0:02

Welcome to the Dad Edge Podcast.

0:04

The Dad Edge Movement creates leaders of men,

0:07

leaders of families, and leaders of

0:09

communities. We will not only

0:12

impact this generation of fathers, but the

0:14

next generation as well. The

0:16

kids we are raising will have better chances

0:18

and odds stacked in their favor because of

0:20

the amazing example that their fathers emulated for

0:23

them. We are here

0:25

to change the world. We are

0:27

here to change relationships. We

0:29

are here to positively disrupt this generation

0:31

of fathers so no man goes to their

0:33

grave with regret. We

0:35

disrupt the drift of busyness and replace

0:38

it with razor focused intention, passion,

0:41

purpose, and direction. We

0:44

are the Dad Edge and we're here

0:46

to change the game. Gentlemen,

1:02

what is going on? Welcome to the

1:04

Dad Edge Podcast. I'm Larry Hagner, your

1:06

host and founder of this podcast, this

1:08

show and movement. As

1:11

you guys heard last week, we had

1:13

Tim and Tara Katzmann on. We're

1:15

rebranding this Wednesday show instead of doing our live

1:17

Q&As. We're just taking a bit of a break

1:20

for that for a little bit. A

1:22

lot of it actually had to do with feedback from you

1:24

guys in the audience. That is,

1:26

I used to put a spotlight

1:28

on one of our members every single

1:30

week on Fridays. We

1:33

had just so many guests that just

1:35

flooded us and wanted to come on the podcast

1:37

that I started doing the shows on

1:40

Mondays and Fridays now because we have just such

1:42

an incredible lineup of guests for you guys. The

1:45

feedback was that you get

1:47

a lot out of these success

1:49

stories and testimonials and things

1:52

that these men have walked through. The fire that

1:54

they have walked through, the things that they have

1:56

been through in their lives

1:58

and they've been able to. to come

2:00

into our ecosystem and data edge and then

2:03

really learn a few new things, implement things

2:05

and completely and totally turn things around. So

2:07

like I'll give you guys an example.

2:10

I'm, I'm a walking success story myself. I'm not

2:12

only the president and the founder, but I'm also

2:14

a client. Um, I would be

2:16

divorced if it wasn't for data edge. I'm

2:18

just being very real. I would have two boys,

2:20

not four. They probably wouldn't want anything

2:22

to do with me. If I'm being real, I might be

2:24

on my second or third marriage. That would

2:27

probably be a disaster as well. And

2:29

I would be a total mess. So

2:31

not only have I learned an amazing, amazing

2:33

things from our podcast guests, but I've also

2:35

learned from amazing guests. I'm sorry, from amazing

2:38

members in our ecosystem, like you

2:40

guys are going to get a chance to hear from

2:42

today. So these are now

2:44

called the Wednesday, Wednesday member spotlight.

2:46

And basically what we're going to

2:48

be doing is sharing stories of

2:50

success, sharing stories of obstacles and

2:52

turmoil and all kinds of crazy

2:55

things as well. And how these

2:57

men have overcome. We as human beings, man,

3:00

we, we learn by story. I could easily

3:02

go through and be like, Hey, if you

3:04

want to be successful, do these

3:06

three things, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. But it's

3:08

not really the points or the tactics that really

3:11

grab us and grab our attention. Then we learn

3:13

from, we actually learn from story. How

3:16

many times have you sat in the audience at

3:18

a speaking event or an event in some, some

3:20

way, shape or form. And you heard a speaker

3:22

share their story. And you were

3:25

so moved by that because you can literally

3:27

put yourself in the shoes of that speaker,

3:29

what they were facing, how they dealt with

3:31

it, their mindset and how they

3:33

overcame. And that's what this Wednesday

3:35

show is all about. I'm really excited

3:37

to feature our first guy of 2024, who's

3:41

in the Alliance last week. You guys listened

3:43

to Tim and Tara Katzman,

3:46

who's actually in our business owner

3:48

boardroom. And now we're moving

3:50

into the Alliance, which is, this is,

3:53

we've had this program now since 2016. We've had over 4,000 men come

3:55

through it. And

3:58

today I'm honored. and I'm privileged to

4:01

actually be talking to someone across the

4:03

pond, which is super cool over in

4:05

Italy. And that's Ciprian. What's up, Ciprian?

4:07

Good to see you, man. Good

4:10

to see you. I'm grateful to be here

4:12

and to talking to you directly and to

4:14

share my story. I am

4:17

honored to have you, man. So you didn't

4:19

always live though in, in, in Italy. You're

4:21

actually from Romania. No,

4:23

yeah, we, we moved here last year

4:26

because we wanted to live

4:28

abroad for a while. We were kind of,

4:31

I guess, bored with the

4:34

home country and we also wanted to

4:36

explore different things. And also

4:38

it had a lot to do with our daughter

4:40

and that turned to this year. And

4:45

we wanted to provide context and the community

4:48

that reflects more of our values

4:54

or what we want to kind of,

5:00

elevates to, you know, we're, we're

5:02

like, not necessarily elevated because that

5:04

sounds kind of like arrogant,

5:06

but kind of, um,

5:10

be a part of, no. I

5:14

love that, man. So you basically

5:16

wanted to give your daughter, right?

5:19

Maybe a different experience than what you guys

5:21

had. And also, you, you know,

5:23

you, you guys want to experience something different

5:25

yourselves. Yeah.

5:27

So for, for like a quick example, I

5:30

was born in Romania in

5:33

Eastern Europe, for example, this

5:35

is a story of a traumatic story of,

5:39

for example, when I was 10 years old or something like

5:41

that. I think it

5:43

was the first time when I, my

5:45

father took me to plow the land with,

5:48

with an actual horse in a plow.

5:50

Like maybe you, you

5:52

guys still have in the, yes.

5:54

Um, and,

5:57

uh, true in the Amish community.

6:00

or something like that. And

6:03

the funny thing is that my father had a

6:06

diploma in being an agricultural

6:08

engineer. So he knew

6:10

about how to manage a farm and had

6:13

tractors back then even in

6:15

the 90s in Romania. But

6:18

that was some sort of his complex

6:21

and weird personality, I would

6:23

say. And yeah, I

6:25

was looking one

6:28

day and seeing my daughter like, oh, her

6:30

daily walk is going

6:33

near Uffizi, you know, or

6:37

near Piazzale

6:40

Michelangelo, or some of the most

6:42

beautiful places on earth, for example,

6:44

where the Renaissance took

6:46

place and the whole city

6:49

looks amazing. And that's her normality,

6:53

that's her only

6:56

normal that she knows. And

6:58

compared that to some of

7:01

the places that I've been and some of

7:03

the things that I grew up through, you

7:05

know? So that was such a

7:07

huge difference in how

7:10

I relate to life, how

7:12

she relates to life. Although I don't

7:14

want to discard also

7:17

the positive things that came from my brain, you

7:19

know? Yeah. Yeah,

7:22

you, can we

7:24

actually take a step? I wanna dive a little

7:26

deeper into your childhood. I'm

7:28

actually visualizing you out there with like this, this

7:32

horse-drawn like type of

7:35

system you guys got going on there. It must've

7:37

been like somewhat overwhelming as a

7:40

kid, but like, you know, you

7:42

kind of grew up with, it

7:47

was a hard life for you, you know?

7:49

And you even mentioned before

7:51

joining us over in the Alliance, you struggled

7:53

with depression, anxiety and overwhelmed. And

7:56

you had what you call, you

7:58

know, a destructive blueprint. for

8:00

fatherhood. I want you to really dive into that.

8:02

What was destructive about it? Yeah,

8:06

so my father most probably

8:09

suffered with mental

8:11

illness, having a mental condition. Most

8:15

probably he was not officially diagnosed.

8:17

Also, he went into like a

8:19

psychiatric evaluation and had some papers,

8:21

but my mother freaked out

8:23

and threw those out. But

8:25

from what I read and studied, because I

8:27

read and studied a lot to fix

8:30

my own things, he

8:33

most probably had the borderline

8:35

condition and

8:39

he would completely change. So he

8:41

was like Dr. Jekyll and Hyde.

8:44

And what was very

8:46

confusing about that is that he

8:49

also can show a lot of

8:51

tenderness and a lot of

8:53

care and a lot of love and

8:56

kind of do a lot

8:58

of things with us and for us and

9:00

trips and fishing trips. And let's go to

9:03

the Benneville Delta. Let's go fish,

9:05

let's go swim in

9:07

the river. Let's

9:10

do all these great things. And he

9:12

had like moments of tenderness of caring

9:15

or caressing that I didn't felt

9:18

with my mother at some point. She was even

9:20

more loving than my mother in a way, but

9:24

she would also have this

9:26

very destructive side where

9:29

he would act with us like

9:31

we were his enemies. And

9:38

that can go from one moment to another,

9:41

which was very, very confusing

9:44

and damaging because I never knew what

9:47

was the version of the father that I'm

9:49

going to get today. And

9:51

for example, one thing that I worked

9:53

on even today in therapy was

9:56

I got a new job and

9:58

I was kind of freaking out about it. And

10:00

the therapist asked me to advise him even deeper

10:02

in that. And

10:05

she asked me some question and I

10:07

realized, oh, this is actually something

10:09

that triggered in me when my

10:12

father would threaten

10:14

to kill himself, to

10:16

hang himself when I was,

10:20

I think 10 years old or

10:23

something like that. You remember him like

10:25

saying this kind of stuff? Yeah,

10:27

I vividly remember him and I

10:29

remember like we were at

10:31

the dinner table, this happened a couple of times,

10:33

we were at the dinner table, she

10:35

would like become super upset

10:38

from something that wasn't that big of

10:40

a deal. I think something my

10:42

mother said or something like that, she took the

10:44

place with the food, smashed them

10:47

on the walls like food

10:49

everywhere. Then say like, oh,

10:51

I'm going to go and hang myself, no?

10:54

And sold out of the house. And

10:58

my mother would just sit there with her

11:00

face in

11:02

her farm, something like this, and

11:05

feeling completely overwhelmed and

11:07

devastated. And after a

11:09

while she would say like, go and search for

11:11

a father because she's

11:13

capable to kill himself, to

11:16

hang himself. I

11:20

think most of the time she wouldn't accompany us.

11:23

So I would go out with my brother and

11:27

start calling for him, shouting

11:29

from him. And sometimes he

11:31

would ask like, oh, yeah, I'm here, I'm

11:34

good, it's all okay. And

11:36

sometimes actually he

11:38

wouldn't answer. So he would

11:40

play like a little game, because he

11:42

was upset, he was like playing the

11:45

game, and let us shout

11:49

for him even more. And

11:51

we live like on a farm and

11:54

it was at night. And

11:57

during, I guess the winter.

11:59

sometimes or during the

12:02

autumn. And we will

12:04

go out into the

12:06

garden myself and my

12:08

brother and I, and

12:10

I would look to the trees, you know, to see

12:12

if my father is like hanging

12:15

from some of the trees.

12:17

Are you serious? That was

12:19

like, yeah, that was the

12:22

thing that happened. And

12:24

then I never, for example, discuss

12:27

those with him or say like, Oh,

12:29

I did something bad or like I

12:31

had a rage attack or some premium,

12:33

but I'm not ever going to do

12:35

that. Or my mother didn't

12:38

even discuss those things, you

12:40

know. And then, like

12:42

the irony of things is that my

12:46

mother actually took her own life after

12:48

she was kind of depressed

12:51

mostly of her most

12:53

of her life, because of this

12:55

very toxic relationship that

12:57

she had with our father in co-dependent

12:59

relationship that at some point, like

13:02

spiraled into like physical ailments, things

13:04

like that. And yeah,

13:09

reaching a child

13:11

into the world with

13:16

that still

13:18

in me and realizing at some

13:20

point that let

13:24

me give an example. So when my

13:28

daughter was three or

13:30

four months old, I think, and

13:33

I would get very triggered from different

13:36

things because it felt

13:38

very overwhelming to me to become a

13:40

father. And I didn't understood why, at

13:42

least for a couple of years, was

13:44

a lot of my unhealed trauma. And

13:48

I would maybe get in an argument with

13:50

my wife. And I would

13:52

feel like feel in that moment to

13:54

say, like, oh, I'm going to go

13:56

kill myself. And that came

13:58

like from nothing. I

14:01

didn't talk

14:03

about saying that to my wife prior to

14:05

having a child or nothing. But

14:07

because the blueprint was there, the thing

14:10

was there. And when I became a

14:12

father, it kind of came to

14:14

the surface. So

14:16

it wasn't something like, oh, that was in

14:18

the past, but now I know that wasn't

14:21

good, and I'm going to

14:23

make different choices, blah, blah. So

14:25

this is at a logical level, but at an

14:27

emotional level, I was going through

14:29

that, and I would feel some of those things

14:32

inside of me. And I

14:35

felt like a deep compulsion to

14:37

act on some of those things

14:39

at the time. And

14:41

I did act on not that

14:45

destructive or hardcore things.

14:50

But yeah, I

14:52

still had to feel a lot. And

14:55

discovering your book and

14:58

hearing somebody's story through actually

15:01

had a very

15:03

rough childhood, and they were

15:06

able to overcome that and

15:08

make different choices for him

15:10

as a father and

15:13

being able to actually pull that off. I

15:19

think my daughter was three months old

15:21

or something like that when I listened to

15:23

your book, and I'm shaking right now. It

15:25

was like, I think

15:28

I felt peace

15:30

and confidence. I

15:33

can actually do this. I can actually make

15:36

this work. Ciprian,

15:39

I had no idea until you just

15:41

shared that. How old were you when

15:43

this happened with your mother? It

15:47

was eight years ago. Eight

15:50

years ago, yeah. How old are you?

15:54

I'm 40 right now. So you were 32

15:57

years old when this happened? Yeah.

16:00

Yeah. My goodness. Number

16:03

one, thank you for sharing that. I'm

16:05

so sorry to hear that. I

16:09

can, first of all, a

16:11

quick reflection on just your home life. The

16:15

feeling of unpredictability, like

16:17

I don't know if you maybe caught that from my

16:19

book, but man, like the, I often

16:21

refer to my home like that, the Jekyll and

16:24

Hyde, and like you don't know what you're gonna

16:26

get. And I remember, you

16:28

know, coming home, even as a teenager,

16:30

like after I got my license, you

16:33

know, I'd be at work or I'd be out

16:35

with friends and I would come home for the

16:37

evening and I would sit in my driveway and

16:39

I knew that my mom was in there drinking

16:42

and partying and hanging out with friends or boyfriends

16:44

or whatever. And I'd always be like, what am

16:46

I about to go into? Cause

16:48

it was very much that. I would get

16:50

sometimes a nice environment

16:53

and sometimes I would get an absolute,

16:55

like it just

16:59

felt like a wreck. You know, like

17:01

it was, there was so much turmoil,

17:04

negativity, abuse, and sometimes it would

17:06

even change. Sometimes I'd walk in the environment, it'd

17:08

be super nice and then boom, like just on

17:10

a dime, like all of a

17:12

sudden like anger and rage and all

17:14

these things would come out. And it was like, it

17:16

was, I remember even being an

17:19

adult and being newly married and my wife and I

17:21

would go to my mom's house for holidays and we

17:23

just sit out in the car and we were like,

17:25

we'd have to like mentally like prep for what we

17:27

were about ready to walk into. And

17:30

I think when you're raised

17:32

in an environment like that, and you correct me if

17:34

I'm wrong, but when you're raised

17:36

in an environment like that, you so

17:38

badly want to break that pattern and

17:41

not create that type of

17:43

environment for your daughter, right, for your

17:45

wife, who you've been married to

17:47

now for seven years. I

17:50

don't know about you, but I felt

17:52

very lost. Like, cause I was like,

17:55

okay, I know what not

17:57

good looks like, but

17:59

I really don't. I don't know what good looks

18:01

like. And even if I did, I'm not exactly

18:03

sure how to do that or how to make

18:05

that happen. It was, it just felt, I felt

18:07

very unequipped. Did you feel the same way? Yeah,

18:11

I, so

18:14

there are a couple of things. I think

18:16

on one hand I had like kind of,

18:23

like I said, the destructive blueprint

18:25

or blueprint that also had like

18:28

education, for example, my mother

18:31

and father, they were also teachers. So

18:34

that was part of life that we

18:36

have some good things we have like,

18:38

otherwise I wouldn't be getting from a

18:43

village in Eastern Europe to

18:46

talk, to have this conversation with you, to

18:48

live in Florence, to be able

18:50

to write an obvious designer, work on a book,

18:52

make movies and things like that. So

18:55

we had some very good values, but

18:58

we also had these destructive elements.

19:00

For example, another thing was

19:03

the depression of my mother and the

19:05

neglect that I

19:08

didn't knew how much that also affected me.

19:11

And part of growing up in

19:13

an environment like this, where you're

19:15

dealing with mental illness, is

19:18

that as a child, I'm

19:21

thinking that's normal, you know? And

19:26

it's so ingrained in me and my

19:28

story that I'm still

19:31

finding a

19:34

lot of bits and pieces of,

19:37

oh, actually that's not normal. That's a

19:39

human life to viewpoint of

19:41

a person who

19:46

dealt with severe mental health issues, you

19:49

know? And kind

19:51

of like

19:54

being unsure of myself, I'm

19:57

actually viewing this the right way or the right way.

20:00

wrong way. And that's like a

20:02

continuous process. Then

20:04

there was like the huge

20:06

fear of not traumatizing

20:09

my daughter, which at

20:11

some point became a

20:14

negative force in itself, because

20:16

I'm trying too

20:18

much, you know, good, or I'm worrying

20:20

too much, you know, and to not

20:22

repeat the cycle to the point that,

20:24

oh, I'm so

20:27

anxious that I can't be actually present

20:29

with her and just relax and just

20:31

do normal things. So that

20:33

was also a thing in itself. And

20:36

then like she said, not having,

20:38

okay, I know what's

20:42

bad. I actually

20:45

don't know exactly what's bad. I know some things

20:47

that are bad. I know that I have some

20:49

things that are not good that I'm still doing.

20:52

And then I know that I don't know

20:54

what to do. No. And

20:57

for example, when I was in a

20:59

home country, and I started this

21:01

with some of my friends, I did like to group

21:04

with with some people. And

21:07

I have to move because the rain

21:09

started here. I did I

21:11

did a group with some of my friends

21:14

that were also parents,

21:16

and try to

21:18

speak with them and open up more.

21:20

And I think maybe

21:23

this is also the case. Yes, but I feel like

21:27

in Eastern Europe, there was like this

21:30

macho thing about being the

21:32

father of being the man. And it's

21:34

supposed to know what to do.

21:37

It's supposed to be tough all the time.

21:39

It's supposed to be not a group thing.

21:41

And I didn't have that. And

21:49

I feel a lot of books,

21:51

for example, parenting books are targeted

21:53

at the mothers. And that's not

21:55

a bad thing. And even talking

21:58

to different doctors. and

22:00

pediatricians and counselors and things

22:02

like that. They didn't knew, okay,

22:04

how do you approach it from a father's

22:06

perspective, you know? And

22:09

finding your book, and I think there are not

22:11

a lot of books, I think it was your

22:14

book and maybe two or three other books, was

22:18

very, very returning and fighting

22:20

the alliance because

22:23

being the man and being the father was

22:26

different than being the woman and being the

22:28

mother. It sounds like simple, stupid, but it's

22:30

not that obvious because people

22:33

don't think about that. You know, and they'll say,

22:35

okay, how do you approach this thing as a

22:37

man? How do you look at

22:39

this thing? How, you know,

22:42

maybe I'm compassionate,

22:45

but I'm also strong and maybe I

22:47

have a different viewpoint, you know, and

22:50

what's like a good father

22:53

look like? What's that, does a good

22:55

man look like? And this

22:57

is the part of also like a bigger

22:59

conversation with roles right now in toxic master

23:01

loop and all of that. So discovering

23:04

this, I felt like

23:06

it was great to have tools. I

23:10

didn't believe in a lot of the tools initially,

23:12

but going to the alliance and

23:14

actually doing those things, I

23:17

saw that a lot of things actually

23:19

work. And also it was good

23:21

for me to be in a group of men because

23:24

I felt like, okay,

23:26

I did a lot of therapy, but a

23:28

lot of therapy I did with women or

23:31

like this, I feel this feminine

23:33

energy approach. And

23:36

what I felt, for example, in the groups,

23:38

I felt like, okay, I share my story.

23:42

I felt like these guys are feeling for me, but

23:45

it's not only like, oh, Pucci, Trajan and

23:47

things like that. It's, oh, okay, what are

23:49

you going to do? So it's

23:51

more practical approach, more

23:54

at some point, okay, I acknowledge that,

23:56

okay, what are the actions that

23:58

you're going to take? And

24:00

then I feel like, oh

24:02

wow, actually this empowers me, this

24:05

gives me this thing that I

24:07

kind of forgot about of

24:10

what being around other men that

24:12

know their shit feels

24:15

like. And I don't

24:17

want to maybe only talk about my

24:19

feelings all day long or staying there. So

24:24

it's like, to

24:27

have a laugh that masqueraded me,

24:30

that was the pride I feel. Yeah,

24:34

I mean, it helped me a lot. Love

24:36

that, man. Just to

24:38

talk about, like, yeah, I mean, obviously we've

24:40

had the Alliance now since 2016. And

24:45

you're right, you know, you get that.

24:48

I would call it respectful,

24:52

masculine call outs that call men

24:54

forward, not necessarily call you out,

24:56

right? So we're not like, you know, when

24:58

you come and you share your story or your struggle or

25:00

whatever, we're not like, oh, poor you, right? We

25:04

meet you where you're at, right? But at the

25:06

same time, we're like, man, that's tough, right?

25:09

We're empathetic, right? We're compassionate. However, we're also like,

25:11

okay, let's go do something

25:13

about it. Like, what are we going to do about it? Right?

25:17

And I want to get to that here in a second. But I first want to go back, man. I

25:19

want to, I really, really, I know

25:21

you're a humble guy, but like, I feel

25:24

very compelled to just shine

25:26

a light on you making a decision.

25:29

Like, listen, man, I,

25:32

the childhood that I went through, I went

25:34

through probably in my 20s, a good decade

25:36

of like a pity party. Like,

25:39

poor me, my childhood, this, that, the other thing, right?

25:41

And then like, I think it was probably, I did

25:43

that even into my 30s when I first had my

25:46

first son. When I was 30, I

25:48

like, I started to

25:50

wake up. I'm like, okay, you need

25:52

to get over this crap, like, and, and get

25:55

on with life. And if you're going to, if you're going to

25:57

do this better, you need to learn how to do it. It

25:59

was, it was in my mind. in my mid thirties that I

26:02

really woke up, right? And I was looking for the same things

26:04

that you were, but it was really hard to find at the

26:06

time. But I think men like you

26:08

and I, and for all the

26:10

guys out there who are listening to your story, when

26:13

we have this type of childhood

26:16

and I'm just, dude, I'm visualizing

26:18

like your dad, like telling

26:21

you that he's gonna like hang himself.

26:23

And like you going out in the

26:25

back and looking through the trees as

26:27

this kid, I'm like, oh my gosh,

26:29

man. The impact that

26:32

that has on a kid is profound,

26:34

right? And

26:38

it's one of those things that when you're a kid,

26:40

you don't necessarily know what normal is. Your

26:43

house is what you deem normal. And then you kind

26:45

of like grow up and you're like, oh my God,

26:48

that wasn't so normal, right? And I also understand what

26:50

that did to me. And

26:52

then, fast forward to your 32 years

26:54

old and your

26:56

mother, she makes the decision to end

26:58

her life, which

27:00

is a traumatic event as well for you. Men

27:03

who are in your situation and my situation,

27:05

men listening to this podcast as well, they've

27:09

made a decision to say, and by

27:12

the way, man, this is a very brave

27:14

decision on your part and

27:17

every other guy who's come before you and after you

27:19

to say, not on my watch.

27:22

I don't know what good looks like. And

27:25

I came from a background that was

27:27

really challenging, but this is not going

27:29

to happen on my watch with my

27:32

kids and my wife, no

27:34

chance. And that's a

27:36

very brave decision because most people, what they'll

27:38

do is they'll be like, well, I have

27:40

this childhood, so therefore I can't, like, I

27:42

just have, there's no hope for me. And

27:45

they'll repeat poor patterns or they'll just never

27:48

get over their trauma, but

27:50

to stand in the fire of

27:52

that and say, I'm going to do something

27:54

different. You picked up

27:56

books, you started listening to podcasts, you joined

27:58

the Alliance, And here's the

28:01

thing, all those things that

28:03

we just mentioned, picking up a book, anybody

28:06

can pick up a book. It's

28:08

are you going to read it and

28:10

then do something with it? Anybody

28:12

can join the Alliance, but

28:15

it takes a man to show up to call

28:17

teams and do hard work and to state what's

28:19

going on as life and then to do something

28:22

different and to reap the

28:24

rewards of that support and that new

28:26

life. I'm curious,

28:28

what were some things just

28:31

really early on, you mentioned tools and

28:33

skills, what were some things that you

28:35

learned in the Alliance early on that

28:37

you started to see change in your

28:39

life? Yeah,

28:42

so I will

28:44

answer that and also mention that I'm

28:46

still struggling with things. I think for

28:48

me also like in mid

28:51

30s was like my wake up call and

28:54

then after my daughter was born, for

28:56

example, depression for me is like go

28:58

to like something familiar

29:01

or comfortable to

29:04

go when hard things

29:06

hit me. And sometimes

29:08

I work a lot not to

29:10

get there. And yeah,

29:12

I'm still dealing with a lot

29:14

of things. I'm still acting

29:16

as a victim sometimes, I still beat it

29:18

myself. And at the same

29:21

time, I

29:24

work a lot, overcome those

29:27

things. And sometimes

29:29

it's really hard to see that, okay,

29:31

I'm doing my best and it's still

29:33

not enough and I'm not sure if

29:35

it will actually be enough. And that's

29:38

where like having somebody

29:40

like you or somebody like

29:42

in the Alliance say, no,

29:44

it's actually going to get better and

29:46

just have hope and have faith, that

29:49

helps a lot. And one of the

29:52

tools, for example, that helped me a lot was

29:57

realizing, that

30:00

a lot of the times I

30:02

was playing the victim and

30:04

kind of almost going

30:08

to the group call to talk

30:12

shit about my wife basically. Then

30:14

I think it was

30:16

Nick, I got this from

30:19

Nick Sadello, he told me

30:21

something or he held me accountable

30:23

like in very simple and elegant

30:25

way where I realized, oh

30:27

I'm actually the bad

30:29

guy in this situation.

30:31

They kind of confronted

30:33

me in a firm

30:36

but like nice way and

30:38

I got to realize the

30:40

part I was playing and got

30:43

to realize, oh actually let

30:48

me take a better look at all

30:50

the responsibilities that my wife is actually

30:53

having and let me take

30:56

a look at the responsibilities

30:58

list that I'm having and

31:01

how sometimes I want to put even more

31:03

on her plate or

31:05

have expectations while she didn't do

31:08

that. Why I deserve

31:10

this or deserve that or kind of

31:12

being like entitled. So

31:15

that was a great tool stepping

31:18

back and asking and

31:20

trying to see the situation

31:23

from her viewpoint

31:26

and what is her current

31:31

load looks like. Another

31:33

thing was to go

31:35

for the dates and

31:38

try to carve out specific

31:40

time to connect and

31:44

do something of quality together

31:46

and do like small

31:48

gestures of love. Another

31:52

thing was not to be a little

31:54

boy because I was

31:57

for example in a holiday in

31:59

Turkey with the

32:01

extended family of my wife, like a

32:03

month ago. And I was

32:05

looking, there was this Russian, like big woman

32:07

that was handling a small boy. And

32:11

she was kind of like big

32:13

and somehow tough with him. And

32:16

I realized, oh, wow. So

32:18

this little boy, a boy cannot

32:21

be with a woman because

32:24

like the power structure there, you're

32:26

completely going to be overpowered

32:30

by your mother and your image of

32:32

it. So you need, as

32:34

a boy, you need other men to

32:36

learn to be a man. So then

32:38

you can be a man with your woman, no?

32:42

And sometimes it's subtle. And

32:44

it's hard to mean somebody said in

32:46

the Alliance like, oh, actually

32:48

a woman wants men. And the present

32:50

want to be in political voice who

32:52

just complain and are entitled and they're

32:55

sour post and things like that. And

32:58

that kind of woke me up. Oh,

33:01

yeah, it's actually, I need to change

33:04

my attitude. Another

33:10

thing was when

33:12

I heard you, I remember and

33:16

I wrap my story with this. I

33:18

was in Italy, like I said, my father passed

33:20

away last year and

33:22

it was, I think two months after that,

33:26

moved to another country right away. The

33:29

relationship with my wife was strange. I

33:35

don't think I had any income at the

33:37

time. I was between jobs, something that I

33:40

struggled with a lot and

33:43

had something to do with my upbringing as

33:45

well. And I was

33:48

like, under intense anxiety and then you're

33:50

in a core and you're saying like, oh,

33:53

you're going to do this and this and

33:55

that and as a man and you provide

33:57

leadership and you set the

33:59

structure. and we set intentions and we said,

34:01

okay, this is the rules in our house. And

34:03

then we went to call people accountable. And I

34:05

was almost had

34:08

like a panic attack at that moment

34:10

because I realized like, man,

34:12

at this moment, I can't do like 10%,

34:16

20% of what Larry's

34:19

is telling from

34:21

my state and my emotional state that I was

34:24

in at the time, and

34:26

then you just kept repeating this and

34:29

the guys in the groups repeat this,

34:31

like come to the meetings, do small

34:33

things, small steps, one after another, one

34:35

after another, and they will compound and

34:38

you will be in a place like in three months,

34:40

six months, a year from now, you want to recognize

34:42

yourself. And at that moment, I didn't

34:45

believe in that. I said like,

34:47

no, this can't be, it's like, it's

34:49

never going to happen. But

34:51

it was like, I didn't have, I

34:55

think something better to

34:57

do. I can didn't have like a

34:59

better alternative. And I

35:02

think I also felt ashamed on

35:05

how remote I was

35:08

from what you shared or

35:10

what some of the guys I felt like they

35:12

had their things together, but I

35:14

kept coming to the meetings and showing to the meetings

35:16

and things started

35:19

to improve, you know,

35:21

and yeah, I got a lot of tools and a

35:23

lot of help from the, from the alliances

35:26

and the calls. It's

35:29

amazing, brother. Um, that

35:31

is really, really awesome. And I'll tell you,

35:34

you're right. Our wives do not want

35:36

a man child. And

35:39

I mean, I was good. I was right there with

35:41

you. Like my wife,

35:43

like, I mean, I was, I

35:45

think it's at the early on in

35:47

our relationship. I was, I was like dead weight

35:49

to her. Like, you know, I mean, like when

35:51

we first had our first kid, 18 years ago,

35:54

she was raising two kids, I think at that point,

35:56

you know, I mean, this was, this

35:58

is a process. You know, the

42:00

things that they are struggling with, to

42:03

be honest with themselves, am

42:06

I actually, do I have what

42:09

it takes right now to be able

42:11

to take care of all the different aspects in my

42:13

life? And if not,

42:16

be both humble enough and brave

42:18

enough to reach out

42:21

and to search for health, search

42:24

for resource. And I would say

42:26

being a part of the group, there are some times where

42:28

I feel like I'm in a funk and

42:30

I feel like, yeah, I'm going to go to this

42:32

new thing, but it's not

42:34

going to help me because I'm, I'm sure

42:36

this problem is valid. Then I

42:38

go to the group and I come

42:41

out of that one

42:43

hour later and it's, I'm

42:45

completely different state, completely different

42:47

strategy, completely different actionable

42:50

things that I can take and actually

42:52

take them and like

42:54

make, makes a, a, a huge

42:57

difference. And this, I

43:00

think it requires humility and

43:03

honesty to recognize

43:06

if I have, or if you

43:08

have enough resources to deal with all the

43:10

things that you're, you're dealing. And I, I

43:12

would just say like, give it

43:14

a try and see what it's like

43:17

and be open and see if

43:20

it works for you and, and

43:22

what can bring into, into your life.

43:25

And I would say things can be much

43:30

better than, than, than

43:33

expected. And people

43:35

are a lot more understanding

43:37

and open and a lot of the

43:40

thing, of the people are going to

43:42

the same things or the same struggles,

43:44

either financially, emotionally, I don't know, or

43:46

being part of a sexist marriage or

43:49

whatever, like things come

43:51

at you that sometimes you might not

43:53

even expect, you know,

43:55

and a lot

43:57

of people have similar stories or have

44:00

overcome the similar things and people are

44:02

much more understanding

44:06

than I would expect. And

44:09

you can get a lot out of that

44:11

and have that compassion

44:13

plus accountability.

44:18

Only compassion or not only

44:20

like super vicious, critical accountability

44:22

where it's only like, go, go,

44:24

go, go, go, you need to

44:26

have it. Otherwise, like you're nothing.

44:28

So I think

44:30

that goes a long way. And for me,

44:32

it took, I think a couple

44:35

of months, three or four months to actually

44:37

join. I knew that I wanted to join,

44:39

but I kept finding

44:41

different excuses where I was also afraid,

44:43

oh, there's this group of men. What

44:46

were this group of men actually

44:48

doing? It felt a bit mysterious.

44:51

And it felt like, oh, maybe

44:53

they laugh at me. Maybe I share

44:56

my stories and I'm from a different

44:58

country and I have all these different

45:00

issues. And this man looked like they

45:02

have their shit together. But all these

45:04

different fantasies, all these things that they

45:06

were actually projecting onto your

45:08

work and what you're doing with the

45:10

community. And most of those things

45:14

weren't weird. And when I actually

45:16

got there, I felt like,

45:20

okay, I had some maybe some anxiety initially,

45:22

but it was much easier

45:25

to adapt. And I felt like, oh, we're

45:27

just a bunch of men talking

45:30

things, figuring things out, offering

45:32

solutions, and like, oh,

45:34

this is actually, this is great. I like

45:36

it. And go from there. So

45:39

yeah. That's awesome, man. I'm so glad.

45:41

It's funny you mentioned that because I talk about

45:43

the Alliance obviously a lot, but it's because I've

45:45

been in it since 2016. So sometimes I forget

45:48

some of the preconceived

45:55

notions that might be out there of how we operate.

45:57

It might be a little mysterious. I'm like, oh, it's

45:59

not mysterious. Everybody knows what we're doing. But as you're

46:01

saying that, I'm like, this is probably

46:03

a little bit mysterious for some people. So I'm glad you gave

46:06

that really good inside look. But yeah,

46:08

we're just, we're a bunch of imperfect,

46:10

humble, hungry guys who just

46:12

want to, you know, we don't want to leave any of

46:14

our best relationships on the table, you know, and we want

46:17

to leave a more fulfilling life. One

46:19

of the things too, that I want to share, that

46:21

you really said that I thought was really moving

46:23

to me personally, was

46:26

I remember when I became a father for

46:28

the first time, and I was pimped up

46:30

with so much worry and anxiety about my

46:32

own past and my own traumas and trying

46:35

to break those patterns that it actually kind

46:37

of stole my fulfillment. Like

46:39

I was so concerned about all this stuff that

46:41

I didn't have, like that I felt like I

46:43

could be better at that it just kind of

46:45

consumed my fulfillment for years. I didn't start that

46:48

as till my oldest son was six. And

46:50

it was until I started doing the work and

46:52

overcoming things that suddenly that fulfillment

46:54

started to really sink in because I didn't have to

46:57

worry about the things that I was so worried

46:59

that were going to happen, because they weren't happening

47:01

anymore. So brother, thank you so much for coming

47:04

on today. This was awesome.

47:06

Yeah, I wanted to add one last thing.

47:09

Yeah, let's hear it. One of the two

47:11

that was like as a result of all

47:13

of the work that I realized, which was

47:16

both hard to meet for my ego, but

47:19

also like humbling, but great. And I think

47:21

it made me a better man, and

47:23

it continues to make me a better man,

47:26

is to realize how many times I was

47:28

actually wrong. And I was

47:30

the bad guy in our

47:33

marriage. And

47:35

my wife maybe sometimes had

47:37

some hard to do it, do

47:40

it, but there were a lot of scenarios where

47:42

she was actually great, she was on point.

47:45

And it was all my different expectations

47:47

or my past traumas or different motives

47:49

and so on and so forth, that

47:52

I was kind of projecting into

47:54

the relationship and having

47:57

very extreme views of

47:59

the relationship. relationship, or

48:01

like expectations or being very negative

48:04

or being like

48:06

very emotional

48:08

about it, or unstable.

48:11

And what that work did was

48:15

to realize, oh, a lot of

48:17

that has to do with ownership,

48:20

and with my own things. And

48:23

it has a lot to do with me, and when

48:25

I start to do

48:27

the work, I

48:29

could view things more clearly. I

48:31

could get more feedback from my wife.

48:33

I could actually listen instead of being

48:35

right. And a

48:38

lot of things improved, either

48:40

because I shifted the perspective or

48:42

because I made the change. And

48:45

then I offered some space

48:48

for my wife to also do

48:51

her part. And yeah,

48:55

that was a big one, not

48:57

playing the victim, not saying, oh,

48:59

my wife and the relationship, and

49:01

like, no, no, this is like

49:04

a good responsibility, a good ownership.

49:07

And that's like the bad ownership, where I

49:09

feel like it's self-loathing and being too self-critical.

49:11

That is not going to do nothing for

49:13

me. It's okay, I put that aside. I

49:16

take on the good responsibility, the good ownership

49:18

of the things that I'm doing right or

49:20

not doing things the right thing, and I'm

49:22

stepping up on that. And as

49:24

a result, the relationship

49:26

improved, the perception of the relationship

49:29

improved, my relationship with my daughter,

49:31

and yeah,

49:33

being more able to come

49:36

home and enjoy my family and

49:38

not view them sometimes

49:40

as like, oh, this is

49:42

harder, this is better. Something

49:44

is going to destroy

49:46

me because I had some, my

49:50

mother, for example, with her depression,

49:54

I do just a very short story

49:56

because I think it's very powerful. My

49:59

father was sometimes have this crisis where you

50:02

have tantrums like an old, like

50:05

a mature man, but having tantrums

50:08

and tell us I'm going to go insane and

50:10

running to the garden. And me

50:12

as a child, looking

50:14

at that, I got all the sense

50:16

that the children are bad and I

50:18

am bad. So that

50:21

was like very hard to break out of

50:23

that and see my daughter like a positive

50:25

force in my life. And

50:27

I knew it logically, but emotionally it was

50:30

very hard to overcome and the Alliance

50:32

played a huge part in that. And

50:34

also like my mother, because she

50:36

was depressed and she was a

50:39

school teacher and sometimes felt

50:41

overwhelmed from all the stress and all the

50:43

toxicity of the relationship. And she

50:45

would come at home and say something very simple.

50:47

And this is like how powerful you can be

50:49

as parents. You say like, oh, the

50:51

kids are killing me, something similar to that.

50:55

And in my mind, I

50:57

actually felt, and it was

51:00

very hard for me to admit that I

51:02

still feel that when I'm spending

51:04

time with my daughter, I would have

51:06

almost panic attacks or very

51:08

high anxiety because I felt either I'm

51:12

going to go insane, just

51:15

like my father, or I'm

51:17

going to die in some way. This

51:19

is like, it's very stupid. It's very large. It

51:22

makes no sense, but it was still

51:24

there. And yeah, I

51:27

worked through that and through hearing

51:29

all those different perspectives, I

51:31

was able to mature into

51:33

this and to enjoy time

51:35

with the family and cherish

51:37

time with the family and wanted

51:41

to have more of that and make lasting

51:43

memories and have connection. So yeah, that

51:46

was the opposite. Thank you for

51:48

sharing that. If I could compare that to anything,

51:50

it's like you're carrying

51:53

all of these things, all these burdens,

51:57

remembering interactions and statements like your mom and dad. who

52:00

said like the kids are killing me, right? Or like your

52:02

dad and things that he would say, you

52:04

know, and like running out into the garden

52:06

and then like being around your own, you

52:09

know, your wife and your daughter and like

52:12

you're carrying these things, right? Cause

52:14

you haven't dealt with them. And then

52:16

by dealing with them head on, like, you

52:18

know, like I said, reading books, joining your

52:20

alliance, doing all the work you've done, cause

52:22

you've done the work, right? It's

52:24

almost like you've been able to take

52:26

that 50 pound rucksack that you carry

52:29

of emotional burdens and anxieties and traumas

52:31

off. And when you're able to do that,

52:33

like think about like the relief that

52:36

you feel when you do that,

52:38

if you've been carrying that for a long period of time

52:40

and no wonder you're able to enjoy your family more. So.

52:43

Yeah, and make room for more presence. And I

52:45

wanted to say that my mother was also

52:47

like a great mom in a

52:50

lot of different ways and was fighting for us.

52:52

And she was a great teacher and she loved

52:54

children. She was very loving. But

52:56

at the same time, like we're not all good or

52:58

bad. She had these things. And

53:01

that was also a reminder

53:04

of my responsibility as a

53:06

father on what do I

53:08

speak on, how I need

53:10

to present myself within the family and

53:12

not be, I

53:15

guess, not finding excuses for myself

53:19

and getting the time and the

53:21

resources and the energy to actually show up

53:23

in the false fold in a good way,

53:27

in a good state, because that's

53:29

so powerful. And like

53:31

a negative thing can be something so

53:34

small that will do such lasting effects.

53:37

I agree, man. I agree. Thank

53:40

you so much, Ciprian, for sharing your

53:42

story. This was absolutely

53:44

awesome. And by the way, I pronounce

53:46

it Ciprian, but I know in Romania,

53:48

it's pronounced way different and really cool.

53:51

So is it going to pronounce your

53:53

name in Romanian? Yeah, it's Ciprian. Ciprian,

53:55

there you go. So there's that. Ciprian.

53:57

Yeah. So gentlemen, And

54:00

if, if, uh, if chip re-owns story

54:02

really resonated with you, um, and you

54:05

know, you're, you're feeling some of the things that he's

54:07

felt and you see what he's experienced on the other

54:09

side. And this is something that

54:11

you want to come join us, man. This, this is

54:14

just a great opportunity and just, and this is the

54:16

kind of guys we have in the group. So, um,

54:19

head on over to the dad edge.com/mastermind. Uh,

54:21

like I said, we've got two different programs

54:23

for you guys to choose from. One for

54:25

business owners, one for non-business owners. Um,

54:28

Ciprian, thank you so much for coming

54:30

on today. This was awesome. And to

54:32

hear your story and actually just to

54:34

hear how closely related our stories are,

54:36

it was really amazing just to just

54:39

do this deep dive with you, man.

54:42

Yeah. Can I share one last thing? Sure.

54:44

That kind of talked upon in the beginning.

54:46

So I feel like what

54:48

is great is not only to

54:51

survive, it's not only to kind of,

54:53

oh, I manage by, but

54:56

for me coming where I come from, I

54:58

still have ambitions. I still have dreams and

55:00

desires that I want to grow and conquer.

55:02

That requires a lot of like

55:06

energy for me to write my book. I

55:08

want to find a beverage one day. I want to

55:11

run these races. I want to like

55:13

do different events around the world. And

55:15

I feel like being in

55:17

an environment where I see people, other people

55:19

who are chasing that and

55:21

have the support to take on some

55:24

of the emotional bandwidth. So

55:26

there's more bandwidth to actually

55:29

be elite about my life and have

55:31

more energy to chase my dreams. It's

55:34

also something that it's like

55:36

super important and super, super empowered.

55:39

No, not just to withstand life,

55:42

but to actually feel like, Oh, I want to,

55:45

like, I want to be more than

55:47

that. Yeah. I let

55:49

a lot of what Carl Jung said, like

55:52

the biggest burden on our children is the

55:54

only lives of the parents. You know, and

55:56

I feel like if I'm not going to

55:58

be. happy

56:00

and fulfilled with

56:02

my life and have a

56:04

zest for life, watch what

56:07

my daughter sees. Yeah, exactly. Thank you.

56:10

Thank you for being here. I love that too, man. I'm going

56:12

to share my story. Of course. For

56:16

all the positive impact that we have on my life and

56:18

my family's life. Thank you, man.

56:20

And back at you, this was a very positive experience for

56:22

me too, just to hear your story and you're right. Best

56:25

lessons in life are caught, not taught. So

56:27

if we're not leading this life of fulfillment,

56:29

if we're not leading this life of zest

56:31

and presence, well, guess what? Our kids are,

56:33

they're going to learn that too. So thank

56:36

you again for coming on today, man. This was so

56:39

great. And guys, like I said, head on over to

56:41

the dadedge.com. You'll find all of our resources there. We

56:43

got free resources for you as well. But if the

56:45

Alliance is something that's calling your name, you want to

56:47

join guys like Cyprian in

56:49

the group. Like I said, head

56:52

on over to the dadedge.com/mastermind. Gentlemen,

56:54

go out. Live legendary. Take care.

56:57

Thanks for watching. We'll see you next time.