0:00

On this episode we discuss Madam

0:02

Web. But this time of

0:04

year it's more like maximum fun

0:06

drive web. You

0:09

can say maximum properly. I

0:13

had a time I got confused with what I was

0:15

doing. Madam...

0:18

Madam... ...fun

0:20

drive web. Okay. Hey

0:31

everyone. Welcome

0:37

to The Flop House. I'm

0:46

Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliott

0:49

Kalin. And before we introduce our very special

0:51

guest for this episode, it's a total mystery

0:53

to you unless you have read the description

0:55

of the episode ahead of time. The title,

0:58

in fact. The title. I

1:00

just wanted to remind our listeners that

1:02

it is Max Fun Drive Airhorn Noise.

1:04

Airhorn noise. Airhorn noise. Airhorn noise. Thank

1:06

you. Should I do the airhorn noise?

1:08

Is that why I'm here? Yes, that's why you're here. You're the Michael

1:10

Winslow of this episode. That's a different kind of horn. But

1:16

it does have air. From

1:18

now through March 29th, this is the time

1:20

of year when we celebrate maximum fun members

1:22

and the money that they pledge in

1:24

order to make it possible for us to

1:26

do this show and feed our families. I'll

1:29

be telling you more about Max Fun Drive

1:31

and how to pledge and what bonus gifts

1:33

you'll get from pledging later in the episode.

1:35

But if you absolutely, positively cannot wait to

1:37

get involved with the drive, then pause this

1:39

episode right now. Go to maximumfun.org/join. You can

1:42

line up, sign up, and re-enlist today for

1:44

as little as $5 a month as a

1:46

supporter of us and the

1:48

maximum fun family of podcasts. $5 a month means

1:50

you're paying only $1.25 per episode. That's

1:54

how much a comic book cost when I started collecting them

1:56

in 1992. Speaking of comic

1:58

books, we're going to talk about Madame So

2:01

once you're done at maximumfun.org/join, come right

2:03

back because we're about to introduce our

2:05

special Madam web themed special

2:07

guest and that is of course Juman

2:11

Peringue, co-ep of the Daily Show, longtime

2:14

listeners the flophouse will know him as tanzer silver

2:16

view Juman, how does it

2:18

feel to be yourself for once and not a

2:20

character on the show? Oh, it

2:22

feels great Thank you guys for I

2:24

forgot how terrible it is to watch

2:26

a bad movie It's also the it's

2:29

the first day of spring today, which

2:31

is the Iranian new year So I

2:33

really appreciate you guys making

2:35

me take one of the most important

2:37

days in my people's year to come

2:39

talk about the worst Movie I've seen

2:41

you know, our cherries. I could be eating

2:44

sour cherries right now. I could be dancing

2:46

around the sofa I have seen I could

2:48

be other cultural references So

2:52

not a dune episode, okay? Wow,

2:56

that wasn't such a good movie. I'd be very offended by

2:59

the great Juman I

3:01

mentioned that you are a Madam web themed guest.

3:03

I don't have a fact to back that up

3:05

So can you rationalize why you are the guest

3:07

on the Madam web episode? Yes I

3:10

would also prefer to be a bitten

3:12

to death by spiders than to have

3:14

watched Madam web Well,

3:16

let me just say the real reason is of

3:19

course that because it is max fun drive. We're

3:21

pulling out the stops This is our

3:23

equivalent of may sweeps and everyone has

3:26

been clamoring for a main feed jubin

3:28

episode jubin For a long time has

3:30

been sequestered to our bonus content If

3:32

you listen to this and you love

3:34

jubin and you're a five dollar a

3:36

month or more donor You can listen to him Do

3:39

all our role-playing episodes that we did for

3:41

bonus content Yeah, we wanted to have them

3:44

back on a normal episode after finally have

3:46

you in man finally have jubin not as

3:48

a sort of Medieval

3:51

nobleman or as a rich guy from the

3:53

30s or a or an arrogant dog Takes

3:57

those same thematic character Uh,

4:00

it stretches them way beyond the point of believability

4:02

or humor. Yeah. Yeah.

4:05

That's why we're talking about Madam web today. I

4:07

appreciate you guys cutting me in on 90% of

4:09

these, uh, maximum fund profit. Any, any

4:11

dollar you guys can raise, most of it will go to

4:13

me. So I really appreciate it. Take the boy out of

4:16

tanzer, but yeah, she would have started at the daily show

4:18

at the

4:22

same time as me has risen to

4:25

the highest highs through the ranks. And I

4:27

have a podcast. I am actually the role

4:29

of Jon Stewart now at the daily show.

4:33

They didn't actually get him back. No, no,

4:35

I just play. And I think I did

4:37

make up chair for hours before. Oh

4:42

boy. Uh, what do we do on this podcast? Dan?

4:44

Well, what we do is we watch

4:46

a bad movie and then we talk

4:48

about a movie that has been either

4:50

critically or commercially dismissed. We see whether

4:53

we agree basically. That's a good way of putting

4:55

it. Um, and we watched Madam

4:57

web, a movie that may

5:00

still be in theaters. It is a

5:02

lot of outs in the aisles. As

5:04

we're recording this, it was just released to streaming too. So

5:06

I think it's available. Actually

5:09

how I watched it, uh, on,

5:11

uh, on streaming because it

5:14

allowed me to not just double time,

5:16

but quadruple time. It's, uh, not fast

5:18

enough. We

5:22

could take you off of it. A Jumen

5:24

for listeners who don't know, if you know

5:26

Jumen, you know that he watches movies at

5:28

double speed. We call it Jubining. Yeah. Jubining.

5:30

And it is, I find it appalling. Just

5:32

the space now. As a one said to

5:35

me, one said to me, alien is not

5:37

a good movie because there isn't music to

5:39

tell me how to feel in some of

5:41

the scenes. Yeah, it is a very dull

5:43

movie when she's just wandering on the halls

5:45

of the spaceship. Like she's looking for a

5:47

phone. She dropped. Not at all. A

5:50

furry phone. Jumen

5:52

was like under the skin is great when you

5:54

Jumen it just

5:57

flies by. It's like a guy. Yeah. That's

6:00

it. Girl is going around and then

6:02

gets burned to death. It's a pretty cool movie.

6:04

So glad I could watch Killers of the Flower

6:06

Moon, a trim hour 50 minutes. Would

6:10

you say having watched Madam Web though,

6:12

Elliot, that some movies may

6:14

be worth double quadruple timing through? I

6:17

mean, all movies are worth quadruple timing through.

6:19

No, worth it. He worth it. Actually, to

6:21

be honest, there have been times when I

6:23

have fast forwarded through movies, but they are

6:25

usually movies that are

6:27

six or seven hours long. Where

6:30

I'm like, oh, this is a long shot of

6:32

something going on. But Madam Web, you wanna soak

6:34

it all up. There's a lot of, that's an

6:37

experience that you wanna enjoy at the speed it's

6:39

intended, maybe even half speed. Every brand of that

6:41

web. I will tell you, there are certain action

6:43

scenes that I had to slow down to normal

6:46

time because the editing was

6:48

so confusing that I had no idea. That's

6:50

who's where. It was so confusing to watch

6:52

it at double speed. He

6:54

had to reduce himself to mere normal speed.

6:57

Before we get further into it. I saw in

7:00

the theaters where double speed was not an option.

7:02

You could yell at the director, spin it faster.

7:04

Spin the film through faster. Everyone

7:06

in the audience would have been like, yes,

7:09

we're on the same spot. So Dan, when

7:11

you saw this, were you alone in the

7:13

theater? Cause I was alone and the person

7:15

checking my ticket was like one for Madam

7:17

Web. I, yes. It

7:20

was a pretty empty theater cause it was

7:22

late in the Madam Web run. Although not that

7:24

late cause it's still around, but like a pretty

7:27

late and, but there was like a

7:29

group of four guys who sat fairly next

7:31

to me. I'm like, these guys are gonna be a

7:33

little too rowdy. They're gonna be a little too like,

7:36

we're making fun of Madam Web. I'm like, look, I

7:38

understand this late in the run. Everyone knows what Madam

7:40

Web is. Like if you're going to see it for

7:42

that reason, I get it. Chill

7:44

out a little, don't be annoying. They were

7:46

mostly okay. We have a mutual friend

7:49

whose name I won't say because she's famously averse to

7:51

any kind of publicity. But she went

7:53

and saw opening night with her husband and

7:55

was saying the theater just had a blast

7:57

laughing at the movie. And I feel

7:59

like That was the only context to put in the

8:01

problem. I am glad for having the movie, but let's

8:03

talk about the movie, shall we? Wait, I hate to

8:05

delay it even more, Stuart, but one thing I want

8:07

to say before we get into the movie is, so

8:09

the writers of this movie, Matt Sazama and Brooke Sharpless,

8:12

we have covered every single movie that

8:14

they have had produced on our podcast.

8:17

And when this movie was out, Matt's filmography

8:20

was going around on Twitter being like, can

8:22

you imagine being this guy? And

8:24

I just want to say, he's someone I got to know

8:26

a little bit on the picket line during the strike. We walked together

8:28

a lot of times. He

8:30

was very well – took

8:33

it well that we had covered all of his

8:35

movies on the podcast. I

8:38

was like, oh, I did this bad movie podcast, and he goes, oh, you probably

8:40

have done one of mine. I'm like, oh, probably not. And then we went through

8:42

– he just mentioned his filmography, and I'm like, we did that one. We did

8:44

that one. We did that one. And

8:46

he seemed like a really great guy. I really liked talking

8:49

to him. And I think these guys are much

8:51

more talented writers than the finished versions of

8:53

these films would have it come out. So

8:55

I want to give them – I want

8:57

to, ahead of time, be like, don't blame

8:59

them. Blame the director and the producers. This

9:03

film clearly went through a queasy

9:05

art before it arrived in theaters. It has been

9:07

chopped and – And

9:09

you look at Dakota Johnson's interviews, and she's like, the

9:11

script that I signed to do is not the script

9:13

that we ended up making. So I imagine there was

9:15

originally at some point a good version of this movie,

9:18

or at least a better version of this movie. But

9:20

don't blame the writers. That's my rule always. Don't

9:23

blame the writers. DBTW. Also, just as a

9:25

writer who has never had any

9:28

movie that he's written made into a movie, I have

9:30

nothing but respect for writers who have actually gone through

9:32

that gauntlet. So, yeah, absolutely. You didn't

9:34

write Anatomy of a Fall? I

9:37

did, but another movie with the exact same

9:40

plot and characters was actually made out of

9:42

– Entitled, yeah. Who's called what, The Staircase?

9:44

Was that the miniseries? Okay. Mine

9:48

was just the sound effect that you make when

9:50

you slip on a banana peel. It was literally

9:52

of that sound. It

9:54

was, yeah. But it was the – Wait, flip

9:56

on that banana peel again. Swoop! You've got something there.

9:59

Weirdly enough, also – features

10:01

50 cents PIMP. Okay.

10:04

So, um, madam web.

10:06

We open in the Peruvian Amazon

10:08

1973. Uh,

10:13

we meet a pregnant naturalist

10:15

who is searching for a spider. Now,

10:17

when you say naturalist, you mean like

10:19

a scientist who studies nature, not a

10:21

nudist. Uh, I mean,

10:24

I don't know what she does outside of

10:26

the context of the currency. The word you're

10:28

looking for there. Okay. Uh, so

10:30

she is searching for a spider that

10:32

she believes will cure a

10:35

lot of diseases and problems and whatnot.

10:37

She cites a local

10:39

legend of Las Arráñez men who

10:41

have been bitten by this spider

10:43

and have special spider powers. And

10:45

I want to say that all

10:47

of this early dialogue is, is

10:49

doing heavy double duty as like

10:52

exposition. Like the guy who, who's

10:54

with her, who like spoiler alert

10:57

will become like villainous soon. A guy

10:59

named Ezekiel sin. Not an evil name of Ezekiel

11:01

sin. Yeah. But he says things like,

11:07

you know, like, Oh, that

11:09

is why you hired me to be

11:12

your security. Like, and I'm like, okay,

11:14

well thank you for clarifying

11:16

your relationship to one another. But, uh, he's

11:18

also, I mean, he's from the start, so

11:20

villainous that it calls into question the judgment

11:22

of the mom who allowed him

11:24

to be her security. It's very, uh, it's,

11:27

it's, it's so, um, it's

11:29

so bad that when he pulls the gun

11:31

out halfway through, it's like, well, uh, you

11:33

should have seen this coming. Yeah. Yeah. Every

11:36

time he says anything, he starts like twiddling

11:38

with his mustache and you're like, Oh, do

11:41

you have to, is this a nervous tick? So

11:43

it is not the best showcase for a Tahar

11:46

Rahim, the star of a profit, uh,

11:48

movie that he's much better in. Well, especially

11:50

since all of his dialogue appears to be

11:52

ADR later on by,

11:55

I had, I, I was like the whole time I

11:57

was watching it. I was like, did they job every

11:59

single thing that he says like it's

12:01

they might have I don't know it's great

12:03

it's it's amazing it adds to the like

12:05

hallucinatory nature I started just like watching characters

12:08

lips in this movie after a while to

12:10

be like was this the original line or

12:12

did they change it like there's a lot

12:14

of stuff that's delivered back to camera but

12:17

yes so of course she finds

12:19

the spider she's very excited her her

12:22

security guard sims of course turns the

12:24

table kills the entire team steals

12:26

he like steals some of her research

12:29

I think steals the spider and shoots

12:31

her she is then saved by these

12:33

mystical mythical spider-men Las Arrana's

12:35

who take her to a pool have

12:38

her bitten by a spider and she

12:40

gives birth boom madam web movie done

12:42

they seem to speak English better than

12:44

her than Ezekiel does yeah

12:46

the guys who live in the Peruvian jungle and

12:48

have spider powers you don't you don't know all

12:50

the abilities that the spiders if you may be

12:53

a judge this actually let me ask you a

12:55

question about this because I the entire time I

12:58

was just wondering what is the relationship with madam

13:01

web and spider man well

13:04

I feel this one before we

13:06

get too far into this because

13:09

you were gonna maybe yeah here's

13:11

the thing in adapting madam

13:13

web for the film they have drastically

13:15

changed the character in a way that

13:18

it's funny because there's two madam webs in the

13:20

comics there's the original one who is an elderly

13:23

lady who is blind who is paralyzed and she

13:25

can see the future and because she can see

13:28

along the web of life or whatever and she

13:30

would show up in the comics and basically annoy

13:32

spider-man by hinting at things that were gonna happen

13:34

but not really tell him what was gonna happen

13:36

and there's a great two-part story where the juggernaut

13:39

I don't remember why what needs wants to kill

13:41

madam web and spider-man is pulling out all the

13:43

stops to try to stop him and he's way

13:45

more problem it's one of the great two issues

13:47

spider-man stories there's a second

13:50

madam web that madam web eventually goes away

13:52

there's a second madam web who is the

13:54

character that still that Sydney

13:56

Sweeney plays in this movie but she kind of

13:59

took over that role But she looks

14:01

like the Dakota Johnson version of Madame web

14:03

that shows up at the end of the

14:05

movie kicking some amazing sunglasses but uh It's

14:10

like they took the two versions of Madame

14:12

web and combined them while also Jettisoning all

14:14

the backstory of the actual Madame web so

14:16

in the in the comics She is an

14:18

ally of spider-man's but also a irritating ally

14:20

of spider-man's cuz she'll be like hmm the

14:23

web of life The I feel

14:25

the strumming along the threads You should know that danger

14:27

is coming and he's like can you just tell me?

14:31

You know yeah, this sounds like I

14:33

was Because I was

14:35

watching a bad movie last night that Marina's certis

14:37

showed up in I was complaining about counselor Troy

14:39

on Star Trek Wow, she was supposed to be

14:42

the empath on board, but she'd always just be

14:44

like He seems angry

14:46

captain like yeah, he's already threatening the

14:48

Enterprise. What are you doing here? The

14:52

the other thing about Madame. I was that in the

14:54

comics She looks the original one looks just like Aunt

14:56

May and so when I first started

14:58

reading it as a kid I read the issues out

15:00

of order. I'm like oh eventually they'll reveal that this

15:03

is Aunt May No, it's just another old lady the

15:05

same way that every old lady in the Archie comics

15:07

looks like Miss Grundy who also has the same Faces

15:09

jughead so they it's they it's weird that they're probably

15:12

Together they probably have a relationship, but I guess people

15:14

who are attracted to each other sometimes look like each

15:17

other That's the thing that is a little weird the

15:19

attraction. Yeah This movie

15:21

felt like they for trademark

15:23

reasons could not give Madame

15:25

web the spider-man powers So

15:28

they had to go very metaphorical with what a wet

15:30

one They

15:32

really extrapolate what what the power of seeing the

15:34

future can be such as when she as we

15:37

get we'll get to it Splits into three energy

15:39

beings to save it all which is well not

15:41

a thing she can do in the comments as

15:43

far as I can Remember for trademark reasons. They

15:45

can't have spider-man in the movie This is of

15:47

course one of the many of

15:49

the Sony's spider-man without spider-man

15:51

spider-verse In

15:57

baby form Well

16:00

is spider-man Peter Parker spider-man the mask Dan. This is

16:02

the question we have to ask ourselves Guys,

16:04

it's very you say the name though. Like I

16:07

assume that's also for well, why would they say

16:09

the name? The character doesn't exist yet, you know,

16:11

you know, no, they don't say Peter like they

16:13

never said like The name

16:16

and they never and they say and they well we'll

16:18

get to yeah. Yeah, we'll say we'll get to that

16:20

stuff Okay, so it is

16:22

New York 2002 that's right.

16:24

We're in a period peace guys

16:26

one year before Stuart Wellington moves

16:29

to Brooklyn Like

16:33

you're thinking a year Stuart will be here Things

16:36

are about to pop off. They're driving

16:38

by apartments like Stuart's gonna live there.

16:40

He's gonna live there So we meet

16:42

Cassie and Ben a pair of EMTs

16:44

played by Dakota Johnson and

16:46

Adam Scott Exactly the actors

16:48

you want in a movie where

16:50

they're gonna provide a maximum emotion

16:52

and maximum intensity They're

16:55

both great in other things but they are if they

16:58

are a they're baffling casting as the two leaves in

17:00

a superhero If

17:02

this is a movie with two of them are friends who

17:04

just can't ever get together until the end now that is

17:08

Their relationship is kind of Yes,

17:11

she's a bit of a commitment

17:13

phobe Because Because she

17:15

comes from a foster family. She lost

17:17

her mother obviously in the Amazon now.

17:19

That's Australian for beer family. Mm-hmm

17:22

And he is ex-military

17:25

which I don't know if I buy

17:27

that from That's okay. Oh, a lot

17:29

of different people are in the military stew. They're not

17:33

On a jet ski one time shooting piranhas out

17:35

of the line. Okay. Okay. I Resigned

17:38

my comment and he is that he is scrub

17:40

it from the record He does have two

17:42

personalities in the same head and that and often being

17:44

in the military You kind of don't know who you

17:46

are after a certain point. Yeah, sure. True They

17:49

have a little bit of a flirty chemistry as mentioned

17:51

before Cassie lives alone Although she does feed a stray

17:54

cat milk every once in a while. I'm like don't

17:56

do that You're gonna give it to her New York

17:58

apartment have experience Of

18:00

course it does. She has a sick ass apartment.

18:03

It's a great apartment. That's what they had to set it 20

18:05

years ago so that it was conceivable that she could afford that

18:07

apartment on her salary. We

18:12

should mention that the earlier version of this

18:14

script also was apparently set in the 90s,

18:16

which makes a lot more sense in

18:19

certain ways, particularly later

18:22

on when she gets on a plane even

18:24

though she's a wanted criminal without any trouble. Yeah,

18:27

that's true. Right after 2001

18:29

it was hard to do it. But Dan, if it

18:31

was set in the 90s, they couldn't have so prominently

18:33

displayed the song Toxic as they do later. That

18:36

is also another question I had. That is also

18:38

a big question. Is

18:41

it like Madam Webber Vision where she's seeing moments

18:43

of the future? Exactly, yeah. Before we get further

18:45

more, I also had no idea the entire time

18:47

why this movie was set in 2003. The

18:50

only reason it is is so Baby Spider-Man can be

18:52

born. Yeah, we gotta see that Baby Spider-Man. 10,000%

18:55

the reason. That

18:57

is the reason? Jeez. Well, the villain's

19:00

superpower here seems very... It felt like it was

19:02

like copying like Enemy of the State. It felt

19:04

like it was copying all of the NSA stuff

19:06

that... Well, let's continue this. I

19:08

mean, that's not really his superpower, but

19:10

I mean, it's one of the resources

19:12

he has at his disposal. His superpower

19:14

is to... That the only

19:16

thing that has aged about him in that 30

19:18

years is that his hair has great tips now.

19:22

I mean, honestly, I look better than

19:24

I did. And my

19:26

hair has plenty of great tips. Okay,

19:28

on the course of her day, she crosses paths

19:30

with three girls that are going to be important

19:32

later on in the movie. Maddie,

19:35

Anya, and Julia, played by two actresses

19:38

who I don't particularly recognize, and Sydney

19:40

Sweeney, of course. They

19:42

are going to be important later on. Cassie

19:45

goes through a box of stuff

19:47

that she got from her birth mother that

19:49

includes... Not like a Dune

19:52

pain test, Gom Jabara type box. This is just

19:54

a box of... I mean, it's a way it

19:56

is a pain test. I mean, an emotional pain

19:58

test. So she...

20:01

An animal would light off its own hands

20:03

not to relive these memories, but a human

20:05

can relive them with some light therapy. Man,

20:07

I guess fucking Tom Brokaw just showed up.

20:13

It also includes specifically her spider

20:15

journal that she took with her

20:17

down to the Amazon. So that's

20:19

the main... Never explains who boxed all that

20:21

stuff up and gave it to her. It is a

20:23

spider man. The fact

20:25

that she is born in a cave in the

20:27

jungle and the midwives were all spider powered men

20:29

in a jungle and yet she has documents,

20:32

paperwork that... I

20:35

always wonder if they... So did they fill out a

20:37

birth certificate in the cave? Yeah. And

20:40

who held on to that box while she was a

20:42

baby? And the way she goes through the box at

20:44

this point in her life, you're like, she

20:47

would have gone through that so many times as

20:49

a child, right? It's not like she would have

20:51

committed all the memory. But what I... It

20:54

reminds me... It's like the scene in Hereditary when

20:56

she goes through her mom's stuff and there's just photo albums

20:58

of her being a witch and it's like, did you never

21:00

go through your mom's stuff? Yeah.

21:03

Man, that's not rules. Okay.

21:06

So the next day there's an accident on

21:08

a bridge. She and Cassie

21:10

and Ben go to rescue the

21:13

guy and in the process the

21:15

car containing Cassie

21:17

goes over the bridge and she goes

21:20

underwater and is trapped, drowns and then

21:22

wakes up in the water

21:24

and has this like vision quest, right?

21:26

And I want to mention... Falling Pepsi

21:28

letters. Yes. Before she goes

21:31

into the water, they are pulling a guy from

21:33

this car and then as if the car is

21:35

a living creature that is trying to trap prey,

21:38

when she gets too close to it, the door

21:40

snaps shut and it falls backwards into the river

21:42

as if this is mimic and it's learned how

21:45

to become the shape of a car as opposed to like a

21:47

man in a hat and a coat. It's

21:49

so funny the way it happens. And when she's

21:51

underwater, this is where we see kind of like

21:54

the webs coming out underwater from

21:56

her, like the, it's like shattered.

22:01

I'm looking for you for confirmation. Is

22:03

this true? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Energy, kind

22:05

of energy line. Trigger her power, I

22:07

think. Like the windshield spider web. Yeah.

22:09

There's a lot of stuff, as has been mentioned in

22:11

many write-ups about this movie. There's a lot of unnecessarily

22:15

on-the-nose web iconography

22:17

or web design elements. And it's like the scene in

22:19

High Anxiety where the guy goes, it's like I'm caught

22:21

in some kind of web and there's a shadow of

22:24

a web over there. It's like that for a whole

22:26

movie. But I wanted to say like,

22:28

sorry, I needed a refresher. Like I

22:31

looked at the, I looked

22:33

again this morning at stuff, but

22:35

I saw this movie in theaters before I

22:37

went away for a week. Yeah.

22:40

Yeah. But I

22:42

wanted to say like, I actually like that web imagery.

22:49

Like I like how sort of goofy

22:51

it is. Like there's stuff in this movie that looks bad,

22:54

bad. Like the Spider-Man jumping

22:56

from trees to trees holding

22:58

her mom. This looks like there

23:01

was some thought put into it, some visual thought. But

23:03

they go so far with it that it stops being

23:05

a visual motif and it becomes like,

23:08

the movie is elbowing you in the ribs

23:10

constantly going, get it? Which is

23:13

what I want out of this movie. I

23:15

want it to, a subtlety I do not want from you. Yes,

23:17

that's true. If you're watching this movie the way

23:19

that Madam Web will now be watched forever and not the way that

23:22

it was originally intended, then yes, it's the right choice to make. Okay,

23:25

so her last name is Webb. Let's not also

23:27

get that one. What? Hold on a

23:29

second. Oh, okay. But

23:32

that's the thing. They don't even mention

23:34

that her last name is Webb until

23:37

like halfway through the fucking movie. And

23:39

I let out such a cackle in

23:41

the theater. It's so great. I love

23:43

it. Cassandra Webb. Okay. And

23:46

that comes from the character. That's not a thing they invented. Like

23:48

that's from the character. I feel like you can get away with

23:51

that. I'm not laughing at the movie. I'm laughing because it's a

23:53

funny thing to wait. It's like a, oh, that's Madam Webb.

23:56

Oh, is that the, uh, that's actually got

23:58

her name. It is reminds me of the

24:00

moment I love in Spider-Man 2 when J.

24:03

Joe Jameson goes, his name's Otto Octavius, ends up with

24:05

eight arms, what's the odds? Like, do they just kind

24:07

of put a point on it? Do they do it

24:09

in such a funny way? Oh man, best superhero movie

24:11

of all time. Yeah, for sure. Okay,

24:13

so Ben Rescuser, turns out she

24:15

was legally dead for three minutes. I mean, I don't

24:17

know, legally. I think I'm just saying that. Like, it's

24:19

not like a judge showed up and he's like, I'm

24:22

gonna do it. And how

24:24

it works is- Sorry, you're dead now legally.

24:26

That means laws don't apply to you anymore.

24:28

You can do whatever you want. She has

24:30

moments of deja vu in the conversation and

24:32

that's where we're starting to see, oh, maybe

24:34

she has powers. And then she also makes

24:36

a comment, I just wanna go

24:38

home and watch Idol, which I love. Thank you,

24:40

thank you for being very specific about the time

24:42

period. And that would have been like the second

24:45

season of American Idol. That was a big season,

24:47

okay. One thing that

24:49

I do, I like about this character, but I can

24:51

see how it would make other people laugh, is how,

24:53

and this is the Dakota Johnson

24:55

of it, I guess, that she's so totally blase about

24:57

everything. If you've seen earlier on where she has

25:00

saved someone's life and a little kid is like, I drew a picture

25:02

for you and she's like, what do I do with

25:04

this? Like, where do I put this? I don't want this, you

25:06

take it. Adam

25:08

Scott's like, just take it and throw it away later.

25:10

She's like, I can't even fold it, it's hard work.

25:14

I thought that was very funny, yeah. That

25:16

was a funny moment. She's such a like

25:18

inspired joy to this character. I

25:23

unabashedly love Dakota Johnson performances. She's

25:25

like one of my favorites working

25:27

today. She's so like kind

25:30

of airy and wispy and I do not understand

25:32

what's going on. Like she is

25:34

my dream flophouse guest because it

25:37

would either be the best or absolute

25:39

worst episode. She would like destroy any

25:41

attempt at having bits. I mean, she's

25:43

so. I described this

25:46

movie to friends as a movie about

25:48

a lady who doesn't want

25:50

to hang out with three teenagers. Yeah, that's

25:52

kind of it. That's what I enjoyed about

25:54

it. And it's kind of interesting that they

25:56

cast Sydney Sweeney also in this movie who

25:59

I think that's. also kind of her

26:01

vibe is this like, I don't quite get

26:03

it. Although she does play like that well.

26:05

She's not playing that type of character. And

26:07

although it opened much too, yeah,

26:09

much too her discredit, I think, not to her

26:11

discredit, but it is not fit her either. Yeah.

26:15

It's bad casting where the character that they want

26:17

her to play, but the

26:19

way it's played, there's scenes in here where it's just like, I

26:22

love it. It's like she and Dakota Johnson

26:24

are in a contest to see who can

26:26

put less energy into their line. It's

26:28

great. Okay. That's

26:31

my thing about Dakota Johnson is she seems like she, every

26:33

character is like a person who does not want to be in the

26:36

movie. And it feels like that's like. She

26:38

is an actress who should be an actress in the 1970s. Like

26:42

she should be making movies in the 1970s, maybe

26:45

the 1980s, or maybe even the 1990s where it's

26:47

like slacker movies. But she should be in movies

26:49

that are about characters that cannot get

26:51

the energy up to do things and are just kind of

26:53

drifting. But they don't make a lot of those movies anymore.

26:55

So instead she's gonna play Madame Webb. A superhero can see

26:57

the future. It's a

26:59

way by the phone for Luca to give

27:02

her a call. Okay, so. Yeah, you're right.

27:04

We cut across town to the

27:06

opera where now a gray haired

27:08

Ezekiel Sims is attending an opera

27:10

with a date. Is

27:13

he with her or is he picking her up at

27:15

the opera? I thought he picked

27:17

her up at the opera. I thought he picked

27:19

her up at the opera, yeah. He's using his

27:21

spider powers of future clairvoyance to be like, what's

27:23

the best way to pick up this movie? Yeah,

27:26

the mystery method. In all the years

27:28

that I attended the Metropolitan Opera with

27:30

my duly-aparted grandma, I

27:32

never thought of picking up ladies while I was there.

27:34

Maybe it was because I was with her that it

27:36

never occurred to me, but it just didn't seem like

27:38

the right location to do that. It would be beating

27:40

you to the punch, I assume, right? You look at

27:42

a lady and be like, well, then your grandmother would

27:45

be there already talking to her. Yeah, exactly. Your

27:47

grandma's a signal maker in the

27:49

relationship. So he takes this

27:51

woman back to his fancy high-rise apartment

27:53

that does feature a spider tank that

27:56

has that spider from before. That's an

27:58

old-ass fucking spider, right? I

28:00

mean I have to assume that that's a descendant of

28:02

the original spider, right? I mean they're super spiders. They

28:04

who knows You're both

28:06

right. It might be just be that spider has been like

28:08

a 40,000 year old spider You

28:10

know what? Yeah, you know it is I bet that spider

28:12

gives birth to a new spider and is reincarnated in that

28:15

new spider and so it's the same soul in a new

28:17

body Anyway, we explained it. You're welcome movie. So they have

28:19

they have a night

28:21

of magic together Afterwards

28:24

while he sleeps. He has a dream where

28:26

he is attacked by three spider women Different

28:30

powers by three spiders Fighter

28:35

of Christmas future the spider of Christmas

28:37

present It's

28:41

Christmas Day sir get me the biggest spider

28:43

you can find what was biggest me So

28:47

he's a spider Boss

28:52

well, you can't come to my house and give a spider to

28:54

my kid. What are you doing? I'm sorry. Where'd

28:56

you even find that? I

28:59

do love the idea of a Christmas Carol where the ghosts all

29:01

kick his ass in different life Well,

29:04

that was what was also funny about Christmas Carol to me

29:07

is that you know They give him

29:09

the soft sell first and then the bad cop comes

29:11

in. He's like, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, look at this

29:13

you're gonna die Okay. Well

29:15

that that got through to me So the issue that I

29:17

have with them with that story is that now I have

29:19

an easy screw just like now that I'm good I'll never

29:21

die. And so I think the ghost of the future is

29:23

to show me like no, no, no hold on. Let's Just

29:25

be more people at your funeral. Yeah, you'll be long to

29:27

say The

29:31

all ends in the stone cold ground no

29:33

matter why this moment when you first see

29:35

these three women in costume This was one

29:37

of the moments where I burst out

29:39

laughing. It's right. I just couldn't I

29:41

couldn't handle it It was it looks

29:43

hilarious. It looks hilarious and I will

29:45

say this the the original costume for

29:48

Cindy Sweeney's character So she's playing the

29:50

character for some reason they've named her Julia

29:52

Cornwall in the comic. She's Julia Carpenter She

29:54

is the second spider woman. She has the

29:56

costume that inspires spider-man's black costume. She's got

29:59

a great costume in the comics. It's really

30:01

fantastic. And the way they've done it here does

30:03

not quite work, and they all look ridiculous in

30:05

their costumes. All three of the Spider-Women. Unless, prove

30:07

me wrong, guys. Do you think they look amazing?

30:09

I feel like it looks less ridiculous for Ezekiel,

30:11

because over the course of the dream, they beat

30:13

him up and toss him out of the window

30:15

where he dies. So maybe... Yeah, that's true. For

30:17

him, they're not that silly. They're not that silly,

30:19

considering they are a life and death threat. But

30:21

just the first moment you see them, it is

30:24

very confusing to me. Yeah, there's the moment where

30:26

you're like, are you... Were they

30:28

expecting this to be like a big crowd?

30:30

Like crowd pleaser, stand-up-and-cheer thing? That's

30:32

the... My problem with it is that

30:34

you barely saw them. Except

30:37

in these very brief flashbacks. I felt

30:39

so bad for Sydney Sweeney and

30:41

her buddies that they had to dress up

30:43

in those costumes and do

30:45

all this kind of choreography fight stuff for maybe, I

30:47

would say, seven seconds of screen time? Maybe seven seconds.

30:49

I know they were trying to set up another movie,

30:52

but this felt like a real... They

30:54

felt they were promising throughout the movie. Like, oh, man,

30:56

when they get those costumes... When they show up in

30:58

costumes? Well, that's the other thing about it, yeah, is

31:00

it does promise that by the end of the movie,

31:02

you're gonna see them in costume, which is not happening.

31:04

We'll get to it, but that is one of the

31:06

more baffling decisions to me, the end of this movie,

31:09

the lack of... I mean, this movie

31:11

literally gets to the fireworks factory, but the

31:13

metaphorical fireworks factory is not reached. Okay,

31:17

so he wakes up from his

31:19

death dream. He wakes up his

31:21

date, who he explains the situation

31:23

that he's been having this reoccurring

31:25

dream where he always dies, it

31:27

haunts him. So his only recourse

31:29

is to steal face

31:31

recognition software from the NSA that no one

31:34

else knows about. He's going to steal that

31:36

information so that he can then murder these

31:38

young women. This is the

31:41

moment where the date says, but wait, I work

31:43

for the NSA. And then he,

31:45

of course, gets her password and poisons her

31:47

using his spider poison. This was a hilarious

31:49

scene, because I just love a scene where

31:51

the villain explains his entire, like, murder plan

31:54

to a stranger. And also, when he looks

31:56

over at her stuff, her

31:58

ID badge is lying right there. I

32:00

guess maybe it came out when she went for her

32:02

gun or something, but it looks like she went It

32:04

looks like before they had sex she laid down her

32:06

perp clutch took out her NSA ID put it out

32:09

Lay out took out her other things laid out and

32:11

like okay now that you know my background I'm ready

32:13

for us to have this post opera sex on top

32:15

of that like I mean I don't you

32:17

know it may surprise you to know that I'm not a super

32:19

spot, but Shouldn't someone

32:21

who's a very good spy Dan maybe yeah

32:24

be like aware that there might be a

32:26

honeypot Situation going on I

32:28

don't know like I think that this is I thought

32:31

he was aware of her Being

32:33

in the NSA yeah, I feel like of course he

32:35

was no no no Woman

32:38

not aware it would be a little more

32:40

no. I'm sorry. I thought she also was aware

32:42

Oh, it's very unclear whether they

32:45

have both double tricked each other Yeah, and

32:47

what they but it's but he seems to

32:49

know it and she seems to know it

32:51

too Okay, which is straight. This is

32:53

also what my the dialogue in this movie is so bad

32:55

Oh He gets up from his

32:57

dream and turns her hand says do

32:59

you have any idea what it's like to die

33:02

every night for 20 years? and

33:05

you know To a one-night

33:07

stand of a grab the sex feels like what she

33:09

feels like this is a lot Operates

33:15

about big emotions. It's about huge

33:18

things happening because she might be into it It's also

33:20

do you have any idea would like to die every

33:22

night for 20 years? Yeah, a lot of people have

33:24

dreams where they fall down and die like a lot

33:26

of people. It's not yeah I look at the empathy

33:28

on this guy You wake up

33:30

and you go yeah, that was a bad dream anyway.

33:32

Let me move on I feel like the the idea

33:34

that well I had this dream all the time

33:36

I guess it's a prophecy that I have to stop from

33:39

happening As we know he

33:41

does not have fortune-telling powers the same way madam

33:43

web does No, yeah, no, I think I guess

33:45

that's where his fortune telling powers. Yeah, that's how

33:47

he made his money is that he? fortunes

33:51

in the cookie You

33:55

have any idea what it's like to have

33:57

to come up with different ways to basically

33:59

say nothing about some somebody's in seven words

34:01

or less for years. You'll have some smiles

34:03

today. Is that something? We also see him

34:05

having- Time to come up with all the

34:07

lucky numbers. That's the hardest part. We

34:10

also see him having a vision, you know, like when

34:12

he's trying to seduce the woman at the opera, he's

34:14

like, okay, like there's a little- Oh, that's right, that's

34:17

right. Four vision of like,

34:19

cool. Okay, now that that adventure's over- You

34:21

know what? Let's say I asked the stenographer

34:23

to please remove my objections from the record,

34:25

yeah. Okay, so- It's a perfect movie. Later

34:29

on, we're at a baby shower

34:31

for Ben, her co-worker's sister.

34:34

So just in the tangled

34:36

web of relationships. You guys

34:38

are routinely invited to your

34:41

co-worker's siblings' baby showers, right?

34:43

I mean, I feel like they're pretty close, though. They're looking

34:45

like they're friends. Cassie has no friends, so this is the

34:47

close. It makes sense. I mean, even if it was just

34:50

like, look, you don't know my co-worker, can I just invite

34:52

her because she needs to get out of her house? Like,

34:54

she never goes anywhere. She doesn't like attachments. That's the thing,

34:56

she doesn't like webs. As

34:59

long as she doesn't make it super awkward and weird

35:01

every single moment to the baby shower, and he goes,

35:03

I cannot promise that. I apologize. So

35:05

of course, for this relatively thankless small

35:07

role, of course they hire Emma Roberts

35:10

to play the sister, the pregnant sister.

35:13

There's a little bit of banter. There's some

35:15

good Pepsi product placement in this bee. Yeah,

35:18

because she is not allowed to have a

35:20

beer. Not allowed to have a beer. Because

35:22

she died yesterday. And the only cure for

35:24

dying yesterday, ice-gold Pepsi. Pepsi, yes, not

35:26

Coke. You

35:28

were just born, so now you're part of the Pepsi generation,

35:31

since you just died and came back. So you need Pepsi

35:33

now. It's such a sad

35:35

advertising for it like Pepsi. If you

35:38

are physically unable to have a beer at the

35:40

price of the cost of death, you can

35:42

have a Pepsi. What's really funny,

35:44

which I didn't think about tonight, there's so much

35:46

Pepsi product placement, and the end climax takes place

35:48

at a big Pepsi-Cola sign. But that's a real

35:50

sign. Like, that's a real landmark sign in Queens.

35:53

So I wonder if people who are not from

35:55

New York watch that and they're like, ugh, getting

35:57

a little on the nose with the Pepsi product.

36:00

Placement, huh? It's like no, but that's the one real

36:02

thing. That's the one and I know I

36:04

know that it's Maybe

36:07

diet Pepsi's the real thing which ones which

36:09

ones Ray Charles thing about well, that's the

36:11

right one, baby Oh, right the

36:13

right one. And so what the real thing

36:15

is an album by Faith. No more. That's

36:18

what I'm thinking of Yeah, yeah that Ray Charles was

36:20

on that's right. Anyway. Yeah. Yeah, that's He's

36:23

doing background vocals for like then. Okay

36:27

Faith no more your gospel group, right? Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Just

36:29

rage. Just get in there. Yeah, it's gonna be epic so

36:32

they do they do some party

36:34

games where Cassie Dakota

36:36

Johnson is perfect for this where she's

36:38

like Let me

36:40

tell bummer stories about my mom. He died in

36:42

the Amazon I gotta say this one's on Cassie

36:45

because it's like oh, you know Put

36:47

down memories of your mom good memories

36:50

of your mom for the expectant mother

36:52

and she puts a blank Yeah, yeah,

36:54

just don't put a paper in man.

36:57

No one's gonna notice. Yeah. Yeah, that's why I'm going

36:59

to baby showers She doesn't know doesn't know how it

37:02

works. Yeah. Yeah, that's like when

37:04

somebody's clearly upset and you're like, what's

37:06

wrong? They're like nothing If

37:11

the only would have better if she wrote if she wrote

37:13

on the piece of paper my mom died that would have

37:16

They're like, oh who's this? It's like mine. Let

37:18

me tell you the story. She's Fighters in the

37:20

Amazon even that would be a better

37:23

choice because like the person picking it out to

37:25

read would be like, oh, okay I'll fold this

37:27

quietly and put in my pocket rather than being

37:29

like what's she wants to talk about it She

37:31

was just glad they weren't playing the game where

37:34

they put different foods They don't smear different foods

37:36

on a diaper and they have to taste them

37:38

and then guess what they are. That's the game

37:40

I didn't want to see them play in my

37:42

culture. We eat our chocolate out of diapers. Okay?

37:50

I forgot that's your ethnic heritage as a gross

37:52

person Maybe

37:59

too nitpicky cuz I I just hate the dialogue

38:01

so much. But when she says my mom

38:03

died in childbirth, I get

38:05

it, it's not like the most happy

38:07

thing to say, but they all act as if she

38:09

had just cursed the mother to

38:12

dying in childbirth. They're all like, no, no, no, chase

38:14

them and stuff. They could have been like, yeah. They

38:17

all have to go, to, to, to. They all

38:19

have to get rid of it, yeah. Yeah, yeah,

38:21

they have to go throw incense around the whole

38:23

house. It felt very much like this did not

38:25

need to be reacted to the way it did.

38:28

She's clearly like a weird person. Everyone

38:30

could have been like, oh, that's so sad. Let's move on. Yeah,

38:32

yeah. Nobody in this movie really

38:34

knows how to handle social interaction, at

38:36

the least of it, yeah. During the

38:39

party, she continues to have moments of

38:41

deja vu similar to earlier. And then

38:43

she, then there is a, the party

38:45

is interrupted. There's a fire at the

38:48

industrial fireworks factory at the dock. They

38:50

have to rush down there. And

38:52

during this- It's nothing that can't ever have existed. There's no

38:54

way. During this exciting sequence

38:56

where people have been injured and she's like

38:59

running around and helping them. She continues to

39:01

have moments of deja vu where she

39:03

even sees her coworker, O'Neal, played by Mike

39:05

Epps, dying in an accident or

39:08

dying in bloods all over her hands. There's

39:11

a moment where they're dragging a guy away

39:13

and she's like, and she's

39:16

like, oh, I think he's actually seriously

39:18

injured. And now Scott's like, oh, internal

39:20

injuries, good catch. It's

39:22

great stuff, like I love it. That's

39:24

the medical equivalent of on Studio 60, them

39:26

glancing at a script and going, this

39:29

is funny stuff. Like how do either one of

39:31

them know about that? But also, yeah, internal injuries,

39:34

I assume, are something they know that they should

39:36

check for it or they're moving people. But one

39:38

thing I think they do handle well in this

39:40

movie is those first deja vu flashbacks are genuinely

39:42

disorienting when she has them and then snaps back.

39:45

The way they edit them the first time around

39:47

is generally confusing in a good way. And

39:49

it gets across, I think, how hellish

39:52

it would be to be living in life where you kind

39:54

of don't know if you are in a prophecy moment or

39:57

if you were in an actual moment. So

40:00

they kind of dropped that eventually. She gets used to it pretty quickly.

40:02

But that's something that I was like, I

40:04

just couldn't help thinking about like, yeah, that'd be terrible if you

40:06

don't know whether you're living in a moment. Yeah, superpower. Superpower,

40:09

more like super burden, right? Mm-hmm.

40:11

Yeah, just like a millennium. That's

40:13

his power, that's his curse, yeah,

40:16

sure. The Robbie Williams song, Millennium.

40:18

Yeah. So, of

40:21

course, Mike Epps O'Neill gets in

40:23

a horrible car accident and dies. She rushes

40:26

over to his butt like he's driving an

40:28

ambulance away from the scene, immediately gets hit

40:30

by a truck and killed. There's something about

40:32

sudden car accidents which are horrifying, but in

40:34

movies they are always funny. Can be funny.

40:37

Can be funny, yeah. And she like rushes

40:39

over to the body. Adam Scott immediately runs

40:41

over and drags her away and he says,

40:43

it's okay, nothing you could have done. Which

40:45

is some base, which is

40:47

also amazing from a guy who I'm guessing

40:50

was like a battlefield medic. Like

40:52

he's like immediately like, nah, yeah, he's dead, don't

40:54

worry. Leave him. But also, I wish it

40:56

had been even more in the nose, you couldn't have seen that coming

40:58

in the future. It's not like you could see the future or anything like

41:00

that. If you had had a premonition a

41:02

few seconds about that, I would have been so upset at you

41:05

for not doing something about it. But you did. But

41:07

as we know that that's not the case. Of

41:10

course, we know that's impossible and so you are not

41:12

at fault. There is no blame and I will not

41:14

judge you at all. But again, having said it, if

41:16

we were in that hypothetical situation where you did get

41:18

a sudden flash of the future and you knew he

41:20

was in danger and you didn't stop him from getting

41:22

that ambulance, I would never forgive you. Never, never, never.

41:24

Ooh, baby, blood on your hands. The blood

41:27

on your hands, I hope, would never wash up.

41:29

Now the seas, Neptune seas could not wash off

41:31

the stain of you letting your friend die. But

41:33

again, we know that that's not the case. That didn't happen.

41:35

And so I should really get back to the people from

41:37

the fireworks factory who injured. I shouldn't be talking this long.

41:39

I just wanna make it clear that you are not at

41:41

blame because you don't have those powers. We can talk about

41:43

this more later. It just dissolves to

41:46

his funeral and Adam Scott is continuing that as

41:48

the eulogy. Yeah, and she has

41:50

seen this. He's

41:53

comforting their coworkers' wife. Like again, I would blame

41:55

Cassie and you should blame Cassie too if she

41:57

was able to see the future. But you know

41:59

that. impossible. She doesn't have that ability so you

42:01

should not blame her, but if she did you

42:03

would never forgive her. The only people who have

42:05

that ability are the Las

42:08

Arranias and the Peruvian Amazonas. They're in the Peruvian

42:11

jungle, even if they have seen this happening, how

42:13

would they get in touch with us? They don't

42:15

have a phone in the Peruvian jungle. Though

42:18

we don't exactly know the story of a... Could

42:20

they have used Elon Musk's Starlink to talk to

42:22

us? No, it doesn't exist yet. We've never heard

42:24

of him. He has yet to become even a

42:26

beloved famous person, let alone a monster that people

42:28

now realize was always a monster. Anyway, back

42:30

to the funeral, already in progress.

42:32

I'm sorry pastor, continue with the

42:34

interview. As you would

42:37

imagine, Cassie's a little bit wrecked. She

42:39

takes time off of work. She

42:41

hides at home, eats takeout. She

42:44

hangs out with her cat. She learns, like

42:47

she continues to have these deja vu moments

42:49

and she actually learns that by following these

42:51

visions she can actually alter aspects of the

42:53

future. She saves a bird from smashing into

42:55

a window. Just

42:58

more evidence that she could have saved her co-worker.

43:00

That is, yeah, I'm

43:02

sure that's a small consolation there.

43:05

She gets a message from Adam

43:08

Scott that says, hey meet me, you should

43:10

come to the funeral, and she's like, you

43:12

know what, I am gonna do that. And

43:14

she heads to Grand Central Station. Now, meanwhile,

43:17

Ezekiel Simms, it needs to

43:19

find these girls, right? He's bedeviled by

43:21

these girls. So who does he enlist?

43:23

He enlists a girl herself, Zasha Mamet.

43:25

He's killing a girl. So

43:34

he gets her to show up to his

43:36

high-rise apartment where she then lives for the

43:38

rest of the movie. And she is a

43:40

super hacker and she hacked into the NSA

43:43

like security. Just like the old brain, she

43:45

has hacked into government and corporate secrets. But

43:49

she's uncalled 24 hours a day. She's always

43:51

there sitting in that chair. In some ways

43:53

more like the actual Madam Web from the

43:55

comics who is constantly sitting in a chair

43:57

just kind of plugged into things. It's

44:00

a good movie. Lots of actors, deals with the meals. Her

44:03

character does make me think that's what like Shosh

44:05

from Girls would have ended up becoming, just a

44:07

very like put upon, bullied around. I

44:10

could see that. I know I'm carrying

44:12

out evil, but all I can

44:14

do is just do the best job I can and get a little annoyed

44:17

that he won't let me do the evil he wants me

44:19

to do in a better way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a

44:21

very, she's like, I never should have left Japan. I should

44:23

have stayed in Japan. So

44:26

they, so Cassie goes to Grand Central

44:28

Station, weirdly enough, all three of the

44:30

young women that are featured in the

44:32

visions also are at Grand Central

44:34

Station at the same time. Security camera picks

44:36

them up. We can

44:38

only take this as an implicit approval

44:41

of the attempts to make Grand

44:43

Central Station into not just a

44:45

transit hub, but also a meeting

44:47

place, a retail center, a restaurant

44:49

center. Clearly, urban revitalization has worked

44:52

according to Madam Web in this

44:54

one instance. Yeah, yeah, that's a

44:56

very- Very subtext, Ellie. Thank

44:59

you, Bloomberg. Thank you, They

45:01

all stop by the tycoon store to buy

45:03

some ties because that is theirs still, I

45:05

think, after many years. You

45:07

don't have to go there just to travel. I'm sorry, I'm

45:10

thinking of Penn Station, I think. You don't have

45:12

to go there just to travel. You can also go

45:14

there to meet your destiny. It's a fun place. Yeah,

45:16

yeah. That's actually a good line. So

45:19

Ezekiel Sims costumes

45:21

up and he heads to Grand Central Station to

45:23

kill some girls. Okay, so

45:25

Cassie gets on a train. She keeps having visions

45:27

of the various three girls getting on the train

45:30

and then getting murdered by a spider-suited Ezekiel Sims.

45:32

And also some of the, she keeps having visions

45:34

of other people sitting on the train with a

45:36

gonna say, and a guy asking her if it's

45:39

the right train. And when he goes down, she

45:41

goes, I hope not. And then he leaves

45:43

and I'm like, oh, this is the repercussion of

45:45

your powers. That guy ended up on the wrong

45:47

train, Cassie. Well, the minor on,

45:49

that is one of my favorite line readings is

45:51

later on, she runs into the same guy on

45:53

a different train and he goes, am I on

45:56

the right train? And she goes, I don't know,

45:58

man. That's good,

46:00

that was very good. Ward and

46:02

frustrated, like, I got bigger things going on.

46:04

He's like, I only asked her if it

46:07

was the right train twice. Now

46:09

if I had asked her three times, if she had

46:11

heard me say it three times, like if she had

46:13

precognized me saying it, I could understand why she'd be

46:15

so upset. But I only asked her twice. This is

46:17

again, I'm mad at her. Again, I wouldn't be mad

46:19

at her if she had precognitive abilities, but again, that's

46:22

impossible. That

46:24

was the funniest joke in the whole movie to me. Like the

46:26

labor one, the fact that like, if this guy like asked this

46:28

girl if he was on the right train, she was like, no, he goes,

46:31

then sees her on that train. I was like, oh,

46:33

okay, yeah, that's, that wouldn't be confusing to me. This

46:35

guy is the most relatable guy in the movie. So

46:39

she manages to convince these three

46:41

girls to follow her because there's

46:43

a Spider-Man chasing them. They

46:46

eventually lose him. He ends up killing a whole bunch

46:48

of cops, but in the process, she gets blamed for

46:50

the attack on the cops and for kidnapping the girls.

46:54

And then she steals a cab.

46:58

I could never quite understand why

47:00

she was the one who ended up getting

47:02

the full blame since, because if the Spider

47:04

killed, I guess was it like she was

47:07

reported in and then Ezekiel killed everybody so

47:09

there were no witnesses? Yeah, Sydney Sweeney one

47:11

time sort of like half-heartedly was like, I

47:16

think this lady might be trying to kidnap

47:18

us. And I feel like the cops that heard that

47:20

died. So I'm not really sure why.

47:22

There are cameras, as the movie is positive, there are

47:24

cameras everywhere. So there should be footage of a man

47:27

in a dark suit murdering police officers as these women

47:29

all run away. From what

47:31

we were able to... You're forgetting

47:33

there's a super-hacker monitoring the fiend. You

47:35

can probably manipulate them. She

47:38

probably used AI, which he has because he's the

47:40

one in the future, and he programmed it. He

47:42

used AI to create a video that showed Cassie

47:44

killing cops and then stealing the girls, I guess,

47:46

and inserted that in. This

47:48

is the problem with the movie, where a scene

47:50

will happen and the next scene will have to

47:53

explain what's the takeaway for the

47:55

previous scene. Because they know

47:57

it doesn't quite make sense. So look, all you've got to

47:59

know is... I'm now thought of to be

48:01

the one who's kidnapping you guys. And I made

48:03

it worse by stealing a car too. That's a

48:05

genuine crime that I could do. She steals the

48:07

cab now, don't worry, this is before they had

48:09

tracking devices in cab so they could easily track

48:11

it. Also, for some reason, the cab driver is

48:13

being paid by his fare while

48:16

standing outside the cab, which I've never seen, ever. Need

48:18

help with luggage maybe? Like I've never seen that before.

48:20

So the man that she can get in drive away.

48:22

People get out of a car to give her the

48:24

opportunity to get in and steal the car. Never will

48:27

get out of the car. Yeah,

48:30

I mean that's a valuable life lesson this guy just learned,

48:32

you know. That one's on him. Don't get out of your

48:34

car. Don't leave it running, certainly. So

48:36

we get to meet the girls. Julia,

48:39

Maddie, and Anya, they're, you

48:41

know, I don't know. The

48:43

movie makes the most

48:45

half-hearted attempts to distinguish

48:48

these girls from one another.

48:50

They're small things, I can see

48:52

that they're just. Describe them, give me some broad

48:54

strokes, Dan. Yeah, Dan, tell me about, well tell

48:57

me about Sydney. Tell me about

48:59

Julia. Well, she's

49:01

an adult in like little kid drag. She's

49:05

kind of like, yeah, sweetie, they tried

49:07

to make into sort of like this

49:09

geeky schoolgirl which does not suit

49:12

her talents that well. I think it's very funny that they're

49:14

like, she is just sex on toast.

49:16

How do we make her seem less sexy? We'll

49:18

put her in a schoolgirl outfit. That's what we'll

49:21

do. There's no separate implications of that. It definitely

49:23

works, like, but that's, everyone

49:26

seems so disaffected. Like there's

49:28

just three disaffected teams.

49:31

There's Julia who's a nerd. There's

49:33

Anya who it turns out later, her

49:36

father was deported, right? Yeah,

49:38

she's undocumented. Undocumented is her entire character

49:40

trait. And she lives in the same

49:42

building as Cassie, but they didn't know

49:44

each other for now. And there's kind

49:46

of the quiet smart ass, the other

49:48

one is the louder smart ass. You

49:50

know that she's also smart because she

49:52

has a shirt that says like science

49:54

rules or something like that, or math

49:56

rocks. I love nerds or something. And

49:58

Maddie is the rich girl. Who

50:00

skateboards around and likes to pretend she's not rich

50:02

because her parents are always away in

50:05

China doing business stuff Yep, she

50:07

also likes to eat Big

50:09

thing about her character always talking

50:11

about eating teenagers guys. Yeah. Yeah,

50:13

they're hungry even when they're

50:16

late 20s actresses Except

50:21

for they all seem to be semi allergic

50:23

to clothes that cover their belly button All

50:26

their all their shirts except for Sydney Sweeney's don't cover

50:29

their midriff Wanted

50:34

to see that many belly buttons I'd watch

50:37

belly are there a lot of belly buttons in the movie

50:39

belly Cdmx

50:43

belly button. I see yeah point right Ali

50:47

it is so like he doesn't understand. He

50:49

like he got the album the album by the band

50:51

belly He's like where's the I thought these are all

50:53

belly button And

50:55

belly buttons yeah, I don't see the tree. Yeah, why

50:57

is he? I

51:00

mean Japan Pinocchio is the one kid who doesn't have a

51:02

belly button. He's exactly And

51:04

just you know okay, so maybe they should just took

51:07

like a little all or something I'm just gonna like

51:09

dug about but I'm gonna make you know you don't

51:11

want Pinocchio to feel out of I don't want to

51:13

feel a weird in the gym class when you're changing

51:15

so give me you a belly button and a penis

51:18

And that's not a go too far Pinocchio come

51:20

on Yeah,

51:22

that's great They

51:25

they so we get to meet the the girls

51:27

Dakota Dakota Johnson does not want to hang out

51:29

with them But you know she kind of has

51:31

to because she's implicated in their

51:34

kidnapping Yeah, they go and protect them

51:36

they go hide out in the woods She leaves

51:38

them there with the instructions don't

51:40

do dumb things She

51:42

then sneaks home removes the plates from the

51:45

cab She sneaks home reads

51:47

the spider journal again Finally

51:49

finds the photo of her mother with his eagles

51:51

ends Yeah, she then tests her powers to try

51:53

and see if she has spider powers you can

51:55

climb on walls. She cannot I like that moment.

51:57

She decides to jump and try to stick to

51:59

walls and she falls down and she tells her

52:02

cat, don't tell anybody basically. Like that

52:04

never happened. The

52:06

girls do do dumb things.

52:08

They go, they walk to a diner. You

52:12

have no idea that the words you just said

52:14

when you put together sound like proof. Oh, you're

52:16

so embarrassed right now. You have no idea what

52:18

shit you just stepped in, literally, metaphorically.

52:21

Yeah, when the podcast comes out. You'll listen

52:23

to it and you'll be like, I can't

52:25

believe I said do do dumb things. Oh

52:27

man. Oh, listen, I want you to draw

52:30

a picture of Stuart being embarrassed, listening to

52:32

the podcast later and send it to the

52:34

podcast. Sync

52:37

lines and embarrassment lines together. I'm trying so hard

52:39

to look cool in front of my friend, Jubin,

52:41

but I just look like such an idiot. No

52:43

man, the sunglasses did it for me. Thank you.

52:45

Well, I just want to be kind of the

52:47

Madam Web. I

52:49

presume that this was the Madam Web cosplay. Yeah,

52:51

exactly. Yeah, I just thought

52:53

we were all going to be in the spirit

52:55

wearing cool shades, but I guess I'm the only

52:58

one. So the girls do do dumb things. They

53:00

go to a diner. Oh, you did it again.

53:02

Can you believe this? And on the Max Fun

53:04

Drive episode, on that of all cases. I know.

53:11

Okay, everybody, remember at the top of the show

53:13

when I told you that I'd tell you more

53:15

about Max Fun Drive? Well, now I'm telling you

53:17

what I told you I tell you is kindly

53:19

being told to you. The

53:21

12 days of maximum fun drive is the

53:23

most wonderful time of year. When we celebrate

53:25

the birth of our savior, Maxwell Fun, by

53:27

inviting you to support our show, Dan,

53:29

read the liturgy. It's all in there. It's

53:31

all in there. Okay. By

53:34

inviting you to support our show by going to

53:36

maximumfun.org/join and becoming a new member of the maximum

53:38

fun network or by boosting

53:40

or upgrading your membership. Why

53:43

do we need members? Okay, let's get down to this

53:45

because your membership pledges are what pays for the shows

53:47

you love. Our show and the

53:49

other Max Fun shows are directly supported by

53:51

our members. This is where

53:53

the vast majority of the show's proceeds come from. For

53:56

Daniel McCoy and myself, it's now where most of our personal

53:58

income comes from. It isn't

54:00

going to some shadowy bureaucracy where nobody

54:02

knows how it's spent. Your money isn't going to

54:05

some faceless corporation that will funnel that money into

54:07

buying Supreme Court justices. No, it's going directly to

54:09

the creators of the shows you choose, which

54:11

means Stuart, Dan, and me, so that we can

54:13

buy things like food, not Supreme Court justices. I

54:16

would not buy one. I would not want

54:18

to eat one. They probably don't taste good. Ali

54:20

can feed his wife and kids. I can feed my wife and

54:22

cats. It's a, I

54:25

can buy protein powder, fancy

54:27

sunglasses, hair care products, miniatures.

54:30

Maybe that's not helping us. Trips to Australia. I

54:32

think that is helping quite a bit, actually. I

54:34

don't think it is. I think people would be

54:36

happy to spend money so that Stuart can keep looking

54:38

as good as he does. Look, being supported by our

54:40

members means this show can remain independent. Nobody controls what

54:42

we say or tells us what to do. And trust

54:44

me, trust me, as I slog through

54:47

life, trying desperately to get

54:49

permission to work in some way

54:51

telling jokes or crafting stories, permission from television

54:53

executives who themselves do not know how to

54:55

tell jokes or craft stories. It

54:57

is increasingly valuable to me that your support

54:59

keeps this show free and easy,

55:01

summer breezy. Thanks to you, just like the Addams family,

55:03

we can do what we want to do, say what

55:05

we want to say, live how we want to live

55:07

and play how we want to play. We will not

55:09

stop and smack a friend. What do

55:11

they do? Slap a friend? Can they slap a

55:13

friend? We won't keep four slap friends. What's our

55:16

policy of redancing? Can

55:18

we dance how we want to dance? We can

55:20

dance how we want to dance, sure. Okay, sure.

55:22

Think about all the TV shows that you love

55:25

that got canceled because some suit decided it wasn't

55:27

pushing stock growth enough. Think of the fact that

55:29

there's an entire Wylie Coyote movie you will never

55:31

see because some suit decided they just weren't gonna

55:33

let you. When you directly support the things

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you love, like this podcast, you keep that from

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happening. You keep that from happening to us, from

55:40

ever being put in the situation where someone else

55:42

can decide whether you're gonna hear us or not.

55:45

So by going to maximumfund.org/join and supporting

55:47

our show, you are sending a message

55:49

to the sludge factory that is modern

55:51

media that the art you love is

55:53

valued and will survive. That's all to

55:55

say. Will you please go

55:57

to maximumfund.org/join right now and become

55:59

a member of... Will you help us for as

56:01

little as $5 a month to keep

56:04

independent, goofy nonsense like the Flophouse Alive? If

56:06

you can afford more than $5 a month,

56:08

please consider pledging $10 a month. If

56:10

you can afford more than that, well, look, I'm not going to tell you to give

56:12

us less money than you want to give us. Give us

56:14

as much as you want. Feel free to upgrade your

56:17

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56:23

appreciated by us. We'd be very thankful if you

56:25

would go to maximumfund.org/join and support as a member

56:28

right now. Right, Dan. Dan, thank the nice people.

56:32

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you all. Thank you.

56:34

I mean, like, you know what? I

56:37

don't want to get off message. I would

56:40

like to send people to pledge

56:43

money so we can continue the show. But

56:46

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58:11

drive talk later in the episode. That's enough for

58:13

now. For now, let's get back to the hijinks.

58:15

Boys, spin that web. Yeah, so they

58:17

decide to go to a diner, which at

58:20

first seems like it's a long way away, but we

58:22

later learn is very close to their campsite. Within,

58:25

it's that steps, if you were selling an

58:27

apartment in the woods, you would say steps

58:29

away from dining, yeah. It's steps away, but

58:31

then later on, when Dakota Johnson is trying

58:33

to drive there, it takes her forever. Yeah,

58:35

she's not taking the direct route. Yeah, yeah.

58:38

It also, yeah, I'm not sure they, when they go there, it's

58:40

like daytime, but when they get there, it seems to be like

58:42

10 p.m. Like it seems

58:44

like very- And it seems like it's gonna be set up that

58:47

it's gonna be a real culture clash when

58:49

they go to this diner, but it's not.

58:51

Yeah, record scratch. And there's a bunch of

58:53

like young, young, handsome dudes that show up.

58:56

It seems like this is the exact right

58:58

diner for them to walk into. And which

59:00

one is it? Maddie just starts

59:02

ordering food, and she has so many plates of food

59:05

around her, and she says to the waitress, keep it

59:07

coming. And it's like, how much did you order? It's

59:09

like, you have to order food? I had to stop

59:11

the movie. That was such

59:13

a upsetting line to me. It

59:15

is, the woman, the server brings

59:18

out, there are like some like 15

59:20

full plates. Yeah, yeah, like an omakase.

59:22

But keep what coming? The

59:24

french fries, the pancakes, like what is the server

59:26

supposed to do with that? And she's not eating

59:28

it fast. She's not like Jughead, just like gobbling

59:31

up. She's like pre-becoming one fry. One fry at

59:33

a time. Two fry. Maybe this is a diner

59:35

that advertises unlimited pancakes, and she's

59:37

trying to get up on the wall. Yeah,

59:39

I mean, that would make sense. The

59:43

wall of pancake heroes, yeah. And then they

59:45

of course make a scene. They start dancing

59:47

on a table. A trucker sees them. Too

59:49

toxic. Yep, okay, Elliot

59:51

is a little embarrassed that he didn't know

59:53

the Britney Spears song from the Cat Person

59:56

episode. Yes, I wanted to show that I

59:58

know this one. of this shit

1:00:00

around. Well, but it's probably Britney

1:00:02

Spears best song. We agree on that, right guys?

1:00:04

Toxic? Yeah, it would have to be. It's

1:00:07

certainly the most Henry Mancini Britney Spears song. But

1:00:10

the- I'd probably judge

1:00:12

all my pop music. The

1:00:14

thing that I do like about the way they

1:00:16

use the song is it's diegetic music. They're

1:00:19

dancing to it. It's in the building. But

1:00:21

then it becomes the music for a fight

1:00:23

scene soundtrack. And I was just like, they

1:00:25

are using every part of Toxic. They're not

1:00:27

just letting it go. And also

1:00:29

this spider mite, it's toxic. Yeah,

1:00:32

and it reminds me how great that fan edit of

1:00:35

the fight scene from the second Star

1:00:38

Wars movie that was set to

1:00:40

Toxic, the like throne room fight scene and

1:00:42

all that shit where they like swapped in Toxic for

1:00:44

whatever music was there. And then you're like, wow, this

1:00:46

really works. This is great. This is a song with

1:00:48

a lot of energy. Yeah, yeah. And

1:00:51

they're dancing for a while on this table. In

1:00:54

a diner too. I'm surprised no one tells

1:00:57

them to get down because I

1:00:59

don't know if you guys are aware of this, but

1:01:01

outside of Coyote Ugly, that's not typically a thing

1:01:03

that's done. No. Certainly I grew up

1:01:05

in the land of diners, New Jersey. And if you got

1:01:07

up on the table and started dancing, they would yell at

1:01:09

you to get off the table. I'm sure. And they wouldn't

1:01:12

do it nicely this New Jersey. That's where it went to

1:01:14

babies. You're actually, when you say

1:01:16

the vibe of the diner, it sort of had

1:01:18

every diner vibe. It had like the dancing on

1:01:20

table. They also had like the truckers reading the

1:01:22

New York Post while they were drinking coffee vibe.

1:01:24

It had every vibe that's in that diner. And

1:01:27

there's a lot of me on it from. There's

1:01:29

The Power of the Duck in the corner. Well,

1:01:31

it made me, it was a throwback to the

1:01:33

era, like you're saying, sort of, how are the

1:01:35

duck when every genre movie had a scene in

1:01:38

a diner because it was like, can you believe

1:01:40

these far out characters in a diner? That's a

1:01:42

really far out place. Yeah, they're talking to fucking

1:01:44

Dexter Jetster or whatever his name is. Yeah,

1:01:46

exactly. But at a certain point it became, yeah, I

1:01:48

guess they all hang out at diners. I guess anytime

1:01:50

an alien shows up or a monster, they go to

1:01:53

a diner at some point. Superman's gonna come in and

1:01:55

check the ass of someone who earlier

1:01:57

in the movie was mean to him when he was Clark

1:01:59

Kenton, had... No powers yeah daddy about Superman the

1:02:01

image as it over to did you do

1:02:03

that too if you have a or what's

1:02:05

your what's your super many should now uses

1:02:07

like just like the the knowledge to be

1:02:09

enough and you do a just how young

1:02:11

man lot of what is on I'm gonna

1:02:13

done to lie to sell records gifts from

1:02:15

I've ever done makes any man a superman

1:02:17

s is None of that receive a three

1:02:19

different already has makes it the first worse

1:02:22

for many many years. So

1:02:24

a trucker sees the girls he calls and a

1:02:26

tip of course that to present intercepted by is

1:02:28

awesome Mammoths Oh pass it. Along disease your

1:02:30

Sims who calls off the police because he's

1:02:33

gonna handle it is style. Ah Cassie sits

1:02:35

by you get into my costs you were

1:02:37

furthest Cassie finds of the girls have abandoned

1:02:39

the campsite. He gets in her car to

1:02:41

drive to the diner. Ah. We.

1:02:44

See visions. We don't realize their visions

1:02:46

but we see visions of as he

1:02:48

kills him, showing up the diner and

1:02:50

killing the girls once again set to

1:02:52

toxic. Ah and then ah but it

1:02:54

turns up as er visit our visions

1:02:56

and then ah he is at the

1:02:58

diner and before he can do anything

1:03:00

Cassie crashes through the front of the

1:03:02

diner in the tab and smashes him

1:03:04

into one else who time see will

1:03:06

smash a vehicle. Try the vehicle through

1:03:08

something to surprise him as life isn't

1:03:10

worth twice. I'm Suzie he'll you can

1:03:12

see the future as a certain. Amount

1:03:14

of him Yeah yeah I'm a producer of

1:03:17

the mechanics of the second one bowl jealousy.

1:03:19

The second one is surprising that even this

1:03:21

one this diner seem seem it of like

1:03:23

Balsa Wood of in the Diners or a

1:03:25

heavy construction restaurant Amina Chrome and metal to

1:03:28

the started without easy going in the process

1:03:30

castigates poisoned a little bit just a little

1:03:32

bit you know as a treat knobs and

1:03:34

they escape. Or this is

1:03:36

of course shortly after here. This is

1:03:39

where seems is talking to his hacker

1:03:41

and they're like who is this strange

1:03:43

woman who keeps showing up in there

1:03:45

like death? Cassandra Web And that's of

1:03:47

course where audience insert audience laughter now

1:03:49

and he does an ironic that. All

1:03:53

things about spiders, Linux anything.

1:03:55

anyway. Ah, so

1:03:57

they hide out at a motel. Cassie

1:04:00

Yoga for the named Cassandra. The

1:04:03

spider people assume a vitamin yeah or maybe

1:04:05

one of her for some reason maybe I'm

1:04:07

on are are dying breath with are dying

1:04:09

by their own biases and as a fans

1:04:12

they they know that so have the gift

1:04:14

of side so their legs as they have

1:04:16

to call the Cassandra I the it's really

1:04:18

find it is Cassie be mostly because Sydney

1:04:20

Sweeney seems to have a lot of trouble

1:04:22

with the name Tassie. She does not say

1:04:24

it nor was he was conceived senate a

1:04:27

specific reason is because that's or character and

1:04:29

euphoria are really sad. Is that right? And

1:04:31

I am. And there's a character named Marian.

1:04:33

Euphoria. And there's a cat occur to

1:04:35

me many risks as an emotional about

1:04:37

must have been tough. The North Korea

1:04:39

no no no me for you Anyway

1:04:42

as much sense as Ellie go to

1:04:44

jail for lads Sunday and his wasn't

1:04:46

that I that I tied to the

1:04:48

fair of idea. So Ah Cassie leaves

1:04:50

the girls asleep, she goes back to

1:04:52

the diner and she has this like

1:04:55

a vision. conversations with Ah as usual

1:04:57

seems who explains his entire plan to

1:04:59

her. yes this is real Ah Ray

1:05:01

and Tylo stuff from Star Wars. Now

1:05:03

they can. They can use spider forced to talk to each

1:05:05

other does is like look I know your mom we were

1:05:07

close I did kill her but I yeah I should have

1:05:09

any secrets from you. Let me tell you what on and

1:05:12

a deal Yeah. Ah

1:05:14

so that a movie running out of

1:05:16

a reasons to explain plot her mother's

1:05:18

minutes allocated other it is as almost

1:05:20

like illegal is like look it's that

1:05:22

time in the movie when you need

1:05:24

to know what's going on no matter

1:05:26

how we gotta breathe and others have

1:05:28

with for some spider T is seasons

1:05:31

back and teachers the girl Cpr that's

1:05:33

gonna come in handy later. She leaves

1:05:35

the girls with ah her friend Ben.

1:05:38

And the girls all explain their like yeah

1:05:40

we can go home because of these reasons

1:05:42

they're like okay whatever it does matter Ah

1:05:44

let's get this over with as you leave

1:05:46

them with Ben so that she can go

1:05:48

to Peru as he uses her nose Mcwilliams

1:05:50

Aaa guru and laugh every time Mr. Reynolds

1:05:52

road a season for if it doesn't seem

1:05:54

like she's seen it takes or day to

1:05:56

go to prove get to the jungle, explore

1:05:58

around and then come back. It's. Yeah,

1:06:01

she met and she uses her mom's notes

1:06:03

and maps to find the leader of Las

1:06:05

Arráñas who's just hanging out Like he's hanging

1:06:08

out. He was really committed He's like, you

1:06:10

know, he told her mom when it's

1:06:12

time and she comes back I'll have answers

1:06:14

for and he's just there with wearing it

1:06:16

like a jotty neckerchief being like

1:06:19

yeah Hey, I've been waiting for you. I

1:06:21

love the ideas like when she's ready. We'll

1:06:23

be here We will not be proactive about

1:06:25

this. We will not go to her and

1:06:27

tell her anything. She's gonna want it We

1:06:29

won't email her. He's gonna come here. Yeah

1:06:31

I will not Myspace friend her. That will

1:06:33

not happen That's actually,

1:06:35

wow, Elliot's top. Yeah, he's good

1:06:37

Early 2000s Yeah, you're a

1:06:39

professional writer. So the leader of

1:06:42

Las Arráñas Hey, I didn't, hey, I was

1:06:44

there. I lived it, man Yep, nope Tom

1:06:47

was my friend So he,

1:06:49

uh, this, she has a

1:06:51

vision quest where she sees

1:06:53

her mother and she like sees what

1:06:56

happened But also she had been laboring

1:06:58

this entire time under the belief that

1:07:00

her mother Very pregnant

1:07:02

had decided to just go down to

1:07:04

the Amazon for some reason because she

1:07:06

hated her baby so much But

1:07:09

it turns out the reason why is

1:07:11

because she knew her baby was being

1:07:13

was going to be born with a

1:07:15

very specific, what, degenerative disease It was

1:07:17

a neuromuscular disorder and she says the

1:07:19

line like, but I don't have a

1:07:21

neuromuscular disorder The

1:07:24

dummies in the audience didn't put two and two together,

1:07:26

yeah And her mother

1:07:28

went down there because she believes that

1:07:30

this spider bite is the only cure

1:07:32

and that western medicine wouldn't recognize magical

1:07:34

spiders So by going to Peru, she

1:07:36

was not running from her unborn daughter,

1:07:38

which you cannot do because she was

1:07:40

in her belly She

1:07:42

was starring DMX. She would go anywhere that

1:07:45

her mother goes, but she did it entirely to save

1:07:47

her Her mother did love her. She did.

1:07:49

She didn't abandon her by dying It's

1:07:51

also a terrible thing about the

1:07:53

movie where we discover at that

1:07:55

moment that that has been

1:07:58

her deep burden And

1:08:01

second later it's resolved. I don't

1:08:03

know, the movie comes up with these deep emotional

1:08:05

issues, and then it's like, and that's that. And

1:08:07

now he's resolved it. You

1:08:10

couldn't say to your friend, he said, don't worry about

1:08:12

it. To be fair, this does feel like the kind

1:08:14

of movie that they were at some points making up

1:08:16

as they went along on set. So it's possible that

1:08:18

they were like, oh, we should put this in here.

1:08:21

It was also another thing too, about the Arrani's

1:08:24

people, that

1:08:27

the man who was like, who

1:08:30

puts on this vision quest, Santiago, is that

1:08:32

his name? Yeah, according to

1:08:34

Wikipedia, that's his name. He is coded as this

1:08:37

indigenous wise native man who

1:08:40

with this communal mystical

1:08:42

touch will bring her to some kind

1:08:44

of larger piece. And it's never explained,

1:08:47

these people are just spider people. They

1:08:49

spider bit them and they run around. It's

1:08:52

still so racery and be like, and also obviously they

1:08:54

are wise beyond their years because they live in the

1:08:56

jungle and can teach her.

1:08:58

At one point he tells her, you have

1:09:00

to see the future clearly. Before

1:09:03

you can see the future clearly, you must heal the

1:09:05

wounds of the past. So what the

1:09:07

hell is this guy doing saying that kind of stuff?

1:09:11

This guy, this attempt

1:09:13

to find a wise man among

1:09:18

these people, feel like they go to

1:09:20

a very racist to me. And of

1:09:22

course the Amazonians will be the spiritual

1:09:24

reminded people. I'm wrong, I'm confused. You

1:09:27

have to understand that people of color

1:09:29

are just naturally closer to the mystic

1:09:31

and supernatural world according to the movies.

1:09:33

It's like there's always, there's a character

1:09:35

in so many ghost movies where

1:09:37

it's like, I don't know what to do. I

1:09:39

guess I'll talk to the black or Haitian woman

1:09:41

that is nearest to me and they'll be like, all right, it's

1:09:43

ghosts, let me explain it to you. If

1:09:46

that's racist, then I guess it is. A

1:09:49

little confused by, he's hanging out dressed kind of

1:09:51

like, I don't know, Cary Granton

1:09:53

to catch a thief here. Actually, that's

1:09:55

a good call. He's the nectar

1:09:57

chip and everything. So

1:10:00

like this is his like secret identity when he's

1:10:02

not a spider person, but then like is he?

1:10:05

He goes to the jungle to like dude

1:10:08

stuff I'm he lives in the jungle when the

1:10:10

tourists come around he puts on the spider guys

1:10:12

suit and crawls on on trees When the first

1:10:14

are not around he's the same way that I

1:10:16

remember my dad years ago He took a rafting

1:10:18

trip through Costa Rica and the thing that struck

1:10:20

him the most was that Everybody everywhere they went

1:10:22

was listening to meatloafs bad out of hell album

1:10:24

and he was like it Just wasn't what I

1:10:26

expected from going into the jungle and I'm like

1:10:28

yeah, well they like music too. I guess a

1:10:30

big Yeah, it's a big album. It's a huge

1:10:32

album. Why wouldn't they be listening to it? But

1:10:34

yeah, I think this is just he

1:10:36

was like Cassie. She's like family I don't need to

1:10:38

dress up and all this stuff like I'm not gonna I'm not

1:10:41

gonna sell her any trinkets or anything So

1:10:43

Cassie has her like her

1:10:45

live-life-love moment. She heads back to New

1:10:48

York. Meanwhile, what would that be in

1:10:50

spider terms like Spin Yeah

1:10:59

Dozens of flies yes bin stock suck because they suck

1:11:01

the innards out of their other victims. Yeah. Yeah. So

1:11:03

meanwhile Ben's

1:11:05

although all the girls are living she brings it

1:11:07

home painted in three different fonts on a piece

1:11:09

of drift Yeah,

1:11:12

I mean you gotta buy some art when you're on vacation.

1:11:14

Yeah. Yeah, of course You should see all the shit damn

1:11:16

brought back from the Joe go cruise It's crazy Indigenous

1:11:20

Joe co-art so

1:11:25

Meanwhile, uh The girls

1:11:27

are living with Ben and Ben sister

1:11:30

and I guess Ben sister who Emma

1:11:32

Roberts whose water breaks Oh,

1:11:34

they all got to go to the hospital. They'll

1:11:36

gross or eel or something which yeah They

1:11:40

all load up into a car and they drive

1:11:42

over unfortunately on the drive they get clocked by

1:11:44

a security camera So Ezekiel Sims knows where they're

1:11:46

at now that raises a good question. Why are

1:11:49

they bringing the girls with them to the hospital?

1:11:51

These are teenagers. They could just leave them at home watching TV

1:11:53

and it would be fine My

1:11:56

absolute party because that's a plot

1:11:58

in that direction. Absolutely It makes no sense.

1:12:01

Yeah. Parties, I think they're worried

1:12:03

about parties. Yeah, they're worried about parties. They're like,

1:12:05

we don't want a risky business situation breaking out

1:12:07

here. Yep, or weird science. Look,

1:12:10

we leave to take her to the hospital. Next

1:12:12

thing you know, you're creating people with a computer

1:12:14

and there's barbarian bikers. Burnin' Wells shows up, yep.

1:12:16

Yeah, they don't need that, yeah. Okay. I

1:12:19

mean, so when they come back in two days and just

1:12:21

like the Project X party has happened, they're like, you don't

1:12:23

even know any of it. You just need to sit down,

1:12:25

how does this happen? So

1:12:29

they get spotted by Sims who

1:12:31

uses traffic light manipulation techniques to

1:12:33

cause a traffic jam and he

1:12:36

has them cornered. Cassie shows up,

1:12:38

she goes over to Ben's house,

1:12:40

sees a puddle of water on the ground

1:12:43

and has a vision and knows exactly what's

1:12:45

going on. So she steals an ambulance and

1:12:48

she drives it through a building and

1:12:50

then smashes it. I was unclear as

1:12:52

to the mechanics of this, yeah. She

1:12:54

smashes her ambulance out exactly the right

1:12:56

place and it looks like she just

1:12:58

goes through a billboard? Yeah, a billboard

1:13:00

in what, Times Square, I think? Yeah, what,

1:13:03

how did she get up there? What road

1:13:05

is she on there? So I'm assuming that

1:13:07

this is like those buildings in cities

1:13:10

in, I think like in parts of

1:13:12

China where the levels are all over the place and

1:13:15

you can go in, there's videos of this, where you

1:13:17

go in on the ground floor of a building and

1:13:19

you go up a flight of stairs and suddenly you're

1:13:21

on the 30th floor of the building on the other

1:13:23

side and you go down and then suddenly you're on

1:13:25

the, you know, the 100th floor of another building and

1:13:27

then suddenly on the ground floor again. Wow, and the

1:13:29

gesture, huh? As a foreign habit of New

1:13:31

York, you're aware that this is not true.

1:13:33

No, that is true. My experience in New

1:13:35

York tells me that that's not the case.

1:13:37

Well, the Chinatown area of New York has

1:13:39

the same. Pop out of it, you know.

1:13:41

The Chinatown area of New York has these

1:13:43

Chinese style levels, so that's why. You know,

1:13:45

where they've changed the geography of

1:13:48

the island just for that part. Now, maybe it's,

1:13:50

I mean, maybe that it was a, maybe giving

1:13:53

them, maybe it's a parking garage structure

1:13:55

and she's able to go up a ramp and then

1:13:57

come out, but we don't see any of that, I

1:13:59

don't think. Yeah. She's just driving in one place

1:14:01

and then somebody is driving out of a building Which

1:14:04

also implies that behind every billboard is just

1:14:06

gonna open open road space Yeah,

1:14:09

yeah, it's it's in case there's like a

1:14:12

visiting basketball team that has to burst through

1:14:14

it. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, or the Roadrunners around

1:14:16

and thank you Dan or the runners on

1:14:18

a visiting basketball team as he did wasn't

1:14:20

two different movies That's true. So

1:14:24

And Hoosiers, thanks for

1:14:26

listening them. Do you do you got any

1:14:28

more movies that the roadrunner was in where he plays basketball?

1:14:32

Blue chips Right and go

1:14:35

on and yeah, what was the other

1:14:37

one great the other Roadrunner basketball movie

1:14:39

that he's in He's so

1:14:41

he's taking up space and basketball

1:14:43

is kind of a jam, you know Yeah,

1:14:46

and so but he's in space jam So

1:14:48

if there's I think there's another one also

1:14:50

that the Roadrunner plays basketball in and okay

1:14:54

He got game that's as likely as he got game so

1:14:58

they Man

1:15:03

I got a real Roadrunner on my on my

1:15:05

tail. Um, so they They

1:15:07

escape in an ambulance. They make it to

1:15:10

a fireworks factory where they immediately start setting

1:15:12

a bunch of fires The fireworks factory from

1:15:14

earlier with it that that's why she knows

1:15:16

about it, right? I want I this so

1:15:19

That makes sense then I I have a big

1:15:21

problem with this climax. I mean for a

1:15:24

number of reasons, but here's one problem Cassie

1:15:26

takes them there because she has had this vision. She's

1:15:28

like I know What

1:15:31

I need to do to make this work and

1:15:33

then it doesn't happen

1:15:36

like and so otherwise you would

1:15:38

never go To a fireworks

1:15:40

factory and then set the fireworks factory on fire

1:15:42

as they do as we would strategy. Yeah So

1:15:46

but she's doing it cuz she knows it's gonna all work out, but

1:15:48

it doesn't work the way she wants it to so Leaning

1:15:50

we are telling you not to set up What

1:15:54

happens while you're making plans, you know, that's all

1:15:56

I can say to Cassie. Yes. So well also

1:15:58

there's another unexpected If the Spider

1:16:00

guy, they cut the Spider and he goes, I wonder if

1:16:02

I should tell her that every 20th vision is false, just

1:16:04

to tell her. And she'll figure it

1:16:06

out. Well, that would certainly explain something else that's

1:16:09

coming up. But anyway, we'll get to it. Yeah.

1:16:11

She knows she needs to involve that Pepsi colosseine.

1:16:13

She needs to involve that, you know. Yes. The

1:16:15

powers are sponsored by Pepsi. Yeah, again, contractually, they

1:16:17

have to. I mean, if this movie is made

1:16:19

in the 80s, she would get stronger

1:16:22

by drinking Pepsi. Like every time she did the power-up,

1:16:24

she would crack open a can of Pepsi and just

1:16:26

chug it down. Yeah. Popeye's style. James,

1:16:28

look at my notes. He's like, dear God, I hope

1:16:30

this is almost nothing. So

1:16:33

Sims follows them to the fireworks factory.

1:16:36

Things start exploding everywhere. A firework rocket

1:16:38

flies into a brick wall and blows a

1:16:40

giant hole through it. What the fuck? Again,

1:16:43

so badly edited. Nothing is making sense. So

1:16:45

they climb up to the roof. They're

1:16:48

able to avoid. They're able

1:16:51

to navigate all the explosions using Kathy's

1:16:53

gift of foresight. At one point, Sims

1:16:56

has climbed up on the roof of them and

1:16:58

a rocket goes flying right at him. And he

1:17:00

bats it out of the way where it flies

1:17:02

over and hits a nearby helicopter blowing

1:17:04

it up. Again, these

1:17:06

fireworks are astoundingly powerful. Yeah, they're all service

1:17:08

air missiles. Let alone the fact that you

1:17:11

should not have a fireworks warehouse in the

1:17:13

middle of a heavily residential area, as they

1:17:15

do in this movie. But the fact that

1:17:17

these fireworks are in a city and they're

1:17:19

like, these are rockets. Like these are incredibly

1:17:21

powerful. You know, you should be paid. These

1:17:23

are on their way to the Ukrainian front.

1:17:25

These are not. I

1:17:27

should have told her that the fire is faster.

1:17:29

He is now now munitions way. Yeah. Yeah. There's

1:17:32

a, you know, there's some fighting at

1:17:34

one point. All three of the girls are

1:17:36

like hanging off of things for their life.

1:17:38

And Sims is like, Madam,

1:17:41

web, you can't save all three. And

1:17:43

then she like goes into a weird

1:17:45

trance and then like ghost versions of

1:17:47

herself connected by like weird umbilical cords,

1:17:50

like start to save all the girls. And then that

1:17:52

like stops almost immediately. But that was pretty cool. I'm

1:17:54

like, whoa. Wow. Santa says once you

1:17:56

know the future and understand the web, one of your powers is

1:17:58

that you'll be able to be in. more than

1:18:00

one playset at the same time, which seems

1:18:02

metaphorical. Like she's gonna know what's going on.

1:18:04

But no, it means she can actually project

1:18:06

herself to different places. Yeah, just as long

1:18:08

as the ghost umbilical cords connect her, this

1:18:10

is something that, it's one of the things

1:18:12

where it's like, this

1:18:14

power is a little too useful. Like

1:18:17

if there was a sequel, they're gonna have to dial this back. Luckily

1:18:19

there will never be a sequel. So they don't have to do that.

1:18:21

Oh man, that's too bad. Too bad,

1:18:23

because the last 20 minutes are setting up

1:18:25

that sequel. Yeah, very unfortunate. Sims falls and

1:18:28

gets smushed and dies. Dakota

1:18:30

Johnson falls in the water and then gets hit

1:18:32

in the eyes of the rocket. Go on. Let

1:18:34

us not get over, like there's

1:18:36

an exchange where like, she's

1:18:39

like, turns out it was always me that

1:18:41

was gonna kill you. Like it was

1:18:43

not these three ghosts. And I'm like,

1:18:46

what the fuck movie? Like

1:18:49

maybe you could do this rug pull if

1:18:52

you offer some clever

1:18:54

reason. But

1:18:56

we've been set up the whole time. Like this

1:18:59

is a prophecy. This is how he's gonna die.

1:19:01

Like do a little bit more than

1:19:03

just like psych. Here's

1:19:05

I think what they were planning was I think she's gonna

1:19:08

turn out to be wrong. And there would

1:19:10

be a future movie where Ezekiel comes back and

1:19:12

we do see him fight the now costume. Could

1:19:14

be, could be. But the way

1:19:16

it happens in the movie, and again, because there will

1:19:18

be no sequel to this, it does seem like, that

1:19:20

she's like, maybe

1:19:22

she's like, she should have said like, dreams

1:19:25

aren't prophecy is dumb ass. And then she's gonna

1:19:27

kill them like that. And then

1:19:29

she might have done it. But also the fact that

1:19:31

she is so, she's like had a vision of that

1:19:33

big S from the pupsy sign falling on him. So

1:19:35

she keeps angling him towards the S and it's like,

1:19:37

well, superhero shouldn't be trying to kill somebody. Like I

1:19:39

understand setting a trap to catch him or

1:19:41

whatever or knock him out. But the idea that

1:19:43

she's like, I gotta do this right. Or he

1:19:45

won't die. And I've gotta kill this guy. It's

1:19:48

also she's so cartoonishly looking at the S while

1:19:50

she's backing him up into the S that I

1:19:52

feel like he should be able to be like.

1:19:54

The deadliest letter. She's like, wait, wait, oh, okay.

1:19:57

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not that one. On

1:19:59

the left. Bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup.

1:20:01

Starts making beeping sounds. Yeah. So

1:20:03

he does get smushed, brought to you by

1:20:05

Pepsi. She falls into the water. A

1:20:07

stray rocket flies under water and

1:20:10

explodes in her face, blinding her.

1:20:13

She's saved by the girls. They

1:20:15

use the CPR that she taught them earlier. Yeah,

1:20:18

we, man, we're in the home stretch here. They apparently break

1:20:20

her back. Peter Parker is born, she is in a hospital

1:20:23

room and

1:20:26

the girls are led into the room and she's

1:20:28

like, they can come in and see me. They're

1:20:30

all mine. They're my family. And you're like, what?

1:20:32

That's a weird turn. We

1:20:34

get a little bit of a flash forward. This

1:20:36

is my standup and cheer

1:20:39

moment because we see her in

1:20:41

this like mechanized wheelchair for some

1:20:43

reason, wearing a cool ass sunglasses.

1:20:45

These sunglasses. And she's making this

1:20:47

little smile like the world's youngest

1:20:50

grandma. And she's, it's so funny.

1:20:52

And like, we're talking about an

1:20:54

actress who is like at

1:20:56

least 75% eye acting. And

1:21:00

they're like, let's put on some blue blockers so

1:21:02

we don't see those eyes. This really feels like,

1:21:04

I mean, I don't know what

1:21:06

happened. Like this feels like reshoot number

1:21:08

12 and she is just so

1:21:10

tired of it all to me. And she's

1:21:13

doing this vision, like she's doing

1:21:15

this version of herself where like, okay, now

1:21:18

that she's in full Madam Web powers,

1:21:20

even though she's been

1:21:22

blinded and she's in this chair, like she

1:21:24

is totally at peace. And she's like so

1:21:26

blissed out, but it's like- She knows her

1:21:28

role. Most sort of bored

1:21:30

blissed out you can see. And

1:21:33

these sunglasses, I swear to God, it's

1:21:36

like they sent someone to the store and be like, pick

1:21:38

the ones that will look this silly. There's

1:21:42

this is that they do this stutter step,

1:21:45

right? Like there's two, there's two, there's like,

1:21:47

you see her in the wheelchair before you

1:21:49

see her again with, are those the same

1:21:51

glasses sunglasses or those silly sunglasses? The same

1:21:53

time. Like they, it is, but

1:21:55

it does feel like they, these do

1:21:57

feel like reshoots. And my guess is that, This

1:22:00

movie was in production. I kept hearing this isn't gonna

1:22:02

be a superhero movie. This is gonna be more of

1:22:04

a suspense thriller This is gonna be more of a

1:22:06

like a almost a 90s style suspense

1:22:08

thriller and my guess is that they were like they had

1:22:10

a maybe a cut of it even and they were like

1:22:13

Uh, is she not gonna ever look

1:22:15

like the fucking character from the comics cuz we need

1:22:17

that to happen And so they had

1:22:19

this first ending and they're like, is that good? She

1:22:21

had these big sunglasses and she's in a wheelchair and

1:22:23

they're like, uh, no put her in like a red

1:22:25

leather jacket What are you doing? You know, so Stuart

1:22:28

what happens? They're arguing about the takeout food that they're

1:22:30

gonna eat, right? The girls can't yeah What

1:22:33

hey one instead of queuing me up. Why

1:22:35

don't you answer your own prompt? I'm trying

1:22:37

there Okay, so they're there because I'm not

1:22:39

entirely sure it so this scene is not

1:22:41

a prophecy here Right, or is it like

1:22:43

so the girls show up they have Chinese

1:22:45

food They're like we we got you this

1:22:48

thing and she's like, of course you knew

1:22:50

that was my favorite or some shit It's

1:22:52

like all like all these dumbass lines about

1:22:54

like you can see the future Yeah, and

1:22:56

Maddie can't stop eat it, you know, you're

1:22:58

a lot of eat. She's like gazelle tight

1:23:00

onion. He goes, huh achoo Oh, thanks. Yeah,

1:23:02

no great It's like the

1:23:04

sitcom version of the of the madam web movie and

1:23:07

then she flat sheet flashes forward again

1:23:09

To seeing them all in costume and her

1:23:11

in her costume and she had like a

1:23:13

spider on her fingers I'm trying to remember

1:23:15

exactly how it it but it all yeah,

1:23:17

it's like suddenly it becomes the like this

1:23:19

movie was like All right This is this

1:23:21

is kind of like a realistic suspense thriller with superhero

1:23:23

elements and then in the last couple minutes You're

1:23:25

like fuck it. Let's just go crazy.

1:23:27

Let's get come on. Let's just add they're all in

1:23:30

crazy costumes They're all there. It looks like the direct-to-video

1:23:33

Madam web movie that would come out in 1998

1:23:35

like let's just do this. Yeah. Yeah It's

1:23:37

it's a very silly little ending that I

1:23:40

think adds a fun Punch

1:23:42

to what was a very silly

1:23:44

movie thumbs up from Stewart. I

1:23:46

look at so deeply insultingly That

1:23:50

movie said you Now

1:23:52

that you've seen 98

1:23:55

minutes of this you we will the next

1:23:57

movie we make will have all the superhero

1:24:00

costumes and fights that we can't continuously

1:24:02

teasing and promising throughout this movie and

1:24:05

never once delivered. Not

1:24:07

until the, I've never seen

1:24:09

a superhero spend the entire movie figuring

1:24:12

out how to use their powers. Usually

1:24:16

the scene where they're like, oh, I get it. I

1:24:18

can use them is like in the first 30 minutes

1:24:20

and then it's like a whole hour and a half

1:24:22

of fun spider web slinging

1:24:24

and bullet blocking. This one just

1:24:26

slowly gets longer premonitions. At the

1:24:28

end of the movie, does anything

1:24:31

actually happen regarding superpowers? And

1:24:33

then to be at the end of it, okay, next movie. Now

1:24:37

that we've laid the foundation, the

1:24:39

very necessary foundation that these characters

1:24:41

would not have worked without. Now

1:24:43

that we've laid it, get that

1:24:46

because Madam Web 2, the Spider

1:24:48

Girls is going to blow your

1:24:50

mind with all the costumes, the

1:24:52

characters, the powers. It feels

1:24:54

like a feature length Kickstarter demo reel

1:24:56

where they're like, hey, if you back

1:24:58

this project, you'll actually get these costumes

1:25:00

maybe. It would be so funny if

1:25:02

they made the first sequel and the

1:25:05

first sequel was like, okay, hold on,

1:25:07

four, 1993. All right, let's just get this re-situated. It's all done, Kathy is

1:25:09

a kid. And

1:25:13

all the girls are babies. Okay. Then

1:25:17

they do a third movie and the first couple minutes they're up posing

1:25:19

in the costumes and they're like, you know what? It'd

1:25:22

be a lot easier if we didn't wear these costumes. We

1:25:24

weren't restricted by all this rubber or whatever. We're just regular

1:25:26

clothes. Yeah, let's cap off. Also,

1:25:28

I got to finish grad school. I'm the nerd

1:25:30

girl, remember? So it's like two

1:25:32

hours at the end. Cap off or Madam Web discussion.

1:25:35

None of us really had like a traumatic experience that

1:25:37

forced us to have a reason to stop the crime.

1:25:40

Like, so why are we doing this? Like, why are we doing

1:25:42

this? He's hanging out.

1:25:44

Yeah, our traumatic experience was watching our

1:25:46

friend trick a guy into getting smushed.

1:25:51

Cap off our discussion in the traditional way,

1:25:53

which is of course final judgments,

1:25:55

whether this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad

1:25:57

movie, or movie kind of like, I'm

1:26:00

I'm gonna say, for me, it was a good,

1:26:02

bad movie. It hearkened back to

1:26:04

the original Marvel film, Howard

1:26:06

the Duck, in the sense that

1:26:08

like, the things that I enjoyed

1:26:10

about it are inextricable from the things that

1:26:13

are janky and weird about it. Like

1:26:16

there's some stuff in here that like, I really actually

1:26:19

had fun with, kind of Dakota Johnson's

1:26:21

attitude, like the weird sort of hangout

1:26:23

vibe of some of it. And

1:26:25

I sort of enjoyed the feeling,

1:26:27

like we've talked about it before, now that superhero

1:26:29

movies are the only thing that gets made, at

1:26:31

least, although less now,

1:26:33

at least you can

1:26:35

see something that's a little different. Like this

1:26:38

hearkens back to like an earlier day when people are

1:26:40

like, I don't know what a superhero movie is, do

1:26:42

you? Maybe it can be this. So

1:26:45

there's that strangeness, but I also laughed a lot at

1:26:47

stuff that was just not working.

1:26:51

That was my feeling. Elliot,

1:26:54

what about you? I also would call this

1:26:56

a good, bad movie. I feel like we haven't quite gotten across

1:26:59

the good, bad tone of it, which this

1:27:01

does feel like a throwback movie, not necessarily

1:27:03

in the way they intended, I think, but

1:27:05

it feels like this is a 90s superhero

1:27:07

movie. They don't know what superheroes are popular.

1:27:09

They don't know what people like about superheroes.

1:27:11

They don't know what makes them fun for

1:27:13

fans. So they take the name and they're

1:27:15

like, I guess we'll just apply it to

1:27:18

a different kind of movie. Like, you know,

1:27:20

for a recent live show, we watched the

1:27:22

90s Spawn movie. That episode is available

1:27:24

only in the bonus content if you've become a MaxFun

1:27:26

member at maxfun.org/join. But this feels more like that. This

1:27:28

guy's a company man here. Where are you guys with

1:27:30

these blogs? This man knows what he's doing. This

1:27:33

feels more like that, where it's like the same way

1:27:35

that years ago, I think it was Golan Globus wanted

1:27:37

to make a Spider-Man movie, and they thought that it

1:27:39

was like Wolfman. So they kept wanting to make a

1:27:42

movie about a kid who gets bitten by a spider

1:27:44

and is turning into a giant spider. And that never

1:27:46

got made, but it feels like this sits in that

1:27:48

universe much better than it does in the current Marvel

1:27:50

universe. So yeah, I think it's a good, bad movie.

1:27:53

Go out and check it out. You'll have a great time. I

1:27:55

think you're raging the most. Let's go to you. Oh,

1:27:58

I hate it. This is a very bad. I

1:28:00

really want to get across how bad

1:28:03

the dialogue was throughout this movie that

1:28:05

made every scene so much more worse

1:28:07

than fun. They had this, that

1:28:09

very awful, worst type

1:28:11

of Marvel, the

1:28:15

worst thing to me about Marvel movies is this kind of quippy,

1:28:19

snappy dialogue that characters always

1:28:21

click into. And they

1:28:23

did that so bizarrely and

1:28:25

jankly in scenes where the girls were

1:28:27

in the woods, where they have

1:28:29

just seen a very traumatic event and avoided being

1:28:32

killed, they immediately snap into this kind of insulting,

1:28:36

like, let me guess, your dad is

1:28:38

a hedge fund owner and your mom

1:28:40

runs a Met Gala. Well, let me

1:28:42

tell you something. You are

1:28:44

a dorky girl and they're like, don't say

1:28:47

that. Don't try to high five me, that's not cool.

1:28:49

All this kind of, and then they'll switch into this

1:28:51

to me. I don't know. Oh God. And

1:28:53

then they'll switch into this, all of a sudden

1:28:55

they'll be like, my mom is

1:28:57

undocumented. That's

1:28:59

why I'm here. Within an hour of meeting each

1:29:01

other, they're like, we're sisters, we're in this together

1:29:03

all of them. At the end when they're like,

1:29:06

Cassie, Cassie, oh no. It's like,

1:29:08

well, you've known this woman for quite a

1:29:10

day. You're saying it speaks to a certain

1:29:12

emotional instability that it should be more troubling

1:29:14

than endearing. Or just a

1:29:16

lot, it speaks to an unrealistic emotional wave

1:29:19

life, yeah, yeah. Yes, and because the thing

1:29:22

that Marvel cannot write

1:29:25

characters that are funny, because

1:29:27

they do things in character, so

1:29:29

they have to write characters that are always

1:29:31

like half a foot out and try to make

1:29:34

jokes. And I think the worst example of that

1:29:36

was in that scene where that native wise man

1:29:38

said that thing about the, you

1:29:41

can't see clearly until you look back in the past. And

1:29:44

Dakota Johnson said something like, that sounds like the

1:29:46

worst therapy session I've ever been to. And that

1:29:48

to me is like, Marvel, if

1:29:51

the characters can just be in this world

1:29:53

and not constantly having to comment on this world,

1:29:55

it will be a lot easier to have fun

1:29:57

with it than if I have to sit there

1:29:59

as. Marvel like wings to me being like a Different

1:30:03

strain of Marvel this is not the

1:30:05

mark to Marvel proper Yeah, this is

1:30:07

a this is like produced in conjunction

1:30:09

with Marvel basically just because they co-own

1:30:12

the property with Sony right now,

1:30:15

but A lot of Marvel

1:30:17

movies have this level of no I

1:30:20

will say when when Marvel movies do that

1:30:22

well I think it works very well and

1:30:24

that's the kind of thing that since the

1:30:26

1960s has differentiated Marvel as a World

1:30:29

from say DC is that the characters always were

1:30:31

like a slightly winkier, you know It was it

1:30:34

was a little bit more like can you believe

1:30:36

this but I agree that yeah, I'm not super

1:30:38

serious like booster gold Many

1:30:41

years later when DC had ingested some of

1:30:43

that but compared to the DC stories of

1:30:45

the 1960s that were that which took themselves

1:30:48

Very seriously the Marvel ones always had that

1:30:50

Stanley like well folks Can you believe the

1:30:52

web swing has gotten himself into trouble again

1:30:54

this time? Oh boy get ready actions are

1:30:56

coming You know the I don't but

1:30:58

I don't mind that in the situation though But the

1:31:01

characters to be so meta and so it was a

1:31:03

little bit of it goes a long way and they

1:31:05

now there's too Much of it even in the Marvel

1:31:07

proper movies, but I was gonna say with Dan too

1:31:09

This as Dan was saying this is the Sony kind

1:31:11

of like faux Marvel universe Knockoffs

1:31:14

that you get at the Spider-man

1:31:17

without spider-man version of the nail that

1:31:19

annoying banter perfectly then they really got

1:31:21

that element of it The only

1:31:23

part of the movie I liked was the

1:31:25

the credits which had the cranberries dream playing

1:31:27

over it Which to me is like always

1:31:29

the end credit song for a 90s action

1:31:31

movie It's kind of movie that it's kind

1:31:33

of found a place when like Tom Cruise

1:31:35

and Bing range like we got through the

1:31:37

bank Did it

1:31:40

and I think that plays like oh, yeah, it does feel

1:31:42

like a late late 90s early 2000s movie That

1:31:44

was it bad bad until the end credits. Let's

1:31:46

close out some I suspect positivity

1:31:48

from oh boy, man I love this

1:31:50

shit, you know I watched two

1:31:53

venom movies and a Morbius movie and I suffered

1:31:55

through them just so I could get madam web

1:31:57

like it's so Like

1:32:01

it's not a the kind of movie

1:32:03

I would recommend to say a non

1:32:05

broken movie viewer. Yes But

1:32:07

it is there's so much joy in the

1:32:09

like Strangeness of it and how much

1:32:11

of it doesn't work, but I don't know I

1:32:14

I'm a big fan I I think Metamweb

1:32:16

is a solid good bad movie This

1:32:21

is getting you excited for a craven the next

1:32:23

in the spider-man without Mean

1:32:25

it's tough. I am not I

1:32:28

mean Who's

1:32:31

that who's the hunk in that one? Who's

1:32:33

the hardbody? I don't know But is it Logan

1:32:35

Marshall green is that it's a three-namer?

1:32:38

Oh is it is it him? I don't

1:32:40

know So it's Aaron Taylor

1:32:42

Johnson another one. Yes, Aaron Taylor

1:32:44

Johnson. Yeah, but yeah hot hearted

1:32:46

buddy I'm not I don't know

1:32:48

like I don't I don't I'm not as intrigued by

1:32:51

his Range or lack thereof as

1:32:53

I am like I'm not as excited about

1:32:55

seeing him in a superhero movie as I

1:32:57

was when I heard Dakota Johnson was going

1:33:00

to have to appear concerned But

1:33:02

doesn't help you to know that Russell

1:33:05

Crowe will be appearing as Nikolai Craven

1:33:07

off Craven's estranged father. Okay, I'm excited Trailer

1:33:12

he does have he does have an act.

1:33:15

Yeah. Okay. I changed my mind. I'm excited

1:33:17

for it Oh

1:33:22

boy, we're having so much fun in the show

1:33:24

today, aren't we beloved listener? Yes Well, the fun

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you could fit part of Jesse's. Rip

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store purchases since my, my

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wife, has a giant like

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Burrow lack burlap bag of

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rice that someone turned into

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a tote bags this. Bigger.

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Sniffy Dan Dan for some spicy and

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if you were if we reach two thousand

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new are upgrading members for the strives for

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right we will pick. From the

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names of members. People to send out. Original

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Damn Mccoy drawings are easily commissions Danny's and

1:36:48

ask them what they want and then. Give.

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Them with the I will. I'll give

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them what they want those earlier them

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toward or I do another guy. I

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reserve a certain right of refusal, but

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a but pretty much will. Yeah, whatever.

1:37:01

you heard him, folks pregnant sonic ask

1:37:03

him for it's ah so you can

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get for me. Comic books from

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he signed by me, some of my original

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books signed for you and sent you and

1:37:11

Stewart I think has a package of Hinterlands

1:37:14

and Minis merchandise yeah yeah yeah, a lot

1:37:16

and else. and on t shirts from one

1:37:18

of my to bars Minis or Hinterlands you

1:37:20

just say Whitson, tell me the size and

1:37:23

it. Lies. Through the mail

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and dear mail slot. And

1:37:28

allow the mail work there yet I either some

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extra steps in there. I think they. are

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disrespecting the living in both thrown so

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now As the industries that used

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to provide jobs and livelihoods for creative people

1:38:03

seem to be going out of their way