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at your Nordstrom Rack store. There's

1:00

just one magic mind left.

1:29

I rolled and you have CT. So

1:31

who should we do half these? Well, we could do

1:34

that. We'll do half these. I'll drink half. And by

1:36

the way, my wife, there

1:38

was one yesterday in the fridge and she fights for

1:40

it. So we have to, we're waiting on our shipment.

1:42

We'll get more. Yeah. And so we got in a

1:44

fight over it. That's because I drank it. She was

1:46

seriously. And I was like, this one, you know, it's

1:48

good. You kick her in the. I'll drink, I'll drink

1:50

half and you'll get half. Okay. Half and half. Kick

1:52

her in the tit because she's breastfeeding my kid. So

1:54

why would you say kick her in the tit? Because

1:56

she took your magic mind. I would kick her in

1:58

the tit for a magic mind. Well. I'm

2:00

not doing that. I'll kick you in your

2:03

stupid teeth. You can imagine. I'll drink half Just

2:06

take Oh,

2:12

that's so rude. There's some left On

2:16

Juneteenth you do that to me. I didn't mean to I on

2:19

Juneteenth you're gonna okay That's

2:21

all I actually didn't mean to that's how we're starting

2:23

the show. It's a pride month, dude

2:26

Oh my is it still gay pride month? I think

2:28

it's all year long man. I've no wonder I've been

2:31

Okay, thinking that we should gay house together. Well for

2:33

you for me. I'm like, oh, it's the month

2:35

for you It's like oh, it's every day. Yeah. Yeah,

2:38

my wife my wife will be like, what

2:40

are you doing? Like she'll catch me staring at a

2:42

dude on Instagram. Yeah, what are

2:44

you doing? I'm like nothing. That's Brian I'm

2:46

Brian. Really was I paused on this because

2:49

I'm looking at the shorts that I want

2:51

to buy Should

2:53

I can't emphasize enough This

2:55

7-up zero sugar Tropical.

2:58

Well, that's that's just a that's not good for

3:00

you Cuz

3:02

I like citrus, you know a grape and all

3:04

that stuff. I thought he'd buy that for you

3:06

I'm not for the studio. Like we always have

3:08

you know, I like Diet Coke so my dump

3:11

DC's baby Yeah, like we love DC's we ran

3:13

out. There's this was the only little solo thing

3:15

in there I went that's

3:17

having a terrible that's a terrible substitute for Diet

3:19

Coke. Oh, bro Piss in my mouth some experiment

3:21

that seven came up with you know Cuz 7-up

3:23

or Sprite always reminds me when I was a

3:26

kid, they would give it to you to settle

3:28

your stomach I don't think it would know that

3:30

the carbonation does right? I guess so my

3:33

mom giving those in the salting crackers. Yeah

3:37

Hey, can I ask you a question? Wait, you're you could I

3:40

brought this on my truck away I'm giving a truck

3:42

way. You're giving a truck away. What if you won?

3:45

Dude, I I would and then you know what

3:47

I would do, you know, you know, here's the thing though Truck

3:50

you're giving away cuz I want to enter and if I

3:52

won I just to spite you I would keep it in

3:54

my garage Never

3:57

drive you imagine if you won That's

4:00

my biggest fear. That's what I would do to you. There's

4:02

a guy I knew, he used to have this, this guy

4:04

I knew used to have a

4:06

plant in college and he never watered

4:08

it, ever. And I was like, please

4:10

water it. And he goes, no. Just to pitch you off?

4:12

Yes. And it was just, it was

4:14

holding on the spider plant. Here's the thing with this

4:16

giveaway truck, right? Like I put all this time, money,

4:19

investment into it. When you do a giveaway, there's

4:21

no reserve. So

4:24

if in 60 days or 75 days, however

4:26

long we're gonna do the

4:28

raffle for. If it goes

4:31

for $2, someone wins the

4:33

truck for $2. Your boy's screwed. I

4:36

know, and also, but here's the other thing. I don't

4:38

select the winner. We have to hire a third party.

4:40

So there's no shenanigans. So there

4:42

can be, let's say you, the way you

4:44

entered, you buy a shirt, right? A

4:46

dry, fast, all gas shirt with King shocks collab

4:49

that we're doing. Let's say you bought a shirt,

4:51

right? And randomly you

4:53

want, you

4:55

can't win. Like anybody

4:57

who's connected to me. Because it would

4:59

just look terrible. Awful. Yeah,

5:02

yeah. Let's say shot in the

5:04

dark, you won, or my brother won, or Sana's won.

5:06

You know, we have to redo it. If

5:08

you have any association with me, you can't win. Yeah,

5:11

because then people would just do this. Let me see that. What

5:14

is this thing that they could win? Like

5:16

what is, like why would I be excited

5:18

by that? Let's just say. You wouldn't be

5:20

excited about it, but the

5:24

reason it's, because you'll see giveaways, like you'll

5:26

see Gas Monkey do it. You'll see, was

5:28

it 80 80s? Another big

5:30

one. Fucking

5:32

Ironman does them. Robert

5:35

Downey Jr. does them, but he does electric

5:37

in like old school. But this is like

5:39

custom one of one. 700 horsepower and more

5:41

than that. So yeah, so it started off

5:43

life as a 2019, just

5:46

regular one 50. We broke it

5:49

all down. We had a McNeil racing

5:51

to do generation three conversion. So it

5:53

looks like a Raptor R on steroids.

5:56

Still about a 2024 Raptor on steroids,

5:59

everything. So if you like Raptor ours,

6:01

you like regular Raptors all good. This

6:03

destroys in every single facet So if

6:05

I'm so I'm driving down at the

6:07

street Truck people are like what

6:09

most people would freak out even if you don't

6:11

know track to it because a it's cherry red

6:14

for me Wow, it's Ralph supercharged. It's loud has

6:16

side exhaust coming out the side So I built

6:18

it like I build my truck, you know, I

6:20

like wild shit. So this thing's what the interior

6:23

Wild like nothing's nothing's Oh if this was

6:25

a girl would be amber rose It'd be

6:28

all it'd be all curved up and yes

6:30

just curve 100% Yeah, 100% not

6:32

for the not for the faint of heart not for the you

6:34

can't be light in the ass to step to that truck No,

6:37

hopefully here's the concern is some

6:39

hopefully somebody wins it that is

6:41

actually gonna use what it's for

6:43

It's like crazy King shock suspension

6:45

on it bypass shocks. I would

6:47

I would create crazy shit I

6:49

want to win it so badly

6:52

I want to I would die inside I would win

6:54

it and then I would I would do an entire

6:57

40-minute YouTube video can't

6:59

can I nope of me? modifying

7:02

it back to start Taking

7:05

it all you just see me take out the

7:07

giant exhaust We don't like this stupid

7:09

thing. This is stupid. Oh, no, you take off go

7:11

too loud. Yeah Yeah, too out and it's a v6.

7:13

Let's get a v6 in here. Don't tone it down

7:16

here Can we tune it down all of that? Can

7:18

we take off the mufflers? I bring the wheels I

7:20

make regular wheels Pain it just like

7:22

a mono gray Yeah much is like like

7:24

something sensible get the turn off the windows

7:26

by chance sensible sensing sense of a row

7:29

shop Yeah, take that custom interior. I we

7:31

got to get better gas miles. We have

7:33

to oh god, but that's the thing I

7:35

can't so it you know, it's it's nationwide.

7:37

So oh, it's a nationwide thing Oh, yeah, so and

7:40

then we have to fly the winner in but

7:42

if let's say some Random

7:44

big boo blonde and Irvine happens

7:46

to win. Yeah, okay. Cool. I

7:48

get a red truck Like

7:50

you hope somebody that actually really knows. Oh, that

7:52

thing's do McNeil racing like they're the pinnacle Well,

7:55

let me be tack. Can you shock so it's

7:57

all what's under the hood? It's all like Unless

7:59

you know what to look for. Unless

8:01

you, but even you, like you don't know,

8:03

you know, Baja racing, like pre-runners. It's a

8:05

work of art. It's a pre-runner. Oh, bro.

8:07

This thing. Well, if you wanted to buy it,

8:09

what do you think it would cost? Without exaggerating.

8:12

Without, straight up with all the convergent. Everything there. Including

8:14

the cost of a base F-150. If I come in,

8:16

I come to you guys and I go, I want

8:18

to buy that truck. Honestly, what do

8:20

you think it would go for? Probably 140, 150 grand. Holy

8:24

shit. Yeah. Holy shit. You realize

8:26

it's like, it's one of one man. There's

8:28

like the body work. The generation

8:30

three conversion, all that shit. Friend and

8:32

shop, I am building the greatest giveaway

8:34

truck of all time. This is a

8:36

Roush preview. You can hear that noise.

8:39

This thing's wild. That's a good looking truck.

8:41

I'll be honest. That's right. That's a good

8:43

looking truck. So I need it. And these

8:45

guys are all just, they're just normal craftsmen.

8:48

The hell? Anybody who's worked on it's the

8:50

best. See that side exhaust, Eddie? So

8:52

you must be drooling. I love it.

8:55

Nothing better. Is that what your truck is looking like

8:57

that's being worked on all the time? When

8:59

your truck is ready in 2030, will you? No,

9:02

be ready in a month. I'm going to plan out your Fort

9:04

Worth. Take it. You want

9:06

to come? Blow your hair back, Daddy. Yeah. But

9:09

can you, hopefully someone that wins that knows

9:11

like what they have and they actually use

9:13

it. Like hopefully it's not a street princess.

9:16

Right. Like that thing is, it has true

9:18

B-lock 39 inch tires on it. Race

9:21

tires from BF Goodrich. Fucking

9:23

use it, dude. Use

9:25

it. Drive it. Drive

9:28

the hell out. Where do you want them to drive

9:30

it? Take it to fucking Johnson Valley. Put it in

9:32

the fucking Mint 400 out Baja 1000. This

9:36

is a racing truck. A legit

9:38

racing truck? I mean, yeah. I mean, you can

9:40

use it for whatever, like off-road it. You can

9:42

take it down Baja. You don't have to enter

9:44

it because it's not a trophy truck, but you

9:46

can take it down there. You take it down

9:48

Baja. You take it off-roading to your Johnson Valley.

9:50

Shoot some dope content with it. Just don't use

9:53

it to pick up fucking Del Taco with the

9:55

kids. Don't use it to pick up Del Taco.

9:57

You could. And that'd be dope. So I mean,

9:59

pick up you doing that. use it for what it's, you know what

10:01

I'm saying? That's the biggest fair. But

10:04

I'll tell you, you know, I was a little, little,

10:06

uh, I'm not angry. Angry is

10:08

not the right choice of words here. I'll

10:12

talk about this. So the whole thing and the

10:15

entire focused energy has

10:17

been this, right? And getting this off the ground, it

10:19

goes live July 8th, I think, but you gotta

10:22

build a whole website. You got to invest in all

10:24

that, right? The whole brand dry, fast, all gas, got

10:26

invested in all that. So now it's been great. Mark's

10:28

been great. Dry, fast gas. Yep. So you got to

10:31

invest in all this stuff. So I

10:33

need a designer, right? We,

10:35

we hired, let me start. So we hired a

10:37

designer guy said he's, oh, I'm really get this.

10:39

And what I can help you guys out. Cool.

10:41

Hire him, right? He sends us the stuff.

10:44

This is two days ago. It's been weeks, sends us

10:46

the stuff. Like, damn, Alex, go. We did. You did

10:48

a great job, man. We have to pay him. Of

10:50

course pay him, right? Send us the whole catalog, what

10:52

we're going to be offering. There's a bunch of stuff,

10:55

seasonal stuff, the whole brand, brand awareness. Right. Two

10:59

days ago. So we're going to get

11:01

the whole website, order all the shirts, all the

11:03

hats, all that shit two days

11:06

ago, Jay goes, Hey

11:08

man, that logo I've seen before.

11:11

Oh no. I want. Oh no. Jesus. I like

11:14

similar. Remember that deuces, Mike, you know, like in

11:16

Venice that we always go to. Oh, a day

11:18

was a muck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Seize the

11:20

day. Yes. Yeah. I think so. It's like European

11:22

company, but they have a flagship and fucking vet.

11:25

They use muck. Yeah. Jay goes, now I've seen

11:27

that. I go, I get out of your fucking

11:29

out of your mind. And

11:34

sure enough, bro,

11:37

it's the, it was the exact same

11:40

logo. Oh, that's a big problem.

11:42

The problem. Oh, well, this

11:44

guy took the

11:47

logo. You get trouble for

11:49

that. Well, yeah. Might as well been a Nike

11:51

swoosh. I mean, I go,

11:53

Oh, then remember all bill ready to

11:55

go. I go, well, no. We have, we

11:57

have embroidery on the seats. We have.

11:59

All sorts of, well, wait,

12:02

wait, wait. So I call him. I go, no, no. So

12:04

that's point of no return. Hold on here. You

12:06

know, I figured my shit out. I go, I call my, but

12:10

you told me this was all originally drew it by hand and created

12:12

by hand. He goes, yeah, I deal you. No, you didn't use

12:15

the idea. I said, no, you didn't send him.

12:17

I go, what's this? He's

12:19

like, I don't know. That's not mine. I go, no,

12:21

no, no. That's the exact logo from that company. Bubba,

12:24

you sent me that he was a pistons, a piston.

12:26

No, no, no. It's not though,

12:29

dude. It's exact same fucking logo. Yeah. Tell

12:31

that to the courts. Oh, we'll get sued.

12:33

You don't have a brand. So he got

12:35

fired and then we hired a new

12:38

guy who works with, uh, our boy,

12:40

um, meat eaters, you

12:42

know, which was meat eaters, Ken block, did Ken

12:44

block stuff, did the Hoonigans he's great.

12:46

He was like, I'll fix it. So he fixed it. We

12:49

got it in time, but yeah, it was, that's all

12:51

I was dealing with. Whoa, dude. Thank God for your

12:53

brother. For my brother and for Mark. Oh man. Here

12:55

was like, man, I'm telling you. I think I've seen

12:57

it before. Yikes. You know me, I get on like,

13:00

damn, that's sweet. I'm going on the next thing. Thinking.

13:04

I beat some people are unbelievable. You know,

13:06

I did though. I read Jocko's book. I

13:08

take full accountability. I went good. I

13:11

went, Oh, that's on me. Like it's heated conversation.

13:14

Me likes in the team. I go, you know what,

13:16

dude? Here's I'm so sorry, man, but I'll make it

13:18

right. Well, no, no, that's on me. We're not going to work with you

13:20

again. I said, it's on me. Cause what do you mean? I go, my

13:23

bad. I assumed when

13:25

we hired a high

13:27

level artist, designer like this, I

13:30

assumed you weren't going to take it from another

13:32

company. That's on me. That's

13:34

what you said. Yeah, I went, that's on me.

13:37

My bad for assuming at the

13:39

cost you charge that you weren't going to copy for

13:41

somebody else, I said, that's on me. I should have

13:44

noticed it right away. And I did it. That's charged

13:46

less. Right?

13:48

No, you didn't charge less. Oh, he didn't charge. No. I

13:51

went, that's on me. He's like, I

13:53

appreciate it, man. That's all good. I said,

13:55

that's on me. I said, you know what,

13:57

dude? Thank you for the lesson. Dude,

14:00

I you know what? This is when I have

14:02

to speak up the fact that he's literally trying

14:04

to take the blame and that guy's Response was

14:06

like hey, well that guy's a piece of shit.

14:08

Give me a break But that guy that guy's

14:10

that guy's whole life is that that

14:13

guy's whole life is come on dude. Listen as he knows

14:15

what he's doing Just but the

14:17

the best way out of that is to do exactly 100%

14:19

went all good Yeah, and by the way, and then he's

14:21

here in a way It's like I tell me you know,

14:23

but what are you gonna do fight with them? No,

14:26

no, no, no, no, all right cool on the

14:28

next well that I told you that's what my

14:30

my wife You know, she we had a cabinet

14:33

guy same thing and he was I mean

14:35

I took a look at one text I was like, he's a

14:38

drug addict. He's a drug addict. Just

14:40

you're not getting your money back. Just write it off. It's

14:42

all good What do you man? Do you owe me

14:44

1500 bucks lesson learned? It sucks

14:46

But we get the right guy this guy

14:48

Evan now works like I said with Steve

14:50

Ranella Hoonigans monster in a day.

14:52

He's like I'll fix it man. I got you. So

14:54

we got it fixed But

14:56

that's not me my bad, bro I

14:59

should have looked into it more and assumed you

15:01

weren't gonna steal. That's right. That's on me. I

15:04

went good No, you but you

15:06

know how you say like that's a trade or whatever

15:08

like a drug addict There's nothing can do I

15:10

was listening to podcast smarts up at 330. That was cool Your

15:14

podcast with Jordan Peterson's daughter. Michaela Peter.

15:17

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean gorgeous

15:19

She's more just like her husband

15:22

and she'd love her husband

15:24

to like they're just her husband

15:26

walked in I went well, I don't know who's better

15:28

looking here. They're just gorgeous people. What's he look like?

15:30

He's 6 4 blonde with

15:33

the straightest white as nice as teeth. I've

15:35

ever seen and just jacked jacked What's he

15:37

yeah, he actually used to play football. Of

15:39

course he did. Yeah. Well, there he is

15:43

Well, there he is with perfect air see him there. I

15:46

Was literally like well there well there he is Well,

15:49

that's him. Oh, wow. Yeah, he'd be one

15:51

of Hitler's favorites. Yeah Was

15:54

trying to he's as naturally blonde and as good

15:56

looking as he gets is just ridiculous How about

15:58

your father-in-law is Jordan Peters? Yeah. Yeah. What are

16:00

you going to talk about at dinner? Yeah. Jordan,

16:02

probably my favorite person in the world. He's one

16:05

of my favorites. But also if your father-in-law is

16:07

Jordan Peterson and he's like, Hey, let's have dinner

16:09

tonight. You're doing some prep work before you

16:11

go. Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are. Well,

16:13

you know, you're just not sitting down and going, yeah, I'm with this

16:15

whole guy. You know what? Do you know what Michaela has been through?

16:19

Yeah. But again, but my point was I listened to

16:21

it. I thought it was a great podcast, right? Good

16:23

podcast. Yeah. It's fun. Lighting

16:25

was horrible on your face anyway. So, um, yeah,

16:29

but you were saying how, uh, Rogan's really good at cutting people

16:31

off. We always say that you and I are the worst, but

16:33

he was saying cause he's in pool halls. He's

16:36

like, some people are just porn losers.

16:39

Let's take a little break. I want to

16:41

talk to you about true classic. As

16:44

you know, I'm always in true classic.

16:46

What underwear am I wearing? True classic.

16:48

What did I wear yesterday? True classic.

16:50

Why? Cause they got these button ups

16:52

that don't wrinkle and fit perfectly. I

16:54

never wear button ups ever, ever, ever.

16:56

Have you ever seen me wear button

16:59

ups? No. Now I wear them all

17:01

the time because true classic makes it

17:03

that easier. They're breathable, versatile. They don't

17:05

really stain. Everything about them is

17:07

perfect. You look, you always look good. So

17:09

any t-shirt I have on is always true

17:11

classic. I, I, I, I don't think I've,

17:13

I've been on stage in, I

17:17

don't know how long where I wasn't wearing a

17:19

true classic t-shirt or long sleeve t-shirt.

17:22

I think that's pretty much, I mean, there's maybe been

17:24

some exceptions, but for the most part, I just like

17:26

the way they feel. I think they're

17:28

awesome. And we will give you

17:30

on this podcast, 25% off your first order. Just

17:34

try the t-shirts. Try any, anything. It's

17:36

all great quality. I don't care what

17:38

it is. It's the

17:40

perfect blend of everything you need.

17:43

So go to true classic.com/fighter for

17:45

25% off your first order. There

17:50

you go. Oh, oh,

17:52

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So it's even easier to start a

18:44

conversation that actually goes somewhere. So what

18:46

are you waiting for? Get who gets

18:48

you on eHarmony. Sign up today. Isn't

18:51

that crazy? I didn't tell you about

18:53

that conversation I had with him. Because

18:55

with Joe, there was a guy who

18:58

we have a mutual friend. And

19:00

I was like, you know, he's doing great now. And he

19:02

goes, please don't be friends with him for my sake. He's

19:04

like, why? Because we need you to have to deal with

19:06

it. Yeah, he just he's the guy's

19:08

just it's I'm telling you, he's gonna break your

19:10

heart. You know, he's fine now. And

19:13

I said, man, you write these people off. He goes

19:15

because I grew up in pool halls. I spent a

19:17

lot of time in pool halls and there are born

19:19

winners and born losers and born losers find a way

19:21

to lose. And that guy who had

19:23

that opportunity charged a lot, you know, as a good

19:25

example of a guy who's just he's going to make

19:27

a choice that he knows is wrong. We

19:29

know plenty of people. Yeah, we

19:31

know plenty of people who'd make these choices. And

19:33

you're like, you're making do not see that you're

19:35

driving right toward a wall. Do you not see

19:37

that you're driving right out of a wall and

19:39

you and I are the worst. And you were

19:42

the guy around here and there's a million red

19:44

flags. And you looked at me and I get

19:46

it. It's the only thing I would have changed.

19:48

It's the only thing I would have changed in

19:50

my life. I would have been way more ruthless

19:52

with with bringing crazies and damage people back into

19:54

my life. I know who we are. I know.

19:56

I don't got it really fucked me up. Like

19:58

you bring damage. for

24:00

that nice house. Oh, she lives in

24:02

Arizona. Beautiful place. Could

24:04

you move to Arizona? Uh,

24:08

so hot. Every car

24:10

has to have an inner cooler. I can do it. I could

24:12

live in Florida. I can there in Arizona, you know, Florida's different,

24:14

you know, as you know, if my kids are close to me,

24:16

I'm good. You know, I need my friends

24:18

though. I need my friends. I

24:21

need my, I need to, I need my ex. You

24:23

want to rephrase that? I need my

24:26

friend, right? You're my only friend. That's

24:29

right. And then, you know, Rogan is our friend, but he

24:31

lives in Austin. I had somebody say it this weekend. They

24:34

go, you and Sean, man, you guys, you guys been, you

24:36

guys are close, huh? You guys, I mean, you guys are

24:38

dogs for each other. That's right. Yeah.

24:40

Yeah. That's right. That's right. He

24:43

was there, but he said it with admiration. He's made

24:45

a lot of money too. Yeah. Most people aren't hoes.

24:47

You guys are fucking. Yeah. Because you guys are loyal to

24:49

each other. Most people respect it. Yeah. How mad I

24:51

got on the thousandth episode when I was talking about

24:53

the comedy clubs. Kidding me. Yeah.

24:55

It's hard to get me that many. Have you ever

24:58

heard me yell like that? No, never. It's very, it's

25:00

very rare. Sometimes I wish you would, um, you should

25:02

kill some people. I thought about that. You

25:04

should, um, you should just go, you

25:07

should start knocking on doors and just be like, Hey, I'm

25:09

going to kill you one day and then just leave. I

25:12

don't know if I need those problems. I feel like this is bad advice.

25:15

No, but just like, but then give him a little twist up.

25:17

But as you can tell, daddy's been training, man ran my three

25:19

miles this morning. Every day, every

25:22

day, all right. Lifting. Hey,

25:24

you know why? Just in

25:26

case, dude. Just fucking in case. I

25:28

got to teach you a fucking lesson

25:30

again. Teach who unless you

25:32

dude, I've been training dude for you. Can you

25:35

imagine adorable? Cause I don't take time off. You

25:37

found out I was training for you. Like, wait,

25:39

what's he doing? Yeah, dude. It's all I can

25:41

think about. Did you find

25:43

the UFC? Keep sending me videos

25:45

of Italian guys talking like he just, they're

25:47

just, they're just saying shit because he's a

25:49

dinner and these two times. I didn't matter.

25:51

My body. Why on the

25:54

taste of it? And then he'll just, he says,

25:56

these guys are saying that he just, this guy

25:58

just shouted Calens, not a talent. He's

26:00

Turkish and Estonian. And I go, what the fuck

26:03

are you talking about? Then he

26:05

just sends a picture of him farting. So

26:07

stupid. Oh, I found out, um, I

26:10

was trying to get Jake, they're calling today, actually. I was trying

26:13

to get Jake Paul to call in because his fights

26:15

in July. Let's talk about that. So

26:18

you, so it's not beer knuckle. No, it's

26:20

boxing. 10 ounce gloves. Eight rounds.

26:23

You text

26:25

him during my fucking spiel? No, I'm just,

26:27

uh, I'm just checking with Godfrey. Oh yeah.

26:29

We got a guest today. Godfrey. Yeah. Okay.

26:31

So keep going. So, uh, 10 ounce gloves,

26:34

uh, eight rounds. It's in Tampa. I might be there

26:36

for that. Okay. Um,

26:40

Jake already on the draft Kings, whatever the books

26:42

is that has the numbers out already. Jake's a

26:45

favorite. I

26:47

think he's like a minus two 20. Okay.

26:51

Uh, let's go pros and cons.

26:54

So just so people realize,

26:56

and I put this out, I said, if you

26:58

don't think this is a much tougher fight

27:02

and a more, and a better fight than Mike Tyson

27:04

at 57, you're 58 years old, you're moron. Yeah.

27:08

You don't know shit. Yeah. Um,

27:11

so there's that, but so what's at

27:13

risk for Jake? Remember this

27:15

isn't on Netflix. This

27:18

is outside of that. This is actually a pay-per-view. Yeah.

27:20

This is a pay-per-view. So we'll figure out,

27:22

you know, Perry and, right. And Jake here,

27:25

but this is in July is fight

27:28

with Mike's in December. So

27:31

what Jake is risking fighting Mike Perry, which

27:33

is, I think by far toughest fight he's

27:35

had more than Tommy Fury way more, way

27:38

more, way more, way more time

27:40

for you to not get artists. No. I

27:42

mean, Mike Perry can hit

27:44

hard. Mike Perry will change your DNA,

27:46

but yeah. Ask Luke

27:48

Rockhold. I think it knew, hold

27:50

on new teeth, sir. He's

27:52

had three different opponents tap

27:54

out from due to strikes. He broke their

27:57

faces. That's what you're dealing with. to

28:00

risk the Mike Tyson, which will be the biggest bag he's

28:02

ever going to get. And the

28:04

most watched fight in the history of

28:06

combat sports. You're

28:09

taking a guy on in the end of

28:11

July in Mike Perry.

28:14

Now I get it. You hate him because he's from

28:16

Disney and the YouTube and whatever. His brother did this

28:18

and the crypto fuck all that noise. You

28:20

have at very, you didn't hate the guy. That's

28:22

fine. People hate a lot of people that you're

28:24

right. At some point, you

28:26

gotta be like, all right. It's kind of bad-ass. I

28:29

agree with you. But then people are gonna

28:31

say, Oh, here he goes fighting a smaller guy. Let's

28:33

talk about that. Were

28:36

you going to go there? No. Have you talked about this

28:38

at all? My Perry guarantee walks around 200 pounds. Boom. There

28:40

you go. So Mike, a hundred percent. So when Mike Perry

28:42

last fought, they weighed him in the night of the fight.

28:44

I think it was like 198, 199. So

28:48

Mike Perry could be around, you know,

28:50

205, but even a

28:52

fucking in shape, you don't think a 200 pound

28:54

Mike Perry can knock anybody on the planet out.

28:56

If 200 pound man who's been throwing his right

28:59

hand that long, everyone goes, Oh, Jake's so big.

29:01

Hold on. Jake was getting bigger for Tyson. I

29:03

guarantee he's not going to be that big against

29:05

pay. His friend. I would, I would assume he

29:07

should be, but I would let's, let's say he's

29:09

two 10. Which would

29:12

be heavy for Jake, which I think is a bad idea.

29:14

Cause Mike's going to be faster. Yeah. Mike's

29:16

Mike is going to be faster. Is he? Yeah.

29:20

Yeah. I pretty fast. Jake's fast too. I don't

29:22

know. But what I'm saying is let's

29:24

say they're equal, but if Jake comes in 10 or

29:26

15 pounds heavier than what he normally weighs, then I

29:28

think Mike's going to be faster. That's my point. And

29:31

it's eight rounds. But

29:33

now, now, so cons for,

29:36

for Perry, it's not, it's

29:38

not bare knuckle. Right. You're talking about a

29:40

different skill set. You're almost

29:42

talking about, you're almost talking about lacrosse

29:45

to hockey. For those people that don't

29:47

know, uh, beer knuckle and MMA, you're

29:49

talking about the beer knuckle and boxing.

29:52

Again, it'd be like assuming that Wayne

29:54

Gretzky would be good at lacrosse. Well, the

29:56

way I say it is this, what

29:59

makes you good. at boxing is a liability

30:01

in bare knuckles. So boxing, everything's built off

30:03

your jab. And if you watch Luke Rockhold,

30:06

he was trying to check hook, trying to,

30:08

it's not gonna work. The pretty stuff's not

30:10

gonna work. I would say the sweet science

30:13

is not your friend. It's not your friend. And

30:15

bare knuckle. It's just not. You take that sweet

30:17

science and you throw it out like I did

30:19

in high school. That's right. Yes. But

30:22

now, when you're a bare knuckle

30:24

brawler, we know one thing. Mike Perry doesn't

30:26

have any quit in him, and we know he's coming for

30:28

you. And we know he hits hard.

30:30

And he has a chin. And he's got a foot.

30:32

We've seen him get his nose pushed to the back

30:35

of his head and he doesn't care. He does not

30:37

care. So that's the thing. Now,

30:40

I would say this. When

30:42

he closes distance and start throwing the weight as

30:44

with bare knuckle, it's easier when

30:47

you have gloves to deal with that and

30:49

answer back, right? It's either

30:51

easier to defend. You can kind of cover up a

30:53

little bit, but still, here's my, if you're- But something's

30:55

gonna get through. Something's

30:57

gonna get through. Perry doesn't go back. He

30:59

only applies pressure forward. And

31:02

that's eight rounds of that.

31:04

Yes. So again,

31:06

Jake's not a bare knuckle boxer.

31:08

He's not MMA guy. He's a

31:10

straight, sweet science boxer. He's sparring

31:12

against sweet science boxers. So it's

31:14

a dance. There's

31:17

a rhythm. So when there's a rhythm,

31:19

and this guy's playing a different fucking-

31:21

Classical music rock and roll. Classical music

31:23

death roll. Boom.

31:27

He's not entertaining your jab. He doesn't care.

31:29

He's hitting your elbows. He's just coming in.

31:31

He doesn't care. And his fucking head's in

31:33

your chin. He's making it dirty. When

31:36

I say it's Jake's toughest fight,

31:39

it's not even fucking remotely close.

31:41

And he's risking it before the

31:43

biggest fight of his career, Mike

31:45

Tyson. So what happens if Jake

31:47

were to get knocked out? Definitely a possibility, or

31:49

lose on the cards. Absolutely. You

31:52

think Mike Tyson's Mike? Oh, fuck, dude. And by

31:54

the way, 10 ounce gloves. To

31:57

say no, 10 ounce ain't shit. Ain't

31:59

shit, dude. It might as well be an

32:01

MMA glove. I know everyone, it looks like

32:03

it covers their hands. It's nothing. It's so

32:05

hard. No, it's nothing. No. Cause

32:07

then you can also pack it harder. So it's more of a weapon.

32:10

You can get knocked out so easily. They're

32:12

clubs. The way boxers wrap their hands

32:14

are fucking meat hitters. That's right. People

32:16

think it's soft. It's nothing soft. There's no give.

32:18

It's like, oh. So remember that same 10 ounce

32:20

glove that Mike Perry's put on. I don't know

32:23

if he has big hands. Is the same 10

32:25

ounce glove Anthony Joshua puts on. Oh my God.

32:27

So imagine it has to spread over his. Oh

32:29

my Lord. So people think,

32:31

Oh, box and way safe. Oh,

32:33

you stupid. Those are shovels.

32:36

Fuckface. Correct. Those are

32:38

shovels. You fucking moron. Don't

32:41

say that. You're a fuckface. Cause you're going to get

32:43

your face is going to get fucked. Yeah. No,

32:45

I know you can't see the fingernails. It's

32:48

intriguing, man. It's such a, it's not even

32:50

close. And as far as entertainment, Perry's also

32:52

shorter than Jake Jordan. So he's going to

32:54

be coming in. There's another advantage there. You

32:58

got to punch out a brawler. There's an

33:00

advantage to be in shorter throwing just those

33:02

hooks. I going in. Do you think you

33:04

have more power when you're punching down or

33:06

when you're punching up? Yeah. When

33:08

you're punching up. Yes. Yeah.

33:10

Yeah. Six one versus probably

33:12

what? Five to five 10. Yeah. Yeah. Mike's

33:16

a fucking dog, man. And then

33:18

also think about this just from,

33:20

ah, what would you call it?

33:22

Just from a fighter's, um,

33:25

longevity from a fighter's career from

33:27

a fighter's from a fighter

33:30

leaving the UFC, right? Getting cut from the

33:32

UFC and going on to do

33:34

big things. Mike Perry

33:36

is the face of bare knuckle. He's

33:38

being compensated very well. He's fought only

33:40

legends. You go through, he's fought. I

33:42

would have never called him page, right?

33:44

Who's the fucking, uh, star of

33:46

the ball right now for the UFC. He's fighting fucking

33:48

our boy. He fought him in bare knuckle fighting. Yeah.

33:51

And beat him. Oh, and beat him

33:54

made it, made it bloody. I'll beat him.

33:56

Oh, in England. Oh my. Yeah.

34:00

down there and did it. Yeah. You're talking about,

34:02

you're talking about it. Like so,

34:04

so performance, when it comes to

34:06

stepping up in a performance, this

34:09

guy's so experienced. He's so,

34:11

he's been in there. I mean, his UFC career was

34:13

salty, but yeah, you're talking about a kid who got

34:15

cut, had to reinvent himself. He's

34:17

the face of bare knuckle. He's the guy,

34:19

he's the face bare knuckle, which is blown

34:22

up. UFC's in cahoots with it. He's fought

34:24

all these legends. And then

34:26

now he's fighting Jake fucking Paul. And

34:28

what do you think's after this? You

34:30

don't think Logan's there. You don't think

34:32

of Mike Tyson fights possible. You

34:34

don't think that Nate Diaz is interested in this? All

34:38

this shit, like all that's there for Mike

34:40

Perry. How you can't cheer for that is

34:43

wild is wild. Cause

34:45

just so you know, most guys that leave the

34:47

UFC are fucked. Cause

34:49

usually they're longer in the tooth. And now

34:51

Francis went on and did his thing. He

34:53

made money, right? And fought, fought fury and

34:56

then fought job got knocked out by Joshua.

34:58

And now it's kind of over. It's kind

35:00

of over. He might be able to get

35:02

a gentle Wilder that PFL might put

35:05

what Mike's doing. It has never been

35:07

done. Never, never. That's

35:11

really, it's. And he used the N word

35:13

before. Uh, and he's still doing the many

35:15

times, sir. Well, he's 1% black. Juneteenth, shout

35:18

out to Mike Perry. He somehow gets away

35:21

with it. Cause he's just, he's 1%. He's

35:23

just, he's from Flint, Michigan. And he's just,

35:25

you know, but also don't forget Mike Perry

35:30

three or four years ago, beat up

35:32

a random dude in a sushi restaurant and you

35:34

had charges filed against. Oh, he did. But

35:36

he also used to have his girlfriend corner him. Dude,

35:39

hilarious. Him and Jose can say go only once I

35:42

know what hilarious Savage.

35:44

That's how you know you're losing. But so

35:47

his girlfriend, he's corner. He has that whatever

35:49

assault charge he's doing all this stuff. And

35:52

then you can go back and watch the

35:54

fucking shop show. When he announces

35:56

he's on the kid, I go watch out for Mike Perry.

36:00

Really? Yep, I would guarantee

36:02

he gets his shit together. Wow. So,

36:05

we'll find this footage? When

36:07

he posts these, I'm a kid, I'm like, oof,

36:09

watch out for Mike Perry. Dude, kids will build

36:11

a fire under your ass, man. And if you

36:13

have children and it doesn't make you step your

36:16

game up, fuck

36:18

off. Yeah, I agree. You're a piece of shit.

36:20

I agree, because it ain't about you. No,

36:22

you're dude. It isn't even a little bit about you.

36:25

And now imagine Mike Perry, now do you have the

36:27

most round skill set in

36:29

the UFC? No, but he's always a dog,

36:31

he's always exciting, but he was

36:34

fighting for himself. And you can go kind of

36:36

far if you're fighting very far. Yeah, but. But it's

36:38

tough. It has to be bigger than you. So

36:40

when I saw him having a kid, I went, uh-oh,

36:42

watch out for Mike Perry. You know they say that about him.

36:44

Someone go out and go and find that clip. You'll see I

36:46

go, Mike Perry, I guarantee you changed

36:48

his life. Have you heard a thing about Mike

36:50

Perry? I've been around Mike Perry. Yeah. I've been

36:53

around recently. I was in Florida with him. Dude,

36:56

a complete fucking 180. Great

36:58

person, well respected, money in the bank,

37:00

family man, kids, trains his ass off.

37:02

Now he's fighting Jake fucking Paul. So

37:04

you know. If that ain't a success

37:06

story. It's such a beautiful story because.

37:09

It's so rare. It's so

37:11

rare. You know, they always say that the

37:13

most dangerous soldiers, what they

37:15

always say is if you're gonna raise an army

37:17

of mercenaries and you're gonna invade another country, you

37:20

better be put on notice because there's nothing

37:22

more fierce than someone fighting out of love

37:24

for their country, not because you're paying them.

37:27

When you're fighting an army of people that

37:29

are defending who they love, so that you

37:31

have an army of people that are defending

37:33

a way of life, defending the fact they're

37:36

protecting their family, you better,

37:38

better pack a

37:41

lunch and have all the weaponry because your mercenaries

37:43

can be turned like that. Once they start losing,

37:45

they're like, I ain't fighting with these guys. Because

37:47

you're fighting for something more than yourself. You do

37:50

die for it. You're gonna have to be more

37:52

than yourself. Joanna had to talk to me last

37:55

night. Like it was probably like nine o'clock. Tiger

37:57

had baseball practice, went to dinner, got

37:59

home around. 8 30, put them to bed, they're at summer

38:01

camps. I think go to bed a little later. And

38:04

then we're sitting there. I was just like

38:07

fucking staring at the wall. The first time

38:09

I sat down since I don't know, six

38:12

a.m. Besides working, talking. And she's like, you

38:14

look exhausted. And I was telling her

38:16

all this stuff going on. And she was like, well, I

38:19

mean, why? And I was

38:21

like, oh, why? The

38:24

kids. I love that. Why?

38:27

I love, I love that. I'll get, just relax. You

38:29

need a break. My sister was saying that the other

38:32

day. A break. I was like, a

38:34

break. I go like this. A break. I can't.

38:37

This break you're describing. Is that a

38:40

English word? Are you speaking Portuguese?

38:43

If I had the money, if you give me $50 million,

38:45

20 million, whatever you want to give me, I mean, okay, but right now. Still no

38:47

breaks. I can't. I'm a shark. I

38:49

can't. But even then, I can understand doing that,

38:52

but I got pills. You

38:54

gotta come up with crazy shit, man. All the

38:56

time. Got pills. I come up with crazy shit.

39:00

I know very few people that can actually stop. Like I

39:02

know some, you know, some super rich people that could stop

39:05

working. I know one person in my life. Yeah, yeah, because

39:07

most people would like, yeah, you'd

39:10

have to change your ways. And you know, there

39:12

are people that keep their. But Joanna

39:14

asked me this last night. She goes, if you think it

39:16

was just being you, if we didn't have the kids, you'd

39:18

be like this. I went, no, no, no, no.

39:21

I would be in a one bedroom

39:23

apartment leasing it, driving some outlandish car

39:25

that I can't afford. And

39:27

I'd have a bike and I would

39:30

probably just mosey around. Yeah, you'd mosey.

39:32

I'd mosey around. I'd probably tan a

39:34

shit, walk it down Venice Beach, barefoot,

39:36

I'd still live in Venice. Probably be

39:38

big, just big. Kind of a bit

39:40

of a story. I'd do all this,

39:42

probably some drugs, let's be honest. Probably

39:44

some drugs, no one knew. Just some

39:46

drugs. Probably got into meth. Yeah, baby,

39:48

just some, just the wrong girls, the

39:50

wrong girls would be like, you want to do some blow

39:52

and you'd be like, I mean, we're here.

39:55

It's Tuesday. It's Tuesday. It's Tuesday

39:57

at three o'clock and there's. And

40:00

the waves are crashing. I probably would have gotten

40:02

in with the wrong crowd. I probably would have

40:04

recruited by the Hell's Angels. And then

40:06

they would want me to be muscle for them. And they'd be

40:08

like, dude, you're too friendly. I'm like, I know,

40:10

but I need the drugs. Like, dude, you gotta beat that

40:12

guy. I'm like, hey, bye, yes, kids. I can't. Back

40:15

in the day, we'd do a podcast and

40:18

Jelena would have apple pie and stuff. We'd be like,

40:20

we've kind of earned it. Let's

40:22

eat some pie. You

40:24

know, we'll go to dinner. So, you know, when

40:26

I do a lot of my truck stuff is

40:28

all down South, like Orange County, San Diego, Oceanside.

40:31

When I come back, I don't care if it's

40:33

a longer drive or nothing. I go down Abbott.

40:35

I stop at Jelena and I sit there. Do

40:37

you? Yep. And I

40:40

think about the good times we had. Yeah, dude. And

40:42

I eat the abaceni fight club. Yep. And

40:44

then my son loves that pizza. I get a whole, that

40:46

whole cheese pizza for him. It's his best. So

40:49

my son, fuck you, New York, fuck you,

40:51

Chicago. The best pizzas off abaceni. My son,

40:53

every time. Jelena, take away. Not Jelena, the

40:55

restaurant. It has to be GTA. Yep. Jelena,

40:58

take away. My son, every Monday, Tuesday, cause I pick him

41:01

up at school, we go and work out. But

41:03

after that it's Jelena. He needs that

41:05

pizza. You, it'll fuck you. It'll ruin

41:07

you. It'll ruin that pizza. Those were

41:09

such good times. Oh, you know,

41:12

I just sit there after a pod and play a vista. You

41:15

would wear a tank top and we called you hungry eyes cause

41:17

all the girls would check it out with the shoulders for days.

41:19

And then you'd be like, I don't want to eat too much.

41:21

I'm going to get fat. And you'd be like, yeah, I'd order

41:23

all this food and I'd hide it until the girls left. It

41:25

was great. I was like, you're just. I'm

41:27

like, I'm picking up stuff from my friends. You would get so insecure.

41:30

I'd bring them to Hollywood parties and

41:32

he just wasn't used to like how small everybody was

41:34

in Hollywood. And then one day we're all hanging out

41:36

and I'm holding court, this, that, and the other thing.

41:38

And he was all insecure. Cause he didn't know. He's

41:40

like, what is this? And I just get, I was

41:43

dressed. I was always dressed fly though. Oh yeah. And

41:46

you would stand with your legs super spread apart. Still do. At

41:49

one point I'm just sitting there talking like that. And I

41:51

just, I just get, you just lean down in my area.

41:55

I just hear, I'm enormous. Yeah.

41:58

I am enormous. We're

42:00

missing, I don't fit in here. Do you do? Is

42:02

Godfrey here? Hi. We

42:05

gotta take a break. Whoa! Let's take a little

42:07

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42:09

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42:11

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42:14

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42:16

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42:18

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42:20

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42:23

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42:46

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42:48

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42:50

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43:01

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apply. Fishing.

44:19

I could have given you an

44:21

800-hour track. No, rah-duh. Goes a

44:23

little higher. Yeah. Jank, jank,

44:25

jank, jank, jank, jank. Jank,

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jank, jank, jank. Good jam.

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D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dank, jank, jank, jank, jank.

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D-d-d-d-d-d-d-dank, jank, jank. You got freezin'

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to house, ladies and gentlemen. Is

44:37

it starting? We're on, dog. Ohh!

44:40

Here we go. Finally,

44:42

finally. It's seeing this motherfucker. Dude.

44:45

Come on. He's only been

44:47

podcasting for 15 years. We were always trying to get

44:49

you on, and then you'd be like, yeah, because we

44:51

talked for a bunch. Like you were like, you know,

44:53

I was like, when are you on? We were talking

44:55

for a while, because you were in town, I think.

44:58

Everybody was all over the place. I understand that. I

45:00

don't know, man. But he would come in, I don't

45:02

know. I don't know. You would come

45:04

on the weekend, and then we'd be here on

45:06

Monday Tuesdays. So, it never worked out. Because you

45:08

live in New York. Yes, and everybody does, that's

45:11

what I love about comedians, everybody does their shit

45:13

on Tuesday, or Monday, the safe days,

45:15

before we have to take off. It's

45:17

the Tuesday, maybe Wednesday, if

45:19

that, but it's usually, you know,

45:22

if I get my shit Tuesday, Monday, good,

45:25

sometimes we're coming back that Monday. It's

45:29

a nice, neutral day. That's

45:32

why I get my buzz cut every Tuesday.

45:34

Every Tuesday. My boy, Yusef, my Moroccan barber

45:36

for 20 years. Damn. He'd

45:39

be like this, hey, were you in LA?

45:41

LA, that's LA shit. Ah,

45:43

motherfucker, man, what are you doing?

45:45

He's Arab, at North African. Yes,

45:47

yes. You know how legit

45:49

it is to have a barber that you know

45:52

you're gonna get, that's a guaranteed good cut every

45:54

time. Oh, man, I feel handsome when I leave.

45:57

You know when you get to someone's head,

45:59

you feel handsome. You look the same, but

46:01

you feel more handsome. I go to Floyd's.

46:03

You could feel the wind. You know what

46:05

I do? I do a lot of Jason

46:07

Statham turns when I get my haircut. I'm

46:09

like, Statham,

46:11

you know, Statham's. And just so they see the thickness

46:13

of your neck. I

46:16

wish I had a bar ride go-to every time and

46:18

you have a legit haircut. Every time.

46:20

I go to Floyd's and it's just a crap shoot. When

46:23

you're in New York, you can walk to your

46:25

shop. In New York, when you've been

46:27

in New York, as long as he's been, you have all

46:29

your spots. You know the lay of the land. He goes

46:32

down and does the seller. They got four spots now. So

46:34

you're doing, you're gonna do eight. 75

46:36

shows a week. You can literally. 15 a day. 15

46:39

a day. How about that? You can do eight

46:41

sets a week. It's a campus now. It's

46:43

literally comedy campus. And you guys are

46:45

going from spot to spot. There's always

46:48

an audience. Yeah, after COVID, Village Underground,

46:50

which is across from Blue Note, it

46:54

used to be just a bar hangout. I love

46:56

the Village Underground. And then went, okay, it was

46:58

music in the bottom now. It's all comedy. Then

47:00

the top, it was like the bar is comedy

47:02

now. And there used to be

47:04

a pool table. Now it's comedy and lounge, which used

47:06

to be a cool ass lounge, comedy. So

47:09

it's lounge, bar, downstairs and around the

47:11

corner. That's why. Stage at

47:13

every area. Every area. That's why there's

47:15

so many good comps. It's packed.

47:18

Yeah, New York different. And you can, you literally,

47:20

because back in the day when you were in

47:22

New York, when 98? Yeah,

47:25

well, 90. We

47:27

used to run around the city. It would

47:29

be all of us, Burr, Meew, Patrice.

47:32

It was Geraldo. I just saw Jim

47:34

Norton in the airport. Jim Norton, Brewer,

47:37

Quinn, Brewer, Mark

47:39

Marin, Brewer. It was all of us. All of us. The

47:42

brothers, Wanda Sykes, all of us running around. Rock

47:44

was around. Chris Rock, Tony Rock, Chris Rock. And

47:46

we would do on an

47:48

average in, Two gaffigan. Look,

47:51

gaffigan, five a night. You

47:53

do five, six shows a night. Do the

47:55

math. He's getting a cab and

47:57

just go down. The 40s out there, the comic

47:59

strips stand up New York. Just rats, rats. Boston

48:01

Comedy Club. Start uptown, go all the way downtown.

48:03

Downtown, uptown. And then would they pay you like

48:06

they do now? 25 bucks a spot? What'd

48:08

you think? A lot more than that.

48:10

A lot more than that. A lot more than 100 bucks, 150 bucks a lot. Yeah, yeah,

48:12

yeah. I've been getting 25. No,

48:15

not now. No, no, Comedy Store. So just so

48:17

you know, a lot of guys in New York,

48:19

you can pay your rent if you're a regular.

48:21

If you're a regular. That's what I'm saying, doing that

48:24

many sets, I assume, as a working comic. Yeah, you'll

48:26

get a couple thousand in your pocket. And this is

48:28

like a week. And then

48:30

by the time you haven't even really gone to your

48:32

ATM yet. And then the next Sunday you're doing more

48:34

shows again. So that's why a lot of New York

48:36

guys are like, fuck the road. Why go to the

48:38

road? Like, I'll just stay here. Yeah, I'll stay there,

48:40

which is good. But you want

48:43

to be it, right. There's the

48:45

caveat. Because my thing,

48:47

are you a comic? Of course you are, but

48:49

I'm saying, let's say you're at the Comedy Store,

48:51

you just play the Comedy Store. You're

48:53

breaking even, you're making your nut, but

48:55

you're not actually a traveling comic, like

48:57

on the road. You got to do

49:00

road. You got to do half

49:02

to. You have to do road. You have to

49:04

know how am I in

49:06

Texas? Because New York is great, even

49:08

if you're in the store and you're

49:10

really, it depends on how

49:12

you're doing your comedy, how you're working your

49:14

shit out. Some people waste their time on

49:16

stage. But

49:18

you can do good shit in New York, right.

49:21

I mean, New York makes you sharp, man.

49:23

It makes you sharp because you're around a

49:25

tell. Sharp, you're around and the writing and

49:27

everything. Even look at guys

49:30

like Maril and Mark Norma, Sam

49:32

and Mark Joke, factories, man.

49:34

Always working. I was just with

49:36

Maril yesterday. And just to

49:38

watch his new shit, I'm like, God damn.

49:41

Always writing, always working. Because

49:43

they're writers, because they're not the physical guy, like

49:45

us. We're like, we do a lot of body

49:47

shit, body shit. But they're

49:49

just the writing. They're writing. Have

49:52

you ever seen Mark? He has like

49:54

a stack of papers. He'll just have an idea and

49:57

write on the paper. Like he'll

49:59

go on. Like I could get

50:01

me, like he'll be sitting on it, he gets

50:03

out, it's literally a fucking, like trapper keeper of

50:05

jokes. Like, oh, you got an idea in right

50:07

this way. Yeah, there's guys like that, there's guys

50:09

like us, but they're just on stage all the

50:11

motherfucking time and you got, so

50:14

you're around that shit, but then in New York

50:16

you got all this good shit. Reminded of the

50:19

standard and where the bar is. Where the bar

50:21

is. And so, but

50:23

when you go on the road, I tell some of

50:25

these guys that are going on a road, they're hitting

50:27

a reality check, because they go, damn,

50:29

I'm in a half empty room. I go,

50:31

yeah, well that's the reality. You're in for

50:33

it. If the algorithm hasn't worked for you,

50:36

Yeah. You know, but in

50:38

reality, 99%

50:40

of motherfuckers are facing empty rooms. Like,

50:42

but it's not anything against you. No,

50:45

shut it down. You got

50:47

to build that audience. And I remember a guy,

50:49

I don't know if you remember, oh God, what's

50:51

his name? Oh, Jeff Sewell. Jeff,

50:54

well, Houston improv, Dallas

50:57

improv, Tom runs all those. He just

50:59

bought the San Antonio one, LOL. Oh,

51:01

nice. So, Jeff Sewell was

51:03

his. I'm doing San Antonio in

51:05

July. Oh, it's, man, I'm finally

51:08

selling that room out. It took strong

51:12

seven, eight years. Thank you. Because that's a

51:14

big ass room with big ass ceiling. Big

51:16

ass ceiling. And the dude that bought it,

51:19

the dude is a British guy who owns the La

51:21

Quintas. You know the La Quinta family? Oh yeah. That's,

51:24

he was just bored. And his wife liked

51:26

comedy. And he goes, oh, just buy

51:28

that. Gangster. And real nice guy, Bruce. He just

51:31

didn't give a fuck, didn't really promote it. And

51:33

the guy that runs it is a British dude.

51:35

I forgot. Yeah, he's great. Good

51:37

guy. And he's like, he goes, yeah, it's

51:39

just, he just had it. And then he

51:41

left, he retired and they

51:43

moved. And so Tom, who owns

51:46

Houston improv, Dallas and Addison bought

51:48

that one. And now, and he

51:50

put up a new San Antonio

51:53

sign there. Oh, now it's starting

51:55

to start. Good. Cause

51:57

I'm there July 12th, 13th, 14th. It's starting to, you can.

52:00

You can feel it. That's a great market too.

52:02

And it's very- Love that market. It's very

52:04

that demographic. Mexican, military. It's very Mexican, heavily

52:06

Mexican. And they're great. And

52:08

all like guys like, what's his name?

52:10

Like Steve Trevino and those guys, they

52:12

murdered there because it's Mexican. But now,

52:16

podcast, it's working. I tell people,

52:18

man, with us

52:21

guys, I say you

52:23

gotta have the tenacity of an average comic.

52:26

Have the tenacity of an untalented comic

52:28

because they're relentless. Talented

52:31

motherfuckers be like, what? Doing

52:33

that shit? I don't need no TikTok.

52:35

I literally start dancing. I tell Brian,

52:37

you better start dancing. You better catch

52:40

that algorithm and start dancing. I literally

52:42

have the attitude of a shitty comic.

52:44

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I will do

52:46

whatever it takes to get numbers. You

52:49

gotta hustle. And you know, you have,

52:51

I'm sorry. You

52:53

got the Ontario improv this weekend. I'm an

52:55

Ontario improv, which has been- That's a big

52:57

boy too. But it's

52:59

been really good to me. Latino market. But

53:02

it's, I have, my crowds are mixed,

53:04

which is great. My crowds are always

53:07

mixed. Got a strong African-American presence, strong

53:09

Latin. It's like, it's always- That's what

53:11

you want. Even if it's in a

53:13

strong, like, depending, like if I'm in

53:15

Baltimore, which is black, like

53:17

black, strong, it's 85% African-American. If

53:19

I'm in Cleveland, strong, I still

53:21

get a mixture of people. That's

53:23

good. But you always want your

53:25

own folks as your cushion. Always,

53:28

you want people to look like you to see you. Do

53:31

you ever play up the Nigerian angle? Like

53:34

the fact not Nigerian? I just feel like there are a

53:36

lot of Nigerians in this country that would come and see

53:38

you. You know what? No.

53:41

No. See? Because

53:43

Nigerians are arrogant. And I'm saying this, they're very, because they'll

53:45

be like, why do I have to- They usually have five

53:47

degrees, they're super educated. I don't, I don't- You should come

53:49

here. I have to wake up to go to work. For

53:51

what? I'm a doctor. I'm

53:54

an engineer, I have to wake up, I have meetings, and

53:56

I'm fine. They're busy, man. I know you,

53:58

I see you on TV. That's a

54:01

hundred percent true. Usman

54:05

came to see me. Tomorrow, Usman, you know

54:07

I know how to sign, you were a

54:09

Nigerian, so Usman came. I love that shit.

54:11

He was like, yo, dude, I'm in town, I

54:13

wanna come see you. Like

54:15

two years ago, we hung out, and

54:18

but I don't get a whole

54:20

Russia Nigerians coming to see me. That's so

54:23

funny. I get different Africans on Ethiopia, I'm

54:25

from Zimbabwe, but it's not a whole bunch.

54:27

It's not like, it's not like, they're also

54:29

super conservative. Very conservative. It's not like Joe

54:31

Coy with the Filipina. No, they go, oh

54:33

my God, Joe Coy's going to be a

54:35

fucker. Five

54:38

minutes. Russell Peters, I'm

54:41

a fucker. Nigerians, Africans, shit,

54:43

they're too hip. It's just like, I almost

54:45

dig it. Yeah, I almost dig it. And

54:47

I was born here too, so they already

54:49

have that against me. Oh yeah. Like,

54:52

you're not, you

54:54

are born here. Yeah, it's different. I

54:57

mean, you are Nigerians. No, listen, you are. You're

55:00

both, your sister was born there, but

55:02

you. You get it.

55:05

How do your parents get it? So we're just not going to

55:07

come and see, because we don't, we like,

55:09

now I'm 100% Nigerian. My

55:11

brother, and what's fucked up is, I

55:14

can't even get the civil war, because

55:16

my parents left because of civil war. Like

55:18

that's most immigrant. Between the Uibo and the

55:20

Yoruba one. You know about that? That was

55:22

the Biafra war in the 60s. I know.

55:25

I fucking, I can tell you stories

55:28

of me and Brian, how

55:30

he broke down wine grapes to me. Oh

55:33

yeah. At fucking greenblatz.

55:37

He was at greenblatz. He was just

55:40

doing Brian Kelly. Let me tell

55:42

you about this wine. Yeah, he knows this shit. It

55:44

depends on the weather, it depends on the

55:46

valley, the fucking vine, the

55:48

soil. Remember, and you go, see this

55:51

wine here? He knows this

55:53

shit. He's doing his shit. I've never seen this

55:55

shit in my life. He, and I didn't know.

55:58

I'm not a big, I'm not a drinker. Really? At

56:00

all? But my ex-girl,

56:02

she's like phenomenal.

56:04

She was, did some sommelier shit, all kinds

56:07

of shit. But different level.

56:10

I've never had my shit broken down until

56:13

nobody, people missed out on Brian

56:15

Callan and his fucking jeans and

56:17

his t-shirt, just this one

56:19

here. It's a good one.

56:22

No, he's still doing it. He's still doing it. This is

56:24

a man's, you know, he did it last night. But I

56:26

picked up from him because now, because I used to drink

56:28

with him and his friends, I

56:30

don't know shit. No, he's so coach, Brian's

56:32

so motherfucking coach. He's like a motherfucker. Although

56:35

I'm also an almost an idiot. I was

56:37

at a restaurant last night with my wife

56:39

and Sasha Vujevic who played for the Lakers.

56:41

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great guy. Sasha

56:43

Vujevic. Yeah, how do you say his last name? Sasha

56:45

Vujevic. Yeah. Vujevic, are you from there? No, but I

56:47

worked with him. So he's my boy. That's my boy.

56:49

I love that guy. His wine is amazing. Did you

56:51

just want him last night? No, no, no. I hang

56:53

him all the time. You just met him last night?

56:55

No, no, no. He's one of the guys I always

56:58

see. He's

57:00

Serbian. So Sasha's one of those guys that

57:02

we have, we ever hang out in Manhattan

57:04

Beach, but my wife yesterday, we're hanging out.

57:06

Yeah, he never gets better. He looks sad

57:08

there. Right? So we're hanging out and my

57:10

wife literally, as I'm standing there, we were

57:12

talking about wine because he has a winery

57:14

called Alexander and he gave me this amazing

57:16

bottle of wine. And we're walking and my

57:18

wife, how about this is my

57:21

wife? Literally, Sasha's six, seven. And my wife

57:23

goes, I'm sorry. And I

57:25

go, she goes, are you trying to be taller right

57:27

now? Your

57:30

back is so straight and

57:32

your neck is so long. And he started laughing to

57:34

her and she was like, and she starts doing this.

57:36

And I was like, you know what? That's exactly what

57:39

I'm doing. I'm trying to get a net just a

57:41

couple inches. But Brian with wine, if you listen, I've

57:43

heard that bit. I don't know since

57:45

been together a hundred times with the wine stuff. But

57:48

now I know my shit kind of enough

57:50

to where I'm around people. This might go

57:52

to hell. It's earthy. And

57:55

dude, that's enough. That's enough. That's enough

57:57

where they're like respect. I'll

58:00

do this. And a lot of times it's

58:02

about taste. Sometimes I'll go,

58:04

oh, I like this, it's smooth for me. It's

58:07

not this, there's no aftertaste. They'll go, actually, this

58:09

is a really good wine. Just

58:11

by feel, I can do it. By

58:13

feel, it's not the most expensive, doesn't

58:16

mean it's gonna be the best.

58:18

So another thing, also the oxidation

58:20

thing is important. The grapes, the

58:22

beer. Yeah, the breathing, the weather.

58:24

You're not understanding what you missed.

58:27

This motherfucker was 20 minutes

58:29

going to bed to bottle to bottle, because Greenblast

58:31

had a huge. And I had

58:33

you, I had a captive audience. Oh, and he was

58:35

like this, right here. This

58:38

is a wine. This is just wine. But

58:40

even halfway in, he could be full of

58:43

shit. Halfway in, you're in. It's Callan. Yeah,

58:45

I know. I'm not missing this. It's

58:49

like when fucking Cat Williams did this club

58:51

ché ché, whether he was lying or not,

58:53

it was fantastic. Because

58:55

earthquake can't read. So you're gonna

58:57

tell me it was an

59:00

earthquake can read because he was in the Air Force. 50

59:02

million views. Is

59:05

it 70 now? It's the highest interview

59:07

in history. And his ticket sales went.

59:09

Yeah, yeah, 70. Just off that.

59:11

No jokes. He's famous forever. Forever.

59:15

From that. Never not gonna be played.

59:17

Cat Williams, first of all, brilliant comic.

59:19

Great comic. Brilliant. I've seen that dude do

59:21

comedy where I was at the comic store and I was like, oh, it's

59:23

rare that I'll see somebody and go, I'm

59:27

a BJV right now. He's that good. I

59:29

was like, how the fuck is he this

59:32

good? And he was playing with the, there was a band and

59:34

he was doing shit. I was like, he's just, you know what

59:36

he is? He's a fucking original. Original. It's

59:38

jazz, man. It was jazz. He's

59:40

like the Coltrane. And he's

59:43

just, it's like Snoop

59:45

Dogg. It doesn't matter what

59:47

he does. It's just the coolest shit.

59:49

But he's also, he's also got jokes.

59:51

He's also got jokes. He's also, he's

59:53

also, he's very pimpin' pimpin'. But he's

59:56

a thinker. He's a little crazy. He's

59:58

a little crazy. It's brilliant. eccentric,

1:00:00

but he knows what he's doing. It's

1:00:04

organized chaos, you

1:00:06

know? And what I

1:00:08

love about him is he's a thinker

1:00:10

and he's talking real shit. Even though

1:00:12

you hear this and all that, he's

1:00:15

like, just like this government

1:00:17

poisoning you mother. He's

1:00:19

spitting real shit. He's

1:00:21

a thinker like I am, like we're thinkers.

1:00:24

He went on Rogan, even on Rogan, he

1:00:26

was like aliens. I

1:00:28

was hoping he would snap on Rogan, he's

1:00:30

gonna get you to listen. It's like he

1:00:32

lubricates the ideas with shit where you're

1:00:34

like, wait, what's he saying? This is

1:00:36

the way he delivers it. He's not

1:00:38

uninteresting. The way it's delivered, it's

1:00:41

so easy to consume where you gotta pay attention.

1:00:43

Then you wanna be in the same room as

1:00:45

him. The one dude, and I only spent one

1:00:47

evening with him, with me and Dove Davidoff, the

1:00:49

one guy who was, it's rare

1:00:52

you meet somebody who's an original thinker who

1:00:54

says shit and breaks shit down where you're

1:00:56

like, I never thought of it that way.

1:00:58

Joe Biden. Patrice O'Neill.

1:01:00

Patrice. Oh yeah. Yeah, oh yeah.

1:01:02

That was my guy. He was, you guys hung.

1:01:04

All right man, Patrice, we would go to his

1:01:07

barbecue. It's on YouTube. Me,

1:01:09

Patrice, Hannibal Burris,

1:01:12

I think Jim had left and you know, Rich

1:01:14

Voss, we'd go every year. Rich Voss. Love

1:01:17

Rich. Do you like my act? Rich

1:01:20

Voss comes in. Give it up for all my opening acts. I

1:01:22

haven't seen Rich in a long time, he comes in. I'm in

1:01:24

agreement when he goes like this, he walks by and he goes,

1:01:26

make coffee. He comes back and

1:01:28

he goes, I milked too. Tell

1:01:36

him what Bob Saget did you? Oh, Saget.

1:01:38

Two weeks before, two weeks, about two or

1:01:40

three. This is great though. He's

1:01:43

on the plane, he's in first

1:01:45

class. And it looks

1:01:47

great. You're getting on the plane. Brian's got on

1:01:49

the plane walking past Bob. He walks by, I

1:01:51

go, Bob, he goes, Brian, how you doing? He

1:01:53

goes, what are you doing? I go, not much.

1:01:55

We come from that. I was

1:01:58

doing gigs. He goes, oh, nice. He

1:02:00

goes, where you sitting? I go, eight A.

1:02:02

And he goes, in coach?

1:02:05

And I go, yeah, I didn't, I couldn't, I

1:02:08

had to get the flight, you know, and he goes, then

1:02:11

I won. That's so crazy. And

1:02:14

then in front of everybody. I won. I

1:02:17

won. Where you at? And

1:02:19

he goes, did you get canceled? I go, yeah, he goes, for your comedy

1:02:21

or what was? He

1:02:24

was just brutal. Savage. Savage. I know what

1:02:26

I was. And the guy walks by, the

1:02:28

guy comes out of the bathroom, he goes,

1:02:31

that guy walked by and farted in my

1:02:33

mouth. You see, farted in my mouth. I

1:02:36

was just, everything he would say was funny.

1:02:38

Everything he'd say was fucking funny. He's never

1:02:40

not funny. Bob Saget, I love

1:02:42

him so much. I got Bob Saget some

1:02:44

ass though. I remember that, yes. We

1:02:47

were at some party. Damn,

1:02:49

it was by, it was by that. What's

1:02:52

that? Oh, that restaurant off

1:02:55

of Beverly. Damn it, something

1:02:57

we were at and we're all

1:02:59

there. And Bob's like, he sees this hot

1:03:01

ass Asian. Was it Masgroves or something? It's

1:03:04

the steakhouse, what is it? Restaurant. Wallies.

1:03:07

By the Beverly Center. Crustacean.

1:03:09

By the Beverly, that. Oh, Sushi,

1:03:13

Sushi Brogan? The breakfast place. Damn

1:03:16

it. I'll look it up. I'll look it up. It's

1:03:19

red, I see red. It's like a restaurant. But

1:03:22

we were at some spot right near there, party.

1:03:24

And he goes, and we're standing there talking. And he

1:03:27

goes, look at that. That chick

1:03:29

of holy shit. She was a bad Asian

1:03:31

chick, right? I said, I'll go over

1:03:33

there and get it for you. He goes,

1:03:35

are you serious? I go, I've got

1:03:37

you, dawg. I just went over

1:03:39

there because it was for him. So I

1:03:41

was like. I got you, dawg. So I just

1:03:44

went, yes, full house. You know, Bob Saget,

1:03:46

he wanna meet you and shit. You

1:03:48

know, won't you? She goes, oh, oh, oh.

1:03:51

He ended up, boom. I

1:03:53

got it for him. He goes, aloo. He

1:03:55

always goes, God, I'll never forget aloo. He

1:03:58

wasn't putting it on. He was very. But

1:04:01

Bob would come off, I never saw him not kill, just the

1:04:03

way like with you, I never saw him not kill him. But

1:04:06

he'd get off and go, ah, it wasn't that good.

1:04:09

What the fuck you talking about? It's so funny. I

1:04:12

won. I remember it

1:04:14

was Stephen Wright. There's a good one, Stephen

1:04:16

Wright. Stephen Wright would come to the Laugh

1:04:18

Factory sometimes. Strange guy, germaphobe. But I love

1:04:20

his album. If I Had

1:04:22

a Pony is my album, that first album.

1:04:25

One of the most unique voices ever. Ever.

1:04:28

He had a big beard, he's

1:04:30

like, hey God, what's up? I was like,

1:04:32

hey, Stephen Wright. Do you remember him? You're

1:04:34

a young Bob. Stephen Wright, Stephen Wright was

1:04:36

really in the 80s. He

1:04:39

was huge, he's like, if you were in

1:04:41

a car, and you were driving. Yeah. No,

1:04:44

I've never seen him. But that's Stephen Wright

1:04:46

on the right is what we know, Stephen

1:04:48

Wright. That's Stephen Wright. Listen to his stand,

1:04:50

watch. I'll just throw it off. Very

1:04:53

thought provoking. Here you go. And he was

1:04:55

on Carson. During the

1:04:57

day, my parking attendant at Los Angeles

1:04:59

Airport, I parked jets. They're

1:05:03

going to let me go though, because I keep locking the keys in

1:05:05

them. Today I was

1:05:07

on an 86 foot stepladder trying to get in the window

1:05:09

with a coat hanger. It's

1:05:12

the kind of shit he would do. It's that type

1:05:14

of shit. It's great. He's like, I had some powdered

1:05:17

water, I didn't know what to add to it. He

1:05:19

did say it a lot. That's

1:05:21

so stupid. That's just he just said it. It's

1:05:23

so good. That's how he would think. Mitch

1:05:26

Hedberg was not the same, but

1:05:28

he was more hippy and

1:05:31

did those kind of thought provoking. I remember

1:05:33

being at the back of the laugh factory,

1:05:36

the area in the back by the bar.

1:05:38

I spent a lot of time back there.

1:05:40

Yeah. And we see

1:05:42

this girl walk by hot as shit.

1:05:44

He goes, that was nice. That

1:05:47

was nice. That was nice. I was like, yeah. That

1:05:51

was nice. He's like, that was nice. Fucking

1:05:54

great. What is

1:05:57

Boston hats? That was

1:05:59

nice. That's all

1:06:01

he needed. That's all he needed. That's all he

1:06:03

needed, just to watch it. It reminds me, Morgan

1:06:05

Freeman said that about Clint Eastwood as a director.

1:06:08

He goes, he's like, I love Clint. I love

1:06:10

Clint, because Clint will see us. Clint's

1:06:13

not like all these other directors. Clint would

1:06:15

go, eh, that's about right. That's

1:06:20

a fucking man. He doesn't say action

1:06:22

either. No, really? He goes, okay.

1:06:28

But that's so cool. He

1:06:31

goes, yeah, that's about good. That's great.

1:06:33

That's cool. Still doing it, by the way. He's 94. About

1:06:36

94 now. Didn't

1:06:39

he direct and start and was that grand?

1:06:42

Grand, grand train? He's 94 years old.

1:06:45

And he's so old now, and he's still doing it. And

1:06:47

what a life he's had. What a life.

1:06:50

Opposing music and everything else. He's an

1:06:52

old school motherfucker. I mean, and he

1:06:54

died. And it says children. Scott, Kyle,

1:06:56

Francisca, more. Oh yeah, he's got a

1:06:58

lot of kids. There's so many kids,

1:07:00

you gotta click on more. Because he's

1:07:02

with his Latin chick, I think. Yeah,

1:07:04

wasn't the best dad, apparently. Just like

1:07:06

he just was spent a lot of

1:07:08

time. Well, he shouldn't have been. He

1:07:10

was riding a horse, killing his guys.

1:07:12

Outlaw. Outlaw, Josie Whales. Josie Whales, I

1:07:14

have pale rider. I have four Clint

1:07:17

Eastwood t-shirts. And people just go, fuck,

1:07:19

yeah. Hell yeah. I got

1:07:21

the good and bad, the ugly. I got

1:07:23

Outlaw Josie Whales. It's the

1:07:25

baddest shit. Said about six lines every

1:07:27

fucking movie. And just kinda always looks

1:07:29

like he had a headache. Fellini

1:07:32

filled. And they said, my old manager

1:07:34

said, that's how movie stars,

1:07:36

they don't say a lot. It's the closeups

1:07:38

that make them the star. Like Steve McQueen.

1:07:40

They say a lot. Just some

1:07:42

McQueen fucker, just put the camera on. The opposite of

1:07:45

that, this guy. Hey, look at me.

1:07:47

Shut up. You don't shut the fuck up. I've

1:07:49

never been cool. When you always talk about being

1:07:51

a man, you gotta fucking act that way. Bro,

1:07:53

I'm not, though. My girl on top was like,

1:07:56

stop trying to be a brooding actor. You're a

1:07:58

jackass, just be that. I

1:08:00

wanna be Chris Walken. I wanna be the brother.

1:08:02

But those days of like Clint Eastwood, some

1:08:05

of those like Ron Senn. There was Charles

1:08:07

Bronson. Until we see it again, the

1:08:09

times make men. The times make men.

1:08:11

Oh, I disagree. I think with Hollywood

1:08:13

and like, cause the fourth wall's broken

1:08:15

now. Like remember like when I was

1:08:17

a kid, I loved Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester

1:08:20

Sloan. There was no, I only saw

1:08:23

them in the movie. Or they would

1:08:25

jump on Jay Leno for three minutes.

1:08:27

But they were unicorns. I

1:08:29

didn't know their politics. They're not

1:08:31

on TikTok making noise. They

1:08:33

were doing steroids. You were like, that was just how they

1:08:35

are. They're just muscular. My dad told me where. You know

1:08:37

what fucked up though? You know what got fucked up? His

1:08:39

reality shows ruined everything. And

1:08:42

that reality shows been around 20 something

1:08:44

years. And it ruined it.

1:08:46

It kind of blurred the line. Not

1:08:48

everybody got, they were like moving into

1:08:50

the real superstars lanes. I

1:08:53

mean, you got people who are literally like

1:08:56

stars that are bums. Cause

1:08:58

we watched them on these

1:09:00

dumb relationship shows. Right? They'll

1:09:03

be like, oh, Summer House and the both of them. Yeah, no

1:09:05

talent. Right? And that's if Summer House

1:09:07

had defeated them. And you're going,

1:09:09

wait, Paul Newman, this fucker? Oh, it'd be

1:09:11

like red carpet. A situation. Cool

1:09:14

guy, but Jesus. The talent

1:09:16

level, the barrier of entry. It's like,

1:09:18

imagine there was like 10 stars in

1:09:20

the 80s, like legit start now. The

1:09:22

red carpet, like Leonardo DiCaprio. That's

1:09:24

the girl from Real Housewives of Irvine. No,

1:09:28

no. Why are you on the same? Keep her away

1:09:30

from him. There should be two carpets. There should be

1:09:32

like a fucking purple carpet for

1:09:34

bombs. And then there's a red

1:09:36

one. For talent. It should be

1:09:38

rank and file. It should be like the

1:09:41

Olympics, bitch. You're fucking bronze. You lay, you stand

1:09:43

on that little shit right there. Does it come

1:09:45

back though? Do movies come back? I don't think,

1:09:47

I don't think those days are. I think movies

1:09:49

come back. Sorry, interruptions. No, no. I

1:09:51

think the movies come back. I just think the

1:09:53

day and age of legit superstars, where when a

1:09:55

movie comes out, you take the family to see

1:09:57

it, those days are done. They're done, huh? Well

1:09:59

done. They even, you know,

1:10:01

Faison love Faison. Faison goes, the movie

1:10:03

industry is done. There's really

1:10:06

no industry anymore.

1:10:09

I mean, when you see a film,

1:10:11

they've already chosen who they wanted. You

1:10:13

know, Brad Pitt and all these guys got their

1:10:15

people. They go, let's just shoot this shit. Now

1:10:17

they're consolidating too. So the days

1:10:19

of actors making money and shit are

1:10:21

gone. To your point, dude,

1:10:23

like Brad Pitt, you see a movie, he owns

1:10:26

a production store that did it. Well, at this

1:10:28

point, yeah. Now he's at that

1:10:30

level. And then when he and them can

1:10:32

wake up and go, I want to shoot

1:10:34

something. Fuck it. They're billion. This guy's, you

1:10:36

know, but. I don't think it's good. I

1:10:38

don't, like, I think like you'll see kids

1:10:40

like on YouTube or TikTok and I sound

1:10:42

like an old fart, but it's just like,

1:10:45

man, that's not stardom. That's not

1:10:47

talent. No, it's not. That's not

1:10:49

good. But it goes back down

1:10:51

to bottom line numbers. Look it.

1:10:54

I always do this little comparison I call, I

1:10:56

always have this character called sock puppet Pete because

1:10:59

you'll go to a, let's say

1:11:02

you're like, what improv,

1:11:04

right? You know, you've been

1:11:06

pumping it up, right?

1:11:08

Tickets are decent. Ain't good numbers. You

1:11:11

go there, you go, yo, man, you

1:11:13

had this guy sock puppet Pete, man, he was

1:11:15

here. He sold out like 11, added new shit.

1:11:17

You added shows, man, sock puppet Pete. And you

1:11:19

see this motherfucker with a puppet, like, you're

1:11:22

like, who the fuck is that? He started

1:11:24

last week, bro. He

1:11:26

got the algorithm, man, dude's huge on

1:11:29

TikTok. Got about like a hundred million

1:11:31

on this one thing they would have

1:11:33

sock puppet and it's fucking, and

1:11:35

it's like some dude going, yah, yah, yah, yah, yah,

1:11:37

yah, yah, yah, yah. Yo, he had a matinee show.

1:11:40

He had a four, he had a five o'clock. Yeah.

1:11:43

It's six o'clock. So he's flying privately. Fuck it.

1:11:45

Sock puppet Pete. And I gotta watch a fucker,

1:11:47

a picture of him. And there's no picture of

1:11:49

me in this club, but if sock puppets like.

1:11:52

It's promoting his dates. You're so right, bro. You're

1:11:55

so right, man. That's

1:11:57

what's, you're in his mouth. Just a tiny

1:11:59

picture. But you know what, you know why

1:12:02

that stuff doesn't bother me too much? Oh,

1:12:04

God. It doesn't last. It won't last. How

1:12:06

long you say you've been doing it? Oh,

1:12:08

God. How long have you been doing it? Shit.

1:12:10

Seven years. To a 30. Charlie

1:12:13

Chaplin. You're doing what Charlie Chaplin. So you're talking about, like

1:12:15

you have the skill set and the talent where it's going

1:12:17

to go on when you get 20- Oh, that's not going

1:12:19

to be, it's starting to- To 80s. Oh,

1:12:22

no. Listen. My buddy

1:12:24

said that about, like not to be, but with comics. Yeah.

1:12:27

Charlie Chaplin said, you can perform anywhere

1:12:29

for any audience, anywhere in the

1:12:31

world, and you're going to make them laugh. No matter what, you

1:12:33

don't need your own audience. You can go- I

1:12:35

can go- And I was like- Don't

1:12:37

matter. Don't matter. We got it in

1:12:39

our pocket. We got it in our pocket. It's a certain

1:12:41

skill set. It's a certain skill set. Yeah. It's

1:12:44

like the really good mechanics. You're always going to have a job. Yeah.

1:12:47

We're always going to have a job. Like, but it's like-

1:12:49

Thank God. Fuck. Yeah.

1:12:53

I was going to say, I had a thought and

1:12:56

I forgot. I interrupted you because

1:12:58

I was talking about- No, I had a good

1:13:00

thought too. Oh, yeah. When

1:13:02

I was in Houston

1:13:05

improv, Jeff Sewell, he doesn't manage

1:13:07

the clubs anymore. He used to take us to press

1:13:09

and all this other shit. He was there since the

1:13:12

80s. I mean, there's

1:13:14

a picture of him and Brad Garrett in 89. He

1:13:17

was the guy that took us to press and was

1:13:20

managing. The worst. So he doesn't do

1:13:22

it anymore. But he broke down because we were

1:13:24

hanging out. Because we'd hang out at Montreal. He

1:13:26

was like, we hung out. We would go eat.

1:13:29

We were foodies. So we'd go eat

1:13:31

all the Texas rib places. And he

1:13:33

would, one time we were in the

1:13:35

office to like one in the

1:13:37

morning, he was breaking down shit. He goes, you

1:13:39

see this comic here? He's always bitching about how

1:13:41

come I don't put it on my head? You

1:13:43

know, why don't you book me? I

1:13:45

go, and he goes, let me tell

1:13:47

you the deal with this shit. He broke

1:13:49

it all down. He says, we are a

1:13:51

beverage and food company. Restaurant. That's

1:13:54

a restaurant. We just happens to be

1:13:56

there. Correct. We trying to

1:13:58

get, you know how much you sell that? We make

1:14:00

our money off the drinks and food. He showed me

1:14:02

the overhead. He goes, this is what we spend on

1:14:05

fries. I go, this is what

1:14:07

we spend on the drinks. Now

1:14:09

we got electricity to run. Then

1:14:13

we got staff. So now we go,

1:14:16

who's gonna pay this bill? Correct. So

1:14:18

we go and look at the tears of comics. Okay,

1:14:20

we'll bring Gabriel in for this

1:14:23

one, to knock this out. Joe, go away.

1:14:25

We have 52 weeks, right?

1:14:27

So what do we do? We get this person,

1:14:29

this person, this person. And then you got guys

1:14:31

like myself. Oh, you're right under these because they're

1:14:33

a little more famous than you. It was fine,

1:14:35

but you guys do still good numbers. So

1:14:38

your shit could go here. You guys

1:14:40

are always consistent. Bam, you got this. Then

1:14:42

you got, well, if we make

1:14:44

it enough money, we got a surplus

1:14:46

with all these people. We've made enough.

1:14:48

Now we can bring in people we

1:14:51

wanna groom that are really good, but

1:14:53

they don't have an audience. But they're

1:14:55

funny. So we can spare that. Or

1:14:57

if someone drops out, they can get a

1:14:59

real headliner, give them a chance. So he

1:15:01

broke it all down. He says, so don't

1:15:03

take this shit personally. If you think on

1:15:06

the business side, but they don't teach us

1:15:08

that. Now people are learning

1:15:10

because of social media, we're learning

1:15:12

our own stats. We're taking a

1:15:14

product straight. You know you're worth. You know

1:15:16

you're worth. But before we were like just

1:15:19

told, go do well. Go out there, go

1:15:21

to your acting classes, get on that stage.

1:15:24

Us managers and agents will take care of the

1:15:26

rest. Well you and I didn't grow up with

1:15:28

any social media. Fuck no, nothing. And

1:15:30

even when that Twitter and all that shit,

1:15:32

even with Facebook, MySpace, we were all like,

1:15:35

I was like, what? I don't do that. And in Dain's Court.

1:15:37

I just told you that. That was like. Yeah.

1:15:40

MySpace. Yeah. Fuckin'. And

1:15:43

Rohan wasn't far behind. Rohan was always a techie. He

1:15:45

was always super into. He was an attack that cutting

1:15:47

that shit. Robert Kelly too, by the way. Kelly

1:15:50

was like one of the first guys. He

1:15:52

taught a lot of people podcasting. I mean,

1:15:54

his always been consistent. Another one

1:15:57

who's funny as fuck. Yeah. I just

1:15:59

saw him the other day. Robert Kelly, another

1:16:01

guy, another journeyman, who's

1:16:04

been, came out of the Boston

1:16:06

comedy circuit, was in the, no,

1:16:08

it was in a troupe with

1:16:11

Dane Cook. It was Al

1:16:13

Del Benny and the Monkees. Al Del Benny.

1:16:15

In Boston. How's Al Del Benny doing? He's

1:16:17

in Australia. What's he doing now? With his

1:16:19

wife. He probably talks like

1:16:21

that now. No,

1:16:25

I was just there. He's

1:16:27

gonna come back with that. Yeah, that's Al

1:16:29

Del Benny. You know Al. Yeah, I remember.

1:16:31

Al's a boy. He came up with Bobby

1:16:33

Kelly. I remember Al very well. He came

1:16:35

up with Kelly. Yeah, man. And Dane Cook,

1:16:37

they were in a troupe, a

1:16:40

comedy troupe. Al Del Benny and

1:16:42

the Monkees. So he probably has this Australian

1:16:44

fucked up Boston accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:16:46

He just moved there with his wife. His

1:16:49

wife is Australian. He used to work at the laugh

1:16:51

factory. They just, he just, he's been

1:16:53

there maybe 10 years. He just

1:16:55

said I'm not doing things anymore. I don't know if he's

1:16:58

not, maybe he can give famous like Arge Barker over there.

1:17:00

Remember Arge? Arge got

1:17:03

huge, cause it's like that big. He's

1:17:05

probably huge in path. Yeah.

1:17:07

Oh, Breeze has been kind of. Godfrey, what

1:17:10

would you do? Yeah, Arge, man. Arge

1:17:12

moved to fucking, and he's massive over

1:17:14

there. Good for him. He's

1:17:17

massive over there. Arge has been

1:17:19

like sometimes, like Bob

1:17:21

Marley, another funny. He crushes

1:17:23

it in New England. And

1:17:26

he's in the main

1:17:28

New England area that is a millionaire.

1:17:30

He's just playing those. He's a millionaire. I'm

1:17:32

not saying he doesn't go anywhere else, but

1:17:35

Bob goes Godfrey. I don't go too many

1:17:37

places there, Godfrey. I just stay right here,

1:17:39

right, Maine. I'm right for him. He's amazing.

1:17:41

He's an old man. And he's

1:17:43

inside, he's an old man. He has 9,000 stories. There

1:17:47

are people in 9,000. He's just decided

1:17:49

to do that. Like Doug Stanhope, like

1:17:52

I was friends with his manager and she

1:17:54

said he just decided, I'm not doing comedy

1:17:56

clubs anymore. I'm not doing it. I'm just

1:17:58

gonna rent. And

1:18:00

we're like, why? Because he's

1:18:03

Doug Stanhope. Yeah, he's fuck off. He'll do

1:18:05

what he wants. He's posted down on Instagram

1:18:07

the other day. He goes, guys, you know,

1:18:09

my wife and I woke up, decided that

1:18:11

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today. I

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love doing the road. I still love the

1:21:07

road. I like to travel and do a

1:21:10

stage. I had so much fun. Still, after

1:21:12

all these years. Yeah. Good for you. It's

1:21:15

like, I like leaving. I'm

1:21:17

addicted to it. I like leaving. I'm not, listen,

1:21:19

I'm not saying I want to... Well

1:21:23

now it's cool because you're making,

1:21:25

I'm making, it's awesome. You

1:21:27

know, compare... All your hard work is finally coming.

1:21:29

Man, this pan the fuck off. Comparing

1:21:31

to leave. You deserve it. To where like, okay, we're

1:21:33

going to pay you this flat fee of, nah,

1:21:36

nah, if you bonus. Now I'm doing door shit.

1:21:38

You know, it's... And I go,

1:21:40

80%. What a difference

1:21:42

because I got on social media and

1:21:44

it really happened during COVID. I was

1:21:46

like, you know, Dame Dash's? Oh

1:21:49

yeah. Dame Dash, Hova, that was

1:21:51

Dame Z's partner. You know, Dame. You know who

1:21:53

he is. He's Dame

1:21:55

Dash was the human, it was

1:21:58

Rockefeller. Aaliyah. Dame Dash. He

1:22:01

was on line during COVID,

1:22:03

like the beginning of COVID. And

1:22:05

he was like talking to one of his boys.

1:22:08

I was watching his live. And he goes, so

1:22:10

what are you gonna do, man? What are you gonna see? He goes,

1:22:12

let me tell you something, man. And he talks real fast. He

1:22:14

goes, let me tell you something. See all

1:22:16

this artists right here, the industry

1:22:18

shut down. If you ain't fucking creating, you

1:22:20

a dumb motherfucker. I'm telling you, it's

1:22:23

our time right now. And I was like, I

1:22:25

ran with that shit. And I

1:22:27

was on live every single day. And I was on,

1:22:29

yeah. Put

1:22:33

two eyes on the pub. It was like, man. And I

1:22:35

was trying to, I was trying not to move my mouth.

1:22:38

Crazy, man. You know, I can't stand that.

1:22:41

Why, man? You know how it is. You

1:22:43

know, how to just try to do all

1:22:45

that good shit. I know what you're saying,

1:22:47

man. But listen, Pete. That's

1:22:49

very good. Dude, I watched that. I watched that.

1:22:52

I watched that. I watched that. I watched that.

1:22:54

Bro, you should do, Dame Dash is right. Bro,

1:22:56

you should do Godfrey's bad puppet hour. I

1:22:59

might do that. Well, what's up, man? Welcome to the

1:23:01

puppet show. Don't pay attention to my mouth.

1:23:03

It's not about me. It's about right here.

1:23:05

Focus right here. Fuck all that. I ain't

1:23:08

got time for the ventriloquism. Now,

1:23:11

what's up, man? This is

1:23:13

my thought puppet. Godfrey, that's so good. It's just

1:23:15

like, you have a tiny audience. Bro, that was

1:23:17

good, man. That was good. I have some notes.

1:23:19

You know? What's your notes, man? We

1:23:22

really appreciate that. Yeah, man. I just want

1:23:24

to, it's more of a compliment. Like even

1:23:26

though your mouth was moving, I didn't notice

1:23:28

your mouth. So

1:23:30

I was noticing the puppet, especially when you told me to notice

1:23:33

the puppet and not look at your mouth in a way. Like

1:23:35

it was intimidating, but in a good way. We

1:23:37

talk at the same time. You

1:23:39

know what I'm saying? We synchronize. That's

1:23:42

what we do. Right now, is the

1:23:44

puppet talking or are you talking? Whatever.

1:23:46

That's in your mind. That's

1:23:48

the mystery, the whole thing. Too

1:23:50

many puppeteers like to hide behind walls and

1:23:52

that bullshit. We know you back there. Why

1:23:55

not keep it real? Be out

1:23:57

there. I'm connected, man.

1:23:59

It's all. I've all been a fucking

1:24:01

scam. Happy June, see ya. Puppeteering is a

1:24:03

scam, baby. Man, Kermit the

1:24:05

Frog, all the motherfuckers. It's a dude back

1:24:07

there. Gigs up. Gigs

1:24:09

up, man. There's a dude

1:24:12

back there. Like huge neon, gigs

1:24:14

up. Gigs up. Gigs

1:24:16

up. Dude, you ever looked at how much Jeff

1:24:18

Dunham makes? Oh, it's sick. Doesn't

1:24:20

he have an island? I'm very

1:24:22

aware of how much he makes. He's always on Forbes top

1:24:24

five. Right now he's making 20 mil a year. Listen,

1:24:27

listen. He has an island full

1:24:30

of puppets. He lives on an

1:24:32

island where all the puppets, he lives with them. It's

1:24:34

a town. Everything's fine. He has an

1:24:36

island. He drives the G170, he races around. Last

1:24:40

time was that Stand Up Live. I was

1:24:42

going to do it for I2. I was doing

1:24:44

Stand Up Live, I was there for a weekend, and

1:24:46

we were going out. I did press or something. And

1:24:49

you know, it's a stadium where the

1:24:51

fucking Phoenix Suns play is across the

1:24:53

street. It's packed. It's two o'clock. And

1:24:56

I go, who the Suns? Them

1:24:59

days I'm in season, they go, oh, it's Jeff

1:25:01

Dunham. I go, it's two o'clock. He

1:25:03

has a two, a six, and an eight. What?

1:25:06

And he sold out six shows. Jesus

1:25:08

Christ. I went, but no, but it's

1:25:10

two o'clock. Yeah. He's been doing

1:25:12

that for over 20 years. Yeah,

1:25:14

20 years. See, the puppet

1:25:16

stuff, you can have children there too.

1:25:19

That's what they said. They said family friendly.

1:25:21

So he's a two o'clock show. Gabriel Iglesias,

1:25:24

El Dodger Stadium. Sold

1:25:26

out twice. He's very clean. And

1:25:28

he's very likable with family. Think about

1:25:30

it, kids are coming. Families

1:25:33

are bringing their children. The revenue is

1:25:35

crazy. Like a lot of

1:25:37

niche, they're niche comics. I'm not

1:25:39

a niche guy. I'm

1:25:42

good for everybody, but it's niches.

1:25:44

You make more money like quicker

1:25:46

being a niche. And Nigerian, they're

1:25:48

not coming. They're coming, but they're,

1:25:51

okay, that's nice. Part of what makes you

1:25:54

unique is that you're, I can't

1:25:56

pin you down. Right? So

1:25:58

like I can't. then that

1:26:01

comes with blessings and it comes with

1:26:03

its own liabilities in terms of it's

1:26:05

hard to market that sometimes. Yeah,

1:26:07

and well, we're doing it ourselves. We're

1:26:10

marketing our eye market. I remember doing

1:26:12

a, I had a meeting at

1:26:14

Comedy Central. It was like, you know how Comedy

1:26:16

Central, it just doesn't relate to us anymore. I

1:26:18

was like, what's going on? They

1:26:20

used to be cool with premium blending. They used

1:26:22

to be the best. Cool shit back in the

1:26:24

day. Take chances. Yeah, there was a lady there

1:26:26

that was so wonderful. She really got comedy. And

1:26:30

I had a meeting not that long

1:26:32

ago. They wanted me to meet, I

1:26:34

was like, what for? My

1:26:37

manager was like, hey, why don't you meet? I

1:26:39

go, for what? I don't even understand Comedy Central

1:26:41

anymore. Not putting it down, I just don't, they

1:26:43

don't fuck with guys like us. So

1:26:45

I went in there and I told my

1:26:47

manager, I said, watch the bullshit that happens

1:26:50

and you're gonna see what I'm talking about.

1:26:52

You think I'm lying when some of these

1:26:54

meetings are fucking waste of time. Watch how

1:26:56

far off they are. And so he goes,

1:26:58

right? The guy walks in, some young dude,

1:27:00

what's up, right? With a fucking clipboard. It's

1:27:03

always great. What do you even do? I

1:27:06

was on stage at one in the morning

1:27:08

murdering an international crowd and I'm talking to

1:27:10

a fuck boy with a clipboard in the

1:27:12

morning. This is the shit that fucking pisses

1:27:14

me off. So I'm sitting there like, and

1:27:16

he goes, hey, what's up? And

1:27:19

I go, hey, what's up? You tell me, you know how you go,

1:27:21

you tell me. That's all I said, right? So

1:27:23

he's like, yeah, man, I said, I just wanna know

1:27:25

why am I here? That's

1:27:28

all a good question. Why did you bring me

1:27:30

in? Oh, but I said,

1:27:32

I noticed that a lot of your, the

1:27:35

stuff that you have on TV, it's nothing that,

1:27:38

there's nothing that has to do with

1:27:40

my style. It's just not my taste

1:27:42

or anything. He goes, no, but we

1:27:44

think, I go, I don't

1:27:46

know. And my manager's sitting there, right? His

1:27:49

name's Carrot, he's just sitting there listening. And

1:27:51

he goes, yeah, he goes, well, we have comics.

1:27:54

He goes, Adam Levine. Adam's

1:27:57

not a standup comic. He's

1:27:59

a funny guy. But he's not stand-up, huh? You

1:28:01

know and my manager goes yeah, he goes

1:28:04

I notice everybody on here. It's not a

1:28:06

stand-up What are you talking to start snapping?

1:28:08

He goes to not stand-ups I

1:28:10

go yeah, none of them but nobody's saying you go I

1:28:13

go I come from a different school different and he goes

1:28:15

well What school you come from I go funny motherfuckers? That's

1:28:18

what I said to him. I said

1:28:20

funny motherfucker. That's all I know. I

1:28:22

just know I'm we're killers I get

1:28:24

on stage and I destroy rooms. I

1:28:26

don't understand anything else. That's

1:28:28

what I do I didn't give a fuck about the

1:28:31

meeting of no I said you know it's not going

1:28:33

anywhere I do right now, but there's also but there's

1:28:35

also power in that like you walk out like oh

1:28:37

he's dangerous Remember when yeah, we're

1:28:39

with Morgan Freeman. He kept trying to get

1:28:42

appeals. It's all shank. He goes you know

1:28:44

what I don't give a fuck Yeah, yeah,

1:28:46

you're you're You

1:28:48

got out I don't give a

1:28:50

fuck well Part

1:28:53

of it is I was with my wife and

1:28:55

Kenny Chesney I think that he came on the

1:28:57

radio. Yeah any Chesney. I'm not

1:29:00

yeah, man. You don't massive massive Chesney

1:29:03

Song his song was something like this. I

1:29:06

don't want easy. I'm not putting down mass.

1:29:08

I'm not putting them down either You know,

1:29:10

there's like Swifties. There's yes. Yes. I think

1:29:16

The song was something like this without without I'm

1:29:19

not gonna do a good but again But it

1:29:21

was the lyrics were something like I'm in the

1:29:23

back of my truck with a beer in my

1:29:25

hand And I'm sitting here looking at my girl

1:29:27

who I like she's gonna be the girl

1:29:30

for me She's coming up over the hill.

1:29:32

Yeah, whatever it is And I'm like and

1:29:34

I'm like this is the

1:29:36

song though this this this is a

1:29:38

song called literal Is this

1:29:40

song called so super literal is this

1:29:42

song called no metaphor is this song

1:29:44

called obvious words? You don't know what

1:29:46

you're talking about. I can't listen this

1:29:51

And that's why you're not selling

1:29:53

out Yeah,

1:29:56

I can't kidding Chesney's I

1:29:58

know for he's been relevant 30 years.

1:30:00

No, no, but some of it is when you

1:30:03

stay simple and you stay formulaic. His thing's catchy

1:30:05

and it's also his audience. That's it. So if

1:30:07

he came out with this new like jelly moment.

1:30:09

I'm saying I'm saying. He's going to

1:30:11

Chinn's absolute favorites by the way. He's so offended. Ella,

1:30:14

but you see you the way you say it was

1:30:16

like a Tim McGraw song. Okay, I don't know. Do

1:30:18

you know that the barbecue stand on my YT shirt?

1:30:20

She was. Yeah. But

1:30:24

listen. But they're all literal. But you

1:30:27

have you have the

1:30:29

gambler, which is on

1:30:32

a warm summer's evening on a

1:30:34

train bound for nowhere. Yeah, met

1:30:36

up with the gambler. We were

1:30:38

both too tired to sleep. Right

1:30:40

on. And we both took a

1:30:43

stardust stand right at the window in

1:30:45

the darkness. The boredom overtook

1:30:47

us. He began to speak. He

1:30:50

said, son, I made a life

1:30:52

of reading people's faces. Knowing

1:30:55

what the cards were by the way,

1:30:57

they held their eyes. And if you

1:31:00

don't mind me, what are we doing?

1:31:02

Do what do country music? Because

1:31:10

that tells the story of the story metaphor in it.

1:31:12

So I got a question. What's the real song? Did

1:31:14

the gambler die or did he

1:31:16

just fall asleep? You

1:31:19

know, who's the who's the other guys in

1:31:21

his final war? The other guy talked about

1:31:23

did exactly remember he said in his final

1:31:25

words, I found an ace that I could

1:31:27

keep. You got to know. I mean, that

1:31:29

song is probably the greatest country song. I

1:31:31

agree with you. It's the coldest shit. It's

1:31:34

so dope because you picture it because he's

1:31:36

talking to the gambler. He says, if you

1:31:38

don't mind me, give me give me for

1:31:40

a taste of your whiskey. I'll give you

1:31:42

some advice. I

1:31:44

made a life of reading people's faces knowing

1:31:46

what the cards were. It's like metaphor. I'm

1:31:48

going home and listening. I'm gonna listen to

1:31:50

my car. Listen to the jigging. The short

1:31:52

answer is he did die at the end

1:31:54

of the song. He died. That's the short

1:31:56

answer. So he did die because he goes

1:31:59

and in his final words, I found. and

1:32:01

they said I could keep you got so

1:32:03

I'm thinking he died that was It's

1:32:07

so good your homework on This

1:32:10

you go. Oh, yeah, I'm sure I do I'm

1:32:13

just saying that song I was like,

1:32:15

hmm. This is slappers a good slappers

1:32:17

Well, I think I think I think

1:32:19

a lot of the country stuff is

1:32:21

kind of trash Personally because I grew

1:32:23

up with Johnny Cash and you grew

1:32:25

up under Conway twitties and and the

1:32:27

Murrow Haggards They don't even make you

1:32:29

know your music bro and Murrow Haggard

1:32:31

was actually in When

1:32:33

he did his Folsom Prison album, Murrow was

1:32:36

a prisoner an inmate Oh, he was in

1:32:38

the wrong. I was in jail. He was

1:32:40

yeah, he was in these are white trash

1:32:42

motherfucker This is this is when jails were

1:32:44

filled with white dudes Quitting

1:32:51

to it. Yeah, I'm a boy named Sue.

1:32:53

Yeah, my boy named Sue. There's a couple

1:32:55

guys like Dan country now Zach

1:33:00

Brian's like a Johnny Cash. I feel like they

1:33:02

both have that folk lot of people think yeah

1:33:04

But Murrow was a inmate and got inspired by

1:33:07

Johnny Cash and be started old

1:33:10

you know Co-orgi from Muskogee that

1:33:12

he was inspired by being in

1:33:14

prison watching cash play Hmm. I

1:33:17

mean I grew up on this shit. We

1:33:19

all grew up. These were on the radio

1:33:21

man He all was playing grew up in

1:33:23

New York Chicago. Gotcha. I grew up in

1:33:25

Chicago and But you

1:33:27

had he-haw Which was on

1:33:30

on TV and you had

1:33:32

like the the barber-man-drell sister Matt

1:33:34

They had people had variety shows

1:33:36

the Almond brothers the jackson's sunny

1:33:39

and shit. They had shows on

1:33:41

TV Filled with talent

1:33:43

tap the right Always

1:33:46

on TV Conway Twitter George

1:33:48

Jones. Yeah, Roy Clark Buckowitz

1:33:51

they were on television and

1:33:54

you knew them all there was holding so

1:33:56

many channels. Yep. There's four channels There's only

1:33:58

so many that's so true And you knew

1:34:00

them all. David Blaine

1:34:03

said something to me about, he was

1:34:05

doing- Magic? He was doing

1:34:07

magic, right? Right. And he said to me,

1:34:09

he said, if we're

1:34:11

living at a time when I would do a

1:34:13

magic trick and it would trend for three fucking

1:34:15

years, I would levitate. And everybody talked about that

1:34:17

for three years. We did. He goes,

1:34:19

I do a magic trick now, anything I come up

1:34:21

with now, he said, if I'm lucky, two days. And

1:34:24

the algorithm. Yeah, he starts swimming with great white sharks

1:34:26

to hit the algorithm. You know what I'm saying? That's

1:34:28

when I was like, oh, we're fucked. Social

1:34:31

media changed when Will Smith was like, what's

1:34:34

this social media thing? I'll

1:34:36

do it. And I'm posting and driving my car,

1:34:38

hey, big old Will Smith, like, no,

1:34:41

let me try it. An actual talented creative dude with

1:34:43

a team, a production team. But he already has billions

1:34:45

of fans. That's what I'm saying. Get the fuck

1:34:47

out of here. Yeah, he needs you. He's jumping out

1:34:49

of the building. He needs more.

1:34:52

It's like going to yoga class and a

1:34:54

ballerinas and it. You bitch, you didn't get

1:34:56

flexible from yoga cheater. You don't need

1:34:58

this like I do. You're doing a split. Yeah, you're

1:35:00

a ballerina cheater. What did you think of that? Yeah,

1:35:02

when Hollywood got into it, when Will Smith started, he

1:35:04

took it to another level. Did they last a while?

1:35:07

Will Smith? Yeah. Oh yeah. It's

1:35:09

like. Yeah, yeah, that slap. What did you think

1:35:11

of that slap? You know, you know, Rock. I

1:35:14

know Rock and I know, I know Will. I met

1:35:16

him a few times. Will, very nice guy. But,

1:35:19

and I know Will's best friend, Charlie

1:35:22

Mack, who's pretty much the mayor

1:35:24

of Philadelphia. Charlie Mack is his

1:35:26

guy. Charlie Mack knows

1:35:29

where Will is all the time. That's

1:35:31

my guy, you know? But I thought

1:35:33

that was ridiculous. I thought it was

1:35:36

fucking weird. When I saw it happen. So

1:35:38

cringy. Some people in Cat Williams said some

1:35:40

stuff is planned. He believes, some

1:35:42

people believe it was set up. I go,

1:35:46

unless it's just some ritual you're supposed to

1:35:48

do of embarrassment. I go, that is the.

1:35:51

Cause why would Chris sign up for that? Like, no,

1:35:53

no, I know. Cause Will is

1:35:55

six, like, all right. Yeah, Will's big. It's

1:35:58

not a small dude. Fresh Prince of Bel- Um.

1:36:00

I remember when Will Smith, I used to do

1:36:02

this show called

1:36:04

Thunderbox. It

1:36:06

was me and Eric Nese. If you know Eric

1:36:08

Nese from the first, what

1:36:11

is that, the reality show in

1:36:14

MTV? Real world? Real world.

1:36:16

The first real world with Heather B. And I

1:36:19

did a show with Eric Nese. We hosted

1:36:21

Thunderbox. It was like a boxing show with

1:36:23

points, it almost like a game

1:36:26

show, but real boxers. And

1:36:28

Will came to hang with us when he was training

1:36:30

for Ali. And he was

1:36:32

big, man. He was big, he

1:36:34

came and sat in the booth with us. Put some

1:36:36

muscle on him. And the boxing federation hated all of

1:36:38

us because we were there for the comedy. We were

1:36:40

like, and you can see these boxes. You know, you

1:36:42

go back to, ain't no, that shit ain't funny, man.

1:36:45

What you doing, man? You clowning us, man. You

1:36:48

know those boxers that have been beat? They're

1:36:51

like, man, we watch that clown shit. That's

1:36:53

some clown. I said, we need to stop. No,

1:36:56

I was like, it's done. They

1:36:58

will fuck us up. Cause this is not

1:37:00

a, this is some grimy shit. Boxing is grimy.

1:37:03

And I go, we need to stop. They're

1:37:05

not enjoying this shit. They're like, man, we

1:37:07

don't like all that clown shit. I'm

1:37:09

telling you, but cut that shit out. I was

1:37:11

like, we are. Half a gangster. We are gonna

1:37:13

cut, cause boxers still know how to fuck them

1:37:15

up. We are gonna. You

1:37:18

fighters know how to fight forever. They don't

1:37:20

not know how to fight. They still know

1:37:22

how to beat your ass in

1:37:24

an organized fashion. Correct. It's

1:37:27

not wild. It's like bomb. I'm gonna hit you in the

1:37:29

inside of your thigh. Hit you near the

1:37:31

counter. It's all

1:37:33

perfectly organized where your body's

1:37:35

like, yeah. It's not

1:37:37

like some. And you have no idea

1:37:40

until you get hit. Furniture ain't moving.

1:37:42

Nothing. You know what bad

1:37:44

fight is when furniture's moving. These motherfuckers be, bomb!

1:37:49

This motherfucker's gonna get furniture ain't moving.

1:37:52

This motherfucker got pinpoint accuracy. He doesn't

1:37:54

need to. He knows exactly where they

1:37:56

hit you. He'll just grab you. Yeah,

1:37:58

just, and just, and. Michael

1:38:01

Rapp, Michael Rapp tried to fight him, tried

1:38:03

to go and grabbed him and Brandon went,

1:38:05

why? What do you want to do? You want

1:38:07

to put me in a headlock? I've never been in that situation. Why?

1:38:09

And then he did, he tried to put you in a headlock and

1:38:11

he got his rib popped. Yeah. Broke his rib.

1:38:13

Well he didn't mean to but he just pulled, he just pulled him

1:38:15

in. But it's just their natural, it's like once

1:38:17

a soldier, always a soldier, you can't do

1:38:20

that. Don't play games with these days. As

1:38:22

we say in France, se une disaster. De-saster.

1:38:25

Se une disaster. Faire, le rément. De-en-j'a-roux. Se

1:38:28

t'en-j'a-roux. That's down. J'a-roux. You

1:38:31

speak French. Oui, je parfonci. Je parfonci.

1:38:33

Oui? Je parfonci. Je

1:38:35

parfonci. Un puy, un d'appur. Tres

1:38:37

difficile. Tres difficile. Ah. He's

1:38:39

like, what the fuck's going on here? Yeah. Sorry,

1:38:42

right? So you're fluent? Je bite a

1:38:44

la bon, conge, je amtigarçon. Wow.

1:38:46

Lebanon is good so I went there. You

1:38:49

lived in Lebanon for five years. The more

1:38:51

you know. Five years. The more you know.

1:38:53

Your account speaks French. I know, I've done

1:38:55

Beirut with Holy Elie. I did with Nimr

1:38:57

al-Nasar. We did Beirut years ago. We

1:39:00

gotta do, I was thinking about

1:39:02

you because I'm getting these offers to come to

1:39:04

Saudi Arabia in places. We need to do that.

1:39:06

I did Jeddah with. How was that? With, with,

1:39:09

Paulie Shore. Never, okay. I did it with Paulie

1:39:11

Shore. Did you have to stick to, did you

1:39:13

have to be careful? Oh yeah, they were like.

1:39:15

Oh yeah. Yalla, yalla, yalla. Please don't, don't, don't.

1:39:18

It's the, just do clean shit. Just don't,

1:39:20

don't, don't, don't make fun of the government.

1:39:23

Yeah, it's like an easy one. It's

1:39:25

like, don't go, hey, I want to fuck one of your bitches. Yeah.

1:39:29

No, these people here, you won't, you'll be missing. Don't

1:39:31

play with them. You get the, Sholty said he went

1:39:33

down there, B. Oh, he did? Yeah, Sholty

1:39:35

went down there. Yeah, yeah, it did. It was a good

1:39:37

time. You know, what's your P's and Q's. Just, just, just

1:39:39

talk about. Well, I live in Saudi Arabia, so I live

1:39:41

in Saudi Arabia. Yeah, but they don't care. They

1:39:44

don't care. You went from Lebanon to Saudi? Yep,

1:39:46

and Greece. Dad was in CIA. Pakistan. Your

1:39:48

father, you were a banker, banker. CIA though.

1:39:51

Ah, yeah, I see. You from

1:39:53

that good stuff. Yeah. Yeah, banker. So

1:39:55

you lived in Saudi, just, you were

1:39:58

just. Jet setting. All international. But my

1:40:00

mother would immerse us in the culture.

1:40:02

So my mother would speak, my mother

1:40:04

speaks fluent Arabic. My mother speaks, she

1:40:06

speaks Spanish, she speaks French, she speaks

1:40:08

Italian. Damn. She learned Urdu.

1:40:10

Sick. When we lived in

1:40:12

Pakistan, she learned Urdu. Because Urdu, and

1:40:14

I think Urdu has some Arabic influences.

1:40:17

So we would, when we were

1:40:19

in those countries, my mother would

1:40:22

make sure we ate the food, we

1:40:25

had friends, we never were American. Why

1:40:27

weren't you? We weren't American based. We

1:40:29

weren't an American compound. My

1:40:32

mother was, to her credit, would literally,

1:40:35

so I remember being in Saudi Arabia,

1:40:37

and the Bedouin, the original, the Bedouin,

1:40:39

like they tall, wrapped in

1:40:41

nothing but white sheets, and they can

1:40:43

live in that desert. No problem, off

1:40:45

their camels and goats. No problem. In

1:40:47

the middle of nowhere. In the middle

1:40:49

of nowhere. Dates, bread

1:40:52

that they make there. Badass. And

1:40:54

camel milk. And all year. It's

1:40:56

badass. And true subsistence. But my mother, I

1:40:58

remember my mother, she spoke Arabic, they couldn't

1:41:00

believe this little white lady, and she took

1:41:02

me by the hand. And

1:41:05

we were in the dunes, you know

1:41:07

the sand. Hell yeah. And she took

1:41:09

me, and they fuckin', when they saw

1:41:11

that this white American woman, who spoke

1:41:14

their language, was bringing her son, and

1:41:17

giving her son an experience. Dude! They

1:41:19

loved it. They opened, when you do that to

1:41:21

the Arabs, they will open, they will give you

1:41:23

their whole life. They will give you their, they

1:41:25

will give you their, they will give you everything.

1:41:27

And they're in culture, because Americans. Dude, we ate

1:41:29

goat, which they never do. We had a goat

1:41:31

grab. We sat there, everything. Because yeah,

1:41:34

usually when Americans are over there, we're doing some

1:41:36

other stuff. And Americans are arrogant as fuck. I

1:41:38

remember being in Egypt, I remember being in Egypt,

1:41:40

I went to, you know, for, I went for

1:41:42

the pyramids, you know, just to go see. And

1:41:45

I remember being in these army trucks to take

1:41:47

us to the pyramids. There's

1:41:49

this dude from Boston, Irish

1:41:51

guy, fuckin' Yappin'.

1:41:53

I go, I go, and

1:41:55

they're singing songs in Arabic, which is beautiful.

1:41:57

And you're like, I'm a baby. I

1:42:00

was like, yo! It

1:42:03

was beautiful. Can you share a gift? Get out of the house.

1:42:05

I'm Nigerian. I'm Nigerian and always have

1:42:08

an, and my uncle was very famous

1:42:10

in Nigerian singer. My uncle Sonny Ocosen,

1:42:12

and I have my aunt that's really

1:42:14

famous too, has very famous in Nigeria

1:42:16

singer. So international music was always part

1:42:18

of us. And my friends

1:42:20

were in Chicago, all my

1:42:22

friends were immigrants. Because you know Chicago's the most segregated

1:42:24

city of this day. A lot of Arabs in Chicago

1:42:27

in that area too. There was a lot of, my

1:42:29

friends were all immigrant children. So

1:42:31

I appreciated all kinds of music. So

1:42:34

this dude sitting next to me, he's

1:42:36

going, yo, what the fuck man? I go, I

1:42:39

said, you need to shut the fuck up, man. I

1:42:42

said, you need to, that Boston. You're in Egypt. I said,

1:42:44

you're in Egypt. You're in a country that's got 5,000 years.

1:42:47

My man, keep your motherfucking mouth.

1:42:49

And he kept talking. These guys

1:42:51

were like, hey my friend, what

1:42:53

did I say? Hey man, he's cool. No

1:42:55

problem, sahabibi no. He go,

1:42:58

what are you doing? Bro, people what the fuck

1:43:00

you do? You're playing games here. He shut up.

1:43:02

Cause one guy said, my friend, we don't want,

1:43:04

yeah, he just went off and I said, scary.

1:43:07

I said, I said, sharmut. I

1:43:11