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Dice, a horror podcast that blares

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the line between actual play and audio drama,

1:01

where the story is determined by the role

1:03

of the dice. Six

1:05

adventurers embark on a journey into the ruinous domain

1:08

of the Nameless God. They will

1:10

never be the same again. One of

1:12

the players is not what they seem after a

1:14

doppelganger, a creature that can assume the form and

1:16

voice of whatever it kills infiltrates the team. As

1:19

the players are picked off and replaced one at a time, can

1:21

they figure out who the monster is before it's too late? Can

1:24

you? Here's a quick example of what

1:26

our show sounds like. The uh, shambler

1:28

with the jar of liquid inside of him.

1:31

Sore an arc right, let loose an arrow that

1:33

cracked the glass, passing through the spine of the

1:35

creature. The shambler still managed to maintain its forward

1:38

momentum, but stumbled as it evenly tried to bite

1:40

and swipe its sword and land in near his

1:42

feet. As Jeff Goldblum has

1:44

now joined our cast, Dark Dice is available

1:46

however you listen to podcasts. Hey

1:49

everybody, Brian here. We wanted to give you

1:52

a heads up that we're going to be doing some bonus drops

1:54

on the feed this week promoting our Patreon and our YouTube channel.

1:57

This first drop is a series on our

1:59

Patreon called Super Short. Saga, where a rotating

2:01

cast plays a bunch of one-page RPGs. This

2:04

one is called Goblin Punks, and it was a ton of fun

2:06

to play. You can check

2:08

out more of Super Short Saga, as

2:10

well as a slew of other bonus

2:13

content, at patreon.com/thedungeoncast. We

2:15

really appreciate you listening to the show. If

2:17

you're unable to become a patron, don't worry.

2:19

The Dungeon Cast will always be free and

2:21

available here on our podcast feed or on

2:23

our YouTube channel. Anyway, here's

2:25

the show. Hey everybody, welcome to Super Short

2:27

Saga, a super short show where we do

2:30

super short games in a super short amount

2:32

of time, probably. We'll find out. Today, I

2:34

am Brian. And

2:36

I'm William. I'm

2:39

Jake. That was

2:42

great, dude. Every time, that's what it needs

2:44

to be. Just gotta do

2:46

it fast. I'm Monika. And

2:49

today, we will be playing a one-page RPG

2:51

called Goblin Punks. Hopefully you guys saw a how-to

2:54

video yesterday. If not, go check it out if

2:56

you want to learn the mechanics of this game.

2:59

Today, our game will be run

3:01

by the wonderful Mariko. It's me.

3:07

Yeah, playing Goblin

3:09

Punks by Grant Howitt. It

3:12

looks fun as shit, so let's go.

3:14

Absolutely. So y'all are

3:16

some goblins living in the

3:18

grotto. It's called the grotto. Y'all

3:21

have rarely, if at all, left this

3:23

grotto because the boring

3:25

adults in your lives think it is

3:27

quote-unquote too dangerous outside.

3:29

But you all know better

3:32

because you are a little group of goblin punks.

3:35

And you know cool slang. Like, what's

3:38

your cool slang? Who

3:42

wants to go first? I should

3:44

not go first. Oh god. Okay,

3:47

I'll go first. I'm

3:50

thinking of explosivo

3:53

as a like exclamation

3:56

or... Ooh, I like

3:58

that. you know

4:00

of something something dope so

4:03

expo Zevo I'm into it nice

4:06

I got what I got

4:08

is the word grok and

4:12

just trying to insert that into basically

4:14

every way again what the grok why

4:16

can't you grok that who the grok

4:18

are you like

4:21

smurf kind of didn't they do that in the smurfs like

4:23

they were doing I've never seen a smurf

4:25

thing in my life William what was I don't know

4:27

either smurf thief chomp

4:35

what are gov is the big

4:38

green smurf yeah it's perfect Marcos

4:40

you go I got I got

4:43

scrum and

4:45

as far as I know it's just like

4:47

looking for some good scrum like

4:51

drugs money

4:54

yeah that's a lot of things it's a noun

4:56

it's just a noun I love

4:59

it okay I got a good one I

5:01

wanted to put there's gonna be an

5:03

f-bomb and that's just

5:05

the way it is on the show this

5:09

flux rocks is my

5:15

okay that's really pertinent because we need

5:17

to introduce your your

5:19

goblins it

5:21

could be this fucks rocks that fucks

5:24

rocks you know what I mean we're

5:26

there we should make sure

5:28

to make note of everyone else's slang

5:30

because we get bonuses for using each

5:32

other's slang you do write it all

5:34

down you

5:37

can have up to three bonuses at a time

5:40

and you can use those to add to

5:42

your dice rolls sweet

5:51

yeah these are just like static both

5:53

bonuses onto the role like if I

5:55

rolled a three I would do like a plus

5:57

two to that so it'd be a five no

6:00

You it's an extra d6. Oh, it's

6:02

a basic space game. So you just get

6:04

you just roll However

6:06

many you get sweet Yeah,

6:11

so who are your goblins? I

6:14

know who your goblins are but the audience is not I

6:17

am Jables I'm

6:21

a medium. I'm like a stocky kind of

6:23

little goblin how tall are

6:25

goblins like four feet? Typically, that's

6:28

your policy get yeah, I'm gonna

6:30

say that I'm

6:32

getting there. I'm like I'm like three three

6:35

ish feet three in some change and I'm

6:39

stocky And I'm already

6:41

starting to grow facial hair. I've got like a little

6:43

bit of a five o'clock shadow and

6:48

I've got like loose like voluminous

6:51

like ear length hair that's

6:54

like Combed over

6:56

with my hand, you know So

6:59

I'm real scrappy looking. I'm

7:02

wearing eyeliner and it's because I have some

7:04

on me. I also

7:07

have a pocket knife and a big stick

7:09

as part of my inventory and Was

7:13

that what are those all the parameters? Oh, I do have

7:15

I do have parents their name is

7:17

our J and Bell and how

7:20

old are you? And I'm 15 and

7:22

is your eyeliner liquid order? That's

7:26

liquid The

7:34

horns are here for you jables. Oh, you're

7:36

getting the horns. Okay on this show Jake

7:38

lives near a train. So sometimes You'll

7:42

hear the horn honking from the train Or

7:46

whistle, I don't know what the standard for that

7:48

but We call them

7:50

the horns of near lefotep. Please check out a

7:52

show we recorded called super quest saga That'll

7:55

explain a lot more or

8:00

there's a podcast. Yeah

8:04

so that's my that's my goblin, Jables.

8:07

Mine is named

8:11

Cage or you

8:14

can also call him the

8:16

Rage Cage. I didn't know

8:18

we needed any sort of physical prep

8:22

but much the

8:24

same similar to

8:26

Jables if not a little bit shorter. Stocky

8:30

with like bald with

8:32

a kind of longer more

8:35

pronounced beard if I can. If I

8:41

can and then items I have

8:44

I have booze I have

8:46

cigarettes and I have a slingshot

8:49

so I'm up to

8:51

no good almost always.

8:54

Mainly because my parents are dead and I

9:02

guess I'm not handling it very well and

9:04

I think I'm like Bruce Wayne like level

9:15

harmed psychologically by this.

9:18

I don't know if they were killed in front

9:21

of me or what but you know maybe that'll

9:23

develop as we play this wonderful game together and

9:26

I'm 15. Alright,

9:29

Crash. Wait what

9:31

was the order of things?

9:33

Crash I'm 16,

9:35

I've got parents,

9:41

I've got eyeliner, a lighter and

9:43

a drum. Crash

9:45

has like an

9:48

ancient really beat up like

9:51

band T on with

9:54

a super worn away symbol

9:57

on the chest like you can can't

9:59

even read read it anymore. It vaguely looks

10:01

like a star. Some genes,

10:04

some like, I don't

10:06

know, some converse on there

10:08

or something like that. Yeah, some high

10:10

top chucks or what. Yeah, let's

10:13

go there. Alright. A

10:15

short... black

10:18

mohawk. And,

10:22

let's see here, his

10:24

drum is

10:27

on his back attached to

10:30

like a really ramshackle

10:33

metal contraption so that

10:35

it can fold out to his front. Ooh.

10:38

He's got just like some belts that

10:40

hold it on and stuff. Yeah.

10:46

My turn? Yeah. My

10:49

goblin was named at his

10:51

birth Giafre Jr. He

10:55

grew up to hate that name because his parents

10:57

are super lame. And

11:00

now he goes by a different name. He goes by

11:02

Little Grease Grease. He has

11:05

big boots, a cool

11:07

jacket, and a slingshot with

11:09

a pocket full of rocks. Also, the

11:12

DM has allowed this. I have a cool pair of

11:14

sunglasses. And

11:17

he is... he's about three feet tall. He's

11:19

very, very skinny. He's a skinny lad. But

11:23

his really, really greased

11:25

up pompadour definitely makes him four feet.

11:30

And, let me see here.

11:32

That's, yeah, that's basically it.

11:34

Yeah. Little Grease Grease. Nice.

11:37

Also, if anybody else wants cool sunglasses,

11:39

you can have them. Free

11:41

for all. I have

11:44

them on me. Are they on yet? Not

11:46

yet. Maybe soon.

11:49

Alright. I

11:51

want to add on like pretty

11:55

big ears with

11:57

like just multiple,

11:59

I don't know. seven piercings

12:01

asymmetrically? Are

12:04

they actual piercings or are they clip-ons? It's

12:07

a mix. Nobody

12:10

knows which ones are which, especially not your parents.

12:14

All right. So y'all are a

12:17

little group of goblins, your little goblin

12:19

friend group. And

12:22

you know that there

12:25

is a very

12:29

grok movie, well,

12:33

picture show in the

12:35

town around the corner, which you've never been. But

12:38

it is the latest installment of the

12:40

quick and quarrelsome franchise, Dokyo Thrift. And

12:44

it stars hobgoblin hero Din Viesel. Your

12:52

parents and guardians have

12:55

told you to stay in the grotto

12:57

and harvest mushroom. But to hell

12:59

with that, anyone who is anyone has

13:01

already seen this show. And today,

13:04

you're going to sneak out and see it

13:06

before anyone spoils it for you, because all

13:08

the goblin kids are talking about it. Hell yeah. So.

13:13

Yeah, they're definitely saying that it fucks rocks.

13:15

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You

13:18

get a point. That's the, they don't, we don't

13:20

have rotten tomatoes in this world. We have how

13:22

many rocks does this movie fuck? All

13:25

of them. Fucking

13:28

all the rocks. All

13:32

right. You get a, you get a

13:34

cool flame point. So step one,

13:36

you got to sneak out of the grotto. Your

13:39

grotto is set just inside of a

13:41

mountain. And you know that if you

13:43

follow the stream into the woods beyond,

13:45

you will eventually reach the

13:47

town around the corner. So

13:50

there are a couple

13:52

of exits that you can, you know

13:54

of. There's the dock where

13:59

all the ships. Well, it's like

14:01

rafts are used to export the mushrooms and

14:03

import other supplies But

14:07

you have also heard rumors of

14:09

a possible secret tunnel out

14:11

of the Out of

14:14

the grotto in like the darkest corner

14:17

of the grotto Jacob

14:19

would not break into song What

14:23

will you not break into song? I

14:28

Didn't hear it. I'm sorry. I was reading

14:30

the rules. I'm sorry. It's fine. It's fine.

14:33

Next time you'll catch the next one

14:38

Secret trigger is are

14:40

we all in like the same spot or do we have

14:42

to like coordinate a meetup? you

14:46

guys probably all

14:49

your parents and I guess

14:53

Cage just kind of hangs out You

14:56

wonder over when he decides to If

14:59

K's the one trying to get us all

15:01

to come out. He's like fucking fucking parents,

15:03

right? probably definitely

15:07

Guys, you don't need fucking fairs. We got to

15:10

go and see this picture show, please. What was

15:12

the name of the movie? I got this this

15:14

franchise Tokyo thrift Gokyo thrift.

15:17

Yeah, click and quarrel some Doki,

15:20

oh thrift starring Yes,

15:22

you can be so your hobgoblin hero.

15:25

Oh, yeah. I love that guy. I Heard

15:29

he plays role-playing games Definitely

15:34

does yeah, he fucking never

15:36

listens to his parents. Let's go I

15:41

think we should take this this

15:43

alleged secret secret tunnel. I'm

15:46

into the secret tunnel little grease grease likes

15:48

a secret tunnel It's a great

15:50

time. There it is. I thought he's gonna

15:52

do it the first time that I didn't

15:54

I didn't I didn't It

15:56

didn't register. I got it? Excellent.

16:02

I you know you and let

16:04

me down. Our break

16:06

out of my goddamn house. Yeah.

16:09

Separate house. had iraq in front of a a

16:11

would not fuck that rock. I need to get

16:13

out it is. Yeah. Power

16:17

even when it was do love I'm

16:19

going to do are going to be

16:21

like a classic like creep down the

16:23

stairs you know, assuming I have a

16:25

two story home. Not have whatever

16:27

kind of hung one. I'm going

16:30

to wait until my folks are

16:32

like distracted like oh but what?

16:34

Like what? is it? Night time?

16:36

Is it like, what? What are

16:38

we working with here? Now

16:41

it is absolutely of like. In the

16:43

middle of the day. Ah dang

16:45

to have a thing. Ah

16:50

ok, there's a bunch of there's a

16:52

bunch of chopping wood. Like. Precariously

16:54

stacked up on the side of the

16:56

house. Ah, I'm going to go around

16:58

back. I'm gonna knock that shit over

17:01

and it's gonna draw my parents' attention

17:03

and then I'm gonna like run out

17:05

the other side. While. They're

17:07

distracted. Okay,

17:10

I'm. I'm going

17:13

to have Iraq. They were all. Okay,

17:15

do you have any equipment that can help you with that?

17:17

Ah, I have a big stick. I'm

17:21

gonna use I would push the that would over

17:23

from a different. Role your duty sex

17:25

and pick the highest one. K.

17:29

A for. Okay, he

17:31

do the thing. I'm

17:34

not. He's you am.

17:37

But. The. Tip of your thick break

17:39

the little bit. Silly. Have. Slightly.

17:42

Smaller. ourselves my big

17:44

fat he successfully no. Knock

17:47

over as the the word.

17:50

Your parents and I don't look at that

17:52

oh my goodness in his head out into

17:55

the. End and

17:57

then and. Sell.

17:59

It. Jay goes out to

18:01

go see. He says, spell,

18:03

spell, come look. Pile

18:05

a stick spell over somehow. And your

18:07

mom goes out too. So both of them are

18:09

looking at the pile of sticks. I

18:13

piece the math out. Yep. You

18:15

do it. You go to your

18:17

designated meeting spot. You get the scrum

18:20

out of there. Ayy. Scrum

18:24

on out. Shwovin'.

18:27

I'm Gokyo thrifton out of

18:29

here. Alright.

18:34

Who's next? You

18:38

know what? I'll go next. I'm going to play

18:40

the deception game. You know, our parents want us

18:42

to go gather

18:44

mushrooms. Is that what it is? Young

18:48

goblins are part of the thriving economy

18:50

in which they get popped off into

18:52

a field and gather mushrooms. Alright.

18:56

I'm going to pretend. I'm going to try

18:59

and deceive my parents and pretend like I'm

19:01

going out to do some of that mushroom

19:03

harvesting. And really, I'm just going to go

19:05

to the

19:08

secret tunnel. Okay.

19:14

So your parents are eating

19:16

breakfast. They're sipping tea

19:18

out of fancy teacups. Oh.

19:20

Jeffrey with a J will drive you.

19:25

No, no, Mom. It's cool. I need

19:27

exercise. You know what they say. Got

19:30

to stay active. No,

19:32

it's cool. You guys stay and drink your

19:34

lame tea. I'm going to go harvest

19:36

some mushrooms. You know, like you guys always want

19:38

me to. I'm

19:42

going to say you can do the thing. They seem to be

19:46

inattentive parents. So

19:49

you can go ahead and get

19:52

out. Jeffrey with a J will be

19:54

watching you closely, though,

19:58

as you leave. Okay,

20:00

all right. Well, I'm gonna make as if I'm

20:02

going towards the mushrooms, and as soon as I

20:04

think the coast is clear, I'm gonna jet off

20:06

to the left and go meet Cage at the

20:08

tunnel. Okay,

20:11

you do that. And Jeffrey with a J may or may

20:14

not be following you. We'll see. Uh-oh.

20:18

Alright. Crash. Yeah,

20:21

yeah, yeah. Uh,

20:23

let me see. I'm gonna just

20:27

be finishing my eyeliner, and

20:31

then I'm just gonna say

20:33

like, I'm gonna hear like

20:36

my older sister yelling about

20:38

eyeliner. I'm gonna quick cap it,

20:40

stuff it in my pocket, and just like

20:44

jump out the window and try and scrabble down

20:46

the tree next to my window from the second

20:48

floor. Alright,

20:52

I'm gonna have you roll. Alright. Do

20:55

you have any equipment that will help you with your scrabble? Uh,

21:00

nah. Alright, roll your

21:02

d6. It's

21:07

a six. Hey, you do it.

21:09

It goes exactly as planned. Nice.

21:12

Wow. Wow. Exclosive-o.

21:20

Heck yeah. Yeah, you get a point. Alright,

21:24

Cage, what are you doing while you're

21:26

waiting for your homies? Oof.

21:29

Um, I think I'm just

21:31

kicking it by, uh, I think

21:33

I'm just kicking it by the secret tunnel, or maybe

21:35

not. Because do

21:37

we have to find it, right? Yeah. Okay,

21:41

so I'm, uh, let's

21:44

just say I'm waiting at our pre-determined

21:47

meetup spot, and I'm

21:50

just sitting there with a cigarette in my mouth, and

21:53

my handle of rum by

21:56

my side, and I'm just kicking it.

22:00

I'm just kicking it real nice. Oh my good.

22:02

You're a bad influence, man. I am.

22:05

I'm planning on corrupting

22:07

all these kids. Beautiful.

22:10

Let's do this. All

22:12

right. So one by one, your friends arrive. And

22:17

it's time to search for the secret

22:19

tunnel. Ooh,

22:22

OK. This

22:25

rumored secret tunnel is supposedly

22:27

in the darkest part of

22:29

the grotto. It just

22:31

looks like a little corner somewhere dark

22:33

that nobody goes. And

22:37

you can see pretty well in the

22:39

dark, but even you guys are starting

22:41

to kind of struggle to

22:46

see what are y'all doing? How

22:48

are you searching for this tunnel? Ooh.

22:52

Hey, Crash, could you maybe

22:55

light my cigarette and we

22:57

can use it as a torch? Maybe.

23:01

Yeah, if we light the cigarette, we can

23:03

watch the smoke and it'll find the tunnel

23:05

with the air first going down. Oh, yes.

23:07

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going

23:10

to be so bad. Let's do it. Hey,

23:12

folks, that fucks rocks. Let's do it.

23:15

Let's fucking fuck some rocks, dude. You

23:17

know, going into tunnels, that's a lot.

23:20

You know? Yeah. Mm.

23:23

Yeah, they're so cool. Let's

23:31

see. So

23:33

would that help since we kind of our

23:36

powers combined into a light source? Yeah.

23:41

Into a light source, Captain Planet, for us

23:43

to find the secret. We're

23:45

all like huddled up with our hands

23:47

like cupped around the butt of the

23:49

cigarette Get into light

23:51

because they're outside. Yeah, I'm

23:53

not going to make your bottle. You can just do

23:55

the thing. So

23:58

yeah, you watch the smoke. as

24:00

a kind of gently waft away from

24:03

your ear cigarette and you see it

24:05

kind of going off into the distance. Follow

24:08

the smoke gate. Follow it. Follow

24:11

it. And I shall. Nice.

24:14

I'm just kidding. As

24:18

you're going along, you hear, you

24:21

start to hear a slurping sound

24:25

and the kind of chittering

24:28

of like, insect

24:30

legs. And

24:33

it's quite dark, so you have

24:36

a hard time seeing what's going on, but you hear

24:38

these lovely sounds. You you you guys you

24:40

guys hear that? You guys

24:42

hear this? I definitely I definitely I

24:44

definitely I definitely hear it. That's

24:47

it. This does not fuck rocks. I don't like

24:49

this. Yeah, no. What

24:54

do we do? I'm going to I'm going

24:56

to pull out my slingshot just to have it at the ready. I

24:59

will as well. I

25:01

crank out my big stick. Now

25:04

hold up my lighter. In

25:08

in the dim light from the lighter,

25:10

you you

25:13

see. A

25:15

single kind of weirdly tall

25:18

mushroom. You

25:21

also notice that there's a lot of kind of

25:23

mushrooms on the ground, not the kind that you

25:25

pick up. These are kind of weird and squishy.

25:29

And there's kind of the air feels a little

25:31

bit heavy with pollen.

25:36

And then the tall mushroom turns

25:39

around and says, Hello. Oh,

25:41

my God. What

25:44

the crap? Hello. Hello,

25:49

Grand Mushroom. I am Jables,

25:52

a.k.a. He who fucking rocks.

25:56

We're looking for a secret tunnel. You

25:58

seem like a nice mushroom. Would you

26:00

possibly be able to tell us where we

26:02

can find what we seek? Great mushroom. I

26:07

don't know what's happening because

26:09

everybody's screen got all. Oh,

26:13

shit. Did you hear it? You hear what I did? And

26:17

now there's a Zoom thing that says my connection is

26:19

unstable. So maybe it's me. Oh, no. His

26:24

grand speech, though. I'll do it. I'll fucking

26:26

do it again. I

26:28

do a very good Jack Black

26:30

right now. Yes. Internet,

26:35

why are you doing me dirty like this? Internet,

26:40

please. Please. Just trying

26:42

to play goblins. Marcos,

26:49

can you still hear us? Yeah, I'm

26:51

good. Oh, OK. That

26:54

room is cursed. Can

26:57

you leave the call and rejoin? I don't know

26:59

if that does anything to the recording. It's

27:02

better now. It's magically fixed. Dunkin'

27:05

on the room seemed to have worked. It's

27:09

up to the vibe. Hey, Jables,

27:11

I don't think the mushroom heard you. You should do it

27:13

again. Yeah, please, please, please. Please,

27:15

thank you. The

27:18

horns. The horns sound that

27:20

they want you to do the speech again,

27:22

Jables. Well, I'm trying to give me some

27:24

space because there's going to be an edit

27:27

here, like surely. So.

27:35

Should we be clapping to? No. Oh.

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30:55

Uh, can you give me that line again, Madiko,

30:57

where the mushroom turns around and says hello? Uh,

31:01

okay. Yeah, so the very tall mushroom,

31:03

uh, turns around and just says hello.

31:08

Uh, hello, great mushroom. I

31:11

am Jables, also known in

31:13

the Grotto as he who fucking rocks. Great mushroom,

31:15

will you tell us please we seek a secret

31:18

tunnel, a secret tunnel perhaps that you know about

31:20

and you could tell us about. We would like

31:22

you to do so, great mushroom, please. Uh,

31:28

so the mushroom steps into

31:30

the light and you see that it's not a mushroom

31:33

at all actually. It is

31:35

a goblin wearing a suit of

31:38

armor that appears to be made out of a

31:40

mushroom. Ooh.

31:42

Um, he says, oh, a secret tunnel. I

31:45

also would like to leave this this

31:47

cave. I've been here for quite some time.

31:49

Uh, me and my companion here

31:52

would would really love to get out. And

31:55

you hear the kind of chittering again and

31:57

like this kind of uh creepy, creepy, creepy, creepy,

31:59

creepy, creepy, Raleigh critter comes out of

32:01

the darkness and as basis of like dripping with

32:03

blood comes with a from thing. And

32:08

I am Foreman. Of

32:12

or Moon. Oh my god I point my

32:14

big sick of him and his giant

32:16

vargas. Are you freaking me out man? You

32:18

got a backup Qb to face. The

32:24

two sides of the course we

32:26

we were never dated night. Evil.

32:31

How how old is this? Do you

32:33

dislike him? A dollar a little? He

32:35

entered definitely an adult, but he's definitely

32:37

got them guys. He

32:39

the limo adult. I'm not into it. Nothing's

32:41

going to eat us man. You see the

32:43

fuck back. He's.

32:46

Like had been hugging Cuddles. Protect completely. No

32:48

no no he did a he's not hungry

32:50

anymore hall where did we are? You got

32:52

a little see when. Why did you just

32:54

eat? Was it was a goblin? Do you

32:57

do feast upon the flesh of goblin? Nolan

33:00

and and I am a goblin. He does not a

33:02

me. Obviously. I

33:04

be. I

33:07

guess I can that tracksuit? Human

33:11

Eye year old man would you do now

33:13

here Old Man. I think we've been turning

33:15

for quite some time and we're just trying

33:17

to spread the good word and he he

33:19

points all these big like fact that. Some.

33:23

They're. They're not wave, they're just exact. those. Have

33:26

something that. He is carrying

33:28

and that cuddled of carrying and he

33:30

reaches and and guess ah. And.

33:33

Like them for it. Flowed

33:36

out and going to my

33:38

hair. And

33:40

a half later. Grail. Easy.

33:42

easy. Via a

33:44

Killer. We've never seen this guy

33:46

before, right? Like. He's

33:48

never been in the grotto before, right? Now.

33:51

He has spent a long time. Underneath

33:53

the grotto and has come out

33:56

now. Oh okay this man is

33:58

some he go with of. with

34:00

a fucking like

34:02

mushroom armor he seems very

34:04

friendly all

34:10

right listen up bug guy we're looking for

34:12

the secret tunnel you're gonna help us

34:14

find it right can your animal sniff its way out

34:16

of here what yeah if you've been stuck here

34:21

I don't know how much help he's gonna be I mean

34:23

we could make him go first in case you know there's

34:25

danger ahead you know use them as a meat shield oh

34:36

man listen

34:40

listen Sporman if I give you

34:42

a swig of this here handle

34:47

you seem to know your way around down here

34:49

albeit it's not to the secret tunnel

34:53

you want to get a little you want to get a

34:55

little schwifty and then we can just

34:57

kind of see what what what there is to see

35:00

cage man have you had that bottle on you the

35:02

whole time yeah

35:04

anything it's always

35:06

I'm always holding it what are you talking

35:08

you want a little trick you want to

35:10

get you're with me absolutely alcohol fucks rocks

35:16

bro okay Foreman

35:21

is very excited to partake in whatever little

35:23

ritual you are doing he's

35:25

been he's been kind of alone for it for

35:27

quite some time little

35:29

a little little grease grease now

35:33

my mama smell it on me I can't risk

35:35

it crash you wanna

35:37

you want a little you want

35:39

a little ram you want a little cigarette hmm

35:42

let me see that round let me try

35:44

something let me try something okay and he's

35:47

gonna just take a quick swig and then

35:49

he's gonna try and blow a fireball with

35:51

the lighter okay

36:00

Yeah, uh, is it

36:02

is it grok or gork? I forgot Grok,

36:04

it is grok. Okay. That's what I wrote. I wasn't

36:06

sure hey cut that grok out, man You got to

36:08

tell somebody before you just start to explode in the

36:10

air And

36:13

you want me to roll for this yes, please Oh

36:18

could you go very cool or very bad Another

36:21

six. Oh markos. Let's

36:24

go. You're very powerful role. These are

36:26

my uh Oh Markos

36:36

and I got mind freaked last summer

36:38

in vegas like chris angel and

36:40

those came in like a goodie bag after the show Just

36:44

some light context So

36:46

jealous. I didn't get to go.

36:49

I know we'll have to do it this summer next

36:51

time Go see christine's new show

36:55

Yeah, how does it look when you when you blow

36:57

the fire? Uh

37:01

Like christ angel Like

37:04

christ angel Like

37:07

it looked like him or it looked like when he

37:09

does it you blow fire and it's shaped like christine

37:14

It just shaped like some guy with

37:16

this jacket open like floating takes

37:22

that shape The

37:26

sporman is like I can do party tricks

37:28

too and he like pulls uh some spores

37:30

out and like Pops

37:32

them up in the air and they like um Form,

37:36

uh a little mushroom shape Oh

37:39

cool mushroom so much Hey

37:42

man, it's foreman. Do these do anything or are they

37:44

just like is that for fun? I

37:48

can oh, I am i'm spreading the love of

37:50

my lady g I

37:53

don't like this guy. Sorry what I

37:56

like what he just said I

38:01

let me tell you my sad tale.

38:03

I fallen in a hole and Was

38:09

taken in by a friendly group of mushrooms and

38:12

and then I met a lady a lovely

38:14

lady Z and She

38:17

whispered into my ear and gave

38:19

me these spores and gave me cuddles

38:24

And then his eyes kind of go blank Perhaps

38:30

this is a story for another time. I

38:33

like smile creepily at you guys Good

38:37

guy Let's

38:43

hey guys, uh, let's have a huddle a

38:45

swarm in your pool. You should stay right

38:47

there We're just gonna go about 15 feet

38:49

in that direction. We're gonna have ourselves a

38:51

huddle. We'll be that huddle All

38:55

right guys, what are we gonna do I don't trust the Sporman guy

38:57

I Think we got

39:00

a beat the shit out of them The

39:03

only way I Flip

39:07

out my pocket. I flip out my pocket

39:09

knife. I'll just fucking we murder

39:14

We's about to commit a murder. We're gonna have

39:16

to deal with him and his giant

39:18

centipede dog You

39:23

know, I know I know I'm usually the bad influence

39:25

here I don't think I've I don't think I'm drunk

39:28

enough for this Just

39:31

yet personally crash, what do you what

39:33

do you think you down to perpetrate

39:36

a perpetrate a murder and again idea I

39:38

got an idea and I got an idea Okay,

39:40

let's be right grab my drum. I'm gonna

39:42

turn around and swing it in front of me and

39:45

he's just gonna go Wiggling

39:56

Hey, guys, Jables is jamming he's

39:58

gonna start fucking Singing bro.

40:01

Yeah Yeah

40:06

I'll use the string of my I'll use the

40:08

string of my slingshot as like a kind of

40:11

like a bing bing bing bing All

40:20

right, what's that like sideways skip they do

40:23

in the pit what are we what are

40:25

we trying to attain here? What's the goal?

40:31

Are we just trying to jam here

40:33

are we are we going for confusion

40:48

Alright everybody roll roll

40:50

you're sick if you have a if you have a

40:55

If you just laying you can

40:57

roll an extra one I Would

40:59

like to argue that my big boots make it easier

41:01

to run through this rough terrain Yeah,

41:05

I mean I don't mean to fuck rocks here will but

41:08

I feel like they would make it harder I Want

41:21

to yell exposivo when we start

41:24

running and throw my hands back my artist out

41:26

I rolled a

41:28

three I also Okay,

41:32

I think we can add twos with

41:34

our with our sling points, right? Yes,

41:37

you can add However many

41:39

you want to add if you want to roll more. Oh Should

41:42

I be a man rack of all my points?

41:44

You can only read a time. Yes, you can have three

41:46

at a time Okay, I'm at

41:48

this point. Everybody has three. Yeah,

41:51

I'm gonna blow bins Good,

41:53

I'm gonna blow down all three and

41:56

make minus success. Well, if

41:58

you roll an extra d6 forever point

42:00

you spend and you take the highest roll. Oh,

42:03

okay. Geez. Okay, so I'll spend, can

42:05

I spend them one at a time or do I have to spend them all at

42:07

a time? You can spend them one at a time. Okay. I

42:10

want you guys to succeed. I also want you

42:12

to fail because we'll be fine. So

42:16

I wound up with a four, so one better, and I

42:19

spent all my points. I

42:23

rolled four dice and I got

42:25

two twos and two threes, so

42:28

I didn't do the thing. Okay.

42:32

I rolled a four initially and I spent one of my

42:34

slang points and got a six. Okay.

42:38

I rolled twice and got two fours. Okay.

42:43

So little grace grace is the only one who successfully

42:45

does the thing. It

42:47

was the big boots, I'm telling you. Yeah, it

42:49

was the big boots. Probably. Take

42:53

that cage. Get rekt, Jake. Fuck.

42:58

So, Crash, you somehow get

43:00

embarrassed in front of everybody.

43:12

Your plan did not quite work out the

43:14

way that you wanted it to, so you

43:16

can decide how that embarrasses you. So you

43:18

get a shame. You

43:20

get a shame. You get a shame. Shame,

43:24

shame, shame. Shame,

43:27

shame. Probably

43:31

just because it was a nothing plan that

43:33

went nowhere. It just ran in a random

43:35

direction and then turned around and ran another

43:37

direction. All

43:39

right, yeah. You get embarrassed. Are

43:42

we lost now? Did we just get lost? Perhaps.

43:47

It's possible. Jay

43:50

Bulls, you

43:53

also get embarrassed somehow. I

43:57

can fall down. I

43:59

yell explicitly. Steve Allen just like eat shit

44:01

immediately. Yeah,

44:04

so please mark one shame. OK. Cage,

44:09

you don't do the thing and

44:11

you get to decide whether you're

44:13

embarrassed. You attract unwanted attention

44:16

or you lose or break equipment. What do

44:18

you want to do? Ooh. I

44:22

think I like the unwanted attention, so I'll

44:25

get a trouble. OK, you

44:27

get a trouble and cuddle

44:30

thinks you're trying to play. And

44:33

is bouncing on you like, oh, God,

44:36

oh, God, it's going to kill Cage. Oh,

44:39

my God, I'm not drunk enough for this. Forman

44:45

gets her dog off of me. So

44:49

I'm like, oh, I

44:52

was like, oh, let me let me draw a picture. It's

44:55

so cute. He's forman

44:57

is being absolutely unhelpful and has pulled

44:59

out of sketch. Oh, shit. I

45:02

want to go help KG. I want

45:04

to I want to take a slingshot

45:06

shot at this insect. OK.

45:10

Yeah. I'm

45:15

I'm going to have you roll one more time because

45:17

you could. Oh, boy. Yes. OK, here

45:19

we go. Don't hit

45:21

me, please. It went off the table. I'm rolling a

45:24

different one. I

45:26

wrote. I wrote. I wrote the

45:28

two. And I'm

45:30

not spending. I'm spending one of my

45:32

two points left. I

45:36

got a five. I'll settle for five. OK.

45:41

So your first shot

45:43

goes awry and your

45:46

friends totally saw that you get embarrassed. They

45:49

mark one shame. But your second shot hits

45:52

hits cuddled pretty squarely in

45:55

the back and that allows Cage

45:59

to. to scramble

46:01

free. Get the scrum off my

46:03

friend! Mark

46:06

another point. And

46:09

you guys can scramble away

46:11

if you choose down

46:13

this random direction that you have picked.

46:17

Which because... Well,

46:19

Grease Grease, rule of the six, I'm

46:21

gonna say you found the secret tunnel

46:23

accidentally. Hey! Hey

46:26

guys, I found the tunnel. Let's get that croc out

46:28

of here. That dog tried to

46:30

kill me. Do we... I

46:34

think I feel like we as a team, we

46:37

just all run into the tunnel without looking. That's

46:40

the feeling I'm getting. What do you guys think? Yeah,

46:43

100%. We both get in. Foreman's

46:45

super creepy. He's wearing the dead

46:48

husk of a mic in it. Worship's

46:52

a sermon demon lady. Yeah. He

46:56

looks so kind and gentle, but is very scary.

46:59

Okay, so you successfully get out of the

47:01

secret tunnel. And

47:04

this is now officially the farthest out of

47:06

the gretto you have ever been. You

47:08

are in the woods. It is

47:10

bright. There are no mushrooms in sight.

47:12

There's a nice stream. There's

47:15

like birds. And

47:19

there's also some arguing in the distance. Guys,

47:24

the stream. It's beautiful. I

47:26

heard if we walk beyond it, we'll

47:28

make it to the show. Do

47:31

you all hear that? What?

47:33

What? Yeah,

47:36

I think I hear something. Voices.

47:42

Should we go towards them

47:44

or... No, let's

47:46

go away from them. Fuck that shit. Anyone

47:49

grokin' with their sayin'? Maybe

47:53

we should scrum on over there and eavesdrop

47:56

a little bit. Let's

47:58

do that. Okay. Are

48:00

you like picking a bush to kind of try to like

48:02

hide in and peek out or trying to find a tree?

48:05

I select a hearty bush to

48:07

hide within Okay,

48:10

yeah, I'll do the same cool.

48:12

You crawl into this bush We're

48:23

gonna get a different bush we gotta get a good for

48:25

bush. Oh my god I

48:30

didn't know there was it you guys were hidden so well.

48:33

I didn't know there was anybody in here I just wanted

48:35

like listen to what was going on with them. So we'll

48:37

find another bush. Okay, I'm so yeah I'm doing in a

48:39

bush anyway. Yeah, what are you guys? Let's try to listen

48:41

to this, too. Yeah. Yeah You

48:45

you're all sorry guys. We gotta be quiet and

48:47

get it to another bush. Let's just go Let's just

48:50

go get to another bush right now. Okay. All right,

48:52

I thought I saw going over there So we should

48:54

go we should head that way My

48:57

pants are stuck somebody help me get these fucking

48:59

branches off my pants. Yeah, you're being

49:02

grabbed by some scaly little hands Stabbing

49:11

the bush We've

49:15

got a violin quick, okay, he's he's

49:17

placing at the bush And

49:22

you see there's like a little group of Cobalt

49:26

similar to similar shapes

49:28

and sizes and ages to you Wow,

49:32

wow, wow. Shush and one of them also pulled out

49:34

a knife and is stabbing the bush Like

49:39

a table tables, let's let's cool it. Let's

49:41

let's cool it. Let's see what she's

49:43

got going on Big

49:46

ones pointing little things and there's one of

49:48

them so they fit they're like they're They

49:52

say and they kind of open the bush a

49:54

little bit and you peek out

49:56

and you see a group of three

49:59

adventurers There is

50:01

what appears to be a lizard man pointing

50:04

at a group

50:07

of little capybaras who are cowering behind

50:09

a kind of fake and

50:12

giant creature with a little

50:14

capybara man in between them

50:16

like oh so sorry Hey

50:24

did you did you hear anything coming from over

50:26

there that bush my capybara pancake

50:31

get back over here listen

50:33

listen all i'm

50:36

saying is i can have one of

50:38

those capybaras that's all you're not

50:40

going to miss one okay gosh

50:44

damn it oh how many times did we get out

50:46

of this conversation i guess i'll

50:48

be feeling hey you guys gotta eat some

50:50

fucking mushrooms and calm the fuck down okay holy

50:56

shit imagine a ranger

50:58

danger cameo oh my goodness yeah

51:04

there's like a theme song playing in the

51:06

background a sting just happens with

51:08

it we will

51:10

definitely play a powered by the apocalypse

51:12

one of these where we run a

51:14

ranger danger together i'll run a ranger

51:17

danger um we're just a quick programming

51:19

note for everybody let's call this a

51:21

little bit of a break uh

51:23

we've been playing for a little bit now um we

51:26

will and i host a show called the dungeon

51:28

cast uh where you can get

51:30

early episodes of this show so you'll be able

51:32

to hear this game as soon as they're done

51:34

recording we're pretty much going to throw them up

51:37

in there so you'll hear what is

51:39

to come we're going to rotate through

51:42

dungeon masters game masters on this show so

51:44

everybody's going to take a turn running some

51:46

one-page rpgs maybe

51:49

longer stints of other games like

51:51

dungeon crawl classics we're

51:53

looking into ciphers slash numenera where

51:56

we're looking into blades in the

51:58

dark And of

52:00

course all the one page RPGs so

52:03

that's that's pretty much the the idea

52:05

of this show and we're gonna have Probably

52:09

this is the core group, but we're gonna have a rotating

52:11

cast whoever we can get on well. It'll be a fun

52:13

time Anything

52:16

to add anybody No,

52:18

I think that was good. Yeah, you can go

52:20

you can find it the early

52:23

for this show is at patreon.com/the dungeon

52:25

cast and if you feel like checking

52:27

out the dungeon cast or Superquest

52:30

saga actual play feed you

52:33

can hear long form game that we

52:35

recorded and a Superhero

52:37

game that is airing now called flashbang and

52:40

the surgeon based off of Batman the animated

52:42

series that's currently running While

52:45

we think about the next project which

52:47

is this one So I guess with

52:49

that we'll get right back to it if you're

52:52

ready to go Mariko Oh, yeah,

52:54

should we should we mention to people who might

52:57

not have heard Ranger Danger what just happened? Oh,

53:00

yeah. Yeah, so on our patreon you can listen

53:02

to Ranger Danger, which is a game fifth

53:05

edition that was

53:07

like a a few shot

53:09

a couple shot game I guess like, you

53:11

know short adventures and It's

53:14

it's fucking utter nonsense It's

53:18

just wild crazy mainly improv

53:21

like off the rails game where there's a

53:23

party full of Rangers and I

53:26

just like pull all the pop culture. I can out

53:28

of my childhood and flop it on to the

53:30

fantasy table And

53:33

you guys just witnessed a few characters from it. Yeah.

53:35

Yeah, and we role played the characters from

53:38

that game I was standing in for a

53:40

good friend of ours, Josh Freeland Yeah

53:45

so while these Rangers this party full

53:47

of Rangers is arguing over the fate

53:49

of these little capybaras the little

53:53

cobalt group is Intently

53:56

staring at a jug of

53:58

this horribly viscous substance

54:01

that is capybarrel milk. Ugh.

54:07

And they're like, we're going to steal that and

54:09

you're going to help us. Why

54:11

do you want the greasy milk

54:13

of a capybara? Well,

54:16

hold on. Why would we help you? We don't even know

54:18

who you use is. Because

54:23

we know who uses goblins and you're supposed

54:25

to be in the grotto. And

54:27

we're going to tell on you. Well,

54:31

you're in cobolds and you're supposed

54:33

to be in the caves. Caves?

54:36

Eating dragon piss or whatever it is you do. Whoa.

54:40

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

54:42

Whoa. Hey, hey,

54:44

guys. I can go ahead.

54:47

We just saw, quick

54:50

and quarrelsome, still killed drift

54:52

and will tell you how it ends

54:54

unless you help us. Oh,

54:57

guy. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. They got me. They got me.

54:59

They got me. Tell

55:01

me what you need me to do. Listen, listen. Hold

55:03

up. Hold up, boys. Hold up. Hold up. My

55:08

small, my small friends,

55:10

why have rancid,

55:13

chunky capybarrel milk when you

55:15

can have this? Some,

55:18

I will give you some of my, my

55:21

handle of rum. Doesn't

55:25

that sound like a far better, far

55:28

better deal for you? Observe

55:30

a delicious golden amber drink smooth

55:33

for your palate and it'll fuck

55:35

you up. And I'll throw in

55:37

some, some, some cigarettes. They're

55:41

looking at each other.

55:44

They're conferring. They're

55:46

thinking. It's

55:48

a pretty sweet deal. Yeah.

55:51

Yeah. Obsession. Crash.

55:53

That did not work. I got attacked by a

55:55

dog and almost died. I'm

56:01

pretty sure that was not a dog man. That was

56:03

not a dog. It was a it

56:05

was a fucked up dog I don't know what

56:07

I don't know what the scrum that was but

56:09

it tried to kill me Hey,

56:13

I love I love the jam session vibe

56:15

man. Let's let's save it for now and

56:18

but soon though soon Because

56:20

that shit fucking fucks rocks real

56:23

good I Fucking

56:25

love I don't know if I told you this but I

56:28

fucking love jamming with you guys I

56:31

fucking love that shit Hey

56:34

man in the words of

56:37

my great uncle Gar the most

56:39

hard-hitting rad ripping diesel dude drumming

56:43

his life Oh,

56:45

yeah, I fucking

56:47

heard that That's

56:50

what I'm dropping man that fucks rocks 100% Evo

56:54

it was like you took two rocks

56:56

and you smashed them together and you

56:58

just fucking got in there Sorry,

57:03

I turned into Will's character for a second That's

57:10

hilarious. Oh, yeah, so what are the

57:12

cobalt state of this deal? Well,

57:15

you guys are having this lovely heartfelt

57:17

moment, um One

57:19

of the cobalt come up and you notice that

57:22

he felt like a little uh, equally

57:24

on his back and he turns it

57:26

around And

57:28

he goes drama and pushes

57:31

you out of the bush. Oh shit.

57:33

Oh Oh,

57:35

they're like we're getting that milk And

57:38

they they they they push you the fuck out of

57:41

the bush. Oh, you are now in a

57:43

camp with these Ranger

57:45

adults. Oh, no Can

57:50

we try to hide can we try to hide

57:52

to a are we are we instantly seen yeah,

57:55

um There's

57:58

a moment where everybody just like what

58:00

the fuck just happened here what what is

58:02

going on and you're looking at them crash

58:04

they're looking at you crash jam

58:07

session no

58:12

you know what guys I see four capybaras in

58:14

this four of us and we're the exact size

58:16

to write those things you're

58:19

gonna steal from your own character I don't

58:21

I don't know that

58:23

guy let me ask you something let

58:26

me ask you something little grease grease

58:29

do you think as you are as

58:31

we are just

58:33

for for gobbies do you

58:35

think that we can take

58:37

these three very large walk to very

58:40

large people one that's enough that's enough

58:42

to say just as of us crash

58:44

jam session go I

58:47

start singing we

58:49

honest here yeah

58:51

we doing this

58:54

doing it again start fucking going for

58:56

it fucking jam gonna

58:59

decide out that when he whips

59:01

the drum around the

59:04

drum so

59:06

the contraption is like real old and only

59:08

kind of half work and looks like it's

59:11

not even a full piece it's just a piece of

59:13

something the drum is

59:15

half burned and on the back half

59:21

it just had like on the non burned

59:23

half you can only see some

59:25

of a word you can just see the word

59:27

dread oh

59:31

man we're pulling all

59:34

okay I love it we got a good one but

59:36

people that have listened

59:40

to our stuff that are here

59:42

are appreciating it for sure yeah hey

59:45

really gotta

59:47

decide on a band name doesn't

59:50

seem like the time to do this

59:52

boys I'm gonna put

59:55

forth my my vote rambunctious

59:57

G I

1:00:03

think we should be the tenacity e

1:00:13

sounds like a drug I'm good I mean that definitely sounds

1:00:15

like a drug yeah

1:00:17

cool right it does look rock just

1:00:19

while we're just

1:00:24

while you guys are jamming we're talking

1:00:27

about it so

1:00:30

the the so we jam

1:00:32

so we can fucking jam right

1:00:34

and like run away yeah but

1:00:36

we have the Rangers took notice

1:00:39

they're all just staring at you

1:00:41

guys like I love like do you know which way

1:00:45

the theater is you know that you're supposed

1:00:48

to follow the stream to get to the town

1:00:50

around the corner are we stealing these

1:00:52

cappy bars yeah I think

1:00:54

this jam is I want to mappl

1:00:56

ear me wants to that's

1:01:00

the right part of this jam I think

1:01:02

is to the cappy baras jump

1:01:04

on up marico is it possible for us to

1:01:06

go to go do that to go ride the

1:01:08

cappy bars out of here yeah I then I

1:01:12

break into song I'm upon

1:01:15

my faithful steed upon my big

1:01:17

ass seed and right I'm

1:01:28

burning all three

1:01:30

of my things do it do

1:01:47

it roll all of the d6 please oh

1:01:50

I got a six on my first one okay

1:01:52

I got a four I'm gonna burn I got

1:01:54

two points at the three

1:01:56

one So

1:02:00

I gotta settle for my four. I

1:02:03

got a four as well. I

1:02:06

burned everything by the way. That's fine.

1:02:08

You'll get it back real quick. It's

1:02:10

like I'm settling on a five. All

1:02:13

right. The

1:02:16

jable leads the charge and does the

1:02:18

thing perfectly in a song.

1:02:21

It's song everything. That

1:02:24

was the secret trigger was getting on a Mount.

1:02:27

Anybody could have got on a Mount. I'm

1:02:31

trying to view this from the other side.

1:02:34

Just imagining this poor goblet just show

1:02:36

up jump on the gappy bars and

1:02:38

go. They start fucking rocking

1:02:40

out. Wow,

1:02:44

there's some cobolds that are actually not

1:02:46

being very sneaky trying to do a

1:02:48

gappy part of the mouth. All

1:02:54

right. Um, little

1:02:56

grease grease. You do

1:02:58

the thing but you're

1:03:00

somehow embarrassed. Do

1:03:04

I get to choose or oh, yeah, you

1:03:06

can you can choose how how you become

1:03:08

embarrassed when you can't be when you get

1:03:10

on your cappy bar. Let's not a huge

1:03:12

fart. I

1:03:19

mean that wouldn't embarrass me. I'm not embarrassed, but

1:03:21

I might get bored. Oh, and then you also

1:03:23

far right after. We'll

1:03:27

say the the whirlwind

1:03:29

of of farming to running to

1:03:31

jumping on these cappy bars has

1:03:34

completely ruined my pompadour. It's it's

1:03:36

a disaster. I

1:03:38

feel horrible about it. Okay. Yes, your

1:03:41

pompadour is not pumping. You catch a

1:03:43

glimpse of yourself in the stream. Like

1:03:46

no. Oh

1:03:49

man. That took

1:03:51

me three hours. Holy

1:03:53

shit. Long

1:03:55

time to do your hair. Crash.

1:03:59

I think you're. gonna you're gonna

1:04:01

break linear drumsticks in

1:04:03

the scramble that's fine one

1:04:05

of them was probably like taped together

1:04:08

anyway yeah and

1:04:10

a cage

1:04:14

you're also gonna be embarrassed somehow

1:04:16

oh yeah that's

1:04:18

fair I

1:04:21

think I think I'm just a little I

1:04:24

think I'm starting to get a little drunk so

1:04:26

I'm a little wobbly on my capybara like

1:04:29

oh yeah I don't remember the

1:04:32

names of my capybaras

1:04:40

just pancake I know pancake was one

1:04:42

pancake yeah you know the main one

1:04:44

didn't the other ones have like a

1:04:47

scare names yeah vamos

1:04:50

oh yeah it's pancake vamos

1:04:52

I don't remember the other two yeah

1:04:58

y'all do it though you do the thing and all

1:05:25

right so y'all have your

1:05:27

your capybaras now and possibly

1:05:31

Jeffrey with a J possibly Sporman

1:05:33

and possibly these three Rangers we

1:05:36

have we have pissed off everyone

1:05:39

that we met the fuck hell

1:05:42

yeah but you're

1:05:44

doing it you're riding up the stream

1:05:46

it's smooth sailing all the way

1:05:48

there's a bend in the stream you take

1:05:50

the bend and the town is like around

1:05:52

the corner I do

1:05:54

my capybara's eyeliner while I'm writing it oh

1:05:57

yeah it doesn't come out well

1:06:00

because I'm riding a cafe. I'm riding

1:06:02

him. It's like kind

1:06:04

of janky. Yeah. It's weird. Cool.

1:06:08

So you do that. You're there. You're

1:06:11

finally in the town around the corner. It's

1:06:15

finally time

1:06:17

to go to the theater. But

1:06:22

you see a big crowd of people that

1:06:24

have just come out of the

1:06:26

theater, and they're all talking about the

1:06:29

quick and the quarrelsome. Oh, no. You

1:06:32

need to somehow avoid all the

1:06:34

spoilers. Holy shit. Oh,

1:06:36

boy. It does one

1:06:39

of those slow zooms where it's like you, the

1:06:41

theater at the end, and then the big distance

1:06:45

in between y'all. The

1:06:47

big group of people coming. Oh, no.

1:06:50

So excited. Jam session?

1:06:53

Jam session. I thought I only got one stick.

1:06:56

It's got to be this is it. This is

1:06:58

our moment, boys. I hand you my big stick.

1:07:01

Oh. That's a second stick. Break

1:07:03

that in half and just use either end. Now,

1:07:10

oh my god. What do I use

1:07:12

to drown shit out? I

1:07:17

was thinking of flingshotting like in

1:07:20

the area. Just start like fucking bombing on them.

1:07:22

I was thinking we should. Oh

1:07:25

my god. Just start firing on fools. Yeah, we

1:07:27

could jam to like. We

1:07:29

probably need to look at the bars. I

1:07:33

was thinking we could perform for them to

1:07:35

distract them from talking about the movie. I

1:07:39

feel like of the two,

1:07:41

I would be less inclined to

1:07:43

talk if I was getting

1:07:46

pelted by rocks. That's just

1:07:48

be dope. I'm worried

1:07:50

if we assault the crowd, they won't let us in the theater. That's

1:07:54

true. We

1:07:57

can do both. We can have a three

1:07:59

man jam. and fucking kids

1:08:02

could start raising on the fucking

1:08:04

crowd. We could

1:08:06

charge in with the capybar as we get

1:08:08

off and let the cuteness of the capybar

1:08:10

distract the crowd. And

1:08:13

where they start all oohing on over the

1:08:15

cute little rodents. There

1:08:21

are some people eyeing little

1:08:23

critters. Oh my

1:08:25

God, it's just like an act three

1:08:28

when Ben V. drops it. Oh

1:08:31

no! Oh no! You

1:08:34

can't! I wanna slingshot that

1:08:37

guy, that one guy. Yeah, you can

1:08:39

do that, no problem. No

1:08:41

problem. This

1:08:43

is bad, we gotta make a decision. That's my life for

1:08:45

rocks. I

1:08:49

think the jam session's the answer. We have to

1:08:51

jam our way through upon the

1:08:54

backs of capybars through this crowd. Yeah, I think

1:08:56

surrounding them out with our music. Let's

1:08:59

do it. All right. We'll

1:09:01

do a classic Jack Black intro. These are the

1:09:03

gobs and we're crashing the gobs. That's right. There

1:09:07

we go. Listen up, all you

1:09:09

people. We haven't yet seen Gokyo drift,

1:09:11

and we don't need to hear any

1:09:14

of you talking about it. So instead,

1:09:16

listen to our righteous jams. Oh

1:09:18

my God, they didn't see the part where

1:09:21

he crashed. You shut up, Gokyo! I'm

1:09:24

gonna slingshot that person. Yeah. Yeah.

1:09:30

Anybody who talks about this movie is

1:09:32

gonna get a rock in between their

1:09:34

eyes. Listen to our rock.

1:09:37

Dean Beasle sucks anyways. You

1:09:41

suck! He was only in a pro-liquement. All right, so we start

1:09:43

jamming? Do we start jamming with- Shut up! Yeah,

1:09:45

roll thief. It's

1:09:48

all about family, shut up. That's

1:09:51

the flow fever. Okay,

1:09:55

here we go. I got

1:09:57

a six. I got a four. Okay,

1:10:01

I rolled a one but I'm gonna use a

1:10:03

point. I rolled a six.

1:10:05

Yay me nice. I

1:10:08

got one point to put in this. Let's see

1:10:10

if it's gonna not be a fail. I

1:10:14

just passed with a four. Hell yeah.

1:10:18

Alright.

1:10:20

So, Cage and Jables, you

1:10:22

do exactly what you intend to do. Crash

1:10:28

and a little greyscree. You have

1:10:30

a little bit of difficulty here. Guys,

1:10:35

I gotta get an instrument. This isn't working for me

1:10:37

anymore. Yeah,

1:10:40

I think you're

1:10:43

profoundly embarrassed. Yeah, somebody

1:10:45

in the crowd is like, check out jazz hands

1:10:47

over here. I

1:10:49

blew up my screenshot and I shoot that person. She's

1:10:53

a kid in my

1:10:55

harpsichord class. Oh,

1:10:58

no. Double shame. Oh, no.

1:11:01

Shame. I

1:11:03

get too shamed for that. No

1:11:06

one's supposed to know that I'm

1:11:08

a classical, what's it called? Clavichord

1:11:10

player. Clavichord player. And

1:11:16

Crash, I think you're also gonna be

1:11:18

embarrassed. I've never

1:11:20

played with one drumstick and

1:11:23

one big stick. Yeah, it's

1:11:25

way too fucking big. But

1:11:29

you do it in the crowd. I'm like, what the fuck

1:11:31

is this guy trying to do with this giant stick? I'm

1:11:35

not gonna go home with a big stick. Look

1:11:37

at this idiot. OK,

1:11:40

so you're doing it. You're

1:11:43

going, you're writing your capybaris, you're

1:11:45

snapping, you're sticking, you're singing. I

1:11:48

don't know what Cage does. You

1:11:54

know, I don't either. I

1:11:56

think he's backing Jables up either with

1:11:58

Cage's reign. That's what he's doing. I

1:12:01

am rage. I'm like a good hype

1:12:03

man. But then the one man mosh pit Yes,

1:12:06

I think I'm just there to hype up

1:12:08

jables and also play my play my slingshot

1:12:11

Bands and maybe like

1:12:14

use the use my goblin booze is like a

1:12:16

10 gallon jug and like do the who Like

1:12:24

Successfully Playing

1:12:27

one note out of the bottle Change

1:12:35

Wet the lips You

1:12:39

make it to the front Where

1:12:42

the ticket seller is selling tickets to the picture

1:12:44

show No, crap.

1:12:46

Did we bring money? Hell

1:12:49

no, oh shit. I

1:12:51

only got mushroom Does

1:12:54

anybody have money I I

1:12:59

don't know why I'd have that Like

1:13:03

my parents give me money like I'm 15

1:13:05

do I get money for working in the

1:13:07

mushroom grotto No,

1:13:12

it goes into a college fun Yeah

1:13:17

Is there is there a group of? like

1:13:21

moviegoers Coming to

1:13:23

watch the movie anytime soon Like

1:13:26

is there a line or anything like that? Yeah,

1:13:28

there is now a line forming behind

1:13:30

you as you're standing there patting your

1:13:32

pocket We're

1:13:37

with the accompaniment to

1:13:40

the movie picture Yeah,

1:13:45

is there a live band that plays

1:13:47

with the Yes,

1:13:56

yeah, yeah with uh, what my friend

1:13:58

crash here just that we are

1:14:01

part of the band. You

1:14:03

just heard us write up with all

1:14:05

of our instrumentals and beautiful

1:14:08

singing by my man, Jables here. Would

1:14:11

you let us in, please, for the next

1:14:13

showing? That's right, I am

1:14:16

the Jables, he who fucking rocks.

1:14:19

And I have been consigned to this

1:14:21

theater. They've been waiting for

1:14:23

me, as I'm sure you have been waiting for

1:14:25

me. The

1:14:28

person running the ticket booth

1:14:30

does not get paid enough to

1:14:33

deal with any of this and just leave you

1:14:35

through. Hey, where

1:14:37

can we park these cappy bars? They

1:14:42

gesture to the left where there is a bunch

1:14:44

of- I'll just shoe my cappy bar in

1:14:46

that general direction, and

1:14:49

then I'll go inside. There's

1:14:51

a bunch of mounts on the side. Oh, nice. I'm

1:14:55

just gonna grab a- you know, pull

1:14:58

a half full tub of popcorn

1:15:00

out of the trash. Nice,

1:15:03

nice. The good scrum.

1:15:07

The good scrum. I'm

1:15:11

gonna take a gander in the trash can too.

1:15:13

What do I find? A

1:15:17

half empty soda

1:15:20

can- or like soda container. It's one of

1:15:23

those- one of those- where

1:15:26

it's just all of the drinks. Guys,

1:15:29

I found a suicide. I

1:15:33

want a Reese's Cup wrapper with

1:15:35

chocolate smeared onto the side. That's

1:15:38

what I want. Okay. Can I find it?

1:15:41

Yes, you do. I'm gonna start slurping

1:15:43

on my soda. Yeah, I'm looking

1:15:45

plastic. I want- It's just

1:15:47

very greasy. It's mostly grease.

1:15:50

Yum. Oh,

1:15:52

gross. I want like a quarter

1:15:54

of a red vine. And

1:15:57

I put it in my mouth and I'm smoking it like

1:15:59

a cigarette. Yeah, it's like covered in a

1:16:01

little bit of cheese because it landed in some nachos.

1:16:04

Oof, it's got that good nacho flavor

1:16:06

on it too guys. Look at this.

1:16:10

Lucked out. So by

1:16:12

the time y'all finish scavenging for

1:16:14

your snacks, the only seats available

1:16:16

are like those very front row

1:16:19

middle seats. Ooh. Okay,

1:16:21

okay. Um, as

1:16:23

a teenager personally, I did not care if

1:16:26

I sat in that seat or not. No,

1:16:28

I'm cool with that. Yeah. I

1:16:30

watched, uh, me and Brian watched, uh, Attack

1:16:32

of the Clones in the very front row.

1:16:36

That's right. Because there were no

1:16:38

other seats available. I was like 12

1:16:40

year olds. You were age-esque. Yes,

1:16:42

indeed. Nice. Um,

1:16:46

so you there you've done it. It's got a

1:16:48

moving picture show. It's

1:16:51

awesome. There's

1:16:53

lots of family and

1:16:56

drifting. And that

1:16:58

asshole out in the front was right and

1:17:00

Din Diesel is only in it for like

1:17:02

five minutes at the very end. But you

1:17:04

don't even care. It's

1:17:07

fine. Biceps are fucking huge from this close

1:17:09

up in the theater. That's true.

1:17:11

It's like i'm swimming in them. Yeah. Yeah,

1:17:14

uh at the

1:17:16

very end, you know the The

1:17:20

sidekick of the main guy is

1:17:22

like oh, there's somebody that knew

1:17:24

uh, Sean and he says he's

1:17:26

family. Like

1:17:28

then the you know, their carts

1:17:30

rev up and they're ready to

1:17:32

go on their last race and

1:17:34

they have the picture

1:17:38

screen or the the person holding the picture

1:17:40

changes it's a black one and

1:17:42

um, uh,

1:17:44

like a black screen And

1:17:47

everybody applauds there's some tears in

1:17:49

people's eyes I

1:17:51

I definitely cry I

1:17:54

definitely cry It's so beautiful

1:17:56

guys, this is it's the family you guys

1:17:58

are my family and I

1:18:00

just love it. This was a good one. He's

1:18:04

just drunk enough for this. Hahahaha

1:18:09

Stop it, Cage. You're gonna make me cry too, man.

1:18:11

It was a pretty good movie. It did, in fact,

1:18:14

fuck a lot of rocks. It did.

1:18:16

It fucked so much rocks. Fucked

1:18:19

the grok out of them. Hahahaha

1:18:22

I was just gonna say, the only grok

1:18:24

about this movie was how Dindezel wasn't in

1:18:27

it for very much, but I guess that's what

1:18:29

we've gotta deal with. That's

1:18:31

a crash. Crash, what'd you think? What'd you think?

1:18:34

Were there tears? Was

1:18:36

there laughter? Well, what was it

1:18:38

then? Hahahaha Yeah, he

1:18:40

was just looking at the screen with little tears and a little clippering

1:18:42

lips. I

1:18:44

picture Crash as Animal from The Muppet,

1:18:47

kind of. Kind of. Hahahaha I

1:18:50

do like that. Hahahaha

1:18:54

Much more well spoken. We did

1:18:56

it. What are

1:18:58

we gonna do now? Do we wanna hang

1:19:01

around town a little bit? Get up to

1:19:03

no good? I had

1:19:05

a few little sticks from the

1:19:07

orchestra pit real quick. Hahahaha The

1:19:10

longer we stay out the better because looking

1:19:13

back on how I escaped my house, it's

1:19:16

a definite red flag that I'm not

1:19:18

gonna be well received when I come

1:19:20

home. Hahahaha What'd

1:19:23

you do? You killed your parents? Oh

1:19:26

no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

1:19:29

Okay, okay, that's not bad. No,

1:19:31

I knocked over a bunch of sticks and then I ran

1:19:33

away. Oh shit, you knocked

1:19:35

over those sticks. Yeah, you know

1:19:38

that giant pile of wood

1:19:40

choppins next to my house? Your parents

1:19:42

worked so hard to stack them so

1:19:45

nicely too. They were not

1:19:47

stacked nicely, they were stacked precariously at best. It

1:19:49

was so easy to knock over with my giant

1:19:51

stick. Who stacks wood like that? They were asking

1:19:53

for it. And that was the point, it was

1:19:55

gonna take them a long time to stack it

1:19:57

all back up. But that's how I got it.

1:20:00

has surely passed. You

1:20:02

taught them a lesson I'm sure they're

1:20:04

never gonna stack witticks like that again.

1:20:06

Let's paint

1:20:11

this motherfucker red. Let's

1:20:14

go! I take out my fucking

1:20:16

mascara and I just like

1:20:18

splash and stuff. Oh my god

1:20:21

we're the worst. Y'all are ready

1:20:23

you get. So y'all are ready.

1:20:25

You're ready to exit the theater

1:20:28

with your like eyeliner and your

1:20:30

drum and whatever

1:20:32

is left of your rum and

1:20:35

your flat pompadour and you

1:20:38

are greeted by a group of

1:20:41

scowling people. There

1:20:43

are the three rangers that you saw in the

1:20:45

woods. One of them is hugging

1:20:49

his capybaras and counting them

1:20:51

to make sure that they're all there.

1:20:53

There's a

1:20:56

little group of cobalt that's like see

1:20:58

we told you there's a group of

1:21:00

goblins. Are you in cobalt?

1:21:02

You are a bunch of rats. There's

1:21:06

Jeffrey with a J who's just shaking

1:21:09

his head and he's like master master

1:21:11

Joffrey it's time to go home. Time

1:21:13

to go home. You're late for harpsichord

1:21:17

class. Stop talking.

1:21:19

All right guys I gotta go. Bye. Quick

1:21:21

back into the theater. Give

1:21:24

me a rag. Give me a

1:21:26

rag. I'm just throwing cigarettes at

1:21:28

people. I'm like please. Don't

1:21:31

let her make a mop

1:21:33

top cocktail. Jeffrey

1:21:36

with a J is like

1:21:38

master Jables, Mr. Crash and

1:21:41

Mr. Cage it's time to

1:21:43

go home. Your parents are very

1:21:45

worried for you and I'm

1:21:48

sorry Cage. I know you

1:21:50

don't have any parents but you can live in my house. Oh

1:22:00

shit, I forgot I had a...

1:22:09

How did we all forget that? The

1:22:12

fucking Mandela Effect. Oh

1:22:14

my god. Jeffrey

1:22:16

with a J, I didn't even

1:22:18

know, I'm so drunk. I forgot

1:22:20

about you. We

1:22:23

do this every day. It's okay. Oh

1:22:25

shit. I give you

1:22:27

$20, you go buy another handle of

1:22:30

liquor somehow, and forget who I

1:22:32

am. And then you throw up all

1:22:34

night and you wake up the next day and do it all over

1:22:36

again. Come home, come home. That's

1:22:38

my life. A raging

1:22:42

alcoholic. Pretty

1:22:44

horrible for a 15 year old. Yeah, not

1:22:46

good. Not

1:22:49

good. I didn't... Hey guys,

1:22:51

hey guys, win, win... go ahead. I

1:22:53

was just gonna say when I created this character I

1:22:56

didn't think he was gonna be as

1:22:58

alcoholic as I've made him, but

1:23:01

it's just the way shit goes,

1:23:03

you know what I mean. How

1:23:06

the character developed in this short time. Oh

1:23:08

my god. Sorry, go ahead. Do we have

1:23:10

an option to get away and run back

1:23:13

into the theater? Is it like a theater

1:23:15

corridor sort of situation where you can go

1:23:17

in? I'll be honest, going with this guy might be our best

1:23:19

bet because we got three angry rangers who probably want to kill

1:23:21

us. Oh, dang.

1:23:27

That's a good point. Guys, I think

1:23:29

this might be a wrap. We

1:23:31

accomplished a mission. You know, I

1:23:33

say we ride off into the sunset behind

1:23:35

Jeffrey with Jay here and let the song

1:23:39

Don't You Forget About Me From The Breakfast Club just play

1:23:41

us out. That

1:23:44

sounds kind of nice. I

1:23:47

mean it. You're not

1:23:49

gonna kill us, right, friends? We

1:23:51

returned your capybar, maybe

1:23:53

slide you the rest of my handle. You,

1:23:57

we could just call this square. They're live.

1:23:59

They're okay. We just crash them. They're

1:24:03

just shaking their heads to support. Rock

1:24:06

is trying to get the mascara off of one of

1:24:09

them. Yeah, yeah. Oh,

1:24:12

Pancake, what have they done to you? See,

1:24:16

this one has been tainted. You can give this

1:24:19

to me. I swear to God. I

1:24:29

think we have no choice but to

1:24:31

go. To

1:24:34

go. Yeah, I got to get the ancestral snare

1:24:36

back. All

1:24:39

right. As we write off with

1:24:41

this guy, so guys,

1:24:43

what do you think? Is there room for a

1:24:45

clavichord player in the band? Hell

1:24:47

yeah. Does it fucking

1:24:51

rock? Does it fuck rocks? Does

1:24:53

it rock fucks? I'll

1:24:57

play for you when we get back home and

1:24:59

you can tell me. Does it rock? Does

1:25:02

it rock fucks and cuck rocks? You

1:25:05

know what? I think it does. I think it

1:25:07

does. You're going to

1:25:10

have to show us, but I'm ready. So

1:25:13

you write off into the sunset with Jeffrey with

1:25:17

a J carding you back home. You

1:25:22

are in trouble with your parents

1:25:24

when you get home, but

1:25:28

it's just another day in the life of the

1:25:30

goblin punks. Go to bed

1:25:33

ready to wake up. The

1:25:36

goblin punks go

1:25:39

to bed ready to wake up

1:25:41

and start your next adventure. That

1:25:45

is the end. Oh, yeah, fucking

1:25:49

about me. We

1:25:55

fucking saw go kill thrift. Bro, you

1:25:57

got here. Right? We did. Yeah. Yeah. Oh

1:26:00

yeah, great job Mariko, that was awesome.

1:26:02

Yes, yes. Such a good job.

1:26:04

That was a fun game. Goblin punks! I'd

1:26:07

argue with a game. That was wild. Yeah,

1:26:09

so outro plugs, I guess.

1:26:13

Like we said before, you can check these out early

1:26:15

on the dungeon,

1:26:17

patreon.com/the dungeon cast. These

1:26:20

will be up on YouTube mainly for the people

1:26:22

listening there. And

1:26:25

yeah, that's about it. I think next, we

1:26:27

should decide real quick who's going to go

1:26:29

next. So

1:26:32

we're all taking turns GMing. So

1:26:35

I want to run Dungeon Crawl Classics, but I'm going to

1:26:37

need at least an extra week before I'm ready, so I

1:26:39

can't go next. Okay.

1:26:42

Yeah, I need to, me

1:26:44

and Mariko need to get together and think

1:26:47

up some mechanics for the Displaces

1:26:49

Zoo for me. So I think I

1:26:52

need a little bit of time as well. Cool.

1:26:56

So Mariko, unless you want to do something, I

1:26:58

could probably take a stab at Sexy Battle Wizards

1:27:00

next week since I've played it before. Yeah,

1:27:04

that's fine with me. Unless you're ready. If

1:27:07

you're ready, you totally can. I

1:27:09

mean, it's also a

1:27:12

one pager that I would be running, so it's

1:27:14

like it doesn't hardly have prep. So

1:27:16

whatever. Right on. Okay. Then

1:27:21

tune in next week where I

1:27:23

will be running the one

1:27:25

pager RPG Sexy Battle Wizards. Like

1:27:29

you heard, we've got a few lined up and

1:27:31

you can catch these early at patreon.com/the

1:27:33

dungeon cast and have regular release on

1:27:35

YouTube. Please check out the

1:27:37

dungeon cast, Super Quest Saga, Flashbang Insurgent. Those are

1:27:39

all Googleable things that you can find in the

1:27:42

links below. So

1:27:44

thanks everybody again. That was awesome and we'll

1:27:47

catch you next time on Super Short Saga.

1:28:00

cast in the history of podcasts

1:28:02

with actors like Lewis Black, Bobby

1:28:04

Cannavale, Melanie Lynskey,

1:28:11

Jason Ritter, Michael Stuhlbarg, Ari Greiner, and

1:28:13

all narrated by the hilarious Richard

1:28:36

Kind.