Episode Transcript
Transcripts are displayed as originally observed. Some content, including advertisements may have changed.
Use Ctrl + F to search
0:19
Ever seen anything
0:21
birch me. Every
0:23
little thing. New
0:25
thing. Virginie. Every
0:28
little thing that's just feeding
0:30
the agree to our bear
0:32
that you live. Without
0:35
he. You're
0:38
listening to the Minimalist podcast with. Joshua
0:40
Fields, Melbourne and Tk calm
0:43
and faint. Umalat bam are
0:45
hello everybody! Tk is looking
0:48
streamlined today. Brush free. Courtesy
0:50
of Universal Know what you
0:52
know. we streamlined the video
0:54
version of the podcast, but
0:56
this audio excursion today you
0:59
can still check out. The.
1:01
Case Fresh Fade. We just updated the
1:03
cover are. You
1:05
can see on Apple or Spot of Fi
1:08
or overcast wherever you listen to. Podcasts including
1:10
You Tube are still on You Tube. Even
1:12
if we don't have a video version up
1:14
there, you can comment there as well. You
1:16
can also see Tk is beautiful. Gray.
1:18
Beard you look ten percent. Wiser,
1:22
Thousand per cent more streamlined and
1:24
you don't feel a streamlined myself
1:26
t care how so. Well.
1:29
I mean first off, we don't have to deal
1:31
with. Error. Anymore Josh his
1:33
hair annoying as when illegally cure I do
1:35
I call it hair annoy. Orion Paranoia? Yes
1:37
yes. Whenever we do a video version of
1:40
a podcast on my all is my are
1:42
you had to think about that Right now
1:44
I've got the For Hawk go on a
1:46
shave. The sides there's i'm mall it in
1:49
the back on Law and it's amazing. I'd
1:51
still looks the same as on the cover.
1:53
I'm just not being neurotic about it anymore.
1:55
And of course we're going to save thousands
1:57
of dollars a month on my for. Makeup.
2:02
Gotta get the sign outta here will.
2:04
Another added benefit is we have the
2:06
I saved up. And so there's
2:08
natural lighting pouring into the room
2:10
which we usually have to ah,
2:12
stave off because ah, the camera
2:14
lighting first. Nice. I feel more
2:16
peaceful as a result of that.
2:19
make a that mass simplicity already.
2:21
Panels: Who has resulted in by
2:23
streamlining getting back to nature simplifying
2:25
in a way Simplicity: Ten are
2:27
both wearing purple Adidas tracksuit. You
2:30
know, the ones of the three lines of my
2:33
stream lining to play i was opposite has brought
2:35
to you. But now I'm just getting. The
2:39
sun in the studio and were streamlining
2:41
a lot Right now. it's were talking
2:43
about today, the arts of streamlining one's
2:46
life we're gonna lock to discuss today.
2:48
So coming up on this free, public,
2:50
minimal episode of color has a question
2:53
about her husband who's having trouble letting
2:55
go of certain items that see wants
2:57
him to minimize. And then we've got
3:00
a lightning round question about how the
3:02
need for approval keeps people tethered to
3:04
a lifestyle they don't once followed by
3:07
are right here right now. Segment
3:09
and a listener tip for you.
3:11
You could check out the full
3:13
to our maximal edition of episode
3:16
Four Hundred and Thirty Eight. That's
3:18
the full episode or answer five
3:21
times the questions and we dive
3:23
deep in the several simple living
3:25
segments. That private podcast episode is
3:28
L right now a patriotic.com/the Minimalists
3:30
your support keeps our podcast one
3:33
hundred percent advertisement free because say
3:35
with me, all advertisement his socks.
3:37
Let's start. With our callers does
3:39
he have a question or com and
3:41
for our show will have hear from
3:44
you Give us a call for zero,
3:46
six to one, Nine Seventy Three nine
3:48
or email a voice recordings to podcast
3:50
at the minimalists.com or first question today.
3:53
Is. From Murray. Name
3:55
is blurry and I'm from Ohio and
3:57
of question. Regarding decluttering.
4:00
The greatest thing I really enjoy the
4:02
and providing getting rid of things and
4:04
my partner does as well. However, he
4:06
struggles with the what if we need
4:08
it later bill and but if we
4:10
would replace it and I don't wanna
4:12
pay for it has to go about
4:14
addressing that. To. To help
4:16
him a resource or has been exhibited these things that
4:19
he doesn't. Want
4:23
to? Sounds like he's open. But.
4:25
They're just needs to be a
4:28
way of measuring or defining. What
4:31
counts as illegitimate? Instance.
4:34
Of just in Case And that's the hard
4:36
part right? We we have the ability to
4:38
say i might need is some day about
4:40
literally anything. There's a story you can tell
4:42
yourself about everything back and convince you in
4:44
the people around you that you might you
4:46
needed. But how do we distinguish when that
4:48
story is a healthy one and when it's
4:50
not. Really for say only to
4:52
do is go to download the free
4:55
rulebook we have. It's called Them Animals
4:57
Rulebook sixteen Rules for a living with
4:59
less you find them analysts.com/rulebooks bunch of
5:01
other free resources over there on a
5:03
website as well. We're going to start
5:05
with these three rules and teachers. You're
5:07
spot on. You talk about how do
5:10
we distinguish between the things that might
5:12
be useful some day? the things are
5:14
gonna hold onto just in case we
5:16
might need it in some nonexistent hypothetical
5:18
future. And I think those three words
5:20
just in case. Or three, the
5:22
most dangerous words in English language
5:25
because they don't allow us to
5:27
streamline our lives. A streamlined life
5:30
is a life that has improved.
5:33
Through. Subtraction rather than.
5:35
Edition. And. So today
5:38
we're talking about streamlining. I've a
5:40
bit of a double entendre for
5:42
you here. Tk streamlining requires letting
5:44
go of difficult things. Now was
5:46
that a double entendre? Well, there
5:48
are some things that are. Difficult.
5:51
To let go of because of a story
5:53
that we tell ourselves on. gonna hold onto
5:55
this just in case, rights or all that
5:58
so important to me at all. So. Part
6:00
of a story that we tell ourselves
6:02
rights and so it's difficult. Sometimes it's
6:04
letting go of the things that are
6:06
difficult because it is difficult to get
6:08
rid of so many things at once
6:10
to I sell this to I donated
6:12
to i trashes drive a friend and
6:14
my good value from it's by letting
6:16
go of my adding value the someone
6:18
elses life because by cling to these
6:20
things all of these just in case
6:22
items are you know what. I. Know
6:24
if I'm being honest with myself, I'm not
6:27
going to get any real value from all
6:29
of these access items. But if I free
6:31
up the space now, have a son of
6:33
made room for real value to the Just
6:35
In Case rules. One of those three rules
6:37
though my talk about and to basically says
6:40
it's you're holding on to anything just in
6:42
case you can let go of it for.
6:45
Any reason at all because you can
6:47
replace it for less than twenty dollars
6:49
in less than twenty minutes from wherever
6:51
you are. See, don't even need a
6:53
reason to let the thing go. With
6:55
this points, you realize that this things
6:57
no longer serve a purpose of malice.
6:59
However, there's this other other category of
7:01
and just for when items that a
7:03
few examples I wrote down before the
7:05
show so we could talk about them.
7:08
but just for when items are different
7:10
from Just In Case Just or when
7:12
items. they may not fit the seasonality
7:14
rule which is another room. And that
7:16
minimalist robots And that rule says.
7:19
Have. I use this in the last ninety days because the
7:21
Ninety Nine Zero. And. If not, we'll I
7:23
use in the next ninety days and it's not. I
7:25
give myself permission to let go. But. There
7:27
are few items the far side of
7:29
the the seasonality rule and Israel because
7:31
just for when items things like. Toilet
7:34
paper, toothpaste, soap, batteries,
7:37
other consumer bull's. Eye.
7:39
By my toilet paper by the case, right?
7:41
None of giant power of toilet paper. I
7:43
have enough space for enough rules and ones
7:46
go by. One roll of toilet paper, one
7:48
square of toilet paper, and I'll buy one
7:50
dollop of so by by like three bottles.
7:52
The soap at a time. though I always
7:54
have backups. I hate running out of thing,
7:56
so that's why I'm so sympathetic to a
7:59
question like Marie. The question: I'm sympathetic
8:01
to her husband because it's true. I
8:03
don't want to run out of some
8:05
of these just for when items. Things
8:08
like my toolbox other just or when
8:10
I am scared probably use my hammer
8:12
within every ninety days. but there are
8:14
many things in my toolbox that sit
8:17
within the confines of that toolbox. Screws
8:19
and nails and different screwdrivers? Dunno or
8:21
use even if it's. Outside
8:23
of on a ninety day window
8:26
rain and we live in Los
8:28
Angeles and Southern California. Mom.
8:30
For me I just went on to
8:32
my be an umbrella or arrange jacket
8:35
or rain boots Snazzy! Live in Seattle
8:37
or static? Can Alaska Guess what? You're.
8:39
Going to use those things all the
8:42
time. Those aren't just for when items
8:44
as or everyday items for someone who's
8:46
living in Ketchikan but here no way
8:48
of Zoc and of my daughter butterfly
8:50
spice. She was a point out to
8:53
her mom that we saw the Soviet
8:55
the we don't use specific fit within
8:57
the season alley rule. mom. And.
9:00
As high as and that interesting. That said,
9:02
well, let's put a deadline on and are
9:04
we going to use this in the next
9:06
ninety days? My birthdays, And about Ninety days.
9:08
As I said, if we don't use this
9:11
by my birthday, let's let it. Go.
9:13
And see like that as a boundary.
9:15
the toolbox as a a type of
9:18
boundary. When his mother. Just. for
9:20
when items or camping gear. Seafood.
9:22
Center a cool are sleeping bags. Maybe
9:24
you're not using those within the next
9:26
ninety days, but you know you're going
9:29
to use them at least once a
9:31
year. And beyond that, we have clothing
9:33
for special occasions rights like awareness of
9:35
basic black sure to days and black
9:38
jeans. But I'm going to go to
9:40
a wedding or funeral and I've won
9:42
suit for those occasions. But I know
9:44
go to a wedding or funeral, hopefully
9:47
every every ninety days and so I
9:49
make space for that. And just for
9:51
when, Item. Some. Like Tj.
9:54
Our Day decorations, Christmas
9:56
decorations. The eyes up in
9:58
the Christmas tree Up because wife. Let him
10:00
in July from. Atlanta
10:03
I'm Alex was losing by himself as a
10:05
good have the Christmas tree up all year
10:07
round and then is be an everyday use
10:09
rights but in there are other things like
10:11
kitchen items that are used once a year,
10:14
maybe that subito socket about or maybe have
10:16
a bread maker use every six months or
10:18
whatever. But the key to these just for
10:20
when items. Is I know I'm actually
10:22
going to use them? I'm. Going to
10:25
use them within the next year. And
10:27
if not then going to reassess like
10:30
that sufi that we used all the
10:32
time we don't really use anymore and
10:34
so it might be time to let
10:37
that go. I think there's digital files
10:39
in his photos and and differ things
10:41
that are on your computer. Having those
10:43
well organized things are just for when
10:46
items. No I don't use every picture
10:48
on my hard drive or that I
10:50
store on the claim the cloud. Every.
10:53
Ninety Days. But those are just for when
10:55
items. I want to. When I want to
10:57
go back and reference, those things are just
11:00
for When applies not only to the physical
11:02
realm, but to this digital realm as well.
11:04
And lastly, the there are some just in
11:06
case items. We call them emergency items. In
11:09
fact, we have an emergency item rule in
11:11
the minimalist rule book and these are just
11:13
in case items that you hope you never
11:15
have to use for something. About the first
11:17
aid kit. Either. Young
11:20
daughters. I have to use the first aid
11:22
kit all the time, but I hope that
11:24
I never have season. Ah, jumper cables are
11:26
tired chains if you have any, a cold
11:28
climate where it snows and they've you're going
11:31
through mountain passes. Or what about a spare
11:33
tire? Mostly by the spare tire with the
11:35
car. He. Hope you never have
11:37
to use and but it is an
11:39
Emergency Items? Is it just in case?
11:41
ah to be holding on to just
11:43
in case of an emergency. In fact,
11:45
we did entire episode in Alabama. You
11:47
would mind putting a link to the
11:49
Emergency Items episode in the show notes
11:51
over the minimalist suck com/podcast so post
11:53
can take a look at that episode
11:55
as well. Because
11:57
Brian and I we talked about weed.
12:00
Go Bag! There is a actual emergency
12:02
where we have to flee within thirty
12:04
seconds we have a bag of thing.
12:06
It's an emergency item. I hope I
12:08
never have to use it for. About
12:10
firearms: If you want to keep your
12:12
family safe and you feel the best
12:14
way to do that is having a
12:16
firearm. and now see, don't want to
12:18
use it much. you're practicing it with
12:20
it as a gun range which would
12:22
make a whole lot of sense. But
12:24
beyond that you hope you never have
12:26
to use. it's the Inhabit they're just
12:28
in case there is an emergency. Yeah,
12:31
that's really good a I want to touch all
12:33
and maybe some. Ah, Communication
12:35
issues underneath this challenge that.
12:38
Can. Be applicable to many other things, but it comes
12:40
up a lot when we deal with. People.
12:42
With whom we live and we want to get
12:44
rid of some things and they want to hold
12:47
on them that the first thing I would say
12:49
is. Strive. To
12:51
lead with a positive vision.
12:54
Of. How your life could benefit
12:56
from an increased amount of simplicity
12:58
that is always a great and
13:01
inspiring way to start a conversation
13:03
about downsizing or decluttering. So something
13:05
like. I
13:08
really would love to use this room
13:10
for my writing. And
13:12
if I can only simplify these elements,
13:15
I feel like a to get so
13:17
much more done or I really love
13:19
to use the kitchen space for prep
13:22
during these times of the day. And
13:24
if I can just organize this. I.
13:27
Would really flourish and how I
13:29
use the space because when you
13:31
paint that positive vision that contextualize
13:33
of the conversation you're gonna have
13:35
about that other person's need to
13:37
cooperate with you. So many times
13:39
when we make suggestions to other
13:42
people about what they said, do
13:44
with their stuff. even though we
13:46
don't feel this way, it often
13:48
makes them feel as if we
13:50
are just being controlling or just
13:52
nitpicking or being insensitive or not
13:55
caring about the story behind. Why
13:57
it matters to them And it's easy to feel
13:59
like well as. Didn't have to spell
14:01
out the fact that I love this
14:03
person and respect this person. That's actually
14:05
not true when you're in a loving
14:07
relationship, we sometimes do need to spell
14:09
out the facts that we respect them
14:11
and that we love them because it
14:14
isn't always obvious even though the internal
14:16
experience of that love and respect as
14:18
there and it just works wonders when
14:20
you could communicate to someone when you're
14:22
asking them to make adjustments on your
14:24
behalf. my case, it would benefit me.
14:27
If. Life were a little bit more like this
14:29
and I would love to find a way to
14:31
make it like that. While. Still
14:33
honoring and respecting what's
14:35
important. Can you help
14:37
me? A second thing I
14:39
would say and I'll explain this by way of analogy.
14:42
Is. Sometimes when you have competing concerns,
14:44
the best sort of compromise is simply
14:46
defining things in such a way so
14:49
they're both parties can know what to
14:51
expect. So let's say for instance, arm
14:53
I need something done from you and
14:55
you don't want to do it right
14:57
now but I feel their of urgency
15:00
of wanting it done right now. And
15:02
you want to do it whenever you feel
15:05
like it. And that stresses me out
15:07
because that's pretty vague and in that
15:09
sounds indefinite and at the same time you
15:11
want some measure of autonomy to not
15:13
have to jump whenever I say.certainly my
15:15
stress said not dictates everything that you
15:17
do and so maybe you could say and
15:19
a moment like that, how about this?
15:21
I understand that you can't do this
15:23
now and I went to honor your time.
15:26
But. Can you commit to a time when you
15:28
can do it? Even. When it's can
15:30
be a for you even if it's only in
15:33
two weeks, That way I know what to expect
15:35
and you also have the agency to do it
15:37
when it works for you. And in what's that
15:39
person commits, we have a boundary that we can
15:42
hold each other accountable to and both or neither
15:44
satisfy within the context of a compromise in a
15:46
similar way when it comes to stuff and getting
15:48
rid of things. If that person has a whole
15:51
bunch to just in case things, you can create
15:53
some agreements like all right, If
15:55
we don't use any of these things this year,
15:57
can we agree to get rid of them? Or?
16:00
Can. We agree on a certain number of
16:02
things that we apply the just in case
16:04
logic to. We definitely need to do some
16:06
downsizing. So can we limit the amount of
16:08
get out of jail free cards were going
16:11
to use on that and then comes to
16:13
some sort of agreement that you both can
16:15
work with? It takes everything out of. A
16:18
power struggle between you getting your
16:20
away, And. Your partner getting their way
16:22
and it makes it more a matter of all
16:24
right. Here's an agreement that we both can live
16:26
with. I love what you're saying here
16:28
because what you're talking about a few things. One
16:30
is you talked about the internal state matching the
16:32
external states because I got a T can. I'm
16:34
like. Man. I do. And he's I. Am
16:37
happy. Or
16:39
something. Is off. We just know
16:42
right away. like or wait a minute.
16:44
He says he's happy, but that's income
16:46
group. With the way he's presenting himself
16:48
to the world's gonna think the same
16:51
thing is often through in a relationship.
16:53
Here you can tell something's off. Oh
16:55
man. Tk Sales lot of anxiety around
16:58
the things that were holding on to
17:00
in this house race. Okay. He.
17:02
My say it's okay. But. The release
17:04
of the Go on. I think the same things through with. Or.
17:07
Is husband. Murray. Is
17:09
she sees her husband and maybe there's
17:11
some anxiety? The he doesn't even realize
17:14
he's attached to holding on to these
17:16
things. See certainly feeling anxiety and of
17:18
course you don't want to project your
17:20
own. Anxieties. Insecurities and
17:23
frustrations? On to someone else because
17:25
it's also true that he may
17:27
not be frustrated by those things
17:30
at all, but you can ask.
17:32
Is there anything that we have that is
17:34
overwhelming to you right now? That's the easy
17:37
place to start. Don't. Start with
17:39
the things that were clinging to sort
17:41
of the thing that if it spontaneously
17:43
combusted today which is another rule and
17:46
the minimal through books you wouldn't replace
17:48
it. In fact, you'd feel a bit
17:50
of release. I do want to return
17:53
to miss idea of streamlining because I
17:55
think. Ultimately, That is what
17:57
we've been talking about on this podcast
17:59
for. For a long time, ever
18:01
since Ryan and I started the
18:03
Minimalist Back and Twenty Ten, we've
18:05
been talking about Streamline our allies.
18:07
The question we ask at the
18:09
beginning of our last Netflix film
18:11
is how my your Life be
18:13
better with Less Or how My
18:15
your Life be More with Less
18:17
Have you improve your life through
18:19
subtraction rather than additions? And that's
18:21
rather countercultural. In. Our culture
18:24
improvement means more. More.
18:26
Muscle more stuff. More
18:28
square footage, More horsepower,
18:30
More money, more savings,
18:32
More values, More More
18:35
more, more more more
18:37
friends. Whenever it is,
18:39
I have to have
18:41
more. I'm
18:43
not against having more of something if
18:45
I need more. But. If our
18:47
starting point is too much, More.
18:50
Isn't going to get you where you want to go. Only
18:53
subtraction will get you where you want
18:55
to go out. So we're talking about
18:57
were talking about streamlining. So here's a
18:59
question for your husband, Murray. One
19:02
I streamline Now. If
19:05
eventually. You'll. Be forced to let
19:07
go of it anyway. Now.
19:09
That's not a rhetorical question is
19:11
something you should get rid of
19:13
that thing. It's a genuine, sincere
19:15
question. So you're you say ask?
19:17
You mean ask and wait for
19:19
the answer. Yes, the I'm not
19:21
a a statement that is appended
19:23
with a question mark. Their. Don't.
19:26
To swap out an exclamation point, you should get rid
19:28
of that right now. Ah,
19:31
sound fun and so I don't want to
19:34
do that. What I want to do is
19:36
ask a genuine question when you look at
19:38
a particular material possessing, hold on to just
19:41
a case. why not let go of the
19:43
right now. While. Because I'm I
19:45
needed some day. I'll really, when might we
19:47
need it? And interrogating that
19:49
you make it So point where I yeah
19:51
I want a Honda that rain jacket because
19:53
only that next time it rains. Course I
19:55
want to hold onto my spare tire because
19:57
I'm gonna need it's if I ever get.
20:00
A flat tire? those are just for
20:02
one items or emergency items, but all
20:04
those other just in case items that
20:06
we make up stories about. I'm.
20:08
Going to give myself permission to like
20:10
go even if I know that a
20:13
few of them will have to replace.
20:15
Why? Because he gives me permission to
20:17
let go of literally thousand sometimes tens
20:19
of thousands of just in case items
20:22
that we hold onto was us in
20:24
our basement or addicts or storage lockers
20:26
there somewhere off site were paying money
20:29
for. Were paying for
20:31
these things in so many ways. Whether
20:33
it's or anxiety as er, stress as
20:35
are overwhelmed, or it's taking up space,
20:37
it's actually getting in the way. And
20:39
as you can, despite your husband Murray
20:41
how the things are getting in the
20:43
way, it's a perfect opportunity to show
20:45
him the things that he might want
20:48
to let go of as he understands
20:50
what he's making room for. The last
20:52
words Teacher Yeah! Quick little anecdote about
20:54
how you and Ryan did this for
20:56
me when I first came. When your
20:58
Pi Kappa came in here. Like a
21:01
couple Starbucks coffee and you
21:03
didn't say to me. And
21:05
you, please get rid of that Starbucks. You.
21:08
Didn't say to me. And we
21:10
get rid of that Starbucks cup for you.
21:12
What you said is a we've got a
21:14
couple of freshman Skype or that. Into
21:17
the mud. We don't like to display. Retirements
21:20
on our back ass. And. I immediately
21:22
got it right. That was the first time
21:24
I heard of that, but that's right. Like
21:26
Starbucks amount of sponsored this podcast, you don't
21:28
want to give me the free advertisements. The
21:30
aesthetics of the show was one of simplicity
21:33
and minimalism. You know that that the set
21:35
looks a certain way and all right. Yeah,
21:37
and and you guys port my coffee into
21:39
a mug in it was no big deal.
21:41
I didn't feel weird louder, anything snow. I
21:43
came into the studio already trusting. you guys
21:45
Already filling. Cool with you guys. But
21:48
had you left it at can you get rid of
21:50
that coffee cup? Even. With the very.
21:52
Best. of charitable interpretation going on
21:54
in my mind I would have
21:57
felt weird or confused or tests
21:59
are like. Some variation
22:01
of W T S Rights.
22:03
But by. You painting that
22:06
decision about. What it's for.
22:08
It made it simple and that's just the
22:10
communication trick that we can apply to many
22:12
things. I was one less thing worth noting.
22:15
Streamlining, Is difficult. Because.
22:19
You're. Breaking a pattern. And
22:21
that pattern is one that you've
22:23
probably live by four years, if
22:25
not decades In some cases, And.
22:27
So when you break a pattern, it's
22:30
really difficult. We. Recently streamlined
22:32
our podcast Let go of
22:34
the video version of the
22:36
podcast. And that was.
22:39
Terrifying to me. I have so many
22:41
things I never thought of are clinging
22:43
to a before fact. I've always had
22:45
this fantasy of letting go of that
22:47
that piece rice and will make sure
22:49
my own it from identities not tied
22:51
up. And at rice I always want
22:53
to streamline: How do we simplify? simplify,
22:55
simplify. But when the rubber meets the
22:57
road, you know what happens. Oh
22:59
well, the weight. Just. In
23:01
case those three words creep
23:04
back in even for me.
23:06
Now this not a spirit
23:08
of run renunciation, I
23:10
don't encourage Murray to renunciate the
23:12
things are to renounce the things
23:14
the same were not renouncing video
23:16
podcasts and fact, I'm open to
23:18
brain any of that back at
23:20
any time. Just like I'm open
23:22
to bringing back any of the
23:25
material possessions I like go of
23:27
the letting go however of tens
23:29
of thousands of things. Rarely very
23:31
rarely do I ever bring back
23:33
the things that I like go
23:35
off and if I do bring
23:37
them back, I bring it back
23:39
with a different. Spirits of Intentionality Of
23:41
and now I know how to use
23:43
this thing more deliberately. If you let
23:46
go of something you find out now
23:48
you're depriving yourself of something bomb. As
23:51
a meat, make sense to keep depriving
23:53
yourself for the sake of minimalism. That's
23:55
a new story you're telling yourself as
23:57
a different kind of clutter. This
24:00
Story: Clutter. Information. Clutter.
24:02
Identity Clutter. Know.
24:05
The. Question is is this useful for me and
24:07
if it's not useful for doesn't add value,
24:09
my life and some I am willing to
24:11
let ago and it will add that value
24:13
in the future. Unwilling to bring it back
24:15
and. As well. For your
24:18
back to our callers Malibu Ammo! What time is
24:20
it? You know. What time it is? it's time
24:22
for the lightning round where we answer your question
24:24
some patriot. Yes indeed. Now during the
24:26
line around we have sixty Second Stance:
24:28
Your question? What The shorts? Cerebral. less
24:30
than a hundred and forty character response.
24:32
We call them minimal maxims. We put
24:34
him in the show notes over the
24:36
minimalists.com/podcasts so you can copy and share
24:38
a pithy answers on social media to
24:40
like. By the way, you could find
24:42
all of our has the answers all
24:44
of our minimal maxims in one place
24:47
now and maxims.com We might not be
24:49
on social media right now. We're taking
24:51
that's break until the end of the
24:53
year. Looking forward to hearing from. Er
24:55
Audience: I've heard so many people say I'm
24:57
going to do this as well. We're We're
24:59
going to let go of this for the
25:01
rest of the. You can always let us
25:03
know how that's going for you as well.
25:05
Today's lining wrong question is from Mark. Because.
25:07
We are part of society every day.
25:10
We often don't realize how strong it's
25:12
influence is on our thoughts and actions.
25:14
When do we know when it's time
25:16
to graduate from com and ideas that
25:19
don't apply to us? Such. As
25:21
owning a car, owning a house, going
25:23
to college, or even holding onto just
25:25
in case items. Or less we
25:27
we didn't Episode called graduation Day and
25:30
we talked about the difference between graduation
25:32
and divorce sense and the spirit of
25:34
moving on from something. streamline your life
25:37
and away, Letting go of the past
25:39
to make room for a new type
25:41
of presence as a distorted by the
25:44
moment ago that can be really difficult
25:46
is letting go of the things we've
25:48
held onto for a long time. They
25:51
become part of our identity. Scary thing,
25:53
pithy for Mark to get. Yes,
25:55
Sir. Self. Awareness is the
25:58
ability to distinguish personal does. Ayers
26:00
from Societal Echoes. My.
26:03
Question would be. When was the
26:05
last time you touch yourself out? For. Dinner.
26:08
When. Was the last time you touch yourself out
26:10
for dancing. When. Was the last
26:12
time you went on a date with your
26:14
soul. The art of getting to know someone.
26:17
Is. All about spending quality time
26:19
with them. You. Can get to.
26:21
Know a friend or lover. If you
26:23
don't set aside time that a secret
26:26
between the two of you were you
26:28
engage one another with curiosity. But when
26:30
it comes to ourselves, we often squander
26:32
alone time by treating it as if
26:34
it's space to sell up by entertaining
26:37
or amusing ourselves. Can you imagine how
26:39
horrible your dates would be if you'd
26:41
see that the other person as if
26:43
it were your job to entertain them
26:46
for an hour. How about simply
26:48
engaging them with curiosity and being present? The
26:50
only way we built really get to know
26:52
ourselves and what we want for ourselves. What
26:54
we love for ourselves in a way that
26:57
is an engineer by society is my spending
26:59
quality time with ourselves. Take a lot. meditate
27:01
the do whatever it is you gotta do
27:03
to get to know where you are so
27:06
that you can be grounded in this world
27:08
of continual noise. Our What Cal Newport talked
27:10
about a few weeks ago. we had him
27:12
on the show. Episode was
27:15
called do Fewer Things and put a
27:17
link to that in the show notes
27:19
as well as you would Malibu Ama.
27:21
But the thing that he was talking
27:24
about their with respect to our well
27:26
I think with respect to this question
27:28
or with respect from graduate from anything
27:30
or with respect to spending time alone
27:33
it was time. a free from the
27:35
minds of other people. And.
27:38
It's possible to be in a coffee
27:40
shop and have alone time. It's also
27:42
possible to be by yourself and wilderness.
27:44
but does listening to a podcast and
27:47
you're not actually alone and south because
27:49
someone else as mine is now and
27:51
for trade in your mind, I'm not
27:53
against podcast is like I'm not against
27:55
coffee shops. I don't renounce either one
27:58
of those things. I'm just a. Where
28:00
that if I want to spend time
28:02
alone, if I want to get to
28:04
know myself as a particular kind of
28:06
awareness is involved I guess. Other Teddy
28:08
for your teacher. And
28:10
I think this might be a bit controversial of firsts, but
28:12
I think we can break it down together. The.
28:15
Only thing that keeps you tethered
28:17
to a lifestyle you don't want
28:19
is your need for approval from
28:21
others. As
28:24
you want to live the life that you want
28:26
to live, the cost of that is the approval
28:28
of others. He. Gonna
28:30
have to give up that
28:32
need otherwise. I think quite
28:35
often when we talk about many of
28:37
the things and Mark talks about his
28:39
questions. Weather's. Graduated high school and and
28:41
what he supposed to do when you graduate high
28:43
school. course you go to college to gets a
28:45
bachelor's degree and and if you're really smart person
28:47
you get a masters degree or doctorate. And.
28:49
Then from there is or why need to
28:52
get the best job possible. So I work
28:54
for this particular corporation. And
28:56
so accounts. That's what I'm
28:58
supposed to do for. Wanna do those things
29:00
and then I'll go with the you're supposed
29:02
to start saving for retirement so you get
29:04
a four o, one K account or Roth
29:07
ira. Great. No problem with
29:09
those things with a things to be really
29:11
helpful. But are we supposed to do things
29:13
up and then of course while you're working
29:15
your web the ladder you're also suits was
29:17
supposed to meet your significant other. if as
29:19
a day for a while and you're supposed
29:21
to be in a long term monogamous relationship,
29:23
you're supposed to get married, You're supposed to
29:25
have two point five kids and a cat
29:27
and a dog. You're supposed to have a
29:29
house with two and half car garage and
29:31
with three bedrooms. And and then of course
29:33
you're supposed to have a car. and with
29:35
a car you're supposed to have a car
29:37
payment us. However, when does. Cars you have
29:39
a carpenter is the things you're supposed
29:41
to do. and I think the reason
29:43
we do many of these things is
29:45
not because it's the life you want
29:47
to live, it's because you seek the
29:49
approval of others. and there's good reason
29:51
the seek the approval for others. It's
29:54
a really helpful safety net in society
29:56
because if you're out there all by
29:58
yourself with no one approving of. Ah,
30:02
There's. I mean, I have. No one
30:04
that I can count on. Oh,
30:06
I think there's a a flip side to that point.
30:09
And. I think the flip side to
30:11
that coin is if I let go
30:13
of the need for approval from others.
30:16
The people who approve of the new
30:18
life but I'm living will actually approve
30:21
of it in a sincere way. So
30:23
it's like finding a new tribe of
30:25
people as opposed to appeasing the tribe
30:28
of people the grew up with. Just
30:30
because you worked in the same to
30:32
you, because you went to the same
30:35
high score you grew up in the
30:37
same neighborhood mean to continue to approve.
30:39
Those people will keep his stuff. but.
30:42
Letting go of the need for approval will
30:44
finally make space for the. The
30:46
streamlined less than you want to let.
30:50
You know when it comes to that approval thing?
30:52
There's a certain underlying message that
30:55
we get from society that says.
30:58
If you opt out of the conventional way of
31:00
doing things, Okay, That's.
31:02
Your choice. But. You. Better.
31:05
Frickin succeed. You
31:07
better not fail. Because.
31:09
If you do things in the way that we
31:11
all agree is reasonable. There
31:13
and will forgive you for any difficulties
31:15
that you have because after all, who
31:18
can fall a person for doing the
31:20
reasonable thing. Life. Is full
31:22
of variables. Sometimes we do with reasonable
31:24
and it just doesn't work out. You
31:26
get my sympathy, but if you do
31:28
but I think is unreasonable and when
31:30
no one else has done before oh
31:32
you better succeed And we often feel
31:34
that pressure right to justify ourselves verbally
31:37
or to justify ourselves in terms of
31:39
the accolades in the success that we
31:41
can rack up in. So there's that
31:43
fear. Of not getting other
31:45
people's approval in the form of
31:47
the pain and suffering I might
31:49
have to endure as a result
31:51
of walking the path that where's
31:53
my name's another aspect of approval.
31:56
Isn't just about wanting people to celebrate
31:58
you? but it's all. The about the
32:00
need to not be thought of as
32:03
abnormal. The. Need to not be regarded
32:05
as a threat. There are some people that
32:07
only like you have taken control you. There
32:09
are some people that only like you if
32:11
you are easy for them to deal with,
32:13
their some people it only like you if
32:15
you are agreeable to them. and we find
32:17
ourselves contorting at adjusting ourselves and all sorts
32:19
of away sorts of ways, being agreeable in
32:21
in ways that we don't want to be
32:23
agreeable, laughing at things that we don't think
32:25
is really funny because we don't want to
32:27
be. Perceived as a threat? We don't
32:30
know. Anyone
32:32
else. And so knowing who
32:34
we are and what we
32:36
want Far cells can feel
32:38
so complicated because our desires
32:40
are hooked up to so
32:42
many other instances that. Affect
32:45
how on as we can be
32:47
with ourselves and others I think
32:49
actually agree with the sentiment of
32:51
yes you like oh, the need
32:53
for other people's approval and as
32:55
he become eccentric, course weird or
32:57
whatever you better succeed. I agree
33:00
with that. But it's. Not
33:02
that you better succeed on other
33:04
people's terms and that is the
33:06
difference because then you just still
33:09
conforming to other people's desires needs
33:11
terms that they said other metrics
33:13
for you. You're still tethered to
33:15
their metrics on the show them
33:18
by been the most successful weird
33:20
person with the most followers. I
33:22
will that still conforming to someone
33:24
elses be a desire someone elses
33:27
template. When. You walk away
33:29
from that, You create your own semblance.
33:31
Man, that is scary rude. Talk about
33:33
a streamlined life arm ruin. I walked
33:35
away from the corporate world teacher. You
33:37
know what happened. A lot of people
33:39
around me wrote they couldn't believe it.
33:41
They lasted me. Up
33:43
we're. Giving up all of
33:45
this is like, oh, There's
33:48
a bunch of unhappy people who
33:50
are prescribing their template to me
33:52
as though it's somehow magically going
33:54
to make me happy. However, Even
33:57
more dangerous, as a few of them might
33:59
have actually been. The. Contented,
34:01
With that lifestyle and that's even
34:03
more dangerous All the Cs Lewis
34:05
quote you are sharing with me
34:07
this morning he breaks out one
34:09
hour. Yeah, it was out. There
34:11
is a special kind of bad
34:14
man. Who. Can not abstain
34:16
from any same without convincing everyone else
34:18
to do the same. And man I
34:20
hope we never do that. With.
34:23
The minimalist podcasts. Yes, I abstain
34:25
from certain things, but I don't
34:27
want to convince you. That.
34:29
You shouldn't own a particular saying. I
34:32
don't want to convince you that you
34:34
shouldn't go to college and have a
34:36
regular nine to five job that could
34:38
be really fulfilling for you. Right side?
34:40
Only be that abstaining person who says
34:42
in order to be happy, you have
34:44
to let go of those things. Now.
34:47
I wanna have. One of the mirror
34:49
and say what of the things that are
34:51
holding you back where are the things that
34:53
are getting in the way Most things in
34:55
to be different from you vs was different
34:57
for me. I also want to be of
34:59
her says look at me I'm contented with
35:01
my life. So here is the prescriptions for
35:03
every one else can assume animal maxims in
35:05
their Tj says he wasn't as up to
35:07
your inbox every Monday. By the way you're
35:09
on our email lists over at the minimalists
35:11
that email. Not only we
35:13
send you the show notes every week
35:16
but will start your we off with
35:18
a handful of pisey minimal maxims to
35:20
simplify your allies as you go into
35:23
the week when ever since you spam
35:25
or juncker advertisements food will send you
35:27
to seize nice bits of simplicity is
35:29
sort out your week. the minimalists.email was
35:32
in started Y'all got an abundance of
35:34
color questions to answer on the private
35:36
podcast the first real quick for right
35:38
here. Right now there's one thing that's
35:41
going on in a life of. The
35:43
Minimalist. Yes, we might have streamlined
35:45
and let go of the video
35:47
version of the podcast, buts were
35:49
not wiping our faces off of
35:51
the internet. Teacher Teacher has a
35:53
brand new series is starting this
35:55
month and April. It's called a
35:57
Thursday Conversations with a K. Get
35:59
it. K Thursday Conversation
36:02
a season one that's
36:04
of Thursday conversational resorts
36:06
and episodes of That's
36:08
Just Bite size ten
36:10
to twenty minute conversations
36:12
with people. That
36:15
Cj is interested and you want to
36:17
give us a bit of an overview?
36:19
Yeah the these will be sort simple
36:22
and sweet conversations that will be aimed
36:24
at. Ordinary. People. Which.
36:27
Can include celebrities but which is
36:29
not limited to that at all
36:31
and what simplicity means to them.
36:34
How. They are leveraging simplicity and
36:36
their own lives to make more
36:38
out of less. And
36:40
and so I'm I'm really excited. You know I'm
36:43
I'm trying to get my mom to do an
36:45
episode with. Nervous but
36:47
hopefully of the mama com and will pop on
36:49
a car with me. But yeah we're going to
36:51
see an interesting cast of characters. some people I've
36:53
known for quite a long time that I would
36:56
love to introduce our community to some people I've
36:58
never met before but I've admired their work in
37:00
their writing from afar and I'm really looking forward
37:02
to at these are going to be. Some. Fun
37:04
conversation supposed to be available on
37:07
Patriarch for the audio plus subscribers.
37:09
Also the true fans over there
37:11
as well. so do check that
37:13
out patron.com/the Minimalist Were in a
37:15
store with a series of bunch
37:17
of other things that are over
37:19
there on Patriot already. Be wonder
37:21
provide that to use. An excellent
37:23
video every Thursday with Tj Coleman
37:26
Malibu Imo. Us yeah for us.
37:28
Here's a minimalist inside from one of our listeners.
37:31
Hi. This is Marjorie
37:33
Calling from Orlando and I
37:35
am a transcriber and address
37:37
Listen to your discussion about
37:40
Eastern Asia and suffering and
37:42
your conversation explore that subject
37:44
matter and a way that.
37:47
Cut. Me off guard and or
37:49
a sensitivity and vulnerability. And.
37:52
Know and the way you explored it.
37:54
Really trust me and I just wanted
37:56
to thank you for always making such
37:58
real and authentic Whether I may. Agreed
38:00
or agree personally on a particular
38:02
issue that you love cover on
38:04
the show. I always do appreciate
38:06
that you cover it sincerely and
38:08
and from what you doing. Marjorie,
38:12
thank you for that's awful. See back
38:14
when you when. Also has a list
38:16
tip or inside about this episode or
38:19
any other episodes. leave a comment on
38:21
Patriarch or you tube or better yet
38:23
send a voice memo to podcast that's
38:25
the minimalists.com so we can features your
38:28
voice on the show Sorry, that's the
38:30
first twenty five percent of episode Four
38:32
Hundred and Thirty able see you on
38:34
Patriots for the full Maximal Edition which
38:37
includes answers to a bunch more questions
38:39
questions like how can I weaned myself
38:41
off. Of my clothing addictions. How
38:44
can I let go of my
38:46
obsession with food waste? How can
38:48
I apply minimalist principles to my
38:50
terminal illness? Possibly more questions and
38:53
a simple losing segments over on
38:55
the Minimalists private podcasts. We also
38:57
have an outstanding homes or from
39:00
one of our listeners this week
39:02
over on Patrons as it's patriarch.com/to
39:04
the Minimalist or click the link
39:07
down in the description to subscribe
39:09
to get your personal links within.
39:11
Our weekly Maximum Officers place in
39:13
your favorite podcast app. You also
39:15
gain access to all of our
39:18
podcast archives all the way back
39:20
to Episode Six Zero Zero One
39:22
by the way they Drown is
39:24
now offering free trial So if
39:26
you like this test drive our
39:28
private podcasts. You can join for
39:30
seven days for free and then
39:32
as are minimal episode for today's
39:34
you leave here with just one
39:36
message. For the be this. Most.
39:40
People. And. Peace.
39:51
Ever see. Things
39:53
that's. Ever
39:56
seen. Missing that.
40:00
Ever seen as is
40:02
feeding our all of
40:04
their to be. Without
40:07
he.
Podchaser is the ultimate destination for podcast data, search, and discovery. Learn More