0:00

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm

0:02

Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise

0:04

in character using real posts from a

0:06

popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we

0:08

change the names of some streets. And

0:10

that's all you need to know. To support

0:12

the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as

0:15

well as exclusive monthly episodes of The Bonus

0:17

Room, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for

0:19

a Maximus membership. And now, please enjoy

0:21

this episode of... The Neighborhood

0:23

Listen! Hello. This

0:26

is a brief message to our loyal listeners.

0:29

I'm Joan Pedestrian. And I am Burnt

0:31

Mia Pade. And before we begin, we

0:33

would... And I'm Doug Coran Pedestrian. Okay,

0:36

Doug, thanks, babe. Before

0:38

we begin this week's episode, we want

0:40

to address something that happened in last

0:42

week's episode. Yes, on episode 511

0:45

of The Neighborhood Listen, we used a listener-submitted

0:48

post as the basis for our interview. And

0:51

the post turned out to be a joke post

0:53

that quoted liberally from the television sketch show, Sir,

0:55

You Have to Leave, which neither Joan nor

0:58

myself has ever seen. I

1:00

have not watched any sketch comedy program since

1:02

2009. I think it just

1:04

simply stopped being funny to me for some reason. And

1:07

I do not like sketch comedy because the stories are

1:09

too short. So when

1:11

we were... And I think sketches are too

1:13

silly. I mean, none of that would

1:15

ever happen in real life. Okay, Doug. Okay,

1:18

I'm just sorry. All right. I mean, that's

1:20

kind of the point of... Right. You know what? It's

1:23

neither here nor there. It's

1:25

okay, babe. We're all angry. All right.

1:28

And sorry. Okay, yeah. Just

1:30

trying to get through this. So when

1:32

we contacted the person who posted this

1:35

fraudulent item on the neighbor app, a

1:37

man calling himself Polly Coca-Cola, we had

1:39

no idea we were being catfished. Is

1:42

that not the catfish? Is

1:44

that what you call it? I

1:47

mean, I feel catfished. I mean, I certainly felt tricked

1:49

and violated. I thought that was catfish. Is there more

1:51

to it? I think that's definitely part of

1:53

catfishing. I thought that was more of a relationship kind

1:55

of thing. Well, when I think of

1:57

how I feel, somehow catfish just seemed to really...

2:00

It up i feel consists mostly guess

2:02

as anyways way a kind conduit had

2:04

conned catfish it wasn't it wasn't great

2:06

people it wasn't great. We know

2:09

our listeners look to us for interviews with

2:11

real people who are not fade and we

2:13

regret having been duped in this manner. The

2:16

listener who submitted the post claims to

2:19

have been on aware that the post

2:21

with quoting liberally from the show it's

2:23

time for you to leave and we

2:25

take them at their word. However, we

2:28

have asked our social media director Allison

2:30

to conduct a thorough internal investigation. Allison

2:33

has not yet returned our goals, but

2:35

again, We have been the

2:37

neighborhood lives in. Regret run

2:39

the error of the still with you. sorry

2:41

only he'll do not really. I mean that

2:44

refers to be like to pledge of allegiance

2:46

was just so good. Why

2:49

we regret the or think it as as all three

2:51

of us regretted. So. He said also, yeah,

2:53

I regretted do. But I mean it's I'm scared. it's

2:55

I say guess I I think a week covers that.

2:57

I don't think we all have to say that the

2:59

same time. Okay, as it's forgot my

3:01

keys, that's all. Know like I

3:04

also you're ever supposed to do it. Jonah

3:06

was it was this was Doug's idea. Okay,

3:10

The was was my idea of but. Is to

3:13

make the cops right. What was your employee

3:15

base? Whose idea was that idea? I suppose

3:17

is idea was that we all say we

3:19

regret the error at the same time which

3:21

is I think a little strange and I

3:23

think it detracts from the the message and

3:25

I think if I say we i'm clearly

3:27

speak on bow outwit we don't I think

3:29

we're We're getting in the weeds here and

3:31

we should. Were so close to the and.

3:34

I know and and I really do. I

3:36

think I just for so sorry you know

3:38

we're just so sorry that know whether or

3:40

not we're seeing it all at the same

3:42

time are individually it's We do regret the

3:44

error. So you're right, let's seven dust ourselves

3:47

off, pick ourselves up item of that's the

3:49

phrase and now as they say in my

3:51

other two cents on the so. Nod,

3:54

nod or your

3:56

neighbors. said skin

4:00

And meet new neighbors

4:02

as well. And

4:07

welcome once more to The Neighborhood Listen.

4:14

Joan, would you like to explain what The Neighborhood

4:16

Listen is? Oh,

4:21

I'd love to. Here on our last episode. Of the season?

4:24

Well, yes, of the season. Yes. Oh,

4:26

goodness. Yes. No, we're going to

4:28

do so many of these. We're never going to stop doing it. No, wait, we're never

4:30

going to stop. No, we'll do this with a grave. We'll

4:34

do it first up. No, that sounds demented. What we do

4:36

here is we take post from The Neighborhood Hap and we'll do it on the phone. We'll

4:39

do it on the phone. We'll do it on the phone. We'll

4:41

do it on the phone. We'll do it on the phone. We'll do it

4:43

on the phone. We'll do it on the phone. What do you

4:45

think? No, that sounds demented. What

4:49

we do here is we take post from The Neighborhood

4:52

Hap. People post about all sorts of different things. We bring

4:54

in those people, or the people who are posted about. We

4:56

get to know them a little bit better, just getting to

4:58

know our neighbors. And our neighbors, of

5:00

course, are the people in

5:03

Dignity Falls. Yes, which is where we are.

5:05

And I am Joan Pedestrian and I am the top

5:07

realtor here in Dignity Falls for now. And

5:10

this is Berme Apayay. I'm Berme Apayay. I

5:13

am the pharmacist-in-chief at the Dignity Falls.

5:15

I'm the brand-new pharmacy here in Dignity

5:17

Falls. I think this was one of

5:19

the biggest developments of this season, was that you moved

5:21

from your CVS. How long were you

5:23

at the CVS? Oh, I was at the CVS

5:25

for years. Yeah, years. It was my first job out

5:27

of college. I

5:34

started as a pill stalker. Yes. I

5:37

wasn't even a pharmacist then. And I don't believe

5:39

they even have that position anymore. That job has been

5:41

eliminated. Yes, I thought so. It's replaced by a robot. Yes,

5:44

of course. Yes. And

5:46

that robot malfunctioned recently. It went on a

5:48

rampage. Oh dear. Oh my God. Like

5:50

against humans? Yes. Oh

5:53

God. Yes, yes, yes. And

5:56

There was smoke coming out of it and

5:58

sparks. A brutally

6:00

his arm Lucky. You

6:05

think it would? Have been given that strength as they would

6:07

is dealing with very light Bill Maher I. Know, I

6:09

know and of of course but your fucking

6:11

pills. A very delicate operation. I already. Name's

6:13

L, but again never bites. Fine motor skills,

6:15

not breaking a bow. And you know reward.

6:17

Here's where things are producing. Some of

6:20

the pills are crushed and.inside the workings

6:22

of robot increase. Seems.

6:26

That seems the wild side It. Does seem

6:28

wanna. See.

6:30

You have of a robot at the falls.

6:33

Are. Don't we have? What we have is

6:35

off. He is one of the things I'm

6:37

not crazy about. Tell case is charming, but

6:40

it does add more works. It's a sort

6:42

of Goldberg contraption all day where there's all

6:44

these things has to happen in the pills.

6:46

Go, don't shoot the the gold one by

6:48

one into the bottle. For that

6:50

yes, are sick a lot of excess of

6:52

one bottle? It takes like the

6:54

a full day. Will you know the ins

6:57

and actually might go away? because if it hits

6:59

it's or medical and the policy, it's brand new

7:01

and it's sort of our it's sort of the

7:03

well really, it's just a catch. All there's so

7:05

many different things, it's a healthy money. three hi,

7:07

this is it. New sponsors are I swear it's

7:10

third. her says think. Their seats it regularly

7:12

like your that you the brunt of Dubai. oh.

7:14

Yes I am I am. Ah and

7:16

it got a waterfall. Miss Center can

7:18

not is a dry bar in the

7:20

bottom. You can also mail packages that

7:23

is among the republic. Ah no Republic

7:25

Ah. Portrait Studio. Studio

7:27

A Caricature Studio. Point

7:30

I was misspelled. It is against the

7:32

both of these. Trying out a lot of different

7:34

things. It's

7:38

right next to the porters businesses and I

7:41

mean people go there to get their pictures

7:43

taken. Passports the software doesn't return. fool would

7:45

go. Slow.

7:48

And in there have been some mistake where they needed

7:50

a path. Purpose is a caricature of them and made

7:52

people I'm unable to. Well we the country knows. It

7:54

turned away the airport. Video ah enda and

7:56

so ah and I would never

7:59

do at because defensive about my

8:01

weird ears. I know,

8:03

I don't think your ears or that weird

8:05

and I think that in some some people

8:07

might find them charming. A maybe. Every single

8:09

time. Well I mean fool me. Once I I

8:12

did it three times. I mostly for the kids.

8:14

Can we be at a fair or something? the

8:16

carnival and then we'd have we'd done a lot

8:18

of the characters. Are he leave months? he loves?

8:21

A lot of them are quite badly. My husband

8:23

are engineer have a bar you. Say.

8:25

I'm in the you're lazy room. What's

8:27

the latest? My lazy day off work?

8:30

we are. You are recorded and pushed

8:32

over. Oh yes, Oh yes I am.

8:34

I realized. He had been scheduled today and he

8:36

was already to do is leave. Yea, vague,

8:38

you first have sworn allegiance. Him:

8:41

Italy's in the lazy room. What do you

8:43

do in the Leisure Mon? You're lazy.

8:45

The zone little as humanly possible. Makes

8:47

sense though. I'm

8:50

in the supine position all

8:52

of all. Well the Us. He

8:54

just sad that was that he learned that on

8:56

on it was on jeopardy the other night and

8:58

he just saying it. Birds

9:01

There was no courses. Finds

9:04

his prices on the counter. For

9:10

a plate of food out a a remote

9:12

super center using. Because you know one of my very

9:14

good friends. It's super. I know.

9:17

How is she doing? Sees seed

9:20

not great. Super back.

9:23

On one size. Only live once

9:25

saw. A

9:28

society says well oiled or see with

9:30

i'm you know there was a girl

9:32

there was a girl was a high

9:34

school with is that and it was.

9:37

It was spurred much so dramatic. This

9:39

was because nobody did a better oh

9:41

you. Mean, save half of her head? Yes,

9:43

Okay, ah. And I thought it

9:45

was very exciting isn't. It

9:47

shows that A D on C B couldn't

9:50

really giver trouble for it like violating dress

9:52

code or to raise rates are, but you

9:54

know than one or two of course. but

9:56

it was very bold. Maneuver isn't. so

10:02

anecdote complete. Now I'm a

10:04

robot. Oh,

10:07

but speaking of robots, I was saying that they're trying so

10:09

many different things at the Falls Massie, that I think that some

10:12

of these things are going to fall away. They tried a lot

10:14

of extra things in sort of the opening weekend. There is the

10:16

Rube Goldberg one. Yeah. There's a window so the

10:18

kids can watch it, and it's fun for

10:20

them, but it's not practical. They also tried almost

10:22

like a, like a, like a, um, with a sushi

10:25

conveyor belt with the pills, you know, with the, with

10:27

the, as they, as they came out. But then of

10:29

course everyone was grabbing ones that didn't belong to them.

10:31

I know. And then they put that behind glass

10:33

and they had this, this lasted a day. They

10:35

had a sort of a Lucy and Ethel impersonators

10:40

where the pill conveyor belt was getting ahead. I

10:43

went in for that. I went in for that.

10:45

I auditioned for that. No, I was very mad. I

10:47

didn't get, I rehearsed. You can ask Doug. You

10:49

should be thrilled because they forgot to switch out for

10:52

prop pills and both of them

10:54

had a terrible day.

10:56

Let me check that way. Internal

11:00

bleeding. Just stuff in zanics in their cheeks. That's

11:05

right. And internal bleeding. Yes. Well,

11:11

I mean, I'm, I, I'm not happy

11:13

to hear that because you know, a professional should have

11:15

been doing it, but whatever. They didn't do the research.

11:17

It's fine. No.

11:20

Do you think that would have made a difference? Well,

11:23

yes, because I honestly think that if you, if

11:25

you do your research, you know that what the

11:27

props should look like. And then you probably practiced

11:29

you, I would have asked for take home practice

11:32

pills. Right. Just like you use a

11:34

rehearsal skirt or you wear high heels. If you want,

11:36

if you're going to be wearing high heels in a

11:38

show, I would have, I would have perhaps, which

11:41

is what actors say when they have a request for rehearsal.

11:44

Yes, I have a round. I would

11:46

have perhaps for practice pills, prop pills.

11:49

Yeah. So I

11:51

think they'll probably get rid of that Rube Goldberg situation.

11:53

I think we've all lobbied for it,

11:55

but the owner is eccentric. Well,

11:58

without a doubt. Do

12:02

we know how we got his money yet? There

12:05

are a lot of theories. Yes, there's a lot of rumors. One

12:08

is that he found it. Found

12:10

it, okay. Just found a bunch of money. Just found it.

12:13

Just found a pile of money. Just found a pile of money.

12:15

Like a money cave. If

12:17

you're familiar with those. Oh, well we almost built one

12:19

here. Doug really wanted one. Oh sure. Well

12:21

who wasn't the one? Well sure, yeah. He sort of

12:24

like gets to go down there and imagine that he was

12:26

going to put gold bars down there. Just, you know, fake

12:28

gold bars. Some real. You're like a dragon's whore,

12:30

you roll around in it. Yeah, like a treasure. Like

12:32

a treasure. Yeah. Like the

12:34

Desolation of Smaug. Yes. Rolling

12:37

around on gold bars is not as fun

12:39

as it looks. No. No,

12:42

no, no. None of them move at all. Those should

12:44

just be, you know, their first sort of decoration. You

12:46

know what I mean? But the pile that you roll

12:48

around in should be cash. Yes. Coins.

12:52

Yes. Maybe some precious gems. Precious

12:54

gems. I still haven't seen it. When you mentioned

12:56

uncaught gems earlier and I still haven't seen it.

12:58

Joan, I would say keep it up. Keep up with the work.

13:00

Okay. You really weren't a fan. No. Okay.

13:04

Didn't see the point. I heard it was very stressful, Joan. Oh,

13:06

I don't like stressful movies. That's what everybody said. I

13:08

just hate stressful movies. I saw it after

13:11

people warned me that it was stressful. And

13:13

then when it started, I thought, this is

13:15

not real. Who cares? Why should

13:17

I be stressed out? What a wonderful way to take yourself out

13:19

of the reality and calm yourself down. Well, if

13:21

somebody's telling you, yeah, you're going to be so

13:23

stressed watching it. It's like, well, not me because

13:25

that's not a real person. I just can't stand

13:27

all the early comedies,

13:30

well, early, I guess, nineties. There

13:32

was just one disaster after another. Now

13:34

the roof is on fire. Now the cat, I think

13:37

I'm mostly just thinking of Meet the Paris. The

13:40

money pit. Oh, the money

13:42

pit. Yeah, the money pit. It starts

13:44

out really funny, then yes, it just

13:46

gets un-fun. Yeah, really fun. The duplex.

13:49

The duplex. Never saw that one. Why did I see

13:51

it? I

13:53

don't know why

13:56

movies want us to be so stressed. I

13:58

don't understand. I mean, I don't know. I

14:00

guess the idea of laughing at

14:03

someone elses stress Emilio? Funny. but.

14:06

Is it as phony as your favorite movie burns

14:08

of all time? B. Suburban

14:15

a window where users. Out

14:17

say that most. of my figure breast a

14:19

farm and you know I i i

14:21

wanted to like one hour photo because

14:23

the pharmacy. But.

14:26

It's so it's sovereign. Very dark

14:28

your am I correct is very

14:30

dark I ever seen as my

14:32

favorite movie on. The

14:39

really didn't mean to soup. you seem to begin

14:41

at the thinking but they. Just. Like

14:44

we. Started

14:49

our but I can't Well as there is no

14:51

one thing I mean of course you could get

14:54

up. And so you

14:56

have said ownership of the laziness and say

14:58

I could get up and I'm not going

15:00

to. The truth is is not lazy as

15:02

I can just see him again. So.

15:04

I really wanted the world. Are you able is

15:06

something holding you? don't have club? Is

15:09

if I'm just enjoying over. you are second the gym with

15:11

your t ball bat. Know never understood.

15:13

That is exactly the way to have drawn

15:15

on him right there were not I wanted,

15:17

I Love.grass. Isn't

15:21

even understand what you need to work out with

15:24

a T Ball apparatus? Yeah, it does. Doesn't seem

15:26

enough in a small. Room Are you a My favorite

15:28

Movies: The Taking of Pelham One to. Her:

15:31

is it sorry Which was this for

15:34

taking of Pelham one two three six

15:36

seeking an original. I don't know

15:38

this. Means is a movie about that

15:40

is a movie about a Subway heist?

15:42

Really? Yes. I love for a muscle

15:44

was in its muscle is I'm not

15:46

sure. I think it's Matthau never heard

15:49

of. Maybe it's dramatic. He probably ask

15:51

for it's rebounds muscle. seen that one

15:53

movie. Do you suggest which?

15:55

that's the more dramatic pronouncements I think.

15:57

Sell myself. Husband: Matt Lauer Sillier. It

16:00

did make me laugh when I said it. And Walter Macfowl, all of a

16:02

sudden I'm picturing him being handed an Academy Award.

16:04

I've never heard it out loud before. Ever?

16:07

Never. I guess it doesn't

16:09

come up in conversation that often. It really doesn't. So

16:12

it's just like a 70s disaster kind of movie.

16:14

Not a disaster, but a thriller. Well, just a thriller. A

16:16

thriller, yes. Sure. Well,

16:18

okay. Here's what I like about it. As a

16:20

pharmacist. Okay. That eventually

16:22

a criminal is caught

16:25

because of a sneeze. Really?

16:28

Yes. Oh boy. That's,

16:31

would you say that that really, is that what

16:33

sparked the interest? Were you already

16:36

a pharmacist and we saw this? No, you couldn't have been. No,

16:38

no, no. I saw this when I was

16:40

a kid. Maybe that's what made me a pharmacist. That's what I'm

16:42

asking. Okay. Joan, I'm sorry about that. Yeah,

16:44

I don't know where that came from. I don't know the way

16:46

you said that. I think you're lightheaded from all of your think-breaths.

16:49

It's possible. I hope it's not

16:51

doing the lasting damage to

16:54

me. Doing

16:57

those think-breaths. Well,

17:01

we're going to have to check it out, Bay. We're going to

17:03

have to watch it. Hey, real quick, Joan.

17:05

You said in the intro,

17:07

you said you're the top realtor in Dignity Falls

17:09

for now. What did that mean? Oh, well, it

17:11

just meant that. I mean, if you've

17:13

been following this season, you know that I've been through

17:15

sort of a lot, sort of

17:17

a sort of come to Jesus or

17:19

whoever you believe in moment. I've

17:22

really had sort of some struggles because as

17:24

people know, I've been very, I'm

17:26

feeling edged

17:34

out by these Realty shows, Realty reality

17:36

shows like Selling Sunset and all of

17:38

these. Other examples that we never

17:41

knew. Well, there's another

17:43

one that's called OC Realty, I think, or

17:45

something like that, something

17:52

in Southern California. And

17:54

also, I do mean I had mentioned Joanna Gaines

17:56

before. There's all these other people on like the-

17:59

Of course, I thought of Joanna Kearns. Yes, as always.

18:02

On the, um, on the, all these

18:04

different... I'm thinking of Chris Gaines. Oh, Chris Gaines!

18:06

When is he gonna make it? Now, where did he go? Oh,

18:09

is that the sort of, is that Garth

18:11

Brooks' sort of, uh, ultra-high? That's Mr. Hyde.

18:14

That was a weird period, wasn't it? How

18:16

odd. But you know what? You

18:19

gotta... good for him. Yeah, why not? Why

18:21

not? Uh, but yes,

18:23

I, I, uh, I feel like Realty's

18:25

now been put, it's sort of been

18:27

Hollywoodized, you know, and I thought that

18:29

I had to maybe adjoin

18:32

the club and start my own, shoot my own

18:34

Realty pilot. That's right. Uh, which I was going

18:36

to do, and then I thought maybe I need

18:38

to look like these, uh, very attractive women. I

18:41

was going to get a total face change. And

18:43

we, we know that, boy,

18:46

my, my, my gentleman here, um, my

18:48

husband... You gotta call him your gentleman friend.

18:50

Do you remember my name? That's

18:53

gotta happen sometimes, right? You

18:55

married? You blank on your spouse's name?

18:57

I was gonna say my boys, but that felt weird,

19:00

you know, because it's you and Doug, and that's what

19:02

I call my boys. I mean, that's what I call

19:04

my actual sons, Matt and... Radiophonic.

19:06

Yes. And,

19:09

uh, so that's all I was going to say. They convinced me,

19:11

anyways, they convinced me that that was not something that they wanted.

19:14

They didn't want me to have a completely different face. I,

19:20

their, your reaction was very strong. I have to say, I

19:22

really didn't expect it. So, if a friend of

19:24

yours said, much less your, your,

19:26

your wife or your mother says, I'm going

19:29

to have an operation called a total face

19:31

change, it's, it's

19:33

alarming. And you don't want, you don't

19:35

want somebody that you care about to have a total face change. I

19:37

get, I have to say, I was very touched by that. I

19:39

really was. I really, I do think we put too

19:42

much emphasis on looks, you know, because it made me

19:44

realize that, you know, that, that, or wait, maybe we

19:46

do because you didn't want me to change my looks.

19:49

So maybe, maybe it may, what I'm saying is

19:51

I think I needed to look better. It

19:53

made me realize that we don't tell each other

19:55

that we like each other's faces. There

19:58

you go. That's what I was trying to say. I

20:00

don't really try me saying what I could. Infer that we

20:02

don't want you to change your face? Yes, Yes,

20:04

Yes. Ah, so so ah. At at

20:06

this point now I am, I still feel

20:08

like I need to be as switch into

20:11

it and sort of the role of mentor.

20:13

So there's a new moon. Lot of there's

20:15

a lot of young people who moved in

20:18

this year to become who they brushed into

20:20

town to become realtors. Yes, because we've had

20:22

a sort of a real L, lot of

20:24

people have left town to send. Ah, we

20:27

don't know why yet. No one here in

20:29

a Great Exits is there's been a strange

20:31

exodus and didn't evolve. No one is saying

20:34

why. All

20:36

these empty houses us and our and sell

20:38

lot of able these people coming is set

20:40

always people coming in or maybe have somebody

20:42

to the podcast I don't know do we

20:44

have fr reach. They did. You

20:46

see the people listen to us in a bunch of countries.

20:49

Oh yeah, Estonia as and number nine. I

20:51

believe we're number nine or to so it.

20:55

Was no of really who's ahead of

20:57

us who want to know. Who

21:01

did have a couple weeks that are

21:03

worth the we never got sunlight? I'm

21:05

sorry, yeah I remember the one. her

21:07

son has something to do all those

21:09

earlier in the years of. yeah yeah

21:11

yeah, those stairs. it was scary and

21:13

we. Don't we don't seems or we'll do

21:15

the times easier. Know it's

21:17

not remove unwanted months

21:20

and Israel Israel more.

21:22

We reserve the right to say it's still Marjah

21:24

less Dad started as an old saying where nobody

21:26

wanted the ah the old saying Well as I

21:29

wrote a check and I just keep on writing

21:31

that the old. Year just and. Men with

21:33

than it seems to the old month and then

21:35

as people I'm really them. As of the there

21:37

is a big apparatus and ah we don't know

21:40

why you. Know that here in a

21:42

great exits is there's been a strange exodus

21:44

and dignity falls. No one is saying why.

21:47

There's all these empty houses yes and and

21:50

sell lot of and all these people coming

21:52

is sent Always people coming in a meeting

21:54

somebody to the podcast I don't know do

21:56

we have Fr. reach. they

21:58

did you see the people listen to us bunch of different

22:00

countries? Oh yeah, Estonia

22:02

is number nine I believe. We're number

22:04

nine in Estonia? Who's ahead of us

22:07

I want to know. We did have

22:09

a couple weeks

22:14

there where it we never got

22:16

sunlight. I'm sorry? Yeah I remember that. I

22:19

wonder if that has something to do with

22:21

earlier in the year. Yeah yeah yeah that

22:24

was scary. It was scary and we don't do

22:26

we don't change our we don't do the time change here.

22:28

No no if anything sometimes

22:31

we won't change months. We reserve

22:33

the right to say it's still March. That

22:38

started as an old thing where nobody wanted the other

22:40

old thing where like oh I wrote a check and

22:42

I just keep on writing the old year and then

22:45

it changed to the old month

22:47

and then people really there was

22:49

a there was a big protest

22:52

about it. That's right. People just didn't

22:54

want to change months. They was

22:56

a bloody protest and people

22:58

were trampled by horses. Yes they were

23:01

but not and wild horses they weren't like police. No

23:03

how did they get there? Do

23:05

you think they were so

23:08

in by the noise? I mean

23:10

the police horses weren't so confused.

23:12

They were so confused. Poor horses.

23:14

Poor police horses. Why are

23:16

they still around? I'm truly in

23:19

the in the capacity in which they're still around you know

23:21

they should be set free. Yes exactly. Not

23:23

put down. No.

23:26

Although hey Cab.

23:29

Hey Hab. So

23:34

I yeah the darkness I think a lot of

23:36

people connected it to the incident which

23:39

is so long ago I don't see how they

23:41

could be connected but I

23:43

don't know it was a strange occurrence. It was.

23:45

It really was. Yeah it was pitch black. And

23:52

that's how supine lost your hair. No

23:54

during that during the darkness. That's what

23:56

caused it. No I didn't. Oh

23:59

yeah okay was it the the result of the darkness or the result

24:01

of the light coming back on? Well

24:04

that's when we know that the hair is gone. Yes.

24:07

So it must have happened during the dark.

24:13

So at this point there's a lot of people coming

24:15

in but they're young and they're green, they

24:17

don't know what they're doing, they need help

24:19

writing up descriptions of houses, they

24:21

need help putting the signs up. I mean they don't even know

24:23

how to put the signs up properly. They probably don't even have

24:26

a chocolate chip cookie recipe. They

24:28

don't have chocolate chip cookie recipes. And

24:31

so I figure maybe at this point I

24:33

can start, like I said, I've started a company which

24:37

is called... Hot

24:40

Realty Summer. Hot Realty Summer. Hot Realty

24:42

Summer. Hot Realty Summer. Realty

24:45

Company. Realty Company. Do

24:49

you regret that name? I sure do. Especially

24:52

number one because I can never remember it.

24:55

Right. Very embarrassing. You

24:57

refuse to look at your buck's lips. I do.

25:01

And so maybe I'm just turning over

25:03

a new leaf. Okay. Well

25:06

I think those young people could not ask for

25:08

a better mentor than Joan Pedestrian. That's very, very

25:10

kind. Well, that's the truth. I really appreciate

25:12

it. And so we'll just see.

25:16

We know I'm not going to be an improviser. Ah,

25:18

yeah. Yeah. Because I tried

25:20

that. I tried improvising songs at the Christmas Cabaret

25:22

and it went very poorly. I

25:25

blame your sons more for that. It is true. They

25:27

only shouted over everybody with very dirty

25:29

suggestions. Yeah. But

25:32

that's okay. You know, I could

25:34

try again. But

25:36

you know what? There's a lot of improv in

25:38

Realty, which I didn't even realize. Boy, that's true,

25:40

isn't it? Yeah. Because you do have to

25:42

think on your feet. You absolutely do. Well,

25:45

I mean I don't like to say that I like. Embellish, I think.

25:47

Oh, sure, sure, sure. Or if they find a problem you have to

25:49

put a positive spin on it. Yes.

25:53

Yes, the wiring is very old. It's

25:55

classic. It's classic as character. So

26:01

we'll just see. I don't know. Alright. Well,

26:03

Joan, I wish you the best of luck. Wait a minute. That's

26:06

what you say to the guests. I know, I know. Usually when

26:08

they think we think they're crazy. I know, which is every time.

26:12

Alright, Joan, but I think you're going to be great. Should we

26:14

go to a break? I think we should. Alright.

26:16

We will be back with a guest when the

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Oh, um, I mean, certainly not me. Yeah,

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I love the good things in life. Okay, sorry. Even though

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30:09

Hi there, it's Rosalie. I got a 10-ounce

30:11

bag of two-inch green rubber

30:13

bands. That's right, and I'm

30:16

charging $8 for them. I

30:19

am NOT, repeat, I'm not giving

30:21

this Ziploc bag here

30:23

full of green rubber bands. I'm

30:25

not giving it away for free.

30:27

Are you kidding me? Do you

30:29

know how many years it took

30:31

to collect and gather and save all

30:33

of these green rubber bands, and

30:36

then keep them hidden from my husband? You

30:39

are crazy. If you think that I'm

30:41

gonna just let you have them, I

30:44

mean, I'm sorry that this picture is out of focus

30:46

and fuzzy. I didn't have a lot of time. My

30:48

husband was at home, and I had to take it

30:51

out and take a picture so you guys could see

30:53

it. And then I had to put

30:55

it back right away so that he didn't see them, because he

30:57

doesn't want to see them. If he sees them, oh boy, oh

30:59

boy. It's just hard on him because, you

31:01

know, I think he's just jealous

31:04

of hobbies. So,

31:07

but I'm gonna get rid of this one. And

31:09

so if you don't already have

31:12

a whole bunch of rubber bands, just

31:14

more than you can deal with in

31:16

your junk drawer, if you don't have

31:18

that, then feel free to come pay

31:20

me money for rubber

31:22

bands that everyone gets surrounding

31:25

local newspaper that gets delivered to their

31:28

door every day. If you want to

31:30

just have them on your own, well,

31:32

get ready. Get ready for a life,

31:36

a 20-year sentence of

31:38

collecting them and hiding them from

31:40

a man who never followed

31:42

a dream. Come get them. And

31:51

welcome back to The Neighborhood. Listen,

31:54

we have a guest here, as we always

31:56

do. We scour the NeighborHap, the social networking

31:58

application for neighbors. neighborhoods. We look for interesting

32:00

posts so we can talk to the people

32:02

and get to know our neighbors better. And

32:05

if you see a post that maybe we've

32:07

missed, you can screenshot it and send it

32:09

to us sometime. Oh gosh, you get it

32:11

to take it. I would say take a

32:13

deep breath.

32:16

A what? Mortal May West? You

32:19

can take a screenshot and send

32:21

it to us at burtandjone@gmail.com and

32:23

we will read it on the

32:26

show. This one comes to us

32:28

from Chris. This is in the for sale and

32:30

free department. And Chris writes,

32:34

I just got a chicken dance Elmo on eBay

32:36

and while it appears to be in good shape,

32:38

it doesn't do the chicken dance. You

32:41

press his left toe and

32:44

he announces that he's about to do the chicken

32:46

dance but then he doesn't do it. Cute

32:48

toy for kids who are into Elmo and

32:52

don't have high expectations. Easy

32:55

foyer pickup in West Dig on Sequoia

32:57

Street. Please let me know which day

32:59

and time you can come pick it up and I'll leave it out for

33:01

you. I don't know how to

33:03

take photos with my cell phone so I'm just posting a pic

33:05

of me. And then it's a very pleasant pic

33:08

of this nice looking old lady. And

33:11

that's Chris. And we have Chris right

33:13

here in the studio today. Thank you.

33:15

Chris, how do you do? I'm okay.

33:17

I'm doing okay. Okay. Did you ask

33:19

me that? Yes,

33:21

I asked you how you're doing. Yes. Okay.

33:24

I wasn't sure if you said how or what. But

33:27

I'm doing okay. You thought maybe you said what

33:29

are you doing? Yeah, what are you doing? Oh,

33:31

okay. Are you asking me what am I doing?

33:33

No, I thought maybe he was asking me what

33:35

I was. This is a real who's on first

33:38

moment happening. Second base. Is that how

33:40

that works? It's pretty close. I think so. We're

33:42

just a base off. Chris,

33:45

well, first of all, and I see that you brought the

33:48

Elmo. Yeah. I think you even heard it doing

33:50

the chicken dance for a minute

33:53

there. But I

33:55

first want to know if

33:57

you know how to take a picture with

33:59

your cell phone. I am surprised that you were

34:01

able to upload a photo onto there. That would

34:03

be, to me, that's actually more complicated than just

34:05

taking a photo with your phone. Right.

34:08

Or just searching for a picture of kicking dad's elbow. That would

34:10

have been great. You know what? That would have been

34:12

worked too. It's allowed. How

34:15

do you do that? How do

34:17

you search for an image? How do you search

34:19

for an image? What he

34:21

just said? Yes. Yes. You

34:24

type a thing you want

34:26

to see a picture of into the search

34:28

bar. Okay. I'm already lost. Chris,

34:31

what? I don't know how phones. Chris, how

34:33

would you get on to the neighbor app? I don't know.

34:35

How would you want the neighbor app? My son helped me.

34:37

Oh, that's nice. Oh, that's very sweet.

34:39

What's his name? Andrew. Okay.

34:43

And is that your only child? Yes.

34:45

He doesn't talk to me anymore. Oh, no. Wait.

34:49

He just recently helped you. That was the last thing we did together. No.

34:51

What happened? Oh, we got into a big fight.

34:53

I was just so angry that I

34:56

didn't like the way he was talking to me

34:58

and telling me how because

35:00

he's like, you can do this on your own and I got so mad. But

35:03

wait a minute. This doesn't sound like one of those sort

35:05

of penultimate

35:07

fights that just make you

35:09

never speak again. No. I

35:11

mean, he's going to talk to you again, right? I don't know. We have

35:14

so many fights. This is our,

35:16

this is our, this childhood in my adulthood. Maybe.

35:21

Was there more to that? Or just

35:23

his, you said his childhood in my adulthood

35:25

and then what? Full stop. Well,

35:28

that's when he was a child, we fought. Now I'm going

35:30

to fight. So this is just going to be going on.

35:32

Fighting is in his childhood and all of your adulthood. I

35:34

think this is the way we communicate. Oh, dear. Yes.

35:37

Well, I said he'll be back. How old is he now?

35:40

He's 39. And is

35:42

the, is his father still in the picture? Is it

35:44

okay to ask? I said he was my child.

35:46

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

35:48

No, you're right. I'm a woman. I'm a woman.

35:51

I even got confused. I listen to the picture. Forgive

35:53

me. In the picture, I'm

35:55

a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman.

35:57

In the picture. In the picture. We weren't

35:59

sure. and you present it as a...

36:01

you let us know. You look exactly like

36:03

the picture. You let us know. The reason, listen,

36:05

I'll be honest about everything. A lot of people

36:08

just think I'm a man when I go out

36:10

and talk to them. Really? You

36:12

know that, right? I've done that. I'm a

36:14

very handsome woman. Okay. You are a

36:16

very handsome woman. Like going close. Isn't that what they

36:19

always say about her? Is it? Yes,

36:21

especially when she played Albert Dobbs. Yes. Oh,

36:23

right. I love that movie. Wonderful

36:25

movie. Oh,

36:27

really? Oh my goodness. The

36:30

movie, the Mackenzie Washington? Oh, no, the original with Walter

36:32

Macau. What's a cow? What a dramatic

36:34

person. Walter Macau. If you're only

36:36

familiar, exactly. I know. It really is. Now

36:39

what happens if I say to you Walter

36:42

Macau? Working a charm. I've never heard it

36:44

pronounced like that. Amazing.

36:47

All right. So don't you be clear. Can

36:49

I ask about his dad now? Sure. Okay.

36:52

Is he still in the picture? Yes. Oh,

36:54

okay. He's a traveling guy. He's a

36:56

traveling guy. Oh, okay. He's a

36:58

traveling salesman. Really? Yes. What

37:01

does he sell? Pillows. Okay. He

37:04

travels around and sells pillows. It's amazing. It's such an

37:06

old fashioned job. Yes. He's

37:08

been doing it since we met. Door to

37:10

door. How is he doing? Door to door.

37:13

He knocks on door. Right. No.

37:16

Does he sell a lot? I mean, is this? No, but

37:18

I can't tell him to stop. He has nothing. Oh, good.

37:21

I gotta be bad. He has nothing. I mean, he

37:23

has you and Andrew. Oh, he has me and Andrew. Okay. How

37:26

often do you see him? My husband or Andrew? Well,

37:29

right now we know you don't see Andrew. How often do

37:31

you see your husband? What's his name? My

37:33

husband's name is Charles. Okay. Charles.

37:37

Charles. Is that, am I doing

37:39

that right? Perfect. Charles. Charles.

37:42

Yes. He's so interesting to me. He's

37:44

really- I love him. Oh,

37:46

wow. That's fascinating. In addition to having this

37:49

arcade job. And this incredible

37:51

pronunciation of his name. That name, yes. He's

37:54

just a great storyteller. I can sit

37:56

and be in wrapped with Charles. Charles

38:00

telling stories about most anything. He

38:02

has a very booming voice. He

38:06

must think I'm a great salesman. Yes,

38:10

he knocks on the door. Can I imitate

38:12

my husband? Oh, Liz, of course. He's allowed.

38:14

I don't know what's allowed anymore. We've had

38:16

all kinds on this show. This time of

38:18

day. This time of day.

38:20

That we're all living in. Is it night a.m.? Yes.

38:25

Oh, well. I've been up for hours. She

38:28

could have been midnight by now. I don't know.

38:31

I don't know. Well, given that we had

38:33

that darkness a while ago. That was very scary.

38:35

That woman got her head shaved halfway. supine.

38:41

supine. Wonderful.

38:44

Lovely word. Did you see it on Jeopardy

38:46

this week? Yes, my husband does it. Are

38:49

you kidding me? I'm it right

38:51

now. You supine. The whole

38:53

category was supine. I'll

38:56

take supine for a thousand. All

38:59

the answers. And

39:01

then he wanted to be able to then

39:03

go in the room and then have the

39:05

answer be something where you'd have

39:07

to ask what is Doug like and

39:09

that would be it was just supine. I felt like that

39:11

category. I

39:14

don't feel like it had enough for you know,

39:17

how what is it like eight clues,

39:19

six clues. Right. I remember the

39:22

host saying if

39:24

you are if you are you are

39:26

supine, if you are laying this way.

39:30

And what is down? What

39:33

about you laying up its face up? Well,

39:36

what about the video? Oh, yeah. The video. What

39:39

was it again? Oh, it was just some

39:41

woman saying I am supine

39:43

right now. And you have to say

39:45

who is Victoria. I

39:50

don't know who she doing. That was

39:52

wild. That was wild. That was for

39:55

five thousand dollars. I would

39:57

say I knew who it was. I knew who she was. I

39:59

watched that. Alice. Sure. The

40:02

one where it was just a body and a

40:04

casket. That

40:06

was grim. Instead,

40:09

what is the tag? I'd

40:12

never seen this on Japanese before. They removed

40:14

it from the board. Because

40:16

that one doesn't count. It's a do-over. Everybody gets

40:18

100. It's a Japanese do-over.

40:20

And the Daily Double was, this

40:24

person lost their hair in Dignity Falls

40:26

during the darkness. And the answer was,

40:28

again, supine. That's right. And

40:30

nobody got it. Nobody got it. I got it

40:32

at home. Of course. Why wouldn't

40:34

you? Of course. Screaming at the TV.

40:36

Oh my goodness. Screaming at the...

40:38

Alright. I feel first we're getting off. I want

40:41

to get that spiel from your husband. Yeah, my husband. When he

40:43

knocks on the door. Yes. Charles.

40:46

Charles. Charles. Charles.

40:49

Is anybody home? And

40:51

then someone usually has to do it again because no one

40:53

does it. I know. Who does

40:55

this anymore? Also, if I heard that, I'd be... Am

40:59

I being visited by the first ghost? Yes.

41:02

I didn't think I was that bad. I need to be part

41:04

of a lesson. It was appropriate in the 50s when he did

41:06

that. That's a long time ago. That's a long time ago. It

41:08

is. But it's a blink of an

41:10

eye. It's sad to think people of the 50s were

41:12

just slaves to the phone, to the doorbell. And

41:14

I've been out. You could not. And I've been

41:16

out. And the what? And I's without

41:18

one. And I's without one. We were all slaves to ice

41:20

and hell. We were all too

41:22

young, but I was a slave to ice and hell.

41:24

Oh, I mean... I was a very sexy

41:27

person. Was that weird to say? I was a war hero?

41:29

I'm not sure I could say if it's weird to say.

41:31

Bald heads. I just go crazy.

41:33

You liked Ike. I liked Ike. Oh, excuse

41:35

me. Chris, are you okay? Okay, Chris. I

41:37

said never better. All right. Let's

41:40

get back to this field. So how does it go

41:42

again? Is anybody home? Ask my husband's voice. Eventually

41:44

they answer the door. They say, hello. Hello. I

41:47

am... I'm not sure. I'm

41:49

not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not

41:51

sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

41:53

I'm not sure. Hello. I

41:56

am... Charles, do

41:58

you need pillows? Everyone needs a... and he'll just

42:00

talk until they stop it. He doesn't even let them

42:02

answer if they need pillows. I would

42:04

imagine they would say, I know, because most people have

42:07

pillows in the home. Oh, and he sticks his foot

42:09

in the door so they can close it. Oh

42:11

my goodness. His foot is not working well because

42:13

it's been slammed on so many times. He just

42:15

tells a story and they become so enwrapped by

42:17

it. What's the story that he tells with the

42:19

history of pillows? Yeah, we'll go

42:21

into pillows. This is why you need pillows. If

42:24

you have headaches, and who doesn't? Oh, well. Especially

42:26

in this time. Sure. Who

42:28

doesn't have headaches? You need pillows? Everybody does.

42:31

Do you have headaches? Of course you do. Did

42:34

he? Oh! Do

42:36

we know who the first person was to have

42:38

a headache? Joe does. The very first person to

42:40

have a headache. It was a woman. We

42:43

know that. It was a woman named

42:45

Gloria. How would they have Gloria? She was a

42:47

Roman. Do you know they never had headaches before

42:49

the Roman? Not until the Roman Empire. No.

42:52

There was nothing to upset anybody about. But

42:54

then they got lead in their water and

42:56

everyone was obsessed. Absolutely. They got a headache.

42:59

Yeah. Poor girl. Poor Gloria.

43:01

Those damn aqueducts. Those damn aqueducts.

43:03

Now Chris, okay. Let me, I

43:05

mean there's so many things, but.

43:07

Oh, God. So Andrew, I set

43:10

up this post for you. I have to ask you, was

43:13

there any mention on the eBay listing that the Chicken

43:15

Dance Elmo did not work? No. It

43:18

said it absolutely worked. Well, did you try to

43:20

get a refund? I did. You said

43:22

it absolutely worked. It absolutely worked. I

43:25

didn't want to hear that. This is why my son and I fight. I didn't

43:27

want to hear about eyesight. Oh, I think you just made those sounds at the

43:29

end. So just those other ones. Excuse me. I

43:31

am Trent. Chris. Chris.

43:34

Sorry. Sorry. Children

43:36

might listen to this. I'm sorry for the

43:38

children. I am too. Children turn off. So

43:40

please explain. Children turn off. I'm sorry. I'm

43:43

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

43:45

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

43:47

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

43:50

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

43:53

I'm sorry. Children turn off. Turn

43:55

off right now. So what? Children

43:57

turn off. Turn yourself off. Children

44:00

turn off! That's what

44:03

they... The Tiffany song. Yes, the Tiffany

44:05

song! That was the original... I think

44:07

we're alone now. I think we're alone

44:09

now. Oh, I thought you were doing like,

44:11

turn on your heart. What is that song called?

44:13

Turn on your heart. Oh, the wonderful

44:15

Neil Diamond song about E.T. The wonderful

44:18

unlicensed E.T. tribute. Don't

44:20

you wish Neil Diamond... No one asked him to do that. No

44:22

one. I wish Neil Diamond

44:24

did a song for every movie and

44:26

was never asked. Absolutely! Any movie. Harry

44:28

and the Headersons. This is another term

44:30

of my endearment. Only

44:34

80s movies itself. Only

44:36

80s movies. Oh, we're out of

44:39

Africa. Like

44:43

he went into a store and asked

44:45

for Africa. And the person said, oh,

44:47

we're out of Africa. And of course,

44:49

you know, so many of the Bond ones are like

44:51

that, but there was not an octopussy song did not

44:53

have the word in it, but it really should

44:55

have. Babe, what was the song? I

44:57

think it was, um, Oh, now

44:59

I can't remember because you asked me, Chris. Was

45:01

Sheena Easton... Was it called Squiddick? No.

45:04

Squiddick. Burns! Babe,

45:06

can you look it up? That's it. We

45:08

were all signed. Wait, was that Sheena or was it Laura

45:10

Branigan? It was Rita Coolidge. Oh, okay. Laura Branigan. I don't

45:13

think she did a Bond theme. I do miss her. Did

45:15

she just go cry out loud? No, that's Melissa Manchester. She

45:17

did Gloria. Oh, she did Gloria.

45:19

Wasn't that the woman? She was the woman. She was

45:21

the woman. She was the woman. She was

45:23

the woman. She was the woman. She

45:25

was the woman. Was that the woman

45:27

from the Roman Empire? Yes, it was. The one who

45:30

got the headache. Yes, she was about her. Oh my

45:32

God. We need to look up the lyrics. I didn't

45:34

know there was a history song. Wait, do you mean

45:36

G-L-O-R-I-A? No. No. Absolutely

45:39

not. I don't know what that was. That's them.

45:42

Oh, that's one of Rhubarb Caravan's bestievists? Oh, that's Doug's band. Was

45:45

Gloria actually a song about

45:47

a headache? I'm not sure. Gloria, I

45:49

think I've got your number. Gloria,

45:52

if everybody wants on you, why

45:54

isn't anybody calling? Because

45:56

she has a headache. She has not to. And she's in

45:59

the Roman Empire. and they don't have phones.

46:01

I'm not sure. Well, okay. Perhaps.

46:04

Chris, you've cracked it. Chris, I really want to know why you wanted to

46:06

sell Mo. Yes. Look,

46:09

I'm in a book club. Okay. Can

46:11

I say that? All right. Yes. These

46:14

are not controversial things. Let's see. I'm very

46:16

concerned that I started it and I'm very concerned. Oh, you started the

46:18

book club? I did. But you say it like

46:20

you started a fire. Very

46:23

apologetically you said I started it. Well,

46:25

I just feel like book clubs are...

46:28

This is why. I think book clubs are things that

46:30

people say they want to be in and then when

46:33

someone starts it they're like, it's a bumble to every

46:35

law. Everyone gets in the way. I'm an adult and

46:37

now I have homework. Yes. And then we

46:39

talk about it. And no one has read it

46:41

and you try to fake it. You do it and then we have to

46:43

have cheese. But I was losing

46:45

people and I was losing people and

46:47

I was like, I got to get this to be

46:49

more entertaining. So I was looking

46:52

for... So I thought

46:54

I'd order. I thought, well, maybe if we got

46:56

some Elmo chicken dance. Okay, now wait a minute.

46:58

It was the very first thing. It was the

47:00

very first thing. But

47:03

again, we've established that you don't really know how

47:06

to search Google. I don't know how. You

47:08

did know how to type in Elmo

47:10

chicken dance. How did you even know that was a thing?

47:13

Oh, that's a good question. Oh, yeah. But that is a

47:15

good question too. How are you aware of chicken dance so

47:17

much? There's good questions all around. I have a chance of

47:20

chicken dance, Elmo. Oh.

47:23

You know. That's really great. That's

47:25

really great. I'm

47:28

going to get weird to strap in. Okay.

47:30

I'm psychic. Wow. I

47:33

believe in this 150 percent. I

47:37

had a dream. What? I think you're

47:39

going to have to let us know about that. 150 percent? Is

47:42

that what you said? I said 150 percent. But the

47:44

last part of it got jumbled. What was the last

47:46

part? I'm very elder. Yes, of course you are. I'm

47:48

a beautiful older woman. You're a handsome older woman. You're

47:50

a handsome older woman. I'm a beautiful older woman. I'm

47:52

a beautiful older woman. I'm a beautiful older woman. You're

47:54

a handsome older woman. You're a handsome older woman. Yes,

47:56

sorry. Thanks for the correction. I'm

47:59

handsome. I'm a handsome woman.

48:01

Is that a compliment? I do think so.

48:03

I really do. If someone told you you

48:05

were handsome, would you say thank you? You

48:07

know what? I think it's better in old age than

48:09

younger age. Absolutely. And I'm old. Right. So I think it's

48:11

good for you. When I was young, I was very confused

48:13

by it. You're a handsome woman. Oh, you got it as

48:15

a young woman, too. I've bought it since I was a

48:17

baby. Oh, a handsome baby. Since I had the baby. Your

48:20

son is handsome, and my parents would like, thank

48:23

you. They were embarrassed. Oh, I'm sorry. And I

48:25

know. Oh, they wouldn't say it's a little girl.

48:27

They would just go along with it. They'd say,

48:29

oh, my boy is handsome. And

48:33

then they'd see the vagina to be all over.

48:35

Oh, now why is that? Why did that happen?

48:39

You know, they didn't change. I'm

48:42

sorry. Oh, no. It's getting very

48:44

emotional. I'm sorry.

48:46

It's getting very emotional. I'm sorry.

48:48

In public. No. Out of overcome.

48:52

Out of overcome. That's how it

48:54

goes. Out of overcome. Yeah. I'm

48:56

not going to come here. Sorry, Chris, to bring

48:58

this up. I didn't mean. It's a memory that

49:01

I forgot about. I'm sorry. Where are we? Most

49:03

people don't remember being changed as a baby.

49:05

Well, most people aren't psychic. Right.

49:08

You've got that X percent. I got you there. Yeah. I

49:10

got you there. Yeah. So now, do you. Okay.

49:12

That a dream. And in

49:14

my dream, a ghost came to her.

49:17

Oh, now. Okay. Said Elmo.

49:20

Chicken dance. Buy it.

49:22

That's it. That's all

49:24

it said. I said to my son. No, is that

49:26

being psychic or is that just a dream? How do you. What

49:28

does that have to do with you being psychic? All I know is that

49:31

all I know is all I know. And

49:33

then I said to my son, I had this dream

49:35

and he knows what they mean. The same thing psychic

49:37

happens. So he looked it up. Okay. And he found

49:39

it. And he found it

49:41

on the internet. Can you describe the ghost

49:44

forest, Chris? Sure. Oh,

49:47

it looks like I have an hour. Oh, yes.

49:50

Very. That makes sense. That makes

49:52

sense. Oh, God. Very.

49:54

I'm sorry. I brought it up. I'm sorry. It

49:56

was a translucent version of ice. Oh, wow. You

49:58

can see through them. Casper the friendly

50:01

Eisenhower. I've been Howard the friendly?

50:04

Yes, Casper the friendly. Yes, Eisenhower

50:06

the friendly. I've been

50:08

Howard the friendly ghost, I would say. I don't

50:10

know what Casper the friendly, I've been Howard me.

50:12

It was Casper translucent. No, I don't

50:15

think he was. Well, it

50:17

just depends. My memory of him is very

50:19

solid. I feel like he was translucent when it was useful to

50:21

the story. Do

50:24

you know what I'm saying? Yes, exactly.

50:27

You can make yourself invisible. I have not seen the

50:29

Devin Sawa film, but I bet in that movie he

50:31

was translucent because they had more money for

50:33

the effects. Was that a person's

50:35

name? Devin Sawa. I'm just not familiar.

50:38

Was that the director? No,

50:40

that was the young boy who

50:42

played Casper. Oh, how do you

50:44

know these things? There's a certain

50:46

age woman to whom this

50:49

is younger than me, but to whom

50:51

this age, this

50:57

movie is very important to them. Oh,

51:00

okay. Very important to them. And

51:03

then because of the end, he briefly becomes a

51:05

real live boy. Oh, thank you. And then there's

51:07

Devin Sawa and then all the girls who

51:10

were watching this, they got very excited. About

51:12

a ghost in boy form. Yes.

51:14

Sort of a reverse Pinocchio. Yes,

51:17

exactly, if you like. Also, I just wanted

51:19

to say, when the nose goes

51:22

in, I'm often... No! Yeah,

51:24

go like... Out the back

51:26

of his head. When

51:28

he tells the truth. Wait,

51:36

it's not really a reverse Pinocchio because Pinocchio also became

51:38

a real boy. Yes, at the end he didn't become

51:40

a boy at the end. Yes, he did. Oh,

51:43

that's right. Because it's not a reverse Pinocchio. Casper

51:45

goes back to being a ghost in

51:47

the movie. Okay, that's the reverse Pinocchio of it all. He's

51:50

dead. Yeah, he is. But I never really thought of him as

51:52

the ghost of a little boy. He looks so

51:55

cartoonish to me. I know. You

51:57

know? That's interesting. It's dark.

52:00

The child died and they made a cartoon about

52:02

it. Interesting. We

52:06

never thought about it, did we? It

52:08

was children, it was just rejected. Well, there's also a very

52:10

terrifying Disney live action movie called Child of

52:12

Glass. Has anyone heard of it? No,

52:15

a child made of glass. Oh, it's terrifying. No, but it's

52:17

not really that. It's a ghost. It is a

52:19

dead child. What I want to say is an

52:21

outdoor barn or something. Not only indoor ones?

52:25

I lived in an indoor barn for three years. Did

52:28

you really? I do not recommend it. Was

52:30

this with your husband? No, he was gone. They

52:32

were in the television. Oh, sure, Johnny. Then

52:34

when he came back, it felt like a

52:36

parade. Oh, wait,

52:41

now parades are getting the same reaction as I said.

52:45

Oh, yes. I love parades. Am

52:47

I the first person to ever say that? You were

52:49

the first time and the first person ever to say

52:51

that. Never say I love parades and

52:53

time. You're the first person to say you

52:55

love all parades. I think some people say I love a parade.

52:58

I love all. If there's a

53:00

parade, I'm all for it. You like a pharmacist parade? Does

53:02

he have every year? I love the parade when they're just

53:04

throwing pills in the air and white coats. There's

53:11

nothing more attractive than a pharmacist to

53:13

me except for us. You're

53:16

aware that Bert is a pharmacist, right? I'm very

53:18

aware. What's

53:20

your husband's name? Charles.

53:24

I forgot. I'm so sorry. I forgot. I'm

53:27

so sorry. I forgot. That's all right.

53:30

So wait a minute. So you received this. What

53:32

did I receive? You received I guess

53:35

a psychic reading or

53:37

something about it. It was just a dream. It was

53:39

a dream. I don't know what you call them. A vision? I

53:42

guess what I want to say is how

53:44

often. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second.

53:46

There is a word. The word, forget it.

53:48

Premonition. Oh, OK. Premonition. It

53:52

said it told me to do it and I didn't and

53:54

it exists. Who would have thought that those two things of

53:57

those connected Elmo and her condition. I just don't know. I

53:59

just don't know. So then how long have

54:01

you had it? When did you get it?

54:03

Were you happy with it? Did it improve

54:05

your book club? Okay. These are

54:07

a lot of questions. Number one,

54:09

I got it one month ago.

54:12

Okay. Number two, very unhappy

54:14

with it, which is why I posted. It didn't

54:16

work. Oh yeah, that's right. Sorry, sorry, sorry. And

54:18

this is the first time I've been upset at

54:20

a Sesame Street character, by the way. That's

54:23

a side note. Okay. I'm not

54:25

happy with the whole Sesame Street thing. Oh. Let's

54:28

explore. You want to talk about it? Can I

54:30

answer that third question? I think so. And I've

54:32

already forgotten what it was. Oh, the book club thing. Well,

54:34

obviously the answer is no. I forgot that it was broken.

54:36

No, this is what the, this is the stakes

54:38

of the whole thing. The book

54:40

club is coming up in a few days and I

54:42

don't know if I'm going to lose members. Oh, you

54:44

haven't had it for a month. You only have it once a month? I

54:47

postponed it. I said I had bad

54:49

illness. I don't want to give anybody. But

54:52

this was because the chicken delts almost did not work.

54:54

I've got to think about what to do. Of course.

54:56

Of course. All right. So what

54:58

did I, Sesame Street? No. You

55:01

have a problem with all of them, you said? A lot of them.

55:03

A lot of them. A lot of issues with S. S. S. Street.

55:05

Like what? I don't believe

55:07

a bird could be that tall. Okay.

55:09

Well. I

55:11

don't know why we can't say what Bernd

55:14

and Ernie really are. Oh.

55:17

Does someone need to live in a trash can

55:19

and tell mean mean things? I hear you on

55:21

that one. I have that. I have. Thank

55:24

you. I don't need to be told mean things.

55:26

But children just seem to love that grouchiness.

55:28

They love it when someone isn't.

55:31

Because they think it's the naughty part, right?

55:33

It's like, oh, that guy's not nice. He's

55:35

a negative example. He's a negative example. And

55:37

the kids get delighted that someone's acting out,

55:39

you know? No, no repercussions for us.

55:42

No, there's no lessons. There's nothing. Whatever

55:44

he wants. He sure does. He's like

55:46

Dennis the Menace's neighbor, Mr. Mitchell. Also

55:49

played by Walter Methow. Mr. Wilson. Mr. Wilson

55:51

was as a... I think that was played

55:54

by Walter Mathau. Dennis Mitchell. I

55:57

think it was played by Walter Mathau. That's right. There

55:59

is so much. I love the pronunciation. Oh, it made him

56:01

laugh. Dennis' last name was Michelle. I'm a she.

56:03

I'm sorry, it made her laugh. I told you,

56:06

this is the problem I've had so long. Because

56:08

she got so upset, like when I call... I'm

56:10

sorry. I know. She's just a

56:12

very handsome woman. A very handsome woman. A

56:14

very handsome woman. Okay, so... So, the Sesame

56:17

Street aside, one

56:19

of the most galling things about this group... Galling?

56:22

Well, you'll see where I'm at. I think I'll be pleased.

56:25

Oh, good. Is that the

56:28

idea that you press the foot, he

56:30

announces he's going to do the dance... Yes. And

56:33

then doesn't do it. No, he doesn't do it. That's...

56:36

If it were just you press the foot and he does the dance...

56:38

No. And it didn't work, that would be

56:40

one thing. But the fact that he says, now I'm going to

56:42

do the chicken dance, and then it doesn't happen. Press

56:45

the left foot is what it said. Yes, the left foot said, I'm going to do

56:47

the... I don't do elbows, folks. And I won't. Oh,

56:49

you don't, because you were very good at doing your husband's voice. I mean, I

56:51

don't know, I've never met him, but... Well, that's my husband. I love

56:53

him. I believe you. And I love doing his

56:55

voice. Oh. Oh. Such

56:58

a sensual person, Chris. Thank you. You should have seen

57:00

me when I was young. Oh, boy. I walked around

57:02

town, just moaning. Listen to that. On Eisenhower Street? Oh,

57:04

I couldn't walk down. Oh, that's right. You're probably going

57:06

to be a bit near it. Oh, now it's warm.

57:09

I was... Look, I had to stay off... You seem

57:11

a sign. Oh, that's

57:13

right. Oh, that's right. Oh, now it's warm. Oh,

57:15

now it's warm. It's near it. Look, I had

57:18

to stay off... You seem a sign. I

57:21

had to stay off Eisenhower

57:23

Street, because if I walked, I'd be

57:25

slipping and sliding. Slipping

57:28

and sliding. Okay. Oh.

57:32

Children turn off. We got... Oh, children

57:34

turn off. Anyway, what was I saying? So the book

57:36

club. You postponed it. That's not what I was saying,

57:38

but... No, you were talking about... You were telling me...

57:41

Well, you had said the most galling thing is that

57:43

he now thinks he's going to do it, and then

57:45

he doesn't. I don't remember what happened after that. He pressed

57:47

the button. He says, I'm going to do it. He just

57:49

collapses over. Oh, hello. I thought he

57:51

just... Oh, he didn't do something. Nothing happened, but he

57:53

collapses? I'm not even sure that the mechanism

57:56

is supposed to do that. I don't think... It

57:58

fell over in a puddle of nothing. But

58:01

nothing, did he regain his form

58:03

again or no? He laughed at

58:05

me. What? Then he started

58:07

laughing. Oh I don't think that's what's

58:09

happened. I

58:11

pressed the button, Elmo goes, now

58:14

I'm going, oh no you haven't!

58:16

That's not bad. It's pretty good.

58:18

It's very good. I'm going to do whatever.

58:20

I'm going to do the chicken chest. I just

58:22

know he's doing sort of a red, she's doing,

58:24

just so you know, she's doing sort of a

58:26

red rum thing with her finger. The

58:29

finger represents Elmo. To

58:34

me he's basically the Chinese. Now

58:36

I'm like, do the chicken dance.

58:42

Ball's laid it, balls are made of that

58:45

fart noise. And

58:47

then laser giggling. That's

58:49

horrifying. This reminds me

58:51

of, it's putting me in mind of

58:53

the little twerking skeleton doll. I'm

58:55

sorry, the what? This

58:59

was a viral clip a few years ago. Oh

59:01

my goodness. And it's

59:03

a YouTube, I believe it's a YouTube video under

59:06

the heading of possessed

59:08

doll. So this

59:10

is like a Halloween decoration that is supposed to

59:12

do a little dance to a song and

59:16

then it just starts going crazy. Oh

59:18

my word. And people are convinced it's

59:20

possessed and they start rebuking Satan at

59:23

it and saying I cast you

59:25

out. I'm not here about it. Annabelle. But this

59:27

does have that aspect. You get scared? How

59:29

long did it last? When you know who's the worst Chris?

59:31

You don't know the word Robert. Robert's a doll. Who's Robert? He's

59:34

a haunted doll. He wears a sailor

59:36

suit and that's stolen valor. I've

59:39

never heard of such a thing. You're

59:42

the sole of the troops? Terrible.

59:45

Well I'm insulted. And to Eisenhower. Oh

59:47

boy. He was an army. He was

59:49

an army. General. He warned

59:51

about that. How long did the Elmo, what? He

59:55

warned about the military industrial complex. Yes

59:57

he did. Then he warned about Elmo.

1:00:00

He's too big warning. Yes.

1:00:04

The industrial complex and Elmo. He

1:00:08

knew about it. That's

1:00:11

why he had a shaved head. So

1:00:14

more room for him. More

1:00:16

hair? He was way ahead

1:00:18

of his eye. He was braided from the

1:00:21

outside. He

1:00:23

actually had a very thick head of

1:00:25

hair. But you shaved his head so

1:00:27

that his brain could work at full

1:00:30

capacity. Because that hair would have weighed it down. I

1:00:32

don't know. I don't know enough

1:00:34

about the science. You do know now. You

1:00:38

know now. Oh, I do know now.

1:00:41

I want to know how long the Elmo laughed and if

1:00:43

it's happened since. Because I... Yes?

1:00:46

Yes, I will tell you. Okay. A

1:00:48

deal has been struck.

1:00:51

The laugh is a good 45 minutes. What

1:00:55

45 minutes? No, absolutely not. It

1:00:58

goes up and down. It's horrifying. You keep thinking

1:01:00

it's going to end. Right. Like it's like... Okay.

1:01:04

Something's wrong with that. No, that's not okay. Is

1:01:06

he laughing like he's laughing at something that he just...

1:01:09

As if tears are streaming down his face and then he thinks

1:01:11

he's done and then he thinks about it again and he starts

1:01:13

laughing all over again. Is it one of those? A

1:01:15

little bit. It's more of a mocking thing. Oh,

1:01:17

for 45 minutes. Yes. Wow.

1:01:21

Okay. Did you take the batteries out? No.

1:01:23

I didn't know. See, this is why I

1:01:26

need you around. Me? What? I

1:01:29

think you're... I'm so surprised. I forgot. See,

1:01:32

I should have started with this at the beginning of

1:01:34

the show. Yeah, this is why you came. New information.

1:01:36

Will you come live with me? I wanted to ask

1:01:38

you. Chris, I will go. Chris, I need... My son

1:01:41

won't come back. He'll be back. Whoa!

1:01:44

I mean, why... Chris, why me? I just

1:01:46

enjoy you. Oh, please. I think you're a delightful

1:01:48

woman. Do you listen to our... Paga, are you

1:01:50

just familiar with me because of my real... I

1:01:54

listen to your podcast. I study

1:01:56

your real estate stuff. I'm so flattered.

1:01:59

You should be A... The huge fan of nice

1:02:01

if you're a wonderful actress. So

1:02:03

every time you're on Cnn Dignity

1:02:05

false I always cry only to

1:02:07

my what the promotional once I

1:02:10

can see you you know Walter

1:02:12

Matthau story and I will cry

1:02:14

either from the sadness or from

1:02:16

last or oh awesome anger. Oh

1:02:18

who was like a New Year

1:02:20

period of your tears See I

1:02:22

years I knew I had endured

1:02:24

how years moves uses come over

1:02:26

to my of what my Alma

1:02:28

you might flight ser. Algo say he

1:02:31

was your own of of us. my

1:02:33

elbow out of a sweaty with the

1:02:35

border global happening and I don't know

1:02:37

what to do. The Way less obsessed.

1:02:39

Hub is coming on okay I know no

1:02:41

to do to entertain them now. I

1:02:44

see many other options and just said

1:02:46

chicken Dance Elmo that that Enter T

1:02:48

headline says mentally dreams is. Hold me

1:02:50

Women: Who is who? Us: Why does

1:02:52

you assume I'm assuming that I have

1:02:55

some men in my book club to?

1:02:57

I'm sorry. You Are absolutely right.

1:02:59

Demented remained a breakdown of albums that tell

1:03:02

you how many people in the book club

1:03:04

at this seventy seven during towed in using.

1:03:07

His was that there's Celeste

1:03:10

there's an hour is Billy

1:03:12

Bob Okay, there's who built

1:03:14

bar in the bar Bill

1:03:16

A Bar Buses cc this

1:03:18

the need for. Ah okay,

1:03:20

there's Henry. There's Henry. Two.

1:03:23

Of us As soon as I. Guess

1:03:25

I think the best Members: Seven I six. I

1:03:27

was a people's. Is

1:03:29

maybe to see people in our gloating

1:03:32

for two hundred is that will as

1:03:34

soon as an hour And Henry Henry

1:03:36

to is one person to personality oh

1:03:38

we're supposed to care for it. Never

1:03:40

fails every month Henry to buy Barboza

1:03:43

Yes to both of us as a

1:03:45

thank you. The. Fun though. Both

1:03:47

of them. Well, that's good. It's. a

1:03:52

sudden this is this subject premonition you had

1:03:54

might just be a dream unless can you

1:03:57

tell me about other think why do you

1:03:59

think you're saying Why? What? Well,

1:04:03

what are some other instances of your psychic? Yes, that's

1:04:05

why. I guess that's how I need to get a

1:04:07

word in. That's always a dream where a ghost comes

1:04:09

in. See, I'm not... Okay. Why?

1:04:12

I've never heard of that being... I thought that being

1:04:14

psychic meant, you know, you touch someone's hand, you can

1:04:16

see that something happened in their lives. You walk into

1:04:18

a room, you can feel the aura, you know that

1:04:20

something happened. I haven't heard of being psychic. It's just

1:04:22

a ghost tells you something in a dream. Can

1:04:24

you think of a word I'm thinking of? That's

1:04:26

psychic. Well, that's not me. I'm telling you...

1:04:28

He's not that kind of psychic, babe. I'm trying to figure out what

1:04:30

kind of... Can I take a shot at it? I'll try. But

1:04:33

you go ahead. No, you go ahead. What? Dandruff.

1:04:37

Was it dandruff? I'm

1:04:39

not sure it was. No, that's actually not it. What's

1:04:41

your guess for it? Let me... Let

1:04:43

me use that. No, wait, this is exactly what happened. See, this is

1:04:45

why I don't like psychics. You see what he's doing? He's just trying

1:04:47

to pull apart... I'm a see, and I don't know how many times. Why are

1:04:50

you doing this? Why are you doing this? This

1:04:52

is what he's doing. No, please,

1:04:54

Chris. No, this is what she's doing, which is a lot of what

1:04:56

psychics do, is that they sort of pull

1:05:00

apart the word and just try to get

1:05:03

to anything that might make you say, oh, that's right.

1:05:07

She's right. Is

1:05:09

there a J in your life? Is there a J in your name? How

1:05:11

about an M? Oh, P. Is there

1:05:13

a house in your life? Is there a car? Was it something with

1:05:15

Dan in it, though? Was it something with Dan in it? I don't

1:05:18

know. I don't know. I don't know.

1:05:20

I don't know. Was it

1:05:22

something with Dan in it? I'm sorry, but not at

1:05:24

all. There was supine, right? Yes. Yeah,

1:05:26

there was supine. I think we all know it was supine.

1:05:28

That's what I was thinking. Supine is so close to dandruff.

1:05:31

But I do. I am having dandruff

1:05:33

problems. Well, that's what I was thinking

1:05:35

about. There it is. You must

1:05:37

be psychic. Thank you. Presentism.

1:05:41

Presentism. Presentism. Oh,

1:05:43

that's different. Well, that's... Oh, that's a

1:05:45

belief. Well, yes. Presentism.

1:05:48

Bigotry against present... Presentism? Bigotry.

1:05:51

Sorry. When you don't

1:05:53

believe in it. You

1:05:56

don't believe in presentism. We cover...

1:05:58

I'm sorry. Chris, did you... tried

1:06:00

to return the doll or no?

1:06:03

No. Why not? They lied to

1:06:06

you. Exactly. You can get a

1:06:08

full refund and you should also

1:06:10

warn people about the vendor. I

1:06:12

should. What's happening? Oh no. Wait, that

1:06:14

sounds like... It's doing it again. I

1:06:16

know. Look, it's doing it because he

1:06:18

brought it. I told you. This is

1:06:20

terrifying. This is gonna go on for

1:06:22

45 minutes. Oh, please, no. It'll die

1:06:24

down. Oh. Should

1:06:27

I put it in a drawer? Yeah, please. Yes,

1:06:29

please. Put it in a drawer. Oh, here's a

1:06:31

drawer. Slam. Do you

1:06:35

do that when you close drawers? You say slam. We

1:06:37

close it lightly and say slam? Yes. Not all the

1:06:39

time. I don't always try to do that. I'm telling

1:06:41

you, it'll just make your life more fun.

1:06:44

I did that old Onyx song. Slam.

1:06:49

Let the boys be boys.

1:06:52

Turn on your hard light. That's the turn

1:06:54

of the year, man. You gotta watch out

1:06:56

for the photos.

1:07:00

Gremlins. Did

1:07:09

Gremlins end with a wrap? There must

1:07:11

have been. Gremlins, you... I know Dragnet

1:07:13

did. Remember that Dragnet wrap?

1:07:15

No, but I'll... It's gonna make me

1:07:17

wanna watch it. It's something else. Tom

1:07:20

Hanks says, Pep Streebeck. Oh.

1:07:24

Okay, now where... Are you

1:07:26

drunk? Yes. It's

1:07:29

9 AM. Oh, you've been up for

1:07:31

a while. Oh, Chris, I need help. Chris, I can't

1:07:33

come live with you. I don't think that me living with you is gonna

1:07:35

solve your problem. That's off the table. I

1:07:37

remember. I remember. I remember. You asked me

1:07:39

why I didn't return. Oh, yeah. Okay, now

1:07:41

I'm gonna be real. Oh, please. The mask

1:07:43

is coming. Oh, okay.

1:07:45

Oh, my lord. I

1:07:48

took it off. I look older than I did.

1:07:50

You look... But you still look handsome. You're

1:07:52

still a handsome woman, but you do look 10

1:07:54

years older. Thank you. Okay. My

1:07:57

son, I know... If

1:08:00

I return it, I will have no chance that

1:08:02

my son will come back. I need

1:08:04

my son to come back. Do you feel like you

1:08:06

can only get him to come around and you need

1:08:09

help with certain things? Yes. That's what

1:08:11

I feel. Okay, but then you can ask for help for all

1:08:13

sorts of things. Help around the house, help cleaning, helping with

1:08:15

groceries. That's what you're there for. No, I

1:08:17

don't think so. I'm not sure that makes any

1:08:19

sense. Chris, you have to get that idea out

1:08:21

of your mind because Joan is not going to

1:08:23

live with you. She has her own life. Yeah,

1:08:26

I do. And I mean,

1:08:28

listen, and if I wasn't so busy, I might

1:08:30

visit your book club, but it doesn't mean

1:08:33

that we can't. Oh, visit my book club. Well, I already

1:08:35

said it was very busy. Wait, if you say, does visit

1:08:37

my book club mean that you'll be in it or just

1:08:39

come by and say hi? I use

1:08:41

my words very carefully. Visit just to check and see how it goes.

1:08:43

Nobody wants to do a book club. It's just no way. No,

1:08:46

they don't. It's just like... Oh,

1:08:48

yeah, visit. Okay. What

1:08:50

are you reading? Like auditing the class. Oh,

1:08:52

okay, goodbye. Goodbye. Sounds like a good book.

1:08:54

I won't read it. I'm talking about it.

1:08:57

Enjoy the cheese. Is

1:08:59

that them backing away into the night? Enjoy the

1:09:01

cheese. Because there's always cheese out of the book

1:09:03

club. There's always cheese. Enjoy the cheese. Slam.

1:09:07

So I don't need... What's my son? What? What?

1:09:11

My son? Who's husband? You need to

1:09:13

figure out... Second phase. Has

1:09:16

this happened many times before where you and your son stopped talking

1:09:18

for long periods of time or is this the first time this

1:09:20

has happened? No, it's many times. Okay. So

1:09:23

we need therapy. Is his father... Does he

1:09:25

and his father have a good relationship? Yes. I

1:09:28

say yes to therapy. Wonderful. Okay.

1:09:31

When my husband is home, there's nothing

1:09:33

wrong. How often is he home? Every

1:09:37

few months he comes home. What a beautiful way.

1:09:39

It is. There's nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong.

1:09:41

And Andrew feels the same. Oh, yes, they get

1:09:43

along famous. Well, gosh. Where do

1:09:46

you think all this unhappiness comes from?

1:09:48

We miss him. We miss

1:09:50

Charles. And we take it out on each other. Charles. So

1:09:53

sorry. You're right. I said my father.

1:09:55

That's my father. Oh, right. I

1:10:00

call my husband my husband When

1:10:09

you're having fun with your husband, it's your father. Oh

1:10:12

call your fuzz you should call him your husband I

1:10:14

call him my dog, but Doug's been a

1:10:16

cool boy boy I

1:10:23

Oh boy, I Know

1:10:27

somebody who who is divorced and refers

1:10:29

to their ex-husband if there was been

1:10:31

oh, yes I've heard that before that's

1:10:33

pretty clever. It's pretty clever. They do

1:10:35

hate each other. Oh, yeah I

1:10:38

don't know why she's bothering because

1:10:40

band you oh Like

1:10:42

a hand band. Yeah. Oh, yes. Oh,

1:10:44

I was thinking have been you mark

1:10:47

bad Was

1:10:51

Okay, I mean this is very fun But I don't think it's

1:10:53

going to help you get to the bottom of your

1:10:55

problem I know you're saying I don't need my

1:10:58

son to come back and help me No, you

1:11:00

don't need just simply a malfunctioning Elmo for

1:11:02

him to come back. Okay, I

1:11:04

think that you just need the fact that you are his

1:11:07

mother And that he

1:11:09

probably needs his mother and that the

1:11:11

two of you are 30s I

1:11:13

know but you know what a boy always needs me. Oh, yeah Very

1:11:17

true. Yes, even Matt and radiophonic

1:11:19

need me sometimes still And

1:11:21

and so I honestly

1:11:23

think like for bail It

1:11:27

does happen. They still get arrested a lot But

1:11:30

you know what you keep warm and if it

1:11:32

gets cold in the That's

1:11:36

the positive of having an arsonist is a son

1:11:38

if you live in cold weather, oh boy, I mean

1:11:40

that is been I

1:11:43

Think I need to do is is is

1:11:45

to call him up and say son I'm

1:11:47

sorry that things are that we that we

1:11:49

argued. Would you like to come over? I'll

1:11:51

make you some food? Hard

1:11:55

to be vulnerable sometimes, you know, but I'm just

1:11:57

telling you I guarantee you that he's he's He

1:12:00

has a family. Okay. He has a

1:12:02

family. So he has a family. He

1:12:04

has a family. So he does have

1:12:06

a family. He does have a family.

1:12:08

The reason I hesitated is because, you

1:12:11

know, as a mother, and I am one, and you're now speaking

1:12:21

mother to me. Oh, yes, we are. We

1:12:23

always, no matter what age they are, we

1:12:25

always think of them as just single children.

1:12:27

Well, yes. And

1:12:33

so when they're married, you go, oh, wait, he's not

1:12:35

a single child anymore. He's not a single child. He's

1:12:37

not a family. Can you describe

1:12:39

the family? Yeah. Oh, can

1:12:42

I? Yes. What did

1:12:44

you think I said? I don't know. Listen, I'm

1:12:46

very old. The answer was right. You said, yeah. Okay.

1:12:49

So I got lucky. I have a sidekick. Yeah.

1:12:52

Yeah. It's going to be right.

1:12:54

50% of the time. But I got lucky. I had

1:12:56

a good, like maybe. It could have been a maybe.

1:12:59

It could have been a maybe. Okay. That's rare. That's

1:13:02

like- Families love- Double

1:13:04

zero. I get along very well with this family. His wife's

1:13:06

name is Jan. Mm-hmm. I hate that

1:13:08

name, but she's lovely. Mm-hmm. Sounds

1:13:11

like, I don't know if that was pertinent. I

1:13:14

just think it's boring. Well, I mean-

1:13:16

Okay. When he said, I'm dating a

1:13:18

girl named Jan, I'm like, ugh, I

1:13:20

don't like it. Well, that might not have been the

1:13:22

best reaction to have. No, of course not. Yeah.

1:13:25

I'm just so young. Oh. You

1:13:28

think it's a name? If Charles was in town, I'm sure I

1:13:30

would have had a better attitude. Oh.

1:13:32

I just miss him so much. I think I take it out of my

1:13:34

house. You're personally a need to come home. Yeah. Does

1:13:36

he have children? Do you have grandchildren?

1:13:38

Yes. He has a lot. How

1:13:41

many? Six. That is a

1:13:43

lot. A lot, yes. Oh my God. I

1:13:45

would have- I'm an only child. Oh,

1:13:47

you bet they- they're two sets of

1:13:50

triplets. Oh, no. Oh, goodness.

1:13:52

Yeah. It was tough on Jan.

1:13:54

Well, sure. That

1:13:57

sounds scary. Scary? Yeah. up

1:14:00

on you? Well, because I feel

1:14:02

like they'd be warring. You

1:14:04

have two teams, essentially. But then

1:14:07

they could combine. Oh, yeah. Oh,

1:14:09

you're definitely beyond our number. And then we'll have

1:14:11

to talk to each other. Oh, no. It's like

1:14:13

the evil Brady Bunch. So

1:14:16

you just don't talk to them? You don't talk to

1:14:18

these kids? Not when I'm not talking to my son.

1:14:21

I don't talk to them. Oh, I don't talk to

1:14:23

any of them. It's all or nothing. You talk to

1:14:25

everybody or nobody. Listen, I'm a woman who's

1:14:27

all or nothing. That's

1:14:30

the healthiest thing, I admit. I wish I were better.

1:14:33

You're right about that. Too old to change? No. Never.

1:14:37

Never too late. I think that if you

1:14:39

are able to say, is it too old to change? Yeah, we

1:14:41

glossed over. Is it? You knew what you

1:14:43

meant. Thank you. I

1:14:45

think that, Chris, it sounds like

1:14:47

you're able to admit that you might have

1:14:49

some fault here. Okay. And

1:14:52

that the way you speak to your son, sometimes you say things that

1:14:54

don't need to be said. You know, you

1:14:56

might have personal feelings about, say, somebody's name or

1:14:58

something. But you can keep that to yourself.

1:15:01

You don't need to share that with him because now you have to

1:15:03

have that in his mind whenever he hears

1:15:05

his wife's name. Yeah, and I'm also realizing that

1:15:07

it has nothing to do with it. It's

1:15:10

all about my husband. I'm just, when

1:15:12

I say something, me, I just, I'm missing

1:15:14

my husband. You're missing your husband. I'm missing

1:15:16

my husband. There you go. And that's

1:15:18

okay. Well, he's got to be

1:15:20

fairly old. I mean, isn't it time for retirement for him? How old is

1:15:22

he? Oh, he's 97. Sure. And

1:15:25

he should not be old. Oh, my God. No,

1:15:27

he's got a lot of them. Do you have any of those

1:15:29

pillows? I could use some. Oh, sure. They're

1:15:31

delightful. They're delightful. If

1:15:35

you, if you, a headache pillow. Yes. Okay.

1:15:37

If you like colors, we, everything. I like colors. Give

1:15:40

me a color. Different color. I'm going

1:15:42

to get you a free pillow. What's your favorite

1:15:44

color? Oh, that's very nice. Stomach pain. Oh, that's

1:15:46

very nice. Oh, that's very nice. Oh, that's very

1:15:48

nice. Oh, that's very nice. Oh, that's very nice.

1:15:50

Oh, he loves Brown. Brown

1:16:00

and digital and I tell you

1:16:02

something that surround is good. Brown

1:16:04

is good for dandruff. Isn't.

1:16:07

Yes, Why? Because this is

1:16:09

the hides. It really does.

1:16:11

Lot of people don't know.

1:16:13

they think of the presenters

1:16:15

wife because white supremacy cancers

1:16:17

are scientists. This is a

1:16:19

scaffold.subverted eighties been hired as

1:16:21

a society at large. And

1:16:25

enter the Eighties movies Dan to Fly them

1:16:27

as the theme song, Smith's and I was

1:16:29

that his, his, his success and were all

1:16:31

on the same page. I think the movie

1:16:33

theaters though dangerous yes I think as a

1:16:35

merchandiser says rest. Period

1:16:38

be easier. And

1:16:40

as wise as suits the person

1:16:42

the dandruff was named for, more

1:16:44

desperate of his lawyers emanated steamy

1:16:46

affair yeah that A and assassins.

1:16:49

And has of I have the flakes fell

1:16:51

from a snowflake a Stormy Irons it's so

1:16:53

Hot and Ness or Jeremy Irons is dan

1:16:56

hooked up more dangerous and and Dad's have

1:16:58

survived a hop is played. Magnus. Wonderful,

1:17:01

Wonderful! I'm is. Very,

1:17:05

very repressed Smith. But.

1:17:08

Then at the end the glasses

1:17:10

come off as a hair comes

1:17:12

down to blocks away wants. When

1:17:14

she was when. He

1:17:17

walked away for the marriage was was

1:17:20

will see walking through a field. By.

1:17:24

Myself completely naked at that point

1:17:26

right? I would the close coming

1:17:28

all the closing of hamburgers and

1:17:30

but it's a far shot by

1:17:32

that by the far side of

1:17:34

walking across up a you see

1:17:36

the basics of see the buttocks

1:17:38

he gets nominated and had my

1:17:40

son be lured bread she doesn't

1:17:42

like a splash am I feel

1:17:44

like and why plants or towards

1:17:46

the blue best recipes as pests

1:17:48

This is sick all the zipper

1:17:51

with sexist. For

1:17:53

the British, more elegant. oh

1:17:55

my this is not a

1:17:57

that area that is Susumu.

1:18:01

I delete nominated that yes

1:18:03

I would say probably Jodie

1:18:05

Foster or I get immediate

1:18:07

response and logically merrill. Merrill's.

1:18:09

Normal majority wins that year. one

1:18:11

year study even earlier than any

1:18:14

more aware of the to just

1:18:16

get a weird all right? So.

1:18:20

I think we've got a proposed lost

1:18:22

the Oscar to Jodie Foster. Be cool

1:18:24

to see the blood and I know

1:18:26

this this way to deal. With

1:18:30

this is the premier. Oh no wait,

1:18:32

I'm wrong. You know Glenn Close

1:18:34

lost the Us to Desir for

1:18:36

fatal attacks since she lost a

1:18:38

lot of good access. You wanna

1:18:41

know? Share one that year, moonstruck

1:18:43

those one from and succeed Glenn

1:18:45

Close Loss to Jodie Foster when

1:18:47

she was a dangerous liaisons who

1:18:49

see I noticed food has the

1:18:51

answers like like the Clintons and

1:18:53

nothing. That's right. Furious that she's

1:18:55

ever wondered source and. I would have

1:18:57

club proceed to add ugly white suffer lipstick.

1:19:00

Where I see one for that will

1:19:02

be I had a white orange a

1:19:04

few hours suitable I said well Chris

1:19:06

a sick or of such a my

1:19:08

heels Well thanks So we're really proud

1:19:10

to have my know but I did.

1:19:12

This is a best of luck situation.

1:19:14

Really hear all that? I. See

1:19:17

when you visit my books up I would

1:19:19

I would Chris my were you I would

1:19:21

call Andrew and make up with him. and

1:19:24

then call your has also

1:19:26

come. Home to retires. Seven It's Times

1:19:28

is missing out on one time with

1:19:30

his grandchildren. Six of them can also

1:19:32

get get get them to help you

1:19:35

return a chicken dance Elmo as it's

1:19:37

it's game especially since you're. Going to buy

1:19:39

it off in Iraq as you already said isn't work.

1:19:41

You know who? sat. And ends. and I'm also

1:19:43

gonna leave a bad review. i think

1:19:46

i said i think the school maybe that's what

1:19:48

i'll call and you can you help me with

1:19:50

a better view and then we can talk for

1:19:52

real citizen i would lead with the upon which

1:19:54

may be the i tigers i'm sorry seat and

1:19:57

algo can you help me move for more than

1:19:59

advertised maybe Maybe talk in

1:20:01

a nice way about how

1:20:04

much she means to you and why I need you to

1:20:06

move in with me. Again, that's just

1:20:08

not going to happen. Hi. But

1:20:11

you mentioned therapy. I think that's a wonderful

1:20:13

idea. Absolutely. Okay. Thank

1:20:15

you. Thanks for being here. Good luck

1:20:17

to you all. You're a very handsome woman. You are a

1:20:20

very handsome woman. Thank you, Chris. No,

1:20:22

it's a second mask. This is what I

1:20:24

really look like. Ten more years. Do

1:20:27

I look still handsome? Still handsome. Maybe

1:20:31

I don't need to wear these masks. Skin drawn

1:20:33

so tightly over that pillow. Oh, I got to

1:20:35

open the drawer and take my... Oh, yes, please.

1:20:40

Can we stop laughing? Stop laughing. Oh,

1:20:42

no. There we go. Now

1:20:44

it's playing music. Creepy music. Oh,

1:20:47

absolutely not. Slam. We'll

1:20:50

be right back. This

1:21:01

is TJ. Large Beanie

1:21:03

Baby Collection from mid-1990s,

1:21:05

many rare and arabenies,

1:21:08

comma ellipsis, $12,000. Large

1:21:14

Beanie Baby Collection from mid-1990s, many rare and arabenies. Princess

1:21:19

Die, Hope, more. These

1:21:22

have been a protective tag plastic and protective cases since

1:21:24

first purchase. This lot includes almost

1:21:26

all of the rare and sought-after beanies.

1:21:29

This is being sold as a lot only, unless

1:21:32

the offer for a single one

1:21:34

is very competitive. For

1:21:36

example, Hope Bear has all the

1:21:38

errors with the beanie and tags to make Hope worth

1:21:41

more. Same goes for

1:21:43

other arabenies slash animals. This

1:21:45

lot even includes the first bear

1:21:48

introduced to the beanie line. Any

1:21:51

reasonable offer will be accepted. Local

1:21:54

cash transaction only. No shipping. No

1:21:57

payment apps. TJ,

1:22:00

this is

1:22:02

how you win. This

1:22:04

is only the beginning, TJ. People

1:22:07

still care about these Beanie Babies. I

1:22:09

know they do. They pretend not

1:22:12

to sometimes, but I know they care. They

1:22:14

care about the rare, they care about the error. They

1:22:18

care about honoring Princess Di. Okay,

1:22:21

TJ, don't spend all the money just here. Definitely

1:22:24

buy the hot tub. Okay,

1:22:26

all right, TJ. I

1:22:30

believe in you. Welcome

1:22:36

back to the neighborhood. Listen, boy,

1:22:39

Chris was really something and... He kind

1:22:41

of broke my heart a little bit. I was a little

1:22:43

surprised about... I

1:22:46

can't believe... Why did you want me to live with her? I

1:22:49

was not expecting that. Why was that the solution

1:22:51

rather than just talking to her? I mean, I'm

1:22:53

flattered. I like that I'm seen as someone who

1:22:55

can help fix things. You

1:22:57

know, that part is... Listen, it's not every

1:22:59

day that someone asked you to come live with her. I know,

1:23:01

I don't think you should be looking for a silver lining in

1:23:03

this. It's not good that she asked you to do that. I

1:23:06

think the bar has just been lowered for me as I

1:23:08

get older of what really makes... Really

1:23:11

flatters me. I understand. Well, look, a lot of

1:23:13

women, you know, you hit a certain age and

1:23:15

you feel invisible. Don't be asking you to... You

1:23:18

want to feel like you still got it and

1:23:20

people will still ask you to come live in

1:23:22

their home. Exactly. And help

1:23:25

with internet posting. Yes. But

1:23:27

I do hope she makes up with her son. It does sound like

1:23:30

it's all her fault and I hope... And

1:23:32

we got to get that man home because a 97 year

1:23:34

old should not be walking around. I mean, I don't

1:23:37

mean to be aging. That's really... That's a

1:23:39

tall... Tall. That's

1:23:41

tragic thinking of this elderly

1:23:43

man selling pillows. I

1:23:45

know. People already have pillows. That's just

1:23:47

a tough... It is a... It's quite

1:23:49

a literal tough town. Not me. Not right now.

1:23:51

Okay. You've got all... That's not very you. That's

1:23:53

a... Why would you go? Why would you have a

1:23:56

lazy room without pillows? There's so many other areas

1:23:58

of the house where we can be lazy. You

1:24:00

know, I am surprised about not just lazy Describe

1:24:04

the level of lazy. What is it that you're doing

1:24:06

that goes beyond normal lazy? So

1:24:08

I have my microphones on a Bob

1:24:10

Dylan kind of harmonica. Oh sure.

1:24:13

Oh, okay. Okay I'm

1:24:15

lying on my back with all four limbs. We know you're

1:24:17

lying on your back I know but all four limbs are

1:24:19

hanging like dangling down over. What

1:24:22

are you lying on a balance beam? Kind

1:24:24

of on a beam Well, okay, what does

1:24:26

it sound for actually sounds like work? It

1:24:28

doesn't sound lazy to me well,

1:24:31

so None of my

1:24:33

muscles are are engaged Okay But I thought

1:24:35

that you can do that just by lying on a

1:24:37

yoga mat and not engage ending of your muscles Or

1:24:39

you could lay on a beanbag or a sofa or

1:24:41

or a feather bed Well,

1:24:45

I this is what I went with all

1:24:48

right, okay, you know what I can he doesn't want to talk

1:24:50

about it According equipment

1:24:52

is split between two hands There's

1:24:55

no what but you can't see anything because

1:24:58

you're because they're hanging won't turn your head

1:25:00

below me Yes, so I just have buttons,

1:25:02

you know, I just I have to

1:25:04

say this is a very strange visual If this

1:25:06

one comes out all these surprised this episode I

1:25:11

mean, it's our last one. I think it has to god. I

1:25:13

hope so. I hope people we don't leave

1:25:15

people hanging like Doug limbs Well,

1:25:18

we have one final post here. Okay, and this

1:25:21

one comes from Rosie

1:25:25

And she says all caps beware

1:25:27

of doing business with a florist

1:25:29

called Chris Lindsay designs. Mm-hmm

1:25:32

in old dig biggest scam

1:25:35

In dignity Falls. She goes well, not

1:25:38

saying something This is

1:25:40

a pretty scammy town. I've

1:25:42

been scammed two years in a row They

1:25:46

make appointments that's a real shame on

1:25:48

me That

1:25:52

is the textbook Exactly,

1:25:55

I mean, I guess she's an optimist but

1:25:57

that really is they

1:25:59

make The appointments with you for

1:26:01

service but never show up or

1:26:03

call this the and I'm not

1:26:06

sure what system is. Speakers.

1:26:09

I'm not sure when you to afford

1:26:11

to come to your house for service.

1:26:13

What was a scam? do we think

1:26:15

I. Am in the C

1:26:17

E O's You put these in a vase

1:26:19

for me. He hopes. And

1:26:21

also it doesn't mention any money metics?

1:26:24

No no it's okay to someone doesn't

1:26:26

call you back. Yeah. I

1:26:28

think. Of Oj. I think that.

1:26:31

I think that Rosencrantz hasn't. Really

1:26:35

had yellows? You trying to

1:26:37

destroy drill business? Yes. A

1:26:39

bad or like you know says athletes

1:26:41

is now calling. You know, Because

1:26:44

it doesn't make any that the scale was not describe.

1:26:46

It we we we met and Abraham very well

1:26:48

people described as a scam in Greek people. just

1:26:50

we. Had some of the stammers. Only

1:26:52

pessimists. Sami's on for this is the

1:26:54

I. There's nothing here I don't under.

1:26:56

I don't have to go on this.

1:26:58

Is or worse title. Just pretty them as

1:27:00

with a Syria Internet images for school. Because

1:27:03

I'm not sure. Pretty much nothing illegal is. Suspects

1:27:05

here: my home is not really possible.

1:27:07

jail for a placebo mess and mermaid

1:27:09

don't do with this. Is an I

1:27:11

have into a I had This

1:27:13

isn't not specific enough. I I

1:27:15

I I She's not said something

1:27:17

like oh my it's my daughter's

1:27:19

wedding. you know, the morning. As they

1:27:22

never came, I couldn't put your me that

1:27:24

okay. Now this is. if you're going to

1:27:26

warn people, have a scare me business, you

1:27:28

have to set up the whole drama of

1:27:31

it. And how important this was a migraine

1:27:33

oh my Grandmother's day as. As

1:27:36

a result was her first so

1:27:38

sweet soup. My grandmother and I'll

1:27:40

see them in Hell's. Snell.

1:27:43

That's a canvas. Gives it a. Small,

1:27:46

You missed. Sources

1:27:49

such as. Well

1:27:51

you know Stacey from Samaras everybody. ah

1:27:54

that's homes army over the system that

1:27:56

ever listen I'm somewhat your ad free

1:27:58

versions of the show. You. go

1:28:00

to cbbworld.com, we

1:28:02

have to find out what that means, what that stands for. Yes,

1:28:05

we do. And if you sign

1:28:07

up on the Maximus tier, you can get

1:28:09

ad-free versions of the episodes and also what

1:28:12

we call the bonus room. These are additional

1:28:14

episodes that are different than our regular weekly

1:28:17

episodes and they are sometimes you'll

1:28:19

meet other people in Dignity Falls, sometimes you'll all watch

1:28:21

a movie together, who knows? It could be anything. But

1:28:24

they're a lot of fun and so are

1:28:26

we. And even though this is

1:28:28

the last episode of the season, it's not

1:28:30

the last bonus room. That's exactly right. It's

1:28:32

not. Nothing stops the bonus room. Nothing. Absolutely

1:28:35

nothing. But what has season it's been? It

1:28:37

has been a roller coaster. Yes, it's

1:28:40

been a roller coaster. You

1:28:45

did a little character there. It's

1:28:48

been a roller coaster. It's been a roller coaster.

1:28:51

Like a sportscaster. Well

1:28:54

that's how I feel. Sometimes I feel like I've been

1:28:56

watching a spectator sport talking to some of these people. Absolutely.

1:29:00

And we hope that you have enjoyed listening to

1:29:02

us as we get to know more neighbors and

1:29:05

push reality to its limits. Which

1:29:09

is what we set out to do. If you remember. That

1:29:11

was our mission statement. I don't know if we set it

1:29:13

on air. But we did. I

1:29:15

remember. We have it

1:29:17

up on a yellow piece of paper. That's right. Above

1:29:19

the tour. And I remember before the first episode

1:29:21

we all joined hands and we said let's push

1:29:23

the limits of reality. And we jumped up and

1:29:25

we touched it. And we jumped up and touched

1:29:27

it. Other way out. We

1:29:29

all retained our faces. And we

1:29:31

all retained our faces. That's what I call a

1:29:33

successful season. Yep. So

1:29:35

thank you everyone for listening and you know. Follow

1:29:38

us on Instagram. Join us in

1:29:40

the Discord. And

1:29:42

we look forward to being back with

1:29:44

season six. And until then, goodbye.

1:29:47

And bye. All

1:29:50

of the posts used in this episode were real.

1:29:52

Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The

1:29:54

Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by

1:29:56

me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker.

1:29:58

And me, Brett Morris. This episode's

1:30:00

guest was played by Mitch Silva. The Neighborhood

1:30:02

listened as a production of Comedy Bang Bang

1:30:05

World. Go to cbeworld.com to unlock the

1:30:07

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