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Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And

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I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we

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improvise in character using real posts from

0:32

a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally,

0:34

we change the names of some streets. And

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that's all you need to know. To support

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the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as

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well as exclusive monthly episodes of The Bonus

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Room, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for

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a Maximus membership. And now, please enjoy

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this episode of The Neighborhood

0:49

Listen. Knock,

0:52

knock. Who's there? Your

0:54

neighbor. Good. In

0:57

Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've

0:59

got the Neighbor Half app and

1:01

us. Burn. And Joan. From coyotes

1:03

to mail theft to weird things

1:05

to sell, we'll cover it all.

1:07

And meet new neighbors as well.

1:09

We'll chat about any posts you're

1:11

missing. So just tune in to

1:13

The Neighborhood Listen. Welcome

1:19

once again to The Neighborhood

1:21

Listen. Hey, babe,

1:23

were you ready? Were you ready for that?

1:25

Sorry. Because I can't see,

1:27

Doug. I didn't know. I know. You know what? We

1:30

should have a- Doug, are you all right? What are

1:32

those noises? Are you OK? He's in the gym.

1:34

We know we realized all this time that we

1:36

never built a gym room. You did not have

1:38

a- Never did. We got a bean room and

1:40

a history room. That's just called History the Room.

1:42

But we don't have a bean room. I

1:45

mean, we don't have a gym

1:47

room. I think we could just call it the gym. Is

1:50

this displacing any other rooms? Or is

1:52

this a brand new addition? No, this

1:54

was. This was supposed to be a fifth

1:57

bathroom. It's small. And maybe that's- Fifth

1:59

bathroom, and it's just. Two of you, is that correct? There's still a

2:01

toilet in there, so it is... Yes, well, no,

2:03

I mean, we still... First of all, the twins... Well,

2:05

because the kids come and go. The twins have not

2:07

revealed themselves yet. They're still... They're in their

2:09

Halloween prank and they're still hiding in the wall somewhere and I know it. This

2:12

is Matt and perniciousness. Matt and perniciousness, yes. So

2:14

aptly named, Matt. And

2:16

so this was... This is tiny.

2:19

And so there's a lot of equipment in there. Who's

2:21

tiny? The space. Oh,

2:23

I'm sorry. Because it was only ever supposed

2:25

to just be a bathroom. Joan, I honestly thought you were introducing

2:27

me to someone. No,

2:30

no, no. Yes, tiny. That's

2:32

an acceptable nickname for a big person. Well,

2:36

no, I was introducing you to the gym and

2:39

I don't mean a guy named Jim. Yes,

2:41

okay. Okay, well, perhaps... All right, I

2:44

mean, what? I thought we were just... I

2:46

think we did have a... No, I know. I'm teasing,

2:48

of course. So

2:50

it's a little tiny in there, tiny,

2:52

really, the adjective. And

2:54

I think maybe... Are you okay?

2:56

Because it's hard to get around in there and there's

2:58

a lot of heavy stuff. Are you trapped under something

3:01

heavy, babe? Have you already been trapped

3:03

under something heavy? It's

3:06

a fair assumption, but I'm not okay already. Because

3:08

there's barely room for the equipment. I said to him,

3:10

I don't know, babe, I don't know if you should work

3:12

out and record. And he was just like, no, this is

3:14

going to be great. So he's also working out. He's not

3:17

just okay. He thought he could

3:19

multitask. That seems like a lot. And no one

3:21

is spotting you? Not even

3:23

tiny? I don't need a

3:25

spot. Oh, Doug, no. Wait, do

3:27

you know what? You can't say that. Okay,

3:31

good question. In terms of working out. Good question. It's

3:34

the logo where you put your hands,

3:36

right? It's

3:38

like a spot on the end. Okay, this

3:40

is why I'm very glad I asked. The

3:42

logo where you put your hands. No,

3:45

it's not the spot where you put your hands when you bench

3:48

press, babe. It's when you are dealing with

3:50

heavy weights. How do I know that? I know it's because

3:52

the twins were super into CrossFit for like a week.

3:54

They were at the era when that... It was

3:56

a tough week. It was

3:58

a terror-filled week. Oh, my God. God and

4:01

they literally kicked sand in people's faces. They

4:03

did they thought I told them that wasn't

4:05

one of the exercises No, but they

4:07

were they became bullies Icelandic

4:11

names because it's a bunch of Icelandic people that

4:13

do it They were just dumping sand on the ground

4:15

and kicking into people's faces. They were they

4:17

really were and so That's

4:20

why we have some of that leftover stuff But

4:22

they what it means is when you're dealing with

4:24

heavy weights You need someone a person called the

4:26

spotter to sort of help you in case what

4:29

I think might have happened Oh right got on

4:31

your chest and you couldn't move it. Is that

4:33

what we heard burnt just

4:35

started the show so suddenly You

4:39

collapse yeah, oh my good. Okay All

4:42

right. Well, are you okay? That's

4:44

very boy. I'm okay I'm

4:47

realizing I haven't spotted before when teeny took

4:49

that piano off my chest. So there is

4:52

someone named teeny I guess and

4:54

there was What

5:02

what I actually don't think he's well I

5:04

think on the head yeah So

5:07

like yes teeny is my friend. Oh

5:09

boy, you know teeny Oh now

5:12

when you say that to me Well now that really

5:14

puts me on the on the spot and I don't

5:16

mean what helping someone with a weight. I What

5:19

we call to kneel To

5:21

kneel that's his real name Tonyals,

5:24

okay, so Tony's nickname is

5:26

teeny. Yes, not Tony

5:31

Or kneel Tony's or for Anthony

5:34

Tony well, that's that's true. But that's

5:36

just true. I Will

5:40

not dispute that Doug I honestly will not dispute that

5:42

but I think you could get away I I

5:44

feel like there are some nicknames that are

5:47

common to two different names. Oh That's

5:50

always weirded me out Is

5:53

Jack being a nickname for John?

5:55

Please explain that don't understand this

5:57

makes no sense to me Why isn't the

5:59

nickname for? Thomas, you

6:01

sir are no Jack Kennedy. I

6:04

remember that. Yes, that's right. Oh yes.

6:06

I knew Jack Kennedy. I worked with

6:08

Jack Kennedy. You sir are no Jack

6:10

Kennedy. What is this from

6:12

again? I know the quote but I can't take

6:14

the word it is. Well okay, Burns. I did.

6:17

I know, I'm just telling you. I decided

6:19

to stick my neck out there and ask

6:21

for clarification and then to silently pretend like

6:23

I know what we're talking about. No, I appreciate

6:25

that. I said that because it's not like from Battle

6:28

Star Galactica or something. Which

6:30

you know, that's what all my references are from. Well

6:32

I don't know. If you don't remember where it came from. This

6:34

is a good show though up until the end. I

6:36

had a diorama for that in History of the Room.

6:40

For the Jack Kennedy book? No, the

6:42

Jack Kennedy book. Oh, wow that made

6:44

it? What

6:47

made it into the History Room is very

6:49

questionable. It was the vice presidential debate between

6:51

Dan Quayle and I believe it was Lloyd

6:54

Benson. Okay, yes. Now I remember this. Yes.

6:57

Okay. We need to settle this.

6:59

That is old business now.

7:02

We haven't even introduced ourselves but Babe, should we come

7:05

up with something? I was about to

7:07

and then Tini dropped the ball or something. Apparently.

7:09

We need to come up with a way for

7:12

that not to happen again. Should we have some

7:14

sort of system where we count ourselves in or

7:16

we just say to Doug, are you ready? Because

7:18

you know, that's true. We didn't do that and that's fair. Usually

7:21

Doug will tell us when it's time and I

7:23

for some reason I thought it just

7:26

felt like time. I

7:29

hear you and I was going, you know, you and

7:31

I can just start talking. He has to press a

7:33

button unless there's more to it than that. It's very

7:35

true. I don't mean to minimize. Well, there's

7:37

more. I guess that's of course

7:39

Doug. My husband,

7:42

as you might remember in one episode, he,

7:44

but we asked him to choose between husband

7:46

or engineer. He chose husband near and so

7:48

that's what I like to call him sometimes.

7:50

I don't remember that. And is that truly a

7:52

thing that we discussed? Okay, I will

7:55

take your word for it. Humble husband here.

7:57

Well, that's new. Now you're adding things. Humbuhs,

8:01

humuhs, humble. I

8:04

am Joan. This is my name. I'm

8:09

trying to get us back on the rails here. I know.

8:12

I'm Joan. I... Let's

8:14

not make it sound like an AA meeting. Welcome

8:17

to The Neighborhood Listen. This is the

8:19

podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity

8:22

Falls, USA. And

8:24

it is hosted by myself and my

8:26

co-host Joan Pedestrian whose voice you just

8:28

heard saying I am Joan. Multiple

8:31

times. And I

8:33

am Burnt Mia Pade. I'm a pharmacist here

8:35

in Dignity Falls. Joan is the number one

8:37

realtor in Dignity Falls as well as a

8:40

terrifically talented amateur

8:42

thespian. That's very kind. I'm... Doug

8:45

is our engineer. Doug is our engineer. A

8:48

humble husbandeer. A humble husbandeer. And

8:51

I just want to clarify. I'm the top

8:53

realtor in Dignity Falls for now. And this

8:55

is why I'm taking the drastic

8:58

measures that I'm taking. And we discussed this... Oh

9:00

no. Well before we get into the... TFC.

9:02

Oh no. Before

9:05

we get into that... TNS. Totally

9:07

New Face. No. It's Total Face

9:09

Change. Oh, Total Face Change. Is that what it

9:11

was? Yes. Total Face

9:13

Change. I've

9:16

been thinking about it so much that I've changed

9:18

the acronym. Because I think Totally New Face.

9:20

Sure. Total acronym change. Totally

9:22

New Face. Totally... You pull

9:25

a TFC. Totally New

9:27

Face feels more hopeful. To me.

9:30

And less negative than Total Face Change.

9:32

Either way. Either way, Joe. You need

9:34

to be reminded. I've

9:36

been watching so much Selling Sunset and so

9:38

many reality shows about realty. It's maybe very

9:40

self-conscious and feeling like I don't even fit

9:42

into this industry anymore. Everything about the industry

9:44

is telling me I need to look entirely

9:47

different. Right. But I

9:49

don't... I think that's the very

9:51

specific industry of TV realty.

9:54

Sure. As

9:56

opposed to just realty. Yeah. Alright.

10:00

It's a whole new thing. It's reality

10:02

reality reality. How do you say that?

10:04

What would we I wouldn't even I wouldn't even

10:06

take a swing at it I think that

10:08

I think it's a trap Well, I fell

10:10

right into it Okay. Well, we

10:12

don't have to talk about it right now, but I

10:14

know I do want to ask you about something And I

10:17

okay haven't talked about this This

10:21

was the topic of much discussion last

10:23

season Oh Which was

10:25

your one woman show Oh about

10:27

the the women of dignity falls,

10:30

that's right Past present

10:32

and future. Yeah, we got into

10:34

some future. Yeah, and then Let's

10:37

tell people I mean we haven't mentioned it

10:39

at all this season so far and

10:41

I think we should tell people what happened. Oh When

10:45

I did it, yes Well,

10:47

let's just say it was a brief run. I I Don't

10:52

know if you remember but for a brief recap

10:54

one of the snags I ran into Was

11:00

Wanting to do the character

11:03

of Kiki dragon. That's right.

11:05

That's right Who well

11:07

who as you know, let's see. So she's she's

11:10

no longer with us. Oh the

11:12

long death Yes, and the curse is

11:14

that if you speak her name or just

11:16

imitate her right imitate her Yeah, then

11:18

you hear cuticles bleed because yes, that's

11:20

how start right She had a very

11:23

distinctive and extremely unpleasant voice and

11:25

she knew it But what a character

11:27

to play for an actor. Oh, I could

11:29

not get away Absolutely

11:32

cat with my white whale and

11:34

I had to what will I

11:46

So just whales I guess Know

11:50

my white whale baby, you know like Moby Dick remember

11:53

that See

11:57

I don't remember when I came out Well,

12:00

that's not when I think of a book that

12:02

I do. First thing I think of it not

12:05

when it came out. I

12:07

think about whether I've read it or not. Right. I've

12:10

never read it. I'm not sure I have either

12:12

to be perfectly honest. I think I'm good. Yeah, I don't know if

12:14

I need to. No. I don't. I

12:17

mean, I feel like we get the gist. Yeah. I

12:19

don't need to read some immersive book about how

12:22

they raise the jib and hoist the missing

12:24

mane and all that stuff. Sounds like you

12:26

did read it. Sounds like you maybe are

12:28

curious. I know that I'm always curious about

12:31

boats. Are you maritime curious? I'm maritime curious,

12:33

yes. I'm

12:36

not even a father. Well,

12:44

to get back to it, that was my

12:46

white whale. And I

12:48

came up with what I thought was a great

12:50

idea, which was to channel the impression through

12:53

another character. I came up with a Boston stand

12:55

up who had a puppet.

12:58

There were many layers. You were trying to

13:00

distance yourself from the voice. So

13:03

that you couldn't get in trouble with the eventual spirit

13:05

of... Yes. But then

13:07

we decided, of course, we talk about him all the

13:09

time, Mitch McNutt. He's a town critic.

13:11

We hate him. He works triple neck.

13:13

He's a real prick. He comes to hate something.

13:15

No, exactly. That's literally when he arrives at

13:17

the theater. He arrives to... He's a true piece of shit. Yes.

13:20

Burnt really doesn't like him. I can't stand him. And

13:22

we're thinking of having him on the show. Well,

13:25

I won't be here. I can tell you that much. If

13:28

he gets back to what we said about him, I'm

13:30

not sure he's going to come on. Oh, of course

13:32

he will. He loves to be hated. Well, I

13:34

want to talk to him about this experience because

13:36

this is why we need to bring him on

13:38

because what I decided was perhaps I could get

13:40

him up on stage and do a section where

13:42

I sort of teach an audience member how to

13:44

do an impression or how to do a character

13:47

and bring him up and have him do

13:49

the character of Kiki Dreck. Trick him into doing

13:52

it somehow, then he would get the curse. That's

13:54

right. That's on his cuticles. Yes.

13:57

But what he did instead to me, what

13:59

he did... instead. Have you ever seen 8 Mile?

14:02

No. Oh wow! Well

14:04

it's better than Moby Dick. That's worth

14:07

the watch I think. Well

14:11

I think our listeners will know. Babe do you remember

14:13

8 Mile? I remember when that

14:15

came out. Okay. He remembers when it came

14:17

out. Okay. You do that for movies too. Okay.

14:20

But do you remember the big battle in the

14:22

end? The big battle. Yeah the rap battle. Oh the

14:24

rap battle sure. Are you thinking of a different 8 Mile?

14:27

No. Okay. Are you picturing 5 armies having this big

14:29

rap battle? Some

14:32

eagles come in and start rapping? Yes. What

14:35

happens is Eminem right? He's

14:38

white kid from like the wrong side

14:40

of Detroit and he's up against this

14:42

guy. Marshall Mathers. He has to play on M&Ms.

14:45

Yeah hardly. Nobody talks about.

14:47

Oh oh oh the name

14:49

Marshall. This is very taboo.

14:52

The name Eminem. Yes. So

14:55

at the very end he's up against this guy. It was

14:57

just the two of them and he knows he can't beat

14:59

him. He knows he can't beat him because the guy's just

15:01

going to destroy him. You know he's white. Because he's very

15:03

good at rapping. He's very good at rapping. So

15:05

what Eminem does or or Rabbit is his name

15:07

in the movie. Rabbit is his sort of I

15:09

don't know not call side. Call

15:12

side. His stage name.

15:17

That's his stage name. That's his MC name if you

15:19

will. His handle. Anyway so he gets

15:21

up there. That's his airport crew. You know you get

15:23

to sort of choose who goes first. Right? You do

15:26

like a like a Roshambo and whoever wins

15:28

gets to pick if you go first or you know I

15:30

go first right. If you and I were in a rap

15:32

battle. Burt can you imagine? Can you imagine Joe? Oh my

15:34

goodness. I mean it would be easier for me than singing

15:36

I guess. The only thing I can

15:38

rhyme your name with is current which kind of helps

15:41

but other than that I got nothing. Urnt? What

15:43

is like no I aren't. Like earned. Okay

15:46

but just sort of. Oh I learnt. Oh learnt

15:48

is good. All right. This

15:52

current. I just made

15:55

that current. It does rhyme. Current. Like

15:57

current events? Currents events.

16:00

Okay, and yeah, let me explain this. So...

16:03

Electric current. I mean that's the dignity

16:05

falls accent. It

16:10

is, it is. Yeah,

16:12

it's very shortened. We say current, turned.

16:16

Going to the restaurant. Restern. Restern.

16:20

So what happens

16:23

is... He's hot

16:25

as hell in here. Yeah, it's pretty hot. He

16:29

comes out on stage, he wins, and he decides that he's going

16:31

to go first, which is sort of shocking. Usually

16:34

people want to go second, right? So they can sort of have a

16:36

comeback for every difference. Exactly. And

16:38

who would go first? Because then the

16:40

guy who goes after you can use,

16:42

can reference the things that you did

16:44

and destroy you. But first, this is what he

16:46

does. He takes away all of that power

16:48

because he says, I know everything you're going to say

16:50

about me. And he talks about how he's

16:52

white trash and he's a piece of shit. He doesn't self roast.

16:55

Yes. And it just leaves

16:57

the other guy just devastated. Now

17:00

the tides have turned. Indeed

17:02

they have. Indeed they

17:04

have. And so

17:07

that is exactly what Mitch McNutt did to

17:09

me. He eight-miled me. No. He

17:11

wrote a review before seeing my show. No.

17:15

And he put it in print and he said, I already

17:18

know what happens. That

17:27

was the headline. And

17:31

then he, did he read this review

17:33

on stage during the show? No, he

17:35

didn't come to the show. I never

17:37

got the chance because he didn't come.

17:40

He wrote a review without coming. Do you know

17:42

what I was saying? Yeah. Okay, Joan.

17:44

Well, I'm very angry about it. Listen,

17:46

you brought this up. It's true. You

17:49

did. It was pretty point eight. It had to

17:51

do with anything. We

17:55

got a little distracted about

17:57

Earth's rhymes. It's true. It's

17:59

true. You

18:03

thought you were going to understand the connection. I heard control.

18:05

I thought you were in there but you weren't. Oh you and I were

18:07

both trying to do the same thing at the same time as now. But

18:11

I mild you. You sure did. So

18:14

okay so he didn't even show up. He didn't

18:16

even let me have the chance to. What did

18:18

you do instead? Well first of all I mean talk to

18:20

Doug. I didn't come out of my dressing room. Doug what happened?

18:22

I have a dressing room in the in the in home. Of

18:25

course I took that for granted. I didn't come out of

18:27

my dressing room. I took that for granted. I

18:32

locked myself in my dressing room for a full

18:34

evening. This is classic diva behavior. I'm

18:38

sorry but that was and we warranted it.

18:40

I'm not saying it's on war. Absolutely.

18:43

The night before opening night is when he

18:45

published this. I

18:50

can't see Doug but I felt like he just shook his head. I

18:53

can hear it too. I

18:56

didn't even get the night before opening night and he puts

18:58

this in print and it was I mean

19:01

who does that? The night before opening night. Yes

19:03

this is what I'm saying. I

19:05

can't believe you don't know all of this. We

19:07

really haven't talked about it. You're right. Well

19:10

I meant for the yeah but I

19:12

guess I thought it was opening night

19:14

he released it. No again that he

19:16

wouldn't. Opening night is when you usually

19:18

do release you know a classic back

19:20

in the day. The reviewers were at all because

19:22

of the days. That's right. Now. Nowadays.

19:25

It's all different now. It's not as

19:28

it's not as traditional as it was and

19:30

now people review the show days ahead. In

19:32

this case he didn't see it. He didn't

19:34

do anything. He just wanted to hurt me.

19:37

He had heard the rumors that I was going to pull him

19:39

up on stage. He was

19:41

he was so hurt and and and

19:44

so I was almost not going to go on with the show

19:46

and Doug had to yeah he

19:48

sat outside my door. God bless him and

19:51

tried to get me to come out. Tried to get me to

19:53

eat. He tried to put like a

19:55

little bit of meat. Yeah but he just he

19:57

pushed really thick things under and I was like

19:59

babe. Like what was the thing you

20:01

put in there? Like a steak, he tried to... Oh,

20:04

no, well who would want to eat that after

20:06

it went straight through the underside of a door?

20:08

Also, I'm just not in the mood for steak

20:10

when I'm grieving. Oh,

20:15

what a terrible guy. So I... You

20:17

had to confront him about it. I ended up, of

20:19

course, as we know, doing the show. I was able

20:21

to do it three times and...

20:24

And then you were out. Yes.

20:28

Yes, well we were... Unfortunately

20:30

what ended up happening is I encouraged...

20:32

I thought it'd be fun to have

20:36

everybody do some impressions on the

20:38

last... Everyone in the audience. Everyone in the audience.

20:40

Instead of single out anybody, I said let's all

20:42

stand up and I'm going to teach you how

20:44

to do an impression of... That's right. Yes.

20:47

Because remember I was going to do like the sheriff, I was going to do

20:49

a bunch of different people. Absolutely. And

20:51

then I just lost... I forgot my place. I didn't...

20:54

I went back into my rehearsal mode which is where I was

20:56

going to do Kiki Dragon Slayer. And I unfortunately

20:59

did the impression and the entire audience did

21:01

it. So much blood everywhere. Yeah.

21:03

I couldn't believe how fast...

21:05

It was instant. I

21:08

mean that curse is real. And

21:10

so I... Obviously

21:12

that's why we had to shut down because they had to... I

21:15

was at... And they

21:17

had to clean the theater. They're still cleaning it. They're

21:19

still cleaning it now. So

21:22

it didn't go well and I blame Mitch

21:24

McDutt and I would like to confront him about it. I

21:26

blame him too. I

21:28

feel like he's lost all journalistic integrity by saying... I

21:30

mean did he have anything to do with... I already

21:32

know what happens. There was a

21:34

point of the article just to brag that he has seen

21:37

it. He was like, show is going to come out. She's

21:39

going to do a song. She's going to do

21:41

some... She's going to do some audience work. She's

21:44

going to try to throw in a

21:46

bunch of different wigs. She's going to try to sing. I mean

21:48

he nailed it. Well, alright. That's

21:50

besides... That's besides the point. It

21:53

is besides the point. He did predict blood would

21:55

be spilled. He said that he closed it by

21:57

saying there will be blood. He

22:03

said, what's black and white? And

22:05

read all over. And this review after

22:07

you've seen the show. How

22:12

did he type that out? Because I knew

22:14

I could hear it so perfectly in my

22:16

mind. It's a powerful ending. It was a

22:18

powerful ending. That was only

22:20

for the app when you can go and listen to

22:22

the part of the audio of the review. That's

22:25

the only place that was available. That's

22:27

right. And, and, you

22:31

know, There Will Be Blood is a movie

22:33

I enjoy. Yes, it is. Babe, do you

22:35

remember when that came out? Do you remember when

22:37

that came out? Absolutely. Which character is it that you

22:39

love, Burnt? He's a character named Mr. Prescott.

22:41

Oh. And he is trying

22:43

to keep this meeting on track early on

22:46

in the film. It sounds like an important

22:48

role. I think it's a very important role.

22:51

It's almost the inciting incident of

22:54

the film. I would say so. The fact that

22:56

this fellow cannot keep playing view

22:58

from leaving is what makes Daniel

23:00

Plainview go on to the rest

23:02

of the movie. Wow. The

23:05

movie doesn't happen without him. It doesn't happen without Prescott. And

23:07

it's a shame that he did not come back at

23:09

the end of the film to say

23:12

something like, remember me, Mr. Plainview? Is

23:14

that what you would pick for him to say? Have

23:17

you got one more line of dialogue? What would

23:19

you pick? You know what? I always pictured him

23:21

coming back and just bowling a perfect strike right

23:24

after that that would have been

23:26

a great post-credit sequence. Yes. Yes,

23:29

it would have been. I finished. And then you go

23:31

through all the credits. And then at the end, yes.

23:33

And then he does the, who do you think you

23:35

are? I am. That

23:38

would be great. To

23:41

retcon it into that

23:43

bowler quoting Daniel Plainview.

23:47

Now that's a funny clip. Oh boy, is that a

23:49

funny thing to say? It's just funny. We can hear

23:51

it so much. You think you are. I

23:54

am. What could have been going on? You

23:58

know what I solved? I feel

24:00

like I solved it once and you can

24:03

help me out with this to make sense of this.

24:05

Okay, yes, yes. Let's break

24:07

it down. Because he's expecting an answer but

24:10

he doesn't leave enough time for the answer.

24:13

Correct. And if you don't know listeners, what

24:15

we're talking about, just simply Google, who do you think you

24:17

are? I am. They might

24:20

not know. So your line is? Okay, yes. Okay.

24:25

Yes. Okay. Your line is the greatest

24:27

bowler? Oh, okay. Let's do it. Who

24:30

do you think you are? The greatest bowler? I am. It

24:33

works perfectly. Well, I don't know about perfectly. I mean, it's

24:35

very scary still. What was wrong? But I

24:37

think you're exactly right about that there's a part

24:40

missing from that entire missive. But

24:47

what would anyone ever answer? If

24:49

someone just won a belief tournament

24:51

and they're pointing in your face

24:54

saying, who do you think you

24:56

are? What possible answer could he

24:58

be expecting? Maybe what

25:00

here's another theory is that

25:02

he didn't finish that thought. Right?

25:05

Because it just came out. He's

25:08

just pointing at everybody almost as if like,

25:10

to me it felt like, yeah, that's right.

25:13

I fucking showed you. I'm the greatest.

25:15

Right. Like you were doubting me. So

25:18

I feel like he's saying, who do you think you

25:20

are to have doubted me that I wasn't the greatest

25:22

bowler? Well, I am. I am.

25:24

Right. Yes. That's

25:26

a lot. Tiny little amount of time. That's

25:29

right. That's

25:33

what happens sometimes in Shakespeare is why all the

25:35

wars happen off stage because you know, you can't

25:37

do that on stage. No. That's

25:39

why someone just comes out with one big

25:41

monologue. Like there were horses and there was

25:44

blood. Yeah. The one the bravery and the

25:46

courage. I wish I could find a horse. There's

25:48

none around here. Well

25:51

anyways, if you haven't listened to it, just

25:53

give it a listen. It's fantastic. And

25:56

always funny. Always funny.

25:58

Always funny. That was always funny by

26:01

the way. I don't remember. Who do you think you

26:03

are? I am watching. Yes. Oh,

26:05

absolutely. Yes. Oh boy.

26:08

Maybe we should take a break and regroup. I think that's a great idea. So

26:11

if you need to move or if you need one of us to

26:13

come up and spy, okay? I am stuck now. Did

26:15

you? Very well. How long have

26:17

you been stuck? I didn't want to say

26:19

anything, but I swung my T-ball bat, you

26:22

know, because I'm working out. Wait.

26:25

Whoa. You know, you're working out and doing T-ball?

26:27

I'm in an adult league T-ball bat. Oh, that's funny. I'm in

26:29

an adult league T-ball. Oh, that's right. He's

26:31

in an adult league. I forgot about that, yes. I swung the

26:33

T-ball bat. The space is too

26:35

small. I got caught between a wall. The

26:37

T-ball bat is just jammed on a wall.

26:39

You know what I mean? No, I don't.

26:41

Almost like a bone in your throat. In

26:44

a cartoon? Yeah. Okay.

26:47

I'm trying to draw. So sideways. When

26:50

you see the outline of the bone. I

26:53

bring home those just fake chickens from the store and

26:55

he just doesn't. Just fake chickens?

26:58

He doesn't discern between the meat and the bone

27:01

and it's a real problem. That

27:03

is a real problem. He

27:06

doesn't discern between the meat and the

27:08

bone. He just finds

27:10

it like an apple. You can't do

27:12

that. No dessert? No

27:15

dessert. All right. We

27:17

should take a break. We'll sort Doug out.

27:20

And when we return, we will have a guest here

27:23

on The Neighborhood Listen. This

27:33

is L.W. and

27:35

I'm selling large pecan

27:37

tree. Large pecan tree

27:39

for sale. Condition is

27:42

used. Good. For

27:45

sale, as in

27:47

trees for sale, not looking

27:49

for tree service. Thank you for all

27:51

your offers and advice. I

27:55

can see in the picture, it is

27:57

a pecan tree on its side. abrouted

28:00

from the ground. And

28:02

that is right, I am selling this

28:04

tree. I'm not looking for someone

28:07

to just haul it away for free. I'm

28:10

selling this abrouted

28:13

tree that's lying on

28:15

its side. Stewart

28:17

tried to tell me that I need the city

28:20

to come get it. I

28:22

wouldn't call anybody from the city if

28:24

I was on fire and they

28:26

had the only water. I

28:29

despise the city. The

28:32

day I step foot in the city is to buy a casket

28:34

and climb inside. You

28:38

city people, you make me sick to my stomach.

28:44

One day a real rain will come and wash away

28:46

the scum. That's

28:49

from Taxi Driver. I

28:51

do love the movies. And we're back. And

28:59

welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen, and

29:02

Joe, as you know, in this segment, we invite a guest onto

29:04

the show. Someone who

29:06

lives right here in Dignity Falls, and

29:09

we interview them as a way to get to know our

29:11

neighborhood and share it with the world. And

29:13

what we do is we go to the

29:15

NeighborHap. We all know the NeighborHap. It is

29:17

about the comings and goings in your neighborhood.

29:19

And... And

29:23

so we find posts that are interesting. If you'd like to

29:26

send us a post, you can. If there's something that you

29:28

think we've missed, scan your own NeighborHap

29:30

and send it to us at

29:33

berntandjoanatgmail.com. Just take a little screenshot

29:36

and send it in to us,

29:38

and we'll read it on the podcast.

29:42

Just like we're going to do right now. Oh.

29:49

You're having fun today, Bernt. I guess I

29:51

am. I guess I am. You're being a bunch

29:53

of different DJs. I like it. Being

29:56

a bunch of different DJs. Yeah, you just

29:58

kind of switched. did

30:00

one version and then and then when I do that

30:02

I would use it that thing I love it when you

30:04

do that is

30:06

this person supernatural all right

30:09

so this is a post from mishki

30:11

that's what a fun name oh I

30:13

like it a lot mishki this

30:16

is in the crime and safety segment

30:18

mishki is in dignity falls east

30:20

and the uh headline is fog

30:22

tonight mishki

30:25

continues dignity falls let's

30:27

open this fog that smells like chemicals

30:29

is there a fire nearby can't find

30:32

any info well

30:35

we do have someone here with the info and it is

30:37

not mishki but it

30:39

is someone who can explain oh the

30:41

fog that smells like chemicals oh fantastic and we

30:44

welcome this person and what is your name oh

30:46

hello my

30:49

name is dr uh

30:52

cuckoo doctor thanks

30:54

for having me did

30:57

you say dr cuckoo cuckoo oh

30:59

dr cuckoo yeah how is that

31:02

spelled oh boy k o u c o

31:04

u k o u c o u

31:10

that is uh do you

31:13

struggle with having that name because uh

31:15

what kind of doctor are you let's first

31:17

get to that every kind of science you

31:20

could imagine i got a doctorate in it

31:22

oh a doctorate okay so you're not

31:24

a medical doctor oh no but i

31:26

do surgery here what kind of

31:30

surgery check it out oh oh my

31:32

goodness there's a i'm not sure that

31:34

i think that's an open wound it's

31:38

uh it wow it is bleeding a

31:40

little bit more than i planned on i

31:42

had to get my spleen out

31:44

of me oh why is that

31:46

because i fell hard and i'm pretty sure

31:48

i ruptured it i fell

31:50

down the stairs okay and you

31:53

and so you did a self-spleenectomy

31:55

yes all right and how do

31:57

you do that i mean is a local

31:59

anesthetic enough There's

34:00

no issue. There's no issue with that at

34:02

all. Why is that weird? No,

34:04

it's weird. I've been free It's

34:09

unusual. Let's say why because

34:11

people get up I'll

34:15

jump in here. I'm gonna jump in here and say

34:17

I do think it is more unusual to perform Surgery

34:20

on yourself than it is

34:22

to maybe have a Rube Goldberg machine but But

34:28

I think we're just this is a lot of you're

34:30

asking the question is this weird

34:32

we're saying it's unusual And then

34:34

you're doing it. Oh, you

34:36

know, and there's no comeback to that. There's

34:39

really nothing we can do Obviously,

34:41

I don't want to say that she's a freak or

34:44

that this is weird, you know, but uh, you're it's

34:46

sort of it's sort of At the exact same time

34:48

a defensive and offensive.

34:51

Yes. Yes Interesting and dismissive

34:55

Okay, Dr. Cuckoo, yes Let's

34:59

I know I know I don't

35:01

know where yeah, I do want to know about

35:03

the fog That's we kind of started at an 11

35:05

and now we really need to I

35:08

get told that a lot. I Start

35:11

where do you get told this a

35:13

lot? Who are the same grocery store?

35:16

Okay, let's go back to the day

35:18

in progress. Okay, I mean, okay. All right, so you

35:20

wake up wake up What are you more about the

35:22

machine? Oh Okay, all

35:25

right. Sure process. Sure. Okay, so

35:27

water spills on me, but Wait,

35:31

wait, wait. Yeah, so the window

35:33

gets to a certain temperature and

35:35

then it with it burns a string

35:42

Okay, yeah, how is this

35:45

is the string tapes A

35:49

magnifying glass. Oh, yeah, that's

35:51

a good idea. Oh, it's a good idea. But it's

35:53

not in practice Okay,

35:56

I've just been those string just burned

35:58

window just gets real high burn that. Well

36:00

I guess the window serves as a magnified glass.

36:02

Do your windows not get crazy hot?

36:04

That's not the question that I'm asking. It's

36:07

another deflection really. It really is. I mean she's getting

36:09

us to go on a deep dive about windows and

36:11

their temperature. We can't do that. We just

36:13

can't do that. All right so window burn string.

36:15

Yes! Window burn string. Bucket of water

36:18

falls on me while I'm in bed.

36:20

Like all of the water? All of

36:22

the water. The hotel including

36:25

the bucket or no? No. The bucket

36:27

remains suspended. Don't be ridiculous, burnt. Are

36:30

you making fun of me? I swear to God. Oh you know what

36:32

I was making a little joke and I apologize

36:34

Dr. Kuku. Thank you for pointing

36:36

that out. Oh my goodness. You asked me to

36:38

be on this thing. I know yes. And I'll

36:41

be here and now you're making fun of me.

36:43

To be fair you volunteered. You did. You

36:45

actually wrote to us several times. Yeah I

36:47

threatened you and your family and your houses.

36:49

There were no left on my doors. I

36:52

said you better have me on or else I'm

36:54

gonna blow up your houses. Can I say

36:56

that the threats were they weren't as

36:58

effective because they were so involved and

37:00

very long. Yes. Because you described the

37:02

machine that you would use. Yes. Yes.

37:04

To blow up our houses. Yes. Yeah.

37:06

Yeah. Yeah. And it just seemed like

37:08

well this is gonna work. But now doesn't it make much

37:10

more sense. It does. Well now. So

37:14

okay so now you have water and then

37:16

what? You don't wake up yet? No. I

37:19

really thought that was the end. Nope. She

37:21

said it was very long. It was very

37:23

long. Okay. So then. I

37:28

have these robots that I made.

37:30

What? Oh yeah. Why can't the

37:32

robots just wake you up? Oh

37:36

my god that's a good idea. What

37:38

do they do? So you're covered with

37:40

water. Yes. So I'm covered with

37:42

water and the robots have to

37:44

wait five minutes after I get

37:47

dunked with water. Why? Like a

37:49

snooze effect? Yeah. Why not just

37:52

an alarm clock if I

37:54

may. I don't trust the government.

38:00

I don't trust them. I say that's

38:02

how they get you. That's how they get you when you're

38:04

sleeping. When you're sleeping. The

38:06

clocks are, you know, essentially you're syncing

38:08

up with the atomic clock. We know

38:10

this, yes. Yeah. This is

38:12

proven. And then the government tells us it is. Yeah. Yeah.

38:16

Yeah, okay. Is that the weird? Is

38:18

that the weird? Did you say that the weird? Is

38:20

that the weird? Is that the weird? Is

38:22

that the weird? Is that the weirdness or

38:25

what? Anyway, so

38:27

my robot to come over. How

38:29

many? Oh, they don't live in

38:31

house. They come over. No, they come over to my

38:33

bed. They're in

38:36

my bedroom. Oh, they're in

38:38

my bedroom watching me. Standing

38:41

sentry. Yes. Watching you sleep.

38:43

They're very funny. Why would they have to breathe? I programmed

38:45

them to breathe heavy. Why? That helps you

38:47

sleep? Like white noise? Oh, I could never

38:50

sleep with that. Speaking of a little sleepy

38:52

actually. Oh, working on you. It's working. Oh,

38:54

it's working. Oh, it's working. Oh, it's working.

38:56

Oh, it's working. Oh, it's working. It's

38:59

actually working. I can make you one of the robots. Getting a little

39:01

drowsy. I don't want to. I need

39:03

to hear more about them, I think. Okay,

39:05

okay. So then they come over. They come

39:07

over to me. One on each side of

39:10

the bed. Okay. And they

39:12

rip the sheets off. And they rip

39:14

my clothes off. The soaking wet sheets

39:16

and clothes. Yes. Right.

39:19

Yes. Yes. And

39:21

then they pick me up each by one

39:24

arm and they drag me out of bed.

39:26

They rip the room behind their floor. They

39:28

get kicked out of a bar. This is

39:31

terrible. This is terrible. What? What

39:33

do you mean? Okay, sorry. It's just not how

39:35

I would like to be woken up. Please, come on. How do

39:38

you want to get woken up? Oh, wow. Dr.

39:40

Kuku. Dr. Kuku. Oh, I'm glad. I

39:42

didn't want to get woken up. Oh, now we're not

39:44

talking to you that way. No. I

39:47

think you're pretty close to it. All

39:49

right, fine. Sorry.

39:51

I get the defenses because

39:53

everybody thinks I'm so weird. Oh, boy.

39:55

Oh, my God. I thought I may.

39:57

I mean, I'm so sorry. I

40:00

mean, if you're telling other people this, you

40:02

should be used to these reactions by now.

40:04

Oh, that's a fair point. You should know

40:06

that you do things a certain way that

40:09

other people don't typically do. Come on. There's

40:11

no moral judgment on it. No, you promise?

40:14

I promise. He gives you his word,

40:16

Trump. Okay, good. What about you?

40:18

I... First

40:21

of all, I want to apologize if I made you feel as

40:24

if I was judging you because I

40:26

am not, okay? I was... What I

40:28

was doing as I was putting myself in this scenario, I was

40:31

centering myself, and I'm sorry, in your story, and

40:33

I just... So easy for us to do. I

40:35

decided that, especially when it comes to waking up,

40:38

and... Too true, Joan. I

40:44

decide... Tell

40:47

her how you like to wake up. Yeah,

40:49

let me know how you like to wake up. Well,

40:52

I like... First, do you like... I feel so

40:54

vulnerable. I mean, this is a very personal thing,

40:57

you know how I wake up. For some reason,

40:59

Doug prompting that made it

41:01

seem extremely private and personal.

41:03

Yeah, let's hear it. I don't know why that was...

41:05

I didn't mean that, I just meant... Well... Just

41:08

the way he says, tell her you are

41:10

relating some unusual... Doug sings to me, to

41:12

wake me up, okay? You must know. First,

41:14

you ask me to blow you some kisses.

41:16

Well, yes, this sounds

41:18

freaky. Y'all sound

41:21

freaky! So

41:25

what do you typically sing, Doug? Yeah,

41:28

what's the song? Or does

41:30

it depend on how you want to

41:32

wake up? Like,

41:34

if you're like, I want to be pumped... You're

41:36

exactly right! Sometimes

41:41

he'll just do sandstorm, which is

41:43

really... Sandstorm. Now

41:46

I know what it is. No!

41:51

Sandstorm! I know what it is! That's

41:54

it! You do that! I just nailed

41:56

it! Sandstorm! Sandstorm! Sandstorm!

41:59

Doug! I promise you This

42:14

might be weird This

42:19

might be a weird request can

42:21

I record your

42:23

husband singing that put it into one of

42:26

my robots I'm

42:30

not sure your voice Or

42:44

you or you could just program like if you

42:46

have an Alexa, well, of course you don't have

42:48

an Alexa I

42:51

know it's gonna say you could program and any sort

42:53

of device to wake you up with sander It doesn't

42:55

need to be Doug singing You're

43:20

gonna hear it's gonna be your favorite song Okay,

43:25

I'm in the desert Oh

44:00

You've never heard of it? I think, I

44:02

mean, I feel like I

44:04

have. You definitely have. It never occurred to me

44:06

that it had a name. Of course it did.

44:08

Of course. By the way, the more it goes off, the

44:10

less it sounds like a sound story. Was

44:17

that an electronic sound? If

44:20

you had gone to an American theater, that

44:22

doesn't probably comedy in the Netherlands in the

44:25

early 2000s, you would

44:27

have heard that song intro every show for

44:29

two years. It was wrong every show

44:31

for two years. Oh, I see. Wow.

44:33

Wow. Wow. It

44:36

really gets you pumped for comedy. There was a

44:38

friend of mine who was a stand-up comedian in

44:40

the 80s, and in

44:43

these suburban rooms that he used to play,

44:45

there was a chain of suburban rooms, and

44:47

before the show they

44:49

would have a preset sort of

44:51

playlist, and the last song that

44:53

they would play before the show was about to start, this

44:55

is how you knew the show was about to start, was

44:58

a novelty song by the Jump in

45:00

the Saddle band. Oh,

45:03

I'm not familiar. Oh, you wouldn't be,

45:05

and this song was called The Curly

45:07

Shuffle. Oh, that's cute. And

45:09

it was a song that was all about the Three Stooges. Oh.

45:13

Yes. And when my friend would

45:15

hear that song, his bowels would

45:17

fill his ice water. Yes.

45:20

Because he knew he was going to go up

45:22

backstage and not be like... Is that it? There

45:24

it is. Doug, you are so

45:26

fast. That's cruel. To this day, my

45:28

friend is chilled to the bone hearing his

45:31

bowels. Oh my gosh, I can totally picture

45:33

that, yes. Go out of the town. We

45:35

can't sit still. We can't sit down. Oh,

45:37

yes. The sweaty palms before you're

45:39

about to go on stage. Oh, no. Oh,

45:42

yes. I hate that. Because as an

45:44

audience member, I hate whoever is about

45:46

to walk off. Yes,

45:49

absolutely. You would already... Do

45:51

you want to stand up there? I'm sorry. Well,

45:55

the successive act, they're further away from

45:57

the curly shuffle. But of course, you like them

45:59

more. You love Ryan? You're first. But

46:01

that first guy? You blame him. You don't

46:03

play someone on stage with that song. He's

46:06

the reason we heard the curly shuffle. Oh

46:08

my goodness. How dare you? Dr. Kuchel, we're

46:10

not so different after all.

46:13

You're being very rational right now. You're

46:16

a constant curly shuffle. I

46:18

know. It seems like we all forgot who

46:20

we are for a minute there. I know. We

46:23

bonded over sandstorm. And

46:26

then is our hatred for the curly

46:28

shuffle. That's okay. That's okay.

46:31

Dr. Kuchel, I really do want

46:34

to while we can sort of

46:36

hammer in details about your own.

46:39

Well, that's my first question is, is this your

46:42

given name? Is Kuchel your last name or your

46:44

first name? Or is this a nickname? I need

46:46

to know. It's my last name. Okay, what's your first

46:48

name? My first name? Brenda? Okay.

47:00

The most defensive telling of a first name

47:02

I've ever heard. What

47:04

did you think was supposed to be like tomato? Oh no,

47:06

we didn't. No, I didn't. We

47:09

just didn't. Dr. Kuchel, your name is

47:11

Kuchel. You must have

47:13

experienced. It's French. It's French?

47:15

Oh, okay. You must

47:17

have encountered some sort of incredulity

47:20

before. Of course. I mean,

47:22

you're constantly saying that everyone's always saying she's

47:24

so weird. And you have not yet

47:26

answered my question as far as everybody.

47:28

Do you work someplace during the day?

47:31

Do you have friends you see every day? I

47:33

work in my house because I invent stuff. Okay.

47:36

But I go to the grocery store a lot. Yeah, you

47:38

mentioned the grocery store. Do

47:40

you have any family? Do you have people

47:42

you see every day other than the grocery

47:44

store? I have some sisters, but I

47:46

haven't talked to them in a while. Oh, how come?

47:49

Because they don't want me to be around their families.

47:52

Oh, no. Why? It's

47:54

fine. I just try to... No. I

47:57

just try to... Oh, I'm sorry. Oh,

47:59

please. I practice all of

48:01

my inventions on their kids. Oh

48:03

dear. And they don't like

48:06

that so much. I don't even know if I

48:08

want an example, but I feel like I have to ask, but

48:10

I don't want to. Are

48:12

these inventions that have something to do

48:14

with children and their day-to-day lives? Just

48:16

humans in general, you know. Well

48:19

some have. There have been a couple. One

48:22

was a bouncy house.

48:25

Okay. Okay, already been invented. But...

48:29

You know a lot of inventions

48:31

are just like, thinking something.

48:33

That's already thinking more. That's very true,

48:35

like Twitter. Like Twitter. Oh yeah, we've... He

48:38

fixed it! We fixed it! Oh no, Elon

48:40

Musk. Just so

48:43

you guys know, I love him. As an inventor, of course,

48:45

you must look up to him. He is! Sure,

48:48

sure. He's so cool! He invented

48:50

that car. Oh yeah, he invented, uh,

48:53

how to not go to space good. He's

48:55

so cool. He

48:57

didn't invent putting a car in space. Oh yeah, hey

48:59

that's pretty big. He invented very necessary... And he carried

49:02

that sink out of the building. Anyway,

49:04

I made a bounce house. And

49:10

the idea was to have every time

49:12

a kid lands, a funny

49:14

noise would come out. Well I thought it

49:17

was kind of fun actually. It was hard

49:19

to pull off. I get. It was

49:21

very hard to pull off. Like a whoopee cushion, but

49:23

several different... Yeah, but we got squeaks, we got

49:25

hunks. We got arugas,

49:27

we got... Arugas! ...moons,

49:30

we got fly whistles. You know, I didn't know

49:32

that was the official name. An aruga. An

49:34

aruga? Something that made that sound specifically.

49:36

Like something that makes the ouga sound? Yes.

49:39

Yes, I didn't realize it was called an aruga. Me neither.

49:41

Aruga. Aruga makes the

49:44

ayuga sound. Yeah! Yeah, yeah,

49:46

yeah. Doug gets it. Doug gets

49:48

it. So I tried to do that, but

49:50

with that comes... You gotta put speakers in

49:53

it. So I put speakers in it. Oh,

49:55

with funny noises, some speakers. Oh. Keep

49:58

bouncing onto the speakers and get... Oh, but

50:00

were they but why couldn't they

50:02

be flat speakers that were sort of flush

50:04

with it? Are you talking about actual speakers

50:07

like big huge? Okay huge fill the back

50:13

Also, why couldn't the speakers be outside the bouncy?

50:17

Okay, these are great ideas.

50:19

I should have I should have done it

50:21

for you guys instead of my stupid No,

50:24

I mean do they do they babe are

50:27

you okay? Everything

50:30

okay. I figured out what the issue

50:32

was I unstuck myself, but then I

50:34

fell immediately My

50:37

legs were asleep. Wait, huh? Wait, so the

50:39

issue was your legs were asleep. No The

50:42

issue was my arm was straight out with

50:45

the t-ball bat. Right? So it's been talking

50:47

this whole time still. Yes Yeah,

50:52

that's so weird I

51:06

Feel he's transforming it your doctor

51:08

cool. That was a dozen Hoffman

51:14

Yes, Dorothy Michael,

51:16

yeah, I Punched

51:19

out my elbow. Oh Straight

51:22

my arm was your arm

51:24

suckers a bat would love to explain

51:26

this Would you all right? Yeah, my

51:29

arm is straight out. Okay with the

51:31

bat straight out Okay, that's

51:33

mid swing pointing at the wall Yeah,

51:37

or parallel to the wall. I'm

51:39

trying to swing is your arm

51:41

ever completely extended Well,

51:44

that's a t-ball one-on-one. Oh, I See

51:47

you give it like a friend You

51:50

know There in the

51:53

tea, yeah, it's just a weather vane that knows like

51:55

that in

52:00

it and then the bat catches into the wall

52:02

right so you like go to the back you

52:06

mean like it because it got caught like the drywall

52:08

like the baddest stuck why couldn't you just let go

52:10

of the bat that that's exactly

52:12

what I just said that would

52:16

have been a good idea like go

52:18

the back it's

52:22

because I was trying to the real

52:25

answer because I was recording this

52:27

enough to ask that question yet for my brain wasn't

52:29

there yet my brain wasn't even there yet that's what

52:31

happened here's

52:34

the thing the recording button is on the

52:36

bat I'm letting go of

52:39

the great

52:41

great where you

52:44

have to hold it the whole time to

52:47

record I feel like I

52:56

feel like praise from dr. cuckoo in this instance

53:00

it's a mark

53:02

against yeah dr.

53:04

cuckoo what what

53:07

oh okay babe he finished the

53:09

story sorry sorry my legs

53:15

were asleep by that point which I didn't realize that

53:19

part where they all under a weight

53:21

they're dangling my back you

53:23

know one wall

53:27

so other that you were dangly

53:30

I jump what I when I

53:32

play ball jump to take the

53:37

way that gives you

53:40

more leverage and power I think

53:42

that's objectively untrue

53:44

but thunder but our look whoa

53:46

he doubled out where I feel

53:48

like we're taking valuable time we've

53:50

already got to see dr. Brenda

53:53

cuckoo diagram I think this is

53:55

what happened oh look it's an amazing

53:57

you are an amazing artist you You

54:00

drew a- how- you know what's crazy? He's never

54:02

even seen Doggett, it looks like him. It looks exactly

54:04

like him. Look at the shading, it's so

54:06

beautiful. Thank you! Look at the pencil. Have

54:09

you got his receding back hairline just right?

54:11

Yeah, I can hear it in his voice.

54:13

I'm never sure if that was still canon or not. Ha

54:15

ha ha! Well

54:17

that's incredible. Listen, have you ever thought of

54:19

doing art? Do you draw? Do you paint?

54:22

I draw stuff for my experiments

54:24

and stuff. Well, that's

54:27

fantastic! Um,

54:29

I'm trying to find a way that we can sort of-

54:31

You want me to paint you? Is

54:34

that what you're saying? I mean, I didn't mean that. No,

54:36

I wasn't going to paint both of you. But is

54:38

that something you do often? No. I'll

54:41

give you a shot. You would be prying it for

54:43

the first time? Yeah. Oh, I'll give you a shot. Here,

54:45

I got an easel. I got a canvas. How would you

54:47

see half all of it? I got everything. Alright, do

54:49

you want to paint me while Joan asks you some questions?

54:51

Yeah, I'll paint both of you. At the same time? Yes.

54:55

Do you want to be on a horse? I

54:57

don't need anything. I just want to be- How

54:59

about I'll be on stage? Can you draw me

55:01

in a beautiful- Babe, did a beautiful- Like, okay,

55:03

you'll be on stage. Where do you want to

55:05

be? Where do you want to be? I'd

55:09

like to be behind the counter at

55:11

the CVS in Paris, France. Oh, that's

55:13

good. It can be like- Oh, la la.

55:15

That's really- Perk, I love that. Okay, good.

55:17

Okay, I want to start painting. I can't-

55:20

You end up being a pharmacist in France?

55:22

Oh, every day. Ooh, really?

55:25

I can't imagine. Oh, I mean, where they add

55:28

a little- The pharmacies there have

55:30

the little green neon plus signs in

55:32

it. It's so charming. It doesn't mean

55:34

weed. It does not. But you'd be

55:36

there in the seventh arragement. Ooh. And

55:38

you're just giving people things because it's

55:40

all for free. Yes, it

55:42

is. It really is. So romantic, Francais.

55:47

No. Oh. I

55:49

mean, I know that one. We

55:53

had someone who loved, loved, loved France.

55:55

Oh, it's gorgeous. But every time

55:58

I spoke French to him, he got very English. about

56:00

it so I'm not going to be getting more French. Oh,

56:02

he seemed to know much about French at all. No, he

56:04

got angry every time I brought something up that

56:06

he had not learned before. He mainly knew

56:08

about berets and that was about it. He did,

56:10

he did. That's weird. Wait, wait, wait, free. Let

56:13

me, oh, why is the painting done? What?

56:16

That was bad. We barely got to ask for it. That was

56:18

incredible. Oh my God. Look at that. Look

56:21

at the detail on the Eiffel Tower, Bert. Unbelievable. Bear C.

56:24

Look, you can tell by the shapes of

56:27

the audience's heads who they are. Yes. Wow.

56:31

From the back. I mean, can I keep this? Brenda,

56:33

this is... Of course. Can I keep

56:35

my Brenda? Of course. Thank you,

56:37

Brenda. I feel like, here's what I

56:39

feel like. I feel like

56:42

things are very chaotic

56:44

when you first got here and I think the description

56:46

of your life is chaotic. We

56:49

still haven't gotten to the fog, which we do need to get through.

56:52

That was right. Very true. Yeah.

56:55

But what I just want to say and we're going to

56:57

get to that next, but I just want to say that

56:59

once you started talking about and doing art, I feel like

57:01

you got more focused and things have been more calm. There's

57:03

a shift in your energy, Brenda, and I just want to

57:05

point that out. What is that? Oh, it's me. I think

57:08

it means you're an artist. I think it means you're meant

57:10

to be an artist. You think? I think

57:12

you have... Look at this evidence. That's beautiful.

57:15

I think you have an artist's soul

57:17

and I think with the experiments, perhaps

57:19

you're trying to fit yourself into something

57:22

that you think you should be doing,

57:25

but I think your calling is art.

57:27

Really? Now, you think? Well, I do.

57:29

Now, let's just ask... Let's

57:32

just get to the bottom of how you

57:34

know about what the fog or the chemical

57:36

smell was. Oh, yeah. Obviously, you were

57:38

the cause of it. I started. I did it all. Forgive me

57:40

for coming to the chase. No, that's fine, but we still need

57:42

to address it. There's no way that wasn't... Yes, we did. Right.

57:45

We did. For the whole reason we had her

57:47

on. So can you explain to us what happened? Yes.

57:50

So I'm trying... Oh, God, yes. That's

57:52

why I'm here. Oh. I'm

57:55

trying to make... I'm trying

57:57

to make myself a boyfriend. Okay?

58:00

Oh dear. And I was

58:02

combining some chemicals to make

58:04

his insides and then they

58:06

kind of erupted and I

58:08

caused a stinky fog. Now

58:12

when you say to make his

58:14

insides, what chemical would make his

58:16

insides and why did you need

58:19

to give him organs? Are

58:21

you trying to make... What? What?

58:24

What? Dr. Cuckoo. What? Are

58:27

you even removing your own organs to put into

58:30

the boyfriend? No. No.

58:33

That's so weird. No. I

58:35

mean exactly. Why would you even give

58:38

him two of the organs he doesn't

58:40

even need? Yeah, why would I ever

58:42

do that? Spleen helps though.

58:44

You need Spleen. Spleen's so important. You can

58:46

lose it. You can lose it.

58:48

I'm just saying if you're going to give a boyfriend

58:50

two... I definitely wouldn't go to the trouble of the

58:52

end. If you're going to reanimate something or someone or

58:54

animate it in general... I definitely wouldn't go to the

58:56

trouble of installing

59:00

an appendix. True. That

59:02

was very hard for me to say. Well, it

59:04

was even harder for her to do and

59:06

I don't understand why you did that. Is

59:08

that what you're doing? Are you saying yes?

59:10

Yes. Okay, I'm putting all

59:12

of my insides into my

59:15

man's insides. What does the outside

59:17

look like? Please don't say you

59:19

have actual skin. Is this a robot? Is this a

59:21

robot? Please say it's a robot. He's going to be

59:23

half robot, half man. A organ.

59:26

Oh, yeah, sure. A cybernetic

59:28

organism. Oh, thank you. Thank you for

59:30

everything. On half of all of us, thank you. You want to come

59:32

be my assistant or something? No. Come

59:35

on. I look, as somebody who

59:37

works in the medical field... Wait,

59:40

what? I'm a pharmacist. He's a

59:42

pharmacist, that's why you just painted him in

59:44

the pharmacy. Oh, I didn't realize

59:47

he were one. The French part was the

59:49

fantasy. The

59:51

part that's real. Yes. I can't

59:53

think of anything I'd rather do. It's

59:56

just a matter of place. Yeah, I mean, it's just not as

59:58

magical as the pharmacy in France. It's just not. It's

1:00:00

just not. It's not at all. It's just not.

1:00:02

You don't want to be my assistant! I'd rather not.

1:00:04

Why not? I sound like

1:00:07

it's, we're talking about things that are perhaps

1:00:10

unlicensed, perhaps unethical, and

1:00:12

perhaps against God. And I

1:00:15

will say that perhaps is doing a lot of

1:00:17

heavy lifting in that instance. Because I'm terrified

1:00:19

of upsetting you. Yeah. Because

1:00:21

I don't know what you're going to do. I want to get mad

1:00:23

at you and steal stuff from you. No, walk

1:00:26

me. To put into my man. Okay, but wait

1:00:28

a minute. Can you walk me to the chemical

1:00:30

part so you were working in the lab late

1:00:32

one night? Late one night. Yeah.

1:00:35

Did your eyes behold anything? Yeah. A

1:00:37

terrible fright. That's right. Curious

1:00:40

sight. There we go. I bet it was curious

1:00:42

and terrible. I'm sorry. I

1:00:44

think I was thinking of the Christmas one. The Eerie?

1:00:47

The Christmas song. I don't know. There's so

1:00:49

many Christmas songs. That sounds better. No, I,

1:00:51

yes, I don't know. I don't know. I

1:00:53

don't know. I don't know. I

1:00:56

don't know. No, I, yes, I

1:00:58

was working in the lab late one

1:01:00

night. And you

1:01:02

were putting chemicals into, what chemicals were

1:01:04

you putting into your boyfriend? To make

1:01:06

organs. Yes, I don't understand. To make insides.

1:01:09

I was putting blood. I

1:01:11

was putting some blood in. I was putting some bile

1:01:13

in. But not real. Like stomach acid. Like, like,

1:01:15

stomach or real? Real. Oh,

1:01:17

of this boyfriend. There will be blood. Yeah.

1:01:21

All right. And

1:01:23

these things, what are the

1:01:26

chemical constituencies of? Oh.

1:01:28

Is that correct? I mean, it's further than

1:01:30

I could have gotten. I don't know. What does

1:01:32

that mean? Like what chemicals do you use to make blood? No,

1:01:35

you're saying it's real. You're saying it was real blood. Real blood.

1:01:37

Real bile. Real bile. Real

1:01:40

bile. Yeah. Yeah. Real

1:01:42

bile. And where are you procuring these things? Oh,

1:01:44

some for myself. Some for what? What?

1:01:47

I'm just a flamethrower. You're a flamethrower? A

1:01:50

fitter? I am. And

1:01:52

I'm not going to fall for that sort of,

1:01:54

you know, dismissive, aggressive way of talking. Okay. I

1:01:57

will not be, only in the not feeling... I'm

1:02:00

scared for you. Okay. We

1:02:02

know where there's a lot of blood. Where? In the

1:02:04

theater. Well, oh my God. It's still

1:02:06

being cleaned up. Oh, right. But listen,

1:02:08

listen. I read that review of

1:02:10

your plan. If you did, well, it wasn't a

1:02:13

review. It was a, it

1:02:15

was a, it wasn't even a preview. It was an

1:02:17

assumption. It was

1:02:19

exactly that. I love everything, McNutt, right? You

1:02:22

want? No. I love it.

1:02:24

Dr. Cuckoo. No. I'll

1:02:27

tell you what. We don't speak about McNutt. This is weird.

1:02:29

I'm not going to back down on that. Listen, I'm going

1:02:31

to tell you. It's weird that you like it. I'm going

1:02:33

to tell you, this is a McNutt free house.

1:02:36

It's McNutt free. We don't like

1:02:38

Mitch McNutt. No. Wow. We

1:02:41

do think blood should not be. Yeah.

1:02:43

Be blasted. I

1:02:45

think you got like 10 more. We

1:02:48

do think stomach pile is something that you

1:02:50

kind of need. We

1:02:55

don't like to be woken up by

1:02:57

robots when we're soaking wet. And

1:02:59

we still salute the American flag. Ah, all

1:03:02

right. You

1:03:04

can make those in little things to put on your

1:03:06

front lawn. What do you think? Those aren't creepy. So

1:03:10

basically, I want to

1:03:12

know what turned it. How did it turn into a

1:03:14

fog? Well, when

1:03:16

you combine all of them into one.

1:03:18

Sounded like one of her creations, Bert.

1:03:22

He really did. Go back

1:03:24

and listen. That's going to be good. You've

1:03:26

got to come work for me. No, I

1:03:28

don't. Please. I

1:03:31

do not. I don't think that's a good thing. Wait,

1:03:33

wait, wait. Friend, okay. I really want to

1:03:35

hear how to turn into a fog. I combined all of those into a

1:03:37

bowl. Into a bowl. And I

1:03:39

added some dry ice. Some scientific stuff. Hold

1:03:42

on. You want me... Okay, into

1:03:44

a cauldron. What? It wasn't

1:03:46

a cauldron. Dr. Kukle wasn't a cauldron. Is

1:03:48

that better? Yes, it was a cauldron. So

1:03:50

you're just pouring blood, bile, stomach acid. Yes.

1:03:54

And you're cooking it over a fire. Yes,

1:03:56

I'm so weird about that. And

1:03:59

so that must have caused thieves. And this is what

1:04:01

the fog was that people smelled well no

1:04:03

I then added some stuff that made it

1:04:05

explode why Good

1:04:11

answer You gotta

1:04:13

you have break some eggs you know

1:04:17

Case you're you're taking out some appendices.

1:04:19

I don't think that that's comparable. Oh,

1:04:21

no, it's fine. I'm doing fine Are

1:04:24

you are? A

1:04:28

lot of you have lost a lot of color

1:04:30

since you I know I know and you two

1:04:32

are like turning

1:04:34

green You know when you

1:04:36

know when your vision gets all green I don't

1:04:39

know What's happened

1:04:41

everybody? That's

1:04:43

a symptom. I've never heard of it's

1:04:46

more concerning than one I know of

1:04:48

absolutely Goes green

1:04:51

Like what it's like feels like almost

1:04:53

like you know Nighties

1:04:55

movies Oh

1:05:01

like where it's actually clearly shot during the day,

1:05:03

but they just put a filter on it And

1:05:05

then it's a film stock ages it just sort of

1:05:07

become Olive

1:05:11

drab Okay,

1:05:20

well why do we need to clear up a

1:05:22

few things so for people who are listening that

1:05:24

was a smell can we can we? Let everyone

1:05:26

know that's not gonna happen again. I want to

1:05:29

promise anything I'm trying to make the best man

1:05:31

Where are you at in the process of the

1:05:33

construction how much of a percentage of a boyfriend?

1:05:35

Do you have at this point lower half? Start

1:05:44

literally from the ground up You Graphic

1:05:53

okay No,

1:05:56

I know but that you just I just okay,

1:05:59

okay, yeah What? Are you

1:06:01

just having a hard time? No, you know what?

1:06:03

How do you feel? Now you're cherry picking. Now

1:06:06

you're cherry picking. I'm having fun. I'm

1:06:08

having a good time. I'm glad you're

1:06:11

having a good time. The problem is not

1:06:13

having feet. I'm

1:06:15

wrapping my head around the fact that you started with

1:06:17

just the bottoms of feet, what that meant, what that

1:06:19

looked like. That's what's giving me blood. And they

1:06:21

were not filled with blood, apparently. No,

1:06:23

no, not yet. So they were just

1:06:25

empty feet, legs, thighs, genitals. Made of

1:06:27

what? Made of what? What's the skin?

1:06:29

Skin? Oh no.

1:06:31

You mean skin? No. Where

1:06:34

are you getting the human skin? What do you say?

1:06:36

Oh, that is not an answer. That is not

1:06:38

an answer. That's not an answer. Oh, well now

1:06:40

I'm terrified. Now you don't

1:06:42

have to worry about it. It's fine.

1:06:45

I go to the crematorium before people

1:06:47

get burned. The crematorium? And I peel

1:06:49

their skin off. You can't do that. Yes,

1:06:51

I can of you. Good friends

1:06:53

with the crematorium guy. It doesn't matter. Just

1:06:56

because that person is allowing you, if

1:06:58

Barry's allowed... Barry still works in the crematorium?

1:07:00

Barry, it's still Barry? I thought Barry is

1:07:02

higher now. He's got to be in his 80s. Yes,

1:07:05

97 actually. Wow. Oh

1:07:08

my gosh, time flies. He looks good. Doesn't

1:07:10

he look great? He looks great. I wonder

1:07:12

what... I wonder if his face burns off

1:07:14

or... I would say... Oh, he

1:07:16

has a chemical peel. He has a chemical peel. Yes, he has

1:07:18

a chemical peel. At work. Everybody he

1:07:20

burns. That's why

1:07:22

he's so young. But now hold

1:07:24

on. So he's letting you take the skin

1:07:27

and then he throws in the skeleton and

1:07:29

the meat? Yes. This is

1:07:31

terrible. This can't be... We don't even... Absolutely.

1:07:35

People have loved ones who know that their

1:07:37

families were skinned. Because this

1:07:39

is... And Diggy Falls is the highest

1:07:42

rate of cremation of any

1:07:44

place in America. Yes. We're

1:07:46

real cremation happy town, I guess.

1:07:49

People really love to do this. People love it. They

1:07:51

love it. They love it. People have to

1:07:53

know they're going to be cremated. I do.

1:07:56

I can't wait. I see it's not for me. I

1:07:58

think maybe because my... my

1:08:01

entire life my boys have almost cremated me

1:08:04

anyway. Oh that's cute. That's a good point. They

1:08:06

are not solid. They are arsenic. They are part

1:08:08

of the arcana. Yeah, part of the arcana. But

1:08:10

uh... It just

1:08:13

makes it sound like it's more of a calling. Right. We

1:08:16

always say let's cream. What? We

1:08:19

always say let's cream. Let's cream?

1:08:21

Yeah, it's like let's get cremated

1:08:24

as a family. Let's cream. No,

1:08:26

we don't say that. Me and the boys say that. I

1:08:29

don't think we've had a full stop down

1:08:31

like that in a long time. Well,

1:08:34

not only... Not only what... Absolutely, everyone was confused. Not

1:08:36

only was it a shock because we heard

1:08:38

correctly. That's right. It wasn't

1:08:40

a mistake. Yeah, normally we don't hear you.

1:08:42

Yeah, no, he said... Normally we don't hear you. We are

1:08:44

crystal clear and that stopped everything. Let's cream. Let's cream. I

1:08:47

like that. I like that. No,

1:08:49

the boy... It is very cute. It's not

1:08:52

for me. It's cute. It's not for

1:08:54

me. It's cute. It's cute. It's

1:08:56

cute. It's not for me. It's just

1:08:59

not what I want. I haven't thought about what I want. You don't want to be

1:09:01

in a little jar? I don't want to be in a little jar. I can't. I

1:09:03

don't want to be in a little jar. Well, I'm going to be

1:09:05

in a little jar and I hope you'll take me. Of course I

1:09:08

will take you. I hope you don't... But we're assuming

1:09:10

you're going to go first. I don't want you to

1:09:12

go first. You probably will. I mean, I'm

1:09:14

a man. That's just true, specifically. I've been typically died before

1:09:16

with you. Yes, that is true. Which

1:09:18

I guess would be a great thing for Brenda because

1:09:21

she's making herself a man, so I guess he's not

1:09:23

going to die. I guess that's smart. Right. I

1:09:27

mean, I'm not. Hold

1:09:29

on. Why is he immortal? Because he's going to be

1:09:32

tricked me. Are we saying that the trauma of birth

1:09:34

is what causes us to die, that's what he's doing?

1:09:36

No, because he said he's half cyborg. Sure. No birth,

1:09:38

he said he's half cyborg. Oh, he's half cyborg. He's

1:09:40

not a full human. Why is he full of cyborg?

1:09:43

Because he's a cybernetic organism. Oh, okay.

1:09:46

That is already half an hour. Okay, so then there

1:09:49

you go. There we go. Okay. I

1:09:51

don't want us to argue. I don't either. Yeah, you

1:09:53

guys need to calm down. I just want him to live

1:09:56

for Brenda. I don't want to die. I want Brenda to live

1:09:58

in. I'm very sorry. very worried

1:10:00

about you. I'm sorry, we shouldn't call a

1:10:02

doctor because you guys don't look well. I'm

1:10:04

fine. You just need some like,

1:10:06

I just need some like, I don't know, I

1:10:10

just need some like steak or something. You know?

1:10:12

How fly do you have steak? You have a

1:10:14

package of crackers. Here's some crackers. I can fly

1:10:16

you a steak. Thank you. Thank you.

1:10:18

There. That's one

1:10:20

package of crackers. Yum. Yum.

1:10:24

Oh, you chose club. Oh, hell yeah. They're

1:10:27

buttery. They're buttery. They're buttery.

1:10:29

I love one. Oh, buttery. Those

1:10:32

are crackers for company. You should get with my friend, Tony.

1:10:35

He's single. What? You

1:10:37

have a single friend and you didn't mention

1:10:39

it earlier? Well, listen, that

1:10:41

might be something. Tony Neal? You

1:10:44

can call him Tony for short. Oh yeah, you can

1:10:46

also, that's right. You can only call him Tini

1:10:48

for short. Tini. What's

1:10:50

Tini's favorite song? Oh, that's

1:10:52

an important thing. Great

1:10:55

question, Dr. Cuckoo. That's what I need to

1:10:57

know in order to make a move. Unfortunately,

1:11:00

that's what she needs in order

1:11:02

to make a move. So

1:11:05

typically, okay, so let's say I'm Tini

1:11:07

and we're meeting at a club and

1:11:09

Santa's. You're

1:11:15

at, what is it, Stardust, which is

1:11:17

the only club at Digny Falls that

1:11:19

is in a trailer. You sit in

1:11:22

a double white trailer and it only

1:11:24

fits seven people. So you might be

1:11:26

meeting outside of Stardust because that's where

1:11:28

everybody actually congregates. Okay, so we're

1:11:30

outside of Stardust. Yeah. Sandstorm

1:11:32

is playing. Oh yeah. Absolutely

1:11:35

everyone is dancing because who doesn't get on the

1:11:37

floor? Yes. For Sandstorm. And

1:11:39

so you come up to me. Yeah.

1:11:42

All right. And I go, so

1:11:44

do you like this? Oh, wait, wait. So you have

1:11:46

to know what my favorite song is in advance, right?

1:11:48

No, no, she's going to ask you, right? Yes, yeah,

1:11:50

I don't make a move until I know you. Oh,

1:11:52

you're right. I'm going to be looking at you, waiting

1:11:55

to see if your body

1:11:58

moves to Sandstorm. Sandstorm. dancing

1:12:00

to but everybody's dancing to that. When

1:12:02

I come alive is when Billy

1:12:05

Joel's Allentown comes on. I'm doing

1:12:07

the robot to all the clinks

1:12:09

and clanks. I'm out of there.

1:12:13

Oh no! That's it! I'm

1:12:15

bailing, I'm bailing. Alright then

1:12:17

what is the song that would

1:12:19

work for you? Dance Storm! Okay so

1:12:21

Sam, alright. I love Dance Storm. This

1:12:23

is why she was acting so strange about

1:12:25

Doug. Okay. This is now why she was maybe

1:12:29

so... Alright so, like the Doug

1:12:32

Storm. Dance Storm! Alright

1:12:35

this might be getting into a weird area for

1:12:37

me. I hope you can

1:12:40

understand. Doug let me in!

1:12:42

Oh no! What? What? Let

1:12:44

me into the gym! No! Come

1:12:46

on! Let me in! Yeah

1:12:48

and write me in. Brenda

1:12:50

please, please that is my husband. Okay.

1:12:52

And it makes me

1:12:55

a little uncomfortable. You know I don't really know. He's

1:12:57

jealous. He's so reluctant. Okay,

1:12:59

alright. Sure, I'm

1:13:01

listening. I'm listening. First of

1:13:03

all that scenario was not real. We have

1:13:06

no idea what Toniel's favorite song is. Maybe

1:13:08

there's a way to text him or to

1:13:10

find out. It's the Star Spangled Banner. Oh

1:13:13

hell yeah. Okay so I'm genius. I'm dancing

1:13:16

to the Star

1:13:19

Spangled Banner at the start. Okay, okay.

1:13:21

And then here comes Brenda. Hey

1:13:23

my man. Oh hello.

1:13:25

Did you fall from heaven?

1:13:27

Did it hurt? Wait

1:13:30

what? And then I'll just grab you. I'll grab

1:13:34

you and I'll slam you into my charger

1:13:38

and I'll drive you up to my castle. What?

1:13:41

I live in a castle. Oh of

1:13:44

course she does. Yeah. Wait

1:13:46

not that castle at the top of Loeppler. Yes!

1:13:51

What? You live in that castle? That's me!

1:13:53

I thought it was a movie prop. No!

1:13:55

Because they shot Van Helsing here. Yes

1:13:57

they did. Not many people know that. know

1:14:00

that. No. I know. We don't even use it

1:14:02

as a claim to fame. You see

1:14:05

it! People did not care that they were shooting

1:14:07

Van Helsing here. It's the only reason we have

1:14:09

a yoga studio because Hugh Jackman insisted on it.

1:14:11

That's right. So they built one for him and

1:14:13

now we still have it. That's right. Yeah. That's

1:14:15

why it's called Jackman's house. And

1:14:18

you know what's funny? They left that castle here and

1:14:21

they said you could use it for tourism, you

1:14:23

know, like Lord of the Rings. Right.

1:14:25

And we, everyone said no, we don't

1:14:27

care. And then they just left. They

1:14:29

just shrugged. And then there were squatters there for a

1:14:32

while and it took a long time to get out. And

1:14:34

then I bought it. Yeah. You bought it from the city.

1:14:40

Yeah. It worked. Yeah.

1:14:42

No, I. So

1:14:48

you live in that gigantic

1:14:50

castle. I just don't think

1:14:54

this is safe. I think that I think

1:14:56

that, um, I want a couple of things

1:14:58

to happen. I want, I want us to

1:15:00

actually get Toniel and Brenda together. I want

1:15:04

you. Yeah. Because I think that I think Brandon

1:15:06

needs to be around people. I think he's been,

1:15:08

I get the sense that she's been up there on

1:15:10

that hill in that castle alone. Toniel, so who

1:15:12

cares? You're

1:15:14

right. Well, I didn't know about him

1:15:16

until just today. Exactly. So he's expendable. So

1:15:20

maybe that's the worst. Maybe this is

1:15:22

going to be great. Maybe it is

1:15:25

exactly. You never know. Yeah.

1:15:28

I need you to stop building the

1:15:30

half man, half half

1:15:32

robot. Yeah. But why

1:15:35

atrocity? Well, it's not,

1:15:37

I don't, it's not because you're

1:15:40

not sanitary. You can't take skin

1:15:42

off of other people's loved ones. No

1:15:44

matter whether you just get cremated. No, that is

1:15:46

just what I am

1:15:53

thinking. I'm thinking that, okay, we need to

1:15:55

get you medical attention. We need to get

1:15:57

you medical attention. I'm taking you to an

1:15:59

urgent care immediate. after this interview. I

1:16:01

don't have insurance. It doesn't matter I'll pay for it

1:16:03

I don't care. Wow really? You need to. That's a

1:16:05

lot out of your pocket. I mean this seems

1:16:07

like it's gonna be gone. Well listen

1:16:09

I'll pay for an IV drip and you know and

1:16:11

a blood-drenched thing okay we'll get

1:16:13

her that far. Let's not

1:16:16

go crazy. Wow that's so nice of you.

1:16:18

That's so nice of you. Well it's

1:16:20

the least I can do. I don't like I said my

1:16:22

mother instincts kick in and I and I and I feel

1:16:24

like maybe I don't know what you're you have these sisters

1:16:27

and I don't want to be you will be to be

1:16:29

around them I feel you don't have a lot of family

1:16:31

because you don't have a lot of people okay you felt

1:16:33

like you had to create somebody to be

1:16:35

with you. I mean don't we all want

1:16:37

to like create our like no no

1:16:39

we don't you don't know we

1:16:41

never like dreamed of like

1:16:44

the perfect partner. Look of course I

1:16:46

did a nice little weird science. It

1:16:48

scared me straight. Oh no. Just

1:16:52

because you can do it doesn't mean you should. Oh

1:16:54

and then they later stole that for Jurassic Park. Jurassic

1:17:00

Park owes a lot to weird science. Really

1:17:03

beyond that? Yes.

1:17:05

Okay. Watch them back to

1:17:07

back. Okay. We'll do that. Do

1:17:10

it at home. Yeah. Yeah

1:17:12

Lisa goes on a big killing rampage.

1:17:15

She does yes. She kills a

1:17:17

lawyer on a toilet. She kills a lawyer

1:17:19

on a toilet. Eventually

1:17:21

she goes to Japan. Yes.

1:17:24

That didn't happen. No she goes

1:17:27

to San Diego where a lot of Japanese people

1:17:29

are there and they're running away

1:17:31

from her. Oh yeah. Gets really weird. She

1:17:33

like drinks out of a pool. She drinks

1:17:35

out of a pool. Yeah. She's defeated by

1:17:37

a gymnast. Yes.

1:17:42

I never made it this far.

1:17:45

Alright so Dr. Kuku we do

1:17:47

have to let you go but we urge you to

1:17:49

to make if

1:17:52

you if you do have this killer move that you make

1:17:54

where you go up and ask someone if it hurt are

1:17:56

they from heaven. I

1:17:58

would say do that with a Try that

1:18:00

with Tonil. Tonil. Okay.

1:18:03

And yeah, it's not good

1:18:05

to be... If your scientific approach

1:18:07

is literally what you said, and I'm quoting, I

1:18:09

don't know what I'm doing. I

1:18:11

don't think you should be building a new life form.

1:18:13

Really? No. Instead, if

1:18:15

we want to sort of appeal to your

1:18:18

scientific sensibilities, just think of this as yet

1:18:20

another experiment, okay? And

1:18:22

it's just... Expert? Expert.

1:18:25

It's an expert. It's an expert. It's an

1:18:27

expert. It's a classic Digony Falls expert. So

1:18:29

you're really just doing research. You're just

1:18:31

there to get data, okay? So

1:18:34

there's nothing to be afraid of.

1:18:36

This is just one more

1:18:38

search for knowledge, okay? Oh, okay. Great.

1:18:42

Okay. Okay. Just before

1:18:44

we let you go, you said you have

1:18:46

several doctorates. Yes. Right. Could

1:18:49

you say one? I gotta get out of here. Okay.

1:18:52

I gotta get out of here. Thank you. I'll

1:18:56

let you know what happens between me and Tonil. I'm

1:18:58

gonna go drop her off in the urgent care, okay?

1:19:00

Okay. And then I will be back in the finish.

1:19:02

Okay. Okay.

1:19:04

That will probably need help. Just go check. Sure.

1:19:07

Understood. Thanks for coming, Dr.

1:19:09

Kukus. Thanks for having me. And of course,

1:19:11

we'll issue the best of luck. Thank

1:19:14

you. Okay.

1:19:17

We'll be right back with more of The Neighbor Listen

1:19:19

when The Neighbor Listen returns. Hi.

1:19:27

This is Carrie. I

1:19:29

have got a corner shelf for $35. It's

1:19:36

a corner shelf decorated

1:19:38

with beautiful shelves from

1:19:40

Florida. Do you

1:19:43

get it? It's a

1:19:45

shelf. I can't

1:19:48

breathe. It's

1:19:52

a shelf. It's

1:19:54

a shelf. It's

1:19:56

a shelf. Honey,

1:20:00

did you hear what I called it?

1:20:03

Did you hear what I called it, honey? What?

1:20:06

I called it the shelf I

1:20:08

have, but it's not a shelf.

1:20:11

Shelf on it, but it's a shelf. Is

1:20:14

that a shelf? No,

1:20:16

no, no, I don't think you understand. No,

1:20:18

see, it's a shelf, but it has

1:20:21

shelves on it, so it's a shelf.

1:20:23

I can't tell what this is like.

1:20:26

Oh, God, Barry, you never laugh at

1:20:29

my jokes. I don't know if

1:20:31

you just drop me in the middle of this. I

1:20:33

don't know what's going on. It's not that hard,

1:20:35

Barry. It's just it's a pun. Haven't you

1:20:37

ever heard of a pun? I don't know how

1:20:39

hard a pun is. Are there? Are you not

1:20:41

like fun or whimsy? I was reading a

1:20:43

magazine. Oh, of course you were. Who

1:20:46

told me? Was it How Not to Have

1:20:48

Fun? Was it Unfun magazine? Guys, that was

1:20:51

just a force, my boy. How

1:20:53

dare you? How dare you? I'd like

1:20:55

a subscription. Come get the shelf. On

1:21:01

your mark. Hey, oh, should we do that? You

1:21:03

want your mark, babe? Yes.

1:21:05

Does that help? Really? It

1:21:08

really helps. On your mark, get set, go. No.

1:21:12

It's on your mark. And

1:21:14

you say get set. Oh, it's a

1:21:16

call and response. All right. I

1:21:19

say and. I just got myself a

1:21:21

trouble over here. Joan, are you okay?

1:21:24

Really wrapped up in. This is why I. This

1:21:26

is why I insist on this because like a

1:21:28

horror movie, it's like a final destination. I'm

1:21:31

going to just hang on a second. Wow.

1:21:36

You really. It's like you tried

1:21:38

to do it. This

1:21:40

is why I insist on the starting routine.

1:21:43

Because you never know who can get stuck. Boy,

1:21:46

Doug, that's true. It's like the old kitchen

1:21:48

telephone. You know what I mean? Oh,

1:21:51

yeah, I do. Not everybody does. Okay. Sorry. It's

1:21:54

just because I got that was chaotic. And I'm sorry. I'm

1:21:57

like getting back from dropping Dr. Cooper. off.

1:22:00

I had to wait with her because there

1:22:02

was a line and she was trying to

1:22:04

draw everybody and they were horrified

1:22:06

when they saw her wounds of course. So I

1:22:09

think she's going to make it though just so

1:22:11

everybody knows she's going to be fine. Okay well

1:22:13

I'm neutral on that. On if she's

1:22:15

going to make it. Yeah. Oh Bird

1:22:17

she does great. Okay again. I don't think it's

1:22:19

a big one. As we always say we've oh

1:22:21

now come on. Her art is brilliant.

1:22:23

Her art is brilliant but she

1:22:26

does seem to be criminally insane.

1:22:29

Okay well yeah that part she is really. She's

1:22:32

doing a lot of awful things. Right.

1:22:35

If Dr. Frankenstein was a real guy did those things for

1:22:37

real and he died would you say oh that's too bad.

1:22:40

Did you ever read that book? Yeah I did. What

1:22:42

did happen to him? I don't

1:22:45

remember. I do think

1:22:47

that the creature kills him. Oh

1:22:49

wow that's poetic. And he should. Yeah absolutely.

1:22:52

But then eventually he goes out and the creature goes out on a nice flow. Really?

1:22:56

Yeah. That's sad. Oh it's sad.

1:23:00

I think he pushed himself out. Oh

1:23:02

with his foot. Yeah. I

1:23:05

guess he would have to. Yeah with his

1:23:07

big quad opera. Pushed himself off.

1:23:13

Oh I can't remember. I did

1:23:15

read that book when I was in

1:23:17

college. Oh you did? Yeah. I

1:23:20

think I was probably supposed to and I might have been

1:23:22

one that I skipped. It's a slim volume. I know it

1:23:25

is. You could read it now and you could probably enjoy

1:23:27

it. It's starting to scare me that I am getting to

1:23:29

the age where there are times I'll think of something like

1:23:31

that and go maybe I did read that

1:23:33

book. Yeah. Maybe I did

1:23:35

it. Exactly. There's no way to know. Yes

1:23:39

I actually do. I read that book cover cover could

1:23:41

not tell you a single thing about it. I

1:23:44

didn't read The Corrections. I read the other one.

1:23:46

What's one of the other ones he wrote? I

1:23:48

can't remember. It was very depressing. It was

1:23:50

about a marriage. I can't remember. I probably

1:23:53

read that one too. I

1:23:56

used to read the book that Sarah

1:23:58

Jessica Parker suggested. She always had

1:24:00

a reading list and when I was really Where

1:24:04

was she posting this? She I

1:24:06

think on Facebook or I can't remember she would

1:24:08

talk about again I can't remember where I saw

1:24:10

that. Isn't that scary? That's not that maybe I'm

1:24:12

making that up Oh, yeah with

1:24:15

then that's not very at all Parker.

1:24:17

No, she's real Unless

1:24:19

you're making me up. No, oh burnt.

1:24:21

Oh, this is getting scary. Well, you wouldn't

1:24:23

make me up I'm getting defensive like dr.

1:24:25

Cuckoo Well, why wouldn't

1:24:27

you make me up dr. Cuckoo was her name

1:24:29

I have my doubts about She

1:24:33

said it was French. She did she spelled it

1:24:35

pretty quickly. She did say it was French Well,

1:24:40

we have one last post here and and it's

1:24:42

just because we're a little bit post Halloween here

1:24:44

And I've always wondered about this because in my

1:24:46

lifetime I have not seen this happen The only

1:24:48

time I saw this happen is when my boys

1:24:51

tried to do this Okay, but I know that

1:24:53

this is apparently a problem and it's just and

1:24:55

I just you know I'm not even sure I've

1:24:57

seen a post on the neighbor hop about it

1:24:59

because this wow this feels like Halloween mythology You're

1:25:02

gonna have to tell me so this is from

1:25:04

Megan and it just says my 11 year old

1:25:06

received this while trick-or-treating in

1:25:09

in Park Lincoln Not

1:25:12

Lincoln Park. It's Park Lincoln, right? But

1:25:14

the band Park Lincoln did come out of And

1:25:19

look at this it's a KitKat and what's in there

1:25:22

burnt it looks like a USB Right,

1:25:26

is that what it is? I think it's supposed to

1:25:28

be a razor blade Is

1:25:31

it a USB I mean that's what

1:25:33

it looks like, but I guess if you zoom in Wouldn't

1:25:36

that be funny if that was the modern day? That

1:25:39

was the modern day razor blade that

1:25:41

the prank is just that it's a

1:25:43

KitKat USB is square I

1:25:46

Also, I mean obvious is extremely

1:25:48

fake, right? I think it's

1:25:50

probably really fake But the reason okay,

1:25:53

but the reason I wanted to read it is because

1:25:55

did you ever experience that? This whole

1:25:57

thing we always hear about razor blades and candy. No, it

1:25:59

is never happened. Has it never happened?

1:26:01

There's just no documentation. There's absolutely zero

1:26:03

documentation. No, I believe that was debunked.

1:26:06

No, it was. I believe so.

1:26:08

The Amazing Randy debunked it. He

1:26:11

offered a million dollar prize. He

1:26:14

put a bounty, which you know, then

1:26:17

of course people started doing it. So he caused it

1:26:19

to happen. The

1:26:22

Amazing Randy is responsible for

1:26:24

millions after the debunking. It

1:26:26

happened many times. Why? Why?

1:26:28

Why does that happen? Because

1:26:31

I'll tell you as a mother, it's very frustrating to

1:26:33

worry every year about the candy is

1:26:35

going to not now. Now we've gone

1:26:37

from razor blades to like fettin' a

1:26:39

lace skittles and it's ridiculous. And how

1:26:42

did this start? I think it is old

1:26:45

wives tales. That's how superstitions started

1:26:47

to keep people safe. So

1:26:49

don't put your hand on the bed because everyone's

1:26:53

riddled with lice. And if you put your hat on

1:26:55

there, then you're going to give lice to somebody else.

1:26:57

I never thought about it that way. Yes. Well, that

1:26:59

was that was a superstition that I used

1:27:01

to adhere to. And then I said, I

1:27:04

looked this up and then I looked it up and then I was not

1:27:06

afraid to put a hat on the bed anymore. And that's why?

1:27:09

Yeah, because people were riddled with lice. Yes, exactly.

1:27:11

And everyone were happy. Why would it be bad?

1:27:14

Well, who who's who's causing the bad

1:27:16

luck? Do you have any superstitions? I'm

1:27:20

not concerned. Oh, well,

1:27:23

you know, I won't. This

1:27:26

is embarrassing to say because I'm a man. Okay.

1:27:29

But I will not walk

1:27:31

past that blue house on

1:27:35

Jackson and Poplar. Okay.

1:27:38

I know the one you're talking about. I don't know. But why?

1:27:41

Well, because they say don't walk past

1:27:43

the blue house because something bad will

1:27:45

happen. And it's very

1:27:47

it's the biggest scary. You believe

1:27:50

that one. I don't know. It's

1:27:52

one of those things where I don't really believe it,

1:27:54

but I still won't do it. I still won't do

1:27:56

it. I can't bring myself to walk past

1:27:58

that house. What do you think

1:28:00

that story started because I will tell you what

1:28:02

in the realty world, you know, it's a real

1:28:04

problem because almost nobody wants

1:28:06

to touch it to sell

1:28:08

it. Do people even go in there

1:28:11

for open houses? Have you been in there, Joe?

1:28:13

It's impossible to know if anyone lives in

1:28:15

there because every time

1:28:18

if you get too close to it, it

1:28:20

disappears. Are

1:28:23

you just looking at the sky? No, when you ask

1:28:25

me if I've been in it, what, babe? Well

1:28:28

the house is so blue. I'm just wondering if

1:28:30

it sort of disappears into the sky or if

1:28:32

it you... I don't know. I

1:28:35

wouldn't describe it as that. You

1:28:37

won't be close to it. I mean, I want to get in here. I

1:28:40

know. It's funny because of the superstition, I've never

1:28:42

gotten that close, but you're saying the closer you

1:28:45

get to it, it disappears. Oh my God. Oh

1:28:48

my God. It's the blue house. It's the blue

1:28:50

house. Do you think the blue house is

1:28:52

here because we were talking about it? No, I freaked out.

1:28:56

All right. Well,

1:28:58

I did not know that. Well,

1:29:00

it's a little known fact now everybody knows.

1:29:03

It's a little known fact that the

1:29:05

house does disappear as close as you get.

1:29:07

That's why no one can get any

1:29:09

answers about that house because that's what

1:29:11

happens. Right. Well, that's my superstition.

1:29:13

So if anyone has any information, we're going to

1:29:15

sign off with that. Let

1:29:18

us know if you've walked up to that house before that close.

1:29:20

Yeah, because then I can let go of that superstition

1:29:22

if I know what it's all about. Yes. What

1:29:25

you should do is go up to it and see if it happens for you.

1:29:29

But yes. So, so just so you

1:29:31

know, nobody's putting razor blades in or

1:29:33

USB drives in candy. No

1:29:39

you would, there's no, so they got it in

1:29:41

there. How would they do that? It's like a

1:29:43

David Blaine trick or something. It's too much work.

1:29:45

It didn't happen. It didn't happen, but people are

1:29:47

having fun and that's good. All

1:29:50

right. Well, we do have to wrap

1:29:52

it up. And thank you so much for listening to

1:29:54

this episode and we'll be back next week. Of course,

1:29:56

you want to hear ad-free episodes.

1:29:59

You can sign up. at cbbworld.com where you'll

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we will post additional content that

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is not these episodes. It will be

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something completely different based on our neighborhood

1:30:14

here in Dignity Falls. And

1:30:17

now we have to say goodbye to

1:30:19

you because the episode is over. Alright,

1:30:23

so... You

1:30:26

got a little Dr. Cuckoo at the end, Mark. We're a little

1:30:28

inspired by her again. I hope

1:30:31

I didn't catch whatever brain worm she has that made her

1:30:33

the way she is. Alright, so

1:30:35

until next time, goodbye! And bye! All

1:30:40

of the posts used in this episode were real, only

1:30:42

some geographical specifics have been used. The

1:30:45

Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me,

1:30:47

Olaf Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker.

1:30:49

And me, Brett Morris. This episode's

1:30:51

guest was Betsy Sardaro. The Neighborhood Listen

1:30:53

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1:30:55

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