0:15

Pushkin ry.

0:23

Hey Amy, how's it going good?

0:25

How are you guys doing?

0:26

If you told me when I was a kid that I would one

0:28

day be making free video calls to friends

0:31

and colleagues all over the planet, I'd

0:33

probably have said that you'd seen Star Wars

0:35

one too many times.

0:36

Thanks so much for taking the time for this.

0:38

So happy to join you guys. This is exciting.

0:41

But today, in twenty twenty four, we use

0:43

video calls and so many other amazing technologies

0:45

all the time.

0:47

We totally take them for granted.

0:48

How is the audio sounding? Are we good?

0:51

I think so?

0:51

I mean I can share my photos instantly

0:53

with hundreds of relatives. I can find

0:56

any existing recipe or song lyric

0:58

and seconds and yes, I can now

1:00

even watch.

1:00

Star Wars on my phone.

1:02

Sounds great, awesome?

1:03

Your recording is so you have headphones?

1:05

Thank you?

1:05

And are you able to record your side?

1:08

Modern technology is amazing, but

1:10

it does have a downside. Research

1:12

shows that our screens and apps and devices

1:15

are making us less social, less present,

1:17

and even less happy. And

1:19

that's why I'm jumping on zoom with Amy

1:21

Blankson.

1:22

I am the chief evangelist for the Digital

1:24

Wellness Institute Masa, the best

1:26

selling author of the Future of Happiness

1:29

and I Am thrilled to be here.

1:31

Amy is at the forefront of a new holiday

1:33

known as Digital Wellness Day, which

1:35

falls on May third. In honor of

1:37

Digital Wellness Day, I've asked Amy to

1:39

share her favorite ten tips that we can all

1:41

use to bring more balance to the way we use

1:43

our devices well.

1:45

First off, what is.

1:46

Digital Wellness Day?

1:47

So?

1:47

Digital Wellness Day is a global

1:50

holiday where we literally just pause

1:52

to think about how we interact

1:54

with our technology.

1:55

When, where, why?

1:57

How?

1:58

We know that some individuals really

2:00

need that quiet space in the morning to be

2:02

mindful. Others need to get through the

2:04

slog of the day and then have time at the end of

2:06

the day to reflect on their habits. But

2:08

wherever you're coming from, there's an opportunity

2:10

to learn more about the ways

2:12

that we interact with our technology. Because

2:15

it has become such a dominant force in our

2:17

lives.

2:17

Why is this something we need to get intentional about.

2:20

What's the problem with our digital technologies

2:22

and why it's negatively affecting our happiness?

2:24

So I would say that technology

2:26

is not necessarily negatively

2:28

impacting our happiness. That was actually

2:31

my assumption when I started my book and as I got

2:33

into the research, that was actually not the

2:35

case. The big differentiation here is

2:37

that it's the way that we're using our

2:39

technology, and the truth is that when we're

2:41

not mindful about how we're interacting, we

2:44

wind up falling prey to the snowball

2:46

effect, which is that the snowball

2:48

starts at the top of a mountain very slowly

2:50

and gain steam and by the end

2:52

it's.

2:53

Going such a velocity that it's hard to keep up

2:55

with.

2:55

We know that with our digital technology

2:58

that fifty percent of the time we pick up

3:00

our phone, nobody's actually called

3:02

or messaged us. We're picking it up because

3:05

the need to be needed is actually highly

3:07

addictive. And follow that

3:09

up by the fact that the second time you

3:12

reach for your phone, fifty percent of the

3:14

time, it's within two minutes of picking it up

3:16

the first time. So as the day rolls

3:18

on, we are literally reaching for our devices

3:20

constantly, and the downside

3:22

of that is that we're a little bit less connected

3:24

with other people in our lives. We're less productive,

3:27

we're making more errors, we're feeling less

3:29

happy about the way that we interact with the

3:31

world around us, and how tuned in we are

3:33

to ourselves and other people as

3:36

well, and so we know that has ripple effects

3:38

and to burn out mental health issues

3:40

as well as physical problems like our backs,

3:42

our eyes, our necks. And so without

3:45

really contemplating the importance

3:47

of this topic, I think it's hard to make

3:50

a difference in it change until you can actually

3:52

see it.

3:52

And so this year, the particular theme of

3:55

Digital Wellness Day is digital balance.

3:58

What is digital balance and why is it so important

4:00

to achieve?

4:02

So digital balance is really finding that sweet

4:04

spot we call it a spot of digital flourishing

4:07

where it's not that you are a dicted

4:09

to technology and it's not that you're swearing it

4:11

off either. It's really that you're finding that happy

4:13

medium where technology is working for

4:15

you, not the other way around. And

4:18

so the idea of digital balance is that

4:20

each one of us has the capacity

4:22

to find a better sense of balance, no matter

4:25

where your baseline is today, we all can

4:27

do a better job of being more

4:29

thoughtful and really getting control

4:31

of the way that we're interacting with our technology.

4:34

And so today we're going to walk through some of

4:36

your top ten tips for achieving

4:38

digital balance in the complicated

4:40

spot we find ourselves in in twenty twenty four

4:42

right now. And one of the tips that you talk

4:44

about a lot, which I think is really relevant for finding

4:46

digital balance in our home lives, is

4:49

finding ways that we could become more intentional

4:51

with our technology. Why is kind of our

4:53

intent so important there?

4:55

So our intent is important

4:57

because when you set your intention, you are

4:59

forty percent more likely to follow

5:01

through on actions. So intent,

5:04

for me actually starts with data. It starts

5:06

with being able to get a real gauge

5:09

of what are your behaviors today, and

5:11

then you can set an intention so that

5:13

moving forward you have an idea of

5:15

exactly what you'd like to see.

5:17

Change in your life.

5:18

I'm a bit of a data geek, so maybe that doesn't

5:20

work for everyone, but I do find that

5:23

that moment where I have people in an

5:25

audience pull out their phone and look

5:27

at their screen time is always an AHA

5:29

moment, even if you've done it before. I

5:31

think these numbers sneak up on us,

5:34

and when we bring our awareness back to the numbers,

5:36

then we can set an intention to go forward.

5:38

And so one of the ways we can get intentional is to really

5:40

learn about those numbers. Do you have particular

5:42

techniques that you suggest to the people you work

5:44

with for how to do that better.

5:46

I do so when I

5:48

have people go look into their phones before

5:51

they ever touch their phone, I want them to think

5:53

in their minds about how much time they

5:55

think they're spending online and what are the top

5:57

three apps they think they're using. And

6:00

I want them to think about what are their top three

6:02

values in their life? Is it success?

6:05

Is it fame? Is it fortune? Is it family?

6:07

Is it friends? Is it faith? Whatever it is for

6:10

you, those things should be the anchoring

6:12

things that determine how you use your time.

6:15

Then I have people guesstimate how long they're

6:17

think that they're spending on those three apps,

6:19

and then we go look and we get the real

6:21

gut check in that moment of how

6:23

accurate were you? And I would

6:25

say about ten percent of the time people

6:28

are accurate and ninety percent of the time

6:30

you hear a few guesps in the audience as

6:32

they realize, oh my gosh, I had

6:34

no idea, could this even be possible?

6:36

And it's that moment, it's that light bulb moment

6:39

that suddenly people are inspired to create

6:41

change. And you know this as well, Doctor Santos,

6:43

that with all of the behavioral of modifications

6:46

that we are trying to create through positive

6:48

psychology. That awareness is that first

6:51

step, and then comes the recognition

6:54

that you need to do something on the back end.

6:56

And one of the things you suggests that people do

6:58

is it kind of little hack that I really like, which

7:01

is you call it a really rule?

7:03

What's the really rule? And how can that make us

7:05

more intentional?

7:06

The really rule comes from my

7:09

brother when he was helping

7:11

me downsize my house and

7:13

we were about to move, and as

7:16

he walked around the house with me, he literally

7:18

was following me around, going, Amy, do.

7:20

You really need this? Come on?

7:21

Like we had our sorting piles, and we

7:24

had our giving away piles and selling

7:26

piles and literally everything he would

7:28

say really, but his voice

7:30

got.

7:31

In my head. And so now when I'm thinking

7:33

about my.

7:33

Digital habits, I use what's

7:36

called the really rule. Thank you Shanni Koor

7:38

for that, which is that moment where

7:40

you can think about how

7:43

necessary it is to pick up your phone to

7:45

use that app, to play that game, to

7:47

read that extra book when you have

7:49

other things you might need to be doing. Because we all

7:52

have some distractions that are good for

7:54

us, right that are actually helpful. One

7:56

cat video can be fantastic for boosting

7:58

your mood. Twenty cat videos is when you

8:00

start to have an issue, right, and so there's that

8:02

point of maximum utility and then a.

8:04

Steep drop off point.

8:06

We want to be able to be so mindful and aware

8:09

thoughtful that we can say, really, do

8:11

I really need to watch another cat video? Or

8:14

is this enough for today? And that gut

8:16

check is very helpful.

8:17

I love this rule because it can really allow you

8:19

to say no, no right now. Actually that

8:22

engagement with my technology feels

8:24

fun. Like I've been in this period where I've been traveling

8:26

a lot, so I find myself spending a lot

8:28

more time than usual in like airport

8:31

waiting lounges and just kind of sitting around.

8:33

And sometimes when I use the really rule, it's like,

8:35

you know, should I really be checking my email or looking

8:37

at you know, goofy things on Reddit? And it's like, I've

8:40

got four minutes to get on this plane. I'm just killing

8:42

time. Yeah, this makes sense. But then sometimes

8:44

I realize like, oh, actually, is there

8:46

something else I could be doing?

8:48

Is this really the best use of my time?

8:49

And then I'll think back to all the research on

8:51

social connection and say, oh, maybe I should talk to the person sitting

8:54

next to me, or maybe I should you know, text

8:56

a friend.

8:56

And so it was a really useful rule when

8:58

I heard you talk about.

8:59

It, because it was like, it's just like kind of a gut

9:01

check or like a reminder of like is this is this the best

9:04

use of my time right now?

9:05

Really?

9:05

And it was really powerful for me. No, no,

9:07

no pun intended. I guess another

9:10

great tip you give is the power of finding

9:13

a stopping queue. What do you

9:15

mean by a stopping queue? And how can we build

9:17

more of those into our kind of digital activities

9:19

online?

9:20

So stopping cues are those moments where

9:23

you have something that helps queue

9:25

you visually or even an auditory

9:27

signal that says this is a

9:30

moment that maybe is a time to step

9:32

back or pause. For some people who are familiar

9:34

with the Pomodoro technique. There's some

9:36

fantastic apps online and yes I'm

9:39

talking about using fire to fight fire

9:41

here, but I like to use one called the Insight

9:43

timer, and it is literally a timer

9:45

that counts down and then it dings at the end.

9:48

So what that's doing is number one

9:50

is giving me a visual cue Amy, it's

9:52

time to focus, and it's only going to be

9:54

twenty minutes. And then the sound cueue

9:57

reminds me to come back out of that and say,

9:59

Okay, you've been.

9:59

Working for a good, deep chunk of

10:02

time.

10:02

Now it's time to take a moment to stand up

10:05

and take a breather. And as long as the science

10:07

of distraction has been emerging since the

10:09

early seventies, this has been a very

10:11

helpful strategy to help

10:13

to signal our brains this

10:16

is deep work, this is a little bit lighter

10:18

work. And when you can bounce back and forth between

10:20

the two of them, you actually boost your productivity

10:23

by giving your brain many breaks and deeper

10:25

focus breaks.

10:26

But I found the stopping cues even more relevant

10:28

for like, I'm just scrolling through Reddit, and my

10:30

brain, I'm just going to do that for like two seconds.

10:33

I'm just going to go through a couple TikTok videos,

10:35

But without the stopping cue, I could be there

10:37

for much more time than, you know, a

10:39

couple minutes, sadly, embarrassingly, So, how

10:42

can we use these stopping queues kind

10:44

of for leisure that we might want to

10:46

get a little kind of digital distraction in, but not

10:48

to get stuck there.

10:49

So and this is such a great call out there

10:51

as well, because the way that our technology

10:54

is designed is actually based on certain

10:56

techniques that are designed to keep our

10:58

brains interacting and highly attuned

11:01

to the content. And so what the stopping

11:03

technique does in that sense is it takes

11:05

what's been designed in an app as what's

11:07

called the bottomless bowl, meaning that if

11:09

you scroll on TikTok, you will scroll

11:12

and scroll and scroll, and you will never reach

11:14

the bottom.

11:14

And so there is no signal to you saying it's time

11:17

to stop.

11:17

More apps that are being focused

11:20

on human centered design are starting

11:22

to create a limit the

11:24

number of videos that they post

11:26

at a given time because it's a

11:29

healthier way to consume content. So if

11:31

you look on Pinterest, or if you look on

11:33

some of the news media apps, you'll scroll

11:35

down maybe for a couple minutes,

11:38

and then it will stop. It's not that the content

11:40

stops, it's just design feature that

11:42

helps you to know, okay, time to stop.

11:44

When you don't have that in an app. Those

11:47

are the apps that are the most dangerous for us, the

11:49

ones that suck us in the most, and the ones that

11:51

require us as individuals to be stronger

11:54

and more intentional about setting

11:56

boundaries for ourselves so that we don't

11:58

get sucked in.

11:59

And so these are some ways that we can be a little bit more intentional

12:01

about our technology use. But the next

12:03

tip that you give us is that we also have to manage

12:05

our technological distraction. You know,

12:07

how does technologies steal our attention

12:10

away? And how are even simple things like

12:12

the technology we have around us messing with

12:14

what we get to think about.

12:15

So if you want to experience this firsthand,

12:18

one of the most interesting ways

12:20

to see exactly how technology is arresting

12:22

our attention is by switching your phone

12:24

into grayscale mode. So if you don't

12:27

know how to do this, just google how do I turn my phone

12:29

into grayscale. It's a very simple

12:31

three or four step process. But essentially

12:34

what it does is it takes all of the color

12:36

off of your screen, all the flashing lights,

12:38

and sometimes you can even turn off all the sounds.

12:40

You get this very blank canvas. And

12:43

I've had people.

12:43

Who've been able to do the gray scale for

12:46

maybe a day, two days, three days, and

12:48

then it will drive you nuts because it's so

12:50

boring.

12:51

You don't want to look at it anymore.

12:52

So that just shows you just how much the

12:54

interplay of color, light, sound

12:57

flashing does to stimulate

12:59

our visual cortex and how effective

13:02

it is at keeping our attention focused

13:04

on whatever is put in front of us. And that's why

13:06

pop ups are so effective, is because

13:08

they literally come into your space and they

13:11

take your attention away from what you were doing

13:13

before, and so this is not by

13:15

accident. Tristan Harris, who's the former

13:17

Google design ethicist, will

13:19

often talk about how our phones were

13:22

designed like slot machines and that

13:24

they were designed to hijack our attention.

13:26

And I love that message, but

13:29

I also want to call out that I

13:31

think we as human beings are stronger

13:34

than these companies are designing

13:36

for. I think that we have the power

13:38

to control our minds. We just have to set

13:40

our attention that this is something that we care about,

13:42

that we want to do, and that we're going to get better

13:44

at because our attention is so important

13:47

and so vital to our life.

13:48

So it's simple. Just use a bit of willpower

13:51

and you can resist the urge to pick.

13:52

Up your phone so often. Well

13:55

as you might have guessed, it's not really that easy.

13:58

You'll hear why when the happiness lad returns

14:00

in a moment. Author

14:07

in digital wellness evangelist Amy Blankson

14:10

already shared some quick strategies we can use

14:12

to prevent our screens from taking over our limited

14:14

attention, simple things like switching

14:17

our phones to grayscale or asking

14:19

the question do I really need to be checking

14:21

this AUP right now? But she also

14:23

thinks we need to think a bit more radically.

14:26

So there was a study called the Mirror

14:28

Present Study that found that the simply

14:30

having your phone in your line of sight

14:33

decreases your attention, your

14:35

focus, your connection to the

14:37

person or the task at hand, and that by

14:39

simply hiding your phone you

14:42

can actually reclaim ten percent of your brain

14:44

power. So what this means to me is

14:46

that literally, when I'm working, I'll tuck

14:48

my phone behind my laptop or

14:51

desktop screen, or I'll put it in my back

14:53

pocket, or I'll put it in a bag. So it's

14:55

not that it's not there. I'm not walking away from

14:57

it because sometimes people are uncomfortable with that.

14:59

All I'm doing is getting out of my line of site.

15:02

And the reason why this works is because of

15:04

that factor that the need to be needed

15:06

is so strong that our eyes are actually

15:08

flickering back and forth between our

15:10

screen and our task or the person we're.

15:12

With because we might be needed.

15:14

And that leads to another factor

15:16

that I am on a soapbox

15:19

lately about the importance of not fubbing

15:21

our friends and fubbing. For those of you who've

15:24

never heard of this term, I apologize

15:26

in advance for introducing you to it because

15:29

you might hate me later. But fubbing

15:31

is phone snubbing, and it is that moment

15:33

where you're having an awesome conversation with someone

15:36

when all of a sudden they get a notification.

15:38

On their phone.

15:39

They look down, and it's not that notification

15:41

that gets them, it's the one that pops up after that

15:44

that they're suddenly lost. And then by the time

15:46

they come back to you, they say, oh, I'm so sorry about

15:48

that.

15:49

What were we talking about again? That's

15:51

fubbing.

15:52

You are now going to see it everywhere, and

15:54

I think that that is the kind of impact

15:56

that we're trying to eliminate when

15:58

we're focusing on the mere presence of

16:00

a device on our line of site. By having out

16:02

of our line of site, there's nothing to go

16:04

check, there's nothing to interrupt us. And

16:06

that's us taking control of our physical

16:09

space as well as our mental space there as well.

16:11

So this is a nice transition to your third

16:13

tip that we need to engage with if we want to find

16:16

more digital balance, which is that we need to

16:18

be protecting our in real life social

16:20

connections from digital distraction and

16:22

so many kind of digital challenges. You

16:25

know, I know that we've talked a lot on this podcast

16:27

about the importance of social relationships,

16:29

but talk about how technology, beyond

16:32

just fubbing, can kind of mess with our

16:34

kind of social connection that we experience in real

16:36

life.

16:37

Well, we've certainly seen the rise of mental

16:39

health concerns, not just in the United

16:41

States but across the globe, and especially

16:43

for our young people. And it's no accident

16:46

that this is a topic that comes back time and

16:48

time again to not just social.

16:50

Media, but also our devices.

16:52

We see it with gaming, we see it

16:54

with getting lost in work for some of

16:56

our hyper responsible young people. We see

16:58

it and the ways that we interact with

17:00

one another and feel less connected because

17:02

we're not making.

17:03

As much eye contact.

17:05

We know that the brain has what's called

17:07

mirror neurons, which means that there's

17:09

an emotional contagion effect that happens

17:11

between individuals.

17:12

You see this all the time.

17:13

When one person yawns, the next person

17:16

yawns, Well, imagine if they can't see

17:18

each other, you don't get that connection. The

17:20

same thing happens not just with yawning, but

17:22

also with positive mood

17:25

effect as well as negative affect. So

17:27

if we're not seeing one another, we

17:29

literally can't have that hardwired

17:31

connection that we've had for all

17:33

of human existence before now.

17:35

And so by getting the.

17:36

Devices out of our way, by reconnecting

17:39

with our eyes, with our bodies, with our attention,

17:42

that's what really helps us to form those

17:44

bonds. And that's so important, as we know, to

17:47

social capital and bridging and bonding

17:49

as well.

17:50

Another one of those strategies you suggest for how we

17:52

can kind of get back to kind of engaging

17:54

with each other socially away from our technology

17:56

is to find some screen free activities.

17:59

I love this because I feel like so much of my social

18:01

connection unfortunately involves

18:03

screens. Like I'm gonna hang out with my husband, but we're going to

18:05

watch a movie together, watch Netflix, or

18:08

you know, we're gonna kind of get together with friends,

18:10

but we all have our phones, right beside us,

18:12

and whenever that lull in the conversation comes, we

18:14

pull them out. What are some good ideas

18:16

for non screen social activities

18:19

that we can engage in, and what are some rules that we can

18:21

put in place around our technology when

18:23

we're engaging in those new activities.

18:25

I like that question, and I

18:27

think that it is interesting

18:29

because there are so many

18:31

activities that exist that

18:33

we have done for years and years, but we're beginning

18:36

to kind of forget what the options are get.

18:38

I know, it's like so sad, right, Like it's like, well, what can

18:40

we do tonight? Like I guess we'll do something

18:42

with the screen because we just like aren't creative enough

18:44

to come up with these other ideas.

18:46

Right is our creativity leaving us because

18:48

of a lack of use. It's like a muscle

18:50

that we're forgetting. But there's all sorts of activities

18:53

from playing games outside playing board

18:55

games, from playing games, like for

18:57

my children, they still love Hide and go Seek,

19:00

or there's art, there's music,

19:02

there's just sitting and being still

19:04

and noticing the world around you, just trying

19:06

new foods and cooking. I really liked

19:08

it encourage people when they're trying to

19:11

think of this list is to actually write

19:13

it down somewhere so that when you hit that

19:15

moment of what should I do?

19:17

Now, you have a go to list of all

19:20

the other things that you also enjoy

19:22

that you can pick something off the list.

19:23

And we see this some people.

19:25

Have like a little jar of popsicle so you randomly

19:27

pull out a popsicle stick that has an idea

19:29

for something to do. But what's essentially happening

19:32

here is you're creating a different opportunity.

19:34

Cost right, you could do this, but

19:36

you also get a lot of joy out of that. So we're going

19:38

to try to balance and as you said earlier,

19:41

it's not an either or, it's an and it's

19:43

an opportunity that you can have time

19:45

to watch a movie and really enjoy that, and

19:47

we can do some other things to balance out that

19:49

time as well.

19:51

And so those are some ways that we can kind of boost up our

19:53

in real life social connection. But there's a second

19:55

in real life thing we need to pay attention to it if

19:57

we're trying to achieve digital balance, which is like

19:59

our bodies and how they're affected by

20:01

our digital world. And so I think

20:04

this is something we often forget when it comes to kind

20:06

of thinking about how our technology can make us happier.

20:08

But tell me a little bit about the challenges

20:10

that our bodies face as we become more

20:13

digital natives and interact with screens

20:15

more often.

20:16

The physical challenge that we experience

20:18

with being on screens more is

20:20

obviously the sedentary nature

20:23

of sitting in front of a screen creates

20:25

less activity in our bodies, which makes

20:27

it harder to.

20:28

Regulate our metabolism.

20:29

It changes our sleep habits, and it also

20:32

makes us even sometimes forget to eat or

20:34

to mindlessly eat because you're so busy

20:37

watching something. So we know the mind body

20:39

connection here is really strong, and

20:41

it's something that we could be paying more attention to

20:43

you. This is another one of those moments, though, where

20:45

I think that we can fight fire with fire. We

20:48

know fitbits have been amazing or the Apple

20:50

Watch has been incredible for helping motivate

20:52

individuals with data to

20:55

change their behavior or track their behaviors,

20:57

been known to raise your mindfulness. So I

20:59

wouldn't want to throw out the baby with the bathwater,

21:01

but I do think that there is a balance.

21:03

We also hear a lot of individuals who.

21:06

Get lost in tracking data.

21:08

They are so concerned about their streaks,

21:10

that they lose track of the fact

21:12

that the whole purpose was to

21:15

do other things besides being online.

21:17

And so again we come back to this place

21:19

of let's make technology work for us,

21:21

not us work for our technology, and

21:24

any other.

21:24

Tips for how we can use technology a bit

21:26

more ergonomically in ways that really support

21:29

our posture and the kinds of ways we want

21:31

to hold our body.

21:32

Yes, absolutely so.

21:34

Having a screen that is at your line

21:36

of sight is so important for those

21:38

of you out there who have been spending a lot

21:40

of time on a laptop. Because

21:42

the screens are smaller, we tend to

21:44

hunch down because the table height is

21:46

not set out a line of sight for a laptop,

21:49

and so the idea might be to either put

21:51

your laptop higher on a stack of books,

21:53

or it might be to have a desk that

21:56

raises some lowers depending on where

21:58

you're looking into your camera. You would not believe

22:00

they kind of impact this makes on back

22:02

pain, on neck pain and posture

22:04

as well. It took me writing a book

22:07

about digital wellness to pay attention to the factor,

22:09

and once I did, I wasn't visiting the chiropractor

22:12

all the time. I was able to go

22:14

through a day and not feel like my whole body

22:17

hurt just from sitting at work, and it's really

22:19

important.

22:19

Another thing that's really important, which gets us to tip

22:22

number five, is that we need to kind of

22:24

navigate our technology use in the bedroom

22:26

in order to protect our sleep. How

22:29

has technology been affecting sleep and

22:31

what are some best practices we can do to allow

22:34

ourselves to protect our sleep while still enjoying

22:36

the screens that we enjoy so much.

22:38

So there is some debate on this topic.

22:40

Actually, we've heard a lot about the importance

22:43

of keeping your phone out of the bedroom,

22:45

and that specifically because the

22:48

blue light that's emitted from your screen has

22:50

been known to mess with your

22:52

circadian rhythms, which makes it harder

22:54

for you to fall asleep, makes it harder for you to

22:56

have good sleep and then wake up at it at a decent

22:59

hour. And the second reason why

23:01

it's advised to keep your phone out of the bedroom

23:03

is because it's really tempting to

23:05

check that email right before bed, or

23:08

to stay up watching something on your screen,

23:10

or to mess around, you know, playing a game or whatever.

23:13

And so the temptation is so high,

23:15

I will tell you truthfully, and

23:17

I think it's important as a digital wellness expert

23:19

to be as authentic as possible. I do

23:22

sleep with my phone right beside my bed, and

23:24

there's two reasons why. Number one is

23:26

because there's now the ability to change

23:29

the amount of blue light emitted on your phone, so

23:31

you can actually decrease the brightness if it's

23:33

not as impactful. Too, is I still

23:35

use it as my alarm calendar. That helps

23:37

me feel more at peace, and so if we're just

23:39

going to be really real here right now, that's important

23:42

for me. The third reason is I actually like to

23:44

read myself to sleep, and I find

23:46

that is the number one thing that helps me to

23:48

naturally wind my brain down at the end of the day.

23:50

And so if I can have the self control enough

23:53

to not check that email right before bed,

23:55

then it works. If we don't have that self

23:57

control, then it can become a problem. And

24:00

so it comes back to evaluating

24:02

for yourself, what are your triggers, what

24:04

are your boundaries, what works for you,

24:06

And if there's a way that you can keep your phone

24:09

great, if it feels better or you think

24:11

that it will help you to reach your goals by keeping

24:13

it out of the bedroom, that I highly suggest it.

24:16

Another strategy you've mentioned, which I think

24:18

is a nice balance when maybe keeping your phone there

24:20

but not kind of going to it as much, is

24:22

this idea of a screen free morning

24:25

practice, so that your first moments of wakefulness

24:28

aren't interacting with that screen. Any

24:30

good ideas for how to engage with that screen

24:32

free morning practice.

24:33

I'm a huge advocate of the screen free morning practice,

24:36

and I'm still working on this practice

24:38

myself, but I think starting with

24:40

baby steps is really important and understanding

24:43

the rationale for why would you not look at

24:45

your phone first thing in the morning, And the reason

24:47

is that when we open our phone,

24:49

we have I think the average

24:51

number of notifications per day is three

24:53

hundred and twenty three notifications

24:56

that are pinging at us throughout the day my gosh,

24:58

right, so including I'm sure a bunch at night.

25:01

So as soon as you wake up, there's like a whole

25:03

host of them just sitting there.

25:04

They are all waiting for you, and they will

25:06

be there still even a little bit later

25:08

in the morning. So the thought is that rather

25:11

than wake up to the tyranny of the

25:13

urgent, why not give yourself

25:15

that headspace where you control

25:17

the course of your day where you allow other

25:19

people's thoughts and when you're ready. Most

25:22

of us don't want to wake up

25:24

to a fire alarm. And that's the equivalent of

25:26

what's happening when we open our phone and

25:28

you think, Oh, this bill needs to get

25:30

paid, Oh, this person needs to go there, the dog needs

25:32

to get groomed. This project you forgot,

25:34

you didn't do ten tasks yesterday. Oh

25:37

my gosh, my stress levels rising. Right,

25:39

So do yourself a solid keep

25:41

that for as long as you can to have that morning

25:43

mindfulness space, and even if it's five

25:45

minutes for the start of the day, that's a great

25:47

place to start.

25:48

And if you are using your phone even

25:50

in the mornings or however, one other

25:53

tip, tip number six is to find ways to

25:55

use your technology to make sure you're doing

25:57

the kinds of happiness hacks that you've heard about

25:59

on this podcast and elsewhere. When

26:02

I think about my morning's screen practice, one

26:04

of the things I like to do is to kind of quickly

26:06

scribble in a gratitude journal or

26:08

maybe to open up a screen, maybe my laptop,

26:10

and do a quick journaling practice. How

26:13

can we kind of maybe incorporate more

26:15

technology into the healthier side

26:17

of practices and maybe what are some

26:19

other examples that people could think about in their

26:21

own lives.

26:23

So one of the things that I love to talk to audiences

26:25

about is what's called the J game. And these are

26:27

the five most well researched habits,

26:29

positive habits that can help raise your baseline

26:32

for happiness. You know these well, Doctor Santos,

26:34

But these would be J for journaling, G

26:36

for gratitude, A for acts of kindness,

26:39

IN for meditation, and E for exercise.

26:41

And while these are all potentially offline

26:44

habits, I think there's also a way to do all

26:46

five of them online. For instance,

26:48

I know that iPhone now has a new journal app

26:51

and it'll ping you at the evening to remind you,

26:53

Hey, write down two or three things that happened today

26:55

so you didn't forget. There's a gratitude app

26:57

I love. It's called Gratitude, and it just gives

26:59

you three blinks to write your gratitudes and it

27:01

keeps tracks so you can look back at.

27:03

Them over time.

27:04

For acts of kindness, I like to send a text

27:06

message once a day to somebody

27:08

in my social support network just saying hey,

27:11

I'm thinking about you or thanks for something

27:13

you did meditation, Check out.

27:15

Headspace, check out YouTube.

27:16

Lots of great resources and of course, exercise

27:19

tying in some of the ways that we can be

27:21

inspired to keep track of our health and fitness.

27:24

These are always that if you have an

27:26

intention to raise your happiness, you

27:28

can use technology to do it or

27:30

not. Either way, but whatever works

27:33

best for you, you will need to find that so that

27:35

you can stick with it over time.

27:37

Finding digital balance during your leisure time

27:39

is hugely important, but many of

27:41

us spend the majority of our waking hours at

27:44

work. How do we make sure our phones

27:46

and screens don't boss us around there? The

27:48

Happiness Lab will be back in a moment. All

27:59

my good intentions about finding a healthy digital

28:01

balance fall by the wayside when it comes to

28:03

work. I know I should be avoiding screens

28:06

and Reddit rabbit holes in my free time, but

28:08

as a profession with so many responsibilities,

28:11

shouldn't I be responding to email at all hours

28:13

or checking social media for the latest psychology

28:16

news. It kind of feels like my duty.

28:19

Author and digital wellness expert Amy Blankson

28:22

isn't so sure.

28:23

The greatest challenge in the workplace for finding

28:25

digital balance is being able to carve

28:27

out digital boundaries in a way that you

28:30

feel will be seen and respected,

28:33

especially by those who are more senior

28:35

to you. I talk to employees all the time

28:37

who are worried that if they don't respond to that email

28:39

at eleven PM and all of their colleagues

28:42

do, that they'll be seen as non responsive

28:44

and this creates sort of a slippery slope

28:46

of negative habits and round

28:48

the clock, always on connectivity.

28:50

That's not helping anyone.

28:52

So really beginning to have

28:55

those conversations at work is an important

28:57

next step in terms of figuring

28:59

out what is allowed, what kind of

29:01

latitude do you have to make choices? And then for

29:03

those who are junior to you,

29:06

how can you impact their lives with

29:08

what power you do have to set

29:10

some policies or set some behaviors or

29:12

even just social scripts in the workplace that help

29:15

reinforce positive digital balance and

29:17

a more positive digital culture.

29:19

And so that was sort of tips umber seven how we can fight

29:21

our hyperconnectivity. Your tip

29:23

number eight is that we should think more about screen

29:25

fatigue and how to deal with it.

29:27

I think I know very very well what this is,

29:29

but I want.

29:30

To hear your definition of screen fatigue

29:32

and I definitely want to hear all your tips that we can use

29:34

to kind of deal with it and make it better.

29:36

Screen fatigue is essentially

29:39

when you get tired of looking at screens. A

29:41

lot of times it is prompted by zoom

29:43

fatigue, or team's fatigue, or even

29:45

slack fatigue, but there is a general

29:48

sense of malaise and even irritability

29:51

that emerges when you're on a screen for too long.

29:53

It could show up physically, like your eyes start

29:55

to dry out or you start to get headaches, but

29:57

for a lot of people, it's a lot more subtle

29:59

than that. It's just that general sense

30:02

of unrest that you're frustrated

30:04

and you don't know why that comes from a screen

30:06

fatigue. And we've had some interesting

30:08

studies emerge now since the pandemic

30:10

around why this happens specifically

30:13

with zoom fatigue, and it's often called the Brady

30:15

Bunch effect. And the idea is, like the Brady

30:17

Bunch, you have all these different small screens

30:19

and pictures of individuals that might

30:22

be on the call with you, and your brain

30:24

is spending so much energy flickering

30:26

between all the other faces on the screen

30:29

the chat. What you're looking like you're managing

30:31

for your background, and so the

30:33

amount of mental energy

30:36

that it takes to manage all of that actually

30:38

drains you way faster than an in person

30:40

interaction would. And so as we are

30:43

adults and professionals being mindful of our

30:45

screen fatigue, it's really important to both

30:47

plan for short breaks in between

30:50

different screen activities and to

30:52

give others that same sort of break when

30:54

we're planning and scheduling activities. Because

30:56

we know that this plays an important factor in burnout.

30:59

It also seems that we just need to be a little bit more

31:01

intentional about noticing it. I loved your comment

31:04

about sometimes the screen fatigue isn't that

31:06

I've developed some sort of mind grade or a headache.

31:08

It's really just that, like, I'm incredibly

31:10

frustrated on my last nerve, but that actually

31:12

comes from the fact that I'm kind of a little bit more

31:14

depleted because I've been on zoom calls

31:16

all day. So any kind of tips

31:19

for kind of noticing that and allowing it to

31:21

I.

31:22

Think that you'll notice it. Now that you've

31:24

heard it, you think about it, you'll notice it more often.

31:26

The harder question is what do you do on the back

31:29

end? Once you notice it and you're required

31:31

to be on Zoom all day for work.

31:33

And there are a few hacks that

31:35

I'm finding.

31:35

My number one most favorite hack

31:38

so far as that when people book meetings

31:40

with me on my calendar, I made a new

31:42

option that's called the walk and talk

31:44

option, So you can meet with me. They're thirty minutes

31:46

or an hour, or you could have a

31:48

walk and talk and we could put on tennis shoes

31:50

and walk in the sunshine and be aware

31:52

that there might be when there might be noise,

31:54

but we're both just going to embrace it and love

31:57

the fact that we can get away from the desk for

31:59

a little bit. People have been loving

32:01

this option, so I think there's some

32:03

ways that we can reclaim that. I also

32:06

really recommend that when you feel

32:08

like that frustration rising

32:11

up within yourself with screen fatigue,

32:13

is to step away, step away

32:15

from the computer, and then do something really

32:17

manual. So if you happen to have the luxury

32:20

to work from home, maybe it's washing

32:22

dishes or folding laundry. If you're in the office,

32:24

maybe it's going to take a walk,

32:27

could be talking to a colleague for a minute or

32:29

two. It could mean taking a trip to the

32:31

bathroom just to have a change of scenery for

32:33

a minute. But whatever it is, having that

32:35

break is absolutely essential so that you

32:37

don't send yourself into a mental

32:39

decline over a frustration.

32:41

I love exactly this tip because I literally

32:43

just did this just before we're having this conversation,

32:46

not in a studio together, but over Zoom,

32:48

as many of my podcast interviews are, and

32:51

I was on Zoom a bunch today and

32:53

I just took time to just go do some

32:55

laundry. Not necessarily because there was like an urgent

32:57

laundry need, but just because like I needed

33:00

something physical to do.

33:01

I needed something that was like away from the screens.

33:03

And I think it did help right just

33:05

to kind of get that time away.

33:08

But the laundry the idea sort

33:10

of fits with your tip number nine

33:12

of how to kind of get digital balance at work,

33:14

especially when we're working remotely, which

33:16

is to think really critically about the spaces that

33:18

we're working from and how we can set

33:20

up some separations between the digital world

33:23

and the in real life world. You've talked about this

33:25

idea of an invisible fence. What

33:27

is that and how can it impact our home office?

33:30

So an invisible fence is literally

33:32

just a digital boundary that you set for

33:34

yourself. But a lot of times what happens

33:37

is that when we set a boundary, say okay,

33:39

I don't want to have phones at the dinner table.

33:41

If you don't ever tell anybody

33:44

that is your invisible fence, they will literally

33:46

cross over it all the time. But there are ways

33:48

that we can set up boundaries for ourselves

33:51

and communicate them or post them that

33:53

help others to help us to keep

33:55

those boundaries together. The idea of the invisible

33:57

fence initially came from trying to train

34:00

my dog to stay in my yard

34:02

in Virginia, so the first house I'd ever

34:04

lived in where there were no fences, and I discovered

34:07

that it wasn't just that all Virginia were

34:09

so well behaved, all the houses had

34:11

invisible fences. And what was

34:14

even more amazing is that when we got consultation

34:16

for our invisible fence for our dog, we learned

34:19

that eighty percent of the fences are not turned

34:21

on, that the dogs learn the boundaries

34:23

and once they learn them, they don't cross over them

34:25

again. And so it really is

34:28

about a training process. And

34:30

while we're not dogs, I do think there's certain

34:32

ways that we as humans can train ourselves,

34:35

but it starts with a recognizing this is

34:37

a boundary I want to have, and then be working

34:39

with people around us to respect those

34:41

boundaries so that they're not unconsciously

34:43

tripping over them and the pandemic. For me, this

34:46

was a moment where I had to put a sign

34:48

on my office door for my children that said

34:50

I am in a podcast, or I am.

34:52

Recording, or I am doing deep work right

34:54

now.

34:55

And beyond that, it wasn't just

34:57

about posting the note.

34:59

It was about telling them.

35:00

When I was going to be available again,

35:03

because they didn't actually want

35:05

to know what my schedule was. They just

35:07

wanted to know when they could have my attention. And a

35:09

lot of times that happens with colleagues with

35:11

emails. They don't necessarily need your

35:13

response right now, They just want to know when they're

35:16

going to get your response. And so when you

35:18

put a footer in your email that says I

35:20

do not respond to messages on the weekend,

35:22

but I look forward to getting back to you on Monday, it

35:25

gives them a sense of calm that they know where they're going

35:27

to hear from you, and it gives you that digital

35:29

space to be able to flourish yourself.

35:31

And so any other good examples of kind of invisible

35:33

fences that you've set up in your home to kind of protect

35:36

your remote work or maybe to protect your

35:38

home life from.

35:39

The remote work seeping into your home life.

35:41

Yes, I mean one of the most familiar

35:44

invisible fences that many people use

35:46

is some sort of filter. If you're a parent,

35:48

it's a filter for your children on what they can

35:50

see on the internet.

35:51

We can have them as adults as well. We can

35:53

also have them.

35:54

I know my husband is a gamer, and so

35:56

he will put screen limits for himself so

35:58

that when he's been on the screen for

36:00

too long, it'll have a message say, hey, it's

36:02

time for a break. That's an invisible fence

36:05

he set up for himself. I think

36:07

for my children, one of

36:09

the invisible fences that I'm trying to create

36:12

is a mantra in their head. It's literally

36:15

like, I want to be more mindful, I

36:17

want to be more digitally.

36:18

Well, this is a good thing.

36:19

So we can even use our own mental

36:22

game as an invisible fence to help

36:24

us to stay on task.

36:26

And so that's some ways we can set better boundaries

36:28

using these invisible fences. But now we're

36:30

going to get to the tenth and final tip that

36:32

I think is specifically about digital balance

36:34

at work, which is how we can get some in

36:36

real life social connection at work,

36:38

even given the fact that we might be working

36:40

remotely. I know that there's so many

36:43

studies that have shown that belonging at

36:45

work and having friends at work is so important

36:47

for our happiness at work, but that can

36:49

be so tricky when we're engaged in remote

36:51

work, and so any specific tips for how

36:53

we can kind of be better about connecting socially

36:56

even if we're connecting on Zoom

36:58

or Slack and the like.

37:00

So I actually watched Mark McConnell,

37:02

who is a senior wellness specialist

37:04

at ATV Financial, literally

37:07

give up masterclass on how to do this. My

37:09

jaw was just dropped as I watched him lead

37:11

a session and it was a forty five minute

37:14

webinar, and he packed so much

37:16

social connection into this forty five minutes.

37:19

He started off with three minutes of chat

37:21

and get to know you, Then he led one

37:24

minute meditation where he brought people

37:26

together, one minute of reflection,

37:29

got right into the task, and all through

37:31

the webinar.

37:32

There was opportunity for.

37:34

Both chat where he would call out people's

37:36

names in the chat so that he could have some

37:38

back and forth with colleagues, and there's some banter,

37:41

and there's some official work, and then of

37:43

course the emoticons and emojis when

37:45

we're virtually connecting, and then at the end

37:47

wrapping up by talking about gratitudes.

37:50

So what he was essentially doing is weaving

37:52

together some of the best practices that we've

37:54

seen in terms of recognition

37:57

of gratitude and meditation. But he

37:59

was so focused and timely about it

38:01

and personable. And what I like about

38:04

that, and when I think we can pull from it, even if

38:06

you're not at ATB is to

38:08

recreate a little bit of that in our sessions.

38:10

I think sometimes we think, oh, we got to get

38:12

straight to work, or this is a business meeting,

38:15

so we need to jump right into

38:17

the tasks and be very official. And

38:20

I've seen a massive shift in what's happened in

38:22

the workplace since the pandemic. Less

38:24

and less are we focus so much on task

38:26

and more about this cross between

38:29

personal and work at the same

38:31

time, and more interest in one another's

38:33

lives. So I want to encourage individuals. If

38:35

you haven't been doing that, it's okay. It's

38:37

okay to ask how your colleagues are doing. It's

38:40

okay to take a minute to play around

38:42

as long as you work hard and play hard.

38:44

And it's also a great opportunity to

38:47

really tune in and ask questions

38:49

about people's lives, to send them an

38:51

encouraging message, to say thank you for something

38:53

they've done. These are the little things that actually

38:55

deeply matter. Whether you're in person or

38:58

virtual, we can still find ways to connect

39:00

together.

39:01

Work hard, play hard.

39:02

I really love Amy's message about Digital

39:04

Wellness Day because she's not telling us

39:07

to break up with our phones or delete all our apps.

39:09

Yes, May Third's new holiday is

39:11

all about finding balance. It's

39:13

about embracing the digital good, but also

39:15

noticing what we might be missing out.

39:17

On in real life.

39:19

Whatever you do on Digital Wellness Day, I

39:21

hope these strategies will help you find a bit

39:23

more balance, and I hope you'll join us

39:25

again for the next episode of the Happiness

39:27

Lab with me Doctor Laurie Santos