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savings will vary. My

2:01

dad left me with two memorable

2:04

pieces of advice. The first, Suzanne,

2:06

don't take any crap. Well

2:09

the actual word he used was more colorful

2:11

but his point was clear. He

2:13

didn't mean giving up when things or people

2:15

became challenging. It was more about

2:17

learning to advocate for myself and making sure

2:20

that I knew that I deserved respect. To

2:23

this day when something feels shady, I

2:25

hear his words. The

2:31

second, Suzanne, tell them who

2:33

you are. Well when I

2:36

was younger, I didn't know what he was talking about,

2:38

but I've come to understand that he wanted

2:40

me to learn to bring all of the

2:42

pieces of myself together. Who I

2:44

am and who I came from and

2:47

put them out there with confidence. When

2:49

I'm feeling insecure, I try to

2:51

put this into practice. My

2:58

father, Arthur George Rust Jr., was

3:00

one of the first black sportscasters

3:02

and went on to become a

3:04

pioneer of the sports radio genre. The

3:07

child of immigrants, a Jamaican father, and

3:09

a Panamanian mother, he worked

3:11

hard to get where he was and his

3:14

success made me feel like life was full

3:16

of possibilities. He

3:24

loved his work, but he loved me and my

3:26

mother even more. We were a

3:29

happy trio until my mother died rather suddenly when

3:31

I was just 21. Dad and

3:33

I went through hell, but we went through it together.

3:35

He's

3:38

been gone for over a decade now and not a

3:40

day goes by when I don't think of him. A

3:43

memory, a laugh, or an

3:45

unanswered question. And the love, it's

3:48

always there and I tap into it

3:50

often. I dedicate

3:52

this episode to my father and

3:54

to all the fathers and father figures out

3:56

there. Sometimes,

4:00

you have to be patient and wait for your father

4:02

to say the things you want to hear. Our

4:05

first story comes from Tomas Davila who

4:07

told it at our annual fundraiser which

4:09

we call the Mothball. Tomas

4:12

was dressed for the occasion in a

4:14

fabulously festive shirt which will

4:16

explain some of the laughter you hear after

4:18

his first line. Here's Tomas live at the

4:20

mall. So

4:26

clearly I was in the Navy but

4:31

one day I'm on my ship and I'm floating around

4:34

in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and I

4:37

hear ding ding ding ding ding

4:39

ding ding ding. Now

4:42

for me that means that it's lunchtime. So I

4:44

immediately drop everything that I'm doing and I run

4:47

to the galley as fast as I can because

4:49

today is pizza day and anybody

4:51

who's been in the Navy can tell you

4:53

that pizza day is the best day. So

4:56

I sit down I take my first bite and I'm sitting

4:59

there and all of a sudden that's when it happens. But

5:02

after Davila chief wants

5:04

to see you in his office right now. Shit.

5:09

See no one goes to see the chief unless

5:12

you're in trouble or you're

5:14

in big trouble. So

5:16

I get down there as fast as I can.

5:18

Not not not. Request for a shit-enter. He

5:21

weighs me in I sit down and I'm still trying to figure

5:23

out like what did I do wrong. And

5:25

he looks at me he says we

5:28

just received notification that your dad is in the

5:30

hospital. He's he

5:32

just had a massive heart attack and we've arranged travel for you

5:34

to get off the ship as soon as possible. And

5:38

the only thing that's going through my mind at that moment

5:40

is just not yet. I

5:43

can't lose my dad right now because there's just

5:45

too much that's left unsaid. And

5:48

before you know it I'm on a helo and then I'm

5:50

on a plane and I'm heading back to Poe Dunk Texas.

5:53

Now it's been about four years since I've

5:55

been back home and the entire flight I'm

5:57

just thinking about this tumultuous relationship. between my

6:00

dad and me. See,

6:02

my dad is this really proud

6:04

Tex-Mex, like Vietnam veteran

6:07

and self-proclaimed cowboy. I

6:10

was not. My

6:13

dad was this John Wayne

6:15

with his dirty cowboy boots,

6:17

and I'm clearly Alexis Carrington. And

6:22

some fabulous stilettos. Luckily

6:26

I had some younger brothers to take the spotlight off

6:28

me. But when the spotlight was

6:30

on me, I took a lot of heat. So

6:33

when I was in middle school, I

6:36

was a band geek, and my

6:38

dad would always come to our school

6:41

events, but he would wear his big cowboy hat

6:43

and these really dark aviator glasses. And

6:45

all of my friends would walk up and be

6:47

like, bro, your dad looks like the Terminator.

6:51

And I'd be like, he is the Terminator,

6:53

you have no idea. And

6:55

it makes me remember this time when I was in high school

6:57

when the friendship bracelets, those little colorful

6:59

braided ones, they were like the big thing. And

7:02

I had one that my best friend John

7:04

gave me. Now, let me tell

7:06

you about John. John was

7:08

tall and skinny, had this dirty blonde hair

7:10

and the perfect farmer's tan. And

7:13

every time I got next to him, he had this

7:15

perfect essence of Downey and Stetson cologne. It

7:18

really just, it gave me tingles. But

7:22

my dad saw this bracelet one day and he

7:24

just started interrogating me. Like, what is that?

7:26

Where did you get that? Who gave that

7:28

to you? And I was like,

7:30

well, my friend John gave it to me. And

7:33

he says like, son, you need to take

7:35

that off. Like, you don't want people getting the wrong idea. So

7:38

I did, but I would wear it at school. And

7:41

one day I forgot to take it off and I come

7:43

home and he just flies off the handle. He gets so

7:46

mad. Didn't I tell you to take that off? And

7:49

I start to take it off and he's like, no, throw

7:51

it away. And

7:54

so I just got mad.

7:56

I was so pissed, but

7:58

I did what my dad told me to do. So

8:01

I started to walk to the trash can and

8:04

the whole time I just have to

8:06

will myself to throw this away because

8:08

I can feel his eyes just digging

8:10

into me. And

8:12

it's the only thing John's ever given me and I just

8:14

throw it in the trash. And

8:17

I'm trying to hold back the tears and so I just

8:19

put my head down and I go to my room.

8:22

But as I'm walking away I muttered to myself, I

8:25

hate you. So

8:28

when I graduated high school I got the

8:30

hell out of there as fast as I could. I

8:33

was like, see y'all later. I

8:35

joined the Navy. So

8:37

now here I am going back home after I've

8:39

been away for so long and

8:41

I don't even know if I'm going to get an opportunity to see him again. But

8:45

by the time I got there his heart surgery was

8:47

already over. In fact he was already back to his

8:49

old self. He's trying to get up, do

8:52

things he's not supposed to do. He's

8:54

fighting with everybody. He's like, I can do it. And

8:58

in that respect I'm very much my father's son.

9:02

But I had to tell him. I

9:05

needed to explain to my dad that the

9:07

most important thing about me that

9:09

made me me was that

9:11

I'm gay. Well

9:15

like every gay little boy does they go tell their

9:17

mom first. So

9:20

I sit her down, I tell her, and my

9:22

mom's like, no you're not. And

9:26

she's like, no sabes que estas de siento. And

9:29

I'm like, no mom. After some

9:31

banter I was like, I know what I'm talking about.

9:34

I'm gay. She gets

9:36

really quiet, she looks at me and she's like, you

9:39

cannot tell your father. You

9:42

will kill him. And

9:45

I'm like, okay mom, you're being a bit

9:47

dramatic. And

9:49

then it just kind of dawns on me that

9:51

what if he gets sick again and

9:54

I don't have another opportunity. So

9:56

I decide I'm going to tell him anyways. And

9:58

I find this moment with my dad. and I are alone and

10:00

I just like, dad, I have something I

10:02

need to tell you. And

10:05

he's exhausted and he's clearly in pain and he's

10:07

just staring at me and my

10:09

hands start getting super sweaty and I'm fidgeting

10:11

and I'm getting very upset. And

10:14

I open my mouth and nothing comes

10:17

out. And I'm

10:19

thinking to myself, I can't do

10:21

this. And clearly this

10:23

is not the time. So

10:26

I just say, I love you. And

10:29

I wanna pack my bags and I just went back to my own

10:31

life. Now

10:33

fast forward several years. By

10:36

now I'm still in the Navy and now I

10:38

got promoted. Now I'm the chief

10:42

and I decided I was gonna go back to school.

10:44

I'm the first one in my family to ever go

10:46

to college. And,

10:48

thank you. I

10:52

got married to my beautiful

10:54

husband Zachary. A.K.A.

10:58

the roommate. And

11:05

we started a beautiful home in Southern California where there

11:07

are two little pug dogs. And

11:10

throughout that entire time, my dad and I

11:12

would just have these sporadic conversations over the

11:14

phone where we only talked about the weather

11:16

and gardening where it was just awkward silence.

11:18

And frankly, you could have counted all the

11:21

days that I had gone home throughout my

11:23

military career on two hands. But

11:25

when I finished my bachelor's degree, I

11:28

wanted all my family there. My mom, my

11:30

dad and my husband. So

11:33

I had to tell them. So

11:36

the night before my graduation ceremony, I sat

11:38

everybody down and I brought gifts because that's

11:40

the way you break the ice. And

11:43

I told them, mom, dad, I have something

11:45

to tell you. And

11:47

I was like, Zach is not my roommate. He's

11:50

my husband. He's the person

11:52

that I chose. And all I'm asking

11:54

is that you accept that. And

11:57

at that moment, my dad just stands up. And

12:00

he just stares at me and there's those

12:02

eyes and I immediately just hits me. You

12:05

just told the Terminator that his son is gay.

12:09

So he starts walking toward me and I freeze

12:11

and then he just turns and he grabs Zachary

12:14

and he says, welcome to the family. And

12:18

I'm still like, what is going on? And

12:22

he comes and he grabs me and he

12:24

just gives me this big hug. And

12:28

he just says, son, I've been waiting

12:30

for you. And

12:32

I just started crying. We

12:35

stayed up the rest of the night talking and

12:38

I shared more with my dad than I ever

12:40

had in my entire life. And

12:42

I told him, I always thought

12:44

I was this disappointment to you because I wasn't the

12:46

son that you expected. And I

12:48

also divulged to him that I

12:51

kept this awkward distance relationship with you because I

12:53

was too scared that if I came out to

12:55

you, you would never speak to me again. My

12:59

dad just shook his head and he pulled something out of his

13:01

wallet. I look and it's a baby picture of me. And

13:05

he's like, son, you

13:07

have always been my first born. I

13:09

have always loved you and I'm just so proud

13:12

of you. Well

13:14

after that, my dad and I talked every weekend. And

13:17

we talked more than about the weather and the

13:20

gardening and he would ask, how are his grandpugs?

13:23

And we would laugh. But one time

13:25

he gave me some relationship advice. He's

13:28

like, Tom, treat

13:30

Zach like a do your mama. Just

13:35

buy him everything. So

13:41

a little while later when I retired from the Navy

13:43

and he was there and Zach

13:45

and I surprised all of our guests, including

13:47

my parents, when we announced tonight we're

13:49

going to have a wedding. You

13:52

see, Zach and I had to hide our

13:54

relationship for many years because of Don't Ask

13:56

Don't Tell and DOMA. And

13:59

we eloped when without telling anybody because we had

14:01

already watched the repeal go through once and we

14:03

didn't know if we were gonna have this opportunity

14:05

again. So tonight only

14:07

seemed like the best night to do this

14:09

with all of our friends and family. Well,

14:13

some of my friends and guests were shocked.

14:16

My mom was pissed. But

14:19

I think she was just more mad at the fact that

14:21

she wasn't dressed for a wedding. But

14:24

my dad, my dad had

14:26

the biggest smile on his face that I had

14:28

ever seen him have. And he just had it

14:30

the entire night and we danced well into the

14:32

morning. And I

14:35

just felt, frankly, I know,

14:37

I'm the luckiest guy in the world. Because

14:40

that was the last time I ever saw my dad. A

14:43

year later, my dad was one of the

14:46

first to pass away from COVID. And

14:49

because of the travel restrictions, I couldn't get

14:51

from California to Texas easily. So

14:53

I had to say my last few words to him over the

14:55

telephone. And it was

14:57

hard, but it was okay. But

15:00

all I had to say was, I love you.

15:04

And goodbye. Because

15:06

I had already had the opportunity to tell him everything else I

15:08

needed to tell him. Thank

15:10

you. Thank you. That was Tomas Davila. We

15:22

met Tomas through a Moth Community Partnership

15:24

we did with an organization called All

15:26

Go First, a digital mental

15:28

health nonprofit. Tomas retired from

15:31

the military in 2019 and

15:33

is now pursuing his dream of becoming a

15:35

physician. He lives in New

15:37

York City, where he works as a

15:39

mobile healthcare screener and attends Columbia University.

15:43

I asked Tomas about a favorite memory. He

15:45

said that it happened at McDonald's when he was about six.

15:48

He was feeling grown up and his dad let him

15:50

order a Big Mac instead of his usual Happy Meal.

15:53

His brother teased him for not getting a

15:56

toy and Tomas was almost regretting his choice

15:58

until his father jumped in. Now

42:00

maybe daddy has been promoted to

42:02

Padre. Him

42:06

and I meet for the first time. July

42:09

of last year I'm now 38 and

42:13

him and I are pretty much the exact same

42:15

person. Temperament, personality, the

42:17

way we talk, the way we think,

42:19

the way I look. My

42:23

identity is very much rooted in a

42:25

man I never even knew. The

42:29

most healing thing that he told me

42:31

is that if

42:33

he knew I had existed he would

42:35

have raised me, which

42:38

meant a lot to me because I

42:40

grew up in the foster

42:42

care system. So

42:44

I had always wondered as

42:46

a child if my father knew about

42:48

me would he have saved me and

42:51

I can tell you he would. Thank

42:55

you. That

43:01

was Stacey Staggs. Stacey is originally from

43:03

Lexington, Kentucky but has made Louisville her

43:05

home for the past 20 years. We

43:14

wanted to know more about Stacey and her Padre

43:16

so we asked her to interview him. Interview

43:20

questions with Padre. What

43:24

were you both surprised about when you first

43:26

met? I'll

43:29

let you go first on that one. Well

43:31

I made a point to make it special for you.

43:33

You've gone through all this trouble and

43:36

it was already confirmed your

43:38

DNA and my daughter, Sarah's

43:40

DNA, my other daughter,

43:43

that we were a match

43:45

and that you were my daughter. Right. And

43:48

there's a few photos, some

43:51

photos of your age

43:53

five or eight whatever that

43:56

you and I could have been twins if we were the

43:58

same age so it was pretty much confirmed. Austin

46:00

Slam where we partner with

46:02

WBUR and PRX. Here's Whitney.

46:12

So my dad was a

46:14

man of absolutely ferocious, if

46:16

not aggressive whimsicality. If there

46:18

was a

46:20

fun thing that he got it in his head that

46:23

he wanted to do, it was going to happen. And

46:26

that included disregarding things

46:28

like legality or

46:32

even common sense in some cases. So when I

46:35

was about 10 years old, just as

46:38

an example, he took us, he

46:40

took my brother and I on a canoeing trip.

46:42

I grew up in Florida and when

46:44

we got there they told us that

46:46

the river was eight feet above normal,

46:49

that the currents were dangerous and there

46:51

were torrential rainstorms coming so do

46:53

you sir actually want to take your two children

46:55

out on a three day camping trip before

46:58

cell phones as well. So he

47:01

said yes and we went and we capsized in the

47:03

first hour

47:06

of the trip losing all

47:09

of our water and food and

47:11

tents and sleeping bags. And that was

47:15

great for him. I mean that was awesome.

47:17

So that was sort of where he came

47:19

from. Three years

47:24

ago in July I got

47:27

a phone call from my brother that my

47:29

father had actually died very unexpectedly in his

47:31

sleep. And

47:34

that's the kind of grief that I

47:36

had never before experienced and it

47:39

was hard and it was weird and

47:41

it was disconnected and his life was

47:43

very strange at that point. He had

47:47

married a woman from Thailand who had come over and he

47:50

had built up this whole new life around him that I

47:52

actually knew very little about. So when

47:54

I got down there for

47:56

his funeral services he actually

47:59

had two. around

52:00

in a circle in

52:02

the surf this this poor chicken

52:04

just getting ripped apart

52:06

by fireworks and sand and ocean

52:10

and my brother is now

52:12

dancing around the spinning chicken

52:18

and as the mag light from the cops

52:21

shown down on me I realized

52:25

in that moment that my father would have been proud of me

52:35

that was Whitney Geddon she lives

52:37

in Massachusetts with her husband stepson and

52:39

two cats there are

52:41

no amateur pyrotechnics involved in her

52:43

role as a corporate training facilitator

52:45

but she likes to believe she

52:48

sparked some inspiration through storytelling in

52:50

the classroom Whitney says

52:52

that she loved how curious her father

52:54

was and always interested in learning new

52:56

things more than that he

52:58

loved sharing those things she's grateful

53:01

that he passed down his love of

53:03

Stephen King horror films and sci-fi I

53:11

asked Whitney what she would write in a

53:13

thank-you note to her father and she said

53:15

thanks for making me so weird dad to

53:20

see some photographs of the fathers featured in

53:22

this episode including one with me and my

53:25

dad go to the moth org while you're

53:27

there think of a story you've always wanted

53:29

to share moth stories are all about a

53:31

moment of change big or small and they

53:33

have to have stakes what did

53:36

you stand to win or lose you

53:38

can pitch us your story by recording it right on

53:40

our site or call 877-799-MOTH that's

53:46

877-799-6684 the

53:48

best pitches are developed for moth shows all around

53:50

the world I'd

53:58

like to thank the tellers for sharing their story and

54:01

all of you for taking the time to listen. And

54:05

finally, a special Father's Day shout out to

54:07

my husband Marco for being such a stellar

54:09

dad to our two children. That's

54:11

it for this episode of the Moth Radio Hour. We

54:14

hope you'll join us next time. And that's

54:16

the story from the Moth. This

54:31

episode of the Moth Radio Hour was

54:33

produced by me, Jay Allison, and

54:35

Suzanne Rust, who also hosted the show.

54:38

Co-producer is Vicki Merrick, associate producer

54:40

Emily Couch. The stories were directed

54:43

by Jodie Powell. Additional

54:45

community program instruction by

54:47

Devin Sandiford. The

54:49

rest of the Moth's leadership

54:51

team includes Sarah Haberman, Sarah

54:53

Austin-Ginesse, Jennifer Hickson, Meg Bowles,

54:55

Kate Tellers, Marina Cluche, Lee

54:58

Ann Gully, Brandon Grant,

55:00

Sarah Jane Johnson, and Aldi

55:02

Kazza. Special thanks to

55:04

Jessica Minhas, the host and founder

55:06

and CEO of All Go First.

55:09

Most stories are true as remembered and affirmed

55:12

by the storytellers. Our theme music

55:14

is by The Drift. Other music

55:16

in this hour are from Duke Ellington, Oscar

55:18

Peterson, Miles Davis, Charlie

55:21

Parker, Dexter Gordon, and John

55:23

Coltrane. We receive

55:25

funding from the National Endowment for

55:27

the Arts. The Moth

55:30

Radio Hour is produced by

55:32

Atlantic Public Media in Woods

55:34

Hole, Massachusetts, and presented by

55:36

PRX. For more about our podcast,

55:38

for information on pitching us your own story,

55:41

which we always hope you will, and

55:43

everything else, go to our

55:45

website, themoth.org. www.moth.org

56:00

you