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Jeep is a registered trademark. This

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week on the God Pod. Kevin

0:33

says, did I bang Mary Magdalene? I'll

0:35

bet she was a little wild one.

0:37

Jeez. Wow. That's my sister

0:40

you're talking about. No. She would

0:42

be offended by that question. She

0:44

would be like, not even in

0:46

a dream. Awwww.

0:49

Does Valentine's Day brighten you up? Did

0:51

you do anything for Valentine's Day? No.

0:54

Oh, okay. Oh, well, I

0:56

had all my valentines online. Aww.

0:59

But you know, but yeah, how about you Jesus? You had

1:01

your 12. Disciples. Yep.

1:04

One for each hour. Kept passing

1:06

them around. Yeah, I'm not jealous at all.

1:12

Well, apparently Slayer has an album called

1:14

God hates us all. Oh,

1:16

is that true? Do you hate them all? Well,

1:19

I mean, don't you just kind of like hate

1:22

everybody Jesus sometimes? Um, no,

1:24

I love everybody. Like that's literally my thing.

1:40

Welcome to the God Pod. I'm

1:42

God and I'm here today with

1:44

my son, Jesus. Hello, Father and

1:47

hello, humans. And this is the

1:49

God Pod. We are here

1:51

to discuss, well, the

1:54

latest in the news and to

1:56

answer your questions. And we're here

1:58

for you. Jesus, we got to review this. this week,

2:00

do you want to hear it? Ooh, yeah, I don't

2:02

just want to hear it, I want to read it.

2:05

What do you think of that? Okay, sweet. So

2:08

this one is from A Busy Mama

2:10

in the US, Five Stars, and the

2:12

title is The Only Religion I Need.

2:15

This came in on Valentine's Day too,

2:17

which I think is appropriate. God

2:19

and Jesus are hilarious and bring me so

2:21

much joy every week. Their commentary on current

2:23

events is just what I need to get

2:26

me through those tough days. I

2:28

love how God often shows his

2:30

gentler side when discussing tragic headlines,

2:33

and I just enjoy everything about

2:35

Jesus, from his voice all

2:37

the way to his love for

2:39

T-Swift. This podcast is the only

2:41

true religion out there. Wow! Nice.

2:45

Thank you so much, A Busy

2:47

Mama. Very nice, yeah, thank

2:49

you for that review. This person also said they

2:51

like my voice, which I

2:54

guess is like a compliment, but is

2:57

it really worth bringing up? Do I have that unique of a

2:59

voice? Yeah, you sound like John

3:01

Mulaney. What's the deal? Yeah,

3:03

okay, I forgot about that. And I

3:05

sound like Seth Rogen

3:07

apparently. Seth Rogen, somebody accused you of

3:09

sounding like somebody else last week too.

3:12

I can't remember who it was.

3:14

Who do you think God sounds like? Listeners, let us

3:16

know. Everybody says Seth Rogen. So

3:20

hi everybody, thanks for that wonderful

3:22

review. And I also

3:25

got another, the

3:28

podcast got another message this week. Dear

3:31

God, I've been your fan almost my entire life.

3:33

I even went to school to study all your

3:35

material. Sometimes I hear people gossip

3:37

about you. They tell me, you

3:40

tell them to do all sorts of things I know you

3:42

would never tell people to do. I

3:44

try to tell them they're wrong. You're actually a

3:46

pretty funny guy with a team of excellent writers

3:48

helping you. What team?

3:52

Team? It's just

3:54

being God. There's no team, but

3:57

they won't hear it. They even go so far as to

3:59

imply I'm dumb. for liking you as I do. Thank

4:02

you for your message. Let's move on

4:04

to answering some of these questions that

4:06

people have been asking Jesus. Yeah, lots

4:08

of great questions here. I love

4:11

this first one from Brian. They

4:13

said, Jesus, do you like tacos? Um,

4:16

fork, yeah, I love tacos. I

4:18

actually went to Taco Bell this weekend

4:21

and I ordered way too much Taco

4:23

Bell. Yeah. And one

4:25

thing that Jesus loves, it's tacos. Yeah, I

4:27

love. And for the record, I love authentic

4:29

Mexican cuisine, but it was just one of

4:32

those nights where I was just craving some

4:34

Taco Bell, you know, I wanted to hit

4:36

that bell. So I got

4:38

a few cheesy gritti de crunches. I

4:41

sampled a couple other new menu items and

4:44

it was way too much money. Taco Bell

4:46

has gotten so expensive. God,

4:48

do you like tacos? I love

4:50

tacos. I don't love Taco Bell. Okay.

4:53

I call it Taco Hell. Because of that

4:55

feeling in your booty the next day or

4:58

maybe an hour later, what

5:00

is your favorite type of taco? Like what

5:02

kind of meats? What do you like in

5:04

it? Make the humans hungry.

5:07

I'm just a standard, you know, normal

5:10

kind of taco, God, you know, any taco,

5:12

you put some ground beef in there. I'm

5:14

good. Actually, you know, I prefer ground beef.

5:17

Okay. Barbacoa or maybe some, some

5:19

pulled pork. Okay. See, I like don't

5:21

don't pull, don't pull chicken on me

5:24

in a taco. That's more of a

5:26

burrito situation. Interesting.

5:28

I accept that take. I do agree that

5:31

chicken is excellent in burritos. All right. Next

5:33

question. No, I want to focus

5:35

on talking more in 10

5:37

minutes. Love you both.

5:39

Jesus. How satisfying was flipping

5:41

tables in the temple? Oh,

5:43

so good. So good.

5:46

And excellent bicep workout.

5:49

Got a little tricep workout too, some shoulders.

5:51

And when you push it, you just go,

5:55

and it makes a statement and it makes a

5:57

loud noise and it gets people's attention. And

6:00

it reminds people, who are the bosses? Damn

6:04

right. Jesus has been flipping tables since.

6:06

Since. Before Teresa. The

6:09

first millennium. Yeah. I started

6:11

that whole trend. It's

6:13

a lot of fun. The cleanup, not so fun,

6:15

but it's fun in the moment. Yeah. What happens

6:17

after you, Jesus flips the table.

6:20

He's like, rah,

6:22

flips the table. He's like, and

6:24

get back Satan. And then like five

6:26

seconds later, he's like. Oh,

6:29

what am I done? Oh, what am I done? I hear I'll

6:31

help you clean up all these papers. I

6:34

think I, I have a photographic memory and

6:36

I can arrange it just like it was

6:38

before. Please forgive

6:40

me, humans. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm

6:42

so sorry. I'm so sorry. I, this totally contradicts

6:44

everything I ever said. It won't happen again. I'm

6:46

gonna make your filament. Well,

6:50

you know, what was that whole table flipping thing

6:52

about? It was about taxes, right? It

6:55

was about the taxes. Yeah. Tax season

6:57

coming up, by the way. And you

6:59

know, even Jesus, Jesus is a very

7:01

loving sort of dude, but

7:03

even Jesus was like, when he got his

7:05

tax bill, he was like,

7:08

fork this. Not even TurboTax was

7:10

going to be able to help me with this. It's

7:13

a tough tax year for me. I

7:15

got a lot to report. Very relatable. All right,

7:17

let's move on. Next question. Let's keep it. Okay.

7:20

Boom, boom, boom. Rebecca said, God, what

7:22

is your favorite and least favorite thing

7:24

you created? Ooh, fun. Wow.

7:26

That's a tough one. What's my favorite and least

7:28

favorite thing? All right. I'm going to

7:30

go favorite. I'm just going to go ahead and say dogs,

7:35

dogs, you know, and

7:37

just so I don't get any hate mail tied

7:40

with them or cats. Yeah.

7:42

And, and also my

7:44

least favorite thing. Wow. It's got to be,

7:47

you know, Republicans.

7:50

Wait, but I didn't create them. And

7:54

humans, human free will

7:57

free will has to be my least favorite thing.

8:00

Why? Why did I do that?

8:02

Don't you have the platypus too? I feel like

8:04

you've talked about the platypus quite a bit. What

8:07

about the platypus? Well, is it one

8:09

of your favorite animals? Oh, I

8:11

think it's awesome. Okay. Okay.

8:13

I mean, you don't? No, I

8:15

do. I just wanted to give a shout

8:17

out to the platypuses as well. And the

8:20

platypus enthusiasts out there. And the platypi. A

8:22

platypi... No. Alright, keep it going. Keep it

8:24

going. Keep the next one coming. Come on,

8:26

next question. The fathiest atheist, great name, said,

8:28

when is the final day? Ooh. The

8:31

final day of what? Earth. I

8:34

assume. Oh, Earth of the show

8:37

Earth. Yes. I

8:39

don't know. I haven't decided. I

8:41

mean, you can... Can't you just ask

8:43

that of Alexa or Siri? No,

8:46

because you get to decide. We don't

8:48

want Alexa calling us. No, because you

8:50

can just say, Siri, how long until

8:52

the sun explodes? Do it right now. Try. Okay.

8:57

I'm going to guess sometime in 2025. This is

8:59

the final day. No.

9:02

What? No. No? Oh, okay.

9:04

Here, just google it right now. How long until

9:06

the sun explodes? Based on

9:08

observations of other stars, astronomers predict it will

9:10

reach the end of its life in about

9:12

another 10 billion years. Oh, you've

9:14

got plenty of time. Yeah. There

9:17

are other things that will happen along the way, of course.

9:20

In about 5 billion years, the sun is due to turn

9:22

into a red giant. That doesn't sound

9:24

very good. Yeah.

9:27

So, you know, there's your answer. All

9:29

right. Next question. Jose said, do you

9:32

listen to Slayer? Yeah,

9:36

sure. Whatever makes

9:38

you, whatever you makes me, the humans

9:40

think I'm cool, Jesus. Yeah, I'm... I

9:45

don't know what this is in

9:47

reference to, but... You don't even...

9:49

Buffy the Vampire Slayer? It's

9:51

like a metal band. Oh,

9:53

cool. Yeah, I

9:56

love metal. Jesus doesn't even

9:58

know what Slayer is. I

10:00

like pop. I like T Swift as was

10:02

addressed earlier. I like classic rock I

10:05

like lots of different types of music but hard

10:08

rock and Metal

10:10

yeah, not exactly for me Lenny

10:13

said hi Jesus. Do you think your three-day

10:15

suffering was indeed the worst anyone could have

10:18

been through? Oh my gosh

10:20

Well, I think many

10:22

humans down on earth today are going through

10:24

a lot worse than what I went through

10:27

I don't want to say that

10:29

what I went through Seeing

10:31

what followed? Was not

10:33

worse. However, that was a really crappy

10:35

few days for me. I mean,

10:38

I still got the hand holes to show it That's

10:41

why I'm covering up my one hand right now. It's

10:43

having a bad day. It's a little bloody and Jeez

10:47

Look, he's the week. Nobody wants to hear

10:49

about that Jesus The best part about hanging

10:52

up there was I got to show off

10:54

my abs But other than that it sucked

10:56

wouldn't recommend it No, I

10:58

mean it was hard being the first millennial,

11:00

but it's still hard being a millennial. I'll

11:02

be buying a house Try

11:05

paying off those student loans. Try paying

11:07

off those student loans. Try affording avocado

11:09

toast Way

11:12

worse than what we at least

11:14

you what you went through was quick. That's

11:16

true April said

11:18

what's the perfect ratio of milk

11:20

to cereal? Ooh Wow

11:26

I'm gonna go with like You

11:29

know, I like to do a little

11:31

not too much milk. I

11:33

actually agree with that. Yep. Yep. Definitely more cereal than

11:35

milk I don't want it to get to Water

11:39

down to where what is that like?

11:43

20% milk. Mmm, I'd go a little higher maybe 30% And

11:47

what's your favorite? cereal Reese's

11:49

Puffs Reese's Puffs.

11:51

Yeah Mm-hmm. What's yours?

11:55

It was honey nut Cheerios, but I heard there's

11:57

some chemical and honey nut sure. No

12:00

I thought that was heart healthy. No,

12:02

there's some chemical and like

12:04

90% of Americans have

12:07

it in their blood now or something. Oh,

12:09

wonderful. Because of friggin' Cheerios. Oh, great, great.

12:11

I don't know, you don't know what to

12:13

believe anymore when you see it online, Jesus.

12:15

It's just another conspiracy today. Everything's bad for

12:17

you, everything's good for you. It

12:20

just goes around and around. I like the

12:22

honey and the nut. When they mix the honey

12:24

with the nut in my Cheerios. Yeah,

12:27

I like that. And sometimes the

12:29

Cheerio tastes extra honey-ish and you're

12:31

like, ooh. That's the best, man.

12:33

Yeah, you just want to suck on it. Wait,

12:36

what? Patrick said, what

12:38

are you giving up for Lent? I'm

12:40

God, so I don't have to

12:43

give up anything for Lent, okay?

12:46

What a convenient excuse. I'm

12:48

God, I don't have to

12:50

give up anything. No, it's do as I say.

12:53

Not do as I do. I think you should give

12:55

something up. What do you

12:58

think I should give up? Lead by example. What

13:01

should I give up, Jesus? Mary Jane.

13:04

What? That's

13:06

insane. Do you want the world

13:09

to be blowed up? You said

13:11

it's good for another 10 billion years,

13:14

a little earlier. Yeah, unless I

13:16

go off. Because you're off

13:18

the MJ. Yeah, I know, I

13:21

could. I take a couple days off sometimes, but

13:23

that's like asking you to give up wine, Jesus.

13:27

Yeah, good point. I'll give up

13:29

other types of alcohol, but not

13:32

wine. I can't, I can't. I can't quit

13:34

you. Yeah, so come

13:36

on, something else. I'll give

13:38

up Taco Bell. Which

13:42

would legit be hard for me. That's

13:45

a major ask. Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna

13:47

give up burgers. Okay,

13:50

that's good. Burgers,

13:52

and I'm going to try and

13:55

slow down the intake of pizza. Okay.

13:59

I'm not saying. There will be no beats

14:01

ahead. Yeah, but you

14:03

know if you're trying to try to lose

14:06

some weight for summertime and Yeah,

14:10

you know you can You

14:12

know you can eat a 400 slice pepperoni

14:16

pizza in like 30 seconds

14:19

or 10 seconds, but it takes

14:21

30 minutes of cardio To

14:25

of hard-ass cardio. Yeah, right.

14:27

Exactly. Oh, yeah, so

14:29

it's a twisted system. We made up

14:32

Yeah, why did I do it like that? Why did I make it

14:34

so easy to gain weight? Yeah, it's

14:37

so hard to lose it. Why do I apply

14:39

those rules to me? So

14:43

you so you can see what you came up

14:45

with I guess that's why and in the moment

14:47

it sounded like a good idea But now you're

14:49

like oh crap. That's my least favorite

14:51

thing that I ever invented. Okay Well,

14:55

those are good answers and that's good news for

14:58

your heart that you're gonna scale back the burgers

15:00

and pizza Okay, next

15:02

question is from Renee. Oh, actually,

15:04

this is a comment. I just wanted to share I just

15:06

shared your life people need to know this is a direct

15:08

line to God and Jesus. Thank you for sharing Renee Yeah,

15:12

she says hit the like and share spread

15:15

the God pod gospel. Yeah I

15:18

Appreciate it. That's the kind of

15:20

enthusiasm you like to see you know, I'm saying.

15:22

Absolutely Jill has

15:24

a question for dr. God God Why

15:27

is my eyelid twitching for like a

15:29

week now? Why oh, why oh why

15:31

can you make it stop? Oh That's

15:34

horrible. That what a what an affliction.

15:36

Yeah, you seen a doctor about it

15:39

Yeah That's what I

15:41

would suggest. I'm not a doctor

15:44

but could it be related

15:46

to stress? Jill I feel like

15:48

I've gotten a twitchy eye when I'm stressed.

15:50

Maybe maybe she has like an eyelash stuck

15:53

in Maybe cornea. Yeah. Yeah,

15:56

maybe something fell in there and your

15:58

your body is trying to get rid

16:00

of it that's why it's always maybe start

16:02

with the eye doctor that's a good

16:04

idea maybe you put some ice on it you

16:06

know what I

16:09

I'm God and I'm telling

16:11

you consult a doctor

16:14

consult a real doctor I never

16:16

went listen I never went to

16:19

med school okay no

16:22

I didn't created the universe

16:26

my advice see a doctor all right

16:29

next question ground jet said

16:31

God why didn't you make Jesus

16:33

buff yeah good question I'm the

16:35

scrawny little twink over here and

16:38

why how do you know that I'm buff

16:41

underneath these thick pink robes I

16:43

have well regular listeners of the show know

16:45

because they've seen you all ripped

16:48

but Jesus you buff you have

16:50

those six-pack abs listen I've

16:53

got the shoulders the lats and the guns

16:55

and the legs and

16:57

the calves and the glutes

16:59

you've got the six-pack abs okay but I need something

17:01

I can show off all the time like if you

17:04

look at me right now with

17:06

my robe you don't really see that you

17:08

don't get to see the abs should I

17:10

like I look like a big pink marshmallow

17:13

no you're getting some fine comments

17:15

today actually Claudia Ray said God

17:17

you are one hella fine silver

17:19

fox and then ground jet

17:21

said why didn't you make Jesus buff which

17:23

clearly implies that he thinks he or she

17:26

thinks that you are buff so

17:28

yeah well I what can I

17:30

say I'm flattered and a bit

17:32

horny might

17:36

have to make Jesus a sister I

17:38

love oh God come on

17:41

what should we name your sister Jesus actually that

17:43

would be super cool Jessa

17:47

Jessa okay there you go Jessa Jessa

17:49

and Jesus we should invent a whole

17:51

new biblical character God and

17:53

it could be my sister that'd be

17:56

so cool invent yes that's what I

17:58

call it when I'm immaculate concepting.

18:00

I don't

18:03

need to think about my father

18:05

immaculately concepting. So well

18:08

actually on a related note David said

18:10

Eve was the first woman who was

18:12

the second? Are

18:15

we reading the Bible now? I don't have

18:17

my copy nearby. I left it in a

18:19

hotel room where I found it. We actually

18:21

haven't done Bible study in a long time

18:23

Jesus. I think it was like the second

18:25

episode of the God pod. Yeah that was

18:27

fun. That could be a whole new God

18:30

pod spin-off where we're just reading a single

18:32

passage from the Bible. We're supposed to

18:34

be doing it here Jesus. It's the whole

18:36

point of the podcast. I know but we

18:39

can expand. We just got distracted because

18:41

of the news. We live in such unprecedented

18:43

times and it sucks.

18:45

Okay but like a second episode every

18:47

week. Think of the download number increase

18:50

where we just do Bible study for

18:52

10 minutes. We read

18:54

and analyze the passage. Well busted open Jesus.

18:56

You got me here right now for another

18:59

40 minutes. So bust open the Bible

19:01

and hit me with some of your best

19:03

verses. We could do that. If

19:08

you have a Bible verse you want us

19:11

to review humans. You can post that in

19:13

the chat. If you have a

19:15

news story you want us to respond to

19:17

you can post that in the chat. It's

19:19

kind of a slow week for news right Jesus? It

19:22

is a little slow. Is

19:24

it because of the extended

19:26

weekend in that America country?

19:29

Yeah you know the Super Bowl thing

19:31

was just like kablooey and then

19:34

the week after that

19:36

everybody's like... February. February.

19:39

It's your day this month.

19:43

Everybody's like oh yeah get this over

19:45

with. It's the week month.

19:47

You know and who wants to talk about horrible things

19:49

all the time. Not me.

19:51

Not this God. Not me. Not

19:53

Hermione. You. What are the questions

19:55

we got? We're here to answer

19:57

questions today. I feel like that's...

20:00

That's our thing. We're hitting a

20:02

nice rhythm. Yeah, and lots

20:04

of questions coming in today. Chris

20:07

said, did Onan clean up the floor

20:10

before you got mad at him? Onan?

20:13

Onan. Onan. So

20:15

that's in the Bible, the story of Onan. And

20:19

it's a guy who was baitin'. Well, he spilled

20:22

his seed on the ground whenever

20:24

he went in. He spilled his seed on the ground

20:26

and I was like, no, you're not supposed to do that.

20:28

You're supposed to catch it with a tissue. Gross.

20:31

Or put it in the toilet where

20:34

it belongs. The toilet, the

20:37

sock, a hotel room floor, a tree.

20:43

Jesus, for reals? What?

20:45

Which part of that upset you? Hotel

20:48

room floor? A hotel room floor? You take

20:50

a black light to a hotel room and

20:52

you tell me what the humans are up

20:54

to. I

20:57

see what they're doing down there. The

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for 39 months with $3,909 due at signing. Tax.

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Title. License extra. No security deposit required.

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Call 1-888-925-JEEP for details. Requires

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dealer contribution and lease through Stellantis Financial. Extra

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restrictions apply. Take delivery by 2-29-24.

21:29

Jeep is a registered trademark. Should

21:36

we read it and analyze it? Sure.

21:39

Matthew 7 21 to 23. Not

21:42

everyone who says to me, Lord, Lord, will

21:44

enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one

21:46

who does the will of my father who

21:48

is in heaven. On that

21:50

day, many will say to me, Lord,

21:53

Lord, did we not prophecy in your

21:55

name and cast out demons in your

21:57

name and do many

21:59

mighty work? in your name and

22:01

then well I declare to them I never

22:03

knew you depart from me you workers

22:05

of lawlessness what this

22:07

sounds like a very

22:10

boring one well Curtis

22:12

thinks with the point Curtis

22:15

thinks that

22:17

extrema should realize that this is about

22:19

them and not atheist yeah

22:22

okay very nuanced

22:26

you know very

22:28

very in the weeds type of thing I

22:30

like the ones where they talk about veiny

22:32

horse dung how about

22:35

this one funny ones how about this one

22:37

from Leviticus Leviticus 187 do

22:40

not dishonor your father by having sexual

22:42

relations with your mother she is your

22:44

mother do not have relations with her

22:48

yeah don't have don't bang your

22:50

mom I know incest you

22:52

know the Bible I mean says the Bible

22:54

you know after a couple hundred years

22:59

if you're gonna start the human race you

23:01

need a little insight

23:04

for more see Game of Thrones well

23:07

oh here's one a guy asks

23:09

why are you rough and against electric

23:12

cars I'm not against

23:14

electric cars don't try to

23:17

you know gaslight me with

23:20

that nonsense you said

23:22

gas while talking about cars awesome

23:29

just because I make fun Jesus you can't

23:31

make fun of anybody anymore you know what

23:33

I mean Jesus yeah I know this Christ

23:36

all I do is make fun when Elon

23:38

Musk does something that

23:40

is funny or ridiculous I like

23:43

to go haha yeah haha

23:47

and I'll do it for anyone and there's some

23:49

good other electric vehicles out there

23:51

and you know you're the richest aren't we

23:53

supposed whatever happened to punching up in

23:56

comedy or in satire

23:59

why Why is it all, you

24:01

know, punching down is okay with them? But

24:04

how dare you make fun of my

24:06

richest man in the world? And

24:10

we're happy to support other EV

24:12

makers like Ford has the Mach-E

24:14

they actually just announced lower prices

24:16

today. And I hope Tesla gets

24:18

bought, you know, yes, does

24:21

good or gets a

24:23

more sane owner or whatever. But

24:25

yeah, you know, the cyber

24:28

trucks, they've been rusting Jesus. The

24:30

cyber truck is stupid. Have you seen it?

24:32

The stainless steel that I haven't, I have

24:35

not. I saw the headline. I didn't, I

24:37

didn't click. Is that really? I

24:39

don't know. Jeez. Why

24:42

is again, why is it okay to

24:44

go after marginalized groups, but not okay

24:46

to make fun of the richest and

24:48

one of the most powerful men

24:51

on the planet? Can someone

24:53

explain that to me? Can we circle back to that

24:55

part? Because I feel like that's kind

24:58

of a good point I made. It

25:01

is. And I'm curious about

25:03

this person saying just painting with a

25:05

broad brush about EVs. We've

25:08

never been like EVs bad, EVs not

25:10

the future. I think they are the

25:12

future. I think those Rivian trucks are

25:14

cool as hell. I think electric

25:17

vehicles are a future. I

25:20

would love to buy Rivian, but they're very expensive.

25:22

Build them up with electricity. Let

25:25

them lead the way. All right. Next

25:28

question. Next question comes from Kevin. It's

25:30

a personal question for me. Kevin

25:33

says, did I bang Mary Magdalene? I'll

25:35

bet she was a little wild one.

25:38

Jeez. Wow.

25:40

That's my sister you're talking about. No,

25:42

we did not have relations. That's a

25:44

misconception. Yeah. Listen

25:47

to the pod. She's been on the

25:49

podcast a long time and Mary Magdalene

25:51

and she would be offended by

25:53

that question. She would be like, not

25:56

even in a dream. That's

25:58

my sister from another mister. And

26:00

I can't I'm gonna be honest. I can't do a

26:02

good impersonation of Mary Magdalene. I'm not even gonna try

26:06

Good idea her voice is like

26:09

butter I

26:11

bet she's very happy about Renaissance

26:14

part two by the way through the

26:16

Beyonce. Yeah, that country album coming soon

26:19

Mike said can I get some help pulling

26:21

my own head out of my ass, please?

26:24

Interesting Wow, you

26:26

know How

26:28

relatable is that? I've certainly felt that

26:30

way a lot lately Why

26:34

do you felt that way because sometimes

26:36

you have your head stuck up your bum and Okay,

26:40

like hey friend. Can you help me

26:42

out? you know, it's like a

26:44

Winnie the Pooh type of situation except

26:46

instead of having your head stuck in a a Amount

26:51

of dirt in rabbits house you have it stuck

26:53

up your own butt So

26:56

like you need a reality check from a friend. Is

26:58

that what you're saying? Okay,

27:00

hey Take a

27:03

chip off my old block. I

27:05

need some I need a line of people

27:07

like in that movie airplane To

27:09

just line up and slap me

27:11

and just be like you're fine.

27:14

There we go. It's gonna be

27:16

okay Boom, okay Crying

27:19

yeah, you know, I heard I just saw

27:21

this guy will Wheaton on Facebook. He played

27:23

Wesley Crusher I'm

27:25

aware of this gentleman. Yeah, he he

27:28

got really really mad about the Elmo thing I was

27:31

just reading before he had a good post talking

27:33

about that. He does like EDMR

27:36

therapy Okay.

27:39

Yeah, I'm gonna check that

27:41

out EDMR therapy So

27:44

people who struggle from PTSD and I feel

27:47

like you know Maybe

27:52

I don't know. I'll try anything once

27:54

twice thrice. Yeah. Yeah, I Maybe

27:57

I got a little PTSD from the humans I've

28:00

heard about a certain therapy recently. I heard about

28:02

it from a disciple I I'm not uncomfortable bringing

28:04

it up on air, but I'll tell you after

28:06

the show. Oh Dealing

28:10

with anxiety and who hot ring yeah

28:13

It might be I don't know starts

28:15

with a K even for the Internet

28:18

even from the Internet All

28:21

right, really good questions here When

28:25

will cats take over the planet and

28:27

save us from the politicians Jesus? I

28:30

would prefer that dogs take over the planet

28:33

Yeah, they really had the dogs really

28:36

have the you know

28:38

political savvy to take over the planet

28:42

I could see the cats running things and

28:44

the dogs are just sort of the workers

28:47

Okay, I'm were you're saying cats

28:49

are smarter if you point a laser

28:52

pointer on the ground They're still

28:54

they'll start following it around you could

28:56

easily distract them the aliens Track

28:59

the cats and then take over

29:01

a seam more, you know devious

29:03

and good at politics Yeah, and

29:05

they're quiet as they can sneak

29:07

around so they can sneak things by yeah,

29:09

okay. I can see that Yeah,

29:11

dogs are just like yo, let's just like chase

29:14

a ball Yeah, and I wish I

29:16

would yeah, that'd be great if they could run

29:18

things, but you know, they can't Okay,

29:20

let's see another question Molly

29:23

said did you make cannabis

29:25

stronger or is that man-made?

29:27

That's totally You

29:30

know man-made I made what

29:32

if God made cannabis I

29:35

did one of

29:37

the best things I ever did and You

29:40

have availed yourselves of it. Good job humans.

29:43

I would say that they have

29:45

been evolving it at an

29:47

expanded rate and Breeding

29:50

different strains and making

29:52

it stronger and Yeah,

29:56

that's what I've heard. They Ain't like what it

29:58

was in the 60s, man. Eh,

30:00

the sixties. It was

30:03

like much weaker. In.

30:06

Smoke like of. yeah, I like a garbage

30:08

bag for god's a. If. You like

30:10

a dick a field of some you humans

30:13

have a that stronger and stronger. Stronger.

30:16

And stronger. And stronger

30:18

And stronger. Oh Jesus.

30:21

Places. Blaze right now. Us.

30:27

Marzipan said have you seen one Love yet

30:29

God Old as the Bob Marley movie right?

30:32

That's right now I have not seen I

30:34

have not seen that. I.

30:36

Have also not seen Madam Web

30:38

yet? Have you know the reviews

30:40

are turning me off? disable? He

30:42

says it says year. Ago

30:46

already been watching lately. Jesus. Said

30:50

watching Breaking Bad again. Yeah, I've

30:52

been watching the super fan episodes

30:55

of The Office. Oh cool. The.

30:57

I think it's a good time for comfort Shows.

31:00

Yes, I I

31:02

have been watching True Detective

31:04

The New Season oh I,

31:06

John Oliver's Back. Of

31:09

course of the early oh you're back yeah

31:11

didn't catch. This is what is on steward

31:14

say last night was something. Totally

31:16

like ribald and out of

31:18

pocket. A Why is about

31:20

Tucker? Styles. And will

31:22

his inability to rush it was a

31:25

very funny your daily topics that was

31:27

like says yes to that guy of

31:29

embarrassed himself even more I now and

31:32

then this last week sadly say the

31:34

Barney. Will. Yes, On.

31:37

A lived by. Finally,

31:40

By Rust The. Putting.

31:42

Guy. Putting. Yeah, puddings

31:44

name. Vladimir putting.

31:47

Yep and I'm It's sad. What

31:49

a What an inspiration! What a

31:51

hero! He was

31:53

and his wife has vowed to

31:55

continue his mission. Which. Scares

31:58

me but also good for. I'm glad

32:00

to see that. Bless that family.

32:04

Jesus, what are you giving up for Lent? Oh,

32:06

we already come. Taco Bell. I'm giving up Taco

32:08

Bell, not for my health, but for my wallet's

32:10

health. My God. And this is all build up.

32:12

This is all build up. Lent is build up

32:15

for you dying on the cross

32:17

again. That is right. At Easter. Yep.

32:20

I, I died for three days. Y'all got to do

32:22

40 days of Lent. This is the

32:25

most boring time of year for me, Jesus. Why?

32:28

Post-crisis blues? I

32:30

got the post-Christmas blues. It's

32:33

February. Does Valentine's Day brighten

32:35

you up? Did you do anything for Valentine's

32:37

Day? No. Oh,

32:40

OK. Oh, well, I had all my

32:42

Valentine's online. Oh,

32:45

you know. Yeah. How about

32:47

you, Jesus? You had your 12 disciples.

32:49

Yep. One for each hour. Going

32:52

around, passing them around. Yeah, it was a

32:55

good time. Yeah, I'm not jealous at all.

32:57

No, no, no, no. I saw

32:59

Trump tried to sell some shoes. I

33:02

love how I asked the humans, what do you want

33:04

us to talk about in the news? And no one

33:06

had anything in the news. David

33:09

Michael Phillips said, Jesus Christ, how do

33:12

you keep offering unlimited body and blood

33:14

at the communion table? The priest got

33:16

mad when I made an Olive Garden

33:19

reference. Yeah, I'm

33:21

like unlimited breadsticks. I just keep giving

33:23

and giving and giving. I mean, have

33:25

you tried those? My

33:29

body at communion, it's pretty

33:31

tasteless. And that's because

33:33

I took off a little bit of skin

33:36

and I split it into a billion pieces. And

33:39

it was so diluted by the time

33:41

it gets to your lovely

33:44

mouth that it's tasteless.

33:46

Disgusting. Yeah. But in light of inflation,

33:49

I might start charging for communion. Be

33:51

careful. Oh, no. I saw someone

33:53

say that one love is not well done.

33:56

Oh, so it got a bad review.

33:59

Oh, how is true? Detective by the way, it's

34:01

it's not comforting. It's I

34:04

I would not turn to that show for

34:06

laughs or comfort. No Mm-hmm

34:09

It's a whodunit type of

34:12

it. What are you watching humans? Let us know Cuz

34:17

You know, how about your enthusiasm? Are you caught up

34:19

on that? Oh, you know what? I am caught up

34:21

on curb your enthusiasm How can I forget? I'm

34:24

caught up with this week Jesus nice

34:27

showing of the balls Meeting

34:32

something I think that me and you could do very well

34:34

with these robes. Yes very easily

34:37

I've also been watching queer eye. There was

34:39

a new season recently. That's a feel-good show if

34:42

you want to feel good show watch queer

34:44

eye Mm-hmm. It's

34:46

funny right for the straight gun. Yeah, I

34:49

mean now they just caught queer eye, but yeah Mm-hmm.

34:51

Oh, you know what? I watched I watched

34:53

a really cool documentary on Hulu

34:56

about the Dana Carvey show called too

34:58

funny to fail Oh, it's

35:01

kind of old at this point. But yeah, it's it's

35:03

it's really interesting because that show had

35:05

like an all-star Team

35:08

of comedy people had Steve

35:10

Carell Stephen Colbert

35:13

Dana Carvey Louis

35:16

CK was there The

35:19

sky Who

35:22

anyway a lot of Guy

35:25

who any other Robert Smigiel the

35:27

guy who created the ambiguously gay

35:29

duo that came out of the Dana

35:32

Carvey show but anyway,

35:34

it's the story of how this show was like how

35:36

to the the best possible all-star

35:38

cast and then like It

35:42

still failed horribly, you know why because

35:44

they put it first of all it was like the

35:47

raunchiest Most

35:50

out there most absurdist show

35:52

ever and they put it on

35:54

after home improvement with Tim Allen. Oh No

35:58

going up against home improvement. Oh, yeah Well,

36:00

home improvement audience is watching the smarmiest

36:03

content known to man. And

36:05

then here comes Dana Carvey as

36:08

Bill Clinton, but not just a Bill

36:10

Clinton impersonation. He

36:12

had like teats and he

36:14

was milking cats and

36:16

puppies. It went very hard. It

36:19

was so hard on the paint that

36:21

they lost their entire audience. Steve

36:27

Carell, you know, many

36:29

big careers. An icon. Yeah.

36:32

It was really

36:35

cool. True Detective, don't spoil the ending. We

36:37

will not. We will not. I've also

36:39

been playing, I told you a few weeks ago,

36:42

that Star Wars Jedi survivor game. That's what's taking

36:44

on my evenings. I'm not crazy far, but I

36:46

think that's fun. Oh, I

36:48

had something I saw on Twitter that I thought

36:51

was kind of crazy, Jesus. You ready

36:53

for this? Yeah. Imagine

36:55

you're going skydiving with a

36:57

Christian baby. Suddenly, the

37:00

baby tells you he won't

37:02

open his parachute until you

37:04

renounce atheism and accept Jesus

37:06

as your Lord and Savior.

37:09

What would you do? The baby tells you

37:11

he won't open his parachute. I

37:17

won't open the parachute. Well, yeah, what kind

37:19

of baby can talk? And

37:22

operate a parachute to begin with.

37:25

This is the craziest Quora quest

37:28

ever. And you know that person who wrote

37:30

this is so proud of themselves. Like, oh,

37:32

I came up with the greatest gotcha question

37:34

anyone's ever seen. Well, I've got your answer

37:37

for you, atheists. Here's what you do. You

37:40

just say, sure thing,

37:42

baby. I accept Jesus as my Lord

37:44

and Savior. I will love

37:46

him forever. Now can you open the

37:49

freaking parachute? And then the baby, the

37:51

baby, because he's a baby and he's dumb, he'll be like,

37:53

okay. And then you open the parachute

37:55

and then you land safely. And then when you

37:57

get to the ground, you're just like, Hey, baby.

38:00

I was lying. Boom. Welcome

38:03

to the NFL. And

38:05

that's how you introduce that child to the concept

38:08

of lying. It's

38:11

a baby. And also, by

38:13

the way, can't you just make the baby

38:15

open his parachute? How's he going to

38:17

stop you? You could be like,

38:19

oh yeah, well I'm not going to give you

38:21

your bottle until you open the parachute. Yeah,

38:23

I'd be like, well guess what? I'm reaching around you

38:26

and I'm opening up the parachute for you right now.

38:28

Boom. Isn't the baby you want

38:30

to live? Why does the baby

38:32

want to die in that moment? Yeah.

38:36

Yeah, what would you... I

38:39

guess the main takeaway that Jesus and I

38:41

have for this story is, how the hell

38:43

do you people come up with this stuff? Why

38:46

are you so proud of it all? Yeah.

38:50

Jesus, do we have any more good questions from

38:52

the audience or do we run out? Hmm.

38:56

We answered all of them. Are you for real? Listeners,

38:59

drop some more questions if you got them. I

39:01

mean, there's a question here. MQGaming21 said,

39:03

hey God, are you angry at me?

39:05

I listen to devil music. So

39:07

am I going to hell? Satan is my

39:10

lord. Is metal music for the

39:12

devil? No. MQ? No.

39:16

Yeah. No, you can totally listen to

39:18

metal music. Besides, I love Satan. He's cool. Cool

39:21

guy. Music affects us all in different ways.

39:23

You might like metal. I might

39:26

like classical. God might like

39:28

pop. Mary

39:30

might like R&B. We

39:34

might all like all of these. Different

39:36

strokes, different folks. Well apparently

39:38

Slayer has an album called God Hates

39:40

Us All. Oh, is that true? Do

39:42

you hate them all? Well, I mean,

39:45

don't you just kind of like hate

39:47

everybody Jesus sometimes? No,

39:50

I love everybody. Like that's literally my thing. That's

39:53

the difference between me and you, okay? I

39:56

am a total misanthrope. Jesus,

40:01

Jesus is a party guy. Jesus

40:04

hangs out with 12 friends. He makes

40:06

wine. He makes food. He makes

40:09

fish and bread for your party. You

40:12

know, God, what do I do? I

40:15

hide out in my palace. And

40:18

I sleep. And I

40:20

avoid the humans. Because

40:22

I don't like them very much. I mean,

40:24

it's accurate AF, you know? I don't like

40:26

them very much. They're your creation. I

40:29

know. And they're a reflection of me.

40:32

And that's not good. Oh,

40:35

you're looking in a mirror. It's an uncomfortable

40:37

reminder about yourself. Is that what you're saying?

40:39

Yeah. It's like when you read the news,

40:41

and I'm just like, that's my fault. Kind

40:44

of. Everything you're like, I read them. Like,

40:46

yeah, that's kind of my fault. That's a bug

40:48

that I let happen. Yeah. Well,

40:51

that's tough to live with. I think you

40:53

need to go into therapy again or something.

40:56

Yeah, no. I do. I

40:58

need more therapy. Jesus, can you strain

41:00

pasta with your hands? Oh, of

41:02

course I can. Is that a question from you or

41:04

the humans? No, it's from a human. Oh. And

41:07

Tom. Well, yeah, I still got my holes. So

41:11

you can imagine how that goes. I prefer

41:13

doing it with mac and cheese. And then

41:15

I'm just like, the mac and cheese is just

41:17

in my hands. And then I just stuff it in my face. We'll

41:20

be right back after these messages. Some

41:23

people take the straight path in life. But

41:25

at Arizona State University, we respect your

41:27

direction. The

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Jeep is a registered trademark. Ohio,

42:24

ready for some quick mental health facts? Let's go. Nearly

42:28

2 million Ohioans live with a mental health

42:30

condition. In the US, more than 50%

42:33

of people will be diagnosed with a mental

42:35

illness in their lifetime. Depression is

42:37

a leading cause of disability worldwide. So

42:41

why are some of us still stigmatizing people

42:43

living with a mental health condition when we know

42:45

all of this? Let's listen to

42:47

the facts and beat the stigma. Ohio,

42:50

challenge what you know about mental health

42:52

at beatthestigma.org. Here's

42:54

a nice comment I saw from Bertram

42:56

who says, Today on Heavenly Chats, Jesus

42:58

and God discuss Miracle Management 101. Tune

43:01

in for divine insights and subscribe

43:04

for your eternal dose of enlightenment.

43:07

Perfect. Thanks, Bertram. Love it.

43:10

Isaac said, could you hurry up with the

43:12

Trump trials? I

43:15

mean, unfortunately, that's down to the

43:18

Jujis down there. Yeah,

43:20

that's the judges. Yeah, and the legal... I

43:22

wasn't sure what you said just then. I

43:25

would say, yeah, hurry

43:28

it up. The justice system sure

43:30

is slow, Jesus. It

43:32

really is. Uh-oh. Stephen Gray says,

43:34

how do you keep talking and still not

43:36

say anything? I don't know. What?

43:39

Maybe, how do you... What about you? What

43:41

about you? What did you just say? I

43:44

guess he just burned us hard. No,

43:47

I agree. Listen, listen, listen. Sometimes

43:50

it do be like that sometimes,

43:52

Jesus. It's like, we're just answering

43:54

your silly, wacky questions and having fun. Is

43:56

that okay? Yeah. I

43:58

don't like people that go around like... trying to shame you

44:01

for how you post. They're like,

44:03

you're posting wrong. Post more like what

44:05

I want, which is not something that

44:07

I'll describe ever. God, the number one

44:09

thing you need to remember about the

44:11

internet is you can never please everybody.

44:14

There's always gonna be somebody saying,

44:16

why, you're not saying anything. This

44:18

post is dumb. Taylor

44:21

Swift sucks. I hate metal music. Talk more

44:23

about the horrible thing that nobody

44:26

can do anything, anything about. Talk

44:28

more about that. To vote your entire existence

44:30

and presence to being sad all the time

44:33

like I am. And don't bother trying to

44:35

make anybody laugh or have fun. That's

44:37

what you want, right? Conceal, don't feel as Elsa

44:39

said in the present. Is that what you want? Am

44:43

I saying anything yet? I think I've said a lot of things.

44:45

I said some very bright things in

44:48

fact, including one of them that I

44:50

now forget. Marjot.

44:53

It was how come all these

44:55

dudes get so up in arms

44:59

when you make fun of literally

45:01

the richest man on the planet

45:05

but they have absolutely no problem going

45:07

after people who are marginalized,

45:11

people who can't defend themselves.

45:13

That's okay. But

45:16

make fun of the richest guy on the planet. Ooh,

45:18

don't you dare. As if he needs the help.

45:23

I'm sorry, but this is a hill that I

45:25

will die on, dammit. Those people

45:27

that you're hearing from are the fanboys who

45:29

just will die on that Elon Hill. Yeah.

45:34

Outside of that Twitter bubble, I think there's

45:36

a lot less people who care

45:38

about Elon. Well screw those people.

45:41

I agree. Marcia

45:44

said you still make more sense than

45:46

Maggots. Whoop. Yeah. Got

45:49

him. Oh, you know, I don't

45:51

know if we talked about this last week, Jesus,

45:53

but Jon Stewart went after, talked

45:57

about how the candidates are

45:59

both old. Yeah,

46:01

so old. And

46:04

you know, yeah, I don't know,

46:06

man. Because it's true. I,

46:08

of course, would still take a bag

46:12

of trash left

46:14

out with moldy food inside

46:16

it over Cheetah Leenie.

46:19

And there was some backlash, right?

46:22

Because John was doing like a both sides type

46:25

thing. He actually addressed that on this

46:27

week's. Oh, really? What did

46:29

he say? Well, he said, sorry,

46:32

that I'm using

46:34

my brain and eyes to see the truth,

46:36

which is that they're both holding a spell.

46:39

Yeah, like who did you forget who he

46:41

was? Yeah, that's the whole point of speaking

46:43

truth to power. It's like, listen, saying the

46:45

truth. And maybe it's not something

46:47

you want to hear, but it is the truth. Like

46:49

a huge number of people are very

46:52

disappointed. And you know,

46:55

didn't he say he was going to be a one

46:57

term president, let somebody else run? Did

46:59

I imagine that? He, I don't know if he ever said that,

47:02

but the thought was he was

47:04

going to be like a transition president. Like

47:06

get, get us away from Trump and then

47:08

set somebody else up to take over. Yeah,

47:11

that didn't happen. That did not happen. Maybe they

47:13

tried behind the scenes. Maybe they just couldn't find

47:15

somebody. I still come back to the fact that

47:18

it wouldn't be that easy for Biden to just

47:20

walk away and let somebody else take over. Because

47:22

you know, so I know. And

47:26

they, you know, are they

47:28

going to really be that different in the

47:30

things they say or believe on these world

47:32

events? And are they going

47:35

to, are people

47:37

even going to know who they are? Name

47:40

recognition, et cetera, et cetera. I get

47:43

it. It's just depressing Jesus. Yeah.

47:47

And it's depressing. It's obviously

47:49

the most depressing thing to me is

47:52

that there are people that are like, the

47:55

other guy is old and evil and

47:58

like super good. like openly blatantly

48:01

the most evil person I've seen in

48:03

a long time and how

48:07

are people I just never get over it

48:09

the con man I mean you mentioned earlier

48:12

he's selling stupid shoes he

48:14

debuted them it's oh yeah we didn't talk about

48:16

the happy news didn't he get hit with like

48:18

a 480 million dollar fine yeah

48:25

something like that how much was it well

48:27

400 something there was

48:29

one that was 355

48:32

million and then there was another that was like 80

48:34

million so yeah now he's up to like the mid

48:36

450s yeah 450s so and it's growing with interest every

48:43

day that it goes to pay so

48:45

that he's never gonna pay that so

48:48

here are the Trump shoes that are

48:50

probably some shoes that you know are

48:52

worth like five dollars a pair and

48:56

they just spray painted them golden

48:58

for added a tea $400 and

49:01

he got booed ridiculous Wow

49:06

oh my get Trump sneakers calm

49:08

let's see what all you got

49:11

booed oh they're sold out of

49:14

course they are allegedly

49:16

if you saw

49:20

somebody wearing these yeah

49:23

oh as I get out of their

49:26

cyber truck wearing their Apple

49:28

vision pros I did try the Apple vision pro

49:30

oh you did what do you think yeah

49:33

I mean it's cool experience I definitely would

49:35

not pay $4,000 for and it's

49:40

just an experience that I don't need as part

49:43

of my existence at all ever retweet

49:46

I don't know

49:49

on get Trump sneakers calm I'm

49:51

also finding victory 47

49:53

cologne by President Trump and it's got a gold

49:56

bust of his head on top of

49:58

the club bottle Oh,

50:04

and good news. The sneakers

50:06

were super limited, only a thousand

50:08

pairs, at least 10 randomly

50:10

autographed by Trump. At least 10.

50:13

He hasn't decided how many he's actually going to sign.

50:16

They never surrender high-taught sneakers. When is this guy

50:18

gonna go away? I do not care. I don't

50:20

think he's funny. I don't think, you know, people

50:22

that think that he's funny, I'm like, what the

50:24

hell is wrong with you, bro? Well,

50:27

sometimes you just have to laugh, like just looking at

50:29

this website. A 10-year-old could

50:31

have built this website, first of all. But

50:33

you gotta laugh away the pain, Dad. Sorry.

50:39

Okay, hold on. Let me just laugh away the

50:41

pain. Can

50:45

you start crying too at the same time? Yeah.

50:49

There you go. See,

50:53

doesn't that feel good? Yeah, it's

50:55

just, if he gets back, if he gets

50:58

back as the president, it's just not funny.

51:00

Jesus. Oh, if

51:02

he becomes president again, yeah, that would

51:04

be not funny in the

51:06

slightest. I still feel confident that

51:09

Donald Trump will not

51:11

win the 2024 election. Didn't

51:13

you see Santos' seat in New York

51:15

get flipped to a Democrat?

51:19

Yeah, but that should never have been... Oh,

51:23

sure, but it's still a good

51:25

sign that people are still voting I

51:28

don't know, Jesus. I'm still worried. You know, I'm not

51:32

an eternal sunshine in the spotless mind kind

51:34

of God like you are. Everything's

51:37

gonna work out and be sunshiny and

51:39

perfect. I'm a depressed,

51:44

very worried type of God. So,

51:46

yeah, I'm a worried creator.

51:50

And, you know, I just see... It's funny because

51:52

the silent majority, there's a lot of people... I

51:54

don't wanna use that expression, but there's a

51:56

lot of people who... You

52:00

know, definitely despise

52:02

that man. And

52:06

they just don't speak up a lot. Yeah.

52:10

Like the psychos do.

52:12

Anyway, well, we have some other questions I

52:14

wanted to get to. Sorry. Okay. Well, what,

52:16

what do you make of that? I mean,

52:18

like Trump, there's this culture around Trump where,

52:20

oh, I got to get the

52:22

flag, I got to get the bumper stickers.

52:25

And yeah, you're right. Nobody does that for Biden, but

52:27

I think it's just cause the people

52:30

on the left. Because they're normal people. Yeah.

52:32

It's like, I don't need to tie my

52:34

identity to a president. This is a cult.

52:36

Yeah. Yeah. Because you have a cult doesn't

52:39

mean that everybody's in the cult. Okay. All

52:42

right. Chris asks, God, what's

52:44

your favorite violent video game? That's

52:47

an easy one. I'm going to have to

52:49

go with of course, the grand theft auto

52:51

franchise and say that's

52:53

always been my favorite, most fun one. Can't

52:55

wait for the next one to come out.

52:58

Jesus. Can't wait.

53:00

Yeah. There's a game that's very

53:02

popular right now. Helldivers

53:04

too. Helldivers too. Yeah, yeah,

53:07

yeah, exactly. That's the one that they're saying

53:09

it's like Starship Troopers. Okay.

53:12

And everybody was talking about on Twitter was talking

53:14

about like Starship Troopers and

53:17

the funny thing about that is that there's

53:19

all these dudes who are kind of like

53:21

fascist leaning who don't understand

53:23

that they were being made fun of

53:25

and satirized in that movie. Have

53:28

you seen the movie Starship Troopers? Jesus? No,

53:31

father, for I have sinned. Jesus

53:35

Christ. Jesus. Really? Are you serious?

53:38

I know dad. I know. You're

53:41

really, how about Robocop? Have you seen Robocop? Jesus.

53:48

What? Jesus. Robocop? Have you, have

53:50

you seen Robocop? You're breaking up. I

53:52

can't hear you. Damn it. I

53:54

cannot believe you have not seen Robocop. I'm

53:57

a disappointing sign. It's what you tell me all the

53:59

time. No, I mean it's fine.

54:01

You it's you you prefer you know Bridesmaids,

54:06

you know, I just feel like I next

54:08

wish we should do a movie night. Yeah.

54:10

Oh, that'd be cute Robo

54:13

cop fruit. Yeah, I mean

54:15

fun Robo cop I

54:18

would I'll start with stars and trippers Anyway,

54:20

it's good movie Jesus. You're missing out. Okay

54:25

Yeah, go buy me a vision

54:27

Pro and then I'll go watch all these in

54:29

my vision Pro head Yes, yeah, that is I

54:31

gotta say I watch in the movie. It's pretty

54:34

cool It

54:36

oh, that's actually amazing because the 3d.

54:38

It's like you're in the movie. Yeah.

54:40

Yeah, that's pretty sweet But

54:43

again not paying for that right way too

54:46

expensive Agreed. Well,

54:48

we got through it Jesus. There ain't nothing

54:50

going on but the rent This

54:53

week for friends there's things to

54:55

talk about as always but they're

54:57

just so effing depressing Jesus We're

55:00

not seeing and we're not GNN Yeah,

55:02

and we just want to hang out with each other

55:05

and have fun. Sometimes I had fun Me

55:07

too wacky questions Jesus. I

55:10

thought they were excellent questions. Thanks humans.

55:12

All right, let's move on to blessings

55:14

and smites. I want to bless

55:17

tacos Specifically

55:20

chicken tacos now. I

55:22

know you said you like chicken burritos,

55:24

but I prefer chicken tacos grilled I

55:28

Want to bless Reese's puffs an

55:30

excellent morning cereal? I want

55:33

to smite How do you not Cheerios

55:35

being bad for you according to God? Oh,

55:37

no, I want

55:40

to Bless the

55:42

concept of Lent 40 days.

55:44

You got to give that up Yeah,

55:47

40 days. That's a lesson in

55:49

patience. I Want

55:51

to also bless the person who asked why

55:53

God didn't make me buffer. I Would

55:56

like to be a little more jacked. Okay.

55:58

Well my disciples are asking

56:00

too. I would like to bless

56:02

Alexei Navalny, welcome to heaven. You

56:05

are one righteous dude. I

56:08

would like to smite that

56:11

pudding guy. You're a piece

56:13

of crap. I

56:15

would like to bless all of

56:18

our listeners. Thank you so much for

56:20

joining us today. I love each and

56:22

every one of you. And I

56:24

would like to bless Jesus. Oh,

56:27

I would like to smite Jesus for

56:30

not having seen Robocop, which is basically

56:32

about him and

56:36

Starship Troopers. Don't worry about

56:38

Starship Troopers too. It doesn't exist. But,

56:42

you know, Starship Troopers has,

56:46

what's his name? Not Neil deGrasse

56:48

Tyson. Neil Patrick Harris. I always

56:50

get Neil Patrick Harris and Neil deGrasse

56:52

Tyson mixed up now because they're both

56:54

three name dudes that start with Neil.

56:59

You see how that's how my brain

57:01

works. That's how the filing system in

57:03

God's brain works. Yeah. All right. That's

57:05

fair enough. You need to know every

57:07

human ever. So I understand. Robocop

57:10

was about a cop that he

57:12

almost got unalived and then he

57:15

they rebuilt him with machine

57:18

parts and made him like a cyborg. Oh,

57:21

would you if I hadn't if

57:24

you hadn't ascended into heaven when you came out of

57:26

the cave and you were totally fine because you heal

57:28

like Wolverine. I do

57:30

like Wolverine. Yeah. You got that healing factor. Hell

57:33

yeah. It took you about three days. But

57:36

if you didn't have that, would you like

57:38

to be like a cyborg like Robocop? Yeah,

57:40

that'd be pretty sweet. Actually, I'm down off

57:42

to watch it now. Okay. I'll arrange.

57:45

I'll arrange that. I'll arrange for you

57:47

to be to have done to you

57:49

what happened to Robocop and

57:51

then we'll turn you into

57:53

Robo Jesus. Heck yeah.

57:56

You heard it here first, folks.

57:59

All right. Well, thanks for tuning into the God

58:01

Pod. Find the God

58:04

Pod on all of your

58:06

favorite podcasting platforms. Subscribe. Listen

58:09

there. Listen here. We're everywhere,

58:11

man. The God Pod.

58:13

Habit Yahweh. All right. Well,

58:15

thanks for joining us humans. We love you. The

58:19

Lord has spoken.