0:19

Every little thing you

0:21

think that you need Every

0:24

little thing you think that

0:26

you need Every

0:28

little thing that's just feeding

0:31

your greed Oh, I bet

0:33

that you'll be fine without

0:35

it Oh,

1:28

I bet that you'll be fine without it

1:42

You can just email a voice recording

1:44

straight from your phone to

1:46

podcasts at theminimalists.com. Our first

1:48

question today is from MJ.

1:51

Hi there, my name is MJ and

1:54

I'm calling from South Florida. I

1:56

have a dilemma. A couple of years

1:58

ago I found out the Aquarius. I was

2:00

living in had set bugs. I had to

2:03

get rid of a lot of my stuff

2:05

like furniture, electronics, and anything

2:07

more bugs to the tension we had. The

2:09

stuff I did decide to keep, I

2:12

put it in a storage unit, for example clothes,

2:14

kitchen stuff, books, etc. The

2:17

thing is, my son also put all

2:19

his music equipment in the storage. I'm

2:22

talking about guitars, speakers, and even a

2:24

Mac desktop computer. We

2:27

are now in a new apartment and even

2:29

though it should be safe to take things

2:31

out of storage, it's been a little over

2:33

two years since I put everything there. I'm

2:35

still not over the trauma of having to

2:37

deal with those nasty bugs. If

2:40

it were up to me, honestly, I would

2:43

throw everything away or donate it. But

2:45

my son wants his musical equipment and computer

2:47

back, but I'm also still scared there might

2:49

still be bugs in them, and I don't

2:52

want to bring that into my new home.

2:55

Needless to say, I don't

2:57

want to keep paying 100-ish a

2:59

month for a storage unit full of

3:01

stuff I don't use or need, but

3:04

I also don't want to get rid of my son's

3:06

stuff, or better said, he doesn't want

3:08

to let it go because he sent

3:10

a lot of money on it and he

3:12

could actually still use it. He

3:16

did buy new guitars and equipment after we

3:18

put everything in storage and he uses it

3:20

every day, but he still wants his other

3:22

stuff back. Help, any

3:24

advice? Man,

3:27

this is a difficult one because quite often we

3:29

have people we meet at any of our live

3:31

events or the people

3:33

who write in or call into the show and

3:36

they'll say, I lost everything in

3:39

a fire, in a flood, in

3:41

some sort of natural disaster. And at

3:44

first it was terrifying, it was

3:46

upsetting, but after I got over

3:48

that initial terror and that upset, it

3:51

was freeing, and I think that's where MJ

3:53

is right now for her herself. She says,

3:56

I've got these things in these storage lockers,

3:58

which by the way, you had to do

4:00

it. in the storage locker for two years,

4:02

you've probably spent roughly $2,500 on storing those

4:04

things that

4:08

are still causing some bit of trauma in

4:10

your life. Now, I don't know whether or

4:12

not they're still infested with bugs. We can

4:15

talk a bit about that. But

4:17

I'm reminded of a story, TK, that

4:19

a friend of mine told me

4:22

they had a really bad black mold

4:24

infestation in their home. It was so

4:26

bad that his wife was really, really

4:29

sick, and she thought she was

4:31

dying. And

4:33

when they finally figured out that it was

4:35

black mold, because it was behind the walls,

4:37

there was no initial sign that

4:40

there might be this invisible clutter in

4:42

their home. They were

4:44

told that they needed to not just leave

4:46

the house, but they had to leave everything

4:49

behind. In fact, they had a friend who

4:51

had to show up, and

4:53

in their backyard, they changed out of

4:55

the clothes that they had and

4:58

had to put on these new

5:00

clothes their friend bought for them.

5:02

So literally everything, their photographs, their

5:05

pictures, their guitars, their equipment, their

5:07

stereo, their television, their couch, their

5:09

bed, their bedsheets, every

5:12

item they owned, tens

5:14

of thousands or hundreds of thousands of

5:16

items in that home was

5:19

no longer theirs, because the

5:21

type of mold that they had

5:24

turns out they were never going to be

5:26

able to remediate it from all of their

5:28

possessions. And so they were forced in that

5:30

moment to let go. And

5:32

you know what he told me? It was one of

5:34

the most devastating things I've ever gone through. But

5:37

when I got to the other side of it, it

5:39

was one of the most freeing things. And there were

5:41

a couple of reasons for that. One is there are

5:43

a lot of things there I knew I wanted to

5:45

get rid of anyway, that tends to be the case.

5:47

But two, it strengthened this letting

5:49

go muscle in a way that was a

5:52

bit damaging at first. In fact,

5:54

that's what happens when you go to the gym, you

5:56

want to damage your muscles in order for them to

5:59

grow. He and his wife grew in

6:01

these profound ways. By the way, they

6:03

had a couple of kids as well.

6:05

So everything that their kids had to

6:07

leave behind, they also were dealing with

6:09

this letting go. You know, it

6:11

was a lot of letting go at once. And sometimes

6:14

that can break someone. And I

6:16

think it broke them. But out

6:18

of the ashes, when they rose, they

6:20

realized that, oh, I

6:22

can let go of anything.

6:26

Yeah, man. And letting

6:29

go is interesting because when other people

6:31

are involved, you have to deal

6:33

with that dilemma of letting

6:35

go for yourself versus letting

6:37

go for or on behalf of others.

6:39

You and I just

6:41

had a conversation with someone at

6:44

our live show in Orange County

6:46

where he says, man, I love what

6:48

you guys are doing. I've been letting

6:50

go. But just recently,

6:52

I had a run-in with my mom who hangs

6:55

on to all of these things. She's such a

6:57

hoarder. And so I threw out a

6:59

bunch of stuff for her. And she was really upset

7:01

at me. And we talked about that. And part of

7:03

what you said to him is, you

7:05

can only let go for yourself. You can't

7:07

let go on behalf of other people. If

7:09

they're not ready, you've got to let them

7:11

take the journey at a pace that's right

7:13

for them. And so

7:15

part of the struggle here is what

7:17

do we do when we feel like we can

7:19

find the strength to let go, but we're hooked

7:22

up to someone in a certain sort of way.

7:24

We love them. We have a relationship with

7:26

them. We care about them. And they're

7:28

not ready to let go. And we're affected

7:31

by their decision to not let go. That's

7:34

a really tough thing. And you don't

7:37

want a situation where you're like the people in

7:39

the horror movies who leave a house to escape

7:41

a ghost. And then you set up in a

7:43

new house, a new neighborhood. And it's

7:45

like you're still haunted by the same ghost. The ghost followed

7:47

you. And this is the kind of ghost that you don't

7:49

want following you. So I think about

7:52

something that one of our previous guests, Ray,

7:55

said on the show, Ray Fleming, he said, if

7:58

you... have

8:00

a problem that money can solve, you don't have a

8:03

problem. And that's still one that

8:05

I'm still chewing on that, right? But

8:09

recommending that people solve problems with

8:11

money is such a delicate issue

8:13

because everyone's money situation is different

8:16

that I think we have in

8:18

some ways powered away from

8:20

the ability to think practically

8:22

about the kinds of problems that

8:24

money can solve. And I think this might

8:26

be one of them. So

8:30

you're ready to let go of your stuff. Your

8:32

son still finds that computer to be

8:34

useful. I don't want

8:36

to just say flippantly, why don't you buy him

8:38

a new computer? But I have a very important

8:41

economic compare to what here, which

8:43

is you are spending money every

8:45

month that you say you don't want

8:47

to spend in order to hold on to a

8:49

computer and a bunch of other stuff that you

8:52

don't want to use. What if

8:54

instead of paying that money for storage,

8:57

you invested that money towards replacing

8:59

that computer, he gets to have

9:01

what he wants, you get to

9:03

have what you want at the

9:05

same cost of what you're already

9:07

paying. And then both parties

9:09

win. I know how you parcel out those costs

9:11

and how you make the payments has some variables

9:13

there. But you talked about as

9:15

a possibility selling the things that are in storage, like I

9:18

just want to give away things. I just want to sell

9:20

things. What if you sold off the

9:22

stuff and stop paying those bills and just bought

9:24

him a new computer? A

9:26

second possibility is to just sit down and discuss with

9:28

him and to enlist him in

9:30

the process of thinking it through with you and say,

9:32

hey, look, I want you to have the tools that

9:35

you need to succeed. I want you to be able

9:37

to have a computer, but I'm just so afraid that

9:39

if we bring it back home, it's going to create

9:41

a problem. Can we reach a compromise? Can we both

9:43

chip in? Can we find a way to finance a

9:45

purchase of that? So we're both happy. I

9:47

think one could also argue that maybe

9:50

the costs will be appreciably less by

9:52

letting go. Maybe

9:54

that's just the monetary costs. Maybe it's even a

9:56

cost you more money to replace a few of

9:58

these things and you identify. the three or

10:01

the five things that are essential and

10:03

that you'd like to replace. And

10:05

that might cost you more money than the storage. Of

10:07

course, on a long enough timeline, it's going to cost

10:09

you way less. If you kept these things in storage

10:11

for 50 years, we know

10:13

that that's going to just be

10:15

a tremendous amount of money wasted.

10:18

But it's going to cost you less in

10:20

terms of stress and anxiety and trauma that

10:22

is associated with holding on to these things.

10:24

We know that letting go is the

10:27

cost we pay for peace of mind.

10:31

And I think about these things that are in

10:33

the storage locker. Of course, you can consult an

10:35

expert. You can bring an expert out

10:37

and say, hey, do we

10:39

still have some sort of infestation in

10:42

these items? It might be worth paying

10:44

someone for an hour or two of

10:47

their time, not to mitigate the infestation

10:49

if it's still there, but to assess

10:51

whether or not it's safe to bring

10:54

some of those things into your home.

10:56

That could give you that peace of

10:58

mind. But what if the

11:00

stuff was radioactive and you just knew you couldn't

11:02

take it out of there at all? You'd

11:05

be forced to let go, just like

11:07

my friend was with the mold situation.

11:09

They knew that was making them sick.

11:13

And you know that you don't want these

11:15

bugs to come back in your place. So

11:17

it might make sense like my friend did

11:19

when he brought in the mold specialist to

11:21

do the mold testing and eventually some remediation

11:23

if it was necessary. So then you realize,

11:25

I can't do that remediation on these things.

11:27

I have to let them go. Sometimes

11:30

we're forced to let go of something even

11:33

though we didn't want to. And

11:35

you can keep clinging to it. If your house just

11:38

went up in flames today, and yeah,

11:41

you're going to let go of the things physically, but

11:44

you may not have let go of

11:46

those things mentally. And they're creating all

11:48

this mental and emotional and spiritual clutter,

11:50

this internal clutter, even though

11:52

the physical thing itself is

11:55

gone. MJ, I'd love to send

11:57

you a copy of our book, Everything That

11:59

Remains. because that is really the story

12:01

of letting go of everything. In

12:05

a way, I was forced to let go of

12:07

a few things. When my mom died, my marriage

12:10

ended, my career ended, forced to

12:12

let go of those things, some of those things

12:14

I let go of on my own, other things.

12:17

I was dragged, kicking and screaming, into

12:19

letting go. And that made me realize

12:21

that it was possible to let go

12:24

of many of the other things, the

12:26

material possessions in my life. By

12:28

the way, we're doing the 10th anniversary tour

12:31

for this book right now. TK,

12:33

you already talked about, we did that first

12:36

tour stop in Orange County last month. And

12:38

what a magical event at Arvita

12:41

Book Co. in Orange County. In

12:43

fact, it was such an event

12:45

that we outgrew the space and

12:47

they found us this beautiful lodge across

12:49

the street. And when they found

12:51

us that lodge, we outgrew that space. There was a

12:54

line around the block and we were able to figure

12:56

it out. We did a double header that night, not

12:58

something we anticipated. Shout out to everyone who attended

13:00

and gave us grace

13:02

and understanding that we couldn't get

13:04

everyone into this lodge space because

13:06

of the hundreds of people that

13:08

were there. And so I had

13:10

to let go even then of

13:12

my idea of the perfection of

13:15

this event. I wanted to go

13:17

perfect. And yet it was a

13:19

magical evening, not despite the flaws,

13:21

but including the flaws of

13:23

the evening. And so we'd love to see you

13:25

on tour if you want to come on out,

13:27

MJ. We'd be happy to see you in

13:29

Palm Springs. That's this weekend. Or we've got

13:31

six other cities all across California.

13:34

theminimalists.com. We're going to send you

13:36

a copy of everything that remains.

13:39

If you want the book book or the

13:41

ebook version, we'll send those to you. Or

13:43

if you like our podcast, you'll enjoy the

13:45

audio book version of everything that remains. It's

13:47

still my favorite book that we have written.

13:51

Let's move on to some social media questions. Malabam, what

13:53

do you got for us? We have a question here

13:55

from Salvador on Facebook. How is it minimalist to encourage

13:57

people to be able to get involved in this event?

14:00

to download seven different

14:02

wallpapers. TK Coleman

14:04

exposed! You hypocrite! What

14:08

did I do? Like, is there an AI

14:10

wallpaper video of me out there? Like, here's

14:12

why you need to download seven wallpapers? What's

14:14

the context for this? So

14:17

on Facebook or elsewhere, Professor Sean Occasia

14:19

will post some of the free resources

14:21

we have out there. And one of

14:24

those is this beautiful art project we

14:26

did with Dave over at Spire Media,

14:28

where we found ways to declutter your

14:30

smartphone and your computer, at least the

14:33

desktop of it, to make it a

14:35

bit more beautiful, a bit more simple.

14:37

And so we created these seven different

14:39

wallpapers. One of them just says less

14:41

is now, as a reminder. Another one

14:43

of them is the six questions or

14:45

five questions to ask before buying something,

14:47

which is a really useful wallpaper. If

14:49

you're standing at the grocery store and

14:51

you're like, okay, I'm thinking about buying

14:53

these three things, or you're at your

14:55

desktop computer, and you're getting on

14:57

Amazon, boom, here are five questions to

15:00

ask really quickly to determine whether or

15:02

not this is the best use of

15:04

this money for this purchase. Does it

15:06

make sense to make this purchase right

15:08

now? Here are some easy questions for

15:10

you. And so we have these seven

15:12

beautiful, elegant wallpapers. And I'll address

15:15

this question head on. I know they're probably being a

15:17

little bit snarky here, but I'll

15:19

pretend they're sincere for a moment.

15:22

And I'll just say this, would it

15:24

be more minimalist for us to have

15:27

seven different downloads that force

15:29

people to go through seven different

15:31

steps to download these seven wallpapers?

15:33

Now, the intent behind this was,

15:35

hey, you download all seven, it's

15:37

one quick file, you pick whichever one

15:40

you want, or if you

15:42

want two or three of them, and you

15:44

want to rotate your different wallpapers out, great,

15:46

you just delete the rest, you let those

15:49

go. And then you hold on

15:51

to the ones that you get value from. And

15:53

then of course, if you stop getting value from

15:55

any of those wallpapers, I wouldn't want you to

15:57

hold on to those either. We created these as

15:59

a free resource for people who

16:01

are struggling with the digital clutter

16:03

of their devices, whether it's their

16:05

computer or their phone. And so

16:07

we've got all these free resources

16:09

on our website, theminimalists.com, slash resources.

16:12

You can find all of the free

16:14

resources there, including these seven different wallpapers.

16:16

With that context, what thoughts do you

16:19

have, TK? Yeah, I

16:21

think anytime we're discussing minimalism

16:23

or any otherism or a

16:26

product, a good set

16:28

of questions to ask is, for

16:30

whom is it for? For whom is it

16:33

not for? Good salesmanship is

16:35

when you can make a product

16:37

or service available, and

16:39

you present it as an

16:41

option for those who need it, and

16:43

you're willing to say, this is probably

16:46

not for you if you encounter someone

16:48

that doesn't require that. Bad

16:50

salesmanship is when you twist people's arm

16:52

and you try to manipulate them into

16:55

thinking poorly about themselves or their life

16:57

if they don't buy your product regardless

16:59

of the need. And

17:01

I think it's very important whether we're

17:03

thinking about ideas or

17:06

products or services that

17:08

we always ask ourselves, hey, who

17:11

would be the kind of person who doesn't need this? And

17:13

be able to answer that. Who would be the kind of

17:15

person who does need this? And answer that. And

17:17

so when it comes to minimalism, for any

17:19

lifestyle, for any number of books you own,

17:22

for any number of t-shirts you own, for

17:24

any number of downloadable wallpapers you have on

17:26

your computer, it's

17:28

good to ask, all right, who would

17:30

benefit from that? Who would probably experience

17:32

something that is clutter, like that

17:34

is clutter? And then just acknowledge that both

17:37

groups exist and be at

17:39

peace with that. And

17:42

so I would reword the question into, instead

17:44

of saying, how is it minimalist to encourage

17:46

people to download seven different wallpapers, I would

17:48

say, when is it

17:50

minimalist to encourage people to do that? When is

17:52

it not minimalist to encourage people to do that?

17:54

It's minimalist to encourage people to do that when

17:56

you can say, hey, here's something

17:58

that has benefited us in this practice. They can always

18:00

we think it's cool for these reasons,

18:02

and if you agree with that, you

18:04

might find value in this resource and

18:07

is. No. Problem. You can ignore

18:09

it. When. Is it not minimalist to do

18:11

it? When you put something out there like that,

18:13

You say you could not be on the minimalist

18:15

unless you have the t shirts and the coffee

18:17

cups and the minimalist calendar. And you also download

18:19

the sun wallpapers. If you don't do those things,

18:22

you're not on the day before Nine Ninety Five

18:24

or whatever may be, so you can be ah,

18:26

the same, you know, and that I think you're

18:28

a hypocrite. See. What's your?

18:30

what's funny about? This is a big.

18:33

This. Question asked her was trying to point

18:35

out some sort of. A.

18:37

Park or see with oh, look at,

18:39

how could this possibly be minimal and

18:41

Legos? Ah, gotcha rights. Like when I'm

18:43

when I'm walking to the airport and

18:45

I have my carry on bag with

18:47

me. Inevitably, people walk up to me

18:49

in their light weight. I thought you

18:51

were a minimalist. We have a bag

18:53

full of stuff with you and I.

18:55

It's almost like they thought they got

18:57

me there in a single. The of

18:59

course I have a bag for seven

19:01

travelling right now. Raise it. Would you

19:03

call yourself a minimalist? Now everything you

19:05

do is instantly blanketed by. Irony rights.

19:07

and I get that it's ironic

19:10

that a minimalist might need some

19:12

things. Is your view of minimalism

19:14

is that you should have you

19:16

see live in a total state

19:18

of scarcity Space you says first

19:20

line and your. Or

19:22

a book which called emotional Clutter. He

19:24

said that minimalism isn't scarcity, it's abundance

19:26

l fully express. That means I don't

19:29

have a bunch of excess stuff and

19:31

even if you're downloading southern wallpapers if

19:33

your knees or seven great but our

19:36

intention is not that it's you download

19:38

them and hold onto the ones that

19:40

you good value from. And please please

19:42

let go of the rest and don't

19:45

download them at all. If you don't

19:47

feel like you would get value from

19:49

them to free resource and you have

19:52

the opportunity. To declutter your phone

19:54

as you wish? Earnest? not.

19:56

That's totally fine. to. Yeah,

19:58

I'm it's a you While. like these types

20:01

of questions or remarks. Maybe

20:04

there is an edge of the gotcha, coach

20:07

in a contradiction element to it.

20:09

But I also think that every

20:11

well-developed perspective has been

20:13

refined by the purifying

20:15

powers of criticism calling

20:18

out, or even people just looking for the

20:20

error, trying to find something wrong. If you

20:22

have an idea that you think is worth

20:24

something, you want a few of

20:26

those people in your life. You want the

20:28

people that are gonna look for the loopholes,

20:30

look for the contradictions. And yeah, that can

20:32

feel irritating depending on the kind of mood

20:34

that you're in, but you always come out

20:36

with a more nuanced perspective when you spend

20:38

at least a little bit of time engaging

20:40

it. Is it possible to go too far

20:43

so that you become obsessed with everyone agreeing

20:45

with you and so on? Yes, it's possible,

20:47

but I like to engage ideas like this

20:49

every once in a while because it helps

20:51

keep my thinking fresh because there is a

20:54

real existing superficial understanding

20:56

of minimalism that

20:59

this would be a good critique of. And

21:01

to be aware of that allows

21:03

you to present your ideas in a way

21:06

that differentiates it from that. Because when you're

21:08

talking to people about minimalism, it's not always

21:10

clear to the people that you're talking to

21:12

that what you're saying is different

21:14

from those superficial aspects. Once you become aware

21:16

of it, you can differentiate for them. Malabama,

21:21

what time is it? You know what time

21:23

it is. It's time for the lightning round where

21:25

we answer your questions from TikTok. Yes, indeed.

21:27

You can follow the minimalists on all

21:29

the socials, TikTok and Instagram and Facebook

21:31

and X and threads. We are at

21:33

the minimalists on all of those platforms.

21:35

Now during the lightning round, we each

21:37

have 60 seconds, TK, 60 seconds to

21:42

answer your question with a short. Ha

21:44

ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha

21:47

ha ha ha ha ha. The look he

21:49

gave at 60 seconds. Ha ha

21:51

ha ha ha ha ha. Oh,

21:54

I'm dead. My brilliance can't be contained with

21:56

a shot clock. You know,

21:58

I don't like to quantify my. inspiration

22:00

in terms of time

22:02

and other arbitrary metrics.

22:06

All right, anyway, we try to do

22:08

it in less than 140 characters so

22:10

you can share our pithy answers on

22:12

social media if you like. We call

22:14

them minimal maxims. You can find all of

22:16

our minimal maxims over at minimalmaxims.com, and

22:18

you can find all of this week's

22:20

minimal maxims in the show notes over

22:23

at theminimalists.com/podcast. And by the

22:25

way, we'll deliver those minimal

22:27

maxims to your inbox every

22:30

Monday. If you sign up for our email

22:32

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22:35

well for free. No junk, no spam, no

22:37

advertisements. Just start in your

22:39

week off with a bit of simplicity. You can

22:42

just head on over to theminimalists.email if you'd

22:44

like to subscribe to our email list. Join

22:46

hundreds of thousands of other people who

22:48

are on that email list who get the

22:51

show notes every week along

22:53

with these minimal maxims and has a question

22:55

for us. What do you

22:57

do when you have a hard time letting go of

22:59

clutter because you grew up poor? TK,

23:01

you got some pithy for us? I

23:05

would say clutter is an opportunity for generosity.

23:08

Anytime you have an excess of material

23:10

goods, that becomes a

23:12

potential bridge across which you

23:14

can transport wealth to others.

23:17

So the distinction between abundance and

23:19

wealth again. This is a surplus

23:21

of resources. Wealth is the transformation

23:23

of abundance into value through the

23:25

application of creative effort. So

23:28

if you got a lot of stuff that you don't

23:30

need, you don't want, and you're clinging to it because

23:32

back in the past, you used to be poor, but

23:34

you're poor no more. You can

23:36

use that connection you have to your

23:38

past as a basis for empathy. And you

23:40

can look at all of the people who

23:42

are still in need and you can say,

23:45

all right, I get it. If

23:47

I let it go, I let the

23:49

energy flow because I'm putting that

23:51

abundance into circulation so that it

23:54

becomes wealth for someone else. Don't

23:56

deny your story, But use that story,

23:59

leverage that story. Henri A connect with

24:01

people who are still living in what used

24:03

to be your past so that they too

24:05

can have a future like you. I

24:07

love that and I think it

24:10

dovetails perfectly into where I'm going

24:12

to say we had a little

24:14

tip. Answer for you here. Rich

24:16

people and poor people alike have

24:19

trouble letting go of things because

24:21

they both struggle with letting go

24:23

of the story associated with their

24:25

stuff. Early

24:27

arm I was young. My mom told

24:29

me there's a big difference between being

24:32

poor and been burrow. He.

24:36

We're. Broke will have any money. Were.

24:38

Not for poverty is a mindset.

24:40

We didn't have a whole lot

24:42

of things growing up, although. We.

24:45

Did have an abundance abundance of

24:47

love, abundance of care. And

24:50

an abundance of. Freedom

24:54

in a way. That. Money

24:57

couldn't bombs. And as

24:59

I. Throw. My twenties? or climb

25:01

in the corporate ladder. I actually gave up

25:03

some of that abundance. And

25:06

I. Even I made good money

25:08

in the corporate world, I had a

25:10

poverty. Mindset. That

25:13

poverty mindset was I'm going to spend

25:15

more money. Than. I make.

25:17

I'm going to make other people

25:19

like me based on what I

25:22

purchase and what I spend and

25:24

so in a way I had

25:26

the let go of my poverty

25:28

mindset. And. The weird thing is that

25:30

happened to me when I left the corporate world. That.

25:33

Zoc and Ninety Percent Pay cut that

25:35

I became poor for the first time

25:37

in my adult life experiences the kids

25:39

so I knew I could get through

25:41

it. but I also knew that I

25:44

needed to let go of. The

25:46

desire to please other people through

25:48

my. Purchases. And

25:51

so I think that's where and is

25:53

right now. She's. A hard time

25:55

letting go of clutter. Because.

25:58

she grew up poor and she's Attached to

26:00

well, maybe I'm going to need those

26:02

things someday, right? Even though

26:05

you may not be poor right now. You're

26:07

holding on to the way things

26:10

used to be All right

26:12

real quick for right here right now. In fact,

26:14

we got another question here will answer in a

26:16

moment but here's one thing that's going on in

26:18

the life of the minimalist a brand new month

26:20

is here and It is

26:22

the perfect time to declutter with the 30

26:24

day minimalism game You can download the free

26:26

calendar at the minimalist comm slash game. You

26:28

can see how to play that game I'll

26:30

give you a quick overview You partner up

26:32

with someone a friend a family member someone

26:34

else in your house It's really easy to

26:36

partner up with and you bet something it

26:38

could be a really nice meal It

26:41

can be a million dollars if

26:43

you have that abundance mindset TK We'll

26:46

go into debt playing the minimalism game Whatever

26:50

you decide to bet though Here's

26:54

how you win the minimalism game first

26:56

day of the month You get rid of one item

26:58

second day of the month two items third day of

27:00

the month three items so forth and so on Starts

27:02

off really easy to give you that momentum you need

27:04

by the end of the month You've gotten

27:06

rid of 500 items Well, whoever makes

27:09

it into the month wins if you both make

27:11

it the end of the month Then you've both

27:13

won because you've gotten rid of a bunch of

27:15

stuff I'd like you to play a little bit

27:17

different this time you can share your photos online

27:19

by the way using the hashtag over there at

27:22

the minimalist comm slash game and I'd

27:25

love for you to get rid of one of your favorite things

27:27

on day one Try that out.

27:29

This is an exercise that is more difficult for

27:31

most people It's easy to find one thing to

27:33

get rid of and that's really the point of

27:36

the minimalism game get rid of one thing It's

27:38

easy to get that momentum But what's

27:41

one of your favorite things? Are

27:43

you willing to let go of one of your favorite things

27:45

because if you can do that on day one? They

27:47

too is gonna seem so much easier

27:50

for you. Let us know when you

27:52

share online You can take pictures of all the stuff

27:54

and you can see tens of thousands of other people

27:56

who have played the 30-day Minimalism

27:58

Game. Come on over

28:00

to a fan's question: Malibu damage from

28:03

our most read recent zoom call with

28:05

our patrons Sarah has a crush or

28:07

for us. Trying to let go of

28:09

relationships that are keeping me from connecting

28:11

with new people and wonder if this

28:13

is me trying to protect myself from

28:15

future drama. Do. You have any

28:18

suggestions for interrogating whether you've

28:20

minimized the right relationships. Are

28:22

letting go of toxic? Relationships makes

28:25

space for solid soon.

28:28

As you get to choose whether or not you

28:30

on a silver solitude. With more

28:33

relationships or maybe it says

28:35

the relationship with myself one

28:37

of the reasons are toxic.

28:39

Relationship becomes toxic as because

28:41

of me it's us mixing

28:43

on the two of us

28:45

together. Rights. And so I

28:47

could be a toxic friendships,

28:49

toxic coworker, toxic intimate relationship.

28:51

And so once you've gotten

28:53

that relationship out of your

28:55

life, the question isn't. Who.

28:58

Do I now fill this

29:00

void when. The reminds

29:02

me of episode we did a few

29:04

weeks ago. Tk about selling in the

29:07

rooms will feel compelled to fill empty

29:09

spaces, but maybe you've just made some

29:11

space for some solitude, would you say.

29:15

This. Reminds me of a conversation I

29:17

had with awe. My. Mentor of

29:19

on Washington many years ago where I

29:21

was presenting a couple of options to

29:23

him and I said i wanna do

29:25

this but. I. Think I'm

29:28

just doing this to be comfortable. And

29:30

he said don't despise or conference now. Life

29:32

is more than comfort. But. It

29:35

is also true that you want to

29:37

carve out spaces where you do feel

29:39

comfortable and what I say to this

29:41

question is don't despise your needs to

29:43

reduce trauma. Any. Kind

29:45

of relationship you have will carry

29:47

it's share of drama, but you

29:50

also want to carve out spaces

29:52

where. The. drama that you

29:54

deal with is meaningful drama

29:56

it's contextualize by shared values

29:58

and are higher purpose that makes

30:00

the drama worth it. If you've

30:02

got relationships that are

30:05

not amplified by

30:07

bringing in other people, if you've

30:09

got relationships that work against you

30:11

meeting new people and making new

30:13

friends, then that might be a

30:15

sign of a red flag. C.S. Lewis

30:18

in his book, The Four Loves,

30:20

he describes friendship as the least

30:22

jealous of love because friendly

30:25

love is that kind of love which

30:27

becomes enhanced by the addition of other

30:29

people and other parties. And so I

30:31

think if you're dealing with friends here

30:33

and these are true friends, then their

30:36

friendship with you should be enhanced

30:38

by you wanting to engage other people.

30:40

And so I would take a look

30:42

at those relationships and say, why am

30:44

I binding myself to these

30:46

people? Is it because we're in fifth

30:48

grade together and I feel guilty? I'm telling myself

30:51

some story that this would be bad of me

30:53

to branch out? So you

30:55

don't have to look at these relationships as

30:57

ones you need to formally break up from

30:59

in order to branch out from. You

31:01

can branch out without breaking up. You

31:03

can open yourself to new things without

31:05

renouncing the things of old. Just start

31:07

introducing some new habits, some new boundaries

31:09

and challenge them to demonstrate that they

31:11

have the capacity to be open. Sarah,

31:14

thank you for your question. You

31:16

can join us for the first Friday of

31:18

every month, Friday afternoon, minimalist Zoom, slash

31:21

the minimalist, a hundred or a

31:23

few hundred of you join us at a time. We

31:25

all turn our cameras on. You can hop up there

31:27

and ask some questions with us, or you can just

31:29

turn your camera off, your mic off, and you can

31:31

be a fly on the wall during that Zoom call.

31:34

It's sort of this beautiful liminal

31:36

space between the podcast and our

31:38

live events because we get to

31:40

interact with you face to face,

31:42

albeit through screens. And it's a

31:44

great way to get to know

31:47

you as part of our audience. We've

31:49

got a bunch more to talk about, but

31:52

first, Malabama, what do you got for us?

31:54

Here's a minimalist insight from one of our

31:56

listeners. and

32:00

team. My name is Julie and

32:02

I live in Cincinnati, Ohio. I

32:04

found it interesting on your New Year's podcast

32:07

episode, One Day or Day One,

32:10

how day one was a desired day,

32:12

the first step toward living a better

32:14

life, however that may look. It struck

32:17

me because in the 12-step world, one

32:19

day is a desired day, just any

32:22

other day, living a life in

32:24

recovery from whatever one may

32:26

be in recovery for. In that

32:29

world, day one means starting over

32:31

again, often not for the first

32:33

time. I just found it interesting

32:35

how these few words can have such a

32:37

different meaning depending on the lens you view

32:39

them through. I enjoy listening to

32:41

you all very much. All

32:45

right y'all, we'll see you on Patreon for the

32:47

full two-hour maximal edition of episode 432 which includes

32:49

answers to a million more

32:53

questions plus several simple living

32:55

segments including a beautiful minimalist

32:57

home tour from one of

32:59

our listeners. Check that out

33:02

at the minimalist private podcast

33:04

patreon.com/the minimalist or click the

33:06

link down in the description

33:08

to subscribe and get your

33:10

personal links so that our

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your favorite podcast app. You also

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gain access to all of our

33:18

podcast archives all the way back

33:20

to episode 001.

33:24

By the way, Patreon is now offering free

33:26

trials so if you'd like to test drive

33:28

our private podcast, you can join for seven

33:30

days for free and if you're still on

33:33

the fence, here's a testimonial

33:35

from one of our lovely Patreon

33:37

subscribers. Becky says, I

33:39

look forward to the private

33:41

podcast every week. Each

33:43

topic is something I find value in

33:45

exploring in depth. The

33:47

expanded discussions on Patreon helped me immensely

33:50

with my minimalist goals. I love it,

33:52

she says. Well, thank you, Becky, and

33:54

that is our minimal episode for today.

33:57

If you want to see more videos,

33:59

please subscribe. We leave here with just

34:01

one message. Plenipedes. Love

34:04

people and use things.

34:08

Because the opposite never works.

34:11

Thanks for watching, y'all. We'll see you next

34:13

time. Peace. Be

34:30

funny without it.