0:07

Welcome to the Endless Honeymoon

0:10

Podcast. I am God. You

0:13

wish. I would

0:15

like to be a minor God, like a

0:17

Greek, a minor Greek God, like a

0:20

Hercules or something like that. Hercules?

0:22

Yeah. I believe you, that's how you

0:24

pronounce it. Hercules. Hercules. Hercules. I

0:27

have no interest in lording

0:29

over people. Do you think you would have been

0:31

able to start a cult if you had tried really hard when

0:33

you were young? Nope. I definitely think I could have. Well,

0:36

that is ego. It is not

0:38

ego if it's accurate. That's what they say in my

0:40

cult. That's one of the first

0:42

lessons. If it's accurate, it's not ego.

0:46

Well, Moshe, hopefully in the next life, you'll be able to

0:48

be a Greek God or a cult leader. Uh,

0:51

okay. I'll wait. No, we're

0:53

brought to today's episode is brought to you by waterloo.

0:58

It's like La Croix, but

1:01

it's even more insufferable demographic

1:03

wise waterloo. Uh,

1:05

we love waterloo. Also, uh, I was

1:07

in Vegas this weekend. Um, that

1:10

place is ridiculous. It's 110

1:12

degrees. Oh yeah. Uh, I

1:15

was in Vegas as well with you. I actually

1:18

visited Vegas with you. Thank you for coming. I

1:20

stayed at the, do you know the first place

1:22

that Natasha and I ever, um, uh,

1:24

what I call it bumped uglies. That's what I, that's

1:27

what I call it bumping uglies. The

1:29

first place that Natasha and I ever, um,

1:31

had fuck was in Las

1:34

Vegas, Nevada. Remember that? That's a

1:36

beautiful way to put it. Had fuck. I

1:39

remember I drove all the way out to,

1:41

you were playing at the Cosmo Polliton and

1:44

I drove out, um, on

1:46

some horny, um, I 15 shit. And

1:49

I drove all the way to the Cosmo Polliton.

1:51

I had fuck with you. And then the next

1:54

day I realized I was supposed to be opening

1:56

for Aziz Ansari in back in LA. And I

1:58

had come literally just to buy. and leave town.

2:02

But you know what's funny about that is, you

2:05

told me who you're person out like, when

2:07

you got there we were just having dinner and you're supposed

2:09

to stay a night with me and then all of a

2:11

sudden you're like fuck! Right. I'm supposed

2:13

to be somewhere else! Little did

2:16

I know, a version of that

2:18

would happen every single week. Well it's. For

2:21

the past nine years. It's like my godmother said, when

2:24

someone shows you who they are, believe them. Okay.

2:27

Yeah. Was your godmother? Maya

2:29

Angelou. I was raised

2:31

by Maya Angelou. Well you diverted the topic

2:33

but, another thing that you've never

2:35

not done. What's that? In the whole time we've

2:37

been, and then you can tell me some things. Oh I'd love

2:39

to. I have some complaints.

2:41

You've never not talked, asked the waiter to

2:44

change your order. That's true. That's true. Even

2:46

tonight you did it. Right,

2:48

that's true. I would say it's a compulsion.

2:50

I would say it's not pronounced compulsion. What's

2:53

it pronounced? Compulsion?

2:55

Yeah, compulsion. You got me

2:58

thinking over here. What's like saying explosion? Explosion.

3:02

No, explosion is correct. Do you rub

3:04

lotion on your body? No,

3:06

you're, lotion, explosion,

3:09

compulsion. Compulsion.

3:12

You are so good at diverting things. All right listen to

3:14

me. Oh I'm sorry, you wanted a logic complaint. You're

3:17

the one that. Actually if

3:19

you. I wanted a logic complaint. If you want

3:21

to really analyze this, and get into the forensics

3:23

of it. You're the one that fucked up. I

3:26

showed you who I was. That's true. You still

3:28

made fuck with me to the sounds of John

3:30

Coltrane's A Love Supreme. I

3:32

didn't realize that. Well

3:34

you should have bounced. You shouldn't have invited me back

3:36

to the Cosmo. The next week.

3:39

I'm glad I did. So how am I diverting?

3:41

You want me to, oh yeah gosh honey, you

3:43

should have seen the signs then and not ended

3:45

up with me. You could

3:47

be right now with Randy Travis. Who's

3:50

that? Country star Randy Travis that I think died

3:52

of alcoholism last year. You think that's who I would have

3:54

gone for? I think so. Well listen.

3:56

That's who I've always thought. I'm glad

3:58

that you're the one I. chose well

4:00

honey I love Vegas and I will

4:03

say that Natasha you don't

4:05

see the beauty of Vegas

4:07

in the way that I do not beauty in

4:09

Vegas well it's I think it really does speak

4:11

to the difference in our personalities which is that

4:13

you can only see the ugliness and by the

4:15

way if you're looking for ugliness it's

4:18

fucking there it is on display I

4:20

mean obviously like Vegas has

4:22

some of the most vulgar like

4:25

degradation style human

4:28

behavior capacities of any

4:30

place on earth but I see

4:33

it like yes there's

4:35

that but there's also this like other

4:37

thing which is it's it's

4:39

undeniably at this point one of the great

4:41

centers of the arts in the world like

4:43

there are a lot of shows there there's

4:45

a lot of working artists it's not but

4:47

I see the shows and I don't just

4:49

say like oh there's cool shows which I

4:51

do love but there's also like oh well

4:53

there's this gigantic community of working artists there's

4:56

all these amazing chefs there's like but it's

4:58

also like lattice night and cascade and Megan

5:00

Thee Stallion are all playing on the

5:03

same night and fucking Bill Maher you

5:05

know all the greats I hear John

5:07

Coltrane Bill Maher Megan Thee Stallion I

5:10

hear you but I will say Moshe

5:12

there are undertones of extortion every single

5:14

step it's just obnoxious definitely in the

5:17

band the Grateful Dead John Mayer I

5:19

don't know what this iteration is but

5:22

apparently they're they're playing there

5:24

like you know I changed his name right

5:26

what Johnny Garcia well anyway the great

5:29

the great I swear to god he's hitting

5:31

no he's going by Johnny Garcia now he's

5:33

had it legally changed and he cut his

5:35

finger off I'm not even kidding that's what's

5:37

crazy anyway oh but here's here's

5:39

it here's how they extort you yeah everyone's like

5:41

yeah they don't play the same song

5:44

they don't play the same set twice

5:46

so everyone goes for four days you

5:48

know what is it and then

5:50

Moshe I had to talk him out of taking our

5:52

daughter you don't even like the Grateful Dead she's never

5:55

even heard of the Grateful Dead I'm glad you brought

5:57

this up all into having her go to the Grateful

5:59

Dead Okay,

12:00

that's good, but if you think I'm gonna be like

12:02

honey, don't listen to box of rain You

12:05

don't need to know about this. Well, they have like

12:07

one scandalous lyric, which is High

12:09

on cocaine about a man about a conductor

12:14

So why why couldn't what tell me I mean

12:16

maybe you're right it just seems seems like a

12:18

very Chaotic environment at

12:20

the sphere in Las Vegas. Yes,

12:23

Las Vegas this mat the biggest

12:25

venue in the whole entire place

12:28

And it just seemed like neither of you would have a good

12:30

time, but that does what do you care if we have a

12:33

good time? Well, I don't know. Anyway, I'm just saying What

12:35

what though? What are you what are you saying? What

12:38

is wrong with the Grateful Dead for a six-year-old? It's

12:41

that people are doing drugs there. It's

12:43

just a wild adult concert wild everybody.

12:45

There were 75 and of Trump voter

12:49

Exactly. Why put your kid around all that? Why can we

12:51

go to a body rate concert? Um,

12:54

if the Grateful Dead were playing at the Santa

12:56

Barbara Bowl Yeah,

12:58

that would be good. But that place just seemed like so

13:00

you were scared of the sphere Okay,

13:04

this is all new I don't

13:06

know it's like you have this you're afraid of spheres

13:10

No, it just seemed like a like a really like

13:13

I said, can we please change the

13:15

topic? Okay, I just think I'm right But

13:18

like a chaotic environment for a kid. Nah, it's

13:20

just a concert honey It's a rock and roll

13:22

concert. I Got

13:24

think okay, but we'll keep on trucking No,

13:27

we can keep on trucking. I just

13:29

honestly think that that perspective betrays

13:31

the fact that you have a

13:34

Just a touch of gray. Oh

13:36

my god. I'm serious Do you know they

13:38

call the people who got into the Grateful

13:41

Dead from touch of gray? Touches.

13:44

Yeah touches, but I'm not a touch. Well,

13:46

I actually got into them recently and not

13:48

your Your post

13:50

touch. Uh Listen

13:52

my body What about oh

13:54

your body is actually a wonderland that is true.

13:56

Your body is definitely though. You do have a

13:59

touch in your mind I

16:00

just feel like six is like two or

16:02

three years too young. But Bonnie Ray. She

16:05

was fell asleep for Bonnie Ray. Yeah, that was

16:07

inappropriate too. Because it was inappropriate. Not inappropriate, I'm

16:09

just saying it was like dumb because she's sleeping

16:11

and then we had to leave the show. I

16:13

would have rather gotten a babysitter and you and

16:15

I enjoyed it. So I guess what I'm saying

16:17

is, I think maybe when she's nine or 10.

16:19

I'm trying to expose her to stuff. Okay, well.

16:23

Are you getting annoyed? No, but I'm saying

16:25

if a kid's still like having meltdowns, like they're

16:27

probably not ready to like be an adult concert

16:29

going on. We just had such a different childhood.

16:32

I was around Frico's doing interpretive dance

16:34

and doing Cyndi Lauper songs in American

16:36

Sign Language naked on top of a

16:38

Redwood Hot Tub my entire childhood. Well,

16:42

my mom took me to air supply

16:44

in Liberace. When

16:46

I was nine or 12. Honey, that

16:48

is hilarious because your dad and your

16:51

mom were probably in Vegas in

16:53

the 70s. And your mom was

16:55

like, I'm taking Natasha to Liberace in

16:57

your dad's public. That's

16:59

a red line for me. Well, let us

17:01

know your thoughts because I'm feeling like a

17:04

crazy person. And obviously I want to expose

17:06

my child to cool environments, but I just,

17:08

it just didn't feel like

17:10

the thing. Wait, what else was the thing we were

17:12

gonna talk about, about Vegas? There was more, there was

17:14

more. Oh, by the way, in

17:17

terms of the influence,

17:20

I mean, you're winning the influence race. With

17:23

our kid? With our kid. For sure, she's more

17:25

your daughter than she is mine. Why? I

17:28

was in the room with her and

17:32

there was one bottle of Fiji water

17:34

in the little cooler, like

17:38

one bottle of drinking water. And we got it

17:40

and we drank it. And she was

17:42

like, I'm so thirsty. And I like snuck into the

17:44

bathroom and I filled it up with

17:46

water and I brought it back. And she takes a sip

17:48

and she's like, what is this?

17:52

What is this sink? Is this sink

17:54

water? Did you give me

17:56

sink water? And I go, that's not, it's not called

17:58

sink water. first.

30:00

My mom was age appropriate. And

30:03

so he got divorced, he

30:05

decided he was going to Coachella and that was

30:07

weird because he told me he's over music festivals,

30:09

been doing it forever. And I was

30:11

like, whatever, man powered to you, I thought he was going

30:13

alone. He came back, told me he went with a friend.

30:16

I tried to ask, he wouldn't really tell me. And

30:18

I finally got to the point where I was like, I'm

30:20

assuming this is a girl that's younger than me because

30:22

you're not willing to tell me who

30:25

it is. And he said, yeah, it is. And I

30:28

tried to keep my cool and be

30:30

like cool daughter. Be like, yeah, dude,

30:32

I'm just a musician's daughter. That happens,

30:35

but I can't. And

30:37

it is like royally fucking me up

30:39

mentally. And he's

30:42

making me feel like an asshole about it.

30:44

He's making me feel like a judgmental little

30:46

bitch. So I'm

30:50

trying to figure out how to navigate

30:52

this and continue having a good healthy

30:55

relationship with him while also

30:58

really trying not to visualize his giant

31:00

middle aged body on a young

31:03

child bride. Have

31:06

you met this girl? No,

31:08

I really, really don't want to.

31:10

So that's interesting that it's

31:12

you're in an obsessive

31:14

spiral about this and you've not even

31:17

you don't even have personal

31:19

interaction with this person and it's already

31:21

eating your brain alive. Yeah, that's hard.

31:23

And there's also another question too. Like

31:26

at what age is the age limit?

31:28

Okay. So 30 years you're saying is

31:30

not okay. Is 20 years

31:33

okay? If she was 30, that's a good question. If

31:35

she was 34, would it be a lot better for

31:37

you? I think so.

31:39

Yeah, I think I think at this point,

31:42

uh, older than me is better.

31:44

You know, right. Um, you

31:46

feel like you're the gate, you're,

31:48

you should be the, the benchmark

31:50

because you're his child. Yeah,

31:53

a little bit. I mean, it just happens when you're, you

31:55

know, 40 and he's

31:58

70 and wants to date a 40 year old. Would you be

32:00

okay with that? A 30, we'd have

32:02

to keep going. It'd be a 36 year old. Because

32:05

I don't know, I just feel like age should

32:07

definitely factor in. And I think maybe you're a

32:09

little afraid because you're gonna see that it probably,

32:11

she probably isn't that great. You

32:14

know, and then it's gonna make you, it's not like she's gonna

32:16

win you over and you're gonna be like, you know what, she

32:18

really is cool. You know, it's

32:20

like, it's probably gonna be awkward and

32:23

he's gonna keep her from you as

32:25

much as possible. But you

32:27

know, maybe there is a world where

32:29

she's like this magical creature that gives

32:31

him energy and he's

32:33

able to love the last

32:35

30 years of his life because

32:38

he's got this, if she has the right personality,

32:40

I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I'm

32:42

shocked, Natasha. Well, I just, I don't know what

32:44

age you say it's okay. No, I'm just shocked

32:46

that this is your take. I

32:50

would have put all of my money

32:52

on you saying this is horrifying and

32:54

disgusting. It is, but what can she do?

32:56

Right. I mean, it's like, it's like, I

32:59

don't know. It's like, you're just not gonna talk to your

33:01

dad because he, I don't know. But maybe

33:03

you need to really tell him under 30 or something. Well, Danielle,

33:05

can I ask you what, as

33:08

you've been obsessing on this, what would you

33:10

like to do? What

33:13

are the things that have come in your head of what you

33:15

should do in response to this? Killer,

33:20

I don't know. Don't do that.

33:23

We're an advice podcast and I'm gonna go ahead and say don't do

33:25

that. I got

33:27

good news. Also, it's not her fault. It's

33:29

like, there's like 40 of her at the

33:32

festival and she got picked, you know, and there's probably one

33:34

of your dad and that's why he gets to pick. Here's

33:38

another interesting thing. He plays

33:40

at a place in Vegas, I'm

33:42

not gonna say. And he plays

33:44

music. She is a waitress at that place

33:47

and her mom works there too. So

33:49

she comes from a long line of Vegas

33:51

waitresses. You should start dating her mom. You

33:54

should date her mom. Moshe, that was

33:56

what I said. I said, I'm gonna go for mom.

34:02

But listen, your dad who has musicians

34:04

take, let's call it musicians taste in

34:07

music. And women. And women.

34:11

If you have boundaries for him, does

34:13

he know? Because

34:16

it sounds like you're kind of upset about something

34:18

that hasn't quite been said. I don't know. What

34:21

do you think about that? No, it sounds like it's

34:23

been said. Danielle, here's my thought. No, I mean, just

34:25

saying like under, you know, I have a certain age

34:27

limit where I feel okay. I'm actually with you. I

34:30

here's the good news in

34:32

terms of your obsession. This won't last, obviously,

34:34

of course. I mean, unless a freak horrifying

34:36

thing happens in your life will be ruined

34:38

by this. This is a

34:40

fling for her and

34:43

for him. He's for I

34:45

from his perspective, he's probably like, oh

34:47

my God, this is it. This is the last the

34:50

last young nectar that I shall sip,

34:52

you know, but she's gonna she's twenty

34:55

four. She's not gonna stay with your

34:57

dad. So you so the good

34:59

news is almost definitely this

35:01

is temporary. But I

35:03

think Natasha's point is right that like you

35:05

can't do anything about this, but set boundaries,

35:08

which is that you could I think you're

35:10

within your rights to say, Dad, it

35:13

makes me so uncomfortable that you're dating somebody younger

35:15

than me. And as a

35:17

result of that, I can't talk to you about

35:19

this ever. Like you this is gonna

35:21

have to be something that you keep to yourself because

35:24

it makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. I think

35:26

it's you can say I may think you

35:28

can say I think this is

35:31

inappropriate and it makes me it turns my

35:33

stomach. But I can't tell you what to

35:35

do. You're a grown man and she's almost a grown woman.

35:38

And you guys, you know, like I'm not going to be

35:40

able to stop it, but I will be able to say

35:42

I don't want to meet her. I don't want to talk

35:44

to you about her. I don't want anything any

35:46

of it to come into my consciousness

35:48

because I'm having a hard enough time

35:50

maintaining my relationship with you. Just

35:52

having not even having seen her just

35:55

having knowing this information. But are you

35:57

okay with 30 because the truth is.

36:00

You know, everyone thinks that men date young

36:02

women because they're hotter and they're more fertile

36:04

and their bodies are like more perky, whatever

36:06

it is. And that's not the truth. But

36:09

I will say they also think that your

36:11

dad is way cooler and way more successful,

36:13

you know, like that he actually is. Well,

36:15

no, then like an older a woman his

36:17

own age would think, you know, so they're

36:19

way more impressed with him. So it's like

36:21

that's a vanity thing, too. And that might

36:23

be his type is like women who are

36:25

a little more like naive and not so

36:28

jaded by the world and not so like,

36:30

oh, I get what your situation is. Oh,

36:32

Vegas. You know what I mean? Like, whatever,

36:34

you know, I'm just saying that is something

36:36

to factor in and maybe have a little

36:38

compassion for him. And, you know, do

36:40

you think he would be great with a woman his

36:42

own age? Does he even date women his own age?

36:44

I just think you have to be clear with him.

36:47

Yeah, yeah, I've tried. I've tried talking to him

36:49

about it. And I told him I'm not comfortable

36:51

meeting her. I'm not comfortable hearing about it. But,

36:56

you know, I go over to his apartment and he's got

36:58

like a rack on the back of his door that he's

37:00

hiding with her like thongs and hair clips. And I'm like,

37:02

you know what? You

37:05

know what? I think you need to get

37:07

some distance from your dad. Honestly, like I

37:09

guess I don't know the level. Well,

37:12

let me just say this to you, Danielle. Never

37:15

for never in my life. I changed my mind.

37:17

No, but this let me just say never in

37:20

my life. Her hair extensions are just like hanging

37:22

off his robe. Have I dated anyone whose thongs

37:24

and hair extensions I had to hang from my

37:26

you know what I mean? I

37:28

mean, I think Natasha is right. Like finding

37:31

a place because you love your dad and

37:34

you're close to him and you're unlikely. I

37:37

don't think this is going to end your relationship with

37:39

him. And I think that's good. So

37:41

you're going to have to find a way

37:43

to find peace within

37:45

your relationship with him. Though he

37:48

is, you have to think of

37:50

it like he's doing something where

37:53

he's having it's almost like in

37:55

a way like drugs, you know,

37:57

like it or mental illness

37:59

or something. some version where you go, you know,

38:01

I just have to find a

38:04

way to have and it's hard. I would

38:06

imagine because it has all these trappings of

38:08

like misogyny and

38:10

me to kind of weird stuff.

38:13

So it's harder than just having

38:15

pure compassion if he was like

38:17

actually sick, but going like, OK,

38:19

where is he actually coming from?

38:22

He's probably scared that he's getting older.

38:24

He's a he's in rock guy or whatever

38:27

music he does. He's like a musician and

38:29

he trafficked in the currency of youth his

38:31

entire life and cool. And now that is,

38:33

you know, dripping away from him as it

38:35

does to everybody that gets older and it

38:37

will happen to all of us. Every

38:40

great musician like who's that

38:42

guy from Fleetwood Mac? Lindsay

38:46

Buckingham, his his new wife looks

38:48

just like the young version of his life. Like

38:50

they have seen Anthony Kiedis' new

38:52

girlfriend. You seen her 19, 19. Well,

38:57

this is here. Can I just say I

38:59

think that you can probably shame him into

39:01

starting to date a little bit younger women

39:03

because this girl probably even older, I mean,

39:05

older because, you know what? Also, this girl,

39:07

her long line of cocktail waitresses in Vegas,

39:10

like, you know, I don't I

39:12

think you can just be classist about it

39:14

and just shame

39:16

him. And then wait, what do

39:18

you what do you mean? Just don't see him

39:20

that much and do what she's doing. She's like, I

39:22

don't really feel comfortable. And she's kind of has a

39:24

little bit of a problem with it. And then when

39:27

they break up, which they will, you

39:29

should let him know what age that you're OK

39:31

with, I think, because and also

39:33

if how old are you? Twenty

39:35

eight. So you tell him a younger than older than me.

39:37

He's going to go for a twenty nine year old, just

39:39

so you know. So as long as

39:41

you're OK with that and he knows that because he is

39:43

going to be with a younger woman, he just is. That's

39:46

real. But, you know, and so you have to kind of

39:48

come to terms with that a little bit. Shame

39:50

him for this girl and then explain to

39:52

him what your limits are. And I'm not

39:54

even positive. I feel like shaming. It

39:56

won't do any good. He's probably. He would

39:59

probably rather. have his daughter not think

40:01

he's like, well, I've tried.

40:03

I've, I've full blown shamed him.

40:05

Like I'm not even, yeah. Yeah. I've, I've

40:07

been very transparent about how I think it's

40:10

inappropriate and it really grosses me out and

40:12

makes me uncomfortable. Every time you guys hang

40:14

out. Oh literally. I say,

40:16

Hey dad, you're really grossing me out. No, not every

40:18

time, but I haven't, I

40:21

haven't seen him as much because I just, I don't,

40:24

it's like, you're saying I don't really want to be around him

40:26

right now. I'm having like this whole like

40:28

identity crisis about him. And

40:30

I've talked, I get that. Yeah.

40:32

And I also think that like, you know,

40:34

it's funny cause you are a musician's daughter.

40:37

So it's like, I'm sure that came with

40:39

some amazing things. Like you have a guitar

40:41

behind you and he probably blessed you with

40:43

the love of music in a way that

40:45

only he, you know, that's a very rarefied,

40:48

you know, you know, to be around

40:50

like a professional musician and be raised

40:52

by one that's so lucky. And it's

40:54

like, that is one of the bad

40:56

things. Like musicians notoriously are out every

40:58

night and they date young cause that's

41:02

who goes out to concert. But I hear what

41:04

you're saying Danielle on a different level, which is that

41:07

even though he's a rock star and always has been this action

41:10

has shattered

41:13

some artifice of purity or about

41:16

who he was in your mind that you thought he

41:18

was better, more enlightened, different than this. And

41:22

one of the things that happens as we all get older

41:24

is that we realize, and

41:27

this happens, I mean, this happens to everybody in some way that we realize

41:29

like our parents and everybody and all of our heroes are more ugly and

41:31

human than

41:34

we, than we wanted them to

41:36

be and then that we were comfortable with

41:38

them being. And to be honest, like it's,

41:41

that's, that's super difficult, but

41:45

I think actually in the long run, probably better

41:47

for you like that, you know, these,

41:54

that he can't be that he, the hero

41:56

exactly that you thought that he was like

41:58

that you realize he's, he's a

42:00

human being. He's having a very human

42:02

experience, which is he's just having a

42:05

desperate desire for youth and relevancy and

42:07

one last, like one last swing at

42:10

feeling alive and empowered

42:12

and it's just gross and disgusting from

42:14

where you're sitting. But really from where

42:16

I'm sitting, it is a little like

42:18

creepy, but it's also just like so

42:20

human. Like it's just like, I get

42:22

where he's coming from. It

42:24

seems gross. I wouldn't be super comfortable if

42:27

it was my dad either, but I like

42:29

also can understand it. Like I, but

42:31

that's so hard. But what does that do for,

42:33

what else can she do? And what does that

42:35

do for their relationship moving forward? And you

42:37

know, it's like, she's, I guess she just

42:39

gets distance. I think this, no, I think

42:41

you look, you still love him. Yes. And you still

42:44

want a relationship with him. Yeah.

42:46

So now your big challenge is

42:48

to figure out a way to have

42:50

a relationship that doesn't revolve around your

42:52

resentment and repulsion around his behavior and

42:55

just accept that what he's doing, this

42:57

particular behavior until it becomes worse. His,

43:00

this particular behavior in

43:02

one way is a hundred percent your business. And

43:04

in another way really isn't your business at all.

43:06

This is like, he said to you, Hey,

43:08

here's a gross, ugly part of who I am. I'm

43:11

going to be indulging in it. And I still

43:13

love you and want to be your dad. I still am

43:15

your dad. And you got, you have to figure out since

43:17

you want to continue the relationship with him, a way to

43:20

have that relationship, not be

43:23

a swallowed whole by this feeling

43:25

of revulsion. And I think that's,

43:27

that's your challenge, you know? And

43:30

also bitterness. And I think that you have

43:32

to, if you can just do, do

43:34

things with your dad on your own and say, I

43:36

don't really want to meet your girlfriends that are younger

43:38

than me. And after you've been dating

43:40

them for two years, yeah, maybe I'll think about meeting them.

43:43

And then you don't have to be around them because if

43:45

you're a rounder and he wants you to meet her, you

43:47

can say after two years, I'll meet whoever

43:49

you're dating, if they're younger than me. And then you don't

43:51

have to meet them. And then your dad will still want

43:53

to see you and you will just have a relationship on

43:55

your own. I think it's good to stay away. This

43:57

comes back to my AA upbringing.

44:00

which is in AA, one of

44:02

the most powerful, I've said this a million times on this podcast

44:05

before, but I really believe it. If

44:07

there's anything I like, take kind of

44:09

dogmatically whole hog from AA. It's

44:12

this idea that when you are in

44:14

a state of resentment and anger at

44:16

someone, that your job is to find

44:18

the parts of you that are

44:20

not living up to your own ideals

44:22

while leaving 100% aside the sins of

44:29

the person that you resentful at. So even if what they're

44:31

doing is 10 times, 100 times, 1,000 times

44:33

worse than what you're doing, analyzing

44:36

what it is that you could have done

44:38

differently. Maybe it's like making a snide remark

44:40

every time you see your dad. Maybe it's

44:43

trying to shame it. Like some little thing, and

44:46

you might not like this advice, but

44:48

going to him and apologizing for those

44:50

things doesn't mean you have to

44:53

abrogate your, or violate your own boundaries.

44:55

It doesn't mean you have to say, and now I'm

44:57

gonna embrace her, but saying like, dad, I

45:00

was so overwhelmed by that information

45:02

that it caused me to act in this way

45:04

that was ugly. I was judgmental and made fun

45:06

of you and blah, blah, blah. And I wanna

45:08

like reset and fix that part and move on.

45:10

Like my, that- And still don't have to meet

45:12

her. Well, you don't have to meet her. But

45:14

you can still put up her. And you don't

45:16

have to, it doesn't mean that you have to

45:18

make peace with what he's doing. It means like

45:21

to move on, I feel

45:23

now having talked to you for a few minutes about

45:25

it, I feel strongly that to move on, you have

45:27

to reset and

45:29

say, I'm not gonna bring this up anymore. I'm not

45:32

gonna, I don't wanna engage with it. I don't wanna

45:34

meet her. I don't wanna ruin my life. That's not

45:36

what I'm saying. What I'm saying is, I'm not gonna

45:38

have a relationship revolve around me talking shit to you

45:40

for what a gross guy you are. I'm sorry- But

45:43

this is how I stand on the subject. And

45:46

we can have another conversation about my boundaries around

45:48

this in the future. But for now, I want

45:50

my relationship to continue with you. I've made, these

45:52

are the mistakes that I've made. I wanna clean

45:54

up my side of the street and

45:56

then move on from there and not

45:58

have your relationship. Revolve

46:01

around his love life, but revolve around your

46:03

love for each other. I think that's good

46:05

advice I think it's good, too Yeah, you

46:07

know talking to friends and family and people

46:10

about it it's just like a lot of

46:12

it's me having to be the bigger person

46:14

right with a lot of it and You

46:18

know as I'm growing up It's just like so

46:20

shitty to have to do that with your parents,

46:22

you know, but it's reality It

46:25

really is and it's like a universal truth, too I

46:27

mean I've had to do it too. I've had I've

46:31

had information come about family members. That

46:33

was like earth-shattering for me I've had

46:36

just behaviors that my parents engaged

46:38

in that was like, oh this isn't

46:40

just like You're

46:42

not just seeing the world in different

46:44

way You're like this is wrong and I just have

46:46

to kind of like find a way to love you

46:49

through it Or not or

46:51

have it like poison the entire

46:53

relationship and it sucks. It's hard

46:56

You too Natasha you've had that too. Yeah Yeah,

47:00

it sucks, but we're

47:03

gonna hopefully work through it. I'm gonna see him

47:05

later this week. I Haven't

47:08

known how to because I want to talk about it

47:10

but I just haven't known really what to say and

47:13

so I think that's a good idea try and clean

47:15

up my side of the street and Try

47:17

to be the bigger person about it and let him

47:19

go through his thing And

47:23

who would be his ideal mate Like if you had

47:26

to since you are interested in his love life Like

47:28

what do you think would help him? Is there a

47:30

type of woman that you see him with? Halle

47:33

Berry. Yeah Age

47:36

appropriate to yeah, maybe maybe he'll

47:38

get lucky. Here's the good news about cleaning up your side

47:40

of the street in my experience I don't think this would

47:42

be true for everybody, but I bet it I have a

47:44

feeling it'll be true for you I

47:47

have found that when I find the things that

47:49

I didn't live up to my own ideals it

47:51

with in Resentment

47:53

addled relationships and I apologize for those

47:55

things or I clean up those things.

47:58

I actually come to resent the person Less

48:00

as well as a byproduct of cleaning up

48:02

my side of the street I also feel

48:05

less obsessed with the resentment and that is

48:07

like a kind of weird voodoo magic That

48:10

is really powerful like when I go to you and say

48:12

I'm sorry for a B and C Even though the things

48:15

you did are so much worse than my a B and

48:17

C I am less obsessed with

48:19

the things that you did. I don't know that

48:21

it's universally true, but it has been true for

48:23

me Hmm sweet.

48:26

Yeah, how often would you how often would you like to

48:28

see your dad? Minimum

48:31

like once a week. Oh, you got a

48:33

really good relationship with him Wow,

48:36

that's special and it makes it worse This makes

48:38

it worse though because it's like this isn't just

48:41

some dude that you once in a while Dropped

48:43

into the Tropicana and had eggs with and goes.

48:45

Thanks dad. Bye. This is like your best friend

48:47

Yeah, and they're doing something gross. That's and that

48:50

makes it a bunch harder

48:52

But I really do think like this you can say

48:54

all that to him Yeah, you know and you can

48:57

say I don't approve of that and hopefully we can

48:59

just figure out you know, but it's like Yeah,

49:02

maybe he'll grow up. I mean the truth is he

49:04

is not he is seeking your

49:06

approval Because he probably

49:09

respects you more than anybody else in

49:11

the world, but he's not really asking

49:13

for your approval He's really kind of

49:15

saying like I'm doing this. I'm gonna

49:17

do this. I'm gonna be doing this

49:20

Yeah, that's what's been weird about it is that he's you

49:22

know he said a couple times that I'm the most important

49:24

woman in his life and I've

49:27

told I didn't I wasn't trying to give him an ultimatum,

49:29

but that's kind of how it came out the first time

49:31

we talked about it and You

49:34

know him saying I'm the most important

49:36

woman in his life But he's gonna

49:38

keep doing this thing that makes me

49:40

really uncomfortable as his daughter and his

49:42

friend, you know Like well that hurts.

49:44

Yeah, it hurts But it is this

49:46

is false this equivalent equivalence that you're

49:48

making which is if I'm the most

49:50

important woman in your life I could

49:54

I can't be the most important woman in your

49:56

life because you're choosing this other woman. That's not

49:58

that's not real. That's not reality Should your father

50:00

be the most important? Should

50:03

a daughter be the most important woman

50:05

in a father's life when they're 27? Yes,

50:08

I think there's nothing wrong with that. I think that's

50:10

beautiful, but that doesn't... What

50:12

happens when she gets a partner? What

50:14

do you mean? I have a partner.

50:16

Yeah, I've had a girlfriend for the last seven

50:18

and a half years. Oh, so he is the

50:20

only man in your life. He is

50:22

the only man in my life. No, but I'm

50:24

saying, my point is specific. Him

50:27

saying you're the most important woman in my

50:29

life and him fucking this 24-year-old, both

50:31

of these things can be true. It

50:33

is not a violation of that statement for him to say,

50:35

and yet I'm gonna go do this. It doesn't mean that

50:38

fucking the 24-year-old is healthy, but

50:42

it's not dishonoring his love for you

50:44

that he does this. That's the part that I

50:47

think, just from being on the outside of the

50:49

season for me to say, you have to separate

50:51

out. He's not fucking her at you. He's

50:53

having his own weird trip and journey. That's

50:55

true. That has nothing to do

50:58

with you. From your perspective, it has everything to do

51:00

with you because you're like, I'm 28, I'm a woman,

51:02

she's a woman, this is a woman. But

51:04

in reality, he's having two compartmentalized experiences, feeling

51:08

vital and alive because he's fucking this his

51:11

child bride and then loving his daughter who's

51:14

the most important woman in his life. I think they can both be

51:16

true and exist in the same universe

51:20

and you just have to, your job is to build a

51:23

wall between those two

51:25

things. Don't conflate his life. Don't

51:27

conflate his relationship with you with his relationship with

51:29

her because that'll poison you forever. That'll fuck you

51:32

up. It has been.

51:34

Yeah, that I need to, I know I

51:36

need to compartmentalize those two things, but it's

51:38

hard as a daughter of a guy that's

51:41

doing it. And like all the things

51:43

you said, it's icky. It's just

51:45

icky. I think you need to go

51:47

into your next meeting with him as

51:49

a meeting with love behind it, but

51:51

also a little bit of an agenda

51:53

and just kind of like try to

51:55

explain yourself and just sort of make

51:57

your statements again clearly without and apologize

51:59

like. Moshe said get that connection back

52:01

and just keep moving forward and then drop it

52:04

I think Not because it it

52:06

doesn't need to be talked about anymore, but because don't

52:08

meter you don't need to talk about it anymore Yeah,

52:11

okay. Well listen good luck in a

52:13

couple days. Yeah happens. You're going through something super

52:15

hard I have a lot of compassion for you,

52:17

and I'm really sorry that sounds really it does

52:20

sound icky Objectively it is

52:22

icky, but but your

52:24

dad is probably worth walking through some ick

52:26

for I Agree I agree.

52:28

Thank you both. You're awesome. Well.

52:30

You're awesome except for the part in the beginning where

52:33

you said I shouldn't bring my daughter to the grateful bit

52:40

Thank you, thank you oh my god

52:42

I like Danielle I know

52:45

but also I am so

52:47

grateful that you did not take our child

52:49

to that Changed

52:52

her brain Talking

52:54

about like overstimulation acid trip

52:56

like it would took her to also

52:58

instead of that I don't want her wearing a

53:01

eye goggles you're right instead of that I

53:03

took her to the very whatever they're called

53:05

the very under stimulating Particle ink at the

53:07

Luxor and then the Cirque du Soleil the

53:09

least stimulating environment on Earth Listen,

53:12

I wouldn't trust whatever that sphere is

53:14

shall we listen to some secrets I

53:26

Natasha hi, Moshe Sorry,

53:28

I just woke up But

53:30

I have a secret for you guys So

53:33

I just spent the last five

53:36

months living abroad in Milan,

53:38

Italy and

53:40

I shared a bedroom with a

53:43

man who goes to my college

53:45

and Everything

53:47

was all fine and dandy And

53:50

then he started being like a

53:52

super gross roommate Yes,

53:55

I feel like he wasn't gonna believe me.

53:57

They're just gonna take my word for it He

54:00

would shit on top of

54:03

the toilet seat and

54:05

leave it there. He

54:07

would shit inside the toilet

54:09

seat everywhere, like shit splatter.

54:12

I'm going to clean it

54:14

up. I'm going to throw up.

54:16

I'd also go to the bathroom and he'd come in the toilet.

54:21

He would wake me up in the middle of

54:23

the night with how loud his farts were. And

54:26

it only went so loud that it woke me up,

54:28

but they were so long that it

54:31

woke me up out of my sleep. Anyway,

54:33

he also

54:35

was super rude. But to get

54:37

my revenge, I remember one

54:40

of my first days living with him, he

54:43

said that he hated Indian

54:45

food. So

54:47

once he started being a super gross

54:50

roommate, I started cooking Indian food. Why,

54:52

that gives you diarrhea. I memorized his

54:54

class schedule and so

54:56

I had some teaching. It's

55:00

all warming up just in time

55:02

for him to get home. And I

55:05

would make sure that he

55:07

would smell it when he got

55:09

home. My

55:13

boyfriend also offered to piss under his

55:16

pillow, but we

55:18

didn't think that was the best idea. Yeah,

55:21

I love you guys so much. Love the

55:23

pod. Bye. Whoo. Whoo.

55:27

Chobella. Chobella. Not Bella. Not

55:29

Bella at all. Wait.

55:32

Foul Bella. Wait. He

55:35

shit on top of the toilet seat? Everything else made

55:37

sense. Was this her boyfriend? No, this was her roommate.

55:40

Why was she sharing a room and making dinner? She

55:42

was like, I think I had an affair with a

55:44

roommate in Milan and then realized what it was like

55:46

to live with him. Shit

55:49

on top of the toilet. I know what that is. He was

55:51

an Italian. He was an Italian and they just do that. I

55:53

don't know. Maybe it's a cultural thing. It is. They

55:56

wish it on top. Yeah, they do that.

55:58

No, I don't know. know what it is. This is

56:01

he's an alcoholic. The only

56:03

explanation for shitting on top of the toilet is

56:06

that you're too drunk. You think you're shitting in

56:08

the toilet. And you're but then she also said

56:10

he was he was far. I'm going to throw

56:12

up. He was farting really loud and like jizzing

56:14

in the toilet. Yeah. Did she say there's cum

56:17

in the toilet. How

56:19

do you know that when there's cum in the toilet. But

56:22

also I'm sorry. I this don't

56:24

vomit because I don't think this story is true.

56:26

How would you know there's come in the toilet.

56:28

Because she lives open the seat and there's like

56:30

he just should we

56:32

play a different secret or closing

56:37

comments. I mean I just

56:39

I think I figured it out. This guy's an alcoholic. That is

56:41

a hot take. All right. Let's hear another one. All right. Come

56:44

shit and cum in the toilet. No

56:46

but you're right. Yeah. You're just like

56:48

drunk drunkard. But drunks pick.

56:51

Don't they clean up the next day. That's

56:53

the other part. Also it might be how you were

56:55

raised. No one was raised like that. Nobody

56:58

was raised to shit on top of the

57:01

toilet. Once she saw the toilet. Right. Right.

57:03

It was probably a smear not a full

57:05

pile. Right. Once

57:07

it's too many times. That's true. But it was

57:09

probably a smear. Come on. It's

57:12

probably smear. It couldn't have been a

57:14

full pyramid. Luxor. Couldn't

57:16

have been the full Luxor. All right. What do

57:18

we got. Let's hear another one. Hey

57:20

Tasha Moshe. Sorry that's a

57:23

little too pretty much really familiar for

57:25

you guys and for strangers. Finally. I

57:29

got a secret. All right. Yeah. I've

57:33

been independent for a while. Since

57:36

I was in my early 20s and

57:40

I've been the honest person

57:42

for the most part I think. But

57:46

I'd say probably the last few years. There's

57:50

not been one time when I went to the

57:52

supermarket that it didn't in

57:54

a sense heal. And when I say in a

57:56

sense I mean blatantly. I

57:59

will. rank things up differently

58:01

to make them cheaper. I've gone so

58:03

far as to like take a picture

58:05

of a cheaper items barcode and when

58:08

I get self checkout I'll scan the

58:10

picture on my phone instead of the

58:12

really expensive thing so I got like

58:14

a milk processor like $9. Anyways

58:16

yeah that's good. Oh also I go home every

58:18

day when I'm clocked into work and I jerk

58:20

off and then I come back but I'm getting

58:22

paid to jerk off. Love you guys. I

58:25

like that's a little button at the end, a little extra

58:27

secret. Wait is he working

58:29

at the store? No this is something completely

58:31

separate he'll sometimes go home on a paid

58:33

break, jerk off and come back and he

58:36

likes the fact that he's getting paid

58:38

to jerk off. He's like sometimes

58:40

I go come on top of a luxor of

58:42

shit that I've left on the toilet seat. Listen.

58:44

Can't get away from it. This is why that's

58:46

not a good scam. It's

58:48

still theft so why not just steal the

58:50

item? Like what

58:52

thing? Because you have less of a chance of getting caught.

58:55

No yes you do you're scanning. Oh you

58:57

could be like oh I don't know I just. Oh

58:59

I don't know I just was putting the bar

59:01

the scanner on my iPhone dude is that not something

59:03

you usually do here? That's the problem it's like

59:05

he's not doing a good hustle. It's like anybody looking

59:07

at the behavior will go oh he's stealing so

59:09

it's like why not. Well it's working so he's

59:12

saving money. How about just not scan the

59:14

thing? It's actually more conspicuous. You can't steal

59:16

it they can't catch it. No it's

59:18

more conspicuous to take an item

59:20

out. Pick up your iPhone

59:22

scan the iPhone then put the item back. Then to

59:24

just leave it in your basket and not scan it

59:26

at all. This is not a good crime. You

59:29

don't be I'm not a big shoplifting fan. I

59:32

think it's dumb but I think you have to start thinking

59:34

of probability to get caught. Listen the probability of

59:36

getting caught in one of those check self checkout

59:39

items lines is a low

59:41

but it's raising because everyone's aware that

59:43

everybody does this. I think everybody does

59:45

this iPhone thing. No the iPhone thing

59:47

is a unique riff on on on

59:50

it. What do other what are other other

59:52

ways you can steal it. I think they just

59:54

don't they don't. Ring up everything in

59:56

the self checkout. Can't they see that you skipped it from

59:58

into the bag. There is

1:00:00

no they it's a robot Right,

1:00:03

but I just walk out of the lasers on the

1:00:05

thing. No, no, no you walk up with a

1:00:08

dozen eggs a coca-cola and And

1:00:10

some coffee and you only scan the coffee in the

1:00:12

coca-cola and you walk out and steal the eggs And

1:00:15

they think you see the eggs in the

1:00:17

yeah, you just oh, yeah I forgot if

1:00:19

they stop you or something the thing is

1:00:22

these stores are becoming hip to this and

1:00:24

and So now they're

1:00:26

you know now they might have to hire people

1:00:28

hire people human beings Yeah, it

1:00:30

would be crazy. I don't think it's a good idea.

1:00:32

All right. Well, let's hear another secret. All right One

1:00:35

more for the keeper So

1:00:38

I'm 36 years old and I

1:00:40

just started vaping

1:00:42

and I'm so Mad

1:00:45

at myself, but you I think you I

1:00:48

feel how most of those with this me like

1:00:51

that first hit of the vase it

1:00:54

It just been so much oh and then I don't

1:00:56

do it for a while because obviously I don't feel

1:00:58

that every time I hit it So then I wait

1:01:00

a while, but yeah, it's not like

1:01:02

a week and I've been vaping almost every Mmm, I'm

1:01:05

gonna sit fly on this and say like almost no,

1:01:07

it's been every day. Yeah, I Need

1:01:10

stop because why would I introduce

1:01:12

this addiction into my life now? Like I

1:01:18

Love y'all that's not Why

1:01:20

you did Nicorette yeah, because then

1:01:22

you say I'm addiction. It's the same addiction who

1:01:24

cares. It's not bad for your what's bad for

1:01:26

you about nicotine Well, then

1:01:28

what's bad for you about vaping smoke and it's

1:01:31

not smoke in the back It's still inhaling things

1:01:33

in the back dude wrote particles who knows what

1:01:35

I'm ready to say It is like gum with

1:01:37

like a slight buzz. It's pretty depressing. You know

1:01:40

what? It'll give you that little thing You know

1:01:42

you get to smoke weed toss. That's a thing

1:01:45

You drink you smoke weed I don't get any

1:01:48

of that all I got is these fucking nicotine

1:01:50

pouches It's pathetic dude. I

1:01:52

got my I'm ready to say

1:01:54

it nicotine vaping rocks Vaping

1:01:57

rocks. Yeah. No, I went there

1:01:59

Tell her this I went there vaping rocks.

1:02:02

I wish I'm gonna be so fucking I

1:02:04

don't want my kids seeing me vape I'm

1:02:06

gonna be so pissed off if I get

1:02:08

to be 70 and like the New

1:02:11

England Journal of Medicine comes out with an article

1:02:13

saying actually vaping was totally healthy the whole time

1:02:16

That I wasted all these years not vaping I

1:02:18

miss vaping but Covid fucked my whole lung up

1:02:21

thing like I don't mean it fucked my lungs

1:02:23

up It it made me think about lungs in

1:02:25

a paranoid way that I'd never thought about before

1:02:27

and that's why I was like I don't want

1:02:29

to vape anymore. I just oh

1:02:31

you're through I watched this documentary about

1:02:33

this guy that was replacing tracheas with

1:02:35

pieces of plastic this Italian doctor probably

1:02:37

a classic lid

1:02:40

shitter and And

1:02:43

it made me so scared to get trachea

1:02:45

cancer because it's it's just brutal It's brutal,

1:02:47

and I don't want any of that shit

1:02:49

going on But now I'm sucking on nicotine

1:02:51

pods swallowing them down my trachea, so I

1:02:53

don't know what what the fuck am I

1:02:55

even talking about Maybe a slow trickles smoking

1:02:57

weed. I start smoking weed no Should

1:03:00

I start doing mushrooms take my daughter to gravelded at

1:03:03

the sphere Okay,

1:03:05

do we have more people to come I think we should wrap

1:03:07

it right we've gone to a lot

1:03:09

of places This was a good introspective Episode

1:03:13

there was some fun there was some emotion sure

1:03:15

this is only the beginning of everyone agreeing with

1:03:17

me that you shouldn't take A six-year-old to the

1:03:19

sphere. I think that I shamed online. I don't

1:03:21

I'm down. I'm down. You know I'm down I

1:03:23

don't think I don't think that it's gonna be

1:03:25

as unanimous as you think it is I think

1:03:27

it's just a concert It's like she's

1:03:29

not gonna do drugs because she's with her dad

1:03:31

and her dad sober and their dad's gonna take

1:03:33

care of her And there's nothing bad that's gonna

1:03:36

happen at a fucking Grateful Dead concert at the

1:03:38

that's that's brought to you by the same Conglomerate

1:03:40

that owns the Palazzo Hotel. It's not like I'm

1:03:42

taking her out to a fucking rainbow gathering and

1:03:44

by the way I would take her to a

1:03:46

rainbow gathering. I know okay listen if you have

1:03:48

a secret give us a call at two and

1:03:50

three Two two two eight six oh eight you

1:03:52

can also email us directly Endless honeymoon

1:03:54

pot at Gmail if you'd like to be

1:03:56

on the podcast asking for advice watch us

1:03:59

on YouTube and join our patreon Our patreon

1:04:01

much like vaping rocks, and

1:04:04

you know what else rocks what honey my love for you my

1:04:06

love for you, too