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0:21

All right, everybody. Welcome to the

0:23

past times podcast. Each

0:25

week we go through an old newspaper from

0:27

a random Dayton history picked up by Dave

0:29

Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds and I've never seen

0:32

it before. And neither is our guest

0:34

this week. The great Billy

0:37

Wayne Davis. Hey,

0:39

guys. Hey,

0:41

Lee Wayne Davis. It's

0:44

good to be here, Gary. It

0:47

is good. I just was so respectful with your

0:49

name twice. I'm from

0:51

my home. I mean, great disrespect.

0:54

And my ability and you're very nice. And I

0:57

don't trust that. So that is. That's

0:59

right. It is. It's that

1:02

we should point out. Don't let us

1:04

do that. And it is it

1:06

is tough for the entertainment business if

1:09

you were raised as a ability because you

1:11

know, yeah. What's

1:14

it like being a hillbilly in the entertainment

1:16

business? All

1:19

right, everybody. Welcome to the past times

1:21

podcast. Each week we go through an

1:23

old newspaper from a random Dayton history

1:26

picked up by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth

1:28

Reynolds and I've never seen it before.

1:30

And neither is our guest this

1:32

week. The great Billy

1:35

Wayne Davis. Hey,

1:37

guys. Hey, Lee

1:40

Wayne Davis. It's

1:42

good to be here, Gary. It is good. I just was

1:45

so respectful with your name. I'm

1:49

from a hill. Come at me with

1:51

great disrespect and my ability

1:53

and you're very nice. And I don't trust that.

1:55

So that is that's

1:58

right. It is. It's that we should point out. that

2:00

in being most of the way. Don't

2:02

let us do that. And it

2:04

is tough for the entertainment business if

2:07

you were raised as a hillbilly, because you

2:10

know. Yeah. What's

2:12

it like being a hillbilly in the

2:14

entertainment business? If

2:16

you're not a cartoon character, they do not

2:18

like it. They do not know what to

2:21

do with it. They're just

2:23

like, this bastard thinks he's better than us.

2:25

A lot of that. You're on

2:28

the road a lot doing your comedy stylings, right?

2:30

Sure. I sure am. Where can

2:32

people go find your dates? What's your website? Let's plug

2:34

that. bwdtour.com,

2:36

because someone bought billywaynedavis.com a long

2:39

time ago. It was me. Shut

2:41

up. It was me. I would

2:43

be much more successful than I

2:46

am. And they

2:48

sat on it and I was just like, all right, man,

2:50

I'm just, I don't have the money to give you that.

2:52

Have you had contact with them where they are trying to

2:54

get you to buy it from them? No,

2:57

but I have watched the price go down over the years,

2:59

which is kind of funny. I

3:02

mean, I'm thinking I'm a comedian. I'm like, that's

3:04

funny. But like, if I was like trying to

3:07

do anything serious, I'd be like, this is, I

3:09

should probably quit doing this. Great.

3:15

Well, welcome back for your second appearance.

3:18

Yes. This is two, okay. So this is

3:20

the one where we decide if there's a third. So this

3:23

is kind of the big one. You'll

3:25

go to producers after this. And

3:27

you're starting out in the

3:30

hole because of the hillbilly thing. This

3:33

is, yeah. But that's your

3:35

life. That's

3:37

your, that's everything. I don't love

3:39

that you're drinking from a jug with three

3:42

X's on it either. That's seems a bit

3:44

on brand. It's medicine time and I

3:46

either take it or I don't. That's

3:49

okay. All right, that's fair. Well,

3:52

I don't know if we've changed it

3:54

since your last year, but now we

3:56

guess what year the paper's from, Billy.

4:00

So I'll guess first and

4:02

then you'll guess as our guest, you'll go second. Because

4:07

you're a hillbilly, I

4:10

think Dave is going to try to hit you with

4:12

some relatable stuff, and I would estimate that that would

4:14

come around 1880. I

4:19

resent that you're probably correct about

4:22

that. Oh, so. Whew.

4:28

Here's another problem with what you said in.

4:34

It's not something that I'm like, it's not

4:36

a defensive angle. I'm going to say we're

4:38

in the guessing portion, but OK, it is.

4:41

You're right. It could be from the

4:43

1880s, which is something that we would

4:45

be like. They wheelhouse hillbilly wheelhouse. Or

4:47

saying it could be

4:50

from the 1980s and

4:53

sound like the 1880s. So

4:57

that is a huge

4:59

issue that we're facing here. It was like,

5:01

well, where's this from? Like the 1800s? No,

5:04

this is 1996. And you're like,

5:07

hmm, that is. Yeah. Well,

5:09

so what's it going to

5:11

be that I'm going to go 1980? You're going

5:13

to go 1880. And I think we

5:15

were both we're both covering our

5:17

bases here. Oh, you dropped

5:19

out for a minute. So that was

5:21

cryptic. And what was your guess? Yeah,

5:24

1980. OK,

5:27

1980. OK,

5:29

1980, 1980. I

5:31

remember my. Amazingly, you are both equally off. So

5:34

at the middle, it's 1893. I'm

5:38

closer. Yeah, that's I don't think

5:40

so. He does this. This is like it's

5:43

pretty split down the middle. I

5:45

just think it's a little bit. I

5:47

think it's split down the middle. I

5:49

just I I wish that I had more confidence

5:51

in my math because I'm just I should side

5:53

with either of you. Did you did you go

5:55

to a public school? Sure. Did

5:58

you go to math academy? And

8:01

TikToks about Atlantic City are like, well, that's

8:03

the saddest thing I've ever seen. Yeah,

8:06

it is funny that they made a place and

8:08

they're like, what if Vegas was sad? And

8:11

you're like, whoa. And you're like,

8:13

isn't that Vegas? They're like, no. You never left

8:15

sad for Vegas? I don't think you did it

8:17

right. I don't think you did it. Yeah. There

8:20

is no, in America, there is

8:22

no more terrifying one

8:24

block walk than the one block walk off

8:27

Broadway. The

8:31

Walter, no, the waiters hop. The

8:33

Iron Pier will present a scene

8:35

of life and

8:38

enjoyment tomorrow night. The

8:40

black waiters of the various large

8:42

hotels have secured this place on

8:44

which to give a grand hop.

8:49

Waiters? I'm not gonna comment on this. Anything

8:51

you just said, because you said black waiters

8:54

and I was like, I'm out. I'm

8:56

not allowed to. And I

8:58

substituted the actual term

9:00

they used, but. Is

9:02

that right? It was, well,

9:04

because back then it was colored. Right.

9:07

Yeah, so

9:11

they're gonna have a big dance. Okay,

9:14

sure. And they have to put in that they're black or

9:16

else white people might go. Fine

9:19

music will be rendered by a good orchestra

9:21

and the light. Wait, hold on. Can I

9:23

ask, is that for the black people so

9:25

white people don't show up? For?

9:28

Because they're not gonna be heartbroken.

9:30

Yeah. What I mean, I think they

9:33

put it in there. So if it's for black people,

9:35

they're like, the white people know this

9:37

is for us. So they don't fuck

9:39

up the day. Light it up. My

9:41

impression of papers back then was that

9:44

I'm being very, I know

9:46

what you're gonna say. Yes. But if

9:48

there's white people, they don't say they're white. They

9:50

only say. They're people. That's

9:54

correct. People are just people. That

9:56

is sadly correct. That is. Yeah.

10:00

Yeah, fine music will be rendered by

10:02

a good orchestra and the light fantastic

10:04

toe will be tripped to the

10:06

owner's heart's content. The

10:08

scene will not be enjoyed by the

10:11

black people alone as these hops are

10:13

always a source of much enjoyment to

10:15

the white people. Oh, I'm wrong as

10:18

is evidenced by the number who

10:20

go to the excursion house when

10:22

the black excursion are there.

10:24

The tickets are 25 cents. Wow,

10:26

I was wrong. Okay. All

10:29

right. I guess some, I

10:32

guess because people like to dance

10:34

some slight integration, which I mean

10:38

is they also don't trust it so

10:40

far. I do not from from what

10:42

I've read about history, I do not

10:44

trust that they're like, no, it's

10:46

cool. There's going to be some white people there. What

10:49

are they going to be doing? Yeah.

10:52

Well, it certainly changes the vibe. Yes.

10:55

It's definitely not as comfortable and not as fun. No.

10:59

It's like when your dad was like, we'll go to the

11:01

heart rate and move it together. It's

11:03

like that kid that can sing peeking in

11:05

the windows. Yeah, it's not that. Yeah, right.

11:08

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

11:11

No, there's a lot of side eye going on. A lot of glaring,

11:13

a lot of staring, a lot of, uh, are you really going to

11:15

dance with her? Well, it's great that white

11:18

people probably showed up to the black person dance. Like there's a

11:20

lot of blacks here. Yeah,

11:22

that was the whole idea. Don't

11:25

love it. Um, a

11:29

grand cakewalk. Okay,

11:31

sure. Okay. The

11:33

grandest. I'm back to you. Yeah. Yeah.

11:37

This should be, this should not be have any race issues.

11:39

Oh no. Oh God. Why did I

11:41

say that? Where the

11:43

cake, cake, cake. The

11:49

wives wanted to do some hating too.

11:55

The grandest cakewalk ever given in

11:57

the state of New Jersey will

11:59

be the. one which will take

12:02

on the iron pier on Friday

12:04

night. It's exciting.

12:06

And it's, yeah, you really

12:09

just write the sentence that there's gonna be

12:11

a big cakewalk. You don't have to do

12:13

the... And

12:15

just, wait, a cakewalk, it's just

12:17

a walk with a cake? No, I

12:20

can explain this. Can I? Oh,

12:22

really? Okay. Yeah. A cakewalk is

12:25

basically easy. It's supposed to be easy. It's

12:27

basically like, it's like musical chairs, but

12:29

you don't remove the chair. And

12:32

then whoever and they

12:34

call, you walk around and then you stand

12:36

and whatever thing. And then they call, oh,

12:39

whoever's standing in R48. And

12:42

you're like, that's me. And you're like, cool, you got a

12:44

cake. Good

12:47

job. So, okay.

12:51

Sounds ridiculous, obviously. Sounds so

12:54

stupid. Well, there's no internet. It's like a... I

12:57

know, but even with no internet, it still

12:59

sounds a little like, I

13:01

wouldn't, I don't know. Okay. So it's just

13:03

kind of random cake giveaways. Yeah.

13:07

Well, everyone bakes a cake. Right.

13:09

Or makes a cake. They bring it to the

13:11

function. Okay. And then everyone

13:14

pays money to have

13:16

many times you, how many songs you

13:18

listen to, and then you can win

13:20

a cake or you don't win a

13:22

cake and you have to... And you just so you brought it and

13:24

you didn't raise money. I have a

13:26

question. You brought a cake. So why do you care

13:29

about winning? Yeah. Why not just eat the cake you

13:31

made? Yeah. Bring the cake. Bring

13:33

your cake. Eat your cake. Yeah. Listen,

13:36

this is before radio, mostly. I

13:41

know, I know, but I even think of

13:43

it. There's some magazines, I think. Sure. But

13:46

there was Bingo. Because God would

13:48

eat, when you go to the

13:50

hot place. So this is... That

13:54

stuff. That is... Yeah, but

13:56

it's still... It remains to be safe.

13:58

It's still even within those... confinements

14:00

of this terrible, boring time.

14:02

I still am like, of

14:05

all the activities. I this

14:08

one seems the weirdest and why do we

14:11

call it cake walk so easy? So

14:13

I remember being seven

14:17

or eight and doing that at a

14:19

harvest festival one time and

14:21

being like, Oh, this is

14:23

dumb. And that's because you're

14:25

walking to a place with a cake in your

14:27

hands saying, man,

14:33

I hope I win a cake. And

14:35

it doesn't sound that easy. Like we always say

14:37

it's going to be a cake walk, but that

14:40

actually sounds kind of absurd. It's not at all

14:42

a cake walk. It sounds very hard. How did

14:44

cake walk get in a circle? It's that part.

14:46

Maybe. Yeah, but you had to bring a cake.

14:48

That to me is the cake walk. You had

14:51

all you have to do. How are

14:53

you getting the cake there? You

14:56

don't have to. The cake

14:58

is the cake walk is for anyone at the

15:00

festival. It's how

15:02

ladies or men, I'm

15:05

not judging, but mostly ladies, if we're

15:07

being honest, make the cakes.

15:10

And then that's how they would. And then

15:12

people be like, I hope I get to.

15:14

I hope I get Miss Shirley's coconut pie.

15:16

And then it's crazy. It's a goddamn recipe.

15:19

Just get a recipe. That's what I'd say.

15:21

I agree. I agree. I have issues

15:26

and knows it's for the damn

15:28

kids. I really, I

15:30

really, I just can't believe we didn't

15:32

do the Southwest because it sounds so

15:34

it is wild. It didn't catch on

15:36

and then just spread out there. That's

15:38

wild. All right.

15:41

So we have a

15:43

cake lock. Okay.

15:46

Great preparations for the event are

15:48

being made and it promises to

15:50

be something out of the ordinary.

15:52

A mammoth cake has been ordered.

15:54

Oh, big and we'll

15:56

be on exhibition this week. Now

15:59

see that's Well, if someone is

16:01

winning that big cake, I get it if we're

16:03

just going to a cake walk and we see

16:05

a big cake silly Well

16:09

people like people back then and still

16:11

today like I went to the

16:13

last time I went to the Museum of Modern Art

16:16

There was a giant hat people like big things They

16:19

look at not that's not

16:21

a defense people like I was in Sacramento

16:23

last weekend at the airport There's a giant

16:26

rabbit. So see and

16:28

see no idea No

16:30

idea. No explanation. It's not a rabbit.

16:32

It's not known for rabbits. No

16:37

Okay, all right The

16:40

people who attend will witness some marching

16:42

which they will never forget That's

16:45

as that is that Steven made a

16:47

gunpoint Which

16:49

they will never forget you understand you remember

16:52

this mark for the rest of your life

16:54

I've got some marching but this this

16:56

is What we're doing yeah, yeah It's

17:01

the 1890s. There's a lot of marching

17:03

but this one I won't forget. Oh, I

17:06

will never wow you're doing here. This is

17:08

Wow in Fucking step and

17:10

there's a big cake. This is the

17:12

best day of my life Guys

17:16

we have like some guy shouted at someone

17:18

else like this we will never forget this

17:22

The Enjoyment

17:24

they will obtain will repay them for the

17:26

investment of 25 cents for

17:29

a ticket. I guess it's so worth it

17:32

No, I bet that was it. I bet there's Them

17:35

just saying that in the paper Invited

17:38

people at that thing to be like now

17:40

this ain't worth 25 cents. Yeah You

17:43

know, it's a big cake. That's a lot of money

17:45

for back. Yeah Well,

17:48

it's a lot of money today still Don't

17:51

I'm trying to relate. I mean you don't have

17:53

to say something to every 25

17:55

cents a lot of money Yeah, like you

17:58

say like Twitter right now I'll

18:00

be nice to the forward 25 cents. I wish

18:03

I could complain about 25 cents. Shut

18:07

up. Your quarter tower. I bet you

18:09

live in an arcade. Isn't

18:11

that what the name of Twitter should be changed

18:13

to? Is everyone shut up? Isn't it floating out

18:15

there now that we

18:19

might go back to Twitter and he's

18:21

what I saw. He put

18:23

up a poll or something where he's

18:25

like, he's struggling. You guys, he, he

18:27

went from being like, fuck that

18:29

guy to being like, are you okay to be

18:31

like, I don't, we're like, I hate you, but

18:34

I am worried about you. It is that guy

18:36

at high school where you're like, man, you're a

18:38

dick. And, but it feels

18:41

like you're drowning a little bit. We're

18:43

going to nip a shooting in the bud. If

18:45

we just sit down and talk to you a

18:47

little bit, like you're coming back with a rifle,

18:49

right? Like you're that guy. He is

18:53

someone, he said, I want to be a

18:55

cool guy. And people were like, it's not

18:58

all it's cracked up to be. And then

19:00

he's like, I can't do it. Everyone wants

19:02

different stuff. Uh,

19:04

here's a headline

19:06

for Gareth police

19:10

cat dick. I

19:14

mean, I do keep an eye on it. I

19:17

wouldn't say I police it. Well,

19:20

you should police it a lot. Okay.

19:24

So this is a cop

19:26

detective. Cause if we're talking cop detect,

19:28

if we're talking cop cat detective, I

19:30

think that's what it is. Well, let's

19:32

see. Well, I'm talking movie. And

19:35

on account, an account of

19:37

the big fire would be

19:39

incomplete without giving the whereabouts of

19:41

police cat dick. They,

19:46

okay. This first sentence doesn't help with what

19:48

we're like, the way

19:50

they put words together in this newspaper

19:52

is frustrated.

19:54

Yeah. And it's also,

19:56

they're just trying to make it real clear that they

19:59

don't know that. in the future

20:01

will mean penis. It

20:03

might now, honestly. This person is being heavy

20:06

handed with it. Dick

20:08

is capitalized, I should also say, as

20:11

it should always be. Yeah. Is it like

20:13

a surname? Well,

20:15

this much heard of cat

20:18

rushed from the burning building and

20:20

secured lodging in the adjacent firehouse.

20:24

Dick seems to have lost. Still sounds like metaphors. It still sounds

20:26

like metaphors. I get what

20:28

it is now. It is a cat who lives in the police house and

20:30

the cat is named Dick. Oh,

20:37

they named the cat Dick. And

20:41

they needed just a little more space to

20:44

cover in the newspaper and one dude was like, I

20:46

got it. Yeah, don't worry. I had it. Did

20:50

you hear about the cat named Dick? Just

20:54

their hammer drunk hammer drunk in

20:56

the news house. Do

21:00

you know? Hey, you guys know there's a

21:02

cat named Jekyll. The police station. They

21:04

can't hear about the cops. Dick cap.

21:08

Who we're at police pussy Dick.

21:11

We go. We got it. Got

21:17

pussy Dick. Start

21:19

the presses. The cops. Well,

21:23

man, pussy Dick.

21:26

That's yeah, we got it. We're

21:32

newsman. So

21:35

the front end, apparently the police house burned

21:37

down. No, no

21:41

police cat. Dick. There

21:43

we go. Yeah. Credit.

21:46

Print it. Print it. You

21:48

ding that. Okay.

21:50

So the police house burned out, apparently, and the cat

21:52

ran next door. So Dick feels the

21:55

loss of his home badly. He sat

21:57

sadly wanders through the ruins daily. Wow. Fuck

22:00

me. I can't believe I got depressed. Yeah,

22:03

of course you did. Oh,

22:05

that's sad. Well, he's fine.

22:07

He lived. It's just a fucking. He's

22:09

fine. He lived. Define

22:11

living. He's sad. He's in the

22:14

house next door. He may just.

22:16

Did you make the article? He

22:18

could be like a he could be like a

22:20

serial killer. And he's just going back every day

22:23

to look at his work. And

22:25

he's like, yeah, come on. Maybe the

22:27

cat started the fire. Maybe Nick started

22:29

the fire. Hey, cats are killing machines.

22:31

That is what they are here for.

22:34

And this one just knows arson. So

22:36

I'm giving him more credit than you

22:38

cat lover. I'm

22:40

the cat lover. I'm like, yeah, this cat started

22:43

a fire and killed some. Well, I don't think

22:45

I don't think I'm talking to two guys who

22:47

would be upset if a cat started a cop

22:49

fire. I mean, I'd

22:51

be fine with that. OK, now we're back.

22:53

This is what patrol. You say when you

22:55

say cop fire, are you saying the cat

22:57

just sent a cop on fire? No,

23:00

I'm saying the cat was part of a cat. A

23:03

cat. A cat. What

23:07

happened? Evens. Yeah, I'm

23:09

going to say, yes, I have done this. I

23:12

have found subscriptions that

23:14

I made that my child made. Walk us

23:16

through some of those days slowly. Well, there

23:18

was a I don't want to say which

23:21

because these can advertise it, but let's just

23:23

say there was an old advertiser toothbrush that

23:25

was a little thing that I just kept

23:27

getting. Subscription for and I

23:29

couldn't figure out what card it was

23:31

on or there was no account for it. And I

23:33

just kept getting things. And I was like, oh, they're

23:36

sending them for free. And then I found out, no,

23:38

that's on a credit card. The that actually that might

23:40

explain stuff on my end, too. At this point, I

23:42

also save 300 bucks. I

23:46

also say 300 bucks on on my Internet.

23:48

I also realized that you'd been stealing money

23:50

from me for the past eight years. Yeah.

23:55

And then I had rocket money. And then it it

23:57

showed me your house. I was able to do like.

24:00

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24:56

oyster shells may be a

24:58

good substitute for gravel as

25:00

pavement, but it

25:02

should not be considered a proper

25:05

material for Atlantic Avenue. Who is

25:08

this rebuttal is like, nobody said the

25:10

first part of this. He's like, think

25:13

of these people talking about oyster walkways.

25:18

Well, back then they didn't use

25:20

oyster shells for roads. Yeah, sure.

25:22

I don't think that's true. Yeah,

25:24

it is. They're ground them up.

25:26

You made the cakewalk hard. There

25:29

were oyster. There were oyster shells, like

25:32

centuries old piles of oyster shells

25:34

everywhere when when the white man

25:37

came. And so that was the

25:39

thing. See

25:41

now, and we also, and then we also

25:43

killed all the oysters. So millions and millions

25:46

of new oyster shells were, they were

25:48

just oyster shells. This was on dollop episode 4

25:50

61. It was on,

25:53

it wasn't a dollop. Yeah, I don't remember which

25:55

number the oyster oyster was

25:57

called. Was

25:59

it always. Oyster Wars? Oysterous. Oysters.

26:04

It would look all right probably for

26:07

a country town, but for Atlantic City,

26:09

we should have something better. Yeah, easy.

26:11

I gotta say. Easy. This

26:13

would work in the city Billy Wayne Davis

26:16

is from, but not for beautiful Atlantic City.

26:19

I'm not from a city, that was very

26:21

nice. That was so nice of you. It's

26:24

just a wonderful mistake you made. What

26:26

would you call where you're from? A

26:29

town. It's a town. A snake tank?

26:31

No, there are snakes though. I don't like

26:34

this. How many people lived in

26:36

your town? In

26:38

the town or like the whole county?

26:40

Because the county's like this huge town.

26:43

Let's say county. Let's say county. Well,

26:45

let's say town first. Town first. The

26:47

town I would say like probably, I

26:50

didn't live in town of course. I

26:52

lived outside of town. And I would

26:54

say town probably has five to 10,000 people.

26:57

And then the whole county probably has 30,000 people. So

27:01

then where were you from? You were outside of town.

27:03

What would you call where you were from? A

27:06

community. Oh my God, I can't.

27:08

I think he's just doing. But

27:13

I wasn't a part of the community. No, I

27:15

was part of that community. We were part of

27:17

the shed. We

27:20

lived in a shed near the creek. I

27:26

mean, I don't know what just, it was like

27:29

an incorporation. Is that what they call that? Yeah.

27:32

Yeah, that's right. So

27:34

your high school was small then? It

27:37

was for the whole county. So it was

27:39

mean when we did. Because

27:42

we were in 5A like the biggest. So

27:45

we had to play against like the biggest

27:47

high schools in the sports. Yeah, that's right.

27:50

Good Lord. Because we had like numbers.

27:52

But just know it was like, well,

27:54

we're going to get destroyed every time.

27:56

Because it's like, you know, we're playing

27:58

city teams. We're like. It's

28:00

like they have black people.

28:02

This is beauty. This

28:05

is not going to be a cakewalk. So there were no

28:07

black. There were no were there any black people in your

28:09

school? There were by the time I got

28:11

to high school, there were like two. And

28:14

I'm not making this up. I'm not

28:16

making this up. One of them was blind. Oh,

28:19

my God. I was laying down in a

28:21

wheelchair and he and I, you

28:24

know, thought it was

28:26

funny and everyone else didn't get the joke. And

28:28

I was like, yeah, this is like the one

28:30

of the funniest things I've ever seen. Oh,

28:33

my God. And I can't

28:35

quite make it funny on stage because people

28:37

are like, that's horrific. And yeah, yeah, yeah.

28:39

Nobody's going to enjoy that. No,

28:41

no one's ever going to enjoy that. No,

28:43

because it is like, where are you from? And you're

28:46

like, just from this century,

28:48

from these times. Yeah. Can you see

28:50

why I was like, I want to

28:52

leave? Yeah, yeah, for

28:54

sure. I go see. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

28:57

Because, yeah, because they

28:59

didn't get the blind black guy jokes. So

29:02

you want it out of there. I

29:05

didn't know. Yeah, they didn't. It's

29:08

amazing how this started out

29:11

with my story of high school. And maybe you

29:13

sound worse at this point. It's

29:16

certainly a competition. I didn't do

29:18

any of it. But Dave, I think I

29:21

think you had me born and raised there

29:24

and being like, Hey, does anyone else not

29:26

notice how crazy this is? And, you know,

29:28

the blind black guy was like, I do.

29:31

I notice it, too. You're

29:34

like, we're not raising hands. Put your hand down.

29:36

Yeah. OK,

29:40

so on Wednesday, a carload of

29:42

foul smelling oyster shells was dumped

29:44

in a hole in front of

29:46

City Hall. It created

29:48

a considerable comment by visitors who's past

29:51

that point at the time. If

29:53

gravel would not answer, wouldn't. Sorry,

29:57

they doubled that. If gravel would not answer

29:59

the purpose. then broken stone

30:01

should have been used. Save us

30:03

from oyster shell streets. Oh.

30:07

I mean. So a

30:09

bunch of oyster shells got dumped

30:12

and the people of Atlantic City feel like

30:14

they're better than oyster shells. Yeah,

30:17

I think that they're probably. I

30:19

think the question before that is,

30:22

no one's gonna, there's just a hole in front

30:24

of city hall. Mm-hmm, a

30:26

city hall. Yes,

30:28

the city hall hole. And

30:31

no one was like concerned

30:33

about just the hole there. They were just

30:35

like, hey, don't, we're not oyster hole people.

30:37

Watch out. It's

30:39

a hole. It's not oyster hole people. So they skipped

30:42

a hole step for me to be like, why is

30:44

there a fucking hole there, you guys? They skipped the

30:46

hole step. And they're like, hey, don't

30:49

put that in our hole. We're not. This

30:52

is Atlantic City. You can't put anything you want in

30:54

the holes here. Yeah. That

30:57

hole. Which

30:59

is not true. You can't there. It's true.

31:01

Actually, now I believe it's the city. Yeah,

31:03

it's the slogan. That is a

31:06

slow city town. Anything goes in our halls.

31:08

What's that Maria Bank? Atlantic

31:11

City, don't walk alone. That's

31:14

it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

31:17

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

31:19

ha ha ha ha. After

31:23

enjoying a wine dinner at Emigs

31:26

on Tuesday, two men left without

31:28

settling the bill. The

31:30

waiter followed them a short distance when the

31:32

men told him to return as they would

31:34

come back and settle later on. And they

31:37

never came back. Is

31:39

this the first time that someone walked out

31:41

on a tab? Well,

31:43

it's funny because they didn't run out. They literally just

31:45

walked out on a tab. What are you doing? And

31:47

they were like, we will come back and pay later.

31:49

He's like, thank God, I thought you'd forgotten. Whoo.

31:54

See you when you're ready to pay. Ha

31:57

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's

32:01

quite a, these guys go from like town

32:03

to town. This town also

32:05

doesn't know about ditching the bill. We'll

32:08

be back to pay. Oh, okay. Look

32:10

forward to it. It's just so unheard

32:12

of that you can just get up and walk

32:14

out and you just know. The advantage of firsts.

32:16

Well, they must have forgotten. Yeah,

32:19

yeah, sir. Well, that's like, remember when

32:21

we were younger, you could, you

32:24

would pay your gas after you pumped your

32:26

gas. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Which

32:29

now seems, seems insane. It's

32:31

crazy. Like an insane thing. You definitely

32:34

can see now how we're like the

32:36

nefariousness of us as a culture. That's

32:39

one of the things that I love about doing like, like

32:42

stuff on history. Cause you're just like, this

32:45

is the first time a guy counterfeited bills or

32:47

the first time a guy was like, God lives

32:49

in this box. I'll sell it to you. Like

32:51

you can just do all these

32:53

fantastical things for money before

32:55

people were like, wait a minute. You mean that

32:57

man wasn't really a walking bank. Oh,

33:01

I bought all his notes. Yeah,

33:04

it's pretty crazy. Yeah. Or

33:06

just like the first guy was like, I'm talking

33:08

to a spirit and you're like, you are? Whoa.

33:12

Well, I mean, cryptocurrency is a current

33:15

thing that's happening right now.

33:18

Cryptocurley. Yeah. You're, you're not

33:20

off on that. There's still some,

33:23

there's a little more dubiousness with some, but

33:25

you're, yeah, there still are pockets for sure

33:28

where you can be like, when they sold

33:30

real estate on the internet, where

33:33

you can just invent just an infinite

33:35

space, but you know, I'm going to

33:37

sell this space. Well, that's not,

33:39

I don't, that, that was a great,

33:42

that was one where I was like, look, I

33:44

don't, I'm not ahead of the curve on a lot

33:46

of stuff, but this one

33:48

seems real dumb. Yes.

33:53

That's where I get most of my property. Oh, sorry

33:55

buddy. Dave is an NFT

33:57

by the way. NFT

34:00

is by far the worst of all, NFTs

34:03

were way worse than anything

34:05

that's happened. Like it was so clearly. That's the

34:07

one where I'm like, dumb as shit ever. Immediately

34:09

when it came out, you were like, no, it's

34:12

not. This unicorn painting is yours. You're

34:15

like, but other people can still get

34:17

a PDF? Well, yeah, but this belongs

34:20

to, well, all right, cool. Okay. Mine.

34:23

Okay. You know what doesn't belong to you

34:25

anymore? Your money. That's cool.

34:27

Yeah. Your money's an NFT

34:29

for me. Poison

34:34

Ivy is considered less poisonous. When the

34:37

sun is shining on it while at

34:39

night or in shadow, it is especially

34:41

dangerous. Can't not at all true. Billy,

34:43

you're from a county that had a

34:45

town in his shed, right? That's not

34:47

true. Poison Ivy is poison ivy. It's

34:49

going to get you no matter when

34:51

you touch it. Jesus

34:53

Christ. I love this guy, whoever this

34:56

was doing the study though, he's like,

34:58

I'll tell you, it's been really hard having to

35:00

get poison ivy this much to see when it's

35:02

effective. After masturbating, poison

35:04

ivy doesn't hurt as much. When

35:08

you argue with your wife, poison ivy won't

35:10

itch you as bad. It

35:12

does itch inside you. If you put

35:15

it inside you, though, it does. If

35:17

you put it in your bum, it's

35:19

really the worst one. So don't fall

35:21

ass first into poison ivy. God.

35:28

I mean, I would say that this is

35:30

like, oh, back then, they're just making science

35:32

up like they're not doing it today. But

35:34

it is also like just

35:36

to say, yeah, no, poison

35:38

ivy is worse during nighttime.

35:42

Yeah. Couldn't

35:45

you imagine seeing this headline today? This story could

35:47

come out today. You'd be like, oh, OK. Well,

35:50

you got to do this. A picture of Fauci. Just

35:53

study shows. Study

35:56

shows. Yes, study shows. Yep. You

35:58

just put that in front of anything. I

36:00

read the headline and it says that you

36:02

know, you can mainline sugar. It's cool Well,

36:06

no, they wouldn't even read the headline. They'd be like I

36:08

actually read this study recently So

36:15

you read a study have you ever read what they've tried

36:17

to read a study Where

36:20

did you get the study? I have an

36:22

NFT of a study I have an ada

36:24

study from the Jimmy Dor show This

36:48

is the best headline ever Indian

36:50

pig sticking. Oh Fuck

36:53

one who says it is the finest

36:55

sport one man who says it

36:58

is the finest sport in the world. That's

37:02

Can I answer a definition Sure

37:08

First of all, it's not it's not

37:10

American Native

37:13

people were talking about it is It

37:17

is there's the next headline how the wild

37:19

boars of the jungles of India and Northern

37:21

Africa are hunted by enthusiastic Sportsmen

37:24

of other countries of

37:27

the of danger just cut to Donald

37:29

Trump jr. Yeah, so this is Yeah,

37:32

this is this is a rich people coming in to

37:34

hunt right? Here's

37:36

the thing. I'm not a jerk to this wild

37:38

boars. Yeah a nightmare. They

37:41

are an actual nightmare Yeah,

37:43

if you're doing it and if it's rich

37:45

people doing it with spears and sticks I

37:48

am baled to watch that

37:50

because they are not trained That

37:54

is a lot of accidents and

37:56

you've got a really that's something I could be

37:58

into watching But how, how

38:01

great would it be if one

38:04

day Donald Trump Jr. goes to

38:06

some enclosed place in Africa to

38:08

hunt whatever a lion or something,

38:11

only to realize a really

38:13

rich guy paid a

38:15

lot of money to hunt Donald Trump

38:18

Jr. Good. Huh?

38:22

That is the idea. And you can still call it a

38:24

pig pig hunting. You can still call it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

38:26

It's still hunting a pig. I just think anyone

38:29

that can pull that off is already loaded

38:31

out of their mind because they're just, they

38:33

have a gift. That

38:35

is, if you can pull that off.

38:38

Yeah. I agree. I was, I

38:40

was already CEO of some psychopath company.

38:42

We're like, listen, yeah, I did. And

38:45

you're right. Yeah, that was good. I,

38:48

I lived on Kauai for like, I don't

38:50

know, six months or something once. And I'm

38:52

a guy that

38:54

I knew, uh, who he was from Arkansas

38:57

and he was, he was like

38:59

a surfer and he was like 50. But

39:01

then one day he's like, Oh, I gotta go. I just got

39:03

a call to kill a pig. And I was like, what? Uh,

39:06

and people would call him up because he was really

39:08

good with the crossbow. And if there was a boar

39:10

on their land, he would go kill it. And at

39:12

first I was like, well, that's kind of crazy. And

39:14

then the day that I was walking down the street

39:17

and then I look up and there's, I'd say a

39:19

four foot high, uh, boar standing

39:22

there. I was like, well,

39:24

that's the task. It did have the tasks

39:26

and I moved very quickly. Those are

39:28

unforgiving tasks. Those tasks are unforgiving.

39:30

Whenever you run into a boar.

39:34

Okay. What you do

39:36

is you go. Hakuna

39:38

matata works anymore. Yeah.

39:41

And then nine times out of 10, the board is

39:43

going to join you in a song about how you

39:46

don't need to worry about stuff anymore. That's

39:48

not what you need to do. Oh,

39:50

you like to go on a tour

39:52

of Texas with me. Garret. Absolutely. As

39:54

I'm just getting tossed by a board.

39:57

I'm like, okay. God,

42:00

you don't want to watch this. I

42:02

don't want to watch it every

42:04

year. It was so magnificent before

42:07

we did this. Your

42:10

grandfather was a well sticker. Argentina

42:13

is looking pretty good this year. They had a

42:15

great draft. Well,

42:19

we're laughing at this, but in 10 years, it's going to

42:22

be an Olympic sport. Okay, it's not crazy. So

42:26

the Indian pig varies naturally, according to

42:28

his home. The biggest I have ever

42:30

seen were in the Vinda Vinda mountains,

42:32

where I used to shoot them as

42:35

food for my beaters. That

42:37

got weird. You bring

42:40

back some hog fresh to beat with.

42:42

Easy boys. Easy.

42:45

Here's some bacon. Listen,

42:48

I got tendonitis in my shoulders and then

42:50

I hired some men to beat my wife.

42:52

So now I got to feed them. Jesus

42:55

Christ. I mean, it's

43:01

I thought we were doing fucked up stuff. Oh,

43:06

yeah. A beater and hunting is a person

43:08

who drives game out of areas by covering

43:11

by cover by swinging sticks or flags. That's

43:13

a fucking really tough role to have. That

43:15

is yeah. All right. Well, I'll go with

43:17

the pigs live without a weapon and just

43:19

sort of Russell them up for the big

43:21

rich boys. Hey,

43:23

hey, Larry. Won't you

43:25

go up there and wrestle the

43:27

pigs out because I don't want the dogs to

43:30

get hurt. Absolutely. Right

43:32

back boss. Hakuna. Oh my

43:34

God. A

43:38

peculiar a peculiarity of the

43:40

wild pig is the straightness

43:43

of his tail as compared with

43:45

the curl the pen edge of his domestic

43:47

brother. Yeah. Yeah. So

43:49

nobody cares. Right. They're

43:53

the same. It's not there. It's

43:55

not a domestic brother. It's they're

43:57

the same animal. Yeah.

43:59

But they've been in the tail. They've been out

44:01

in the wild forever. Did you read it steady?

44:07

I did not get that tweet. I did not.

44:10

So you, so you, Billy, you've

44:12

never seen Babe, the movie. I've

44:15

seen Babe, the documentary. Yes. About

44:17

that documentary. And you think that's a bore?

44:22

Yes. Yes,

44:25

I do. Remember in the credits when they

44:27

started putting the sticks through, Babe? That

44:29

seemed unnecessary. That's SAG rules,

44:31

dude. Sorry.

44:38

He shot over 20 days. We have

44:40

to kill him. Wait, what? SAG's

44:42

got like a Bible of rules. Yeah,

44:46

SAG is messed up. We're weird.

44:50

They don't really protect actors. I really

44:52

don't protect pigs. No, she pigs. Yeah.

44:55

Shoot them out fast. Pig

44:58

sticking usually begins around Christmas week

45:00

when the giant vegetation of the

45:02

rains has died down sufficiently to

45:04

get at piggy. And

45:07

the marshy granary

45:09

lives is firm enough for horses, but

45:11

it is not till the end of

45:13

February that a really good pig sticking

45:15

begins. Ah, this isn't real bad.

45:17

As the weather gets drier and hotter. Right.

45:22

Until June, when the rains come,

45:24

pig sticking instantly ceases. Just

45:27

meaning they can't ride their horses around because it's too

45:29

cloudy. That's all. You can't just say there's mud and

45:31

then there's not mud. Yeah. About

45:34

6 a.m. after a light breakfast,

45:36

the sportsmen set out usually in

45:38

tum-tums to the meat.

45:42

Having said there's spears and horses on ahead

45:44

over, okay, so they don't. So

45:48

they're essentially being, some, they're like

45:50

rickshaws, right? So they're essentially- They're just

45:52

being brought out. So there's spears and

45:54

horses are sent ahead. It's like big

45:56

game hunting, but- Yeah, right. Yeah.

45:58

It is. I know

46:01

a dude in, yeah, I know a bear

46:03

guide in Alaska. He's

46:06

like, I do everything and we just

46:08

basically just like truck them out and

46:10

then set everything up. And

46:15

then they come in and pull the trigger. Wow.

46:18

What a sport. Fucking

46:20

bad. But it

46:23

costs so much money to do it

46:25

up there. And it's

46:27

a ton of money just to get up there,

46:29

but it's also a ton of money to get

46:31

a bear license shooting. Yeah. So they

46:33

do it. It's like, and when you look into it,

46:35

it is conserving and actually

46:38

protecting everything. But it is, he's

46:41

what makes him laugh. He's like, I

46:43

could never afford to do this, but

46:45

he's like, I'm very good at it because I was raised to

46:47

do it and all that. And he's like, so now this is

46:49

how I make money. It's

46:51

weird. Yeah. They are.

46:54

All right, Brad, pull the trigger. That

46:56

is it. I mean, I am

46:58

man. Hear me roar. My

47:01

season, he's like tracking them. You know what

47:03

I mean? He's a rat without a gun

47:05

and stuff. He's like following. Yeah. Yeah.

47:09

My cousin up in

47:11

Idaho, uh, what takes people

47:13

bear hunting sometimes, but they just go out

47:16

and there'll be like a week. It'll come back and be like,

47:18

yeah, we didn't get a bear. That's

47:20

the way that that's the honest hunt. Yeah.

47:23

Yeah. I mean, we're going

47:26

to be way better at this

47:28

than us. To be fair, though,

47:30

for three of those days, we

47:32

were blackout drunk in the same

47:34

campsite. So no, no, there

47:36

could have been bears around us, but

47:38

we do not remember those three days.

47:42

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

47:44

So they send their spears and horses on

47:46

ahead overnight together with the all important mess

47:49

Tiffin basket in which a

47:51

huge block of ice and

47:54

innumerable soda water bottles and beer

47:56

bottles figure largely. So Billy, not

47:59

wrong. This is the

48:01

this is this is how rich people

48:03

go through the world like a bunch

48:05

of guys bring everything they need way

48:07

out there Yeah, they get taken

48:09

out like a fucking, you know carried on

48:11

a rich show on a carriage and then and then

48:13

everything's ready for them and they drink beer and shoot

48:16

at pigs that someone else beats out of

48:18

the Guys

48:20

like all right, I'll go to the hard part And

48:24

if I'm being completely honest everything you

48:26

said sounds awesome I

48:35

Just say it's like they're not killing

48:37

zebras and stuff that it's like You

48:41

know I

48:43

don't have a problem with killing boards because

48:45

I do think they're a total fucking nightmare

48:48

But then I deal a problem with like

48:50

this or like the way Ted Nugent does

48:52

it which is he she told him Yes,

48:54

well, I'm just saying if you describe that

48:56

to me like hey Would you like to

48:58

go and like, you know nice jeeps and

49:00

out to do this and then we shoot

49:02

some like you can

49:04

shoot boars from a helicopter in Texas

49:08

yeah, and I really want

49:11

to do that. I'm just gonna say Here's

49:15

what I think About

49:18

me as a human being I am being honest about

49:20

it because it is awesome. Yeah, you hear that a

49:22

lot where people like well, yeah You

49:26

hear it a lot where people I get deer

49:28

like invasive and I'm like sure there's listen, of

49:30

course we really should

49:32

be hunting the most invasive species which

49:34

is humans and It's

49:37

time we start if we start doing

49:39

that a lot more Then

49:42

I'm like, all right competition

49:44

the competition is changed Is

49:48

this just brought to us by Raytheon now

49:50

because that is what your that is I'm

49:52

not hunting the poor not hunting the poor

49:54

in my version. We're hunting below you because

49:56

it started with nice meat inappropriate

50:00

comments about a woman who

50:02

was in a wheelchair situation.

50:05

And then Billy went to

50:08

my made fun of my blind

50:10

black blonde friend in school. And

50:12

now you're saying

50:14

we should kill human beings. Yes,

50:17

I believe we should be hunting rich people, the

50:20

most invasive of all species, the most

50:22

damaging to our environment. I

50:24

know you sound like a Putin fan because he

50:26

is hunting the richest people in his country. All

50:30

right. I'm listening. So

50:32

I mean, the guy's basically a

50:35

centaur at this point. He's always on

50:37

horseback with no shirt, with pants that

50:39

match the horse. Well, I

50:41

do that. Yeah. Let's

50:43

just smash. That's

50:46

called living in Hollywood. Yeah. By

50:48

the way, like I'll tell you what, what

50:51

better way to celebrate your oligarchy than to have

50:53

a bunch of people show up to play a

50:55

hockey game with you and they let you win

50:57

by scoring nine goals. That's my kind of like,

51:00

that's the kind of emperor I want to be.

51:03

But you know how every once in a

51:05

while they'll do a thing where they'll be like, hey,

51:07

if they send that to guys who have warrants, like,

51:09

hey, you won money or whatever, come down and pick

51:11

it up and the guys go down. But shouldn't we?

51:13

If we're doing this, we should do it with people.

51:16

Like, hey, there's going to be a giant party for

51:18

Bill Gates and then they all come and then, you

51:20

know, release the gas or just be like, yeah, yes,

51:22

yes. I'd see this. I'm

51:24

like way more on board with it.

51:26

Yes. It's just

51:29

totally. Yeah. Some guy goes down and like

51:32

Russell's like the hors d'oeuvres of the rich

51:34

people like, oh, it's time to eat. Get

51:36

them close. Yeah. Then

51:38

dynamite. It's just a yacht

51:40

show is all you need. You guys. Yeah.

51:42

Yeah. There's many ways to slice it. Yeah.

51:49

It may have been different in

51:51

old times, but polo is a

51:53

formidable rival to pig sticking nowadays.

51:55

And the ordinary British subaltern

51:58

can rarely afford time. I'll

58:00

be like, no, it's just, they're so bad. It's,

58:04

that is, can you imagine just being

58:08

like, ah, this parrot,

58:11

she only wants a woman to have it. And you're like, is

58:14

it, cause it's got woman's secrets. And you're

58:17

like. Yeah,

58:19

you just started treating this weird London

58:21

parrot like a lady oracle. What

58:23

else are they doing? Life

58:26

comes out of their genitals. Oh, come on,

58:28

now he's making up folk again. It

58:33

is, it is that thing

58:35

of like why I don't get

58:37

so much more done than

58:40

I want to. It's cause I would hear

58:42

someone say, yeah, this parrot just keeps women

58:44

secrets. That's what she'll, and I'd be like,

58:47

I should ignore what you just said and go on about

58:49

my day. But I need to

58:51

know more about what you just said. Do you

58:53

have a study on this? Like

58:56

what, what do you think

58:58

women's secrets that this parrot holds? Like

59:00

what do you, who knows dude? Who

59:02

knows? Parrots not gonna be able to

59:04

relate to a man. This

59:07

parrot, this parrot. I feel like they're like,

59:09

this parrot is a lady parrot. It's

59:11

like not just repeating 50 words. What

59:14

about just buying the parrot and taking it to

59:16

your buddies and being like, this one knows all

59:18

the secrets. All right, what is

59:20

the clit? What is the clit, bird? Ah,

59:25

dresses. God damn, just

59:27

keep saying dresses. Trying

59:31

to find out where that clit is. Two

59:37

sporty girls. Oh

59:39

boy. Under

59:42

the boardwalk presents some queer

59:44

sites and when officer Comley's

59:46

attention was called to the actions of

59:49

two boys, apparently about

59:51

15 years of age, with two

59:53

girls much older, he

59:55

concluded to arrest the girls, which he did.

59:59

They were given a hearing. Yeah,

1:02:02

I read it from the recorder that

1:02:04

she was married and Sadie caused the

1:02:06

court to be convulsed with laughter when

1:02:08

she replied that she had an imitation

1:02:10

husband. What? I don't

1:02:12

know what that means. It's like spam,

1:02:14

the man. They

1:02:17

further stated that their husbands worked in

1:02:19

one of the beach front

1:02:22

beer gardens. Well,

1:02:24

there's a lot going on here that we're

1:02:26

not getting. Yeah, it's like, just stick to

1:02:29

the story. My husband's a

1:02:31

robot. Well,

1:02:34

recorder at Leatham and Sergeant Leeds called

1:02:36

on the husbands of the two girls

1:02:39

and they said they'd been married about

1:02:41

six weeks. They

1:02:44

promptly gave the recorder enough money to pay

1:02:46

their car fare home, saying they were glad

1:02:48

to get rid of them. The

1:02:50

two girls were sent home yesterday morning.

1:02:53

Jesus. They were,

1:02:56

it sounds like there might've been some sex work going

1:02:58

on maybe. Or were they

1:03:00

just having a good time? Were they just having a good

1:03:03

time on the beach? I don't know, but I don't

1:03:05

think the boys were just getting sand off of their limbs.

1:03:07

They were absolutely not. But I do think that's a

1:03:09

great way to frame it if you're ever caught like having

1:03:11

an affair. I'm

1:03:13

just trying to get some sand off her limbs. There's

1:03:18

some dust, there's some loose dirt. She's got

1:03:20

some sand. She was at the beach. She

1:03:22

came up here to get toweled off. You

1:03:25

said you came up here to get toweled off. There

1:03:28

was a lint in her. She's

1:03:31

had a lint in sand. I don't even know

1:03:33

who she is. By the way,

1:03:35

you're back early. Yeah. All

1:03:43

right, should we do a. I did think. Yeah, a cap

1:03:45

or death, yeah. I don't. I

1:03:50

feel like that cop probably wanted to

1:03:52

get some sand dusted off too. Yeah.

1:03:54

And the women were like, no. And

1:03:56

then the right. That's like,

1:03:59

that's the first rule. of, you know,

1:04:01

there's still some sand on you where the boys didn't get

1:04:03

it. Yeah. And then they're

1:04:05

like, now we're good. And

1:04:07

then you're under arrest because that's, you know,

1:04:09

I understand how you're under arrest. You're

1:04:12

under arrest for letting a boy get the sand off

1:04:14

the limb and not taking in officers bribed to get

1:04:16

some more sand off. So.

1:04:20

OK, last one.

1:04:24

Many doubt the tale. Norton

1:04:26

Strange Rescue from the Briny Deep. The

1:04:29

Strange Adventures of A.O. Norton of

1:04:32

New Haven, Connecticut, which had been

1:04:34

published in all the newspapers past week, is

1:04:37

received with incredulity. Incredulity.

1:04:40

Yeah. By many who

1:04:42

have read the story, Norton was rescued

1:04:44

from under the ocean pier on Thursday

1:04:46

night. You need to get sand off

1:04:48

myself. After

1:04:52

being taken to City Hall, he

1:04:55

told a somewhat remarkable story of his adventure. He

1:04:59

said Norton left. Yeah, go ahead. What?

1:05:02

Why are they taking him to

1:05:04

City Hall? It's just I

1:05:07

think because he was they said he was

1:05:09

in a dazed condition. So they took him there probably. For

1:05:13

legal reasons, I would think, because this is, you know, you're

1:05:15

not allowed to just this is you

1:05:18

know, you can't be a vagabond back in these days,

1:05:20

so. He's probably

1:05:23

arrested or, you know, taken into custody. OK,

1:05:25

we'll get back. I was just. Put

1:05:27

him in the hall. But I was

1:05:30

in jail or something else is like, hey.

1:05:33

Take to the mayor, see what the let him see

1:05:35

what the mayor can do. Well, he's going to fight

1:05:37

the mayor. You

1:05:39

know, the rules of Atlantic City, 1893. So

1:05:45

Norton, this is his story. Norton left New

1:05:47

Haven in a small boat two weeks ago.

1:05:50

After being out a short time, he was

1:05:52

kidnapped by supposed pirates who robbed him. And

1:05:54

we're not really pirates, but you can call us that.

1:05:58

He drifted around. until his boat

1:06:00

was capsized and he floated around

1:06:03

on a plank. He

1:06:06

struck the pier on Thursday and was

1:06:08

rescued. The tale as unfolded by him

1:06:10

bears a sigh like, wow, what magical

1:06:12

land have I landed upon? Look

1:06:15

at Atlantic City. Oh, fuck. This

1:06:17

way sucks. No ladies jacking that

1:06:19

dude off. Those

1:06:21

grown women are jerking off

1:06:24

boys. He struck the pier

1:06:26

on Thursday and was rescued.

1:06:32

The tale as unfolded by him

1:06:34

bears a similarity to the dime

1:06:37

done novel stories. But Norton claims that is

1:06:39

all true and that he can verify it

1:06:42

all. You can't verify it. They can't. No,

1:06:46

you can't. I

1:06:49

got the pirate's home address. We'll call him. Here

1:06:52

you go. Here's testimony from the pirate. Supposed

1:06:54

pirates. And here's a napkin where I

1:06:57

wrote most of this on this morning.

1:06:59

And you'll see all the details. If

1:07:02

I didn't drift around on a plank, then

1:07:04

what's this plank doing here? You

1:07:06

know what it's like? It's like whatever I love.

1:07:09

Like when if you're in the CIA or the

1:07:11

FBI and they will be like, they'll consider that

1:07:13

if they left a meeting and wrote it down

1:07:15

evidence, it's like, yeah, all right.

1:07:18

Wait, what? They're like, well, I wrote

1:07:20

it down right after. So

1:07:23

pretty, pretty clear that this happens. What

1:07:25

if you were just a wire who

1:07:27

wrote it down? I'm not

1:07:29

sure I think what you're saying is possible,

1:07:31

sir. I'm wearing a suit. Nope. Yeah. So

1:07:33

I'm dressed like the men in black and

1:07:35

I have a journal. So

1:07:39

it's a moleskin. It doesn't lie. Yeah.

1:07:42

Come on. After

1:07:44

receiving money from home, he secured new

1:07:46

clothing and took the train home yesterday

1:07:48

morning. His parents reported that he has

1:07:50

been missing from home for two weeks.

1:07:53

The public can either accept his story as

1:07:56

true or remain in doubt until some new

1:07:58

development prove it true beyond shadow. So everything

1:08:00

that's in the paper has that last caveat.

1:08:02

Yeah. Yeah. You could either choose

1:08:04

to believe it or not believe it. OK.

1:08:07

Yeah. No, I understand how this works.

1:08:09

Being a human. His

1:08:11

only proof is that he left home two weeks ago

1:08:13

and his parents like they don't know where he was.

1:08:16

They just got in a fucking and I met some

1:08:18

pirates. And they were pretty cool to me. It's

1:08:23

fucking the only part of the story

1:08:25

that seems to check out is the

1:08:27

ending with the woman jacking off the

1:08:29

children. Yeah,

1:08:31

we have a part of it. We

1:08:34

have that part of his story. Yeah.

1:08:36

So the boys had a lot of

1:08:38

sand on their penises, officer. Have

1:08:41

you ever heard of a towel? Anyway,

1:08:45

well, that's what I call my mouth. Yeah.

1:08:52

Well, Billy, we've reached the end of the

1:08:54

past times. You've completed your second appearance and

1:08:56

I have good news. We'd like to

1:08:58

invite you back. So anytime

1:09:00

we want to talk about

1:09:02

the past and then sadly

1:09:05

reflect that not a whole lot has changed.

1:09:07

No, no. Atlantic

1:09:10

City got worse. I was

1:09:12

going to say, I think you can get

1:09:14

more than a hand job underneath the pier

1:09:16

in Atlantic City now. So it's called the

1:09:19

sand job. Oh, so let's just keep it

1:09:21

straight. Good Lord. All right. We got there.

1:09:23

Bill, you have you have a couple of

1:09:25

podcasts now. What's your podcast? Not really anymore.

1:09:27

No, the last one, the pot ones gone.

1:09:30

You're done with the problem. Hi.

1:09:32

Well, it's the dude I was doing it

1:09:34

with had been in

1:09:37

cannabis for his whole adult life. And

1:09:40

that's how good that industry is doing right

1:09:42

now. That, you know, the government got involved

1:09:44

is he's out. He's out.

1:09:46

It's awesome because for so long, everybody wanted

1:09:48

pot and everybody loved pot and everybody who

1:09:50

was opposed to it told you that it

1:09:53

couldn't happen and then the second that you

1:09:55

could make a lot of money from it.

1:09:57

The real good guys came in and

1:09:59

they just. opened a bunch of huge warehouses

1:10:01

on large acres. It's awesome. Yeah,

1:10:04

and it's not good pot. It's really

1:10:06

good. And the pot's getting worse and

1:10:08

the pot is suffering and the original

1:10:10

growers who know how to do it,

1:10:12

they've been iced out. So like everything

1:10:14

in capitalism? Yeah, they did it for

1:10:16

a long time under the threat of

1:10:18

arrest. Yes. That's

1:10:21

great. Yeah, it's cool. But yeah, I

1:10:23

do have a new podcast coming out.

1:10:25

It's called Anything

1:10:27

But Comedy, where I

1:10:29

just talked to all my funny

1:10:31

friends. I talked to all

1:10:33

my funny friends about anything, but we can't

1:10:35

talk about comedy. And because

1:10:38

that space has been covered in

1:10:40

podcasting. Yeah, I don't think that's

1:10:42

true, but we'll figure it out.

1:10:45

Well, Billy, thank you as always.

1:10:47

You're a pleasure. Your sweater says

1:10:49

grass and bluegrass. A delight of

1:10:52

a human. Love

1:10:54

you guys. All right, Billy. God

1:10:56

bless. God bless and never

1:10:58

again. Some

1:11:01

of these days,

1:11:03

you'll miss me,

1:11:06

honey. Some of

1:11:08

these days. Oh,

1:11:14

it's Gareth from the dollop.

1:11:16

You get it. Listen, Gareth

1:11:18

Forest calling on you. Bunch

1:11:20

of new standup dates. Come

1:11:22

join me. Chattanooga, Tennessee. That's

1:11:24

right. Chattanooga, June 18th. Nashville,

1:11:26

Tennessee. June 19th. Huntsville, Alabama.

1:11:29

June 20th. Atlanta, Georgia. June

1:11:31

21st. That link will be up soon.

1:11:34

Potsdow, Pennsylvania. Back at Souljoles. June 26th.

1:11:37

I will be in Providence, Rhode Island at

1:11:39

The Comedy Connection. June 27th. That link will

1:11:41

come soon. And I'll be in

1:11:43

Boston, Massachusetts. June 28th. I'll

1:11:46

be in Springfield, Massachusetts. June 29th. And

1:11:48

June 30th. I'll be at Comedy at

1:11:50

the Carlson in Rochester, New York. Go

1:11:53

to garethreynolds.com for tickets and information. Like

1:11:55

I said, Gareth Forest, if you don't

1:11:57

see a link, just hang in there.