0:00

Some people just know the best rate for you

0:03

is a rate based on you with Allstate. Not

0:05

one based on the driver who treats the highway

0:07

like a racetrack and the shoulder like

0:09

a passing lane. Why pay

0:12

a rate based on anyone else? Get one

0:14

based on you with DriveWise from Allstate. Not

0:17

available in Alaska or California subject to terms and conditions, rates

0:19

are determined by several factors which vary by state. In some

0:21

states, participation in DriveWise allows Allstate to use their driving data

0:23

for purposes of rating. While in some states,

0:25

your rate could increase with high-risk driving, generally safer drivers will

0:27

save with DriveWise. This week

0:29

on the GodPod. And

0:32

all of our content will be online forever.

0:34

Don't worry, we're going nowhere. As long

0:37

as you keep paying the bills. Five

0:39

years in, you're right. We're going nowhere.

0:45

And to really make it worth it, you

0:47

gotta go down to the path of totality.

0:49

Oh yeah, but I love all these people

0:51

that are so sure. Oh, this is the

0:53

end of the world. Oh, this

0:55

is the next thing. Oh, Nostradumbass said

0:57

something. Because of the eclipse?

0:59

They're honestly, these people are on the internet too

1:01

much. Yeah, chronically online

1:04

is a phrase I've been thinking

1:06

about recently. Chronically stupid also. Republicans

1:11

and the conservatives disingenuously

1:14

acted all fucking pissed. Like,

1:17

Biden made, he moved it. He

1:19

made sure that Trans Day of

1:21

Visibility happened on Easter. Hey

1:36

everybody, it's time for the GodPod. I'm

1:38

here with my son, Jesus. I'm

1:41

back. I have been resurrected once

1:44

more. And I'm

1:46

sure nobody will be sitting,

1:48

going forward. And

1:52

I'm God. And I forgot

1:54

to introduce myself. I

1:56

think people should know by now that I'm God. That's

1:58

okay, because it's all about me. this week. I'm

2:01

back. I had my three-day vacation in

2:03

the cave and I'm feeling refreshed and

2:05

ready for another year of podcasting and

2:07

that reminds me God, it was

2:10

just our birthday the other

2:12

day. That's right. April Fool's

2:14

Day is the God pod-a-versary.

2:16

Yeah, it's been five years of

2:18

this. Five years of podcasting. That's

2:21

pretty crazy. It is crazy.

2:23

I don't know where the time has gone.

2:25

COVID definitely made things speed up. Five

2:27

full years of

2:30

trying to reach the humans and them not listening.

2:34

We got some cool people. Man,

2:37

a lot of stuff has happened since

2:40

the last time. I didn't know if I was gonna be able to

2:42

record this week. I got violently ill.

2:45

Yeah. What's going on? Are you feeling better?

2:47

I partied too much

2:49

over Easter. Did you have another

2:51

fart attack? Why were you partying?

2:54

That's like a sad time. No,

2:56

it's not. I'm sacrificing myself for

2:58

the humans. Me and the Easter

3:00

Bunny got fucking wasted. Damn. Okay.

3:03

All right. Yeah. Wow. Celebrating

3:05

my crucifixion. Wonderful. And so much

3:07

shit happened last week. I can't

3:09

even believe this. Like a

3:12

bridge collapsed. Trump

3:14

started selling Bibles for

3:16

money. Yeah. For 60

3:19

bucks. Did you get one, Jesus? No,

3:21

of course I did not get one. Did you? No.

3:24

Nobody should be buying this. Though maybe we

3:26

should make our own Bible. I could get

3:29

an eighth of weed for that money. That's

3:31

a much better investment. You'll learn a lot more

3:33

too. Or you could

3:36

just turn some oregano into

3:38

weed for me. I mean, or I could use that

3:40

$60 to buy a couple

3:42

good bottles of wine. Like really good bottles

3:44

of wine. Or you could just make it.

3:47

Anyway, yeah, that whole thing happened. So he

3:49

got all kinds of attention during Easter. He

3:51

once again, as his tradition now, every single

3:53

year, he compares himself

3:55

to you during Easter week. Oh,

3:58

wonderful. And the people that love him. are not

4:00

fazed by this at all. Yeah, of

4:02

course not because they think he is

4:05

the Second Coming, but he's not. Yeah,

4:07

these Bibles they had Lee Greenwood involved

4:09

like, I'm proud to be in America,

4:11

he ain't gonna be in the room.

4:16

So I think you're supposed to read the

4:18

Bible and listen to that on repeat on a

4:22

loop. It's the

4:24

King James version, that's the only one

4:26

they like. Anyway, so that bullshit happened

4:29

and then it was National Trans

4:31

Easter Day of Visibility. I

4:35

think we should take credit for this, making

4:37

Easter and the National Trans Day of Visibility

4:40

fall on the same day. Oh, we totally

4:42

did. Yeah, you were all in favor. Jesus,

4:44

listen, Jesus was like, we need to get

4:46

trans people more visibility this year. Let's

4:50

make sure that Easter, which

4:52

floats around, Easter was

4:55

based on a pagan holiday. Did you know that

4:57

Jesus? I do know that, of course. Did you

4:59

know that you're not real? Excuse

5:02

you. You're just an amalgamation of

5:04

other pagan traditions. I

5:06

see, I see. That's

5:09

why the Easter Bunny is there. That's

5:11

why it happens on like the

5:14

first full moon Sunday, the first

5:16

Sunday after a full moon after

5:18

the Vernal Spring equinox. Wow, I'm

5:21

impressed to know that. Well, yeah, I mean

5:23

next in 2025, Easter

5:25

is actually April 20th, 420, which is

5:28

perfect for you. That's pretty funny. Well,

5:34

that's pretty funny. I'm here, I'm already excited

5:36

about that, but you know,

5:39

hopefully Trump isn't the

5:41

fucking president when

5:43

that happens because that would put a kind

5:46

of a damper on the 420 Easter

5:50

celebrations. Right, he'll probably move it off

5:52

of 420. They won't like that it's

5:54

on a day for stoners. Here's the thing

5:56

that pisses me off, Jesus, is that

5:59

trans... of visibility every

6:02

year on the same day. Right.

6:05

March 31st. Okay. Right? Mm

6:08

hmm. And Republicans and the

6:10

conservatives disingenuously acted

6:13

all fucking pissed like Biden

6:15

made, he moved it, he

6:17

made sure that Easter happened,

6:19

that Trans Day of Visibility

6:21

happened on Easter. They think,

6:24

they know this isn't true. Right.

6:26

They claimed, and Trump and all

6:28

of them, and Fox News were

6:31

acting like Biden moved

6:33

Trans Day of Visibility to

6:35

Easter on purpose. Because

6:38

it gets their base fired up. And

6:40

they're like, oh, here's another example of

6:42

Biden supporting trans people? Who does that?

6:44

And on Easter, a high

6:47

holiday? A holy holiday?

6:50

Wait, fucking disinformation. Yeah.

6:52

Okay. Fox News

6:54

should be sued for another billion dollars for

6:56

that. By who? The trans community?

6:58

The Easter Bunny? Yes. By

7:01

us. Okay. Cool.

7:03

Because these sick fucks, they just,

7:06

they're so desperate to

7:08

win so that they can be like,

7:10

see, we were right to be bigots. And

7:13

desperate to come up with any shred

7:15

of controversy or outrage,

7:18

feign outrage. I

7:21

want to know the first person at

7:23

Fox News who thought up this latest

7:25

BS controversy. They're going to burn in

7:27

hell, Jesus. It falls on the same

7:29

day. This is an opportunity for

7:31

us. I guarantee, I'm going to send them

7:34

all to burn in hell. Shia, right, chick?

7:36

Good. Oh yeah. Didn't

7:38

you say that now there's Trump wants there

7:40

to be a Christian Day of Visibility? Yeah.

7:43

So this is his response

7:45

to Easter falling on the

7:47

trans day of visibility. He

7:49

wants election day to be

7:51

called Christian Visibility Day. And

7:55

here's the thing, y'all Christians get enough

7:58

visibility. every day

8:00

of the year. Yeah, isn't Easter and

8:02

Christmas enough? Right. And

8:04

the fact that there's crosses

8:06

everywhere? There

8:09

needs to be a trans visibility day

8:11

because trans people do not get enough

8:13

visibility. Christians get all the

8:15

visibility in the world, too much visibility

8:17

in fact. So. And

8:19

honestly, if it didn't happen to fall on the same

8:22

day as Easter and if they hadn't made such a

8:24

big deal out of it, National

8:27

Trans Day of Visibility would not have

8:29

gotten so much visibility. So. That's

8:31

a good point. They actually did the trans community a

8:34

favor. Good job, Big Itsy. Caitlyn

8:36

Jenner, too, acted all

8:38

mad. Biden moved it to

8:41

Easter and this is wrong. But

8:44

she knows damn well it's the same day.

8:46

She was like, family values, blah, blah, blah,

8:48

as if the Kardashian family doesn't have

8:50

like a million divorces that they've been through.

8:53

And you're talking about family values, please. And

8:55

this is what they're mad about. Yep. This

8:57

is the hour age because there's nothing actually

9:00

for them to be mad about. That's legitimate.

9:02

So they just have to keep finding. Sure

9:04

there is. They could be

9:06

mad about Palestine. They

9:08

could be mad about something that actually matters.

9:11

But no, this is what they,

9:14

because they're fine with all that. Bombing

9:16

children, starving people, Israel

9:19

doing that, United States co-signing at your

9:21

tax dollars. They're fine with all that.

9:23

Yeah. They

9:26

are going to do that even harder. There

9:29

was a MAGA guy who just totally lost

9:31

his mind and he went viral. Let's listen

9:33

to that about Easter. You

9:35

know, as a Christian, I'm pissed off. I'll

9:38

go ahead and say it. I'm

9:41

outraged that Joe

9:43

Brandon would declare

9:45

March 31st today, International

9:47

Transgender Day of Visibility. You

9:50

know, I had no idea.

9:53

They were so invisible since I see

9:55

them all the time in

9:57

movies, TV, my

10:00

dreams. My faith

10:02

is so weak that I

10:04

can no longer even celebrate Easter today.

10:06

It's one of the two days I

10:08

actually go to church and I can't

10:10

even do that. Joe,

10:13

you knew us real Christians celebrate

10:15

Easter on March 31st and or

10:17

other days around this time of

10:20

year. What you

10:22

did was a slap in the face to

10:24

us real Christians. Everyone knows you can't celebrate

10:26

more than one thing on any given day.

10:29

You know, let's say the Super Bowl and

10:33

I don't know my son's birthday. Whenever that

10:35

is, let's say they fall on the same

10:37

day. I'd get

10:39

down on one knee, look my son dead in

10:41

the eyes and I'd say sorry bubby. We'll

10:43

have to catch you next year. Now stop

10:46

crying and pass me the dip. And

10:50

Joe had the balls to make it an

10:52

international holiday because he thinks he's king of

10:54

the world out here. He's not

10:56

even the real president unless

10:58

he is, which he is in this situation,

11:01

but it just

11:04

pisses me off. We

11:07

had to throw out all the food my wife

11:09

cooked, which was no great loss, but

11:12

I digest. You know,

11:14

I went out here and I was gonna

11:16

pick up all the eggs I set out

11:18

for the Easter egg hunt. I can't find

11:20

a goddamn one out here because Joe Brandon

11:22

came and stole him in the middle of

11:24

the night. Well, I'll tell you

11:26

something, Joe. We believe in

11:28

a bunny in this house. That's what we

11:31

believe. A bunny that sneaks in in the

11:33

middle of the night with a basket and

11:35

he squats over the basket and he pushes

11:37

out a few eggs out of his turd

11:39

cutter and we eat some of them while

11:42

they're still warm. And the rest

11:44

we hide out here in the yard because they

11:46

got change and jelly beans in them. But

11:49

a trans person

11:52

that goes against God. It's

11:54

just unnatural. Bunny Visibility Day.

12:00

Wasn't a real Trump supporter that was

12:02

comedian and former guest Brent

12:05

or he own. Yeah, he's great.

12:07

He nails the conservative

12:09

Impressions the far-right impressions.

12:13

That's that was a good one Brent. Good job. Yeah I

12:17

asked people what's the first thing that Jesus did

12:19

when he got back to heaven? Oh,

12:22

I want to hear some of the answers Jesus.

12:24

Yeah. Yeah. What do people think I did when

12:26

I got back to heaven? Well,

12:30

my big answer was just the poop

12:32

emoji No, oh,

12:34

I just took a person the first

12:36

thing you do when you get home is take a big

12:38

crap, right? Absolutely. Yeah, that's

12:40

one. Yeah. I mean otherwise you were

12:42

you were stuck in that cave for

12:44

three days. I mean 36 hours and

12:50

You know, there's no toilet. What were you where yeah,

12:52

what were you gonna? I mean, are we

12:54

gonna assume that you just peed and pooed in

12:56

the corner? Yeah, is this the the sub that

12:58

went down to see the Titanic? No, I'm not

13:00

just pooping in the place. I'm also sleeping Well,

13:05

nobody's ever had the balls to ask before People

13:07

said he looked around his comrades and said

13:10

can you believe that shit? I can't believe

13:12

that just happened screw this planet I

13:14

want a reassignment or I quit

13:16

fall staff pee flag alert. He

13:18

said hi dad. It's me you

13:23

We are separate people as

13:25

you can see online We are separate people

13:27

for the record, but that was a good

13:29

one loudly proclaimed that he wanted brains Just

13:32

like every other undead person You're

13:36

not a zombie you're a lick. Um Jim

13:40

tan laundry definitely first thing Jesus did

13:42

when he got back to heaven was

13:44

hit up the peloton Yeah,

13:46

baby. I got a burn some calories

13:49

after 36 hours

13:51

of doing nothing This

13:53

one is a song reference what

13:55

I'd really like that is to borrow the car

13:57

keys You

14:00

know that song? Uh, I

14:02

don't actually, but I like the

14:04

idea anyway. Boom, boom, boom, ba-da-da-da-boom,

14:06

boom, boom, boom, boom. Captain The

14:08

Cradle. Boom, boom, boom, yeah. Harry

14:11

Jaffa. I was so busy God-ing that I

14:13

didn't raise you. Went to

14:15

CVS for gauze and bandages. Asked

14:21

his dad if the nails and crown of

14:23

thorns thing was really necessary. Dad,

14:26

I'm taking you a couple of weeks off, okay? Bobby

14:30

Underwood said, where's the circuit party I've

14:33

got to release? Oh.

14:39

Yeah. So what did you

14:41

really do though? What did I really do?

14:43

Oh, I did relax on the couch and

14:45

I took a long, long nap. For a

14:47

couple thousand years. Well, you know, there's no

14:49

bed in the cave and no sunlight. And

14:52

I liked your Peloton answer actually. I didn't

14:54

do that this year, but last year I

14:56

did. Yeah. Well,

14:59

apparently people say also came out

15:01

last week. Another

15:03

story came out last week. Well timed.

15:06

People say they're leaving religion

15:08

due to anti-LGBTQ teachings and

15:11

sexual abuse. Yes. Good. Good.

15:14

Not yes to the abuse. Of course. That

15:18

they're leaving religion. But yes

15:20

to the fact that they're getting

15:22

fed up. It's because

15:24

of people like Donald Trump. Yeah.

15:27

Talking Bibles. And then

15:30

that would be one thing. But the fact

15:32

that so many people are like, yes, this

15:34

is good. We don't see any problem with

15:36

this. You're destroying. He

15:38

thinks he's saving Christianity or no, he

15:41

doesn't think that. That's what he's telling

15:43

people that he's doing. He's trying to

15:45

wrap his campaign in the cloth because.

15:48

He wrapped his campaign up

15:50

in, in you, Jesus,

15:53

because he's a criminal. And

15:55

they don't know. Like Don't think about that. But You sure

15:57

haven't heard much about the fact that he's like. Indicted.

16:02

I. Don't think we've heard enough. From.

16:05

A lot the mains the mainstream media will

16:07

talk about it. It's current yesterday's

16:09

news, isn't it? Unfortunately, they're focused

16:12

on creating a horse race. So.

16:15

That they can get as much money

16:17

out of the selection as possible. And.

16:21

Acting. Like he's a serious candidate.

16:24

So there was this study

16:26

by the Public Religion Research

16:28

Institute and as found that

16:31

around one quarter of Americans

16:33

now identify as rigid, religiously,

16:35

unaffiliated and number that has

16:37

risen over the last decade

16:39

and now the largest single

16:41

religious group in the Us.

16:44

And that similar to what other

16:46

surveys and polls have found, including

16:48

from Pew, Pew, Pew, and the

16:50

P R R I report, found

16:52

that the number of those who

16:54

describe themselves as nothing in particular

16:56

has held steady since twenty thirteen,

16:58

but those who identify as atheists

17:00

have doubled them to present the

17:02

four percent, and those who say

17:04

they're agnostic has more than doubled

17:06

from two percent to five percent.

17:09

Interesting. And

17:12

it's all because of these. Bigoted.

17:15

Fox, they're just the were going

17:18

to cease to exist. Jesus Yeah.

17:20

all because no one's gonna believe

17:22

in us anymore. Because.

17:24

These a holes but words they use

17:26

does for a trade. I guess as

17:29

long as we have the people listen

17:31

to the god Pod will still exist

17:33

right? Heck yeah. And. All of

17:35

our content will be online for average. Don't

17:37

worry, we're going nowhere. As

17:39

long as he paying the bills, Five.

17:42

Years and you're right, We're

17:44

going nowhere fast as as

17:46

as as best friend is

17:48

that a. Christianity.

17:51

and religion is like like you did

17:53

in europe it's going down honestly it's

17:55

good because i don't want to be

17:57

associated with these americans yeah there embarrassment.

18:00

With peace and love, y'all are

18:02

an embarrassment. But thank you for

18:04

listening, if you are. How

18:06

about this clip from Stephen Colbert? He railed against

18:08

the media for covering Donald Trump like a normal

18:11

presidential candidate. This kind of is what you were

18:13

getting at earlier. Let's listen to what he

18:15

had to say. I know how

18:18

numb we've become, but it's

18:20

not normal. No other candidate

18:22

for the presidency has ever had to pause his

18:24

campaign and defend himself in multiple courts. I

18:26

would like to point out that in all seven of

18:29

his cases, no one, no one doubts

18:31

that he did these things. We're just

18:33

sitting around patiently waiting to find out if the

18:35

wheels of justice will grind fast enough for there

18:37

to be any consequences. And the media is covering

18:39

it like it's any other political story, like

18:41

it's all horse race. He took off his

18:43

glasses so he's very serious about that. But

18:46

yeah, he's right. It's just when you hear

18:48

about a story for so long, you do

18:50

become numb to it and it has less

18:52

of an impact on you. Like, speak

18:56

for yourself. Yeah, but come on. It doesn't

18:58

have, it doesn't, it must have a little

19:00

less of an impact on you. On me?

19:03

Yes, just because you get used to

19:05

hearing about it time and time again.

19:07

No, it doesn't. I still think it's

19:09

insane and a huge deal. And I

19:11

think it, that you're

19:13

talking about the average American idiot.

19:16

They're the ones that don't

19:18

care. Yeah, they're the ones

19:20

that get bored easily. Don't

19:23

put that evil on me, Jesus. Alright.

19:27

I don't get, I don't lose sight. I

19:29

don't forget. I don't

19:32

forget that he's a criminal, do

19:34

you? No, I don't

19:36

forget that. I'm just saying that

19:38

you lose passion for it over

19:40

time, I guess I'll say. Not

19:42

you specifically, the humans lose

19:44

passion. The average American idiot. Right. It

19:47

has less of an impact. Like, oh,

19:49

whatever. It's all a witch, hon. He's

19:51

right. They're just, it's just part of

19:53

the election. Well, hopefully they're not changing

19:55

their mind about it. I'm just meaning

19:57

it doesn't like drive them to as.

19:59

many of them to vote against

20:02

him. We'll be right back

20:04

after these messages. Drew

20:07

and Jonathan Scott here to tell you that American

20:10

Family Insurance wants to protect your dreams. So whether

20:12

you're at home singing in the shower, or

20:16

prefer singing your heart out in the

20:18

car like Drew, you can save up

20:20

to 23% when you bundle your home

20:22

and auto insurance with American Family Insurance.

20:24

Get a quote or find an agent

20:26

at amfam.com. Ensure carefully. Dream fearlessly.

20:30

Visit amfam.com to learn how discounts may apply to you. American

20:32

Family Mutual Insurance Committee, SI, and its operating company, 6000 American

20:35

Parkland, Addison, Wisconsin. This

20:38

is your moment. Your

20:40

moments move forward and make

20:42

progress. If you see where an

20:44

education can take you, for over 130 years, Stier University has been

20:49

at the forefront of change, offering

20:52

programs that help students like you get

20:54

ahead and close. So

20:56

you can keep thriving. Stier

21:01

University certified to operate in Virginia.

21:07

Determination comes in many forms, but always starts with

21:09

a Dunk and Run. So take your medium or

21:11

larger coffee in one hand and grab a dollar

21:13

donut in the other. No matter how you run,

21:15

Dunk and Run. A one dollar donut with any

21:17

medium or larger coffee. Exclude specialty donuts and fancies.

21:19

Personal participation may vary limited time off return supply.

21:22

Alright Jesus, let's talk about something called Project 2025.

21:26

Have you heard about this? I

21:29

have not. So 2025 I believe is the

21:31

next year. Let's read this article. Are

21:34

you aware of Project 2025, the plan

21:36

to install Christian nationalism should Trump win

21:38

the 2024 election? Oof.

21:42

Well there's a whole website dedicated to it

21:44

and they have a playbook. And

21:46

the top of their site says, building now

21:48

for a conservative victory through

21:51

policy, personnel, and training. It

21:54

is not enough for conservatives to win elections

21:56

if we are going to rescue the country

21:58

from the grip of the radical. left

22:00

we need both a governing agenda

22:02

and the right people in place

22:04

ready to carry this agenda out

22:06

on day one of the next

22:08

conservative administration. The

22:10

project will build on four pillars that

22:12

will collectively pave the way for an

22:15

effective conservative administration. More

22:18

effective than the Trump administration was. They

22:23

literally want to get

22:26

rid of no-fault divorce is one example.

22:29

They don't want to let women

22:32

vote anymore. They

22:35

want to make America Gilead again.

22:39

Okay, this is the real deal.

22:41

This is they keep pushing

22:43

the boundaries. Getting

22:47

Roe v. Wade overturned wasn't enough for them. Now

22:50

they want to literally take away here. I

22:53

got a clip. Here's an example of the

22:55

type of dude you can expect in the

22:57

future. If your Christian nationalist wand, we wake

22:59

up tomorrow in a Christian nation, a Christian

23:02

nationalist nation as you're describing. There's a lot

23:04

of fears that people have. Here's one of

23:06

them. Will women have the

23:08

right to vote tomorrow if you wave that magic

23:10

Christian wand? No. Okay, why not?

23:13

Because if we had a Christian nation tomorrow and

23:15

women did have the right to vote, we would

23:17

not have a Christian nation within 50 years. Elaborate

23:21

a little bit on that. Because the husband has

23:23

been appointed by God as the head of his

23:25

home and no-fault divorce

23:27

and women's suffrage more than

23:29

anything else ultimately split

23:32

the household. So

23:34

we're not talking about women not

23:36

having a say in society. We're

23:39

talking about representative government. Right

23:42

now there are people in Williamson

23:44

County, Texas where I'm a resident

23:46

who represent me. No

23:48

one gets to represent themselves in every

23:51

single scenario. We are all

23:53

represented by somebody else whether we like it or

23:55

not. What do you think so far, Jesus? I'm

23:59

shocked this is still happening. up on

24:01

Instagram. That's horrible.

24:03

Oh yeah, don't be shocked. They don't

24:05

take anything down unless you do. They

24:07

only enforce the rules on good

24:10

innocent people that have

24:12

made an innocent mistake.

24:15

They don't. Well,

24:17

and this doesn't break any rules,

24:19

honestly. It's just someone saying their

24:21

opinion. And

24:24

the other guys like, the

24:26

interviewer, hmm, oh, oh,

24:30

this

24:32

guy is literally saying that women

24:35

should just stay in the kitchen. Yeah. No,

24:38

but it's worth going. And

24:41

then he just started, starts talking just

24:44

complete bullshit. Oh, you

24:47

can't be represented unless a bubble bubble. I'm

24:49

not gonna let you, I mean, he's, listen

24:52

to the rest. You can see it's just

24:54

complete fucking bullshit. I'd have women and children

24:56

represented by a man who loves them and

24:59

is willing to die for them, protect them

25:01

and provide for them. I

25:04

would love to be represented by just one

25:06

person in civil government who has

25:08

that level of right. That's good. So

25:11

it's not about, you know, men get to

25:13

vote and women don't and, but no, it's

25:15

about the household vote. The individual

25:17

building blocks of society, according

25:19

to the word of God,

25:21

is not atomistic individuals. It

25:24

is the molecule, not the atom,

25:26

but the molecule of the family.

25:28

The family unit should not be

25:30

separated. What God is joined together,

25:32

let no man put anti-science people

25:34

trying to use science. Yeah.

25:37

It's just complete nonsense that,

25:40

you know, he doesn't have any argument at

25:42

all. But the end of it

25:44

all is just, listen, how about a

25:46

man represents you that loves you? Listen,

25:48

molecules. Listen, a man

25:51

would never beat his wife in

25:54

the Christian tradition. We're

25:56

just wanting to represent, you know, and

25:58

these people are. real.

26:01

They're out. They're not hiding

26:03

anymore. They

26:05

are being accepted

26:08

as mainstream in the Republican

26:11

Party. And this

26:13

project 2025 is

26:16

their attempt. This is what they're going to

26:18

try and do, okay, with the

26:20

Supreme Court they already have. And

26:23

I don't know, we probably won't be allowed.

26:25

If they succeed, this podcast will go away

26:27

because we literally won't be allowed. They

26:32

would call it blasphemy. Parodying

26:36

God. Because we don't

26:38

agree. Because actual God and Jesus

26:40

think that they're total scumbags. But

26:42

they're wrong because we

26:45

are actual God and Jesus. That's what I'm

26:47

saying. We think we're

26:49

actual God and Jesus. We think they

26:51

suck. They would want to make us

26:53

go away. Whether

26:55

it be, you know, Russia invading

26:58

Ukraine or everything happening over

27:03

in Israel, it's all

27:05

connected to this election. It's

27:08

all like Putin and all of it. They're

27:12

all trying to get Trump back in power. Don't

27:15

you think? Oh, 100%. Netanyahu is a Republican. He

27:21

wants Trump. Putin loves how Trump sucks up

27:23

to him. Always making

27:25

excuses for Putin's behavior. And

27:28

all of this is working, honestly, because, you

27:30

know, America's got what, 70 years

27:33

of supporting Israel, right? So

27:37

I don't know if there's any other Democratic

27:39

politician that would have done much different or

27:43

any American president that would have done

27:45

anything different heretofore. But this

27:48

shit is bad. When

27:52

they're bombing aid workers and the

27:55

United States has to come out and denounce that

27:57

shit. Yeah. Otherwise,

27:59

that's... blood on our hands, on

28:02

not on our hands, on their hands, on Biden's

28:04

hands. If he doesn't say,

28:06

hey, that's wrong. And I

28:08

think the whole world is saying this is wrong, but

28:12

nothing's coming of it. Yeah, not

28:15

enough. So

28:17

it's scary, Jesus, because, you

28:21

know, people are so mad. They're

28:23

like, fuck it. I'm not voting for genocide, Joe.

28:25

And blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's

28:27

like, well, the other point of that is

28:29

don't, do you

28:31

think Trump would be any better? No. And

28:34

they're like, well, we're sending a message. That message,

28:36

of course, will make sure the Supreme Court is

28:38

9-0. Right. You

28:41

know, Amy Coney Barrett's. And

28:45

that's why these Christian nationalists are

28:47

like, we're going to win. This is our

28:49

time. We're going to literally

28:52

turn America into Gilead. The

28:55

only thing standing in their way, the only

28:58

shred of hope at this point is

29:00

that women in America are not, they're

29:04

not down with that. Shocker.

29:07

Yeah. I mean, this abortion issue is going

29:09

to be a major factor. And

29:11

we just found out in the last week that

29:14

Florida will be putting abortion

29:16

on the ballot this November, which is probably

29:18

going to have a lot of people turning

29:20

out on both sides. But hopefully this is

29:22

going to favor the left

29:25

and Biden's prospects in Florida. And I

29:27

know that still feels like a long

29:29

shot, but I think that's going

29:31

to motivate a lot of people to come to the polls

29:33

and maybe vote for Biden because if they're voting in

29:36

favor of abortion rights, then maybe they'll be

29:38

voting in favor of Biden as well. Do

29:40

you think, do you even believe in the polls

29:42

anymore? A lot of people when they talk about

29:44

polls, they're like, yeah, polls are bullshit. I

29:48

believe in them to an extent. I

29:51

mean, if you look at the

29:54

election results from the past, what,

29:56

three, four cycles, Trump

29:59

has lost. In a lot of

30:01

ways even when he's not on the ballot people

30:03

he endorsed lose he

30:06

loses. I

30:08

just anywhere where abortion is on the

30:11

ballot right they lose by like 30

30:13

points right exactly so again.

30:17

Biden winning Florida seems like an extreme long

30:19

shot but the fact that abortion is going

30:21

to be on the ballot is a very

30:24

quite motivating yeah. Yeah

30:27

so I'm still optimistic about November

30:30

and again as I brought up

30:32

on the show before I just I

30:34

remind myself it's only been three years

30:36

since Biden won. And

30:39

a lot happened since then many

30:42

not great things on Biden side but also

30:44

many not great things on Trump side either

30:47

see see your comments on

30:49

indictments earlier. There's

30:52

just so much shit it's

30:54

hard to keep track of all

30:57

the shit I know yeah that's part of the.

30:59

Pounding in a river of shit we're like Andy

31:01

Dufresne right now crawling through a

31:03

river of shit. It's

31:05

part of the problem for a lot of humans like they got

31:07

a lot of going got they got a lot going on in

31:09

their own lives too. Hard

31:12

to pay attention to everything you

31:14

got these corporations with the greed inflation. Charging

31:18

people out the ass man so frustrating it's

31:20

actually insulting. You

31:22

know I went to five guys a few

31:24

weeks ago you know the burger place. And

31:31

you took you took a break from twelve guys yes exactly

31:33

I did it just five you wait you went to five

31:35

guys with your twelve guys. A

31:39

single burger was I believe

31:41

ten dollars and eighty five

31:43

cents ten dollars and eighty

31:46

five cents for a single double cheeseburger from a

31:48

fast food chain I couldn't believe it I couldn't believe it. No

31:50

y'all are it's it's wild what's going on down there. Go

32:00

to In-N-Out, you can get a double cheeseburger for

32:02

half that price. God bless

32:04

you In-N-Out, even though we don't agree with

32:06

all your values. I

32:08

don't want to bless them. No, I don't

32:10

like, no. No. Okay. I do like the

32:12

old In-Out, In-Out. What? You

32:15

don't, you don't like the, Jesus, you don't

32:18

like In-Out, In-Out? In-Out, In-Out. I'm not sure.

32:20

Are you talking about sex? I'm

32:24

talking about burgers. Yeah.

32:26

Can you mind off sex for five

32:28

seconds, dad? Talking about you doing the

32:30

old In-Out, In-Out. Of course, I love

32:32

that too. Five guys. That's free. That's

32:35

free, but. Five guys doing In-Out. Right

32:37

now I'm talking about burgers and inflation

32:39

is crazy. I've heard big,

32:41

I don't go to McDonald's. Oh, and don't get me started on

32:43

Taco Bell. I mean, that's like a $30 meal

32:45

these days for two people. All right. I won't get

32:48

you started. You hear that there's

32:50

going to be, there's going to be a solar eclipse. Yes.

32:52

And can we just enjoy that with

32:54

all these, without all these crackpot theories?

32:58

No, we can't because that's what these

33:01

assholes do is

33:03

anything that exists. They're like,

33:06

did you know this is a Christian thing? Did

33:09

you know that the left is, this

33:11

is a punishment from God. And

33:14

in one of these articles you

33:16

have Christians claim solar eclipse passed

33:18

through biblical towns prove us is

33:20

wicked. Was there,

33:24

I mean, there was just an eclipse like last year across America. I

33:27

remember, I still remember seeing Trump

33:29

stare directly into it. Well, yeah, I

33:31

think you're thinking about another eclipse. I'm talking

33:35

about one just last year while Biden was in office, but yeah.

33:38

But remember when he stared directly

33:40

into the, yeah, when everybody

33:42

said, don't do that. Um, and like an idiot. He

33:45

did. Yep. Like a child.

33:47

Sorry to compare a child to Trump being

33:50

an idiot. Yeah, that's me. Yeah. I apologize.

33:52

Children who are listening. There's

34:00

also a Christian site claiming that

34:02

the eclipse may bring massive earthquake.

34:06

Only, and only by voting for Trump

34:08

can you delay the apocalypse. Wow.

34:10

Yeah, because that makes sense. Yeah,

34:13

we've heard this song and dance before. You're

34:16

gonna vote for Trump in November and that'll stop

34:18

an eclipse in April? The

34:21

fuck does that work, you stupid fuck?

34:23

Also there's not another eclipse happening in

34:25

America for like 20 years. So

34:31

after this one, yeah. I'm probably not

34:33

gonna check it out. Well yeah, so

34:35

you gotta go get glasses so that's

34:37

a step that can be troublesome. Yeah

34:41

I mean honestly it sounds

34:43

cool and all but having

34:46

to do things I'm just like,

34:49

well I'll wait until the next one. And

34:52

to really make it worth it you gotta go down

34:54

to the path of totality. So

34:56

you gotta head down to earth and go to one

34:58

of these biblical towns. Oh yeah,

35:00

but I love all these people that are so

35:02

sure. Oh, this is

35:05

the end of the world. Oh, this is

35:07

the next thing. Oh, Nostra Dumbass said

35:09

something. Because of the eclipse?

35:11

They're honestly, these people are on the internet too

35:14

much. Yeah, chronically online is

35:16

a phrase I've been thinking about recently.

35:19

Chronically stupid also. Being chronically

35:21

online makes you chronically stupid.

35:24

Being chronically dumb as fuck. So

35:28

dad, you are not going to go

35:30

and view the eclipse. I

35:32

mean I want to but I

35:35

just know myself and I know at the end of the day

35:37

I'll just be like April

35:40

8th. I'll catch you next time. Next

35:43

time another 20 years. Yeah

35:45

I guess this one's getting a lot of attention because

35:47

it is the last one for quite a few years

35:49

whereas last year's eclipse, you know that was like the

35:51

second to last one for a week.

35:54

This eclipse is April 8th, a

35:57

Monday. We might be recording the God

35:59

Pod. that time actually. So we

36:02

can move it. No, we

36:06

can move the eclipse or the recording. Both.

36:12

I truly don't don't

36:14

mind. I called the one last year. Yeah,

36:16

I was out there watching

36:21

that last one. I mean I'll catch the video later.

36:23

It looks like

36:25

the moon passing

36:27

in front of the Sun. Right.

36:30

I mean yeah, you can just watch it on YouTube.

36:33

Important thing to remember though Jesus

36:35

is do not buy any potted

36:37

plants. What? During

36:39

the total eclipse of the Sun. Why?

36:42

Because this is a

36:44

reference to Little Shop of Horrors.

36:47

Jesus Christ. Oh, I don't. You

36:49

saw some tweet

36:53

about like potted plants will die if

36:55

you bought during the eclipse or something.

36:57

I don't know. That's a very good

36:59

reference. I love that. I love that

37:02

that musical. That's my favorite. Let's read

37:04

some of our Ask God questions. Our

37:06

loving community on Discord asks us lots

37:08

of questions. Let's answer some of them,

37:11

Jesus. Let's do it. So

37:13

this one's from Mostly Wibbly. When

37:16

playing video games, do you ever use

37:18

God mode? Like the cheats

37:20

or the you mode since it's named after

37:22

you? Do you feel entitled to do so?

37:26

You know, I have tried cheats and

37:28

God mode on games before but I think

37:30

it just takes all the fun out of

37:32

the game. I agree with

37:34

that. That said,

37:36

I do use some cheat codes in

37:39

the Sims from time to time because

37:41

I need a little extra cash to

37:43

afford a fridge or maybe some new

37:45

wallpaper. So I do

37:49

Command-Shift-C, I believe it is, and

37:51

then I type in motherload

37:54

and then... You're still playing the Sims? Yeah,

37:57

yeah. And then I get a

37:59

quick 50,000 simoleons. Yeah,

38:02

in that game it can be a lot more

38:04

fun, but Jesus,

38:06

Jesus is so, good job everybody,

38:08

Jesus is so distraught with

38:10

the state of the world that he needs

38:13

a second life in The Sims. I've

38:16

given up with all you humans. I've

38:18

decided to just control my Sims in

38:20

The Sims. Did you hear there's going

38:22

to be a Sims movie produced by

38:24

Margot Robbie? That'll probably be good. Yeah,

38:26

that'd be good. And I bet, I

38:28

mean, it sounds like it runs the

38:30

risk of feeling similar to

38:33

Barbie, but you

38:35

could see a scenario in this movie where like

38:38

The Sims want their own free

38:40

will instead of being controlled by

38:42

humans, but I can't wait. We'll

38:44

be right back after these messages. Ah,

38:50

the first taste of rare bourbon you finally got

38:52

your hands on. That's nice. At

38:54

caskers.com, we make this experience easy.

38:56

Caskers is a one-stop spirit curator

38:58

with an impressive selection of exclusives

39:01

sought after rare and household names

39:03

in the realm of premium spirits

39:05

and champagne. Discover the top

39:07

flavors of the year now by

39:09

going to caskers.com and using code

39:11

WELCOME10 for $10 off your first

39:13

purchase. Get $10 off your first

39:15

purchase with code WELCOME10 at caskers.com.

39:17

All right, next question from Meg.

39:19

Hey, God, did Adam, Lilith, or

39:21

Eve slash anyone else you might

39:23

have made yourself have belly buttons

39:25

because technically they wouldn't need them.

39:28

Oh, yeah, there were no belly

39:30

buttons at first, but it was

39:32

a feature that was added on

39:35

with the umbilical cord. Thank

39:37

you for your question. Yes, thank you

39:39

so much. Next question is from Laura

39:41

True. And I guess

39:43

Laura was responding to Meg because

39:45

Laura said good one follow up

39:47

question, God, why do dudes have

39:49

nipples? Well,

39:53

you know, I played around with

39:55

having something coming out of the man's

39:58

nipples. You know, women got

40:00

the milk. I

40:04

was like maybe dudes could have beer.

40:08

It tasted really bad. And

40:12

dudes, they can't handle that. So

40:16

I took it away. It

40:20

was also a test to see if

40:22

the humans would cover the male nipples,

40:24

the female nipples, or

40:26

both. And we

40:29

found out that for some reason, all

40:32

humans found it necessary to cover female nipples in

40:34

public, but not male nipples. Free the nip! It's

40:40

because they're too

40:42

powerful. The men?

40:45

The female nipple is

40:47

so beautiful. Guys can't control themselves. They

40:52

go crazy. Or the male nipple is covered in hair.

40:56

And they get to look at men's chests and

40:58

their nipples out in public. And dudes

41:00

also have nipples because

41:05

if you're gay they're fun to work with.

41:08

So let's move on. This is

41:10

from Bongolu1. Oh

41:12

man, things are going to take a dark turn.

41:15

When am I going to die? And

41:17

how? Not going to tell you. I'm

41:20

not going to ruin the surprise. Believe

41:22

me, you don't want to know. You

41:24

don't want to know. Yours is pretty

41:26

bad, Bongolu1. There's some things that

41:28

would ruin your life. If

41:32

you knew when and how. But

41:36

just play the numbers. It's probably going to

41:38

be heart disease. Play the

41:40

numbers. I thought you were telling him to go play

41:42

the lottery for a second. It's probably going to be

41:44

heart disease. Start

41:48

exercising and eating salads. If you

41:50

live in America, it's probably

41:52

heart disease. Omarose Moon said,

41:54

God, can you please vaporize

41:56

the Rump Bibles. Sorry, Trump

41:58

Bibles. Um, you

42:01

think I should. I think you

42:04

should with your laser eyes. Yeah,

42:06

I don't want to get arrested for

42:08

destruction of private property. Plus,

42:10

you know, it's, it's

42:12

this big thing that's just like illustrating

42:14

what a non what

42:17

a piece of shitty is. So if I, if I

42:19

were to obliterate it wouldn't exist

42:21

anymore. That's true. All

42:23

right, humans, we got there's lots of other questions. We're

42:25

going to get them to them next week because I'm

42:29

not feeling good. I think I might have COVID

42:31

Jesus. Do you have any at home tests you

42:33

can do? I'm going

42:35

to have to test myself.

42:37

I haven't had it yet. I

42:39

thought I was special and that

42:42

I wasn't going to get it, but you're not and

42:44

you do. Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that.

42:46

I hope you get over it soon. If

42:48

it is COVID Kevin COVID damn him. Yeah,

42:52

he always, you know, he always told us he

42:54

wasn't going anywhere. He wasn't lying. Well,

42:56

I hate to say it, but you know, this

42:58

is I can't help but feel like this is

43:00

maybe a little revenge for how

43:03

you treat me around Easter.

43:05

Wow. You

43:08

gleefully you're you love

43:10

seeing me up on that cross and

43:12

it hurts my feelings. My chickens are

43:14

coming home to roost. Yes, they are.

43:17

Karma's a beep. Honestly, I should get

43:19

cruised. You're right. If

43:21

I were to get crucified like 2000 times,

43:26

would that make you feel better Jesus? No,

43:29

maybe just once, maybe just once or

43:31

this COVID might be enough.

43:34

I think we can call it even

43:36

after that. Yeah, it's pretty bad. No,

43:38

I'm kidding. Of course, I'm kidding. I

43:40

want to bless the idea of God

43:42

getting better as soon as possible. I

43:44

hope you sleep it off tonight and

43:46

you feel all better tomorrow. I

43:50

want to smite the Trump Bible while

43:52

I agree with you that it's a

43:54

bad look for him. That might actually

43:56

be helpful to the left. I

43:58

still think it's horrible that he. released his

44:01

own Bible. I

44:05

want to bless Stephen Colbert's railing

44:07

against the media. I want to

44:09

smite the price of burgers at

44:11

Five Guys and I want to bless

44:14

the reasonable prices at

44:17

In-N-Out Burger and I

44:19

want to bless In-N-Out In-N-Out. Real

44:22

Savage with 12 guys at

44:25

Five Guys. I

44:27

would like to bless National Transeaster Day of

44:29

Visibility. I would like

44:31

to smite the idea of a National

44:35

Christian Day of Visibility. You're

44:37

already plenty visible. Exactly.

44:40

For fuck's sake, stop

44:43

being so visible and in your face.

44:45

Like, why is

44:47

it that they can ban abortion, then

44:50

bans work, but they can't ban guns,

44:52

then bans won't work? Nothing makes

44:55

sense in that country anymore. I would like

44:57

to smite all these

44:59

Christian conservative nationalists for

45:03

being evil fucks. I want

45:05

to smite that guy who thinks that

45:07

women shouldn't be allowed to vote and

45:09

he's trying to act like this is

45:11

a good thing. I literally saw this guy

45:14

when I was watching Handmaid's Tale.

45:17

He's literally straight out of the Handmaid's Tale. Smite.

45:20

Christian Nationalist? Damn. Well.

45:23

Thanks for less the modern

45:25

medicine And bless you Jesus.

45:27

Oh bless you. Thanks.

45:29

For listening, humans Rember to find

45:32

the God Pod. Wherever you get

45:34

your podcast, Six can also check

45:36

out our website at The God

45:38

podcast.com. The. God pod have it

45:40

your way. The. Lord has

45:42

spoken. Happy. Easter. I

46:15

have diabetes. I'm at risk for

46:18

pneumococcal pneumonia. I have asthma.

46:20

I'm at risk too. If you're

46:22

19 or older with chronic conditions

46:24

like asthma, diabetes, COPD or heart

46:26

disease, or are 65 or older,

46:28

you are at increased risk for

46:30

pneumococcal pneumonia. Ask your doctor or

46:32

pharmacist about PREV-NAR-20, pneumococcal 20-valent conjugate

46:35

vaccine, a Pfizer vaccine that can

46:37

help protect you against pneumococcal pneumonia

46:39

in just one dose. Even if

46:41

you've already been vaccinated with other

46:43

pneumonia vaccines, PREV-NAR-20 may help

46:45

provide added protection. PREV-NAR-20 is approved for

46:48

adults to help prevent infections from 20

46:50

strains of the bacteria that cause pneumococcal

46:52

pneumonia. Continued approval may depend on a

46:54

supportive study. Don't get PREV-NAR-20 if you've

46:56

had a severe allergic reaction to the

46:58

vaccine or its ingredients. Adults with

47:00

weakened immune systems may have a lower response

47:03

to the vaccine. Side effects include pain and

47:05

swelling at the injection site, fatigue, headache, muscle,

47:07

and joint pain. For more full prescribing information,

47:09

please call 1-855-213-2138 or visit prev-nar-20.com.