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Illinois. This week on the GodPod.

0:46

You go on social medias, like I said,

0:49

there's so many people that are like, God,

0:51

you gotta get off the socials, my guy.

0:53

Go out and touch grass, buddy. I can't.

0:55

It's my job. I'm

0:58

gonna, I'm even more on, so I'm gonna sub stack.

1:00

I gotta write. God

1:05

tells Kristi Noem she's not going

1:07

to heaven. God, whose name is

1:09

Dog backwards. Yes, I can use

1:11

that in the article. We spoke

1:13

to Cricket who said, Arf, Arf,

1:15

Arf, Arf, which means basically fuck

1:17

her. All

1:21

the media attention, all the analysis

1:23

around a 24 hour jail sentence.

1:25

Jesus wants a week. I want

1:27

a week minimum. Exactly. Bless you,

1:29

judge. Merch on, give him at

1:31

least 24 hours. And

1:34

if you really want to get on Jesus, good

1:36

side, make it a fucking week. Hello

1:51

there, dear listener. It's me, God,

1:53

and I'm back again with my

1:55

son and friend Jesus Christ. Oh

1:58

my God, we're back again. Why do

2:01

you have to say that? Now I'm going to be thinking about

2:03

Backstreet Boys the entire time. Brother sisters,

2:05

we're going to do that anyway. We're going

2:07

to say, we're going to show you how.

2:09

Hey God, good to see you again. Oh,

2:12

my, actually so good to see you this

2:14

week after we had

2:16

to deal with Todd for a

2:18

full hour last week. You

2:22

know, it was great to have him on, but I

2:24

couldn't be happier to have you back.

2:26

Thanks, Jesus. It's good to be back. I

2:29

listened to it. Yeah. And Todd,

2:32

you know, he's pretty funny on

2:35

like short bursts, like on

2:37

TikTok. Yeah. And then those

2:40

reels. It's funny in that form, but

2:42

on the podcast, he just ended up sounding

2:45

like your typical

2:47

Trump supporter at times. For an

2:49

hour. For an hour. Yeah.

2:52

And so the feedback that we got, I'm happy to

2:54

say, from my continued existence

2:57

is that the

2:59

fans, they like Todd,

3:01

but in short bursts. So like,

3:04

I did a poll and the result of

3:06

the poll was when

3:10

we're talking about Trump news,

3:13

maybe that's a funny time to bring him in.

3:15

Got it. Okay. Yeah.

3:17

I think short doses, but does anybody

3:19

need to know what Trump thinks? I

3:22

mean, excuse me, Todd,

3:24

I called him Trump. Well what Todd and Trump

3:26

would think. Yeah. Nobody

3:28

cares what he thinks about everything. Yeah. Because

3:31

he's dumb as fuck. Well, and

3:33

to be frank, people want to

3:35

have their existing opinions reinforced

3:38

and Todd was confronting

3:40

those opinions head on

3:42

in last episode. Surely

3:44

you're joking, Frank. They

3:47

get enough of that in their real lives. A

3:49

lot of our listeners are living in the Bible

3:51

belt. Yeah. They're surrounded by

3:53

MAGA at all times. Yeah.

3:55

And we are their shelter

3:58

from the storm. Ah,

4:01

we're the umbrella above their heads. Hey,

4:03

hey, what's up? We're

4:05

your safe space. Umbrella, Ella,

4:08

Eh, Eh, we're

4:10

a safe and welcoming space. You

4:12

know, and that's fine. The podcast,

4:14

I honestly, I'm happy to, you

4:16

know, it's much easier for

4:19

me to just hang out and be myself than

4:21

it is to listen

4:23

to Todd. I agree with that. I

4:26

agree with that. I don't like him either. But

4:28

he is blowing up on the ticket.

4:30

He talked Jesus. I've got great news

4:32

for you. We're blowing. Yeah.

4:34

The God pod cast tick tock

4:36

account is blowing the fuck up.

4:39

Well, yeah, in

4:42

2024, the year that they

4:44

decided to ban it. Now, do

4:46

you think this is going to give

4:48

Todd a bit of an ego? Like,

4:50

Oh, look at the people like me.

4:52

My opinions must be very

4:54

accurate. He doesn't, he doesn't even know that

4:56

we're posting it online. Ooh,

4:58

nice. No, yeah. We just follow him around

5:01

to the camcorder and post,

5:03

you know, some of the

5:05

crazier shit he says online and

5:07

people find it funny. Good. And so, yeah,

5:09

we got, we're getting tick,

5:11

tick, tick, tick tock. So I've gotten a 60,000 views there, Jesus.

5:15

Ooh, that's pretty good for us

5:17

only having like 13,000 follow. Actually

5:21

we've gained 2000 followers in a week.

5:23

Wow. Nice. Under Todd's.

5:26

Nice. Well, let's gain as many as we

5:28

can before it disappears from America. Tick tock.

5:30

Yeah. What is it? What's going to happen?

5:32

You know, I'm like, yay, I'm blowing up

5:34

on tick tock finally. Right

5:37

when they, this Congress and everybody decided to

5:39

get rid of it. Dad, maybe it won't

5:41

get away. Maybe I can start engaging in

5:44

some magical thinking. You're not

5:46

blowing up on tick tock Todd is. Hey,

5:49

why are you going to put it like

5:51

that? Well, I mean, it's my account. Oh,

5:53

okay. Oh, I'm taking

5:55

advantage of my family. A lot of in. I've

6:00

done that before for success.

6:03

Okay. That is a very good point. You're

6:06

just another one of these family influencers who

6:08

document the lives of their family. You're right.

6:11

You're right. Yeah. You're

6:13

right. I've certainly been taking advantage of. You better watch out,

6:16

Jesus. We might start following you around. Too late. I've

6:18

been on this podcast for years now. You're taking advantage of me for years.

6:22

People are not a fan of Tom on

6:24

the podcast. I'm happy to hear that, but

6:26

I'm also happy to hear that he's bringing

6:28

in lots of views on your TikTok. Don't

6:30

let them know. Oh, also big news on

6:32

the social media front for the God podcast.

6:34

Jesus. I started a sub stack this

6:36

weekend. Did you see that? Oh, I did. Yeah.

6:40

And you hit a milestone I saw on social

6:43

media. Yeah. We're up to 500 already.

6:47

And I think it's past

6:49

like 800 now and marching

6:51

our way to a thousand. Now what

6:54

is sub stack and why

6:57

are you on sub stack

7:00

for anybody who doesn't know

7:02

what sub stack is? So basically

7:04

it's like a combination of Twitter

7:06

and Patreon and

7:09

newsletter thing. Got it. So

7:11

you can post like tweets and notes

7:14

on there and people can react and

7:16

discover you that way. Okay.

7:19

Or you can also write articles. And

7:21

then when you distribute them, there's

7:23

more of a chance of like an

7:25

ecosystem of people to discover it. Whereas

7:27

on Patreon, they don't have

7:29

a feed or any kind of

7:32

way to be discovered. That's

7:34

cool. So yeah. So

7:37

I, you know, I, I'm not

7:39

really focused on putting out

7:41

exclusive content on sub stack just yet,

7:43

just on growing. But

7:46

you know, when I start doing that,

7:48

I can post it in both places and

7:50

people can have the, you know,

7:53

choice to follow us on

7:55

either. Yeah. It's, it's fun.

7:57

I love that. Yeah. It's

7:59

basically Patreon. I even told the guy who runs Patreon

8:01

face to face in a meeting, I was

8:03

like, dude, you

8:05

need to have a feed where

8:08

people can discover there's no discovery.

8:10

Yeah, there's no discovery. They could

8:12

just never swing that. But

8:15

Patreon, I feel like, is for creators

8:18

who already have an audience. They don't

8:20

need to be discovered on Patreon. Maybe.

8:23

You get discovered elsewhere and then you support them on Patreon.

8:25

I think that's their thinking. Yeah, I guess. But

8:27

I'm proud of you, joining Substack. You're so

8:29

down with the times. I

8:32

guess. I mean, there's a

8:34

lot of people using it. You're

8:39

everywhere. I think you should

8:41

join Truth Social. That should be your

8:43

next frontier. No, Todd should join Truth

8:45

Social. Yes. Oh my God.

8:48

Todd, do you know how funny

8:50

Todd is? He's like our Cartman.

8:54

He is so funny that I even

8:56

saw a couple of comments on TikTok

8:58

of Trump supporters being like, you

9:01

know, I'm a Trump supporter, but this

9:03

guy is funny. Oh really? Okay, well, at least

9:05

they can see. And

9:07

I'm like, you're a Trump supporter for now. Right.

9:11

Where Todd is going to bring you on over.

9:14

Come on over. Let's discuss the

9:16

latest new political normal in 2024. Republicans

9:21

sure love to kill their dogs. Yeah,

9:23

the big story of the week has

9:25

been Kristi Noem, who

9:27

had to defend killing

9:29

a puppy after

9:32

widespread outrage from the left and

9:34

the right. She is the South

9:37

Dakota governor. And

9:40

she said in her new memoir

9:42

titled No Going Back, out

9:45

today, actually, Tuesday, May 7th, that

9:48

so she revealed in this memoir that she

9:50

once killed a puppy. And now this memoir

9:52

is coming out. She's like, yo, what the

9:54

F, what the fuck? And

9:57

she had killed her 14 month

9:59

old female. dog cricket in a

10:01

gravel pit near her farm and

10:04

she shot the animal because it

10:06

killed and ate several chickens and

10:08

was less than worthless and untrainable.

10:10

Oh my god! Oh my

10:13

dad! Yeah. I know it's

10:15

a puppy! What do you mean it's untrainable

10:17

you heartless sack of crap? And the reason

10:19

I say Republicans do it is because haven't

10:22

there been like a bunch of other Republicans

10:24

that have that have done

10:27

things with their dogs? Like

10:29

Mitt Romney he rode around with his dog

10:31

on top of his car. Oh yeah that's

10:34

right. Yeah what's up with these people? It's

10:37

a lot that they can't they don't know how to

10:39

like handle dogs. They

10:42

just can't you know they just can't stop

10:44

fucking with the dogs. Yeah. Killing them, torturing

10:46

them. So in

10:48

the book Noam said it was

10:50

not a pleasant job but it had to be done

10:53

and after it was over I realized another unpleasant job

10:55

needed to be done and she

10:58

then describes killing a nasty and

11:00

mean goats at the same

11:02

gravel pit. What the fuck? Yeah what is

11:04

up with call animal services on this

11:06

governor. This person's a governor. Yeah. Didn't

11:10

people used to like you know kiss

11:13

babies and puppies

11:16

and prove that they're

11:18

you know not

11:20

a psychopath. Now in order to be big

11:24

in the Republican Party you have

11:26

to basically kill a dog. She's probably gonna

11:28

be picked as

11:30

Trump's vice president. I

11:33

don't know this this this is bad news. I

11:37

don't think this is good. I think

11:39

most Americans can unite around not killing

11:41

a puppy and what does it say

11:43

about your leadership skills that you

11:45

can't train a puppy to the

11:47

point where you have to murder it. Oh

11:49

here I found it. I found the the

11:51

post from Onoshi twit and summed it up

11:53

here. Okay. Mike Huckabee's

11:56

son hanged a dog. Sarah

11:58

Palin's son stood. on

12:00

one. Tommy Lauren

12:02

kicks hers. Mitt

12:04

Romney drove with his on the roof of

12:06

his car. Ted Cruz abandoned

12:08

his dog. Kristi

12:10

Noem shot hers. Oh, also, by

12:13

the way, she recently suggested in

12:15

an interview that Biden's

12:17

dog should be shot. Oh,

12:20

well, I guess she would know, wouldn't she? Yeah,

12:23

no, she's not the decider.

12:27

Yeah, she's Kristi Noem suggests Biden's troubled

12:30

dog should be killed just like cricket.

12:34

Why? Yeah, Republicans are a

12:36

bunch of dog hating psychopaths. Murderers.

12:41

Oh, oh, wait, wait, God, I'm seeing more

12:43

comments from her. And she's saying

12:45

the fake news has spun this out of

12:47

control and quote, I hope people really do

12:49

buy this book and they find out the

12:52

truth of the story because the truth

12:54

of the story is that this was a working dog

12:56

and it was not a puppy of the dog that

12:58

was extremely dangerous. Oh, no, Todd's

13:00

here now. Yeah, it's fake news. I

13:02

heard the word fake news. And

13:05

I just wanted to pop in and say

13:07

that was fake news. And

13:09

if anybody didn't like me on the podcast,

13:12

fuck your feelings. What? Why

13:14

didn't they like me? I

13:16

think you've got some feelings to work through yourself.

13:20

Todd, get the fuck out of here. It's

13:23

my turn on the podcast, you bastard. Yeah.

13:25

Wipe those tears away. There you go. I

13:30

assume Todd has preordered Kristi Noem's

13:32

book and is looking forward to

13:34

the truth about what happened.

13:36

Yeah. Well, and Mitt Romney has

13:38

spoken out saying his dog scandal

13:40

doesn't compare to Kristi Noem's. I

13:43

didn't shoot my dog. What

13:46

a weird flex. He's

13:49

like, at least I didn't shoot my dog.

13:51

Yeah. I love that

13:53

the title of her book is No

13:56

Going Back. That's appropriate. Yeah. No going

13:58

back now, Kristi. You're so- going back

14:00

I I feel like she'll

14:03

probably lose her next election so

14:06

I'm sure the purpose of publishing a

14:08

book is because she has presidential aspirations

14:11

who in their right mind thinks including this

14:13

in your book is going to be a

14:15

good look for you someone

14:18

who's trying to become Trump's

14:20

vice president listen Trump famously

14:22

hates dogs yes which

14:24

says a lot about about him he

14:27

hates dogs you know why hmm because

14:29

dogs know dogs

14:33

and baby good about someone who's

14:35

evil and every time he probably sees

14:37

a dog you know

14:39

the dogs probably like yo fuck that

14:41

guy yeah rough rough trouble

14:44

hey yo yeah dog a dog sniffs

14:46

him and just smells the shit and

14:48

piss and evil and the dog

14:50

is just like yo everybody you seen this yeah

14:53

watch out for this fucking guy a dog's job is

14:55

to protect you kind of reminds me of last week's

14:57

episode I noticed Todd had quite the stench on him

14:59

if you put a dog near him I think that

15:02

dog would have a lot of bad feelings about

15:04

him as well stent the

15:06

stench of evil is strong the

15:08

eternal stench okay

15:12

let's take a little break from politics here

15:14

and discuss something something up

15:16

your alley Jesus comedian Russell Brand

15:18

announces he is getting baptized didn't

15:21

we talk about the plunge didn't

15:23

we talk about this last week

15:25

did we yeah talked about it

15:27

with Todd well did you talk about it with me

15:29

no I didn't you want to talk about it well

15:35

he's had his first week being

15:37

baptized Jesus and he's feeling great

15:40

night is he I'm happy

15:42

for him yeah this is and

15:44

you know what's crazy as I posted about

15:46

this the reason I'm asking is

15:48

I post about this later in the week

15:50

and it was a big post on my

15:52

Facebook page oh and that's good what's a

15:54

no not all because what's annoying well a

15:56

lot of people thought it was funny you

15:58

know laughing at him But there's

16:00

a lot of people who are

16:03

like oh good for him Mm-hmm.

16:06

Oh don't judge. It's not our

16:08

place to judge you know mm-hmm.

16:11

It's not our place And

16:14

I'm just I like that face you just made I'm

16:17

just like this is why this is why

16:20

Okay, he's got people like

16:23

this do this Because

16:25

there's a thick there's a

16:27

bunch of people who are just dumb as fuck

16:30

And they don't know maybe they just don't they

16:32

don't know about all the bad shit that he's

16:34

done. Yeah Well, you

16:36

know there's a trend where people

16:38

quickly forget about the bad things

16:41

that people have done They

16:44

never heard in the first place let me tell

16:46

you I've had it happen where people

16:49

are like you know so-and-so Blah

16:52

blah blah, and I'm like what I didn't hear about

16:54

that. I didn't hear that that that

16:57

famous person Was another

16:59

sex pest yeah, I never heard

17:01

that God sent bears on children.

17:03

I never heard that Oh, yeah,

17:05

did we talk about the bears versus the

17:07

did you talk about the whole bears discussion

17:10

with Todd last week now? You've

17:12

heard about this though. No you

17:14

haven't heard about the bears discussion the

17:17

bears discussion Are we talking about what

17:19

I said or another bear? Oh? No,

17:21

it's been all over social media for

17:23

weeks Jesus I All

17:26

right, let me let me clue you in okay,

17:28

you So

17:31

out of the loop Jesus so a

17:33

writer posted the question in an article Okay

17:37

about dear women would you

17:39

rather? encounter a bear

17:41

or a man in the woods mmm

17:44

and Like millions and

17:46

millions of women were posting

17:48

on social media that yes, they would

17:50

definitely pick the bear Because

17:53

they feel like you know there's

17:56

a better chance of not being harmed

17:58

yes with the bear The bear will

18:00

probably just wander away, whereas

18:03

the man... So this, as

18:05

you might imagine Jesus, dominated

18:08

social media. It's still going

18:10

on. I totally missed

18:12

this. The algos were not serving

18:14

it to me. No, but

18:17

here's why. The reason why is because

18:21

men took great offense to

18:23

this because they

18:25

are not... Because they're

18:27

taking it extremely literally and

18:29

being like, bears are more dangerous than men.

18:32

What are you talking about? You're a bunch of dumb women, blah,

18:35

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And women are

18:37

like, no, you don't understand. We're saying that men are

18:39

more dangerous than bears. And

18:42

statistically, they're right. How

18:45

many women per year are mauled by

18:47

bears, Jesus? I don't know. Versus

18:51

how many are murdered by

18:53

men. Or sexually assaulted.

18:57

And that's a lot. So what they're

19:00

trying to say is, men,

19:04

please understand our pain at

19:06

this time. And a lot of

19:09

the responses were like, yeah, bears

19:11

won't legislate laws

19:13

for our bodies. Bears

19:17

have never told me what I can and can't do

19:19

with my body. So I think

19:21

it's just, read the room. It's an

19:24

interesting question and topic. It's a time for

19:26

men to pay

19:28

attention to what women are saying. But

19:31

all these guys are like, am

19:34

I the reason that women won't pick the bear?

19:37

No, Todd put out a video where he

19:39

was like, am I the reason women

19:41

pick the bear? And

19:44

then he was like, no, it's the

19:46

women who are wrong. I think that's

19:49

a really interesting debate, actually. And

19:51

I completely understand why women would feel that

19:54

way. And you think about just like, to

19:57

your point, the bear would just probably

19:59

back away. unless you're provoking it,

20:01

whereas a man, you

20:03

don't need to provoke him, you just need

20:05

to be in his presence and he's a threat

20:07

to you, verbally, sexually. It's kind of like the

20:09

whole Walking Dead discussion. What's word, you

20:12

could change it around. I

20:14

should ask this one, would you rather meet a

20:16

zombie in the woods or a man? Yeah.

20:19

And now what kind of zombie are we talking

20:21

about? The fast walking ones or the Walking Dead

20:23

slow? That was gonna be my next question, because

20:25

with a bear or a human, a human man,

20:28

they'd be able to run after you, but if

20:30

it's the AMC Walking Dead slow walkers, then

20:32

it might not be as much of a threat. But the

20:35

whole point of that show, which

20:38

was conveyed easily in season one, we didn't need

20:40

10 seasons, was

20:42

basically that humans are more dangerous

20:44

than the zombies. Yeah. Everybody's

20:47

afraid of the zombies and the mummies

20:50

and the vampires, but hey,

20:53

have you seen humans lately? Did

20:57

you see what they did to Jesus? At

21:00

your direction, with your support.

21:02

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21:04

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21:53

auto and save up to 25% with Allstate.

21:55

auto with Allstate. Bundled

21:57

savings vary by state and are not available in every state. Saving

22:00

up to 25% is the countrywide average of the maximum

22:02

available savings off the home policy. Allstate Vehicle and

22:04

Property Insurance Company and affiliates Northbrook, Illinois. Some

22:08

people just know there's a better way to do things.

22:11

Like bundling your home and auto insurance with

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Allstate. Or going to the

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grocery store for milk instead of buying your own cow.

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every state. Saving up to 25% is the countrywide

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average of the maximum available savings off the home

22:34

policy. Allstate Vehicle and Property Insurance Company and affiliates

22:36

Northbrook, Illinois. Oh, and anyway,

22:38

I just wanted to say to Russell Brand, uh,

22:41

cause I didn't get to say it last week, fuck

22:43

you buddy, okay? We

22:46

haven't forgotten the BSU pulls. Jesus, Jesus,

22:48

you don't want him, right? No! I've

22:52

always found him annoying. Cause he was

22:54

born again and you, mate. Eugh.

22:57

Get him to the creek. I should have

22:59

told him no. And everybody who's

23:01

like, oh good, you know, just, oh,

23:03

he shouldn't judge. He's just so, you

23:05

know, oh, good for him. Go

23:08

the fuck up. Yeah. Okay.

23:13

Well, speaking of embarrassing

23:15

people, let's talk about

23:17

Donald Trump's Bible, because an evangelical

23:20

pastor reigned holy hell on the

23:22

Trump Bible. He called it

23:24

disgusting, blasphemous, and a cheap ploy.

23:27

This was Christian pastor, Lauren Livingston.

23:30

Yeah. And he got a lot of praise on social

23:32

media. And you know how I first heard

23:34

about this, Jesus? How?

23:36

I got, I'm on the friendly atheist newsletter.

23:39

Oh, okay. And his, and his reporting on this

23:41

was like, yeah, he said that and, and got

23:44

a bunch of praise, but you have to understand

23:46

that he and his entire congregation

23:49

are still going to be voting for Trump. Oh,

23:52

yeah. And he said, and he said as much

23:55

in that same. So I guess the point of

23:57

that rant was like, hey, you've gone too far.

24:00

You're encroaching on my power now. Oh That

24:04

makes a lot of sense.

24:06

Yeah, cuz Livingston also made

24:08

anti LGBTQ plus comments describe

24:10

abortion is murder Yeah,

24:13

he's a douche. So be careful.

24:15

Be careful who you praise Yeah,

24:17

you know like that Brian Cox fella. He

24:20

said the Bible is one

24:22

of the stupidest things He's

24:25

ever read did we talk to you talk about that last

24:27

week? No. No, we didn't I know Todd You

24:30

know a lot of people a lot of people don't

24:32

know who brought yet Todd did all video a lot of

24:34

people don't know Who that is? He's like Logan Roy From

24:37

succession. Mm-hmm. So if you didn't want succession,

24:39

you probably don't know him fuck off, but

24:42

um fuck off But

24:44

yeah, he's he's also in the past

24:46

said that JK

24:49

Rowling has a point. Mm-hmm

24:52

and he dated an 18 year old when he was 40.

24:54

Yikes So,

24:56

you know Careful

24:59

who you're you know, be praising.

25:02

Yeah, I Just

25:04

want to say that I don't

25:06

have a like a spotless record either back

25:08

in the day I killed a

25:10

lot of humans you sure did

25:13

you sure did but you know, what's worse

25:15

Jesus flooding humanity that

25:17

you created or Dating

25:21

an 18 year old or

25:23

17 year old. No, I think that I think honestly

25:25

that's worse. Ah I

25:28

the former impact of the whole world

25:35

Flooding that flood made a larger impact I

25:37

would say You

25:40

know who's making a large impact on

25:42

Donald Trump? Hey, you know what health had

25:44

a large impact that Asteroid that

25:46

killed the dinosaurs. Yeah, that was huge.

25:49

I miss those guys That

25:51

was huge. That's right. Yeah, that was

25:53

a huge asteroid Freud speaking of huge

25:56

asses The

25:59

Judge. Trump's New York Hush

26:01

Money trial said. He. Gave a

26:03

final warning he said jail is next

26:06

three you buddy boy. Yea.

26:08

I mean. Why is he?

26:10

How many warnings. As a gardens this is

26:12

like his tenth and final warning. It is

26:14

the tenth. Yes he. The judge said it

26:17

appears that the you thousand dollar fines are

26:19

not serving as a deterrence. Therefore going core

26:21

were forward this court will have to consider

26:23

a jail sanction. Mister Trump It's important to

26:25

understand the last thing I want to do

26:28

is put you in jail. your the former

26:30

President of the United States and possibly the

26:32

next one as well. But. That's bullshit.

26:35

He. Suggests you know be treated

26:37

like anybody else. Being. Afraid

26:39

to put him in jail because

26:41

he's the fastest leader? That.

26:44

Facism. I. Think what the

26:46

judges saying is that he's afraid

26:48

of the backlash at Trump supporters.

26:50

words. Road Noise. But. Him getting

26:52

it through. That's why Poll point though.

26:55

Anybody else would have already been in

26:57

jail like ten times. Yeah, that's true.

26:59

This is bulls and of course some key to

27:01

say how dare he even consider putting me in

27:04

jail during the day. Or. Some

27:06

people have suggested that he wants to be

27:08

put in jail. Oh yeah that

27:10

was that lowry the lot of money for as given

27:12

them the his his of the hill raise money he'll.

27:14

Be. Seen as more victim and

27:17

by idiot America. Yep! By

27:19

Todd America Do we want them?

27:21

Yes it is Jesus. Some the

27:23

vote was that Todd's be here

27:25

for. I'm from

27:27

related news. I. Think Brady

27:30

words. Briefs. Births we

27:32

want to hear real quick. Would.

27:34

Todd Things about all this: If you feel

27:36

like tide has something to say right now

27:38

than yeah, Go for it. Let

27:42

him in. What? Would Todd say

27:44

about this? Let him in the courtroom. What

27:46

do you think? Todd? Getting. Your body

27:48

would say uk lock him up Those who

27:51

do that The Hillary. Assess.

27:53

Assess Assess Assess Athena that us out how

27:55

it works was her final are immune from.

27:58

All. Persecution killer it was. beverage. court

28:00

Todd she didn't break any laws

28:02

well I hope you put him in prison

28:04

because why do

28:07

you want to see him in prison would that

28:09

excite you to see the former president behind bars

28:11

because you know you know who else got put

28:13

in prison Martin Luther King oh

28:15

so so Donald Trump is a

28:17

modern MLK he's the he's the new I saw

28:20

it on the Daily Show the other week he's

28:22

the new OJ oh I

28:24

see where you're going with this okay

28:27

okay I wonder if Todd would donate

28:29

if Trump was thrown into

28:31

prison I also wonder how much

28:33

he's donated oh I saw him do a

28:35

reel this week he's donated everything

28:37

he's got oh yeah

28:40

Trump is always calling and texting him and

28:42

I know he lost everything in that truth

28:45

oh right yeah we actually talked about that

28:47

last week yeah I know everything in that

28:50

true social and he's always calling me

28:52

and texting me and asking me from boat Todd

28:54

how stop suing him how soon are

28:56

you gonna have to sell that cross

28:59

around your neck because you have nothing

29:01

else to donate I would never sell

29:03

this this is how I remember you

29:05

Jesus you're gosh darn right that's a good

29:07

answer actually Todd I'm gonna give you 20

29:10

bucks for saying that yeah I heard

29:12

my brother make fun of you about that all

29:14

the time for getting crucified it's

29:16

not right and I did that not

29:18

right that's not right I agree with you you know

29:20

what I'm starting to like you he wrote

29:22

for that wrong

29:26

for that all right get Todd out of here

29:29

no I want to hear you

29:31

talking about my boy now you

29:33

talk about my court leader he's

29:35

my he's my court leader Jesus

29:37

okay well surprise surprise Donald Trump

29:39

has continued to fall asleep during

29:41

critical portions of testimony what

29:43

do you make of him falling asleep in

29:46

the courtroom he's he's he ain't falling asleep

29:48

Jesus he's falling he posts he

29:50

posted a truth on true

29:52

social where he said that

29:55

he was just resting his big

29:57

beautiful eyes and you know it's the

29:59

truth good you ain't a lot of lie on there. Mmm.

30:03

Mmm. Sleepy Joe Biden

30:05

is just creating more fake

30:07

news saying

30:09

that Trump is the

30:12

sleepy crooked one because he's literally

30:15

falling asleep in court. Sleepy

30:19

crooked Joe Biden. Sleepy

30:21

crooked Donald Trump. It's

30:24

not- It's always projection. It's not fake

30:26

news. Norm Eisen, who served

30:28

as a special counsel to the House Judiciary

30:30

Committee during the former president's first impeachment, told

30:33

CNN that Trump was asleep in the near

30:35

court on Friday as his

30:37

former White House aide Hope Hicks

30:39

was answering questions. Norm

30:42

Eisen, that's not- that's fake news.

30:44

He is a reporter on ESPN,

30:46

okay? Listen, that-

30:49

it's okay. And if he wants to close his

30:51

eyes and fall asleep, that's okay because the rules

30:53

don't apply to him. He's immune from

30:55

any and all criticism for now and forever,

30:58

and I hope other Hicks agree

31:00

with me. Other Hicks? Other

31:03

Hope Hicks? You were saying that

31:05

you Hope Hicks do things? No, no. Hope

31:08

Hicks was his former aide in the

31:10

White House. Oh, I love

31:12

Hope Hicks. Yeah. She's

31:14

cute, right? What's not to like? She's cute.

31:17

Her first name's Hope. Her last name's Hicks.

31:19

Okay. You know

31:21

what? That's Trump. He only hires a woman now

31:23

if she's hot because you know he's trying to

31:25

bang that. He's always done that. That's always been

31:28

his strategy. He's trying to hit that, yeah. So

31:30

here's an interesting story, Todd. The

31:33

sleepy Trump issue

31:36

has become such a problem that

31:38

his lawyers have been trying to

31:40

keep him awake with several different

31:42

devices. Oh, no.

31:44

Yeah. So, for example, when

31:46

there are sidebars, an attorney doesn't leave his

31:48

side anymore because leaving him alone means leaving

31:50

him to potentially sleep. He

31:53

has a stack of papers with him at all times

31:55

now to go through, which actually I think would put

31:57

him to sleep even more. Like, when I was a...

32:00

A student when I was little Jesus just reading

32:02

papers made me want to fall asleep. Yeah.

32:06

Well, maybe they're, they're big

32:08

pieces of paper showing his truths that

32:11

did really well. Yeah. Or maybe there's

32:13

like, it's like scans

32:15

from Playboy magazine to like

32:18

simulate him that way. Keep him awake. Maybe

32:20

that Dr. Ronnie is give him some more

32:22

Adderall and speed. Oh, that's a good idea.

32:25

Yeah. And lastly,

32:28

in our political segment here, Trump has

32:30

only 6.8 million for legal

32:32

fees with the trial underway.

32:34

I feel like he's going to burn through

32:36

that cash pretty quick. Yeah.

32:39

What happened to all his money? I thought

32:41

he was a millionaire. It's

32:43

a good question, but he is

32:46

facing it facing imminent cash crunch

32:49

in the legal fee accounts. Now,

32:51

wealthy donors, good news. He's

32:55

a very successful billionaire businessman and I don't know.

32:57

Cause he told me so. He spent 4.9 million

33:00

on legal fees in March alone.

33:03

Damn. All

33:06

that money going down the toilet. Cause

33:08

he's a bad boy. What am I going to

33:10

do when I'm totally broke? Jesus. I

33:13

think you need to reach deeper into the couch, Todd, and

33:15

try to find some quarters. I

33:17

don't, I don't want to not give him

33:19

money. Cause he just keeps texting me

33:21

and emailing me for more. Todd, it's not

33:24

your responsibility to cover his legal bills.

33:26

If I don't give him money, he's going

33:28

to be very mad with me. Here's

33:30

what you do, Todd. You load up your

33:32

phone. You load up that conversation you're,

33:34

you're having with him and you text stop

33:37

in all caps and he won't

33:39

text you anymore and I know that's going

33:42

to hurt. I know this is going to

33:44

feel like a breakup. No, yeah. I know

33:46

why you can't do that. Cause I love

33:48

him. Just text stop and

33:50

they'll stop bothering you. This isn't your

33:52

responsibility, Todd. You're out of cash. You

33:54

need it for your family. You need

33:56

it for food, but he needs that

33:59

money. Jesus. You needed more,

34:01

Todd. If I don't give him

34:03

money, then the woke left will

34:05

win. There's other Todds out there

34:07

who will donate. He doesn't

34:09

need your 50 cents or whatever

34:11

you're scrapping together for him a couple

34:14

times a week. There's other Todds? There's

34:16

other Todds like you who will

34:18

donate to the campaign. They might

34:21

not be named Todd, but

34:23

they are nuts like

34:25

you. And

34:27

they'll help out your

34:29

president. All right, good. I'm

34:31

going to get out of here, Jesus, because I

34:33

heard the woke left. The woke mob is trying

34:36

to cancel me. They hate me on this podcast.

34:38

Go get a job, Todd. And

34:40

don't use that money to donate

34:42

to Trump. You

34:45

got a job? What's your job? What's

34:47

Todd's job, God? I

34:50

don't know. He's

34:53

out of here. That was rough. You

34:56

know that he's so hated that some people have

34:58

said that they're going to tune out if he

35:00

comes back on. Well, I

35:03

understand why they say that. They

35:07

don't want to hear the other opinion,

35:09

the very wrong opinion, the very crazy

35:11

opinion for an hour. But

35:15

you understand that he's kind

35:19

of is, you know, you let him talk

35:21

and he kind of owns himself constantly. It's

35:23

very funny. It is. I

35:25

enjoy having him here in short

35:27

spurts. No. OK,

35:31

so let's move on to this

35:33

next block. Democrats, wait, bring

35:35

Todd back. No, just kidding. Wait,

35:37

did Todd write this outline? Democrats,

35:40

Democrats. Yeah, who wrote that? You

35:42

got to revoke his access to the Google Docs. So

35:47

OK, Todd commented on this

35:49

last week, God. So now

35:51

let's get your take. The

35:53

Biden administration plans to reclassify

35:56

marijuana, easing restrictions nationwide. Yes,

36:01

I'm excited. And can you read

36:03

me, what does that exactly mean Jesus?

36:05

Can you tell me? Well,

36:07

it means that you'll be able

36:09

to possess marijuana

36:12

across the country without severe

36:17

action being taken against you. Does that mean that I

36:19

can take it on the plane to Disney World? So

36:23

cannabis is currently classified along with drugs

36:25

like heroin and LSD. It's

36:27

just crazy. That's crazy. The

36:30

administration is expected to reschedule it in

36:32

a category that includes steroids and Tylenol

36:35

with codeine. So

36:38

I would think that yes, that would mean you could

36:40

bring it on a plane to Disney World or anywhere

36:42

else that you're flying. That's the only thing I need

36:44

to know. Can

36:46

I be high as fuck on

36:49

the Guardians of the Galaxy ride, please? I

36:52

mean, what else? You could, God, you could also

36:54

try to find a hookup in Florida. No.

36:57

Oh no. Okay. And

37:00

Jesus isn't 2015. Okay. I'm

37:02

done with that part. Okay. And

37:05

you know, why don't you just make it yourself,

37:07

God, you're God. And it is, I

37:10

don't have those kinds of powers anymore. Okay. No,

37:13

that's sad. And Jesus, you know, I

37:15

don't want to sneak it into my

37:17

onboard carry-on and I don't

37:19

want to shove it up my butt. Okay.

37:22

Believe me, I considered it, but

37:25

I, it's just not worth getting into trouble for.

37:29

So, you know, I understand. But

37:33

yeah, if I could, uh,

37:35

what does it mean? Yeah. I

37:39

think it, it, it just means that. Where is

37:41

the part of the article that says you can

37:44

take it on the plane to Disney World and

37:48

other fun places? Yeah. So

37:50

by rescheduling, Disney God,

37:53

by rescheduling cannabis, the drug would be

37:55

studied and researched to identify concrete medical

37:57

benefits. Opening the door. for pharmaceutical companies

37:59

to get involved with the sale and

38:01

distribution. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

38:04

blah. Well, get to the... That's

38:06

what that would be the first step. Nobody knows. Nobody

38:09

knows. It's gonna... Okay, so it's in

38:11

process. All right, maybe by next year. I

38:14

think it's gonna take longer than that before it's allowed

38:17

on planes. But yeah, so good news.

38:20

Nice idea from the Biden administration, even if

38:22

it is some desperate election ploy. Yeah, that

38:24

will win the kids back and make them

38:27

forget all the horrors that they witnessed on...

38:30

Yeah, that's great. We'll be

38:32

right back after these messages. Some

38:51

people just know there's a better way to

38:53

do things, like bundling your home and auto

38:56

insurance with Allstate. Or hiring

38:58

someone to move your piano instead of doing

39:00

it yourself. So,

39:04

do things the better way. Bundle home and

39:06

auto and save up to 25% with Allstate.

39:10

Bundled savings vary by state and are not available in every state. Saving

39:13

up to 25% is the countrywide average of the maximum

39:15

available savings off the home policy. Allstate Vehicle and

39:17

Property Insurance Company and affiliates Northbrook, Illinois. Some

39:21

people just know there's a better way to

39:24

do things, like bundling your home and auto

39:26

insurance with Allstate. Or hiring

39:28

someone to move your piano instead of doing

39:30

it yourself. So,

39:35

do things the better way. Bundle home and

39:37

auto and save up to 25% with Allstate.

39:41

Bundled savings vary by state and are not available in every state. Saving

39:43

up to 25% is the countrywide average of the maximum

39:45

available savings off the home policy. Allstate Vehicle and

39:48

Property Insurance Company and affiliates Northbrook, Illinois. Bernie

39:52

Sanders worries young people are underestimating

39:54

the threat from Trump. And

39:58

I would say and the Republican Party. Yeah,

40:02

they want to roll back a lot

40:04

of their rights. They don't seem to

40:06

see this happening. Well, they're so angry

40:09

over what Israel has done,

40:11

the Palestinians, and that the Biden

40:13

administration has just been greenlighting it

40:17

for so long, and

40:19

giving them weapons and

40:21

money, that I

40:23

don't think it doesn't matter what they do now.

40:26

Like, you know, he can

40:28

try to say, we're not going to send you any

40:30

more money if you invade Rafa, but,

40:33

you know, I think it's probably too late to

40:36

win back the people that are mad about

40:39

what happened, because a lot

40:42

of people were killed, Jesus. Yeah.

40:44

And so it's

40:47

pretty fucked. But then again, how many

40:49

of those people isn't

40:51

going to make the difference? Do they all

40:54

care? You know, all these

40:56

protests on college campuses, but

40:59

is it as big of

41:01

a movement as it seems? Or

41:05

is it gonna... That's the big

41:07

question, isn't it? Well, I think

41:09

the media does give it outsized

41:11

attention. Yeah. These college protests. So

41:13

there is that to keep in

41:15

mind. And there are many, many,

41:17

many, many, many, many everyday Americans

41:19

who really aren't paying attention to

41:21

the news day to day.

41:24

And you spend a lot of time on social media, of

41:26

course, you get sucked into all the coverage. And again,

41:29

the coverage gets outside. I think,

41:31

you know, they're absolutely right to be angry. For

41:33

sure. You know, you

41:36

can't just, you can't just like, cynically

41:38

tell people, we'll vote the way that I

41:40

want. Overlook whatever has

41:42

happened in global politics, you

41:45

know, smart person and just do what I said,

41:47

and I will shame and guilt

41:49

trip you. And then you will do what

41:51

I want. That's not how it works.

41:54

I mean, as I understand that,

41:56

you know, it doesn't make sense to

41:59

allow... Trump to become president

42:01

because he wants to, he's

42:04

totally like, kill them all. Do

42:06

whatever you want. Israel. Yeah. Do

42:08

whatever you want. And

42:11

so things would only get worse. So

42:15

now it's Fox Jesus. This,

42:18

this is the political landscape of

42:20

2024 Trump's on trial and it

42:22

doesn't seem like it fucking matters

42:26

to a lot of people and

42:28

he's getting all kinds of attention and

42:30

then the Biden is

42:33

fucked free publicity. Biden

42:36

is fucked because of global

42:38

events. You know, who do you

42:40

think Putin wants back in office? Trump? Oh,

42:42

hell yeah. Probably arranged all of

42:44

this to happen. You

42:47

know, the original attack. Yeah. The Republican

42:49

party is totally capable of anything. They're

42:51

just as evil now as they've ever

42:53

been. And I've only gotten worse over

42:55

time. They're cartoonishly evil at

42:58

this point. Yeah. And they'll,

43:00

they would do anything, anything to hold

43:02

on to power while everyone

43:04

else is distracted with their own issues and

43:06

things that they care about. They

43:09

don't care what happens to you. They

43:11

only care about themselves, which

43:13

is not a good thing for you. But

43:17

you know, when you have these issues that people

43:19

they're like, yeah, well, the big

43:21

picture can't, can't see that.

43:23

Don't want to think long-term. Honestly, they,

43:25

they honestly think that punishing the

43:28

Democrats and Biden will

43:31

lead to some kind of long-term change.

43:33

And the sad truth is that it

43:35

won't, they don't learn

43:38

anything. They didn't learn anything from 2016 when

43:40

people were mad. Did

43:43

they learn? No. They just

43:46

said, Oh, well, fuck you. You're the reason that we

43:48

lost. And they

43:50

didn't, the people that were punishing them then

43:53

achieved, it achieved nothing, it

43:56

achieved absolutely nothing. And I know because I

43:58

was there. I was there 10,000 years ago.

44:04

Actually, it's what it feels like. Thank

44:07

you. COVID. I was there. I

44:10

was there in the nineties, 20,000 years

44:13

ago, Jesus. I watched

44:15

it all unfold. The rise of

44:17

brush, limb bow, the launch of Fox

44:19

news, the, all of

44:22

this, it's all been calculated and

44:25

planned for to give them a bigger voice

44:28

and to constantly silence the left on

44:30

all fronts and the

44:32

left is too busy destroying itself and fighting

44:34

amongst each other to

44:36

get anything done. But on

44:38

the other hand, you know, like you said,

44:40

is social media and

44:43

the news and accurate reflection of what's going

44:45

on anymore. It's hard to know because you

44:48

look at these election results and

44:50

Republicans, any issue, any place where abortions

44:52

on the ballot, they're getting

44:54

fucking troust to the point where, you

44:56

know, is Florida in play? Probably not.

44:59

But yeah, it would be wild if

45:01

the abortion issue ends up saving the

45:03

day for Biden. I bet if he

45:05

does win, that will be

45:08

one major reason. That would be why

45:10

the history book. Why? Well, women, women,

45:12

it's like, yo, you're saying

45:14

that if I get pregnant, I have

45:16

to have the child. That doesn't make

45:19

sense. That's insane. That's insane. And

45:21

even if you have no plans of being put

45:24

in that situation, it can happen or happen to

45:26

someone else. It doesn't have, you know, you could

45:28

be long past the point of worrying about any

45:30

of that, but you just don't want it.

45:32

You maybe it happened to you when you were younger

45:35

and you don't want any other woman

45:37

to go through that. So picking

45:40

the bear, picking Biden, Trump or the

45:42

bear. Yeah. It's

45:45

all connected, Jesus. Well, I can't believe

45:48

we're only five months away from the

45:50

election. That's a wild thought too. Six

45:52

months away, six months away. It

45:54

feels like it's so

45:56

much further. It doesn't feel that close at all. And

45:59

hopefully there's so many. people so fucking stupid and

46:01

they don't remember what it was like to

46:03

have Trump as president or

46:06

or the fact that the Supreme Court

46:08

is so so tilted

46:10

towards the right

46:13

now you cannot afford to let

46:15

Trump who's saying people who's

46:17

saying people forgot what it was like when

46:19

Trump was president he lost in 2020 I

46:22

don't know there's so you go on social

46:24

medias like I said there's so many people

46:26

that are like god god

46:29

you gotta get off the socials

46:31

my guy go out and touch

46:33

grass buddy it's my job I'm

46:36

gonna I'm even more on so I'm gonna sub-stack

46:38

I gotta write you

46:40

know what I'm actually kind of excited Jesus can I

46:42

read you some let's take a break from some of

46:44

this awful shit I want to read you

46:46

I I back

46:49

in the day used to write fake

46:51

news satire articles uh-huh

46:53

okay well there's a difference

46:55

between fake news and satire okay okay

46:59

what Trump does with the National

47:01

Enquirer that's actual fake news what

47:04

I did was try to um I

47:07

really love the onions so I try to write things

47:10

like that but you can't I'm I can't post that

47:12

on like Facebook

47:14

because I'm afraid I'll get they'll be like

47:17

you're spreading misinformation and they won't realize it's

47:19

satire or some stupid right

47:21

so sub-stack actually has a

47:23

thriving I've noticed satire news

47:26

culture where all

47:29

the satire sites are on there which is

47:31

super cool because it's some

47:33

of the most fun content you can

47:35

get even Andy Borowitz who fucking sucks

47:38

and always has you know it's

47:41

it's nice to see him thriving yeah

47:43

so I'm gonna get I'm just he's

47:46

fine um but

47:48

uh I came up with someone would you like

47:50

to hear hear these articles I think these would

47:52

be very shareable and would help

47:55

grow the god pod

47:57

sub-stack and would be fun to

47:59

share and post God tells Kristi

48:01

Noem she's not going to heaven. God, whose name

48:03

is Dog Backwards. Yes!

48:07

I can use that in the article,

48:10

for sure. And

48:12

her dog Cricket is in heaven. And

48:16

we spoke to Cricket who said, Arf,

48:18

arf, arf, arf, arf, which means basically

48:20

fuck her. I'm

48:22

telling you Jesus, I am fucking dope at writing

48:24

these things. Ok,

48:26

here's another one. God angrily denies giving

48:28

world Donald Trump. Because there's been a

48:31

lot of, you know, any time these

48:33

things happen, I can step in with

48:35

it. There's been a lot of that

48:37

this year. God,

48:40

you know, angrily rebukes Trump

48:43

Bible. Anyway, that's not one that I wrote. Planet

48:46

can still be saved if everyone starts to work together

48:49

and stop being greedy. Well,

48:52

that one's kind of a sad laugh because you know

48:54

that's not going to happen. Yeah, sadly. Criminal

48:58

genius farts himself to sleep at own

49:00

trial. Ew. Trump

49:05

not selling enough Bibles to cover legal fees

49:07

for porn star smoky. So some of these,

49:10

you know, some of these, as you will

49:12

have, are better than others. But I'm excited. Yeah, it's

49:15

a fun idea. I

49:17

posted one on threads already, just like the

49:19

title, and it did very

49:21

well. Oh, good. If

49:24

there was an article, you could see that

49:26

the world is changing, Jesus, and eventually the

49:28

worm will turn, and we will get to

49:31

where we're going. We

49:33

are the worm. Where we want

49:35

to go. Ok, the creator

49:38

economy is heating up. There's more

49:40

opportunities out there. So

49:44

yeah, I'm excited. I'm going

49:46

to write you stuff. Todd is blowing

49:48

up on TikTok. And even if, you

49:50

know, and even if and we know it will go

49:53

away at the end of the year or whatever,

49:56

don't say that people hopefully

49:58

will, you know. See

50:00

us on these other platforms and then be like,

50:02

oh, I remember that Let

50:04

me give that one a follow. Why is

50:06

vine not back yet? Like in light

50:08

of all this How could elon not

50:10

bring back vine now that he owns

50:13

twitter? He actually asked people if

50:15

they wanted to bring it back. Yeah, they said

50:17

yes. I think he's on two polls now What

50:20

on earth? Okay. Well, fuck him Okay,

50:22

and the horse he rode in but my point

50:24

is follow us on substack It's

50:28

I like the approach of being able

50:30

to get people directly into their inbox

50:32

because the problems that we have And

50:35

everyone has is strictly because

50:37

of these fucking algorithms. Yep Tiktok

50:40

was the only site that had an algorithm

50:42

where if you did good work It

50:45

could be seen by a lot of people and that's a fact Instagram

50:48

youtube and facebook I

50:51

can have a tick tock that does really well

50:54

And they will do absolute shit on those sites

50:58

So Well, and I mean

51:00

to your point that this is why people

51:02

like patreon too because that's not Algorithm-based you

51:05

mentioned wanting a discovery platform or that's going

51:07

to be an algorithm there They

51:10

seem to have a lot of prop but again, there's just no

51:12

way to grow on there. I

51:14

understand Yeah, you got to go your

51:16

audience elsewhere and then have them come

51:18

into patreon Yeah, that's

51:20

the trick. So, you know, it's such a Tricky

51:24

thing building a website. So

51:26

yeah, it's nice to have these options And

51:30

who knows what new options will come out in the future. I

51:32

think that's a pretty Exciting thought to

51:34

think of as well. The one thing that I

51:36

will not be making fun of of course is

51:39

bowing Because you don't

51:41

want to be off to next dude Dude,

51:44

there's like 10 whistleblowers That

51:47

are getting ready to testify. Yeah, two

51:50

of them have fucking died. It's Very

51:53

alarming very alarming. Okay, thou

51:55

shall not silence

51:58

whistleblowers and just

52:00

not care to think that we're not

52:02

like noticing okay yeah

52:06

now that said the attorneys hold on I'll be right

52:08

back there's a knock at the door okay no

52:13

don't open it pancreas

52:19

tight is suddenly okay um

52:22

that got dark fast yeah damn yeah

52:25

why did I have to say that you know that

52:28

Congress voted against funding a cure for cancer

52:30

just to block a win for Biden that's

52:34

f'd up I don't even say the

52:36

word USA today right here they

52:39

don't want to fund cancer

52:42

research because they'd

52:44

rather theirs they don't

52:46

want him to be able to say that they're

52:48

doing that that's

52:51

fucking insane that's what I'm saying when I

52:53

say that they're evil and they don't care

52:55

about what happens to you they only care

52:57

about what happens themselves and why this doesn't

52:59

matter but you know what you know what's

53:01

gonna make it matter to people Jesus hmm

53:03

when Americans finally realize that

53:06

their streaming services are just

53:08

gonna continue to up the prices

53:10

infinitely and add

53:13

advertising yeah

53:15

then they're gonna get so fed up because

53:17

you're messing with their opiates that

53:21

then they'll finally be like we got to work together that's

53:23

a good point you got to work together to stop this yeah

53:26

ads on Amazon Prime fuck you

53:31

can we go back to the

53:33

Boeing story I want to point

53:36

out that this one person who

53:38

died Joshua Dean was only 45

53:41

years old and he died

53:43

from a fast-growing mystery

53:46

infection mm-hmm that's suspicious as

53:48

hell I'm gonna picture this guy

53:50

he was in good shape and

53:53

you could you know you could definitely

53:55

like if you

53:57

had access to that parasite You

54:00

know, poison someone with that.

54:02

Right, right. Well,

54:05

the real test, Jesus, will be if

54:07

another one fucked up. Yeah,

54:09

how many does Boeing think they can allegedly

54:12

get away with? Yeah,

54:14

no, they've, you know, most

54:16

people are watching this and they're like, oh yeah, they

54:18

got fucking killed. Scary

54:20

stuff. It's very scary.

54:23

But, you know, it makes you wonder if Boeing

54:27

really is responsible, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly. Oh Jesus,

54:29

I feel bad. We haven't gotten to this

54:31

in weeks and weeks. Let's answer some questions

54:33

for the humans now. Okay. And then on

54:36

a happy note, okay? Hit me. Rapid

54:38

style. This comes from Joel. He says,

54:40

God, I work for Boeing. What should

54:43

I do? I'm really scared. No. Joel

54:45

said, God, what is the strangest thing

54:47

you have ever done with your omnipotence?

54:49

Like, have you ever put your own

54:51

dick into your asshole and fucked yourself?

54:53

Oh my God. Wow. Yes,

54:55

Joel. That was the first thing that I did. Feels

54:59

good. Okay. Joel

55:02

also said, how come you regretted creating

55:04

humans, but you never regretted creating the

55:06

devil? Because

55:11

the devil's cool. We still

55:13

work together. He does the torture. The

55:16

devil keeps things in perspective for us.

55:18

He's the one torturing Rush Limbaugh every

55:20

day. Yeah, sometimes he came up for

55:22

good things. The devil is actually awesome.

55:25

Okay. Don't

55:28

you ever talk shit about the devil? He is.

55:30

My boy. He is pretty cool. Okay. He's the

55:33

one. Rush Limbaugh's

55:35

dad. Pat Robertson's dad. Yeah.

55:39

Who do you think's torturing them every day? Our

55:42

boy, the devil. Devil. The devil. In fact, I'm

55:44

going to put on his t-shirt. Yeah. Today's

55:48

Satan. Black

55:51

looks good on you. Thank

55:53

you. Right? It's very, yeah. That does

55:55

look good on me. Thank you. It's

55:57

swimming. Black is swimming. Okay. Kamala

56:01

it's true it's true no matter

56:04

who you are but black makes

56:06

everybody look sharp over

56:08

Laura said hey God out

56:11

of all the seven circles

56:13

in hell which one is

56:16

Florida hmm six

56:19

that sounds right six six yeah for that

56:21

reason exactly you know

56:24

the next grand theft auto game is gonna

56:26

be set in Florida yes that's

56:28

gonna be is that number six GTA

56:30

six I think it is that yeah

56:33

yeah it's all coming together it's all

56:35

coming together Jesus dr. V

56:37

said what myths do animals tell

56:39

about humans well that's a fun

56:42

question animals don't believe

56:44

in myths they

56:46

don't create them oh they're not

56:48

weird fucks they don't

56:50

have to do that they're just like exist

56:53

they just get on with it you know they have

56:55

other things on their minds they're just

56:57

like did I eat today cool

57:00

do I have a safe place to sleep

57:04

cool love do I have a partner

57:06

to fuck love awesome partner

57:08

and fuck I'll find someplace to sleep

57:10

tonight so here's another question

57:12

animal related from dr. V how do

57:15

the creatures great and

57:17

small view you do they know about

57:19

Jesus or does the Holy Spirit handle

57:21

animals for you Wow animals

57:24

all go to heaven like

57:26

cricket crickets up here yeah

57:28

you know we're down we're cool poor cricket

57:31

I go to pet them they don't

57:33

run away okay and dr. V also

57:36

said which famous people in heaven become

57:38

stoners once they get to heaven I

57:42

mean like all of them yeah

57:44

hey if they

57:46

weren't in life you know what are you

57:49

gonna do in heaven there's not much to do except get

57:51

high and play video games there

57:53

is no classification of weed in heaven

57:55

it's just whatever you want to do

57:57

with it we're not like the

57:59

American government Classifying it

58:01

on any level. It's like enjoy Yeah,

58:04

and anybody in prison for

58:07

weed right now. They should

58:09

be let the fuck out Yeah,

58:12

like how the fuck are you gonna make this shit

58:14

into Tylenol? And

58:17

there's people that are still in prison for 20 years And

58:19

I think that would be the other

58:21

move here by declassifying it these people

58:23

would be released from prison So that's

58:25

good. You would think Yeah,

58:28

I I

58:30

think I think I Do

58:32

I would think and I think ooh? I

58:36

like this last question from dr. V. Are

58:38

you watching fallout on Prime? I? Watched

58:41

it Jesus. Oh, you watch it. I haven't but

58:43

I've heard very good things Okie-dokie

58:48

No, yeah, it's it was definitely fun. You

58:50

know who I love in that show Walton

58:52

Goggins is in it. Oh And

58:55

he plays uncle baby Billy on the

58:57

righteous gemstone. Oh Uncle

58:59

baby, baby I

59:02

know you're gonna watch it now now. Well. Yeah. Well

59:05

see I never played the video game Did you play

59:07

the video game? No? Oh,

59:10

but I it's okay. Yeah,

59:12

I still enjoyed the show. Yeah You

59:15

know I actually liked it better than Then

59:21

the last of us really well, that's

59:23

why I know That's

59:25

a little too depressing for me sometimes

59:28

it is it is pretty dark You

59:31

know and life is depressing enough. That's

59:33

why I like comedy, and I like things that are

59:35

you know fantastical Take

59:39

you to another world, but it was just a

59:41

little too sad yeah Understand you know that's why

59:43

I stopped watching The Walking Dead. It was like

59:46

I've got elected on like a

59:48

Thursday and then Saturday

59:51

night Dave Chappelle was on and

59:54

then on Sunday night. They killed

59:56

Glenn It's a horrible bad, and

59:58

I was like fuck this show watching again

1:00:00

and a lot of people did the same thing.

1:00:02

They're like I'm done. Oh yeah the Glenn moment

1:00:04

was a turning point for that show. Yeah.

1:00:07

So yeah

1:00:10

I like things that you know cheer me

1:00:12

up. Or at least got

1:00:14

a little bit of comic relief shit. Yeah

1:00:16

you need some breaks there. If you

1:00:19

need another light-hearted show and I'm going

1:00:21

to transition into Blessings and Smites now

1:00:23

if that's okay. I

1:00:25

would like to bless the HBO

1:00:28

slash Max comedy Hacks which just

1:00:30

returned for a third season. Do

1:00:32

you watch that? I watched halfway

1:00:35

through season two and then I

1:00:38

don't know got stuck stopped watching but yeah I

1:00:40

should pick it up again. You should. Season three

1:00:42

so far is off to a great start and

1:00:44

there's only eight episodes I think so. Check

1:00:47

that out. Yeah I

1:00:49

want to smite. I'm just doing

1:00:52

one Bless and one Smite this

1:00:54

week because I want to focus

1:00:56

all my energy on this bitch

1:00:58

Kristy Noem killing a puppy killing

1:01:00

a puppy killing a

1:01:03

puppy. I can't. Yeah.

1:01:05

I can't. Your presidential career

1:01:08

better be over like this one eyebrow

1:01:10

is over my eye deeply

1:01:13

over. Okay

1:01:17

I would like to bless the winner of the 1.3 billion

1:01:21

dollar Powerball jackpot an

1:01:23

immigrant from Laos who has cancer

1:01:25

and took

1:01:27

the lump sum of 450 million good

1:01:29

choice can now hopefully defeat

1:01:31

that cancer with the magical power of money.

1:01:33

I thought you're blessing them in hopes that

1:01:36

they would give you some of that money

1:01:39

but now I see you had a... I

1:01:41

didn't think about that but now that you you know

1:01:43

it's not gonna happen the odds of them hearing this.

1:01:46

Anyway good for them

1:01:48

that's basically the only way you can

1:01:50

pay for health care in America. Yeah.

1:01:52

And regardless you know if they they

1:01:54

lose their battle at

1:01:56

least their family will be taken care of and... 1.3

1:02:01

billion you fucking imagine no I can't

1:02:04

Every time I'm like I don't play lotto and then

1:02:06

I see someone win that I'm like You

1:02:13

can't win unless you play Somebody

1:02:17

wins so good for them and

1:02:21

Smite oh, how can I

1:02:23

not you know? Back

1:02:26

up your smite of Kristy gnome. Yeah

1:02:28

the worst gnome ever Not

1:02:31

a garden gnome Yeah

1:02:36

Jesus doesn't say bitch very often. No,

1:02:38

I don't I'm a good boy. I don't like

1:02:40

the curse, but killing a puppy

1:02:44

bitch, I Think

1:02:46

there's another word But

1:02:49

it starts with C What?

1:02:52

Hmm Don't

1:02:55

know what you're talking about Anyway,

1:02:58

it's just an evil person. You know

1:03:01

that I You

1:03:04

know, I wouldn't even yeah, I Wouldn't

1:03:07

use I wouldn't even use the B word Okay,

1:03:10

cuz because you know This

1:03:12

person is too evil for for normal words True

1:03:16

that you know what I mean. This is just

1:03:19

evil motherfucker shit Yeah, and

1:03:22

I bet anything she becomes Trump's VP for this

1:03:24

I Really hope not.

1:03:28

Um, I want to smite Trump as always

1:03:31

Yeah, Russell Brandt's might bit Romney for trying

1:03:33

to use this cover to be like my

1:03:36

dog thing wasn't that bad No, you're like

1:03:38

things really bad You

1:03:40

put you put your dog on

1:03:42

top of your car and tried to do

1:03:45

I will show you the world from Aladdin With

1:03:48

the the magic carpet up there remember When

1:03:52

they did that and I would like to

1:03:54

bless Should I bless this

1:03:56

judge? I mean they should have I

1:03:58

want to bless that judge Judge Murchand

1:04:01

and say, I hope this

1:04:04

is the week you actually send Trump

1:04:06

to jail. Yeah. And

1:04:08

I give you the courage to do that because, you know,

1:04:11

fuck. That

1:04:13

would just make my day. That would be pretty sweet.

1:04:16

That would be so fucking funny. Can

1:04:18

we get a live camera of him

1:04:20

in prison in his cell? That

1:04:23

would be, you know that it's gonna

1:04:25

happen. He cannot resist. He gets high. He does

1:04:27

a little Adderall. He does whatever. He

1:04:30

gets on his true social. He's like, fuck. I

1:04:32

own the site. I'll say what I want. I

1:04:34

can't. You know, it's just gonna

1:04:36

any minute. How

1:04:39

long do you think he's gonna put him in prison

1:04:41

for? Like I, it's probably only gonna be like 24

1:04:43

hours, but it would be great. Oh, yeah. Like

1:04:46

a week. No, it would probably, you

1:04:48

know, to be a few hours or

1:04:50

whatever. Mm hmm. You know,

1:04:52

a few hours. Ceremonial.

1:04:56

Oh, well then what's the point? What

1:04:58

is the point? Just think of all the security

1:05:00

and the mayhem. I'm just trying

1:05:02

to be realistic about, you

1:05:04

know, how this might go, given

1:05:06

how much they've tender footed around this

1:05:10

situation, you know. But anyway,

1:05:13

I would even take that. I

1:05:17

wouldn't. It's not by step, Jesus. All

1:05:19

the media attention, all the analysis around

1:05:21

a 24 hour jail sentence. Jesus

1:05:25

wants a week. I want a week minimum.

1:05:28

Holy. Bless you, Judge Murchand. Give him

1:05:30

at least 24 hours. And if

1:05:32

you really want to get on Jesus' good

1:05:34

side, make it a fucking week. You have

1:05:36

at least 72. I will not

1:05:38

accept anything under 72 hours. Damn

1:05:41

right. The Lord has spoken. The

1:05:43

Lord has spoken. Some

1:06:15

people just know there's a better way to

1:06:17

do things, like bundling your home and auto

1:06:20

insurance with Allstate. Or hiring

1:06:22

someone to move your piano instead of doing

1:06:24

it yourself. So,

1:06:28

do things the better way. Bundle home and

1:06:30

auto and save up to 25% with Allstate.

1:06:35

Bundled savings vary by state and are not available in every state. Saving

1:06:37

up to 25% is the countrywide average of the maximum

1:06:39

available savings off the home policy. Allstate Vehicle and

1:06:41

Property Insurance Company and affiliates Northbrook, Illinois. Summer

1:06:44

Camp is a magic place where kids discover

1:06:47

who they are because they have the freedom

1:06:49

to explore on their own. Y Camp at

1:06:51

Horse Thief Reservoir is a sleepaway camp in

1:06:53

the heart of Idaho's wilderness. Each

1:06:55

summer, campers make friends, build new

1:06:57

skills, and learn to love the

1:07:00

outdoors through activities like canoeing, archery,

1:07:02

ziplining, rock climbing, campfires, and more.

1:07:05

Registration for Y Camp at Horse Thief

1:07:07

Reservoir is open. Financial assistance is available.

1:07:10

Learn more at ycampidaho.org.