10:00

Apple car. Yes, that's what, again,

10:02

it's like we've never talked. It's like none

10:04

of us have ever spoken or had a

10:06

conversation. That

10:08

is confusing. What a thing for our season finale.

10:10

Have we mentioned that yet that this is our

10:13

finale? We haven't. This is our season six finale.

10:15

Yes. And what a great season it's been. And

10:18

I'm so glad that we got to spend more

10:21

time together and sharing our neighborhood with

10:23

the listeners. And

10:26

yeah. And we have, we're running out of

10:28

things to say. Do we go back to

10:30

Doug's head car? Yeah. And you decided

10:36

no. I wasn't sure. I

10:38

ran out of steam. I think what you meant

10:40

was no. I

10:44

have a question. It just means no. So anyways,

10:46

oh dear, let's not, let's not go with that.

10:49

Is it Rita repeat,

10:51

repeater or is it reader? Well, you're putting

10:53

too much of an emphasis on the T

10:56

retell. Although Rita, that's

10:58

a good tongue twister speaking

11:00

from a couple episodes ago.

11:02

No, it's Rita repeater. It's

11:05

not reader. It's as if her name is

11:07

Rita and she repeats it. So it is

11:09

Rita. It is Rita. Yeah. Yeah. So

11:12

we have that all squared away.

11:16

I guess my second question would have been and

11:20

it's a lovely Rita meter made in

11:22

case you were. I

11:24

see. I thought that was a reader. No, okay.

11:28

Their accents. So it was getting me. Exactly. Yeah. So

11:30

anyways, that's what I'm going to be working on. I'm

11:32

going to be working on finding places for songs to

11:34

tell you. Oh, what? Oh,

11:37

what? There

11:41

is a musical version of Hamlet.

11:43

No, already. Somebody did it years

11:45

ago and you'll never guess

11:47

where. Oh no. Please

11:49

don't say Fargo. No. No. Okay.

11:51

On the television program, Gilligan's

11:54

Island. No, there was an

11:56

episode. I remember this from when I was a child.

11:58

Okay. Phil Silver's. He

12:00

plays a theatrical producer

12:03

named Harold Hecuba. I

12:06

get it, that's a reference to Shakespeare.

12:08

He washes up on shore on Gilligan's

12:10

Island. Of course, as people

12:12

did in and out throughout the

12:14

years. And one thing leads to

12:17

another and they mount a musical

12:19

version of Hamlet. Wow. This

12:21

has to be several seasons in. Using existing

12:23

songs. Existing songs? Yes,

12:25

and they just change the lyrics.

12:27

Oh no. So Gilligan plays Hamlet,

12:29

of course. Of course. The

12:31

Melancholy Dane. And he sings, I

12:36

ask to be or not to be.

12:38

And that is the question that I

12:40

ask of me. And that's an existing

12:42

song? Yes, I forget. Who

12:44

sings that? It's like an old opera song

12:47

or something. Really? Yes. We have never

12:49

heard of it. I can sort of do the melody if I

12:51

don't try to sing it, but I just do like little, da,

12:54

da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Oh,

12:56

that's from Carmen. There we go.

12:58

Oh, I see. There are more than

13:00

one note in that. Oh, you're right. If

13:03

I do it like little noises like that. But

13:06

listen. I can do it, but I have to put

13:08

space between staccato. As we. Bzzz.

13:11

Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.

13:14

Bzzz. Which do you like more, gelato or staccato?

13:16

Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.

13:19

Bzzz. Bzzz. Doug loves musical

13:22

dynamic terms. Just loves them. That's a

13:24

good one. Although I thought it was

13:26

staccato, babe. No, it's

13:28

like bruschetta. A lot of people say

13:30

bruschetta. Right, I think, okay. But is

13:33

there an Asian staccato? Well,

13:36

you would know because you grew up in

13:38

medium Italy, as everyone knows. That's right. Which

13:40

is just a tiny part of town. In

13:42

medium Italy, we would pronounce that word zugat.

13:44

That's right. Zugat.

13:52

Isn't it? But people refer to

13:54

it as medially, right? That's the combo?

13:57

Okay, yeah, medially. Yeah. But this is

13:59

okay. We almost sued Mario

14:01

Batali. That's him, right?

14:06

I think so. Oh,

14:09

it's a who's to say. But

14:12

now this makes me think that I've

14:14

been scooped and that this has already been done and the to

14:16

be or not to be song. Oh, the other thing I want

14:19

to say is, Bert, your range really has grown a little in

14:21

the last year. If you listen to some of the episodes and

14:23

you sing some songs, you've got one more than

14:25

one note. You're starting to get more than one note. It's very

14:27

great. Here are the songs I can sing. Barb

14:29

Rand. Yep. Keys on Venk. Correct,

14:31

which is basically the same song. Yeah. People

14:34

don't realize. People don't

14:36

realize they didn't put two and two

14:38

together. Wait, there was another one. I

14:41

forget. No, it was I

14:43

Want My Baby Back. The one part of Baby

14:45

Back ribs. Yeah, the one part of Baby Back

14:48

ribs. I just thought I have a perfect

14:50

song for you. How's that go? Well, but that's

14:52

three, babe. Actually, that goes up. Yeah. I

14:55

wish. You could do the first part. I wish.

14:59

How do I do? But

15:04

I think that your range is growing. Oh,

15:06

bah, wah, wah. I can also do. Oh,

15:08

yeah. Wait, what is that? Bah,

15:11

wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Oh, that's right. That's

15:13

right. You really could have

15:15

been a greaser back in the day. You really, what is it? Shana,

15:17

you could have done that. You could have been that guy. Oh, Shana.

15:20

Bowser, was that a thing? Good job. See?

15:23

You just did two tones. Maybe I can only go down. No, maybe

15:25

it's only down. I

15:28

started here. Can you do the Jaws theme? Now that just

15:30

go to. No,

15:34

because I can't go. You can't go up. So you

15:36

can do that. Here comes

15:38

a shark. But it's backwards. Here

15:43

comes a shark. Let's

15:47

carry that. I did it. But then did

15:49

it. Oh, shit. That's not

15:51

so bad. It's just a tale. The

15:54

other one. Yeah. The other one sounds

15:56

kind of like fun. Yes. Man,

23:15

that sunset is gorgeous. Grill,

23:17

patio, sunset? Hard to get better

23:19

than that. Unless you're browsing Carvana's

23:21

inventory while you soak it all

23:24

in. Oh, burger

23:26

time. So sit back, get comfortable.

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23:33

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or visit carvana.com today. The

26:00

Under 50 choir for women, but only in the,

26:02

what is it? The 40, 60. Yes,

26:05

right. I don't like

26:07

being excluded. But wait, so

26:09

they are, they're not like

26:11

in one fixed place. They play

26:13

various venues, the Rhubarb Cabaret? Yeah,

26:17

yeah, they play all around town. Wow, but

26:19

it's a Cabaret style show. Are they doing

26:21

like show tunes? Or are they doing like

26:23

old, like old, just

26:25

like old covers of. Show tunes and a lot

26:27

of kicking and a lot of like, what's

26:31

that word I'm thinking of? A

26:33

kick line? The Rockettes? A chorus

26:35

line? What are you thinking of? Barge. They're

26:38

kind of like. I think maybe it's more show

26:40

related. Oh, okay. I

26:42

was thinking of the word barge yesterday. See,

26:45

I wasn't that far off. It

26:49

was driving them crazy. It'll come

26:51

to me. It's kind of a, it's

26:53

kind of a adults only type

26:55

of show. Oh, burlesque? Burlesque. Oh, there

26:57

it was. Is that the word? Remember

27:01

that movie with Christina Aguilera and Cher.

27:03

I remember that it happened. And

27:06

she'd say, wheelbarrow Watusi.

27:09

She says something like. I

27:11

love that voice. Wagon wheel Watusi. That's

27:14

what she says. I can't remember the

27:16

context. Listen. That's

27:19

the voice you tell me when breakfast is

27:21

ready. I love it. Breakfast is ready,

27:23

babe. It's ready, babe. I

27:29

got breakfast, babe. Oh, I can do that

27:31

one part, babe. Oh yeah. Somebody

27:35

else will have to take over. Collective

27:37

soul. Don't know.

27:41

Yeah. But we need more, babe. We

27:44

need more, man. Because like, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum,

27:46

dum, dum, dum. Oh, I know. Oh yeah.

27:48

Yeah. I know the song. I don't know

27:50

that song. It's well, so far. We don't have another darude situation

27:53

on our hands, do we? Ah.

27:58

So, wait. we just, oh yeah, Cabaret, Burlesque,

28:00

that's a crazy movie. Yeah, that movie is

28:02

crazy, but it's fun to watch. That might

28:04

be a fun one to watch. Oh,

28:07

okay, I've never seen it. Oh, it is,

28:09

well it imagines that there is a Burlesque

28:11

bar on Hollywood, Sunset Boulevard, and

28:13

it's like showgirls for Los Angeles, but

28:15

not as, I don't believe it's as

28:17

much duty, but there's as much ridiculousness.

28:20

You know, I saw showgirls, I feel like a couple

28:23

years ago, for some reason.

28:25

For some reason. It got me wanting to

28:27

watch it, and we watched it,

28:29

and it's really a filthy movie. People gathered to

28:32

watch it, it really is. Like

28:34

it's seedy. Oh, it is. It's a seedy movie. You

28:36

need to feel, yeah, you need to take a shower

28:38

after that. It's grimy. Yeah, for sure. It's a grimy

28:40

film. They captured the essence. They truly did, they truly

28:42

did. All right, well we have to get to our

28:44

very special guest for our final episode, and I'm going

28:46

to read this. Is there anything more grotesque than that

28:48

one lady who has this trick dress? Wait,

28:51

I can't remember that. True. When

28:54

I hear showgirls, all I can think of is, is

28:56

no me thrashing around in the pool with

28:59

Kyle McLaughlin in the most ridiculous manner. Okay,

29:01

go on. Oh

29:03

no, the lady, she's sort of

29:05

the comedic relief in the show.

29:07

Oh, sure. In the burla, in

29:09

the whatever, showgirl show. And

29:11

she does this thing where she flaps

29:13

her arm like that, and it makes her dress fall

29:16

down in the front. I forgot about that. And

29:18

she has this insane expression on her face. Well,

29:20

this poster might have

29:22

had an insane expression

29:27

on her face when she posted this. Oh wait, wait,

29:29

wait, wait, just tell me, Bull, this is what we

29:31

do on the neighbor list. Oh yeah, here's what we

29:33

do. Is we scour the NeighborHap, the social networking platform

29:35

for neighborhoods. We look for interesting posts so we can

29:37

invite the people on to discuss

29:40

their post, or if they're the subject

29:42

of the post sometimes. And if you

29:44

see a post that we've missed, you

29:47

think it's interesting, screenshot it, and send

29:49

it to us at burtandjoneatgmail.com. Okay, that's

29:51

in housekeeping. So this post comes from

29:53

Priscilla. And this

29:56

was actually sent to us by Cherie Faff. So

29:58

thank you so much Cherie Faff for that. We

30:00

really appreciate that. Also send us,

30:02

oh, you just said that. It

30:06

really is like I've never done this show today. Okay,

30:10

Priscilla says, my 63 year

30:12

old son has

30:15

27 cats that he needs

30:17

to get rid of. This is

30:19

his last resort. Can

30:22

anyone please help? He loves

30:24

the cats, but he's going to get evicted if he can't

30:26

find homes for them. Any suggestions?

30:29

And here today we have Priscilla.

30:32

Hi, Priscilla. Oh, hi. Hi.

30:34

So I have so many questions. Thank

30:37

you first of all for coming on

30:39

the show. Thank you for having me

30:41

on your show. And thank

30:43

you for an older, older woman. No, we

30:45

can't. I normally wouldn't start off

30:47

a podcast interview this way, but could we

30:49

ask how young a lady are you? Oh

30:51

dear. How many years are you? You can

30:54

call me old. I've lived long enough. How

30:56

old are you? Wow,

30:59

you look terrific. You look amazing. Oh,

31:01

it's because I yawn every morning. I

31:03

get up and I give myself a

31:05

big yawn. That's all it is? You just

31:07

take a seat. All the air comes in my mouth.

31:10

Your eyes are almost closed. They're so

31:12

tiny and crinkled and cute. They're very

31:14

adorable. But my mouth is open big

31:16

when I yawn. Your mouth is very

31:18

big. Mouth very big. We see just

31:20

the twinkling in those tiny

31:23

little cavities, like LED lights. I

31:26

have frightened many children. Many,

31:28

I don't try to, but they're called. Like

31:30

a creature in the forest. Almost jaw-wile-like. Yes,

31:32

a tree. Yes, that's it. Small-eyed,

31:35

big-mouthed chrysalis. Can't lose.

31:37

Can't. Parker Lewis.

31:41

I remember that. Parker

31:43

Lewis can't lose. Priscilla

31:46

went a different way with that one, Bert. I loved

31:48

it. He sure did. I can't help

31:50

but pop through my head. So

31:53

now let me just tell you. Can I

31:55

ask you a question about your son? Sorry, what did you say? I

31:58

should have had a long time. You're bad at all. long

32:00

life. I

32:02

have two questions for you. I hope more. Oh,

32:06

there will be many more Priscilla. I

32:10

first want to know what this is his

32:12

last resort means. Is it in reference to

32:14

the eviction? And can you talk about the

32:16

nature of the eviction and

32:18

is it due to the cats or is

32:21

there something else going on? Oh darling, that

32:23

was more than two questions. I know,

32:25

I'm sorry that happens sometimes. Yes, it's

32:27

the last resort he's going to be

32:29

evicted. His man lady is, do

32:31

you know Clementine? Oh, I do

32:34

know Clementine. Clementine Peeler?

32:36

Yes. She is a nasty

32:38

woman. She's a real mealer Peeler.

32:44

Real mealer Peeler. I

32:46

don't either. Think about it. It's our fault,

32:50

burn. We need to think harder about

32:53

it. I will reflect

32:55

on that. It's an old fashioned phrase. Do

32:58

you know Rita repeater? Do you know that phrase? Oh

33:01

yes, darling. In my

33:03

day we called it Ruby repeater. Oh

33:05

Ruby repeater. That was a more popular name. That

33:08

was a big name when I was

33:10

a child. My parents wanted me to

33:12

be named Ruby, but they

33:15

changed their mind. Why? They

33:18

never told me, but I

33:21

do have a sit. Well then how did

33:23

you know they were going to name you

33:25

Ruby? They just provided that information. We almost

33:27

named you Ruby. That's so strange. You said

33:29

why didn't you and they said no more

33:31

questions. Great question. Great. I found out because

33:33

in the will they wrote it, they left

33:35

me up everything and they said by the

33:37

way. Wow. We wanted to name

33:39

you Ruby, but we didn't. But

33:41

they didn't say why. That's so out

33:43

of character for will and testament language, you know, just

33:45

to say by the way, my parents

33:48

were very interesting people. My mother

33:50

was a flapper. Oh, you're

33:52

kidding. That's exciting. She never

33:54

wore any undergarment in the whole decade

33:56

of the 1920s. Oh

34:00

yeah, she called it a Hoover. The

34:03

Hooverville. Wow,

34:06

that's what she called her undercare? The

34:08

Hooverville? She called it. My

34:11

mother was interesting is all I'd say.

34:13

Sure, she did provide you that information.

34:15

But would not tell you why they

34:17

did not need me. Wonderful, figure it

34:20

out today. When you say they left you everything,

34:22

did they have a lot of money? Did they have a lot

34:24

of... what do you mean by everything? They had... they

34:26

were very wealthy. Okay, why? What

34:28

did they do? My father was

34:30

in stocks. Oh yes. When

34:33

the... when the... when the... Oh

34:36

Priscilla, are you okay? Your eyes are starting

34:38

to get even tinier. Can I get you

34:40

some water? I didn't think it was possible. I'm

34:42

okay. I'm alright. Maybe

34:44

take a yawn? Yeah. Like

34:51

a... like a she-lion. On

34:53

the plains of the Serengeti. You see, it's interesting

34:55

what happens to your body when you make it

34:57

past point high. I can't imagine.

35:00

I really can't. I hope you can! Well, I

35:02

hope I get to! Now while

35:04

your dad was in stocks, your mom was...

35:06

was it a pansle... A flapper. ...underpantsles

35:09

flapper. And... did you have any

35:11

siblings? Oh yes, I had

35:13

four sisters. And had. Are you the

35:15

only one living? Oh no, they're still

35:17

alive. Amazing! Wow. Did I

35:19

use the wrong verb? Well. Now I would imagine

35:21

they're younger than you. Yeah. No,

35:24

what's... I used a baby. The baby...

35:26

How old is your oldest sibling?

35:28

My oldest one. Oh, Teresa

35:31

is 114. Wow.

35:34

Lisa is a hundred and a leaven.

35:37

A leaven? Barbara

35:39

and Trudy are twins. They're both

35:41

107 and eight because today's their

35:43

birthday. One

35:48

was born a few hours. Do

35:50

you know what I ate the same thing with my twins?

35:53

Because I had my first one one day. We didn't even

35:55

know the other one was in there the entire time I

35:57

was pregnant. And so my twins Matt and... Papigieri. Papigieri. Well,

36:04

Bert actually helped me name them

36:07

because he doesn't realize this, but I didn't know him

36:09

at the time. I didn't know you at the time, but

36:11

you were still at the CVS pharmacy back then. And

36:13

I was in there for terrible acid reflux when I was

36:16

pregnant. And I said, I don't know what to name

36:18

these. I don't know what to name my kids. My

36:20

kid, because I didn't know there was going to be twins. I said, I think

36:23

I'm having a boy. And he said, oh,

36:25

I'm from medium Italy. I'm from medially. And Papi

36:27

Chiare is a very good name for it. It

36:29

means boy, boy, you don't know how to name.

36:32

And it's Italian. I boy with no

36:34

name is the closest translation. This is

36:37

way before. Beautiful. Yes. Papi

36:40

Chiare. But then the first one came out and he

36:42

just looked like a mat. Do you know what I

36:44

mean? And I was like, bummer. I don't get to

36:46

use Papi Chiare. And then the next day out popped

36:48

Papi Chiare. And I went, there he is. What a

36:50

gift. What a gift. It was a real gift. It

36:52

was a surprise and a gift. I want

36:54

to, I'm fascinated by your life, of course, but I do want to

36:56

go back to... Yeah, we need to get back to the sun. What

36:59

is your son's name? My son's name is

37:01

Bernard. Okay. Yes.

37:04

How did he get to 27, Cass? That

37:06

is a high number. Slowly

37:08

but surely. I mean, because what,

37:11

to me, I would say once

37:13

you got to five. I was

37:15

going to say five. I was going to

37:17

say five. That's concerning. That's when you, that's

37:19

the breaking point. That's like really, that's when

37:21

you round the corner, I would say. Yes.

37:24

Bernard has had very bad luck in his life

37:26

and I think the kids... Oh, bad luck. So

37:29

he'll let him having 27 Cass. He

37:31

makes him feel better as a child.

37:34

My husband was... That

37:37

sentence made no sense. When your husband was

37:40

a child or...? No, I meant as a

37:42

child for Bernard. Yes. Then

37:44

I included my husband. So I was like,

37:46

if that sentence, forgive me,

37:48

I age. Oh, of course we

37:50

will. Of course we will. Thank you.

37:52

I think it's incredible to be here

37:54

with you and you're so interesting. Oh,

37:57

yeah, you're just learning about me, but

37:59

thanks. A.M. Thank you. Oh

38:02

no. Oh, are you okay? Do

38:04

you need some water for some? Shut up. Oh,

38:07

I didn't realize I was hiding. But her

38:09

all of her teeth shake when she does

38:11

that. It's quite unsettling. It looked like they

38:13

were in super fast motion. Yes.

38:16

Kind of like the kind you wind up. It's

38:19

called rattle tea. Oh, there it is. It happens when

38:21

you get on to rattle tea. Yeah, rattle tea. You

38:25

could do it at will. What

38:27

is it, party trick? Thank you. You should be able to have

38:29

some fun when you're 103. Okay.

38:31

So, have you both lived, you and

38:33

your son, your family, born and raised

38:35

in Dignity Falls? Oh, my life. My

38:37

parents were here. Okay, great. So

38:40

then, wait. So then you have Bernard. Did

38:42

you have any other children? Yes.

38:45

Okay, well, you say it as if I should

38:47

have known that. Oh, I'm so sorry, darling.

38:50

I'm old and sometimes yeses come

38:52

out really harsh. Really angry.

38:54

Okay, I get it. Angry. Okay,

38:57

I'll just go with harsh. I have

38:59

another son named Anson. Anson?

39:01

What? I'm

39:04

just repeating. Why did you only question me?

39:06

We said it at the exact same time.

39:09

I thought she said Anson and you

39:12

said Ransome. No, I was saying the

39:14

same thing that Joan was saying. She's old. She's

39:16

old. But that would be fun if

39:18

my son was a kidnapper to call

39:20

him Ransome. Is his

39:22

name Anson or Ansome? Anson.

39:27

Anson, okay. Sorry, my rattle key. Like

39:29

Bert and Sons, but it's just Anson.

39:32

Right. Right. Okay.

39:35

So what does Anson do? Thank you for including me in the example. This

39:37

is the first male name I could think of if you really

39:39

want to know the truth. You

39:44

know, the common name of Bert. Okay.

39:47

So what does Anson do? He's

39:49

a cruise ship driver. So a captain.

39:53

Captain. Okay. He's a

39:55

boat captain. He's a boat captain. He's a boat

39:57

captain. He might call them driver. I don't know

39:59

what you do. Show the love boat. Oh,

40:01

I loved the love boat. Oh, did it? It

40:03

all made sense. It all made sense. So

40:06

many wonderful celebrities. Guess. The very beginning

40:08

of the theme song. Let's hear it. Love.

40:10

Oh, yes, you can. I can

40:12

do a couple more words. Oh, go for

40:15

it, Priscilla. It's shining in you. Very good.

40:18

Come aboard. Wey, she, wey, you,

40:20

you. And Doug

40:22

with the chorus. On

40:25

the whole boat. Perfect. Doug

40:28

has never seen one episode of the love boat. Short

40:31

turn, that's all. The love boat. The

40:33

love boat was great. They had three stories

40:35

on it once, and they all

40:37

wrapped up. Charo was

40:40

offing in them. Why was Charo

40:42

always there? She's a delight. She

40:44

is delightful. She wins awards for

40:46

guitar playing. Did she?

40:48

Yes, she's an amazing tobacco guitarist. Oh, that's

40:50

amazing. Good for her. She's one. So Anson, it

40:52

sounds like he's doing pretty well for himself. He's

40:55

out and about on. OK.

40:57

So then how does it happen that

40:59

Bernard ends up here? Does he have

41:01

a job? Well, you might

41:03

know Bernard. Oh, boy. He has

41:05

run for mayor of Dignity Falls.

41:09

I don't even know him any years

41:11

and always do. Bernard in

41:13

the yard? Bernard in the yard.

41:16

Yes. He always your son. His

41:18

commercials are quite famous.

41:20

He always has. I helped him with the

41:23

commercials. You did? Oh,

41:25

you're the voice in the back going, enough.

41:29

Enough. You want to

41:31

hear me do it? Yes. Well, let me

41:33

recreate it. We'll recreate it together. I'll do

41:35

Bernard's part. OK. And then you chime in

41:37

when your part comes. OK. OK. Action.

41:41

Are you tired of the way Dignity Falls

41:44

is being taxed to death? Me too. I'm

41:47

Bernard and I'm in the yard. In

41:49

the yard for you. What's the yard?

41:51

The yard is politics. And that's where

41:54

I am. I'm Bernard. Enough. And

41:57

then the commercial abruptly cuts off. I

42:00

wrote it that way. You wrote it.

42:02

I wrote it. You did. Now

42:05

let me ask, why not do a different

42:07

commercial every year? Why not try something new?

42:09

Because this is what it is and has

42:12

been for like a decade. Yes, but it

42:14

would be re-shot every four years. Right, it

42:16

would be re-shot. He does get older. Yes,

42:18

same dialect. He does get older. I remember

42:20

after he lost, that's the

42:22

voice of Doug, our engineer. Oh, yeah, you can't

42:25

see him either. I'm sorry. I heard a voice

42:27

in my ear. And you had a delayed

42:29

reaction to it. I was hoping to

42:31

cut off that exact moment, that exact situation, but

42:33

I was... I thought it was the Lord. Okay,

42:35

sorry, Priscilla. Oh,

42:39

dear, that is a rough sound to hear. He

42:41

got in legal trouble for that commercial just cutting

42:43

off right there. And he had

42:45

to release the second commercial that he said

42:47

paid for by... That last commercial was paid

42:49

for by Bernard the Yard. Bernard the Yard.

42:53

That's right. So your cut is Bernard in

42:55

the Yard. I wouldn't... No, no,

42:57

no, honey, darling, Bernard the Yard. I'm sorry. Oh,

43:00

Bernard the Yard? Okay. Well, he says Bernard in

43:02

the Yard. Yeah, in the Yard. That's what all

43:04

the signs said, too. Oh, I told

43:06

him to change it. But this is like a void

43:08

of noise. Is

43:10

that what this is? A void's annoyed. Do you remember

43:13

that? Yes, of course I do. What was that? What,

43:16

Dominos? It was Dominos. I don't know. But

43:18

maybe that's why he's losing. So this was

43:20

like he became his nickname, Bernard the Yard.

43:22

Which is kind of a weird... I don't know. If

43:25

you're called a yard, what is it even...

43:27

This is not like Hank the Tank. What

43:29

is Bernard the Yard conveying? I

43:31

mean, is Bernard in the House a verb? You

43:34

have to Bernard the Yard. Oh, you have

43:36

to Bernard the Yard. Yeah, the Yard is

43:38

our town and I'm Bernard. Okay. The

43:41

Yard. You're both very

43:43

young, but you don't know the dignity...

43:45

You're welcome. Dignity

43:48

Falls before it was called Dignity

43:50

Farm. Falls? This

43:52

was called Dignity Fars? Sorry, Petridge

43:55

Farms remembers. Did you

43:57

say Petridge? Oh,

58:00

I say no matter what. He did.

58:02

He did. So wait, Bernard,

58:04

I'm trying to figure out the, I'm trying to do some math I

58:06

won't be able to do to find out how young Bernard was when

58:08

his father died. He must have been quite young. I think so. Yes.

58:12

Seventy-five. This is 20, it's 50 years ago.

58:14

Right? It's more than 50 years ago. I

58:16

think so, yeah. Seventy-five is more than, no,

58:18

no, no. It's less than 50 years ago.

58:21

It is about less than 50 years ago. Not? Just

58:24

shy. 49 years ago?

58:26

That's right, 50 years ago. Like

58:29

it. It's like it.

58:31

Like it. Yeah, so I mean, he

58:33

was just like kind of in puberty when his dad died.

58:36

He was just, he was... Very formative

58:38

time. Terrible to lose it, till he was

58:40

a father at that point. And

58:43

it was right after that that he was like,

58:45

he became very important to him to become the

58:48

mayor. Oh. After

58:50

he lost his father, he's like, I have

58:52

to be the man. He

58:55

wanted to be the man of the house and the man

58:57

of the city. What's the first cat he got and what

58:59

started getting a cat? Who was the first? Which one? Was

59:01

it Violet? Was it Red? Was it Late?

59:03

Was it first? Was it first

59:05

Betty? No, he got... He

59:07

got cat in his 20s. He

59:10

started, none of them are still alive.

59:12

Oh, wait. What? I guess.

59:14

I guess that doesn't see his 60s. He

59:17

got cat, he started getting cats right away. Yes,

59:19

his first cat was named Peter. Okay.

59:22

Very sweet cat. So simple. Oh yes.

59:25

Start simple. Like a yard. Yes.

59:28

Oh yes. And then a

59:30

town grows. That's right.

59:33

Okay. But here's the thing. I

59:35

feel like... So you didn't answer my second question, first of all,

59:37

which was, did you... Have you heard from anyone? You're not going

59:39

to squirm out of this. You're not in trouble. No, I want

59:42

to know if you've heard from anybody who wants the cats. Where's

59:44

the question? Have you heard from anyone who wants the cats? You

59:46

have three days left. Have you had any takers? I've

59:48

heard from one. Okay. Weird

59:51

Henry. Weird Henry. Weird

59:54

Henry. You are no weird Henry. She

59:58

does expect us to know everybody, but she forgets a word.

1:00:00

You're not as old as she is. It's true. No, Henry,

1:00:03

he lives down, he lived

1:00:05

behind that, God

1:00:07

damn it, I know words. You're

1:00:10

doing great, Priscilla. You live behind the church. The

1:00:14

Episcopal Church or the Presbyterian Church?

1:00:16

The Pisgabille. The Pisgabille. Wait,

1:00:18

that's, I didn't know his name. That's

1:00:20

the guy who pretends to be Joseph in the

1:00:22

Nativity City. That's the one. But all year long.

1:00:24

Yeah, all year, he's like, look at my coat.

1:00:27

Oh, that's the other Joseph. He

1:00:30

does say, look at my coat so fast. He has a nice coat. He's

1:00:32

weird too. He's weird. He's weird.

1:00:34

He's just his Joseph from the Holy

1:00:36

Family, but with a beautiful leather jacket.

1:00:38

And he also thinks, he really, he

1:00:40

thinks he's all Josephs that have ever

1:00:42

been famous. I see. He thinks he's

1:00:44

so, okay. Well, you got... Joe

1:00:47

Jonas. Joe, Joe to my Joe. Oh,

1:00:50

I thought it was just Joseph, but we're going to

1:00:53

say Joe as well. Say Joseph. Joe, Joe Siwa. Say

1:00:55

Joseph Ashburn. That's right. Is that an Ashburn? Yeah, it

1:00:57

is, of course. Delicious Ashburn. It

1:00:59

is a tasty. It's a delicious baby Ashburn. Oh,

1:01:01

yeah, yeah. It's on

1:01:03

par with Flintstones. Absolutely.

1:01:06

I keep a bottle of Flintstones. Oh, Doug. Of

1:01:09

St. Joseph's Ashburn behind the counter at Fallsville, New

1:01:11

York. Oh, you do? Just for once in a

1:01:13

while, I'll pop one in. Good for you. You

1:01:15

need to live. I bet you'll live longer than

1:01:17

me. No, Priscilla. I'm not sure about that. I

1:01:19

can't imagine. Being alive at that age, I would

1:01:22

hate it. Your eyes are already better than mine.

1:01:24

I still get Doug Flintstones vitamins. It's his favorite.

1:01:26

Doesn't want anything else. Love them. Got

1:01:28

a particular shape that you enjoy the most? Fred,

1:01:32

classic Fred. You

1:01:34

get the most. Yeah, you really do. You get a

1:01:36

lot of vitamins. Chalky sweetness. Oh,

1:01:38

forget about it. Forget about it. Forget

1:01:42

about it. So you had one weird

1:01:44

Henry. What's weird Henry going to do with the cats?

1:01:46

I don't know about me. I'm scared

1:01:48

to give it to him. And so is pretty. He's going

1:01:50

to put the cat in the mangers, what he's going to

1:01:53

do. For sure. And make it be the baby Jesus. Right

1:01:55

now, he's our only hope. And you're trying to get rid

1:01:57

of these cats one at a time. Is that correct? Or

1:01:59

the cat. Is

1:12:00

it the next one? I don't know. Five

1:12:02

dollars. Blade

1:12:04

Runner 2049 the sequel to

1:12:07

the classic... the hit... the

1:12:10

hit called Classic Blade

1:12:12

Runner and I don't know

1:12:15

if I even saw this one. Uh...

1:12:18

Turbineer 2 Judgment Day when

1:12:20

the judgment happened. Then, oh

1:12:23

boy, then we got Rocky

1:12:26

himself. Sylvester

1:12:29

Sloan in the Rambo 5

1:12:31

film collection. That's all five

1:12:33

Rambo films that exist in

1:12:36

one collection. Watch them all in an A. Watch

1:12:39

the hours fly by. And

1:12:41

then this one... I honestly don't know if I

1:12:43

can part with this. This is Charles

1:12:47

Bronson in the

1:12:49

classic Death Wish. Well,

1:12:51

that's not the movie that I'm selling, the Blu-ray that

1:12:54

I'm selling. This is the

1:12:56

three sequels, Death Wish 2, 3, and 4. The

1:13:00

original Death Wish is not part of this

1:13:03

collection. And I'm keeping the original

1:13:05

Death Wish. And

1:13:07

I don't know if I can part with the collection

1:13:09

because I know it's out there. If

1:13:14

I have the original, then the following

1:13:16

three are just floating around somewhere. I

1:13:19

don't know if I can live with myself. Should

1:13:23

I charge $15 for that one? Alright,

1:13:27

the rest of them for sale,

1:13:29

Death Wish I'm keeping. And

1:13:34

welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen. Well,

1:13:36

Priscilla. You know, somehow we managed to

1:13:38

always get such an interesting lady for

1:13:40

our final episode of the season. Every

1:13:42

time. How do we do it? They're

1:13:45

always different. They're always charming.

1:13:49

A little bit odd. I'll be

1:13:51

honest. Eccentric, let's say. Eccentric, yep. But

1:13:54

she was a delight. And I really hope that

1:13:56

can't give it. Bernd, that was a fantastic idea.

1:13:58

I mean, what else can you... I was inspired.

1:14:01

Well, thank you. Maybe it's

1:14:03

just my desire for dignity falls. You just want

1:14:05

one. You know what? We really should. We have

1:14:07

everything else. We have a crosswalk just for animals,

1:14:09

for God's sake. There's a lizard cafe. There's a

1:14:11

lizard cafe here. There is a lizard cafe here.

1:14:13

How are they still in business? After all of

1:14:15

them were on, remember, we had that whole, like,

1:14:17

on Fillmore. They were all covered. Yes. Which

1:14:20

is when Doug here made

1:14:22

the reference about Fillmore, right,

1:14:25

about lizard. That's right. You

1:14:27

said lizard Fillmore. Lizard Fillmore. You

1:14:29

thought of a president that had ARD.

1:14:33

That's right. And I want to say,

1:14:35

was there not a Edward or a

1:14:38

Richard? That's right. We didn't, I feel like we didn't come

1:14:40

up with many in that time at that moment. We really

1:14:42

didn't. We really didn't. And we thought we'd cracked. We thought

1:14:44

we solved it. We thought it was case closed. Just

1:14:47

the one. Do

1:14:49

you remember that worm cafe? What was that guy thinking?

1:14:51

Oh my God, the worm cafe. It was, it truly

1:14:53

was a dirt floor. It was disgusting. It was a

1:14:55

dirt floor. And you had to watch where you stepped.

1:14:58

My God, it was such a pain in the butt.

1:15:00

Oh my God, he's yelling at people all the time.

1:15:02

Yeah. Just constantly. It's like, wait, it's

1:15:04

a worm cafe. How am I supposed to get

1:15:06

in here? Exactly. And they finally just built swings.

1:15:08

And that's what you sat in. Yeah,

1:15:10

that's right. Remember that guy? That's what you got

1:15:12

from place to place. You had to, you had

1:15:14

to grab, there were bars on the ceiling. By

1:15:17

the end, it was a ropes course. That's right.

1:15:19

Remember the owner of the worm cafe telling

1:15:22

us, he always tells us, you

1:15:24

know, these worms have the IQ of a four year

1:15:26

old child. I said, there's no

1:15:28

way that's true. It's absolutely not. Also, it's not

1:15:30

sandwich. I have one

1:15:32

final post for us. Yes,

1:15:35

OK, let's do it. Close out the season. This

1:15:38

is in the crime and safety section. OK. This

1:15:41

is from the poster's

1:15:44

name is Jeremy. This was submitted

1:15:46

by one of our neighbors,

1:15:48

Eric Postlethwaite. Thank you very much. What

1:15:51

a name. Pete

1:15:53

Postlethwaite, that's the only time. It's got

1:15:55

to be, there's got to be a relation. He

1:15:57

was an actor. He was in the name

1:15:59

of the father. with Daniel Day Lewis. He was in Jurassic

1:16:01

Park too. Oh, that's right. He

1:16:03

was in unusual suspects.

1:16:06

Oh, birds, you are nailing it with the

1:16:09

Apostle Thwey trivia. I've

1:16:12

reached the end of the Apostle Thwey trivia. OK,

1:16:15

so the poster's name is Jeremy, and

1:16:18

Jeremy says, this

1:16:21

is the headline, keep your

1:16:23

sheets close. Oh. Mail

1:16:26

walking up and down Truman Street, peering

1:16:28

through my window at 1145, backwards

1:16:31

black ball cap and shorts, currently

1:16:33

around Ballfield and Rhubarb. Current

1:16:36

screaming at Ballfield. I know the

1:16:39

cops don't care. Yeah,

1:16:41

well, you know that baseball field that's across from

1:16:43

the kangaroo themed bar. Where

1:16:47

you have to enter through a big sort

1:16:49

of mucusy pocket. It's

1:16:54

disgusting. It's so gross. And they have

1:16:56

boxing matches there. They

1:16:59

actually have a machine. You put a quarter and

1:17:01

it's a kangaroo. You box the kangaroo. And

1:17:03

this bar stools go up and down

1:17:06

and they never stop. It is so

1:17:08

annoying. I

1:17:10

mean, when you get on them, it's fun. It's

1:17:13

fun for two seconds. But to get on them is

1:17:15

a real chore. And forget about

1:17:17

getting off of them. People lose their lunch every

1:17:19

time. They do lose their lunch. OK, so go

1:17:22

on. OK, across the street. Great

1:17:26

lunch, though. So he was yelling at the

1:17:28

ball field. And this is across from hop

1:17:30

shots. Yes. OK. What

1:17:34

do you think? Keep your sheets close. Oh my God.

1:17:37

Is this person never heard of a curtain? Is that

1:17:39

what he means? Like put sheets on the window, get

1:17:41

a curtain, get shade, get blinds. And keep your pillows

1:17:43

closer. Babe,

1:17:47

that was funny. That was very funny. That

1:17:53

means really funny. Funny. That's funny. Sometimes

1:17:57

I do. Back to my mom voice. That's

1:24:00

how I used to say it when the twins were four. So,

1:24:03

okay, so hang on a second. I got confused

1:24:05

because I was hearing things, but here's what I

1:24:07

really do think. Hearing things? No, because when I'm...

1:24:09

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Because

1:24:12

when I'm hearing things, I was reading them, do you

1:24:14

know what I mean? Right. I just forgot and thought,

1:24:17

oh wait, it was Mars Street and I had to

1:24:19

process, processing issues. But

1:24:21

I do think that in the end, it's still

1:24:23

strange that, sure, you can report suspicious activity, but

1:24:25

putting up sheets isn't gonna stop that. That's

1:24:28

more like if you're worried about a peeping Tom or something. And

1:24:31

that's just generally something a person named Jeremy is

1:24:33

not concerned about. But if I had to speak

1:24:35

to Jeremy, I would say, it's so easy to

1:24:37

go get shades. It's so easy to go get,

1:24:39

because a sheet on the window, what are you

1:24:41

doing? What are you doing? Yeah, I mean,

1:24:43

it's better than nothing I suppose. Also don't

1:24:45

take what's basically like a Moroccan, maybe print handkerchief and

1:24:47

just pin it up on the wall like it's a

1:24:50

piece of art. Don't do that. Do

1:24:54

not do that. Don't

1:24:56

get doxed, right? And if you do, don't bring a lady back

1:24:58

there. Don't do

1:25:00

that. You absolutely mustn't. You absolutely mustn't.

1:25:02

The hubris. Yes. All

1:25:04

right, well that does it for this season. This

1:25:06

season, but you know, we'll be back. We'll

1:25:09

be back. We'll definitely be back. And to tide

1:25:11

you over, of course, we

1:25:13

will release our monthly bonus room episodes.

1:25:15

That's right, that's right. If you would

1:25:17

like access to those, you can go

1:25:19

to cbbworld.com and

1:25:21

sign up on the Maximus tier, and that

1:25:23

will give you access to ad-free episodes of

1:25:25

The Neighborhood Listen, as well as our bonus

1:25:27

room episodes which are a lot of fun. And

1:25:30

it's been a great season. It's been a great

1:25:32

season. It's been such a great season. Thank you. We

1:25:35

love our listeners. We had so much fun this year. And

1:25:38

I can't wait for more. Oh

1:25:40

God. Oh no, is it rolling? Is it going?

1:25:42

Are you in it? All right, I'm out. It's

1:25:45

working. Did you put brakes on the

1:25:47

thing? Oh, well, we'll

1:25:50

be back next season. Goodbye.

1:25:54

Goodbye. All

1:25:57

of the posts used in this episode were real. Only

1:25:59

some geographic.