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a time. This

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is the Moth Radio Hour from PRX.

21:28

I'm Jennifer Hixson. Next

21:30

up from this evening of second chance slam

21:32

stories in New York City comes Annie Tan.

21:35

The story highlights the question, what if

21:37

you and your parents don't speak the

21:39

same language? Not metaphorically, but

21:41

in fact. Here's Annie. My

21:46

dad has called me every

21:48

single day since I left

21:50

home from college, every

21:53

single day. And

21:56

he always calls and he always

21:58

asks me the same question. every

22:00

time. Naysik mea,

22:03

that's Cantonese for have you eaten yet.

22:07

And I always say something we both know like

22:09

the word chicken, but how

22:11

do you translate words like hummus in

22:14

Cantonese? Or if he'd asked me where

22:16

did you go today, I'd say something

22:18

like, well I went to the place

22:20

where you see the movies because

22:23

I don't know how to say movie theater in

22:25

Cantonese. And then eventually

22:27

we'd have nothing to say and then we'd

22:29

hang up after 30 seconds. And

22:32

he's done this every day, but

22:36

my Cantonese isn't great because as a kid

22:38

of immigrants here in New York, I

22:40

was so focused on my family's

22:42

survival, you know, figuring out how

22:44

to translate the mail, going to

22:46

Medicaid, now Medicare appointments, that

22:49

I lost almost all my Chinese. And

22:52

my parents don't speak any English. And

22:54

so at a young age I gave

22:57

up hope of ever really understanding my

22:59

parents. But my

23:01

dad persisted. And by

23:03

Thanksgiving 2015, I had been

23:05

living in Chicago and dad

23:07

had been calling me for eight straight

23:09

years. And this day

23:12

he calls, ing nia,

23:14

naysik mea. Yes, I'm

23:16

eating right now at my friend's place with

23:18

their parents. And my

23:20

dad pauses and he says, ing

23:22

nia, why aren't you

23:24

here with us in New York with your own parents?

23:29

Fine, stay there in Chicago, don't

23:31

come home. And he hung up. And

23:35

for a day and for the next few

23:37

days and for a week, he didn't call.

23:40

And I loved it! I hated

23:43

these phone calls. It was such an

23:45

obligation. And my

23:52

mom calls me a week later, I guess she'd been

23:54

waiting for me to call for a week. And

23:57

she says, you know, how serious this

23:59

become. Ang Nia, dad

24:01

is saying that if you

24:03

don't move back to New York, he

24:05

will never speak to you again. And

24:09

I'm furious and sobbing. And

24:12

I can't believe my parents would threaten

24:14

me like this, like with metal in my life.

24:16

I moved to Chicago to have my

24:19

own life, you know? And so I

24:21

tell my mom this, that if you want

24:23

to not talk to me again, that's your choice. And I

24:25

hung up the phone. And

24:27

I had no idea what to do, so I called my

24:29

best friend. And my best friend was like, Annie,

24:35

what? You have

24:38

been talking to your dad for eight years. He's been

24:40

calling you for eight years. Maybe you

24:42

should be the one to call him for a change. And

24:46

three weeks pass, and I

24:48

fly home for Christmas. And

24:50

in fact, I'm allowed home to my

24:52

childhood home here in Chinatown. And

24:56

no one's talking, and I don't know what to say.

24:59

And my dad does something he's never

25:01

done before. He took

25:03

the chicken drumstick for himself. Now

25:07

in Chinese households, there's an untold

25:09

rule that if there's an important

25:11

guest in the house, like your

25:13

daughter coming home after a few months,

25:16

you give her the best food. But

25:19

he took the drumstick, and he took the fish

25:21

cheeks, and the fish eyes. And

25:23

then he went to bed without talking to me. And

25:26

my best friend was like, Annie, what do you want from

25:28

your dad? What do you want? I

25:31

go, I just want to be happy. And

25:33

I want my dad to be happy too. And

25:36

so I decide to tell him that over lunch the next day.

25:40

And I go, papa, well, certainly

25:42

hoi sama. Dad

25:44

says, Annie, how

25:47

can I be happy when you're in

25:49

Chicago? I

25:51

know I can't convince you of this. I

25:54

know you're your own person, but just

25:56

know I want you back here in New York. So

26:00

dad had taken his stand, and

26:02

now it's my turn to figure out what I was

26:04

going to do. And the

26:06

next few days at home were good. Dad

26:09

at least gave me a chance at the drums this time.

26:12

But he also was telling his dad jokes. He

26:15

was cleaning up after me too. And

26:17

I realized, he's

26:20

not a talker. These

26:23

phone calls after eight years maybe just

26:25

weren't working anymore for him. His

26:28

love language was definitely acts of

26:30

service. And

26:32

he couldn't put a chicken drumstick on my plate

26:34

from 800 miles away. That

26:38

same week I had tickets to see this

26:40

Asian American musical on Broadway. It's

26:42

one of very few musicals with people who look

26:45

like me. It was called Allegiance. And

26:47

the main character is a Japanese American

26:50

man whose family goes through

26:52

the Japanese internment camps during World War

26:54

II. And

26:56

his family goes through so much trauma that

26:58

by the end of the play he's decided

27:00

to leave his family. And

27:03

George Takei who's playing the main character stands

27:05

on stage after 60 years

27:07

of being estranged from his family. And

27:10

he just starts crumpling and sobbing

27:12

on stage. And I

27:14

in the very back row of that theater start sobbing

27:16

for the next 20 minutes. And

27:19

it takes me a few more months to decide, but I

27:21

knew at that moment that I

27:23

couldn't give up on my family anymore. A

27:26

few months later I moved back to New York. And

27:30

today actually marks three and a half

27:32

years that I've been back. And

27:37

it's been hard. I've had a lot of arguments

27:40

with my dad since. But

27:42

this past Thanksgiving after 30

27:44

plus years of being here in America, my

27:47

dad had his first Thanksgiving turkey

27:49

ever. And

27:52

he put that drumstick on my plate. And

27:57

dad still calls me every day, but now

27:59

I take Cantonese. classes so our

28:01

phone calls are a little bit more than 30 seconds

28:03

now and sometimes

28:06

I'm the one who calls dad first. Thank

28:08

you. Annie

28:14

Tan is a special education teacher

28:17

and an activist focusing on public

28:19

education, teachers unions, tenant rights, and

28:21

Asian-American issues. To

28:24

see a picture of her dad's first

28:26

Thanksgiving turkey visit themoth.org where you can

28:28

also see Annie, her brother, and her

28:30

boyfriend holding drumsticks and a wing. Annie

28:33

is really happy that she's back home in New

28:35

York where she can help out with her

28:37

parents. Her Cantonese is getting better little by little

28:40

and what she can't say she tries to

28:42

show in her own love language, acts

28:44

of service and quality time. Next

28:54

up is Carl Banks. He's originally from

28:56

St. Louis but is now a full-blown

28:58

New Yorker. Here's Carl. I'm

29:06

a guitar player. It's a pretty

29:08

sweet job. A lot

29:12

of perks. One

29:14

of the perks is that I play gigs

29:16

late at night and my days are pretty much

29:18

wide open to do whatever I want and I

29:20

took up running to fill up this time of

29:22

my day. I have this little

29:25

AM FM radio I plug in and

29:27

I just cruise all over the city and I love

29:29

it. I love watching the city unfold in front of

29:31

me and being in tune with the rhythms of it.

29:33

I spend

29:35

a lot of time on the Queensborough 59th

29:38

Street Ed Koch Bridge. I

29:41

live on the Queen's side. I run across to

29:43

Central Park very often and it's

29:46

structurally a beautiful bridge but the

29:48

energy on the path

29:51

that the pedestrians use is kind of

29:53

an anxious, uneasy feeling. That's

29:55

because it's a very narrow path

29:57

and it's shared by pedestrians, cyclists.