0:00

On this episode we discuss Cool

0:03

as Ice, live

0:05

from Portland, Oregon!

0:32

Hey everyone

0:36

and welcome to the Flophouse! I'm Dan

0:38

McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Elliot

0:41

Kalin. And

0:45

yes, we are live from the

0:47

Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon. Stop

0:50

to on our errors tour.

0:53

We still have some juice. I

0:56

hope so. We'll see how it goes. I have

1:00

been whining so much. It's

1:02

four dates. You do whine a lot. I'm

1:07

glad you recognized you're that about yourself. I'm not used

1:09

to doing anything. But

1:12

yeah, we got up, we

1:14

flew here and we're glad

1:16

to be here to talk about Cool as Ice starring

1:19

one Mr. Vanilla Robert Van

1:23

Winkle Ice. When

1:26

he wrote the letters accepting the role, it

1:28

said from the desk of V Ice on

1:30

the top. They're like

1:32

very ice? Can you be that? Now

1:35

V I Warshowski, was that a Vanilla

1:37

Ice project as well? Vanilla Ice Warshowski,

1:39

exactly. Everyone remembers those

1:43

things. So

1:46

did anyone in the audience

1:48

actually watch Cool as Ice?

1:50

Wow, wow, wow. You guys

1:52

are lucky. You're welcome. You're welcome.

1:55

So we're going to be talking about Cool as

1:57

Ice today. I have the lucky job of summarize.

2:00

Let's see how I did. Okay. Okay.

2:04

Stewart's unstuck in time. He's

2:06

dancing all moments at the same time.

2:08

You look through the portal of time.

2:10

Dan, you forgot. Stewart left his watch inside

2:12

a radiation experiment of some kind. So now he's on Mars

2:14

at the same time he's here. So have you never heard

2:16

the podcast? Dr. Stewart. Dr.

2:20

Stewart. I'm just

2:22

sick of all these vanilla ices. I

2:25

may go out to space and make some vanilla ices of my

2:27

own. So

2:30

if you've never heard the podcast before and you've been dragged

2:32

here, we're not going to show the movie. I'm going to

2:34

paint a word picture of the movie. Do

2:36

that on your own time, please. I'm going to

2:38

do it poorly compared to the movie. If you

2:41

ever wanted to have vanilla ices, to have cool

2:43

as I described to you, you're like, Michael,

2:46

I can't, it would

2:48

be too much work to go to Wikipedia and read a

2:51

summary. I'm sure along the way we'll describe vanilla ices. I

2:53

think it'll happen. Okay, so

2:55

the movie opens with a dance number.

2:57

That's right. I'll say

2:59

this. The first seconds of this

3:01

movie are fantastic. Electric.

3:04

And not on the ironic level that I enjoy much

3:06

of the movie on. So this

3:08

is where the director's really like

3:11

showing off his music video and

3:13

Playboy video directing. Before

3:15

we get into it, so a lot of people

3:17

talk about how you got into it, Dan. Janosz

3:20

Kaminski, Academy Award

3:22

winning cinematographer, did

3:24

the cinematography for Cools I. And he's

3:26

here tonight! Bring him out! You

3:29

know, so the movie looks beautiful

3:32

on that level, but also the director. I was

3:34

really setting Elliot up for a Janosz Kaminski impression.

3:37

What does he sound like? That sounds, I don't

3:39

know. Yeah, I'm very worried about

3:41

that. Yeah, was that questionable? Yeah,

3:43

you know, it's me, Janosz Kaminski. I

3:47

like to make movies at night. So

3:50

he's the cinematographer, but the director

3:53

of the film. Let's put the

3:55

shots over there, my children, yeah.

3:58

And it is like, he's the other... drink

4:00

wine while I'm working. But that

4:02

night... It's unprofessional! After a day

4:04

of working with Mr Spielberg, sometimes

4:07

I need a little bit of

4:09

something to take the edge off.

4:11

I like one fine with a

4:13

little wine. Anyway

4:16

I'll be in my coffin until tomorrow's shoot if

4:18

you need me. You want to talk about wine

4:20

or whatever? They know

4:22

the director of this film... I remember they

4:25

asked me to be the director

4:27

of photography on big night and

4:29

I looked at the set, garlic

4:31

everywhere. No, no, said

4:33

I. Director.

4:38

His other big film

4:40

is Inspector Gadget starring

4:43

Matthew Broderick. But

4:46

he has a long career as one

4:48

a music video director, two

4:51

a director of television commercials and

4:53

three a director of Playboy videos,

4:56

which helps you understand cool designs which is just

4:59

a series of striking images that

5:01

don't relate to one another. Set

5:04

to music. Dan, for the audience, do you want

5:06

to describe Playboy videos for anybody? They're basically

5:08

just music videos where girls take their

5:10

clothes. Upstairs we're kind of all agreeing

5:12

that Dan misses calling as being a

5:14

Playboy video director. Imagine they're

5:16

sort of like a mechanics garage where an

5:19

attractive woman works and there's like one smudge

5:21

here and she's like, I should take my

5:23

clothes off to deal with this. Now you

5:25

may say to yourself, it's a mechanics garage.

5:27

There wouldn't be an old timey jukebox in

5:29

the corner. Oh, that's where you're wrong.

5:34

So a lot of images. Okay, so the movie

5:36

opens with... That's what the movie images is about,

5:38

right? The Making of a Playboy movie? Movie

5:41

opens with a dance number that's basically like

5:43

a whole music video or what, get with

5:45

it? No, that's later on. I can't remember.

5:47

Everybody get loose, I think. All

5:50

of an L.I. songs are essentially the same song. Every... It's

5:53

about getting loose, getting with it. I'm a

5:55

great rapper. I'm such a great rapper. I'm

5:57

the best. That's essentially every song. So this

5:59

is Everybody Get Loose featuring... Naomi Campbell, we

6:01

got a big star. They all then disappear

6:03

from the film. He disappears, yep. It's

6:06

not called cool as Campbell. The

6:11

video is set in a warehouse, there's a

6:13

lot of dancing, flipping, etc. As

6:16

the song wraps up, we are introduced

6:18

to a crew that helped perform these

6:20

dance numbers. Johnny, played by Vanilla Ice.

6:23

Should I call him Vanilla Ice or

6:25

Johnny? Just call him Vanilla Ice. So

6:27

we have Vanilla Ice and then his posse, which is

6:29

Sir D, Jazz, and Princess. Don't worry,

6:31

they don't mention their names that many

6:34

times. And they're not really in

6:36

the movie after a certain point. They hang out. They're

6:39

in a different, more Richard Linklater-ish

6:41

movie. Yeah,

6:44

or they're teaching sort of an elderly mechanic couple

6:46

how to cut loose. Yeah, well they just kind

6:48

of waste time, they're bored a little bit. So

6:51

they head out on their motorbikes down

6:53

a lonely country highway. Vanilla

6:57

Ice does some stunt motorcycle

6:59

driving against Kathy, a

7:01

young equestrian. He

7:03

spooks her horse, she gets mad at him, and

7:05

then they do a little bit of fight-slirting, playful

7:08

banter. Yeah, she hits him and he

7:10

banters. I think she is letting him off

7:12

easy considering he could have easily killed her

7:14

by spooking her horse, by driving

7:17

a motorcycle, jumping over a fence in front of a

7:19

horse. And I don't think

7:21

he jumps a fence, and she gets

7:23

thrown. I think he gets lit up

7:25

easy. I'm going to hazard

7:27

a guess, he doesn't understand horses very well. No.

7:30

Well he's like, oh look at that big meat bike. Well,

7:33

so later on, he describes her

7:36

specifically as, yeah, that you who

7:38

drives the horse. He's

7:41

a city boy, he's not used to seeing horses.

7:45

You know he's a city boy. That's a big rat

7:47

that's kidnapping that lady. Well

7:49

you can tell he's a city boy because

7:52

he has bricks shaved into the back of

7:54

his head. Yeah, okay, so we should describe

7:56

Vanilla Ice because this movie... If you didn't

7:58

grow up... when Mr. V.

8:01

Ice was popular. This movie,

8:03

the biggest falls this movie has, is in

8:05

presenting a world where vanilla ice can walk

8:07

around and people aren't just like, goggle-iping, what

8:09

are you, what is this? What are you

8:11

talking about, that's what the movie is? No,

8:13

they treat him the way you would treat

8:15

like a leather jacketed punk in the 50s.

8:17

They don't treat him like a neon cartoon character.

8:20

Oh, I disagree, I think the beauty of this

8:22

film is he goes to this small town and

8:24

everyone's like, what the fuck is this? Not

8:26

enough, not enough. That's the fact that anyone in the

8:29

movie holds a conversation with him without being like,

8:31

oh, what, what? Hold

8:36

the conversation, I think it's charitable. Okay. Okay.

8:39

So in the

8:41

middle of this. They should, everything, they

8:44

should be looking at each other going, is this

8:46

a real person? Like, did you hire this guy

8:48

for my birthday? Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're looking around

8:50

for the camera and it's right there next to

8:53

Yanoshkamichi. Yeah, but then we're not here, it's a

8:55

movie. Your

8:57

actors, I don't know how you're forgetting this. The

9:01

sun's coming up in minutes, we gotta get this

9:03

shot. I don't understand, are

9:06

you concerned with magic hour or are you

9:08

concerned with the fact that you're a vampire?

9:10

I have to choose, it's a little bit the most.

9:13

There's a space on the Venn diagram that says,

9:15

hurry up, it's right here. So

9:20

while they're driving through like a small town USA,

9:23

suburban town, Jazz's bike breaks down in the

9:25

middle of the street. Everybody looks at them,

9:27

they're like, what's going on with these guys?

9:29

Luckily. Yep, they definitely don't

9:31

pull over. No, they don't hang out in the middle of

9:33

the street. Luckily, through

9:37

happenstance, they find local mechanics, Roscoe and May,

9:39

who live in a very quirky Pee-Wee's Playhouse

9:41

type thing. Yeah, that's a good way to

9:43

describe it. Oversized furniture and salt shakers and

9:46

whatnot. The roof is a giant map of

9:48

the world, right? I love it, perfect. They

9:51

have globes impaled along the edge of their

9:54

yard, is it to warn other globes from

9:56

behind their house? And this

9:58

is all stuff that again, strikes you. images that

10:00

will just like cut to like oh let's look

10:02

at this for a little while you know this

10:04

is an interesting thing yeah sure it has nothing

10:07

to do with the story but it's probably better

10:09

than whatever we had cooked up at a certain

10:12

at a certain level you could cut together a

10:14

scene from cool as ice and a scene from

10:16

what's the David Byrne movie true story and

10:18

absolutely wouldn't be able to tell that much of

10:20

a difference yeah so

10:24

while they're waiting around for the bike

10:26

to get fixed they see Kathy riding

10:28

along with her preppy boyfriend not

10:30

on a horse in a car they're riding around in

10:32

sports car like a metal horse and they like very

10:35

similar actually they it's very important the

10:37

dichotomy of this movie he has a

10:39

car and vanilla ice

10:42

drives a motor so yeah she drives a

10:44

horse and she drives a horse a horse

10:46

she's the perfect Cronenbrigian melting of organics

10:49

and machines turns

10:54

out Kathy lives just down the

10:56

street from Roscoe's house which is

10:58

like like neighborhoods like

11:01

neighborhood committee be like you can't put fucking

11:03

globes on he was there first before the

11:05

yep they can't get rid of them try

11:08

us a to okay so

11:10

vanilla ice runs over and they engage

11:12

in a little bit of flirty banter

11:14

meanwhile he distracts her and steals her

11:17

organizer for some reason cool

11:20

guy behavior here is hero of the movie

11:24

meanwhile inside the house we get this like

11:27

a family life sequence that's sped up

11:30

super fast so that's kind of terrifying

11:32

pretty it's pretty it is again it's like

11:34

they're not I guess maybe there there's

11:36

a there's a satirical edge to it and I

11:38

don't know if they're intending it or not this

11:40

kind of like sped up world with it this

11:43

per younger brother watches TV and passes out yet

11:45

like it's a it's it's not

11:47

a bad it's not bad stuff no it's

11:49

like it's but it does

11:51

definitely feels like music video yeah yeah

11:54

it I mean this is essentially vanilla

11:56

ices version of Moon Walker the Michael

11:58

Jackson movie that videos put together Except

12:00

for like I really wish there was a point

12:03

in which he turned into clay nation. Yeah, or

12:05

a giant robot at the end. Yeah, that'd be

12:07

amazing. That doesn't happen though,

12:09

yeah. So the family

12:11

gathers around the TV and they watch a segment

12:13

on the news about how Kathy's kind of like

12:15

a scholar athlete. And

12:17

her dad, Gordon

12:20

Winslow is played by who?

12:22

Played by Michael Groth! He's

12:24

played... TV's family-sized dad

12:27

and everyone's favorite trimmers hunter. Here's the thing

12:29

though, watch the movie and try and tell

12:31

yourself Michael Groth is doing an impression of

12:33

James or Baniac. He is. Somehow.

12:38

His voice sounds just like him, his mannerisms are a lot like him. He's just

12:40

saying. Yeah, thank you. One

12:43

person in the audience agrees, that's all I need. Jesus

12:47

needed 12 followers, I only need one. So

12:52

this news story has a little bit of reach because

12:54

meanwhile we see in a bar a couple of mobsters

12:56

are walking the same story. The local news about this...

13:01

Scholar. Yeah. And

13:03

on the news they recognize

13:05

her dad as an old

13:08

like informant and we... Just

13:10

to clarify things, Gordon Winslow, Michael

13:13

Groth is actually Jimmy Hackett, a

13:15

former cop who turned what evidence

13:17

against his partners? He

13:20

had a dirty partner and he turned evidence against him

13:22

and his... Yeah, he got put into witness

13:24

protection. Witness protection. He cleared up

13:26

later. Much later. But like, we'll cover it

13:28

now. Yeah, we'll cover it

13:30

now to make it clear but it's weird to me

13:32

in the context of the movie that Michael Groth takes...

13:35

He knows that he's in danger. Yes. And

13:38

he takes so long to explain to

13:40

his family why. When the

13:42

movie kind of implies like, oh maybe

13:44

there's like, maybe he has some reason

13:46

why he's ashamed of it. Whereas

13:49

like, if I was in a situation to be like,

13:51

no I did the right thing, like

13:53

they're criminals now after me. I'm going

13:55

to tell you everything immediately. Dan, if you had been

13:58

in this situation... have

14:00

done the right thing and not put your goddamn face on

14:02

television. I

14:05

guess he's just so... and it makes more sense than when you're

14:07

watching it, he's kind of like trying to half shield his face

14:09

with his hand. I'm so proud

14:11

of my daughter. I'm so proud of my daughter.

14:13

Just the sun's in my eyes. But

14:17

I'm just proud of his daughter. I mean, I understand that.

14:19

I'm so proud of my kids. If they got to be

14:21

on TV, I'd be like, yeah, send some hit men after

14:23

me. I don't care. Don't

14:25

really do that. I love it.

14:27

Roscoe's house. Good save. So

14:32

it turns out that Roscoe has completely deconstructed

14:34

Jazz's bike. Uh oh. They're going to have

14:36

to pay a while. It's going to take

14:38

at least 24 hours to fix. This is

14:40

sort of a play on a motorcycle. A

14:43

motorcycle two ways. But you need all the smears

14:46

of sauce around it? Of course

14:48

you do. That's the best part. That's one of

14:50

many ticking clocks. We'll get to others. Meanwhile,

14:53

Johnny goes to their house and

14:57

he's going to talk to Kathy again. He

14:59

bumps into the mobsters who have already shown up.

15:02

And he's talking to them. They're like

15:04

staking out the house. They are sitting

15:06

on their car just within plain

15:08

view of the front door of the house. But

15:11

this is not their intimidation moment because they come

15:13

back later. They come back later. And they're like,

15:15

hey, it's us. What were you doing just outside

15:17

the house? Oh, they were there so Johnny could

15:20

talk to them, which would lead Michael Rose to,

15:22

of course, thinking that they're in co-hoot. To assume

15:24

these two gangsters are working with,

15:27

again, an alien cartoon. Flat

15:30

top man with a down by law jacket. And

15:34

multiple different outfits, even though he had no

15:36

luggage on that motorcycle. See,

15:39

he'd fall up his clothes and stuff up in

15:41

the exhaust pipe. Here's a four-person hat.

15:44

What jig do you think that they were going

15:46

to that took them through this zone?

15:50

Whatever they were going, they were going to freak out some squares. That's a

15:52

good point. I

15:55

guess they were on their way to the Nassau Coliseum. and

16:00

they like threaten Michael Gross. They say you got to give us

16:02

$500,000 in damages, I guess. And

16:06

you have 24 hours to do it. It's like $500,000 worth of DVDs of damages.

16:11

Well, I get them in time. I

16:14

mean, just wait alone is going to be a challenge. Yes.

16:17

Okay. Meanwhile, the kids

16:19

all go to a party at the Sugar

16:21

Shack. That's a local venue. This is the

16:23

nerdiest venue they could possibly go to. It's

16:25

pretty cool. There's a local band that is

16:27

not doing very well. I

16:30

kind of enjoyed their weird

16:32

like funk punk take on. Like

16:35

they sounded like a worse version of the

16:37

Minutemen kind of. Yeah. It was almost

16:39

because they're doing, it's what, a Slystone song? Yeah. And

16:42

it feels like almost like a Neil Hamburger version of

16:44

the Slystone song. Yeah. Vanilla

16:47

Ice and his crew show up and

16:49

they commandeer the microphones and they perform

16:51

their song, The People's Choice. The

16:53

crowd is like, what? Well, the crowd is initially

16:55

like cold to it, but they warm up. Yeah.

16:57

They're like, this is the new sound they've been

17:00

looking for. Yeah. The

17:02

honeyed words of a Vanilla Ice. Well,

17:04

and Vanilla Ice like pulls Kathy in and they

17:06

start to dance and Nick's like, I don't know

17:08

if I like this. Don't approve. And she gives

17:11

him a countdown. She's

17:13

like, look, you got 24 hours

17:15

to return my organizer. I'm

17:20

like, oh man, I'm coming to watch. She

17:24

then gets in a fight with her boyfriend who's like, why

17:26

are you dancing with that maniac? And

17:28

he's drunk and he's frankly being an asshole, right

17:30

Dan? Or Dan's like, oh,

17:32

you've been reasonable. Dan's okay. Let's see how

17:35

Dan gets in. Whenever I have

17:37

something to say, they assume that I'm going

17:39

to, no, this is, this is

17:41

an interesting tactic. Dan's like, Barbie got

17:44

too many Oscar nominations. No.

17:49

You did not. No,

17:51

I did not. Stuart told

17:53

me you said it. I

17:55

guess there's two sources now. People

17:58

are saying that you said it. No,

18:01

this movie is playing a card that I

18:03

think is funny that a lot of movies

18:05

play where they're like, they

18:09

make it a viable choice that Vanilla

18:11

Ice is the romantic lead for this

18:13

woman by making the other

18:15

choice a dick, and

18:18

clearly these are the only two men available.

18:21

Well, I guess between these two, this

18:24

guy, he's a goober, but he seems

18:26

nice. Well, after he steals her organizer,

18:28

he keeps calling her college girl in

18:30

the weirdest way possible. That's Vanilla Ice, not

18:32

Vanilla Ice. Everything he says

18:35

is like so smugly

18:37

delivered, and

18:39

the script for it, I'm like, did they

18:41

improvise this whole thing and Vanilla has provided

18:43

his own? Like, he seems so pleased with

18:45

himself, but everything is like... I

18:47

mean, his line delivery is like the little girl

18:49

from the fall. It's

18:52

like, does he know he's in a movie? He

18:56

thinks he's actually a romantic... Yeah, they're

18:58

paying him with candy. But

19:02

it is just every line, he's convinced that he's

19:04

the greatest performer in the history of the world. So

19:06

she gets in the fight... But that

19:08

works for his characters. Character is a vain asshole.

19:10

It's perfect. So she gets in a fight with

19:13

her boyfriend, storms off. The

19:15

mobsters follow her on the road, and

19:17

then luckily Vanilla Ice shows up and

19:19

saves her on his motorcycle. But

19:21

when he drops her off at home, her dad yells

19:23

at her, he's like, do you know this guy? And she's

19:25

like, I just met him, and he's like, you

19:27

shouldn't date him. And she gets mad at him, I'm like, no,

19:30

your dad's kind of right. He's like,

19:32

look at this guy, look at him. I have to

19:34

admit, the first time, and I can't believe I'm saying

19:36

this word, the first time I saw the movie Cool

19:38

as Ice, I

19:41

may have been a little stoned, and I didn't

19:44

like really... You covered yourself, I can't

19:46

arrest you now. Elliot

19:48

talks into his lapel. We don't got what we need, forget

19:50

it. Call it off. Stand down,

19:52

stand down. Stand down. Sniper, stand down. Don't

19:56

take the shot. Actually, you know what, go for it. Wow

20:01

My friend for so many years It

20:04

was all along yeah cover it

20:07

didn't sit like the first plotting of this

20:09

didn't sink into me like how much they're

20:11

like misunderstanding there's going on where it's like

20:13

Oh Michael gross saw vanilla ice Really

20:16

saw him asking directions from the right now He's

20:18

like oh you must be friends with the mops

20:21

because like in my mind. I'm

20:23

just like yeah You know of course

20:25

Michael gross me like don't date

20:27

this guy The

20:29

movie has to give him a plot reason

20:31

to say don't get this weird stranger

20:35

Who almost killed you with his motorcycle when you were

20:37

riding a horse? Okay,

20:40

so after dropping her off Vanilla

20:43

ice goes back to the sugar shack to pick up his crew

20:46

who are nowhere to be found, but it doesn't matter outside

20:50

Nick and his buddies are like beating up Sir

20:53

D one of the game and one of his

20:55

cruise bikes and then vanilla ice

20:58

beats them all up easily single-handedly Single-handedly

21:00

barely breaks a sweat incredible and then

21:03

he leaves next morning like

21:05

a regular vanilla Reacher Guys

21:09

next morning oh I

21:12

guess this is important possibly

21:14

my favorite moment of the movie Kathy

21:18

is awoken in her bed In

21:23

her home in her home

21:25

her private residence With

21:27

an ice cube that's being first dripped into

21:30

her mouth and then pushed between her lips

21:34

That ice cube held by of course vanilla

21:37

Now do you think he created that cube with his

21:39

eyes power? That's

21:42

to be a student there's nothing in the

21:44

movie that says otherwise Professor Xavier taught him

21:47

to harness his mutant capabilities and then kicked

21:49

him out of the school You're

21:52

giving students the bad name so

21:54

vanilla thinks you're weird Everyone

21:57

thinks you're weird and we have a very real Have

22:00

you seen us? No,

22:03

we are weird. We're

22:05

weird. Anyway, class

22:08

of 2000 whatever, go on and be weird in the

22:10

real world. That was the speech. I

22:13

do like the idea that Professor X would just fucking

22:15

go out there and go crazy. Look, I was wrong.

22:19

Live your fucking life, man. I was wrong.

22:21

Apocalypse was right. Let's go show those flat

22:23

scams with what it's like when a mutant's

22:25

around. We are homeless superior. Fuck it, man.

22:28

And they're like, I think Professor Xavier's having a

22:30

midlife crisis. They're

22:33

really souped up as wheelchairs.

22:36

I bought

22:38

a Corvette wheelchair, but then

22:41

I went into therapy. I feel like the

22:43

robes and outfits he wears when he goes

22:45

into outer space to hang out with his

22:47

space girlfriend. It is like a super midlife

22:49

person. Every man reaches a

22:51

point in midlife when they say goodbye to their old

22:54

life and they go into She-R space with their

22:56

alien feather-haired girlfriend. She's a half bird. Leaving

23:02

behind the school they run. Okay,

23:08

so Kathy wakes up with

23:10

this strange man in her bed. She's

23:14

cool with it, though. She's all

23:16

as cool as ice with it. They

23:19

banter a little bit. They run around

23:21

the bedroom playfully. From

23:24

another perspective, it might be terrifying. They

23:29

end up going on a day date where

23:31

they ride around on his motorcycle. This is

23:33

where it gets the most Playboy video as

23:36

a frolic in fields of wheat. And

23:39

in a half-finished house. Yeah, well, they visit

23:41

this construction site. They

23:44

horse around. They ride a horse. They

23:47

ride a bike around in the desert. They

23:49

play around in the field. This is all

23:51

one day, I guess. Yes, all one day.

23:54

A frolicing. A day full of frolicing. Is

23:56

it the weekend? Is she not in school

23:58

anymore? Time has no meaning in it. It

24:00

doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. This is cool as

24:02

ice, baby. They show up. He drops

24:04

her off home away. You know what shows up? I know you got the

24:06

day off from school for Yom Kippur. Let's go out to the desert. Wow.

24:12

Johnny, I didn't expect you to know that. I

24:14

understand the calendar. I want to

24:18

brag. I

24:20

didn't say. I thought I'm supposed to be atoning today, Johnny. Well, we're

24:22

not going to eat. We're just going to frolic around an unbuilt

24:25

house. In a way, that

24:27

unbuilt house represents the unfinished world that we're

24:29

tasked with repairing. Oh,

24:32

Reb Ice, you're so wise. As

24:42

the good book says, get

24:45

with the hero, not with the zero. Yeah.

24:52

That's in Levita Ice. Stuart,

24:56

if you don't interrupt me, I'm just going to be doing more of Vanilla Ice

24:58

as a rabbi, Joe. Yeah. So

25:01

Vanilla Ice drops Kathy off at home or Kat,

25:04

as he calls her, drops her off at home.

25:06

And her dad, Michael Gross,

25:08

comes out and he confronts him. You know, they have

25:10

a big fight. After

25:13

Vanilla Ice leaves, he comes clean with

25:16

Kathy, explains the whole situation, the witness

25:18

protection, etc. He

25:20

urges her to break up with Vanilla

25:22

Ice, which is not a surprise, but

25:25

surprisingly, she agrees with him. She decides

25:27

to do it. She breaks up

25:29

with him. I mean, she probably does see

25:31

the wisdom in like, oh, there are people

25:34

trying to kill the family, maybe. And I

25:38

just met this guy yesterday. Also,

25:40

you've got to imagine she envisioned herself at

25:42

the altar and she's like, am I really

25:44

potentially going to marry Vanilla Ice? Mrs.

25:49

Ice. I

25:51

mean, based on

25:54

all his outfits, his fucking tuxedo

25:57

for the wedding is going to be incredible. Those

26:00

tails are gonna be so long. Yeah. It's

26:03

gonna be like a bright orange leopard print

26:05

jacket. Yeah. I'm

26:08

just describing what I wear now. What

26:11

I would not do. Yeah, for the listener

26:13

at home Stewart has a terrycloth, a fully

26:15

terrycloth. All terrycloths, yeah. With a cheek of

26:17

print on his mouth. It doubles as a

26:20

towel. Okay, so

26:22

Kathy breaks up with Vanellis. Vanellis

26:25

rides off on his motorcycle angrily.

26:28

You know, he sits and stares off into

26:30

the middle distance. He goes, hangs out in

26:32

Roscoe's house on a giant couch. Tommy,

26:35

her younger brother, shows up with a new

26:37

haircut that looks nothing like his. Sorry

26:41

Tommy. I mean he did it himself. He said, I

26:43

did it myself. How's it look? And Vanellis was like,

26:45

mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.

26:47

Sorry honey. I gotta say, as much as

26:49

a goober as Mr. V. Ice

26:51

comes across in this movie, like, she

26:54

is pretty like sweet with this kid. Yeah, he's

26:56

very good with his full charm. He's

26:58

a good dude. He's the hero. He's

27:01

the hero. It is a written

27:03

to, you know, burnish him a little. It is a

27:05

radical move for the hero of the movie to be

27:07

nice to a child. I know. I just, I... There's

27:11

some charm here. There's some charm. It's hard to be.

27:14

It's hard not to be nice to a kid who

27:16

so clearly idolizes you. I mean, me and my boys,

27:18

they don't feel that way about me, but you know.

27:22

I'm sure if they ever met Freddie Freeman, they

27:24

would feel that way, you know. Are you saying

27:26

about them, like, liking to draw you farting? Let's

27:28

not get into it. They

27:31

were doing chalk drawings in the backyard, on the pavement,

27:34

and they drew a picture of my wife holding a

27:36

guitar, and they're like, you're

27:38

a rock star, mommy. And they drew a picture of me sitting

27:40

on the toilet, with

27:43

farts coming out. Different

27:46

kind of love. Yeah, something like that. Yeah,

27:48

yeah, yeah. I think there's a deleted scene

27:51

where the little kid, Tommy, expressly, does not

27:53

do that. I could

27:55

draw this, but I won't. So,

27:58

he gives Tommy a motorcycle ride. It wouldn't

28:00

be respectful to Mr. Ice. While

28:03

they're riding around, they see Nick, the

28:05

spurned lover, now beaten up fellow, and

28:08

he sees them, which is important because

28:10

it's another misunderstanding. The mobsters, after

28:13

time he's dropped off it... It's like a clockwork

28:15

French parse. Is this vanilla ice or French vanilla

28:17

ice? Get

28:21

the fuck out of here! You're welcome! You're welcome!

28:24

Whoa! Oh wow! Full heel turn! Heel

28:26

turn! Heel turn! You don't deserve that joke!

28:28

What? What happened? Oh

28:32

man. It's thrown out for a moment and Ellie is

28:34

yelling at the audience. They

28:36

love that joke on the East Coast. How?

28:43

When I go tell that joke in Miami, they're gonna love

28:45

it. Or

28:48

Charleston. So the mobsters break in and kidnap...

28:50

Technically the East Coast, Dan. Doesn't

28:54

have to be the Northeast to be an Eastern. You're right. I

28:56

was about to argue with you. If

28:59

I don't talk about the movie, Ellie's

29:02

just gonna keep naming American cities. In

29:05

Baltimore, they like that joke. To be fair,

29:09

half of our podcast is just naming

29:11

things. Okay, so the mobsters break in

29:13

and they kidnap Tommy. An important point

29:16

on the screen? Tech-mobile the video game.

29:19

It's a great game.

29:21

You always play the 49ers. Earlier he's playing...

29:23

is it Mario Bros. 3? I

29:25

can only tell from the music. Hearing

29:28

that music, it was like... And

29:30

I hate to bring up a French thing, because

29:32

I hate French stuff. But it was like... it

29:34

was like the boost biting

29:36

into that metal. And hearing

29:39

that little bit of Mario Bros. 3 music just

29:41

took me back. Sure, yeah. Give

29:43

me the beat, boy. I want to get lost in your

29:45

Mario Bros. 3 soundtrack. Okay.

29:52

We need to stop clapping, because... It's

29:55

only in closing, right? Because...

29:58

Jazz's bike is finished. It's time for the

30:01

crew to move on all things must end

30:04

Yeah, but but but his friends are

30:06

very sensitive. They're like you gotta you

30:08

gotta hammer out this problem with Kathy

30:10

Yeah, yeah, you know, yeah, you won't be the

30:12

same. So vanilla ice goes to say goodbye However,

30:15

he accidentally delivers a ransom case

30:18

in the process It

30:20

happens The dumbest rent

30:23

he picks up this envelope He has a

30:25

conversation with the dad of the door and then

30:27

he's like, oh by the way, this is for you He doesn't say

30:29

this was on your doorstep He

30:31

says this is for you Okay. So

30:33

at this point everybody but Kathy thinks vanilla

30:35

ice is in on it Nick shows up

30:37

and he's like yo, I saw him driving

30:39

around with Tommy Everybody's

30:42

damning. Yeah Kathy, however

30:44

is like no, I'm gonna give him one more chance.

30:46

He's a good man. She She

30:49

goes over to Roscoe's house She confronts

30:51

vanilla ice and in the process plays

30:54

him the ransom tape, which is an

30:56

audio tape Which is great because that's

30:58

vanilla ice's natural meat. That's what it

31:00

is. Yeah He's a

31:02

musician. He's got those musicians ears. Yeah Yeah,

31:05

and in the process of listening to the

31:07

tape he hears Somewhere in the

31:09

distance the sound of that construction

31:11

site that they hoarse around at The

31:16

rhythmic pounding of that horrible heart

31:21

Okay So they

31:23

using that knowledge they go to the construction

31:25

site They bust into the hideout of the

31:28

bad guys. They beat the shit out of

31:30

them very easily They

31:32

save Tommy. They show back up at

31:35

Roscoe's driving the mobsters car with the

31:37

mobsters tied to the hood Now

31:40

is it more unbelievable that vanilla

31:42

ice is a one-man army corps or

31:44

that vanilla ice is in any

31:46

situation without people being like What are you? So

31:51

the monsters are tied up to the listeners yeah,

31:54

Dan and Stuart have no answers no I'm The

31:57

end is in sight. Yeah, we're so close So

31:59

close Yeah, we're almost out done with the ice.

32:01

Michael Gross walks up. He's like, I'm so sorry. Goddamn,

32:04

I respect you. Yeah, goddamn, I respect

32:07

you. I don't like your method. Take

32:09

my daughter right now. Yeah. Well, it

32:11

is funny how the cops are

32:13

there, because they've been called because of the kidnapping. They

32:15

drive up with a thing, and then immediately Michael Gross

32:17

is like, oh, I'm sorry. And then he's like, don't

32:20

stay out too late. And I'm like, wait. If you

32:22

guys are going to do it, you've got to do

32:24

it normal, not weird style. There's

32:27

no one going to take anyone's statements

32:30

about the crime that was committed. It's more

32:32

like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go out

32:34

and do my daughter. Yeah,

32:37

that's the only plausible. They

32:40

don't take any statements, folks. OK,

32:43

so Kathy and Johnny, they make up. They're

32:45

like, you know what? In this crazy world,

32:47

we're just two young lovers. Nick

32:50

shows up, and he's like, what are

32:52

you guys doing? Or why are you breaking up with me?

32:54

Of course, they make fun of him. They ramp off the

32:56

hood of his car. This

32:59

is the last you'll see of me and my

33:01

car. Proving again, he

33:04

identifies mostly with his car. He's

33:06

a car person versus vanilla ice.

33:08

Yeah. He's a bike person. He's

33:11

deviant two-wheeled wave. He's not a horse person.

33:13

He's not a bike person. He feels good

33:15

for a real bed.

33:17

And then as these car-farms taught us.

33:19

Yeah, probably George Carwell. Yeah, let's finish

33:21

it, shall we? Sorry. Actually,

33:26

George Carwell sounds like George Orwell and George Carlin

33:28

put together. These are seven

33:31

words Big Brother will not allow us to say on

33:33

the business screen. Thank

33:37

you for bringing it home, Elliot. So,

33:42

is that what you call those eyes? Yeah. As

33:47

the slow motion motorcycle touches

33:49

down, we cut to the

33:52

Get With It video club

33:54

performance, where Vanilla Ice plays

33:56

an entire song again. Yeah.

34:00

He shows off his dance moves, it's

34:02

incredible, and, notably, Kathy is

34:04

there dancing with him forever. Yeah,

34:06

and I guess... That

34:10

is the end, that is cool as ice.

34:12

What a movie! What a

34:14

movie. There's

34:18

one thing, Stuart, you did an impeccable job. That

34:20

was a fantastic sunrise and job. There's one thing

34:22

I just want to call attention to, which

34:24

is when earlier Kathy has given ice a

34:27

ring, and when she's like, I can't see you, he

34:29

sneaks back in her room and drops the ring into

34:31

her fish bowl, and when she comes back home, the

34:33

first thing she does is check that fish bowl as

34:35

if she expects there to be mail in it. And

34:38

it's like, oh, a message. Yeah, yeah,

34:40

yeah, she checks it like I checked

34:42

my Instagram DM. Yeah. Did

34:46

this fish poop this ring? Oh,

34:49

wow, my fish made me a ring. Those

34:52

are nice of them. I guess I'll marry my

34:54

fish. These are magic fish. If I

34:56

cut them open, there must be many rings inside.

34:59

No, Kathy, no. So,

35:02

of course, of course, this is the part

35:04

where we make our final judgments about cool

35:07

as ice. What are those fucking categories, Dan?

35:09

Wow. Okay,

35:12

Agro Stu there. Is

35:14

this a fucking good, bad movie, a fucking

35:16

bad, bad movie? I don't like it when you do

35:18

it. Or a goddamn movie you kind of like. This

35:22

is, to me, this is a primo

35:24

good, bad movie. I

35:28

would make the argument that the best, bad

35:31

movies are not totally bad.

35:33

They have qualities that are

35:36

actively enjoyable, and they're just

35:38

juxtaposed with really weird stuff.

35:40

They're being used at cross

35:43

purposes. And I would

35:45

like to further a theory

35:47

that I have. This is Dan's

35:50

movie theory. Often theories are named

35:52

after people's last names, but you can call it Dan's

35:54

movie theory. The McCoy

35:57

theory of... Yes, my name is... Matt

36:00

Jones? This is my last theorem? There

36:03

are certain bad movies

36:06

that are indistinguishable from a

36:08

great comedy with the same

36:11

premise because this movie is

36:13

essentially like, Vanell Eisend's movie

36:15

is essentially Zoolander in

36:18

that he's like a narcissist

36:20

just swanning about making smirky looks

36:22

thinking he's like the coolest fucking

36:25

thing. And everyone in the movie

36:27

is like, what is going on with this

36:29

dude? But he wears them down

36:32

with his innate goofy goodness. But it's

36:35

like if Zoolander, if the point of

36:37

Zoolander was that Zoolander is the coolest

36:39

man in the world. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway,

36:41

it's a lot of fun. I think it's good.

36:44

Bad. Yeah, I'm gonna say it's

36:46

not good, man. I'm gonna say

36:48

this is a movie I kind

36:51

of like. I will say The

36:53

Iceman Comet. Put

36:57

it on the criterion re-release. What

37:01

if that was what the play was about?

37:03

It's the e-genesis. Well, we're all here at

37:05

the bar talking about our wasted dreams and

37:07

wasted lives. And Vanell Eiswaxon goes, what up,

37:10

everyone? Get with the hero. Yup, yup. Yup,

37:12

yup. No,

37:14

I mean, it's so much fun. I think it's

37:18

very stylish, like the Iceman himself.

37:22

I mean, it's so silly and I

37:25

mean, it has this, like there's a definite

37:27

charm to the movie. It's

37:30

great. Thumbs up. I am

37:33

right in the middle in that objectively,

37:37

it's a good, bad movie. Subjectively, I

37:39

do kind of like it because it is,

37:43

at many points in the movie, I am not laughing

37:45

at it. I am delighting in it. Now, at a

37:47

certain point, I was like, if

37:50

David Lynch made this movie... It

37:52

wouldn't be any different. And was

37:54

forced to cast Vanell Eis, same

37:56

movie, same movie. And

37:58

it's 90 minutes later. Oh, beautiful. The

38:01

perfect length for anything. Well

38:03

not for, you know, like a, like a, like strangling.

38:05

It won't be too long, you know. You know,

38:07

90 minutes is too long for that, you know.

38:09

Thank you for clarifying, because I was gonna spring

38:11

you for 90 minutes. No, like a balanced loop

38:14

length. You're gonna use a loophole. Yeah. A loophole

38:16

of strangling wire. Yeah, no, but 90 minutes is

38:18

such a perfect length for a movie. It's just

38:20

like, there's certain times when you're like, they're not

38:22

making the movie they think they're making. They're making

38:24

a better movie than they think they're making. Yeah,

38:28

so I guess that's the verdict for all

38:31

time. We did it. Yeah. We

38:33

did it. Is

38:35

that movie all the authors? I'm

38:42

Emily Fleming. And I'm Jordan Morris.

38:44

We're real comedy writers. And real

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coming to our service. Yes.

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We are ready to

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Ross and Carrie. We are faith

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movie equivalent of the

42:43

garbage pail kids. I don't know how to say it. So

42:48

we'll be magical time. Yeah. Yeah.

42:51

That's March 31st in the bell house in Brooklyn. You're

42:54

going to love it. Then let a

42:56

little less than two months later on May 24th

42:58

in Oxford, England, we're going to be

43:00

doing two shows in one night as part of the

43:02

St. Audio podcast festival at 7 p.m. Greenwich

43:05

meantime, I guess we're going to be doing

43:08

the Avengers, not the Marvel, the Avengers that

43:10

the Hollywood remake of the

43:12

British television show, the Avengers. And at 9

43:14

p.m. we're going to do spice world. That's

43:17

right. Spice world as of yet the only

43:19

spice girls movie, but I'm holding out hope.

43:21

So that's March 31st in Brooklyn and May

43:23

24th in Oxford, England. Plenty of time for

43:26

you to get between those

43:28

two locations and see all

43:30

those shows for tickets and

43:33

more information. Go to flophousepodcast.com/events.

43:36

Also I just want to mention that the Max fund drive

43:39

is going to come up real soon.

43:42

Just a little preview of the sort of

43:44

bonus content we have in store for this

43:46

year. The

43:49

spawn LA live

43:51

show is going to be

43:53

our sort of day one flophouse

43:55

bonus content, but also we're

43:58

planning on doing a series. a sort of,

44:00

uh, uh, you know, we're going

44:02

to explore a filmography, a sort of a

44:06

check, if you will, of Graydon

44:08

Clark. Uh, we're going

44:10

to talk about joysticks. We're going to talk about the

44:12

forbidden dance. Um, something

44:14

from later in his filmography,

44:16

probably, uh, it's

44:19

going to be a whole series, uh, not

44:21

as full of filmography, but we're going to do

44:23

three movies, uh, of a man who was known

44:26

for some direct, it's going to be a lot

44:28

of fun. Uh, probably Stewart

44:30

is going to do some, uh,

44:32

role playing game stuff, uh, some

44:35

more flop tales, um,

44:37

I can't commit to that for him, but he's

44:39

been talking about it. So, uh,

44:41

I think that this year there's going to

44:44

be a lot of extra flophouse bonus content

44:46

on the max fund feed.

44:49

Uh, so just be prepared for that.

44:51

I hope that you will consider becoming

44:53

a member of the

44:56

network. Um,

44:58

but we're going to head back and let's,

45:00

do you have anything before we move back

45:02

into the show proper? I have one thing

45:04

I wanted to mention. I mean, yes, I

45:06

should mention my series Hercules from dynamite comics

45:08

is coming out in April. And yes, but

45:11

I'm doing another podcast, the 99% invisible breakdown,

45:13

the power broker with Roman Mars in the

45:15

99% invisible main feed. It's

45:17

an amazing podcast series. If I do say so

45:20

myself at about a really amazing book, the power

45:22

broker. But I also want to mention that a

45:24

very good friend of mine, a former NYU classmate

45:26

and still current friend Sasha Kenton is crowdfunding

45:28

her original television pilot script to produce it

45:30

as a short, I would love to drum

45:32

up some support for her it's called I'm

45:34

meow back. And this is the description she

45:36

has written for me. The pilot I'm Yow

45:39

back written by Sasha Kenton follows zip a

45:41

teen girl as she returns to high school

45:43

after becoming disabled. Now she redefines her relationship

45:45

with her former best friend. Will they fight?

45:47

Will they find their way to becoming dot,

45:49

dot, dot something more? A question mark, but

45:51

the onset of the COVID epidemic disabled people

45:53

now make up 20% of the population. There's

45:55

a built in audience ready to see positive

45:57

representation on TV. And this pilot was

45:59

a semifinalist. in a few different festivals and

46:02

she's trying to raise not a large amount

46:05

of money she's trying to raise $4,000 as a

46:07

goal as I'm recording this she's about 25%

46:09

of the way there so if you're interested

46:11

in supporting a very talented independent voice and

46:13

media from an underserved community someone who deserves

46:16

a chance to get their material out there

46:19

please do my friend a favor and do me a favor

46:21

go to imeowbackfilm.com

46:25

that's the letter I like in

46:27

the word I like myself IMeow

46:29

like a cow says IMeow like

46:32

a cat says cats don't say

46:34

meow they say moo imeowbackfilm.com and

46:36

please supporter if you will

46:38

that'd be fake I mean save some money for

46:41

the next one drive but see if you can help rap

46:43

okay so what do we do next on

46:45

this podcast well now we are free from

46:47

the prison of this table stand up

46:50

what we've got legs the curse

46:52

has been broken and we'll

46:54

dance again I'm not

46:57

going to but I could if people

47:00

have questions to ask I think

47:02

there will be a microphone that

47:04

will appear as if by

47:06

magic there right there it's like the movie there will

47:08

be blood if it was a microphone instead of blood

47:10

like the movie magic if it was a

47:13

microphone instead of like what a killer dummy

47:15

there was any magic in that movie I

47:18

think I might have talked about this on the

47:20

podcast before I heard a rumor once that the

47:22

movie magic instead of starring Anthony Hopkins was originally

47:24

supposed to star Gene Wilder thousand times better movie

47:27

yeah agreed so

47:29

what are we gonna do about it

47:31

go back in time let's go back in time and

47:33

make that happen gotta go back in time okay first

47:38

question approach my

47:40

friend recently I watched

47:44

the movie chameleon Street great

47:46

movie yeah and immediately I wanted everybody to see

47:48

this thing that it seems like nobody had ever

47:50

seen what's the last thing in the year last

47:52

year or two that you saw that was like

47:55

this is the thing nobody seen it I want

47:57

everybody to see it I

48:00

will I don't know about

48:04

Everybody see I don't know whether this is

48:06

on an episode that just came out or

48:09

it hasn't come out yet But I recently

48:11

saw this movie. Dr. Calgari Which

48:13

not the cabinet doctor Calgari. No, it's

48:15

from don't let him fool you It's

48:18

from this one is from the early

48:20

80s. It is from the director of

48:22

cafe flesh the cult film

48:28

And it feels like If

48:31

you know like an

48:33

underground art troop had

48:36

the set designer for Pee Wee's

48:38

Playhouse and made a Semi

48:41

erotic semi just weird Remake

48:44

of the cabinet of dr. Calgari. It's

48:47

it's it's interesting. I mean, I don't

48:49

yeah, look again not for everyone But

48:52

I'm saying take your children to dr. Calgari

48:54

I don't know. I Feel

48:58

like the last time I saw movies that I was

49:00

like, wow, how come more people haven't seen it was like

49:02

Butcher Baker Nightmare maker have you ever seen

49:05

that one? I Solid

49:07

old flasher, it's you know, it's gross. It's

49:09

weird, but that's pretty cool I

49:16

think it's two movies that I've recommended on the

49:18

podcast before there's a Brazilian movie called property that

49:21

I don't know when it's coming Out but I got

49:23

to see it and it's a really cool really really

49:25

good thriller with a social social

49:27

edge to it But also this is a

49:29

little check new wave movie Damn

49:32

it called larks on a string. It's directed by

49:34

Yuri Menzel who made closely watched trains and it's

49:36

beautiful It's just a I found it to be

49:38

such a moving experience to watch it as a

49:40

movie And then I guess I watched some

49:43

dumb thing for this podcast and it rates

49:45

that movie from my mind for a while Thank

49:48

you Thank you. Thank you Hello,

49:52

hey, thanks names

49:54

Rob first time first time and My

49:59

question is Let's say some

50:01

madman was making a flophouse-themed Street Fighter

50:03

2 knockoff. Which repeating

50:05

bit would you include in the game

50:08

and what character would they rip off?

50:11

Ohhh. Ooh. Yeah,

50:14

somebody was character-

50:17

Somebody's dick's gonna have to get ripped

50:19

off. Feels

50:23

like a layup for me. Which

50:26

Street Fighter character sings for a long time?

50:29

Blanca? Yeah, kinda. I

50:33

don't know, like there's a character named Dan that's

50:35

a bit of a joke in the Street Fighter.

50:38

What? In the

50:41

first year of hearing of this, he's got a

50:43

ponytail. Have

50:45

you ever had a ponytail? I have

50:47

never had a ponytail. Yeah, we gotta change that. Yeah,

50:49

that does have a ponytail. Maybe for the game. Okay,

50:52

yeah. Go ahead and get one. Extensions,

50:55

anybody? The next morning, he shows

50:57

up in our rooms, wakes us up, and he's

50:59

cut off a ponytail. No, Dan,

51:02

no. This is what you

51:04

wanted, right? No. What

51:07

have we done? Uh,

51:10

did we answer the question? Yeah, I think so. Well

51:12

enough. Yeah. Yes, that's fine. Alright,

51:14

thank you. Approval. Thank

51:18

you so much for recommending brass. You're

51:21

welcome. Not a sentence I

51:23

hear a lot. Thanks

51:25

to you, my wife, and I've enjoyed brass

51:28

and cats and that weird one with the

51:30

brass and the mat. Anyway,

51:33

in terms of your Mount Rushmore of movies

51:35

you've seen and then just watched a bunch,

51:37

at some point Dan said, I think brass

51:39

is the movie I've seen the most. Is

51:42

there one that's on the top right

51:44

now of sort of, oh, this

51:46

movie in the style of brass? You

51:48

mean like a movie we... Like a... Like a good

51:51

movie or... Like a bad movie that

51:53

we've seen the most. Yeah, a movie we're exposed

51:55

to through the podcast that's now transcended. Oh. I

51:58

mean, yeah, like... Branson

52:00

Cats has to be... They're on

52:02

there. Oh, what

52:04

a crossover that would be. Branson Cats, there's...

52:08

Double F, Fable Findings, dummy on there, yeah. We're

52:10

actually, Dan and I are about to host a

52:12

movie that we... Oh yeah. We're about

52:14

to do a host of screening in Brooklyn, of

52:17

a movie called Don't Tell Her It's Me, starring

52:19

Steve Gutenberg. You may know it

52:21

as The Boyfriend School. You could know

52:23

it as that, and yeah, I just love it

52:25

so much. Steve Gutenberg, of course, plays a man

52:29

playing Lobo Mironga, New Zealand biker,

52:31

and has a romance novel. He was

52:33

like, gloss over. Steve Mironga

52:35

plays a man playing Lobo Mironga, as we

52:37

all know. As if Lobo Mironga's a famous

52:40

character. It's great,

52:42

I love it. He's a sickly cartoonist

52:44

who, his sister, Shelley Long, creates

52:47

a New Zealand heart-throbbed character for him. I

52:49

thought that was all implied by what I

52:51

said, Jordan. You know what? It

52:53

was perfect first time, sorry. To pierce on screen,

52:55

he looks like he has been made up for

52:58

a test audition for a Ziggy movie. Yeah,

53:02

thumbs up. It's a great movie. Yeah,

53:04

check that out again. Yeah, check that

53:07

out. Go to your local library. Don't

53:09

take over, Florida. Hey,

53:12

how's it going? Hello. Hey.

53:16

So, one of the most prominent

53:18

features of Cool as Ice is

53:20

Vanilla Ice's jacket, which, in

53:22

addition to saying down by law, also has the words,

53:26

Deep, Danger, Lust,

53:29

and Yeah. Which

53:33

is also a line of dialogue that happens and then it shows the

53:35

word, He honest jacket. So, my question to

53:37

you for each of you. I just want to interrupt.

53:39

It looked like you had the jacket up. What's the

53:41

price tag on that back to the way? I got

53:43

you, I got you. I think

53:45

there's some numbers on it, too. There's a lot of

53:47

stuff on that jacket. It's $169. Whoa.

53:52

Can you put a price on that? Wait,

53:54

that's actually... That's fair. Yeah,

53:56

that's not bad. That's not bad at all. Not bad.

53:59

That was back when... So

54:03

my question to you is if each of you

54:05

had your own leather jacket

54:07

with words that are important to you and

54:09

your personality, what would the words on that

54:11

jacket be? Yeah, oh. At least would I

54:13

have a fucking lot of words. A lot

54:15

of words. A lot of words.

54:19

Tie, look, here's

54:22

the thing. But, yeah,

54:25

you used to say but, but on the... Just a

54:27

lot of butts. I

54:31

mean like ding dong. This

54:36

is a sad exercise in reducing

54:39

our lives into a series of

54:41

dumb catches. Uh oh,

54:44

rah rah. I'm

54:47

a bad little boy. Bad little boy,

54:49

yeah. These are... Yeah,

54:51

mine would probably have... My fucking tombstone

54:53

right there. Maybe

54:56

on the back the whole passage from Hitchhiker's Guide

54:58

about the whale falling down. That's

55:03

what I have, yeah. Nice. Thank

55:06

you. Good question. Thank you. And

55:09

on the sleeve, on the sleeve mine

55:11

would say, Deinonychus. Greatest

55:14

of dinosaurs. Yeah, that's your favorite dinosaur? Of

55:16

course it is. Wait, it's

55:19

the single greatest dinosaur. Name

55:21

a better dinosaur, you can't. You're

55:24

right, me a person who doesn't really know a lot

55:26

about dinosaurs cannot name a better dinosaur. You don't know

55:28

a lot about dinosaurs. You

55:30

know who you share that with? My children who have

55:32

no interest in dinosaurs. The

55:35

youth of today. They love to go to the Natural

55:37

History Museum in LA. I go, can we go to the

55:40

section that says the bones of real life dragons? And they

55:42

go, no thank you. They're

55:44

like, oh wait, there's a garbage truck outside, can

55:46

we look at it? Now

55:49

it's even worse. My older son is like, hey daddy,

55:51

can I just sit and watch football on TV? And

55:53

I'm like, what happened? What

55:56

genetic mutation caused this? You

56:00

want to see the original football players the in

56:02

kylosaurus had a helmet You

56:06

know that that football helmet looks a

56:08

lot like a pachycephalosaurus skull. Let's sit down in

56:10

the museum That's what

56:12

I should do. Thank you still let

56:14

me tell you about the original football players That

56:21

would be a hard left turn for

56:23

you to take that would surprise them

56:27

Knowing my stance on God That

56:29

would surprise my friends That

56:32

particular form Anyway,

56:34

pardon me Take

56:39

your time You

56:43

okay? Okay,

56:45

hi. Hello. Hello. Hi. I'm

56:47

only last name withheld So

56:51

Elliot you actually mentioned at the beginning of

56:53

the show how I don't even remember a

56:55

thing I said No, no,

56:57

she's gonna recap it for you You

57:05

mentioned how cool as

57:07

ice is incredibly similar to

57:09

true stories and I was

57:12

actually going to work that into my

57:15

question originally great mine. I was

57:18

surprised I watched them as like a

57:20

double feature like a couple weeks ago

57:23

I want to see two movies. The only

57:25

movies made by two musical geniuses Funny

57:33

thing is like movie madness

57:35

the local movie rental place Some

57:41

genius there must have placed cool

57:44

as ice right next to true stories and

57:48

my partner was like Pick

57:50

these up and you are so lucky do

57:52

speak a love. It's not sitting next to either of those Yeah,

57:58

otherwise completely different night.

58:01

So after watching that I was like these

58:03

are the same movie. So my question

58:06

is if you were to pick a genuinely

58:16

good movie on like artistic merits

58:18

that you think is this is

58:20

just bottom line world-class

58:23

kind of movie. And then

58:26

a flophouse movie that you think is just

58:29

plot wise or shot direction

58:32

the exact same thing. What a great

58:34

question. What would it be? Oh what a

58:36

great question. Sort of

58:38

brilliant question. I'm gonna go I'm

58:40

gonna I'm gonna cheat like crazy.

58:42

I'm gonna say Seven Samurai and

58:45

Rebel Blood Moon. Team

58:47

of face heroes or whatever. That's

58:50

cheating. I

58:53

already forgot most of the

58:55

title. I

58:58

already forgot most of the movies we've covered. It's

59:02

like a protection that my brain does.

59:04

So if like I like

59:06

a kind of like a teen

59:09

forming type thing. So I'm gonna

59:11

do Rebel. And

59:16

a genuinely great movie. Let's see

59:18

now you see me. Oh

59:21

the second one. Flophouse

59:27

movie. What

59:32

are. Oh the flophouse in the comedy

59:35

podcast. Tell them to

59:38

flop. They're commercial. What?

59:40

Scroll down. I don't know how the internet

59:42

works. List of

59:44

movies. The flophouse wiki. Here we go.

59:46

Sure that one. Hallie Haglund. Elliot

59:53

Kalen's feet. Okay.

59:55

Yeah I'm

59:58

gonna say Rebel Moon. I'm

1:00:02

so sorry. This is a good question, but I don't... That's

1:00:04

a good question. I want you to write us in that

1:00:06

question so we can answer it. So we can think about

1:00:08

it. We have to take some time to think about it.

1:00:10

We promise. That's a great question. Yeah. You

1:00:15

dumb slob blobber! They

1:00:19

said it couldn't be done. Hi,

1:00:22

my name is Jimmy. Last name was held. I do

1:00:24

not work for the Hollywood Theater. So

1:00:29

every time I try to explain the flophouse to someone, I

1:00:32

invariably end up going on, you

1:00:35

know, taking time to talk about

1:00:37

Donald Rumsfeld. And sure.

1:00:40

All right. Most importantly, like... Not the way I

1:00:42

thought that sentence was gonna end. Make sense? I

1:00:45

think in the top 15 or 20, guess who. Well

1:00:48

he famously did that, like, sort of type

1:00:50

5 on knowledge theory about the, like, no

1:00:52

unknowns. Oh, no unknowns. No

1:00:55

unknowns, things you know you know, and

1:00:57

no unknowns, things you know you don't

1:00:59

know. And unknown unknowns, things

1:01:01

you don't know you don't know. And

1:01:03

it would just, even to discuss, it's

1:01:05

just sort of paranoia, right? But he

1:01:07

totally ignores unknowns, which is

1:01:09

things you know, but you don't know

1:01:11

you know them. Right? Which,

1:01:14

if anything, is like our biases and

1:01:16

preconceptions. Yeah, assumptions. And he leaves those completely

1:01:19

unanalyzed, which I think is telling about Donald

1:01:21

Rumsfeld. Yeah, very much so. Right.

1:01:24

Where is the... Okay, so we should explain, I apologize. The

1:01:27

moment when one episode of The Sopranos, where the guy

1:01:29

gets, his head gets over by a

1:01:39

car and another guy throws up seeing it. So

1:01:42

we're just routinely pretending to throw up every now and

1:01:44

then. I just love

1:01:46

the one guy who walks up and he's like, oh

1:01:49

shit! So

1:01:51

vertigo induced by the question, I guess, or too

1:01:54

much. Okay, but I think I almost

1:01:56

understand. Yeah, so I feel like the

1:01:58

flophouse has a... a

1:02:00

similar problem sort of a missing part of

1:02:03

the sort of Punnett square of movies right

1:02:05

where you talk about the bad bad movie

1:02:07

the good bad movie but then you just

1:02:09

cut the entire half into movies you kind

1:02:12

of like instead of good good movies and

1:02:14

bad good movies yeah bad bad movies you

1:02:16

like a movie well I don't know what

1:02:20

you're talking about you're

1:02:23

gonna have to explain it I thought I had it but

1:02:25

the way the way I like when you have a plastic

1:02:27

bag and it won't open up and you're like doing this

1:02:30

with the top and you think you've opened it but

1:02:32

you didn't yeah if I rub it long enough you

1:02:34

gotta lick your fingers you like your fingers right yeah

1:02:36

you monster I'm in a store it's clean right no

1:02:38

so a good bad movie

1:02:48

in a bad bad movie they're

1:02:50

both bad movies and usually because they're made

1:02:52

in like an incompetent way yeah and then

1:02:54

the good and bad you like your well-made

1:02:57

bad movie so a good bad movie so

1:02:59

a good good movie obviously is a well-made

1:03:01

movie that you enjoyed and if you add

1:03:03

good movie would be a well-made competent

1:03:06

film it's just not any good yeah

1:03:08

so what like Babylon dance Elliot

1:03:15

paid him to come up with you

1:03:18

know I you know I like oddly

1:03:21

enough this has

1:03:25

come up before I think people have

1:03:28

mentioned I don't know if

1:03:30

I believe in it I mean like what to me this

1:03:33

is like maybe Oscar

1:03:35

bait movies like movies this

1:03:37

is competently made

1:03:40

handsomely mounted it is

1:03:42

not doing anything interesting yes or or

1:03:44

or that it's for whatever reason those

1:03:47

things don't gel they don't get

1:03:49

an emotion to the right to me that's

1:03:51

a bad movie that's that's that's

1:03:53

the thing that's that's that's the

1:03:56

extra leap that my brain makes from like I

1:03:58

reject this category Interesting.

1:04:02

What do you think? I've said my piece. Now

1:04:05

I've forced you to say something. I

1:04:08

think I'm pretty clear that I don't like Babylon. Well,

1:04:12

you don't like joy. At the

1:04:14

same time, everyone with the

1:04:17

exception of a few people making decisions

1:04:19

about what's in the movie is doing good work,

1:04:21

I guess. Stuart?

1:04:24

Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about the recent

1:04:26

rankings of the Warhammer tournament in Las Vegas. I

1:04:31

think that's an interesting point, Dan, to subdivide

1:04:33

bad in that way maybe is

1:04:35

artificial, but I think it's fun. Sure.

1:04:41

Thank you. Dan,

1:04:46

there's plenty of movies I like that you probably don't like.

1:04:49

I mean, it's just that city's a sigma list that got

1:04:51

second place and had like five team

1:04:53

takes in it. What the fuck? I

1:04:57

hope your question is about Warhammer. We've got to get you out of there. Yeah,

1:05:00

let's look at those rankings. Deep in a

1:05:02

W hole. If

1:05:04

only. So

1:05:08

in my house relatively recently, we were

1:05:10

having a series of... Unfortunate

1:05:13

events. We were

1:05:16

having a series of argument

1:05:18

discussions about cliffhanger

1:05:22

endings and how come some of

1:05:24

them... John Lithgow dies in that, right? Fettled.

1:05:31

No, no. It's endings, because just like Clue, there

1:05:33

were three endings to cliffhanger. And

1:05:36

how come some of them feel so

1:05:38

satisfying and like anticipatory and then other times

1:05:40

they just fall flat and like end up being

1:05:42

kind of disappointing. And we were

1:05:45

having trouble pinpointing like what's the line there?

1:05:47

So my question to you is what do

1:05:49

you look for in a really successful cliffhanger

1:05:51

versus what makes it feel just really unsatisfying?

1:05:54

I think when it comes to... It's a

1:05:56

cliffhanger ending especially, but endings in general. What

1:05:58

makes an ending work... is not necessarily

1:06:00

within the ending, but what leads up to that end.

1:06:03

Like an ending to a movie to me is like

1:06:05

a joke where the punchline doesn't work if the setup

1:06:07

doesn't work. Like you need the setup needs to give

1:06:09

you everything you need for the punchline. There's a lot

1:06:11

of movies where the cliffhanger ending is more of a

1:06:13

like, didn't see this coming, and it's like, you're right,

1:06:15

I didn't see that coming. Didn't

1:06:18

set it up right. You

1:06:20

wanted an ending to this scene, huh? Well,

1:06:22

sorry. Or there's a, one

1:06:24

of John's sales is kind of lesser

1:06:26

movies. There's this movie called Limbo, where

1:06:29

there's this mother and daughter and this guy

1:06:31

and they're trapped somewhere and blah blah blah. But

1:06:33

like, the important thing is their personal dynamic and

1:06:35

whether they're going to be able to figure out

1:06:38

how to work together and get along. And essentially

1:06:40

become a family unit. And a plane

1:06:42

is coming, and they don't know if it is the people who

1:06:44

are coming to kill them or the people who are coming to

1:06:46

rescue them. And the movie ends before the plane gets there. And

1:06:48

I remember seeing it and being like, and I remember seeing it

1:06:50

with someone and they were like, what? And

1:06:53

I was like, it doesn't matter. The point of

1:06:55

the story was their relationship. It's in the fucking title,

1:06:57

dude. Well, exactly. We're like

1:06:59

the cutting edge, for instance. Where

1:07:02

at the end, spoiler, you don't know if they won that competition. It

1:07:04

doesn't matter. It's about whether they came together as a team. So

1:07:07

like, those work for me, but there are times

1:07:09

when the cliffhanger is more or less. There's other

1:07:12

times where it's like setting you up for the

1:07:14

sequel, which we're not making. I'm so sorry. You're

1:07:17

never going to find out why Peach needed Mario Luigi

1:07:19

to come back at the end of the old Mario

1:07:21

Brothers. I think I made a similar statement

1:07:24

on a recent episode where it's like,

1:07:26

if it's an emotionally satisfying arc, if

1:07:29

the characters have reached some sort

1:07:31

of conclusion and then there's a plot

1:07:34

cliffhanger, that's good. If it just

1:07:36

seems like it was like, well, I

1:07:38

don't know. We ran out of film somehow, even though this

1:07:40

wasn't shot in sequence. That's a bad way of doing it.

1:07:42

It was like the ending of the Tim Burton plan of

1:07:44

the apes, where they were like, this is going to really

1:07:46

blow some minds. What? Hold

1:07:50

on. Ape Lincoln? I

1:07:53

guess that sounds like ape. I like

1:07:55

it when it's like... You

1:08:00

find out the guest, he's been a bad guy the

1:08:02

whole time, and you think he's dead, but he comes

1:08:04

back and you're like, oh wow, the guest's still there

1:08:06

and my friend, Rose, is like, what the fuck? And

1:08:08

that's the end of the movie, it's thumbs up. So

1:08:12

he is the steward of Bruce of any cliffhanger ending that is the

1:08:14

guest. Can't

1:08:17

argue with that. Thank you

1:08:19

so much. We hope that was helpful. We're

1:08:22

settling arguments tonight. Evening,

1:08:25

peaches. Hello. Chris, last name

1:08:27

was held. For us long time listeners

1:08:30

of the podcast, you guys have been going for

1:08:32

over a decade now, so congratulations to that. Oh,

1:08:34

thank you. Yes,

1:08:38

we are quite old. Thank you. Now,

1:08:42

as real people, we get to see you

1:08:44

grow and have this kind of parasocial relationship

1:08:46

with you folks. Like

1:08:48

author, beefcake, dance

1:08:50

happy now, we're all happy about that.

1:08:53

Yeah, actually, yeah, it's good. I

1:08:56

mean, harsh. Do

1:08:58

a fucking thing, beauty. Unlike

1:09:06

real people, characters don't really grow in the

1:09:09

same ways through the decades. So,

1:09:12

what's a character that you've kind of

1:09:14

engaged with throughout your life that has

1:09:17

changed to become either better or

1:09:19

worse as the interpretations

1:09:21

went on? Ooh. And

1:09:25

you can do Sherlock Holmes, it's fine. Well,

1:09:27

you know what, no, it's interesting, because like that was the first, like

1:09:29

the first thing that came to mind was like Sherlock

1:09:32

Holmes, but like a derivative

1:09:34

of like, the TV show House

1:09:37

was a wonderful show for a

1:09:39

few seasons. And

1:09:42

the problem with it was, he's a man, not

1:09:44

a house. Yeah, I'm

1:09:46

like, this is fucking bullshit. I

1:09:49

was, because he's- When is he gonna turn into a house?

1:09:51

You hear the name and you're like, how'd a house get

1:09:53

a medical degree? No,

1:09:55

there's like, there's requirements of that type of show,

1:09:57

they're like, uh, you know

1:09:59

what, we're- We're gonna pretend like there's gonna

1:10:01

be character growth, but there's not. And welcome

1:10:04

to television, Dan. Which

1:10:06

is what, like, you know, I would have loved that

1:10:08

show if it was like five seasons. It's like, you

1:10:10

know what, by the end of the season, this show,

1:10:13

maybe he's not gonna be a great guy, but there's

1:10:15

going to be some growth.

1:10:18

And I don't know,

1:10:20

like, I haven't read a lot of the later Sherlock

1:10:23

Holmes stories because they get weird people. Like,

1:10:26

he's like looking, he's trying to find some vampires,

1:10:28

maybe, like something that could be event- it's not

1:10:30

really, you know, anyway. He gets these- The

1:10:33

one, didn't Alan Moore write one where he's having

1:10:35

sex with Dorothy from Oz or something? That makes

1:10:37

sense. I don't know,

1:10:39

I just, you know, I like to think

1:10:41

that, you know, he found some peace towards

1:10:43

the end of his life. You

1:10:46

know, he learned how to integrate

1:10:48

the emotions into the intellect.

1:10:50

Oh, okay. Alan Moore? Yeah.

1:10:53

I like your name Alan Moore. I mean, I hope Alan Moore

1:10:55

does. I'm getting Alan Moore.

1:10:57

I'm getting the teeth. I hope Alan Moore does. Started

1:10:59

combing his beard. Took off

1:11:01

a ring. I'm

1:11:06

gonna say- so there's a couple of characters

1:11:08

I've spent my life with at this point.

1:11:10

One of them is Spider-Man. Had his ups

1:11:12

and downs, but he's not the- he

1:11:15

is essentially perfect from the get-go.

1:11:17

And you could read him that

1:11:19

first kind of, like, 40-some-odd issues of that

1:11:21

book or whatever. You can read as him growing

1:11:24

up and maturing and everything since then is just

1:11:26

cycle, cycle, cycle, cycle. So instead I'm gonna say

1:11:29

Wolverine, who, when I started

1:11:31

reading comics, was still a berserker. And

1:11:34

I've seen him grow and mature to become an elder

1:11:37

statesman in a way that feels very organic and

1:11:39

real to that character. Where he's still fighting the

1:11:41

darkness within, but he's no longer the guy who,

1:11:43

like, just kills and Storm is

1:11:45

like, well, Logan, how could you

1:11:48

do such a thing? Instead, he's like, oh, I guess

1:11:50

I gotta take care of these kids now, you know.

1:11:53

Do it more Canadian. That is pretty adorable. I

1:11:55

gotta take care of these kids, eh? You

1:11:58

know, I'm the best there is to what I do. What are you

1:12:00

doing? Very nice. Well,

1:12:02

shotgun is molson by, uh... Snick?

1:12:06

Yeah, Snick Day. Snick Day.

1:12:14

I mean, I can't follow that. I mean, yeah,

1:12:16

sure. I can talk about this

1:12:19

D&D character I played for a really long time. You

1:12:21

grew up with him? He grew in a

1:12:23

lot of really cool ways and got levels and stuff.

1:12:26

Nah, it's fine. I

1:12:28

don't think I have a badge for you. No, it's fine.

1:12:30

It's cool. Don't worry. It's just easy.

1:12:32

Thank you. Thank

1:12:34

you very much. I don't think we're in any

1:12:37

danger of it, but I'm going to ask that

1:12:39

no one join the line so we can allow

1:12:41

everyone out in time to pee. If you're on

1:12:43

the line, your question will be answered. If you're not

1:12:45

on the line, take it to your grave. Amanda,

1:12:50

I might have mildly misunderstood the

1:12:52

prompt because both of my observations

1:12:54

are about the movie. That's

1:12:57

fine. That's fine. Please bring us

1:12:59

back to some sort of structure. You were surprised that

1:13:01

there was a person that had things that were completely

1:13:03

unrelated to the show? Not surprised,

1:13:06

but just, um, am I so

1:13:08

welcome? And obviously, yeah. So

1:13:11

it'll be an exit interview. We'll talk to you about your expectations. So

1:13:14

the first one is very short. No

1:13:16

one said her name was Kat. No one

1:13:18

asked her to be called Kat. But he starts calling

1:13:21

her Kat and expects her to respond to it,

1:13:23

which is red flag number one,

1:13:25

if you ask me. You're saying

1:13:27

you may not be a good boyfriend. That's not my

1:13:29

name. That's like a

1:13:31

problem. That's true. That's

1:13:33

true. But it's like he's murdering her identity

1:13:36

by calling her Kat. Yeah, it's like, no, no, no,

1:13:38

I chose her, and this is her new name. Number

1:13:42

two, does anyone here take care of fish?

1:13:46

Because that's looking fishbowl. Freshwater fish,

1:13:48

saltwater fish, they're all dead. They,

1:13:50

no filter. No filter at all.

1:13:52

You mentioned that bowl, because you

1:13:55

did briefly mention the fishbowl, because

1:13:57

of the ring, blah, blah, blah. They broke

1:13:59

to that. So many shots of

1:14:01

that fucking fish. I guess that's technically a

1:14:03

question. Dead. Who?

1:14:06

Two are we're solving a decades old

1:14:09

crime against these fish. How

1:14:11

many fish? This is technically a question if anyone

1:14:13

has fish. I think we've

1:14:16

cracked the cold case of those dead

1:14:18

fish. They were killed

1:14:20

by the cast and crew of Cool

1:14:22

as Ice. No, that does, I mean,

1:14:24

that does, I mean, you're not rolling.

1:14:26

As someone who had to bury a

1:14:29

crayfish, it's sad news everybody. The crayfish

1:14:31

I mentioned earlier on the podcast, Die the Natural

1:14:33

Death, is now buried in

1:14:35

our yard with a tombstone. Then you climb

1:14:38

down to that grave and fuck this shit

1:14:40

up. No, no, no. Salt burn,

1:14:42

salt burn. Salt

1:14:44

burn. I

1:14:47

was hiding behind Dan,

1:14:49

I'm just saying that. But

1:14:51

no, it takes a lot of work to keep an aquatic

1:14:54

creature alive. If

1:14:57

anyone has a gill

1:14:59

man at home. Hello,

1:15:02

Savage First Name Is Eld. I work in

1:15:04

industrial embroidery and that's when I listen to

1:15:06

your podcast. So

1:15:08

I'm around a lot of hats. Keep

1:15:12

talking. And

1:15:14

this movie has a lot of hats in it. And

1:15:16

that's all I want to talk about. Can

1:15:21

I get your guys' opinions on good messages

1:15:23

to put on hats and wear? Good

1:15:26

messages. Good messages on a hat.

1:15:29

Wear the on a hat. I wear

1:15:31

wear on the hat or wear... On

1:15:33

the head on the hat. Yeah, not wear to

1:15:35

wear the hat. Okay, that

1:15:38

makes more sense. Like positive messages for

1:15:40

the youth or... Yes,

1:15:43

yes. I mean, if you... I

1:15:46

would like to put like a message on like, pork

1:15:48

by hats and trilby's, if you are a man below the age

1:15:51

of 60, don't wear me. That's

1:15:55

a lot of message. That's a

1:15:57

lot of message, it is true. But it will

1:15:59

save some time. conversation starter I

1:16:01

guess I guess so I

1:16:04

think mate it's a lot of negativity in

1:16:06

the world so I think I just want a cap that says

1:16:08

good work that I can wear just people look at it they

1:16:11

know I just want to be what's what's

1:16:13

the space from dirty rock Judah feelin yeah sure

1:16:15

yeah I know but his cats his hats would

1:16:17

be like number one champ I want to tell

1:16:19

other people they're doing okay I would love to

1:16:21

shout out my brother who is six feet tall

1:16:23

and I'm he made me make him a hat

1:16:25

that says big man oh love

1:16:27

it pretty cool alternately on days when I'm feeling

1:16:30

a little

1:16:32

sassy the hat has nothing on the

1:16:34

front on the back it says my eyes are up front that'll

1:16:42

teach him thank you guys so much yeah thank

1:16:44

you hey guys hello so we know from

1:16:52

watching cool as ice that the people that

1:16:54

funded cool as ice we know this

1:16:58

we know the first because we watched

1:17:00

it but we know

1:17:02

that they said script competent

1:17:05

editing they're like no we

1:17:07

got cool we got we got the ice man Bobby

1:17:12

Drake but right yeah I man from top-down well

1:17:14

not that man this is so these

1:17:17

type of vanity projects we I think we used to

1:17:19

see more in the past but I was kind of

1:17:21

wondering is there a

1:17:24

pop culture figure today

1:17:26

that would be

1:17:28

oblivious enough to make now

1:17:42

what would the mr. worldwide movie be though I mean

1:17:44

I assume he's saving an orphanage

1:17:47

somewhere probably a girl in a motorcycle you

1:17:49

know involved I mean to be honest you

1:17:51

just put him in front of a green

1:17:53

screen insert him into cool as ice it's

1:17:56

the same movie I

1:18:01

mean wear sunglasses the whole time. I

1:18:06

do like timber though, I gotta say. You know, you

1:18:08

add cash to the mix. Look, you can be a

1:18:10

joke and make a catchy song, you

1:18:12

know, and you can be a

1:18:14

true artist. Just ask Marcel Duchamp,

1:18:17

Artific Frankster. Thank you so

1:18:20

much for baffling us. Yes.

1:18:25

I want to first thank

1:18:27

you for mentioning David Lynch because I could only watch

1:18:29

this movie and think about how to

1:18:32

derange Dale Cooper in Twin

1:18:34

Peaks. My question

1:18:36

is, for me, the crossover event of the

1:18:38

century as a Jeopardy fan was when Elliot

1:18:40

Kalin was on Jeopardy. Oh, thank you. I

1:18:44

got second place, thank you. I wanted to ask

1:18:47

you guys, if you guys were competing, the three

1:18:49

of you on Jeopardy, what would be your dream

1:18:52

categories in order to defeat each other? I'd

1:18:54

probably say check new wave movies. Hold on.

1:19:00

Wouldn't that be wild? It's

1:19:04

a buzzer game, Elliot. That's why I came in

1:19:06

second place. It's a buzzer game, yeah. Yeah,

1:19:08

I guess I did. Well, then I guess I'd say Warhammer, yeah.

1:19:12

Good fucking luck. Yeah,

1:19:17

what next? JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Characters? You're dead,

1:19:19

dude. I think it might just

1:19:22

be unexpected

1:19:24

filmographies because no matter what movie

1:19:27

it is, I'm like, well, gotta

1:19:29

look at IMGB and be like,

1:19:32

oh, I'm mildly interested in the fact

1:19:34

that the same person did these two

1:19:36

things. Like it's weird, like I won't...

1:19:40

Or I did, at least, but I hope to again.

1:19:42

I work in the

1:19:44

entertainment industry. The idea that I'm

1:19:48

in entertainment, the idea that one person would do

1:19:52

two different types of things shouldn't

1:19:55

Amaze me because I'm like, that's how money is

1:19:57

made. The

1:20:00

like oh that cause you have

1:20:02

you made the earth waken frightening

1:20:04

Also may receive that Bernie smiles

1:20:06

double from us as if I

1:20:08

mean it Also do really well.

1:20:10

The catterick online porn very are

1:20:12

pointing portable sir I'm sorry sir.

1:20:19

Yes sir are to see

1:20:21

Monday movies Mississippi. Say

1:20:24

thank you All right Nexus and let's try

1:20:27

to do these quick and for j idea

1:20:29

where it was running late and does Everyone

1:20:31

needs their sleep. Or

1:20:34

guess my question? you could recommend

1:20:36

a superhero for Portland, Oregon or to

1:20:38

be. Move.

1:20:42

We're recreating a new one whole cloth or advice

1:20:44

and recommend a and existing superhero. I was gonna

1:20:46

say which ever one you want but I want

1:20:49

to be briefed. As Elliott said to be brief.

1:20:53

Summary have had turned back

1:20:55

on him and love it.

1:20:59

If it's a free existing hero, There's

1:21:02

a Marvel character named D. Man is

1:21:04

a former professional wrestler. He thinks he

1:21:06

has happened America's best Friend. And

1:21:09

sets in America tolerance him. Is

1:21:12

a very sweet man. I think big as radio

1:21:15

for Portland. A

1:21:17

smaller scale city. The smaller scale

1:21:19

hero. Disease

1:21:22

and for demolition. But it

1:21:24

could stand for something Portland related that starts

1:21:26

to see. Not

1:21:28

apply to most of my persona. By

1:21:30

am aware that Portland has. A

1:21:33

very high concentrations to strip clubs

1:21:35

for tapper. And

1:21:37

yes yeah and yet when I

1:21:40

will do well in the form

1:21:42

free category, you took office. Only

1:21:44

reason. That

1:21:46

I'm the only person on

1:21:49

say as you might have

1:21:51

such a win for everyone

1:21:53

has s. I know there's

1:21:55

like a lot of strip clubs, more

1:21:57

history strip club things like sir. The

1:22:00

area strip karaoke I was I

1:22:02

would I would have liked to

1:22:04

sort of fancy file superhero who

1:22:06

like who who sings with the

1:22:09

power of thing but only one

1:22:11

stripping. Citizens.

1:22:15

Ah no. Portland's pretty cool city you're in

1:22:17

need a cool superior? I'm is a what

1:22:20

grifter that guy, what's his young son. Of

1:22:23

a while says sorry I held him as

1:22:25

that just slapped on a test. To the

1:22:28

bottom of the say it sounds like a

1:22:30

beard. Thank

1:22:32

you for my those enjoy More than

1:22:34

new super do some of the Man

1:22:36

River and the Stripping songstress. Pay

1:22:42

them. Ah so The Twenty Third

1:22:44

team. The Big Wedding. And

1:22:47

the Friends Language original two. Thousand

1:22:49

and Six. Have any have you

1:22:51

seen? Both. Are either. If not, I have a backup.

1:22:55

As was the fifth wedding I haven't been.

1:22:57

as I've forgotten six is the big wedding

1:22:59

Know or two thousand and Thirteen the big

1:23:02

Wedding Two thousand and Six is and more

1:23:04

about Mary I know I have seen them.

1:23:06

Okay back for a lesson. these least most

1:23:08

of most Portland movie not shot in Portland

1:23:11

most not for the movie shot. And

1:23:13

I said i write most. Not

1:23:16

informing. Motors and we're not.

1:23:18

We're going on where the other things

1:23:20

with his as one apologize that Portland

1:23:23

Less simple questions as to Milan, Eleanor,

1:23:25

Portland or my farce of any are

1:23:27

a couple times. the great to the

1:23:29

only me here. Fear when I am

1:23:32

I know, I know and see what

1:23:34

I know about Portland. City

1:23:37

as City of Roses. Name of the role

1:23:39

reversal. We We We we We Are there?

1:23:41

Any medieval monasteries and Mormon? Leaders

1:23:45

in Portland, Or. Less.

1:23:55

Are so that you thought of unlike

1:23:57

the state from Newport. And

1:24:02

yet to hear the last the last

1:24:04

one use of Kansas out of pressure.

1:24:06

Okay so you meet a sinner filed

1:24:09

zenith ah I might as well I

1:24:11

do y o s world peace or

1:24:13

any that way and stuff. You can

1:24:15

get one movie made. With

1:24:19

any no restrictions no budget are tas

1:24:21

What what he was for. A

1:24:25

while. Ah okay ah I don't know. gear

1:24:27

models or of them out of the man

1:24:29

is boom boom. Pow

1:24:32

Wows in as. Zip

1:24:35

to be a movie that was didn't look businesses on.

1:24:39

And around like prices and I'm in

1:24:41

a self esteem would be like a

1:24:43

movie that I I want to make

1:24:45

less yea I'm a great screenplay for

1:24:47

the ones that to say l a

1:24:49

two part way through I gotta have

1:24:52

heard on a game and every visit

1:24:54

school for example like super cool and

1:24:56

is lame of friends are always makes

1:24:58

vanilla. As any

1:25:00

as as they have them from international drug cartel.

1:25:03

Are throwing the hold on a Saturday

1:25:06

all through. The problem with this. Is

1:25:08

like in front of the your voice smoke.

1:25:10

When I don't want to adapt the vote,

1:25:12

avoid avoid eating that I truly love I'm

1:25:14

like whoa. It exists in the form that

1:25:17

I love it. Him already led I don't

1:25:19

need see it. As. A

1:25:21

movie. I have always enjoyed

1:25:23

it in any says. The

1:25:26

eyes. Were

1:25:29

the Hump is this summer has everything

1:25:31

has it's own that is that have

1:25:33

died There have been not break versions

1:25:35

of this adults the great adaptation of

1:25:37

the Man Who Was Thursday educate tested

1:25:39

in with it is a hundred year

1:25:41

old book that is half the book

1:25:43

is t sequence and every time they

1:25:45

think they've caught the bad guy the

1:25:47

bad as like not a bad guys

1:25:49

have skill and so if you know

1:25:51

what I would you know if I

1:25:53

I would write a. Uncle.

1:25:55

Scrooge has been sir. we

1:25:59

i was guts crew globetrotting like in

1:26:01

the mode of the 10-10 movie

1:26:04

that Spielberg made, that would

1:26:06

be a lot of fun. Live action, voiced

1:26:08

by Chris Pratt. No? Wait,

1:26:11

it's live action but it's voiced by

1:26:13

Chris Pratt? Yeah,

1:26:15

and his body is by Chris Pratt. You should

1:26:18

have just been like Chris Pratt. I

1:26:21

guess technically every Chris Pratt role is voiced

1:26:23

by Chris Pratt, that's true. Can't

1:26:26

argue with that. Hey, everyone.

1:26:29

Thank you. Thank you so much. You're

1:26:31

a great audience. Thank you for being here. Thank

1:26:33

you for being so kind to us. And patient. We

1:26:36

have to fly very early so who knows how

1:26:38

long a while is, but thank you so much

1:26:40

for being

1:26:49

here. For the flophouse, I've

1:26:51

been Dan McCoy. I'm

1:26:55

Stuart Wellington. I'm

1:26:58

Elliot Kaelin. Thank you. Good

1:27:00

night, everybody. Thank you. Thank you

1:27:02

for all of them. Thank you to the Aladdin Theater. Thank you.

1:27:04

You know... Wait, wait,

1:27:06

wait. Don't let Ellen get a microphone. Oh, God. Too

1:27:09

late. Too late. He's

1:27:12

all jacked up on

1:27:14

sugar.