0:00

On this episode we

0:02

discuss Cobra! Live

0:04

from Vancouver, Canada! Hey

0:35

everyone and welcome to the Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy.

0:38

I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot

0:41

Kalin. And we

0:43

are... Alex is

0:45

milking applause out of his name.

0:48

I added a lot more ends to my name. Stolen

0:52

Valor. Junior. Stolen

0:55

Valor, yeah. I've been going around pickpocketing

0:58

ends from other people's names. Christopher

1:01

Ola, the director of Oppenheimer. Two

1:04

ends more in my sack. We're

1:09

here in Vancouver, Canada. Look

1:13

it's baseball pitching superstar Ola Raya.

1:16

Three more ends for Elliot. I

1:23

wish I could say I'm not trying to think of a name with

1:25

a lot of ends in it. That's

1:27

how I get you. Yeah,

1:29

this is a podcast where we watch a

1:31

bad movie then we talk about it. Now

1:34

for this live episode

1:36

we decided to watch Cobra,

1:39

a canon classic, story

1:42

one Mr. Slice-Flom being written

1:44

by. Now when he

1:46

says canon, just for anyone who's not

1:48

a bad movie buff, he means canon

1:50

films not canon like it's in the

1:52

Bible. There's no book of Cobra. I'm

1:54

not saying this is A canonical

1:57

work. It's listed on the syllabus, we have to read it. Why

2:01

protect? The Western civilization. So we're gonna we

2:03

watch Cobra. This is a movie on that

2:05

ally the of. I've. Seen this

2:07

movie before size that in a bathroom

2:09

or I have see that I've actually

2:11

been meaning to rewards Cobra for for

2:13

once in my life. The podcast is

2:15

really good excuse to like see a

2:18

movie. I've found out why I can

2:20

have you seen a hold over here

2:22

is like know moines was Kruger for

2:24

success over doesn't make sense of the

2:26

have as they go through. Actually my

2:28

wife really wants to see the holdovers.

2:30

I'm being good reason you are good

2:32

for me Juri that you know if

2:34

you're great. How

2:37

they can thank you He was waiting for me to

2:39

say back to have no noise that I didn't know.

2:41

I'll take any level. I'm

2:43

on board. Okay, Everybody's let's tackle

2:46

probably go to the Plaza Cobra

2:48

these guys at a time and

2:50

interrupt me or try to S

2:53

S S S with us. Cobra

2:55

starts. His lawyer will erode improve

2:57

a cell research the same way.

3:00

Every movie said starts with a

3:02

voiceover of Sylvester Stallone telling you

3:04

suspect crime statistics, a second murders,

3:07

burglary, or eleven seconds. The

3:10

somebody steals a baby of you diseases.

3:12

You know we'll ever thirty four minutes.

3:14

Somebody says his earth the good A

3:17

favor of these is baked goods store

3:19

thrown away for city is only now

3:21

occurred to me that we should have

3:23

called up for our old The Daily

3:25

Show fact checker friend Adam shot a

3:27

cop and be like Adam for new

3:29

fact that these corporate. Of

3:32

the it was a crime statistics or for nice

3:34

Lady Thatcher and. Will.

3:36

Does or have you know that I

3:38

did The vet said to myself as

3:40

a everybody's miserable and branded as I

3:42

know others you know some but when

3:44

I saw the you had thought about

3:46

my little bro agility two hours with

3:48

this. Is a movie I saw it in and.

3:50

Roads. L

3:53

probably directed do under an assumed name.

3:55

Maybe yeah, and maybe I played all

3:57

the other votes as well as a

3:59

real to. The Royal Mail foods abroad

4:01

Yes, We met on set and I

4:03

said let's get married the first I

4:05

will do Your bicycle Ssssss, Allow me.

4:08

Do Not Allow me to assume your

4:10

physical form. I got to live out

4:12

every man's dream of kissing him. Cell

4:14

phone, camera fitness. Ah but I like

4:16

I said, all those statistics that were

4:18

around the newspaper offices and down as

4:20

a gimme a crime or. They

4:23

have a large manager for yet I was already

4:25

famous said you'll this is a that are you

4:28

know with me as the that's all I. Presumed

4:30

you with out him into me though

4:32

has a game with a man impossible

4:34

for others Unjust that famous. One

4:37

so what you call would have one is

4:39

wear masks and everyone I wore masks ever

4:41

was like a useless alone and i be

4:43

like know I'm just amassed a regular person.

4:45

You're right I cannot imagine encountering was just

4:47

one month know you a school bus was

4:50

late imagine me levels of us over the

4:52

mirror like on sources alone would you do

4:54

I'm I'll give a fuck outta here and

4:56

I pull a gun but they have to

4:58

get outta here and my family is. Sliced

5:00

like they call me that still legally

5:02

supply you with the mirror and I'm

5:04

like on. With

5:07

i thought it was in the movies George read again

5:09

well as dealing with my clone. Well,

5:13

I'm gratified figure Fatma or.

5:17

Well anyway I'll maybe I'll be back later.

5:19

I don't know. I yeah I noticed the

5:21

who is awesome to see those in the

5:24

back is Maria restaurant style although have that.

5:26

Okay so this is not leaving. It's media

5:28

mouth. In the old

5:30

days I do a bit where I was like those eyes

5:32

of the backwards Laszlo not only does anymore on the his

5:34

his imo a more stallone. An alien hour south

5:37

of He has these statistics as we're looking

5:39

at the handle of a gun with a

5:41

Cobra image on it and then the gun

5:43

turns and points at us the obvious and

5:45

does it fire at him ever. Intimate.

5:48

as soon as the and omar to the movie

5:50

to the movie Us Spellbound, Okay,

5:53

yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah, we're

5:55

We're kind of given a vision of

5:58

hell. There's occasional shots of like. Bull

6:00

riding motorcycles read fiery backdrop as

6:02

the it's the blood red skies

6:04

of Southern California. And there's that's

6:06

mysterious person on a motorcycle. He

6:08

looks super cool in silhouette. You'd

6:11

be forgiven for thinking this is

6:13

our titular hero, Cobra, the Snake

6:15

Mans. But no, because. Intercut with

6:17

this man riding a bike under these blood

6:19

red guys are seems of the meeting of

6:21

an axe killing Cold switches mainly about it

6:23

as to meet the sewer and the he.

6:25

Told. One actually tan than playing them

6:27

together and together. Yeah, that's the extent

6:30

of this of the service. the ceremony.

6:32

Serious organised club. you to a certain

6:34

age just wanna meet new people. He

6:36

has no I cry their masters leaders

6:38

are older and point when you know

6:40

I graduate school like rabies. your kids

6:42

are all grown up. It's hard to

6:45

me people do really common interests like

6:47

are you normally act for nursing. Answer

6:49

that expenses my exes. I could

6:51

buy acts as usual as what you're trying to say

6:53

about non. I mean I don't know. Damn,

6:56

I hate to break it. See this, we're

6:58

brothers were you can buy an axiom. I

7:00

mean I think the thing is you just

7:02

don't have like as called vibe. Yeah right

7:04

Yes, what's with the although you are nothing

7:06

but really I'm wearing a plaid flannel. you

7:09

know if you're white or black lives matter

7:11

of fact that he was one of those

7:13

double cross got saws right? That's true of

7:15

i need a partner via western allies that

7:17

are. You both know that some other is

7:19

people the lumberjacks to meet other people souvenirs

7:22

aren't as recruit more do the second man

7:24

for saw must like flapjacks as. Hell

7:26

for l a set of a professor as

7:28

lumberjacks cylinder I. Can

7:31

actually I was heading down it's

7:33

reader because he said another three or

7:35

four chemistry thought would be easier to

7:37

cut down. Free together answers to

7:39

name p Budget. Office.

7:43

So so we're watching the acts clanging cold and

7:45

this was the moment when in real life I,

7:47

or else damn, was so excited he knocked over

7:49

the cup of tea he admits herself and. Spilled

7:52

at all over the desk in my

7:54

hotel room be deployed muttering like a

7:56

word oh oh oh oh no. He

7:59

of it. Like a negligible out about

8:01

hero. We all know

8:04

I B M your yeah that's true you have

8:06

been A or that's true would be. Any

8:10

weight soap or this biker it's not blessed

8:12

loan he goes to a supermarket at Understandable.

8:14

that's where the food assistance but he's not

8:16

interested in food and city parses motorcycle in

8:19

a handicapped spot. you know this guy is

8:21

a bad do about Iraq and he goes

8:23

to the grocery store and he does not

8:25

and people aside and then he picked takes

8:27

out his pump action shotgun the official weapon

8:29

of nineteen eighty of low budget action movies

8:31

and it starts blasting all the produce. This

8:35

before last Boy Scout where we reality

8:37

Uzi culture yes Rosie's were using the

8:39

late eighties early nineties was only times

8:41

and but this is the kind of

8:43

early to mid eighty's wrote all about

8:45

Pump Action Shotgun. what's the weapon to

8:48

shore of action movies now like I

8:50

saw that Oppenheimer? like atomic bombs I

8:52

think so yeah and Oppenheimer jokes the

8:54

it's a really good at least is

8:56

episodes in the user like like those

8:58

sorts with like a cool. Handle that

9:00

as other like spikes on I'm. I'm

9:03

one of the it is that is fine

9:05

for some so sorry other you. our still

9:08

the supermarket but I do what you made

9:10

your point. Elliott was ran in the supermarket.

9:14

For a few. Says of the

9:16

class family. Knows

9:19

what vivid the game of this movie

9:21

is playing like. If you thought that

9:24

Dirty Harry was a fascist enough, this

9:26

is the movie for you. So he

9:28

says yes. This movie is it's It's

9:30

saying. We need Cops that will break.

9:33

every rule and every bone in a

9:35

perpetrators bodies and what kind of world

9:37

justifies that tire a world of non

9:39

stop random violence had laying a maniacal

9:41

criminal violent people with no particular motivation

9:44

for anything to do a representative saturday

9:46

as will or later they have a

9:48

very good is vague and seemingly fact

9:50

our motivation meme that they have like

9:52

put a bow on at the even

9:55

past the serial killer from dirty harry

9:57

to play a cop and this whereas

9:59

help world is. Scorpio from Dirty Harry

10:01

is one of the cops in this world. And

10:03

he's the weak cop

10:05

who's always like, Colbrough, you really shouldn't have ripped

10:08

that guy's throat out before we knew

10:10

if he had parked in that handicap spot. Like,

10:12

that's how bad this world is. Scorpio is the

10:14

nice guy. So anyway, he's

10:16

blasting stuff up. The weenie negotiator, Monty,

10:18

played again by the, by

10:21

Scorpio, his name I can't remember, what's his real name? Thank

10:25

you. It's the, it's the husband from Hellraiser.

10:27

Yeah, but that's not his name. He's un...

10:31

His driver's license says Hellraiser, comma, the

10:33

husband from... I mean,

10:35

if you polled everyone in the world, the percentage of

10:37

people who mostly knew him as a

10:39

husband from Hellraiser over his real name would

10:41

probably be higher. Fair point. Fair point. And

10:43

as we know, that's how you choose someone's

10:45

name. That's my popular vote. Yeah, everyone's name

10:47

gets voted in the United States. I don't

10:49

know how they do things here. United

10:52

States, everyone votes on everybody's name all the time.

10:54

Yeah, I feel like even Julia and Hellraiser

10:56

would be like, yeah, he's just the husband. I

10:58

don't know. I don't know.

11:01

So he's like a weenie negotiator. He represents all

11:03

that. Cobra says it's wrong. He's shouting through

11:05

megaphone, just come out and talk to us.

11:07

We want to help you. We promise we

11:09

won't hurt you. And he's shooting people in

11:11

the back with his shotgun. That's when the

11:13

other, the, the, what, the cop that's above

11:15

him goes, call the Cobra. The Cobra

11:17

gets called. He drives up in

11:20

his old car. Call it a dragula.

11:23

Yeah. And he, his

11:25

car has the license. Awesome. 50

11:27

awesome. So AWS, you, M I think

11:29

it was. And

11:32

and glasses cop does not like that. He's like, I

11:34

don't, I don't approve of his actions. Guys

11:36

can eat it. When Cobra steps out, uh, cobra,

11:39

the cop would describe kind of his general look,

11:41

his allure kind of like what's it,

11:43

what's his image? Well, at least he's

11:45

described as like some sort of, these

11:47

are like, oh, reject from the fifties

11:49

or something like that. Or he does

11:51

something particularly fifties about it. He just

11:53

has kind of like jeans

11:56

and a, and a black shirt. coat

12:00

sunglasses always he's a matchstick always in

12:02

his mouth until he burns a guy

12:04

alive later with it yeah with his

12:06

one matchstick oh I was good

12:08

now I gotta get a new one I don't know how to do

12:11

that my best friend and

12:13

of course appreciate your sacrifice and

12:15

he carries his signature weapon a pistol with a

12:18

cobra on it stuffed into his belt instead of

12:20

his holster and he also has throwing knives I

12:22

don't know where he keeps those but uh cobra

12:24

gets he goes into this grocery store he's stalking

12:26

through the baddie he's trying to shoot him and

12:28

he's ranting about how this the people here are

12:30

trash they deserve to die this is a new world

12:32

coming and cobra gets on the store PA he goes

12:36

it's time to waste you and

12:38

they have a standoff the

12:40

two of them at gunpoint they're both holding guns

12:42

and the baddie is like I've got a bomb

12:44

I'm a hero of new new world and uh

12:46

the uh he goes I'll blow up the

12:48

whole store and so this is still on has a number

12:50

of very good quips in this movie he goes that's okay

12:53

I don't shop here and

12:56

here's when he says the key line of the movie

12:58

he goes you're a disease and I'm the cure and

13:00

he throws the throwing knife at him and then shoots

13:02

him to death so we're

13:04

presenting a world where it's so dangerous

13:07

that you need a guy

13:09

like cobra you want a guy like cobra

13:11

you love a guy yeah yeah a man

13:13

who is essentially uh a

13:15

later still-owned character judge dread in

13:17

that he will you

13:20

know provide the sentence and carry it out yes so

13:22

he doesn't wear a helmet that's the main difference uh

13:24

not even when he rides like a motorcycle later

13:27

on which is a bad message for kids so

13:29

if any kids out there in the left of

13:31

cobra wear a helmet that's the message

13:33

in cobra that we can protect the kids yeah uh

13:36

and Stallone uh he gets them and these reporters crowd and

13:38

when he walks out they're like cobra cobra

13:40

is this related to the night flasher we're gonna

13:42

hear a lot about the night flasher in this movie

13:44

and he goes did you use unnecessary force what makes

13:47

you judge and jury and luckily the dead body of

13:49

one of the victims is lying right there with a

13:51

blanket over him and he goes to police gets mad

13:53

and pushes a reporter at the body goes you tell

13:55

his family oh anyway and that's it's

13:57

a terrible argument because But

14:01

we see co-bread he doesn't he

14:04

doesn't keep bullying people with his

14:06

greater physical force just on the job He does

14:08

it at home, too He goes home the parking

14:10

spot He wants to get his it was too

14:12

small and the car in front refuses to move

14:14

so he gets in his car and pushes their

14:16

Car ahead with his luckily their car was in

14:18

neutral. I guess the whole time. Yeah, yeah, I'll

14:20

be honest when you say Home

14:23

I completely forgot about this and I thought you were

14:25

gonna talk about the bully to that piece of pizza

14:27

We'll get there. We'll go there. Sorry

14:29

slice of pizza Shirley. I apologize and when

14:32

the people yeah pizza pizza The

14:34

I'd when uh and the other people are like

14:37

hey, what are you doing? And they are very

14:39

much stereotypical kind of Chicano, you know LA

14:42

types at that you would see in 80s movies

14:44

he gets mad and he takes he grabs the

14:46

undershirt Collar of one of them and just rips off

14:48

of him like surprisingly

14:50

chill about yes Yeah,

14:53

that way he's like he's gonna rip it anyway

14:56

You know I was I needed to get a new

14:59

shirt, you know, I know when I've been bested Man

15:02

tearing my shirt up. I don't like

15:04

the violent hostility, but you could have punched me

15:06

you could have kicked me instead He used your imagination

15:09

You ripped off the undershirt. I was wearing under my

15:11

other shirt and I respect I

15:13

commend your your your freedom and creativity

15:18

So Cobra goes home. He

15:20

and one moment after another is just amazing

15:23

I'm just imagining that the name of the sequel novel.

15:25

Yeah. Oh my

15:29

high school reunion So,

15:42

uh Cobra he picks up his

15:44

newspaper immediately throws it in his barbecue grill Goes

15:47

into his house cuz he doesn't care about the media

15:49

He goes into it. He goes into his house opens

15:51

the freezer takes out a pizza box and an egg

15:54

carton He takes out a pair of scissors cuts a

15:56

little tiny triangle of beef off the slice and eats

15:58

that and then add the egg carton It's just full

16:00

of gun maintenance collection. It's

16:02

already a triangle. And

16:06

it's got a crust to hold onto. Why

16:08

is he making it harder? He's making a

16:10

very important point about fractal. Because

16:12

what is not made clear in a movie, but if

16:14

you read the novel by Alan B. Foster, it's all

16:16

in there. That Cogready has a PhD

16:18

in mathematics. I was

16:21

trying to solve these Poincare equations, but instead

16:23

I got called up to service to fight

16:25

crime. You've

16:27

got a triangle, just another triangle, you

16:29

know? Triangles all the way.

16:33

What? Is that what you want

16:35

us to walk away with? That's the lesson of Cobra.

16:37

That's what I took away from Cobra. So I took

16:39

away from it, you gotta wear a helmet when you

16:41

ride a motorcycle. And you took triangles all over? What

16:43

was it? It's a

16:45

triangle triangle triangle triangle world? Hey

16:47

baby, triangles all over. You

16:52

ever tried angle? So

16:54

anyway, the news on TV, while

16:56

he's cleaning his gun with his frozen gun maintenance

16:58

kit, maybe that's how you do it. I don't have

17:00

a gun. I don't know. Does it have to be super

17:02

cold to clean a gun with? I don't know. The news

17:05

is talking about there's another victim of the

17:07

Night Slasher, a serial killer, identity unknown,

17:09

and there's no theme to the

17:11

victims. Everyone is a possible victim of the

17:13

Night Slasher, and he seems to use household

17:15

simple weapons tools. There's so many notes in

17:17

that notebook. Yeah, get ready. Anyway, we see

17:19

another, then we cut to there's a waitress

17:21

going home at night. She's

17:24

attacked by masked guys with axes. They kill

17:26

it. It's this axe cult. The

17:28

cops are talking, and Cobra's like, oh, there's more than

17:30

one killer at work. He has nothing

17:32

to base this on, but Cobra's just that good a

17:34

cop. He just knows. And Glass's cop is like, you

17:36

shouldn't be involved. And Cobra's like, we're going

17:38

to lose as long as they play with the rules, and

17:40

we don't. We don't know. As long as we play with

17:42

the rules, and they don't. I don't remember.

17:45

When I wrote the movie. I

17:47

want to see this one man,

17:49

Elliot Kalin. One

17:51

man, one night only, Cobra. Elliot

17:54

Kalin is Sylvester Stallone, as Cobra.

17:56

And everyone else. else

18:00

in Cobra tonight you

18:03

know you won't let me go after those people you

18:05

shouldn't go after those people Cobra but I go after

18:08

those people sorry go we can't go after those people

18:11

that's that scene goes on for a while. He did it,

18:13

raves the time. But

18:15

why? Questions the times after? And

18:19

he has like a sidekick who wears a little cap right

18:21

he likes junk food yes yes he has

18:23

his sidekick whose name is Sergeant Gazzala. I

18:25

like that you're like is it his trainer

18:27

cuz he like yeah it's like a Burgess

18:29

Meredith style like manner of dress. He's wearing

18:32

a little old-fashioned cabbie cap and he's

18:34

and he doesn't dress he's not in uniform

18:36

or anything and he doesn't do

18:38

anything except talk about junk food for most of

18:40

the movie and they have a little back they always

18:42

have back and forth banter Cobra Cobra's always like you

18:44

know you guys started eating right you can't eat all

18:47

this junk food and he's like oh but I love

18:49

junk food it's all I want to eat and again

18:51

this is a good message for the kids balanced diet

18:53

please don't be alike with Sergeant Gazzala you gotta you

18:56

gotta eat good things anyway and also like this is

18:58

the this is the flavoring of the movie that I

19:00

like the best yes like wacky crap that doesn't have

19:02

anything to do with like I don't know the politics

19:07

there's another victim of the ax maniacs

19:09

but they're not wearing their panty

19:11

hose masks this time and Brigitte

19:14

Nielsen is driving by to

19:16

what appears to be a modeling shoot that was

19:18

scheduled for 10 30 p.m. or 11 p.m.

19:20

and she sees the face of

19:22

the guy who commits the murder which as we'll

19:25

find out is the leader of this axe cult

19:27

and we find out after that the woman

19:29

who is part of this murder she's

19:31

a cop too oh no

19:33

one of the cops is

19:35

a bad guy they're not

19:38

all good cops just co-breading

19:40

but even he has a fatal flaw of

19:42

loving junk food which as you all know

19:44

traditionally each hero has to have a heroic

19:46

flaw is his love of junk food that

19:49

what they're trying to convey with the idea that he

19:51

was cutting up a little bit of pizza maybe that

19:53

he's watching his calorie I guess it reminds me of

19:55

my favorite line that Sloan has in tango and

19:57

cash yeah when he has he jumps

19:59

out from behind the refrigerator of a dirty cop who

20:01

set him up and then jail and they got the latest

20:04

holding a full pop that was in the fridge is going

20:06

to get it goes well it's obvious

20:08

from the diet you know what you can always

20:11

immediately you you just watch the money they paid

20:13

you to set it up and

20:15

it's not a threat it is not a cobra level quip

20:17

but i love it if it is really a lot of

20:19

money well yeah so

20:23

uh... so we know that there's only inside

20:25

and she looked up the witness license plate

20:27

to find out who who owns that car

20:29

all-time computer and uh... and the police get

20:31

his life we've got no

20:33

lead cobra okay you're on the job

20:35

you and your friends the cab driver

20:38

slash your trainer you're gonna shake down

20:40

the town and do what you do

20:42

and this leads to the most amazing

20:44

montage maybe since three eisenstein invented the

20:46

technique and i know he

20:48

didn't realize what cool shot did on a

20:50

massive studies major anyway so the it is

20:52

the the three strains of this montage

20:55

still own and his partner walk in the

20:57

streets which are mainly covered in homeless people

21:00

and going into places asking people

21:02

questions did you know send

21:04

to the photo shoot in which is

21:07

rain different outfits around different antique

21:09

statues of robots and and

21:11

and a few shots of the bad guys is how

21:13

looking mean and holding his knife and so that but

21:15

the montage starts intercutting uh...

21:18

alone and the robot and you're like

21:20

so they're robots in this movie yeah we

21:22

have a lot of like are lighting up

21:24

in a way we like was a no

21:27

what's going on now is that montage ends

21:29

with this ominous music and the light shutting

21:31

off except for the like the robot eyes

21:33

being on you know he's just going to

21:35

turn it over about the road today

21:38

no there in the position the

21:41

and the photo shoot is being done

21:43

by david rash tvs sledgehammer all the

21:46

succession etcetera etcetera reading for after

21:48

reading he's like um... dad

21:51

and some ashton kutcher movie yet

21:54

he is killed almost immediately at the point

21:56

he gets on the hits on engraves the

21:58

model and then get instantly killed by

22:00

the axe people as they attack

22:02

them. Oh, and I forgot, there's great, the

22:05

music in this movie is great. And the montage is set to

22:07

a song called Angel of the City. And it's

22:10

amazing. Anyway, so, uh, the photographer,

22:12

he gets killed, a dirty bystander who

22:14

just seems to be walking out of a store, gets killed, and then

22:16

they step on his glasses after he's dead, which

22:18

is adding insult to injury. Those glasses belong to

22:20

his family. Now, now he has nothing

22:22

to leave them. Uh, the security guard,

22:25

she runs off to him and he's like, help me.

22:27

And he starts firing his gun with the bad guys

22:29

and they ram a van into him. So it's like

22:32

one of many very good practical stunts. Yes.

22:34

Like it's very intense and like, I don't

22:36

know, there's a number of stunts here where

22:38

you're like, whoa, that's a good start. I

22:40

hope nobody got hurt doing that. Like later

22:42

on in the movie, people are just flying

22:44

off on motorcycles, wearing helmets. Thankfully, I hate,

22:46

I hate to sound like an old man,

22:48

but it's way too late for that. Uh,

22:51

no, I mean like this movie, like we were saying it

22:54

comes from a time where even the worst

22:56

movies kind of looked beautiful because they had

22:58

to shoot them in real places. They had

23:00

to light for films. They had to actually

23:03

think about, I mean, like not everything. Like

23:05

they shoot out in the grocery store where

23:07

they're like, why is there so much dry

23:09

ice in here? Well, I remember watching history.

23:11

You were like, when, who turned off all

23:13

the lights in the grocery store, but

23:16

it looks fucking cool. It's a good, it

23:18

is a, it's a good looking movie. It

23:20

is a, and not just Stallone,

23:22

he looks incredible. Yeah. And the

23:25

director's son, uh, went

23:27

on to make Mandy and other movies. So did

23:30

you research that or you just say, yeah, no,

23:32

I, yeah. So do you imagine if

23:34

a kid, he was on the Cobra set walking around.

23:36

He's got to have been on the cover. What a

23:38

lucky kid. If I could do anything to be that

23:40

boy, if I did, I could just change places with

23:42

him. Guys, find me a magic

23:44

fountain that I can found that I can

23:46

PN with him and then go back in

23:49

time. Okay. Yeah. Cause I don't want to

23:51

be, it has to be the P scenario

23:53

though. It can't be like touching a skull

23:56

at the same time. Yeah. Magic. Yes. Real.

24:00

That's a real thing Like

24:04

Coney Island and like get a you

24:06

know, the Zoltar statue Big

24:10

situation, but I bet he could do a swap.

24:12

Okay. Yeah, you asked him for a swap specifically

24:14

Yeah, that's pretty fucked up. I mean like he's

24:17

still a little kid and that lady. Oh, man,

24:19

that's messed up Right. She doesn't know you need

24:21

to go down that road. I mean I Don't

24:25

be with you Look, it's hard

24:27

to talk about big without talking about two

24:29

things how it's about a little kid who has sex with a

24:32

lady And also that the toys

24:34

that company makes even when he gives them

24:36

advice are not good. It's not a good toy

24:38

company Yeah Take

24:41

that toy company. I'll say that keyboard thing is

24:43

bullshit. Tell me okay speak to it Tell me

24:45

your truth about this to speak your truth about

24:47

big it's kind of sex as a toy and

24:49

it breaks easily You're saying that Robert Lozier and

24:51

Tom Hanks wouldn't really be able to dance Not

24:55

in real life that was just movie magic. I mean

24:57

they could that's the kind of practical stuff we're talking

24:59

about come out here Okay,

25:01

everybody enough about big this isn't the big episode

25:03

of the podcast This is the cobra episode of

25:05

the podcast because there's no one bigger than for

25:07

that just long anyway, so The

25:10

police show up the bad guys run off Ingrid has

25:12

been saved He's interviewed by cobretti

25:14

and gazales and the evil lady cop is

25:16

kind of watching her through a window And

25:19

she tells them the least amount of information

25:21

she could possibly get away with They're like

25:23

doing it. Why they come after you you owe anyone

25:25

money No, you involve with drugs or people who do

25:28

drugs or sell drugs. She goes no, which is bullshit.

25:30

She's in the fashion industry I'm sorry, but and

25:32

then She's like, you

25:34

know what? Earlier in the night

25:36

I drove by a man and he scared me and

25:38

they're like what he just looks scary What

25:40

time was that around 10 o'clock and he's

25:43

like that's the airtight lead we need she drove

25:45

by a scary guy and The

25:51

Dax cult leader he and so

25:53

tell us about who his name in the in the

25:55

credits is just night slasher But where else are we

25:57

seeing him? Uh, he's the

25:59

alien. Would you rather from

26:01

X Files with the Judge

26:03

in both the he was

26:05

one of the ones upon

26:08

Monsoons Terminator with Build that

26:10

Is All Taxed and. She's

26:13

all over Sun Ra movies designs

26:15

like a a big the Seeds

26:17

Of Looking guy young ah he

26:19

is just. Sharpening, Guys and

26:21

is putting so much effort into the

26:23

going to sell on sweat. I fucking

26:26

love this movie as a hero and

26:28

villain both like signature weapon. ah he's

26:30

got his like plus five dagger with

26:32

spikes. Like that said as he said

26:34

sharpie takes good care of it. Now

26:36

he's He's totally a sword guy. he

26:38

lose their thing he slogan don't mammy

26:40

get on a of unarmed combat assess

26:42

societies guess and he has some pretty

26:44

bad roles later on that says fall

26:46

apart Also. Ah, the Evil A top.

26:48

Is like let me killer for the for you

26:50

and goes no this one's minds. And ah,

26:53

this season the hospital. Still, Ingrid

26:55

because I was so frightened so badly

26:57

I guess. And a. Sense That said

26:59

does help ready and the dollars. Authorities like

27:01

you have to say here under guard and then

27:03

offers the Zola. Whatever. He has left

27:05

over from her hospital food and he just takes

27:07

it's and no. Point to see like what

27:09

are you doing Like was really. My leftovers

27:12

us a damsels. a trustee was protected.

27:14

Now this is. Our ah as.

27:17

Cobra. Insult the banter little bit about whether she's

27:19

attractive. Or not and cover those home in those

27:21

punks who's undershirts he read. They respect him.

27:23

Sakura Saver They respect his strength

27:25

already. The some computer research at

27:27

home on a very old timey

27:29

computer and that meanwhile the cult

27:32

leader is entering the hospital. He

27:34

kills a janitor, steals the uniform

27:36

the uniform system perfectly the afford

27:38

to have dollar the Federal Reserve

27:40

ago. This is that again as

27:42

the traveling is it says men

27:44

earn their the traveling janitors ones.

27:46

The. That

27:48

was a such jumpsuits. Super know

27:50

what I discovered. This is like.

27:52

are generally calls jumpsuit but it was the majority

27:54

of is a bit of are the owners don't

27:57

really wear outfits that are legless and snap at

27:59

the crossing Yeah, the

28:01

diaper changing and say my

28:03

dad he loves pavement. Yeah.

28:06

No, no, it's one of the like a Brooklyn specific

28:09

Could be one of those ones these they sell at tourist

28:11

spots that are like I might mommy drinks that kind of

28:14

thing. Yeah, exactly Don't

28:16

like them. I don't like I'm not saying that approvingly.

28:18

It's wine o'clock somewhere You're

28:21

like kid you're a baby You're

28:26

scared this baby straight Got

28:30

your whole life ahead of you. You don't want to get

28:32

in jail You know what they do to babies in jail

28:34

what do you got to be stressed about baby, huh? Come

28:36

on, I mean babies have a lot to

28:38

be stressed about their mom walks out of the room They don't

28:40

know if she's ever coming back. She doesn't exist anymore You know

28:42

what? I should make fun babies pain just

28:45

because it's different from my own. Yeah, that's Dan

28:47

I'm glad that we opened your mind about babies Mary

28:50

and allies are all right All

28:53

right raves Dan McCoy on human young. Yeah,

28:55

you don't you know, you don't put babies

28:58

in corners No, never do that You

29:01

never put baby the corners What

29:05

if they're staying timeout Why

29:08

would you give a baby a timeout? They don't

29:10

understand why they're being disciplined Dan their

29:13

babies Where

29:16

where that's not that of you timeout communicate

29:19

where do you think do you

29:21

think the big lift dance move and dirty

29:23

dancing is because their name is Yeah,

29:26

they're like well her name's baby this we

29:28

do baby yeah, I mean you don't usually

29:31

do that What

29:33

do you do with them then you do what you're back

29:35

does you carry around Jennifer gray in a Bjorn strap? This

29:41

is what yeah, I still love carrying you around baby

29:43

and she's like, okay, I guess it is my nickname

29:45

I guess you do have to carry me around in

29:47

this thing And then then

29:49

he's feeding her like, you know strained peas and

29:51

things like that I Sure

29:55

build out the world Anyway

30:00

The cult leader gets real distracted

30:02

from Mission 1, which is killing the witness,

30:04

and decides to go after a nurse just

30:06

because the movie needs another body to get

30:09

killed. He's about to stab

30:11

her bed when he has the strangest non-sequitur,

30:13

which is that he just goes, pretty hair. And

30:15

then stabs her bed. She wasn't even in it.

30:17

She walks out of the bathroom and is surprised

30:19

to see him, which is like, did he imagine

30:22

the hair or? We must

30:24

have not been paying attention. And she put

30:26

like a wig in there. And that was

30:28

like a clumsy... A clumsy screenwriter's way of

30:30

being like, this will really underline what's going

30:33

on, rather than confusing it. And the weirdest

30:35

thing before this is part of his trap

30:37

for the nurse he killed is that

30:39

he goes into an old lady's room and puts the

30:41

janitor's mop in the bed with her, as if that's

30:44

making the nurse think that he's actually in

30:46

the bed and not her. She's like, oh,

30:48

long stringy, greasy hair attached

30:51

to a metal mop head. But

30:54

anyway, he's after her. She gets... She

30:56

locks herself in the bathroom, stabs through the door

30:58

of the bathroom. Meanwhile, Cobretti's finally there, but he

31:00

doesn't get there in time to save her. He

31:02

runs into the hallway because the bathroom has a

31:05

back door that exits on the hallway, which

31:07

seems... I mean, I haven't spent a lot of

31:09

time in hospitals these days, but do they... The bathrooms, do you

31:11

really have a public door and a private door? You

31:14

know what? I can't speak to that,

31:16

but I do know that there's a supreme

31:18

lack of privacy in hospitals. So maybe they

31:20

just do it to add a little less

31:23

privacy. What can we do here

31:25

to minimize... We already see everyone's butts all

31:27

the time. So

31:29

she pulls off the fire alarm, the halls flood the

31:31

people, the cult leader, knowing he's not going to get

31:34

her this time. He leaves. The next day,

31:37

Cobretti's like, this cult's got to

31:39

have somebody on the inside. And they're like, prove it.

31:41

And he's like, well, I can't. If I could, I'd

31:43

be doing something about it already. I'd

31:45

tell you earlier if I had roof. Everyone's

31:48

mad at him. A lot of people are

31:50

just yelling one line back to you. You

31:53

got a lot of nerve, Cobretti. And he's like, yeah, but the

31:55

nerve I got is pretty good or something like that. You

31:58

know? That's the real one. You got a real idea. He

32:00

goes, yeah, it was just a little one. Which is a

32:02

line that sounds really good. And then you think about it,

32:04

you're like, his attitude problem is enormous. Like he's a- I

32:08

think he's being facetious though. I

32:10

guess that's true, yeah. Facetious is like,

32:12

confucius, but he doesn't mean it. Yeah. Why

32:17

did you believe all that things? All those

32:19

aphorisms, they don't make that much sense if you

32:21

think about them for more than just a little

32:23

bit. I see when my disciples collected my Analects

32:25

into one book, they couldn't put winking in parentheses

32:27

in front of every one of them. JK, JK

32:30

was the end of a lot of these. So

32:33

they gotta take Ingrid to a safe

32:35

house. Cobready, Gonzalez, and mean evil

32:38

lady cop, because there are no other police

32:40

officers I guess. They take her,

32:42

and Stallone's like, what? There were cops on guard at

32:44

Ingrid's hospital room. Why were they removed? And Glass's cop

32:46

was like, I don't know, find it out yourself, dude.

32:50

They don't. They don't bother to look into it. But

32:52

as they're driving away, the X Cult again

32:54

makes another strange move. This is a secret underground

32:56

cult that kills at night. They

32:59

decide to set two, that is, kill people with axes. They

33:02

send two carloads of people with guns to chase after

33:04

them in broad daylight, and this leads to... Like

33:06

a witness who may have seen somebody do

33:09

something. Certainly. This witness would not stand up

33:11

in court. Oh, I saw that person and

33:13

they were scary. Did you see them committing

33:15

a crime? Isn't being scary a crime? Of

33:18

course not. If it was, then

33:20

R.L. Sun would have been locked up a long time ago. And

33:22

now, can you point out to the court the man who

33:25

gave you goosebumps?

33:31

It's okay. He can't hurt you now. It

33:33

was that man. We

33:37

find you innocent of goosebumps, but guilty

33:39

of the lesser charge of goose pimples.

33:41

Yeah, he plea bargained it, yeah. So

33:44

there's a big car chase. It's honestly... Guys,

33:47

how would you describe this car

33:49

chase? Awesome or extremely awesome? There's

33:51

a lot of slow-mo jumping in

33:53

the air as they go over

33:56

hills, and it's like the same

33:58

hills, sort of three times. because

34:00

it is that awesome. Yeah, and we see

34:02

it multiple times. Cobra, when he finally pulls

34:04

out a machine gun, he like shoots a

34:06

car to pieces or something like that. He

34:09

like basically skins the car like he's peeling

34:11

an apple, because he shoots it and somehow

34:14

like the carapace comes off.

34:17

I'm not really sure. I do love that

34:19

he's like, you know, I have this witness

34:21

I'm trying to protect in the car, I'm

34:23

going to chase these fuckers. Yeah. Well, so,

34:25

so, so, so Isaac

34:27

has three rules of cobrotics tell us

34:30

that number one, kill bad

34:32

guys. Law number two, protect

34:34

good guys, unless it conflicts with law number

34:36

one, law number three,

34:39

cut up that pizza smaller, unless

34:41

it conflicts with law two or law one. So if

34:43

a bad guy was like, you can kill me

34:45

or you can cut up pizza, obviously Cobra has to

34:47

follow the first law and kill him. But

34:49

on the other hand, if it's like, don't do Cobra,

34:52

don't cut up that pizza because it's attached to a

34:54

bomb that'll destroy a good guy. They can't

34:56

do it. Law two, two, two, three. I

34:59

mean, the things you're saying are dumb,

35:02

but I, I

35:04

admire the skill for which like the speed at

35:06

which you sort of like came through with the,

35:08

what would the logic be of these scenarios? Yeah,

35:10

sure. I spent a lot of time thinking about

35:12

as the mob's laws in case I ever become

35:14

a robot. Yeah. In case I ever got to

35:16

ever got to program a robot for a fashion

35:18

shoot. And I want

35:21

this robot to kill Brigitte Muehlsen, so I

35:23

better put some safeguards in here. Yeah. So eventually

35:26

the hunter becomes the hunted. Stallone's going after the

35:28

bad guys, flips his nitrous boost. The thing that

35:30

you think you would do the first to get

35:32

away from the bad guys, but no. And

35:34

eventually the bad guys get away. They, they managed to

35:36

crash into a boat that's on the land.

35:39

Yeah. Nighttime disappears are like,

35:41

oh, Brady, you almost killed the witness. Blah, blah, blah.

35:43

I was like, I want to take the

35:46

Ingrid out of town for protection. And

35:48

my glasses got it. Like, did you have to kill

35:50

so many people and

35:52

co-brady is going to punch him. But they agree.

35:54

Let Cobra take the witness outside worst case

35:57

scenario, at least all the violence That trails

35:59

it everywhere. The outside of the City

36:01

center plan works and them Solace and

36:03

Bad Guy top goal on. Also on

36:05

the driveway gets a finalist talking time

36:07

between co ready and Ingrid and he

36:10

gets to play the that on when

36:12

they when he arrest people. The. Judges

36:14

just let them go. And. It

36:16

was like that makes me sick and I'm

36:18

like well that's how it works. I mean

36:20

for like several have over a criminal justice

36:22

system for your job to circumvented. Go go.

36:24

But I'll I mean all that kind of

36:27

conversion where she's like oh I think the

36:29

laws a good thing is like Ozil is

36:31

not let me read billion over here in

36:33

I'll do my own resources or the judges.

36:35

It is where people go. Yeah yeah it's

36:37

me with her equivalent of being like tell

36:39

me about Quit and here in Tito movie

36:41

the City of Aleppo and where she would

36:43

fall in love with him during the course

36:45

of one. See for no particular reason Yeah

36:47

well as that you know they're all we're

36:50

disease where they're stopped at the yes road

36:52

five tell us that so they stop as

36:54

a sub a like a novelty stare down

36:56

the road you has a it's like a

36:59

girl restricting the hanging. see this as it's

37:01

a roadside sandra you'd expect the some fresh

37:03

produce but as than a saying it's selling

37:05

novel to you than like goofy they might

37:07

be driving other oh do it all you

37:10

know what I did these most respect for

37:12

me. A favour of work for the about

37:14

or add wearing a Padres uniform and. Rubber

37:16

Chicken survive the gum that snaps your

37:19

finger when you try and take a

37:21

piece of sciences locally made? No, okay,

37:23

I'll buy it anyway here. we. We

37:26

raise our own whoopee cushions. The reservoir yes

37:28

always a really tell the difference he

37:30

goes into actual people who are no

37:32

his snakes. okay I'll take the say

37:34

oh well with that slowly opened that

37:36

slowly. Now

37:39

we have the ones that come with a real

37:41

snow for a month ago with a snake. The

37:43

real snakes. That would be really dangerous. They're dead.

37:45

Then I have half hour of us are out.

37:47

it's is kind of grown. Oh yeah, you know

37:49

what? Logically I said makes sense to me now

37:51

that a cast sake wouldn't do well to stuck

37:53

in a can know they do very badly I

37:55

tell you. Forever. To. Crack even a snake alive

37:58

in a camel. Be a millionaire some day. They

38:04

said it couldn't be done and yet my son has figured

38:06

out how to do it. Oh

38:08

no he didn't, no no. He's dead

38:10

again. I'm sorry I called all the

38:12

assembled press here for this conference. This

38:15

road's fried novelty stand. Please

38:17

take a free whoopee cushion as you go.

38:20

Well that story didn't pan out but now Geraldo's

38:23

gonna open up Al Capone's vault. Let's see how

38:25

that turns out. It's

38:27

the 80s. Okay so meanwhile the

38:29

ax cult is doing, oh this is when Gonzales

38:32

goes hey you should call Cobra this

38:34

and whisper something and she comes over and

38:36

goes, oh nice to meet you Marion

38:38

Cobready that's his name. Marion Cobready. What

38:40

the fuck? What? This

38:42

tough guy? His name is Marion? Why you'd have

38:44

to be fucking John Wayne to be named Marion

38:46

because that's his actual name. Anyway,

38:48

he and later on

38:50

he's like yeah you know you get beat up a lot of the

38:52

kids that's why I'm tough and I kill people when I get to

38:55

add a name like that. Meanwhile

38:57

the ax cult is doing what they do best, hanging out

38:59

in the sewers banging their axes together. Maybe

39:03

that's how they talk to each other. Yeah. They

39:07

can't hear shit anymore because of the clanging. They

39:10

click at each other like mimics. And for

39:12

some reason they make another stop. They stop at

39:14

a burger place where we have to see Celeste

39:16

Sloan's funny side. He picks up a big novelty

39:18

hamburger and he's like oh they make them pretty big over

39:20

here don't they? And

39:23

he's like, she puts so much ketchup on her fries

39:25

and he's like oh your fries they're drowning oh I

39:27

need a life saver for those fries. Got a lot

39:29

of food material in this guy. Let

39:32

me fucking eat. On

39:34

the way over to the safe house we got to stop

39:36

at this one burger place. I got a lot of site

39:38

specific material. It

39:40

doesn't work. You won't believe the hamburger

39:43

they got. Yeah I always go ahead of time

39:45

to check out where we're going to stop. I

39:47

can come up with some material. It's

39:50

what I'm famous for. I know

39:52

you're mostly famous for killing criminals without reading them their rights

39:54

or anything like that. Yeah but it's a

39:57

comedy that I want to be known for. is

40:00

really art when you think about it. Oh boy,

40:02

okay. Isn't that stand up? I don't

40:04

know. Cobra, we don't need to hear it. We don't need it. Okay.

40:07

And she is coming on to heart. She goes, do you

40:09

ever date women? And he's like, you have to be crazy

40:11

to date me, which is notably

40:14

self-know, self-knowledge.

40:17

And he still dismayed at how she puts even more catch

40:19

up on it. Just cut to a shot of his face.

40:21

He's like, what? Do I want to date this guy?

40:25

So much sugar and acid in there.

40:28

Your vinegar intake is too high. I

40:31

haven't given my partner guff about it, but at

40:33

least he puts a reasonable amount of catch up

40:35

on these french fries. Is that

40:38

a red flag for you, Ellen?

40:40

Yes. As red as the sauce

40:42

itself. No,

40:45

Stuart, it's not because you know what? I

40:47

truly believe catch up is the humble everyman

40:49

king of the condiments. Not

40:51

a joke. It was one of

40:53

those jars where someone has an old timey mustache.

40:56

Oh, you mean Sir Ken didn't Tim's catch up?

40:58

Like he didn't want to call anyone out by name. They

41:00

might, you know, I'll do it. So there's, so in my

41:02

family, there's a big catch up battle. Uh, my sister hates

41:04

catch up. She's not a part of it. She's a, she

41:06

refuses to pick a side, which I think is immoral. But

41:09

anyway, uh, Heinz catch up. It's

41:11

the biggest catch up in the world. There's this

41:13

fancier catch up called Sir Kensington's that has

41:15

a man or mustache on the label. My

41:17

children are not a fan of this catch up. I think it's fine.

41:20

It's just catch up. But every time I go to, I

41:22

go to the store, I go, guess what? They

41:24

had your favorite catch up Sir Kensington's and they

41:26

get so mad. Anyway,

41:30

feel free to sponsor our shows. It's

41:34

night at the motel. Oh, so now the X cult, they

41:36

arm up, they get guns, they get on their motorcycles. They

41:39

are riding. And we learned that this,

41:41

uh, this like roadside bar and town they're staying

41:43

in as a foundry town, that's important because that's

41:45

going to be the location for the final battle

41:48

of foundry that I guess just makes sparks and

41:50

flames and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. It's

41:52

a make work project. Yeah. It's just, uh, just to

41:54

employ people. There's a big crane on a chain that

41:57

just goes back and forth. It doesn't really do much

41:59

of anything. So yeah, they're in

42:01

an old foundry town. They stay at

42:03

a motel that night and Cobra catches

42:05

the evil cop using a payphone was

42:07

very suspicious but not for the reasons

42:09

he thinks it is She's

42:11

like was Gonzalez and she's like, oh he's asleep in

42:13

the room Well, I'd use the phone in the room

42:16

and it's like look she just told you he's asleep like

42:18

what kind of jerk uses the phone In

42:20

the room when the person was sleeping there, but he

42:22

thinks it's a very suspicious And she's like, oh it

42:24

was broken. It's like you just you know, you have

42:26

to tell him is he sleeping. I don't anyway It

42:30

made this really hit a nerve with you did I

42:33

feel like I don't like it when a move when something is

42:35

supposed to be like the key that tips someone off about

42:37

something But it is a dumb thing that you should not

42:39

do it. Oh, well, why'd you why'd you

42:41

shoot that one? How'd you know that was a one of

42:43

the kidnappers not one of the hostages his

42:45

shoes really, you know that much about shoes

42:48

He was wearing kidnappers. I hate the ones where

42:51

there's like I never said

42:53

their name I'm like, I know

42:55

that with my memory. I could easily say

42:57

someone's name and then forget I said it

43:00

I was like yeah, if you say that I told

43:02

you you're an I trust you man, like How

43:05

else would you know certainly not some evil keen?

43:09

And also it you've got a good you

43:11

usually they're they think they're probably pretty good

43:13

about not saying stuff They're not supposed to

43:16

know and these are evil masterminds. Yeah. Yeah,

43:18

exactly. They're masterminds constantly coming up That's

43:20

why we need a cobra. Anyway, uh Ingrid

43:23

is watching Sylvester Stallone put guns together and she

43:25

is so turned on that she has to call

43:27

him over to the bed They can start making

43:30

I mean the gun is a laser sight man.

43:32

It's so cool. Yeah, it's like a future gun

43:34

Yeah, yeah the next morning the

43:36

bad cop is gone Uh-oh the axe cult

43:38

arrives the bad cop is pointing out where

43:40

the everyone else is they attack this roadside

43:42

motel There's so much shooting. They're just destroying

43:45

this place with guns and

43:47

grenades and fire bombs and

43:50

motorcycles and everything yeah All

43:53

the weapons in the in the rainbow Rainbow

43:56

yeah Convelling you know of course back in the

43:58

80s. We have the weapons pyramid med that we had.

44:01

Yeah, yeah. And they decided to put more Uzi's

44:03

in I guess. You

44:05

don't actually need those to be Uzi's per day. So

44:09

Gonzalez gets shot. Oh no, there's a lot

44:11

of great stunt falls. Ah! And there's some

44:14

good bits. I like that there's an evil

44:16

sniper guy in the X-Cult who every time

44:18

he lifts his sniper rifle up, the camera

44:20

cuts to sniper vision for a second. The

44:23

first shot, that first shot, is a fantastic shot where

44:25

you're looking at the motel and then the sniper scope

44:27

lifts up into frame so that it becomes that you're

44:29

now looking through the scope. That was a cool shot.

44:32

Yeah, that's great. That should be on that one perfect

44:34

shot Twitter feed that whose standards are kind of

44:36

up and down, you know, a little iffy at

44:38

times, but... Yeah, Dan.

44:40

You know this. You know this. You know this. I'm

44:43

coming up with hot take after hot take. Catch

44:46

up is great. That Twitter feed is okay. You're

44:48

looking at them right now. Do it. You're a

44:50

skeet or whatever the question is. Tell them why

44:52

they're Cobra deniers. Come on. Anyway. So

44:55

they escape in grid and fly. They escape in a

44:57

truck. Slides in the flat bed of the truck, pickup

44:59

truck. Just shooting people. This is the platonic ideal of

45:01

an action movie. A man standing

45:03

up in a moving pickup truck with a

45:05

machine gun shooting motorcycle riders. They have

45:08

to smash through a flaming car barricade which

45:11

makes them get out of the car for the truck for some reason. Some

45:13

guy climbs on the hood of the car,

45:16

falls off, gets run over. It's great. Now

45:18

they're running on foot through an orange grove.

45:20

They're making use of the space. Like any

45:22

great mime artist. They

45:25

get separated. Ingrid runs into the foundry

45:27

pursued by the evil cop. She shoots

45:29

the controls in such a way that it starts

45:31

the foundry up. Which is, I guess, a fail

45:33

safe mechanism. They're like, what if we lose

45:36

the key to the machine? Don't worry. Don't

45:38

worry. It's made so that if you shoot

45:40

it, it turns on. Okay. That's when it

45:42

gets shot by accident by an X-Cult comp. I don't

45:44

think that's going to happen. Also, don't shoot

45:47

anywhere around it or else it'll just ricochet

45:49

and hurt you. Yeah. We are surrounded by

45:51

metal. Don't do that. The cult

45:53

leader finally shows up. He's tired of letting his goons do

45:55

their work. And he's stalking

45:57

Ingrid through this flaming Sparks factory. and

46:00

fly-flown he's set in tracks for all these

46:02

cult members he put the grenade somewhere that

46:04

wait for them to walk over to it and shoot

46:06

the grenade above up like that the inside of the

46:09

meeting and you really you really hoping that they will

46:11

find a way to just road of

46:13

grenade at them you know we now

46:15

occurred to be the way in the corner one normally

46:17

does both the grenade yet

46:19

because fires to both one of the

46:21

sky we've been here both the government

46:23

remaining he's not using i've been with

46:26

the effective way yeah the i mean

46:28

he's not going to be using in-tandem

46:30

yeah look i get you want style

46:32

points okay multiplier for your total but

46:36

it's true it is like turning on a tv

46:38

so that the so that your

46:41

other tv will that the lot that uh...

46:43

the attached to the clapper will turn on when he

46:45

hears the sound of that it

46:47

seems like an extra necessary step uh... he

46:49

does cover someone with gasoline and then what

46:51

just throws a match on the birds of a life like that point to

46:53

do it like this uh...

46:56

we have a guy who the most good to have killed the

46:59

biggie gratuitous kill is a great name for the

47:02

nato action movie yeah why did they make

47:04

that dan why did you make that i

47:06

guess all go through the portal to

47:08

him or yeah for all time even

47:10

fucking fucked up my own you

47:15

did i think i think that my

47:17

own thing damage uh...

47:19

but like gratuitous kill what we got like

47:21

a killer looking through the blinds that like

47:23

a lady now the question

47:25

we've got a lady changing we pull

47:27

back to show that the video on a

47:29

screen being watched by another lady changing other than

47:32

the prime diploma movie that we hold out to

47:34

reveal that this is actually being watched through a

47:36

window by a naked lady as

47:39

he killed the lady but in a way with a

47:41

bullet also hit the tv the screen it doesn't break

47:43

the tv there's just a bullet hole over the heart

47:45

of the visual image cut to the cops are like

47:48

the naked lady killer again not what are we gonna

47:50

do what can

47:52

we do and the end and the fall

47:54

gratuitous the bad that the life over the over the

47:56

edge copy but you gotta get me out there and i'm

47:58

the only one who can do it. Solve gratuitous,

48:00

we only send you into the worst of

48:03

worst situations. And for some reason a serial

48:05

killer does not meet that definition for some

48:07

reason. Every time we send you out you

48:09

kill at least three more people than you

48:11

need to. Hey, let's just say I

48:14

get the most from my money. You know, a lot of

48:16

those kinds of lies. It's an extra added value. Yeah, not

48:18

even bang for your buck. I mean, it's more obvious, right?

48:20

We're just

48:22

workshopping a lot of these. We're so close

48:24

to the end of COVID. We gotta push

48:27

through. We gotta tell you more about gratuitous

48:29

kills. So, um, yeah, copyright us. Don't

48:31

anyone steal it.

48:35

Come on. So the only, only the

48:37

cult leaders left alive and he's doing his classic

48:39

rant. There's a new world coming. We're paving it.

48:41

We have to kill the weak. So the strong

48:43

survive. We are the future. It is a very,

48:46

you know, he made a lot of good points now that I think

48:48

about it. And also I feel like, like,

48:50

Cobra would follow a lot of these. If this was

48:52

a better movie, I mean, this is another kind of

48:54

bad movie to say, we're not so different. You and

48:56

I, but this is a better movie. They do a

48:59

better job of drawing a parallel. We're like, yeah, the

49:01

world they're creating is the world Cobra thinks he lives

49:03

in and wants to live in because then he can do whatever he

49:05

wants. But this is a movie that I think it,

49:07

for some reason, they can't make that connection. And

49:10

maybe it's where Sylvester Sloan's head was

49:12

at at the time that he's like, can you

49:14

believe this bad guy doing this thing? Anyway, the

49:16

good guy who does the same thing. He's cool.

49:18

Yeah, I know. It's you. It's literally a good

49:20

guy with a gun argument. Yeah. Or

49:22

in this case, a knife, which in the or

49:24

it versus a chain, which becomes just a bare

49:27

hands at some point. Anyway, he's like, Cobra, you

49:29

won't kill me. You have to take me and

49:31

even I have rights. And then the courts will

49:33

call me insane and let me go. And Cobra,

49:36

he goes, and like at this point, at this

49:38

point, he

49:40

has shown no compunctional anybody.

49:44

If ever there was a guy that speech

49:46

doesn't work with it is cobra. I was

49:48

just mowed down every single one of your

49:50

followers. Cobra Cobra this

49:52

way, like allow me to present my

49:54

rebuttal, which is to take him, put

49:57

him on a hook and then push

49:59

him into the air. fire. Yeah, it

50:01

kills, they have a fight and they do it, but it's

50:03

not since I saw Dial of Destiny

50:06

where the bad guys are so kill-crazy and

50:08

then when they are in a room with

50:10

the two heroes and they're like give us the

50:12

thing or we'll kill you and it's like you

50:14

killed the guy who opens the gate for you

50:16

at the airport just like shoot them both

50:18

what are you doing? Anyway

50:21

they have a big fight it ends with, suppose

50:23

I was sloonya, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and this guy

50:26

by just impaling him on a giant hook which

50:28

pulls him into fire and

50:30

the veteran in grid reunite police descend

50:32

on the area Gonzalez is

50:34

alive and asks for some gummy bears and

50:36

the police falls like you did a good job

50:38

Cobra you need anything tell me and Cobra goes I need

50:40

my car replaced and he goes it's not in the budget

50:42

and walks away. Great

50:45

fucking mom. I was thinking more

50:47

in the case like you need

50:49

someone to house sit while you

50:51

recover on a vacation or something and

50:54

weeny cop he talks Cobra he's

50:56

like no but yeah you know no hard

50:58

feelings but you didn't really have to do all

51:00

that stuff and Cobra punches them and the audience

51:02

at that point I guess is supposed to go

51:04

nuts cheering. Yeah this was a stand-up and cheer

51:06

moment at the Oscars that year. Yeah yeah they

51:08

were like well we wish we could

51:10

stand up and cheer at the flash entering a speed

51:12

force but it hasn't happened yet. Or someday. Or

51:15

had... so you're

51:19

right. And Cobra

51:21

and Ingrid they drive away on

51:23

one of the dead axe cult

51:25

members motorcycles I assume not

51:27

wearing helmets to a sort of

51:30

sub-spring-scene-ish song. Yeah and

51:32

now the story of Cobra has been

51:34

immortalized in the oral tradition for future

51:37

generations. Yeah I'll

51:40

pass down the tale of Cobra to my children who

51:42

will pass it down to their children. They're

51:45

like why do they call him that Papa

51:48

is he a reptile? And

51:50

I'll say yeah you love animals sure yeah

51:52

he's a Cobra man sure. Like in that

51:54

old anti-drug PSA? Oh you remember that when a

51:56

guy turns into a Cobra or that character from

51:59

Jonah Hex the movie? movie, oh the snake man of

52:01

Jonah Hex, yeah. Or like those car

52:03

commercials, the like security system where the

52:05

burglars reaching for the car but you

52:07

keep seeing a snake in the window?

52:09

Yeah, yeah. All snake things. But now

52:11

it's the part of the show. I love that idea.

52:13

We go to it, we go to do a show

52:15

in a different country and we're like remember all these

52:17

ads from when we were a kid where we grew

52:20

up? Advertisements.

52:22

Hey remember, you guys remember those ads

52:24

for Bo Craft Amusement Park, the New

52:26

York area amusement park? You

52:29

guys know the ads for Menard,

52:31

the midwestern furniture? You remember when Room

52:33

Plus was having their Just Round the Corner

52:35

sale? This

52:37

isn't the part where we say our final judgments

52:39

whether this is a good bad movie, a bad

52:42

bad movie or a movie, kind

52:44

of like this straddles

52:46

a couple categories in that morally

52:48

I find it to be a

52:51

good bad movie in the sense that like I

52:55

enjoy laughing at how outside of my

52:57

own views this movie is. Yeah, because

52:59

you like to laugh at people who

53:01

share different views than you? Interesting.

53:05

No, I... How typical, how typical. I am

53:07

both enjoying it ironically and unironically at the

53:09

same time because I grew up in the

53:11

80s and this sort of trash

53:14

action has a lot of pull for me. Traction.

53:17

But also like I kind of like it

53:20

because it has that canon pictures thing where

53:22

it is working overtime

53:24

to entertain you the whole

53:27

time whether or not it's doing it

53:29

with good stuff or nutritious art. Nutritious

53:34

art. Not

53:36

really but it's fun. I imagine in ads the

53:38

French Tourism Board hires you to do ads and there's one

53:41

where you're taking a bite of the Mona Lisa and you're

53:43

like, art it's good for you and they're like, why did

53:45

we do this? Why did we hire to eat

53:47

our fishings? I'm just acknowledging that it

53:50

is the junkiest of movie junk

53:52

food. Very much so. It's fun.

53:55

What do you guys think? Yeah, I mean

53:57

it's basically like a movie equivalent of Benjamin

53:59

Mara comic and... And I mean, I feel

54:01

like, I don't know, I, it's still

54:04

a movie I kind of like. It's

54:07

so dumb and it's obviously the message

54:09

is terrible, but I do love

54:11

the fact that the bad guys are a fucking

54:13

axe cult. Like I feel like

54:16

if this movie was made these days, but

54:18

it can't be. But

54:20

if it was made now, the axe cult would

54:22

be like fucking vampires or something dumb. But in

54:24

this case, it's just like a bunch of dudes

54:26

who are playing axe. And

54:29

they make a point they're like, anyone could be in this

54:31

cult. There's one guy wearing a suit who's in the meetings.

54:34

We never see him in a fight. The only guy, it's just like biker

54:36

dudes that are in the fight. This

54:38

movie gets every category for me. Morally, it is a

54:40

bad, bad movie. It's a bad message that this

54:42

world is such a hell pit of violence that

54:44

we need a man who will kill in order

54:46

to keep things in line. But it's also a

54:49

good, bad movie because it's super fun. But I

54:51

also really like it. Every

54:54

time I've watched it, I'm always like, this

54:56

movie, I'm going to hate this movie. And then they

54:58

get the action scenes and I'm like, that card just

55:00

flipped over. And

55:03

I'm such a sucker for Stallone quipping.

55:07

This is, I feel like this is top tier

55:09

Stallone junk for sure. He's made good movies.

55:11

I mean, if you want a good Stallone

55:13

movie, go see Creed. If you want a

55:15

movie that is like the Stallone-iest Stallone in

55:18

a junky way, then Cobra's pretty, it pushes

55:20

the buttons. Yeah, it checks off those boxes.

55:22

Is that what you check? Yeah, I think it's a check box. To

55:26

make sure there's no snakes inside them?

55:28

Yeah, that's what the PSA told

55:30

us in the 70s. Check the box to see if

55:33

there's a snake inside. Not so fast, little Johnny. Check

55:35

that box to make sure there's not a snake inside it.

55:38

There was a snake inside it. Glad

55:40

I took it. Really? That's

55:43

the first time that's ever happened. Well, I

55:45

guess the whole PSA outlay of money

55:47

was worth it. I'm Chubby Checker for

55:49

box checking. Don't

55:52

forget to check your boxes for snakes. Maybe.

55:58

Don't twist yourself in knots. with worry.

56:01

What are we doing? You can go on some more.

56:03

I bet you got more gas in the tank on

56:05

that one. I'm fat domino. Before you put those boots

56:07

on, there might be a scorpion inside. Check

56:16

your boots for scorpions. Soundheap

56:23

with John Luke Roberts is a real podcast made

56:26

up of fake podcasts. Like if you had a

56:28

cupboard in your lower back, what would you keep

56:30

in it? So I'm going to say mugs. A

56:33

little yogurt and a spoon. A small handkerchief

56:35

that was given to me by my grandmother

56:37

on her deathbed. Maybe some spare honey? If

56:40

I keep batteries in it, I'd pretend to be a

56:42

toy. If I had a cupboard in my lower back,

56:44

I'd probably fill it with spines. If

56:47

you had a cupboard in your lower back, what

56:49

would you keep in it? Doesn't exist. We made

56:51

it up for Soundheap with John Luke Roberts. An

56:54

award-winning comedy podcast from Maximum Fun, made

56:56

up of hundreds of stupid podcasts. Listen

56:59

and subscribe to Soundheap with John

57:01

Luke Roberts now. Oh

57:08

darling, why won't you accept my love?

57:11

My dear, even though you are a duke, I

57:14

could never love you. You, you

57:17

borrowed a book from me and never returned it.

57:22

Save yourself from this terrible fate by listening

57:24

to reading glasses. We'll help you get those

57:27

borrowed books back and solve all your other

57:29

reader problems. Reading glasses every Thursday

57:31

on Maximum Fun. Hey

57:34

there, this week is a live

57:36

show and that means that you

57:39

are lucky, question mark, enough to

57:41

have me alone, Dan McCoy, doing

57:43

your ad reads for you. Stuart

57:46

Elliott, get out of here. I got ads to

57:48

do. Number one for

57:51

microdose gummies. Those

57:54

gummies deliver perfect entry

57:56

level doses of THC that

57:59

help you feel. just the right amount

58:01

of good. And, you

58:03

know, you may not believe it

58:05

from how I sound irritated

58:08

at the constant interruptions on

58:10

this podcast, but I can

58:12

be a grumpy guest sometimes. And I

58:14

find that a little bit of microdose

58:16

gummy helps me relax, helps me make

58:18

emotional connections that maybe I have a

58:20

little harder time doing without

58:22

the microdose gummies, and just

58:25

has generally made me a more

58:27

chill person. So you

58:29

can get 30% off your first order

58:32

plus free shipping to get today. Today,

58:35

even at microdose.com promo

58:37

code flop. That's microdose.com

58:40

promo code flop

58:42

for 30% off and

58:44

free shipping. microdose.com

58:47

promo code flop. Also, we

58:50

are sponsored in part by Squarespace,

58:52

the all-in-one platform for building

58:54

your brand and growing your business

58:57

online. Stand out with a

58:59

beautiful website, engage with your audience, and

59:01

sell anything, products, content you

59:03

create, and even your time. What

59:06

does Squarespace do for you? It's much

59:09

more than a hosting company. It also helps you

59:12

gain powerful insights into who's visiting your

59:14

site and how they're interacting with your

59:16

content with their in-depth analytics

59:18

tools, including page views,

59:21

traffic sources, time on

59:23

site, most read content, and more.

59:26

They've also got tools to get your business

59:28

off the ground, including inventory management,

59:31

a simple checkout process, and secure

59:33

payments. And with Fluid Engine, a

59:35

next-generation website design system from Squarespace,

59:38

you can start with a template

59:41

and customize every design detail with

59:43

reimagined drag-and-drop technology

59:46

for desktop or

59:48

mobile. So why

59:50

not head to squarespace.com/flop?

59:53

That's an important part. Slash flop

59:55

for a free trial. And when you're

59:58

ready to launch, use offer code flop. FLOP

1:00:00

to save 10% off

1:00:03

your first purchase of a website

1:00:06

or domain. Sorry,

1:00:08

this is the part where we talked

1:00:11

about again. There's a there's a

1:00:13

microphone right there. Am I

1:00:15

pointing the right direction? No, the microphone

1:00:18

is coming out. I forgot

1:00:20

that we were supposed to vamp a little to give time for this.

1:00:24

Okay, I'll vamp a little. Oh,

1:00:26

he goes another night. He does this

1:00:28

every time. Yeah. Okay,

1:00:31

so we have a we have a microphone. We

1:00:34

have some time for some audience questions. We've

1:00:37

we've we've dawdled a while. Let's try and keep

1:00:40

it tight. Let's do this. Okay, we

1:00:42

only have time for 73 questions. But

1:00:45

from each of you, if you do

1:00:47

not have 73 questions, do not get out of your seat.

1:00:50

Just kidding. Don't do that. Sorry. Everybody

1:00:53

don't panic. I'm untucking my shirt. Good

1:00:56

news, fellas. That's the farthest we'll let him

1:00:58

go. Check one. Oh,

1:01:01

yeah, he's wearing underwear. All right. Good

1:01:04

news, fellas. Flop House

1:01:06

TV show on Netflix greenlit. Pilots

1:01:09

coming up. Thank you. This is amazing. Write

1:01:12

a room full. Oh. But you

1:01:14

do get to be music consultant. What's

1:01:18

going to be the needle drop when you are introduced

1:01:20

on the show? Yeah,

1:01:23

I mean, it's pretty easy. Obviously, it's the sexiest song

1:01:25

ever. Drop Dead Legs by Van

1:01:27

Halen. You

1:01:30

know, it's a little bit funky. He says giant butt in

1:01:32

it. I love it. Did

1:01:36

you expect me to go longer on my face? I

1:01:38

thought you were going to have more. My

1:01:40

children are well aware because I talked about them. If I was

1:01:43

ever a major league baseball player, my walkout

1:01:45

or a wrestler, for that matter, I'm still

1:01:47

working on it. That's my walkout music originally.

1:01:50

What position would you play on a baseball

1:01:52

team? Do you know the position? I'd probably

1:01:54

be the full front. Yeah,

1:02:00

yeah. If I was a pitcher or something

1:02:02

like that, my walkout music originally was going

1:02:04

to be This Town Ain't Big Enough for the Both of

1:02:06

Us by Sparks because it's a fantastic song. It's a great

1:02:08

walkout song. But I don't know, I've been

1:02:11

listening so much. Atarashi Gako lately. And they've

1:02:13

got to be either Tokyo Calling or Geary Geary

1:02:15

now. I don't know. I'm going to have to

1:02:18

do some Japanese girl pop to come out. Yeah. And

1:02:21

I would like to come out to the

1:02:23

Monster Mash. Yeah. Never has a

1:02:25

song been associated with somebody more. Every

1:02:29

time we do karaoke within, I don't

1:02:31

know, 11 months of

1:02:33

Halloween, Dan will inevitably,

1:02:35

I'll hear the opening strings of Monster

1:02:37

Mash. I'm like, what the fuck? It's

1:02:39

better to sing it far away from

1:02:41

Halloween. That way you have

1:02:44

the element of surprise. That was the song.

1:02:46

That was a song where at my wedding,

1:02:48

that was the song that my coworkers requested

1:02:50

the DJ play. And they pointed me out

1:02:52

there like, and my new wife was

1:02:54

like, I can't believe we're dancing to

1:02:56

the Monster Mash. I

1:02:58

was like, just like I always visualized it when I was a little

1:03:00

boy. All

1:03:04

right. This is a quick two parter. It's

1:03:07

for Elliot. Yeah. Thank you. So it's

1:03:09

not going to be that quick. Okay. It'll

1:03:11

be, you'll see. Elliot, I noticed you haven't

1:03:13

drank any of your water. Are you going

1:03:15

to drink that? Do you want it? Second

1:03:17

part is, and I have it if you're

1:03:19

not, it was a two part

1:03:21

question. All right. I guess so. Unless,

1:03:24

unless he doesn't want me to give

1:03:26

away, I mean here, I don't make

1:03:28

it and this is

1:03:30

a clever beverage work around, but it only

1:03:33

works once. But yeah. And, but also now

1:03:35

you have to give a bottle of water someday

1:03:37

to someone in need. Yeah. Yes.

1:03:41

Hi. My question is,

1:03:43

did you notice that

1:03:45

Gonzales was poppy from

1:03:48

science? And you

1:03:50

know what? You're right. Well, you know that

1:03:52

all that junk food really

1:03:54

got to him because he could not control his bow eventually.

1:03:56

You're right. That was poppy. But we were

1:03:58

so busy. you're going to be excited

1:04:01

about david rasch you know that they didn't notice

1:04:04

well we spent so long the old and like i

1:04:06

think all of the main bad guys this guy no

1:04:08

way i think it's a solid i'm like you know

1:04:10

i'm going to be a issue of what you're going

1:04:12

to be with the people that

1:04:15

they are determined me whether it's not the

1:04:17

uh... television if you think that the government

1:04:19

we had a ratio uh...

1:04:22

we had the uh... it's still the online the

1:04:24

uh... there's a really difficult to look at with

1:04:27

this with this kind of like a lot of not just

1:04:29

character in it and i was watching find out and

1:04:31

that after shows up much older in one thing

1:04:33

that the final and i took a picture screen

1:04:35

i texted to my co-workers on i'm like but

1:04:38

i don't know if they should have been my belt and

1:04:40

i don't respond to that i

1:04:43

would respond which guy did final report

1:04:45

that in science but he was somebody's

1:04:48

angry neighbor i don't remember what he actually did it he only

1:04:50

one thing that but i would like that can

1:04:52

be used terribly you know but

1:04:56

that was probably was i thought you're right that's amazing it

1:04:58

is thank you for the very

1:05:00

thank you all

1:05:02

the time we thought we're teaching them to teach enough yeah

1:05:05

that's all that hey

1:05:08

guys i'm always struck when a movie's most

1:05:10

famous scene is a real total shift from

1:05:12

what the actual movie is so for instance

1:05:14

when i finally watch risky business i was

1:05:16

surprised at how kind of gremen sinister is

1:05:18

compared to the not a musical don't know

1:05:20

if it's not just on cruise slide around

1:05:22

it is jockeys or whatever it is have

1:05:24

their been ever any movies where you've been

1:05:26

like you feel like you've been

1:05:28

sold a false bill of goods on the

1:05:30

basis of what the movie's most famous seen

1:05:32

or what it's sort of been presented to

1:05:34

you as you go into it and yet

1:05:36

something very very different from what you were

1:05:38

willing to just record an episode about kangaroo

1:05:40

jack yeah yeah i mean it's an obvious

1:05:42

that we did famously retooled the entire deal

1:05:45

what we've marketing wise to focus on the

1:05:47

one thing of the wrapping kangaroo yes cool

1:05:50

people just thinking that the jaunty romp about

1:05:52

a kangaroo that wraps well the

1:05:54

first half of audition made me think it

1:05:56

was uh... i

1:05:58

mean uh... Recently, I watched

1:06:01

American fiction and all the trailers really pitch

1:06:03

it as like a Hollywood shuffle type comedy

1:06:05

and I feel like There's

1:06:08

a lot more going on there So it

1:06:10

is a lot of different movies and

1:06:12

I think just like to some degrees

1:06:14

of success so that

1:06:17

kind of Yeah,

1:06:19

I don't know that I have a good one cuz

1:06:21

I I Much

1:06:23

as I my girls seem to be like

1:06:25

man is gonna be nothing but happy Macaulay

1:06:27

Culkin That

1:06:30

movie has a comedy like you watch it. They're like

1:06:32

the wackiest wettest But

1:06:39

I think yeah there are Every trouble

1:06:41

thing of one where it's like there's a famous scene and

1:06:43

you watch them Oh, you know what like five easy pieces

1:06:46

I grew up my dad was always quoting that that

1:06:48

the toast scene or whatever it is You know then

1:06:50

this put the chicken between your knees or whatever and

1:06:52

I was like he's like it's a great scene And

1:06:54

I'm like, oh, it must be really funny movie and

1:06:57

then I watch them like, no Not

1:06:59

really a movie about a guy who wants food cooked the

1:07:01

right way Unpleasant

1:07:04

man. Yeah very unpleasant, but he

1:07:06

plays piano beautifully. Yeah. Thank

1:07:08

you. Thank you Yeah,

1:07:15

great show did a podcast about it

1:07:17

all I party is It's

1:07:21

a really good podcast check it out maximum

1:07:23

fun, I'm I'm a great

1:07:26

question. Thank you I'm

1:07:30

wondering if you were ever in a situation where you impaled

1:07:32

somebody on a hook and then push them into a furnace

1:07:34

You think I'm gonna tell you that when the cops have

1:07:37

been after me for years Sorry,

1:07:39

this is if you were in that Would

1:07:44

you want to have a snappy one-liner

1:07:47

to say about it after prepared and

1:07:49

if so What would that snappy one-liner

1:07:51

be? I feel like if I was

1:07:53

in that situation I would be like Rachel McAdams

1:07:55

and Say when I don't admit

1:07:57

I'd immediately. Oh my god. I'm so sorry. I'm so

1:07:59

sorry Oh

1:08:01

my god. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The camera had

1:08:03

cut to me and I go, bleh. I

1:08:10

imagine, yeah, you would want one prepared

1:08:12

because that's a scenario that's likely to happen.

1:08:15

And, like, I'd probably be like, I'd be like,

1:08:17

give this guy the hook. But that's not great. But then

1:08:19

the other thing that comes to mind is the hook does

1:08:21

bring you back. So that's a reference to the Blues

1:08:23

Traveler's less big hit. I'm

1:08:26

like, alright. I'll say something. I'm going to hook up. Watch

1:08:30

out. You don't want to keep doing that unless

1:08:32

you're going to get hooked. Oh, that's

1:08:34

good. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. And,

1:08:37

or, let's see, something about

1:08:39

fishing. I'm

1:08:43

still hooking him. He's done. Looks

1:08:49

like you're a deader shade of pale. Because

1:08:51

it's impaled on a hook, you know. I

1:08:55

guess Peter Pan must be your mortal

1:08:57

enemy because it's called you Captain Hook. Hope

1:09:03

you got a B.C. because now you're a Doctor Hook.

1:09:10

I hope that answers your question. Thank

1:09:12

you. The answer is we've got to work on it. We've got to

1:09:14

do this. I've got to

1:09:16

assume. You're on a cover of Rolling Stone because

1:09:18

you're Doctor Hook. I

1:09:21

imagine Thirsty Malone drives around just thinking of good quips. I'm thinking,

1:09:23

I've got to write that down and pull it over. If

1:09:26

a guy shoots another guy through

1:09:28

the knee, then he can say, he

1:09:30

needs to meet you. Okay,

1:09:34

well, I'm running late, so I better get back on the road. Or

1:09:37

is that like a, like a dictation app? He's like, note to

1:09:39

self. If

1:09:42

I'm ever in a movie and I throw a guy

1:09:44

into quick stands. Okay,

1:09:49

yeah. So,

1:09:52

ever since I watched, I think it was Children

1:09:54

of Men, I've been kind of obsessed with movies

1:09:56

that use one long takes or... Oh, alright, yeah.

1:09:58

... or album? arc yeah

1:10:01

exactly it's why it's all movie in one

1:10:03

take it's amazing fight

1:10:06

about it yeah yeah yeah so much

1:10:08

so that my fiance now makes fun

1:10:10

of me for it when we're watching

1:10:12

movies together but your fiance Mike D'Angelo

1:10:15

long take cater oh yeah I was

1:10:19

just wondering if you had a favorite example of

1:10:21

a long take or a wonder in a movie

1:10:25

I mean the opening of touch

1:10:27

of evil was a classic I

1:10:31

don't have much to say about it but you know I

1:10:35

mean both both versions are pretty good you either

1:10:37

get some great sound design or you get a

1:10:39

Henry Mancini score can't

1:10:42

go wrong with any cut of

1:10:44

touch of evil raves dame mccoy

1:10:46

in local podcast

1:10:48

show I mean this

1:10:50

is not a controversial take but the hallway

1:10:53

fight scene and old boy is a favorite

1:10:55

one-taker of mine because it's like the

1:10:57

not just it's like oh it's cool they just

1:10:59

don't think it's like they have to catch their breath they

1:11:02

keep falling down and getting up again and I was like

1:11:04

yeah I guess if I was in a fight even

1:11:07

if I was doing well I'm not knocking out these guys

1:11:09

with punches like they have to keep getting up and doing

1:11:11

it again and you can tell the real tired of it

1:11:13

I love it they I feel like it's not

1:11:15

just one take but it's a thing where it's like oh this

1:11:17

wasn't in one take it wouldn't be quite the same

1:11:19

the same as finally last year

1:11:21

watched Jane deal man which

1:11:23

is a lot of single take scenes of

1:11:25

a woman making meals and it's I'm like

1:11:28

you know what god damn it

1:11:30

there's no other way to make this

1:11:33

movie I gotta watch her make cutlets

1:11:35

from beginning to end making meals the

1:11:37

end of big night is a good one

1:11:40

where like you just see him make an

1:11:42

omelet for his brother the night after and

1:11:44

they just play it out

1:11:46

yeah I like there's a couple shots

1:11:48

and it follows where the camera just yeah

1:11:51

crowd scene and you're like man one of

1:11:53

those has got to be that it's walking

1:11:55

weird title Told

1:11:58

me was gonna follow. That it

1:12:00

better most something they the and there's that. There's

1:12:02

also a one Less is the opening of a

1:12:04

day for night. The to the movies where it

1:12:07

is. A long single take and then you

1:12:09

realize you were watching a movie been shot that

1:12:11

is doing a long single take. I love that

1:12:13

they're like you're like. I wonder which these characters

1:12:15

as movies can be about? Oh not have that

1:12:17

forbid a. Good

1:12:21

one single takes everybody. Why not do

1:12:23

as? Hey.

1:12:26

I don't know much about Marvel, but I

1:12:29

know that the winter Soldier was a good

1:12:31

guy, turns bad guy turned back to good

1:12:33

Guy. You know it for ignoring the first

1:12:35

part of it. Was. Supervillain

1:12:37

or movie monster? Would you want

1:12:40

to turn over to the good

1:12:42

side and fight for the good

1:12:44

guy? Sadly with

1:12:46

some really good powers and usually that's

1:12:48

what makes the characters not so good

1:12:50

know more about. I am a huge

1:12:52

venom fan that the movies and necessarily

1:12:54

but they are dull characters and he's

1:12:57

are now he's He's gone from being

1:12:59

a sociopath like a psychopath who thinks

1:13:01

he's a hero to the in the

1:13:03

comics. He's now the emperor of a

1:13:05

time and space spanning alien races. And

1:13:07

I'm one time this when you miss

1:13:09

when he was as the guy away

1:13:11

people's brackets by the way me like

1:13:13

like Will.of like like Detective Dracula made

1:13:15

years ago that are This is what

1:13:17

happens that any long running a horror

1:13:19

franchise rises like okay Will Now they're

1:13:22

kind of de facto the hero even

1:13:24

a very like killing people you care

1:13:26

about invisibly go to see with the

1:13:28

monster that are like Freddy becomes that

1:13:30

the hero and away or yeah on

1:13:32

are becoming Freddie Mercury. I'm gonna say

1:13:34

Lydia Tar I want Live you guys.

1:13:37

Us is a lotta assess the okay.

1:13:40

Because it is or is it was in what's

1:13:43

The Second movie. Where it really is our becomes

1:13:45

a hero in some way to door. Of.

1:13:50

This isn't as their. That I

1:13:52

think the yes it is it's gotta be a monster and.

1:13:54

Probably Dracula but if it

1:13:56

doesn't have to be like.for

1:13:58

additional monster. than... The

1:14:02

Zodiac Killer. Finally! Use those powers of

1:14:04

good! He

1:14:07

was dextering the whole time. He didn't know

1:14:09

it. He didn't know that's the twist. And

1:14:12

he's great at making puzzles. I'm

1:14:14

like, Zodiac Killer, come to my office, please. You've

1:14:17

got two strengths. Murdering people and

1:14:19

puzzles. I want you to steer into the

1:14:21

puzzle side of your talent. Thank

1:14:24

you. Look, Zodiac

1:14:27

Killer. Will Shortz, the crossword puzzle editor at

1:14:29

the New York Times, is retiring. I

1:14:31

think you can get that job, but you've got to stop killing

1:14:33

people. I don't know if I want to leave the Bay Area.

1:14:35

You'll do it remotely. It's fine. You can do that now. I

1:14:38

don't think we're in any danger, but I'm just going to

1:14:40

say, don't join the line. We'll cut it. Anyway. It would

1:14:43

be amazing if I stabbed you, right? I

1:14:45

don't think we're in any danger, but I'm

1:14:47

not willing to go that far for a

1:14:49

bit. You will. All

1:14:53

right. First off, Stuart, thank

1:14:55

you for saying that thing about It's a

1:14:57

Spark Factory. Guess I've been saying the exact

1:14:59

same thing since I saw the movie. You've

1:15:03

got to make them somewhere. The

1:15:06

question I've had since

1:15:08

watching Cobra, does Saloon just want

1:15:10

to be a cop? Is that

1:15:12

basically or is that just every 80s movie

1:15:14

guy or action guy? Yeah,

1:15:17

I mean, I think there's a certain

1:15:19

amount of wanting to be a first

1:15:21

responder. I feel

1:15:23

like there's an urge to be lumped in with the

1:15:25

heroes. Certainly

1:15:29

to be a hero. To be in a position where force is authorized. For

1:15:37

heroes in movies, at least, it's like, well, if we

1:15:39

put this down in a uniform, then he can just

1:15:42

go ahead and kill people. But if he's not wearing

1:15:44

a uniform, then he's a maniac. Or

1:15:46

a maniac cop. Or that you

1:15:48

can be a uniform, still be a maniac cop. That's

1:15:50

true, yeah. I don't know that it's specific

1:15:53

to Saloon. I think that... I Think

1:15:55

you'd rather be a boxer than a cop. But

1:15:57

I Think you'd rather be a cop... Then.

1:16:00

A race car driver Like in that

1:16:02

one I think you'd rather be a

1:16:04

race car driver than that like of

1:16:06

like have been like a mob boss

1:16:08

and have a daughter. That scumbag. Oh

1:16:10

yes and what What did he want

1:16:12

To be A cliffhanger again a recipe,

1:16:14

A mob boss with a daughter Than

1:16:17

a guy Who is that a cliffhanger

1:16:19

like the mountain climbing guy the I

1:16:21

remembered by series of work through that

1:16:23

I think that you've I think the

1:16:25

to see when beings. Have power

1:16:27

fantasies and some people deal with

1:16:29

them better than others if necessary.

1:16:32

Real. At a later version of

1:16:34

a figure her face with. Up

1:16:40

for small down I just have to say

1:16:42

I was stunned by your revelation that the

1:16:45

Director of Cobras son went on to make

1:16:47

Me undies is and also that the director

1:16:49

Cobra goods and services that rumor is the

1:16:51

current directed love Tombstone by the I have

1:16:54

no idea that was the same guy like

1:16:56

there's such different feeling movies guy was just

1:16:58

thinking about Mandy throughout watching this because they're

1:17:00

both read lit films but a well marked

1:17:03

for death by a cult leader she's on

1:17:05

her way to works in that lane well

1:17:07

as a as a self remake of Cobra.

1:17:10

That's right, I

1:17:12

mean, maybe don't feel like they're facing

1:17:14

why? Nicholas Cage cuts that piece

1:17:16

of their scissors. Is

1:17:19

how is overjoyed says you're like

1:17:21

trashy these movies as of this

1:17:23

is pushed further and further into

1:17:25

like absurd the world? And As

1:17:27

and Mandy. It. Corrupts.

1:17:30

The one big era ever been the our sorry.

1:17:32

With top of that the air and foremost and

1:17:34

I'd ladies there's is using the pollen in our

1:17:36

tour and say oh it's because it is a

1:17:39

hazard shudder Gabon right. Okay,

1:17:42

let's hope you like, Where's the Goblin

1:17:44

said forces. That

1:17:47

many has an amazing chainsaw chainsaw

1:17:50

face. And the one thing that covers the

1:17:52

thing is. Their whole than axes the whole movies.

1:17:54

There is never an axe fight the entire thanks.

1:17:56

salon never picks up an axe and it says

1:17:58

he did the it's right there leaving money on

1:18:00

the table. Yeah, there should have at least been a

1:18:02

moment where they're like, go on, pick up the axe,

1:18:05

and he's like, never. There's not how I do things.

1:18:07

You're one of us. Pick up the axe. Or he

1:18:09

picks up the axe and he's like even way better

1:18:11

at clanging it and shit. Oh, can you be the

1:18:13

best? What? You'd be the best.

1:18:16

Oh, the chosen one. Can they deal before him? My

1:18:18

question though. Okay. I,

1:18:22

Cobra is unfortunately not streamable in Canada. I

1:18:24

just settled for renting it on YouTube, but

1:18:26

I did spend multiple weekends over the last

1:18:28

month searching for it on DVD

1:18:30

in thrift stores, which I was not

1:18:32

able to find, but it did make

1:18:34

the act of thrifting way more fun

1:18:37

to have something to be after. So

1:18:39

my question to you gentlemen is, is

1:18:41

there a white whale movie that you

1:18:43

yourselves are looking to add to your

1:18:45

physical media collections? Oh,

1:18:47

I thought you were going to ask me what I

1:18:50

look for in thrift stores. The answer is always sweaters

1:18:52

with cats on them. That is a

1:18:54

true answer. Men don't sell

1:18:57

them in my size unfortunately. Usually

1:18:59

they're small people clothes. I

1:19:03

mean, honestly not really at this point because

1:19:05

if I want to

1:19:07

see something and it's not

1:19:12

available, that is the one time where I'm

1:19:14

like, as someone

1:19:16

who makes their money sometimes off

1:19:18

of people paying for art, if it's not

1:19:20

being made available, that is the one time

1:19:22

I will be like, yeah, I'll just find

1:19:24

it somehow. I'll do whatever. Dan to possess

1:19:27

it. Yeah.

1:19:30

I've gotten past that. I think I

1:19:32

hope too much stuff. I

1:19:34

mean, I would love to get a good quality

1:19:37

copy of a lot of like John Woo's movies,

1:19:39

which are just not available. I used to have

1:19:41

a bunch of those on VHS tapes. And I,

1:19:43

you know, when I did my, we

1:19:45

did it, when I moved to Los Angeles, we did

1:19:47

an Alamo show where I then gave away and signed

1:19:50

all my VHS tapes. And I wish I had kept

1:19:52

a lot of those. It's not movies that

1:19:54

I want, but I am a collect. I a

1:19:56

couple of years ago got into the hobby of

1:19:58

collecting really beat up. bad condition

1:20:01

60s Marvel comics, like ones where they're all ripped up and

1:20:03

people wrote their names on it. I missed an

1:20:05

issue of Amazing Spider-Man that someone took a bite

1:20:07

out of, and I'm really mad that I missed that auction.

1:20:09

But I've been trying to collect a run of

1:20:11

really beat up all of Steve Ditko's issues of

1:20:14

Amazing Spider-Man, and I've got really crappy copies of

1:20:16

all but the first five, and I'm still looking

1:20:18

for those. It was an issue, an issue two,

1:20:20

that someone took a bite out of, and I'm

1:20:22

like, Shirley, this won't go for a lot of

1:20:24

money, and it surprisingly did. Maybe

1:20:27

whoever was trying to solve a crime there's

1:20:29

big DNA on the... Yeah, whoever owned

1:20:31

this loved it so much that they wanted

1:20:33

to be here. We finally have an

1:20:35

example of the culprit's tooth marks here.

1:20:37

We can match them up to the wound,

1:20:40

but that's more what I'm into right now, is

1:20:42

kind of old beat up, ripped up Marvel comics.

1:20:44

So maybe someday. Thank you. Thank you. So

1:20:51

this movie has a lot of, or

1:20:53

Cobra, has a lot of unmentioned Christmas

1:20:55

decorations. Yeah. Yeah. Because

1:20:57

all of their shooting locations just had them

1:21:00

up. So... I love that. Don't

1:21:02

leave it to it. I love that. So

1:21:04

I'd like to advance the front in

1:21:06

the diehard theater of The War on

1:21:09

Christmas and ask, is this a Christmas

1:21:11

movie? It's as

1:21:13

much a Christmas movie as

1:21:15

any other action film said at Christmas.

1:21:17

If you in your heart believe it

1:21:19

to be one, then the

1:21:21

magic of Christmas has made it so, and I

1:21:24

feel like... I will say Die Hard is slightly

1:21:26

more Christmas because he does say ho, ho, ho

1:21:28

at one point. Whereas this movie, Cobra doesn't have

1:21:30

time for Christmas. Cobra

1:21:32

doesn't have a family. Cobra, the only God he

1:21:34

believes in is his own two fists and the

1:21:37

guns that they're holding. But

1:21:39

it is very funny to watch it. We kind of

1:21:41

had a similar reaction. We're like, is

1:21:43

it Christmas? Does

1:21:46

they even know it's Christmas? But it is

1:21:48

a... But yeah, so I guess, yeah,

1:21:50

it's a Christmas movie, right? Yeah, obviously. Yeah.

1:21:53

We did it. No questions. We did it,

1:21:55

everyone. Let's add it. Let's

1:21:57

add to the holiday rotation there. Yeah, now it's got

1:21:59

a place. every year at the same time. Hello.

1:22:02

Hello. My name's Max. Last name was Held. I

1:22:04

don't know if we're still doing that. Great

1:22:07

to have you here. And last

1:22:09

minute you talked about the theater experience. Yeah.

1:22:11

And I think that Rio counts as one

1:22:13

of those old timey theaters. Yeah. 20 years

1:22:16

ago I lived in the apartments right next

1:22:18

door and this used to be a Bollywood

1:22:20

theater and I never came

1:22:22

in. Okay. So I'm wondering what

1:22:25

sort of large gaping genre gaps

1:22:27

do you have in your cinematic

1:22:31

viewing experience here? Well, Dan, certainly not pornography. I

1:22:33

think you're covered on that one. Yeah. He's got

1:22:35

a pee. I am as God made

1:22:43

me. I

1:22:46

mean Bollywood is a huge gaping hole.

1:22:49

I mean a lot of work cinema

1:22:51

I have not seen and

1:22:53

it's hard to get ahold of sometimes. I mean it's

1:22:56

getting easier. I think it's hard to know where to

1:22:58

start off. Yes. And that like

1:23:00

African cinema is similar for me. Like every

1:23:02

time I see a movie from an African nation

1:23:04

I'm like, yeah, I'm starting to see these. And I'm

1:23:06

like, well, it's a whole continent. It's all different countries

1:23:08

with different cinema heritages. And but that's the thing.

1:23:11

One of the things that I kind of like and find frustrating

1:23:13

about film is that like the more you

1:23:15

learn about it, the more you realize you don't learn

1:23:17

about it. It's like paleontology that way where like the

1:23:19

more you learn about dinosaurs, the more you learn you

1:23:21

will never know most of the things about dinosaurs. And

1:23:23

so yeah, cause you can't like get in a time

1:23:25

machine and go back and look at a dinosaur and

1:23:27

then accidentally step on a butterfly. I mean, you shouldn't

1:23:30

be bad. I mean, that's pretty much what happened. And that's why 2016

1:23:32

happened the way it did, I think. But I

1:23:34

think that that's one of the fun things

1:23:36

about film, but it's also frustrating that there's so there's always

1:23:39

so much out there. But for me, it's very much African

1:23:41

film. I mean, a big obvious one for me was a

1:23:44

few years ago, I realized that when I was

1:23:46

growing up, I just avoided romantic

1:23:48

comedies. Cause I was like, I

1:23:50

want to watch horror movies. So I've been

1:23:52

watching a lot of romantic comedies and there's some

1:23:54

really good ones. I've

1:23:57

like, I'd never seen Dirty Dancing for a long

1:23:59

time that I've mentioned. earlier and I love it

1:24:01

it's the best it's great and

1:24:03

yeah so you should check out things you've

1:24:05

seen yeah I

1:24:07

don't know my biggest real gaps are as

1:24:10

you say like it's not so much genres

1:24:12

as like a lack of knowledge of a

1:24:14

lot of world cinema which is just something

1:24:16

that happens unfortunately I think and

1:24:19

you have really have to work against if you want to change it how

1:24:22

many times have you seen Cobra no

1:24:25

but there are like a couple of

1:24:27

genres that like I used to think

1:24:29

I didn't like like the Western which

1:24:31

I realized I do like but

1:24:33

I still have huge gaps in or and then

1:24:36

there's stuff that I there are outliers where I'm

1:24:38

like that oh that's a great movie but I

1:24:40

don't really like war movies so I don't seek

1:24:42

them out you know but that's the best

1:24:45

I got okay thank you thank you

1:24:49

finally a lot of

1:24:51

pressure that was a much more appropriate

1:24:53

ending question I stockings I

1:24:55

remember it's a Bridget Nielsen was married to

1:24:57

Sebastian Sloan during this movie but she had

1:24:59

an important era in the early 2000s of

1:25:02

on a show called this real life yeah

1:25:04

sure she brought her dog in love with

1:25:06

flavor flames before they're been playing with so

1:25:08

much on are very similar she's got a

1:25:10

knife well this is my question so before

1:25:12

his flavor of love series but I just

1:25:14

wonder if you had any key plot points

1:25:16

that would need to change if flavor flames

1:25:19

Cobra yeah a lot more

1:25:24

conscious copy yeah some

1:25:26

sort of time copy

1:25:28

yeah well I feel

1:25:30

like I feel like he's also expressed his

1:25:32

beliefs against the policeman yeah no you less

1:25:36

of a police officer man

1:25:39

and he was like

1:25:41

I imagine his role being like

1:25:43

similar ways like hype man behind

1:25:46

another guy but his

1:25:48

quips would be amazing amazing amazing

1:25:50

I do now like

1:25:53

crimes the disease and maybe rhymes the disease How

1:26:04

could you ask for a better ending? Thank

1:26:08

you so much for being here. I don't want to take

1:26:10

up any more of your time. We don't want to

1:26:12

take up any more time. We thank you for allowing us

1:26:15

to be here. Thank you so

1:26:17

much for coming. For the Flophos, I've been

1:26:19

Dan McCoy. I've been Stuart Wellington. I'm Elliot

1:26:21

Kalin. Thank you for being here. Thank

1:26:24

you to the Real Theater. Thank you. Thank you, Vancouver. If

1:26:34

you think of any questions on the way home, forget

1:26:36

them. They will not be answered. Maximum

1:26:50

Fun. A worker-owned network.

1:26:52

Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly

1:26:55

by you.