0:01

Hey Heart listeners, I

0:03

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Presents, Shocking, Heartbreaking,

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Transformative. Available

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on your favorite podcast platform. From

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Mermaid Palace and Radiotopia,

0:45

welcome to

0:48

the heart. I'm

0:53

Caitlin Prest. For

0:57

the last couple months I've been sharing with you

0:59

a series called The Shadows. It's

1:02

a radio play that I made with CBC Podcasts in 2018.

1:07

A radio play. Radio

1:10

plays, audio

1:12

fiction, radio

1:14

drama. Before

1:19

the podcast era, if you were alive then, radio

1:22

drama was sort of, I don't

1:25

know, schmaltzy. My name's Diamond and I'm in

1:27

business for a very simple reason. I

1:30

like money. A

1:32

lot of people would talk about how they just

1:34

don't really listen to fiction. And

1:37

when The Shadows came out, everyone was really excited. And

1:41

the reason why everyone was really excited and why it

1:44

was such a hit is because people kept

1:48

saying it sounded so real. It

1:51

didn't sound like actors acting, it sounded

1:53

like people living. And

1:55

if you've been listening for the past four

1:58

episodes and getting these

2:00

little windows into the relationships

2:02

and the people and the situations

2:05

that yielded this work of art. You

2:08

might kind of know how I made it sound so

2:10

real. It's because most

2:14

of it is real. The

2:17

relationship between Charlie and Caitlin is based

2:19

on a real relationship that I had. The

2:22

relationship between Caitlin and Devon is based

2:25

on a real relationship that I had.

2:29

Having Caitlin's chosen art

2:31

form, puppetry, has an element

2:33

of truth to it. I almost

2:35

became a puppeteer. I

2:37

was about to start a documentary puppetry

2:39

collective. And

2:42

then I met somebody at a party who asked me if

2:44

I wanted to go to CKUT and help him

2:46

out with his radio show. And

2:48

I said yes. I

2:52

forgot about puppetry and my

2:54

life got taken by the

2:56

next great love of my life. Radio.

3:10

All of the friends that I had that I

3:12

was about to start that documentary puppetry collective with

3:15

are in this show. There

3:18

was only one person performing in the project

3:20

that I had never met before the

3:23

moment that we were doing the audition.

3:27

And that person,

3:29

this will happen to be the lead

3:33

character. The performance

3:35

upon which the excellence of the

3:37

entire project hinged and

3:40

it all began is

3:43

this sound. It

3:52

is the sound of

3:54

his answering machine. In a way, it

3:57

was the first sign that he was the perfect candidate

4:00

perform as Charlie. The

4:32

first time I met Mitchell Akiyama in person,

4:34

I walked into his house with our senior

4:36

producer Phoebe Wang. She was holding a recorder.

4:38

We were recording. I asked him if we

4:40

could go up to his bedroom and

4:43

perform a scene that ended in a make-out.

4:46

Caitlin? Yeah? You may kiss my mouth. May I

4:48

kiss your mouth? You may kiss my mouth.

4:50

I have mutually consented. I'm

4:54

enthusiastically wanting you to

4:56

kiss. This is

4:58

what happened within the first 20 minutes of meeting me

5:00

for the first time. Oh, you're

5:03

concerned about the drugs? I

5:05

have to say, I'm a little

5:07

concerned about the lifestyle that you do. The

5:11

drinking and the drugs. Well, I mean, you know that

5:13

you're pregnant with our first child together. I mean, I

5:15

could change. I could change. If we were five months and three

5:17

days or whatever. I would

5:19

stop doing drugs for you. I would.

5:21

I would curtail at

5:23

minimum. At minimum I

5:25

would curtail. I would, no,

5:28

but psychedelics. Perfect.

5:30

That's great. We did it. That

5:32

was like excellent. Last

5:34

slide. Thank you, Mitch.

5:36

That was great. That was amazing. Yeah. The

5:39

tape was good. You got an idea of when

5:41

you'll have the stuff. We're

5:43

trying to make a decision like today or

5:45

tomorrow. Yeah. Very soon. Well, hopefully

5:47

this week for sure. It was unanimous.

5:50

Mitchell Akiyama was cast as the

5:52

main character, Charlie Park. I

5:55

asked him if he'd ever

5:57

been in a relationship with an extroverted woman who

5:59

is kind of caring. charismatic and wacky and

6:01

weird and loud and

6:04

felt simultaneously magnetized

6:06

by her Charisma

6:09

while also being repelled by

6:11

it and he did a deep sigh and he said

6:15

Oh, yes, and so

6:17

across that summer pretending to be in

6:20

a relationship in some ways, I think

6:23

We were doing some kind of weird

6:25

gestalt therapy reenactment

6:27

of relationship dynamics

6:31

performing for the other person as a

6:33

window into the past the

6:36

funny thing about The

6:38

way that that summer went is

6:40

that we performed being in a

6:42

relationship? But it felt kind of real the way

6:44

that it went because at the beginning we were

6:46

just getting to know each other and there was

6:49

a lot of excitement and curiosity and also a

6:51

little bit of nervousness because Hello,

6:54

how's it going? Yeah,

6:58

it was the beginning we didn't know anything at all

7:00

about each other and we were just kind of like

7:03

timidly showing up and meeting this

7:05

new person In

7:08

the middle we kind of started to hit our stride And

7:18

there was a comfort that came The

7:23

sound was napping? And

7:26

then towards the end It

7:31

felt like the way that it feels whenever you've been in

7:33

a long-term relationship and you know someone's

7:35

isms and the way that they are and you

7:37

kind of Feel compelled

7:39

to roll your eyes every once in a while And

7:48

then we were finished recording and Our

7:53

friendship our real friendship began.

7:55

I don't think I've ever pretended a

7:57

friendship into being Um,

8:01

neither have I. I think the energy

8:03

in our interactions hasn't changed all

8:06

that much, which is interesting, from

8:09

people who've known each other for a few hours

8:11

to people who have known each other for six

8:13

years now. But I think that's

8:15

because we got each other after

8:18

an hour. We just

8:20

had to fill in the details. Like

8:22

I was in Ireland and I called you being

8:25

like, I'm in Ireland, I don't know man, I'm

8:27

trapped here. I don't know what I'm doing. I

8:29

just stayed over at this guy's house. And like,

8:31

I would call you about my love drama. Like that's

8:33

always a risk when you call somebody out of nowhere,

8:36

you know, in the non-calling era. And

8:39

the fact that you picked up and it just felt

8:41

so comfortable to kind of like, update you. Um,

8:45

did I ever tell you, did

8:48

I ever tell you how grateful

8:50

I am? Did I ever

8:52

say thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so

8:54

much? I think you probably did,

8:56

but whatever you need for

8:58

this moment and for this take, I can...

9:03

Right back to the O.T. This

9:07

is episode five of The Shadows from

9:09

CBC Podcast, an argument that should be

9:12

simple, also known as

9:14

anatomy of a resentment.

9:19

This is The Shadows. This

9:24

is episode five. An

9:28

argument that should be simple. I

9:42

get to fall asleep beside Charlie every

9:44

single night and wake

9:47

up beside him. When

9:53

I wake up and become overwhelmed with the dread

9:55

of being alive, Charlie holds

9:57

me. It's

10:00

okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay. Until

10:03

it goes away and I can find the will within me

10:05

to face the world. Good

10:09

morning Charlie. Charlie's

10:11

dread manifests in different times of the

10:13

day. It's never ever too late. Okay.

10:17

Don't worry. He keeps it in. Totally do

10:19

this. But I can tell he's feeling it when he

10:21

gets really obsessed with fixing something that doesn't need to

10:23

be fixed. Not working. I should do it. Oh.

10:28

He's the kind of person who likes to distract

10:30

himself with a purpose. I

10:32

do my best to remind him that he's good and

10:35

he's talented. And that there's another

10:37

great work of art within him. A better

10:39

one than the last one. Henson is not the only

10:41

game in town, even though everyone says it's the only

10:43

game in town. It's not. We'll

10:46

make a new game in town. We

10:48

love talking about the work that we make

10:50

and see and pretending like we're the most important

10:53

puppeteers on the face of the earth and

10:55

that we know something that everybody else doesn't. If

10:58

he gets an animation contract and we have to make 27

11:01

paper dolls, we cut them out together. So

11:03

here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna set a timer for two

11:05

hours. If I have a performance in a

11:07

huge theater and I don't know the first thing about

11:09

how a professional lighting board works, he

11:12

downloads the latest lighting board manual from the internet and

11:14

reads it cover to cover. We're

11:17

twice as smart as we were as individuals.

11:26

Kaitlyn and I go biking. I'm

11:28

exercising again. We

11:31

meditate together. We

11:35

take a list of genetic drugs together. Crude. I

11:39

am no fault. I

11:42

like taking care of her, you know? Fixing

11:45

her bike, fixing her computer, troubleshooting

11:48

her technical issues, showing

11:51

up at all of her performances, seeing

11:53

her career take off, seeing

11:56

her in puppetry conferences and saying the same things

11:58

over and over again. Seeing

12:01

right parties, saying the same things over

12:03

and over again. I don't

12:05

mind. I kind of like it.

12:10

The joy of making a sacrifice for the one you

12:12

love. Um,

12:14

do you want to go to Janice's party tonight? Uh,

12:17

no. Okay, let's stay

12:19

in. The joy

12:21

of feeling, of putting someone else's needs

12:24

before your own. Um,

12:27

are we hanging out tonight? What are we doing? Uh,

12:30

I was kind of thinking I'd just

12:32

stay in and, you know, be

12:35

with my mind. Hmm. Be

12:37

in my, my, my alone place

12:40

for a little bit. Yeah, okay. Hmm.

12:44

Why don't you just come over? Okay, that's

12:47

what I want. Okay.

12:49

Is it okay? The act of depriving

12:51

oneself for the benefit of someone else. Depriving

12:54

oneself for a greater cause. Hmm.

12:59

It's been two years since the Devin debacle. Charlie

13:02

and I now speak in our own language. Hey,

13:05

Caitlin. You're not wearing a bra.

13:07

He calls my bra a bra.

13:09

A bra. I like that bra.

13:11

My best friend Sharon says to me, everyone's

13:14

actually a weirdo if you get close enough.

13:16

Weirdness is one of those things that everyone

13:18

thinks, like you use it to feel special

13:21

about yourself or unique. But

13:24

even the most normal

13:26

seeming people inside,

13:29

they're weird. They're

13:31

as weird as you are. They're

13:33

just not, exist with their

13:35

own weirdness in the same way. I've created

13:38

a thousand nicknames for him. Charlyne.

13:41

Charlyne. Charlyne. Charlyne. Charlyne.

13:45

How is your... Hey Charlyne Star. Mr. Hart. Hey

13:48

Charlyne P. Hey Chaz, what's up?

13:50

Charcoop. Mmm, nope. You

13:53

don't like it? No, no, no. Things

13:55

I've learned about Charlyne. He doesn't like being

13:57

kissed on the neck. She uses dice to help her make

13:59

decisions. He doesn't like it when the

14:01

bathroom light is on because it makes a humming sound and it

14:03

wastes energy. Her favorite thing is when you make a gift

14:06

or leave a letter in a place she isn't expecting. Or

14:08

if you leave it somewhere overnight for her to find in the morning. He

14:10

always sits down to tie his shoes. She likes drinking

14:12

coffee as soon as she wakes up. He doesn't really like being

14:14

told he's beautiful because he gets told that a lot. She doesn't

14:17

like being told her ass is amazing because she gets told that

14:19

a lot. He loves it when I don't wear a bra. She

14:21

likes being fingered over top of her underwear. I'm

14:24

now in my first official long-term

14:26

monogamous relationship. I

14:28

hope with all of my soul that it can

14:31

survive the trauma it incurred in its early development.

14:34

I have to believe that all loves incur trauma

14:37

and all loves can bounce back. Just

14:39

like babies. All of us who

14:41

had fucked up things happen to us in our youth. We

14:44

grow up and spend our lives figuring out how to handle

14:46

the ways we're fucked up. Maybe

14:48

that's how it will be with this love. The

14:53

first gifts we give each other. I

14:55

give her a bike helmet. That I never use. I

14:58

give him a tape of a recording of me reading a

15:00

diary entry I wrote with a long list of all the

15:02

things that I love about him. That I never listened to.

15:05

Hey Charlie, Josephine and her friends are having a few people

15:07

up to the cottage this weekend. You

15:09

want to go? So, my birthday's coming up. It's

15:12

this May 2-4 weekend. You

15:15

know, the one where everybody goes camping and drinks

15:18

a ton of beer and acts

15:20

ridiculous. That sounds fun

15:23

I think. I wanted to spend it alone

15:25

with KP but she wanted

15:27

to go camping with her weird friends. Is this

15:29

you saying no? That you're not gonna come? And

15:31

that means mushrooms. Go if you want. And

15:34

running around the forest naked and

15:37

all kinds of other shit that I would rather not

15:39

do. It's not the same if I go by myself.

15:42

I want you to come with me. We're

15:49

at my friend's cabin in the woods. His

15:52

birthday just so happens to be on my favorite

15:54

holiday. May 2-4. The

15:56

camping holiday. I'm nearly staying. These are

15:58

lovely houses. The

16:03

last two years we introverted out and this year I

16:06

really, really wanted to go and camp and do

16:08

drugs with my friends. These

16:15

are my favorite people in the world. Artists

16:18

who are completely uninhibited. These

16:20

are people with whom you can break into song on the street

16:22

with. People who hug for too long.

16:25

People who end up in cuddle piles at the end of the night. People

16:28

who ride in the back of a stranger's pickup truck. People

16:31

who bow to the moon on the beach. People

16:33

who fall in love at first sight. People

16:35

who look at life and think, this

16:39

is a magical opportunity. I

16:41

appeal to very

16:43

acute experimental sensibility.

16:46

These are the people who make me feel like I'm living the myth

16:48

of being an artist. And

16:51

when I'm around them, I get to be my favorite version

16:53

of myself. The version of

16:55

myself that sees beauty in everything. The

16:57

version of myself that dares to indulge in that beauty.

17:01

The version of myself that dares to create it and

17:03

share it with the world. Sharon

17:05

is lying on the floor, letting a loud baby

17:08

scream fly from her mouth. Charlie

17:10

squeezes my hand. I squeeze his

17:12

back. This

17:15

is the very frontier of his comfort zone.

17:19

Through his eyes, I see these

17:21

people as completely ridiculous.

17:24

Not in a good way. Self-indulgent.

17:28

Strange for strangers sake. For

17:31

the first time, I see that these are

17:33

the kinds of people that probably often make

17:35

other people uncomfortable. No

17:37

one asks you to think on the street. No

17:39

one asks you to wear that weird hat. You

17:41

think you're doing me a favor, but all you're doing is

17:44

drawing attention to yourself and begging the world to pay attention

17:46

to you. You're imposing yourself. You're

17:48

imposing yourself. I

17:51

desperately want to lie on the floor and scream like a baby.

17:54

Let loose. Play. Pretend.

17:57

Make sounds I never heard myself make. But

18:01

I know that it would make Charlie feel abandoned. The

18:04

last thing he needs is his

18:07

soul's social anchor in the room, abandoning him.

18:10

I stay close. Can we go? I

18:13

don't want to go. Yep,

18:17

this is just as bad as I was wearing it was going

18:19

to be. They have not

18:21

stopped making quote unquote music since we got

18:24

here. Cailin squeezes

18:26

my hand. I

18:28

guess there's a way in which it's actually really lovely

18:30

to see them bringing this out in her. This

18:34

thing that makes her so joyous. I

18:43

know she thinks she's doing a good job of hiding her

18:45

disappointment, that I don't want to

18:47

be unborn or reborn,

18:50

birthed. I

18:52

don't know. I

18:55

just don't work like that. I

18:57

mean the only time I feel truly uninhibited

18:59

is when I'm by myself, turning

19:02

my head inside out for myself. I

19:06

just can't do it. I

19:09

can hear Cailin's voice in my head. I

19:12

love being around wild people. These kind of people

19:14

give everyone else permission to be themselves. To

19:17

be uninhibited, to stop editing yourself and

19:19

tap into something primal. It's

19:21

not a performance. It's the opposite of

19:23

performance. Maybe it won't

19:26

be so bad. I

19:28

bet I could be baby. It's

19:30

true that sometimes when I hear babies screaming on the

19:33

subway there's a part of me that

19:35

thinks, yeah, I feel

19:38

you baby. This

19:40

is what my insides are doing right now.

19:46

Maybe you ever feel good. Maybe

19:48

it would be a nice release. We're

19:51

going to get going actually. Right

19:53

Charlie? You want to go? Let's go. Yeah,

19:56

sure. Yeah, let's go. We're

19:58

going to... We're gonna go and

20:01

be in bedroom. Okay, bye guys!

20:04

Bye! Bye!

20:08

See you later! Can

20:24

you sing to me? Um,

20:28

yeah, sure. I

20:30

don't really have a... Make

20:33

something up. Make something up. Yeah.

20:39

Caitlin, go to sleep. Like

20:42

you've been a

20:45

few times. My

20:48

mission at first was to help Charlie become the version

20:50

of himself that he is with me out in

20:52

the world. But

20:55

over time, as I kept failing at

20:57

that mission because it's not mine to complete, I

21:00

started to become addicted to the fact

21:02

that he was only able to be

21:04

this way with me. It

21:07

made him captive to me. And

21:10

I loved that he was my captive. As

21:13

I say these words, I'm filled

21:15

with disgust. It's

21:23

completely bits. Unconsciousness.

21:34

An argument that should be simple. What?

21:42

Light. What

21:46

the hell is your problem about light? Um,

21:51

you leave your room, you turn them all the way

21:53

off. An argument that

21:55

should be simple. That

21:58

should be close to meaningless because... You're

22:00

terrified of life. You're like

22:02

really fast. Like really what it comes down

22:05

to is utter fucking selfishness.

22:07

You're a coward. You're

22:09

just an attention whore. How are you gonna feel

22:12

when you're like on your deathbed thinking, wow, I

22:14

stare at my computer a lot. You know what,

22:16

I'm gonna sit on my deathbed and think, at

22:18

least I didn't leave a trail of destruction. Yeah.

22:26

Neither of us has ever or will ever say

22:28

these things out loud to each other. In

22:31

reality, the fight is much quieter.

22:37

The anger is just beneath the surface.

22:40

Um, KP. But

22:42

we're angry. Uh, you left the bathroom light

22:44

on. Because we're not fighting about

22:46

the light at all. I'm extremely uptight. I'm

22:51

selfish. I'm not talking about

22:53

this. I

22:56

guess just allow everything in the truck so I gotta

22:58

pull the bag on the pull the bag. You're

23:00

gonna be picking up my shit and taking care of

23:02

me while I do my work and you miss deadlines

23:04

for the rest of your fucking life. Why does it

23:06

bother you so much? I don't

23:09

understand. Because it's wasteful and because...

23:11

I do other things. Why

23:14

can't you just be the light turner offer? We're

23:22

fighting over what we've given up for one another. And

23:25

what we're afraid that will go on to give up. Over

23:29

time, these small sacrifices that once

23:31

felt so delicious to make, build

23:33

up into a dark shadow that

23:35

hangs over the relationship. Things

23:39

that you actually need but haven't been

23:41

getting. They transform into

23:43

resentment. Blame. That

23:46

you exact upon your person. And

23:49

yourself. For a

23:51

life not lived. You guys have been married

23:53

for 20, 25 years? 33 years. What? We're

23:56

old school. I

24:00

don't know. I mean, it's hard to get into this, but

24:02

like, why do you guys think that you're still together? There

24:05

must have been moments where you thought, like,

24:08

should we keep going? You know

24:10

what I mean? I mean, I don't want to,

24:12

like, challenge the love that

24:14

you have for each other or anything, but I

24:17

just, you know, you can still love somebody and

24:19

decide not to keep going, you know? The other

24:21

thing is that

24:23

you have a common vision, and

24:25

we both love that common vision,

24:28

you know? What being married

24:30

and what staying together gives

24:33

us. When you ask the question,

24:35

can you think of a time when you felt,

24:39

should we keep going? When

24:43

you're at that point, it's

24:45

not we anymore. It's I. But

24:47

so, like, can you tell me – people

24:49

always say that there's so many sacrifices

24:52

involved in being married or whatever. Like,

24:54

what are those? You know what I

24:57

mean? Like, when you choose one person, when you

24:59

make a choice, you're going down one path, and

25:01

you're saying no to all the other paths. Like,

25:04

do you ever think about those other paths?

25:06

Not even just other people, but, like, lives

25:08

you could have lived. Well,

25:11

the thing, the way we see it

25:14

is that you're saying yes

25:16

to one thing, and it opens a whole bunch

25:18

of other doors. We don't think about

25:20

all the other doors that are closed. The idea that you

25:22

can't have your cake and eat it too. You

25:25

know, people that have affairs, and they keep

25:27

it secret. That little secret thing, that bullshit.

25:30

You know, no matter how much you try to hide

25:32

it, you're kidding yourself. It will change your relationship. It

25:35

will be a good change, you know?

25:39

There have been lines that if I followed them, possibly could have

25:41

went to, you know, an extramarital

25:43

affair. Who heartbeats,

25:45

pitter-patter-patter-patter, basically lust.

25:49

It's not worth it to me. You know?

25:51

That's not worth losing your mom,

25:54

and losing my relationship, the richness

25:56

that I have with Nancy Prest,

25:58

my wife. Why

26:01

are you guys happy? Who said

26:03

we're happy? I

26:10

spend days, weeks, training

26:12

my hand to turn off

26:15

the bathroom light without me telling it to. The

26:18

same way that I've trained it after so many

26:20

lost wallets and cell phones and purses and keys

26:22

to put those types of things back in their place

26:24

without thinking about it. My

26:27

hand finally starts doing it.

26:30

As soon as I flush the toilet, it just goes

26:32

to the light. It's

26:36

been months now since I forgot. I

27:00

would cat to

27:02

dance. I like the air a little

27:04

bit shorter than me. I've

27:19

always liked it. No,

27:26

we're a puppetry power couple. Does

27:30

that even exist? It

27:32

doesn't. No. This

27:49

year at Christmas, I gave her a

27:51

tiny notebook with a drawing on the front that's

27:53

just her style. That I write in every single

27:55

morning. Andron. Old looking. Romantic.

27:58

I give him a cardigan. And I

28:00

promise I will never steal or stain

28:03

that I wear every day that is

28:05

just as style. Really nice fabric, classy,

28:07

ask colored. Sleepy that

28:09

I have separately mind. More. Convincing

28:13

the me of. Home

28:17

Sir. Birth.

28:21

To who draws on the.

28:26

Baby. Was time you

28:29

come. From.

28:31

Your clone Group three. This

28:39

was episode five of The Shadows from

28:42

Cbc Podcasts. It was written, directed, produce

28:44

and performed by Need Caitlin past Yes

28:46

Mean Matter. I was are associate producer

28:48

and she did extra special work on

28:51

this episode. I handed her a bunch

28:53

of the scene tape and an outline

28:55

of the script and it was the

28:57

first moment that I knew that she

28:59

was you know on Incredible Artist what

29:02

she did. She took all the things

29:04

and she kind of cut them together

29:06

and it created the shape of what

29:08

this episode is today. Many as

29:10

hang out every once in awhile

29:13

him Toronto and we talk about

29:15

documentary ethics, etc etc etc. She

29:17

made a documentary called. One.

29:19

Of ours to on Amazon he said rented

29:22

she was talking at the time of the

29:24

as she wanted to make a film and

29:26

she did. Speedy Wang was a senior producer

29:28

Sherry mushy he was are editor Olivia Past

29:31

rally with our digital producer Mitchell Lucky Arma.

29:33

Performed as Turning You

29:35

Heard Cameos. In this episode from.

29:37

Only clipboard Greg, Nancy and Natalie

29:39

pressed and a bunch of my

29:42

friends. Who

29:44

were actually higher? mushrooms? During the

29:46

period of recording, I won't mention their

29:48

names, but. Thank. You guys for

29:50

letting me record everything that we do.

29:53

The person who cut this these credits

29:55

together and they intro that you heard

29:57

at the beginning of this episode and

29:59

will. One and the one

30:01

that comes after this is

30:04

named. Yasmin. And.

30:07

Yasmin. Is an artist and

30:09

radio maker in her own right. Not

30:12

only is she an excellent credit cutter,

30:14

but she has a so it's called

30:16

that intimate feeling. You should definitely check

30:18

it out. It is very, very magical.

30:21

I highly recommend it. I listen. To

30:23

Her Before. She. Started supporting us

30:25

on the hearts and I loved

30:27

it! One more thing. I

30:30

have to, I just have to

30:32

stand have to sang same thing

30:34

thinking and from apart from the

30:37

bottom deep down depths of my

30:39

melancholic heart. Though. The

30:41

one those of you I'm kind of scared

30:43

to bring it up because I'm like I'm

30:45

gonna remind you knew like oh shit I

30:47

meant to unsubscribe. It's like some of the

30:49

happens but please out with up. Thank.

30:51

You so much. To.

30:55

The people who donate to Mermaid Palace and the

30:57

Heart. Those of you who don't a

30:59

monthly. It. Says is. So

31:01

it's really. it just means so much.

31:03

Honestly, it means so. So much

31:05

so I'm gonna say the names.

31:08

These are several names. Alina, Jennifer.

31:11

Andreas. Catherine.

31:14

Rylance. Stephanie.

31:17

Marry. Mode. And. My.

31:20

If. You would like for me to say

31:22

your name in that loving way. Then.

31:25

Go to Mermaid Palace at work.

31:28

And become. Please.

31:31

Follow me, I kill him passed on Instagram.

31:34

You can sign up for At the Heart

31:36

newsletter if you want to get a letter

31:38

where I tell you every single thing that

31:41

I'm hoping to do in the next. Year

31:43

and the next Five years in

31:45

the next ten years for the

31:47

rest of my life and. I

31:51

think that's it. That's all I have for you.

31:53

That is all I have for you today. Look.

31:56

Out for the next episode. Please

31:58

please please please please. Please please

32:00

please please please please please please please please

32:02

please please please donate! Thank

32:05

you donate CO4 Now

32:17

in the sleeping dream In

32:20

your sleeping dream in your sleeping

32:24

unconsciousness Hey!

32:33

Don't tell me that actually worked That actually worked No

32:39

it didn't

32:41

I don't want you to do this

32:48

Okay Are

32:50

you sleeping? That did

32:53

not put me in Did you put him in

32:55

place? No that actually took a lot of effort

32:58

No well you did a good job Thank you That's

33:03

one of your best actually No

33:09

No it's not in the morning Um

33:13

yeah well I

33:16

didn't get up it's set up I

33:18

know you didn't sound alarm It's on but

33:20

I'm worried it's not going to work Should

33:23

I sound alarm too? Yeah Radio

33:32

to B.R.X