. I.

24:35

Have often thought, don't know. How.

24:38

Interesting it must be to be one of

24:40

those animal trainer Johnny's. To

24:42

stimulate the dawning intelligence? Not sort of thing.

24:45

Well. This was every bit as exciting. Some.

24:48

Days success seem to be staring us in the

24:50

eye. And the kid got the line out

24:52

as if he'd been an old professional. And

24:54

then a goal to pcs again. And. Timeless.

24:57

We. Must hurry up to me I said. Lick.

25:00

His uncle may arrive any day now and take

25:02

him away. And we don't

25:04

have an understudy said jimmy. There's.

25:07

Something in that we must work. Like

25:09

that bad study. I've known deaf mutes

25:12

would have learned the pot quicker. I.

25:15

Will say this for the kids though. He was

25:17

a prior. Failure. Didn't discourage

25:19

him. whenever. There was any kind

25:22

of sweet near. He. Added-it is line.

25:24

And. Kept on saying something until he got

25:27

was he was after. His. Own

25:29

unfold was his uncertainty. Personally,

25:32

I would have been prepared to risk it and

25:34

start the performance of the first opportunity, but Jimmy

25:37

said no. We're. Not nearly

25:39

ready. Said. Jimmy. There,

25:41

for instance, he said tic freddie.

25:44

Have been going to win any girl's heart. And.

25:46

She might do it to. Now. We

25:48

must postponed production a while. Yes, The.

25:51

George we didn't. The. Curtain went

25:53

up the very next afternoon. It.

25:56

Was no sold? Certainly not mine.

25:58

Who's just seat. Said.

26:00

He had settled down of the piano. And.

26:03

I was leading the kid out of the house to exercise

26:05

it. When. Just as we got

26:07

out to the veranda, Alone came the

26:09

girl Angela on her way to the

26:11

beach. The. Kid set up as usual

26:14

yell at the sight of her and she stopped

26:16

at the foot of says. Hello!

26:18

Baby she said. Good.

26:20

Morning. She. Said to me. May.

26:22

I come up. She didn't wait

26:24

for an answer. She just came. To

26:26

seem to be that sort of go. Scheme.

26:29

Up on the veranda and started fussing

26:31

over the kid. And six feet away

26:33

mind you, study smiting the piano in

26:35

the sitting room. Was. A

26:37

does disturbing situation. don't know. If

26:40

any minute said, he might take it into

26:42

his head to come out onto the veranda

26:44

and we haven't even begun to rehearse him

26:46

in his part. I tried to

26:48

break up the same. we were just going down to

26:50

the beach. I said. Yes, Said.

26:53

The girl. She listened for a moment.

26:56

So you're having your piano tuned. She

26:58

said. My. Aunt has been trying to find

27:00

a tuna for hours to been. If I go in and

27:02

tell this man to come to us when he's finished here.

27:06

That not. Yes, I said. Not.

27:08

Yet have you don't mind? He can't bear

27:10

to be disturbed when he's working. It's the

27:12

artistic temperament. I'll tell him later. Very.

27:15

Well. She. Said that enough to go.

27:18

Ask him to call it Pine Bungalow West

27:20

is the name. Oh, he seems to

27:22

have stopped. I suppose he will be out in

27:25

a minute. Bell I'll wait. Don't you

27:27

think you shouldn't we be going on the

27:29

beach I said. She.

27:31

Started talking to the kid and didn't hear.

27:34

Who's. Feeling in her pocket for something. The

27:37

beach. I babbled. See.

27:39

What I've brought for you baby! She.

27:42

Said. By. George? don't

27:44

know. She held up in front of

27:46

the kids' bulging eyes a chunk of

27:48

toffee about the size of the automobile

27:50

club. That sinister. It.

27:53

We. Just been having a long rehearsal and the

27:55

kid was all worked up in his part. he

27:58

got it right the first time Kiss

28:00

Freddy!" he shouted, and

28:03

the front door opened and Freddy came out

28:05

onto the veranda for all the world as

28:07

if he had been taking a cue. He

28:10

looked at the girl, and the girl looked at him. I

28:13

looked at the ground and the kid looked at the toffee.

28:16

Kiss Freddy! He yelled. Kiss

28:19

Freddy! The

28:21

girl was still holding up the toffee, and

28:24

the kid did what Jimmy Pinkerton would

28:26

have called business of outstretched hands towards

28:28

it. Kiss Freddy!

28:31

He shrieked. What does this

28:33

mean? said the girl, turning to

28:35

me. You'd better give

28:37

it to him, don't you know? I

28:39

said, he'll go on till you do. She

28:43

gave the kid his toffee, and he subsided.

28:46

Poor old Freddy still stood there gaping without

28:48

a word. What

28:51

does it mean? said the girl

28:53

again. Her face was pink, and

28:56

her eyes were sparkling in the sort of way,

28:58

don't you know, that makes a fellow feel as

29:00

if he hadn't any bones in him, if you know

29:02

what I mean. Did you ever tread

29:04

on your partner's dress at a dance and tear it,

29:07

and see her smile at you like an

29:09

angel and say, Please don't apologize, it's nothing,

29:12

and then suddenly meet her clear blue eyes,

29:15

and feel as if you had stepped on the teeth of a

29:17

rake, and had the handle jump up and hit you in the

29:19

face? Well, that's how Freddy's

29:21

Angela looked. Well,

29:24

she said, and her teeth gave a little click.

29:28

I gulped. Then I said

29:30

it was nothing. Then I said it

29:32

was nothing much. Then I

29:34

said, Oh, well, it was this way.

29:38

After a few brief remarks about Jimmy Pinkerton,

29:41

I told her all about it, and

29:43

all the while idiot Freddy stood

29:45

there gaping without a word. The

29:48

girl didn't speak either, she just stood

29:50

listening. And then

29:52

she began to laugh. I

29:55

never heard a girl laugh so much. She

29:58

leaned against the side of the veranda. and shrieked,

30:00

and all the while, Freddy,

30:03

the world's champion chump, stood

30:05

there saying nothing. Well,

30:08

I sidled towards the steps. I

30:11

had said all I had to say, and it

30:13

seems to me that about here the

30:15

stage-direction exit was written in my part.

30:19

I gave poor old Freddy up in despair. If

30:22

only he had said a word, it

30:24

might have been all right. But

30:26

there he stood, speechless. What

30:29

can a fellow do with a fellow like that? Just

30:32

out of sight of the house I met Jimmy Pinkerton. Hello,

30:35

Reggie, he said. I was just

30:37

coming to you. Where's the kid? We must

30:39

have a big rehearsal today." No

30:41

good, I said sadly. It's

30:44

all over. The thing's finished. Poor

30:47

dear old Freddy has made an oath of himself and

30:49

killed the whole show. Tell

30:51

me, said Freddy. I

30:54

told him. Fluffed in his

30:56

lines, did he? I said, Jimmy,

30:58

nodding thoughtfully. It's always

31:00

the way with these amateurs. We must go

31:02

back at once. Things look bad, but it may

31:04

not be too late, he said as we started.

31:07

Even now a few well-chosen words from a man of

31:09

the world and— Oh,

31:11

Scott! I said, look! In

31:14

front of the cottage stood six

31:17

children, a nurse, and a fellow

31:19

from the grocers, staring. From

31:21

the windows of the house's opposite projected

31:23

about four hundred heads of both sexes,

31:26

staring. Down the

31:28

road came galloping five more children, a

31:30

dog, three men, and a boy about

31:32

to stare. And on

31:34

our porch, as unconscious of the

31:37

spectators as if they had been alone in

31:39

the Sahara, stood Freddy and

31:41

Angela, clasped in each

31:43

other's arms. Dear

31:46

old Freddy may have been fluffy in his lines,

31:48

but by George his business had

31:51

certainly gone with a brain. Thank

31:57

you. Thank you. Thank you. This

32:10

is B.J. Harrison. I hope

32:12

you enjoyed this unabridged production of

32:14

Helping Freddy by P.G. Woodhouse. If

32:18

you've enjoyed this episode, you may also

32:20

enjoy Carry on Jeeves, another series of

32:22

short stories by P.G. Woodhouse, available

32:25

for free in your podcast feed.

32:28

Thank you for joining me today and

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allowing classic literature to awaken your better

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