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won't grow up. No

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sir, I won't. Ha ha

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ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha

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ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha

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ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

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Ha ha ha ha. If you need to wake Star up,

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you have to clap your cheeks as loud as you

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can. Ha ha ha ha. Thank you for tuning

0:53

into Horror Virgin on page. I'm Mikey. And I'm

0:55

your last boy, Todd, which means, I

0:57

love this movie when we first watch it for episode,

0:59

I think 17. So I

1:01

got to make you rewatch

1:03

it while we revisited the

1:05

Lost Boys. The Lost

1:08

Boys. Me and Paige were not on that

1:10

episode. You guys weren't. It was the formerly,

1:12

previously Highlander, I believe, hosts of the show,

1:14

Jett and Clint were on that episode, yeah.

1:16

Unfortunately, they were lost in the plane crash

1:18

over the Andes Mountains and ate each other.

1:21

There's a movie on Netflix about that right

1:23

now, right? Yeah, they had a rugby game

1:25

down there. Yeah, my friend just watched it.

1:27

She said it was great. So this is

1:29

the first time I've ever gotten to pick

1:31

a movie for the podcast. I know. And

1:33

I think I picked wisely, because I remember

1:35

watching this movie when we watched it originally

1:38

for the episode in Jen's little pod

1:40

loft at her old house. And I

1:42

remember really liking it, and I liked

1:44

it a lot today. Have you guys

1:46

seen it before? You have to have

1:48

seen this. Yes. Oh, yeah, no, of course.

1:50

So what did you guys think about it since this

1:52

is your first time talking about it on a podcast?

1:56

It's such a fun slice of the

1:58

time. Oh, yeah. I feel. like

2:00

on a rewatch today reminded

2:03

that this is a Joel Schumacher

2:05

film I could not escape the

2:07

blatant homoeroticism throughout the entire film.

2:10

I think Jason Patrick

2:14

in this movie is gorgeous.

2:16

I want to be Jamie

2:18

Gertz in this movie her

2:20

hair is beautiful. That is star. Yeah

2:22

it's a fun movie it's only like 97 minutes long so

2:28

it's like the perfect length. Yeah. It has

2:30

its own vampire mythology which is fun and

2:32

all of it takes place at the Santa

2:34

Cruz Beach boardwalk where I grew up spending

2:37

summers so it's always fun for me to

2:39

be like oh hey that place with like

2:41

a bunch of murders kind of like when

2:44

us took place there as well so. Ah.

2:47

Oh it's the same boardwalk okay. Yeah it's the

2:49

same boardwalk. This shoots mostly on the boardwalk and

2:51

a lot of the stuff you see in this

2:53

movie is still there so like I'll talk about it

2:55

a little bit in fun facts but if you ever want to

2:57

like go and just like

3:00

see where Lost Boys happened the

3:02

Santa Cruz Beach boardwalk there you

3:04

go. Is there a shirtless man playing saxophone

3:06

lit only by metal trash cans on fire

3:08

because if no I'm not going. Probably. Okay

3:10

I'm in let's do this. So I have

3:12

developed a headcanon. Oh also okay so I

3:14

haven't watched this movie in years but I've

3:16

always loved Lost Boys since I was a

3:19

boy. Since you were a Lost Boy. Yeah

3:21

it was really nice to revisit it I

3:23

do think it holds up as like a

3:25

better 80s movie and like yeah it's really

3:27

fun and I've built a headcanon where like

3:29

you know kind of explains I think this

3:31

takes place in the same universe as Mad

3:33

Max but like right before the fall. I

3:37

don't know how you're gonna get there but I

3:40

cannot wait to find out. No I see

3:42

what you're getting at and I think it's just

3:44

because you've never been to Santa Cruz. No this

3:46

is what it looks like all the time. I

3:48

love how

3:52

Paige literally just said that it

3:54

looks exactly like it does in

3:56

this movie still. That's definitely right

3:58

before the fall. and this Armageddon, this

4:01

movie called Mad Max. It's looked

4:03

that way for years. Really,

4:05

the saxophone man is what made this

4:07

theory happen. It's because- Okay, I got

4:10

you. It's a free concert with an

4:12

oiled up saxophone man going hard, there's

4:14

all these barrels with fire on everywhere,

4:16

and it's just hundreds of people dressed

4:19

like Mad Max characters, not

4:21

making sense. And I was like, oh,

4:23

this must be what happens before they're

4:25

given water. Right, right. In

4:28

the Disneyland. Yes. Now all I'm

4:30

picturing is like those big vehicles, but

4:32

instead of the bass player, it's just

4:34

the saxophone guy playing saxophone on the

4:36

front and fire shooting out of the

4:38

front of the saxophone. Eat a dick,

4:40

Kenny G. It would absolutely fit. It

4:42

would be great. That would not be

4:44

a weird thing. That would be awesome.

4:46

But instead, take this movie

4:49

and just add garlic fries.

4:52

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you got it. Also,

4:55

the cave train. I think I brought up the cave train

4:57

on, but

4:59

the cave train is also there. It's the

5:01

same place. Oh, really? Yeah. One of

5:03

the things I love about this movie

5:05

is someone asked them, like the producers,

5:07

how are you gonna do the whole

5:10

vampires can fly thing? And they were

5:12

like, I don't know, just like camera

5:14

swoops with no establishing shot as to

5:16

what's swooping. And lots of trench tips.

5:19

In the last fight where it's just

5:21

swooping cameras and you see keeper's arm

5:24

punch, and then it's swooping

5:26

camera again, this is terrible in

5:28

a very specifically 80s way that

5:30

I love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On

5:33

the flip side, I would rather see

5:35

creative shots like that than

5:38

really terrible looking special effects. Well, and I

5:40

think, okay, so like if you can't pull

5:42

it off because you don't have the money

5:44

for the really cool special effects or whatever,

5:46

I much prefer this because this still sort

5:49

of holds up. Like I don't really think

5:51

any of the gore looks bad. You know,

5:53

it's all practical it looks like, which is

5:55

fine. I think you fill in the blank

5:57

spots in your mind. I think that's... was

6:00

a creative way because it

6:02

would be very dumb to just show these people

6:04

floating in the air all the time. Yeah. Oh

6:07

no it would and there are a few times

6:09

where we see them like hanging upside down or

6:11

man I still really love the

6:13

hanging on under their train shot. Yeah.

6:15

Even though you can clearly see the

6:18

three layers in that shot but it

6:20

looks it still looks great like it

6:22

holds up the way they shot

6:24

it is so good. I think it's a fun tale

6:26

I mean like you know like it's a good

6:28

story but pretty simple and like I like

6:30

the dynamics of the kids and you know like I

6:32

think it works it rushes through it you're right with

6:35

the pacing thing it's like oh yeah Michael's a good

6:37

brother now he's a bad brother now he's almost a

6:39

vampire they're gonna stop him and they're like all right

6:41

final confrontation done. They flip on that so much it's

6:44

like laughable to me I love it. Honestly

6:46

personally I think he's hotter as a bad

6:48

brother. Oh really Paige? Oh

6:51

really do you? I think that

6:53

Corey Feldman's like attempt at

6:55

doing a deeper voice in this

6:57

movie makes me laugh the most

7:00

because it's like he's

7:02

always talking like this and it

7:04

makes me laugh so much like he's a

7:06

frog boy right or whatever. Frog brother. Right

7:08

he's one of the frog brother. What would

7:10

you he's is he not a frog boy

7:13

is he a I don't know. Frog brother.

7:15

But if you have one of the frog

7:17

brother what do you call him? That's a

7:19

frog boy. What? I would say still

7:21

a frog brother yeah brothers are singular.

7:23

Even if your brother is not with you you're

7:25

still a brother brother. Now you're talking my language

7:27

Mikey I get it. Oh god. Let

7:31

me just turn that back to zero. So anyway

7:33

I do love the frog brothers

7:37

in this I think they're perfect and

7:40

I think like that like little kid

7:42

teenager subplot is like one of my

7:44

favorites and I do think I

7:46

pointed this out in the last episode that

7:48

we did on this like all the way

7:50

back in the day but like I really

7:53

love how the head vampire is also his

7:55

own red herring in this movie yes and

7:57

they explain it away because he's like oh

8:00

What? You invited me in so I'm

8:02

immune to everything. Which is not

8:04

the case in any other vampire mythology. That's

8:06

only for this movie. I didn't think so.

8:08

I was gonna ask because I was like,

8:10

I don't think that's the thing because other

8:12

mythologies have, if you're like an older vampire,

8:15

you do have more powers or more immunity.

8:17

It's like you're into the old. But the

8:19

whole like subset of, if you invite me

8:21

into your house, I can then eat a

8:23

meal with garlic in it. Like that to

8:26

me was a clear

8:28

reason to ever, if I'm a vampire,

8:30

ask to enter someone's house because daddy

8:33

love him some garlic. But I don't know, I

8:35

thought it was just a funny way of getting

8:37

there. I forgot that he had a whole

8:39

plan of like, they wanna be a blended

8:41

family and stuff. And so I was like,

8:43

oh wow, I forgot about this. They really

8:45

did want to be like the Brady Bunch

8:47

of vampires. So I forgot that they

8:50

targeted Michael. I thought it was all random. And I was

8:52

like, this is all too random. And I was like, oh,

8:54

he like picked this out for his mom and stuff. He

8:56

picked him. But also,

8:58

that's the one part of the movie that

9:00

like, and it's only because I'm a vampire

9:02

nerd that I'm like, ah man,

9:05

this mythology is a little weird. Because

9:07

at the time that he gets

9:09

invited in, Michael's a half vampire at

9:11

that point. According to the mythology of this

9:14

movie, half vampire is kind of a nebulous

9:16

state because he hasn't said yet. But

9:19

in most vampire mythology, only a

9:21

human can invite you in. So

9:23

if he's a half vampire, technically that shouldn't have

9:26

worked either. Well, technically the mom

9:28

already invited him. But once

9:30

you get to the door, they have to invite you

9:32

in. Yeah, I do think it's like a

9:34

threshold thing. Not like you've received an

9:36

invitation to this event kind of

9:39

thing. Although I don't know, I honestly, I

9:41

know Paige is a vampire nerd, so I just like

9:43

yield to her knowledge on it. But like, I've always

9:45

thought it was a threshold thing. It is a threshold

9:47

thing. And different vampire mythologies handle

9:49

this in different ways. Of course. Where

9:52

like in true blood, you can like, I rescind

9:54

your invitation and it like sucks people out of

9:56

the house, which is super cool. Oh my God,

9:58

I love that. Oh man. Have you guys ever

10:00

wanted to do that? You're like, oh, I maybe I shouldn't have

10:02

invited you to come back to my place and

10:05

I resent my invitation. Yeah. Never invite anybody

10:07

to my place. I'll go to their place.

10:09

No, Mikey, I was assuming that that was

10:11

them doing that to you. When you're

10:13

like, um, I'm gonna go ahead and have to

10:15

go. Oh, yeah. There's also a loophole

10:17

in True Blood where if

10:19

a vampire purchases a home, they

10:21

can come and go as they please. It's

10:23

the difference is if it's a human-owned home. Well,

10:26

yeah, I mean if they own their own house, they would

10:28

be the one inviting themselves into it. So yeah, they could

10:30

live there. Sure. Yeah. But there's a

10:32

point at which Alexander Skarsgard

10:34

purchases the mortgage on a

10:36

character's home, another character's home,

10:39

and then can come and go

10:41

as he pleases because he technically

10:44

owns it. That is such a

10:46

weird subplot and a very horny

10:48

vampire tale. Whatever. It's a lot

10:51

of naked Alexander Skarsgard and Joe Manganiello and

10:53

I don't feel like I need to apologize

10:55

for that. Yeah, I understand why

10:57

you like it for sure. Yeah. Breaking

11:00

news from Nashville's severe weather Twitter. Hell

11:02

yeah, Nash's severe WX is their handle

11:04

and they've saved my life more than

11:06

one. They're saying at least three to

11:08

five inches, maybe more, if depending on

11:10

the weather. Which is a lot,

11:12

lady. That's what I told Natalie, lady.

11:15

Well, I didn't, it's supposed to only get

11:17

up to 17 degrees until like Thursday or

11:19

Friday. I know. We have

11:22

a hundred hours of sub freezing

11:24

temperatures as the snow arrived. Yes.

11:26

I'm not dealing with that, but we

11:28

should let people know. Mikey wrote

11:31

the outline this week because I was

11:33

dealing with some wild family

11:35

shit. Mikey, you wrote the outline.

11:37

This is going to be so much fun. I'm

11:39

so happy. I legit forgot. Oh my God. Oh

11:42

my God. Oh my God. I'm excited. Okay. Paige

11:44

had to travel for personal reasons and I said,

11:47

girl, I got this. He

11:49

was like, damn girl. What's, what about that

11:51

outline though? So it's going to be a

11:53

different vibe. That's fine. I thought this would

11:55

be the perfect movie for it. I thought it would fit

11:58

very well. I have legit, I forgot. I

12:00

got it. Honestly not bonkers enough. You

12:03

know yeah, I I am going to

12:05

make the tough call here I'm gonna

12:07

say the Lost Boys makes

12:10

more sense less bonkers than

12:12

Charlie St. Cloud. Oh 100%

12:15

yes, that's Accurate

12:17

true. There's no ambulances

12:19

for us to scream about Everything in

12:21

this movie makes sense and I would

12:24

argue like Paige it does different like

12:26

it differs from other vampire lore But

12:28

yeah, like sure sure sure, but it

12:30

makes sense, but it establishes its

12:32

lore quickly. Yeah. Yeah within

12:34

its own lore It makes sense. Yeah.

12:36

Yes. That's what I'm saying in

12:38

the magical realism of this movie. It

12:41

works It's like we wrote a comic

12:43

book for the character to read to

12:45

establish the lore. Yeah, exactly I do

12:47

love how every time keeper Sutherland is

12:49

in a scene that it's not an

12:51

action scene It is shot

12:54

and lit like it shakes beer

12:56

on Broadway Like it's just him

12:58

and it's always like a hard

13:00

lit spotlight on him Yeah, and

13:02

everyone is like around him looking

13:04

at him like he's the center

13:06

focus of a Renaissance painting It's so

13:08

funny to me. He looks like his

13:10

dad a lot in this movie Yes,

13:12

he does But also you can see

13:14

when he dies later on that his

13:16

vampire ability is just spotlighting. So like

13:18

a spotlight follows him around That's what

13:20

I mean even that shot when

13:22

he's like Michael was like looking over

13:25

his shoulder at him And he's got the

13:27

two horns coming out of his chest. Here's

13:29

what bothers me the most about this film

13:31

what today? Oh, I'm let's get into it.

13:33

All right now that I've watched the whole

13:35

thing I got their whole their plan was

13:38

I want you to turn these

13:40

kids and their moms so we can have

13:42

a complete Vampire family or whatever. Well, I

13:44

think that was max's the the the head

13:46

vampires plan. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yes,

13:48

max's plan right and then keeper and him

13:51

were like the closest because keeper was like

13:53

his and max the head

13:55

vampire He's he owns a store

13:57

right like he is customer service

14:00

focused driven, you know? Yeah. And

14:02

all of his employees, these lost boys,

14:05

they do not even talk to Michael

14:07

about the benefits much about

14:09

being a vampire. They really just fuck

14:12

with him. They tell him nothing. They're

14:14

just like, drink this. Yeah. They like,

14:16

they fuck with him for like 45 minutes

14:18

and then pretty much just bully him. And

14:20

really there's no customer service there of like

14:22

why you should become a vampire. And that

14:25

doesn't make sense because he's a successful

14:27

small business owner. He is. And like he

14:29

knows that that's a focus. You know, I

14:31

just don't understand why he didn't. They need

14:33

to work on their salesmanship. But Starr

14:36

was actually supposed to kill Michael and eat

14:38

him that night. That's the reason they were

14:40

just fucking with him when he first got

14:42

to their hideout. Right? Yeah. And then they

14:44

just continue to fuck with him as they

14:47

like turn him into a vampire. I know

14:49

you're not wrong, Mike. Well, and that's where

14:51

it kind of falls apart because if they had

14:53

killed Michael, then Max's plan wouldn't have worked. So

14:55

I don't know if they just told Starr that

14:57

she had to like bite him and knew she

14:59

wouldn't do it or something like that or what

15:01

because they needed him alive. Oh, I

15:04

don't. Okay. So I don't think Michael

15:06

was targeted because he was the

15:08

son of the woman Max wanted

15:10

to date because they hadn't

15:12

met yet. Oh, I think it was

15:14

just because he was the only one

15:16

that wasn't a vampire in that crowd

15:18

because all the vampires were looking at

15:21

the guy on stage and Starr was

15:23

out there dancing to see who was

15:25

looking at her because whoever was looking

15:27

at her was not glamored by the do on stage. I

15:29

don't know. The whole crowd is not vampires.

15:31

Well, I mean, that's probably true.

15:34

Yeah. My theory is they picked

15:36

him randomly, but because he drank the blood, they

15:38

took that to Max and then Max developed that

15:40

plan of like, well, I love this family thing.

15:42

Let's bring them all in. Don't kill him. Make

15:44

him one of you. Then we'll turn his brother

15:47

and I'll turn the mom and then we'll have

15:49

a whole family and a couple of properties and

15:51

stuff. But again, customer service, like

15:53

the implementation, the change management of

15:56

this small business, not

15:58

good. Yeah. No, you're right. There's There's

16:00

no synergy here between the management and the

16:02

middle management. Can you guys tell that Mikey

16:04

just got moved up to like a director

16:06

level type position at his day job maybe?

16:11

Like they're like, just hang off this bridge, it's

16:13

fun. Like that's their sales pitch? I mean, but

16:15

they are supposed to be like 23 or like

16:18

21. You know

16:20

like, that is some shit that I would have done as

16:22

an immortal 21 year old. Yeah. Or

16:25

200. I mean like... He's

16:27

expecting them to sit down and be

16:29

like, yeah, so for your performance review

16:32

you've received a meets expectation. This

16:34

is your total compensation package if you sign

16:36

on with us as a vampire. 68

16:39

bloods a year, more than one a day. Eternal

16:41

life? He doesn't tell him he lives forever until

16:43

his nasty feet that look like Todd's are holding

16:45

him up against the wall. I knew that was

16:48

going to come up. I even wrote in

16:50

my notes on the side, I wrote,

16:52

oh, insert Todd foot joke here. Yeah.

16:55

You know what? That's what the 1% get, Max. He

16:59

lives in a nice house, he's got a guard dog,

17:01

he makes all his people live in a cave down

17:03

by the beach. His guard dog to hell hound. Makes

17:05

all his people live in a cave. That

17:07

is like, you are not, you know,

17:09

that's too much stratification. Mikey, I already

17:12

love this movie. How dare you make

17:14

me love it more by tying in

17:16

how capitalism flux the cave dwellers. I

17:18

agree. Yes. No, that's

17:20

in my outline. But this is just something I saw it off

17:22

the top of my head. Well, please

17:24

keep that coming. I love the end of this

17:26

movie. No notes in the last line of the

17:29

scene, but how much of a mind fuck would

17:31

it have been if because they

17:33

established the second drawer in the

17:35

fridge or the second like shelf in

17:37

the granddad's and he even has like a cover

17:40

for it. So you can't see what's there until

17:42

he holds it up. If it was blood, if

17:44

it was those bottles of blood and he started

17:46

drinking one, I would have lost my mind. Like

17:48

that would have been cool as shit. That would

17:50

have been cool. Yeah. But

17:52

I love the last line of this movie that

17:54

you know what I don't love about Santa Clara

17:56

or whatever, wherever they are, all the fucking vampires

17:58

or whatever. I was like. Yeah, granddad.

18:00

I I love checkoffs giant steak

18:03

that's a big fun thing for

18:05

me And he sets it like

18:08

halfway through the movie I also really

18:10

like how like when max does get

18:12

impaled and thrown into the fireplace

18:15

Like it blows up like the fucking

18:17

nuke scene from Oppenheimer like it's crazy

18:19

Yeah in that house, and it's still

18:21

standing at the end of it like

18:24

they don't make rickety cabins like they

18:26

used to I guess It's

18:28

all the formaldehyde Oh

18:31

man, but maybe Mikey do you want to just

18:33

take us through this outline you wrote scene by

18:36

scene? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

18:38

you guys ready to get into this I

18:40

legit Discussion

18:42

for this and forgot and it's so

18:44

excited. That's the pro of ADHD. I

18:48

Did fun facts though, so we do have fun facts

18:51

at least. Thank you page. That's perfect.

18:53

You're welcome All right We open up

18:55

on a carousel and these like punk-ass

18:57

kids are walking around it. Oh my

18:59

god. They're not strapped in It's a

19:01

liability issue these kids can be killed

19:03

on the carousel. Do you mean the

19:05

kids on the horses? No, talk about the

19:07

lost boys man. They're walking around there. You're not

19:09

you got a pickle horse and stay on it Yeah,

19:11

you're right. They're walking through the horses. Yeah fun

19:14

fact about that carousel It is

19:16

an old-timey carousel where you can still grab

19:18

brass rings and toss them

19:20

into Yes, so

19:22

you can kind of move around the carousel

19:24

a little bit But yeah,

19:26

you can grab brass rings and then throw

19:28

them into like a mouth of a thing.

19:31

There you go I've written that carousel many

19:33

times you've written that carousel. Yeah, of course.

19:35

I didn't realize it was still there That's cool as shit.

19:37

All of it's still there. I'm not kidding. It

19:39

looks like this movie You could basically just walk

19:41

through law school. It's let's go. Yeah, whatever. Let's

19:43

go. I want to go I'm gonna go ride

19:46

the carousel throw a ring in something's mouth. That's

19:48

awesome. Yeah, sure. It's not It's

19:50

mostly closed for winter at this point.

19:52

But like why I mean, I don't we don't

19:54

have to go today page I don't yeah. Yeah,

19:56

we're about to get snowed in for winter here

19:58

in Nashville. I can't believe Anyway, but in the

20:00

summer God help you if they have funnel cakes. I'll

20:03

be there so fast And

20:07

I wasn't kidding about the garlic fries they're fucking amazing

20:10

They also tons of dip and dot page

20:12

stop selling I'm buying let's do this We

20:15

got to a live show in San Francisco or wherever

20:17

this fucking place is it just

20:19

do Bay Area Santa Cruz is a little it's

20:21

it's Further out, but it's drivable So if we

20:24

did a show in like San Francisco or Oakland

20:26

like we could then still go to Santa Cruz if you want hell

20:28

Yeah, let's do it. I'll burn a fun

20:30

fact burn it baby because it's the boardwalk

20:32

and it's so obviously the boardwalk And it's

20:35

like Santa Cruz like they named it Santa

20:37

Carla or whatever Yeah every year they do

20:39

summer movies Where they set up

20:41

like a big movie screen on the beach because it's like

20:43

a true boardwalk and a place like that here Obviously,

20:45

it's not the beach. It's one of our nicer parks, but

20:47

yeah, we do that too. I love it Yeah And

20:50

then it's just like beach and they

20:52

do and people can bring outdoor furniture

20:54

and whatever to watch after sunset And

20:56

because this movie is so prominently featuring

20:58

Santa Cruz they show it every year

21:00

course So like every year it's one

21:03

of the movies they screen for the

21:05

summer awesome Mikey back to you for

21:07

the outline. Oh, yes Well

21:10

anyway, I guess people

21:12

do walk around cuz the guard instead of

21:14

stopping the ride the guard just hops up

21:16

on there like get out I told you

21:18

kids stay out and then it cuts to

21:20

him walk into his car later that night

21:22

Yeah, I think he's driving a GMC mistress

21:24

cuz he's trying to fuck that door instead

21:26

of opening it Did you guys see that

21:28

he was struggling? He was not good at

21:31

opening car doors So yeah I

21:33

do love that he is like struggling with

21:36

the car door and they pick him up

21:38

and then it rips the car door off

21:40

Well a camera just zooms in on him

21:42

and then yeah, but you would prefer

21:44

that he got picked up, you know,

21:46

right? We actually do find out later

21:49

what they look like in bat form

21:51

when that kite lands on the porch

21:53

at the grandfather's feet I laughed out

21:55

loud at that moment. I was like,

21:57

oh hell yeah. I love that kite though.

21:59

It's super It is okay, so

22:01

then it cuts to a family driving to

22:03

their new home in Santa Clara Clara Harlan

22:06

Santa Carla. Yeah, okay So I talk about

22:08

credits way too much But like this is

22:10

a time period in which credits normally sucked

22:12

yeah, and they do a great job of

22:15

it here Yeah, because they use the credits

22:17

to establish Sort of what's happening

22:19

because you get a little bit of dialogue and VO

22:21

from the helicopter shots establishing

22:23

Santa Clara Or what is it

22:25

page Carla Santa Carla Santa Carla

22:28

in the movie Santa Clara is

22:30

a real place Yeah, not far from this

22:32

place. Yeah, yes Santa Carla in the

22:34

movie is what it's called But like they're

22:36

establishing that to the helicopter shots and you're getting

22:38

dialogue about what like is going on in their

22:41

life a little bit You know that they're moving

22:43

from Phoenix Yeah to the murder capital of the

22:45

world because of a divorce or whatever like well

22:47

Yeah, the murder capital of the world is a

22:49

real thing though. I have it in Sun fact.

22:51

Oh, oh really? Okay, but that's what the sign

22:53

says as it says welcome to Santa Carla It's

22:56

on the back of it. It says you know

22:58

murder capital of the world or whatever Yes, which

23:00

which Michael notices and then he asked people about

23:02

that later Yeah, but yeah, I mean that the

23:04

soundtrack slaps in this whole film and in the

23:06

credits Oh, yeah this is a bunch of establishing

23:08

shots of a bunch of teenagers either

23:10

being on house or having fun at the

23:12

Boardwalk or like Mad Max kind of this

23:14

behavior and then tons of missing posters. I

23:16

loved the missing posters I don't think I

23:18

noticed it as much the first time but

23:20

this time they're everywhere and they're a bunch

23:22

of different people but also Missing

23:25

people missing persons are not murder cases

23:27

So I should have been missing persons capital

23:29

of the world not murder capital of the

23:32

world Well in in real life, it

23:34

was the murder. Do you want me to burn this

23:36

fun fact now? Yeah, do it do it Okay,

23:38

so Santa Cruz in the 1970s

23:42

Did gain the reputation of being the murder capital

23:44

of the world because of a series of very

23:47

brutal murders by three different Serial killers in the

23:49

early 70s again If you're

23:51

super into true crime the 70s is peak Serial

23:54

killers probably because of a lot of lead in

23:56

the air or any number of other things or

23:58

the fact that we just finally Those

24:02

serial killers were John Lindley Frazier,

24:04

Herbert Mullen, and Ed Kemper. So

24:06

Santa Cruz had 28 murders over a

24:08

30 month period between 1970 and 1973.

24:12

So that was one serial

24:14

killer murder per month. Jesus.

24:16

That's a lot. Yeah.

24:19

Anyway, there you go. Wow. That is a

24:21

lot of murders. Thank you, Paige. You're welcome.

24:23

I keep forgetting that. If there's a lull, I have to talk.

24:26

Okay. Yeah.

24:29

You're the one driving the episode right

24:31

now, Mikey. Well... Normally,

24:33

Mikey is just like sitting back waiting to

24:35

throw in like bombs of

24:37

jokes and just nailing it. He's just like

24:40

sitting back landing threes while Paige drives the

24:42

bus. Now Paige gets to sit back. The

24:44

gaudy pippin' of this podcast. You know, I'm

24:46

not the MJ, but I'm up there. Yeah,

24:49

you're crushing it. So the

24:51

family arrives at their eccentric grandfather's house. Also, as my outline

24:53

goes, I learned the names, but it's about halfway through the

24:55

movie by the time I learned the names of the characters. So just for

24:57

warning. So

25:03

Grandpa is really weird, and he's a

25:05

taxidermist. He pretends to

25:07

be dead when his family arrives, which I think is a

25:09

horrible prank. That was insane to me. I

25:12

was like, man, this granddad is like losing

25:14

it. I think someone needs to come in

25:16

here and maybe take care of him, which

25:18

is sort of what's happening because we come

25:21

to find out his daughter, who was Michael

25:23

and Sam's mom, is

25:25

newly divorced and moving home. Yeah. And

25:28

then a couple of bonkers things in this film. One,

25:30

he pops up and he's like, gotcha, bitch. And you're

25:32

like, what does this guy mean? I know, because they're

25:34

like, is he dead? Is he dead, mom? And

25:37

she's like, no, he's just a heavy sleeper. And he

25:39

goes, no, I'm playing dead. And by the sound of

25:41

it, I'm crushing it or whatever. Also, I'm

25:43

super into taxidermy, beer, and reading

25:46

the TV guide. What the fuck?

25:49

If it's not those three things, it's

25:51

fucking the widow down the street

25:53

where he's doing taxidermy for her.

25:55

And if it's not those things,

25:57

he does not care about it,

25:59

which. He displays over the whole

26:01

movie like I love his aloofness in the

26:03

whole film I will say that every piece

26:05

of dialogue is like establishing something so the

26:08

mom's like I am divorced and he's like

26:10

you're the only Woman who's ever been divorced

26:12

who didn't come out better than the other

26:14

side I was like that can't be true.

26:16

That is a wild statement. Oh, that's

26:18

definitely not true. That is a hundred

26:20

percent not true But

26:24

I do think that pop Culturally in the

26:26

80s that was definitely the perception like I

26:29

do feel like this is one of those

26:31

like subtle misogynist bullshit things that you get

26:33

because of the time period it's in because

26:36

like guys were like Oh my ex-wife fucked

26:38

me into the war like that kind of

26:40

shit, you know Yeah, I'm sure and the

26:42

family in this scene talks a lot about

26:45

murders And then they

26:47

established that there are a lot of murders

26:49

in the city like like Paige said yeah

26:51

in Santa Carla Carla right that's what it's

26:53

called. It's like the whitewashed version of

26:55

Santa Clara It's gonna be so hard

26:57

because Santa Clara has a drum and

26:59

bugle core called the Santa Santa Clara

27:01

Vanguard and they're awesome Well,

27:07

you know Santa Cruz where this is

27:09

actually filmed has the mystery spot and

27:11

that's cool Don't add another Santa C

27:13

word that was gonna make me fuck

27:16

up Okay, Santa Carla like she's

27:18

going to Starbucks to get a pumpkin spice

27:20

latte. Okay, I got you I just thought

27:22

of something. It's not super relevant, but we

27:24

need to talk about it Well, I was

27:26

dying for this Please go because like

27:28

maybe one tenth of my personality is based

27:30

on that giant jock and the revenge of

27:33

the nerds You just yells nerds every time

27:35

every time that you already have it. Uh-huh

27:37

Mikey That's not just one tenth, but yes

27:39

go on but when you watch for

27:41

you've into the nerds now, he was right

27:43

He was the hero of the yes You

27:47

mean in that he was protecting people

27:49

from sexual assault? He

27:51

is trying to make sure everyone is

27:53

not getting sexually assaulted and he's the

27:56

villain in that movie Wild

27:58

time. Yeah I just had

28:01

this epiphany where this guy with crazy

28:03

hair is like, NOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOO! I

28:05

feel like I would need to rewatch that film

28:08

to say whether or not he was right or

28:10

just also a different kind of villain.

28:12

Like a broken clock, right? He's right twice

28:14

in that movie, but the rest of the

28:16

time he's fucking terrible. You know, like

28:19

when Nazis got us to the moon, you're like,

28:21

thanks for the moon, but you're still Nazis? Like,

28:23

that kind of shit. Yeah. Well,

28:25

I don't know if he's that- well, I mean, he- you

28:27

know, he's established as like, George from like, you know, My

28:29

Shin Men, but with nerds. He's like, you know, I don't

28:32

know. You know, I just had this epiphany that maybe he's

28:34

not a bad guy. We gotta- I gotta rewatch the film

28:36

now. Yeah, I don't know that you want

28:38

to just declare this into a microphone before rewatching

28:40

the film to continue your research. No, no,

28:42

no, no, no. I feel like that's the

28:45

smartest thing to do if I'm doing the

28:47

outline. Yeah. I would encourage

28:49

the listeners to do their own research

28:51

and make their own conclusions about the

28:53

nerds franchise. What is that called? Revenge

28:55

of the Nerds. Revenge of the Nerds

28:57

franchise. I do like how Mikey is

28:59

rewriting 80s movies to where he makes

29:01

the most looking like him person the hero

29:03

of every one of them. I mean, if

29:06

you watch Revenge of the Nerds backwards, it's a

29:08

rape revenge movie. I mean, that's

29:10

accurate. But

29:14

now I know why Mikey loves They Live

29:16

so much. Oh, they- He puts out some

29:18

really rowdy-rody Piper vibes. If you mix him

29:21

and the Creedio, that's pretty much like my

29:23

like, ideal protagonist. Paige's cat?

29:25

Yeah. I'm like, I'm not a

29:27

surfer. No, I know you mean

29:29

McCready from the thing. Yeah. Okay. Now we

29:31

cut to the boardwalk for the Mad Max

29:34

X saxophone concert. Yeah. And you know what,

29:36

Mikey? I do still believe that this is

29:38

one of the best scenes to ever come

29:40

out of the 80s. I

29:43

love it. Because it is just like

29:45

a guy playing sax on a stage

29:47

lit only by metal trash cans on

29:49

fire. Yeah. It's

29:52

certainly a vibe. And he's greased up, man. It's got to

29:54

be hard to hold that saxophone with that much grease. He

29:56

has also played at the

29:58

boardwalk a few times. To like commemorate

30:01

the movie like this dude is here

30:03

for this movie as like fanservice later

30:05

in life Which is great still shirtless

30:07

still greased up. Yeah, yeah He's

30:10

going hard and it looks like a madman

30:12

like Kenny G became I think you know Like

30:14

if Kenny G was the faction leader of

30:17

a Mad Max like faction. Oh, yeah, it

30:19

does 100% welcome

30:21

to sex town I Mean

30:26

all I know is it's like this movie is

30:28

so iconic that like a Slightly younger

30:30

David Koresh saw this and was like I

30:32

need to play that with my band Oh,

30:35

that is how iconic this scene is. Yeah,

30:37

his name is Tim Capello. Yes is

30:39

that sax player? He still plays he

30:41

still tours One of our listeners

30:43

told me that he was in Nashville last year

30:45

and they went to that show and I

30:47

was like damn I wish I could have gone. I've heard

30:49

it's amazing But he comes

30:51

back and plays Santa Cruz all the time, which

30:54

I find. I mean, that's great.

30:56

Good job, dude That's fun. No, it's funny

30:58

is when they showed up to Production to shoot this

31:01

day. He was just doing the show and they were

31:03

like, do you mind if we film it? Yeah, I

31:05

mean like so kind of looks like I

31:07

would go back to the farm place in

31:09

Franklin and for a Santa boot camp

31:11

reunion concert tour that I would get on stage

31:17

I'm in this movie He

31:20

might be in the IMDb for this

31:22

movie at this point who knows oh

31:24

god We've people have got we this

31:26

has got to stop you guys are

31:28

ruining Mike He's legacy and IMDb factual

31:30

section, please. Yeah, I'm trying to get

31:33

into more movies for real Yeah, yeah.

31:35

Yeah, we're trying to get into actual

31:37

movies. It's just background characters just background

31:39

act Okay, anyway, Michael who also is

31:41

kind of serial killer ass because he

31:43

just spots a girl he wants and

31:45

is that following her? Girl

31:49

from across the room and been like she's cute

31:51

I'd like to know more like I don't feel

31:53

like he is like stalking her like he's gonna

31:55

kill her But it is shot sort of like

31:57

he's the hunter and she's the prey and the

31:59

murder capital of the world. I know, I

32:02

know. So like, she would have a reason to be concerned. Well,

32:05

but she's flirty fishing him, Paige. I

32:07

know. He should be concerned. Well,

32:09

it's a trick, right? No, it's a

32:12

trap. But like, so I guess there's

32:14

a little dichotomy here because the grandpa's

32:16

house is on like a farm in

32:18

the mountains or whatever. A horse farm?

32:20

They have horses. And every like, city

32:22

scene is in a version of the

32:24

city from Robocop. The lawless, just there's

32:26

no cops on the street. There's just

32:28

people. It's just Santa Cruz, man. It's

32:33

a lawless. They're just always on the boardwalk.

32:35

Like, when they go to town,

32:37

air quotes, they're always on the boardwalk or

32:39

the immediate block around it. Because

32:42

like, that comic book store used to

32:44

be there. It's now moved. The

32:46

video store used to be there. They walk

32:48

past the coolest thing on the far end

32:51

of the boardwalk, which is an

32:53

indoor mini golf place that's the inside

32:55

of a pirate ship. Hell yeah! So

32:57

like, you play through like the galley

32:59

and then like a grotto. And yeah,

33:01

I don't know if that's still there,

33:03

but they go past that. So

33:06

like, whenever they're like in town, air quotes, they're

33:08

just on the boardwalk. So yeah, there's not really

33:10

cops. There's just security guards. On the boardwalk. Out

33:13

of the sun, Mikey's doing music jokes.

33:16

Mikey, I do want to point out,

33:19

you just said it looks like the

33:21

way Robocop sees big cities in the

33:23

80s. It's the way all big cities

33:26

in the 80s are shot. It's just

33:28

hell fucking urban hellscapes. Yes, yes. Robocop

33:30

was in theaters when this movie came

33:32

out. So like, this is like quintessentially

33:35

80s. The 80s and 90s had so

33:37

many movies that were good. We just

33:40

really... You could go to the theater and like eight movies that

33:42

you would watch later on in life would be in them at

33:44

the same time. Movies today, like the top

33:46

one, like the top one or two percent are pretty

33:48

good, but they're also expensive. I don't know. Things are

33:51

just not as good as when they were when I

33:53

was not born. I don't know. I

33:56

know. I do actually. I think not to get

33:58

into like a discussion about it. this

34:00

really quick but like I do

34:02

think this happens in cycles because

34:05

Westerns were a big thing and then

34:07

we got like grimy like noir stuff

34:09

in the 70s because it

34:11

was like a backlash to the Westerns

34:14

people were sick of Westerns and I

34:16

think we're on the backside of the

34:18

same thing but with superhero movies so

34:20

I think we're about to fall out of

34:22

that into something that's more original. Well I

34:24

mean and in the 80s and 90s was

34:26

just like cocaine fueled madness which is like

34:29

my best air a film you know. I

34:31

know I do think and I'm gonna put

34:33

this on a t-shirt but we need to

34:35

get more cocaine in Hollywood like I just

34:38

feel like we need more movies that are

34:40

not as serious. We can't right now

34:42

because of fentanyl like. Oh true yeah

34:44

you're right. That's why everyone should carry

34:46

Narcan but like yeah. Yeah and

34:48

test your drugs. Yes. I never

34:51

watched that show on Netflix. Welcome

34:53

back to test your drugs. Is

34:55

it cocaine? I was making a

34:57

narco slash narcan joke which is

35:00

like a stretch for everyone involved

35:02

like yeah I went for it.

35:04

I like that we ended

35:06

up at is it cocaine?

35:09

Test strips if you're going out there yeah harm reduction

35:11

is the model you should go for it. Yeah

35:13

everyone should go for it. Okay so at the same

35:15

time that all this is going on mom is like

35:17

walking around the boardwalk she sees a little boy outside

35:20

a TV shop and sees the missing post of the

35:22

guard. Wait I have to point out the first thing

35:24

she sees is a help wanted

35:26

sign at a store and then

35:28

she sees a prop that she

35:30

can use to make herself look

35:32

like a hero to her new

35:34

potential boyfriend slash boss and

35:37

she uses that child as a prop and

35:39

I thought that that was hilarious. We're

35:41

smarter not higher. Had

35:44

they not shown us that she sees the

35:46

help wanted sign I would never have thought that

35:48

right. Well I think she was gonna go in there

35:50

either way but she did find a kid and then

35:52

the mother comes. I do I think so too I

35:54

think so too and I don't really think that I'm

35:56

clearly just joking I just wish they had shown us

35:59

that later or later. or not at all. Yeah,

36:01

and it's a TV store slash VHS store,

36:03

and then it's owned by Richie Rich's dad.

36:06

Also the dad from Gilmore Girls. Yes.

36:08

He just passed away recently. He's so

36:11

great. He wasn't in the new one.

36:13

Yeah. And then Richie Rich's

36:15

dad, whose name is Max, and then I

36:17

learned his name, gives mom a

36:20

job. Yes, because she's

36:23

hot and cares about children.

36:25

She should be my vampire mother. But this

36:27

is the 80s where like people just hire

36:29

hot people and try to sleep with them

36:31

because like back then people had no protections

36:34

or whatever. I mean, I actually think at

36:36

this point it was illegal

36:38

to sexually harass, but like there

36:40

was a point where that was a big

36:42

deal in the workplace where like sex, they

36:44

had to pass laws to make it stop

36:46

or to help it stop. Because it still

36:48

happens, but. Power dynamics was not discussed a

36:51

lot. You know what I'm saying? Because she

36:53

liked it, it probably wouldn't have been like

36:55

against company policy or whatever. I mean, he's

36:57

a small business owner. If

36:59

she's fine with it, no one's gonna report

37:01

it. So like it is sort of quote

37:03

fine, but like only because she could sense,

37:05

I don't know. It's a gray area because

37:07

she is his employee. This outline is turning

37:09

weird. Yeah, I don't like it. Cut back

37:11

to the concert. Michael, the older brother stalking

37:13

that girl. Cause he's like, oh, I still

37:16

believe. I love that song. It's a long

37:18

establishing shot if it is like following her.

37:20

Well, it's because he's stalking his prey or

37:22

whatever, not realizing that he's actually the prey.

37:24

Like the Raptors. Clever girl. I don't think

37:26

it's prey. I think it's like, I just

37:28

need to get in front of this girl

37:31

cause I'm a good looking dude. I think

37:33

she'll be into me. I just need to

37:35

like establish a conversation. He is a good

37:37

looking kid in this movie. Especially

37:39

once he gets the earring. Oh, yeah. No,

37:41

I understand what you're saying. I'm just

37:43

saying like the way they establish it is

37:45

that, like the way you would see a

37:48

hunter stalking their prey. Like he is following

37:50

her. Yeah. Not realizing that he's actually the

37:52

prey in that situation because she's supposed to

37:54

kill him that night. This is all kind

37:56

of intercut, but like he follows her is

37:59

about to talk to her. And then the

38:01

last boys keep your Sutherland is like get

38:03

your hands off my woman and they get

38:05

on a motorcycle and drive off Yeah, Rufio

38:07

Rufio Rufio For

38:11

Sutherland looking his most Rufio Yeah,

38:13

which I love but I think that she

38:15

was supposed to go somewhere with him alone

38:17

That's why when they start talking it's really

38:19

quick and he goes do you want to

38:21

grab food and she says yes Because

38:25

he's her food and she's about to get on

38:27

the back of his motorcycle Where

38:29

she would be grabbing onto him like I want

38:31

to point out how like hot that would have

38:33

been on the nose The

38:36

dialogue is yeah, I wish that would

38:38

have happened in the movie. I would have watched.

38:40

I loved it Yeah, but anyway, that's when

38:42

Keith or Keith or Sutherland comes up and

38:44

it's like get your damn hands off her

38:46

or whatever in the sea I mean he

38:48

really doesn't say that he's just like star

38:50

we're leaving. Let's go and then he's like,

38:52

hey Michael He doesn't know his name. But

38:54

hey, do you know where this point is

38:56

and he should have been like no I

38:58

moved here three hours ago. Can I just

39:00

follow you? But he's like,

39:02

yeah, of course I know because whatever and

39:04

then they just go to that point We're

39:07

like Keith or keeper like tries to like

39:09

make him drive off the cliff. I guess

39:11

that's different That's the next thing. I know that's

39:13

why they transition out of this. That's the next

39:15

night Yeah, yeah, I just had a thought cuz

39:17

like there's a lot of vampires for

39:19

a place that's famous for its garlic fries

39:21

Well, I mean if you're invited in you're

39:23

allowed to eat it Paige So

39:25

maybe that's the only place vampires can get

39:28

garlic. I mean, there's no place to be invited

39:30

into it's all like outside But I don't think

39:32

garlic works on these kind of vampires at all because

39:34

it doesn't work on the guy upstairs either later on

39:36

It's the holy water that works. You're right Mike. The

39:39

garlic in there is just like a you know, nice

39:41

little added to the stew I also

39:43

thought about this in extreme detail. But

39:45

yeah, I mean It's

39:48

cutting back and forth the younger brother he goes in the

39:50

comic book shop where he meets the frog brothers who were

39:52

like There's vampires read the comic book He's like oh and

39:54

then they have like a nerd off or whatever cuz he's

39:56

dressed too cool to be in the comic book shop Yeah,

39:59

I mean he is dressed like my mother dressed

40:01

in the 80s, like shoulder

40:03

padded blazer and very colorful shirt.

40:05

I dig that jacket though. Me

40:07

too, Paige, I was here for

40:10

the fashion. That striped

40:12

duster, I was like, yes.

40:14

Now this reminds me of my

40:16

job where when I first started there

40:18

was a night shift nurse who was

40:20

very, this is before the new Star

40:23

Wars, this is when Star Wars was

40:25

different. And like he was really into-

40:27

This is when Star Wars was good.

40:29

Before the Mandalorian, before all that stuff

40:31

came out. Sure, sure, sure. So like

40:33

he thought, cause I dress kind of,

40:36

I don't wanna say, hashtag basic, but like,

40:38

business professional. I mean, yeah, I had to

40:40

dress business professional, yeah, I mean, it's part

40:43

of the day job. But that guy didn't

40:45

like me until he fucking quizzed me on

40:47

obscure Star Wars trivia, like about the Mandalorian

40:49

race and all sorts of stuff. Like, and

40:51

I knew it all. I was like, I

40:54

bet you don't even know who glassed Mandalorian,

40:56

you fucking noob. Exactly, like, and

40:58

before all of it was shown in the

41:00

extended media, like, just in

41:03

the books kind of bullshit. I felt like I

41:05

had to like pass this test and

41:07

then he was cool with me, but like, you

41:09

know. Bet you don't even know how Chewbacca died,

41:11

you fucking idiot. Chewbacca is still alive. Yeah, I

41:13

was gonna say, I was like, what the fuck are you

41:15

talking about? In the books he's dead.

41:17

Oh, in the books, a moon crashes

41:19

into Chewbacca and kills him. Wait, what?

41:22

Yeah, it's nuts. On another moon?

41:24

Wait, what? That's no moon.

41:27

Yeah, okay, so like, there is

41:30

a case to be made that the- We

41:32

don't need to get into it all. Okay,

41:34

all right. You've already been talking for 45 minutes,

41:37

we're like four scenes into this movie. Sorry, sorry, sorry,

41:39

sorry. I know, like, we don't have to get deep

41:41

into the books of Star Wars that I only know

41:43

very little about. I'm gonna have to start keeping us

41:45

in line. You have to get to the

41:48

grocery store so that you don't get snowed

41:50

in without chili dogs. Oh, that is a

41:52

must when you're like nesting down.

41:54

I know, I know. It's my snow

41:56

tradition to make chili cheese dogs. And

41:58

then like, play with it. with Macy

42:00

outside in the snow. And then like if

42:02

it's gonna be six inches or whatever, I'm

42:04

gonna make a snowman this year, I think

42:07

in my front yard. You're gonna need some

42:09

lube. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

42:11

ha ha. I'm gonna make a sexy snowman.

42:13

I'm gonna lay down on my back. And

42:17

wave my arms and lay

42:19

eggs until they make a

42:21

sexy angel. Mike just

42:23

turned his camera off. He was so

42:26

embarrassed. Unsubscribed. Mike just turned his

42:28

camera off. Rude. Amazing.

42:33

Okay, so the people make it out of the car, the

42:35

roof get ripped off, their jaws into the air. Oh, and

42:37

they're just, hang on. Paige,

42:40

go. She's reading a

42:42

magazine that's called Sad Sack.

42:44

Yes, thank you. It's so funny.

42:46

I didn't notice that until this time. And

42:49

this is the first time I noticed it too. I was

42:51

like, what? I could tell you had the same note

42:53

because when Mikey just glossed through this scene, which

42:55

it really is like a nothing scene because we

42:57

don't know either of those people. But like when

42:59

Paige was like, no, no, no. I was like,

43:01

yes, yes. So we do

43:03

know these people, they were on

43:05

the carousel and Kiefer Sutherland's crew

43:08

tried to like hit on her and he got in

43:10

a fight with them. That's how they get thrown off

43:12

the carousel. That's the couple. That's who it is. I

43:14

forgot, you're right. Kiefer is a petty

43:17

bitch. So I know why Todd loves

43:19

this film. Why? Because he's a petty

43:21

bitch, man. He always targets people who

43:23

like, oh, you're not gonna let

43:25

me cut line. I guess I'll feed on you later, like eight,

43:27

two days later when I'm making out in a car. Reading

43:30

Sad Sack magazine. What

43:33

do we think Sad Sack magazine is? Give

43:35

me the top three listicles that would

43:37

be found in a Sad Sack magazine.

43:39

Testicles dangling too far. Seven

43:43

signs you have a seasonal depression disorder.

43:45

That's what I was thinking, right? Are

43:47

you sad? Do you have

43:49

seasonal affective disorder? Here are the top five

43:52

signs. Shirt stains, can you still

43:54

go outside? Top

43:57

three reasons it's cheaper to live at

43:59

your mother's basement. Numerical

44:01

medicine Prozac does it help? Yeah does

44:03

it? Oh. Actually at this

44:05

point it was probably lyceum. How many

44:07

cats is too many cats? Six.

44:11

More than two per person. Wait do you

44:13

have six cats now? No I have five. You said

44:15

how many cats is too many cats. Oh

44:18

you're safe. Okay so you're safe.

44:20

I would never get rid of one of mine. I

44:22

miss mine. I have two and they're

44:24

very good boys. Yeah they're great. Anyway. Mikey

44:27

you're driving the outline so like you're the one

44:29

that has to refocus back into the episode. Focus

44:31

up bitches. Focus up. You

44:33

guys are off the chain. I

44:36

also want to point out that it just

44:38

hit me that Paige's testicle joke was the

44:40

sack part of the sad sack. Yeah exactly.

44:43

Thank you. That was

44:46

way funnier than I gave you credit

44:48

for in my laugh in the moment Paige.

44:50

Sog it. Sog it. I

44:52

needed to apologize. So it cuts back

44:54

to Michael and then that's a really common name in

44:56

the 80's. One of the best names to come out

44:59

of the 80's. Great

45:01

name. Beautiful name. One of

45:03

the best names. I thought they called

45:05

you Mikey. Michael. And then

45:08

Keith is like don't go to dinner with Michael.

45:10

I don't remember their dialogue but he's like follow

45:12

me on our bikes if you keep up. And

45:14

I was like well that's really dumb. I wouldn't

45:16

do that. And then but then they did and

45:19

this is why women live longer than men because

45:21

this whole situation here where they like ride towards

45:23

the cliff and see who's gonna jump off last.

45:25

I okay I got the impression that Michael did

45:27

not know they were headed for a cliff and

45:29

Kiefer was trying to like glamour him over it.

45:32

No I think Kiefer was trying to see

45:34

how close will he get to that edge.

45:37

They were just doing chicken on the edge

45:39

of a cliff. Like that is so dumb.

45:41

I was like clearly Michael doesn't realize what's

45:43

happening. Like that's how dumb that is. Cause

45:45

Kiefer says all the time he's like how far will

45:47

you go Michael? And I was like how far will

45:49

you go? I'd watch both of you. What's up? Oh

45:53

there's definitely a reading of this movie

45:55

where they're like into each other on

45:57

some level. Yeah it's a Jules Schumacher

45:59

movie. That's one of the reasons

46:01

I love this movie. Yeah. For

46:03

corporate recruitment, and you're an immortal vampire,

46:05

I wouldn't want this much of a

46:07

risk taker. I don't want

46:10

somebody to put our coven in danger. You

46:12

want someone who's smart and critically thinks, not

46:14

runs their motorcycle as close to a cliff

46:16

as possible. This is

46:18

a bonkers way to recruit people into a

46:21

vampire coven. But what you don't realize is

46:23

anybody can start a small business, bro. We're

46:26

talking like board level decisions from a

46:28

guy who just owns like a

46:30

rip off tower records at the time.

46:32

Yeah. He's making terrible employment

46:35

decisions when it comes to his family.

46:37

Yeah. So they almost drive off

46:39

the case. So then he's like, oh, you got

46:41

so close to that cliff. You're so cool. You

46:43

want to come back to our vampire cave? And

46:45

so that is not what they say to him

46:47

because he definitely would have said no to that.

46:49

But it does just like cut from the cliff

46:51

to the cave more or less to them arriving.

46:53

Yeah. So you put this together

46:55

in your head cannon. Oh, yes. Welcome

46:58

back to head cannon. The Mikey Randolph outline

47:01

podcast where he takes us through

47:03

movies. So

47:05

it cuts back to Sam going to bed

47:07

and grandfather tries to bring him some beaver

47:09

and everyone likes a

47:12

little bit of beaver before bed. And

47:14

then he's talking something about his, you know,

47:16

like his dad was in the closet. Oh,

47:18

wait, there's a closet monster. I don't know

47:20

something about that. There's also there's a poster

47:22

in the closet. Oh, yeah. Reform

47:24

schoolgirls. I saw it. I've

47:27

seen I have seen reform schoolgirls.

47:30

I didn't notice that. That's so funny. Let's

47:32

talk about reform schoolgirls for a second.

47:35

Okay. It's an exploitation film about a

47:37

bunch of girls that get sent to

47:39

a reform school that is it's basically

47:41

a soft core where it's just a

47:44

bunch of like ladies running

47:46

around scantily clad doing crime. This sounds

47:48

like the kind of movie my friend

47:50

Jason's dad would rent. Realizing that when

47:52

he paid for it, the whole

47:55

house could watch it because we would want

47:57

that. That was like my first experience

47:59

with like adult material. Oh wow.

48:01

We were literally just flipping to the channels

48:03

and one of the ones that was normally

48:05

static was clear as day. We were like,

48:07

oh someone paid for this upstairs. So

48:10

I first watched Reform School Girls because I

48:12

read an article about it in my... In

48:14

Sad Sack Magazine? Happy Sack Magazine. A

48:18

different magazine I subscribe to. Are your

48:20

testicles young and taught? Sorry. High

48:22

and tight. Okay, but that's not even the poster

48:24

I was referring to. In the

48:26

closet, there is a sexy poster of

48:29

Rob Lowe. I'm sorry, the actor Rob

48:31

Lowe who was brand new at the

48:33

time? Yeah, let me... Not

48:35

that new, but I'm gonna share my screen with you. Hang on,

48:37

I gotta turn it on. If you let me, yes. Whenever

48:40

you're ready. Ta-da! Oh my god! That

48:42

is a very sexy photo of Rob

48:45

Lowe. Yep. Which that has to have

48:47

been a real poster at the time, right? Like it

48:49

has to have been. Yes, yeah, yeah it was. Wild.

48:51

Well he'll have a sex tape come out around this

48:53

time as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But

48:56

that's just one of those things where like, hindsight

48:58

is 20-20. Sure. Where

49:00

we're like, oh, this movie

49:03

is depicted through the homoerotic

49:06

male gaze. Oh yes it is, yeah. And

49:08

I think at the time maybe people didn't

49:10

understand that as much, and now we're like

49:13

very much. But that's just one of

49:15

those little pieces where you're like, yeah, oh, definitely.

49:17

Yeah. Rob Lowe's first big movie was The Outsiders

49:19

and that came out in 1983,

49:21

which I haven't seen. But yeah, he definitely was

49:24

a sex symbol way before this movie came out

49:26

then. I'm just glad I didn't grow up in

49:28

the 80s because like all dudes wore crop tops

49:30

and like really cut off jeans and like I

49:33

don't have the body for that. Like, you know

49:35

like. Hunted to extinction, man. Hunted to extinction.

49:37

Have you seen that meme where people were

49:39

like, bring back the dudes in crop tops

49:41

and then everyone's like, they were hunted to

49:44

extinction in summer camp? Facts

49:47

though. Facts. I'll get

49:49

my ass back and just walk around in a little

49:52

crop. Yeah. Cut back to the vampire cave

49:54

where these vampires can eat real food apparently.

49:56

And so they go get takeout every night,

49:59

bring it back. to their fucking cave,

50:01

which, you know, does not sound like an appealing

50:03

afterlife for me. Expensive, you should

50:05

buy groceries. Oh, I'm 100% sure

50:07

he just killed a delivery driver and,

50:09

like, stole the food, right? Oh,

50:11

so he didn't have to tip. More pay

50:13

for it, Paige! I don't know.

50:15

That was really good package takeout.

50:18

Like, that box was really efficiently packaged. Like,

50:20

you know, like, I think they ordered that.

50:22

Yeah, Mikey, you have to wait until they

50:24

put the food down in their car with

50:26

the door still open and then attack. And

50:29

take a picture of it. Yeah.

50:32

So, one, they make some, like, off-the-cup,

50:34

like, kind of racist jokes about Chinese

50:36

food, I think. Oh,

50:39

no, I think he's just glamouring him into

50:41

thinking he's eating maggots and then offering to

50:43

eat worms. No, no, he gets that, eat

50:45

this rice, a billion Chinese people can't be

50:47

wrong. Oh, oh, I honestly forgot about that.

50:50

I thought you meant just that he turns

50:52

it into maggots. No, no, then he goes

50:54

into his Jedi mind tricks. Yeah. Where he's

50:56

like, the rice is maggots and the peeled

50:59

grapes are eyeballs and then the noodles are

51:01

worms. But also, okay, they're not

51:03

wrong. Fried rice is delicious. It is.

51:05

I love fried rice. Well, that was

51:07

white rice. I also like white rice.

51:09

You know what? Me too. I have not

51:12

met a rice I didn't fuck with. I

51:14

love rice. Yeah, they aren't wrong. I

51:16

mean, I love Chinese food. I am

51:18

not attacking Chinese food. I'm just saying it

51:20

was a weird thing to say. Three podcast

51:22

hosts can't be wrong. Right? Oh. Chinese

51:25

food goods. You heard it here. Okay,

51:29

so then they bring over a bedazzled bottle

51:31

for him to drink blood out of. I

51:33

love that they brought blood to him in

51:36

a bottle that looks like it came from

51:38

Claire's. I was like, hell yes. That

51:40

bottle looks like it's going to charge you $3 to pierce

51:42

your ear. They definitely do.

51:45

Ten for ten. Ten for ten, Ben. That's

51:47

where all my Claire's Gurley's out there. And

51:49

they're like, drink this, become one of us.

51:51

And then I was like, this gang sucks.

51:54

I'm going to join in this cave gang

51:56

or whatever. None of this looks glamorous. Korea

52:00

Club. Right. I don't want to

52:02

hang out in a cave or live in a

52:04

cave. Me either. Which is where Star, they established

52:06

Star lives, she's got a bed there. And I'm

52:08

like, okay, well. It's like a

52:11

nice bed for the level of everything else

52:13

in that cave. Like the nicest thing they

52:15

have is that bed and that Jim Morrison

52:17

postal on the wall. They've

52:19

been like pristine Jim Morrison posters.

52:22

Those are the nice things they have. So

52:24

they established this cave is a hotel

52:26

that collapsed down into the earth during

52:29

the 1906 earthquake. Because

52:31

it was on a fault line, yes. There

52:33

are fault lines around the 1906 earthquake was a big one.

52:37

You would have felt it that far out.

52:39

However, that far out was probably not enough

52:41

to collapse a hotel, but I'm going to

52:43

let it go for the sake of the

52:46

magical realism of the movie. And it looks

52:48

like a cool pirate lair. Every

52:50

wall looks like if Johnny Depp was a

52:52

wall and he was like, put my

52:54

booty on it. Yeah. Like

52:56

that kind of shit. No, I call it the, I

52:58

call it the Goonies aesthetic. It

53:01

is vibes down there. You're right. Which

53:04

makes me think that Johnny Depp is

53:06

the Goonies, the movie in human form.

53:08

Whoa. I don't like

53:10

that because I like Goonies. But

53:12

also you're right. Like that is

53:15

exactly right. Like if you took the

53:17

style of everyone in the Goonies and

53:20

mashed it into one person, it would be

53:22

Johnny Depp. If you got

53:25

up every day and dressed like

53:27

you were a pirate going to

53:29

a business meeting, that's Johnny

53:31

Depp. And it is also Goonies aesthetic. He's

53:33

like the Fratellis and one I'd

53:35

really mix together with the kids.

53:37

Yes. This whole scene makes me laugh

53:40

because it is just like Kiefer Sutherland and

53:42

everyone around him. And

53:44

it's primarily lit with like candles

53:46

and one huge fucking

53:48

spotlight. Like that is brighter

53:51

than the sun would have been if it was like shining

53:53

through a top of the whole of a cave. Like

53:55

it's so bright on him that

53:57

like he has bad like shadows under his

53:59

eyes. Yeah, it's aggressively

54:01

quote Stage-lit in

54:03

a way that makes me feel like whoever

54:06

was shooting the scene was like What

54:08

if it we shot it like it was on

54:10

Broadway and I was like love it love this

54:12

shit No, no, I know I love it every

54:14

time Keith or Sutherland's in a scene where he's

54:16

not doing action He is

54:18

shot like he's fucking Henry the eighth

54:21

and every Shakespeare thing he's in like it's

54:23

not you keep saying Keith er and it's

54:25

making me say Keith er. It is

54:27

key for is it key for key

54:29

for key for key for key for

54:31

with an f Key for

54:33

key for okay So they're like now that you're

54:35

drunk ride your bikes with us and so they go

54:37

to a crazy train break they get off It was

54:40

the 80s man Yeah, and they're like

54:42

jump down to hang on the bottom and then

54:44

as a train comes over They try to hang

54:46

on Bill Theodore Esquire. He jumps

54:48

off first That is

54:50

true Yeah,

54:53

he's also the first to die later

54:55

r.i.p Boom, or does he just give it

54:57

all up and start wild stallions who knows

54:59

yeah They all let go Michael hangs

55:01

up But they're like go to him to

55:03

jump off to his like if your friends would

55:05

jump off a bridge And they're not even friends

55:07

Would you do it like and he he

55:09

ends up falling off the bridge and then

55:11

falls into his bed in a nice little

55:13

Piece of movie magic it does show that

55:15

he like is Trying to hold

55:18

on like he is not trying

55:20

to like let go or anything and the

55:22

train rattles him loose kind of yes Yeah,

55:24

yeah, so like he does try

55:26

and like go back the other

55:28

way. I think symbolically speaking That's

55:30

important because he is not fully

55:32

accepting the call to become a

55:34

vampire If that's what they're setting up in

55:37

the scene in my notes here. I do

55:39

establish that Michael cannot do one

55:41

pull-up Oh He

55:47

looks amazing Yeah, oh and

55:49

I do think he definitely could do

55:51

many pull-ups It was just the fact that he was

55:53

holding on for so long while the train went over

55:55

So his arms got fatigued and then he couldn't

55:57

pull himself up after he was fatigued, but Just

56:00

vanity muscles. I do think that the vampires left

56:02

at this moment to go feed, and he did

56:04

not join them. No, they had to catch him

56:06

because he falls. I know, but they went to

56:09

go feed after this and he went home, is

56:11

the way it reads, because he wakes up back

56:13

in his bed, and he's still a half vampire,

56:15

you know? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So

56:18

then, because the next day, mom calls, she's like, hey, my

56:20

boss is trying to fuck me, I need you guys to

56:22

babysit each other. I love that

56:24

the call was like, hey, my boss is trying

56:26

to fuck me, come help me get out of

56:29

here. It was, hey, my boss is trying

56:31

to fuck me, so I'll be home

56:33

late. Right. And then it calls like

56:35

a flashback. It's like, Michael, can you

56:37

babysit? And that phrase is

56:39

very triggering for me. I feel that.

56:41

Is that because of anything specifically that

56:44

happened in your life, Mikey? I

56:46

babysit a lot growing up because I was

56:48

the oldest. Right. Any particular reason you were

56:50

having to babysit a bunch? Sure. Nope. All

56:53

right. Mikey's never going to stay on one

56:55

today, apparently. My

56:57

parents don't born that vampires tried

57:00

to eat us. Perfect. That's

57:02

the deal, baby. Okay.

57:05

Uh, so grandpa leaves to go, uh, deliver

57:08

a widow stuffed dog to her. I

57:11

think that's what it was. I think that's what

57:13

it was. But the intended, it's just,

57:15

it's made clear that the granddad was

57:17

actually going there to stuff the widow

57:20

Johnson. Yeah. Not bring her her stuffed

57:22

dog. But listen, one act

57:24

of kindness can sometimes yield another.

57:27

And that's why he's going over there. There

57:29

you go. They're both widows. Like I was

57:31

here for it. Like good for you, granddad.

57:33

Doesn't it? Yeah. I mean, whatever. Uh, and

57:35

then it establishes that Michael is really mean

57:37

as a half-vampire by like wearing black and

57:39

wearing sunglasses. I do

57:41

like he is just becoming more

57:44

like Kiefer's character after this night.

57:46

He becomes like slowly more and more on

57:48

a loose dick. And I loved it. And

57:50

he got an earring. Of course. I mean,

57:52

he is now a member all the things

57:54

that make people bad. It looks hot. It

57:56

looks really hot. It actually is kind of

57:58

a cool sort of mess. Masculinish earring. Yeah,

58:00

I dig it. I was here for

58:02

it, but it also he looks very

58:05

much like George Michael Well,

58:08

I guess it would be nice if

58:10

I could bite your body That

58:14

looks delish so Then

58:17

all the last boys show up to their house

58:19

and point their motorcycles at him But when they

58:22

open the door the last boys carry their bikes

58:24

up into the air and run off Which is

58:26

like a really a lot of labor for a

58:28

prank there on Michael Yeah But I do think

58:31

it's a great prank because if like your beat

58:33

your house is like being circled by Motorcycles and

58:35

you hear that and then you run outside and

58:37

nothing's there. That's super scary. I smell bad Mikey

58:43

just does not like aggressively tunes

58:46

out whenever he stops talking. I

58:48

love that about Mikey No, I got a whiff

58:50

of myself and it was like I Did

58:54

the same in this sweatshirt cuz I

58:56

have worn it for like the last

58:58

three recordings cuz it's cold and it

59:00

smells like my Lotion and I was

59:02

like, ooh Nice, so I have the

59:04

opposite situation earlier. I just didn't say

59:06

anything about it And there you hear

59:08

the fundamental difference between the

59:10

men and the women on this podcast

59:13

The women smell great the men smell

59:15

terrible Well, I

59:17

should take a bath like Sam does with his

59:20

dog and it's kind of weird and uh, that's

59:22

fine He doesn't take a bath with his dog

59:24

His dog is in there in the bathroom And

59:26

if you also have a dog that has like

59:28

severe separation anxiety Because you got them

59:30

during a time after Cove it where you were at home all

59:32

the time and they feel like they have to be with you

59:34

100% of the time I got

59:36

this or sometimes pets take on your

59:39

anxieties, which you know, just some

59:41

self-reflection Oh shit That was like

59:43

one of those statements that was like I hadn't

59:45

thought about but was honest and it like hit

59:47

me That's true. Like that's terrible. But like yeah,

59:49

this is like a therapy level breakthrough. I'm having

59:51

right now, but like like you You

59:54

could take treats and bells and make dogs basically

59:56

do whatever you want. So Like I think they

59:59

learn from us. The thing I listen,

1:00:01

if you're watching me take a bath,

1:00:03

that's the treat. I'm not bringing X

1:00:05

retreats into the bathroom. which brings me

1:00:07

to one of my favorite drugs from

1:00:09

my job which is and you guys

1:00:11

heard of Pavlov is like and rings

1:00:13

a bell. A

1:00:15

lot of the like I guess god

1:00:17

mikey, I love your Dad jokes or

1:00:19

for worse. And Jake response to Mccready when

1:00:22

were treated as bad thing. Symmetry does more

1:00:24

bad things around Jake. Ah, When I'm home

1:00:26

alone, Mccready just chills out. With a better

1:00:28

a bit add different are also people ought

1:00:30

may Macys better for me than anyone else

1:00:33

and the planet which is that a huge

1:00:35

problem for everyone else and. Me: yeah. Maybe

1:00:38

the only dog I've seen move

1:00:41

all four limbs independently of the

1:00:43

themselves. That was insane to like

1:00:45

a marionette. It it always looks

1:00:47

like she's slipping on ice, but

1:00:49

is very effectively moving somewhere. Somewhere

1:00:51

she doesn't know. Where Death for such a

1:00:54

very good at it all goes insane. So

1:00:56

sad for the bathtub singing really into his

1:00:58

back that far they don't have cable a

1:01:00

southerner have a T V mikey like yeah

1:01:02

this is what Todd what had been doing

1:01:04

of I was what is and fourteen the

1:01:06

I like I would have been sick and

1:01:08

show tunes in the bath. the board is

1:01:10

shit salsa what time does now Just going

1:01:12

to say that. just normal. Red. Blooded

1:01:15

straight male stuff. seated show

1:01:17

to the bathroom. In Iowa I'm

1:01:19

a shower singer. I'll admit it. You think

1:01:21

I'm not. Gonna get in there and be like. Gold.

1:01:28

Sad like like I'm definitely going to

1:01:30

be singing along to the song at

1:01:32

some point in the shower. Well Michael's

1:01:34

outside sniffing and smelling i'm take a

1:01:37

bath of things are getting weird. ah

1:01:39

yeah they were hungry for it rather

1:01:41

yet another. This whole thing is super

1:01:43

weird because like he is gonna come

1:01:46

in and like quote we think to

1:01:48

and devour his brother or whatever will

1:01:50

he be does he opens the door

1:01:52

was at the same time. See.

1:01:55

Sam ducks his head. You've gotta wash your

1:01:57

hair and the bat? And. In the

1:01:59

his dog fucking. The taxes brother out the

1:02:01

door. The door slams yeah and bites

1:02:03

Michael in the hands. Like. Real bad.

1:02:05

Yeah. So they go downstairs and I

1:02:07

see his reflection, the mayor and he's

1:02:09

like of back to the featuring fading

1:02:11

out and he's like your vampire going

1:02:13

to tell mom is briefly yes the

1:02:16

dog's name I want to point out

1:02:18

is nanook or know nuke or something

1:02:20

like none of us is a super

1:02:22

suit, looks like a husky. His dog

1:02:24

right? Super cute. I we didn't really

1:02:26

get like hell hound vs normal dog

1:02:28

like showdown between the new and Max

1:02:30

his dog but they were both super

1:02:32

cute. Yes I would have been fun.

1:02:34

Yeah. So they may call the comic

1:02:36

book the Frog Boys different roles The Frog

1:02:38

Brothers. i was a fraud was so like

1:02:40

be sealed like the Navy Seals used to

1:02:43

be called the Frogman and I think that's

1:02:45

where they got the name for the Frog

1:02:47

Brothers. Because. They are essentially.

1:02:50

I. Think the only to like fifteen

1:02:52

year old entrepreneurial/like Ghostbusters like they

1:02:54

seem to like run this comic

1:02:56

book shop on the boardwalk and

1:02:58

are also vampires layers in there

1:03:00

like like as a part time

1:03:02

job. I think my favorite is

1:03:04

their parents in the background of

1:03:06

every scene and the com books

1:03:09

that just delight stoned out of

1:03:11

their mind not even moving is

1:03:13

that their parents that their parents?

1:03:15

I don't. Realize the i don't

1:03:17

know where does like vagrants. I

1:03:20

have no idea they even had a yeah

1:03:22

I thought they were to on how boys

1:03:25

that live at the shop. They started on

1:03:27

the boardwalk for comic books. no. No,

1:03:29

those are their parents And you know, because Corey Haim

1:03:31

at one point just says like. Look. You

1:03:33

guys just run a com bookshop for your

1:03:35

parents and then it like the cameras swings

1:03:37

over to them and things back here all.

1:03:39

My God yeah you're right but but it would.

1:03:41

I tell him to kill his brother and stage

1:03:44

win the hearts and he's like that. know of

1:03:46

another like all of you can't handle it will

1:03:48

come and do it. but like for of these

1:03:50

I do love that these brothers not only run

1:03:52

their parents capella bookshop but they also prince their

1:03:55

own comics that is more or less than instruction

1:03:57

manual on the vampires and the area and how

1:03:59

to kill. My God. Yes. And when

1:04:01

they show up at the end. One.

1:04:04

Of them is wearing a shirt with their

1:04:06

i'm Like Vampire Slayer logo on I guess

1:04:08

and I'm like both. Habit they are yeah

1:04:10

I think you can't see Korea because of

1:04:13

what is wearing but like they have like

1:04:15

Vampire Slayer of a Ghostbuster level branding it's

1:04:17

it's not like shown in this movie and

1:04:19

feature of like the Ghostbusters logo was but

1:04:22

like I want that logo with I want

1:04:24

to put that on shit like that's cool

1:04:26

it's various on awesome back to you might

1:04:28

you do soap Michael wakes up stuck to

1:04:31

the ceiling because he's flying. He doesn't know

1:04:33

why but. Like Tinkerbell just like sprinkle some

1:04:35

dust on him and like he think it's

1:04:37

i'm happy thoughts while he sleep and interrupts.

1:04:39

and so he's like against the seal at

1:04:41

i tried to make pines with wet Dream

1:04:44

or you know Boehner web with flying and

1:04:46

I could figure it out. So I gave

1:04:48

and workshop that a novel York He wakes

1:04:50

up sweaty, have a feeling he's crown on

1:04:52

the ceiling and eighty somebody that I've got

1:04:54

a window for some reason. Cause he's a

1:04:57

boner. Seven four separate. Ah so

1:04:59

did a dream page others I would

1:05:01

like try to get from fly a

1:05:03

jet dream as I always try to

1:05:05

get there from wet to jet. yeah

1:05:07

okay very Gov that's a good one

1:05:09

for. Hey guys I love it when

1:05:11

mikey like ask the question of here

1:05:13

this this the elements of the job

1:05:16

that I won't patronize Brain just like

1:05:18

know a lot at it like we

1:05:20

couldn't stop until we got do a

1:05:22

job that so telling about are toxic

1:05:24

trades. Should be a boning.

1:05:26

Seven, four seven. Or yeah

1:05:29

fo issue is. Though

1:05:33

Michael flight out the window at an event

1:05:35

samples mom and being said the Michael Froman

1:05:38

a murder Ham and Michael get on the

1:05:40

phone outside the window can he's holding onto

1:05:42

the house by the phone. That's what's. holding

1:05:45

him from floating away, Because he doesn't

1:05:47

know how to fly. He's like Jerry with

1:05:49

one shoe. Yes, if you get the odd

1:05:51

Gov, Rick and Morty reference right, like he

1:05:53

is. Yes, he doesn't have his support boulder

1:05:55

so we've like gonna. He's. Like holding the

1:05:57

anything to a room to the house. Yeah,

1:05:59

and. Now we'd like you're out of our

1:06:01

mom. I'm not try to kill you. He sobers.

1:06:03

look at me way up high. Sudden. the. Whole

1:06:08

lot of all the time to get there is the

1:06:11

same conversation with her with our pair of are often

1:06:13

we should have with their parents about. He's.

1:06:15

Trying to kill me? Come on. Oh yeah

1:06:17

and what you've got try to kill you

1:06:19

educated hop artist shut up a blood cells.

1:06:21

As a first time that Sam has made

1:06:23

this call clearly not be eighty of time

1:06:25

that Mikey made it of or whatever. See

1:06:27

actually does listen and doesn't tell him to

1:06:29

eat a hot pocket she runs home out

1:06:31

of her date she was she was going

1:06:33

on a date with mags she was on

1:06:35

a date but she does not cool move

1:06:37

in of he we communicate that she's leaving

1:06:39

the day just leave them in their i

1:06:41

know that was really shitty she wanted. She

1:06:43

should have gone back and been. Like a

1:06:45

max. I have an emergency a home I'm

1:06:47

so sorry. Can we reschedule or whatever? But

1:06:49

yeah, see, like leave them high and dry.

1:06:51

But this is what I think sets up

1:06:53

the plausible deniability for the mother's care to

1:06:56

do not understand what's happening. Because. In

1:06:58

her eyes it looks like her son

1:07:00

Sam as try to ruin her arguably

1:07:02

way too soon new relationship year with

1:07:04

her boss right? Yea, there's a lot

1:07:06

of red flags like how long ago

1:07:08

to see separate from her ex husband

1:07:10

noted of their floyd of or okay

1:07:12

okay fully. Divorces Not apart.

1:07:14

I'm worried about. I'm worried about the workplace

1:07:16

dynamic. Know me too like there's many reasons

1:07:19

why it's not great yes but that this

1:07:21

is that like building of that Plausible that

1:07:23

either but deniability for his mom A way

1:07:25

Michael apologizes to the window and get sand

1:07:28

over the that I don't want to be

1:07:30

evil or whatever they may they like make

1:07:32

up. Mom comes home and and he's like

1:07:34

I saw a comic book. Scared me. It

1:07:37

is a good the fuck are you talking

1:07:39

about out there now Michael six others motorcycle

1:07:41

because he didn't be more of an he's

1:07:44

lethal does mama? Wearing garlic. Sleep next

1:07:46

to his mom's yes, Plays look at

1:07:48

what I find it on. Yada yada

1:07:50

yada. Okay, so this whole a little

1:07:52

montage right here is allegorical speaking. Michael

1:07:55

like coming out as other to his

1:07:57

brother. Yeah, at his brother, like initially

1:07:59

rejecting that cause it's scary and weird

1:08:02

or whatever. But and his brother coming

1:08:04

around and like okay, I understand as

1:08:06

are you currently are. And. I

1:08:08

still love you and I feel like

1:08:11

that is one of the key themes

1:08:13

of this movie. I think that metaphor

1:08:15

would work better. A star did not

1:08:18

exist or okay. so you're basically this

1:08:20

guy. Michael's only motivation and with whole

1:08:22

film is chasing poon. I mean you're

1:08:24

right. I agree. I think the bigger

1:08:27

actively am literally every decision he makes.

1:08:29

He. Abandoned his family to chase a piece

1:08:31

of ass. When. They go to the

1:08:34

vampire cave. Later on he's worry about his

1:08:36

brother dying until he sees Star at and

1:08:38

takes her out with the card falls asleep.

1:08:40

I mean I'm definitely not gonna argue with

1:08:42

you could let her fly That was I

1:08:45

all a hit is always character trait. I

1:08:47

also think that a lot of times especially

1:08:49

in the eighties. People. Had the

1:08:51

like shoehorn in like a hetero normative

1:08:53

relationship to cloud like the actual analogy

1:08:55

that was coming through. and this in

1:08:58

these movies What I mean you're not

1:09:00

wrong. I hear what you're saying, i

1:09:02

think name or don't report to what

1:09:04

am I figured I read all she

1:09:06

does is a lot better on you

1:09:08

know can eat or it uses a

1:09:10

lot more clarity on a metaphor I

1:09:12

I'm an ulcer to was my favorite

1:09:15

because of that like I really enjoy

1:09:17

that movie that was is is is

1:09:19

a time period of top. Gun Like

1:09:21

This is two years at the Top

1:09:23

Gun and not gonna do the same

1:09:25

way. They and player with the by

1:09:28

know it is very like a slap

1:09:30

on the like a homosexual like male

1:09:32

gaze. The vibe. But. There is

1:09:34

like a romantic subplot, like

1:09:36

tossed in, buried like haphazardly.

1:09:38

It's very similar. Yeah, I mean

1:09:41

much like when we talk to my Jennifer's

1:09:43

body where the studio was like get rid

1:09:45

of what the guess shit and yes I

1:09:47

feel like you couldn't even get that far

1:09:49

as this time they'd be like you can't

1:09:52

have any of this in movies and Joe

1:09:54

Schumacher has been out for a long time.

1:09:56

And. And openly so and and has

1:09:58

made movies. from perspective and so

1:10:00

I think maybe at this point he

1:10:03

wasn't fully allowed to express himself

1:10:05

in his art that way. Yeah. But I

1:10:07

feel like it still bleeds through into this

1:10:09

movie and I feel

1:10:11

like you could absolutely read

1:10:13

this movie as an analog

1:10:15

for becoming an other and

1:10:17

that could be your stand-in

1:10:19

as a like journey of

1:10:21

self-discovery story. Yeah. I think

1:10:23

it's a little veiled

1:10:26

in this movie because they probably felt

1:10:28

like they had to but I think

1:10:30

you could absolutely read this movie from

1:10:32

a gay lens and be accurate. Yeah.

1:10:34

Personal. Or if you just want to

1:10:36

call Michael bisexual because he does he's

1:10:38

into star like he has sex with star

1:10:40

but there is like some chemistry between him

1:10:42

and Kiefer. Yes there's a strong

1:10:45

attraction there. Yeah. I would say

1:10:47

he's a BYE bisexual because every

1:10:49

decision he makes is to leave

1:10:51

everyone and chase after star sex.

1:10:53

He's a good bisexual. That

1:11:00

is like that's Mikey like that's Mikey too

1:11:02

with tea. He's like oh we've had sexual

1:11:04

goodbye. No. I mean. Look I won't

1:11:07

stand for the BYE erasure. He and

1:11:09

Kiefer me making eyes for sure. Like

1:11:11

literally there's other girls in Santa Carla.

1:11:14

Santa whatever we are. Carla. Santa

1:11:16

Carla. I mean okay we'll

1:11:18

get to it because it cuts Richie Rich

1:11:20

walk by the ocean by kite falls in

1:11:22

him foreshadowing. Because he is like I

1:11:25

love that he has the red herring that

1:11:27

actually is the bad guy. Like that's such

1:11:29

a cool element to this movie because that's

1:11:31

so rare in cinema. It's so great. I

1:11:33

do like that. That is a fun

1:11:35

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off guys. Where

1:12:53

did Michael go to when he snuck out

1:12:55

of the house? Oh, he's back at the

1:12:57

vampire cave looking for star. He wakes her

1:12:59

up. He's like, give me all these answers,

1:13:01

which she does fucking know. And instead she

1:13:03

goes, no, let's just have

1:13:06

nasty shack sex. Like Todd had that

1:13:08

one time. Okay. First off,

1:13:10

it was a nasty shack. I've never

1:13:12

disputed that. Secondly, this is a cave

1:13:14

and they have like the nicest bed

1:13:17

I've ever seen in a cave and

1:13:19

the nicest Jim Morrison poster I've ever

1:13:21

seen hung up on the wall. And

1:13:24

then it's just like literal rusted out

1:13:26

bikes and other bed frames that are

1:13:28

rusted out. Like it's like a

1:13:30

shithole and they have those two nice things. I thought that was

1:13:32

hilarious. But also Mikey, if you

1:13:34

were like, Hey, very attractive woman I'm

1:13:36

interested in. I have eight questions for

1:13:38

you. And she was like, let's just

1:13:40

have sex first. You would

1:13:42

definitely have sex with her. No, I

1:13:45

would want the questions answered. I just

1:13:47

flew out of the house. I

1:13:49

mean, I would say in this context, you're probably

1:13:51

right because you did just fly. Literally out of

1:13:54

the house. And he's like, what do you know?

1:13:56

I am only here to get answers. And she's

1:13:58

like, there's only one answer for you. you

1:14:00

Michael and he's like what he's like she's like vagina

1:14:02

and he's like you know what maybe

1:14:05

I did almost kill my brother who cares it's

1:14:07

his only defining characteristic as

1:14:10

a character is that no matter what

1:14:12

the choice is he's choosing to try to

1:14:14

have sex with star that is the only

1:14:16

characteristic your character has but I

1:14:18

think he's also intrigued by Kiefer Sutherland

1:14:20

and seems to follow him when

1:14:22

he may be like has no other reason to

1:14:25

right like Kiefer would be a

1:14:27

romantic rival as far as star goes

1:14:29

so he shouldn't want to be in

1:14:31

or around that crew

1:14:33

at all and yet he

1:14:36

actively participates which to me

1:14:38

suggests some sort of attraction on that

1:14:40

level or Michael is like a

1:14:42

T-Rex and just follows movement or

1:14:44

whatever no agency at all that's

1:14:46

there that's his little brother is

1:14:51

really like shaking him is like what

1:14:53

the fuck are you doing all I

1:14:56

do think if this movie came out

1:14:58

today like if they were able to

1:15:00

make it with today's sensibilities it would

1:15:03

like star wouldn't be in it it

1:15:05

would just be like a call-me-by-your-name style

1:15:07

like vampire tale between Michael and Kiefer's

1:15:10

character and I'd be here for that

1:15:12

don't hate that it's a little bit like interview

1:15:14

with a vampire to like a little bit I

1:15:16

think you could still have started but you would

1:15:18

definitely have a scene where Kiefer and and

1:15:21

Michael make out yeah but in

1:15:23

a like almost mesmerizing way of

1:15:25

like is this what I want

1:15:27

I am confused yeah and I

1:15:29

honestly that would be awesome

1:15:31

I'd take that in this version yeah I mean that

1:15:33

would be a different movie it would not

1:15:35

be Lost Boys my point is like they

1:15:37

should remake it and make it as that

1:15:39

movie right I'm just saying if you could

1:15:42

do a vampire tale with today's sensibilities and

1:15:44

try and tell I think the allegory they're

1:15:46

trying to tell which I think is his

1:15:48

family's acceptance of his otherness yeah that it

1:15:50

would be more of a call-me-by- your-name type

1:15:52

vibe that's what I meant Michael is the

1:15:54

most one-dimensional character in the film so I

1:15:56

mean I'm like you know they could have

1:15:59

easily got there I mean at least

1:16:01

Star has like, Laddie, who she's like

1:16:03

looking out for, although there are relationships that

1:16:05

are really established. Yes, she has other

1:16:07

motivations! Mikey, I'm shocked you're not super

1:16:10

into Star, because she essentially is a

1:16:12

single mom. I'm not not into

1:16:14

her, but I wouldn't like... If

1:16:17

I flew out of bed, I wouldn't just

1:16:19

be like, No, I don't need answers, let's

1:16:21

just have sex. I mean, I understand what

1:16:23

you're saying. In the context, I'd want answers

1:16:25

too. You're right. But I'm older now! Yeah,

1:16:27

you're older now. Yeah, you're making director level

1:16:30

decisions clearly, so like, you have higher executive

1:16:32

level functioning. We'll get

1:16:34

there how I differ. Like the whole hunting down the

1:16:36

vampires was wah. Okay, so Michael comes home the next

1:16:38

morning, they're all like, Look at it, my son got

1:16:40

laid, and mom tries to talk to him, parents don't

1:16:43

understand. I love

1:16:45

when Mikey does an outline, like we just

1:16:47

yada-yada three scenes that sort of need to

1:16:49

be yada-yada. Our podcast is long, it's fine.

1:16:52

Mom goes to apologize to Richie Rich's dad

1:16:54

with wine for leaving on the date, she

1:16:56

brings along Sam. Thorne runs

1:16:58

out of the house, almost murders mom, she

1:17:01

drives over, he's like coo-joeing all over her.

1:17:04

And then he's like, Oh shit, he's a

1:17:06

hellhound. It is really coo-joeing type vibes, and

1:17:08

I do love how like, when she pulls

1:17:10

up to Max's house, she's like, Hey, I

1:17:12

was gonna leave this for Max to apologize

1:17:14

for running out on the date, which is

1:17:16

sweet that she's doing that. And he is

1:17:18

like in the page of the Frog Brothers

1:17:20

comic that talks about hellhounds. So

1:17:22

he's like, Oh, I hope this information

1:17:25

isn't immediately relevant. And then she walks,

1:17:27

he like looks over and she's running

1:17:29

back towards the gate, trying to jump

1:17:31

over it because his hellhound is currently

1:17:33

chasing her. It's like, so funny to

1:17:35

me. Hot take with this scene though,

1:17:38

is that on a legal standpoint, he

1:17:40

has clearly, yes, signage that says this

1:17:42

dog is a guard dog and will

1:17:45

attack visitors on site. And mom ignores

1:17:47

that and should have just left the

1:17:49

wine at the gate with the note.

1:17:51

But she goes in, yeah, where this

1:17:53

dog is trained to attack anyone who

1:17:56

comes onto the property. I don't blame

1:17:58

the dog. It doesn't have to be a hellhound. Sure,

1:18:00

and I get it. I get it

1:18:02

because she ignored the signage and yes,

1:18:05

he's not liable for that I don't

1:18:07

think no, I mean they do actually

1:18:09

explain her entering the property like that

1:18:12

through dialogue She says hey I don't want to leave

1:18:14

it out here someone's gonna steal it because it's like

1:18:16

it's not just the card like it's wine Right,

1:18:18

so she tries to walk it to put it by the door

1:18:20

and then leave and that's when the dog jumps after her But

1:18:23

you could have put it on the other side of the gate.

1:18:25

I know and that's what she should have done Yeah, that's a

1:18:27

real mom kind of decision-making process right there

1:18:30

That's back when like okay That's back when

1:18:32

like people would go door to door more

1:18:34

often like I will occasionally

1:18:36

get neighbors Packages delivered to my front

1:18:38

door and because we're on like the

1:18:40

same sort of Facebook group I always

1:18:42

message them before I go to their

1:18:44

door to drop it off. I'm like

1:18:46

hey Here's why you saw me on

1:18:48

your ring camera, you know, like yeah,

1:18:50

this package was delivered to my place

1:18:52

I'm going over here like it's so

1:18:54

rare to go to someone's house now

1:18:56

unannounced So it cuts back to the

1:18:58

comic book shop We're gonna do an expedition dump where

1:19:00

the the frog brothers are telling them well

1:19:02

the if the head well They're having a

1:19:04

discussion and in dialogue it comes up if

1:19:06

you kill the head vampire everyone returns to

1:19:09

normal Yes, which is a thing in vampire

1:19:11

and some vampire lores right? Yeah, like that's

1:19:13

a thing our werewolf floor mainly I think

1:19:15

yeah, it's more werewolf floor. They're brothers way

1:19:17

back, right? No No,

1:19:20

that's that comes from I think my Misunderstanding

1:19:23

what's going on in underworld because I haven't

1:19:25

seen it. I've only seen like trailers of

1:19:27

it Oh rise of the lichen Yeah,

1:19:30

aren't they cut from like a common

1:19:32

answer? I haven't seen the movies. I

1:19:34

don't know. I don't know Also, there's

1:19:36

eight of them. So probably I don't

1:19:40

Anyway, I'm sure we'll get to them eventually eventually

1:19:42

but I need to do blade first I

1:19:44

want more blade before we get to under well, yeah

1:19:47

They think max is the head vampire because of

1:19:49

the hellhound situation So they're gonna check out max

1:19:51

which they are right. They are correct and I

1:19:53

love that I do like that too. So it

1:19:56

cuts the mom who's cooking dinner for max to

1:19:58

make up for the date. She showed up Yes.

1:20:00

Mac shows up, Michael invites him inside,

1:20:02

and you know, Michael looks hungover all

1:20:05

the time, and uh... He

1:20:07

does. Sam invited the frog brothers to join

1:20:09

him on dinner. I do think it was

1:20:11

very, like, inappropriate for him to be like,

1:20:13

Hey mom, I invited my two friends for

1:20:16

dinner while you're setting the table. Like, that's

1:20:18

information made in CD three or four hours

1:20:20

ago. That's a real fourteen year old move.

1:20:22

But spaghetti's spaghetti, you know? It is. Like,

1:20:24

I did this shit to my mom too,

1:20:26

cause I, you know, kids don't think about

1:20:28

that kind of stuff. Also, let's talk

1:20:30

about mom choosing spaghetti. Because that's like

1:20:33

real low hanging fruit when it comes

1:20:35

to cooking dinner for somebody, you know?

1:20:37

Wow. And, wow! Mikey's

1:20:39

got notes on what the single

1:20:41

mother prepared for her boss to

1:20:44

come eat at her house. She's

1:20:46

ghosted one day, makes spaghetti the

1:20:48

next day, what is this vampire

1:20:51

seeing her? I mean, have we

1:20:53

talked about this? There's a reason,

1:20:56

Mikey, single ladies! But also,

1:20:58

spaghetti typically already has garlic in

1:21:00

it, so... I also love spaghetti. I would

1:21:02

be here for that. Spaghetti's

1:21:04

my least favorite pasta. That's fair. It's

1:21:06

my least favorite pasta as well. It's probably

1:21:09

one of my least favorite pastas too. I

1:21:11

love any pasta filled with cheese. Yeah. And

1:21:13

then it's all other pastas under that. So

1:21:15

like, that's how I fuck with pasta. I

1:21:17

think we had spaghetti. My mom made spaghetti

1:21:20

too much as a single mom growing up,

1:21:22

and I just hate spaghetti now too much.

1:21:24

I think that's for me too, Mikey. Every once in

1:21:27

a while I get a craving though. Like, cause

1:21:29

sometimes I'll go home and I'll be at my

1:21:31

parents' house and my mom is like, I'm just

1:21:33

gonna throw some spaghetti or something together, and it

1:21:35

fucking hits the fucking spot. So I don't know.

1:21:37

I gotcha. I mean, sometimes mom's spaghetti

1:21:40

make your knees weak, you know? Yeah.

1:21:42

Let's talk about how Max the Vampire

1:21:44

is so dumb that he thinks

1:21:46

that garlic looks like parmesan. Right? I

1:21:49

mean, even if it's finely chopped, they

1:21:51

look different. Like, garlic looks wet.

1:21:53

Yes. Like moist. It's a different

1:21:56

color too? They look

1:21:58

very different, Max, you idiot. But

1:22:00

maybe it's just been so long since he's

1:22:02

had some of those garlic fries that he

1:22:04

can't remember. But the garlic has no effect

1:22:06

on old Maxi Mack. No, because he sort

1:22:09

of forced Michael to invite him in. Yeah.

1:22:11

So then they throw holy water on him

1:22:13

and he's like, oh, it's really cold. Yeah,

1:22:15

I did love this scene because they are

1:22:17

going through like their Ghostbusters vampire detection notebook

1:22:20

of all the things to like detective vampires.

1:22:22

Yes. They show him his reflection, but he

1:22:24

sees his reflection. Yeah, does he have a

1:22:26

reflection? Can he eat garlic? Can he handle

1:22:28

holy water? And he can, but

1:22:30

only because Michael invited him in. And

1:22:33

Max has a really nice talk about how I'm not trying

1:22:35

to replace your dad. I don't like him. I really like

1:22:37

your mom and stuff. I just want to be your

1:22:40

friend, but also make you a vampire. Yeah,

1:22:42

he's a better salesperson than Kiefer. He

1:22:44

very much is, yeah. Because essentially he's

1:22:46

just like, hey, man, I'm not trying

1:22:48

to replace your dad. I'm just trying

1:22:50

to pay your mom minimum wage to

1:22:53

be my bankmate. She pays him 6.25

1:22:55

dicks per hour in terms of dicks

1:22:57

per hour. The

1:23:00

federal minimum dick. Yeah, but not

1:23:03

first of all, it's 7.25, but also at

1:23:05

the 80s it would have been way lower.

1:23:08

It would have been like 2.65. Done.

1:23:10

I can do that. Can I just say this

1:23:12

really quick? The minimum wage in 1987 when this

1:23:14

movie took place was $3.35, which if you would

1:23:16

just for inflation

1:23:23

though, it's $9. It's

1:23:25

$8.99 today. What

1:23:28

is federal minimum wage right now? Yeah.

1:23:30

Okay. Yeah, $7.50, which

1:23:34

California's minimum wage is $15.50, which I

1:23:36

still think is too low. Same. But

1:23:38

$7.50 is criminal. Yeah. Okay, so we

1:23:40

cut back to the boardwalk. Kiefer is making Michael

1:23:42

go with him. Oh, he

1:23:44

said you have to come with me to this bonfire thing. Yeah,

1:23:47

you have to come with me to where they're

1:23:49

filming that scene from Karate Kid on the beach.

1:23:51

Oh, God. Yes. I thought I wish we could

1:23:53

do Karate Kid because that movie is also really

1:23:55

fun to do. Yeah. Like a knight in

1:23:58

shining armor. This vampire

1:24:00

is watching! Brrrr-bim-bim-bim-bim-bim! They all get up in

1:24:02

a tree. And like, they, they,

1:24:05

the only reason he goes is because he's

1:24:07

like, we won't let you see Star until

1:24:09

you go. He has one defining characteristic. And

1:24:11

that is, I have to have sex with

1:24:13

Star again at this point. But you know

1:24:15

how Vamps can like break it off real

1:24:17

good, right Paige? Like, you watch enough True

1:24:20

Blood to know that. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

1:24:22

yeah. They all transform, they feed on the

1:24:24

partygoers, Michael watches, uh, and then he transforms.

1:24:26

He does watch but does not partake. Does

1:24:28

not. I think we do see him fully

1:24:30

vamp out though. Like, we see him in the

1:24:32

vamp makeup. You do, you do. And Kiefer tells

1:24:35

him some of the vampire stuff like, you're, we

1:24:37

got a feed, you can live forever, blah blah

1:24:39

blah. But this is a scene where he like

1:24:41

actually starts to tell him a little bit about

1:24:43

like, the perceived positives of vampirism, which is like

1:24:46

the immortality and stuff like that. He spends 0.2

1:24:49

seconds on that and then runs off and

1:24:51

bites a guy's scalp off. Like, the salesman's

1:24:53

shift here is not going well. Yeah, he

1:24:55

like bites into a bald dude's head and

1:24:57

it looks like he opened a can for

1:24:59

like a Budweiser commercial or something because it

1:25:01

like shoots out blood like he popped to

1:25:03

the top. Yeah. It's so funny. And

1:25:06

then he does like peel his scalp back with

1:25:08

his teeth or whatever. It's crazy gory. It's, yeah,

1:25:10

it's brutal but also awesome. It's a, it's a

1:25:13

cool scene. Yeah, it is sort of cool. Yeah.

1:25:15

And they look cool as vampires. Yeah. Uh, and

1:25:17

then, uh, next scene, Star shows up to Michael's

1:25:19

house and then she's like, I didn't tell you

1:25:21

before we had sex because I wanted to have

1:25:24

sex first, was that I'm a half vampire and

1:25:26

you're not a true vampire until you get your

1:25:28

first kill. I was supposed to kill you, but

1:25:31

then I couldn't because you're too hot

1:25:33

or whatever. And then I care about

1:25:35

you. And she's like, I don't really

1:25:37

want to be a vampire, but I'm having, like the longer

1:25:40

I go, I don't think I can

1:25:42

resist. Please help me, blah, blah, blah. And then

1:25:44

the next day, I mean, yeah. What do you

1:25:46

want to talk about? It's a little more nuanced

1:25:48

than that. But yeah, like if you want to

1:25:50

sum up everything she says in like 80 words,

1:25:53

yeah, that's it. Every word these two characters in

1:25:55

particular say to each other is just like, it

1:25:57

has to happen this way to drive the plot.

1:26:00

There is no buttering it up. It's

1:26:02

like, star, must-be, star. Star, am I

1:26:04

vampire? Let's have sex. And then she

1:26:06

goes, actually, like, you are vampire, not vampire yet. Will

1:26:08

you help me? Yes. Cut to

1:26:10

the next scene. I feel like that exactly was

1:26:12

what Mikey heard when he was playing with his

1:26:15

toys watching this movie as a child. I

1:26:17

was writing this out. Oh, well, that's

1:26:19

probably true. That first part. All right,

1:26:21

so the next day,

1:26:24

the Frog brothers, Michael and Sam, they

1:26:26

go to kill the Lost Boys. They

1:26:29

do. And that is what they do. Yeah. And

1:26:32

he's like, Sam, you can't go because I'm worried

1:26:34

about you to die. And then I wrote my

1:26:36

outline. In true Michael fashion, he can't fight for

1:26:38

himself, and he has to try to rescue the

1:26:41

girl and abandon his brother immediately. Yeah, like a

1:26:43

true older brother, he needs his younger brother to

1:26:45

solve his problems for him while he fucks off

1:26:47

and tries to bone his romantic interests. Michael

1:26:50

immediately finds Star in the cave and then takes the

1:26:52

little boy and Star out of the cave and lets

1:26:54

Sam and the Frog boys go hunting. Okay, can I

1:26:57

point this out? I think it's

1:26:59

super clear that Star, the actress playing

1:27:01

Star, was not in the scene where

1:27:03

he goes in and takes her out.

1:27:05

Oh, yeah. Because he throws

1:27:08

his jacket on her while she's

1:27:10

off like screen. She's like under

1:27:12

the frame. Yes. And

1:27:14

he puts his jacket over her face and like carries

1:27:16

her out. And if you look at like

1:27:18

the complexion of the person he's carrying, it's

1:27:20

so different from Star. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

1:27:22

yeah. I thought that was funny. I also like

1:27:25

that her little like son, Laddie,

1:27:27

or whatever their relationship is, is

1:27:29

dressed like Gavroche, that French boy

1:27:31

from Les Mis. Like he looks

1:27:33

like he's from like Renaissance

1:27:35

France. Ah, yes, the

1:27:37

cliche reference, Bouchard from

1:27:40

Les Mis. No, Gavroche, he's the little

1:27:42

boy who like points out, hey, that's,

1:27:44

that's Jauveur and then he gets killed

1:27:47

when he's getting ammo. Like there's a

1:27:49

whole, people out there know Gavroche. Yes,

1:27:51

I'm familiar with Gavroche. But he looks

1:27:53

like a like colonial French boy. Can I just

1:27:56

say that? Does that work? Is that good enough

1:27:58

for a dumbed down reference from middle America? Oh

1:28:00

My. God. He looks. Like you've been dress to

1:28:02

be groomed by Michael Jackson. Okay, A.

1:28:04

so he was wearing a Napoleonic tunic

1:28:06

style jacket. That is essentially what I'm

1:28:09

saying. I think we're same same thing,

1:28:11

right? I think we're just saying it

1:28:13

for two different types of keeping. Ah,

1:28:15

I wonder what? what? What type of

1:28:17

I was trying to? A hard part?

1:28:22

I know the people who see the

1:28:24

metaphor. I saw this movie.my reference though.

1:28:26

I shoot a metaphor. I just hate might

1:28:28

have cherish your feet of all he does. His

1:28:30

star most Michael's I know are

1:28:32

that they're not and you're not

1:28:34

that Michael on the podcast it

1:28:36

might be you. Are

1:28:39

not a. Reply

1:28:42

that still an odd smells in here and

1:28:44

the Fry Brothers and Sam look up and

1:28:46

oh shit they're all hanging from the ceiling

1:28:48

like bath. I love that they literally like

1:28:50

this is where they show up with their

1:28:52

logo to blink merged like they're wearing their

1:28:54

t shirt and they go and blood trying

1:28:56

kill these vampires and do kill some of

1:28:58

them in the scene. But. Like they're like

1:29:01

look around the cave. The coffins and they're

1:29:03

like not in coffins. So they look up

1:29:05

and are just hanging from. The gross. His

1:29:07

feet I've ever seen are debatable. What it

1:29:10

is an online when you put your feet

1:29:12

on the ground by your bed. I look

1:29:14

at them that and visit. literally What I

1:29:17

wrote my notes: The Rates insert Todd Feet

1:29:19

joke here Yes because I knew it was

1:29:21

gonna happen. I like I knew it. I

1:29:23

was like fuck you Keepers V. Just how

1:29:26

you feel when you take your socks off

1:29:28

every day. I do have some talented. Seat

1:29:30

like I can pick up stuff with my feet. So

1:29:32

like you did, You say you have some

1:29:34

talented. The talent Talons on your feet

1:29:37

are talented as it as a talented.

1:29:39

but i did miss how i do a towel

1:29:41

in of that did see yes where i can

1:29:43

pick up stuff with my be like been like

1:29:45

walking through your floor and like saw saw that

1:29:47

was is like left or whatever and you pick

1:29:50

it up with your wouldn't throw yourself and thought

1:29:52

i might be good do that as well they

1:29:54

just don't look hideously ugly oh i've always thought

1:29:56

of that is like the trade off like i

1:29:58

have ugly see what i can do things with

1:30:00

them and what you're telling me is no, you're

1:30:02

gonna have pretty feet and also useful feet and

1:30:05

now I feel like I got

1:30:07

screwed in the feet department. Cause like my

1:30:09

feet are not as bad as Kiefer's in

1:30:11

this movie but like they're close. Like I understand

1:30:13

why I'm the butt of this joke. This

1:30:17

is like when I'm getting bullied at school and

1:30:19

I'm just like yeah I mean that's right, you're

1:30:21

right. It's not as much fun for

1:30:23

the bully when you're like yeah that's a factually correct

1:30:26

bully you just pulled off right there. My parents are

1:30:28

divorced, yeah. That's still fun. I'm having

1:30:30

fun. I'm having a good time. Mikey's

1:30:34

the kind of bully that when you agree along it

1:30:36

does not take the wind out of his sails. Now

1:30:38

we'll call your mom and have you tell her that

1:30:40

you agree with this. My mom's like

1:30:42

yeah no he does have weird feet. They're from

1:30:44

his dad's side of the family, there's a reason

1:30:46

we're divorced. Like yeah we get it. Mikey's like

1:30:48

alright we're calling your granddad while he's dead. Yeah

1:30:50

of course he's dead. You killed him with those

1:30:52

ugly feet. Mikey's

1:30:55

that kind of bully where like taking the wind

1:30:57

out's not gonna work. Okay so then they, the

1:31:00

Cory climbs up the ladder I guess and

1:31:02

then he stakes Theodore Esquire, you

1:31:04

know or Logan Esquire. And then

1:31:07

ectoplasm comes out of him. It

1:31:09

literally rains blood down on everyone

1:31:12

below them. I believe

1:31:14

in my notes it's referred to as slime

1:31:16

and then he explodes into slime. It is

1:31:18

slime. And the other vampires wake up and

1:31:21

keep her chases Sam out. I mean all

1:31:23

I know is you can't say that on

1:31:25

television or whatever that show was. And

1:31:29

Peter almost pulls him back into

1:31:31

the cave when they make it to the

1:31:33

light. They come out and they're like Michael where

1:31:35

were you and he's like a sleep next to

1:31:38

star because that is his only motivation. Yeah hot.

1:31:40

I have a question. So if you're

1:31:42

like not a man but not yet

1:31:44

a vampire like can you walk in

1:31:46

the day because it seems like Michael

1:31:49

can walk around during the day and

1:31:51

Star can some. They just seem weaker.

1:31:54

Yeah it depends on your mythology in this.

1:31:56

Yes. Okay. They

1:31:58

just seem weaker because Michael does appear to be hungover during. The Day

1:32:00

but can be outside like that kind of

1:32:02

stuff and Star seems to always look fabulous

1:32:04

wherever she has, no matter day or night.

1:32:06

I think they get weaker the longer they

1:32:09

go without feeling okay. So. Like the

1:32:11

longer you're a half vampire. The weaker

1:32:13

you are okay, that makes sense. I don't

1:32:15

know. Yeah kind of kind of like

1:32:17

in in Dracula before that wolf

1:32:19

saying killed her eight her pussy

1:32:21

to death because she was bit

1:32:23

and she just got we her

1:32:25

weaker. Weaker and weaker. weaker and then eventually

1:32:28

turned for she drank is loud as right. Yeah

1:32:30

yeah so maybe that's what it is. Maybe it's

1:32:32

one of those kind of odd yeah, which Macys

1:32:34

he did. You would have been a little better

1:32:36

if Michael said on his brother are with somebody

1:32:38

else to fight key for. At the end he

1:32:41

didn't feel. Any less a wild twist

1:32:43

that yeah metics and. Won't like are

1:32:45

like hey I know you need blood to

1:32:47

fight him Oh I love this. Okay so

1:32:49

Sam is like Michael, Bite me so you

1:32:52

can get stronger right? and they kill Kiefer

1:32:54

while he's stronger And then they had the

1:32:56

reveal of oh my god he wasn't the

1:32:58

had vampire My brothers gonna die every now

1:33:00

he's a vampire I do. They all freak

1:33:02

out and now we've got steaks of like

1:33:05

we gotta kill the had vampire the map

1:33:07

shows up on it becomes like a bigger

1:33:09

level fight. I should like that because when

1:33:11

they kill Max the offline right? gather all

1:33:13

normal. Yeah, no. No, no, No no because

1:33:15

it says it's isn't it? Only the half vampire

1:33:18

sir normal know. The other ones who do the

1:33:20

owners is yeah well I mean I don't have

1:33:22

any. The other ones are alive. still. you know.

1:33:24

As I thought, they killed all of them. They do. They

1:33:26

do to be aggressively kill everyone because they

1:33:28

don't know which one of the group is

1:33:30

the head one re. Look yeah when they say

1:33:33

it earlier they say all the has the umpires

1:33:35

to normal but those are awful vampires so if

1:33:37

michael see that means you the full vampires and

1:33:39

he might not turn back. Okay you're right I

1:33:41

thought it was all vampires. I a be mistake

1:33:43

him. In most mythology is all but

1:33:45

I in this movie they said a

1:33:47

half. At one point that I don't know

1:33:49

for sure, I think you might be right page,

1:33:52

but yeah, you'd have to redo that element of

1:33:54

it to make it I think way. and yeah,

1:33:56

although maybe the ultimate sacrifice is Michael giving up

1:33:58

his life. the and to see his brother

1:34:00

and then when they kill when he kills

1:34:03

Max it also kills him to protect his

1:34:05

family now we're just rewriting a different movie

1:34:07

but like that is a huge I love

1:34:09

that moment for whatever future movie we're building

1:34:12

here okay uh so they take Star and

1:34:14

the little boy who's not super important but

1:34:17

gives Laddie his name is Laddie

1:34:19

and he has almost zero lines

1:34:21

that aren't Star yeah

1:34:23

he's always like needing Star wanting to be close

1:34:25

to Star that's it oh so he's Michael got

1:34:27

you Laddie

1:34:31

does seem like I got the vibe that like

1:34:33

they were brother and sister but like she was

1:34:35

his caretaker right like that kind of vibe yeah

1:34:38

or like a little boy that Tiefer brought in

1:34:40

and like yes no that's what I think but

1:34:42

they what I'm saying is like they're not like

1:34:44

actually related but they see each other as brother

1:34:47

and sister his missing poster is around a lot

1:34:49

in the rest of the film which is cool

1:34:51

I think you see it on the milk container

1:34:53

at the granddad's house yeah I think is when

1:34:56

you see his so then they decide to tell

1:34:58

their mom about vampires because in two hours they're

1:35:00

gonna try the vampires will be awake and they're

1:35:02

gonna try to kill them yeah this is when

1:35:04

they rush back I do want to point out

1:35:06

when they leave the vampire cave they are covered

1:35:08

in the what did you call

1:35:11

it the ooze slime the slime thank

1:35:13

you mikey that there is so much