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1:04

week on the God Pod. What kind

1:06

of podcast is this anyway? You know,

1:08

I listen to podcasts. You know, my

1:10

favorite podcast is Jesus. What? Ben

1:12

Shapiro. Oh, all right. Well, at least it's

1:15

not Joe Rogan and Joe Rogan. No They

1:19

tied for first. He

1:23

insulted him straight to his face. She

1:26

read it out loud to him and he

1:28

still was like, hey, classic truck. When in

1:31

your life have you ever seen a man

1:33

have this much power over people? Come on

1:35

now. Well, I mean, that is true. You

1:37

got a good point. He's bigger than you,

1:39

Jesus. Here's

1:43

the thing, Jesus. When you get

1:45

stoned, You become a hippie.

1:47

And Then and the next thing you know,

1:49

you want to play the guitar. And Then

1:51

next thing you know, you're listening to Bob

1:54

Dylan. And The next thing you know, you're

1:56

voting. Democrat. What

2:09

have you? Glorious! He the is

2:12

God and I'm here with my

2:14

son Jesus Christ. It's time for

2:16

the God Pa Jesus. Let's do

2:18

it Baby with us! A big

2:21

plans this week. I'm excited big

2:23

show does exist in Iowa! Jesus.

2:25

As tend to this anymore. What? Do

2:28

you mean what's? Nobody

2:30

cares what I say Jesus, That's

2:33

not true. I care what you

2:35

say. Holy Spirit cares what you

2:38

say. Oh, we recently

2:40

celebrated our five year anniversary

2:42

of this podcast, right? Yeah.

2:45

Look. At me. I'm here. I'm wearing a

2:47

suit with a blue tie. Yeah

2:49

I look like of. Democratic.

2:52

Congressman. Yeah. I mean you look. Pretty.

2:54

Plain maybe we need a little I will spice

2:56

up in here. I just think you know I've

2:59

done everything I can to try to get people

3:01

to like me and now it looks like I'm

3:03

running for. For. The Congress And

3:05

you know what? Jesus. Nobody.

3:08

Cares if you say things that

3:10

are totally reasonable and through. They.

3:12

Only care if you're batshit crazy.

3:14

That's right, you got up. fling

3:16

yourself to the left or right

3:19

to the far east edges. We

3:21

talk about Marjorie Tailored Rain was

3:23

area would idiot. With. Ehrlich

3:25

every week says very good at

3:27

getting attention. If only you can

3:29

be more like her. Yeah, and

3:31

you know what you you deserve.

3:34

Better diseases know what you deserve.

3:36

You deserve better than me ruining

3:38

things in my quest to. Restore.

3:41

My good name and become a better

3:43

God. You know you've made me a

3:45

better. In I used to

3:47

be all Old Testament. Is it? Yeah. And.

3:50

You know I've I feel like I have grown. You.

3:53

Have. it hasn't helped

3:55

our ratings right and you still want

3:57

to put me up on the cross

3:59

sand eyes So make fun of me

4:01

quite a bit. My jokes are tired.

4:07

People don't like it when I make jokes about you

4:09

and the passion of the Christ. Yeah,

4:11

and I don't like it either for the

4:13

record. Yeah, oh my god. I

4:15

think that I'm gonna go on

4:17

hiatus, Jesus. No,

4:20

no, stop. No, no, no.

4:22

But listen, the show will go on. The

4:25

show will go on if

4:27

you want to. Yes, of course. Here's

4:30

what I propose, Jesus. Here's what I

4:32

propose. Okay, I'm listening. You

4:34

know how I've mentioned to you before that I

4:36

have a twin brother named Todd? Yeah.

4:41

And he's very, like, he's a huge

4:43

Trump supporter. He's very Republican. Yeah,

4:46

I don't like where to talk

4:48

going. I

4:50

talked to him this weekend. I

4:52

told him that I've

4:55

been going woke and going broke. And

4:58

he understood. And then I said

5:00

I wanted to go take a long

5:02

vacation. You

5:05

know, because I'm tired. Yeah.

5:08

And if I asked him if he would be willing

5:11

to fill in for me on

5:13

the God pod while I'm gone. Oh,

5:15

okay. Okay. And

5:18

I know, you know, you've only met him

5:20

a couple of times, but I

5:24

know this is going to be awkward for you. But I do think

5:26

now hear me out. Uh huh. I think

5:28

that this will add a lot of spice to

5:30

the show. Oh, it's going to add a lot

5:32

of spice. The problem is that he's not sad.

5:35

It's hard to spend time with Todd. He throws

5:37

himself to the far, far right. I don't know

5:40

if I can handle that. Can

5:42

I? He honestly believes, you know,

5:44

he's a true believer. Yeah. Right.

5:48

So all

5:50

that stuff, I guess. So yeah,

5:54

I'm just, I bore myself, Jesus. So, you know, all

5:56

I get on, I get on here every week and

5:58

all I do is watch. You do

6:01

you do I want you're

6:03

not supposed to agree with me on that

6:05

you're supposed to be like oh yeah No,

6:07

no, no you don't you don't know God

6:09

you're brilliant and insightful and we all love

6:11

you No, that is true, but you also

6:14

wine a lot, but I look two things

6:16

can be true. Yo, yeah Well you you

6:18

wine a lot uh uh Well,

6:21

you know why do I do times

6:23

infinity you fuck you no no I'm

6:25

sorry. No. I'm sorry Hey,

6:27

don't put me with Todd. No Leaving

6:31

on a jet plane don't think

6:34

that I'll be back again Fuck

6:37

you Jesus fuck Fuck

6:44

I'm going all right. You know what

6:46

fine. I'll try to talk by whatever

6:48

it's gonna be for the better Jesus

6:50

I love you. I love you son.

6:52

I have a feeling this is gonna

6:54

be one of those situations I don't truly appreciate

6:56

what I have in all it's gone. Just

6:59

text me later I won't leave you on read for

7:01

2,000 years. Okay. All right. I

7:03

got you my Todd

7:09

typical Libtard answer Todd

7:12

This is oh, oh hi hi Todd.

7:14

What's up there? It's up there my

7:18

My nephew Jesus hi hi uncle

7:20

Todd nice to see you again

7:22

I forgot just how violently read

7:24

your hat and t-shirt are this

7:26

is kind of weird Yeah, I

7:29

got my MAGA hat on and

7:31

my Trump won t-shirt and I

7:33

got a cross necklace It's

7:36

how do you feel about that cross necklace? It's

7:38

a little much for me I and you kind

7:41

of smell actually so I need to keep my

7:43

distance until my nose adjusts What

7:45

do I what do you mean? I smell you smell

7:47

you smell like you haven't showered in a few days

7:51

You You smell like Libtard

7:54

I do ouch. Yeah, it smells

7:56

like Avocado, toast and

7:58

fresh. Actually brewed coffee.

8:01

You do ever. I'd rather I present were at.

8:04

You. Know what? The only reason I'm ears of

8:06

my brother got asked me to Valium. Man,

8:09

I want to spread my message.

8:12

To. To his audience. Oh okay

8:14

oh I'm curious to hear what you have

8:16

to say is our Christmas parties are any

8:18

indication. It's not a tough I'm personally gonna

8:21

be a fan of flights. Go ahead, spread

8:23

your message. What are you what you want

8:25

to tell the people? Trump.

8:28

Warm. Out my me.

8:31

That. Now know this has been proven

8:33

in the court's time and time

8:35

again Trump did not win in

8:37

Twenty Twenty is a reason by

8:39

that is sitting. In. The

8:41

White House right now is because he won

8:43

fair and square. And. York

8:46

and stop being sore losers.

8:48

are ready and accept. That.

8:51

Joseph Rob F. Biden.

8:53

Is your president? Say. As

8:56

a peculiar toward answer, say it

8:58

out loud. No. No No

9:00

No no, Let's go Brand and let's

9:02

go. Air

9:05

what Jesus said that was then

9:07

that was that was fake news.

9:09

Oh my gosh Here we go

9:11

right the news what kind of

9:13

podcast is is Anyways this the

9:15

podcast where we were We share

9:18

facts about the news of the

9:20

day. Where. We lean on

9:22

strike new sources. Where

9:24

we exhibit compassion. And

9:26

Intelligence. And. We love

9:29

all people! And we offer

9:31

discounts on my wine. That's

9:33

what the show is about. So. Gotten a

9:35

beer, Ah no, not in the

9:37

fridge right now. I can order some

9:39

if you. While kind of beauty like.

9:42

Typically. Of daughter to answer. Ain't

9:44

got no berries. Only got one

9:46

wine and some vodka. Ah got

9:49

a lot a lot in. All.

9:51

right? Well, what com podcast is this?

9:54

Anyway, You know I listen to podcasts.

9:56

You know? my favorite podcast these days

9:58

is What? bands Yeah, all

10:00

right. Well, at least it's not Joe Rogan

10:02

and Joe Rogan. No They

10:06

tied for first. Oh my

10:08

god, cuz you gots to do your

10:10

research Jesus and That's

10:12

how I do my research. I listen

10:14

to my my stories. I miss your

10:16

brother so much already. This is too

10:18

much for me Joe your

10:21

brother you mean your daddy your brother.

10:23

I said I'm your daddy now Jesus

10:26

No, please. Yeah, he died Oh, hey

10:29

God, this is just like that movie

10:31

the Lion King Yeah,

10:34

I know you think that he yeah, no I let

10:37

He accept I'm

10:39

a mufasa Anyway,

10:42

yeah Trump is mufasa I'm

10:46

a mother now bod in the scar. That's

10:48

what's going on right now. All

10:50

right. All right. Hey Jesus I got

10:52

to ask you some what's up with that? Uh So

10:55

put that rainbow sash you got there. Oh

10:59

This yeah trying to say with that. Uh,

11:01

well what it says is a couple of

11:03

things. First of all, are you

11:05

sitting down? Yes, you are. I

11:08

am a gay

11:12

What? Yeah, okay.

11:15

So that's the first thing that it says and

11:17

the second thing it says is I

11:19

accept Everybody I love

11:22

all humans no matter their sexual

11:25

orientation No matter their

11:27

gender no matter their race. I love

11:29

everybody Yeah,

11:31

me too. I love everybody except

11:33

the Democrats. Ah So

11:36

funny Todd so funny No,

11:40

you know, you know Trump he loves the gays

11:43

Does that we yeah, we totally loves

11:45

them queers them law cabin Republicans. I

11:47

would all them don't you? Yeah, we'll

11:49

take all your votes and

11:51

he gonna he gonna really help you when

11:53

he gets elected again Look,

11:56

he was in office for four years and I

11:58

didn't see him doing anything for the LGBT LGBTQ

12:00

community, so I don't

12:03

believe that Fake

12:05

news. Do you still love me

12:07

as a nephew despite

12:09

knowing that I Jesus and gay?

12:13

What when was the Yeah,

12:18

sure Why

12:21

you gotta take it there okay with them

12:24

Feminine feelings, what do you mean take

12:26

it there? We're family you think that

12:28

I'm just gonna tell you I love

12:30

you It's okay to love family. It's

12:32

okay to say that you know a

12:34

problem with a lot of you Republicans

12:37

Republicans as you can't express your feelings

12:40

You can say it out loud Listen

12:42

up boy. I'm a toughen you

12:44

up Okay, yeah,

12:47

that's right. That's right. What do you turn

12:49

you into an alpha Jesus? Uh-huh,

12:52

and what are you gonna? How you gonna do that? I

12:54

already hit the gym I think I look pretty sexy if

12:56

I do say so myself There's

12:58

nothing about me that need to be

13:00

toughened up. No, I do a little

13:02

CrossFit. I Pump some iron.

13:04

I kiss some boys in

13:06

the locker room. Oh Jesus with the CrossFit

13:09

Yeah, yeah, actually yeah, yeah That

13:13

just shows you the left can't meme Let's

13:17

go Brandon let's go you got

13:19

me there you got me there nothing funny here in

13:22

the world Then let's go Brandon. Oh,

13:24

it's hilarious. It's so original and hasn't

13:26

been overdone at all So

13:30

funny sometimes I just be on the toilet, and

13:32

I just think Let's go

13:34

Brandon if I just see one more. Let's

13:36

go Brandon bumper sticker down there on earth.

13:38

I'm gonna lose it I Think

13:43

you're gonna do a great job today. I'm

13:45

very excited to have you here uncle Todd.

13:47

Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, you heard

13:49

it here first folks. He likes

13:51

me better than his daddy. I didn't say

13:54

that I did not say that It's

13:56

just nice to have it. I've been

13:58

here five minutes. He's dropping them drawers.

14:00

It's nice dropping them drawers. Whoa,

14:03

we're not getting there. We're not

14:05

going there. It's just... Metaphonically Jesus.

14:07

Metaphonically. Okay, no, no incest. Got

14:09

it. It's just

14:11

nice to have a new voice on

14:13

the panel. That's all I'm saying. And

14:16

unlike you, I love all of my

14:18

family members, so I'm excited

14:21

to see what you want to bring

14:23

to the table today. Now...

14:25

Listen, I'm an alpha, okay? I

14:27

don't say the words like, love.

14:31

That's for them libdharts.

14:35

So how do you express

14:37

love then? Buy you a

14:39

gun. Oh, hmm.

14:42

All right, well, that is... One

14:44

of the five love languages is buying

14:47

gifts for somebody, so I guess that is

14:49

a way to express love, even if it's

14:51

something I do not want. Yeah, I'm buying

14:54

you some bullets. Yeah. Maybe...

14:56

Yeah. All right, we'll have to think on

14:58

that a little more. I'm not sure if

15:00

I actually want to do that. Anyway, I'm

15:02

tired of this line of questioning. What is

15:04

this? You got me on trial? Fuck your

15:07

feelings, Jesus. I apologize. I apologize. No, fuck

15:09

your feelings. Whoa, let's, you know... It's time

15:11

to toughen you

15:13

up, boy. All right. Yeah, nice. Yeah, you with

15:15

you. Yeah, you with Todd now. Damn right. Let's

15:17

get on. Let's get this podcast going now. So

15:19

what would you like to talk about? It's

15:22

time for the fake news. All right, well,

15:24

while we hear from Bernie Sanders, what do

15:27

you think of Bernie Sanders? Do you like

15:29

that guy? Yeah, I like Bernie. Oh,

15:31

okay. So he made a speech

15:34

on anti-Semitism. Let's hear what he

15:36

had to say recently. No,

15:39

Mr. Netanyahu, it is

15:41

not anti-Semitic or pro-Hamas to

15:44

point out that in a little over six

15:46

months, your extremist government

15:48

has killed 34,000 Palestinians and

15:50

wounded more than 78,000, 70% of whom

15:53

are women and children. It

16:01

is not anti-Semitic to point

16:03

out that your bombing has

16:05

completely destroyed more than 221,000

16:08

housing units in Gaza, leaving

16:11

more than a million people homeless, almost

16:14

half the population. It

16:17

is not anti-Semitic to note that

16:19

your government has obliterated Gaza's

16:22

civilian infrastructure, electricity, water,

16:24

and sewage. It

16:28

is not anti-Semitic to realize

16:30

that your government has annihilated

16:32

Gaza's healthcare system, knocking

16:35

26 hospitals out of

16:37

service and killing more

16:39

than 400 healthcare workers.

16:42

Who the hell is he, Bernie

16:45

Sanders now, to

16:48

decide what is and what

16:50

isn't anti-Semitic? How

16:54

did he get to decide? You know who gets to decide?

16:57

Donald J. Trump. Oh yes,

16:59

of course. You know what that J stands

17:01

for, right? Well, I mean, no,

17:04

I'm afraid you're wrong. No,

17:07

his son, Jared Kushner, now, he's

17:10

Jewish. Well, and so is

17:12

Bernie, and that's why Bernie can speak

17:14

out on the topic. Yeah, but he

17:16

is social. He's a commie, so it

17:18

don't count now. Come on, Jesus. You

17:20

know what's anti-Semitic? What? Democrats.

17:23

Of course. Why are we the problem?

17:25

Why are we the problem? Because I said so, that's why. All

17:27

right. Well, and plus, you know, you know what? They

17:39

out there protesting on them college

17:41

campuses. Yes. That's dangerous.

17:44

That's a real problem, Jesus. Now why

17:46

is that dangerous? That's

17:48

a real problem. Everybody's

17:50

worried. Everybody's talking about war

17:53

and bombing this and drone

17:55

strike that. But how

17:57

about them kids? How about

17:59

them kids? I don't test it.

18:02

That's the real problem Jesus.

18:04

No, they're actually protesting on

18:06

college campuses is part of

18:09

the College experience that

18:11

always has been now and doing

18:13

drugs should any well. Yes You're

18:16

you're right now. I

18:19

don't approve of any violence

18:21

that's happening on campuses, of course, but

18:23

Protesting what kind of violence now?

18:26

What kind of violence happening? No, well, I'm

18:28

just saying no violence That all should

18:30

be happening. You know what? I'm armed.

18:32

I saw them cops beating

18:34

the shit out of women and that was I

18:37

was that's the Dean's wife. That's what

18:39

I saw Yeah, and that that wouldn't

18:41

be okay. Is that the kind of

18:44

violence he was talking about? Yes. Yes

18:46

I will we please just be nice.

18:48

We want to see some peaceful protests

18:50

that are also making a statement Because

18:53

the point of protesting is a

18:55

disruption. That's hold on now. He's just

18:57

I'm You're starting to

18:59

be a little Convinced

19:01

a ruler though, so I'm gonna try I

19:04

had to stop right now. Okay,

19:06

I got a check Donald

19:08

J Trump's post on true social

19:11

to see what I think. Oh Well,

19:14

I you might change Hold

19:16

on now. I got to see what I think

19:18

about this issue. Just let me

19:20

do my scrolling my texting Okay.

19:23

All right. It says here Donald

19:26

J. Trump says stop the

19:28

protests now. Oh Stop

19:32

the protests now That's

19:35

how I know what to think Stop

19:37

the protests. That's right. Okay, so we're

19:39

totally on Israel's. Okay, if only

19:42

he said anything like that on January 6 Hey

19:45

now what I was at the January

19:47

6th Jesus were you You Did

19:52

you penetrate the Capitol oh,

19:55

yeah penetrated oh man, did

19:57

you poop on Nancy Pelosi's desk I

20:00

mean, nobody listens to this

20:02

podcast, right? Right, right. That's

20:04

what God was saying? It's just me, yeah. Yeah,

20:07

no, no, no, I... Yeah,

20:10

I did everything, Jesus. Oh,

20:12

that is disgusting. I did an uppledecker. That

20:15

is disgusting. Yeah.

20:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go,

20:21

Brandon. I can't. Let's just go. I

20:23

can't stand this. We'll be right back

20:26

after these messages. Worried

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21:32

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21:34

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21:36

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21:38

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21:41

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21:46

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21:53

is there anything you would like to talk

21:55

about today? Maybe in like your own, I

21:58

shudder to say it, but like some sort of like. this

22:00

week in woke segments would you like

22:03

to voice your

22:05

concerns? Alright, welcome to this

22:07

week in woke. God was

22:09

telling me about this. Guess

22:15

what Jesus? Comedy

22:17

is legal again. What? Elon

22:20

Musk posted make comedy

22:22

legal again and he posted

22:25

a link to Jerry Seinfeld. Jerry

22:28

Seinfeld guess who hates woke

22:30

too Jesus? I

22:32

would not have pegged him as somebody who was... That's

22:35

right Seinfeld is now... he's an anti-wokester.

22:37

Just to be you would go home

22:48

at the end of the day most people would go, oh Cheers

22:51

is on, oh MASH is on, oh

22:53

Mary Tyler Moore is on, all the

22:55

family's on. You just expect it.

22:57

There'll be some funny stuff we can watch on

22:59

TV tonight. Well guess what? Where is it? Where

23:02

is it? This

23:04

is the result of the extreme

23:06

left and PC crap and people

23:08

worrying so much about offending other

23:10

people. Now

23:14

they're going to see stand-up comics because we

23:16

are not policed by anyone.

23:18

The audience polices us. We know

23:20

when we're off track, we know

23:22

instantly and we adjust to it

23:25

instantly but when you write

23:27

a script and it goes into four

23:29

or five different hands, committees, groups, here's

23:31

our thought about this joke, well that's

23:33

the end of your comedy. Have you

23:36

had that experience? No.

23:40

Isn't that what Curb is all about? Yeah.

23:43

Larry was grandfathered in. He's

23:46

old enough that I don't have

23:48

to observe those rules because I

23:50

started before you made those rules.

23:52

Yeah, he makes a good

23:54

point Jesus. Does he? Yeah.

23:56

You don't see all the family on TV

23:59

no more. I think he

24:01

was grasping for drugs. It got cancelled by

24:03

the woke left. No, I

24:05

don't think it works that way. I'm actually shocked

24:07

to hear Jerry take this take

24:09

because... You're shocked, Jesus.

24:11

What about his former co-star,

24:15

Julia Louis-Dreyfus? She made the very

24:17

edgy viep. I wouldn't say she

24:19

was grandfathered in when that aired

24:21

on HBO. No, she was grandmother-ed

24:24

in. Now, I will agree

24:26

with Jerry that there's probably... And we've probably

24:28

spoken about this on the show a couple

24:30

of times. I wouldn't know.

24:32

I never listened to this. Oh, that's right.

24:35

Sometimes you look so...and sound so close

24:37

to God, I just get confused. No,

24:41

wait for real? Are you for real saying I sound like

24:43

God now? You have the same

24:45

bone structure. Take it as a compliment. There

24:49

are some things on The Office

24:51

that definitely probably would not air

24:53

today. But there's still edginess on

24:55

television. Come on. He's

24:57

damn right, Jesus. He's right about

25:00

everything. That's Jerry Seinfeld. You know

25:02

why? Oh, please. Because he's a

25:04

billionaire. Oh, I think

25:06

that's what's going on. Billionaires, he's successful.

25:08

He knows more than the rest of

25:10

us. Listen. You know what? I actually

25:12

agree with you. That's definitely what he

25:14

thinks. You know what? The

25:17

way that it worked, that's why the B-movie

25:19

sucked. That's

25:22

why that B-movie he made sucked. It wasn't

25:24

his fault. It was the

25:26

committees, and that comedians in cars

25:28

getting coffee sucked. You know why?

25:30

Why? The

25:33

woke. Todd, let me ask

25:35

you something. The committees got involved. And you know what

25:37

else, Jesus? They ain't going to

25:39

let him date seven...that's why he can't date

25:41

17-year-olds no more. Was he doing that? No.

25:44

Oh, Jesus. You're so young

25:46

and impressionable. Yeah, in

25:48

the 90s, man. He

25:51

banged this 17-year-old Shoshanna Donstein. You don't

25:53

know about that? No, no. I'm a

25:56

millennial. Do a Google search, Seinfeld17.

26:00

Sinefeld 17, oh great. Sinefeld

26:03

17. Yeah

26:05

man, it was all the rage of the time. He

26:07

was getting mad props all over the place cause

26:10

she was all hot and stuff. Ew.

26:13

You got a times of change, boy. Yeah,

26:15

for the better, by the way. Now

26:17

Todd, are you going to be

26:20

watching his new movie, Unfrosted,

26:22

about the creation of the

26:25

Pop-Tart? Well, I wasn't

26:27

gonna, I tell you what, I wasn't gonna see it. But

26:30

now, now that he's,

26:32

and I learned that he's on Team Magga,

26:35

hell yeah, I'm gonna see that shit.

26:37

Let's go, Jerry. Let's go.

26:40

Oh boy. Let's go, Jerry, go. Now,

26:43

I'll be honest, I am, even though

26:45

I'm pissed about Jerry's comments, I'm

26:48

curious to see if he actually made a

26:50

good movie or if this is another B-movie.

26:52

So we'll find out,

26:54

it's on Netflix this weekend. Well,

26:57

we all know that when

27:00

it came out of Seinfeld, the

27:02

talented one was Jerry Seinfeld there

27:05

because his name was on the

27:07

show. Right,

27:10

but he, I don't know if he had the

27:12

best post-Seinfeld career, like his standup has been good,

27:15

for sure, I've seen a couple standup specials for

27:17

him and they're great, but this

27:19

seems a little much from Jerry, these

27:21

latest comments. Well, you know, it's not

27:23

like he can just get any show

27:25

he wants made, okay, because

27:27

he's a billionaire. He's got a,

27:31

all he can do is go out there

27:33

and complain because

27:35

he got canceled by the woke mob. Let's

27:37

move on to this weekend, oh shit. Okay.

27:41

So, there

27:43

was also this tweet responding

27:45

to Jerry, Julia

27:47

Claire said, Jerry Seinfeld is on the

27:49

New York Radio Hour blaming the extreme

27:51

left and PC crap for why there

27:53

are no sitcoms anymore. Not streamers or

27:56

any systemic reasons that we just saw

27:58

at play with the WGA strike. just

28:00

the Wokes won't let us make comedy

28:03

anymore. Absolute brain rot, says

28:05

Joel. He's wrath, Julia. I

28:09

don't think so, but let's hear this clip

28:11

from Bill Maher as well on his show.

28:14

He was saying that nobody ever gets canceled

28:16

for saying anything too woke. I love Bill

28:18

Maher. Did you read the tweets from the

28:20

person who is, this never

28:22

happened before on the show. I have a

28:24

namesake in the news. Catherine Maher is her

28:26

name. I think that's how she

28:28

pronounces it, although I kind of wish she

28:31

pronounced it differently. And

28:34

Andrew Sullivan wrote a column today called, Catherine Maher

28:36

is not a liberal and I agree. I

28:39

mean, she's a Portlandia character. I

28:42

mean, she's, I didn't get that

28:44

reference. She says things like, I'm sure,

28:47

I mean, sure, looting is counterproductive. But

28:53

it's founded on treating people's ancestors as

28:55

private property. Yeah, I mean, come on,

28:57

man, a long time ago. I

29:00

mean, this is just, she says, as

29:02

someone with cis white mobility privilege,

29:05

I mean, it's the kind of white woman who says, you

29:07

know, she's Beyonce spirit

29:10

animal. Mobility privilege,

29:12

cis white mobility privilege. In other

29:14

words, I can walk and I'm

29:16

white. Yeah, I like how he

29:18

pulled out that example. And

29:21

you know what I'm gonna do because of that

29:23

one phrase, Jesus. What? Judge

29:26

everybody on the woke left. They

29:30

all stupid because of that, what that one

29:32

person said. You know who I like, you

29:34

know, who's really smart? Who? Bill

29:36

Maher. Bill Maher, yeah. You know how

29:38

you know he's smart? Cause

29:41

he got this real pretentious way of

29:43

talking. Yeah, he's kind

29:45

of smug, right? He's got this smug,

29:47

you can just, the smug is just

29:49

off the charts, Jesus. That's how you

29:51

know. That's how you

29:53

know this man's smart. Kind of

29:55

like Trump. Like

29:58

Trump and like that, he just got so. much

30:00

anger and hatred in

30:02

the things that he says, you know,

30:05

this man means business. Okay,

30:07

if you say so. That's what I like. That's

30:09

what I'm striving for, Jesus. How

30:11

do you feel about Russell Brand? Because

30:13

he announced he is getting baptized. Hero.

30:16

Okay. Another hero. Okay,

30:18

yeah. Well, he has been exploring

30:21

Christianity for the last several months, and

30:24

he's been telling his fans about

30:26

his reading of the Bible, and

30:28

he's even led them in praying

30:30

the Rosary. Wow.

30:34

You know, this one we might be able

30:36

to unite on, actually. Yeah,

30:38

you're happy about that, right, Jesus? Well,

30:40

I am just

30:43

because, you know, I gotta stick

30:45

with my roots, you know? I

30:48

am not... I did not separate from

30:50

the church. I am

30:52

separate from the church, as many Americans

30:54

like you know it, but I

30:57

support Russell Brand making this decision, even

31:01

though I don't agree with anything

31:03

in the Bible myself. My brother,

31:05

he done fucked up now, because

31:07

let me tell you what, you are

31:09

so impressionable and gullible and naive, Jesus.

31:12

It's gonna be easy as fuck to red pill

31:14

you, boy. I'm

31:17

gonna have you wearing a Trump one, a t-shirt,

31:19

and a MAGA hat by the end of the

31:22

week. I don't think so. I don't think so.

31:24

Hell yeah. Heck no. No.

31:26

Get her done. That hat would burn

31:29

my beautiful hair. I

31:31

think if I put that on. So

31:34

Bill Barr, not Bill Maher,

31:37

but Bill Barr, the former

31:39

Trump attorney general, responded

31:42

to Trump's social media

31:44

post mocking his endorsements,

31:48

and he explained why he'll vote for

31:50

Trump, even though he says he shouldn't

31:52

be president. By the way, I'm currently

31:55

queuing up this video clip, and before

31:57

the video is an

31:59

ad for... Charmin ultra strong

32:01

toilet paper, which is

32:04

apt given the

32:06

subjects in this video. That's

32:08

supposed to be a joke, Libtard. Yeah.

32:11

About something about Trump and butts and

32:13

poop and toilet. Okay.

32:16

Here it comes. You don't take, like you don't

32:18

take greasy ass shit. I

32:21

eat well. So no, I don't. Listen,

32:23

before you judge a man for farting

32:25

and shit himself, take

32:27

the log out your own ass. Last time

32:29

you and I spoke, we had you on the show, you told

32:31

me that you would jump off the bridge when

32:33

it came to it on who you were going to

32:35

support in the 2024 election. It

32:38

appears that you have jumped off that bridge because

32:40

you said recently you were going to vote for

32:42

the Republican ticket come November, which means you're going

32:44

to vote for Donald Trump. Yeah, I said

32:46

that's what I plan to do at this stage. You're

32:48

saying you could change your mind, maybe. Well, I'm not going

32:50

to vote for Biden. And I just, this is

32:53

a wild time. Who knows what's going to happen

32:55

in seven months. But I expect as between Trump

32:57

and Biden, there's no question in my mind. Oh,

33:00

so you're kind of suggesting maybe Donald Trump may not

33:02

be the Republican nominee. Or Biden may

33:04

not be their Democrat. Or so you would

33:06

vote for another Democrat if a different Democrat

33:09

was on the ticket. It's hard to imagine

33:11

that this party, the progressive Democratic party would

33:13

nominate someone I would support. Yeah,

33:15

I know you disagree with them, but I

33:17

have to ask you about something that Trump

33:19

posted about you this week because he responded

33:22

in response to you saying you'd vote for

33:24

the Republican ticket. Wow. Former AG Bill Barr,

33:26

who led a lot of great people down

33:28

by not investigating voter fraud in our country,

33:30

has just endorsed me for president despite the

33:33

fact that I call him, called him weak,

33:35

slow moving, lethargic, gutless and lazy. Based

33:38

on the fact that I greatly appreciate

33:40

his wholehearted endorsement, I am removing the

33:42

word lethargic from my statement. Thank you,

33:44

Bill. Classic

33:49

Trump. Oh,

33:52

man. I can't

33:54

believe she read that out

33:56

loud to him and he

33:58

had to respond. That's

34:00

pretty great. That's pretty great. Come on now.

34:02

That's why I love that man. That

34:06

is fucking funny, Libdard. It's

34:10

great that you and I, Todd,

34:12

can bond over how ridiculous the

34:15

Republican Party is. I'm

34:17

glad that we can bond over that. He made

34:19

this man, he turned this man into Reek from

34:22

Game of Thrones. He insulted

34:24

him straight to his face. She

34:27

read it out loud to him and he

34:29

still was like, hey, hey, classic truck. When

34:31

in your life have you ever seen a

34:33

man have this much power over people? Come

34:35

on now. Well, I mean, that is true.

34:37

You got a good point. Yeah,

34:40

exactly. He's bigger than you, Jesus.

34:43

Whoa, I would not go there.

34:47

I think amongst his followers, they probably

34:49

respect him more than they do me.

34:51

But on the world stage? I

34:53

do. I'm still number one. You

34:56

respect Trump more than

34:58

me. Hell yeah.

35:00

The Lord and Savior. Hell

35:03

yeah. I can't with this guy.

35:05

He would never let himself get all crucified like

35:07

that. All right. He'd write it in

35:09

court. Man, he'd have that Pontius

35:12

Pilate. He'd have his head spinning. Yeah,

35:14

I'm ready to be on to Pilate something. He'd

35:16

be writing mean tweets on the tablets and

35:18

spreading them throughout town. And that

35:21

Pontius Pilate would be like, oh, please stop. I'm going

35:23

to fine you $1,000. How

35:27

have I ever able to spend

35:29

a Christmas party with you? This

35:31

is just insane. There

35:33

is not enough wine I could drink

35:35

at our annual family gatherings to deal

35:37

with this nonsense. Remind me to

35:39

book a vacation during Christmas this year. All

35:42

right. So our final story in the

35:44

This Week in Woke with Todd.

35:47

Ugh. Kristi

35:49

Noem defends dog slang as responsible.

35:51

Oh, I can't wait to hear

35:53

you defend this one. Amid

35:56

waves of backlash from both sides of

35:58

the aisle, South Dakota, Dakota Governor Kristi

36:01

Noem on Sunday defended her decision to

36:03

shoot and kill her 14-month-old puppy

36:07

named Cricket years ago.

36:10

I can understand why people are

36:12

upset about a 20-year-old story about

36:15

Cricket. The fact is

36:17

South Dakota law states that dogs who

36:19

attack and kill livestock can be put

36:21

down given that Cricket had shown aggressive

36:23

behavior toward people by biting them. I

36:25

decided what I did. Your

36:28

response, Todd? Yo, fuck her. Todd

36:30

C Oh. Okay.

36:33

Wow. Todd C That surprised

36:35

you, Jesus. That does surprise me. That does surprise

36:37

me. I wish you wouldn't call me

36:39

lip card so often, but that

36:41

does surprise me. Okay, good. Todd

36:44

C Yeah, I know. I'm

36:47

not, you know, I'm not, you think God, that's the

36:49

thing. That's the thing, Jesus. You think I'm stupid. You

36:51

think that I'm going to really come on here. My

36:55

first day in my new job. You're

36:58

doing a job. Let me make

37:00

this clear, Todd. I'm going to defend killing the

37:02

dogs. Come on now. You

37:05

got to have a little more respect for me

37:07

than that. Todd, this is very much a one

37:09

and done gig for you. I'm afraid I'll

37:11

be speaking to God about having you back again

37:14

in light of today's discussion.

37:16

For real? Yeah,

37:20

I'm not thrilled. I'm not thrilled with what I'm

37:22

hearing here. I mean, I can't stand this. I'm

37:24

going to need to go take eight showers. You

37:27

don't think this is good at podcasting? Well, no,

37:29

look, I mean, I'm sure for people who agree

37:31

with you, this is great. That's it. That's

37:34

it, isn't it? You just want an

37:36

echo chamber. I don't want an echo chamber.

37:38

You just want to be able to say

37:40

things and have God go, oh yeah, you

37:43

right, Jesus. Let me powder your ass. Oh,

37:45

well, no, I'd say it's the other way

37:47

around. I'd say God always wants me to

37:49

agree with him. No. No.

37:53

Oh, really? Yeah. You

37:56

don't like him either, huh? Well, a little bit.

37:58

You talking trash about my brother? As

38:01

I'm sure most listeners can agree,

38:03

family sure can be difficult. Listen,

38:06

I says it like it is and I

38:08

mean what I say is. Yeah, and even

38:10

though you smell a little bit and I

38:13

don't agree with what you're saying, I

38:15

am enjoying having you here. You smell too,

38:17

Jesus. You smell like patchouli oil. I smell

38:19

like flowers and some cologne I recently purchased.

38:23

Okay, so let's move on. Oh, Todd,

38:26

we have some breaking news. I

38:29

am very curious to hear your opinion on this. The

38:32

DEA in America is planning

38:34

to reclassify marijuana as a

38:36

lower risk drug. Now,

38:39

this would be a historic

38:41

shift in federal drug policy

38:43

and would loosen restrictions on

38:46

marijuana in the United States. How

38:49

do you feel about that? Typical,

38:51

lived-hard bullshit. So you

38:53

don't smoke. Your brother

38:56

loves to smoke marijuana.

38:58

Did you hear that? No, I

39:01

drink beer. Okay,

39:03

okay. Has God ever

39:06

tried to give you a joint? Yeah,

39:10

but I said no. I mean, I

39:12

don't disagree with you. I don't

39:14

think anybody needs to smoke, but

39:18

it's also pretty harmless. So

39:21

I would say maybe you

39:23

should try it sometime. It

39:25

could be a good bonding moment for you and

39:27

your brother. Yeah, no, I'm good.

39:30

Okay. Well, so do

39:33

you approve of this news or

39:36

do you wish? Honestly,

39:38

I got, again, I got to see what

39:41

Trump has to say about it and then

39:43

I'll know what to think. I'm going to

39:45

guess he's going to kind of step back from

39:47

offering an opinion on this because

39:50

I don't know. The way the world and America

39:52

is moving, marijuana… Okay, well,

39:54

maybe Ben Shapiro will say something.

39:56

This is just part of that.

40:01

of the woke liberals, woke mobs

40:03

plan to make everybody woke. Because

40:06

here's the thing, Jesus, when you

40:08

get stoned, you become a

40:10

hippie. And then, and the next thing you

40:12

know, you want to play the guitar. I

40:15

think this is a, and then next thing you know, you're

40:18

listening to Bob Dylan. And

40:21

the next thing you know, you're voting Democrat.

40:23

So no, I am not in favor of

40:27

the libtard leaf. All right,

40:32

well, that's a good phrase. I'll give

40:34

you that one, libtard leaf. That's it. And

40:37

scene. I like some alliteration. I'm a

40:39

sucker for alliteration. You are a sucker.

40:42

We'll be right back after these messages.

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41:16

you have any new thoughts today, by the way,

41:19

based on the thoughts of Donald Trump?

41:21

You mean you want me to just

41:23

go ahead and read his posts right

41:25

now? Yeah, sure. And you said you

41:27

embody everything that he says and thinks,

41:29

right? So I can't wait to see

41:32

what you and him are now thinking

41:34

today, your latest stances. All

41:36

right, here's a new poll, Jesus. Ooh. President

41:39

Trump crushes Biden

41:42

in Wisconsin, 52 to 48. And

41:46

I love this. It's got a

41:48

graphic and it's got Trump

41:51

pumping his fist like

41:53

that. And it's got Biden making

41:55

a face like

41:57

he just smelled a wet fart. He's like.

42:00

What? What's going on? I

42:02

just ship, I just put my pants. I'm losing

42:04

in 2024. What? And

42:07

I love this. It's the same exact, and

42:10

in the next post, Jesus, it's the

42:12

same thing for North Carolina. It's the

42:15

same 52 to 48, same

42:18

stanky-ass Biden look. Yeah,

42:22

they're not putting much effort in, and I love

42:24

that. Yeah, just copying and pasting

42:26

the same graphic. Here's

42:28

a post. He retweeted Marco

42:31

Rubio, who says

42:33

Biden supporter-Democrat, quote-unquote,

42:36

judge in New

42:38

York, imposes fines on Trump for

42:40

pointing out the fact that all the

42:43

people trying to put him in jail are

42:46

also Democrats who support Biden. Oh,

42:49

brother. You know, I will

42:52

– you know what? I do have something

42:54

I think you and I can bond over, Todd. The

42:57

judge held Trump in contempt over

42:59

gag order and warned of potential

43:02

jail time. Now,

43:04

he did issue a fine to

43:06

Trump. The fine was only $9,000.

43:08

That's it.

43:12

That's what you're going to fine Donald Trump. That's

43:14

a lot of money, Jesus. $9,000 is 9,000 more

43:16

than I got. Yeah,

43:20

well, for you it is, because

43:22

you've made terrible life decisions, and you invested in

43:24

way too much gold. But for Donald Trump –

43:26

No, I actually had a lot of money, Jesus.

43:28

You did? I had a lot of money. What'd

43:30

you spend it on? Where did it all go?

43:33

I bought some of them

43:35

Trump Bibles. I bought myself

43:38

them golden shoes. And

43:40

I've been donating to him on the

43:42

regular every time he hit me up on – he

43:45

personally texts me now. Donald? That's

43:47

kind of cool, actually. And

43:49

he sends me emails. Whoa.

43:51

Yeah, we're on email, text

43:53

chat basis. Mostly he just

43:55

asks me for money, but I say, okay,

43:57

Donald, I love you. And

44:00

then finally, I invested

44:04

in the true

44:06

social. No. Yeah.

44:08

When it went public, I

44:12

lost my whole nest egg, Jesus. Honestly,

44:15

Todd, I am so sorry that Donald

44:17

Trump played you like that. No,

44:19

it's not my, it's not Donald's fault. Don't

44:22

blame this on Donald. You don't know him

44:24

like I do. It's, uh, it's

44:27

not my fault. I lost all my money

44:29

on true social. Okay. You know, whose fault

44:31

it is. Who's the

44:34

woke mob. Oh,

44:37

of course. It's always comes back to

44:39

the woke mob. Always. Well, Todd,

44:42

I have good news for you. DJT

44:44

is up 4.26% in the

44:46

last five days. So

44:49

maybe there's some hope for you to

44:51

get your mind. I've sold all my

44:53

shares. Jesus went and hit bottom. Oh

44:55

my God. Todd, buy low,

44:57

so high. Uh,

45:02

what are you investing in now? The

45:04

Fox media group. Most

45:06

of the cigarettes and Lucy's sick.

45:09

I've got bad news for you about this future of

45:11

cigarettes. Invest in the

45:13

marijuana industry. I bet their stock

45:15

is up today. I'm investing in

45:17

them. If you mean buying them

45:19

and then sucking them down. Well,

45:24

let me check in on an cannabis stock

45:26

because. Oh yeah,

45:28

they're doing well today. Up 30% in

45:30

light of this news I talked about

45:32

earlier. Good for them. That's exactly. It's

45:34

just like they always say you go

45:36

woke and you go broke. We

45:39

just proved it. Don't

45:43

think so. I said up 30% today. We

45:46

just proved it. You go woke, you go broke.

45:49

All right. Well, let's move on to some other news

45:51

today. So

45:54

actually you might agree with this.

45:56

If we look at some religious

45:59

stories, Christian leaders are saying that.

46:01

Taylor Swift's new album Mocks God.

46:03

Among the lyrics that Christians are upset

46:05

about are the lines, I just learned these

46:08

people try and save you because they hate

46:10

you and God

46:12

saved the most judgmental creeps who

46:14

say they want what's best for

46:17

me. So

46:19

I think Taylor has been dating

46:21

some judgmental creeps. Is

46:24

that what that means? I think you

46:26

know what that means to me

46:29

Jesus? What? She's satanic. Whoa

46:32

whoa whoa whoa. If

46:34

she's an absolute satanic why her

46:36

last name start with S then?

46:38

Taylor satanic. That what don't insult

46:40

Taylor Swift in front of me.

46:44

What you gonna do Jesus? You're gonna cry

46:46

about it? I'm gonna put a spell on

46:49

you and it's not like good one. Oh

46:51

yeah well watch what I can do with my eyes when I

46:53

get really mad. Watch this. What? Oh

46:56

whoa that's pretty cool actually. I

46:58

got it. That's right I got flaming fire

47:00

in my eyes right now. You can't see

47:02

it. That's pretty sweet. Yeah.

47:04

I want

47:07

a party trick like that. All I

47:09

could do is turn water into wine.

47:11

Boring. That just shows you

47:13

your daddy don't care about you. I want

47:15

to. Not like you know Donald cares about

47:18

his sons Donald Jr. and Eric and

47:20

then Baron. You know what I agree

47:22

with you there. God's been promising me

47:25

for months that he would give me

47:27

more movement and cool party tricks. Has

47:29

it really been months now? It's been months.

47:33

I can't even cry. Maybe

47:35

it's a slow-moving process. You

47:37

don't know about it. And

47:40

you know how God works. It's me

47:43

before you. Yeah. So

47:45

in some other religious news a Christian ministry. Hold

47:47

on now. I want to talk about Donald Trump

47:50

some more. Oh you do? Yeah that's

47:52

what I love about this man. He

47:54

makes so many headlines every week Jesus.

47:57

I barely got time to keep up with it

47:59

my story. Okay, he

48:01

got he that did the

48:03

judge ruled. Yeah, the judge find him

48:06

some money for talking shit. Whatever That's

48:08

like 152 Bibles. He

48:11

uh, he gonna let him Attend

48:13

his son Baron's graduation. Did you

48:16

know that I did? Oh,

48:18

he's going to or not going to let

48:20

him now He's like, yeah, Donald Donald

48:22

made a bunch of posts saying that

48:25

judge won't even let me go to

48:28

my son's Graduation and I'd love to

48:30

be out there right now Campaigning

48:32

but I can't Because

48:35

I'm in court and then

48:37

on his days off. He just

48:39

went golfing You know,

48:41

he needed he needed to like Relax

48:44

a little bit and now he

48:46

got yeah now he's he's gonna

48:48

be able to attend Baron's graduation I'm gonna

48:50

be there you gonna be there Jesus hell

48:52

no and something tells

48:55

me that instead of attending Baron's

48:57

graduation He's just going to be

48:59

campaigning or pooping on his

49:01

golden throne or eating McDonald's

49:03

or something I don't believe he's actually going

49:05

to Baron's graduation. He doesn't love that kid.

49:07

He doesn't love any of his kids Yeah,

49:10

well, you either. Okay. Yeah Graduation

49:13

was getting crucified. I know he

49:15

doesn't love me He

49:19

never expresses it in any way any

49:22

way yeah, and you know what Jesus

49:25

What I'll be your friend I'm

49:30

afraid I can't be your friend. I

49:33

Can't Why not

49:36

Todd because as you judge people,

49:38

that's why you ain't my judge I'm

49:41

not saying enough catchphrases for you like

49:44

like fake new. Oh, yeah they make me

49:46

want to bang my head against the wall

49:48

in fact, I have been banging my head

49:50

against the wall and I'm

49:53

gonna need some Tylenol after today's

49:55

program. Well, anyway that

49:58

witch hunt that Donald

50:00

is facing from that lying hoe.

50:04

Okay? Lying hoe. Now he's a hoe?

50:06

That's, you know who I'm talking about. That's

50:09

that Colin Jost. What?

50:12

Colin Jost? I mean the Storm of Daniels

50:14

of it all. Wow. You're

50:17

just, you're just throwing out random words now. I don't

50:19

even think you're making sense at this point. Did you?

50:22

Well, you did. I guess you didn't see the White

50:24

House Press Correspondents Dinner this weekend then,

50:26

huh, Jesus? Well, I did. I

50:29

thought Biden's remarks were

50:32

great. He's actually got pretty

50:34

good comedic timing. But here's

50:36

something I will agree with you on. Colin Jost

50:38

was not good. And I know Donald Trump had

50:40

that thought too. So naturally you have that thought.

50:43

But I started watching the Colin Jost portion

50:45

and I had to tune out after three,

50:47

four minutes. I don't know what, he was

50:49

off. Something was very wrong. Well

50:53

he, uh, you mean he

50:55

was Colin Jost? What?

50:58

He's never funny, Jesus. Uh,

51:00

he's pretty funny on SNL. Nah,

51:03

you know who's funny? Who? That

51:05

Greg Gutfeld. Oh, do you watch his

51:08

show on Fox News? Let's go Greg.

51:11

Yeah. Uh, Colin

51:13

Jost ain't never been funny because when you

51:15

go woke you can't make joke. Ooh.

51:18

Go woke, no joke. Go broke. You know

51:20

what? I'll give you that one. That

51:22

was actually pretty good. That's right.

51:25

That's right. I said it right here. Thank

51:27

you Colin Jost. You suck. I

51:30

don't know how you got so fucking famous

51:32

and married to Scarlett Johansson and shit. You're

51:34

just jealous. He sucks,

51:36

Jesus. I'm

51:38

rightfully jealous. He's

51:41

got money, he's got the girl, he's

51:44

got the White House Correspondents Dinner. Probably

51:47

got a big old shlong too. He's got

51:49

SNL. Probably got a big juicy ass. Can't

51:52

stop thinking about it. Look we're, Todd, I've

51:54

been having a great time with you today

51:56

but we should probably only focus on a

51:59

couple more stories. to talk about Trump's

52:01

immunity trial in the Supreme Court. He

52:03

gonna win that, you know? Well, I

52:05

don't think I agree with you, but

52:07

is there anything you want to say?

52:09

I don't think it's going really particularly

52:11

well. His lawyer has

52:14

said several jaw-dropping things. For

52:18

example, he thinks that staging a coup

52:20

should be considered a presidential act. Damn

52:23

right. Really? A presidential

52:26

act to stage a coup?

52:28

He should be, Donald should

52:30

be immune from any and

52:32

all persecution. Present,

52:35

past, future, he's

52:37

my king. I

52:40

would follow him anywhere. He

52:44

could tell me to get in one of

52:46

them leather gimp suits and

52:48

lead me around with a leash and

52:50

like put a ball gag in

52:52

my mouth. Oh.

52:55

Yeah. I would do it. I

52:57

would do it for him. I think

52:59

you may have some homosexual

53:02

tendencies, Uncle Todd. You

53:04

go to hell and you die. Whoa,

53:07

whoa, whoa, whoa. That's what you think happens when

53:09

you're gay. It

53:11

ain't like that. Right. It's not like that. You don't

53:13

go to hell. So,

53:15

listen, I wonder, what

53:18

would happen? I

53:24

just need to talk to the listeners for a second. Listeners, I

53:27

think that Todd has

53:29

exemplified why we

53:31

need to make sure that Trump does not

53:33

win the election in 2024. We

53:37

need to make sure he never takes office again.

53:40

There's people like Todd here

53:42

who are obsessed with this guy. Trump

53:44

can do no wrong. This is

53:47

insane. Because he's funny

53:49

as fuck. Funny? Funny

53:51

looking maybe. When it comes

53:53

to running a country, the important thing

53:55

is to be funny. I

53:58

cannot wait for... Trump

54:00

to ride off into the sunset forever

54:02

and always that's gonna be a great

54:04

day in my book It might

54:06

be your darkest day, but it's going to be my

54:08

brightest You you

54:11

know what I'm gonna call the Secret Service on

54:13

you Oh, I was just talking

54:15

about like hopping on a horse and riding

54:17

off into the West like into a sunset

54:19

You know he just I think Trump should

54:21

just relax He should

54:23

wow you were really emotional right now. I think

54:27

I think Trump should talk about that He

54:29

should retire already. He did some good work

54:31

in this country, and now it's time for

54:33

him to just sort of like Chill

54:36

I got you to say he did

54:39

good work. Yeah, which part does you

54:41

like best Jesus? He totally did what

54:43

part did I like best? You

54:47

know I thought I loved how he walked

54:49

out of the White House when

54:52

He finished his four-year term

54:55

He just he he the

54:57

way he was carrying himself He

54:59

looks so proud to have accomplished so

55:02

much in four years I

55:04

bought a ps5 that morning because I was very

55:06

excited to watch him leave the White House Yeah,

55:10

that was my favorite moment. He never

55:12

looked more presidential. He became president that

55:14

day He's still the president you know

55:17

and if he isn't if he didn't

55:19

win then reopen that investigation in Dominion

55:22

If you don't believe it you don't believe it

55:24

they have You

55:27

know they've investigated that plenty and that

55:30

Nothing's changing there Todd. I'm well anyway.

55:32

I'm gonna be back here next week

55:34

Jesus. I'm a worker on you I'm

55:37

gonna got you red pill before you know it I

55:40

will very much Look

55:44

forward to your appearance next time Todd

55:46

Todd we do a Segment

55:48

here on the show called blessings and

55:51

smites And that's where we

55:53

share the things we liked about today's episode

55:55

and the things we liked about the news

55:57

and the things we didn't Like about the

55:59

episode and the news. So would

56:01

you like to go first? Uh,

56:05

no, why don't you go first? Because... Alright.

56:08

I don't know how this works now.

56:10

Okay. Well, I would like to bless,

56:12

believe it or not, you

56:15

Todd, for coming on

56:17

today's episode of the God Pod.

56:20

I actually believe that we should

56:22

hear from all voices. Now,

56:25

some voices we should hear less from

56:27

than others, but I do believe Todd,

56:30

that you have the right to express

56:32

your opinion. Um,

56:34

I would like to bless the idea

56:36

that one day you will

56:38

be accepting of all people just like

56:40

I am. What

56:43

are you talking about? I am. I

56:45

think you take issue with my sash,

56:47

for example. I am accepting that of

56:50

all people should conform to

56:52

my beliefs. Okay, so we'll

56:54

continue to work on that. I

56:56

would like to smite Jerry Seinfeld's

56:58

remarks. However, I'm still looking forward

57:00

to your Pop-Tart movie this weekend.

57:03

Yeah, I bet you would. And

57:05

I want to bless how often Donald Trump

57:07

has been falling asleep in court. I think

57:09

that's really great. Oh, and I want to

57:11

bless the Justice Department

57:14

planning to recommend easing restrictions

57:16

on marijuana. And I'm dropping

57:18

that bless just for

57:20

my dad today. Just for my dad

57:22

today. All right. I

57:25

guess that means it's my turn, right? Sadly,

57:28

yes. All right.

57:30

Now, I would like to bless Jerry

57:33

Seinfeld for joining Team

57:36

MAGA. Welcome

57:38

to Team MAGA, Jerry. Yeah, you

57:41

a good, good man. And

57:45

I'd like to bless Elon Musk

57:49

and Donald Trump. Do you have a Tesla? No,

57:52

I don't have a Tesla. And

57:54

I was going to get one of them Cybertrucks,

57:57

but then they all got recalled. No.

58:00

Yeah, and then I lost all my money on

58:02

through social so I can't even buy one. Oh,

58:04

that's right. That's right It's

58:06

probably for the best and apparently you

58:08

can't take them through a car wash Well,

58:11

the good news is you can continue

58:13

owning your gas Car

58:16

reclaiming my time. Okay, I'm sorry

58:19

right So I want

58:21

to bless them because they

58:23

are good good man And

58:27

I would like to smite

58:31

The woke em all Trying

58:34

to cancel me trying

58:36

to cancel Trying

58:38

to cancel Jerry Seinfeld trying to

58:41

cancel Trump with their

58:43

laws and rules smite

58:46

the woke em all They're

58:48

not funny. You know why cuz

58:50

I said so all right sure Todd

58:53

sure Anyway,

58:55

I think this went great Jesus. It's a

58:58

Todd. It was great having you on the

59:00

podcast It reminded

59:02

me of every family party. I've

59:04

had the displeasure of attending with

59:06

you So I hope you

59:08

learned a thing or two today. I know I

59:10

sure did Listeners, I hope

59:12

you enjoyed Todd coming on the God

59:14

pod today as well. Should we call

59:16

this episode the Todd pod? You

59:19

would think that would be funny. Well, thanks

59:21

for listening humans, and I'm very sorry

59:23

for Todd Find the God

59:25

pod wherever you get your podcasts the

59:28

God pod Todd say it with me Have

59:31

it the Todd has spoken Oh

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