0:00

The Moth is brought to you by

0:02

Progressive, home of the name your price

0:04

tool. You say how much you want

0:07

to pay for car insurance and they'll

0:09

show you coverage options that fit your

0:11

budget. It's easy to start a quote.

0:14

Visit progressive.com to get started. Progressive

0:16

Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price

0:19

and coverage match limited by state

0:21

law. Reboot your credit

0:23

card with Apple Card, the only credit

0:25

card designed for iPhone. It gives you

0:27

up to 3% daily cash back on

0:29

every purchase. It's real cash

0:32

that never expires or loses value.

0:34

Apply for Apple Card in the Wallet app

0:36

on iPhone. Apple Card, issued

0:39

by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt

0:41

Lake City Branch, subject to credit

0:43

approval. Daily cash is

0:45

available via Apple Cash Card, issued

0:47

by Green Dot Bank, Member FDIC

0:49

or as a statement credit. Terms

0:52

and more at applecard.com. We

0:55

all have a story to tell and the

0:57

Moth's education program is looking to help

0:59

young people tell their stories. High school students

1:01

can develop their storytelling skills with the Moth

1:04

Summer Story Lab. Join us for a free

1:06

one week long workshop where you'll learn the

1:08

art and craft of sharing your own story.

1:10

From brainstorming to that final mic drop moment,

1:13

we've got you covered. Plus, you'll make new

1:15

friends, build skills that shine in school and

1:17

beyond, and have a blast along the way.

1:20

Whether it's at the family dinner table or

1:22

a college essay starter, your story matters. Virtual

1:24

and in-person options are available to fit your

1:26

style. Workshops begin in

1:28

August. Don't miss out, sign up

1:31

now and learn more today at

1:33

themoth.org/story lab. Apply by June 23rd. From

1:49

PRX, this is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm

1:51

your host, Jodi Powell. In

1:53

this hour, we'll be listening to stories of

1:56

moments of TLC, moments of

1:58

receiving or giving care, that Fortunately

2:00

translates to. Love. Sounds

2:02

Fair has become a bit of

2:05

a buzzword recently. must There's something

2:07

to waste a moment to set

2:09

aside time to see. To yourself

2:11

to press pause on your watch.

2:14

Even. When no one else. Around wants

2:16

to. Or

2:18

first story comes from Frida Vice out

2:21

frieda towards this at are play it

2:23

again slam and night where we celebrate.

2:25

Stories we've heard, loved and wanted

2:27

you to here to this was

2:30

told a new city. Daddy online

2:32

is a media partner of them

2:34

all. This freedom. So

2:41

I grew up in the

2:43

South more Hasidic community, which

2:45

is a segment of Orthodox

2:47

Judaism that is very concerned

2:50

with preserving traditions from before

2:52

the holocaust. And

2:54

one of the customs that my

2:56

grandparents brought to the United States

2:58

when they came here after World

3:00

War Two as refugees. With the

3:02

tradition that married women shave their

3:04

heads and to have did shaved

3:06

for lies, another tradition was that

3:08

are marriages were written just. So

3:11

when I was eighteen, my parents

3:14

picked out a match for me,

3:16

a eighteen year old side lock

3:18

dark haired boy from you see,

3:20

both whom I met a total

3:22

of three times before we got

3:24

married. And the

3:26

morning after the wedding I was

3:29

to be transformed into the look

3:31

of the married woman. the first

3:33

save his performed by the mother.

3:35

So the morning after my mother

3:37

came to my apartment, my young

3:40

husband left for morning prayers and

3:42

she came to change my entire

3:44

look. She pulled over a brand

3:46

new kitchen chair to brand new

3:48

vanity mirror. Everything in my apartment

3:51

was spanking new. That was Poop

3:53

We everywhere monogram towels. it was

3:55

the. Beyond of bed Bath and beyond.

4:00

They check out this new shaver

4:02

and she gathered my here in

4:04

her hands. Had a

4:06

thing about the first say is

4:08

that it coincides with the morning

4:11

after you first you know had

4:13

gotten married. I

4:15

with. This makes it the

4:17

perfect opportunity for Jewish. Mother is

4:20

to you know, sniff around a

4:22

little and make sure everything had

4:24

gone okay. And my mother. I

4:26

love her dearly, but. We.

4:29

Didn't have that kind of relationship I

4:31

don't want or anywhere near my newly

4:33

grown up business. So. When

4:35

she took out that new shaver and

4:37

she turned it on when was loud

4:39

birds? I. Was so

4:41

grateful cause whatever chitchat she was trying to have

4:44

our. I didn't hear a thing. And

4:47

when she was done. I. Was

4:49

overcome with emotion, not because of

4:51

the shaving per se, but because

4:53

this was such an enormous rite

4:55

of passage. Word gone from being

4:57

part of this huge family and

4:59

and always needing to be respectful

5:01

and well behaved to now I

5:04

would be add grown up woman.

5:06

My mother would look at me

5:08

differently. Everyone would look at me

5:10

differently. I have so much more

5:12

autonomy. I had this brand new

5:14

husband, had all of these feels

5:16

as my mother fast with me

5:18

and she. Put on my head

5:20

covering which was a series of layers,

5:22

first awake and then a turban liner

5:25

and I had of foam padding and

5:27

it was a scarf that was folded

5:29

in a triangle with some padding tied

5:32

around my head in a way soda

5:34

best flatter my face. And

5:36

when she listens she stood me up and

5:38

she said. Oh my side. He.

5:41

Has. A beautiful. And

5:44

she kissed me. She said Mazel Tov

5:46

And in that moment, I

5:48

felt beautiful. Not.

5:50

In a supermodel kind of way. In

5:52

a. I'm. All grown up

5:55

kind of way. and

5:57

to shave my head it was

5:59

a company natural part of my

6:01

life with a sweet husband, a

6:03

cute apartment, all the trappings, head

6:05

shaving was just a part of

6:07

it. A couple

6:10

years in we had a

6:12

computer at home down

6:14

low, ostensibly for work,

6:16

which if you knew how to,

6:19

could connect to the internet if

6:21

you plugged it into the phone

6:24

line. Who remembers? Once upon a

6:26

time. So

6:28

one day I'm online and I

6:30

find this website called blogger.com where

6:34

various people

6:36

are writing web blogs under

6:39

pseudonyms people from my community.

6:41

And what do I do?

6:43

Of course I make my own web blog. So

6:46

I write a blog under

6:49

the pseudonym Spitzelströmkin where

6:51

I write various short

6:53

blog posts, super

6:55

secret reflecting on my life as a

6:57

Hasidic woman, all but very light, very

7:00

innocent. And one day I write a

7:02

blog post about shaving my head. It

7:04

was supposed to be bittersweet, cute, funny,

7:06

nothing too important. And

7:10

the reaction from my small hoard

7:12

of anonymous readers to my surprise

7:15

was quite serious. They said, Spitzelströmkin,

7:19

why do you shave your head? And

7:22

you know what? Until that moment

7:25

the question hadn't even occurred to me. It

7:27

was only when people said there was no

7:29

basis in Jewish law for this custom that

7:32

I started to formulate. Oh, I

7:35

started to ask questions and I started

7:37

to try to understand the answer. And

7:39

this was the catalyst for a whole

7:41

series of me looking at the world

7:43

in a new way of

7:45

asking, why do we do this? Do I like

7:47

the answer? Do I want to do it? And

7:51

all of these changes were extremely

7:53

difficult for my husband to get

7:56

used to. He had been my

7:58

best friend, but I was

8:00

transforming into someone very different.

8:03

I said to him, I do not want to shave my

8:06

head. Now the thing about

8:08

deciding not to shave your head is, OK,

8:10

I made the decision. Five

8:13

minutes later, I'm still bald. A

8:19

week later, maybe I

8:21

have a five o'clock shadow. It

8:24

took a full year for my hair to

8:26

grow to my ears. But

8:29

when it did, I was

8:32

going to do something special. It

8:34

had been a really hard year. My

8:36

marriage fell apart. My husband and I split.

8:39

I was so lonely. It was probably the

8:41

most difficult time in my life. But I

8:43

was going to get a makeover. So

8:46

I looked up online. I found on

8:48

Yelp a hair salon in Manhattan. The

8:51

salon, five star, highly rated, the place

8:53

you go to to get your hair

8:55

treated when you've never gotten it treated

8:57

in your life before. I

9:00

had been to Manhattan by myself maybe, at

9:02

best, a handful of times. I had to

9:04

go all the way from Orange County to

9:07

my big appointment where I was going to get

9:09

a sexy bob that when

9:11

I moved my head, it was going to

9:13

go, hello. I

9:17

was very excited. The

9:20

woman who was assigned to my hair, she

9:23

was very concerned about

9:25

the highlights and lowlights of the supermodel

9:28

who sat in the chair next to

9:30

me. I am not

9:32

exaggerating. This woman with chisel features and

9:35

a neck of a giraffe sat there

9:37

paging through an enormous

9:39

portfolio while everyone in the

9:41

salon oohed and awed. It

9:45

was supposed to be such a big

9:47

moment. And I found myself feeling so,

9:49

so small and so

9:51

lost in that chair with that ridiculous bib,

9:53

my hair flat. Everything I

9:56

was asked, I said, thank you, thank you. I

9:58

didn't know how to express. myself and when

10:01

I was done I looked

10:03

in the mirror and what was supposed to be this

10:05

gorgeous bob was a matronly

10:07

petticoat on my head. So

10:11

I paid and I left and it was already

10:13

dark outside by then and as I am walking

10:15

the storefronts

10:17

were reflective and I'm walking I

10:19

see this woman in the mirror

10:22

and she's walking and she has

10:24

this whole hair

10:26

on her head that's kind of moving and I noticed

10:28

oh that's me

10:31

and at that moment I

10:33

felt alright I felt beautiful not

10:36

in a supermodel kind of way

10:38

in a I'm

10:41

proud of myself I'm all grown

10:43

up kind of way. Thank you. That

10:51

was Frida Wiesel. Frida

10:53

grew up in the Satmar Hasidic

10:55

community and all her grandparents are

10:57

Holocaust survivors who came to the United

11:00

States after the war. She

11:02

left the community at age 25 but

11:05

continues to engage with it as a tour guide

11:07

of the Hasidic Williams verb as well as

11:09

a host of a lively YouTube channel where

11:12

she shares short films on Hasidic culture. I

11:17

asked Frida about her hair journey now and

11:20

if she has a hair salon she now

11:22

frequents. This is what she sent me.

11:25

I wore my hair long for many years after

11:28

I left the Hasidic community because I was

11:30

so happy with my hair I wanted more

11:32

and more of it. Recently

11:35

I asked the stylist to cut

11:37

it into a bob and I've been wearing it

11:39

shortish. My stylist

11:41

is a wonderful woman with whom I

11:43

have a great time chatting about

11:45

anything and everything especially pets.

11:48

It's a very different experience. To

11:52

see some pictures of Frida and

11:54

her journey with her hair please

11:56

visit themath.org. In

12:08

a moment, a trip to the basketball court.

12:11

Find more when the Moth Radio Hour

12:13

continues. The

12:39

Moth Radio Hour is produced by

12:41

Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole,

12:44

Massachusetts and presented by PRX. For

12:48

over a century, Brooks has been

12:50

propelled by a never-ending curiosity with

12:52

how humans move. It drives

12:55

their every decision and every innovation

12:57

because they believe movement is the

12:59

key to feeling more alive. And

13:01

we're all moving towards something. It

13:04

could be to run a 5K and raise

13:06

money for a cause you believe in, to

13:08

take the lead on your family's annual Thanksgiving

13:10

Day hike. Or, for me, I love

13:13

how clear my head feels after a long

13:15

run. But living in Brooklyn means I'm running

13:17

on cement, so my head feels great, but

13:19

my knees, not so much. That's

13:22

why I'm so happy to have the cushioning

13:24

of the Brooks Ghost Max shoes that let

13:26

me go a little bit further and feel

13:28

a little bit clearer. And with my new

13:31

reflective run visible vest, I can chase this

13:33

high before the sun is even up

13:35

and kickstart my day. So let's run

13:37

there, with gear and experiences specifically designed

13:39

to take you to that place, whether

13:42

it's a headspace, a feeling, or a

13:44

finish line. Let's run there. Head

13:47

to brooksrunning.com to learn more. Support

13:49

for the Moth comes from Odoo. What

13:52

is Odoo? Well, Odoo is

13:54

a lot of things. Odoo

13:56

is an award-winning management software.

13:58

Odoo is total control. of

14:00

your entire company in one place.

14:03

Odoo is a suite

14:05

of fully integrated applications

14:07

for CRM, accounting, sales,

14:09

HR, inventory, manufacturing,

14:12

and everything in between.

14:14

Basically, Odoo is what your business

14:16

needs to succeed. So if you're

14:18

ready to get more done in

14:21

less time, visit odoo.com/moth.

14:26

That's odoo.com/moth.

14:29

Odoo, business management made

14:31

simple. This

14:36

is the Moth Radio Hour from PRX.

14:38

I'm Jody Powell. In

14:40

this hour, we're hearing stories of tender,

14:42

loving care. Our next story

14:44

hits all three. Leila

14:46

Ting told this at the Moth's Education

14:48

Grand Slam at the Savras

14:51

Naraka Foundation Library, a

14:53

branch of the New York Public Library. Here's

14:55

Leila. So,

14:59

the other night, my mom comes home, and

15:02

her eyes are low, and she has a soft

15:04

smile. The first thing I'm thinking

15:06

is, when did my mom

15:08

start smoking weed? What

15:13

else would a woman going on 50 be doing at 11 p.m.

15:15

on a Friday night? So

15:18

I'm going to ease into this. Hey,

15:20

mom, where were you? Oh,

15:23

you know, I was at a sound bath.

15:26

Is this how I'm supposed to know what a

15:28

sound bath is? Mom,

15:31

what is a sound bath? Oh,

15:34

a sound bath is when you

15:36

bathe in sound. Okay.

15:40

Leila, I'm going to another one next month. You want to come?

15:44

Sure. The month leading up to it,

15:47

not really thinking about it, dealing with other stuff. You

15:49

know, nothing harder than being a 15-year-old girl. The

15:52

week leading up to it, dealing with a lot of

15:54

anxiety. And if you deal with anxiety, you know it

15:56

quickly becomes physical. Your chest

15:59

tightens, your throat... who has a ball, you could

16:01

cry at any second. And

16:05

she calls me, it's a Friday, I

16:07

had the worst week. I just wanna go home and

16:09

sleep, and she goes, after

16:11

school, take the train to Bushwick, it's

16:13

town for the sound bath. So

16:16

I have

16:19

these, no offense to purpose this, I

16:23

have this preconceived notion that the sound baths are just

16:25

a bunch of millennials, you know, like talking

16:27

about Hillary Clinton. Mustaches

16:30

tattooed on their fingers, they

16:34

identify as young creatives. And

16:38

so after school, I take the train

16:40

to Bushwick. And of

16:42

course my mom said it would be a good idea to bring

16:45

my 10 year old sister with raging ADHD to

16:47

this sound bath. And

16:50

we enter the studio, it's

16:52

bathed in soft, deep orange light

16:55

in their harpsichords into bed and

16:57

bells and gongs engraved with Japanese

16:59

characters, and it's beautiful. And

17:03

we lay down and I'm like, okay, I can roll

17:05

with this. Okay, and we start,

17:08

the harpsichord brings through the room and my sister

17:10

says, I farted. Oh,

17:16

perfect, this is perfect. My

17:19

mom's laughing, yeah, thank you for that. But

17:24

slowly I'm overcome by the beauty

17:26

of the sound that surrounds me.

17:30

There's nothing quite like it. Has

17:32

anyone in here been to a sound bath? Yeah,

17:36

okay, like two people. I

17:39

recommend after this, you all go to one. It's

17:44

strong, it's vibrational, it's things I've never heard

17:46

before and it takes over my mind. And

17:49

slowly my chest opens and

17:52

I feel less anxiety than I have in three

17:55

and a half, four years. No,

17:58

that's a exaggeration, but. You

18:01

know this, Apple Tv, nature slide shows?

18:03

Yeah, that's happening in my head and

18:05

I'm like now I get why my

18:07

mom would tie. I'm. Yeah,

18:10

exactly. I'm eventually my sister and I fall asleep

18:12

for the last thirty minutes and we wake up

18:14

and we look at each other. Between.

18:17

The A D H D and anxiety.

18:19

We've never been this com before. My

18:22

mom's like pretty happy. She's like finally,

18:24

they're quiet, they're not crying, they're not

18:26

like on the floor screaming and we

18:29

get home. My mom when

18:31

I decide to eat. All of the

18:33

the pantry don't like spiritual munchies something

18:35

like Samsung and I'm as you can

18:37

tell by my Buddha necklace. Since then

18:39

I've really grown into my Buddhism or

18:42

my spirituality in my anxieties. Definitely not

18:44

healed right now. I'm like really freaking

18:46

out, but I'm. It.

18:48

Helps and my dad Watson and he

18:50

goes where were you would so love

18:52

him Pm on Friday night and we

18:54

say. We. Were at a somber

18:57

things. That

19:05

have been a hand. Lila is

19:07

a sixteen year old Jewish and

19:09

Buddhist artists mean a sad looking

19:11

back. she's no longer surprised that

19:13

the com that sound boss. Brought

19:15

her She now understand though important

19:17

stillness and community are to her

19:20

house. I've

19:24

been asking the tellers in this episode

19:26

how they've been showing themselves. Tlc.

19:29

Lila said she shows are self self

19:31

care by play music from the sixties

19:33

and taken an extremely. Hot shower, And

19:36

she imagines that the waters washing away her.

19:38

Worries and tensions. Lila.

19:46

Came to us of the as a Moth story

19:49

lab which is open to tend to twelfth graders.

19:51

From around the country you

19:53

can learn more at the

19:55

mosque.org/edu. Our

20:04

next story is told by Mariana who told this

20:06

at the Play It Against Land. Here's

20:09

Mariana live at the mall. So

20:14

when I would hear the words, oh yeah,

20:17

come on, let's go. I

20:21

always got excited because I knew it was going to

20:23

be an adventure. And

20:25

so I was sitting usually during

20:27

this time in my mom's

20:30

room and

20:32

she slept a lot back

20:34

then because she was

20:36

separated from my mom, my

20:38

dad, and sorry, my

20:40

dad. And I would sit

20:42

with her and even though she was sleeping, she

20:44

liked the TV on. And so when I hear

20:47

my brother and I knew it was going to

20:49

be an adventure, I jumped up and I ran out and

20:52

I would go find him and my grandmother

20:54

would hear me from my room

20:56

and would be like, oh yeah, oh yeah,

20:58

wayo mino no para mi. And so I

21:00

would run and I would go and I

21:02

would get the money from

21:05

her so that we can go downstairs to

21:07

Donia's house where

21:09

you can get a little caffesito and give

21:11

her your money so that you can play

21:13

the numbers. And sometimes my grandmother won, sometimes

21:16

she didn't, but she just liked playing the

21:18

numbers. And so then my

21:20

brother took me to the community

21:22

center and park and

21:26

sent me down on a bench and

21:30

said, just wait here. And

21:32

I'm like, wait for what? And

21:35

he said, don't worry, you'll know. And

21:38

so he goes out to the basketball

21:40

court and he starts playing and they're

21:42

going for a bit. And all of

21:44

a sudden I hear my brother say,

21:46

like, come

21:48

on, come on, just one more. Double

21:52

or nothing. You can choose

21:55

anyone, anyone in the park to be, to

21:59

play with me. one, just double or nothing

22:01

and the guy looks at me like, well show me

22:03

the money. And so

22:05

my brother takes out some money and he throws it

22:07

in the hat and the guy turns to him and

22:09

says, okay, I can choose anyone

22:11

in this park. And

22:13

so something to

22:16

know is that I was only 11 years

22:18

old at the time and my brother is

22:20

like 10 years older than me. And

22:23

so he's looking around the park and he

22:25

sees me on the bench and he's

22:28

like, her. And

22:30

he comes over to me and he's like,

22:33

you want to play some basketball? And

22:36

I kind of look over to my

22:38

brother and he turns his back kind of ignoring me

22:40

and I'm like, I

22:42

think I know what this is about. And

22:44

so the guy says, no,

22:47

no, no, come on, it'll be fast, it'll be

22:49

fun, don't worry about it. And so

22:51

finally I nod and I get up and

22:53

I follow him. I don't say much, but

22:56

what this guy doesn't know is that

22:58

back at my apartment complex

23:00

is a broken down basketball

23:03

court that I would go

23:05

and play every day with

23:07

people my age, people my

23:09

brother's age, and I was

23:12

really good. And I

23:15

had this one spot at the free-throw

23:17

line that I could just sit at

23:20

and I would never miss. I could easily

23:22

hit 8 out of 10. And so

23:25

I get on the court and I kind

23:27

of like run around a little bit, but

23:29

then I just stand on my spot. And

23:32

as I'm standing there, you

23:34

know, they're kind of all ignoring me because they think they

23:36

got this game and my brother gets me the ball

23:38

and I get the first one in and

23:41

it bounces a little bit drops in

23:43

and even the guys are like, hey,

23:45

good job, good job. And we're

23:47

like, okay, we keep playing and

23:52

my brother gets me the ball again. And

23:54

this time it's a nice sink

23:56

off the backboard. Boom, in. And now

23:58

they're kind of like... going on. And

24:02

so they get to playing

24:04

a little bit more, a guy kind of guards me

24:07

for a little bit, but you know I'm the little

24:09

girl on the court so they just start ignoring me

24:11

again. And finally it comes to the last point and

24:15

my brother goes

24:18

up for a layup and he realized

24:20

he's gonna get black and throws me

24:22

a no-look pass and

24:24

I just sink it

24:26

in and swoosh. And

24:31

the guy that came up to me

24:33

is like no no no no no no no no what is this?

24:36

Oye mia con yo what are you

24:38

guys doing? And he's like and my

24:40

brother's like what do you mean what

24:42

are we doing? I mean he's like

24:44

mira e jode. And my brother Sheldon

24:46

is like you better not and they're

24:48

going at it back and forth and

24:51

I take my moment and I'm like hmm

24:55

there's an opportunity here. And so I grabbed

24:57

the hat and I run and

25:01

my brother is right behind me and he's

25:03

going go go go go go go let's

25:06

go let's go and we jump the fence

25:08

and he goes and we know each other

25:10

so well that he goes one way and

25:12

I go the other and we disappear. And

25:14

they don't know what happened by now. And

25:17

so I get back to my

25:19

apartment and my brother is there

25:22

and I hand him the hat and he's

25:25

like you alright? And I nod I'm okay

25:27

yeah. And he accounts the money and he

25:29

gives me a 20 he's like shh don't

25:31

tell mom. And

25:34

so we get into the house and of course

25:36

the first thing my mom notices when I walk

25:38

in is like the ripped

25:40

pants from the fence and she's like we

25:42

can't afford new pants what did you do?

25:44

And her and my brother go at it

25:46

and my brother's like go go go go.

25:49

And so I go back and I go

25:51

in and change and they're going back and

25:53

forth and when I come back out I

25:55

catch some of their conversation and my brother's

25:57

saying mom mom don't worry she's really good

25:59

don't worry. worry. But this

26:02

money, it's for the light bill.

26:06

And they realize that

26:08

I'm standing there. My brother's like, oh, it's

26:10

my turn. And he goes back. And so

26:12

I take the 20 that

26:14

I have in my pocket and I walk

26:17

up to my mom and says, mom, this is for

26:19

the light bill. And my mom's like, no,

26:21

no, no, no, you keep it. And

26:25

I nod and my mom, as

26:27

she usually dig, gets up and she's like, you know what?

26:29

I'm tired. I'm going to go lie down. And when

26:33

she goes to lie down, I get

26:35

like this idea in my head and I

26:37

run downstairs to where I know there's a

26:39

flower woman on the corner and I buy

26:41

some small bouquet of flowers for my mom

26:43

and I bring them back up and I

26:45

go into her room where she's lying down

26:47

sleeping. And I say, mom, mom,

26:49

look, I got you some flowers. And

26:54

she turns and says, but

26:56

we needed milk and bread. And so

26:59

I stand there and I'm

27:01

like, okay, we need milk and bread. And

27:04

so I go back out and

27:06

I put the flowers in a vase and I

27:08

put them on the dining room table and I

27:10

make it all look nice. And I

27:12

go to the bodega that I know where I'm

27:15

allowed to go and get milk and bread. And

27:17

I come back and as soon as

27:19

I walk in, my mom's now at the dining room table

27:21

and she's like, where'd you go? And I was like, to

27:24

get milk and bread. And I

27:26

start putting it

27:28

away and my mom says, Nana, come

27:30

here. And she takes my hand and

27:32

squeezes it and says, thank

27:35

you for the flowers. They're really

27:37

beautiful. And

27:40

that's when I noticed that my mom's crying.

27:45

And then that's also when

27:48

I noticed that there's

27:50

this song that she

27:52

played on repeat a lot since my

27:55

dad wasn't around. And it was called

27:57

You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore. And

28:00

in that moment, I realized

28:03

that my mom wished my

28:07

dad had given her the flowers. So

28:12

I sat there for a minute, and for

28:14

me, I would

28:17

keep bringing her

28:19

flowers, hoping that one

28:21

day I was enough to

28:24

get her to stop crying, so

28:29

that she could smile and

28:31

not sleep so much anymore. Thank you.

28:35

That was Mariana.

28:40

Mariana is

28:43

a Chinese, Puerto Rican, American

28:45

veteran who believes storytelling through

28:47

any medium adds to life. I

28:50

asked Mariana if there were any updates,

28:52

and she said, I recently asked my

28:54

brother if he remembered us hustling in

28:56

the park. He laughed. He

28:59

did. Mariana

29:02

said she's not really still playing basketball,

29:05

but recently at an event, she did

29:07

pick up two basketballs to see if

29:09

her dribbling skills were still there. They

29:12

are. You

29:16

can visit themoth.org to see photos

29:19

of Mariana and family. A

29:21

photo of Mariana's father gifting

29:23

Mariana's mother flowers. They

29:26

are back together, and they

29:28

have celebrated their 53rd anniversary.

29:50

Thank

29:53

you. The

30:06

Most Radio Hour is produced

30:08

by Atlantic Public Media in

30:11

Woods Hole, Massachusetts and presented

30:13

by the Public Radio Exchange

30:15

prx.org. Turner

30:18

Classic Movies presents Decoding John

30:20

Ford, the all-new season of

30:22

The Plot Thiccans. This

30:25

season on The Plot Thiccans, we

30:27

explore the world of renegade movie

30:29

director John Ford. Ford was a

30:31

living legend, a cinematic giant, and

30:33

also a notorious egomaniac who could

30:35

unload on actors. You will hear

30:37

from the best of them. John

30:39

Wayne, James Stewart, Katherine Hepburn, even

30:41

Ricardo Montalban. Find out how

30:44

Ford's legacy survives his personal demons. Don't

30:47

miss Decoding John Ford, the new season

30:49

of The Plot Thiccans with new episodes

30:51

available every week, available wherever you get

30:53

your podcasts. You're

30:56

listening to The Moth Radio Hour from

30:58

PRX. I'm Jodi Powell.

31:00

We're listening to stories of figuring out

31:02

that life is short, so you should

31:04

spend it with who you love. Our

31:07

next story is told by James Peterson

31:09

at the Chicago Grand Slam where we

31:12

partner with public radio station WBEZ. The

31:16

theme of the evening was Tipping Points. Here's

31:18

James, live at the Moth. I'm

31:29

on the phone to my daughter,

31:31

the serious scientist, and I said,

31:33

have you noticed that the older

31:35

you get, the more you seem

31:37

to worry? And

31:39

she says, dad, the older I

31:42

get, the older you get. And

31:44

that's the source of my worry. So

31:48

we launched something called the phone

31:50

call. Once

31:52

a week, she leaves her workplace, drives

31:55

across town to pick up

31:57

her kids at daycare, and

31:59

she will show you the phone call. to check in. To

32:01

prepare for the phone call,

32:04

I start something called the

32:06

logbook of diminishing capacity. I

32:11

keep a record of anything stupid

32:13

or alarming that I've done since

32:15

the last phone call. It

32:20

has to be new because I've done

32:22

stupid and alarming things all my life.

32:25

It has to be new and it has

32:27

to be age related. So

32:30

we are talking about memory. Sometimes

32:34

it seems like I spent half my

32:36

life looking for something that was there

32:38

just a minute ago.

32:42

If I forget to unsilence my cell

32:44

phone after a movie, I come home

32:47

and put it down. It's gone. And

32:51

my daughter knows enough to call

32:54

on the landline because those phones

32:56

are large and loud and exactly

32:58

where they've been for 35 years.

33:04

We discuss the accepted wisdom

33:06

about aging and memory that

33:09

it doesn't matter if you forget where you

33:11

left something. It's

33:14

only serious when someone

33:17

forgets the purpose of

33:19

the thing like, say,

33:22

shoes. When

33:26

we started the phone call, I

33:29

was uncomfortable because when I was

33:31

a parent, I never burdened my

33:33

kids with my problems. When

33:37

I turned 70, I

33:41

did one of those bucket lectures. I rode

33:44

a motorcycle in the Himalayas.

33:47

And on the second day, I crashed. I

33:49

got thrown down in an embankment. I

33:53

rode for two more days because

33:55

I had to. And we

33:57

got to a town In

34:00

California. Mirror. Fifteen thousand and safe

34:02

and I could go no further.

34:05

The town had a hospital and

34:07

it had wise guy. So

34:09

I texted my daughter and said. slight.

34:12

Mishap. I'm

34:15

in the hospital. Not to

34:17

worry. I. Was in

34:19

the hospital with five broken

34:21

ribs or collapsed lung and

34:23

a chest cavity full of

34:26

blood. Ah,

34:29

my daughter figured that out.

34:31

And first, forty eight hours

34:33

she worked the phones, the

34:36

internet, contact in groups on

34:38

three different continents, arranging an

34:41

emergency medical about halfway around

34:43

the world, all while taking

34:45

care of her eight. Month.

34:48

Old infant son. When.

34:53

I heard that. I

34:55

realize that. My. Solo

34:58

Adventures had never been

35:00

so low say affected

35:02

every single person who

35:04

loves me. Every single

35:06

person I love I

35:08

owe her. The.

35:12

Law Book of diminishing Capacities has had

35:14

some interesting moment since and there was

35:16

the time I fell off a ladder

35:18

and torah rotator cuff and interested debates.

35:21

Are about snow shovels of like. How.

35:24

Do you tell if it's hard to hack

35:26

snow? And

35:31

my daughter says is why.

35:36

Should I have snow was. Ah,

35:40

I turned seventy five on

35:42

March second and I went

35:44

out to. Sacrifice

35:48

is the shit outta me too. I

35:51

went out to do try to

35:54

skew with my son, my daughter

35:56

and my grandchildren three generations on

35:58

the same own. It was

36:00

yeah. I'm

36:02

a yearly physical I told her daughter. well

36:05

it took me about two days to get

36:07

used to the altitude and there was. I

36:09

had to stop and catch my breath on

36:11

some rugs and and there was a day

36:13

where I was dizzy and literally toppled over

36:15

but we were trying to see. You know

36:17

why did out at and as a good

36:20

you don't know what's up, what's our what's

36:22

sideways. So. Doctor

36:24

Hears shortness of breath,

36:27

dizzy fall, And

36:29

he orders a test. I've never

36:31

had something new. Measures: ah, calcium

36:34

deposits in and around the arteries

36:36

of your heart. A

36:39

score above three hundred

36:41

indicates are you might

36:43

have plat clogging arteries

36:45

and anything above that

36:47

indicates a likelihood of

36:49

stroke, heart attack, or

36:52

sudden death. My.

36:55

Score was four thousand,

36:57

six hundred and twenty

37:00

two. The

37:03

cardiologist wanted me to come in

37:05

of for an angiogram. I

37:09

said okay. Two

37:12

weeks ago, I wake up in the

37:14

recovery room and. Know stitches

37:16

and I don't know what a stencil

37:18

side and the doctor Thompson says prisoners

37:20

you can go home. And.

37:23

He puts what and he

37:25

puts on a video of

37:27

my heart, my beating heart.

37:29

And it's mesmerizing. And

37:32

yes, there are two

37:34

arteries one hundred percent

37:36

blocked. With.

37:38

House. And.

37:42

But. Those same arteries

37:44

have created a new

37:46

network of brand new

37:48

blood vessels to take

37:50

up the slack. My

37:52

heart has done it's

37:54

own bypass. and

37:56

i say a prayer

37:58

to this Stubborn,

38:02

precious muscle, it

38:05

has survived years of bad

38:07

habits and yet still chose

38:10

to give me more time.

38:13

And I know exactly how to

38:15

use that time. I pick

38:17

up the phone and I call

38:19

my daughter. At

38:30

75, James and his girlfriend

38:32

Lori visit his kids a few times a week. He

38:39

reads to his grandkids Maya and Warren,

38:41

gets lost in spur of the

38:43

moment games, hide in seek

38:45

with his granddaughter and sometimes play soccer

38:47

with Warren. They often guard

38:50

together or rather get their hands dirty

38:52

and they give each other hugs that

38:54

last forever. To

38:58

see photos of James on some of his

39:00

adventures and with his family, head

39:03

over to themaster.org. The

39:24

final story comes from Alyssa Hirsch who

39:27

told this in Alaska where we

39:29

partnered with the Anchorage Concert Association.

39:31

Here's Alyssa live at the mall.

39:41

My boyfriend started telling me bedtime stories

39:44

because my insomnia had gotten so bad

39:46

that I wouldn't even try to fall

39:48

asleep without having something to listen to.

39:52

He told one story in particular that I

39:54

really loved the story of

39:57

a sloth. A

39:59

Little Girl Sloth. Who

40:01

did not have insomnia. Every

40:05

night her friends sicker and a magic

40:07

carpet ride all across the world. But

40:10

every night she was. Too. Sleepy

40:12

to enjoy the sites. Be.

40:15

Triggered a egypt and she slept through the

40:17

pyramids. They took her to Peru and she

40:20

slept. Through Machu Picchu. Every

40:23

night he would look at mean he would say

40:25

where to and I would give him a list

40:27

of destinations. Morocco and he

40:30

glass and article us and he

40:32

would describe the sites and I

40:34

would sleep right through and if

40:36

there is and that story I

40:38

never heard it once. We've.

40:40

Been dating for a while and things

40:42

were going really well. I knew almost

40:45

from the first date said he was

40:47

the one. Very

40:50

handsome, very well dressed.

40:54

Salt. And pepper hair. He showed up at

40:56

my house so often with. Flowers. They almost

40:58

got sick of it. Has

41:01

it's really fun and for to he says

41:03

they namic together even a couple years and.

41:06

And so one morning we were in bed still

41:08

wasting the day and they wanted him and he

41:11

said wait here. And

41:13

a came back with a quart mason jar

41:15

and a stack of index cards and a

41:17

handed him the index cards and he said

41:19

right, a date idea. On. Every one

41:21

of those curtains for gonna make it a to

41:23

the that was it. If we were ever to

41:25

second a routine or we wanted an adventure but

41:28

we didn't know what would put a D out

41:30

of edge army would do whatever it says. We

41:32

did say that literally anything counted as a date

41:34

idea and we also agree that we wouldn't tell

41:36

each other what. We're reading down. He

41:39

said the whole jar. We.

41:42

Did a lot of hiking together and on. When

41:44

I sex with him I like to ask him.

41:47

Questions questions about how he was doing, about

41:49

how we were doing. When they asked him

41:51

if there was any me it was missing

41:53

for him with us, if there's anything that

41:55

he needed he wasn't getting and he said

41:58

no. No. He

42:00

said, well, actually, there is one thing. I

42:04

wish that we watched more television

42:07

together. Now,

42:10

I am accommodating, and that is a pretty

42:12

easy request to accommodate. And so a

42:14

couple weeks later, we were watching TV before bed, and

42:17

the episode ended, and that

42:19

Netflix screen came up, the one that says, are you

42:21

still watching? And

42:24

I looked at him and I said, are we still watching? And

42:27

he said, nothing. I said,

42:29

do you want to watch another episode? He said,

42:31

nothing. I said, what is going on? And

42:35

he said, I think I need to move to Chicago. Now,

42:39

that almost made sense. He had a lot

42:41

of friends in Chicago. He traveled there really

42:44

regularly to visit them. But

42:46

he knew I didn't want to move to

42:48

Chicago. My friends, my family,

42:50

my career, my whole life was in the

42:53

Pacific Northwest. I

42:55

also got the impression that he wasn't inviting me

42:57

to come with. But I

42:59

said, if you think you need to move to Chicago, then we need

43:01

to get you there on a trial. Could

43:04

send you there for four months, spend the

43:06

summer, see what you think, and then we'll figure it out. He

43:09

fell asleep first that night. He fell asleep without telling

43:11

me a story, and he fell asleep with

43:14

a smile on his face, this smile of

43:16

relief. And he slept with

43:18

that smile the whole night, which I know because

43:20

I did not sleep. I

43:24

tossed and I turned looking at him and then looking at

43:26

my nightstand and sitting on my nightstand that day, jar full

43:28

of adventures that we hadn't gone on.

43:31

But the next morning, we got up, and

43:34

I got to work helping him make plans. I

43:36

took photographs of his house and wrote the posting

43:38

to sublet it on Craigslist. I coached

43:40

him on talking to his boss about working remotely.

43:43

I started planning him a going away party. I

43:45

wanted him to know that he had my

43:47

unconditional support, no matter what that meant for

43:49

us. But I wanted that support to be

43:51

the reason that he came back home to me.

43:55

We decided that we wouldn't talk to each other during

43:58

the summer. because

44:00

I knew that I couldn't go with him. I knew

44:02

that I couldn't give up the life that I had

44:04

built for myself to follow him there. And

44:07

I wanted him to know what it would be like if he

44:09

actually left me. So we decided that we would have one

44:11

phone call a month while he was gone. It

44:15

took about six weeks to get the plans together. And in

44:17

early May, I took him to the airport and dropped him

44:19

off and I said, have a good summer. But

44:24

during the time that I was planning his

44:26

good summer, I was also planning a good

44:29

summer of my own. So yeah, I had

44:31

that jar of date ideas. And

44:33

I knew that if he didn't come home to me, I didn't

44:35

wanna get stuck with it. I

44:37

wanted to stay busy. I wanted to spend that

44:39

time with my friends. I wanted to have stuff

44:41

to do. And

44:45

I knew that even though we weren't gonna be in communication

44:47

with each other, that he was still gonna creep

44:49

on my social media profiles. I

44:53

wanted him to see what I was doing and I wanted him

44:55

to feel like he was missing out. And

45:00

so the day he left, I sent an email

45:02

to 40 of my closest friends and

45:05

I said, I

45:10

said, I'm gonna need your help. There

45:13

are 31 dates in the jar and I have 16 weeks

45:15

to do every single one.

45:20

My best friend, Jen, took the first date. We

45:23

went swimming in the Columbia River. It was

45:25

May, so it was cold and the Columbia

45:27

is not a swimmable river. I

45:31

wrote that date idea. And

45:34

technically the card said, get your head

45:36

wet in the Columbia. And

45:39

technically we did. Date

45:43

two, my friend Hoyt and I took a card game to

45:45

the bar where Hoyt was dating

45:47

the bartender. We tapped two

45:49

strangers on the shoulder and we asked them to

45:51

play with us. I remember being so nervous

45:54

about it. I remember telling them that I was

45:56

on a scavenger hunt. I

45:58

was like, I'm gonna have to go. They

46:01

said yes. We played

46:03

the game. We sat around telling stories, just shooting

46:05

the shit. It was a really nice night. Date

46:07

4, Ellie. A game

46:10

of force at the basketball courts in our neighborhood

46:12

that ended in so much laughter I

46:14

almost died from not being able to breathe. Every

46:19

single one of these dates I thought about him, especially the

46:21

dates that he had written, but I was busy and I

46:23

was having fun. Date

46:25

7, Katie and I made strawberry ice cream from

46:27

scratch. 11, Theresa took me to

46:29

Jamba Juice. 12, Jillian

46:31

and I climbed trees in the park. At

46:33

that point we'd had one phone call, he and

46:35

I, and things were

46:38

going really well. He'd found a place to live, he'd

46:40

found a desk in a co-working space, he bought a

46:42

bicycle and he was using it to get to know

46:44

the city. He didn't

46:46

ask me about the dates that I was going on, but

46:49

I know that he knew. 15,

46:54

Shannon, the top of Rocky Butte at

46:56

sunset with a picture perfect view of

46:58

Portland's three volcanoes. We were wearing sparkly

47:00

capes that I had borrowed from my

47:02

three and five year old neighbors. Again,

47:04

my date idea. 16,

47:10

David invited a bunch of his friends over, cooked

47:12

dinner. They sat in absolute

47:15

stillness listening to me tell all of the

47:17

stories of the dates I'd been on so

47:19

far and then we played Pictionary, that was

47:21

the date, and then they took me out

47:23

for ice cream on tandem bicycles. But

47:28

at that point we were halfway through the summer, it

47:30

was July and it was time for our second phone

47:32

call. I remember the day exactly, I remember being so

47:34

nervous but so excited to get to hear

47:36

his voice and that

47:39

evening he called me, I was sitting on my

47:41

front porch, he called me and he said hi,

47:43

I said hi. He

47:45

said I've made a decision. I'm

47:49

breaking up with you. I

47:53

remember feeling like my stomach had fallen out

47:55

of my body or like my body had fallen

47:57

into a black hole, I remember thinking no, I

47:59

remember I remember saying no. I

48:04

don't know how we got off that phone call.

48:07

I remember getting into bed and

48:09

just crying. It was a

48:11

Wednesday. I had plane tickets

48:13

for Friday to go to San Francisco to visit a couple

48:15

of friends and do a couple more dates. And

48:18

I almost canceled. I thought, what the hell

48:20

am I doing? Why am I doing

48:22

this to myself? But

48:25

I kept those plans and I'm so glad I did. That

48:28

weekend my friends passed me from one to the

48:30

next. Like I was a baton in

48:32

a relay race. My old friend Rob

48:35

picked me up from the airport. Date

48:37

17. We spent a

48:39

defined period of time together in silence.

48:46

It's a weird date idea, right? But

48:49

it was really good. We walked the entire

48:51

length of the Golden Gate Park from the

48:53

DeYoung Museum to the ocean without speaking

48:55

to each other. When we got to the ocean, we

48:57

took off our shoes and put our feet in the

48:59

sand and we sat down and I put my head

49:01

on his shoulder and I watched the tide go out.

49:04

Rob handed me to Jesse, date 18. Jesse

49:07

and I put together a pinhole camera. And

49:09

we went around the city taking panoramic pictures on 35mm

49:11

film. The

49:14

first half of the dates had felt like I had something to

49:16

prove to myself or something to prove to him. And

49:18

the second half of the dates felt like my friends had something

49:20

to prove to me. You can

49:23

imagine that I was not sleeping through the night. I

49:25

felt like death. I wanted to cancel everything,

49:28

but they wouldn't let me. Laurel

49:32

and I went to Astoria to see the shipwreck on

49:34

the coast. Kevin

49:37

and I pretended to be newlyweds and went house

49:39

hunting. We

49:45

argued about where we were going to put the nursery. Liz

49:51

and I played putt-putt golf at the art

49:53

museum. By then it

49:55

was September. At

49:57

that point he had moved home. And

50:00

I had exactly one date left in that

50:02

jar. It was a date that I had

50:04

been saving for him. It

50:06

was a date that I couldn't do with anybody else. 31,

50:09

right down my bedtime story.

50:13

So I sent him an email and I said, will you

50:15

do this date with me? He

50:18

said yes. He

50:20

picked me up at my house. We

50:22

drove out the Columbia River Gorge to the Dog Mountain

50:24

Trailhead. We hiked to the top and we sat on

50:27

the summit. He pulled out a notebook and he looked at

50:29

me and he said, where to? We

50:33

started writing down that story. I

50:35

looked at him and I said, you know,

50:38

I actually don't know how this ends. He

50:43

said, I've been telling you the ending this

50:45

whole time. In

50:49

the end, Sloth wakes up as

50:51

if the whole thing was just a dream. I

50:54

looked at him and I said, I don't like that

50:57

ending. That's not my ending.

51:00

In my ending, there's always room for one

51:02

more adventure. In my ending, there's always room

51:04

for a sequel. In my ending, her friends

51:07

keep showing up. We

51:10

hiked back to the car. He

51:13

drove me home. He dropped me off at my house

51:15

and that was it. It was over. You

51:18

don't always get the ending that

51:20

you wanted. But

51:23

I did get a couple of things. I

51:26

got rid of that date jar. And

51:29

I had the summer I set out to have

51:32

31 dates in 16 weeks. It

51:36

was a summer full of

51:38

adventure, a summer full

51:41

of friends who just kept

51:43

showing up. Thank you.

51:48

Okay, I'm sure a lot of people might nine hundred profit in

51:50

pricing regs in this show. Alisa

51:57

further has aee B and search for an example in a quick abundance

51:59

of as a software engineer. She

52:02

runs a mentorship program that has helped 150 women

52:05

and gender diverse adults make the

52:08

career transition into tech. In

52:14

her free time, Alyssa tries to ride

52:16

her bike as far as she possibly can.

52:18

She lives in Portland, Oregon

52:20

with a small flock of chickens and

52:23

a pit bull named Blue. Alyssa

52:25

said it took her a very long time to

52:27

get over her heartache but she

52:30

stopped trying to speed up her grief. She

52:33

said she's happier now than she's ever been.

52:37

Since the events in this story, Alyssa

52:39

said a lot has changed. She

52:41

wrote I fell in love. I

52:44

made a personal website, date

52:46

alissahersh.com and advertised it around

52:48

town. A very tall, very

52:50

handsome man found it and asked me

52:52

out for dinner. We've been

52:55

dating and riding bikes together for

52:57

almost a year and we're planning and

52:59

moving in together. This

53:07

episode of the Moth Radio Hour was

53:09

produced by me,

53:11

Jay Allison, and Jody Powell. The

53:30

Moth education program is made possible by generous

53:32

support from unlikely

54:00

collaborators. Additional program support

54:03

is provided by the New York

54:05

State Council on the Arts, the

54:07

New York City Department of Cultural

54:09

Affairs, Alice Gottesman, the Cornelia T.

54:11

Bailey Foundation, and Con Edison. Special

54:13

thanks to the Moss Education Team,

54:15

and when you get a chance,

54:17

check out our new podcast Grown.

54:20

G-R-O-W-N. Moss Stories Are True is

54:22

remembered and affirmed by the storytellers.

54:24

Our theme music is by the

54:26

drift. Other music in this hour

54:28

from Renee Aubrey, Blake Mills, The

54:31

Westerlies, Michael Hedges, and Tommy

54:33

Emanuel and Mike Dawes. We

54:35

receive funding from the National Endowment for

54:38

the Arts. The Moth Radio

54:40

Hour is produced by Atlantic Public

54:42

Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts and

54:44

presented by PRX. For more about

54:47

our podcast, for information on pitching

54:49

us your own story, and everything

54:51

else, go to our website, themoth.org.