0:00

Hi. I'm Paul F. Tompkins and I'm

0:02

Nicole Parker. On this podcast we improvise

0:04

and character using real post from a

0:06

popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally we change

0:08

the names of some streets and that's all

0:11

you need to know to support the shown

0:13

on like the Ad free archive as well

0:15

as exclusive monthly episodes of the Bonus Room.

0:17

Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a

0:19

maximum membership. And now please enjoy this

0:22

episode of. The neighborhood less

0:24

in. Knock

0:26

knock air your

0:28

neighbor. Go ahead and

0:30

ten many. Fall. You're never alone.

0:32

You got the neighbor ham and

0:35

burn out from Coyote Commander until

0:37

we're linked a sound card or

0:39

it all and meet new neighbors

0:42

as well. What's any? post your

0:44

name again in. The

0:47

neighborhood. Welcome.

0:53

Once more to the neighborhood, listen to podcasts

0:55

that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls. I

0:58

am one of your hosts. My name is

1:00

Barb Me A Payday I'm a pharmacist here

1:02

and Dignity Falls and with me it always

1:04

is. Oh, the other house and I'm

1:06

Joan pedestrian and I'm a Realtor here and

1:09

dignity fast and proud of it. No

1:11

lies detected. Something

1:15

I that's online. Have you ever with online

1:17

aren't? as? I get that I think the

1:19

kids a now lives detect. no lie detector

1:21

probably. Not kids anymore, Probably more their thirties.

1:25

She's probably already extremely proud to.

1:27

Figure it out. It's always the and never you

1:29

mean something completely different. Now that's right Now of

1:32

these you are like. He hit his Have

1:34

you ever thought about taking lie detector test

1:36

a measly with the Am. I get our

1:38

gets of stress. Jonathan better all the time. It's

1:41

your new Roman empire. a bit. I

1:45

can't speak for all men, but I imagine

1:48

that most of us think about lie detector

1:50

tests. rent pray five times a day when.

1:52

Free. Okay, Are

1:54

you really tell me about? yeah?

1:57

i do i think about a lot of can i think

1:59

how are you don't want because I want to fool it.

2:01

You want to beat it? Of course you do. Of

2:03

course. I feel like that's a very masculine thing, I

2:05

just have to say. Oh, you want to pass, you

2:07

don't want to be in trouble. Correct, isn't that so

2:09

interesting, burnt wow? There's a study on

2:11

that somewhere, I'm sure. That the

2:13

man just wants to beat the lie

2:16

detector test and I just don't want

2:18

to get in trouble. Joe, are you

2:20

alright? I had a lot of caffeine

2:22

today. Your eyes are welling up. It's

2:25

actually coffee. Oh, I

2:27

see your brown tears coming out of your eyes.

2:30

That's too much coffee, Joe. Well, tell you what,

2:32

I think it is too much coffee. You

2:35

know, my grandma really had to go to

2:37

the ladies room. She'd say, my

2:39

back teeth are floating, which I also, oh, that was

2:41

so funny. My eyeballs are

2:44

floating and caffeine. I

2:47

may have mentioned this before, but my mother used to

2:49

say when she was very hungry, my

2:51

stomach thinks my throat's been cut. Wow,

2:54

wait a minute, I need to

2:56

unpack that. I need to diagram

2:58

that almost on a chalkboard. Absolutely.

3:00

Can you take me through that again? Yes, my

3:02

stomach thinks my throat's been cut. My

3:04

stomach thinks my throat's been cut.

3:06

Like somehow the delivery system to

3:08

the stomach has been cut off.

3:12

Is that what she's saying? I believe so, yes.

3:15

What a violent way to say I'm

3:17

hungry. Very violent. She was a violent

3:19

lady. No. Yeah, I mean, she

3:21

did not. All I really know about

3:23

your mother is that she provided you your

3:25

favorite snack, which was post-burnt-sue, an absolute black

3:27

chard crap salute. The

3:30

last square food I could eat. So where it just scraped

3:32

the roof of your mouth. Yes, yes. But I

3:34

don't know what. I just tasted like eating a charcoal

3:36

briquette. I just don't know anything else, though. She

3:38

was not abusive, though. She was just

3:40

violent in her mouth. She said violent imagery. She

3:42

said violent things all the time. How would you say

3:44

goodnight to you? Instead of a bed bug's

3:46

bite, was it even worse than that? Yes,

3:49

it was. What was the

3:51

little rhyme she used

3:53

to say? Now

3:56

you sleep and close your eyes. In

3:59

the morning, hope you're ready. eyes. Oh, should

4:02

a monster enter here? I

4:05

will say goodbye my dear. Oh my goodness. And then just

4:08

close the door and asleep. Oh, she was right out

4:11

of the room. Run out of the room. What a

4:13

joy. She ran out of the room and slammed the

4:15

door. Oh my goodness. That is a

4:17

terrible way to be put to sleep as a child. But

4:19

you know what? After a while I liked it. You liked

4:21

it. Of course you did. You know what? Kids love

4:23

dark stuff. They really do. They're kind of great.

4:25

Darker than you think. They really do. So,

4:28

okay. Well, I want to go back to the lie

4:30

detector test. Okay. So, have you watched

4:32

a lot of things about how

4:34

to beat the test? I hear that you have to

4:36

sort of like maintain a steady heart rate, right? Because

4:38

it's all about that. I believe so, yes. You

4:40

want to maintain a steady heart rate and then of

4:42

course what is the trick to maintaining a

4:44

steady heart rate? And that of

4:46

course is having access to as many

4:49

drugs as you can imagine as

4:51

a pharmacist. Oh, so you think if

4:54

you can sort of drug yourself and you could pass

4:56

it. One hundred percent. What would you use? What would

4:58

be your drug of choice? I'd probably create my

5:00

own cocktail of things. Okay. Okay. Because I

5:02

don't want to, you don't want to slow

5:04

your heart down too much. Okay.

5:07

Of course, certainly not. Because

5:09

eventually you would die. Yes. It

5:11

has to be that a certain. That's what I've heard.

5:13

Yeah. Nope. The rumors are true. I

5:16

also know that there's lots of studies that you know,

5:18

people look up into the left than they're lying. Which

5:20

is because honestly that's how Doug talks just

5:22

in general. Because one is what looking up

5:24

to the left is lying. Looking up to

5:26

the right is remembering. He

5:28

honestly does a lot of both, but I think all

5:31

of it is lying and remembering. No, no, I think

5:33

he does. No, I think he does a lot of

5:35

looking to the left end of the right. But I

5:37

just think he's always just searching for the

5:39

words. What do you think, babe? Yeah. Speaking

5:41

of Doug, that's our engineer, Jones husband. And

5:43

he, he records the podcast from a different

5:45

room in the house, uh, every

5:47

episode. Oh yeah. And you know, we've never

5:50

figured out why that happens, but. Well, I

5:52

think we explored it just a little bit. I

5:54

mean, because he said that the sound is different. I

5:56

forget every time. What's strange is he says the sound

5:58

is different each time. But we're

6:01

the ones that are in the same place,

6:03

but he says it's better for the acoustics.

6:08

And I just, you know, I just figure,

6:10

you know what, I don't know a thing about

6:12

engineering. I guess I'm just going to

6:14

believe it. You know, I'm not the

6:16

expert. Ted Lasso says believe. Doug,

6:21

where are you today? I love that yellow piece of paper. You

6:24

know what? I visited someone recently

6:26

and they had that at their home. No.

6:29

Like a re like they made their own or was it

6:31

merch? Oh man, I hope

6:33

they made their own. It

6:36

would be funny if they sold like just

6:38

a yellow legal pad note paper with a

6:40

little tear in it. With the TM

6:43

on the bottom. It's

6:45

like one of those embossed stamps. Like

6:50

a note republic. All

6:53

right, Doug, where are you today? He's in the s'mores room.

6:56

A s'mores room. This

6:58

was actually a collab between the two of us

7:01

because we have always. Don't x Doug? Yes.

7:05

Is that another thing? Because

7:07

see, I don't know that one. For

7:09

some reason that's the thing for collaboration.

7:11

You put an x in there. I

7:14

would say it's more Joan featuring Doug. Oh,

7:16

Joan parentheses. Feet period Doug.

7:20

Yeah, because this is one thing that

7:23

we've always bonded on is that, you know, you can

7:25

never get the perfect s'more, right? It's either I don't

7:27

like burnt. Sorry to say

7:29

your name. Boy, I wish that

7:31

sentence had continued. The s'more is some more.

7:34

Yes. Thank you, Doug. Okay.

7:37

Thank you. He

7:41

loves to tell people that. Very

7:48

few people say it's a long ways

7:50

anymore. The long ways. Well, I'm not

7:52

sure anyone ever did. Very few

7:54

people say give me some s'mores. They don't say

7:57

it anymore. Does anyone say

7:59

it on state anymore? I'm

8:01

Isis is. you know I want to finish this

8:03

and say so. I understand what it's

8:06

worth your time soon as the really

8:08

worth of really it's real is not

8:10

like i can't believe it but sometimes

8:12

like of just a for some and

8:15

former associates. In a very professional, appalling

8:17

typesetting and helper When when when you

8:19

be they'll yeah I me I'd say

8:21

that we're really more alike than not.

8:25

Without one are vulnerable. We

8:27

try. To maintain a real different dynamic

8:30

Florio. Johnson would magical creatures know

8:32

when I'm gone you come to

8:34

like this. Since.

8:37

It's so I wondered if it isn't this

8:39

sentence for you don't like a burnt the

8:42

marshmallow True. Ah, and and lot of people

8:44

that, like you said, softly, doesn't melt just

8:46

exactly right. And. So

8:48

odd, doesn't. It was disorders. A

8:51

lot of time on her emphasis. Homes

8:54

and so addicted. Lot of research

8:56

on what be perfect and a

8:59

temperature is to achieve abroad. See

9:01

some so if you answered this of

9:03

the final resources really nice. Try to

9:05

think you know how says when. Automobile

9:07

this and he he started a fire

9:09

and he tried to make the perfect

9:11

marshmallow. Would he realizes that it's better

9:13

if he makes or like a smokehouse?

9:16

Always throw the in Grenada individually okay

9:18

what he wants to, he wants to

9:20

talk. They all. Want to talk at the same hosted?

9:22

We really have a lot of not is what if we. Do

9:26

a lot of exists. A lot of on guys that are

9:28

like that. I from. A sabbatical? I

9:30

never heard any of those sentences. Has a

9:32

day. I was talking. About

9:36

the tune in on somebody was about to

9:38

say oh, isn't that what we're the same

9:40

persists why we speak. For

9:44

thinking about when I was gonna say

9:46

for example, okay go on babe So

9:49

I went to the sealed and I

9:51

started a little. makes it's like smoke.

9:53

Smoker he guesses as a makeshift is

9:56

is that what and resists using things

9:58

that were already in the field. Or

10:00

did you go up there with any

10:02

kind of equipment whatsoever? I had tinfoil

10:04

hop de i had a bandaid very

10:07

makes just and current bandaid than worth

10:09

for anything Room. Where did

10:11

you put the band aid? What was your intent on

10:13

my elbow? Texts that service they

10:15

did. You have a plan for France. Were caught on your

10:17

own so yeah I'll catch yourself that it's and well I

10:19

don't know. her said that the only way he did. I

10:21

mention of i know but it's it's all we are. So

10:23

what? I mean zip if he brings tinfoil an

10:25

end up what is a bit see I'm gonna

10:27

follow up on that so that I hear words.

10:29

they all say see the New Year. Follow up

10:32

against the scenario would you follow ups

10:34

In our New year, I'm gonna listen.

10:36

Devices are susceptible. I

10:38

warn you against us. Apprised

10:42

of those are some of the know

10:44

what I listen back was I do

10:46

from by the time I think from

10:48

fascinating like that I didn't know know

10:51

sometimes well I I'm not around when

10:53

you do that I assume Douglas and

10:55

Back every time he has his mother.

11:01

Was a bad right now, but he listens. Climbing

11:04

back right now so I have

11:07

this might answer. You editing another

11:09

episode while you're doing. This was his

11:11

I. Have a speaker. Of

11:13

you guys is this is why the room

11:15

I had a hundred friday going to get

11:18

the answer to why the different rooms matter

11:20

right? Yeah of were a few on a

11:22

speaker in and I make that speaker. For

11:26

the last go in and seems like

11:28

an extra step I know. also that

11:30

doesn't matter. wouldn't there be some sound

11:32

bleed from the speaker onto your microphones

11:34

using to talk with us right now

11:36

right? Yes is

11:38

also on a severe delay. the

11:40

thrive as severe as a little

11:43

wanted and. So

11:45

I sometimes there's a little bit of

11:47

a pregnant pause before I respond. oh,

11:49

that's what I know, what it it

11:51

makes. Yeah, yeah, I was wondering. Yeah,

11:53

yeah, that's. About it seems like you're coming to

11:55

us from satellite email from a different place. As

11:58

you say, about seventy. Then a

12:00

I say is worth listening. To

12:02

oh wow I would night I would

12:04

sell yourself short. They buy things that

12:07

I become so integral to to our

12:09

discussions and Das and I wouldn't. Me

12:11

that I bet is a. Stasis

12:14

statistic I never thought about before

12:16

how much of what I say

12:18

as word loosely them thus us.

12:22

To think about aerial poor or those I'll

12:24

think about some over why didn't look at

12:26

our paths and I was murdered and jones

12:28

beach up the stairs and throws out in

12:31

the field and I said I was getting

12:33

frustrated because I was not. Optimal

12:35

word accidentally hours a mellow, right? Okay,

12:37

so how. Do they are. Always

12:39

brings a band because he always cut himself

12:41

on me as the serrated edge of the

12:44

Reynolds box. So many all the time I

12:46

see a whole would young and heavily oh

12:48

you see it all the time of the

12:50

pharmacy because we can see the been at

12:52

time in see the family. And

12:55

people believe it is common in fact

12:57

that the just one after the other.

12:59

All right, we're or the role. really. apple,

13:01

you're one of her Through. Holding

13:04

a bloody have a loss as to

13:06

me other with one of the omaha

13:08

others are legal I know. There

13:11

are a menace the syringe. Other than

13:13

the rental they are pretty. They are

13:15

pretty rough a pc you were out

13:17

there as out there are getting frustrated.

13:19

I felt like I had the chocolate

13:21

doing okay. okay snow hello second because

13:23

all we know that you have is

13:25

to see. You didn't mention that I don't think he meant

13:27

and I started. This I heard. a makeshift. What? Was it? A

13:29

good. A smoker smokes and of

13:31

smokers to smoke or. Ah

13:34

I found some would then you know

13:37

made a fire for the chocolate in

13:39

the tinfoil. Through. The tinfoil on the

13:41

fire. That. A moment only.

13:43

chocolate. You sleep on out as well. I

13:46

know I have a marshmallow. I wasn't happy

13:48

with the results. I was getting. What. Were

13:50

they what happens? Odds

13:52

to complete and for know? Okay,

13:54

completion for know, just

13:57

what of ourselves to said

13:59

that been burning ale Yeah,

14:01

and just became like pea-sized

14:03

black. So

14:06

then what did you discover? How high was this? I

14:12

mean, it was fire. I

14:15

let it burn out, you know, to its

14:17

core. Oh, okay. Anyway,

14:20

the marshmallow is core. As we all know,

14:22

a marshmallow has a solid round of adventure.

14:26

It's the seed of the marshmallow. Yeah, that's

14:28

how we get marshmallows. That's how

14:30

we get marshmallows. Don't swallow them or

14:33

a marshmallow tree will grow in your tummy. Is that another

14:36

thing your mom said to you before bed? Yeah,

14:38

she anything I would swallow, she was saying, I'm going

14:40

to grow a tree in your belly. My

14:43

daddy is so sad. Don't swallow that candy. It's going to

14:45

grow a tree in your belly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I

14:47

think you just put you off. And

14:50

I would go trick or treating. I would just say, no, thank you.

14:55

I would let them look at my costume. When

14:58

they were offered to get it, I'd say, no, thanks. And then I'd walk

15:00

away. That

15:02

is very sad. That was fun. I still had a

15:04

good time. Anytime

15:06

I drank more than a cup

15:09

of something, like if I had a large,

15:11

you know, coke or something, my dad would say, you're going

15:13

to float on out of here. Oh,

15:15

that's sweet. That gave me a terrifying. Oh,

15:17

yeah, because it does really make sense. I

15:21

just thought it was a funny dad joke. If you're putting,

15:23

well, like all dad jokes, if

15:26

you pull it apart, boy, there's nothing there. Because

15:28

if you're putting the liquid into you, why

15:31

would you float? Fair enough. Yeah, that doesn't,

15:33

I guess that doesn't make sense. Listen, I can't relate to

15:36

any of these things because, you know, of course, when you... Because

15:39

Doug's saying them? Have

15:42

we reached 70%? Oh, my... We're

15:46

tipping into the red zone, 71. Needle.

15:50

Going a little too far to the right. No,

15:53

you know, I grew up with the kind of mother that had her

15:55

own specific way of trying to get you to not, you know, it

15:57

was much more passive aggressive and much more sort of, you know, at

15:59

a restaurant. If the bread basket was

16:01

empty and someone came and you know asked if

16:03

we needed more I would start to say something

16:06

and my mother would just say no, we're fine.

16:08

We're fine You know, it's always speaking for

16:10

oh, but it only met me, you know, yes,

16:12

I didn't need extra bread I

16:16

learned very early to refuse extra bread. Do you still do

16:18

that to this day? Oh, I my instinct

16:21

is to it really is you know, but

16:23

I start, you know And

16:25

again, oh ladies have a terrible reputation for you

16:27

know, do you think I still do? Well,

16:30

please let me finish Good

16:34

heaven Well

16:38

now, you know, I thought what you said I

16:40

don't like burnt okay, I mean to shame Saus

16:45

for the gander but Sauce

16:48

for the gander never heard of it. What's

16:50

good for the goose is sauce for the gander I

16:52

thought it was good for the goose is good for

16:54

the gander. I think that's a modern Adjustment

16:57

because no one knows what the sauce thing means anymore,

16:59

but I think the archaic way to say it is

17:01

sauce for the gander It might be what

17:03

sauce for the goose is sauce for the game. I'm sorry. What's

17:06

the gander again? There's a male goose It is.

17:08

Okay. I wondered if I was right about that.

17:10

So it's what wonder no more Boy

17:14

we're all fast today Every

17:23

single idea And

17:25

idiom for everything and you guys you're real

17:30

Maybe I should just maybe I should put myself in timeout. Oh,

17:33

you're fine. Just let me finish my story

17:36

Then I'll finish mine Boy

17:46

oh boy, we have a lot of threads to tie. Okay, really

17:48

do I was talking about Oh ladies

17:51

and the rep you know that that we just we all

17:53

it's a collective thing, you know, you've been out I have

17:55

a lot of friends who are waiters that say they get

17:57

a table of women. They're like, oh we're gonna be bad.

17:59

Yeah You know any always had a to

18:01

say things that is even eating anything as. It were

18:03

to the rebound working order, were lying

18:06

or printed. Save all exactly Yeah and

18:08

it's it's like can we just eat

18:10

eat lady exactly Northward scuse anything earth

18:12

explain anything. That's right, everybody likes fries

18:14

was require any kind of. Realises

18:17

as do with your friends. He always

18:19

put your. Your hand by

18:22

your mouth like this is outta

18:24

here. Shield the I was surprised.

18:26

Updates as the I finished my quickly let's

18:28

do yours Now let's finish your smoke. Let

18:30

let let How writes poetry skip to how

18:32

you arrived at the perfect temperature. What

18:34

is? So I just fly. I just thought

18:37

of another tangent. Don't know? First, I need

18:39

you to rescue me Depressed. So

18:44

as lost in the field of we. All

18:47

try to jump ahead. Well

18:50

now I feel like they want us to go back. As

18:53

try to remember Will Bear Bear Grylls

18:56

Western the says right would then I

18:58

remember. To say. What?

19:01

Are doing recurring dream about Bear Grylls where

19:04

he also give us a job is about

19:06

nothing like another. He has a written that

19:08

he has run down and stresses and you

19:11

can real reason your dream a sign of

19:13

a good I said I remembered that he

19:15

asked his our members he faked it that

19:17

one time he got caught a thrive in

19:20

the road was right behind him. oh I

19:22

didn't know that I turned on I turned

19:24

around lo and behold the road with right

19:27

the army Oh rates simply Grid Grill Yeah

19:29

to cigarettes. Like there are other

19:31

with and taco stand by

19:33

their really out hungrier in

19:35

a field Zimmer to feel

19:37

free just on the media

19:39

and specifically the foreign. Oh

19:41

sure the fact that saw

19:43

some odd it's a complicated

19:45

parts. Store complicated

19:47

parts to do as varied as as

19:49

young when it. Comes as city planning

19:52

singles is pretty. why is that

19:54

an accidental hedge me see if

19:56

there's a part of the mystery

19:58

spot younger where you Can't

20:00

tell how big or where gravity is

20:02

pointing. Yes, exactly. Yeah, that one.

20:05

That one. Yeah, the anti-gravity spot.

20:07

It's kind of like the mystery spot. You

20:10

go in there on foot, you can't tell which

20:12

way gravity is pointing. Yes.

20:15

Anyway, it dawned on me, I saw

20:17

in this beautiful taco

20:20

cart, the al pastor,

20:22

the pork, like rotating. Oh,

20:25

right. Yes, yes. Marshmallows.

20:29

Oh, like marshmallows on a spit, like a kabob. I

20:32

have formed a gigantic marshmallow on

20:34

the spit. Oh, and he just

20:36

shaves off. That's actually kind of

20:39

great. And it's

20:41

hosting absolutely perfectly. It's

20:45

marshmallow shawarma. And you want some more?

20:47

It's marshawarma. Is it a marshmallow? Is

20:49

it a cylindrical marshmallow? Yeah. Oh,

20:52

yeah, picture a marshmallow. We got it. It's

20:54

done. And it's already in the shape you

20:56

need to picture it. It really is already

20:58

in the shape you need. Just longer, a

21:00

lot larger. That's the little longer. Yeah. All

21:03

right. And it slowly wrote, I think that's really great.

21:05

You shave some off because sometimes

21:07

when you put the big spherical

21:10

marshmallow, you know, it's a

21:12

big spherical marshmallow. I think

21:14

a marshmallow is more of

21:16

a cylinder. Sure.

21:19

Yeah. I mean, go on. Okay. Please

21:23

talk. You're showing a great restraint right

21:25

now because you could have

21:27

just gone off on that. That's why I was

21:29

trying to just sort of keep us because I know you really want to finish

21:31

this. No, I mean, but thank you for

21:33

acknowledging that. You're welcome. I

21:35

think I'm starting to get it. But

21:37

you are when

21:41

you squeeze down that,

21:43

you know, cylindrical spherical

21:46

marshmallow explodes or

21:49

like, you know, you're talking about. Okay, let

21:51

me help. It's messy. When

21:53

you're talking about you squeeze it with the with the graham crackers. Is that

21:56

what you're saying? Yes. Not just

21:58

in my hand. The

22:00

point that the mass yeah but I tried

22:02

it's more is where your hands, where the

22:04

graham has. To

22:07

resist. So

22:12

yes, savings of marshmallow so sunlight into words

22:14

are a lot better. Roads are enormously I

22:17

was there is probably much easier to eat

22:19

because that's how I feel like the the

22:21

The reason I don't like Moore's is the

22:23

marshmallow aspect of it because it is a

22:26

mess. It. Is it's It's a mess with enix as it's

22:28

hard to get the perfect, but I think that that's really great

22:30

is that we can sort of control the temperature and it's always

22:32

a. Dog

22:35

Sitter Successful. torturous all the existence.

22:37

And dog let me ask. This

22:39

is a small room that is

22:41

inside the house. Of

22:44

is traditionally outside food. Stuffs

22:46

shell through, put a glow in the

22:48

dark stars on the ceiling and I

22:50

help us our staff. And he's like he's

22:53

He's had some sound effects them like you

22:55

know, a nocturnal animals sound effects. Rather than

22:57

just go outside and sega genesis

22:59

of this you could just or

23:01

the backyard if I will visit.

23:03

Something to do with how the the spit had a

23:06

spinning. You know the answer. The kebab rate has to

23:08

be inside either, right? Or set side of

23:10

the aside to be and I got a plug

23:12

it in. That. Said Bob of

23:14

retirement I. Know the way to access a

23:16

collector's the outside. the house was. There were

23:18

you. Bring some pine needles inside. Smells

23:21

like else. How many. How

23:24

many pine needles odds his hobbies? As

23:26

a question? why didn't count How many

23:29

times a handful of you know that

23:31

was little just so Souls I was

23:33

more show of pine we do. Have

23:35

that other room. I believe that it's just like you

23:37

know, the all the penis cells in a get to

23:39

sort of like stop on Android or or them on

23:41

the ground, you know where. He loved the appeal of

23:43

those. Rather different from leaving the. Right approach to

23:46

those places as bars such. As

23:49

it is very elevated get a

23:51

flu, colds was a restaurant or

23:53

shoes. Beard gave us an award

23:55

for the most speed of peanut

23:57

shells more. The

24:00

for just being lazy. Well

24:04

that's a really great. I really do. You

24:06

think that this a terrific room temp and and and

24:09

would you wanna talk about your eyes and what you

24:11

do when you're when you're talking. Be

24:13

I'm lazy. I was so. I

24:16

don't think you can apply the line

24:18

and remembering. Oh okay. cool. I was

24:20

never. Seen that you were lying. I'm not sure

24:22

that you can't tell a lie. I think that Dub

24:25

would probably pass a test. Scores was really well as

24:27

as work though was was new to us. You're. Supposed

24:32

allies I'll I'll pass out the

24:34

as you'll know you'll pass out.

24:36

Wow oh. Is

24:38

there were a history. Of this thera been a

24:41

couple of times that he has passed out every

24:43

time I was in labor, them and death and

24:45

but I don't think that he was level head

24:47

or now I'm trying to think as any people

24:49

would ask him if he was okay he would

24:51

start looking pale, he would say yes and then

24:53

allow the maybe. I guess it was like. Alarming

24:56

Japan us out, not the labour. Yes,

25:00

that will display boroughs farnworth

25:02

just. Seems

25:04

like being asked about how we

25:06

would see a wheelchair so you

25:08

weren't okay as you were fine

25:10

with the labor but when people

25:12

efforts of euro days you would

25:14

lie and say yes I'm natural

25:16

causes also yes complications required to

25:18

has a no fly zone Yeah.

25:21

Well into that, he's gotten it so we're just starting

25:23

to get him. Maybe. Oh

25:25

and maybe so we we who we get someone

25:27

else in here. I figure out what you mean.

25:29

What should we take breaks? I

25:32

because I think it's a good idea

25:34

unless we're also read where we come

25:36

back. We will have a guest when

25:38

the neighbor listen returns. Or

25:47

Betty, how are you happy as being

25:49

Hello Fresh? And if you're not, you

25:51

should be asking what is Hello Fresh?

25:53

Will let me tell you, with Hello

25:55

Fresh you get some fresh pre portion

25:57

bredesen seasonal recipes delivered to your doorstep.

26:00

Trips to the grocery store and count on

26:02

Hello Fresh to make home cooking easy find

26:04

and affordable. That is why it's America's number

26:06

one meal kit. Whether your resolution is to

26:09

save money, eat better, or stress, let's Hello

26:11

Fresh. If here to help you do all

26:13

three, Say hello to your most delicious year

26:15

yet with fresh ingredients and chef crafted recipes

26:18

at a price you'll like delivered right to

26:20

your door each. Hello Fresh box is packed

26:22

with farm fresh ingredients and everything right proportion

26:24

right to your doorstep or less hassle and

26:26

less wasted food. Did I mention it was

26:29

your doorstep? And if you know

26:31

the doorsteps, it's right outside your door.

26:33

Your door frames. are you stoop? You

26:35

know, depending on your place of origin.

26:38

Still let recipe boredom strike because Hello

26:40

Fresh have more options than ever before.

26:42

Dig into their biggest menu yet, but

26:44

over forty five dinner options to choose

26:47

from, weeklies and even more market out

26:49

on items that suit any lifestyle. I

26:51

had Hello Fresh delivered to my doorstep.

26:53

I do a the Doorstep Enemy to

26:56

brag. Ah, it was so delicious. It

26:58

was wonderful just having fresh ingredients. I

27:00

didn't have to go to the grocery store when

27:02

I really liked his everything with already portion doubt

27:04

settle with me supply. Sometimes I might struggle with

27:06

just even think be the last the fancy French

27:08

way for saying you have to get everything ready

27:10

before you start cooking walk. Sometimes I struggled with

27:13

that. Have a four year old. But

27:15

I did because say did the work

27:17

for me Hello Fresh did work for

27:19

me and I had delicious meals and

27:21

there was like chicken mushroom sent from heaven

27:24

and it was amazing how meet up

27:26

with second shaped like a mushroom? I

27:28

mean it with a chicken mushroom dish.

27:30

I just I get really excited

27:32

my think about it. So go

27:34

to hellofresh.com/p N Three to get

27:36

know That sounded like I said

27:38

three C N L A for

27:40

real Okay, let me say that

27:42

again though to hellofresh.com/t En el

27:45

Free! I'm just really excited thinking

27:47

about that second A Mushroom Desks

27:49

and use the codes P N

27:51

L Three or Tnl F R

27:53

Eat for free pregnant from. one

27:57

breakfast items per box while subscriptions is

27:59

active that free breakfast for

28:01

life at hellofresh.com/T-N-L-3 with

28:04

code T-N-L-F-R-E-E. We did

28:11

it. We did it everybody and

28:13

I really hope that you get it

28:15

because honestly HelloFresh is the best.

28:17

Delivered to your doorstep or whatever you

28:19

got outside your door, we don't judge

28:21

but just know it's America's number one

28:24

meal set. Tanya,

28:26

it's circuit tasseings. My husband loves tas

28:28

and our 12th year wedding anniversary is

28:30

coming up and I would love to

28:32

give him some tas. It's hard to

28:34

find. Wait,

28:39

what? You can use punctuation.

28:42

Oh, alright. I thought it was like a

28:44

telegram. You had to keep going. So

28:47

yeah, but look, my husband loves tas

28:50

and our 12th year wedding anniversary is

28:53

coming up. I love

28:55

to give him and why is tas

28:57

so hard to find? I

29:01

thought he was famous, you

29:03

know, but tas is

29:06

it's nearly impossible to find

29:09

tas products. I don't even understand

29:12

how my husband could love him

29:14

so much. He's a rare Tweety

29:16

Bird all over the place. I

29:19

think he's on the quarter now.

29:22

I think. Isn't Tweety Bird on

29:24

the quarter? I

29:28

think Tweety Bird's on the quarter. Anyway, tas should be

29:30

on the five dollar bill. I

29:33

think we thanked Abraham Lincoln enough. Oh no,

29:35

this is so terrible. Alright,

29:38

well I'm tanya and if you

29:40

find him, you can't find Amy

29:42

tas things anywhere. Maybe

29:45

if you're an archaeologist, it'd

29:48

be up. Welcome

29:54

back to the neighborhood. Listen and guess what?

29:57

As always, we have a guest in The

30:00

studio, we call it a studio, it's the kitchen

30:02

island in Jones' home. I

30:05

think I have my accident a few times and

30:07

then immediately explained it as I did just now.

30:10

But joining us at the kitchen island is

30:13

one of our neighbors and what we do

30:15

is we scour the neighbor

30:17

app, the social networking application for

30:20

interesting people that live in the neighborhood and we get

30:22

to talk to them. And if you'd like to do

30:25

this, if you see any posts that you think might

30:27

be interesting for us to talk about that we've missed,

30:29

why don't you screenshot it and send it

30:31

to us at burtandjone@gmail.com. And

30:34

we have one, I think this one came from a listener

30:37

as well. I

30:39

don't know if you have that info there, but if not,

30:42

we'll put it on our Instagram. Yes, we will. I'm

30:44

just going to read this now. Yes, please.

30:46

This is in a for sale and free

30:48

category and this just says

30:52

neighbor, but I have been told that,

30:54

well, I'll tell you his name. Absolutely.

30:57

Let's just listen to the let's just listen to the post. Let's

31:00

listen to it. It says a

31:02

thousand plastic meatballs. You heard

31:04

that right. A thousand plastic

31:06

meatballs, $200. There's

31:08

a picture of, I'd say roughly

31:10

20 of them. And

31:14

once again, it says very large figure,

31:16

which has 1000 plastic meatballs. They

31:19

don't go bad or stink or nothing.

31:22

They don't even look real. They look

31:24

like little pieces of and I mean, I believe he

31:27

needs to say shit, but he hasn't. He's sort of

31:29

written like an exclamation point. So it's like, you know,

31:32

I need to unload them. They

31:35

look real. Now,

31:38

I know, I know, but we're going to I

31:40

know. Let's let him explain. All

31:42

right. Yes. And

31:44

two lines up. He just said they don't even look real.

31:46

They look real. They don't look

31:48

like little pieces of shit. Okay. So

31:51

I know. I know. I know.

31:54

It says don't

31:56

blow it. This

32:01

is a real post for the

32:04

neighbor app. Please welcome Paulie Coca-Cola.

32:07

Thank you so much for having me. You're

32:10

welcome. Paulie, I

32:13

think obviously we all know what our first question

32:15

is, is that you seem to contradict yourself immediately.

32:21

You are aware that this is... Oh yes. Oh

32:23

yes. You were on purpose? I was

32:25

trying to get rid of these hazard passing meatballs, so

32:27

I thought let's cast the widest possible net. Like 50%

32:29

of the population will appreciate something that does not look

32:31

like meatball, but looks like a piece of shit. Another

32:33

50% will be like, no, I want something to look

32:36

like meatballs. So let me make sure that whoever glances

32:38

at it first, they get that one. And

32:40

then... So if you're thinking someone wants

32:42

fake dog shit as a toy, it's a fun trick.

32:45

That's what they can buy. Or if they

32:47

want fake meatballs, that's what they can buy. I need

32:49

to unload these. So if anyone's out there... Yeah,

32:51

you said that. They're really taking

32:53

up space in your life. Please don't blow it.

32:56

Just contact me and... What does that mean? Don't

32:58

blow it. Why... Yeah. Why...

33:02

Go on. Okay, so there's so many

33:04

things. There are. There are so many things. So your

33:06

approach is to sort of... There's like a thousand things.

33:08

Yeah. My approach is radical honesty and

33:10

then you contradict honesty in case someone doesn't appreciate that kind

33:12

of honesty. Do you know what it feels like? It feels

33:14

like a sort of... You're trying to go

33:16

for a blue dress, gold dress effect. Oh. With

33:20

however... Oh yes. However that hits the

33:22

eye. But then if people... I mean people are going to

33:24

read both descriptions that are the opposite of you. If

33:27

you see fake meatballs then you had childhood

33:29

trauma. But if you don't... Was

33:33

that part of the dress thing? No, it's the latest

33:35

thing now. Haven't you seen it? Well, I haven't

33:37

seen it. Well, there's all sorts of pictures. Yes, there's

33:39

all sorts of things where it's like an image and

33:41

it either looks like an elephant or it looks like

33:43

a tree or I don't know. It's like the Rorschach

33:45

test but instead of it... Yeah, but they tell you that

33:47

it's always... It's always... They just want you to

33:49

click on it and I absolutely won't. But one

33:52

of them means you had childhood trauma. Can't

33:54

we just bring back when you would be told to

33:56

stare at an image for a while and then a

33:58

scary witch would pop up? Remember

34:01

those? So, okay,

34:03

when you say, when you say, Paulie, don't blow

34:05

it. Don't blow it. Yeah. You,

34:08

it seems like you think this is, this

34:11

is an incredible opportunity for someone.

34:14

One thousand plastic meatballs that may or may not

34:16

look like pieces of shit. Right. One, it's not

34:18

like a, it's not like a tiny amount of

34:21

these. No, no, no. This is a huge amount

34:23

of simulation food that I accidentally

34:26

found my way into buying. Oh, now we're

34:28

forgetting to. Now what does that mean? Can

34:30

you expound on that accidentally? What would happen?

34:33

See, I used to be a smoker. Okay. Six packs

34:35

a day all the time. Six packs of word. I

34:38

was, let's explain some, some of

34:40

my, my vocal cords. Okay. Some

34:43

of the vocal cords. At least one of them.

34:45

Yes, exactly. One of my vocal cords can be

34:47

explained by that. The other one's different. Because

34:50

it's got to be opposite, just like how you like

34:52

to be in your life. Exactly right.

34:55

You're wrong. Exactly. So,

34:57

one of the main things we can hear. See how confusing this

35:00

is. When I was smoking it, I

35:02

realized that the way to quit, people told me, is

35:04

you cannot give up an addiction. You need to adapt

35:06

a different one. And they said a lot of smokers

35:08

start eating a lot or something like that. I thought

35:10

that's not going to be me. I'm just going to

35:13

buy some simulation food. So then I

35:15

have the effect on my psyche as though I'm eating

35:17

a lot. Okay. So you didn't want

35:19

to eat a lot, but you thought if I buy

35:21

fake food, it will.

35:23

Simulation food. Simulation food. I've never heard of

35:25

simulation food specifically. It might be a term of art.

35:27

I don't know. It's a preferred terminology.

35:29

Oh, it is? Oh, okay. So

35:33

you thought I will feed

35:35

the addiction part of my brain by buying

35:37

the food. Unfortunately, all the food I bought

35:39

ended up looking more like pieces of shit

35:41

than food. Oh, what other kinds of simulation

35:43

food did you buy, for example? I got

35:46

600 chocolate chip cookies. I looked at a

35:48

bunch of rat turds and dirt. Oh,

35:50

no. I bought

35:52

about 700 apples. You'll

35:54

fake out of simulation apples. That's

35:57

right. Look like bull scrotum. Our

36:01

Modem if you want them, don't blow it.

36:03

Go me up as I will give. Well

36:05

now. It is almost like that catchphrase add

36:07

in of Polly's it. Doesn't

36:10

matter. Say they'll both. Are we going to go?

36:12

Don't know. Final blow it. Is

36:14

easier. No way to buy just one or two

36:16

with these things are the dixie must have multiple

36:19

numbers already. Things only is this is similarly suit

36:21

only sold in both. Cases it's in

36:23

massive quantities of why. I

36:25

wonder what. Normally used

36:27

for with not used as an addiction

36:29

to distribution. Was originally Dixon. a lot

36:31

of people use them for a display

36:34

counters in there is restored so blows

36:36

as them with a as props in

36:38

in Hollywood California will sure some people

36:40

use them made upper stage effect so

36:43

so as a now you know my

36:45

Langley as I don't have course a

36:47

a terrific says be a know that's

36:49

right like this either more the go

36:52

you like to try them Ideal. Okay,

36:56

so I. Understand. That breaks the

36:58

you celebrate industry very have a

37:00

variety of sources. Of course I'd

37:02

say the Prejudice. Three is probably.

37:05

A lot like you were there. able to sort

37:08

of see both sides of right right? Because they

37:10

they want someone to think that it's say dog

37:12

said. or maybe they want them to think that

37:14

it's s a cookie and then it turns out

37:16

that it's it's. It's sit. And

37:19

how I'm be? How big are these?

37:21

Me? All these several people sizemore Swedish

37:23

scientists? How this isn't a scale yes

37:25

all hear this through their much larger

37:28

than the picture would have you believe.

37:30

Okay, it's one of the Muslim. Is

37:32

it let it sit? Supposed to deliver? Guard

37:34

is as yet that is a sense

37:36

of the bill one honestly So let's

37:38

let's face to our he does is

37:40

the lettuce is indeed as a yes

37:42

or very unnatural green I would. Say the

37:44

let us look like says. No.

37:47

Did you spicer then did with that you also

37:49

by a lot of lettuce or was this just

37:51

as set with as an anomaly. That. He alleges

37:53

I'll tell you this if you wanted it's

37:55

available It does not look like toilet paper

37:57

that's been bleed screen. And

37:59

looking. actually like some bleach toilet paper. No,

38:02

see he did it again. But if

38:04

you want it, don't blow it. I have

38:06

to ask, this is where I, this is the

38:08

next question I want to ask. What do you do for

38:10

a living? Great question. Thank

38:13

you. I unload merchandise in large quantities

38:15

on the internet. Oh,

38:18

wait. Oh, so this

38:20

is your job. Well, it's

38:22

sort of become my job accidentally. Yeah, I was

38:24

going to say. Before that I did

38:26

a number of other things. I was

38:28

a therapist. Give it

38:30

a second. I was a licensed

38:33

therapist. Oh, wow. Did

38:36

a lot of that. Did a

38:38

lot of that. Dishonorably

38:40

discharged. I didn't know that was

38:42

a thing. Yes, yes, oh yeah.

38:46

The sergeant of therapy will come down to your office

38:48

if you do too much and they'll lighten up the

38:50

wall. What? I mean, is there

38:52

kind of a ceremony? Do you have to stand in

38:54

the tension in front of other therapists? Yeah, it's pretty

38:56

embarrassing. What did you do? I

39:00

stood in line. No, no, no, no. Why

39:02

were you dishonorably discharged? Oh,

39:04

oh, oh, that part. I mean, I

39:06

also would like to know about the line. Absolutely. I

39:09

do want to know about the ceremony. Apparently, a lot

39:11

of my advice was what they call deeply

39:14

damaging and contradictory. Oh, right, because of

39:16

course you probably said something like, you

39:18

have to leave your husband. Don't leave

39:20

your husband. Yeah. Was it like that?

39:23

It was like that, but I do. What I do is one

39:25

session I give one piece of that sort of advice. In the

39:27

next session, I give the opposite advice. Oh, that's terribly confusing. It

39:29

led a lot of what they call

39:31

adult onset schizophrenia. It's a very

39:33

rare condition that I created. So

39:35

I've been... Congratulations. Thank you. No,

39:38

I'm not sure that that's the word we want

39:40

to use. Thank you. Is it possible that there's an

39:42

animal post? Is it possible? Is

39:48

it possible that what you have is

39:50

a condition where you are sort of

39:52

constantly contradicting yourself? I mean,

39:55

have you yourself ever sought therapy for

39:57

this or even seen it as something

39:59

that might... be some sort of condition. Did

40:02

the people that just started

40:04

human therapy mention anything about

40:07

it? Boy, you

40:09

know, there's a lot of whispers and stuff happening so I

40:11

didn't really hear it but I've never thought of it that

40:13

way to be honest. I've always thought of it as an

40:15

incredible life skill. You know, I'm a person waiter. Oh,

40:18

it's been great in my personal life. So

40:20

you do have success with this. To

40:23

a limited degree but sure. Can you give

40:25

an example of how it helped you?

40:28

I'm a single man, you know. I'm not one

40:30

of those losers who sit at home all day

40:32

and swipe on the other. No, I get out

40:34

there and I talk to the ladies. And

40:37

I got some incredible game because I'll go

40:39

up and say, hey, I may

40:42

not look like much but my personality is

40:44

a piece of shit. My

40:46

personality is not a piece of shit. It's

40:48

really good. And you can see...

40:50

And that works. One out of

40:52

a thousand times. Okay, a

40:55

thousand times. Well,

40:57

approximately. One out of a thousand

41:00

times someone is just kind of,

41:02

let's just say, desperate enough. And

41:05

oh boy, I gotta say, this does not sound

41:07

like you have an incredible game. Excuse

41:10

me. Excuse me. One

41:12

out of a thousand times. That's one

41:15

meatball. That's one fake little meatball. That's

41:19

one fake meatball. That's one little piece of shit. Well,

41:21

it doesn't look like a piece of shit. It looks

41:23

like a meatball. Don't stink or nothing. That's what he

41:25

says. It says it right there. And

41:30

it also does look like a piece of shit. Can

41:33

I ask, is it the first time that you've put something

41:35

like this on? I mean,

41:38

I haven't necessarily recognized your

41:40

account, but have you put other things up

41:42

for sale on here? I've tried to, yes,

41:45

but the posts haven't gone through, unfortunately.

41:47

Finally, this one. Is that

41:49

because you had shit so much and

41:51

you had to sort of now put in the exclamation

41:53

point? Actually, that's how you do

41:55

it. Yeah, I see. But all my previous

41:58

posts are far more swear words. It

42:00

took a lot of trial and error to realize which

42:02

letters you need to censor Yeah,

42:07

oh boy Tried to

42:09

sell this this old crafts table that

42:12

was built by my nephew Oh most

42:15

of the post was me calling him a

42:17

lazy good for nothing piece

42:19

of shit Son of a bitch Oh,

42:23

oh, so a lot of it got censored out

42:25

So wait that one in that case is

42:28

just about what sounds like maybe a lovely

42:30

sort of a bespoke crafts table But it

42:32

is not about oh, yes But

42:34

you didn't contradict that one. So then this was more

42:36

about insulting your net what's wrong with your nephew. Where'd

42:38

that come from? I'm God rat turd people. Okay.

42:41

Well you say that but but why and

42:43

why do you why do you think that of him?

42:45

you know that his whole essence is the essence

42:48

of like a How

42:50

do I describe it he's got the essence of like

42:52

a What was that

42:54

sound is everything? Okay, everything okay to s'mores

42:56

room. I'm drilling Thanks

42:59

for asking Do you this can

43:01

you smell it? Well, I can hear what sounds

43:03

like you're dragging something. I'm drilling the chocolate into

43:05

a Graham cracker you're doing

43:07

here drilling the chocolate into a gram. Yeah,

43:09

I'm just experimenting a little bit I

43:12

don't know if you need to bring power tools into

43:14

this. I don't think you need to deconstruct

43:16

s'mores I mean, we just we know you already keep on

43:19

the trucking really. Okay, fair enough He

43:22

just pulled a poly on me Constructing

43:28

I'm deconstructing, you know, I cause

43:30

more little less Little

43:33

less little less I guess that that makes

43:35

the way the wheel which is also little

43:37

yeah And then what wait

43:39

are you see really drilling chocolate into the

43:41

grand cracker? I can hear that. Yeah. Oh,

43:44

yeah Well, cuz after

43:46

we were talking I realized oh

43:48

man, I think the trick is eliminating

43:51

all mess And

43:53

just making it as efficient contraption

43:56

as possible comes

44:00

into that. So the chocolate could slide

44:02

off, it could melt off, it could... I would

44:04

love to try one of these things. What

44:06

are you securing it with then? I'll start shaping. Are

44:09

you using like an actual screwdriver? You're screwing

44:11

it in? Yeah, it's thicker than these graham

44:13

crackers. I

44:15

know. These graham crackers... Whoa!

44:22

These are specialty graham crackers that are

44:24

like four inches thick apiece. Goodness, this

44:26

sounds... It sounds difficult

44:28

to eat, Doug. It's not a lot. We

44:30

don't need a Texas toast version of graham

44:33

crackers. Then you're adding other elements on top

44:35

of it and another graham cracker. Well, what's

44:37

the point of a s'more room if we're

44:39

not reinventing the s'more? Well,

44:41

Doug... I mean, I guess you got me there. You got me there. I

44:44

do appreciate your place. It's just this kind of

44:46

Willy Wonka wonderland of room. It is, it really

44:48

is. Thank you. I'm glad you had time

44:50

to walk around. Yeah, gorgeous. The kitchen is very

44:53

normal, as you'll see. Once you're out of

44:55

the kitchen. Yeah. Here be

44:57

dragons. Can I ask, do you live alone? Do

45:00

you have a partner? Do you have a family? I do.

45:03

What's your story? I live alone. My

45:05

home too is scary. How is Joan? What?

45:08

Maybe this is rude to say. Oh. You

45:10

really thought he had a partner. Perhaps I

45:12

should have sent roommate. Sure.

45:18

Well, I don't know. Maybe the one in the thousand is

45:20

who he's with right now. No offense for me, of

45:23

course. You never know. No offense for me. No offense

45:25

for me. I understand that. No,

45:28

I'm a very dedicated bachelor to

45:30

my own time and space. My

45:33

home is all about my own interests. What

45:36

do your interests entail? The

45:38

films of Roman Polanski's are

45:41

front and center. And

45:45

then the just, you know, I'm a

45:47

bit of a craftsman myself. I

45:50

enjoy. Okay. Yeah. Just

45:52

moving on from that. I

45:56

enjoy baking occasionally once in a

45:58

while. Yeah, oh,

46:01

yeah, I'm a bodyboarder boogie

46:06

Drive out there And

46:11

other than that, yeah

46:14

myself to a marathon screening of

46:16

knife on the water Nap, take

46:18

a nap, so it's pretty standard

46:20

life That

46:28

really is a pretty full schedule I have to say

46:30

I don't know that there is room for a partner Now

46:32

you say you're a bit of a craftsman as well.

46:34

What do you make? What do you craft? Oh Lampshades.

46:37

Oh, yeah, but got my head

46:39

a little bit of woodworking. Oh

46:41

making those little cigar humidor Box

46:44

sure. Oh, yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Is this

46:46

something that you and your your nephew? Shared

46:50

was a love of woodworking. Yeah Yeah,

46:52

we did we did. Oh you

46:54

hit on a burnt I think you used to be

46:57

closer than there was a my falling out of some

46:59

kind that's fairly There's

47:03

a There's a little bit of Respect

47:06

lacking when someone commits

47:08

intellectual property test. Oh

47:10

on your craftsmanship Wow and Just

47:13

starts to do their own thing and then meet

47:15

somebody and suddenly they're spending all their time with

47:18

this new girlfriend And I suddenly sent

47:20

a notice. Wait a minute all these ideas and designs

47:22

we were supposed to do together start showing up in

47:24

his house Oh So

47:26

so it sounds like you're upset about two

47:28

things one that you think he started sort

47:30

of stealing your style woodworking wise But also

47:33

you seem fairly resentful effect that he was

47:35

in a relationship. Yeah. Yeah, I'm

47:37

jealous. Yeah, well I I

47:42

Saw first bar. Oh Wow

47:45

problem. What's what's the you may ask the

47:47

rest? We

47:56

were talking about the can you call a

47:58

place with a peanut show All

48:00

along the floor. Can you call that a restaurant? I mean

48:02

Doug was doing a little call back to that right baby

48:05

Yeah, I'm on a delay. Yeah, that was quite

48:07

a delay You

48:15

saw her first is there anything more than that or

48:17

do you mean you literally just saw her first but

48:19

or did and just not Say anything because if you

48:21

just saw her first, I'm not sure that really does

48:23

that really count for anything But I mean you have

48:25

to say to your friend. Hey, I'm going after that

48:27

girl, right? I don't know what it is I don't

48:29

know how bro code works. Yeah, I guess you

48:31

do if you if you're interested in the person

48:33

you it would be good to

48:36

Express I'm interested in that person, right? And

48:39

then you'd figure it out amongst yourself. Okay.

48:41

Yeah, that's not how I did Okay before

48:43

I do want to know the threat may

48:45

ask first just for some context. Yeah, what's

48:47

the age difference between you and your nephew?

48:49

27 years Okay,

48:52

well, I guess you have to ask you could you tell us

48:54

how old you are here I mean

48:56

he good, but he might give us two answers Well,

48:59

I'd actually love either of you could guess because

49:01

a lot of people can't really put Yes,

49:10

I'm gonna say you are 45

49:14

hmm, I was gonna give him

49:16

33. Mmm So

49:19

Doug sounds like prizes,

49:21

right rules one What's

49:27

your actual real estate retail age? Wow,

49:34

yeah, I suppose whoever gets the highest

49:36

45 I think you wins because I'm

49:39

I just Turns

49:49

out that's a real real source of longevity

49:51

and youth An

49:55

amount of cigarettes, it's just to have the opposite with

50:00

you. Yeah. Push theory. Hm. Horseshoe

50:03

theory. Oh, right. So, you know, two,

50:05

one or

50:07

two packs a day. That's just going to kill

50:09

you off the cake. Keep going. You're going to

50:12

put through. When going

50:14

through hell. Keep going. That's right. Instant.

50:16

Here's my six favorite

50:20

world leader for sure. Okay. Gotta

50:22

hear the top five. All

50:26

right. All right.

50:28

Here we go. Here we go.

50:30

Counting down for five to one.

50:32

Five to one. Okay. Queen Rhonda

50:35

Valona of Madagascar. Okay. Incredible. Mad

50:37

Queen. Beheaded everybody. Took her enemies

50:39

and hung their skulls up outside

50:41

of her. She beats Churchill. Oh

50:44

yeah. Much better. I mean, Churchill

50:47

had almost no personality. You gotta,

50:49

you know, compared to her. Come

50:52

on. Well, okay. Come bed.

50:55

He said, we'll fight on the beaches and whatever

50:57

a friend. Queen Rhonda Valona said,

50:59

bring me his blood and I'll

51:01

drink it with my daughter's skull.

51:03

She was crazy. So

51:05

her number five. Sounds like he thinks that's

51:08

his type. Coming

51:14

in number four. That's right. Number four. Joseph

51:17

Stalin. Gotta give it up. Oh, God. Not

51:19

for what he did. Not for what

51:22

the man was like. Not for his actual just

51:25

you gotta give it up. You know, for fashion

51:29

fashion. Okay. Number

51:31

three. Oh, we're just moving on. Well,

51:36

that's all well known than Madagascar.

51:40

That's true. Let's see. Number

51:42

three. I feel

51:45

like this is, this is one that I always get. You

51:48

know, I'm always never, number three is always hard. Yeah. Hard

51:50

and bliss

51:52

in general. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who do you

51:54

put in there? But I'm going to say

51:56

Princess Diana. I think she was a. know

52:00

yeah just just for what you

52:02

did for the cult the pop

52:04

culture of it all and number

52:09

two I would say

52:11

I forget his

52:13

name but he's the forget his

52:15

name number yeah number two forget

52:18

his name you

52:21

know he came over in a boat yeah

52:23

yeah really I'm thinking

52:25

of the both boat

52:27

man he could use a boost these

52:30

days maybe a rebranding as boat man

52:32

it's boat man day I would like

52:35

that and

52:40

coming in at number one oh yeah of

52:43

poly coca cola's favorite world leaders

52:48

Roman Polanski

52:51

again terrible human being okay

52:54

all right there's an admission there okay okay

52:56

all right that helps a little bit a

52:59

little bit but putting him at

53:01

number one still Wow number one I told you

53:03

you got a leaders you got to appeal to ever

53:05

you got to contradict a little you got to admit

53:07

that he's a terrible piece of shit and then you

53:09

got to put them right at number one okay

53:11

that's his um his Roman

53:13

Empire is Roman Polanski I suppose you

53:15

think about him like five times I think about the

53:17

first for our show oh really well

53:27

yes this should be a recurring

53:29

segment ever ever mention Roman Polanski

53:32

and we should probably this is the first

53:34

man probably the last mention but I

53:46

think this should be a regular segment on your podcast

53:48

it should be regular thing yes have all your guests

53:50

to top five world leaders you count it down as

53:52

a David Letterman style have a little music in the

53:54

background you know coming in from the s'mores room pump

53:57

a little you know we have we have one episode

53:59

left in the season and we may ask

54:01

our guest to name their top

54:03

six world leaders. Top

54:08

fives are fun, but I do, I'm curious to see

54:11

how people are going to rank the world leaders. True.

54:14

And I like the sixth. Yes, right? Nobody's doing

54:16

top six. No one's doing it. That's

54:19

how we make our marks. This is

54:21

how we win. This is how we win.

54:23

I love that movie. Isn't

54:27

that a famous quote from a famous movie? This is how

54:29

we win. It's a famous meme from a movie. When

54:35

you see the movie, you could barely hear him say

54:37

it. It just mumbles it a little bit. Yes, but

54:39

it became a meme heard around the world. I'm

54:41

going to be honest and say I don't know this one. Click.

54:44

Instead of a Sandler film, click. Is that

54:46

right? I hate to, I

54:48

don't like to correct a guest. It's from

54:51

the movie Uncut Jam. I'm

54:53

sorry. Uncut

54:55

Jam. Uncut Jam.

54:58

I have not seen that. Don't

55:00

bother. Okay. You

55:02

really don't need to see

55:04

it. Now I will say one of Doug's favorite movies

55:06

is Click. Boy oh boy, did he just walk

55:09

around with his remote, trying to do it to

55:11

me. A whole bunch. I'm just

55:13

trying to pause you. I'm trying to get you to fast

55:15

forward. What a masterpiece.

55:18

I can see how it would appeal to

55:21

an engineer especially. Oh sure. That's a very

55:23

good point. I love

55:25

a universal remote. Sure does. My favorite part

55:27

of that movie is in the middle of

55:29

all these existential questions about life and what

55:31

it means to skip past important time with

55:34

loved ones where Adam Sandler pauses

55:36

things, gets up in front of his boss and

55:38

pulls his pants down and farts directly in his

55:40

face for 30 seconds. And

55:42

then he unpauses the universe and the boss is

55:44

like hmm something smells. Oh my

55:46

god that is a beautiful scene. Cinemas.

55:49

Did any wonder that Doug loves it.

55:52

It's in his top six. He

55:54

pulls his pants down to do this? Oh he pulls his pants

55:57

down directly in front of his boss. Oh

55:59

lord. It is a seen it could have been

56:01

out of China town you know it's one

56:03

of those massive pieces. Speaking of Roman Polanski.

56:05

Speaking of my kitty cat. To

56:08

nosy. Okay. Alright.

56:11

So getting back to the

56:13

topic of hand of these meatballs, what

56:16

will you do if nobody wants them? Great

56:19

question. It's a lot of little

56:21

plastic meatballs to have. It's honestly one of the things

56:23

that's really weighing on me because my home is filled

56:25

right now with simulated meatballs. That's what I'm assuming you're

56:27

saying. You really need to unload it. Wait, I'm sorry. It's

56:29

not really. It's just like a.

56:31

Like we're talking order style? Yeah. Oh no.

56:34

I can't help it. I was

56:36

trying to quit smoking and I thought this will do it. And

56:38

it obviously did it work. I mean do you said

56:40

you smoke. Did you say it worked?

56:42

I can't remember if you said it worked. Oh yeah,

56:44

good question. I assumed it worked. Oh I

56:46

just, I don't. We got so

56:48

off topic but did you stop smoking? For

56:51

a while. Oh okay. For a

56:53

while. Oh shit. Oh shit. You

56:57

really stumped him. Oh shit. Oh he's

56:59

smoking right now. Oh I

57:01

have to say I don't

57:03

really like smoking in the house,

57:05

Paulie, if you wouldn't mind putting that out.

57:08

I'm going to put this. Okay. Okay.

57:12

I'm going to be leaving then.

57:14

I mean are you going to be okay or

57:16

how many cigarettes have you had today? I've

57:19

had a few bags. Oh dear. I've had a

57:21

few bags. It's nine o'clock in the morning. Have

57:24

you considered the gum rather than

57:26

buying a bunch of fake food? Wait,

57:28

there's another way to do it? Yeah,

57:30

nicotine gum. Nicotine gum. Okay, now that you

57:32

mentioned that. And there's a patch. Oh.

57:35

There's so many. There's a lot of waste

57:37

other than, I've never seen a commercial for simulation. What's

57:39

that? What's that? What's the matter?

57:41

Somebody smoking down there? Yes. Oh

57:44

no, I mean there's the smoke alarm alarm. Doug

57:46

has several. Let me smoke a few more and

57:48

then it'll go past the point. Doug has several

57:50

Doc Brown clocks and then whatever that is.

57:53

Okay Doug, what do you have right now? I

58:00

created my own smoke alarm a few years

58:02

back and I completely forgot so right now.

58:05

How was that actually more annoying than a

58:07

regular smoke alarm? Like

58:10

if that was going off in my home I would just let

58:12

the fire take me. Just

58:16

die to the sound of disco chicken. Just take

58:18

a big deep breath of that smoke. It

58:22

makes you want to just do anything to get that smoke out.

58:25

Wait, okay. So, yes, you've never heard

58:27

of a patch or the gum? Now

58:29

that all the research I did was

58:31

one Google search and then it was like, yeah, replace

58:33

it with something else. And the first result was simulation

58:35

food? Yeah, what were the search terms? Yeah, what did

58:37

you put in? I might have had a few different

58:39

tabs open at the same time. Mistakenly

58:42

thought the one I was looking up was the

58:44

one about the smoking. Now that you've been all

58:46

this, I'm piecing together the actual moment in my

58:48

mind. And I think that might

58:50

have been when it happened after all. So,

58:54

oh boy, I've spent a lot of money

58:56

on this. You're really? It's a really unfortunate

58:58

mistake. Well look, if anyone's listening to this

59:00

and you would like to buy several

59:03

thousand versions of meatballs, apples,

59:06

chocolate chip cookies, raisins, bananas.

59:08

You have raisins? Yeah. We

59:11

have a bunch of fake raisins that just look like

59:13

rabbit poop, I imagine. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

59:15

It was almost, I don't even know

59:17

why I bought it, you know, in

59:20

the first place. Oh, there's several fully

59:22

poured simulation Irish coffees, you know? Fully

59:24

poured. Yeah. It's

59:26

plastic, but it looks like they poured. And

59:29

those are taking up a lot of room for

59:31

handles and mugs. So please, somebody, I mean, someone's

59:33

got to have something, some use for this, right?

59:35

I mean, I guess, why does somebody need a

59:37

thousand fake raisins? Are

59:40

they all in the thousands? Almost

59:43

all of them. Okay. Well, yeah,

59:45

except for there were 700 apples. The 700 apples, yeah,

59:47

600 cookies. Yeah, but mostly, mostly. Yeah, they don't stink

59:49

or nothing. They

59:51

look like they have, they do

59:53

and don't look like little pieces

59:55

of shit. All right,

59:58

well, they call it. bingas

1:00:00

sales pitch and I think it

1:00:02

works. You

1:00:04

think it works and yet your house

1:00:07

is crammed floor to ceiling with simulation

1:00:09

food. Please don't blow it okay just

1:00:11

call me please. Joe perhaps

1:00:13

your friends at the theater could

1:00:15

use some of this. I mean

1:00:18

it's the only thing I can think of. Are

1:00:20

you in production on a play right now? I

1:00:24

mean we were going to do I have always

1:00:26

wanted to do Oliver. Food

1:00:29

glorious food and there's

1:00:31

a song in the beginning. Who

1:00:33

will buy these wonderful apples or

1:00:35

whatever. That was my

1:00:38

part in the play. You

1:00:41

almost did an extra note. That's

1:00:44

the same never mind I got

1:00:46

excited for a minute. Burn

1:00:50

can really only sing the same note. That's amazing. I've

1:00:53

never heard a baritone done just

1:00:55

from the top of the chest like that. That's so impressive.

1:00:57

Hold us right because one is. Right strawberries

1:00:59

right. Wow. Right that's

1:01:02

another line so all these people come out selling their wares

1:01:04

and we just have to paint it. Who

1:01:06

will buy these thousands of raisins. There

1:01:08

you go. Absolutely. They

1:01:11

don't look like pieces of shit. I don't know. They

1:01:14

do. They don't. I don't know if we can

1:01:16

legally change. That sounds more like gonna get your gun.

1:01:21

I don't know if we can legally change the lyrics that much and I

1:01:23

think it would confuse the audience. Yes it's an issue

1:01:25

of legality. I mostly. Joan you love raisins. I

1:01:27

mean I do. Do you love raisins?

1:01:29

I don't know. He's making a thing of it.

1:01:31

Remember when she puts them in the pasta. Oh no that's right. Oh

1:01:34

I do. Put in some fake raisins.

1:01:36

No. Well I'm not gonna put in any.

1:01:38

You could break the habit a little bit. Oh

1:01:41

babe why are you bringing up the raisin pasta? I

1:01:46

just you know I'm already feeling very embarrassed about it. I'm

1:01:49

trying not to blow it. Look

1:01:51

none of us wants to blow it. We don't

1:01:54

want to blow it. No one wants to blow

1:01:56

it Polly. We really don't. Don't blow it. Well

1:01:58

Polly you know I hope. that there's someone

1:02:00

out there. If the theater says this

1:02:02

is actually too much simulated food for

1:02:05

us, then there's some left over. I

1:02:08

hope there's someone out there who's interested

1:02:10

in buying all of these. Yeah,

1:02:13

because honestly, if there is someone out

1:02:15

there who has use for this, I

1:02:17

almost feel like that's your, might

1:02:19

be a match made in heaven

1:02:21

for you. Yeah, a person. It's like

1:02:24

one of those crazy things where it's like

1:02:26

a twin flame or something. I've

1:02:29

always wanted a twin flame for

1:02:31

me. I've always thought there's gotta be somebody out

1:02:34

there. Well, I mean, I think it makes sense

1:02:36

because, you know, the duality of his life, you

1:02:38

know, and so if you find someone else who's

1:02:40

sort of just like him, I feel

1:02:42

like anyone who actually has the need for 1000

1:02:44

fake meatballs is probably going to be your soulmate.

1:02:47

There's no other way around. If

1:02:50

this resonates with any person, if this resonates with

1:02:52

someone, you marry that person. Absolutely.

1:02:54

Although I don't know how that works

1:02:56

at a wedding ceremony with someone like Polly, because when

1:02:58

he's supposed to say I do, I mean, is he

1:03:00

immediately going to try and say, I do not? Do

1:03:03

you think that if you find your soulmate, you'd

1:03:05

be able to break yourself of this habit of

1:03:08

the, the, you definitely would have to be very

1:03:10

positive. Your syndrome, whatever your syndrome, let's call it

1:03:12

that. It was very

1:03:14

possible because that would actually complete some part of me

1:03:17

that feels like I need to be the other side

1:03:19

of the coin. Oh, right. Oh,

1:03:21

well, then you have to get married and you're done. Okay,

1:03:24

here's the here's the here's the good one. All you

1:03:26

need to do is get married. Well,

1:03:37

just by itself, I don't think it does the

1:03:39

work. It's not intrinsically funny by itself. I think

1:03:41

it needs to set up. All

1:03:43

right. Well, Polly Coca-Cola. Yeah. Thank

1:03:46

you so much. Yeah. In here.

1:03:49

Listen, I will change the whole thing. a

1:03:51

thousand pieces of fake sauce, that

1:03:54

means you'd match up with a thousand pieces. A thousand pieces

1:03:56

of fake sauce? Is that what you said? A thousand little

1:03:58

pieces. spills of

1:04:00

sauce. How does somebody have one

1:04:03

gigantic fake pot? That could work

1:04:06

too because that means they're

1:04:08

compliment made. That means they're thinking on the other

1:04:10

side of the same thing. Exactly. Let me follow

1:04:12

the picture. Don't look cooked. Yes, that's true. They

1:04:14

look like they're ready to go in the oven.

1:04:16

That's right. They need some beer. I mean it's

1:04:18

tricky because the only other sort of consumer

1:04:21

of simulation food is children of pre-K

1:04:23

age. True. True. Fill their fake

1:04:25

kitchens. That's true. Let

1:04:28

me tell you something. The fake food

1:04:30

in those kitchens, it

1:04:32

looks terrible. It looks awful. Well,

1:04:35

they sort of changed it now. Now they

1:04:37

have sort of this kind of, oh, very

1:04:39

sort of a granola-y type food that is

1:04:41

all wooden, but it's connected with Velcro so

1:04:43

you can practice cutting a carrot. Right,

1:04:45

but it's more representational. It doesn't,

1:04:48

no, it wouldn't fool anyone. No,

1:04:50

that's true. It's just about motor

1:04:52

skills. Anyway. It

1:04:55

would be crazy if it did fool, like I think

1:04:57

they want to make sure that kids don't actually pick

1:04:59

up a plastic bag. Oh, good. That is right. Good,

1:05:01

good, good. It's good. It's good. I'm child free so

1:05:03

I have no idea. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I was

1:05:05

feeling bad for these children. No, I got three, I

1:05:07

got four year olds and then

1:05:12

a 60 year old. You had a 27

1:05:14

year old nephew. Wow. Oh, you children. I

1:05:17

thought you were about your nephews and niece

1:05:19

and you have children. Wait, how did this

1:05:21

happen? Late breaking piece of information. Thank you

1:05:23

so much for having me. All right, Polly.

1:05:30

I wish we

1:05:32

had more time.

1:05:34

But we will

1:05:37

be back when

1:05:39

the neighbor listen

1:05:42

returns. Hey everybody,

1:05:44

it's Giselle and

1:05:46

I have free hangers. Free.

1:05:48

That's my post. First compressor,

1:05:51

as you can see, they are

1:05:53

in a completely tangled pile. I'm

1:05:56

just going to leave them that way.

1:05:58

You know, we, we, you

1:06:00

come over and you just gotta deal with

1:06:02

this. I'm not gonna deal with this

1:06:04

and do you know how insanity

1:06:08

inducing it is to try

1:06:10

to untangle one. Must

1:06:13

be 500 hangers. I'm not doing

1:06:15

it. You come over

1:06:17

and do it. Please.

1:06:20

Please because I thrive. I

1:06:22

mean look at this mess. And

1:06:25

you know special

1:06:28

props to anyone who can get that

1:06:30

one big one from the middle. Go

1:06:34

over and try to get that one big one.

1:06:37

First go first sir. Wow.

1:06:44

Polly Coca-Cola. I mean that

1:06:47

was uh we have had so many

1:06:49

interesting guests this time around. Pat's putting

1:06:51

it mildly. Yep and just

1:06:54

some wild people

1:06:57

and that was um I've

1:07:02

never met anyone quite like him. No

1:07:05

everything about it was strange. Yes. And I'm

1:07:08

kind of creeped out by a

1:07:10

whole, if you go to this person's home

1:07:13

it's just there's mountains of fake

1:07:15

food. It's terrifying. Terrifying.

1:07:19

Like I'm imagining he has to carve out little

1:07:21

uh like narrow hallways in

1:07:24

the midst of all these piles

1:07:26

of fake food. Simulation food mine

1:07:28

and there's just. He's

1:07:31

like a dig dug in there. Was

1:07:36

that the song of dig dug? Yep. That's the

1:07:38

noise he made when he when he. It

1:07:42

kind of sounds like dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig

1:07:44

dig dig. I stand storm all over again.

1:07:46

Dig dug. Dig dug. Of course it is.

1:07:48

It's gotta be. How lucky to have a

1:07:51

video game with your name in it. I

1:07:53

thought it was for me. Sure long time.

1:07:55

Sure you did. Hey I've

1:07:57

never asked this question. Do you spell it the formula?

1:07:59

same way, D-U-G? Yes. Is

1:08:02

that true? It is. Doug, I had

1:08:04

no idea. The full name is Duggan. I

1:08:07

had not, with two Gs? Yeah.

1:08:09

We've been spelling it wrong on some media.

1:08:12

We have. Why are you spelling

1:08:14

it wrong? I guess I just mean

1:08:16

our team. We spelled it in a traditional way. Our team,

1:08:18

yes. Our team. Allison.

1:08:23

She does a bad job. Can we admit it? Allison

1:08:25

does a bad job. Yeah. First,

1:08:27

it was the Instagram she hardly paid attention to.

1:08:32

Yeah, maybe we

1:08:35

should probably think about that. I

1:08:39

mean, I feel bad talking about this without talking to

1:08:41

her first, but she's going to hear this. It's

1:08:44

true. She's only two. She has...

1:08:47

If you call her, she answers and goes, what? Yeah.

1:08:50

And then we say, you know, could you put up a post

1:08:52

from the show? And she says, what's the name

1:08:54

of the show again? Every time.

1:08:56

Every time. She doesn't do it for anybody

1:08:58

else. No. That's rude.

1:09:00

Okay. She sucks. Okay.

1:09:04

All right, Bert. I mean, there's no need for that. Well,

1:09:06

I buy... Starting with the season, I put up all the

1:09:08

posts. I know you did. You've been doing a great job,

1:09:10

Bert. Why are we... We're paying her so much money. That

1:09:13

is strange. We need to stop. She

1:09:17

really conned us. I know. She's

1:09:19

in her 40s. She's not some kid. Yeah, I

1:09:21

know. I mean, I

1:09:23

can forgive that. You know, straight out of college, fine. You need an

1:09:25

internship type situation. I mean, after five years, I'm trying to

1:09:27

remember why did we hire this little, weird woman? She actually

1:09:29

does. Do you remember? She came up... It

1:09:32

was a real hard sell, like an Harold Hill. Oh,

1:09:44

boy. All right. Well, we'll have

1:09:46

to talk about that. Yes, we will. Anyway...

1:09:50

You have one last post. Yes. And

1:09:52

this is a post submitted by a listener.

1:09:54

Thank you to Matt Moore for submitting this.

1:09:57

Matt Moore. Matt Moore, babe. Mr. Pragaville.

1:10:00

Oh, do you think he likes

1:10:02

s'mores with the name more? I don't

1:10:04

know if I do anymore. Oh no. I

1:10:07

don't know what happened. The drill? The

1:10:09

taste of the drill? You like them no s'more? I think I

1:10:11

have to go to the dentist after this. What?

1:10:15

Why? Well, I've had so much of this kebab

1:10:18

marshmallow. Okay. I was

1:10:20

worried he was going to say because he drilled

1:10:22

those chocolates and that

1:10:25

he bit down

1:10:27

on, you know, like a screw. The screws didn't help.

1:10:30

No, I imagine they wouldn't. But I thought you

1:10:32

would use edible screws.

1:10:34

But the main complaint for you is

1:10:36

the shavings of marshmallow.

1:10:38

Too much marshwarma. Right.

1:10:42

I was just taking bites out of it

1:10:44

directly. Funny we say marshmallow, but it's marshmallow.

1:10:46

I know. It is very weird. I

1:10:48

hate it too. I feel like some people used

1:10:50

to pronounce it that way, right? Or was it ever like

1:10:52

that? They must have at some point. But here's the thing.

1:10:55

I think it's because when you hear... You go on. You

1:10:57

go. What's tricky about it is I

1:11:01

like the way that the word looks. I

1:11:04

wouldn't want it to have an E in it, but

1:11:07

I will pronounce it with the E. Are we sure there's

1:11:09

no product that actually spells it in mellow? I

1:11:13

can't be sure. Probably something with

1:11:15

THC in it. I didn't mean to take me out of the room. But

1:11:19

I guess it makes sense for a Malamar, right?

1:11:22

Isn't that like a packaged s'more? What is a

1:11:24

Malamar? But you know there's no W in the Malamar.

1:11:26

No, that's true. Yes. I

1:11:29

don't remember. Is it just chocolate covered

1:11:31

marshmallow? I think that's correct.

1:11:33

It just doesn't appeal to me. I think that's correct.

1:11:36

Who wants to eat a raw marshmallow? They

1:11:40

do the test. They're not good. No,

1:11:42

they're not good. What's the test? The marshmallow test. I

1:11:44

don't know what that is. I will

1:11:46

give you one marshmallow now.

1:11:49

Oh, it started with marshmallows? Yes. I

1:11:52

see people do it all the time. It was different things now.

1:11:54

Oh, that's right. That's right. Yes.

1:11:57

We tried something like that. the

1:12:00

boys. Really? Yes. We were like, you

1:12:02

can have one match now. Oh

1:12:05

no. Well, this was before

1:12:07

this was, we were

1:12:09

trying to get them to, to learn

1:12:11

restraint, right? Right. And then, I mean,

1:12:14

as you can imagine, they, they just,

1:12:16

they waited for the five matches. I

1:12:24

don't know. We've made some wrong turns. This is a

1:12:26

bear. We have. Anyway, Matt Moore, he submitted

1:12:29

this. This is in the crime and safety section.

1:12:33

It is submitted. It's posted by

1:12:35

Natalie. Natalie

1:12:37

says, last night around

1:12:39

10 ish p.m. someone

1:12:42

or some PPL

1:12:44

slash kids. Oh,

1:12:47

so it's either someone or some people,

1:12:49

kids. Okay. Mostly

1:12:51

kids, I'm assuming. Totally

1:12:54

getting wrapped

1:12:56

around the axle on describing these people. He got

1:12:58

that on his whole thought process. Came

1:13:02

to ring on our doorbell. We

1:13:04

didn't open the door, but today in the morning

1:13:06

there was a craft cheese on the driveway. I'm

1:13:09

not okay with PPL trying to pull a joke

1:13:11

on someone, especially that late at night. If

1:13:14

you know your kid was out there doing that, please

1:13:16

make sure they know of the consequences.

1:13:19

This was on Bald Cypress Road on

1:13:22

old Buchanan. Wait,

1:13:24

a crap, like they mean, like just a single slice

1:13:26

of cheese? No, it sounds to

1:13:28

me like you don't

1:13:30

want to crack their doorbell and lift

1:13:32

a single slice of cheese in the driveway. And

1:13:35

this woman, Natalie, is

1:13:37

incensed. 10 p.m. they

1:13:40

do this. I'm not even sure. And I've

1:13:42

been, I'm speaking as a, as a victim of many, many

1:13:44

pranks. I'm not sure that that's a prank of any kind.

1:13:46

It almost sounds like an accident. Sounds

1:13:51

like a door dash got the wrong address. Although

1:13:53

it does remind me of things that we

1:13:55

talked about this. It drives me so

1:13:57

crazy. It's these nonsensical TikTok viral.

1:14:00

friends where you do something mean to a

1:14:02

baby or a kid and one of them

1:14:04

is to toss a single slice of craft

1:14:06

cheese onto a baby's face or head

1:14:08

or even a dog or a cat.

1:14:10

What are we doing? We're wasting food

1:14:14

and we're tormenting these. We're making food. I'll be

1:14:16

the one on

1:14:18

my forehead. I started running backwards. I

1:14:20

controlled it. He acted like most of

1:14:23

the dogs do. I

1:14:27

have not seen it with dogs so I didn't realize that was the

1:14:29

result. The dogs are trying to back

1:14:32

out of the cheese. The dogs are trying to

1:14:34

back out and the cats are stunned. They

1:14:36

just freeze? They freeze. And the

1:14:38

babies of course are witless. They have no idea.

1:14:40

They don't care. I think it's actually okay to

1:14:42

do with the baby. Well I'm not sure that it is.

1:14:44

Well certainly not the crack and egg on some bacon.

1:14:47

Oh that one I don't get it all. Oh my

1:14:49

God. I don't know what we're doing. I guess

1:14:51

what I want to say is

1:14:58

I would never do that to my kids but

1:15:00

then my own kids and my own sons do

1:15:02

things that are way worse and way crazier. They're

1:15:04

terrifying. I

1:15:07

don't understand what Natalie is upset about. I

1:15:10

understand the ding dong dang situation but they

1:15:12

didn't even ring the doorbell. They

1:15:14

just knocked on the doorbell. They came to ring on it.

1:15:16

They rang on the doorbell. They came to ring on it.

1:15:18

Did they ring on it? They came to

1:15:20

ring on our doorbell. That phrasing is

1:15:23

very weird. Yes. They came to ring

1:15:25

on our doorbell. They came to ring on our doorbell. But

1:15:34

this has got me thinking though. What

1:15:36

if it's the grocery gang again? Oh

1:15:39

it really could be. The

1:15:41

carrots? The carrots? Remember the

1:15:43

pizza on the windowsill. That

1:15:46

was a fun one.

1:15:48

How much for the grocery boys as well? It could

1:15:51

have been. Pizza is made of groceries. If

1:15:54

you think about it, a pizza can

1:15:56

be broken down in its component parts of groceries.

1:16:04

Listen, all I have to say to Natalie is that

1:16:06

PPL could be doing a lot of different things in

1:16:08

the neighborhood. And if the worst thing is that they're

1:16:10

coming to ring a doorbell and dropping

1:16:12

some cheese. And

1:16:14

you know what, let me say this too. Kids are PPL

1:16:16

too. They sure are. Yes. Slash

1:16:19

kids. Slash kids. All

1:16:22

right, well, that's all the time we have for this episode of The Day We're

1:16:24

Listening. We want to thank everyone for

1:16:26

listening. Again, if you'd like

1:16:29

to submit a post, send it to

1:16:31

bernandjona.com. C-U-D.

1:16:36

bernandjonagml.com And if you want to

1:16:39

hear ad-free versions of the show,

1:16:41

go to cbbworld.com and sign up

1:16:43

on the Maximus tier. Very impressive

1:16:45

sounding. And that's where

1:16:47

you will also find bonus episodes that are

1:16:49

behind a paywall. We release them, they're called

1:16:52

the bonus room and there's various things. We

1:16:55

hear from other people in Dignity Falls as

1:16:57

well as whatever we do. These

1:17:00

are not rooms actually, they're metaphorical

1:17:02

rooms. I think people get that. I

1:17:06

understand what he's saying, better say it from sorry. Alright

1:17:10

babe, you're right. You don't

1:17:12

want people thinking they can come here. No. No,

1:17:15

yeah. Okay. We should

1:17:17

end it. Okay, so thank you for staying. We'll

1:17:19

be back next week and until then, goodbye. Bye.

1:17:25

All of the posts used in this episode were

1:17:27

real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The

1:17:29

neighborhood listen is hosted and produced by me,

1:17:31

Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. And me,

1:17:34

Brett Morris. This episode's

1:17:36

guest was played by Drew Sudeis. The

1:17:38

neighborhood listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang

1:17:40

World. Go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire

1:17:43

history of the show ad-free as well as brand

1:17:45

new full length bonus room episodes. And as always,

1:17:47

thanks for watching. I'm Maximus, subscribers. Thanks

1:17:55

for watching.