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Thank you.

1:00

From

1:00

PRX, This is the Moth Radio

1:02

Hour. I'm Jennifer Hickson. This

1:04

hour will be meeting all different kinds of

1:06

families, suburban, non traditional,

1:09

rural, foster, and even prison

1:11

family. Our first

1:13

story is from a writer, actress,

1:16

activist, and mom in rural New

1:18

Jersey Gina Sampio. Gina

1:20

is working on a book called TheTree Kleimers

1:22

Guide to Being a badass, and I really

1:24

can't wait to read it. Until then,

1:27

here's Gina. I

1:31

first started taking care of other people's

1:33

children

1:34

when I was actually still just

1:36

a child myself. So

1:38

that meant people were paying me

1:40

basically to play and that was really

1:42

awesome. But it also

1:44

meant that I was getting a ton of childcare

1:47

experience. and that by the time

1:49

I was sixteen, I probably

1:51

could make macaroni and cheese with my

1:53

eyes shut or change a

1:55

diaper with one hand tied behind my back.

1:58

which I only probably

1:59

ever would had to do with

2:02

those very naughty Nicholson

2:04

Boys. But their mother

2:06

knew they were a handful. She was paying ten dollars

2:08

an hour in nineteen

2:09

eighty eight.

2:13

So I kind of thought that all

2:15

of my childcare experience was

2:17

gonna teach me everything that I needed

2:19

to know about parenting my own children.

2:22

And my husband and I, we had a daughter,

2:24

and then a son, and then we decided

2:27

to become foster parents with

2:29

the intention of hopefully being able

2:31

to adopt one day. And

2:33

you know how everybody always says, you need

2:35

a license to drive a car, but you

2:37

don't need one to have a child. That's

2:40

not true when you become a foster

2:42

parent. We did have to get a license. And

2:44

so first, we had to take these classes

2:47

where they asked us really hard

2:49

hitting questions. Like, is secondhand

2:52

smoke good or bad?

2:55

And do babies actually

2:58

need car seats? And

3:00

then we had to do all sorts of other

3:02

things, have physicals done

3:05

background checks, fingerprinted, have

3:07

her home inspected interviews. I mean,

3:09

the whole thing turned out to be way

3:11

more complicated than just creating

3:13

a new human

3:14

being with my body.

3:18

And then

3:18

there were all the questions. What kind

3:21

of

3:21

child would we be willing to

3:23

take a girl or a boy, what race,

3:25

what age? Now, I

3:27

grew up with three sisters And

3:30

I already had one boy that I

3:32

didn't always know how to relate to,

3:34

but then I heard that boys

3:36

are actually left behind more

3:38

in adoption requests.

3:40

So we said that we preferred a boy.

3:43

race and having survived

3:46

to infants already, we thought that that

3:48

pleasure could be afforded someone else,

3:51

so anything up to age four, the age

3:53

of our biological son at the time. And

3:55

we got our license in the mail, and we in

3:58

for what we thought could be a very long week,

3:59

but we got a phone call

4:02

six weeks later about a

4:04

baby at the hospital. And

4:06

I thought, wow, an infant.

4:09

Doesn't everybody else want an

4:12

infant?

4:15

But we said yes. And when we went

4:17

to the hospital to pick him up, the

4:19

nurses insisted on

4:21

pushing me out to the car in a wheelchair.

4:26

which I thought was very funny. I mean, I

4:28

didn't suffer any physical distress, bringing

4:30

this kid into the world And even

4:33

though I thought it was really funny though,

4:35

I realized I was having the same

4:37

exact overwhelmingly surreal

4:40

sensation that I had when I first

4:42

left the hospital with my first two babies. And

4:44

that was there's a new person

4:46

here. There's this new human being that's

4:48

so tiny and perfect and amazing

4:51

And this hospital staff is gonna

4:53

let us just leave with him even though they

4:55

look really competent.

4:59

and we got him home and

5:01

it became obvious right away that there

5:03

were things that we still needed to learn in

5:05

spite of years of babysitting and

5:08

parenting experience and having a

5:10

license to parent. Like

5:12

what to do when a young woman

5:14

comes bouncing up to you and says your baby

5:16

is so cute is his daddy black?

5:18

So I just pretended I couldn't

5:21

really remember.

5:22

Or

5:28

what to do when a woman taps

5:30

you on the shoulder at crowded rest and

5:33

demands to know where's that baby from

5:36

and when told New Jersey just

5:39

continues to keep us sticking, but we're before

5:41

that, but we're before that until you're finally

5:43

just forced to say a uterus.

5:44

yeah

5:50

I

5:50

don't think they told us anything about

5:52

transracial adoption in those classes.

5:55

The most they might have said was something

5:58

along the lines of If you are

5:59

white and have a black child placed

6:02

with you, please, for the love of God, get

6:04

some help with their skin and hair. And

6:07

so I turned to my black friends

6:09

and and I asked for help and they helped me and

6:11

they also taught me things like

6:13

that my little black boy was only gonna

6:15

be cute. in the eyes of the public

6:18

for

6:18

a certain age. And then

6:20

he would somehow overnight be

6:22

perceived as threatening. to the public

6:25

and that it was gonna happen much sooner

6:27

than I would anticipate. And

6:29

I listened to them and I learned from them, but

6:31

I didn't experience

6:32

any of that harsh reality

6:35

yet. And

6:36

our case moved along, and we were

6:38

given the go ahead to adopt him.

6:40

and I got some paperwork in the mail. It

6:42

was an adoption subsidy agreement. And

6:45

next to the name of our adorable

6:48

funny, very loved, and very

6:50

wanted son was the reason

6:52

for the monthly subsidy that he was gonna

6:55

get on. And it was checked

6:57

off child is hard to place

7:00

African American. And

7:03

I felt like I had been punched in the stomach.

7:06

And then one day we got a phone call from

7:08

our caseworker, and I wasn't expecting it. And I

7:10

could tell something was up, and I was right

7:13

because she said, do you have room

7:15

for another baby? And we

7:17

weren't really planning on having any more

7:19

children, but we loved

7:21

our little son so much. We loved any

7:23

sibling of his. And so I said, What

7:25

is it?

7:27

And she said, a boy. And so I cried a

7:29

little when I said, okay. And

7:31

then I said, I guess, I'd better call my husband and

7:33

ask him real quick about

7:37

So then we

7:39

were up to four children, one

7:41

girl and three boys, and I

7:43

was pretty sure that I was done

7:45

with babies, but then I

7:47

went to a baby shower. And

7:50

all the the new mom was opening up all

7:52

these tiny little socks and really cute

7:54

onesies and things and all the women were

7:56

just gushing. And I realized

7:59

that I was sitting

7:59

like a little bit away from the rest of them

8:02

and just thinking that looks like more

8:04

laundry

8:05

to me.

8:07

So then I really knew that I

8:09

was done with babies. until

8:11

I get a phone call about

8:13

our boys' baby sister. And

8:16

could we come get her? Like, today, did we have

8:18

a car seat?

8:20

And so even though we knew it meant

8:23

getting on another two year emotional

8:25

roller coaster, we borrowed

8:27

a car seat and said yes.

8:30

six years after starting

8:32

our fostering experience, we had

8:34

adopted each of our children. We

8:37

got to say goodbye to the judges

8:39

and the case workers and good prudence

8:42

to the one that we referred to as the anti

8:44

social worker.

8:45

and

8:49

And hello to the architect and

8:51

the contractors.

8:53

Lessons were still being learned and

8:55

mistakes were being made I can

8:58

admit that I have been that white

9:00

mom out at the store when a black woman

9:02

told me that my baby's hair felt a little

9:04

bit dry. AND I KNEW I

9:06

HAD TO LEARN FROM ALL THESE DIFFERENT SOURCES,

9:08

THE BLACK COMMUNITY, ADULT ADOPTIES,

9:11

MORE EXPERIENCED TRANSRAISIALLY ADOPTAFFED

9:13

FAMILIES and all we're trying to balance

9:15

it with what it meant to be our

9:18

family. In this time and

9:20

in this place, and I thought we

9:22

were doing alright. And

9:23

then one day my son was getting ready

9:25

for school. He was

9:27

six years old and getting

9:29

ready for first grade and he was brushing his teeth

9:32

and he just stopped. and he

9:34

said, I wish your brown family

9:36

adopted me. He

9:38

wasn't upset. He was very a matter of

9:40

fact. like, I wanna wear my blue sneakers

9:43

and I wish a brown family adopted me,

9:45

but

9:46

I was stunned. I

9:48

knew he might say something like that. at

9:50

some point, but I just wasn't really expecting

9:52

it. And so I just

9:55

tried to stay calm and I said, well, how

9:57

come? And he said,

9:59

I want the family to look like me.

10:02

So

10:02

I pointed out that his younger brother and sister

10:04

looked like him and he said, yeah, but not

10:07

the whole family.

10:09

And so I just apologized. I

10:11

didn't know what else I could possibly do.

10:13

and I got them off to school. And the whole

10:15

day, I was thinking, you know,

10:17

what are we gonna do about this? And on one hand,

10:19

I didn't wanna do anything. I mean, if the kids seems

10:21

fine. I don't wanna bother him, you know, get him upset

10:24

about it. But on the other

10:26

hand, you know, you have to muddle

10:28

things up sometimes. before you get

10:30

some clarity. So at bedtime

10:33

that night, I muddled things up

10:35

and I asked him, are you

10:37

still feeling sad that a brown family

10:39

didn't adopt to you. And

10:41

he didn't say anything. He just nodded.

10:43

Yes.

10:45

So I said, did

10:47

anybody do anything or say something

10:49

recently that made you start to feel that

10:51

way. And again, he just nodded,

10:54

no. So

10:56

now I'm grasping for straws. Did

10:58

you know that daddy and I love you

11:00

very, very, very, very

11:02

much. And again, just

11:05

a nod. Yes. I mean,

11:07

clearly, the kid was not gonna help me

11:09

move the conversation forward at

11:11

all. So I I

11:13

had no idea what to say. And so I absolutely

11:16

surprised myself with what came out next,

11:18

and I said to him, did you know

11:20

that there's sadness to adoption.

11:23

And this time his interest was peaked

11:25

because this time he spoke and he said,

11:27

no, I didn't. And

11:30

I said, well, yeah,

11:31

most of the time, everybody only talks

11:33

about how really happy adoption

11:36

is. And we are so

11:38

so happy that you're part of our family.

11:40

But if the world was

11:42

perfect and there were never any problems

11:45

at all, you probably

11:46

could have just stayed with your first mommy.

11:48

Don't you think? And

11:50

this time, my boy answered me.

11:53

It

11:53

wasn't with a nod or with words,

11:55

but he sobbed. It

11:57

wasn't crying over his skinny.

11:59

He was

11:59

sobbing over an emotional

12:02

wound that he didn't know he had.

12:04

And he still whacked the emotional maturity

12:06

and the language to really explore it, but

12:08

there was something about my

12:11

acknowledging it for him that

12:13

just unlocked the deepest Saab

12:15

I'd ever heard come out of a little child.

12:18

and

12:18

I told him it was okay to be sad

12:21

about that and maybe even forever, but

12:23

that I wanted to help him find

12:25

peace over it and Would

12:27

he maybe like to try to meet some more of his

12:29

birth family? And he said,

12:31

yes. So

12:33

I reached out to our last caseworker and

12:35

I I said I'd heard about this great grandma.

12:38

Can you give me her number or

12:40

something? And he said, no. I'm

12:42

actually not allowed to give that out.

12:45

So I did a little more asking around

12:47

in some research, and I found out that he could

12:49

however send a letter on my behalf.

12:52

Now based on my history with the state,

12:55

I didn't really trust that this was going to happen,

12:57

but I had to take a chance. I wrote the letter

12:59

and I sent it and hoped for the best. And

13:02

It worked because she called us

13:05

a week or two later, this great

13:07

grandmother who had worried about them and

13:09

prayed for them for years, and we went to go meet

13:11

her immediately. And as

13:13

soon as we did, all these doors kept

13:15

opening because every time we went, we

13:17

just would meet a new family member.

13:20

And each one of them welcomed

13:23

all of us, our adopted kids, our biological

13:25

kids, my husband and myself with

13:27

open arms, and all these relationships

13:30

that could have felt awkward or strained

13:32

just never did and our

13:34

children thrived because of it.

13:37

That was four years ago. and

13:40

had a more recent visit, I was sitting

13:42

catch catching up with the kids on tea, like

13:44

on a couch over here, and I could see my husband

13:46

eating and talking with another family member

13:49

over there and some of my kids were

13:51

doing crafts with some cousins and others were

13:53

running around playing ninja turtles with other cousins

13:55

and there was pop up sitting

13:57

on the couch and he had the TV on the

13:59

nature

13:59

channel way too loud. Like, he always

14:02

has it and I know that now. And

14:04

there was my son just snuggled up by

14:06

his side and treating wild animal

14:08

facts with his grandfather.

14:10

And looking around the room that day,

14:13

I saw to myself, you know, growing

14:15

up, I always thought that adoption

14:18

just meant a new family

14:20

for the children that are adopted. But

14:23

looking around here, I know that in our

14:25

case, It

14:26

means so much more because it's

14:29

a family for all of us. Thank

14:31

you.

14:36

That was Gina's Campio. To

14:38

see a picture of Gina and her family, and

14:40

also one of pop pop with all the grandchildren

14:42

visit them off dot org.

14:45

Gina says that open adoption continues

14:47

to surprise in a Maser and fill her heart

14:49

up again and again. Little things

14:51

like how both families feel okay poking

14:54

around in each

14:54

other's refrigerators were big things

14:57

like how both families say your family

14:59

now and really mean

15:00

it.

15:11

Our next story takes place in a small

15:13

village in

15:14

India, where our storyteller gave

15:16

her parents quite a shock. Anaga

15:18

Mahajan told this story for the grand

15:20

slam in Chicago, where we partner with

15:22

public radio station WBEZ. Here's

15:25

Anaga Mahajan.

15:30

I'm blind in one eye. My

15:32

left eye. I

15:34

knew this since I was a child, but I did not

15:36

tell anyone till I was twelve.

15:38

In my defense, I

15:40

thought it was normal to be able to see with

15:43

just one eye. Just like

15:45

you can write with your right hand, you can see

15:47

with your right eye. That

15:49

was my kid logic, pretty solid. Right?

15:53

My parents did not agree. They

15:55

were very upset when they found out.

15:58

One evening, I was hanging out in my dad's

16:00

study, and my dad was a lawyer. So

16:02

he had all these fat law books

16:04

And I was like, hey, dad, wouldn't it be

16:07

awesome if we could read with both the eyes?

16:09

and

16:14

he

16:14

just flipped out. He

16:18

he phrenatically

16:18

called my mom and by the time

16:20

both of them grasped the entire situation.

16:22

soon. They made it all about

16:24

themselves.

16:27

Just like parents do. But

16:30

once they got a grasp of my disability,

16:33

they left no stone unturned. They took

16:35

me to the best doctors in the country from

16:37

Bombay to Bangalore, they even

16:39

seek divine intervention. They they

16:41

took me to this guru who hit me with peacock

16:44

feathers on my head to

16:46

bring my vision back.

16:48

But after tons of examinations and

16:50

doctor visits, the doctor finally concluded

16:54

that the light bulb in my left eye

16:56

was simply not turned on. I

16:59

had the perfect hardware, but the software

17:01

was missing. So

17:04

he even invited my mom to look at

17:06

my eyes with his lens and when my mom

17:08

looked at it, she was clearly crestfallen.

17:12

And although I was I was enjoying

17:15

the attention of my parents for the last couple

17:17

of months. It was very sad

17:19

to see them heartbroken that way. The

17:22

doctor did give us a little bit ray of hope

17:24

by saying there is this ancient exercise called

17:26

TRATAQ, which basically meant I

17:28

had to sit in the dark room with a

17:30

candle lit and focus on the candle

17:32

just with my left eye. And

17:35

that the doctor hold will stimulate the

17:37

brain to start receiving signals from

17:39

my left eye. So by the

17:41

time we got home and this exercise was

17:43

defined, it was almost summer. And

17:46

summers are particularly harsh in the part

17:48

of India I come from. The

17:50

average temperatures are in the high nineties.

17:52

It could go as high as one twenty. So

17:56

and Yeah. And

17:58

air conditioning is not common even

18:00

for the well-to-do families. So I

18:02

went to my dad and I'm like, hey, dad, it's impossible

18:05

for me to sit in this heat without

18:07

a fan with the candle and meditate. But

18:11

but Given how guilty

18:13

they felt about everything, my father

18:15

provided me with the ultimate luxury

18:17

any kid in the village could hope for.

18:20

It was a whirlpool Meraja twenty

18:22

liter desert cooler just for

18:25

my room. I

18:27

know it was pretty cool. And I

18:29

I literally became the coolest

18:31

kid on the block.

18:35

but that didn't last too long. The

18:37

cooler started smoking up just after

18:39

a week. Somebody who

18:41

had no idea of how coolers work said

18:44

too much heat is making it over work.

18:47

So my dad called our regular handyman

18:49

and asked him to fix it. few

18:51

hours later, the scrawny

18:54

tall kid named Sadik showed up at

18:56

our doorstep. Sadik was

18:58

our handyman's son And

19:00

because this was not a big job and it wouldn't

19:02

pay as much, he had sent him. Sadhic

19:05

was like six or seven years, elder than

19:07

I was, but had dropped out of school

19:09

just like most kids with his kind of family

19:11

background too. He had no

19:13

formal training in how to repair a cooler

19:16

just few years of watching his dad do

19:18

odd jobs. So it was quite

19:20

lucky that he was able to do something and

19:22

make the motor move again and fix

19:24

the cooler and he vanished. So

19:27

thus started my practice of exercising

19:30

this meditation to improve

19:32

my eyesight. And at that

19:34

time, I was also studying for a very important

19:36

scholarship exam in

19:38

the seventh grade I was

19:40

never too good at studies, so it was

19:43

probably my Gemini trade. I could never

19:45

really apply myself and sit

19:47

steady. But interestingly, this

19:50

exercise I was doing for my eyesight,

19:53

it was really good to improve my focus

19:55

and concentration. So

19:57

as I was doing this exercise, I started getting

19:59

better at studies, and as my confidence increased,

20:02

I wanted to do even better. So

20:05

I went out and I brought this poster

20:07

of a motivational Hindi poem and

20:09

put it on my wall right next

20:11

to the cooler. and it said,

20:14

koshish kurnee Baluki, Harnehi

20:16

hoti, in Hindi, which means

20:18

those who try cannot be defeated. So

20:22

try I did. I would try to exercise

20:24

regularly so that my eyesight would improve,

20:26

which would make my parents happy, and

20:28

I would study which would make me better and

20:30

make me happy. But there

20:33

was one little problem. The

20:35

cooler kept breaking down. Each

20:38

time the cooler would break down my dad fetched

20:40

Sadiq, and the Sadiq became a routine

20:43

around my room in that summer. Sadhik

20:47

and I really didn't talk much, mostly because

20:49

we had nothing in common, and also

20:51

partly because it was frowned upon

20:53

for kids like me to talk to kids like

20:55

him. But whenever I would

20:57

get bored with my studies, I used to

20:59

observe Sadhg, and because he didn't

21:01

know anything about coolers, he would

21:03

constantly get frustrated. And

21:06

every time he got irritated, he would read

21:08

my poem, those who try, cannot be defeated,

21:11

and try to fix the cooler with the new

21:13

vigor. Seeing

21:15

him get inspired that way inspired me

21:17

to do better more than the poem ever did.

21:21

Thus, in our own unsaid ways,

21:23

we are the cooler, the poem, the

21:25

exercise, the studies. We

21:27

both were inspiring each other to

21:29

do better and to keep fighting against

21:31

the odds we both were born. with. Eventually,

21:35

Sadik did fix the cooler permanently or

21:38

so we thought because it monsoon set in

21:40

and the cooler was packed

21:41

up.

21:43

But Sadik did get better at fixing

21:45

stuff and he's now the go to guy in

21:47

the village. As for me,

21:50

looking back on the events of that summer,

21:52

my eyesight never really improved. But

21:55

since then,

21:56

I do see things a little bit better.

21:59

Thank

21:59

you.

22:03

back with Anaga Mahajan,

22:05

she's an electronics engineer

22:07

turned management consultant.

22:09

Anaga never did regain sight

22:11

in her left eye,

22:12

but admits that when she's

22:13

in stressful situations, she still

22:15

repeats the phrase on the poster.

22:17

Those who keep trying

22:18

cannot be defeated.

22:38

The moth radio hours produced by

22:41

Atlantic public media in Woods Hole,

22:43

Massachusetts. and presented by

22:45

PRX.

22:49

The

22:49

mouth is brought to you by Progressive. Are

22:51

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23:23

This is the moth radio

23:25

hour from PRX on Jennifer Hickson.

23:28

This next story comes to us from Detroit,

23:29

Michigan. where we partner

23:31

with public radio station, WDET,

23:33

and

23:34

Michigan Public Radio.

23:35

Maxie Jones moved to Detroit from New

23:37

York City and were glad he did. He

23:39

discovered the moth listening to the radio

23:41

while mowing his lawn. He didn't have a

23:43

lawn

23:44

in New York City, so we may never

23:46

have met otherwise.

23:47

Here's to DIY landscaping,

23:49

and here's Maxi Jones.

23:52

So

23:53

the year is nineteen seventy six.

23:55

I'm fourteen years old.

23:58

And every every Friday when I

23:59

get out of school, my mother would have a bag

24:02

packed.

24:02

that and

24:03

I would go and spend the weekend at my grandmother's

24:06

place. So I would come

24:08

home. She'd have this backpack. I would get on a train

24:10

from the Bronx, where I lived to

24:12

Harlem, to my grandmother's apartment. Now

24:15

my grandmother was a seamstress. So

24:17

whenever I'm in her apartment, there she

24:19

made her own clothes and she made her own hats.

24:21

So there would be all these mannequins and everything

24:23

all over the house. And my my

24:25

grandmother would would always try to convince me

24:28

to learn the soul I would always, like, try

24:30

to figure out something else I need to do. Like, no grandma,

24:32

I need to do my homework and stuff like

24:34

that. So so one day

24:36

while she was sewing with the sewing machine, I

24:39

was like mesmerized by

24:41

what

24:41

she was doing, and I was just sitting there watching

24:43

her. And

24:43

she was like, cool over here. Let me show you what I'm

24:45

doing. So she started showing me

24:48

how to sew. She showed me everything about how to use

24:50

a sewing machine, how to thread the bob and

24:52

and all that stuff. And so I was

24:54

really I was actually helping her make a dress

24:57

And

24:57

then at certain point, I realized I was like grandma,

24:59

what is this? We make she's like, you make an address

25:01

for me. I was

25:03

like, I don't wanna do that. So

25:06

I was like, get out of here. She was like,

25:08

you were interested before I was like, I'm not. I don't

25:10

wanna do that grandma. She was like, ah,

25:12

I see what's wrong.

25:15

You're uncomfortable because

25:16

you think this is for girls. I

25:19

was like, no grandma. I just don't wanna

25:21

do that shit. That's all. So

25:25

she said, you know what? I tell you, let's make a

25:27

deal. She said, since

25:30

you hear with me every weekend, I

25:32

tell you what, let me teach you

25:34

how to make a suit for yourself. And

25:36

as soon as we finish the suit, I'll never

25:38

bother you again.

25:39

was like, Deal. So

25:41

we went to the store down the street

25:43

where they had all the sewing stuff and we bought

25:46

a pattern for a suit for me in

25:48

my size. It was a pants and

25:50

vest suit. So we

25:52

bought the pattern and my grandmother said,

25:55

okay, so So what material

25:57

do you want use? I was like, I don't care. I'm

25:59

not going to wear it.

25:59

She's like, okay.

26:02

So we'll use something that I got in the house.

26:04

I went back to my grandmother's apartment and

26:06

she's like,

26:07

here we can use this.

26:09

She pulled out this orange material from

26:11

this dress that she had made.

26:14

I was like, sure, I'm not wearing that.

26:16

So

26:16

anyway,

26:18

over the course of a couple of weekends, we

26:20

we made this suit. Right? And I

26:22

mean, it was complete, and it fit me. And I was

26:24

like, really happy had learned how to do this.

26:26

And of and in the course of making the

26:28

suit, she taught me everything there was

26:30

to know about sowing. Right?

26:33

So, Sunday came and my grandma

26:36

was like, okay, now you gotta take this

26:38

home and show your mama.

26:39

Right? So

26:40

I took the suit home. Look mommy.

26:43

Grandma taught me how to sew. She taught me how

26:45

to make the suit. And

26:46

I was like, great. You can wear it to school

26:48

tomorrow. I

26:51

was like, no, my love.

26:55

She said, no. If your grandmother told you how

26:57

to make that not gonna let it go to waste. You gotta wear

26:59

it at least once.

27:01

award to school the next day. And

27:04

with the degree of embarrassment I

27:07

experienced.

27:08

Not just because in

27:10

nineteen seventy six, I had on a pants

27:12

and a vest. not

27:15

just that it was orange.

27:17

Not that the pants did not have pockets

27:19

because we didn't bother to make pockets. The

27:24

embarrassment was when people's like, where the

27:26

fuck did you get that soon?

27:30

I said I made it myself.

27:39

My

27:41

friends were like, yo, get the fuck out

27:43

of here. You're making

27:45

your own clothes now? saw

27:49

I was so embarrassed that when

27:51

I came home, I threw the suit in

27:53

the garbage, and I

27:56

immediately began to forget everything

27:58

my grandmother taught me about sewing.

27:59

Right? So

28:02

anyway, twenty years later, nineteen ninety

28:04

six, my grandmother passed away. Right?

28:06

the only part about dying. Right? My grandmother

28:08

passed away. When

28:10

I'm packing the go to her funeral, I

28:13

had this really nice coat that I wanted to wear and

28:15

I pulled it out closet, and

28:17

it had this tear all the way down to

28:19

sleeve. So I was like, oh, man, I really

28:21

wanna wear this coat. So I started putting it back

28:23

in the closet. And then as I was putting it back in the closet,

28:25

said, wait a minute.

28:27

She taught me how to sew

28:28

that to you.

28:30

I pulled the suit back out the closet. And

28:32

at that point, I realized I

28:34

had never not had a sewing kit.

28:37

I always had a sewing kit and

28:39

I pulled out the sewing kit and it even had the

28:42

little red tomato, pin cushion thing.

28:45

We all know that. And

28:48

as I'm sewing this sleeve, I'm remembering

28:50

everything she taught me about. making

28:52

it so that you don't notice that that

28:55

I sold it and all that stuff and it and it gave

28:57

me something really great to share about at her

28:59

funeral because it was just special to me.

29:01

was the only person she had taught how to

29:03

do this. You know? Two

29:05

years later, I moved into Harlem and

29:07

I had my own apartment. And I had

29:09

these these really tall windows that I could stand

29:11

in the window myself. And I went all

29:13

over the place looking for curtains for this window.

29:16

And and

29:17

I couldn't find curtains. And finally, one guy said,

29:19

dude, you're not gonna find those curtains. You're gonna have to

29:21

have them custom made, and that could be pretty expensive.

29:25

And and I went home and I was like, what am I gonna

29:27

do? You know what? I'm

29:29

gonna have them come to me. And

29:31

I went to a local fleet market

29:34

and bought me a sewing machine. And

29:36

I went to the same store where my grandmother

29:39

took me twenty years early and bought the

29:41

material and I made those

29:43

curtains myself. And

29:49

And when people would come over my apartment

29:51

and they would be like, yo, where'd you get those curtains?

29:53

And I would say, I made them myself. The

29:56

ladies loved that shit. Right?

29:59

But

30:03

the fellas were like, no, you didn't make

30:05

those damn curtains. I was like,

30:08

you know what? Yes, I did. I

30:10

made those curtains myself, and I don't

30:12

have no problem seeing it. Thank you very

30:14

much.

30:20

That was Maxi Jones. I

30:22

called Maxi up because that's always fun

30:25

and because I needed to know Is there a photo

30:27

of you in the suit and can we please see

30:29

it? Maxi claims that no such picture

30:31

exists and so we'll just have to make do in

30:33

our

30:33

minds eye. young man in an orange

30:36

pocketless suit. Maxi was

30:38

able to provide us with a photo of him visiting

30:40

his grandmother in the nursing home. where he

30:42

appears to be wearing an orange track

30:44

suit. Old habits die hard.

30:47

You can see the photo at the moth dot

30:49

org.

30:57

Next up is Maddie Strelski. Maddy

30:59

was a production manager for seventeen years

31:01

in the entertainment business, but now

31:03

is happily a full time dad.

31:05

Here he is. live with the

31:07

Los Angeles grand slam where we partner

31:09

with public radio station KCRW. Here's

31:12

Maddie.

31:15

My daughter Rain just turned four years old

31:17

and she has a cerebral palsy. And

31:19

luckily her CP is considered

31:21

moderate and it basically affects her

31:23

ability to balance and to walk. And

31:25

because of that, she spends a lot of time in a wheelchair.

31:28

And when you have a kid in a wheelchair, you find yourself

31:30

feeling like you're moving through a world that isn't really

31:32

designed with them in my It's like you're you're

31:34

living just on the outside of

31:36

these boundaries that people that typical people

31:39

get to move seamlessly through. And

31:41

when the doctor first gave my wife, Valerie

31:44

and I, the news about this diagnosis, I

31:46

had this knee jerk reaction where I started thinking about

31:48

all the things that she was never gonna be able to do.

31:50

I started creating all these boundaries for her. I

31:52

thought, you know, she's never gonna be able to take a long hike

31:54

in the woods with me and she's never gonna

31:56

go surfing with me and she's never gonna

31:58

be the first female short stop in Major League

32:00

Baseball. And then there's

32:02

all these physical boundaries

32:05

that she deals with every day that push her to the periphery

32:07

of typical person's world. You know,

32:09

there's it's uneven sidewalks and

32:12

it's it's always searching for a ramp

32:14

or an elevator instead of being able to go up the steps

32:16

right in front of her. and it's constantly

32:19

waiting for the only handicapped stall in a bathroom

32:21

while some guy needs extra elbow room while

32:23

he's taking poop or something. And,

32:26

you know, as watching your

32:28

kid having to deal with these boundaries, it can

32:30

be really difficult for me. But

32:32

on the other side of that, there's one space

32:34

with clearly defined well

32:37

drawn boundaries

32:39

that

32:40

It's a sole purpose is to

32:42

make the life of a person with disabilities just a

32:44

little bit easier, and it's space that everyone in

32:46

this room has looked that longly

32:48

at one point or another in their life and it should be out

32:50

of bounds of the able- body person and that is the handicap

32:53

parking spot. And as

32:55

a parent of a kid with a disability, I

32:57

find it really frustrating and annoying when people

32:59

leave their shopping carts in these spots. So

33:02

I feel like it's my duty to move them whenever

33:04

I see them and and one day I'm I'm doing my duty.

33:06

I'm I'm moving these carts and

33:08

I pull the last one out of the spot and this guy

33:10

on a scooter wheels up and

33:12

parks, literally where I just moved this cart

33:14

from, and I'm just furious.

33:17

And as he's getting off of his scooter,

33:19

I find myself saying little bit more aggressively

33:21

than I probably intended to, like, you can't part

33:23

that here. And he just looks at me like I'm a crazy

33:25

person. And he says, yeah, don't worry, I'm just running

33:28

it out real quick. And it

33:29

just makes me even matter, and

33:31

it's just like

33:33

every obstacle that has been pushing daughter

33:35

to the outside all this time has just physically

33:37

manifested itself in front of me in the

33:39

form of this scooter driver. And I

33:41

just wanna, like, tear this guy apart

33:43

and But this weird thing has happened

33:45

to me emotionally since I've had a daughter

33:48

and for some reason when I get really angry

33:50

a lot of times I'll just start to cry.

33:52

And it's

33:54

really hard to project an aura of

33:57

of of authority when

33:59

you're crying, when you have just tears and

34:01

snots coming out of your nose. And

34:03

so, you know, I've thought about this so many times.

34:05

I What I wish I said is I

34:07

wish I said, you know, it doesn't matter how long you're gonna

34:09

be. These spots aren't for you, you know, move

34:11

your scooter to another spot and be thankful you have

34:14

two functioning legs to walk in the store.

34:16

But did not say that. Instead, I

34:18

charged right up to him and I got into his personal

34:21

space and I choke back my anger tears

34:23

and I just said, I'm telling and

34:25

he said, And

34:28

he said, you're telling. And I said, yeah, that's

34:30

right. I'm telling. And I spun around and

34:32

I started walking towards the store to tell on this

34:34

guy, and it just

34:37

degenerated into this weird race because

34:39

then he started going towards the store and

34:41

we both got inside at the same time and I

34:43

tried to look for an employee and he went to like

34:45

buy milk or something. And I

34:48

saw this assistant manager that I recognized

34:50

and he knew that I had a daughter in a wheelchair

34:52

and he saw what was going on in my face.

34:54

And he was like, is everything okay? What

34:56

happened? And I just told on this guy so hard.

34:58

I was just like,

35:01

I was like, you know, this guy on the scooter, he

35:03

just parked in a handicapped spot, and he's not supposed to

35:05

park in the spot. And I told him he's not supposed to park in the

35:07

spot, but he's not gonna move. And now he's in here buying Luke

35:09

or something. and he was just as shocked

35:11

and appalled as I was. And he said, hold

35:13

on a second. I'm gonna take care of this right now. And

35:15

he went over to the public address system and he

35:17

basically publicly shamed this guy and

35:20

he said, you know, whoever parked

35:22

their scooter in a handicapped parking

35:24

spot needs to move it right now

35:26

and I don't know if the people in the checkout

35:29

line, like, saw my face, but they all sort of rallied

35:31

behind me, and they all look shocked and appalled.

35:33

And this one guy even audibly booed, which

35:35

was really nice. I thought, And

35:38

and then I started scanning the checkout

35:40

line to see if I could find the scooter driver so

35:42

I could point him out to the mob and sort of,

35:45

like, publicly shame him some more.

35:48

And a few minutes went by and I I didn't

35:50

see him so I went outside and his

35:52

scooter was gone and I felt really good because

35:54

there was no way he was able to buy anything

35:56

in that amount of time. And

35:58

I felt really vindicated and invigorated

36:01

when I left because I felt like this group of strangers

36:03

saw this injustice and they rallied

36:05

behind me and they just wanted to help.

36:07

And and then I started thinking about all

36:10

the the obstacles that I was talking about

36:12

earlier that Rain has to deal with on a daily basis,

36:14

and I started thinking about all the people

36:16

who offered to open doors for us or move

36:18

things out of our way or just smile or

36:20

give her thumbs up as she's cruising around.

36:22

And it made me feel like the world is full of good people

36:24

who want to help. And and then,

36:26

you know, I know as her

36:28

father, I'm gonna have to, you know, defend

36:31

her, but I'm also as she gets older, I'm gonna

36:33

have to teach her to how to stand up for herself. And

36:35

I wanna teach her that if she sees somebody

36:37

acting unjustly. She needs to say something,

36:39

and she also needs to accept people's help

36:41

when they offer it to her. And that doesn't apply just

36:43

because she happens to have a disability. And,

36:46

you know, maybe she won't be able to take a long

36:48

hike in the woods with me, but, you know, we're already

36:50

teaching her how to ride a horse. So eventually, she'll

36:53

get in the saddle and we'll hit the trails that way.

36:55

And we've already found these groups that do adaptive

36:58

surfing, so she's already been in the waves and she

37:00

loves being in the ocean. And,

37:02

you know, she's probably not gonna

37:04

play a short stop in the major leagues, but most

37:06

of your kids probably aren't either. And

37:08

so But when we

37:10

go to the stadium to watch a game, she's

37:13

gonna have a great parking spot.

37:20

That was Maddie Struskey. He

37:22

still makes it a point to move carts and obstacles

37:24

out of parking spots reserved for people with

37:26

disabilities all the time. and really

37:28

hopes you will too. As

37:30

for reign, in addition to the horseback riding

37:33

and the adaptive surfing, Maddie and his

37:35

wife have

37:35

started taking her to the skate park. The

37:38

family's been overwhelmed by how accepting

37:40

and

37:40

enthusiastic all that typical skaters have

37:42

been. They love to see rain tackle the ramps.

37:49

To

37:49

see a clip of rain at the skate

37:50

park and you really showed because it is adorable.

37:53

Visit the moth dot org.

38:17

The month radio hours

38:19

reduced by Atlantic public media

38:21

in Woods Hole, Massachusetts and

38:23

presented by PRX.

38:27

You're

38:28

listening to the moth radio hour from PRX.

38:31

I'm Jennifer Hickson. Our final stories

38:33

from a man who stopped having a home life

38:35

very early. He was first incarcerated

38:37

at thirteen, lost his mother while behind

38:40

bars at sixteen, and never met his

38:42

father. He found a new sort of family

38:44

in prison, but then one day, many

38:46

years later, he was released. Here's

38:48

Tony Ciprian live in San Francisco.

38:53

So

38:56

As I sit down to eat from this

38:58

spread that has been given in my honor,

39:01

I can't help but Notice

39:04

the two feelings that I'm having. One,

39:06

I'm a little nervous. Two,

39:09

I'm very excited.

39:12

because you see, in the morning,

39:15

I'll be paroled in from state prison

39:17

after twenty six years.

39:22

Now, the spread is given to me, not as

39:24

like to say, hey, homie, we appreciate you.

39:26

Now, was a spread to say, we don't never

39:29

want a CEO as in here again.

39:32

And they broke out the finest of the finest

39:34

top drumming, chili, and I can't.

39:38

Rose Beef and a can, you know,

39:40

this this top line of stuff. Right?

39:44

So

39:45

after the spread has been had,

39:49

it's

39:49

time for me to give away some property such

39:51

as my TV, my radio, and

39:54

some self help books that help me align. So

39:56

they'll be better utilized left behind.

39:59

Nine o'clock rolls around. It's

40:02

lights out. You don't have to go to

40:04

sleep, but you do gotta get off the

40:06

day room floor. It's

40:09

cool about me. I'm leaving in the morning.

40:12

So I may have gotten like three

40:14

hours worth of sleep that night. I

40:17

slept ready roll and that means I

40:19

slept with my clothes on. when they

40:21

call my name, I'm out of there, bye. See you later.

40:25

So five forty five rolls around, a

40:27

night man a SIPRIAN d thirty

40:29

seven eighty seven five report to r

40:31

and r. I

40:34

walked down that corridor for the last time.

40:39

Walk to one gate after another to get

40:41

to r and r, and that's receiving and

40:44

release. And I'm gonna release

40:46

it at this point. I get to

40:48

r and r and that's about

40:50

seven to six other guys

40:52

waiting for the same thing. They start

40:54

fingerprinting me mud shots. and

40:57

everything. I'm cool. I like

40:59

the time to go.

41:00

So they load us onto a van

41:03

and we drive through one gate after another

41:05

gate. till we get to the final gate.

41:08

The cop says, alright, everybody off

41:10

the van. You'll step

41:13

to the man at the base of the tower there.

41:15

and you're giving some personal information.

41:18

So we did.

41:20

And he gave each man an envelope. with

41:23

two hundred dollars in it, better

41:26

known as gate money. We

41:29

all got back onto the van and

41:31

drove to that last gate. We

41:33

made it around to the visitors parking lot.

41:36

And he asked, is there anyone with a

41:38

ride? I do. was

41:41

the only one to get off the van. These

41:43

other guys had two hundred dollar gate money,

41:46

they had to spend it on buying their bus tickets

41:48

maybe back to Southern California either

41:50

farther up north, but

41:52

I was the lucky one. My

41:54

wife was waiting there. with

41:57

her camera, I could see her. She was snapping

41:59

pictures of me like a paparazzi. I

42:01

walked briskly towards her, gave

42:03

her a quick kiss, whispered in her ear.

42:05

Let's get out of here before they say we made a

42:07

mistake. We

42:12

got in a car, drove away, I

42:14

saw a seven eleven. I was like, hey, babe, pull

42:16

over. Let me go and get something.

42:20

So I went in and grabbed a pack of

42:22

big red gum. I

42:24

hadn't had chewing gum in twenty six

42:26

years. Big red was

42:28

my favorite. We

42:30

got back in the car, drove

42:33

away. We're on the road for

42:35

about thirty to forty five minutes. I

42:40

spotted a target. I

42:42

said, hey, babe, that's a target. I

42:44

saw that on the TV. Come over.

42:46

I wanna go in there. So we

42:48

did.

42:49

The first thing that caught my

42:52

eye was how big the

42:54

shopping basket was.

42:59

It

42:59

was bigger than the space that I had to

43:01

store my personal property while in prison.

43:03

I grabbed

43:06

the basket and went down a aisle grabbing

43:08

various things such as underwear, socks,

43:10

t shirt, toothbrush, toothpaste, toothpaste.

43:13

Your name and I grabbed it. Well, that

43:15

goes that two hundred dollar gate money. So

43:19

back in the car, and my wife

43:21

says, so what do you want for dinner?

43:25

hope

43:27

She stomped me with that one. Because

43:30

for twenty six years, no one had ever asked

43:32

me what do I want for dinner. my dinner

43:34

came through a thirteen by thirteen hole

43:36

in the wall. You stick your hand in there

43:39

and pull out a tray and whatever on there, that's

43:41

what you eat.

43:45

So she says, I know what to fix. So she

43:47

drove. We made it to the grocery store.

43:50

We went into the grocery store. this

43:53

gigantic store,

43:55

Berkeley bowl.

44:02

So I

44:04

made it to the produce section.

44:07

I'm stuck. There

44:10

are so many oranges to choose

44:12

from. And

44:14

the reason and I'm stuck just looking at

44:16

the oranges is because for the past

44:18

ten years in prison, they had taken oranges away

44:20

from us because they were used

44:23

to make wine. So

44:27

there's like a bumpy orange,

44:29

a smooth orange, a naval orange,

44:32

I even met my first blood orange.

44:37

And at the same time,

44:39

this wave hit me. of

44:41

the alone and feeling like

44:45

I

44:45

don't know. A nervous feeling hit me like,

44:47

I'm the only person in this store. who's

44:50

parrot from a prison today after

44:52

twenty six years. I'm

44:54

a little stuck, a little ouvreux.

44:58

So I'm looking

45:00

around and I spot this ink

45:02

work. It's not the typical ink

45:04

work that I see out here now, like what colors

45:07

No. I know this in court. This is prison,

45:09

Inc. He has a

45:11

prison guard tower on him, a melted

45:13

clock with time. I know that work.

45:15

I've seen that many times. So I walk

45:18

over to him and I whisper. So

45:20

what yard did you parole from? He

45:23

said, oh, me, I gotta I I performed from

45:25

Pelican Pain like four months ago. was

45:27

like, and they know you got out

45:29

of prison. They know you all pro. yeah, they're

45:31

not tripping here. This is Berkeley, man, ain't nobody's

45:33

tripping. Well,

45:38

I walked away from him with the

45:40

understanding that if he can get a

45:42

job, so can I.

45:45

So I met my wife at the checkout.

45:48

Once again, there's another stunned

45:50

moment for me. There are twelve checkout

45:52

lines. And

45:54

there's somebody on the other end bag in the groceries.

45:58

In prison, there was one window,

46:01

maybe thirteen by thirteen again.

46:04

And there was, like, three hundred guys waiting

46:06

to get into this one window. With

46:09

their lists,

46:12

I

46:12

didn't have to worry about an alarm going

46:15

off or anything. No getting down. We're gonna get

46:17

our groceries and leave you out of here. That was

46:19

my thought. Cool. So

46:22

we made it through the made it through the checkout

46:24

went back to the car, got in the car, and

46:26

we're on the road, and

46:27

we come to a stoplight. And

46:31

this homeless guy had a sign that

46:33

says, anything

46:35

will help. So

46:36

my wife reaches into the cup holder

46:39

and gets ready to handing some change

46:42

And all of a sudden, he gets a phone call.

46:45

And he tells my wife,

46:52

And my thoughts would like, if

46:54

he got a cell phone, I got to get one.

47:00

So we drive

47:02

away. And my

47:04

wife she just drives real fast. Right?

47:06

And we make it to the neighborhood just as fast as

47:09

we got to the store. And

47:11

she pulls into the neighborhood, and she points out

47:13

the various neighbor's house. This is

47:15

where Fred and Mike live. The brewers live

47:17

here. And

47:18

I'm like, okay. And we get to our house,

47:20

and she said, and this is us. And we live at

47:22

the edge of the forest.

47:25

Like, cool. Cool.

47:28

And

47:28

so we went inside and she gives

47:30

me the grand tour. And so she says,

47:32

well, I'm gonna prepare this dinner.

47:35

I said, cool.

47:37

So she made steak

47:39

and lobster with small potatoes. Nothing

47:41

out of can of folks. nothing

47:45

out of packet either. She

47:47

made this meal. We sat down. We

47:49

ate. And I had

47:51

my first glass of wine

47:53

with my meal. Not

47:56

that I'm not saying I've never had wine before.

47:58

I've never had wine with a meal.

48:03

This

48:03

is some grown folks here. I thought.

48:09

Right? So after

48:11

the meal was finished,

48:14

we're cleaning up washing dishes.

48:16

My wife says, you wanna get further acclimated?

48:19

Like, yeah. She

48:22

said, take out the garbage. No

48:28

problem. I reached down,

48:30

tied that garbage bag up, throw it over my

48:32

shoulder, and out to the front door, I go.

48:35

And when

48:35

I open up the door, No

48:37

more than eight feet away from me

48:40

was

48:40

a ten point book. Just

48:43

standing there looking

48:44

at me, look at it, standing staring

48:46

at me. Now,

48:48

have we been on prison yard? I mean, as

48:50

Buckwood had issues. Now,

48:53

I speak a lot of different gangster languages.

48:55

I'm fluent in grip. I understand blood.

48:58

I even speak a lot of words. They cholivert or

49:00

local. but

49:03

I don't speak dear.

49:07

So

49:09

I shut the door I called

49:11

out to my wife. I said, hey, pay. There's

49:14

somebody here to see you. She

49:17

came to the door, opened it, and

49:19

saw there was the book. She grabbed

49:22

the trash bag and walked right past it.

49:25

I said, damn, she speaks dear. She

49:30

came back and we both look out the door together

49:33

at

49:33

this book, who still stand in there, just

49:36

looking just majestic as could

49:38

be.

49:41

And my wife says, you don't need to trip

49:43

him. He

49:45

says one neighbor coming and walking you to

49:47

the neighborhood.

49:49

Cool. I thought, like, well,

49:52

the fellas aren't gonna believe this shit.

49:54

When I tell a mess, I

49:56

met my first deer I

49:58

met my first blood

49:59

orange. I

50:02

had my first glass of wine with

50:04

my meal.

50:07

Wow.

50:08

This is my first day of my new

50:10

life. What's

50:12

tomorrow going bring me?

50:15

Thank you.

50:22

That was Tony Sippering. When I

50:25

was working through this story with him, I asked,

50:27

so

50:27

were you afraid when you first saw that ten

50:29

point buck? Said Jennifer, first

50:31

of all, if I was afraid of that buck, And for the

50:33

record, I was not. But even if I was,

50:35

I would never say so. Tony

50:38

is grateful to have found a job that he enjoys,

50:40

working with metal, He also loves telling

50:42

stories and even does stand up. He's pretty

50:45

fully acclimated now and happily takes

50:47

out the garbage without being reminded.

50:49

just another opportunity

50:50

to see his woodland friends.

50:54

To see a picture of Tony and his wife in

50:56

the visiting room of prison and a

50:58

picture of the neighborhood dock, who now regularly

51:00

naps in the yard. Visit the moth

51:02

dot org.

51:05

That's it for this episode

51:07

of the moth

51:07

Radio Hour. We hope you'll join us

51:09

next time and that's the story from

51:12

the moth.

51:22

Your

51:22

host this hour was Jennifer Hickson.

51:24

Jennifer also directed the stories in the

51:26

show. The rest of the mosque's directorial staff

51:29

includes Catherine Burns, Sarah Haberman,

51:31

Sarah Austin Janes and Meg Bowls,

51:34

production support from Timothy Lou

51:36

Lee. Mall stories are true is remembered

51:38

and affirmed by the storytellers. Our

51:41

theme music is by the drift. Other music

51:43

in this hour from Mark Orton, Rob

51:45

Stinson, The Meters, RJD2

51:49

and Soul Live. You can find links

51:51

to all the music we use at our website.

51:53

The moth Radio Hour is produced by me

51:55

Jay Allison with Vicky Merrick at

51:58

Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole,

51:59

Massachusetts. This hour was

52:02

produced with funds from the national endowment

52:04

for the The more radio hours presented

52:06

by PRX. For more about our podcast,

52:09

for information on pitching us your own story

52:11

and everything else go to our website, thomoff

52:14

dot org.

52:23

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52:23

you run your own company, then you need

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