Episode Transcript
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You're listening to Comedy Central. Ah,
1:28
summer. When my balls glue
1:30
themselves to my thigh and don't
1:32
let go until Labor Day. And
1:36
if you're a kid, it means going to
1:38
camp. Summer camp used
1:40
to be about playing sports, making friends
1:43
and if you're lucky, finding
1:45
a dead body. But
1:47
for parents who think it's time for their
1:49
five-year-old to start focusing on a career, there
1:51
are a few camps just
1:54
for them, like this one. Louisiana
2:00
at the end of July. Kids will learn skills
2:02
such as taking guest orders and bagging food. The
2:04
franchises that are doing it only charge about $35,
2:07
ages 5 to 12, and kids learn the
2:11
chicken sandwich business. Wow!
2:16
Did you hear that? Chick-fil-A
2:18
as a summer camp! Kill
2:21
me now! Kids
2:24
are finally getting to learn
2:26
the chicken sandwich business. You
2:28
know, nothing says summer fun
2:30
like third degree grease burns.
2:34
And the best part about Chick-fil-A camp
2:36
is it only costs $35. What a
2:38
bargain! I mean, for $35 you can't
2:40
even find a babysitter on
2:45
the terror watch list. Even
2:48
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was $40
2:50
an hour and he
2:53
didn't even change diapers. But
2:56
if that's still too steep a
2:58
price tag, you can always bring
3:00
them for free to the company
3:02
who's basically raising them anyway, Apple.
3:06
For over 20 years now, Apple
3:08
stores have hosted Apple Camp. This
3:10
is where kids and their parents
3:12
can get creative on the latest
3:14
Apple devices. This year's session focuses
3:16
on using the iPad to create
3:18
an interactive storybook. They're creating animations,
3:20
they're adding AR shapes, 3D shapes,
3:22
taking AR photos where they place
3:24
the 3D shapes in the world
3:26
around them. Oh, thank
3:29
God! Just what our
3:31
children need. More screen time!
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I hope they'll use these
3:36
iPads on planes at full
3:39
volume while I contemplate getting
3:41
a second vasectomy. Better
3:44
safe than sorry. I
3:47
will say these Apple Camps seem
3:50
way nicer than the ones in
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China. I mean, for starters, the
3:54
kids get to leave. Oh
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stop it! Seriously,
4:01
wake up! How
4:03
do you moan over that? Unbelievable.
4:06
But maybe I'm judging too
4:09
quickly. Who knows, these cams
4:11
could be fostering the storytellers
4:13
of tomorrow. It's basically a
4:15
donut that plays baseball, but the ball always
4:17
goes through his hole. So this
4:19
friend helps him put like a net in
4:22
his, uh, in the hole part, so
4:24
the ball doesn't go through. This
4:28
girl could write the next
4:30
great animated film, but
4:32
if you dare touch the opening
4:34
weekend of Inside Out 3, I'll
4:37
sue the shit out of you. Follow
4:41
your dreams, but stay away
4:43
from Daddy's gravy train. But
4:46
if the Fri-O-Lator and ADHD
4:48
don't do it for your
4:51
child, there are some cams
4:53
that teach actual skills. The
4:55
Wichita Fire Department gave young people the opportunity
4:57
to experience what it's like to be a
5:00
firefighter. It's hosting a kids' summer
5:02
camp, and the fun kicked off yesterday. This
5:05
year's summer camp introduces them to the
5:07
roles and responsibilities of the fire department
5:09
with up close and hands-on experience. Campers
5:12
ages 8 to 13 will get
5:15
a view of firefighting tasks like
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pulling hose, spraying water, forcible entry,
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and rescue. First
5:22
of all, I don't think you
5:25
need a camp to teach teen boys how
5:27
to pull hose. I
5:29
mean, they tend to figure it out on their
5:31
own. By
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the way, firefighter
5:38
camp is just like police camp, but
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with more cardio and less framing people
5:43
for murder. I
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admire these kids, but they better
5:47
not show up when I burn
5:49
down my Panama City condo for
5:51
the insurance money. Stay
5:54
away from Daddy's other gravy
5:56
train, you little life-saving shits.
15:34
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