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1:04

Week on the God Pod and

1:06

in response to someone saying are

1:08

scared they were about Project Twenty

1:10

Twenty Five someone said just be

1:12

normal Then wow So now I'm

1:15

actually scared of fuck does that

1:17

mean yeah, just be normal than

1:19

just be normal. Don't dress like

1:21

the other gender.is some vs shit

1:23

be whites, straits and mail, Just

1:26

be normal. According

1:29

to sources close to the Savior,

1:31

Jesus Feals particularly Target Brothers new

1:34

regulations, I love how the Source

1:36

close to the Xavier Years grudges

1:38

me. Yeah

1:42

I'm looking at this one of a woman's

1:44

legs spread. Are you seeing that? The yeah

1:46

of course I'm say that poses a proof

1:49

read design Yeah if you if you

1:51

want to have a fun time. Head.

1:53

over to amazon and just

1:55

type in conquering Hi,

2:10

everybody. Welcome to the God Pod. I'm

2:12

here today with my friend and pal,

2:14

Jesus. Oh, hey, Dad.

2:16

Hi, humans. Great to see you

2:19

all. Great to

2:21

see you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

2:24

We're coming out to humans a little later than normal this week. We decided to take

2:27

Memorial Day vacay with them. Yeah,

2:29

we took Memorial Day off in

2:31

honor of the

2:33

lost. Yeah, also, I was off

2:35

last week entirely. Yes. Which

2:38

is crazy because I like never do

2:40

that. Yeah. How was your

2:42

break? Oh, it was sweet, man. Yeah.

2:45

I went down. Yeah. I

2:47

cruised down to Jamaica. Ooh. Yeah.

2:51

Jamaica. And I just... I

2:55

had a great time. It was very iry.

2:57

Ooh. I see what

3:00

you're putting down. I'm glad you found some

3:02

there. Yeah. I mean,

3:04

are you kidding? Come on, Jesus. It's

3:06

not hard. Well, yeah, but

3:08

I seem to recall you saying, how

3:10

can I smoke weed in Disney World?

3:14

And you weren't able to figure that out. Oh, yeah. No,

3:17

that's harder. No, yeah, no, no.

3:20

Finding it in metropolitan Orlando.

3:22

Not easy. Mickey keeps that

3:24

place on lock. Yeah. Jamaica, come on, man.

3:26

Come on, bro. Yeah,

3:28

trash bag. I'm glad you had a nice time. I

3:31

had a nice vacation, enjoying some

3:33

beach and sea. And

3:36

how about you? What did you

3:39

do? I didn't go to any beaches, but I

3:41

have participated in

3:43

pool activities over the last

3:45

week, couple times. It's

3:47

getting warmer here in heaven. Maybe a little

3:49

barbecue. A little BBQ. Good for you. Yep.

3:52

Well, we got some very serious things

3:55

to talk about on the show today,

3:57

Jesus. Jesus, on the docket, Christian.

4:00

Symbolism on the rise. Everybody's

4:02

talking about it. This. Is

4:04

this is totally Are lanes? Is?

4:06

Is it an asinine of our

4:09

saying? Project Twenty Twenty Five Steve

4:11

Bannon wants people to be Very

4:13

afraid of Project Twenty Twenty Five.

4:16

And. I would say

4:18

mission accomplished. Yeah.

4:22

I know you're really scared about it,

4:24

as am I. Yeah, I honestly now

4:26

that I know that he wants us

4:28

to be afraid like that came out.

4:31

Now. I'm not as afraid. Because.

4:36

You. He wants me afraid, Fucked

4:38

up. So. He's just he's

4:40

trying to scare people but isn't really

4:42

scary? Is that what you're saying? Well

4:44

he. I mean I'm not saying he's

4:46

the one totally behind it, but his

4:48

his whole strategy is always like yes,

4:50

yes, Where everyone think that

4:52

Trump is this Mega look like

4:54

this. Super. Genius criminal with

4:56

them. Be afraid of us. That gets the

4:59

more hi against the more you know. People.

5:02

Excited on their side

5:04

for that? No I

5:06

ah. Us from

5:09

a say i'm. Focused. He

5:11

ben speaking nice on a massive

5:13

a plate. Not gonna play your

5:15

game. Steve Bannon Yeah, going to

5:17

prison. You're going to prison. So.

5:21

Fucking. That's just your project.

5:23

Twenty Twenty Five Prison. Speaking

5:25

of Christian nationalism, I was

5:27

walking into the gym here

5:29

in heaven the other day

5:31

and walking out of the

5:33

gym was a guy. Wearing.

5:37

A shirt that depicted an

5:39

American flag being pulled back

5:42

and revealing the cross. And

5:44

I was disgusted that that type of thing made it's way

5:46

up. To. Heaven. I think that person should

5:48

have been sent to hell. Did track them down.

5:51

Get. them rejected from heaven i was you go

5:53

for jesus i was so disgusted i didn't even

5:56

know how to react by i will keep an

5:58

eye out for this person and next I'll

6:00

get him kicked cuz you know we run this

6:02

motherfucker right yeah I know, but I was going

6:05

to the gym I wasn't there to work you

6:07

can kick somebody out of heaven if you want

6:09

Jesus. You don't have to be so nice Oh,

6:11

wait really I can do that whenever I want

6:14

of course bro That

6:17

is awesome. I can't remember you telling me.

6:19

I had that power before I thought you

6:21

like kind of wanted to have the final

6:23

say but if you're giving me kind of

6:25

like a blast from the past Then

6:28

that's cool I'll take advantage

6:30

of that Jesus Christ Jesus

6:32

hey Sorry, how many people have you seen

6:34

that should be should have been thrown out

6:37

of heaven already quite a few and then

6:39

I've been I think In that moment when

6:41

they go on because you don't read your

6:43

emails there. I said it okay. I

6:46

said it I don't read my emails

6:48

you read your emails all

6:51

right anyway also. I want to discuss today

6:54

Memorial Day and Anything

6:56

else that we missed while I was

6:58

gone Harrison butt head and

7:01

all that stuff that went down It's

7:03

been a wild week of course

7:06

that I decided to go on vacation

7:08

the one time I decided to go

7:10

on vacation or sleep in That's

7:12

when all the shit goes down Also

7:16

Pope Francis Pope Francis

7:18

you're very pissed at him Jesus because

7:20

he He's

7:23

cutting back on your appearances

7:25

on toast he is and

7:27

then he made some comments

7:29

that Were

7:31

not so appropriate to be making right

7:33

before Pride Month Wow I had read

7:35

the article yet, but apparently He

7:37

accidentally said a good gay slur I

7:40

don't know feel is much of an

7:42

accident, but I guess we can dive

7:44

deeper into it and find out I saw

7:47

yeah Might have been an accident Accidentally

7:50

said a slur that's what he's going

7:53

away. Just like Justice

7:55

Alito accidentally flew January

7:58

6th insurrectionist flag Whoopsie.

8:00

That would know, you know what he did. He

8:02

blamed his wife so much to start to go

8:04

over to Jesus. Let's, uh,

8:06

let's start with Harrison Booker because

8:09

that, um, I

8:12

don't really give a fuck about him. He's,

8:14

you know, obviously an idiot, uh,

8:17

football player. You shouldn't be

8:19

getting your. Advice

8:22

on how to run

8:24

your life from a field goal kicker.

8:27

We could only learn about, uh,

8:29

field goal kicking. Yeah.

8:33

Even if he is giving remarks

8:35

at a college that you're attending,

8:38

you don't have to believe every word

8:40

in a commencement speech. Speaking of giving

8:42

Jesus, uh, have you seen some

8:44

of his Instagram pics? What is he giving there?

8:47

I have not. Um, hotness

8:49

is he giving hotness? Is that the correct

8:52

answer? No.

8:56

Anyway, uh, well, some people said maybe

8:58

he's like so deep in the closet.

9:00

There was some people on Tik TOK

9:02

saying that he had, he

9:04

dated a male cheerleader in

9:06

college and

9:09

also his mother, a weird thing about it was

9:11

that his, this, you know, that's hearsay, but his

9:14

mother is like a

9:18

scientist, okay.

9:20

Like a very well,

9:22

like accomplished

9:24

lady. And he has, his

9:26

whole thing is like that women need to be

9:28

in the kitchen. Yeah.

9:30

Did you, did you, you did follow this,

9:33

right? What he said? I did follow it.

9:35

Yeah. His comments were outrageous and

9:37

now I'm staring at his Instagram. So I'm a

9:40

little distracted. That's your fault though. Right. He

9:42

said things that were bigoted. He said

9:44

things that were homophobic, you know,

9:47

all kinds of things. And then

9:49

afterwards the backlash to

9:51

the backlash, of course, was right-wingers

9:53

being like, don't cancel

9:56

him just because he's speaking

9:58

his mind. Hello. And

10:01

the Kansas city chiefs owners came out and

10:04

they were all supportive of it. The

10:06

NFL was like, yeah, we don't, we don't agree

10:08

with what he said, but you know,

10:10

we're not going to stop it. Um,

10:14

I made a joke article. I

10:17

wrote a satire in his article football player

10:19

to be fined by NFL for insane right-wing

10:22

comments, just kidding. That

10:24

would never happen because I, you know, when it happened,

10:26

that was

10:30

my first thought is, um, you

10:33

know, that nothing's going to happen to him. It's

10:35

not like Colin Kaepernick. No, no,

10:37

of course not. This is a white man we're talking

10:40

about. Right. And

10:42

the Kaepernick thing they took because Trump

10:44

was, uh, at

10:47

the time was bigging it up on

10:49

his Twitter account and making it into the

10:51

huge flashpoint in the culture war of those

10:53

years. Then it

10:55

was this huge thing everywhere

10:58

in Trump landia. They

11:00

were obsessed with, I stand for

11:02

my flag. Yeah. Right.

11:04

And, uh, so this is

11:06

just, you know, this is just a tiny

11:09

little speech. It's not exactly on the same

11:11

level as the backlash to

11:13

that, but unsurprisingly, you know,

11:16

he will be facing no consequences. No.

11:20

And he had denounced the pride

11:22

of where the Kaepernick was basically

11:24

kicked out of the leaf. Yeah.

11:28

It was canceled basically truly. He was

11:30

actually, yeah, he was actually canceled. If

11:33

you ask me, I think I've seen,

11:35

I've watched a lot of football. I've

11:37

watched everything, you know, and

11:39

there's plenty of quarterbacks who were way

11:42

worse who had jobs and

11:44

were getting jobs after that. He definitely

11:46

should have gotten another opportunity, but didn't.

11:49

Yeah. Because, hmm, I wonder

11:51

why. And now the NFL

11:53

has end racism, uh,

11:56

ironically printed on all of their end

11:58

zones. Anyway, so that whole. thing happened,

12:00

and I just see it as a

12:02

flashpoint in this battle

12:04

against, you know, they overturned

12:06

Roe v. Wade. They

12:08

overturned Roe v. Wade. They're going after

12:10

women's rights. They're going after, you

12:13

know, next, what's next, the right to vote. Oh,

12:16

yeah, they're already on that one. We've

12:18

seen some very hardline right

12:20

wing Christian nationalist people who

12:23

basically sound exactly like the dudes

12:25

in the Handmaid's Tale. They want the

12:27

woman in the kitchen. They

12:30

want only the men

12:32

to be allowed to vote. That's a real

12:34

thing. You know, some

12:36

of the criticism when I speak out on

12:38

this online is I've seen some right wing

12:40

people being like, Oh, yeah, way to create a

12:42

straw man or something that doesn't exist. Bro,

12:45

it does fucking exist. I've seen

12:48

them online, like talking about it.

12:51

This project 2025 thing is

12:54

a very explicit detailing of them

12:56

wanting to do all of these

12:58

things because once

13:00

they got Roe v. Wade overturned,

13:04

they just want more. They

13:06

always want more. I

13:09

mean, it's shocking

13:11

to remember and we're quite old. So it's

13:13

easy for us to remember, but women only

13:15

got the right to vote about 100 years

13:18

ago in America. Right. It's

13:20

in the things is nothing. Yeah,

13:24

exactly. They literally want

13:26

to take that away and

13:28

they'll deny, they'll deny, they'll deny until

13:31

the last minute that that's what

13:33

anyone wants. And then it happens. They did

13:35

the same thing with Roe v. Wade. Oh,

13:37

no, no, no, no, no,

13:39

no, no, nobody ever was going

13:42

to take that away. That's established

13:44

law. You can get all these

13:46

Supreme Court justices on the Supreme

13:48

Court. It's fine. It's fine. They

13:51

go into their confirmation hearings, Alito

13:53

and Thomas and all these people. And

13:55

they lie their fucking ass off. And

13:58

then they get on the court and they're like, yeah. Yeah bitch, I

14:00

get to do what I want now. And

14:02

what did they do? They overturned Roe v. Wade. Yeah.

14:06

So... And now many Republicans

14:08

are wondering if that was

14:10

the right decision. Might come to bite

14:12

him in the butt this November. Well,

14:15

the smart ones, you know, but those are

14:17

doing far between anyway, so that happened.

14:20

Um, Travis, by the way, where

14:23

was, uh, Travis Kelce and Taylor

14:25

Swift and all this? Didn't hear anything about

14:27

it. Woop! Woop! Woooooooop!

14:30

Woop! And

14:33

this is the risk you take with dating a

14:35

football player, Taylor Swift. Stuff

14:37

like this is gonna be happening from time to time. Well,

14:40

I just think, you know, it

14:43

would have been cool. Well, I guess that

14:45

would have created drama on her boyfriend's team.

14:47

Okay, so she's exempt from speaking

14:49

on this, sure. But Travis Kelce could

14:51

have been like, bruh, read

14:55

the room. Yeah. You know? And

14:58

same thing with Patrick Mahomes. They're like, you know, I may not

15:00

agree with what he says, but he has the right to say

15:03

it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and sure, yeah,

15:05

he does have the right to say it. But you know what?

15:08

People have the right to say, hey, asshole,

15:12

fuck you. Hey,

15:14

I don't like what you said. You're a

15:16

stupid piece of shit. And

15:18

it seems like there was more

15:20

outrage and concern over people being

15:22

upset over this than there

15:24

was about what he said. Yeah,

15:28

I guess that's normally how it goes, though, right? Yeah. Jason

15:32

Kelce has had some

15:35

positive headlines, though, recently. He

15:37

defended his family dynamic after

15:39

there was that nasty tweet calling his wife Kylie

15:41

a homemaker whose house is a mess. Did you

15:44

see that story? Jason was like, she is

15:46

not a homemaker. We

15:48

are on the same level. She is

15:51

way more than that. So

15:54

he seems like a good

15:56

dude, that Jason Kelce. Maybe Travis needs

15:58

to speak out a little more. I'm tired now

16:00

so he can speak out. Oh, you

16:02

know what? Shit, that's a great point. No

16:05

wonder I said something good. So these players,

16:07

they're also more inclined to be like, oh,

16:09

yeah, you know, it's totally cool because he's

16:11

their, you know, teammate.

16:14

And he is one of the best

16:16

kickers, unfortunately. Unfortunately.

16:19

No, he's really good at kicking

16:21

ball good through metal bar.

16:27

When it comes to, you know, deciding

16:30

what women should, women you've been

16:32

lied to. No,

16:34

you've been lied to. You should, you know,

16:36

my wife's in the kitchen. His mom, like

16:38

so. So anyway, like his

16:41

mom being, he must hate his mommy.

16:44

Anyway, so Christian

16:46

nationalism. Yeah,

16:49

Americans may not know what Jesus,

16:51

but they're at war with unified

16:53

Christian nationalists within their country that

16:55

are just. Okey

16:58

dokey with using fascism

17:00

to rule over America. It's

17:04

crazy. Thanks. I hate it.

17:07

And that's coming from us. It's

17:10

crazy Jesus, because like I

17:12

said, they are always reaching for more. Yeah.

17:16

Reaching for more pushing

17:18

the envelope. Pushing the field,

17:21

pushing the field goal. Envelope.

17:23

Moving the goalposts. Moving

17:26

the goalposts. Hey, we

17:28

tied it back. The

17:31

Harrison butt head. Wow.

17:33

They're literally keep moving

17:36

the goalposts. Jesus. Further

17:38

and further until it's going to

17:41

be handmade stale. They

17:43

want people to be afraid of project 2025. I

17:47

mean in the because they

17:49

want Pete, they want to increase their

17:51

power through fear. It's very important and

17:54

noble. The people that support

17:56

them to be even more monsters than they

17:58

already are. We

18:01

have a post here from our

18:03

atheism that someone says, no way Project 2025

18:05

happens, right? So

18:09

let's see what they say. Can you read this? Sure.

18:13

Plague254, what a username, said, I saw

18:15

a post online with some people talking

18:17

about how they support Project 2025, and

18:20

then others saying how messed up it is they

18:22

do that. At the time, I didn't know what

18:24

Project 2025 was, so

18:26

I did some research and just, holy

18:28

shit, I'm not going to say

18:30

everything it does, but here are a few

18:32

highlights. Banning abortion and restricting access to birth

18:35

control, getting rid of LGBTQ rights,

18:37

or at least several of them, abolishing

18:40

diversity, equity, and

18:42

inclusion organizations, implementing Christianity

18:44

into the government more, et

18:46

cetera. I'm sure someone

18:49

will eventually comment giving more info on it,

18:51

but this is a quick and dirty from

18:53

me. At first, I was like,

18:55

no way this is actually happening. No one is going

18:57

to support it. And then I saw people saying things

18:59

like, we've grown men dressing like women, we need Project

19:01

2025. And in

19:03

a response to someone saying how scared they

19:06

were about Project 2025, someone said, just be

19:08

normal then. Wow. Wow.

19:10

So now I'm actually scared. The fuck

19:13

does that mean? Yeah. Just

19:15

be normal then? Don't

19:17

dress like the other gender.

19:19

That is some fascist shit.

19:21

Be white, straight, and male.

19:24

Just be normal. I

19:26

think we just found the title for this episode. Just

19:30

be normal? Just be normal then.

19:33

Smiley face. Just be, what does that mean? Yeah, just

19:35

be a white, cis, and male, right? Yeah.

19:38

That's the only way to be normal. Get in line. You can't

19:40

just be who you are. Don't

19:42

let women have control over their bodies. Just be normal.

19:47

Don't let people love who they love. Just be

19:49

normal. Ooh, that gets me

19:52

fired up, Jesus. That gets me very

19:54

angry. How about yourself? Yeah. We'll

19:56

be right back after these messages. Worry

19:59

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21:18

so was that the whole post? Pretty

21:22

much. This person said, so

21:24

now I'm actually scared. Someone tell me there

21:26

are several reasons this project can never happen,

21:28

please, because I fear for the future of

21:30

this country otherwise. Wow.

21:33

Okay, and let's see. Top

21:35

comment was someone saying, no way they'll

21:37

actually overturn Roe v. Wade, right? Exactly.

21:40

Yeah. Junior

21:43

Singer says the only reason Hitler was able

21:45

to kill so many Jews is because nobody

21:47

thought it would get that bad. Many

21:51

Jews thought that if they just did

21:53

what was asked, the Nazis would let

21:55

them live. It's a lesson learned

21:57

that feels very relevant today.

21:59

Holy fuck. Yeah, you know, nobody

22:02

thinks there's a problem until the planes

22:04

actually hit the building, Jesus. You

22:07

know, yeah, it wasn't enough.

22:09

It wasn't enough that

22:11

a terrorist tried to blow up

22:14

the World Trade Center in the early 90s.

22:16

Everybody forgets about that. But

22:20

so that wasn't enough because no one America

22:22

was just like, yeah, whatever you didn't succeed.

22:26

And then someone

22:28

else said, let's, what if we flew

22:30

planes into it? And

22:33

obviously then America freaked the fuck out.

22:36

Yeah. But this is something, but

22:38

then again, this is something that

22:41

is so deep into the roots

22:43

of puritanical

22:46

Christo supremacy and, you

22:49

know, national Christian nationalism, that

22:52

that's never going to happen because you

22:54

have 20 to 30% of the populace that's fully

22:58

in support of this fully. They don't give a fuck

23:01

about democracy and all that boring voting

23:03

shit. They just want to control the

23:05

country. Just like they always say that

23:08

they care about veterans and they don't

23:10

give a fuck. Oh

23:12

yeah. They're not actually looking out for

23:14

the mental health for starters. They say

23:16

they care about babies and then they

23:19

stop caring right after they're born. They

23:21

don't give a flying fuck what happens

23:24

to it. Yeah.

23:26

So they're just totally full of shit. Uh,

23:29

so many theories on this. Also, you know,

23:32

what is this about? The country is getting

23:34

browner. They don't like that. Who are the

23:36

enemy in their scenario? It's

23:38

women and people of

23:41

color. So they want,

23:43

they want to be able to control, you know,

23:47

breeding in the country to

23:50

make sure that they stay in the

23:52

majority, which is just bro,

23:56

so pathetic and so fucking

23:58

stupid. Yeah. So

24:00

fucking stupid that you

24:02

think that you have the fucking

24:05

power to control

24:07

something that big as

24:09

something as big as

24:12

fucking breeding in 2024. That

24:16

right there tells me everything I need

24:19

to know about how fucking stupid and

24:21

doomed their little project 2025 is. You

24:24

want some hope? Just consider

24:27

the fact that they're dumb. But

24:29

anyway, at the same time, they're breeding. That's

24:32

what makes it so shocking, is that

24:34

they want it so bad. So

24:37

bad that they're succeeding while everyone else

24:40

is fighting amongst themselves about this, that,

24:42

and the other thing. They

24:44

are laser focused and have been on

24:47

this shit the entire time. And

24:49

that's the person who wins, the person who wants

24:51

it the most. Yeah,

24:53

you mentioned focused. I mean, that is

24:55

one thing they're really good at, right?

24:58

Just focusing on certain topics and hammering

25:00

them home. Again, again, again, again, again.

25:03

And they can really drive a message

25:05

into people. Even

25:08

if it's bullshit. Another

25:10

response here from O'Pine Lupine says the fact

25:12

that they're making plans means they think they

25:15

have a shot. What's really scary

25:17

is this. Assume Trump loses in

25:19

November. You think they're going to just suddenly

25:21

abandon all of their hard work? Of course

25:23

not. Project 2025 can easily be renamed Project 2029. And

25:29

then they have an additional four years

25:31

to plan, an additional four years to

25:34

coordinate with state maggot leadership to suppress

25:36

voters, gerrymandered districts, abolish gay

25:38

rights and literature and continue to

25:40

restrict healthcare for women and trans

25:42

people. This fight is

25:45

for the heart of America. The fight to keep our

25:47

democracy doesn't end in six months. Project 2025 is the

25:49

Republican Party now. Well

25:53

said, Lupine. Steve Bannon

25:55

doesn't want me to be afraid, but

25:58

no, he wants me to be afraid. And

26:00

my reaction to that was, ha ha ha,

26:02

fuck you, Steve Bannon, I won't be afraid.

26:05

But now I'm thinking, what

26:07

if he said

26:10

that so that I would react and say,

26:12

I won't be afraid, but maybe I should

26:15

be afraid. If it makes you afraid.

26:17

Oh God, I'm Wallace Shawn and the

26:19

Princess Bride. If

26:21

it makes you afraid, why

26:23

would he want to make you afraid? Because,

26:26

same with the fact that you're

26:29

God, because doesn't being afraid

26:31

make you go out and vote?

26:33

This is actually what this top

26:36

commenter basically says on this Reddit

26:38

post. He says, if you

26:40

can vote, fear is all they have. Yeah,

26:43

but fear drives people out to the polling

26:45

place. But it also makes them depressed and

26:48

sit on the couch when they should be

26:50

voting. Well, well, yeah.

26:54

Can also vote from home now. I

26:56

know you're just, I know you're just

26:58

a sweet, silly little last Jesus, but

27:01

you know, fear and hatred, they, they have

27:04

a lot of power too. The dark side

27:06

of the force. You

27:09

know, look what they did to you. I

27:12

know. Are

27:15

we talking Darth Vader? Are we talking Voldemort?

27:17

What are we talking, who are we talking

27:19

about right now? Time that the emperor

27:21

was shooting you with laser

27:24

beams. Remember with electricity. Remember?

27:28

Ah, yes. And then I lifted the

27:30

emperor and threw him into that shaft. That was

27:32

that one nice thing you did for me. That

27:34

was the one time you defended me. I

27:38

feel like I might be misremembering things,

27:40

but I have been around for thousands

27:42

of years, so please forgive me. My

27:44

memory is pretty shite. There's a lot

27:46

of stories, uh, juggle simultaneously. A lot

27:48

of things. Yeah. Uh,

27:52

so that project 2025 thing. Yeah.

27:55

I think that, um, it

27:57

makes me angry that

27:59

whole. just be normal then. Yeah.

28:04

Get in the line. The most infuriating piece

28:07

of idiocy that I've heard.

28:09

Mm-hmm. Okay. They

28:11

think they're gonna get away with this shit. I've

28:14

got sour news for you, chaps. I've

28:17

got sour news for you,

28:19

bros. Okay. And this is

28:21

not gonna get you laid, okay? Hey,

28:26

baby, want to hear about my Project 2025?

28:28

They're like, they're like, the

28:30

only way that I'm ever gonna get laid is

28:32

if we take over and

28:35

take away women's rights, then

28:37

I'll get laid. That is so sexy. That

28:39

is gonna get you a girl for sure.

28:42

And then, um, this whole thing happened with

28:44

the Supreme Court, Jesus, the Cilido thing. Did

28:46

you see that? Oh, yeah. Did you hear

28:49

about that? Yep. And his

28:51

flags that he flew, uh,

28:54

exposed his Christian nationalism.

28:57

There were two flags, right? Yeah.

29:00

At his beach house. The second flag has hit

29:02

the building. So

29:06

what were the two flags again? The one

29:09

was Appeal to Heaven. Uh, the

29:12

flags of my Alito. Uh, yeah, one

29:14

was the Appeal to Heaven flag. Oh,

29:16

there was a Don't Tread on Me flag. That was

29:18

at his shore, his beach house. Okay.

29:22

And then there was the Appeal to

29:24

Heaven flag that they flew in the

29:26

weeks after January 6th, because

29:29

as Alito said, his

29:32

wife got in

29:34

an altercation with a neighbor

29:36

who basically called her the

29:38

C word. See you next

29:40

Tuesday, Miss Alito. And also

29:42

called like talk shit about Trump.

29:46

And so then she used that obviously

29:49

as a reason to fly

29:51

a January 6th supporting flag,

29:53

you know, as one does,

29:55

that's the natural response, right? Right.

29:59

And then Alito. doesn't see any

30:01

issue with this he's just like

30:03

a happy wife happy life no

30:05

no no no but this is

30:07

my favorite part Jesus Alito responds

30:10

to this and blamed

30:12

his wife right

30:14

he's telling the story of why she did

30:16

it but yeah he's saying

30:19

that she did it without his knowledge he

30:22

threw his own wife under

30:24

the bus yeah that that part

30:26

is very bizarre that

30:29

is the the worst and

30:32

yet also funniest aspect of

30:34

this thing but

30:37

I how it's so it just

30:39

tracks so perfectly

30:41

because what a coward

30:43

what's he gonna do blame her for overturning

30:46

Roe v. Wade yeah what else you're gonna

30:48

blame her for huh right but

30:51

I also saw

30:54

yesterday that the Washington Post was

30:56

apparently investigating the story when it

30:58

initially happened years ago but

31:01

they decided to pass on it covering

31:03

it because they did find out that

31:05

it was the wife's doing but how

31:08

does that make the story irrelevant imagine

31:10

if another justice was flying fly imagine if

31:13

Katanji Brown Jackson was and why did they

31:15

sit on it they said they sat on

31:17

it for three years and pulled it out

31:19

during an election year for

31:22

the clicks well I think which

31:25

is an excellent point that you bring it up Jesus

31:27

because it just shows they do not give a flying

31:29

fuck about information or democracy

31:31

or anything obviously it's only

31:33

about the money mm-hmm at

31:36

all times to the to an absurd

31:38

degree yeah that's

31:40

absurd if you have

31:42

the fucking story or isn't it are you supposed

31:44

to share it when it's when it's new isn't

31:47

isn't something being new what they change

31:50

of the new so part of the

31:52

news so the New York Times was

31:54

the one I think you broke the

31:56

latest this story but

31:59

the Washington Post post a few years

32:01

ago initially caught wind of it when it

32:03

happened and they passed but now of course

32:06

they're covering it because the times... Wow.

32:12

Also like Alito

32:14

doesn't see this happening. Let's

32:16

say you know okay his wife decides to fly

32:19

a flag. Alito is just like

32:21

oh no big deal this won't cause any issues. Well

32:25

we think he agrees with it Jesus. He

32:28

agrees with it but is he still approved

32:30

of putting them up for the public to

32:32

see? I guess that's that's what I'm saying.

32:34

That's that's the that's

32:36

so egregious. They're so

32:38

beyond accountability. They're so

32:41

beyond anything then yeah

32:44

they can he can get away. They

32:46

know that's part of the fun, the

32:48

thrill, the danger, the cruelty is the

32:50

point. Getting away with committing

32:52

crimes is part of the the

32:54

thrill for people like Trump or

32:58

Clarence Thomas or Alito where

33:01

the corruption is like

33:03

ooh feels

33:06

good. Oh yeah. Oh

33:08

yeah baby. Do a

33:10

little lot of coke off of the appeal to

33:12

heaven flag. Oh that's awesome.

33:16

And then they just go back and they jack off they're

33:18

just like fuck you America. Yeah

33:21

um well the the court is

33:24

just a total mess right now. It's

33:27

disgusting. Then I saw another post

33:29

on uh our atheism a few

33:31

days later or right around the

33:34

same time as that other one. Oh

33:36

yeah. If you want to be free to be

33:39

atheist in the USA please vote blue

33:42

and for Biden. 15 000

33:46

up likes up votes up votes whatever

33:48

you call them on reddit. This

33:51

person says project 2025 is terrifying for the rule

33:54

of law in our country. The GOP plans

33:57

to fire and replace federal government employees with

33:59

people who will do their bidding. Trump

34:02

even made an executive order towards the end of

34:04

his presidency to make it easier to do this,

34:07

but thankfully he didn't have enough time to

34:09

use it extensively and then Biden repealed it.

34:12

Turning the USA over to Christian

34:14

extremists means they can alter

34:16

anything to their liking, even

34:18

the Constitution. It's a very real

34:20

possibility that they could make it illegal to

34:22

not be Christian among thousands

34:25

of other changes they can make. Supreme

34:28

Court justices can interpret the Constitution however

34:30

they feel like and that becomes the

34:32

rule of law. Please vote

34:34

for Democrats to preserve our freedoms. Amen

34:37

to that. Are they wrong? Exactly.

34:39

If all these people like, I'm not

34:42

gonna vote, I'm not gonna vote for

34:44

Democrats. I vote for the router, what

34:46

does it mean? I don't need to

34:48

vote. I mean fuck bro. I'm busy.

34:50

I don't want to hear. These same

34:52

people, you know, when, when, when

34:55

in the future they'll be mad about Trump.

34:59

They'll be mad about Trump and then they'll

35:01

be saying, and

35:03

everyone will be mad and they'll be saying, well we

35:06

told you to pick someone else. Yeah.

35:08

And then people, you know, who

35:10

did vote will be like, this is all your fault.

35:13

Further fracturing the left forever.

35:16

Which is, who does that serve? In America.

35:18

Who does that serve? I think

35:20

this is our first episode since it was announced

35:23

that they are going to be debating Trump and

35:25

Biden, right? That first

35:27

debate is in June and one...

35:31

Yay, that'll change. Whose mind is that

35:33

changing? I just... There's

35:36

undecided voters who I think might be

35:38

genuinely interested in, in seeing

35:41

how they debate. I know,

35:43

I know, but they are, there are

35:45

people like that out there. Yeah. It's

35:47

crazy, I don't agree with it. I think

35:49

the choice is abundantly clear, but

35:52

there are those people who, who don't pay attention like

35:54

we do, who have never heard of Project 2025, who

35:56

just don't follow... the

36:00

news and they want to see the

36:02

two candidates they want to see

36:04

probably who is acting younger

36:06

and who's more coherent you know what

36:08

I'd like to see Jesus what

36:12

I'd like to see a fucking cage match who

36:17

one of the rules in these two

36:19

debates that they answered by Brando that

36:22

they agreed to is

36:24

that their mics will be cut off

36:26

after there are a lot of time

36:28

so that please give me a fucking

36:30

break I'll believe it when I see

36:33

it they say that about

36:35

every debate every bro every fucking

36:37

time every fucking time they're

36:43

like and if you speak over we do reserve

36:45

the right to cut your mic and you

36:47

know what has never happened one fucking time

36:50

those people having the fucking courage

36:53

to cut Trump off okay they

36:56

don't have the balls to do it I'll believe it

36:59

when I see it I

37:01

think actually muting the mic is

37:03

a new element compared to debates

37:05

in recent memory yeah sure like

37:08

literally hitting the mute button on the

37:10

mixer when they're over there they've had

37:12

that option the whole time an option

37:14

but this is a hard rule now

37:17

like this is what's going to be

37:19

happening when they go over time like

37:21

period it's not like oh she I

37:23

know I'm really excited I'm really excited

37:25

again but I'll believe it when I see it yeah

37:28

I agree with you but I it let's

37:30

let's just pretend for a second that this

37:32

is actually going to happen the mics will

37:34

be muted over there a lot of time

37:36

I would pretend

37:38

well then yeah I

37:41

think this will help Biden a lot because

37:43

we know that Trump loves to just fucking

37:46

talk and talk and talk and never stop

37:48

now even while Biden's talking

37:51

so we have that in common yeah

37:53

I need a more of

37:58

a laugh You know

38:00

I was laughing cuz I was thinking it while I was saying

38:02

that oh Holy

38:05

shit Wow

38:08

we're sharing the brain here about how

38:11

much I suck You

38:14

know what Jesus what maybe

38:16

I should just leave again no You're

38:22

tired of all my stone ramblings I

38:27

Think I'm saying something really important deep

38:29

sometimes you are It

38:31

doesn't come out perfectly poetic or whatever no

38:34

no you know you just you just you

38:36

just you know what? You

38:39

know what fuck this shit? Why

38:41

am I even wearing dressed up so much for this? Oh

38:46

on t-shirt Way

38:48

more casual Now

38:50

Jesus doesn't take me seriously why would

38:52

anyone else I pick you seriously I

38:55

love what you have no no no no No, you just

38:57

compared me to Trump. Oh With

39:00

the way that I did And

39:03

I'm sorry Jesus With

39:05

any in comparison to Trump now that Was

39:09

very hurtful to my feelings. Okay. I'm

39:11

sorry I'm sorry

39:14

Yeah, you better be sorry Oh Wow

39:19

look at those eyes oh my gosh

39:24

Well with a face like that

39:26

how could I not be sorry I Heard

39:29

his feelings y'all Really?

39:33

What you apologize you did you

39:35

take it back. I I take

39:37

it back that you need a mutton I Need

39:43

to make you more sad more often though

39:45

because those eyes were just so cute Oh,

39:48

yeah, you think you think it's cute when I

39:50

get sad yeah a little bit

39:53

honestly, okay? Well,

39:55

you know I'll just crucify cuz I need to

39:57

crucify you again But I'm gonna need this fat

39:59

eyes America needs Jesus. America

40:01

needs you to go get crucified

40:03

again. Your appearances on toast are

40:06

not getting it. Yeah.

40:08

Do you want to talk about that? My appearances on toast.

40:11

Yeah. I

40:13

like this article that you wrote. Oh

40:15

yeah. No, yeah. This is an article

40:18

from God pod news straight from heaven.

40:20

Did you then send Christ Jesus

40:23

Christ reportedly pissed. Hold

40:26

on. Let me put back on my new suit for this. I

40:30

got to get serious. This is serious. Jesus

40:33

Christ reportedly pissed at Pope

40:35

Francis for cracking down on

40:37

his appearances on toast. This

40:41

is true. Jesus. This is true. This

40:43

is true. And this is wild because in this

40:46

photograph in the

40:48

article, I'm giving the Pope the finger

40:50

edge. Yeah, it's pretty good. Pretty

40:52

good. Right. And it looked like the Pope is

40:54

looking right at it. Your

40:57

timing was the way I linked. My

41:00

URL, the God podcast.com

41:03

to the sub stack. Oh, now

41:05

for anybody who's listening, if you

41:07

want to see these fun new

41:09

satire articles that I'm

41:12

making every day, you just

41:14

go to the God podcast.com.

41:16

It's being updated every day

41:18

with fresh content written

41:20

by yours truly. I'm also

41:22

posting the podcast episodes there

41:25

along with our videos. So

41:27

you can watch, you can watch

41:29

the audio. Wait,

41:31

what? You can watch the

41:34

animated video version or you can get

41:36

a link to the audio podcast or

41:38

you can check out some

41:40

of our other offerings. We'll

41:42

be right back after these messages. When

41:46

your timing with this Pope

41:48

article was impeccable because the

41:50

Pope had to apologize for

41:52

the homophobic, homophobic remarks. Worried

41:54

about letting someone else pick out the

41:56

perfect avocado for your perfect impressive on

41:58

the third date. guacamole? Well,

42:01

good thing Instacart shoppers are as picky

42:03

as you are. They find ripe avocados

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like it's their guac on the line.

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They are milk expiration date detectives. They

42:10

bag eggs like the 12 precious pieces

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of cargo they are. So let Instacart

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shoppers overthink your groceries so that you

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can overthink what you wear on that

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third date. Download the Instacart app to

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get free delivery on your first three

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orders while supplies last. Minimum $10

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per order. Additional terms apply. The

42:27

delicious ice cold taste of Dr. Pepper has

42:29

a lasting effect on people. Lindsay from Sacramento

42:32

said, Pro tip, 40 degrees is the perfect

42:34

temperature for an ice cold Dr. Pepper. Why

42:36

is 40 degrees the perfect temperature for Dr. Pepper?

42:38

We brought in Sue from Duluth, Minnesota to tell

42:41

us. Oh yeah, I know a thing or two

42:43

about cold. Oh, that right there is the perfect

42:45

kind of ice cold for Dr. Pepper. I'd

42:47

share that with my friend Nancy. She likes Dr.

42:50

Pepper too, you know. My cold... Alright, that'll

42:52

be all Sue. Having a perfect temperature for

42:54

your Dr. Pepper? It's a Pepper thing. Inspired

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Equipment, on the web

43:24

at coastalequipmentsystem.com. Well,

43:29

one, two things happened. The

43:33

Vatican last week, they did change the rules

43:35

for miracles to make it much harder. For

43:38

a miracle to be categorized

43:40

Jesus. Jesus Christ expresses

43:42

behemoth displeasure at Pope Francis

43:44

today in response to the

43:47

Vatican's recent crackdown on supernatural

43:49

phenomena. Specifically, his beloved appearance

43:51

is on toast. That's right,

43:54

Jesus. Your appearances on toast

43:56

have been canceled. I

44:02

love when people bite into me. The

44:04

new norms which Jesus loves

44:06

getting eaten out. The

44:08

new norms which took effect on

44:11

May 19, aimed to quickly evaluate

44:13

and verify the supernatural origin of

44:15

various phenomena occurring within the Catholic

44:17

world. These phenomena include

44:19

everything from apparitions and weeping statues

44:21

to the more controversial appearances of

44:23

Jesus and the Virgin Mary in

44:26

breakfast foods. The

44:28

Vatican's document neither endorses nor

44:30

rejects supernatural events, but sets

44:32

up criteria to separate the

44:34

authentic from the faith. And

44:37

while that's all well and good, the

44:39

King of Kings is furious. Let me

44:41

hear you say these lines, Jesus. Grrr,

44:43

I'm furious. I've been making- hold

44:45

on, let me get my angry eyes on. I've

44:48

been making special appearances on toast

44:51

for centuries, said Jesus on a

44:53

phone conference with reporters. It's

44:55

one of my favorite ways to connect

44:58

with people over breakfast. Now

45:00

Pope Francis is trying to take

45:02

that all away. I'm fucking burst.

45:07

That was great. Thanks.

45:12

According to sources close to the Savior,

45:14

Jesus feels particularly targeted by these new

45:16

regulations. I love how the source close

45:18

to the Savior is clearly

45:20

just me. Uh-huh,

45:23

uh-huh. The

45:25

source came to my bedroom and said, hey, are you

45:27

pissed? And I said, yes. Jesus

45:29

argues that the process is too

45:31

bureaucratic and that he is being

45:33

crucified again. He elaborated.

45:36

The Holy Spirit works in

45:38

mysterious ways. Sometimes that

45:40

means appearing in a piece of whole wheat

45:42

or sourdough. Who the fuck

45:44

is Pope Francis to judge? Let

45:46

people enjoy things. Don't yuck other

45:49

people's yum, you fucking prick. Wow,

45:51

I was really mad that day.

45:53

Damn. Yeah, you

45:55

vehemently. I've

45:57

never used the F word so many times in a

45:59

single paragraph. Yeah, I know you were pissed

46:01

when you found out about this. Like you said, I

46:03

love being eaten out. Okay. Well,

46:06

good for you, Jesus. Good

46:10

for me for putting my foot down. You

46:12

know what? Yeah, so this came out. So

46:15

now, there was no mention actually

46:17

in this article of the homophobic

46:19

slur that Pope Francis dropped.

46:22

Can we get into that now? I want to learn what

46:24

exactly he did, what happened. Yes.

46:27

So the Vatican said on Tuesday that

46:30

Pope Francis extends his apologies after reports

46:32

that he used an offensive slang word

46:35

referring to gay men at what was

46:37

intended to be a private meeting with

46:39

250 Italian bishops last week. Francis,

46:42

according to several people present at the

46:45

meeting who spoke anonymously to

46:47

Italian news outlets, Francis stated a

46:49

firm no, saying that seminaries were

46:51

already too full of Frouk-G-I-A-G-G-I-N-E,

46:59

an offensive Italian slang term referring to

47:01

gay men. Pope

47:03

Francis is aware of articles that recently came out

47:05

about a conversation behind closed doors. The

47:08

Pope never intended to offend or express

47:10

himself in homophobic terms. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

47:13

I thought that someone made it

47:16

sound like he was just saying the

47:18

name of a coffee drink and actually-

47:20

No. That was

47:22

misinformation. Okay. He

47:26

said, Frouk-G-I-A-G-I-N, an offensive

47:28

noun which translates into English approximately

47:31

as I love how they CNN

47:35

just stars out the whole

47:37

thing. Faggot? F-A-T-G-O-T?

47:40

Faggary? Oh, okay.

47:42

Faggary or faggot? Either way.

47:44

Something like that. Or tree. Probably not tree.

47:46

Tree is a word. Probably

47:49

not tree. Like

47:51

a tree? No, okay. Anyway, now

47:53

he's making us say it. I'm

47:55

allowed to. Damn it. I'm allowed to.

47:57

The gay- Yeah, you're allowed to.

48:00

The gays have reclaimed faggot like it

48:02

used to be a really hurtful offensive

48:04

term But like the gays use it

48:06

all the time now about the girl now

48:09

Of course if somebody's saying it in a

48:11

truly hateful way then yes, it is still

48:13

a problem But we've taken the word

48:15

back. Well. I think he was saying it in a

48:17

hateful way well, yeah,

48:19

because here he had been taking questions

48:21

and There

48:23

was the question of whether to admit

48:26

openly gay men into seminaries or priesthood

48:28

colleges so Wow

48:32

the Pope is not woke Jesus. Yeah,

48:34

hold me again. Tricked me again. He

48:37

did apologize quickly Fuck you Pope Francis

48:41

Yeah, you apologized. I don't

48:43

give a fuck. You're canceled bitch You

48:47

can go stand over there with

48:49

Harrison butt-head and right before Pride

48:51

Month. How dare you? How exactly

48:53

are you right before Pride Month?

48:57

Oh Good omen Jesus

49:00

by the way you're gonna be giving me any gifts

49:02

this Pride Month. I get any like presents What

49:05

I don't know I didn't I

49:07

didn't realize I was supposed to well

49:10

I mean you don't have to but it'd be nice.

49:12

I don't know well You

49:14

know there's also a Father's Day coming up. Are

49:16

you gonna give me a trail the

49:18

gift of me is enough, isn't it? Let me ask

49:20

you this Jesus Because

49:22

I'm gonna get you a gift what

49:25

is the appropriate gift to give to

49:27

your gay son for Pride Month

49:30

a condom Whoa

49:34

Or a cock ring hey, yo, don't

49:36

give your son a cock ring Hey,

49:39

yo Give him

49:41

your friend support. How

49:44

about some Jesus brand condoms? whoa

49:48

large rib Again

49:52

ribbed for his and his and his and his

49:54

and his About

49:56

12 condoms How

49:59

about? A 12 sided

50:01

dildo. Oh my

50:03

goodness. Oh my goodness. Or should it

50:05

be 13? Because you want to get in there now. Well,

50:07

I want to be in the center. You're

50:11

the human centipede, right? Okay. Wow.

50:16

Okay. A cock rings in his. Cock rings

50:19

for everybody. That sounds good. That sounds cheap.

50:21

Let me just see on Amazon how

50:24

much cock rings. Wait, but

50:26

don't you have to get sizing for that?

50:29

Um, honestly, I've never,

50:31

uh, you could probably, there's

50:33

probably different sizes available. Nice.

50:36

I just typed in cock ring into

50:38

Amazon. You wouldn't believe the things that

50:40

I've seen here. Straight

50:44

up porn. Yeah. I'm looking at

50:46

this one of a woman's leg spread. Are

50:48

you seeing that? Yeah, of

50:50

course I'm seeing that. How is this

50:52

approved for Amazon? Yeah. If you, if

50:54

you want to have a fun time,

50:56

head over to, uh, Amazon and just

50:59

type in cock ring. That's

51:01

a good time. How can this fly? Okay. Speaking

51:04

of funny, uh, things that

51:06

happened, did you see all these AI overview

51:09

things? Oh man. Yeah.

51:11

Google really shit the bed with this one.

51:13

Crazy. So they've had this

51:15

AI tool available, but it was in a

51:17

sort of beta. Recently they rolled

51:20

it out to everybody. So you,

51:22

so you have, you, you will get access to it,

51:24

whether you want it or not. Like you'll do a

51:26

search on Google. I don't

51:28

know. Uh, why you haven't seen it. I

51:30

blew. Oh, really? Actually,

51:32

let me go to Google. And

51:35

right now and see what happens when I type

51:37

cock ring in there. There's

51:40

no AI overview of cock ring. I

51:45

know. I, are you seeing AI overview? I

51:47

haven't seen it one time. I,

51:49

you know, I'm

51:52

searching around right now and I'm not

51:54

getting anything. Maybe it's like, if you

51:56

updated your browser or something. Maybe. It

51:59

says mine anyway. They

52:01

may be making it more picky so people

52:03

stuck in it. Yeah, but they told people

52:05

that they should be using glue for their

52:07

pizzas. They used so many

52:09

examples. Take something about eating a rock.

52:13

They're surfacing answers to things

52:16

based upon onion articles and Reddit

52:18

posts. It said Obama

52:20

was Muslim. Yeah, really

52:23

bad stuff. Wow, that's not good.

52:25

Yeah, no. So

52:28

yeah, all this, you know, oh, AI is

52:30

going to be so great. It's so awesome.

52:32

We all love AI. And there was me

52:34

the whole time being like, actually,

52:36

it's fucking scary and it sucks.

52:39

And it's the next NFT, you

52:41

know, NFT, crypto,

52:45

Cybertruck. Crazy. You

52:47

know, I don't know. Obviously, there are

52:49

some good things about it. It's not

52:51

as useless as any of those things.

52:53

Don't get me wrong. Right. And it

52:56

will be here to stay. There

52:58

is something there and it is here to stay.

53:00

I'm just saying the hysteria and the hype over

53:03

the launch. It's just like slow

53:06

your role to make it a

53:08

part of everyone's lives immediately because

53:10

it clearly doesn't fucking work. Exactly.

53:14

There's people being killed

53:16

by Tesla Cybertrucks. There's

53:19

people, there's teenagers being

53:22

teased and haunted

53:24

by other teenagers making naked

53:26

images of them using AI. And

53:29

then the teens kill themselves.

53:33

And where's the concern about

53:35

that? You know, it used

53:37

to be a cliche. Why won't someone

53:39

think of the children? But seriously, why

53:41

won't someone think of fucking children? Okay.

53:45

If all these AI people were so gung-ho, when

53:47

I bring this shit up, they're just like, what

53:49

are you talking about? I haven't heard about that,

53:51

man. Yeah, you

53:53

nailed it. Don't try to put that

53:55

on me. That's not my fault, man. They're

53:58

trying to integrate AI into the world. to

54:00

everybody's day to day internet life

54:02

way too fast. We don't need

54:04

the AI overviews already on Google.

54:07

Watch Jurassic Park, watch a couple

54:09

other movies about AI like Terminator.

54:12

Yeah. Terminator 2

54:14

you stupid fucks. Gosh.

54:18

Anyway, fuck AI. Update

54:21

Jesus, Russell Brand has now

54:23

been Christian for a month.

54:27

Aww. I forget, did

54:30

we revoke his... We did, yeah, I

54:32

think we revoked it. Oh fuck. Be

54:34

gone. After

54:36

like a week. I should make that

54:38

an article. Here's

54:41

another, a couple random things I wanted

54:43

to talk about. Orcas

54:47

sunk another yacht last

54:49

week. Oh yeah baby. I

54:52

do not, I will not say if

54:55

I had any part of telling them to do that, okay?

54:57

No, no, no, no, no. I

54:59

think it'd be insulting to the

55:01

orca whales to say we were

55:03

involved. Yeah, exactly. Orcas

55:07

are atheists and

55:09

they're very, they're very much

55:11

like about the guillotine. Yeah,

55:14

they're cool as hell. And eating the rich.

55:17

Yeah. Yeah, cool. Hey Jesus, did you know what

55:19

happened to the guy that led all the guillotining

55:21

in France back in the day? Hmm,

55:24

what happened again? There

55:27

was a backlash to the backlash and he

55:29

ended up getting guillotined himself. There you go. Ironic.

55:33

Did you, speaking of billionaires,

55:36

did you see that an

55:38

Ohio billionaire now wants to,

55:41

do you take one of those submarines

55:43

down to the Titanic? Really?

55:46

Another one? Yeah. Are you serious?

55:48

Oh, when are they going? I,

55:52

not soon enough. When,

55:56

when, you don't know when? But

56:01

you know that's going to happen. Yeah, it was

56:03

going to take... Is it the same group that

56:06

sunk last time? The same company? Ohio

56:11

billionaire Larry Connor plans to

56:13

take 20 million sub to

56:16

Titanic site to prove industry is

56:20

safer after Ocean Gate implosion. I

56:24

think Ocean Gate is done now. Of

56:27

course. So I'm

56:29

sure he'll be very safe and everything

56:31

will be fine. Totally. There will not

56:33

be another glub glub glub,

56:36

sorry about your sub situation.

56:39

This is what the world needs right now. They

56:42

need reassurance that billionaires can continue

56:44

to go down there. What

56:47

was the name of that boat where they were

56:49

like, God himself cannot sink this boat? Titanic?

56:53

Oh yeah, it was just

56:55

Titanic. The one they've been going down for. The little one.

56:58

The little one. They're like, really got something to

57:00

prove with this Titanic. Yeah. Have

57:02

you ever been on a cruise? Uh... A

57:04

cruise ship? Yeah. I haven't. Of

57:07

course. I've done everything, Jesus. I want

57:09

you really badly. Yeah. Keep

57:12

me on a cruise, Dad. Like

57:14

most things, Jesus, it's an overrated

57:16

experience. Oh, I just want unlimited food. Yum,

57:18

yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum,

57:20

yum, yum, yum, yum, in

57:23

a good pan. All right, well... Well,

57:26

I'm sorry to ruin your dreams, but everything

57:28

sucks. I

57:30

mean, it all depends. It all depends,

57:32

Jesus. Probably don't

57:34

go carnival. Okay. Finally,

57:37

finally, last headline I had this

57:40

week. Entire US Nation diagnosed with

57:42

PTSD. I wanted to read

57:44

you a little selection. I was very proud of

57:46

this article that I wrote. Oh,

57:51

I just had a nice list here of some

57:53

of the things that Americans are suffering PTSD from.

57:55

Oh my gosh. Do you want to hear some

57:58

of the things? Yeah, yeah. What

58:00

is it? Lobbying, gerrymandering, streaming

58:03

services lack good shows because of the

58:05

writer's strike. The

58:08

electoral college is a broken relic

58:10

of slavery. Republicans,

58:13

the Supreme Court's insane. My

58:15

favorite football team never wins. Healthcare,

58:18

no vacation time. People can't

58:20

afford homes. Jerry

58:22

Seinfeld movies. Billionaires,

58:25

the Met Gala, J. Lo and Ben

58:27

Affleck getting divorced again. No.

58:30

Fox News. Can't you believe that? Who gets

58:33

married and divorced twice? AI telling them to

58:35

eat pizza made with glue. A

58:38

fascist Christian nationalism on the

58:40

rise. Quote, they made it

58:42

woke. Climate change, Democrats,

58:44

TikTok got banned, wealth inequality, Elon

58:47

Musk, Marjorie Taylor Green, foreign policy,

58:49

the robot uprising is coming. Police

58:52

brutality. Police

58:55

brutality. Why am I laughing about this? Most of these

58:57

are not funny. Most of these are horrible. Yeah, this

58:59

is depressing. Most of these are horrible. But

59:01

I will say this is a good reminder

59:03

of just how much shit

59:06

is going on in the world. Just

59:08

a never ending fucking list. But I think

59:10

I got a huge response to the headline.

59:13

Oh, really? Saying that America, it was like

59:15

5,000 likes on threads. Jeez.

59:19

I was saying that every

59:21

American has PTSD because

59:24

everyone who heard it was like, yeah.

59:28

I mean, 9-11, the Challenger explosion. Wars

59:34

after wars after wars after news

59:37

after crazy shit like Trump.

59:40

People people and you

59:42

know what the most common response to that Jesus was?

59:45

We don't just have post. This shit is

59:48

ongoing. It's Perry. Yeah. Yeah.

59:51

And pre, pre traumatic

59:53

with, you know, some of the things they're planning

59:55

to do. So

59:58

sorry about that. I hope you

1:00:01

get your shit together. I

1:00:03

really do. I hope that things don't

1:00:05

get worse because every time I like, I'm

1:00:07

like, damn, it can't get worse. It

1:00:11

just gets worse, Jesus. It does. Don't put

1:00:13

that. It does. But

1:00:15

hey, there is some good news. I don't know

1:00:17

if you saw this while you were on your

1:00:20

break, but apparently if you bring, if

1:00:22

you, if you go into Chipotle with a

1:00:24

camera while they're building your

1:00:26

burrito, they'll make it bigger. Did you

1:00:29

hear about that? Really? Yeah. There's

1:00:33

apparently a message that came down from corporate because there's been

1:00:35

a lot of attention. Oh yeah, well that'll make up for

1:00:37

everything else. Hey, just a good

1:00:39

news here at the end of the show. A

1:00:42

slightly bigger burrito for now. Apparently

1:00:46

Chipotle's at the place renowned for

1:00:48

Listeria. Apparently

1:00:51

Chipotle got spooked by all the

1:00:53

negative coverage. So they told their

1:00:55

staff, hey, if there's a camera in front of you and you're

1:00:58

making a bowl, stuff that baby

1:01:00

up. I don't practice, Santoria. I ain't got

1:01:02

no crystal ball. I ate a burrito after

1:01:04

a bite. I know there's a random petit,

1:01:07

but... It's so funny

1:01:09

to me. Listeria. That's fun, Jesus.

1:01:13

Well, it was good to hang out with you again, son. Likewise,

1:01:15

my friend and father. I'm very excited

1:01:18

about the, the website is going great.

1:01:20

The sub-stag has over 10,000 subscribers. To

1:01:25

our newsletter, which is a major

1:01:27

accomplishment. I think, thank you to

1:01:29

everyone that has joined and I

1:01:33

hope you enjoy my

1:01:35

satire news articles. Just know that

1:01:37

they're, they're always gonna be fake,

1:01:39

okay? They can

1:01:41

really fool you though. I

1:01:43

was reading one other day. The

1:01:47

one about Trump's Memorial Day post.

1:01:49

Trump attacks dead soldiers on Memorial Day

1:01:51

because he made a crazy Memorial Day

1:01:54

post. I made it just a little

1:01:56

crazier. Yeah. But

1:01:58

it really just mirrors. things that he

1:02:01

said in the past. He said that he

1:02:03

likes soldiers that didn't get captured. Is

1:02:06

it really that much of a stretch to

1:02:08

say that he likes the soldiers that didn't

1:02:10

get killed? No, because he

1:02:12

basically said that when talking about the pain.

1:02:17

Yeah. And it's really

1:02:19

crazy because he's impossible to satirize.

1:02:22

Literally, there's nothing I can come

1:02:24

up with where

1:02:26

the viewer would immediately say, well, that's

1:02:29

not real, but I see their point

1:02:31

you're making. That definitely couldn't have happened,

1:02:33

but because anything you come up

1:02:35

with, I've tried and

1:02:37

tried. I even had AI do it. They couldn't do

1:02:40

it. Like, for example, one

1:02:42

of my headlines for this was going to be Trump

1:02:45

pisses on the grave of the unknown soldier.

1:02:49

Well, see, you actually

1:02:51

mentioned unknown soldier in

1:02:53

Trump's alleged quote. Oh,

1:02:56

I said that he did that inside

1:02:58

the article. I'm just saying for the

1:03:00

headline, the all-important headline, if you saw

1:03:02

the headline, Trump urinates on

1:03:04

the tomb of the unknown soldier, would

1:03:07

you immediately assume that was false? No.

1:03:09

And I was believing in this quote

1:03:11

you have from him about the unknown

1:03:13

soldier because I was like, oh, of

1:03:16

course, now the right thing, the unknown

1:03:18

soldier is fake or something.

1:03:21

There's nobody in that tomb. Here's

1:03:23

the problem, Jesus. I am

1:03:25

just too fucking good at this shit. Am

1:03:29

I not? Yeah, you are. I

1:03:31

doctored this image. Okay.

1:03:35

But I also suck because

1:03:37

it's a little too close

1:03:40

to reality, I guess. And

1:03:43

people are like, I thought this was

1:03:45

real. And I try my

1:03:47

hardest to make it obvious that it's

1:03:49

not real. But

1:03:53

you thought that he had urinated on the tomb

1:03:55

of the unknown soldier? Well, I

1:03:57

believed he would attack the tomb

1:03:59

of the unknown soldier saying

1:04:02

unknown soldier is not a war

1:04:04

hero. I even put in lots

1:04:06

of spelling mistakes in there. I

1:04:08

was gonna say the misspelling of

1:04:10

cemetery is very good because that's

1:04:12

totally something Trump would do. And

1:04:14

communits? Yep. Clever,

1:04:17

clever. I

1:04:20

know they say it's impossible to satirize them

1:04:22

but fuck it. You did it. I'm

1:04:24

gonna try. But you did it. I'm gonna

1:04:27

try. Well, I did it. I did it

1:04:29

successfully, Jesus. I think so. Yeah,

1:04:31

what letter grade do you give me on this one? This

1:04:37

one, well, it fooled me for a minute. So A,

1:04:39

I'll give it an A. Nice. Yeah.

1:04:42

But I did put, I did in my defense,

1:04:44

I do put a disclaimer at the end. That's

1:04:46

good. Saying, although this is a work

1:04:48

of satire, and Trump did not actually attack

1:04:51

the unknown soldier today, it would

1:04:53

be very easy to believe he did. Yep. And

1:04:56

I'll put it on and I list the

1:04:59

times he actually did. Yeah, John Kelly came

1:05:01

out last fall

1:05:04

and confirmed that

1:05:06

Trump called American

1:05:09

service members and veterans losers

1:05:11

and suckers. And

1:05:14

I'm gonna wrap it up, Jesus. Okay. I

1:05:16

just think, you know, it's, oh, and also

1:05:19

last week he posted a video calling for

1:05:21

a unified right. Yes.

1:05:23

Like when he gets president that there

1:05:25

will be a unified right. Yep. Which

1:05:28

is a Nazi shit. And

1:05:32

it's crazy. He did all of this in the

1:05:34

week of a Memorial Day because 180,000 American soldiers

1:05:36

died fighting

1:05:38

the Nazis in Europe during World

1:05:40

War II, only to have

1:05:43

an American candidate for presidency tout a

1:05:45

unified right just 80 years later to

1:05:47

shrugs from the media and shrugs

1:05:51

from Republicans, if not outright shears.

1:05:56

Yeah. Hitler actually endorsed Trump from

1:05:58

hell, betwixt tortured screams. Jesus

1:06:02

he was like oh yeah I

1:06:04

like that Donald Trump AHHHHH!

1:06:08

God damn it! Take

1:06:10

commercials! AHHHH! STOP!

1:06:13

I'M BIRNING! 9

1:06:16

9 9! Anyway it's time

1:06:18

for blessings and spikes Jesus.

1:06:22

What a transition. I want to bless God's work

1:06:24

on his sub-stack. I

1:06:31

think it's really fun and entertaining to

1:06:33

read. Get the newsletter every morning it

1:06:35

seems like. Right? You're

1:06:37

getting it every morning? That's

1:06:40

a good consistency right? Yes. I think

1:06:42

I was the one that... Yeah.

1:06:45

Like I told you a few weeks ago I like

1:06:47

my newsletters in the morning. Personally. And

1:06:50

I'm doing a good job. Yeah.

1:06:53

Well today I delivered it... today is

1:06:55

at noon. Boo! Yeah? No?

1:06:59

When do you like your newsletter to arrive? 7am.

1:07:03

Wow. Yeah. Cause that's

1:07:05

when I sit down with my cup of Joe. Not

1:07:08

a guy Joe. My cup of coffee.

1:07:10

And I read my newsletters. I got

1:07:12

a podcasting one. I got

1:07:14

a heaven one. And I got the god pod one. Alright.

1:07:18

Yep. I'll go to that time. Yay! I

1:07:21

want to bless anybody filming the making of

1:07:23

their Chipotle Bowl. I

1:07:27

want to bless more broadly the people

1:07:31

speaking out about these higher prices

1:07:34

and shrinkflation. It's a lot of BS

1:07:36

and you're spooking people. So well done.

1:07:39

You're spooking corporate America I should say.

1:07:41

So well done. Yeah. And

1:07:43

I want to bless God's

1:07:45

trip to Jamaica. And

1:07:48

I want to smite of course. That's project 2025.

1:07:52

That gets the biggest smite of all. Maybe the biggest

1:07:54

smite ever. Yeah. Thanks Jesus.

1:07:56

God got his groove back. I

1:07:59

would also. also like to smite

1:08:01

project 2025 and Trump and all

1:08:04

of these bastards. Obviously, as always,

1:08:07

you are the reason that I smoke

1:08:09

weed. Um, I

1:08:12

would like to, uh, bless

1:08:14

you, Jesus. Great

1:08:16

job buddy. And bless everybody that is

1:08:18

signed up for the newsletter and

1:08:21

enjoying it. Thank you so much for

1:08:23

your feedback. Jesus love it. You're welcome.

1:08:26

Um, yeah, actually had an, an, a,

1:08:28

uh, comedy, a comedian who's

1:08:30

been on the show before reach out to

1:08:32

me wants to, who wants to be part

1:08:34

of it. Ooh, sweet. That's how

1:08:36

you know, it's good when people are like, I gotta

1:08:39

get in on this. Yeah. Good for you. Uh,

1:08:42

so there may it may

1:08:44

continue to grow. Ah,

1:08:49

that would be great. And now,

1:08:51

well, thanks for listening humans. Find the

1:08:53

God pod wherever you get your podcasts,

1:08:55

the God pod, have it Yahweh. Now

1:08:58

it's time for a new commandment,

1:09:01

new commandment. Thou shalt

1:09:04

not pretend you're the victim

1:09:06

when you are literally calling for

1:09:08

a handmade tail future where

1:09:10

women are forced to give birth and

1:09:13

not allowed to have jobs or vote,

1:09:17

please send this commandment

1:09:20

to the Christian nationalists in your

1:09:22

life. The Lord has spoken.

1:09:24

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1:10:29

tricks to the best sandwich order. And

1:10:32

it all starts with this little guy right here, Pepsi

1:10:34

Zero Sugar. Marshall to Pastrami craving a

1:10:36

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1:10:40

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1:10:42

or late night, it'll be a sandwich

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1:10:46

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and the one thing I can say

1:10:50

with absolute fact, every

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bite is better with Pepsi.