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group where we hang out and talk about wacky

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vampire movies daily it's really a pity that

2:44

they made us wait two and a half acts for

2:46

Dan Stevens to take his glasses off so we could

2:48

see this beautiful baby blue eyes

2:52

but were

2:56

you more

2:59

attracted to him when he was

3:01

a vampire page that's what we

3:03

need to know thank

3:09

you for tuning into horror virgin on page I'm

3:11

your horror virgin Todd which means I don't like

3:13

scary movies but you guys make me watch them

3:16

and this week the listeners made us watch now

3:20

page was this the first time you saw this movie

3:22

yes yes this is my first time although

3:25

I stayed with a friend this

3:27

past weekend San Diego who saw it in

3:29

theaters and he and his friends saw it

3:31

together and laughed through the whole thing and

3:33

then when they came out of the movie the people

3:36

in front of them were like I don't know why

3:38

you bother going to the movies if you're gonna laugh

3:40

through the whole thing well what if that's what I

3:43

laughed my ass off so

3:46

I texted my friend all those watching I was like

3:48

I don't know how that person didn't laugh wild there are

3:52

some funny parts I mean pretty much anytime

3:54

Kevin Durant speaks is hilarious to

3:57

me because he's always like really

3:59

slow on He's the Andre

4:01

the Giant of this movie. Yeah, he's

4:03

like not bright upstairs. And it's like real

4:05

funny. Here's my two cents

4:07

or whatever on this movie. Sure. They

4:10

spend far too long

4:13

on the setup and rob us of

4:16

time spent later. Because at a certain point

4:18

in this movie, I was like, how is

4:20

there 38 minutes left of this movie? We've

4:23

had a whole movie so far. And I was

4:25

like, what could possibly happen in those 38 minutes?

4:29

And then Dan Stevens turns into a fucking vampire

4:31

and is like, oh,

4:33

you thought scenery had been chewed?

4:36

Allow me to gnaw on every piece of

4:38

scenery in this film. And we fucking love

4:40

him for it. He's great in this. I

4:42

mean, he's great after the transition. Before

4:46

that, if you gave him a track suit

4:48

and diabetes, he would be in the Sopranos. Like that's his vibe.

4:52

He's playing Christopher Maloney on see on

4:54

Law and Order Organized Crime. And that's

4:56

real. Is he? I should

4:58

have watched that. I love Christopher Maloney. Love

5:00

Law and Order. Haven't seen Organized Crime. You

5:03

know what? I have been surprised

5:05

by how much I enjoy the Organized

5:07

Crime one. But all this to say,

5:09

it's just like, you know, generic New

5:11

York accent. Be like, I always know

5:13

a junkie when I see one like

5:15

that kind of nonsense, which I admittedly

5:17

dude nails American accents. This is the

5:19

second different one we've seen and he

5:21

fucking nails it. I think he does a great

5:24

job. Yeah. He knows what he's doing.

5:26

And that's like, oh, I'm not going to watch that. I'm

5:28

not going to watch that. I'm going to watch the director

5:30

Dan Stevens. He's real

5:32

solid. He does a great Russian accent

5:34

and Eurovision. It's great.

5:36

I got to watch that now. But

5:38

honestly, the amount of fun he is

5:40

having once they turn him into a

5:42

vampire. Oh, shit. Oh,

5:47

and now I didn't even touch the fact that

5:49

this girl ballet dances as she bites. I'm

5:52

sorry. And you're not supposed to laugh at

5:54

this. I knew when it opened to a Swan Lake

5:56

that it was going to be about a ballerina for sure. But

6:00

it is. Not just that, but

6:02

like she's full vampire and she's still

6:04

like fifth position, sixth position. Like

6:07

at one point she like plies

6:09

over a dead body to bite

6:11

another person. I was on

6:13

the floor. This movie is so

6:15

fun. It's pretty nuts. Okay, so

6:17

for me, there's a lot of ballet. Like

6:19

it's a lot of ballet and I don't

6:22

dislike ballet, but like I've seen enough of

6:24

it to know that I don't need 40

6:27

minutes of it in this movie. I

6:29

also agree Dan Stevens needs to be

6:32

a vampire faster and

6:34

the movie needs to be 20 minutes shorter.

6:37

Faster and shirtless. Outside

6:39

of that, I love like the premise. I

6:41

think it's great. I love the

6:43

flip that it's pretty much just

6:45

like Lestat and Kirsten

6:47

Dunst from Interview with a

6:49

Vampire. Yeah, Matthew Good showing

6:52

up with a cameo in the end. Fuck.

6:54

Right? Yeah. Yeah, but

6:56

like them in our time now, like what

6:58

that would be like if Kirsten Dunst didn't

7:00

die in that movie because it's like a

7:02

little girl and her and her dad run

7:04

this criminal empire. It's pretty much like if

7:06

Kaiser Sose had a vampire daughter. Yeah,

7:08

honestly, don't hate it. This movie

7:11

also, it follows the violent night

7:13

structure of like you're trapped in

7:15

the house with me. And I

7:17

do love that. Except instead of Santa

7:19

Claus, it's like a 12 year old girl, but

7:21

yeah. It's a tiny baby ballerina vampire.

7:23

And I can't, I love it. I

7:26

love it. It's so dumb. It is

7:28

crazy. Cause you're watching like huge,

7:30

like big adults run away

7:33

terrified of a child. From

7:35

a girl who's like, you can't see

7:37

this cause it's audio, but imagine a

7:39

ballerina ballot, like on point

7:42

coming after people to attack

7:44

them. And that's happening in the

7:46

movie. It's so fucking funny. Like

7:49

I loved it. I know

7:51

it's bad. I loved it. It's

7:54

so, it's cause I'm not bored in the beginning

7:56

of the movie cause I love a good heist

7:58

and I'm kind of like. trying to put the

8:01

pieces together. Oh, the high sections great. Great.

8:03

But then there's a whole section where it kind of

8:06

takes too long to figure out she's a vampire, but

8:08

then once she is, they don't really know what to

8:10

do. And that takes a little longer. And

8:12

so it's all of those things that

8:14

are kind of like that add to

8:16

this runtime. You could cut 20 minutes

8:18

out and leave the entire section of

8:20

Dan Stevens as a vampire. And oh

8:22

boy, would this movie be a ride?

8:24

Yeah. It would be so

8:27

funny. I mean, this movie still is a

8:29

ride. I didn't think it was terrible. Like

8:31

I understand why people like this movie. It's

8:33

wild. It's wild. It's like malignant

8:35

kind of. Sort of. I

8:38

don't think the turn is as fun as

8:40

malignant. That's true. That's true. Malignant's

8:42

turn is way more fun. Malignant's turn has the

8:45

fight back, the backwards fight in the

8:48

jail cell is the most insane thing

8:50

I think I've ever seen on film.

8:52

When I forced my parents

8:54

to watch that and the

8:56

screams that came from my,

8:58

the like screams of elation

9:00

from my dad realizing what

9:02

was happening. Yeah. Priceless. So

9:04

good. But honestly, Dan Stevens

9:06

as a vampire is still a pretty good turn.

9:09

Just cause it goes full from dusk till dawn

9:11

at that point. It's just nuts. He

9:13

does go insane. Yeah. Completely

9:15

insane. I do think maybe

9:17

you enjoyed Dan Stevens as a vampire more

9:20

than I did. Oh yes. So

9:22

much. Too many clothes, but other than that,

9:24

yes. I

9:26

thought their teeth were interesting when they turned,

9:28

right? Because it wasn't like fangs. It

9:31

was like teeth. Like shark teeth.

9:33

There's a few different vampire things because like

9:35

30 days of night kind of did the

9:37

same thing. This also is a 30 days of

9:39

night turn at the end, right? Cause he becomes

9:41

a vampire to fight a vampire. Yeah, kind of.

9:43

Yeah. A couple of people do, but.

9:46

It takes a village, Paige. It takes a village. I

9:48

think the reason they opted for teeth like

9:51

that. And I feel like the reason why

9:53

a lot of vampire lore

9:55

or movies will opt for teeth like that.

9:57

A the reminiscent of Nosferatu's teeth. Sure. So

10:00

there's that but also I feel like the

10:02

the two fangs the like true blood looks

10:04

too sexy You think it looks too sexy?

10:07

I'm sorry. Have you ever seen alexander

10:09

scarzgard with fangs? Yeah, i'll join i'll

10:11

join your weird blood cult Let's

10:13

go. I mean he's not the shapes that

10:16

do it for me, but I get it. He's

10:18

a handsome man I mean like

10:20

there's a million other ladies with fangs fine, but it's

10:22

just They're more simplified. So it's

10:24

more of a like, I don't know. I think

10:26

I think those ones are sexier These ones are

10:28

scarier. These definitely are scarier sharks

10:30

teeth are way scarier than Sexy

10:33

supple vampire fangs right

10:35

page. You know what? I'm not

10:37

ashamed I will not be

10:39

shamed and I know there are people out there

10:42

that are going to support me on the internet

10:44

And i'm okay with that about fangs being

10:47

sexy Of course they will about

10:49

different kinds of fangs being sexier than

10:51

other kinds of fangs guys I want

10:53

you to go through all your vampire

10:56

movies and rate their fangs by

10:58

sexiest to least sexy You'll be

11:00

really surprised where vampire and brooklyn

11:02

ends up on that list. Oh

11:05

vampire and brooklyn. Ahoy motherfucker I'll

11:07

post my rankings later in the day. I wanted

11:10

to ask my husband and see what he thought jake

11:12

I can't hear him with the headphones on vampire fangs

11:15

the one that looks like sharks versus the

11:17

two fang ones The two fang ones are

11:19

sexier, right? In theory. He says In

11:22

theory and they're more aerodynamic. Okay,

11:24

I typically don't run Smiling

11:27

that big so it's not that much of a

11:29

concern But you know, I didn't think about

11:31

the need for speed and that's my

11:33

bad Like they're an apex predator, which

11:35

is maybe why they have shark teeth

11:38

I think that's why they have shark teeth in this movie

11:40

for sure What if they had cat teeth are we

11:42

just gonna name every animal and then

11:44

riff on it? I just

11:46

thought I was just thinking of alexander scarves

11:48

car with cat teeth I'm so sorry. It's

11:50

too silly. I'm hopped up in orange soda

11:54

Who let you have caffeine? I

11:56

do think that this movie this movie sort

11:58

of starts out for me and what

12:01

I thought was the weirdest 1% custody

12:04

battle ever. Yeah. And to have it

12:06

go from that to, oh

12:08

no, the little girl is a vampire,

12:11

which I actually had clocked before it

12:13

happened. I, yeah, I clocked it early. I

12:15

literally wrote in my notes, I already

12:17

knew the girls are vampire and that

12:19

they're there to die, but like, I

12:21

can't wait to see them experience that

12:23

twist. Like I was here for that

12:25

ride before they even kicked it off.

12:27

A hundred percent. And I had predicted

12:30

almost everything except them turning Dan

12:32

Stevens into a vampire. Oh, I

12:34

didn't predict that either. Yeah. But listen,

12:36

great. Loved it. No notes, zero

12:39

notes, notes, furotu. Is

12:41

their second recording of the

12:43

day. I'm a little crazy. I thought you said

12:46

you had no notes, but now you're saying you

12:48

have furotu? No, nope. Notes

12:52

furotu. This has

12:54

elements of a Mikey movie for

12:56

me because it's played completely earnestly.

12:59

It is, yeah. But it is completely

13:01

insane. And I

13:03

do love that. I love that everyone in this movie

13:05

is taking it 150% seriously. And

13:09

it's a tiny girl in

13:11

a tutu attacking people with shark teeth.

13:14

That's what happens. I don't think it would

13:16

be scary at all. And this movie was

13:18

a little scary to me because it is

13:21

like, there's a lot of, there's like jump

13:23

scares in it, right? So I don't think

13:25

it would be scary at all if it

13:27

was like everyone on camera knew they were

13:29

in on the Joker or whatever. I do

13:31

think that they knew what movie they were

13:33

making, but you gotta play that serious for

13:35

it to like land. And they do, like

13:37

everything is like hyper serious. They believe they

13:39

are dying in that moment. Like it's like,

13:41

there's no wink and a nod at all.

13:44

Literally to the last 30 minutes.

13:46

It is not until Dan Stevens

13:48

becomes a vampire and then it

13:50

is just madness. Then it's

13:52

all camp. It is camp

13:54

to the end of the movie. Cause

13:56

he's, he's doing like Schwarzenegger level, like

13:59

one-liners. It's madness.

14:02

Like, it's like the villain in a

14:04

bad Marvel movie in the best kind

14:07

of way. And she means that as

14:09

a compliment. I do, because it's almost like

14:11

you watch this whole scary movie that's like set

14:13

up to actually try and be scared. I was

14:15

not scared at all, Todd. I was cheering, but

14:18

it's played earnestly, played as if it's scary

14:20

and the stakes are high. And up until

14:22

that point, he's been one of the two

14:24

people that you're like, I guess they might

14:27

survive, or maybe he'll maybe not be a

14:29

bad guy and die so she can live

14:31

something. No, absolutely not.

14:33

They're like, he's a vampire and now

14:35

he's the guy from the mask. Fucking

14:38

enjoy that. Enjoy the

14:40

rest of this movie that is just

14:42

all in one room. The

14:45

weirdest fight you've ever seen. It's,

14:47

no notes, no sprouts. I, and

14:51

tell me if you're this way too, Paige,

14:53

but anytime I see Giancarlo Esposito show

14:56

up in a movie, I'm like, oh

14:58

shit's about to pop off and I

15:00

cannot wait because he's always fun. And

15:02

he's also really good at these like

15:05

small little pivotal roles and he crushes

15:07

it. But when he left, I was

15:09

like, oh, he's coming back. Oh yeah. And

15:11

in my head can, I was like, he's

15:13

the father. He's also a vampire. So like

15:15

I had even called him being a vampire

15:18

to a certain point. I did not call

15:20

a Matthew Goode cameo. Love that. I was

15:22

not expecting that either. Yeah. Yeah,

15:24

but I had kind of called all of it

15:26

and then just as the domino started

15:28

to fall, I was just like, yes,

15:31

kill it more blood. Yes, do

15:33

the twinkle toes, all of it.

15:36

Yes, fourth position bite the neck.

15:38

Yes. There was a lot of it. There

15:40

was a lot of that. Could have had less,

15:42

could have streamlined, but I don't want to

15:44

give up her doing weird ballerina movements down

15:47

the hallways chasing people. It is one of

15:49

my favorite parts. I think it's, it

15:51

needs to be there some. It is like a

15:53

connective tissue throughout the whole movie, but I also

15:55

like, there was a lot. You probably could have

15:57

cut like five minutes of just that that you

15:59

don't. really need. Oh come on do

16:01

you not want her to and and again I'm gonna do a

16:03

physical thing that no one can see but anytime

16:07

she tries to kill people that's

16:09

the funniest part. I mean it is

16:11

very funny I mean it's a bunch of

16:14

adults running from someone who's like dancing like

16:16

a ballerina threateningly at them so it is

16:18

like a weird visual but it's funny like

16:20

I did laugh at moments in this movie.

16:22

I love it so much. I like it all.

16:25

Let's get into the movie though. Let's go through

16:27

it. Let's go through it. Let's go through

16:29

the movie scene by scene. There's honestly not

16:31

a lot to it even though it's almost

16:33

a two-hour movie. It's pretty much a single

16:36

location movie after the first 10 minutes. Yeah

16:38

so we open on a little girl dancing

16:40

in an empty theater as well as a

16:42

group of some sort of criminals

16:44

getting into a car. We just know that they

16:46

have balaclava's and wheels. Yeah. We

16:49

get our first Dan Stevens sighting. Then

16:52

we cut to them watching a

16:54

feed on a mansion like a

16:56

security feed and they have a

16:58

sniper in place. As

17:01

the girl, little girl, leaves the theater and

17:03

gets into a car the car drops her

17:05

off at the mansion. We see that there's

17:07

a tracker on the car. They notify the

17:09

other car. Tiny dancer is moving so they

17:11

move into the mansion. I love that they called

17:13

her tiny dancer. I was like that's great. Yeah. Tiny

17:16

dancer because she is tiny and she is a

17:18

dancer. But she comes in

17:20

she kind of settles into bed and

17:22

they rush in and go to

17:25

tackle her and we hear like muffled

17:27

screaming and at first I thought she

17:29

bit Dan Stevens on the hand but

17:31

I think she just hurts him. No

17:33

she stabbed him with like a pencil I think. She

17:35

stabs him with a pencil. That's what it is. Yeah.

17:37

I want to point out and it's really not pointing

17:39

out it's a question page. When

17:41

we're in the car and like the hacker is like

17:43

packing into the video feed or whatever. Yeah. The

17:46

ludicrous of this movie. Yeah.

17:48

You see her hands and I think

17:50

her hands say fuck mom. Yeah.

17:53

Did you see that? Yes. Okay.

17:55

Yeah. Well I think that plays

17:57

into her story later. Well that

17:59

she's She's like a rich kid.

18:01

She's a rich kid who stole from her

18:03

parents who I think has no connections with

18:05

her parents anymore. Yeah, very well possible. Because

18:07

later when she's talking with Peter

18:10

and he's like, you've got people on the outside, I've

18:12

got people on the outside, we're both gonna get out.

18:14

And she's like, uh-huh, and then just eats his face.

18:16

Yeah. So like, yeah. Okay. Anyway,

18:18

so they load her into a giant duffel

18:20

bag, they get her out of the house

18:22

just as another set of Jeeps show up.

18:25

But as they get into the car, Dan

18:28

Stevens turns to her name is Joey

18:30

for the rest of the movie, but she is one

18:32

of the girls, I wanna say from Scream 5. She

18:34

is, yeah. She's the older sister, I believe.

18:36

The older sister from Scream 5, I forget her

18:39

actual name. Yeah, I think that's Melissa Barrera. Yeah,

18:41

Barrera. Boom. So Melissa Barrera,

18:43

Dan Stevens turns to her and just says, if

18:45

you touch me like that again, grab me like

18:48

that again, I may have to respond. Because he

18:50

was going to hurt the little girl, she stopped

18:52

him. And basically that's how he

18:54

ended up getting stabbed. But they go

18:56

in the getaway car, they avoid most of

18:59

the cameras because their

19:01

getaway driver is surprisingly good despite

19:03

not seeming coherent. It is played

19:05

by the late Angus Cloud who

19:07

died before this came out. Yeah.

19:10

Unfortunately, but he does a great job in

19:12

this movie. He does, but he essentially

19:14

is playing a guy who's a

19:16

great driver and is really trying

19:18

to fuck every woman around him.

19:20

Here's what's wild. I read an extra

19:22

subtext into this because there's one or two

19:24

shots later where we see things from his

19:27

point of view and he's kind of like

19:29

eyeing the girl that we will

19:31

come to know with Sammy. The entire

19:34

time. That's the hacker girl. Yeah, kind

19:36

of following her to the point where

19:38

like, she kind of thwarts his advances

19:40

at one point, but I think he

19:42

would have gotten more sinister if there weren't people

19:44

around. I think so too. I think

19:46

he had an underlying pool of danger in

19:48

there. Well, when Joey, Melissa Barrera's character is

19:51

like reading them in the room later. She

19:53

even calls out like, she's like, you don't

19:55

even like really have a conscience. You're like

19:57

a sociopath. Like she's reading everybody else. turned

20:00

out to be right about everybody. So I assume

20:02

she was right about him too. I think so

20:04

too, but they get to

20:06

the final destination, which is up a

20:08

wooded road and it's another large

20:11

mansion. Paige, it's beautiful. When I saw

20:13

this mansion, I was like, okay. So she

20:15

got stolen from one mansion where her dad

20:17

lives. And then they're going to this beautiful

20:20

like cover, like mansion covered in like an

20:22

Ivy couture, like on the outside, like it's

20:24

beautiful. I was like, oh, this is just

20:26

like a custody dispute. It looks

20:28

like the kind of mansion from a- For

20:31

rich people. Well, I was thinking an early 2000s rap video,

20:34

but that's exactly like the like, you

20:36

know, if there were like four Maybach's

20:39

outside and then there was just like

20:41

a hose spraying down dancers, like picture

20:43

that mansion, you got it. Now, as

20:46

they pull open, we do see the side of

20:48

the van that says brute force plumbing, which I

20:50

do think is a fun little aside. We're going

20:53

to force that shit out. And

20:56

Giancarlo Esposito is waiting for them.

20:58

And at this point I was

21:00

like, he's either the villain or

21:02

he's undercover or something. Cause there's

21:05

no way they brought in Giancarlo

21:07

Esposito for two scenes like that.

21:09

No. He is important.

21:11

Yes. But he brings them into

21:13

the mansion. They chain up the little girl.

21:16

They kind of put her in one of

21:18

the bedrooms and he says, no

21:20

real names, no backstories, no grab assets,

21:22

a 24 hour job. Now

21:24

you just got to babysit and then we'll get the

21:27

money and we'll pay you out. And it's $50 million

21:29

split seven ways. So they all stand

21:31

to get $7 million each. Not bad.

21:33

Not bad. It's good work if you can get it.

21:35

Yeah. But at this point,

21:37

Joey AKA Melissa Barrera is like,

21:39

wait a second, who the fuck's

21:42

kid is this? Because this

21:44

is a lot of money. You collect our

21:46

cell phones. This is highly kind of planned

21:48

out. We're not allowed to use names. Whose

21:51

kid is this? And they won't tell her. So

21:53

instead he gives them the names of the

21:55

rat packs so they can't rat each other

21:57

out. So Frank Dean, Sammy, Peter, Joey. And

22:00

then finally, Don Rickles, which I

22:02

do love that Kevin Durant's character, Peter,

22:04

calls him Rinkles. The whole time. Because

22:07

he doesn't know who Don Rickles is.

22:09

He's just Rinkles. Yeah, he's never

22:11

heard of the Rat Pack. His

22:13

brain is never heard of Frank

22:15

Sinatra. He does realize it, like

22:17

65% from the movie. He's

22:20

like, oh, Rat, and you're like,

22:22

now? It's been

22:24

hours. Like, oh my God. Anyway,

22:27

Giancarlo Esposito is just like, just kick back for the

22:29

rest of the time. There's food here, there's booze here.

22:32

Just hang out. Yeah, and a lot of them

22:34

do just like, sort of start drinking and hanging out.

22:36

Like, it's, you know, we got 24 hours. We've

22:38

got time to kill. Let's just hang out.

22:40

And I would not get inebriated on any

22:43

job like this. No. If

22:45

there's, for me, $7.2 million in the line or

22:49

whatever it would end up being with the split, I'm

22:52

definitely gonna stay sharp. I'm gonna

22:54

be on Monster Energy drinks and

22:56

like, beef jerky. Yeah,

22:58

just patrolling the perimeter. Stayin' sharp and

23:00

light. But they are all kind of

23:03

debating, like, who do you think the

23:05

father is? They're like, maybe tech or

23:07

real estate. But Dean,

23:09

AKA Angus Cloud,

23:12

the wheel man, brings up, he's like,

23:14

I don't know, something this fancy, it's gotta

23:16

be something more than tech or

23:18

real estate. This is weapons, drugs,

23:21

human trafficking. How close

23:23

he was. Because it basically

23:25

is accumulated vampiric wealth where

23:27

they've had centuries to accumulate

23:29

it. Now, somebody does suggest

23:31

Tom Hanks. And the only thing funnier than

23:33

Matthew Good at the end would have been

23:36

a cameo by Tom Hanks as

23:38

her dad. And like, even if

23:40

he was as David as Pumpkins,

23:42

like, whatever, that would, I would

23:44

have been so tickled. I would have laughed

23:47

so hard if it was Tom Hanks. And

23:49

they probably couldn't get him. Paige, they

23:51

probably couldn't get Tom. But

23:53

you know who they could get? Chet. Chet. They

23:56

could definitely get Chet Hanks. And I would have lost

23:58

my mind. Not

24:00

even good's great as the dad though. Oh,

24:02

so good. So glad to see

24:04

him. But like, or even Colin

24:07

Hanks, like any Hanks, I would

24:09

have laughed my ass off. Same.

24:12

Anyway, Melissa Barrera's character, Joey, A

24:14

is consistently eating candy, which is

24:16

what tips Dan Stevens off to

24:18

the fact that she potentially has

24:20

an addiction problem. Yeah, well, it's

24:22

that sucker, right? She has. That,

24:25

and she's got hard candies too, like little rappers.

24:27

Yeah. But Dean Angus Cloud's character

24:29

tries to go around. He's like, you're this

24:31

and you're this. And I bet you're this.

24:33

And she's like, oh, you got it all

24:35

wrong because here's a hundred

24:37

bucks. And I'm about to tell everybody

24:40

exactly who they are. And so

24:42

she's like, Dan Stevens used to be a cop, but

24:44

not just a regular cop, definitely an

24:46

undercover or a detective and

24:49

either homicide or vice. And you're lying.

24:51

You're definitely from Queens. You've tried to

24:53

change your accent. He's like, okay, like

24:55

he's your hundred dollars or whatever. And

24:58

she's like, and he hasn't even been here very long. Like he

25:00

just got here from Queens, guys. Yeah, he hasn't

25:02

even been here very long, but she

25:04

does it for everybody. So for Peter,

25:06

she's like, you are the muscle.

25:09

You're from Quebec. You were bullied by

25:11

kids and probably your dad. And then you made it

25:13

into a career. Yeah, when you got muscle-y, then

25:15

you made it into a career. Yeah. Catherine

25:18

Newton hands her a $20 bill and

25:20

she's like, how much will this get me?

25:22

And she was like, you cheat bitch. Like

25:24

you come for money. Like you do this

25:26

for kicks. You don't need the money. You

25:28

have it. You don't want to get your

25:30

hands dirty. That's why you stay in the

25:33

van. And eventually the illusion will wear off.

25:36

Then she goes to John Rickles who doesn't,

25:38

he's like, I don't have any cash. And

25:40

she's like, Semper Fi, you were in the

25:42

Marines. You're getting off easy. Yeah. And

25:44

we don't ever find out exactly why Rickles

25:46

was there. Cause when we do the roundup

25:48

of like how they all

25:51

became enemies of Abigail's father, he's already

25:53

dead by that point. Yeah. But I

25:55

mean, it's implied that he

25:57

works in, you know, the criminal space.

26:00

So I assumed that he also had

26:02

wronged Abigail's dad or the family or

26:04

whatever at some point. Probably unbeknownst to

26:06

him though. Because it seemed like a

26:08

lot of them had no idea. No

26:10

idea they'd done it. That's why I was like, this

26:13

is like the vampire usual suspects because

26:15

like a lot of them have wronged,

26:17

quote, Kaiser Soze, but like didn't even

26:19

know it because it was like a

26:22

subsidiary of Soze Incorporated or whatever, yeah.

26:24

Yeah, but she finally gets

26:26

to the wheel man and she's like,

26:28

you're not a professional. I didn't say

26:30

you weren't good, but you're not a

26:32

professional because you are unhinged and I

26:35

am concerned about you. Essentially, like

26:38

I don't trust you. And then Dan

26:40

Stevens turns around and is like, okay,

26:42

but you have an addiction problem

26:44

and you're wearing long sleeves to hide it.

26:46

And you probably have a kid that you

26:48

don't talk to and that's why you're sad

26:50

and that's why you're here. But

26:53

don't fuck with me or else I'll cut you. And

26:55

she's like, okay, fine. I'm gonna go check on the little girl.

26:58

Now, she goes up to check

27:00

on the little girl and she's like, I

27:02

wanna go home. And she's like, of course, and

27:04

you will get to go home very soon.

27:06

I'll adjust the blindfold. She like

27:08

recuffs her so she's more comfortable. And

27:10

she basically says like, hey, we

27:13

are keeping you here for ransom for your dad. Do

27:15

you want some food? I can get you some food.

27:17

And if you behave, you'll be fine. And

27:20

she pinky promises her, promise me you won't

27:22

let anyone hurt me. And she goes, of

27:24

course I won't let anyone hurt you. Yeah.

27:26

She gives her the fake name and

27:29

Abigail asks about her son and she's like, I

27:31

won't tell you his name, but I'll make one

27:33

up. He's just a normal kid. But

27:35

at this point, I think we don't know if Joey's

27:37

just not telling her things about her son or she

27:39

doesn't know them. We will find out that she just

27:41

doesn't know them because she hasn't seen her son in

27:43

quite a long time. Yeah, because she's

27:46

or was quote a junkie or

27:48

whatever. You know, like they

27:50

do call it correctly, you know, that she

27:52

got addicted to, was it morphine while she

27:55

was injured? Yeah, it was morphine while

27:57

so she was injured, but she's also a

27:59

doctor. Yeah, so and

28:02

doctors have incredibly high addiction rates because

28:04

they have access And

28:06

also very stressful jobs that are

28:08

incredibly demanding. It's very very common

28:10

Yeah, so she was I believe

28:12

injecting morphine and then was

28:15

fired So she had to work

28:17

as an underground doctor for the mob Yeah,

28:19

which I'm reading a very sexy book about

28:21

the mob where there's an underground doctor who's

28:23

mad at people for tearing their stitches during

28:26

fights She was

28:28

high while operating on someone an icton

28:30

artery Yeah, and that person bled out

28:32

and they were very important to the

28:35

ballerinas dad's business And so that's why

28:37

she's here, but we don't know that

28:39

yet. That's later in the movie, right?

28:41

Anyway, so as she goes to leave

28:44

the little girl Abigail says

28:46

I'm sorry about what's gonna happen to you. That's

28:48

creepy creeps man. I was like, oh at that

28:50

moment I was like, oh, she's a vampire. I

28:52

can't wait. I can't wait for this to turn

28:55

Well, and she's like my father doesn't care about me

28:57

So I'm so sorry what's going to happen to you

28:59

And so Joey leaves and she

29:02

pulls Dan Stevens aside and is like who

29:04

the fuck is her dad? Yeah, because she

29:06

just implied that he's an incredibly violent man,

29:08

and I don't scare

29:10

easily So when I do I pay attention

29:12

and he's just like you're being ridiculous. But

29:14

the second she walks away He's like Cox

29:16

the gun goes into talk to the little

29:19

girl and of course the blindfolds officer. She

29:21

sees his face He's like, oh damn it.

29:23

So he like holds her at gunpoint away

29:25

from his face and he says who is

29:27

your father? He's checking to see

29:29

if like did she see my face and he's asking

29:31

what color in my eyes What color my eyes and

29:33

she keeps saying I don't know and I was like

29:35

blue blue girl. They're blue I mean, but there's no

29:38

I mean I wouldn't say anything just because you might

29:40

be right even if you didn't see the face Although

29:42

she totally no, no, no once. Yeah, she totally did

29:44

but she's like I didn't see your face I don't

29:46

know. Yeah, and I'm like, you know if you've seen

29:49

the guest you would know She

29:52

says my father is Kristoff Lazar and he's

29:54

just like fuck and he walks out gets

29:57

his jacket and goes to leave that

30:00

seven million I was gonna get y'all split. I'm

30:02

out, bye. Don't need it, bye.

30:04

Yeah. And he's like, by the

30:06

way, this is Christophe Lazar's daughter. And everyone's like,

30:08

who the fuck cares? And they're like, no, no,

30:10

no. He's not just a crime boss. He's

30:13

fucking insane. Yeah. And we

30:15

need to go because he

30:17

will just tear people apart.

30:19

It's not worth the seven

30:21

million. Let's go. Yeah. But

30:24

the wheel man, Dean is like, I don't

30:26

know. I could still use that money. So

30:28

what if we just like wait it out

30:31

and see if we can like

30:33

bargain or something? I mean, I

30:36

definitely wouldn't do this because I would

30:38

never kidnap anybody. But like, if you

30:40

were gonna make seven million, someone quit

30:42

and now you're gonna make closer to

30:44

10, I might risk it.

30:47

It's like 20 more hours or whatever,

30:49

you know? Well, and it's 22

30:51

more hours. They all decide to stay.

30:53

Even Dan Stevens. And so they're walking

30:55

through the hallways and as they're walking,

30:57

something skitters past because what we will

30:59

find out later is that Abigail

31:01

can get in and out of those cuffs very

31:04

easily and has been running around the house. Yeah,

31:06

she's a vampire. What we find out

31:08

is like, she kidnapped herself. This is like

31:10

a game she plays. And she

31:13

kills all these people, right? So she's

31:15

just like, she's very excited for the

31:17

evening. But you don't know that yet

31:19

because that has not been revealed to

31:21

our characters. Yeah, not quite yet.

31:23

Although there are clues like in this

31:25

next scene where Joey walks into this

31:27

big creepy ballroom and all the windows

31:29

are covered. So she uncovers them revealing

31:32

daylight, which will be something that is

31:34

important later. But also a giant statue

31:36

of what very much looks like Lazar

31:39

and a vampire daughter. There's

31:42

paintings of them together. Yeah,

31:44

it's Abigail and Christophe

31:47

Lazar, which is like the strangest Bobo,

31:49

Kaiser Zozi I've ever heard. But like

31:51

it clearly is that. Yeah, it's

31:54

basically if Lestat and what's

31:57

her name? Claudia had just

31:59

continued on. It

34:00

may have been the most I was scared in the whole movie. Yeah, oh

34:02

yeah, this one is crazy. But she kicks him

34:05

out. He goes and finds Peter,

34:07

who is passed out drunk and draws a dick

34:09

on his face, because of course. I

34:12

love that, like, Peter never gets to get

34:14

revenge on Doug because Doug is dead by

34:16

the time Peter wakes up. You mean Dean?

34:18

Dean, sorry. Yeah, yeah, Dean. But

34:20

Dean is dead by the time Peter wakes up, so... Yep. But

34:23

he just, like, has this lasting impact on Peter's

34:25

face. It's very funny to me. It's

34:27

pretty great. So, Dean goes wandering around,

34:29

he hears a door open behind him,

34:31

and he's seeing paintings of old European

34:33

shit, but it's a lot of this

34:35

young girl and old man. I mean, it's a lot

34:37

like that statue you mentioned, except this painting

34:40

looks just like Abigail. Yep. But

34:42

it's also clearly old as shit, you know?

34:44

Yeah. So, like, something's up, guy.

34:47

Something's up, but he hears a rat, and he

34:49

turns, and he's like, oh, fuck that shit. As

34:52

he turns back around, we hear a squish, which

34:54

one would assume is the rat dying. One would

34:56

assume, yeah. But he turns,

34:58

and before we even see what he

35:00

sees, he's dropped and dragged.

35:02

Yeah. And Sammy hears the screams from

35:05

the other room. As he's dragged away,

35:07

she goes to investigate. She hears a

35:09

couple creaking noises, doesn't see anything. She

35:11

sees what appears to be him sitting

35:13

at a table, and thinks he's pranking

35:16

her again, and she's like, stupid, and

35:18

then his head falls off. Into

35:21

her hands. Into her hands. Backwards

35:23

into her hands, so it's looking up at

35:25

her, and Sammy's like, ah, like just screaming.

35:27

Oh my god. I mean, I knew he

35:29

was dead. I was not expecting the head.

35:31

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So,

35:34

like, I was a little shocked by that as well. I understood the

35:36

screams from Sammy. I did love it,

35:39

because once Peter gets there, he's like, what

35:41

happened? And she just says, his head fell

35:43

off. I know. Like, he's a Lego.

35:45

You know what I'm saying? It

35:47

reminds me of one of my favorite, I think

35:49

you should leave sketches, where the cardiologist wants to

35:51

go to all the different clubs, and they're like,

35:53

there was a tragedy at Club Aqua tonight. What

35:55

happened? Kim Kardashian's head

35:57

fell off. It gets me. Every

36:00

time. Anyway,

36:02

he's like, why did his head fall off?

36:04

She's like, why do you have a dick on your face? I don't

36:07

know. Go get everyone else. So they

36:09

all kind of collect in this

36:11

room where his head has been

36:13

full Blownsies ripped off. Yeah.

36:15

And they're like, this looks like

36:17

the work of Valdez, Lazar's hitman.

36:20

And they all tell this story

36:22

of three guys got arrested. There

36:24

were a bunch of people guarding

36:26

them. And by the morning, everyone,

36:28

including the guys that were arrested

36:30

was ripped to shreds. Yeah.

36:33

So like it was three lieutenants and

36:35

not Kaiser. So they's organization got arrested

36:37

and they were about to testify. And

36:39

the night before they testified, they were

36:42

held up in a hotel with like

36:45

20 armed police officers and three at the

36:47

door. And when everyone woke up the next

36:49

morning, they went in there and like all

36:51

of those people were ripped apart, not

36:54

like limbs and organs missing. Yeah, exactly.

36:56

Not like shot or whatever. Like

36:58

execution sound like brutally ripped apart,

37:00

which is like exactly what we

37:02

just saw with Dean's character's head,

37:04

because it's not like cut off.

37:06

It's ripped off. Yes. No one knows

37:08

how he does it. I know how he does it. I

37:10

don't know if you've ever saw this, but

37:13

like there are these bodybuilders that will sometimes

37:15

through the power of the Lord be able

37:17

to rip a phone book in half. And

37:19

this is the vampire equivalent of that. Or

37:22

like squeeze an apple and like rip an apple in

37:24

half. Yeah, it's that. I

37:26

think you're referring to the Lord's force and

37:29

I don't think vampires would be interested because

37:31

of the crucifixes. Well, no, this is

37:33

their version. It's the dark Lord's force. The

37:35

dark Lord's. Yeah. I find your

37:37

lack of strength to stir. Now

37:40

you're going to bring Darth Vader into this. Bring

37:42

whatever I wanted to this. Anyway, so they

37:45

go to check on Abigail and

37:48

as they're kind of going up to

37:50

check on Abigail, they're, they're realizing like,

37:52

okay, wait. So either Lambert

37:54

set us up or Lambert didn't

37:56

know, right. Or one of us is Valdez

37:59

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more details. I

58:00

looked at the time and I

58:02

was like, how is there 20

58:04

minutes left of this movie? Like

58:07

there's only two people left, like what's

58:09

happening? But at this

58:11

point, Dan Stevens, coated in exploded

58:13

blood, takes his glasses off and

58:16

we finally see the baby blues

58:18

and a trap door opens, they

58:20

go inside. They overhear

58:22

recordings of their conversations from earlier

58:24

and find that Giancarlo Esposito, who

58:26

is also a vampire, is just

58:28

hanging out there and he's like,

58:30

look, I've been this little girl's

58:32

prisoner for like two years, but

58:35

I will give you a deal. If

58:37

you can help me kill her, I'll

58:39

make you a vampire, we kill the

58:42

little girl, then we fucking leave, we

58:44

take whatever money and shit we want,

58:46

we kill her dad, you name it,

58:48

it'll be great. Yeah, and then we

58:50

sort of take over the criminal empire.

58:53

Like, yeah, and of course Dan Stevens,

58:55

who is a dirtbag criminal is like,

58:57

fuck yeah, let's do this. I'll take

58:59

the promotion and immortality, thank you. Yeah,

59:02

fuck it, bite me is what he

59:04

says. And meanwhile, they have Giancarlo Esposito

59:06

knocked out Joey, AKA Melissa Barrera. And

59:08

so he turns Dan Stevens, who barfs

59:11

up so much blood. Paige, he throws

59:13

up more than Gary from Team America

59:15

after watching the Rhett musical. Yes, I

59:17

started laughing about it at a certain

59:19

point. I know, it is, I think,

59:22

and this director does this, I think

59:24

they try and make it a little

59:26

funny. And that's great, and it is

59:28

a little funny. I love it. Yeah.

59:31

But, so he's gurgling and everything.

59:33

Joey kind of wakes up and

59:36

Giancarlo Esposito turns to Frank, who

59:38

is now standing as a vampire

59:40

and is like, great, she's your

59:42

first victim. And he's like, yeah,

59:44

I don't think so. And just

59:46

immediately kills Giancarlo Esposito, just stakes

59:49

him, exploding blood. And at this

59:51

point, for a second, you have

59:53

this thought of like, is this

59:55

like overlord where Kurt Russell's

59:57

son is going to turn to... or

1:00:00

is Dan Stevens pure evil? And

1:00:03

it turns out Dan Stevens be pure evil. Yeah,

1:00:05

he just straight up evil. He just, he's like,

1:00:07

I feel fucking great. And I

1:00:09

told you not to fuck with me. Yeah, you better fucking

1:00:11

run. Yeah. And

1:00:14

she takes off, but his show cavalier about it.

1:00:16

He's just like, oh, I can't wait to kill

1:00:18

you. Yeah. He's like, this

1:00:21

is the best. It's amazing. So

1:00:23

she runs and she hits the disarm

1:00:25

button. She's going

1:00:27

to try and make a run for it. Yeah. Well,

1:00:30

the disarm button, she also grabs her phone, right? Yeah.

1:00:33

So she grabs her phone out of this scene and

1:00:36

also hits the like the window open button

1:00:38

or whatever. So like the, all the locks

1:00:40

go away. Like the windows are

1:00:42

accessible, all of that stuff. But who

1:00:44

should show up but Abigail. Yeah.

1:00:48

And she's like, oh, so things

1:00:50

have gotten weird clearly. And he

1:00:53

just picks her up and just goes, I

1:00:55

fucking hate ballet. It's

1:00:57

awesome. And

1:01:02

Joey runs, gets to a place where she can

1:01:04

get cell phone reception and calls her son Caleb

1:01:06

and leaves a voicemail because she's like, I'm probably

1:01:08

not getting out of here. I was so brutal

1:01:10

that she, the voicemail is like, hello. And

1:01:14

she's like, Caleb, it's your mom. I

1:01:16

made you, I got you. Leave

1:01:19

a message. Oh, it's heartbreaking in

1:01:21

this moment. Whatever. It's

1:01:24

heartbreaking in this moment specifically. Oh, so sad.

1:01:26

But she's like, you're the one good thing

1:01:28

I did in life. I just need you

1:01:31

to hear that. She hangs up just as

1:01:33

footsteps approach and it is Dan Stevens. He's

1:01:35

like, oh, sorry to interrupt, but it's time

1:01:37

to fucking fight because why not? I'm a

1:01:40

fucking vampire and I'm about to break every

1:01:42

structure in this. Oh, yeah. So they go

1:01:44

to the ballroom and daylight is over. It

1:01:46

is now nighttime. So she doesn't have any

1:01:49

daylight on her side. Yeah. And he's saying

1:01:51

incredibly cruel things of like, hey, it's too

1:01:53

late to be a good mom now. And

1:01:56

here's the one problem I have with this

1:01:58

scene because he throws her through. observatively 17 bookcases

1:02:01

a lot it goes on for a

1:02:03

long time. He definitely rings her bell

1:02:06

Yes in this library anyway, uh-huh. That's

1:02:08

sort of the beauty of the beast

1:02:10

joke a little bit I mean if he's

1:02:12

the beast then you know But

1:02:14

yeah, you would love if he was

1:02:16

the beast Come on if he he

1:02:19

throws her through so much wooden furniture and she

1:02:21

never goes to pick up a shard of it

1:02:23

No, she does not that blue. I

1:02:25

was like girl Yeah, it's a room full

1:02:27

of steaks now like every time he throws

1:02:30

you through something It's more dangerous and we

1:02:32

have seen the stakes work like

1:02:34

we know yes crucifixes don't work. We

1:02:36

know right not onions Haha garlic does

1:02:39

it work right? We know onions don't

1:02:41

work. Yeah, we know Stakes

1:02:43

work right, but you're right. Yeah, she doesn't do

1:02:45

any of that So he he

1:02:48

throws her off the railing like

1:02:50

she takes a fucking Beading

1:02:53

page when an adult man throws

1:02:55

an adult woman from the second

1:02:57

floor of the library Onto

1:03:00

the ground and a 12 year

1:03:02

old girl runs out and like scoop

1:03:04

catches her Before she hits

1:03:06

the ground cuz it's like normally it would

1:03:09

be the opposite of that like yeah Mother

1:03:11

character is running out to catch the child

1:03:13

character as it falls. It was so funny

1:03:15

to me that they did it that way

1:03:17

I was like this is perfect. I love

1:03:20

it. It was so fun. And then they're

1:03:22

like, let's kick his ass Yeah,

1:03:24

cuz Abigail is just like I'm too weak to

1:03:26

take him alone Help me kill him and I'll

1:03:28

let you go and they're like, all right, so

1:03:30

he comes down like oh, oh, all right Let's

1:03:33

fucking go. I can fight a woman and a

1:03:35

child Thems

1:03:38

are the rules page thems are

1:03:40

the rules But as they

1:03:42

go to start fighting him Abigail

1:03:44

stills doing her dancer shit And

1:03:47

so he takes a chance to literally

1:03:49

stab Joey onto a wall. Oh like

1:03:51

oh Horrible like

1:03:54

into the wall like she struggles

1:03:56

to get off of the wall guys

1:03:58

and then he like knocks

1:04:01

Abigail so hard, like

1:04:03

if it was a human girl, it would have

1:04:05

broken her back. And then she has to like

1:04:08

backbend out of it. When

1:04:10

she like hits the ground with her

1:04:12

legs behind her back and then rolls

1:04:14

over, I was like, God damn, that

1:04:16

looks painful. Like

1:04:19

that stunt looked painful. You know what

1:04:21

I'm saying? There's a foley sound to

1:04:24

it too, where it's like crunching. I

1:04:26

was like, oh, she's gonna

1:04:28

need chiropractors forever. But it's like

1:04:30

straight up ragdoll physics. That's how

1:04:32

hard he hits her into the

1:04:34

ground. Yeah, like somebody dying in

1:04:36

Grand Theft Auto. Yeah. That's

1:04:39

how bad it is. But you're just like, oh,

1:04:42

that little girl wasted. Like,

1:04:45

but she backbends out of it.

1:04:48

And then they do for

1:04:50

real, basically vampire karate. Yeah, it's

1:04:52

called vampirati, but yeah, I'm surprised

1:04:54

you don't know about it Paige.

1:04:56

It's very big. I don't. It's

1:04:59

like the underground street fighting scene. Yeah, but she

1:05:02

reaches out her pinky to be like pinky

1:05:04

promise. Like we're gonna do this together. Which

1:05:06

is the pinky promise from before. It's check

1:05:08

off pinky promise guys. Check off pinky promise.

1:05:11

She pretends to go limp and he just

1:05:13

like drops her on the ground and

1:05:15

then walks over and pulls Melissa Barrera

1:05:18

off the wall. Great acting on

1:05:20

Melissa Barrera's part because that would hurt so bad. And

1:05:22

she's just like, ah,

1:05:24

he pulls her off

1:05:26

the wall. And

1:05:28

he bites her and tosses her to

1:05:31

the side and assumes that he'll be

1:05:33

able to use her as a puppet

1:05:35

the same way that Abigail used Sammy.

1:05:38

And she plays along, but

1:05:41

as she gets up, she tries to stake

1:05:43

Frank and he's like, wait a second. And

1:05:45

throws her through another bookcase, giving her

1:05:48

just enough time for Abigail to get

1:05:50

him. Abigail's like,

1:05:52

yo, I

1:05:54

don't know why you thought that you could

1:05:57

immediately turn into a vampire and do the

1:05:59

cool shit, but no. She's like, it takes

1:06:01

years to learn the cool shit. And so

1:06:03

she's like trying to stake him and

1:06:07

she can't because they're equally strong,

1:06:09

these two vampires. So Joey like

1:06:11

slides over and then they both.

1:06:14

Pushes on it, they both stake

1:06:16

him. Stake him through the heart.

1:06:18

And then he explodes so much

1:06:20

that the inertia of that explosion

1:06:23

knocks them against the walls. It's

1:06:25

so crazy. It's so crazy and

1:06:27

she's like, okay, cool. I'm

1:06:30

gonna go. And she's like, yeah,

1:06:32

no, I hope you get your kid back. So

1:06:34

sorry about this. Weird misunderstanding, but like, I hope

1:06:36

we can stay friends. And as she's leaving, we

1:06:38

hear a voice from the other side of the

1:06:40

room where it was her dad who's like, I

1:06:43

don't think you'll be leaving. And she's like, gasp

1:06:46

father. Christophe

1:06:48

Lazar. Yes. Or

1:06:50

Matthew Good. Who turns out to be Matthew Good. Yeah. Yes.

1:06:54

And he does Matthew pretty damn good in this movie. You know what

1:06:56

I'm saying? He does. And Abigail's

1:06:58

like, hey, no, she helped when you weren't

1:07:00

here, dad. You're

1:07:03

not my real dad. You never will be. She

1:07:06

pulls a hardcore like, dad.

1:07:09

Great. But he shakes Joey's

1:07:11

hand and is like, I think you should leave.

1:07:13

And she's like, I think I should too. And

1:07:16

runs out to the van where she

1:07:18

finds another lollipop, puts it in, turns

1:07:21

on the van and drives away. And

1:07:25

that's the movie.

1:07:29

What'd you think about Abigail? Loved

1:07:31

it. I thought it was pretty

1:07:33

great too. I typically don't

1:07:36

rate the movies I think are great high

1:07:38

on the scary scale, but this will be

1:07:40

higher than normal. I'll say for movies I

1:07:42

think are great. Cause there are like jump

1:07:44

scary moments in it. And that's the stuff

1:07:46

that really gets me. The other

1:07:49

stuff that got me was when

1:07:51

she falls into like the human

1:07:53

pit of dead bodies or whatever,

1:07:55

hated that. Most of the rest

1:07:57

of this movie is either really

1:07:59

like. funny or like really cool

1:08:01

fights between vampires and it's like

1:08:04

and children yeah it's fun look

1:08:06

if you want to see demon

1:08:08

children get beat it up like

1:08:10

I can't imagine Mikey not

1:08:12

loving this I'm sure Mikey loved this

1:08:14

movie yeah I think if Mikey was

1:08:17

playing like the Dan Stevens character you

1:08:19

would see him cock his fist like

1:08:21

Henry Cavill in that Mission Impossible movie

1:08:24

before like a go you little tiny

1:08:26

dancer bitch yeah that's

1:08:28

what I needed I'm sure they

1:08:30

couldn't afford it is that final

1:08:33

fight scene scored to tiny dance

1:08:35

oh my god that would have

1:08:37

been truly amazing

1:08:49

anyway page do you have any fun facts for

1:08:51

us I do this

1:08:58

is one of Angus clouds final roles

1:09:00

before passing we kind of talked about

1:09:02

that he passed in July of 2023

1:09:04

but production wasn't completed

1:09:06

until months after his death due to

1:09:08

the sag after strike he

1:09:10

had filmed all of his scenes before

1:09:13

production was shut down but I do

1:09:15

believe he had a couple unfinished projects

1:09:17

that I think will complete later this

1:09:20

year sometime yeah okay that's real sad

1:09:22

though yeah the directors were so impressed

1:09:24

by Alicia Weir who played Abigail's dancing

1:09:26

that they added more dance sequences to

1:09:29

the film and I'm here to say

1:09:31

thank you I know

1:09:33

Todd and I disagree on this but

1:09:35

that's fine I felt a lot like

1:09:37

Dan Stevens at the end of this

1:09:39

movie because it was so much ballet

1:09:41

I was like yeah same I also

1:09:43

fucking hate ballet I don't really hate

1:09:45

it honestly it was just there was

1:09:47

a lot of in this movie there's

1:09:49

a lot of in there in an

1:09:52

interview the directors mentioned that they apologized

1:09:54

to the cast with a volume of

1:09:56

blood they used on set they're like

1:09:58

all of our movies are bloody but

1:10:00

this is definitely the most bloody which

1:10:02

is typified by the fact that they

1:10:04

get coded head to toe in blood

1:10:06

multiple times. Yeah. And at one point,

1:10:08

Dan Stevens gets coded head to toe

1:10:10

in blood, wipes his face off, and

1:10:12

then gets coded again. Just

1:10:15

one right after the to the point where I

1:10:17

noticed it as a continuity error. And I was

1:10:19

like, when did he wipe his face? Oh, nevermind.

1:10:21

That's there's more blood anyway. So Kevin

1:10:25

Durand was able to change his character's

1:10:27

origins from the original script. So

1:10:30

that he could use his native quebecu accent,

1:10:32

which is something he had never done on

1:10:34

film before. Really? Yeah. I didn't

1:10:36

know that honestly. I thought he was doing

1:10:38

an accent for the movie. That's just how

1:10:40

he sounds like. I think I think it's

1:10:42

the accent from where he's from. I don't

1:10:44

know. Okay. I'm sure he probably played it

1:10:47

up a little bit. Yeah. Okay. Fair enough.

1:10:49

But yeah, they used the famous Guinness Manor

1:10:51

in Dublin, Ireland to film the bulk of

1:10:53

this movie. So it is one location for

1:10:55

the most part. Okay. The music in the

1:10:57

opening title is the main theme from Tchaikovsky's

1:11:00

ballet Swan Lake. It is also

1:11:02

used in the opening titles of Dracula, the 1931

1:11:04

version. Okay.

1:11:06

Now, if you are a Dracula

1:11:08

nerd, you might have also noticed

1:11:10

the crest that's visible in a

1:11:12

few shots on the library floor,

1:11:14

the security gates over the entrance,

1:11:17

which heavily resembles the Dracula crest

1:11:19

from the old universal movies. Okay.

1:11:21

Inside the mansion, a regal portrait

1:11:23

of Tony Ladomas from ready or

1:11:25

not can be seen. However, the

1:11:27

individual depicted in the frame is

1:11:29

actually a distant ancestor. So canonically,

1:11:31

these exist in the same universe,

1:11:34

but not with the same characters.

1:11:36

He says it's a great, great,

1:11:38

great, great grandfather. Okay. Abigail

1:11:40

is Hebrew for my father's joy.

1:11:43

All right. But Melissa

1:11:45

Barrera said that this movie was the one with

1:11:47

the most blood she had ever experienced in a

1:11:49

movie. Remember, she was in Scream. Of course. She

1:11:51

says I've seen some movies that have like a

1:11:54

bathtub full of blood or someone comes out of

1:11:56

blood and like in the water, but talking about

1:11:58

the amount of blood that you see throughout the

1:12:00

This is probably up there with the most. It's

1:12:02

a lot. We have blood cannons that says a

1:12:04

lot. Yeah, that does say a lot.

1:12:06

Yeah. This was filmed in

1:12:09

two parts because of the sag strike. So

1:12:11

initial filming was in May of 2023 to July of 2023.

1:12:15

And the second block began again in

1:12:17

November and then wrapped in December of

1:12:19

the same year. When asked about the

1:12:21

blood, Tyler Gillette, one of the co-directors

1:12:23

said, our thing with blood is it

1:12:26

always has to feel viscous. The minute it feels

1:12:28

thin, it's not interesting. We want it to stick

1:12:30

to you. Boy, does that happen.

1:12:32

It's a smoothie. That is

1:12:35

a very good description of the blood in their movies because Ready

1:12:37

or Not was the same way. Oh, yeah.

1:12:40

This is the third of four Universal Pictures

1:12:42

based on Dracula to be released in two

1:12:44

years. The others being Renfield, which we saw

1:12:46

at Panic Fest. Man, Renfield was so great. Last

1:12:48

Voyage of the Demeter, which we have not done

1:12:51

yet. We haven't. We planned to do it and

1:12:53

then either it wasn't streaming. There was some reason

1:12:55

we couldn't do it. And

1:12:57

then Nosferatu, which comes out later this year.

1:13:00

This is also the second film of the year featuring Catherine Newton

1:13:02

based on a classic horror movie because

1:13:05

this came out the same year as

1:13:07

Lisa Frankenstein, also made by

1:13:09

Universal Pictures. Okay. I'll

1:13:12

leave you on this real, real fun one.

1:13:14

Okay. This movie contains 224

1:13:16

uses of the word fuck and its derivatives. Heck

1:13:21

yeah. That's a lot, by the way,

1:13:23

for a movie, but I

1:13:25

respect it. Love it. Me too. No notes.

1:13:27

Notes for R2. Notes for R2

1:13:29

on that, guys. But Paige, thank

1:13:32

you for those fun facts. Let's

1:13:34

talk a little bit about box office. What

1:13:36

do you think the production budget was for Abigail Paige? Oh,

1:13:39

I think they spent 10 million on blood alone. Um,

1:13:41

I, I'm actually going

1:13:43

to go with about 18 million. Okay.

1:13:46

You'd be off by 10 million dollars.

1:13:49

It's 20 million dollars. Yeah.

1:13:52

Okay. Okay. I thought you were about to

1:13:54

tell me that this was only an eight million dollar

1:13:56

movie and I was like, no, give them everything.

1:14:00

Yeah, I was gonna say, even though it

1:14:02

is like a single location movie largely, Yeah.

1:14:04

They've got some big name people in it

1:14:06

and like, They've got a lot of effects.

1:14:08

A lot of effects, yeah. So, it definitely

1:14:10

is expensive. 28 million is

1:14:12

fair. They got Matthew Good and

1:14:14

Giancarlo Esposito for a combined one

1:14:16

minute of screen time. I know,

1:14:18

and those guys even at that, like, even for

1:14:21

that sort of time are expensive. Yes, yeah, yeah,

1:14:23

yeah. But this movie came out on April 19th,

1:14:25

2024. A

1:14:27

few months ago. It was number two,

1:14:29

the weekend it came out. It was beat by

1:14:31

Civil War. Abigail was number

1:14:34

two. Number three was Godzilla X

1:14:36

Kong, the new empire. Number four

1:14:38

was the Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare.

1:14:40

Which I did see and was

1:14:42

good. Oh, did you? Okay. Yeah, I

1:14:45

liked it. It actually premiered this same week

1:14:47

and was fourth. So, number five was Spy

1:14:49

Family Code White, and that was your top

1:14:51

five that weekend. But what do you think

1:14:53

Abigail made in its opening weekend page? This

1:14:55

got around word of mouth a little bit. So,

1:14:58

I'm going to say opening weekend, it probably

1:15:01

didn't make its budget back, but I'm betting

1:15:03

that it will over time. I'm going to

1:15:05

say this made, it was in second place.

1:15:08

Yes, ma'am. I think this made 21 million.

1:15:11

Oh, Paige, it was 10.2 million dollars. That

1:15:14

was my other guess. Why am I so off

1:15:17

today? It's the orange soda. The number one

1:15:19

movie, which was Civil War, if you remember, only

1:15:21

made 11.2 million dollars this weekend. Okay,

1:15:23

so it was a slow weekend. It was a slower weekend.

1:15:25

Yeah. But you're right, it did

1:15:28

hold pretty well. It was in the top

1:15:30

10 for its first four weeks. Although, well,

1:15:32

when we talk about how much it made, that might seem

1:15:34

like a shock to you. But what

1:15:37

do you think it made domestically? Domestically. In

1:15:40

its full six-week run.

1:15:42

Oh, only six weeks. Yeah. I'm going to say

1:15:44

32. Okay, you're close. It

1:15:47

was 25.8 million dollars. That

1:15:50

makes sense. It made another 16.2

1:15:52

internationally. So, it did make its

1:15:54

budget back eventually. It made 42

1:15:56

million dollars worldwide. And of

1:15:58

course, it's now on streaming. So that was they

1:16:00

paid for that too. So they definitely

1:16:02

have made money back, but it didn't make like

1:16:05

a shitload of money. But that is

1:16:07

your box office. So Paige, do you want to

1:16:09

hit them with that scary scale? Sure.

1:16:11

Our scary scale is a scale of

1:16:13

what we, how we found, hold on.

1:16:16

Our scary scale is a scare of house. Oh

1:16:18

my God. Our scary scale is a scale

1:16:20

of how scary we found the movie today

1:16:23

on a scale of one to 10, one

1:16:25

being Ghostbusters 10 being Texas Chainsaw

1:16:27

Massacre. Todd. I

1:16:30

was going to say three, but I think I got

1:16:32

to give it a four. Cause it got me with

1:16:34

a few jump scares and some like body horror stuff.

1:16:36

I think you might call it. But

1:16:38

I do think it's a good movie. I

1:16:41

think if I watched it again, I would enjoy it more cause

1:16:43

I would know when to turn my head. I'm

1:16:45

going to give this a one. Okay. But I

1:16:47

thoroughly enjoyed this. It's a one on the

1:16:50

scary scale, a 10 on the enjoyment scale.

1:16:53

Liked it a lot. Had a blast.

1:16:55

Yeah. A blood blast. Todd,

1:16:59

do you have any reviews for us? Well, before

1:17:01

we do that page, let's get into

1:17:03

this week. The listeners

1:17:05

made us watch Abigail Abigail. What

1:17:07

are you making us watch next

1:17:09

week? I'm not. Okay. Our guest

1:17:11

is making us watch Immaculate and I'm

1:17:14

very excited cause we're going to have

1:17:16

like a double Sydney Sweeney because there's

1:17:18

a Sydney Sweeney on romancing the pod

1:17:20

as well. Yep. Back to back Sydney

1:17:23

Sweeney's, but the one for

1:17:25

horror version is to watch Immaculate. So Immaculate.

1:17:27

That's your homework for next week. Watch Immaculate

1:17:29

and then in check back for that episode

1:17:31

with that special guest. So Todd, do you

1:17:34

have any reviews for us? I do, but

1:17:37

let me start off with a Spotify comment

1:17:39

and this Spotify comment is going to come

1:17:41

off our most recent episode, which was the

1:17:43

Godzilla minus one episode. And

1:17:45

this one is from, honestly I got

1:17:48

a few that more or less were

1:17:50

the same, but the persons I'm going

1:17:52

to read is from KLCNC and they

1:17:54

say, please do Shin Godzilla.

1:17:57

Cause it's so good. And

1:17:59

the evolution. I haven't

1:18:01

seen Shin Godzilla, but many people suggested that.

1:18:05

People sent me visuals of the Godzilla,

1:18:07

like the actual monster design in Shin

1:18:09

Godzilla. Oh, yeah. And

1:18:12

it looks wild. Okay.

1:18:14

I'm down for Shin gods. I'm down for any Godzilla

1:18:16

ever. Although I did think it was funny that people

1:18:18

like can't wait for you guys to do the franchise.

1:18:20

And I'm like, there's like 35 of these movies. We

1:18:24

are not going to do all of them. But I am down to

1:18:26

do Shin Godzilla. I'm down for a Kaiju month. We could do

1:18:28

Pacific Rim also. I mean,

1:18:30

I would do. Yeah, whatever. That sounds great.

1:18:34

But thank you so much for that comment. And again,

1:18:36

that was from KLCNC. I am

1:18:38

now going to read a five star Apple

1:18:40

review. This one is from SFMT. WYN

1:18:45

SFM Twin, maybe. And they say

1:18:47

best horror recap slash review podcast.

1:18:51

Thank you for doing fun movies and

1:18:53

giving unbiased reviews. You all

1:18:55

sound like you're having fun and can find enjoyment

1:18:57

in any movie. The good, the bad

1:18:59

and the ridiculous. And thank

1:19:01

you so much for noticing SFM Twin. We

1:19:04

appreciate it. And thank you so much for that

1:19:06

five star review. And if you want to have

1:19:08

me read your five star review or Spotify comment,

1:19:10

leave us one of those things and we'll do

1:19:12

just that. So, guys, if you like this show,

1:19:14

but want to hear Paige and I talk about

1:19:17

romantic comedies or just regular romantic movies, check out

1:19:19

our other podcast. Some might

1:19:21

call it a sister podcast called Romancing the Pod. Where we

1:19:23

do just that weekly. It's

1:19:25

a lot like this show, but for romance and romantic

1:19:27

comedies, because Paige doesn't like them. So

1:19:30

we like make her watch them just like

1:19:32

you guys make me watch horror over here.

1:19:34

But if you want to follow me, I

1:19:36

am at Todd J. Awesome and all the

1:19:38

social media. Paige is at Rampage Wesley on

1:19:40

Instagram. Yes. And tick tock and

1:19:42

tick tock and just Paige Wesley on Twitter

1:19:45

because you got that before some

1:19:47

CEO lady and she wanted it, but you wouldn't give

1:19:49

it back. And I respect you for that. Refuse. Also,

1:19:52

Paige. Shuck it other Paige Wesley. Paige

1:19:55

is also on another podcast.

1:19:57

It's great. You should check

1:19:59

it out. podcast with Armando Torres, who is a

1:20:01

wonderful person. And if you want to support this

1:20:04

show, go to patreon.com. Slash horror

1:20:06

virgin, where there are a lot of great levels and a

1:20:08

lot of great things. We do the Patreon shout outs at

1:20:10

the beginning of every episode. We do listener requests, stuff like

1:20:12

that. Bonus episodes. So you'll be getting

1:20:14

all of that content plus episodes a day early

1:20:16

with no ads. And who doesn't love that? So

1:20:18

sign up for the Patreon and get a lot

1:20:20

of great stuff. You want to close it up,

1:20:22

Paige? That's going to be it for us, you

1:20:24

guys. I'm Paige. And I'm your

1:20:27

horror virgin, Todd. Keep it spooky. Yeah.

1:20:29

Have an amazing week, guys. Bye.

1:20:32

Abigail rips nerds.