0:00

Backyard in need of some professional help? If

0:02

you've got a messy landscape, including a

0:05

shed filled with junk, trees that need

0:07

trimming, or RVs and fifth wheels that

0:09

need hauling off, leave the mess to

0:11

the experts. Get your free estimate at

0:13

clayscleanup.com. You're.

0:15

A Podcast Listener And this is

0:18

a Podcast Dad Reach Great Listener

0:20

is like yourself With Park as

0:22

advertising firm. Lipsandads choose from hundreds

0:24

of top podcasts offering hosts, endorsements

0:26

or runner reproduced add like this

0:28

one across thousands of shows. To

0:30

reach your target audience with Lipsandads,

0:33

go to lipsandads.com Now that's L

0:35

I B S Y an ads.com.

0:38

This. Week on the God Pod and

0:40

I'm working with the founder of the

0:42

Or Noom who's the room cheap for

0:44

them for twenty years. Oh no big

0:46

deal, no big deal. Ideal, no big

0:49

deal. Comedy nerd. His team's first headline

0:51

that I just posted was God Demands

0:53

America called solve One Nation under somebody

0:55

Else. She

0:58

was the brains and this operation all

1:00

time. He yeah she's just hiding their

1:02

in the background with or giant sunglasses

1:04

behind. Every horrible man is a horrible

1:06

woman walks up for year you don't

1:08

have a wife. oh sorry I was

1:11

I too Soon after mother's day where

1:13

you go see that Jesus down. Our

1:17

of Good Juniors campaign has severed ties

1:19

with it's previous be be big tech

1:22

entrepreneur The Goal: Shanahan who is reportedly

1:24

not or south think here laughing at

1:26

your current optical and he earn it

1:29

was a lot of the. Why

1:43

they're humans. Welcome to the God Bar.

1:45

I'm here today with my son and

1:48

friend Jesus. Behold I stand at the

1:50

door and knock. If anyone here is

1:52

my voice and opens the door I

1:54

will come in to him and eat

1:57

with him. And he with me.

2:00

You will come into

2:02

him? Why

2:04

are you cringing like that? I'm

2:06

trying to inspire the people. I'm

2:10

sorry Jesus. This just sounds kind of funny when

2:12

you say I'm gonna come into you. Stop

2:15

twisting my words. You always twist my

2:17

words. Sorry Jesus,

2:19

you know. I like your

2:21

potty sense of humor. It's all good. It's all good.

2:25

How are you? God pod dad? God pod dad?

2:27

I don't know,

2:29

I'm just looking at your shirt. Oh

2:32

yeah. Have a Yahweh. Still holds up? It

2:35

looks great. I love it. Thanks.

2:37

I'm doing good. You know, it was

2:39

Mother's Day weekend and that was hard

2:41

for me because I don't have a

2:43

mother. Awwww.

2:47

Dad. I was

2:49

just abandoned in the universe. Awwww.

2:51

But you have family now. You have chosen

2:54

family. And me. I'm your son. I'm

2:57

your one. Yeah, that's true. You

2:59

should listen to the song Chosen Family by

3:01

Alton John and it features somebody else so

3:03

I can't remember at the moment. But

3:06

it's really hard learning. No, not Dua Lipa. It's

3:10

really good. I like that Dua Lipa. Chosen

3:12

family. Anyway, mine

3:14

was good. Yes, I did hang

3:16

out with Mother Mary and

3:19

we had a nice time. We went

3:21

to brunch. We

3:23

did bottomless mimosas and

3:27

she got a little buzzed and got a

3:29

little... Why are you cringing again? I'm

3:32

just kind of like... Oh, because I said

3:34

bottomless? Jealous. Jealous

3:36

that I didn't get to

3:38

go to brunch, you know? Well,

3:41

it's a day where sons and mothers,

3:43

sons and daughters and mothers get together.

3:47

And Joseph's. No, not even

3:49

Joseph's. He wasn't... Joseph wasn't there? He

3:52

wasn't invited. Doesn't that make you feel better? It's

3:54

Mother's Day. I'm never

3:56

really clear on who's the

3:58

father and who's the stepfather. I understand.

4:00

I mean, I don't want to... I feel

4:03

like I'm the step... I'm the father, and

4:05

Joseph is the father who stayed.

4:09

What's the answer? And raised you.

4:11

Why does he... Let me ask

4:13

you this. Why was Joseph not

4:16

there? Is there trouble in paradise? I'm

4:18

going to tell you there was, just so

4:20

you feel better about the day. So

4:23

like, is Mary available? Well, if

4:25

Joseph wasn't there, what was he

4:27

doing? Was he off golfing? Is that the

4:29

kind of dad he is? Yeah, he is

4:31

a very distant father. Like, I get to

4:33

spend time with you every week here on

4:35

the podcast, just for starters, which I love.

4:38

And yeah, Joseph actually, he has been

4:40

a little distant lately, and it's

4:43

kind of sad. Here's what I'll promise you right

4:45

now. I will spend Father's Day

4:47

with you and only you,

4:49

and I won't with

4:52

him. Whaaaat? You're lying. This

4:54

Father's Day will be all about you. Yep.

4:57

You're lying. I'm not lying. Stop.

4:59

No, no. Stop. You say

5:01

that to all your fathers. Well,

5:05

I just have way more fun with you

5:07

than I ever do with him. I

5:09

think... Oh, no, really.

5:12

Yeah. Sure, you say that to him

5:14

when you're woodworking. And

5:17

you've always been more supportive and

5:19

more entertaining and more chill. Now

5:22

I know that Joseph doesn't listen to

5:24

this podcast because you definitely wouldn't be

5:27

saying all this. Look,

5:30

I... As

5:32

for why he wasn't at Mother's Day, it's just...

5:34

I just wanted to have some one-on-one time. Yeah.

5:36

I want to have some one-on-one time with your

5:38

mom, too. God.

5:41

And right after Mother's Day, you have to say

5:43

that? Seems like, you know, she might

5:46

be available. Okay. Anyway... A little corny.

5:48

That's my... She's my... You

5:51

know, the one that got away. The

5:54

one that got away. By Katy

5:56

Perry. Uh, so that was

5:58

Mother's Day. I posted... on Mother's

6:01

Day quick Jesus and I

6:03

need ideas for gifts to get married for Mother's

6:06

Day any ideas even though I'm sure you had

6:08

a gift it was really just me you're

6:11

the gift that keeps on giving I'm the one

6:14

that forgot to get her anything

6:16

would you like to hear some suggestions from

6:18

the humans I would love to okay

6:21

here we go I

6:23

mean you can apologize for making her a mother at

6:25

12 yeah

6:29

her future was written in the stars in

6:31

that moment wasn't it that

6:35

that sounds really bad

6:37

hasn't aged well no no move

6:40

okay a paternity

6:42

test that

6:46

seems like more of a gift for you we did a

6:48

very early test on this podcast we

6:51

did and I did I was not happy

6:53

with the results I

6:55

don't honestly I don't trust Moses to

6:57

do science yeah I

6:59

would neither he probably you know he's

7:01

half blind he probably switched up the

7:04

vials that

7:06

seems very well we should do another paternity test

7:08

sometime we should that'd be

7:10

fun another idea for again these

7:13

are terrible suggestions for gifts by

7:15

the way okay what else what

7:17

else an apology to Joseph for

7:19

your adulterous impregnation of his wife

7:21

but again like that's

7:26

more of a gift for like

7:28

you or Joseph not so

7:31

much yeah Mary just show

7:33

of anistic ideas Bob

7:35

bodily autonomy and an excellent brunch okay

7:37

now there's a good one that's a

7:39

good one that's a good one nothing

7:43

says happy Mother's Day better than smashing

7:45

the patriarchy once and for all amen

7:48

that's a good one too yeah

7:50

thou shalt allow women

7:52

to decide what to do with

7:55

their bodies and decide if they

7:57

want to become a mother at all how about that mothers

8:00

day. It was weird

8:02

watching all these Republicans celebrate uh,

8:06

mothers day without

8:08

a shred of irony, Jesus. Yeah.

8:10

Don't forget mothers, we forced you all

8:12

to become mothers. You all now will

8:15

be mothers, whether you want to or

8:17

not. Yeah. And

8:19

um, it was, it's kind of like

8:21

watching a Republican celebrate Martin Luther King

8:23

Day. Yeah. True. And

8:26

it's like a Pride Month. Just kidding.

8:28

They don't do anything for that. Uh,

8:31

I bet we can find some who pretend to

8:33

support gay people. Yeah.

8:36

I bet you can't. Not anymore. Challenge

8:40

accepted. I'll keep an eye out in two weeks from now.

8:43

Total hypocrisy from

8:45

the right to the point

8:47

where Katie Britt, like

8:50

the day before the weekend, proposed

8:53

a federal database to get

8:55

data on pregnant people. I

8:57

did see that. How could

8:59

that possibly be seen

9:01

as a good idea? If you're a

9:03

Senator from Alabama, you're

9:05

a super duper evangelical

9:08

appealing to your handmade's

9:10

tail base, literally a

9:13

database in cyberspace

9:15

that tracks pregnant people. And they

9:17

say, and they're like, no, no, no, no. This is to

9:20

help you. This is to help. And uh, this

9:25

is all about helping moms. It's called the

9:27

moms act. And you know what? When

9:30

I read your article on sub stack about

9:32

it, I saw the moms act. I thought

9:34

you thought that up. The moms act. I

9:36

was like, oh, that's, that's good. That's really

9:38

funny. A lot of people

9:40

are confused by my latest satirical

9:42

offering Jesus, because they think it's

9:45

real. Now here's the real

9:47

headline. Okay. Katie

9:49

Britt proposes federal database to collect

9:51

data on pregnant people. This

9:53

is the guardian.com Republican

9:55

us Senator from Alabama, best known for

9:58

delivering widely ridiculed state of the. union

10:00

speech in March. Just

10:02

for a minute. Oh, that was good. Katie Bridget.

10:06

Uh, the Republican US Senator

10:08

from Alabama, Mark, best

10:10

known for being a moron, Mark the

10:12

run up to Mother's Day on Sunday by

10:15

introducing a bill, the creative federal database to

10:17

collect data on pregnant people, the

10:19

more opportunities for moms to

10:21

succeed moms act

10:24

proposes to establish an

10:26

online government database called

10:28

pregnancy.gov listing resources related

10:30

to pregnancy, including

10:32

information about adoption agencies and

10:35

pregnancy care providers, except

10:37

for those that provide abortion related services.

10:39

So they're totally like, they're like,

10:41

join our database. We're going to help you.

10:43

And then they're going to totally cut out

10:45

any and all access to any information about

10:47

getting an abortion or

10:50

doing anything other than giving birth

10:52

to that baby. It's under

10:54

the guise of helping you, but they're

10:56

just collecting data on you to keep

10:58

track of you and your children. Wow.

11:00

That, uh, yeah, you know, the party

11:03

of limited government just wants

11:05

a little data, but just one little database

11:07

to track all pregnant women. No big deal.

11:09

Right? No, nothing to see here. One little

11:11

pregnancy.gov website. Here, Jesus. Nothing,

11:14

nothing dystopian or terrifying.

11:18

Yeah. Then my article, um, go. So

11:22

that's the, that's the basic summary

11:24

of her, what she did. Right. Yeah. The

11:27

big takeaway, um,

11:29

there and there. Yeah. They're going

11:31

to connect you to government services and they're going

11:33

to Hector you into

11:36

having that baby. Damn it for Jesus

11:38

for me. No, I want my part

11:40

of that article. So my article, Jesus

11:43

was called Katie Britt

11:45

proposes GPS collar tags for

11:47

pregnant women. Oh, and

11:50

I thought this is like really

11:54

outlandish. It's got a

11:56

picture of a cat with a tag

11:58

around its collar. And

12:01

the sub header just says, just

12:04

like two animals. And

12:07

a lot of people read this

12:09

article and they thought that this was real. Yeah.

12:12

They were like, oh no, I just read

12:14

this. This is a real thing. And then

12:16

there's people in the comments being like, no,

12:19

this is satire. And

12:23

I even went in there and I was like, no, this

12:25

is an exaggeration of what

12:27

she did, a slight exaggeration.

12:31

But that's probably where it would go next too. I

12:33

mean, it could get to that point, some

12:36

sort of GPS device to track you.

12:39

I mean, weren't they thinking of doing that

12:41

somewhere in the south anyway? Maybe.

12:43

Well, not as far as an implant, but like,

12:46

oh, well, they were at least trying to ban

12:48

you from crossing state lines to go and get

12:50

an abortion and arresting people who are assisting you.

12:52

It's kind of similar to that. Let me read

12:54

you the article and you can tell me if

12:56

this sounds real to you. Okay.

12:59

All right. Let me put on my new suit. Ooh,

13:03

newsman. God, there. Wolf

13:06

Blitzer. Look at that. Hotty

13:08

Alabama Senator Katie Britz celebrated

13:10

Mother's Day 2024 by proposing

13:12

a new addition to the

13:14

more opportunities for moms to

13:16

succeed or moms act the

13:18

ability to snap GPS collars onto

13:20

pregnant women's necks for better tracking.

13:24

Just like zoo animals exclaimed

13:26

an excited Brit on CBS

13:28

face the nation. This

13:31

will help pregnant mothers who are thinking

13:33

about getting an abortion because we will

13:35

be able to track their location. And

13:38

if they get close to an abortion

13:40

clinic, we can take them aside for

13:42

prayer guidance. Oh,

13:45

it sounded real to me. You

13:47

can't put anything past Katie Britz.

13:50

She said zoo animal. Okay. I

13:52

thought it was pretty exact. The moms

13:54

act will establish an online government database

13:57

called pregnancy.gov listing pro life resources

13:59

related to pregnant. pregnancy, as well as a

14:01

friendly governmental help on how to

14:03

attain a comfy animal tracking collar.

14:07

I mean, come on. It's not real,

14:09

folks. I will demonstrate

14:11

on my cat Serena, said Britt, attaching

14:13

a collar tag around her cat's neck.

14:16

You just snap it into place and voila! Serena

14:19

here will never escape my watchful

14:21

eye again. I would

14:23

never allow my cute little kitty

14:25

cat to get an abortion because

14:27

she's a born-again Christian. Does

14:30

that still sound real to you? I'm

14:33

starting to put together the pieces as I'm reading it

14:35

for the first time and not knowing. Was

14:38

Serena a tip-off because she's a major

14:40

character in Handmaid's Tale? Oh,

14:45

I should have named it Aunt Lydia. See,

14:47

here's the tricky part. I mean, look, I

14:50

never watched the Handmaid's Tale because

14:53

it's too sad. I don't

14:55

want to be sad, but this is

14:57

one of the challenges of writing satire

14:59

online. It's like you gotta— It's subtle.

15:01

You gotta really whack them over that.

15:03

Okay, the Mom Zach will also establish

15:05

a government force to capture and tag

15:07

unwilling pregnant women who are unwilling to

15:09

love Jesus. In a statement,

15:12

Britt said the bill was proof

15:14

that you can absolutely be pro-life,

15:16

pro-woman, pro-family, and bag and tag

15:18

pregnant women against their will and

15:20

keep them fully under government control

15:22

at the same time. As long

15:24

as you smile and act all smarmy

15:26

about it. Bag

15:28

and tag. Oof. Is

15:31

that still not seen? No, it's— She's

15:34

admitting that she's being smarmy. Some

15:37

people will believe it. That's the

15:39

scary part, but yes, it gets

15:41

increasingly unbelievable. I

15:43

think a lot of people probably—you know, they don't read to

15:46

the end. And

15:48

then they're just like, no, this is real. Oh,

15:51

yeah. There's people who they just see

15:53

a post on Facebook in their feed and they

15:55

don't bother clicking in. They

15:58

just keep scrolling. I'm actually not a—

16:00

allowed to post this on Facebook. I

16:02

understand, but I'm just saying people are

16:04

so lazy. They don't even click past

16:06

the headline or read past. No, I

16:08

literally asked Facebook support. I'm like, can

16:10

I post this satire news on Facebook?

16:13

And they're like, well, it's attacking someone. So

16:15

no, we cannot guarantee that you won't be.

16:19

D you know, D rank

16:21

bullying, which is absolutely insanely

16:23

ridiculous. Yeah. So

16:27

that's why I'm happy to be on sub stack where

16:29

you can actually post fucking comedy. It

16:31

sucks that, you know, stop making

16:33

Elon have a point Facebook. You

16:37

know, comedy is legal on

16:39

sub stack. Yeah. That's

16:42

cool. Legal on X either, because he's totally

16:44

full of shit and bands, whoever he wants.

16:46

But anyway, fuck social media

16:48

companies. This one, I

16:50

at least get to post satire news.

16:53

Jesus fucking Christ. Susan

16:56

said the fact that I wasn't sure at

16:59

first, if this satire says something, either

17:01

I'm losing my sense of humor or

17:03

we are in serious nutcase territory. Um,

17:06

I think we're just in serious

17:08

nutcase territory, right? I think so.

17:11

And it's, it's scary because we're in

17:13

a nuttier time than ever and news

17:16

can run rampant and it's, uh, terrifying

17:19

to see how their message gets spread.

17:21

I try. Have you ever tried to

17:23

run rampant? I've tried

17:25

to run, but not run rampant. I hate running.

17:27

So I probably can't run rampant. I hate running

17:29

too. And my running form

17:31

is so bad. Yeah. That

17:35

me running rampant is just me running.

17:37

What is running rampant? Is it like,

17:39

I feel like that your, I feel

17:41

like it would be your limbs and,

17:44

uh, your arms and legs

17:46

just flying all the Kimbo. Oh,

17:48

okay. Really poor running form. Yeah. And

17:50

I'm thinking no clear path. You're just

17:52

running rampant all over.

17:59

Ha ha. It's nice to

18:01

laugh. Anyway, how is that as a set? How

18:03

am I doing? I think it's great. You did

18:05

a good job with that. And I'm happy that

18:07

you have a platform to write this type of

18:09

stuff. You said that you really enjoy writing this

18:11

stuff. And I'm working with the

18:14

founder of The Onion, who is the editor-in-chief for

18:16

them for 20 years. Oh,

18:18

no big deal. No big deal. No

18:20

big deal. No big deal. Comedy nerds. But

18:23

you know, most of the headlines are mine. His team's first

18:25

headline that I just posted was, God

18:27

demands America call itself One Nation under

18:30

somebody else. One Nation under

18:32

somebody else. Indivisible. Anybody,

18:35

please. Take this

18:37

off my chest, sorry. Callie Aries. Just

18:39

stop putting this shit on me. I've said it

18:41

on the podcast many times. But anyway, Mother's

18:44

Day, the Republicans, it didn't stop there,

18:46

Jesus. Oh? No.

18:49

Remember how Trump kept complaining that he wouldn't get

18:52

to go to his son's graduation? Yes, yes. Well,

18:56

the judge ended up giving him permission to

18:58

go to his graduation. Oh, good. And guess

19:01

where Trump's gonna be instead? Where?

19:04

At a fundraiser. Oh,

19:06

but what a frickin' liar.

19:09

An evil liar. Why?

19:13

And why not go to your

19:15

son's graduation, A-hole? Yeah. It's

19:17

a good look for you, A-hole. Clearly does

19:19

not give a damn about

19:21

him and or Melania. They're

19:24

just, you know, part of the team. Well,

19:26

Melania is just, you know, keeping the money

19:29

flowing to her family by

19:31

keeping quiet. And

19:34

then Barron was allegedly selected.

19:36

He was selected to be a

19:38

representative to the RNC. Yes.

19:42

And the Republicans were like,

19:44

whoo, new prince. Prince Trump

19:46

arrives. And then

19:48

Barron declined the invitation. Oh,

19:50

good. He said no. Yeah.

19:53

And he asked him about that first

19:55

before offering a public

19:58

invite. don't

20:00

ask they just grab you by the pussy.

20:02

Ah, of course. He declined.

20:04

If I was him, if I was

20:06

that kid, honestly, I would do anything

20:09

to avoid the spotlight. Oh,

20:11

I know. Of all of this. Well. Like, it

20:13

sucks. Yeah. You know?

20:15

He's forever going to be tied

20:17

to his horrible father. Now

20:20

that said, I'm sure he- I'd change my

20:22

name if I was him. Yeah, but you

20:24

know what? He surrounds himself with rich Republican

20:26

kids. I'm sure he has his support group.

20:29

True. We'll be right back

20:31

after these messages. So

20:59

yeah, they had a great Mother's Day, um, Mother's Day 2024 for the Trump

21:01

family set

21:19

against the backdrop of his

21:21

trial where he paid

21:23

off porn star Stormy Daniels. Yeah.

21:26

She was on a stand last week about

21:29

him. She didn't end up

21:31

describing his mushroom dick in court,

21:33

Jesus. I'm sorry to say. Oh,

21:36

that's such a bummer. That didn't happen. I was

21:38

looking forward to that. I know. But

21:41

she did contradict all of his lies, and

21:45

she did a great job. Bless her for that.

21:49

Michael Cohen is on the stand testifying

21:51

against Trump now, and he said, new

21:55

today is that Melania was the one

21:57

who came up with the-

22:00

the locker room talk. Oh

22:03

yeah huh pretty smart

22:06

pretty smart who

22:08

knew that she was she was the

22:11

brains in this operation the whole time.

22:13

Yeah she's just hiding there in the

22:15

background with her giant sunglasses. Behind every

22:17

horrible man is a horrible woman. Yeah

22:20

ain't that the truth. Well except for you

22:22

you don't have a wife. Oh

22:25

sorry was that you? Why you gotta say that

22:27

Jesus damn. Sorry

22:29

that was too mean. That was too mean.

22:32

I'm sorry dad. You know you don't

22:34

have a wife either you just got

22:37

12 dudes. I'd rather have 12 dudes

22:39

than one wife. Pretty

22:41

good Jesus. Jesus has a harem. Okay

22:48

yeah oh I've

22:50

been wanting to talk about this for weeks

22:52

Jesus. Uh-huh. Republican against

22:55

child marriage ban calls teens

22:57

ripe and fertile. Ewwww.

23:02

Yeah this is insane. Why

23:04

is it can you imagine if

23:07

Democrats were on the record of saying shit

23:09

like this? Yeah. From

23:11

the people who are always

23:14

saying groomers, pedophiles, Hollywood's all

23:16

pedophiles. This

23:19

is happening in New Hampshire. It's happening

23:21

in I think Missouri is you know

23:25

debating repealing these laws or

23:28

you know so that it's not legal to marry

23:30

children and then and then in

23:32

both places there's always a Republican

23:34

who's like wait wait wait wait wait wait

23:37

what? You're saying we can't

23:39

have child brides? Yeah

23:42

so this New Hampshire lawmaker

23:44

Republican state rep Jess Edwards

23:47

said last week that a bill banning marriage

23:49

for people under 18 would make abortion more

23:51

appealing for young people. If we

23:54

continually restrict the freedom of marriage as a

23:56

legitimate social option when we do this to

23:58

people who are of a... ripe, fertile

24:00

age and may have a pregnancy and

24:02

a baby involved, are we not, in

24:04

fact, making abortion a much more desirable

24:07

alternative? When marriage might

24:09

be the right solution for

24:11

some freedom-loving couples. Freedom-loving couples?

24:13

Oh, I roll. Yeah,

24:16

seriously. Ugh. Stop

24:19

infringing on my freedoms to

24:21

marry a child. I

24:25

mean, this is not a new thing. Republicans

24:27

have always been defending child marriage. You

24:30

can go back and look through time. This

24:33

is their thing. That's why these laws are on

24:35

the books. That's what they want. Ew.

24:40

So weird. Yeah, it's disgusting. Yeah. And

24:44

so, it's why

24:46

do Republicans hate dogs and

24:50

marry children? And just generally hate

24:52

people being happy. Yeah. You

24:55

can't get an abortion. You

24:57

have to be born so that you

24:59

can be sent to

25:01

war, left in the gutter, or

25:04

married at 13 to a

25:06

Republican. I'd rather be aborted,

25:09

Jesus. I'd rather be aborted. Yeah.

25:12

I worry about the kids coming up in

25:15

today's world because of what the future

25:17

might hold, you know? Mm-hmm.

25:21

Personally, I'm glad to just have 12 men to knock

25:24

up. I mean, you know, not

25:26

getting them pregnant. Where are you going to have

25:28

a baby, Jesus? I don't want—I just said I

25:30

don't want to bring a baby into this world

25:32

right now. Mm-hmm. It's

25:35

a scary world. No, I

25:37

get it. I get it. Honestly,

25:40

I really do because it's a

25:43

six-ad world down there, Jesus. Yeah.

25:46

Like I said, especially America, anybody

25:49

else make it a place

25:52

under Kali? Ah,

25:55

yes, yes. Really, anyone?

25:57

Zeno? I don't care. Let

25:59

the Scientologists Have it.. Joseph. Smith. Please

26:02

keep me out of it All right? He's

26:05

time the one not and I don't want

26:07

nothing to do with that mess. Tali

26:10

is a bad batch by the way. if

26:13

you look at her, oh my goodness, What?

26:15

Yes, he's a bad bitch. The bad as

26:17

a batches. Yeah, so says the irony is

26:19

not lost on me. Jesus at any time.

26:22

Oh. The.

26:24

Powerful. The Rich and powerful doing

26:27

crazy things. The. Republicans. It's nothing

26:29

shocking under they're willing to talk. I don't

26:31

think we talked about as last week but

26:33

the Met Gala to be talk about the

26:35

i don't think so. Gay

26:37

line. So this little bit of old knows

26:40

this point. But. Celebrities:

26:42

Are losing a lot of followers?

26:45

On online Tic Toc has come

26:47

up with something they're calling the

26:50

digital. Guillotine. Oh.

26:53

And. What is that us? Where they

26:55

and follow celebrities who haven't spoken

26:57

out about the war in Gaza?

26:59

Oh. Because. Er and Er

27:01

attending things like the Met Gala. And.

27:04

As live In It up. And

27:06

our faces. While. People are getting

27:08

bombed. You. Know honestly out

27:10

is a bad luck. It is a

27:12

bad luck. I mean it's a bad

27:14

look. Say something. Honestly, I've never been

27:17

a fan of the Match Gala either.

27:19

It's. Just any of these events where it's

27:22

all just about the lox. It's like this a

27:24

lot going on in the road. What? What are

27:26

you? Why are we practice and I criticized as

27:28

far as I saw like three pictures and I

27:30

was like with the hell. Oh

27:33

I say I know media or out

27:35

the hearing met gallas a my what

27:37

the hell are these people thinking. That.

27:41

They're and a time where people

27:43

can't afford groceries. They're just like.

27:45

Rubbing. Their wells and

27:48

everybody's faces. Yep, There's.

27:50

People you know On the one hand

27:52

you see images out a Gaza. And.

27:55

Then. There's. rich people just

27:57

live in and of what do you think people are

27:59

going to thing You

28:01

know? Yeah. So

28:03

yeah, not a good look. I

28:05

think Taylor Swift lost like five

28:07

million followers. Really? Not

28:11

that it matters because like she's

28:14

got like a hundred million. Well, yeah,

28:16

a lot of people are feeling it. To

28:21

her credit, she didn't go to the Met Gala, so

28:23

at least there's that. Yeah,

28:26

but people on the

28:28

ticket-y talk are pissed. Pissed.

28:32

And rightfully so. There's

28:34

a lot, honestly, there's not that much

28:37

news going on, Jesus. It's just like,

28:40

you know, Trump's trial

28:44

and Israel. That's it.

28:47

It's the only thing. There's nothing fun going

28:49

on, Jesus. Oh, nothing fun. Remember that time

28:51

Russell Brand got baptized? That

28:54

was pretty funny, right? That was funny. Did

28:58

you officially revoke his baptismal

29:02

rights? Oh, I did. Yeah. I

29:05

have a spell board, so I kind of just waved my wand

29:07

and took care of that. Yeah.

29:11

Yeah. So you saw through all

29:13

that. Oh, a hundred percent. It was nonsense. So

29:15

he's not actually officially a Christian. No. Nope.

29:19

He's just a con man. Took his Christian card.

29:21

Yep. I feel like we just

29:23

came up with a new article. Then

29:26

I took it. Jesus revokes

29:29

Russell Brand's baptism. There

29:32

you go. The Lord has spoken. See, that's

29:34

fun. That's fun. Honestly,

29:36

it's, we've tried everything

29:38

on this podcast. Talking

29:40

about very serious stuff, it feels kind

29:43

of off putting. It's

29:45

exhausting. Well, for

29:48

us in particular, because we're cartoon characters

29:50

and we're God and Jesus and it's

29:52

like, God, why don't you do something

29:54

about Israel? And it's like, yo, don't

29:57

just like the USA, please don't connect. connect

29:59

me to any of that. Yeah. Don't

30:02

you put that evil on me, Ricky

30:05

Bobby. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah,

30:08

and I just want to make people laugh

30:11

and give them some kind of escape from

30:13

this chamber of

30:15

horrors. You know

30:18

who's making me chuckle over the weekend?

30:20

I've been watching John Mulaney's new talk

30:22

show on Netflix. Yeah.

30:25

Is it good? Everybody's in LA.

30:27

Yes. And certainly it's a

30:29

limited series talk show. There's only like

30:31

seven episodes and now it's over. But

30:33

it's really funny. I recommend, and oh,

30:35

and the other big thing was that

30:37

he was streaming it live every night

30:40

on Netflix. Yeah. So that

30:42

was cool. I saw a little bit. He

30:44

was interviewing Seinfeld. Yeah. There's everything we can

30:46

learn from their talk show that we can use. Huh. They

30:49

had a- Live streaming, you say? Live

30:51

streaming. They had like- On Netflix.

30:54

Help. They had like, yes. They

30:56

had like five guests. Too many guests at once.

30:58

Like they're all sitting on a couch. It was

31:00

too much because they- Wow, that's interesting. Yeah, but

31:02

it leaves a very little time for each person

31:04

to talk and some people just get shuttered. Like

31:06

Pete Davidson was on the Dave Letterman episode. I

31:08

think he said a whopping like 10 words. He's

31:12

probably fine with that. Yeah, sure.

31:14

He was probably high. And

31:18

they had some comedy bits like outside

31:20

of the live interviews that

31:22

were honestly really bad. I started

31:24

fast forwarding through them. Really? Yeah,

31:26

the live conversations on the couch were great. So you just

31:28

said this is a great show. The

31:30

live interviews- You should watch it,

31:33

God. But the comedy sketches are terrible. The

31:35

sketches were not good, in my opinion. Maybe

31:37

one or two are all right. But I started

31:40

fast forwarding past them. Just watch for the

31:42

interview. I mean, this comedy is hard as fuck, so. Yeah.

31:45

But I felt like it was my duty- We

31:47

would do a comedian, like a stand-up comedian, like

31:49

John Mulaney, try to do sketch comedy. Or

31:52

you see a stand-up comedian, like

31:54

Jerry Seinfeld, try to do a

31:56

movie. Did you watch the Pop

31:58

Tarts movie? I watched the first- like 40

32:00

minutes of it and

32:03

yeah I did that's

32:05

amazing did you watch it I

32:07

watched the preview

32:10

that plays on Netflix for like

32:12

20 seconds and I was like

32:15

yeah it's not

32:17

good it's not good but the cast is

32:19

stacked look and if you just watch it

32:21

maybe it's a good like background movie like

32:24

don't take it seriously and you might think

32:26

it's okay but I

32:29

actually know somebody who liked who watched it and

32:31

really liked it which surprised me I think he's the only

32:33

person who liked it one of

32:35

my one of your disciple yeah yeah maybe

32:37

he doesn't have a good sense of your

32:39

high on the cada mean probably I also

32:42

watched the rom-com anyone but

32:45

you on Netflix over the weekend while we're

32:47

talking about what we're watching did

32:49

you watch the roast of Tom Brady no

32:53

I do want to watch that but I haven't I don't

32:56

know why I just don't

32:59

care just can't get into that

33:01

shit that roast again that's

33:03

another thing where it's like oh are

33:06

you enjoying yourselves celebrities

33:09

yeah but they're making fun of Tom Brady so that

33:12

we're gonna pretend that it's 2011 around here the roast

33:14

is three hours which I saw that

33:17

I was like oh my god

33:20

I don't think I'm gonna be able to watch three hours

33:24

of roasting Tom Brady seems like and

33:26

that's no commercials yeah and that's the other thing I

33:28

or I hate

33:30

Tom Brady

33:34

no I do I do know that he got

33:36

up and was like yo no more jokes

33:39

about Robert Kraft and

33:41

liking happy endings yes I

33:44

did to hear that that occurred live

33:47

which honestly guess who's

33:50

gonna have a ton more jokes made about him

33:53

yep Robert Kraft who

33:55

likes happy endings you

33:59

did it means get getting jacked off at

34:01

a massage powder. So were there reports

34:03

that he used to do that? Is that where they, those

34:06

dude really missed this whole story years ago. I'm

34:09

kind of a late bloomer to the sports world.

34:11

So if you want to

34:13

invite me, you can, but yeah,

34:15

no, he got accused of like

34:20

just Google search Robert Kraft massage.

34:26

Okay. Oh yes. I

34:28

see that on vanity fair. Because he's

34:30

a billionaire, Jesus, it doesn't

34:32

matter. That's right. He can do

34:34

what he wants. Yeah.

34:37

Oh, and you know what? Okay. Okay.

34:39

Okay. Okay. I know that, you know,

34:41

there's not enough fun, funny news for

34:43

us right now that

34:46

we're trying to, you know, give you some

34:48

escape and shelter from the storm. But,

34:53

but, but last week,

34:55

Jesus, something happened

34:57

that I feel

34:59

that by the end of 2024 is going to

35:01

be up there as one of the funnier things.

35:05

Oh, Robert F. Kennedy

35:08

Jr. says doctors found

35:10

a dead worm in his brain. Yeah.

35:15

Like last week on a Wednesday, you never

35:17

know what's going to happen on

35:19

a given day. But all

35:21

of a sudden, all anybody could talk about

35:23

was brain worms. Yeah. And

35:26

how Robert Kennedy has brain worms. Yeah.

35:30

And we, I was like, we already know that, but

35:33

thanks for confirming it. Yeah. Oh, there

35:35

were so many jokes, Jesus. I'm sure

35:37

you saw them all. It died of

35:40

starvation. It died of

35:42

starvation. Now

35:44

I know you heard about this. I did. Oh yeah. I

35:46

see you couldn't avoid this one. Yeah.

35:50

So that was fun. Um,

35:53

and, uh, one of my, my

35:56

favorite thing about this was.

36:00

making jokes about it and then

36:02

everybody's laughing, everybody's having fun and then

36:04

there's one dude in the comments who's

36:06

like a fan of

36:09

his who's like, this

36:11

is a very serious issue. Millions

36:14

of people are affected every year. A

36:20

billion people annually. God, how

36:22

dare you make fun of

36:24

him for having brain

36:26

worms. And it's like,

36:28

yeah, but are they running

36:30

for press? And

36:34

we need to know what were his

36:36

positions before the brain worms

36:40

and what was he like after the brain

36:42

worms. Is

36:44

that when things started going

36:47

south in his decision making? And

36:52

when did this happen exactly? Do we

36:54

know? Like 2001? In

37:01

2010, Robert F. Kennedy

37:03

was experiencing memory loss and mental

37:05

fogginess so severe that a

37:07

friend grew concerned he might have a

37:10

brain tumor. This is

37:12

very serious, Jesus. Mr. Kennedy said

37:14

he consulted several of the country's top neurologists,

37:16

many of whom had either treated or spoken

37:18

to his uncle, Senator

37:21

Ted Kennedy, before his death

37:23

the previous year of brain cancer.

37:25

Oh, nice. Several

37:28

doctors noticed a dark spot. The

37:32

doctor said it was caused by a worm that

37:34

got into my brain and ate a portion of

37:36

it and then died. It

37:40

died and then what? Like it's like

37:42

disintegrated? Like what? How does that what?

37:45

I'm confused. From starvation, Jesus. So

37:49

we had fun with this on

37:52

my sub stack, the God pod sub

37:54

stack. And I did

37:56

a post RFK Junior names brain worm is

37:58

running mate. Is it the

38:00

best headline of all time? That is good. That is

38:02

good. It's perfect. But it was

38:04

fun. I like it. Sometimes

38:08

they're just silly. Silly.

38:14

Shall I read you portions? Yeah, let's

38:16

hear. Let's hear. From my writing to

38:18

fill time. Okay. Independent

38:21

presidential candidate Robert F.

38:23

Kennedy Jr. named

38:25

a parasitic brainworm. He only refers

38:28

to as brainy as

38:30

his running mate Tuesday at a rally

38:32

in Oakland, California. A

38:34

worm got into my brain and ate a

38:36

portion of it and then died. In

38:39

honor of that worm, I'm so proud to

38:41

introduce you to the next vice president of

38:43

the United States. This little

38:45

parasitic worm I call brainy,

38:47

Kennedy said. Brainy

38:50

selection is being hailed as a smart move

38:52

by the New York Times editorial board. I

38:55

should have added. And bad for Biden.

39:00

Mr. Kennedy has, oh no I did. Sorry,

39:02

I did. Well done. Mr. Kennedy has

39:04

worms for brains. Here's why that's

39:06

bad news for Biden. RFK

39:10

Jr.'s campaign has severed ties with

39:12

its previous VP pick. Tech entrepreneur

39:14

Nicole Shanahan, who is reportedly not

39:16

happy about the news. I

39:19

think you're laughing at your own article that you

39:21

wrote. I make myself laugh. I'm

39:24

picturing you now writing this and laughing at

39:26

the same time. I don't know why everyone

39:28

is making jokes about this. Said

39:31

an agitate, said an agitated RFK Jr. fan

39:33

at the rally. See, this is inspired by

39:35

real life Jesus. Brain worms are

39:38

a very serious issue. Everyone I

39:40

know who supports RFK has had them at one point

39:42

or another. Me have five right now. Comedy!

39:51

And then we talked to the worm. He said,

39:54

please, no, don't make me go into his brain. My

39:56

father died in there. Anyway,

40:00

and then I had another good

40:02

tweet Jesus. Uh-huh. I still call them tweets It was

40:04

on threads where I was like having

40:06

a worm eat your brain is a good metaphor for

40:09

what it's like Listen to Joe Rogan and Ben Shapiro

40:12

And he's been guests. I'm like Joe Rogan

40:15

what multiple times? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah He's

40:18

got like 6% He's

40:20

pulling at 6% He's

40:24

hurting Biden I Think

40:27

he's taking more votes from Biden than Trump. Yeah,

40:29

I think that's right What

40:32

dude Jesus, you know, I uh,

40:35

I'm glad we're not gonna be allowed to exist

40:37

anymore Yeah, if

40:39

Trump gets elected they're gonna do that project 2025

40:41

shit Like

40:43

how do people not see that this is a bigger?

40:47

Threat. I know we're

40:49

pissed off but like

40:51

things could be So will

40:53

be so much worse We'll

40:55

be right back after these messages Backyard

40:58

in need of some professional help if

41:01

you've got a messy landscape including a shed

41:03

filled with chills trees that need trimming

41:05

or RVs and fifth wheels that need

41:07

hauling off leave the mess to the

41:09

experts get your free estimate at clay

41:11

clean up calm You're

41:14

a podcast listener and this is a

41:16

podcast ad reach great listeners like yourself

41:18

with podcast advertising from lips and ads

41:21

Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering

41:23

host endorsements or run a reproduced ad

41:25

like this one across Thousands of shows

41:27

to reach your target audience with lips

41:29

and ads go to lips and

41:31

ads calm now. That's lib s y

41:34

n ads calm Well,

41:37

I'm glad you bring this up because the New York Times

41:39

Posted some new polls on Monday and

41:42

Trump is leading in five key states.

41:44

I'm starting to get worried I'm starting

41:46

to get worried. I've said before on

41:49

this well that You

41:51

know, don't take the polls too seriously It's

41:53

too early that's a map, but I don't know I

41:56

rarely see good poll news about Biden and

41:58

as things As the

42:01

election gets closer, I'm like, oh,

42:03

you can't the polls mean something.

42:06

Yeah. And, uh, people

42:08

are pissed about the

42:10

inflation and the price of groceries.

42:12

They weren't able to fix that.

42:14

And also God's and then the

42:16

Gaza obviously is a huge issue.

42:19

Bernie Sanders said he's worried Biden could

42:21

lose election over the Gaza war. Yeah.

42:24

I think I would assume that

42:26

Hamas was told to do that. We're

42:28

paid to do that attack by Vladimir

42:31

Putin because he wants Trump to be

42:33

elected. He, they knew that this and

42:36

all of this, they probably came up with

42:38

the phrase genocide Joe, I wouldn't put it

42:40

past them and pushed it as

42:42

hard as they could. Because

42:45

they know once, you know, there's people that

42:47

are like, it doesn't matter. It

42:50

doesn't matter that new, but now the latest thing

42:52

is that Biden is, um,

42:55

they're withholding weapons. They're

42:57

not going to support Israel's March

43:00

into Rafa. And

43:03

it's honestly, it doesn't matter.

43:05

It doesn't matter to people on the left

43:08

that are pissed. They're like, the

43:10

damage is done. The people

43:12

are dead. You

43:14

know, once they slap genocide on

43:16

your name, they don't fucking take that

43:18

shit off. People

43:20

have right to be concerned about

43:23

the economy and Gaza and

43:25

many other things, but I just don't

43:27

know to your point how

43:29

you look at these two options and

43:32

you say, we're going back to Trump.

43:35

That's the better of the two. They say we're

43:37

going to punish the Democrats for not

43:40

doing what we wanted. But

43:42

then you're punishing yourself by voting for

43:44

Trump long-term, I guess is how I

43:47

feel. Yeah. I

43:49

know. I honestly, I saw it happen

43:51

in 2016. I

43:54

understood being pissed because Bernie,

43:56

you know, it wasn't the candidate and people were

43:59

pissed and I. I understand. Are you saying you voted

44:01

Trump in 2016? No.

44:05

Obviously. But I'm just saying. Because you're

44:07

dying, you can't vote. All I'm saying

44:09

is they fucking tried it already. Yeah.

44:11

Of this idea of let's punish the

44:13

Democrats because we didn't

44:17

get what we wanted and it

44:19

didn't fucking work. The Democrats

44:21

haven't changed at all. At

44:25

all. If you want to change

44:27

them, you got to join and

44:29

infiltrate from within or start a new party.

44:33

Whatever. We're

44:35

voting for R.F.K. But

44:38

he's not going to fucking win. And

44:40

then Trump is going to get elected and he's

44:42

going to put four more Supreme Court justices on.

44:45

And you're going to be living in the handmade

44:47

sale. How is

44:49

that going to make life

44:51

better for the Palestinians? Because

44:55

on Saturday night at his rally in

44:57

New Jersey, Trump suggested that when elected,

44:59

he would deport pro-Palestinian

45:01

college protesters. And

45:04

you know what their favorite little joke is, Jesus? What?

45:07

We're going to deport them to Gaza. When

45:10

he says we're going to deport you, they

45:13

mean deport you to Palestine. They

45:17

think that's so funny. Which

45:20

is just so many levels

45:22

of infuriating. Oh,

45:25

you're getting, it's like, so you're admitting it's

45:27

a horrible fucking thing. Place that you are.

45:30

I don't know where to begin with that shit. But

45:32

yeah, he said he would deport them. Oh,

45:35

and also he said he wants to finish

45:37

the problem. He

45:39

was the most pro-Israel president probably

45:42

ever. He moved, supported moving

45:44

the capital. He's

45:47

been, they consider him the

45:49

most pro. He wants to

45:51

finish the problem. What does finish the problem sound

45:54

like to you? But he's

45:56

totally down with mass genocide. If

45:59

anybody... Oh,

46:01

also his son Jared Kushner publicly

46:03

said that God's waterfront property

46:05

could be very valuable. Wow.

46:09

If you're supporting the

46:11

Palestinian people, how is that better?

46:14

Yeah. How is that going to be

46:16

better for them? That seems like worse.

46:19

Right? Yeah. I

46:23

mean, what has happened

46:26

is monstrous. Okay. But

46:28

Netanyahu has done, it's fucking monstrous.

46:30

Yes. Okay. Mm

46:33

hmm. But damn, shit

46:36

is, yeah, it's scary because I, it's

46:38

like, I get it. I get why people are like, well,

46:40

I'm just not gonna, you know, and that's

46:42

how I don't vote. I can't support

46:45

what's happened, but I don't get not

46:48

understanding that Trump is going

46:50

to be so much worse. He was already

46:52

in power. Yeah. And

46:55

you saw what he is. Yeah. How

46:59

the fuck is that better? I

47:01

don't know. I really, this is, it's so

47:03

hard for me to compute because do people

47:06

just have really bad memories? They

47:08

don't, and there's also of

47:10

course, so much that Trump is throwing at us

47:12

at all times. It's hard for people to keep

47:14

up on it all. It's like,

47:17

how do I, how do I stay on top of

47:19

just how nuts he is when he's spewing so much

47:21

shit every second of the day?

47:23

Well, I guess Biden should have made

47:25

a different decision and bucked 75 years

47:27

of American foreign policy.

47:30

I mean much fucking sooner, but

47:34

you know, that's, and we all knew it, but

47:37

that's just the way it's, it's tragic. What

47:40

they did with the, uh, anyway,

47:43

I said, how can you not

47:45

talk about the biggest story of the day? It's not

47:47

funny, Jesus. It's not. It is

47:49

not funny. No. Oh, and by

47:51

the way, don't let Trump tell you. They, they,

47:53

he wants to say that, oh, they're all

47:56

anti-Semitic, the protesters,

47:58

right? J.D.

48:00

Vance went on Dana Bass show on Sunday

48:02

and said, I don't think anybody could look

48:04

at the presidency in the conduct of Donald

48:06

Trump and say this is a person who's

48:08

somehow anti-Semitic. Dana Bass responded,

48:10

he had dinner with Nick Fuentes,

48:13

who is an avowed anti-Semite. It's

48:16

true. The

48:18

Proud Boys, like Nick

48:20

Fuentes, he's cuddled up to

48:23

the most anti-Semitic hateful

48:25

people in the country

48:29

for his entire presidency. Oh, also they

48:31

attacked the Capitol. Remember

48:35

that the Jews will not replace

48:37

us? And then Trump

48:39

was like, there's good people on both sides?

48:41

Oh, yeah. That was a really dark point

48:44

in his term. Well,

48:46

there you go. And so the nerve to

48:49

equate any criticism of

48:52

the military actions of Israel in

48:54

the first place with, oh, that

48:56

means you're anti-Semitic is

48:58

insane. But for

49:00

it to come out of the mouth

49:02

of Trump, okay? Yeah.

49:06

It's just – nothing makes sense. Because

49:08

his son Jared Kushner is Jewish. Yeah.

49:10

That's an awkward part of all this. He

49:14

also – it was also reported

49:16

in the last week that Trump's

49:18

been meeting with oil bigwigs, and he's

49:20

promising that if they send

49:22

him like hundreds of millions of dollars for

49:24

his campaign, he will undo

49:26

all the climate change. Change

49:29

regulation that Biden's been implementing, I

49:31

think particularly when it comes to

49:33

EVs. So he's trying

49:36

to win over the oil

49:39

guys that way, which is just gross. He

49:41

wants to undo the EV

49:43

movement in America with the

49:46

help of the gas

49:48

companies. So it's just – I

49:53

mean, you know,

49:56

once people are pissed, they

49:58

don't forget that shit. You

50:00

know, yeah, I

50:02

get it, but it's gonna lead

50:05

to Trump being president again. Yeah, and he's

50:08

going to Take

50:11

every issue and fuck us in

50:13

the app. No, that's I

50:16

need a better metaphor because that could be a nice thing

50:19

Stab us in the eyes with a fork

50:22

He's gonna stab us in the brain in

50:25

the heart in the back. So it's fucking

50:27

it's terrifying Jesus. It is really terrifying We

50:31

have six months of Worrying

50:34

and wondering people to for but

50:36

I try and dig out of

50:38

the I don't know Doesn't

50:40

look good Jesus that said

50:43

a lot of people are extremely fucking

50:45

fickle. What in what what do you mean? About

50:48

everything. Yeah, like the polls

50:50

go up. They go down Based

50:53

on what? Yeah, that's true

50:55

and the media loves covering the horse race.

50:58

So oh they're getting closer. Oh, they're gonna

51:00

show the report Oh Biden's now ahead. Oh

51:02

Trump's down really no one knows a goddamn

51:04

No one knows a medium thing about what's

51:06

gonna happen. Yeah, and like I've said before

51:10

It was just a few years ago that

51:12

Biden did defeat Trump and we have debates

51:14

to go Biden's been very good

51:16

when he needs to be think about like the

51:18

state of the Union. He can really turn it

51:20

on Turn

51:23

on his energy and make a forceful speech so

51:26

and they do seem to be They

51:29

seem to both be interested in debating one another Biden

51:32

made a surprise appearance on Howard Stern and he said

51:34

he is Up for debating

51:37

Trump and I think Trump has said the same

51:39

thing So maybe that can move the needle of

51:41

course we can look forward to an October surprise

51:43

or two Of

51:46

course, you know we here at

51:48

God Inc Would

51:50

love to interfere and but ultimately

51:53

it's up to you the American people Yeah,

51:56

I would love to interfere except for

51:58

the fact that

52:00

I'm totally fucking powerless. Okay?

52:04

Church membership is way down. Newsletters.

52:08

Yeah, I know. My only, I'm like, this

52:11

is how bad God is doing. I'm

52:13

like, super excited and

52:15

hopeful for my new sub-stack. Which,

52:19

you know, sounds,

52:21

for me, it's true. But for like, in

52:24

the wider public, that'd be like,

52:28

God, are you okay? The

52:30

Godpod. Are

52:32

you okay, God? Do you need a hug? Because

52:36

most people don't even know what the

52:38

fuck that is. Sub-stack. What

52:42

it means, or what, or...

52:44

The Godpod.substack.com. I'm just excited

52:46

to be free to

52:48

post my comedy without getting hit

52:51

with a community standards violation. So

52:54

yeah, the Godpod on sub-stack is

52:56

like, you know, a means

52:58

of getting our good shit out there.

53:02

And he's writing really funny stuff, so check

53:04

it out, y'all. I

53:06

just signed up. Oh, you

53:08

did? Just now? Well, at the

53:10

top of this podcast when you were giving me the

53:12

updates, but yeah. You

53:14

got a subscriber in me. You know how

53:17

many articles I've sent Jesus in the last

53:19

week? You just... You

53:22

just signed up now. Oh,

53:25

no, it's fine. I'm not mad. I

53:28

don't know why I hadn't done that sooner. You're

53:30

right, I apologize. Because

53:32

you don't want emails going to your inbox? No,

53:34

I'm looking forward to... I actually like newsletters. I

53:37

like newsletters a lot. I signed up for

53:40

a podcast newsletter. Oh, okay. You like

53:42

newsletters a lot. Just, you know... Well,

53:45

anyway, thanks for signing up. When

53:48

can I expect it in

53:50

my inbox every morning? I

53:52

posted random times. Usually I've been sending them out

53:54

at like 2 to 5

53:57

o'clock. In the morning? Or at night?

53:59

In the afternoon. depending on where you

54:01

are. Okay. And what, what the

54:03

engagement numbers look like, depending on the time of

54:05

day, you've been doing some A B testing. I

54:08

like my new, it just literally comes up

54:10

to when I'm, I'm trying to see, you

54:13

know, what's trending that day. Did

54:15

somebody say that they have brain worms and

54:19

you want to, you know, make your, make

54:22

your satire news article about that thing. You want

54:24

to jump on it as soon as you can.

54:27

May I recommend sending it

54:30

overnight American time so

54:32

they can wake up, grab

54:34

a cup of coffee and read

54:37

the news. Now I'm

54:39

a little biased. You know, this is a

54:41

biased opinion. Cause that's when I like reading my

54:43

newsletters, but you should try that out. That's how

54:45

like all the newsletters do it. They release it

54:47

in the morning. True. But

54:51

again, you're in, you know, you understand

54:53

that comedy is related to

54:55

time. I mean,

54:58

yes, I understand that, but maybe

55:00

they're not reading it at night. That's all I'm saying.

55:02

Open rates, 50%. That's

55:05

good. Pretty fucking good. Yeah. All

55:07

right. Let's bless the things we liked and smite

55:10

the things we hated. I would

55:12

like to bless everyone that has signed up

55:14

for my sub stack newsletter

55:17

and is reading the articles. And I would like

55:19

to bless the people have even

55:22

gone on to become paid subscribers. That

55:24

is my hope for the future of being

55:27

freed from the yoke of

55:29

tyranny of things like Facebook and

55:32

their insane AI moderation and

55:34

all this bullshit. I've

55:37

always relied upon the kindness of strangers,

55:39

Jesus. I would like

55:42

to smite Jesus for waiting an

55:44

entire week to add his

55:46

email to the newsletter. Um,

55:48

all right. I'm sorry

55:50

about that, but, uh,

55:53

you know, a week's not that bad. Oh,

55:55

you're sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

55:57

sorry. I

56:02

was busy celebrating Mother's Day

56:04

with my mom. Hey,

56:07

I promised you I would dedicate

56:09

myself to you this Father's Day.

56:12

I won't even be- I'm just kidding. He ended

56:14

up signing up. Okay. But,

56:18

uh, I would like to smite Jared

56:20

Kushner and Donald Trump and,

56:22

uh, all these people

56:24

that are- oh my

56:27

goodness. There was a whole bunch of good stories we

56:29

didn't talk about. Fuck. And I

56:31

would like to smite my poor time management. You go ahead,

56:33

Jesus. I would like

56:35

to bless every article in God's newsletter, and

56:37

I'll tell you what, God, to make up

56:40

for my delay, I'm going to hit like

56:42

on every article. And I might

56:44

even tell you- Hell yeah. Hell

56:46

yeah. I want to bless John Mulaney,

56:48

though I want to insert a smite

56:50

in this bless to say that the

56:53

sketches in between the interview segments

56:55

were not good. I'm

57:00

sure that they would love to hear that.

57:04

Absolutely ringing endorsement. Well actually- Can

57:06

you give us some John Mulaney

57:08

how he would respond? So

57:10

I heard Jesus on his

57:12

podcast said he doesn't like

57:14

the comedy sketches. So I've

57:16

invited Jesus onto season two

57:19

of Everybody's in Los Angeles.

57:21

And we'll see if he can do any better. We

57:24

wish. That started good.

57:26

I would also like to bless the

57:28

movie Challengers. It is homoerotic as, and

57:32

oh my gosh, it was so good. Everybody should see

57:34

it. And I want

57:36

to bless- It's about like having a three way with Zendaya.

57:39

Basically, yeah. And

57:42

I want to bless

57:44

the brain worm that was in RFK

57:46

Junior's head. Aww, yeah. Bless

57:49

you, Wormy. Bless

57:52

you for crawling in there. You're a good one.

57:55

Trying to help you. That brain worm was just trying

57:57

to help by eating some of

58:00

the- bad parts save America but

58:02

die of starvation so I would

58:04

like to drop a new commandment on you

58:07

that's right in a while new

58:10

commandment thou shalt not

58:12

create a federal database of

58:15

pregnant women thou

58:17

shalt stop trying to turn

58:19

society into the friggin handmade

58:21

tale the Lord has

58:24

spoken Backyard

58:59

in need of some professional help? If

59:02

you've got a messy landscape, including a

59:04

shed filled with junk, trees that need

59:06

trimming, or RVs and fifth wheels that

59:08

need hauling off, leave the mess to

59:11

the experts. Get your free estimate at

59:13

clayscleanup.com.