1:43

amazed

2:00

how every office we went to had bowls

2:03

of candy with amazing wrappers.

2:05

And every time I asked what's going on, why

2:07

there's candies everywhere, I was told

2:10

it's Halloween. So I'm thinking,

2:12

is this a person that just runs around

2:15

and distributes candies? I mean, it's like Santa

2:18

Claus. I don't know what everybody's saying. Then

2:20

somebody had PDO and man explained

2:23

that there's a holiday in America where you're

2:26

given candy. I mean, this is

2:28

like better than winning a million

2:30

dollars today, for sure. So

2:33

I'm thinking, when is this going to happen?

2:35

So it's in November. So they're saying October

2:38

31st. Are you kidding me? I have to wait 11 months,

2:41

a deprived child from Soviet Union. Can

2:44

they give it to me now? No,

2:47

apparently it's only one day. So I say,

2:49

okay, how do I go about

2:51

it? Some explain you have to

2:53

have a costume. That's a problem. And

2:57

you have to have a special word that you say.

2:59

So we don't speak English. So somebody explains

3:02

to me, you have to say trick or treat. Well, I

3:04

don't know what anyone's saying. So I thought, TOT?

3:07

Okay, whatever works as long as I get

3:10

free candy. So

3:12

I'm waiting and waiting. Like by June,

3:15

I'm thinking, maybe I should try this special

3:17

phrase. The mailman comes, I go,

3:20

TOT?

3:22

He looks at me like, what is wrong with

3:24

you? And I'm thinking,

3:26

okay, maybe July, you know,

3:29

I go to school and there's a teacher

3:31

that seems kind. I go, TOT?

3:34

Again, nothing. So I keep on

3:37

waiting. You know, September comes

3:39

and I ask my mom, do

3:41

we have a costume for me? Because I

3:44

am going to go and collect like literally 2000

3:47

pounds of candy. So my

3:49

mom is like, you know, you could be a red

3:51

riding hood because we have a red hat from

3:54

Russia. I'm thinking, okay,

3:56

maybe this could work. So I put on a red

3:58

hat.

5:32

teenager

6:00

and he's really having fun, like no

6:02

one has ever reacted

6:04

to his prank like I did. So

6:08

he's really chasing me. We're like

6:10

marathon runners. I am not

6:12

a runner. So my father could

6:14

not catch up with me. So he tries to meet

6:16

me the other way. He tries to go around

6:19

the block the other way, trying to

6:21

catch me. So he's going

6:23

towards me. And I'm like hysterical.

6:26

I'm just clutching to my candy and he's telling

6:28

that that guy, stop, stop, that's

6:31

enough. Please stop. And

6:33

finally he had to pull his mask and

6:35

show me he's a real person. And

6:38

that was it for the night. I must admit I needed

6:41

some homeopathic

6:43

remedy to come down. I

6:46

just sat there counting my candies

6:48

till morning. It was like 415 and three bubblegum.

6:53

But I had a dilemma

6:55

I had to deal with for the next 364 days. Am

6:58

I going to do it again or not? It was

7:01

like free candy, fear, real

7:04

tarot.

7:06

But then it takes much more

7:09

to scare a Soviet Union girl from

7:11

collecting candy. So I still put on my

7:13

red riding hood hat and I still

7:16

went, but now I did not visit the houses

7:18

that had graveyards. And

7:21

to be honest with you, I still didn't give up the

7:23

tradition. So someone nuts in your door and they have

7:25

a red riding hood hat and a shop right

7:27

bag. Please open the door and give me candy.

7:35

That was Sofia Tomatyn.

7:37

Sofia was born in the former Soviet

7:40

Union and enjoys sharing her family's

7:42

immigration stories. She loves to travel

7:44

the world and appreciates learning about

7:47

different cultures and people. Sofia

7:49

believes in bringing light to the world by

7:51

making people laugh, performing

7:54

acts of kindness and breaking boundaries

7:56

between people. If you'd like to see

7:58

a photo of grownup Sophia dressed

8:01

for Halloween with her family. You'll find

8:03

it on our website, themoth.org slash

8:06

extras. Halloween can

8:08

be fun and exciting, but sometimes

8:10

the pretend

8:11

fright can turn into something

8:13

real. Our next storyteller

8:15

is Tricia Ho with a more serious

8:18

story they told when we partnered

8:20

with UN Women Asia and the Pacific

8:22

for an event in Bangkok, Thailand

8:24

featuring diverse stories from across

8:27

the region. The theme of the night was

8:29

standing up stories of courage

8:31

and resilience.

8:33

Here's Tricia, live at the Moth.

8:37

Halloween is one of my favorite times

8:39

of the year

8:41

because it was the only day that I could express

8:43

my gender identity without having

8:45

to face a raised eyebrow

8:47

or a weird look. So

8:50

when my activist friends and I heard that the

8:53

authorities had signed off on a Halloween event

8:55

that had drag queens and

8:57

queer artists on the lineup despite

9:00

the rising anti-LGBT sentiment

9:02

due to the recent elections, we

9:05

were shocked. We

9:08

were cautious, but ultimately we

9:10

were hopeful because

9:12

perhaps after many years of

9:15

fighting for equality and human rights that

9:17

it is starting to make progress.

9:24

About a thousand people from around the city,

9:27

even familiar faces from the activists,

9:29

came together for a night of celebration

9:32

for freedom of expression and to reclaim

9:35

our place in a

9:37

conservative country that sought

9:40

to criminalize, to

9:41

discredit and demonize the

9:44

queer community.

9:47

We had just spent the night getting ready in our

9:49

costumes. Our outfits consist

9:50

of gender non-conforming features and

9:52

bright rainbow colors to match the performance that night.

9:56

For myself, I wore a floral dress and a dress that was

9:58

a beautiful dress. four shirts, slacks,

10:02

and a hand-drawn beard that took two attempts

10:04

and many hours to perfect. I

10:08

looked over to my friend, a

10:09

queer non-binary

10:12

Muslim female,

10:14

dressed in a black, lazy taut,

10:16

a leather skirt, and a red

10:18

cape.

10:19

And beside them was a trans woman

10:21

friend wearing a beautiful summer

10:23

dress and makeup. We

10:26

were so excited. It

10:31

was a warm night in Chinatown as my friends

10:33

and I arrived at the venue. We

10:36

had been anticipating this for weeks. As

10:40

I look out to

10:40

see a large crowd of people

10:42

and through the sea of color,

10:45

I thought to myself,

10:47

this is it. This

10:50

is the night that I could finally take

10:52

a break, a well-deserved break. I

10:55

was no longer the eldest child

10:57

of a divorced Asian family that had to face

10:59

violence on a regular basis. I

11:02

could also take a break from being a community leader

11:04

fighting against a broken arbitrary system.

11:08

As a queer person in this conservative country,

11:11

I found myself invisibilized

11:14

by the system that some feel just

11:16

visible enough to be scapegoated

11:19

by their political agenda, that

11:21

somehow my identity was

11:23

a tool for their gain.

11:29

Many people in my community, myself

11:32

included, often faced violence and

11:34

discrimination from family members, friends,

11:37

and even the very authorities they ought to protect

11:40

us. Queer Muslim folks

11:42

are often targeted and sent to conversion

11:44

therapy camps to fix them.

11:49

There was no place for someone like me.

11:52

But tonight,

11:55

tonight I could be carefree and enjoy

11:57

the company

11:58

of my community and my friends.

12:00

And so as we start to ascend the

12:03

steps going up to the venue,

12:05

I started to notice a lot of

12:07

harsh voices in the corners. The

12:10

lights were unusually bright and

12:12

intense. But

12:14

before I could take another step, a voice

12:17

rang. Don't

12:20

go upstairs. The police are waiting. The

12:24

whiplash of emotion sent my body

12:27

into a paralysis as my heart rate quickened. And

12:29

I flashed back to all the

12:31

times I felt so vulnerable in my own home. And

12:34

when I had to face abuse, I was met

12:36

with, Why did you make him mad? You

12:40

know that he gets angry. This is your fault.

12:44

I made myself take a deep breath.

12:51

My instincts honed by years of having

12:54

to manage conflict and to step

12:56

in,

12:57

kicked in.

12:59

And I took stock of my situation and

13:01

the risks of the people that were with me. On

13:04

one hand, a

13:06

queer non-binary Muslim woman would

13:08

be charged and sent to conversion

13:09

therapy camp. The other,

13:11

a trans woman who would be

13:14

at risk of brutality and sexual violence.

13:17

I could not let that happen.

13:20

And so I sprung into action

13:22

and let them out of the venue. While

13:24

doing so, I was trying to book a taxi

13:26

to get out of the area as quickly as possible.

13:30

But I soon realized that the police

13:32

had closed all the roads in the area and

13:35

there was nowhere in or out. It

13:38

was almost as if they signed off on the

13:40

event just to trap us here.

13:43

Let's go this way, I said,

13:44

as I led them through the back alley.

13:48

Every corner we turn, we could catch

13:50

a glimpse of a blue flashing light and

13:53

we had to pivot and run.

13:55

Around

13:56

another corner, and I see

13:58

a police officer's uniform.

13:59

uniform

14:00

and we had to pivot and run.

14:03

In my only attempt

14:06

of resistance in that moment, I tried to

14:08

use my body as a shield to protect

14:10

my friends so they wouldn't be as visible. But

14:13

I forgot that I myself had

14:15

a beard and I stood out just as much.

14:20

As we passed by some bystanders,

14:23

we will stare at them.

14:24

They will whisper.

14:26

But no one said anything. No

14:29

one did anything.

14:33

And I was praying that

14:37

even if they don't want

14:39

to help us, at the very least,

14:42

to not report this to the police.

14:46

After an hour of running as far

14:48

away as we could, we finally got a taxi

14:51

and we got to a safe place. I

14:54

slumped onto the couch and waves

14:56

of exhaustion by adrenaline

14:59

crash washed over my body. All

15:02

of the pent up emotions

15:03

of anger, frustration,

15:06

even relief erupted

15:10

from me and I

15:10

sobbed into

15:13

my pillows.

15:16

I hated

15:18

that the authorities could

15:20

rate even this time off on.

15:23

I hated that the passibys

15:25

could only gawk at us as we're trying to run

15:27

for our lives. On the night

15:30

when I was supposed to be vibrant and

15:32

colorful, I

15:35

had to make myself invisible. I

15:38

felt foolish for believing

15:41

that change was happening.

15:44

And I realized now there is more work to

15:46

be done.

15:48

And I'll be there every step of the way. Thank

15:51

you.

15:59

Trisha is a queer

16:02

rights activist and feminist that

16:04

works closely with organizational system

16:06

design, project management, and

16:08

community building based in Southeast

16:11

Asia. And a big thank you

16:13

to UN Women in Asia and the

16:15

Pacific and their support of the Moths

16:18

Global Program. This collaboration

16:20

brought forward women's stories of bravery

16:23

and resilience from survivors, creators,

16:25

and activists. That's all

16:27

for this episode. From all of us here

16:30

at The Moth, thank you for listening. And

16:32

remember, you can always pitch us one of your

16:34

stories right on our site, themoth.org.

16:38

Sarah Austin Janess is a director, The Moth

16:41

executive producer, and a co-author of the bestselling

16:43

How to Tell a Story, The Essential Guide

16:45

to Memorable Storytelling from The Moth, which

16:48

is available now wherever you get your books.

16:51

Trisha Ho's story was directed by Sarah

16:53

Austin Janess. This episode

16:56

of The Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin

16:58

Janess, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark

17:00

Sollinger. The rest of The Moth's leadership

17:03

team includes Sarah Haberman, Jennifer

17:05

Hickson, Meg Bowles, Kate Tellers,

17:07

Marina Cloutier, Suzanne Rest, Brandon

17:10

Grant Walker, Leigh-Anne Gulley, and Aldi

17:12

Casa. All Moth stories are true, as

17:14

remembered by the storytellers. For more

17:16

about our podcast, information on pitching your

17:18

own story, and everything else, go

17:20

to our website, themoth.org. The

17:23

Moth Podcast is presented by PRX,

17:25

the Public Radio Exchange, helping make

17:28

public radio more public.