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ad free. That's amazon.com

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up on the latest episodes without

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the ads. Hi,

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I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker.

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On this podcast, we improvise in character using

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real posts from a popular neighborhood networking

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website.

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Occasionally, we change the names of some streets.

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And that's all you need to know. To support the

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Room, go to cbbworld.com

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and sign up for a Maximus membership.

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And now, please enjoy this episode of The

0:49

Neighborhood Listen. Knock,

0:52

knock. Who's there? Your

0:54

neighbor. Good. In

0:56

Dignity

0:57

Falls, you're never alone. You've got

0:59

the Neighbor Half app and us. Burn. And

1:01

Joan. From coyotes to mail theft

1:03

to weird things to sell, we'll cover it

1:06

all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll

1:08

chat about any posts you're missing.

1:11

So just tune in to

1:13

The Neighborhood Listen. Listen. What?

1:22

Do you think it's an issue for the? Well, it's just,

1:24

uh. I got a new dishwasher. And

1:27

this is. Thank you. You're welcome. I was, I

1:29

was, I was proud. Well, you should be. It's

1:32

a big move. You know what I mean? Because it's kind of the.

1:34

Well, I'm, what am I talking about? Everyone else does all the work.

1:37

But, but it's just, it's, listen to that. I

1:39

just never, I, it was, it was supposed to be a quiet

1:41

one. And this thing over here is just trying

1:44

to be the main character.

1:44

Well, you know, it's not, it's a little quieter,

1:47

if I may, than your old dishwasher. Well, I

1:49

mean, then isn't that saying something that's

1:51

crazy? It was so loud. You,

1:54

I believe you were tricked, right? Because it was a whirlpool,

1:56

but with three Os. Yes.

1:59

I believe. it's like a Dutch whirlpool. It's

2:02

like a... There was a tiny oom-wout.

2:04

Vanapol! Yes. Vanapol!

2:09

But it was supposed to be

2:11

like more sustainable. Honestly, it sounded like a person

2:13

in there who was actually washing dishes. There

2:16

was so much clanking and clinking.

2:18

And cursing. Clanking and clinking, cursing.

2:20

There

2:20

was noises that came out of it that sounded like someone...

2:23

And cursing. What is that?

2:26

Wishing and hoping and waiting

2:27

or something? That's right. Hoping

2:29

and screaming. That's right. And

2:31

scheming. Scheming. Oh, scheming.

2:34

I think it was scheming. Oh, no.

2:35

Were they scheming? Well, they just say

2:37

barely. Well, in that movie they were. Boy, oh, boy. I

2:40

wonder if that movie holds up. There are people who were divided. That

2:42

movie divided everybody. We're

2:43

talking about... Hi, everyone. What movie are we

2:45

talking about? This is The Neighborhood. Listen. We

2:48

can introduce ourselves first. A steamer or just washer

2:49

movie. No, no. Neither. You

2:52

know, the one with Julia Roberts. My best friend's wedding. My

2:54

best friend's wedding. That's actually a little bit for you. Yeah,

2:56

how did DeFranco get a

2:57

cover of that song and that open? Is that a movie?

2:59

Yes, yes. Look it up. What

3:02

a strange... I will not do that, but... Somebody

3:05

won't. ...understand the impulse. Okay, yes.

3:08

Anyway, if they change that song. We should

3:09

introduce the show. Yeah, I am Joan Pedestrian.

3:11

Hi. Hi, I am Burnt Mia Pade. We

3:14

are friends and neighbors. Yes,

3:16

true. Both are true. In the neighborhood of Dignity

3:18

Falls. And this is our podcast,

3:21

The Neighborhood Listen. And what we do is we

3:25

look at life in our

3:27

neighborhood and share it with you.

3:29

That's it. Yes. Yes. That's

3:32

a great pitch. I would buy that if you... If this wasn't

3:34

a podcast, I'd buy it right now on the spot.

3:36

Well, so we're covering either way. It's either way. We

3:38

do exist. And if we didn't, then

3:40

we would find... We could. Yeah. That's

3:43

a relief. Now,

3:46

what occasioned the purchase

3:49

of the new dishwasher and what brand is

3:51

it? Well,

3:52

again, because it was just so loud, it was

3:54

so loud and also it wasn't really getting the dishes

3:56

cleaned, you know? Well, you can't have that. Well, there's this

3:58

whole

3:58

thing where you're supposed to leave... real

4:00

dirty you know because the dishwasher

4:02

likes something to work off of. Yes. I hear.

4:04

You have to give the dishwasher a task.

4:06

But the problem was and of course Doug, he

4:08

can chime in here, my husband Doug. Doug's our

4:10

producer. He took that to like

4:13

the nth degree like I mean he was leaving like full,

4:15

it was almost a full plate of food in there you know that.

4:17

Didn't

4:20

you tell me you put a whole cake in there one time? He did!

4:22

He thought well it'll have something to work off of.

4:24

It doesn't mean to eat the cake.

4:26

Nobody had even had a slice of cake.

4:28

No! He just put it in there! He said this will

4:30

work. I read that

4:32

you don't have to rinse anything off the plate. It's

4:36

actually good for it. It's good for

4:38

it. Yes. The enzymes. When we start

4:40

talking about it like it says it's being. It's

4:44

good for the dishwasher. It

4:46

needs its cake. Cake has enzymes?

4:49

No of course cake has enzymes. Sure, sure, sure. We

4:51

don't need to get into the enzymes of it all. No, no,

4:54

no,

4:54

no. And I do believe that cake has enzymes.

4:56

But I think that you

4:59

know that when people say that they say that you

5:01

know you're not supposed to rinse the plate.

5:04

Right

5:04

like like spins straight

5:06

up clean. You're not supposed to make it absolutely like

5:08

me. What

5:10

was that? What was that? You know that's the sound

5:12

of the squeak. That's

5:14

pretty good, Joe. Thank you.

5:17

I did not know you did sound effects.

5:19

You didn't

5:19

know that. I had that one in my in my

5:21

roster. Got to add it to the actual

5:24

scales of the resume. It's in the roster

5:26

for sure. And what other do you do

5:28

offhand can you think of any other sound effects that you could

5:30

do? Oh boy. Okay. Let me think.

5:34

My alarm clock.

5:37

It may be not. That's

5:41

a clock. I have that shine one. That

5:43

just sounds like a robot.

5:44

What

5:48

what what

5:50

kind of it's a clock. It's not like a phone.

5:52

No, no, I'm just talking

5:53

about my iPhone. No, it is. I did a terrible

5:55

job. You put me on the spot.

5:57

Now I need to run through the rocks.

5:59

of sound effects that I have. I did not

6:02

intend for this to be a gotcha and I apologize. It was a

6:04

real gotcha moment. I thought we were having fun.

6:06

Okay, so babe, why, first of all, where

6:08

are you today?

6:09

Yeah, what room are you in today, Doug? I'm

6:11

in the sizzler. What? What

6:14

does that mean? Oh boy. Oh

6:16

boy. It's an incredibly recreated

6:19

sizzler. Listen to me, if there's anyone

6:21

who loves all you can eat shrimp, it is my

6:23

husband.

6:23

That's right. And where do you go from eating shrimp?

6:26

Sizzler.

6:26

Yes, but now our house.

6:28

Well,

6:31

you don't eat shrimp definitely. Sometimes

6:33

red lobster will offer all you can eat shrimp and

6:35

you're like, uh, I'm going to

6:37

the steak one.

6:41

So he created a whole buffet.

6:46

He made

6:47

a sizzler. He

6:49

made a sizzler in the house. He made a sizzler in

6:51

the house. Wow. We had to hire

6:53

a cook. What? Why?

6:55

Okay. Now look, I don't normally question these things. You know

6:58

me. I don't know if I questioned

7:00

the cigar store. I think I just rolled with that,

7:03

but I don't know.

7:09

Well, just what we said at the same time, you

7:11

said I rolled with that. It's the

7:12

guy. You know, you

7:15

know, you think couples couple friends,

7:17

but it is couples brain. I get that for sure.

7:21

But but but but but but but but this now

7:23

you are you are hiring employees

7:25

to work.

7:26

I do think this is a step too far. This

7:28

is a step too far because now

7:30

yeah, we're right now. I have I had

7:32

to get extra insurance for

7:33

this room. Oh, no, I

7:35

did and and w nine.

7:36

I

7:39

wish you didn't invite the health inspector.

7:42

I don't think you had to do that.

7:45

I had

7:48

to. It

7:50

has been to be honest for all the rooms. We've

7:53

done this is in the most stressful room because you're

7:55

like owning a bit. I own a franchise

7:57

now and

7:57

is there just a one chef in the.

8:00

in the sizzler kitchen there because you're not just when

8:02

you when you build a sizzler that's not

8:04

just a room that's what I said.

8:07

He went speaking of

8:09

couples brain we did not have couples brain on this

8:11

particular project because we got the cook in the back but

8:14

he just added I just went up there

8:17

about a week ago he added the what's

8:19

the name for the person who cuts the meat for you under the red

8:21

lamp. Does he have

8:23

a fancier name? You know like a buffet

8:25

when there's a man who acts like

8:26

a boy. Yes yes.

8:29

He added that he thinks that's one of the coolest things

8:32

ever when there's a man cutting your meat. You

8:34

what what? I had him grow a mustache.

8:37

That was really the only requirement.

8:38

Which is definitely encroaching on his basic

8:40

human rights I mean I don't I have a lot I

8:43

have to get an HR department right

8:44

now. It's funny usually they want you to cut

8:46

your hair or shave rather than grow a mustache. Basically

8:51

what this sizzler is is an amalgamation of

8:53

all the best food buffets that Doug has ever been

8:55

to. Now he loves sizzler and it was just an easy catch-all

8:57

name.

8:57

So he's put his own spin.

8:59

Yes well because again we sizzler doesn't really

9:01

have that guy who cuts the meat you know but but

9:03

we went to one restaurant one time for Christmas

9:06

I don't know there's this restaurant called the Magic Pan

9:08

they don't have it in town anymore. Oh no.

9:11

The

9:11

Magic Pan is closed? It was a crepe.

9:13

I didn't know this. It was a crepe station. What

9:15

did the Magic Pan get? I'm sorry

9:18

to break it to you. All the stations are gone?

9:20

The stations are gone. But

9:22

it was a crepe

9:23

and he loved it too.

9:25

I wish I'd gone more. They made their own starburst

9:28

for you.

9:29

Yes they did. I remember that.

9:32

They did. You had to order they

9:34

said order now because it takes an hour and 10

9:36

minutes. Yes. You

9:39

had to order your homemade starburst

9:40

ahead of time. And then they put them in a bag. I

9:43

wonder if they just bought starburst.

9:45

I think

9:46

they did. Someone back there

9:48

was unwrapping all of them and putting them back

9:50

in the wrappers that said Magic Pan. And

9:52

there's out back there's just

9:54

a pile of orange and green.

9:56

They would throw them in the pan though. I saw

9:59

them tossing a starburst. in the pan like

10:01

a

10:01

that sounds made up when they were

10:03

paying for I pan

10:06

fried starburst I saw like

10:08

another one of his fantasies another

10:10

one of his fantasies well I'm telling you so

10:12

he's got another one of Doug's food at a

10:15

crepe station I said no we can't afford

10:17

it yeah we literally we're

10:19

losing money

10:20

right now there's only right now how

10:22

many of you are living in the house right

10:27

now

10:27

okay well July be back from

10:29

Australia okay she went and did a like

10:31

a little homesteading situation

10:33

where she was on a farm homesteading and well

10:36

that's what they call it

10:36

these all where they go over there and you do manual

10:39

labor you

10:39

right and you're living off the land and whatnot

10:42

and why

10:45

mom's on Instagram love it anyway

10:47

so

10:48

so

10:49

so basically

10:52

she's back the twins

10:54

are

10:56

oh no we have

10:59

to unpack this of course but the twins Matt

11:01

and Jepetto Matt and Jepetto

11:12

yes and what so what what kind

11:14

of state are they in now are they back home

11:16

they are they are supposed to be in

11:18

our state and they're supposed to be in our home

11:20

but they are

11:23

they're pranking us oh

11:27

yes in

11:29

progress we're

11:32

going on for three

11:37

weeks they have not been home

11:39

I know they could even be in the house I know

11:41

they love Halloween it's their favorite time

11:43

of year and

11:44

every year the pranks get crazier remember

11:46

one of them was just putting decks of rocks

11:48

up said

11:49

I do remember that I do remember that

11:53

we

11:55

didn't know what it was I thought I was aliens I

11:57

started

11:57

with a feather I believe Wait

12:01

until you notice the feather outside

12:03

the house.

12:03

And then the stack just got closer and closer and

12:05

closer and bigger and bigger. But it's terrifying. My

12:08

own children, it's the unknown.

12:11

It's the terror of the unknown. And the unexplained. Exactly.

12:15

This is why we fear death and we shouldn't. Well,

12:17

I was going to say UFOs, but OK, we're death. Yes, I

12:19

mean, that is also absolutely fair. You

12:21

know, my mother used to say if the UFOs

12:24

come, I'm going with them. Wait, are you serious?

12:27

Oh my goodness, it's amazing. I know other people

12:29

like that. Do you really? Yes, I do.

12:32

Yes, you used to say if they come, I'm getting on

12:34

that ship. You'll never see me again.

12:36

That's so sad. Was that so sad?

12:38

I just thought I'd get

12:40

it. It'd be fun. Sounds

12:42

like

12:42

fun. You know how young those people

12:45

were in cocoon? You know how much younger they are than us

12:47

probably now? They were playing those old people. Very

12:49

upsetting to think about. Yeah,

12:50

I was thinking about closing

12:52

collars of the third kind. And you were thinking

12:54

about cocoon? Absolutely. Do

12:56

they go at the end? They don't go anymore. They

12:58

do.

12:58

Yes, spoiler alert everybody. I haven't seen

13:00

that movie since it came out.

13:02

They do. They go up at the end.

13:04

Yeah, they all get it. They leave, I think Steve Gutenberg

13:06

goes too. They feel like they learned how to break

13:08

dance and then it's like, well, what is left for us here? Yeah,

13:11

well, absolutely what is left for us here. Yeah, we're

13:13

in our 50s. It's over. Who

13:15

didn't want to do it? Wilford Brimley?

13:16

Oh no, it's very sad. There's

13:19

a wonderful actress named Hair to Wear. She played Rose.

13:22

She didn't believe in it. Hair to Wear? Okay,

13:24

you know what? If

13:27

you don't know how to spell it, that name sounds crazy.

13:29

The

13:32

spelling makes it totally normal.

13:34

It sounds like another business that we could start.

13:36

Hair to Wear? It's a great

13:38

pseudonym for an actor. Hair

13:40

to Wear.

13:42

Okay, it's

13:45

spelled H-E-R-T-A and

13:47

pronounced Hair-tuh and then W-A-R-E.

13:58

the

14:00

alien denier, I think his name is Bernie, and

14:03

it's very sad, and she dies and then he tries to take

14:05

her into the pool and then reverse the life.

14:07

He's such an idiot, but so young, I really,

14:10

I think that they were all very,

14:11

very... About 41. Yeah.

14:14

A death story.

14:14

A death story's all over. So,

14:17

so, so yes, okay, so that was very,

14:19

very, I guess you understood your mom wanting to leave. I

14:22

don't know if I would. I couldn't do it. Then

14:25

again, then again, you know, I wouldn't have to live this awful

14:27

terror every Halloween of what my kids are

14:29

going to do to me. So what they did is they just disappeared. Okay,

14:32

not a trace, not a sound, okay,

14:34

not an indication. Their

14:37

cars, we keep finding their cars

14:39

in weird places in town.

14:41

Really? Yes. What are some

14:43

of the weird places in the hell that you found their cars?

14:46

I guess

14:46

in my mind, any place that's not in our driveway

14:49

is a weird place to find their cars. Absolutely.

14:52

But to be fair, yes. In

14:54

the, you know, sort of like just right in the entrance of a

14:56

target.

14:58

Real possible. Sure. Sure.

15:02

Are you talking about the driveway

15:05

entrance or you're talking about the door?

15:06

I'm talking about those actual slanders. By

15:09

the

15:09

way, could I just have a...

15:12

Could I just make a gripe real quick? Oh, sure. Is

15:14

it just me or every time I walk into a target, somehow it's

15:16

the exit doors and I'm not supposed to be

15:18

there. I feel like

15:21

every door at Target is the exit door and you

15:23

can't go in. Is it just me? I'm always

15:25

entering the wrong way. This is

15:27

a very specific gripe joke.

15:28

How I really thought that was going to land with someone. It

15:30

does sound like a user error. It's

15:33

going to resonate with somebody. I

15:35

don't know what Target could do about that. They

15:39

have too many exit only doors. That's what I'm saying.

15:41

So are you not able to get inside the Target? No,

15:43

it just

15:43

says you can't and then you're like, well, I want to be the asshole. But

15:48

then you go in anyway. Well, and then

15:52

in the end, my kids parked their car

15:54

in it. So I guess that was the ultimate.

15:56

Sideways

15:56

or... Do you hear that? Oh, my word.

15:59

I know I mean it

16:02

could be them. I

16:02

mean real honestly babe. You're

16:04

not wrong. It could be them

16:06

Do you think they're hiding in the dishwasher?

16:08

It's a dummy dishwasher

16:09

Yes, it could be listen

16:11

to that. They're just trying to mess with me

16:14

So I mean at any given moment. I didn't I'm just ready

16:16

for them to pounce you know so so when when you

16:18

do They'll just jump out at you like

16:20

ah

16:21

no they've done that before they have

16:23

done that before One of them buried himself

16:25

alive for a month

16:26

Buried him he buried

16:28

himself alive for a month so

16:31

his twin did not even They

16:35

did separate pranks

16:36

Well here's what happened so they

16:38

did a bit of prank together They

16:41

did a joint prank right and then mm-hmm

16:43

and then Matt was the one who came out You know in

16:45

terms of like okay? I'm back and the

16:48

prank is over and then he was like where's Javeto? I'm

16:50

concerned you know he laid into it like

16:53

as if he didn't know what was going on Double

16:55

prank and it was

16:57

in that you know Doug always makes those silly tombstone

17:00

decorations for Halloween with a very funny

17:02

You know Here's a dead

17:04

Fred big old stone dropped on his head

17:06

or whatever

17:07

one year. He did actual neighbors names

17:14

Exactly yeah, yeah, I

17:16

remember people were very upset and you know what

17:19

three of them came true

17:22

I mean honestly

17:25

that's why we don't do it anymore And the other

17:27

reason is Japetto had buried himself

17:29

under one of the fake tombstones

17:32

right heart right So yeah, I guess

17:34

also horrible for me because

17:37

we like to keep our decorations up We like

17:39

to do Halloween right in the Christmas so

17:41

we do hell

17:41

of a whole November. Yeah, no No,

17:45

no no for so many reasons yeah, and

17:48

so what's your midpoint again from when it shifts

17:50

to Halloween to Christmas?

17:51

We mean oh right when we switch from Halloween

17:53

to Christmas November 30th, baby

17:58

So Halloween all through November

17:59

That's right. Yeah,

18:01

and then December

18:03

1st boom

18:04

boom Santa inflatables Everything

18:07

and we paint we paint some of any leftover

18:09

pumpkins We paint white and we make them into pumpkin snowmen.

18:12

It's actually really adorable. I can't fault

18:14

that but thank you But

18:16

anyway, so that's why I didn't you know, I didn't

18:18

think anything of it and I I do tend

18:20

to I'm

18:22

so sorry. Can I go back to any leftover

18:25

pumpkins?

18:28

What is what

18:31

is what is your what is your pumpkin

18:33

buying? Situation

18:36

well, I mean Doug and I argue about this

18:38

but it is excessive. Okay, I

18:40

don't know if you've noticed But they come out with starting

18:43

to tell so many different colors of peppers.

18:45

Yes You have them all yes

18:47

and the gourds and it's just

18:49

a proliferation of ones with a hideous

18:51

wash. Yes. Yes Bumpy,

18:54

I don't know. I really

18:56

don't know we

18:57

didn't need to see that What

19:00

does that say about us Bert? What's wrong with a

19:01

bunch of pestules on a pumpkin?

19:04

It's bad It

19:06

says that we don't want to see because we decided

19:08

it's bad, but me but it is but if

19:10

people People

19:14

have pustules Something

19:17

is wrong

19:20

Neither

19:24

vowel boy was I wrong

19:25

but pharmacists what's a pestule? Pestle

19:28

that's what I'm ordering pestle. Oh

19:30

a mortar and pestle. Yes

19:32

Okay, well that would be said there's a very

19:34

good tongue twister and then in there

19:36

somewhere

19:37

About a puzzle with the puzzle for a puzzle

19:39

like Danny K Inspector general

19:42

a movie that was on TV every Sunday

19:44

for most of my life.

19:46

Oh, I love Danny K I just love him.

19:48

Do you really I do they don't

19:50

make him like that

19:51

anymore. It's so true They

19:52

make him like my son who done it a month

19:54

into tending to the fake Grades

19:57

just popped out grab my ankle one day

19:59

I was almost in the grave myself.

20:02

My God. I mean, it's a shock. Yeah. If

20:05

you're going to do it, that's the way to do it.

20:05

So this is what I'm saying. I don't know where they're going to come from.

20:08

I don't know when it's going to be. It could be in the

20:10

middle of the night. It could be, uh, I

20:12

don't, it could be in the middle of this podcast. Who knows? Right.

20:16

Anytime. And it again, because of the way we celebrate

20:18

Halloween, it could blast till November 30th.

20:20

I hadn't even considered that. Well,

20:22

most people don't.

20:28

So, uh, anyways, back to

20:30

this business I'm running with a, babe,

20:32

I think I'm

20:35

just going to say it right now. We're not going to have a crepe

20:37

station. I can't do it. We're not going

20:39

to do it. What do you, we

20:41

got so far away when you said this business, I really,

20:43

I have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't either.

20:46

I was in there. He's

20:49

still in there. I was just playing along. Are you eating

20:51

right now, babe? Are you eating? Well,

20:53

yeah, I forgot to eat. How would you forget

20:55

to eat? You're in a restaurant. No,

20:58

well I'm eating now because I forgot to eat before. Oh, okay.

21:01

Right. Okay. So you are

21:03

eating. In answer to the question, are you eating? The answer is

21:05

yes. When

21:08

Doug answers, he answers for himself

21:10

from the beginning of the day, right? He is

21:12

thinking, well, that didn't get the answer.

21:16

What? That Doug didn't get to answer the question.

21:18

That's how he thinks of it. He thinks

21:20

of morning dog as a different dog. He's changed

21:22

so much. Wow. And so he refers

21:24

to him as that Doug.

21:25

I mean, there is a certain, there's

21:28

a certain, I think, wisdom to that.

21:31

Yeah, there's a little philosophical. I'm a different person than I was. I'm

21:33

not sure we can

21:33

apply that to the way he thinks about it, but yes, that's

21:35

very generous.

21:36

Yeah. You know, it reminds

21:38

me, Doug's answering that question reminds me of someone

21:40

that I know in my life who

21:43

if, let's say you, this

21:46

person said something to you and you couldn't quite figure

21:48

out what they said. Okay. And you

21:50

asked them to repeat themselves. And then they start with a completely

21:53

new thing. They're going

21:55

back and explaining the origin of

21:57

what they were saying. It's like, I did not need that.

21:59

Wow, I literally it's almost like they

22:02

think you're an idiot.

22:03

It's almost like that and

22:05

so many times I wanted to say I'm

22:07

not dumb. I didn't hear you But

22:11

I don't say that Truly,

22:13

is there anything worse just

22:15

in the realm of conversation? Then

22:17

truly thinking you can get away with

22:20

not hearing a little moment laughing

22:23

and then getting caught Two seconds

22:25

later.

22:25

It's terrible. It's a terrible. It's awful.

22:27

It's never worth it It's a terrible and yet I do

22:29

it all the time. Oh, I do it constantly. I'm doing it

22:31

right now I was gonna think you

22:33

did I thrive on that feeling feeling

22:41

He likes to live on the edge I got

22:43

caught not paying attention to feel alive I'm

22:47

okay with dishing the crepe station, but

22:52

We're back on that really the only the

22:55

thing I love the most about the sizzler is The

22:58

toast it will go around the cheese The

23:02

cheese toast Yes,

23:07

Texas toast something

23:09

you could very easily make yourself at home

23:12

I told him See

23:16

they pandas I don't think Here's

23:20

the thing Doug thinks that that again the

23:22

red light and just any buffet lighting

23:24

and setups makes any type of food

23:26

taste different Absolutely. He's has that

23:28

specific sort of the genus a qua

23:31

on

23:31

a game. Let me ask you this

23:33

No, okay. Wow now he's asking questions.

23:35

Is that this dog or that dog?

23:40

Joan you're coming at me. You're crushing

23:42

me today

23:50

Playing having a little fun. I whoa.

23:53

Okay. I mean wow

23:54

Sorry

23:56

in the sizzlers I forgot to eat I

23:58

know you did Shrimp

24:00

what were you gonna say and then we probably

24:02

should break simply gonna ask

24:04

have you ever had? bread

24:07

like the sizzler bread

24:09

If it's so easy to make have you ever had

24:11

it anywhere else?

24:13

Listen, I will allow that. There's

24:15

maybe just an extra little crunch

24:17

or a little something like I think it's really just that

24:19

it's a bit more birth Yeah,

24:21

not you

24:23

Can't believe that's never happened.

24:25

It finally happened. I'm

24:27

often in life, but never here,

24:28

right? Yes, never here because we've never never

24:31

had anything burnt until we had a sizzler So

24:35

I would say that that's

24:36

the only thank you

24:40

Not my fire mania, they've said

24:42

a lot of things on fire but

24:45

But what I will other than that babe,

24:48

I'm sorry I I don't share your

24:50

deep love of that cuisine. I'm

24:52

you know, I'll just be very honest and you know this This is

24:54

not a secret. I'm not coming at

24:56

you a strictly specifically red

24:58

light cuisine

24:59

Red light cuisine is not for me.

25:00

No, right warming lamp warming

25:03

lamp Say

25:06

again shiny bricks. There's a lot of shiny

25:08

bricks in there from what I remember Remember

25:22

Okay

25:24

I think it's on the floor. I'm

25:26

thinking of shiny bricks over do you mean everywhere, babe? Are

25:30

you saying you want to add shiny bricks in

25:32

the room? Any bricks everywhere? Maybe

25:39

shiny happy people. Oh sure. It

25:41

should have been shiny. Happy bricks.

25:42

Probably probably I think of those

25:44

red light opportunity

25:49

So you want to add shiny

25:51

bricks

25:51

well, I just think the

25:54

the red lamp the heat lamps with the

25:56

shiny brick

25:57

He

26:00

thinks that the shiny bricks helps the date. Yes,

26:02

that's exactly

26:02

it. The phrase shiny bricks has lost all

26:04

meaning for me. See, this is... When

26:07

before it had... I've never heard it so much

26:09

in my life.

26:10

This is why

26:12

I just want to say to him, go to a real sizzler!

26:14

Yeah. He's just trying to recreate something

26:16

that... There's clothes everywhere! But did you... There

26:18

aren't that many left. That is true. Doug,

26:21

are there shiny bricks in your sizzler? That

26:23

you created? There's one. And

26:25

I've... One! There's bricks! He only

26:27

got one. It's not shiny. He only got one.

26:29

It's just a dead, shitty adult. So

26:33

is this... Like a semi-gloss

26:35

brick? Yeah, I've been glazing the one

26:37

brick. He's glazing

26:39

bricks

26:40

out back for the sizzler in our house.

26:42

What am I... Do you hear the sentence I'm saying?

26:44

I know. Birds, this is getting... It's getting

26:46

out of control. I almost called you Brick

26:47

just now. Really just almost said Brick instead

26:49

of Bird. Who's named Brick? Oh, Catnott

26:52

and Ruth. Paul Newman.

26:54

Ruined that nickname for everybody. Oh,

26:56

sure, of course. By being impotent.

26:58

Wait, I'm sorry. Oh, I forgot

27:00

that part. I just remember he was on Crutches.

27:02

He was on Crutches, I think, because that was the extent it was in.

27:06

But wasn't he... He couldn't have sex

27:08

with Maggie the Cat because he was secretly

27:11

perhaps gay? Oh, that's right.

27:14

You're just going based on the memes? These

27:16

are... All the Catnott

27:19

and Ruth memes that I've seen. Why

27:26

aren't we memeing

27:27

more theater? Me when I can't

27:29

do it with my wife. That's just a picture of

27:31

Paul

27:32

Newman on Crutches. TFW,

27:39

she says, let's go one more time. All

27:44

right. All

27:49

right, now that we've spoken that into the universe, I

27:52

think we should probably take a break. Yes, I do too.

27:55

And when we return, we will have a guest. Of course,

27:57

we go to the NeighborHap social

27:59

network. working application and we look

28:02

for posts of interesting people, people that we want

28:04

to talk to right here in Dignity Falls and this

28:06

episode is no different when we come back we will have a guest writer

28:08

on the

28:21

screen.

28:31

Hi

28:33

this is Angela, I'm back here with Matt,

28:36

it's two dollars

28:38

made of metal. Now that's all you need

28:40

to know if you look at the picture you can see why

28:43

I'm getting rid of it because you know it's

28:45

actually shorter and easier to list

28:47

things

28:47

that you can put in it because as you can see

28:49

it is way too wide for almost any

28:51

item you can't put, you can't

28:54

put rocks in here, you can't

28:56

put tiny figurines

28:58

in here, you can't put anything like

29:01

toiletries, no q-tips, no cotton

29:03

balls, no toiletries whatsoever,

29:05

you can't

29:05

put a razor, it'll fall right through

29:07

and you can see I don't know what they expected,

29:10

you can't even put lines, you

29:12

can't even put lemon, you can't put a pineapple because

29:13

it's thin on top and it's

29:16

too wide along the sides so

29:18

all you can do is get a bunch of apples

29:20

and the best, pull up everybody,

29:22

two

29:22

dollars.

29:28

And we are home. I

29:34

just

29:34

jumped because at any point I thought you were

29:36

maybe my son so okay I'm just so sorry. What

29:39

if it turned out that I was true. Oh

29:42

yeah

29:42

like Mission Impossible you just rip off

29:44

the face and it's Matt.

29:46

Oh I meant like Star Wars.

29:49

You mean that you're actually going to say that I'm

29:51

your mother?

29:53

What? What?

29:58

What?

29:59

introduce our guest. We're

30:02

going to read a post from the

30:04

NeighborHap and of course if you have

30:06

a post... I don't like that

30:07

I don't get to explain myself, but fine, go on.

30:09

I'm going to assume that I was the stupid

30:12

one. I know what I meant. And everyone else understood.

30:14

So there's no need for the explanation.

30:16

I must suffer. Like

30:18

that person you know who explains things to you

30:20

like me. That's right. So

30:25

what we do is we scour the NeighborHap for posts

30:29

of the things that are interesting to us and

30:31

we want to shine a light on that. And if you'd like to do that

30:33

you can write to us if there's anything we may have missed

30:36

from the NeighborHap. You can screenshot one

30:39

and send it to us if you think it's worthy of coverage

30:42

at burntandjoan at gmail.com.

30:47

Alright. This one may have been sent to us by someone

30:49

but I'm not sure and I don't care. Oh

30:52

burnt. I shouldn't have said that.

30:55

We do care. I haven't eaten. I'm

30:58

a little jealous. I knew you hadn't eaten.

31:00

I'm a little jealous of Doug and the Sizzlers. Just run up

31:02

to the buffet. Get a toast.

31:05

Get a toast and

31:08

a tail. Get

31:10

a shrimp. Get a toast

31:12

and a tail. Get a shrimp tail.

31:16

Now wait a minute.

31:16

You didn't invite people did you? Of course.

31:19

We have wait. Who's serving them? It sounds jam

31:22

packed in there. It sounds so busy. We're

31:24

opening today. Opening? Wow wow wow. What are

31:26

you talking about? That's why

31:29

I was saying taking the crepes off the menu

31:31

seems really last minute. And you have one employee.

31:34

There sounds like at least 20

31:36

tables in there. Doug

31:39

are you helping out at all? Who's taking

31:42

care of them? That's the beauty of Sizzlers. There's no help

31:44

is all you can eat. I know

31:46

but somebody

31:46

has to cook the food and put the food

31:49

out. Correct and keep on replacing. Exactly. Oh

31:52

my god. Wipe down the sneeze guard. Alright.

31:55

Cheers. Thank you.

31:59

the Lost and Found section. Oh,

32:02

okay. And we, no name

32:04

on this one, just, we don't, we

32:06

don't know who posted this, so we'll find out. You'd think you'd

32:08

want to put a name if it's for the Lost and Found. And the,

32:11

stop doing

32:13

that. And

32:16

here is the post. It

32:18

is, oh, this is heartbreaking. Oh no. It

32:21

says Lost Turtle. Now obviously Lost Turtles

32:23

and Tortoises are no, we're no stranger to those here on the neighborhood

32:25

list. I

32:28

realize this is probably a very long shot,

32:30

but I came home tonight and this handwritten

32:32

notice by a child was taped

32:34

to my front door regarding his or her Lost

32:37

Turtle. I am at the corner

32:39

of Coolidge and Teak. The

32:42

telephone number on the notice is, and we're not

32:44

gonna read that up,

32:46

in the midst of these crazy times we live

32:48

in, I found this very poignant and

32:50

touching. It brought a tear to my eye, the

32:53

thought of a child

32:54

desperately searching for their Lost Turtle.

32:57

And there is a, there is a

33:00

very crudely drawn turtle.

33:05

There's, this picture obviously will not be helpful,

33:08

but it is,

33:10

uh, in finding the turtle, you mean? In finding

33:12

the turtle. Well,

33:14

I, I would say if the turtle looks like

33:16

that, it's too late. Yeah, mostly

33:18

shell. Yeah. Yeah.

33:21

Mostly shell. There's a little of the underbelly

33:23

there. I mean, it's not, depending

33:26

on how old the child is, it might not be that bad

33:28

a drawing. Sure. But certainly not helpful

33:31

in finding the turtle. And so we

33:33

now have the person

33:35

who posted this, who, who, who had

33:37

this drawing tape to their door and whose name

33:39

we do not yet know. No.

33:42

And we have them here in studio. Welcome. Welcome.

33:43

Can you tell us who you are? Hi, Gwen whispers.

33:45

Gwen whispers? Gwen

33:48

whispers. So

33:50

nice to meet you. And then let me just say for one

33:52

minute, to look at the both of you and

33:55

in these crazy times, to be in a

33:57

room with you all is, it,

34:00

Oh my goodness, that's lovely. Do

34:03

you listen to the podcast? That's

34:06

okay. Do you need some water? Oh, good. I'm

34:09

going to get you some hot tea. Bernd, just

34:10

ask a question. I'm going to grab her some tea. Yeah, maybe

34:12

it also seems to have the fountain drinks and

34:14

the red cup. Whatever the fountain

34:15

drinks just make it hot. Babe,

34:18

did you hear that? Could you just

34:20

bring it down? He put in a fountain machine. I don't think

34:22

we asked. Al the sizzler had hot drinks. Oh, I don't know. I

34:25

don't know. I don't know. I

34:27

don't know. Oh, I forgot we had a functioning

34:29

sizzler. No, you couldn't

34:31

have known. My husband is up to you. He's

34:33

like a normal kitchen. I can nuke my water. No, no, no, it's

34:35

fine. You want some hot water? Can you nuke

34:37

it? Absolutely. Yes. We'll

34:40

put it in the microwave for you, no problem. We'll nuke it. Okay.

34:43

So, Gwen, thank you for bringing this

34:45

to everyone's attention because it is

34:47

heartbreaking to see this

34:55

poor child has lost their turtle. It's

34:58

awful. It's awful. And

35:00

I looked around Teak. I looked around. Yes. I

35:03

looked on the cul-de-sac. I walked around where the

35:05

barn's noble is and I walked around where

35:07

the dustpan is. Oh, right. I

35:10

didn't see. It's a coyote. So, Gwen, I

35:13

didn't see a turtle. There's a lot of coyotes

35:15

around the dustpan. They are. A lot

35:17

of coyotes. A lot of coyotes.

35:19

It's actually become a problem. It's really

35:21

weird. And they stand in a formation. They

35:24

do. I saw them

35:26

get on their top legs and raise the roof. On

35:28

their top legs. They were dancing. And I'll tell you

35:30

something. It brought a tear to my eyes. It

35:35

did, really? It was crazy time. Yeah.

35:39

It was crazy time. When you have this opportunity to

35:41

see something so rare and so beautiful, I'm sorry.

35:44

Can I offer you guys a caramel apple grape? Caramel

35:47

apple grape. The gutted apple

35:50

with grapes and then it covered that in caramel. A

35:53

gutted? No kidding. So you

35:55

huddle out an apple. And when he sure seemed choicier, we're

35:57

knotted. Gutted. Yeah.

35:59

Well, well, I won

36:03

for spooks. Where's the

36:05

hot water? You're

36:06

one for spooks. Oh,

36:09

then you and my kids would get along just great.

36:10

Because it is, as of this recording it is.

36:13

Right, right now we're in the fall time. Halloween

36:15

time. Halloween times, as I've mentioned, yes. So, I'm

36:17

sorry, is this your own recipe? Is this a family

36:20

recipe? Oh, it goes really far back

36:22

in the Whisper's family.

36:23

Oh, it does. My

36:24

mom, Geraldine Whisper, and

36:26

she used to got a, and you're gonna love this, a

36:29

pumpkin. Oh, right. And put grapes

36:31

in that and then we put that. Now, what

36:33

is the idea behind putting grapes in

36:35

it? How big of a pumpkin do? Oh,

36:38

we're not a big gourd. If

36:42

there's one thing my mother Geraldine Whisper loved,

36:44

it's a big old sloppy gourd.

36:46

Oh, she sounds like my kind of gal.

36:48

She wouldn't have minded the bumps, I bet you anything.

36:51

Yeah, the, what

36:53

were those, what were those? Oh, yeah, pustules. Pustules.

36:57

That's right. Pustules. It's like a little

36:59

dance in my mouth. I bring the tear to my eye to

37:01

think about how you are really. You are

37:03

so emotional right now. I

37:05

am on a new SSRI. Okay,

37:08

well, I, wonderful. I think that's

37:10

great. I'm a huge, very

37:12

big advocate of that. As a pharmacist, I

37:14

hope you've read all the side effects. Oh, that is true.

37:16

It's something, it's something of my own making. It's a little, it's

37:19

a little, it's something I went in the lab,

37:22

and I, which is my bathroom, and

37:24

it's a little bit of well-putrid and a little

37:26

bit of ozimpic. So you were,

37:29

you were working in the lab late one night. Mm-hmm. I

37:32

am a pharmacy tech. That's correct. Is

37:34

that true? Yes. Pharmacy

37:36

tech by day in the women's over 42

37:38

chorus by night. Well,

37:41

it's something

37:43

for

37:45

everyone in this beautiful time, in this crazy

37:47

time.

37:48

You know, it's, I've always felt

37:50

a little weird. I've never been asked to be

37:52

a part of the women's over 42 chorus.

37:53

Really? Oh, we got an opening.

37:56

And no, I'm not saying that because I want, you

37:58

know, it's just, it's interesting because we never talked about it. about

38:00

the chorus on this podcast. They must

38:02

think you

38:03

don't qualify. That's very nice

38:05

of you to say. Are you a tenor sax

38:07

bass? Tenor sax bass. I

38:10

do play every saxophone,

38:13

which is a little known. You never talk about that.

38:16

You play every saxophone. Every type

38:18

of saxophone. But yes,

38:20

I would like to be asked to sing in

38:23

it, even though all their work is definitely

38:26

heavy sax arrangements. It's

38:28

mostly just female voices and female

38:30

sax. Very sax heavy

38:31

and very sax heavy. They're very loose

38:34

songs with sax accompaniment. From

38:36

what I understood, it was, and correct

38:39

me if I'm wrong, because I have not had the pleasure to see. Well,

38:42

every day you're not there, you're missing out. They

38:44

were heard every day. They probably

38:46

thought it was too busy. Yeah. It

38:49

is wildly demanding. Maybe that's it, yeah.

38:52

Because everyone has to be there for every verse. Every

38:54

day. I love that the sax is similar to

38:56

Cirque du Soleil. We trained just as much.

38:59

And so it's women singing

39:02

the dirtiest songs you can imagine. And

39:05

accompanied by every single saxophone

39:07

there is. Full sax. Full

39:09

sax. And

39:12

I am a soprano too. Oh,

39:14

great. Oh, wow. That's

39:16

the highest there is. That's the highest

39:18

there

39:18

is. Yes, it is second soprano. That's up there. I

39:21

always have a second soprano. You can say soprano too or

39:23

second soprano, yes.

39:24

I always thought second soprano was like a step down

39:26

from soprano. Okay. I don't know. Oh,

39:29

it's crying again. Wow. All right.

39:32

Burn. Okay. I have triggered

39:34

the waterworks once more. It's a top. And just to let

39:36

you know, we did a soprallative and I won best attitude. So

39:40

think about that for a sec. How

39:43

often does the chorus do the soprallators? Is

39:46

it quarterly? Once

39:48

a quarter, which is every week. They

39:50

do. It's women's

39:52

sex quarterly and they come out with it. You

39:54

can subscribe to it. I stopped a while

39:56

ago. Wait, it's a, it's a. I'm in charge. I'm

40:00

on the board of making sure we

40:02

women's sex weekly? What

40:16

is it called? Women's sex quarterly,

40:18

women's sex quarterly weekly. Over 42. Over 42.

40:22

All right. And so, did,

40:24

I guess I have to ask, this question

40:27

is obvious. Has the turtle been

40:29

found? No.

40:30

Oh dear. I'm

40:32

sorry. I'm so sorry.

40:33

And it's fall, so every time I'm stepping down, I'm

40:35

crunching. I'm hearing the sound of crunching. I think,

40:38

what's underneath me?

40:39

Oh, you're worried it's a turtle shell?

40:41

One time I killed a snail that way.

40:43

Oh, well I think we've all had that experience.

40:46

That's certainly not, you

40:47

know, you're not the only one. I mean, I've killed snails on purpose, but not

40:49

by a couple of reasons. Oh,

40:52

no.

40:53

No, wait. In these crazy times? In

40:55

these crazy times. Listen. Listen.

40:58

Listen. I know.

41:00

Consider the time. Now,

41:03

to be fair, this is when I was a child. And

41:06

I was under the impression the snail had bit me. Really?

41:09

Yes. And obviously I was mistaken. Can

41:11

I ask? But I did have to go see a counselor. It either

41:14

bites you or it doesn't. No,

41:16

under the impression. What happened? Did it crawl

41:19

on you? I felt a bite. I turned around.

41:21

I saw the snail. Japews!

41:24

And I stomped on it. Oh,

41:27

dear. That's a tough story. Yeah.

41:29

Well, okay. So I just want to go

41:32

back really quickly. Did you have to go to counseling

41:34

because he thought it bit you or because you stepped

41:36

on the snail? Because I stepped on the snail, they thought I might

41:38

be a serial killer. Well, I think we know where Laurel's

41:40

lying. Well, I think we know where Laurel's lying. You

41:43

know where what? Oh, we know where your laurels lie. Did

41:46

you say Yanny? Laurel lie? I thought

41:48

you said Laurel. You could say Laurel, Laurel. Laurel, Laurel's

41:50

lie. Oh, what does that mean? So it's something I made

41:52

up. Okay. I don't feel so bad now. And

41:54

instead of just we know what side of history you're

41:57

on. Oh,

42:00

okay. All right. I know I like that. I

42:03

know where your laurels lie. Our lying?

42:05

Well, your laurels were lying in the wrong place.

42:08

That's

42:08

sort of how I interpreted that story when

42:10

you were a kid. Wow.

42:12

Back to the judgment that you burnt. Oh,

42:15

I felt

42:15

it. Wait, no, here's the thing. And

42:17

I'm going to try to do this without judgment, but I really wanted you

42:19

to get to the bottom of why we're gutting

42:22

certain fruits and filling them with grapes. I

42:24

need to know... Completely forgot about that. ... if the grapes

42:26

are in... Oh, I did not.

42:27

How many grapes to fill

42:29

a pumpkin? Right.

42:30

And is it just for decoration or are we consuming

42:32

those grapes?

42:33

Of course. You say free-ditch?

42:35

It wasn't enough course to make. So, you know, it might

42:37

be to you. We also don't know... Of course. ... the

42:40

Whiffer's family, but... What

42:40

she's answering to. Of course, could also mean something different

42:42

than the Whiffer's family. Think about this. Think

42:45

about this. You

42:47

shut your eyes, you reach into a bowl. Okay.

42:49

What spooky is feeling? Okay, so we're talking how... Eyeballs,

42:52

right? Yes,

42:53

eyeballs, eyeballs. Yeah, it's grapes with the peel

42:55

off. That's right.

42:56

So we freeze the grapes. We peel

42:58

them. Oh, and I make

43:00

a great, great peel off if you guys want the

43:02

recipe. I would love that. It's actually

43:04

in the women's party. We are not getting a peel off station, Doug.

43:07

We're not doing it. I

43:09

do love rice and grapes.

43:13

They are not brought together

43:15

enough.

43:15

No, they really are. And then depending

43:17

on the season, we could do a crazy peel off. We

43:20

could do... Okay, so I can't. I'm

43:22

still really trying to wrap my head around. Does peel off always

43:24

have rice or no? Oh, wow.

43:26

You're really

43:26

putting it out. Yes, Doug.

43:29

Rice peel off is the name.

43:30

Right, I don't think it's... Is peel off something

43:32

that is done to rice? Right. Do you

43:34

peel off? Is it to peel off? I honestly feel

43:36

like we're... And I feel like

43:38

we're... Peel off, peel off. I feel like we're college students trying

43:40

to... That's how we feel right

43:43

now.

43:43

Well, my mom goes and stands in there for a second. I

43:47

feel like we're

43:48

college students trying to figure out how laundry works.

43:50

That's how we feel right now. I

43:53

feel like that's what we sound like, saying that the peel

43:54

off is the... Well, my mom goes and stands in there for two

43:56

minutes. Yeah. Does the peel off happen

43:58

to the rice? Or is the peel off part of the rice?

43:59

these

44:00

are questions that I do have.

44:03

Doug, are you looking

44:03

at it? I think Doug's looking it up. That's so quiet,

44:06

he's usually googling it. So and

44:08

then you would, so it's scary, but are

44:10

you supposed to eat the grapes? Of course, so

44:12

you freeze the grapes. But why do you freeze

44:14

them?

44:17

You know, I didn't,

44:19

I didn't know this was,

44:20

it wasn't a gotcha. A single tear rolled

44:22

out. He

44:22

did, I saw that. Do

44:24

you mind if I leave the room for just a minute? Oh,

44:26

oh my goodness. If you need

44:27

to. No, absolutely. Whatever you need, you need

44:29

to stay. Leave the room for just a minute. These are crazy

44:32

times.

44:32

All right, I'm back. Oh, that was, I just

44:34

needed a minute to collect my stuff. She did leave and come back. You know,

44:36

my mother, my mother's deceased. I'm so sorry. Sorry.

44:40

Thank you. And thank

44:43

you. And my mother,

44:45

I get, sometimes the only way I can

44:47

feel better is to sing about it a little.

44:53

Oh, I understand. I get that. Sometimes

44:55

you

44:55

don't question the recipe. You know, you just,

44:57

you just keep it as it is. My mother used to freeze

45:00

the grapes and I do believe that by freezing the grape,

45:02

it retains the flavor that much more. So

45:04

when you bite into the gutted

45:06

pumpkin with the frozen grape, you take a bite

45:08

of the pumpkin? Of

45:12

course. Get through to the, but remember you've got

45:14

that caramel coating over top. Forgot

45:17

about that. That it was. What

45:20

you offered us, it was in a different container. Caramel

45:23

covered, Gwen initially offered us a caramel

45:25

covered

45:25

apple. That's what I thought. Okay. Got

45:28

it.

45:28

Now listen, that I can sort of see biting in an apple,

45:30

fine caramel apple pumpkin though, biting

45:33

into a pumpkin.

45:34

Okay. I should have mentioned the pumpkin's

45:36

not frozen. The pumpkin. I

45:38

think it's still a tall order.

45:41

Does it actually taste anything? Question

45:44

remains. Because you know what? Sometimes

45:47

you bite into a caramel apple and you just get caramel. You don't

45:49

get any of the apple. Yes.

45:52

No way. No, but, but, but consider

45:54

not frozen at all. Room temp. Understood.

45:57

We've got that. Yeah. That's

45:59

healthy. Okay, okay. All

46:01

right. This is not what I expected we'd be talking

46:03

about. This

46:04

is a surprise. I had a

46:05

feeling, but I'm not

46:08

gonna say I predicted this. Are

46:10

you, do you live alone? Are you with

46:12

a partner? Do you have a pet? What's your living situation?

46:14

A beautiful, beautiful husband.

46:16

Oh my goodness, what's his name? What's he do?

46:18

John Bon Jovis.

46:21

John Bon Jovis. I know

46:23

what you're thinking. It's a gorgeous name. What are

46:26

we thinking? What are we thinking? He must

46:28

be a hottie. And you're right,

46:30

he's very handsome. Good man. Good

46:32

bones. Good for him. Oh great. He's had a good life.

46:35

He's had a good life. He's at

46:37

sea right now. Oh really?

46:40

Is he in the Navy? He's in

46:42

the Navy. What's his rank in

46:44

the Navy if I make that? Second lieutenant first

46:46

removed. Oh, second lieutenant, second

46:48

soprano. First removed. First

46:53

removed. And

46:55

I don't want to go into why. Okay.

46:57

But he makes just as much money. That's

47:00

not any of our business. Okay. I

47:03

believe in salary transparency,

47:05

my husband makes. Absolutely. Oh wow. $78,000 quarterly.

47:10

And what does a quarter give? In this case,

47:13

every two weeks. That's

47:16

a shocking amount of money. I

47:18

did not think they made it. But he's an officer. But

47:21

he was first removed. Is that a

47:23

sort of demotion? Yeah. Right.

47:26

But he doesn't

47:26

want to get into it. I

47:27

know. I don't. I

47:30

know you do. For legal reasons, I don't.

47:32

My pharmacist thinks they're kicking in. I

47:35

can't help but ask questions.

47:37

That's right. You're a pharmacist. I'm a pharmacist.

47:39

And Ed Burns is a little bit of a naval nut. He's

47:42

into those things. It's true.

47:43

I'm into things like, how do you get in trouble

47:45

in the Navy? What happens

47:47

to you? Well, it's just

47:49

a little hobby of his. I like to know different

47:52

occupations. How do you get in trouble and

47:54

how do you get demoted? I don't want to say much more than this. Let's

47:57

just say that there was a loose goose.

47:59

Oh! That's

48:04

all I'm gonna say. That is it? Oh,

48:06

you? Now he's believing you, bird. I still gotta get a little

48:08

bit more. I know. A loose

48:10

goose. A loose goose? There was a loose goose who ought

48:12

not be loose. Oh, what? Well, this

48:14

sounds like a nursery rhyme. We're

48:18

working on a children's book and that's why I don't want to talk

48:20

about it because it hasn't gotten cleared yet. That's

48:23

great. For legal reasons, I want to wait until we get the clearance,

48:25

until we get it in writing.

48:27

I don't even know what legal reasons mean in

48:29

this context. I'm not quite sure.

48:31

I have absolutely no idea. It somehow affects

48:34

the book being made.

48:35

I don't know. So how long

48:37

is your husband, how long is John Bon Jovis away?

48:39

John Bon Jovis is away. Second lieutenant.

48:42

Second lieutenant. And I do appreciate

48:44

you saying his official title. Of course. Well,

48:46

again, you know, that's the bird for you. He

48:49

is the title's right. Love titles. He's

48:51

back in a couple weeks. Okay. He did

48:53

the long distance thing. So of course,

48:55

we're no stranger to FaceTime sex. Oh,

48:58

okay. Of course not. All right. Of

49:01

course not. And I have two beautiful kids. Oh.

49:03

Fantastic. They're

49:06

at home with a nanny right now. Okay. How

49:08

old are they? They are 14 and 26. And they're

49:10

at home with a nanny. They're at home with a nanny. Right. Well,

49:13

can I ask? No, no, no, no,

49:15

no. To be honest, I kind of understand that. Little Cletus, are you joking?

49:17

Cletus. Cletus. Cletus.

49:20

Cletus. Cletus. Cletus.

49:24

Cletus.

49:24

Little Cletus takes after

49:26

his dad. He's a non-nanny boy. Oh my

49:28

goodness. Big Cletus. Big Cletus. AKA

49:31

second lieutenant. Jump up, jump up. Now, and what's

49:33

your, what's your, what's your 26 year old's

49:36

name? What's your 26 year old's name? Little

49:39

Cletus. Oh, I thought that was the 14 year old. No, it's Flips. No,

49:41

that's Emily. Emily. Emily.

49:44

Okay.

49:44

Okay, got

49:45

it. And she's a singer like her mom. Oh, lovely. Tritz

49:48

those the bridge. Oh, lovely. Oh, lovely. Tritz

49:52

those the, you know, Tritz those

49:54

the Prano 6. I

49:56

thought that was a myth.

49:57

Yeah, it was just discovered.

49:59

her and Ariana Grande, because

50:02

the same register. Wow.

50:04

Yeah, I was just, it was crazy. It was as

50:06

crazy as, you know, Pluto not being a planet anymore.

50:09

They came up with a new soprano. They,

50:13

you know, they were, they were examining sound

50:15

waves, you know, listening to a chorus and there

50:17

was this frequency that was up maybe, you

50:20

know, a little bit more about it being an engineer himself,

50:22

but, um, but he was very into

50:24

it actually. He was on the, he was on the, um,

50:26

the boards, the board, he was on the

50:27

boards. He was sort of the cusp

50:29

of it when it was being discovered. Right, babe?

50:32

That's right. They couldn't figure out where the frequency

50:34

was coming from and they interrogated everyone.

50:37

And they did. They interrogated everyone.

50:39

Everyone

50:43

asked Kenneth. They should have asked

50:45

Kenneth. Kenneth. Yes. Yes.

50:47

Yes. When

50:50

you say they interrogated everyone, who

50:52

do you, who are you in the corner? That was him in the corner.

50:58

What's that? Song. Sorry.

51:00

I got lost from it. Wait, babe. When

51:02

you say they interrogated everyone, who's the everyone?

51:07

Everyone in the chorus. Oh,

51:10

of that, that group. Okay. Was it you? Light

51:14

above their heads. All they were doing was

51:16

singing. It was so cruel. We

51:19

didn't get the interrogations

51:20

lasted forever. I mean, it was

51:22

absolutely ridiculous. My kids

51:23

under age. Well, they

51:25

had been Amy at least. It's a

51:27

bad cop. Give away the whole good

51:29

cop, bad cop thing where he said, I'm just

51:31

pretending to be mean.

51:34

That's right.

51:36

This was just really going on for too

51:38

long. Yeah. Uh, so yes, that

51:40

is the, that is now a new, um,

51:43

type of Soprano. And, uh, we're

51:45

stuck with it. We're getting back to the

51:48

turtle. This

51:50

was a, so this was taped to your door. So it must've

51:52

been one of your immediate neighbors. It's gotta

51:55

be, but you don't know who, I don't know who

51:57

I went around. I left treats. Of course

51:59

they left.

51:59

for everyone on their doors.

52:02

I nod.

52:03

And that was your way of letting them know

52:06

that you wanted to know if they'd seen a turtle.

52:07

Right. I could have been more direct.

52:10

I think maybe. I think maybe. I

52:12

think that's part of maybe the missing link. I

52:15

get social links even being here. I get nervous. Now

52:17

why is that? Where do you think they're coming from? Oh,

52:19

you guys differentiate me. I get so nervous.

52:22

Why? Why? With

52:24

your laughs and your jovial and your bonds. I

52:28

get so nervous. I don't have a ton of. I mean, I have the

52:30

chorus. Yes. You have

52:33

the chorus, of course. I've got the chorus, of course.

52:35

But I'm mostly a lone ranger. More

52:38

of a lone ranger. Even though

52:41

you're surrounded by these women every single

52:43

day, you're married and you have two children

52:46

and a nanny. But you're kind

52:48

of a lone ranger. I leave a little note. Lots of

52:50

TV. You know, my love

52:52

language or gifts. Right. I

52:55

left a name for some gifts. I haven't. There's

52:57

not a lot of kids in the neighborhood other than my own. So

53:00

that's what was confusing about me. Is

53:02

there a strange chance that one of your kids

53:04

wrote the note?

53:05

Oh, you know what? Probably

53:08

not the 26 year old. Well, probably

53:09

not. Babe, are you?

53:11

Oh, did you do the starbursts?

53:13

Are you opening up starbursts? Oh,

53:15

I'd love to try one. We ran out of food and there's

53:17

all these. How did you run out

53:19

of food? Oh, because all those people, are those people all gone?

53:20

They all wanted crazy. Was that just the lunch rush?

53:24

No, it's quiet hour. Can

53:26

I get a crunchy squizzler for the road? Absolutely.

53:30

Thank you. What? A

53:32

crunchy squizzler. What's that? Squizzler,

53:34

squizz, squiggler. Squizzler.

53:37

Seems so many times. A prize. A

53:39

squizzler, squiggler surprise.

53:41

Wait, I have never heard of this. What in

53:43

the world are you talking about?

53:44

At the very back of the menu, at the very bottom, underneath

53:47

the bottom, the very back, the very bottom.

53:50

Is this a squizzler, squiggler, big surprise?

53:53

Really? The

53:56

surprise changes shape and consistency every

53:58

time I've come.

53:59

food well it could be

54:02

liquid but

54:04

it's something you can consume as a human you can

54:06

invite not die okay you won't die well

54:09

okay season we don't know anything

54:12

have you heard of what she's talking I have not

54:14

heard of that way wow now that you better flip to

54:16

the back of the menu at the bottom very

54:19

bad I assume you've made menus for your sizzler all

54:22

the way to the back and then go all the way

54:26

down to the bottom okay

54:30

Jesus is a large menu ever

54:34

remember seeing a menu

54:42

anyone

54:45

they label the food right

54:47

yeah and he also loves the I'm sort of half

54:49

the reason want to do this was to get one of those light up

54:51

me on board you know where you can

54:53

just oh god yes there

54:55

is something a little satisfying

54:57

about it

55:03

every day's Christmas it's you know

55:06

a lot of times to build they'll you know do

55:08

edibles and then go in and just stare at that sign

55:11

right well you don't get my 26 year old

55:13

in there cuz he's no stranger to edibles

55:15

well that's pretty common you know

55:17

okay those are the

55:18

mushrooms right that's correct okay

55:21

is he

55:24

like microdosing or

55:26

an ego death last week I'm sorry

55:28

I got a good way oh good

55:29

I'm not familiar with what that is

55:31

and he go deaf he said he lost himself

55:33

and then he found himself again and yet he still

55:35

has no job when he go death wow that's

55:38

very I should try it you

55:41

know sort of just taking a little something

55:43

about the mushroom

55:44

I have I have taken mushrooms not

55:46

on purpose and I

55:48

did not realize that they were you

55:51

know quote-unquote magic mushrooms I was not

55:53

really there were mushrooms well how did that happen

55:55

it wasn't a brownie that was

55:59

in a sandwich

56:01

Oh my god that was my last sizzler

56:03

squiggler big surprise! That's what it

56:05

was a brownie in a sandwich and I was like I'm game

56:08

and I didn't realize that it was a gutted sandwich.

56:11

It was a gutted sandwich. Right, right. How'd

56:13

you get around the grape? They had frozen

56:15

a brownie and of course don't

56:17

forget the grape. There was one grape. There

56:20

was one grape in there that I thought was kind of a prize. It

56:23

was. Yes, so in that way I

56:25

won but I had a terrifying

56:28

night. And you were at home alone and

56:30

you just experienced it

56:31

by yourself or were you just... I know I was out and about

56:34

by myself walking

56:36

Dignity Falls and just

56:39

seeing everything, everything

56:41

seemed to be melting. I hope

56:43

you didn't go near water because you could... I

56:45

went near so much water and... You

56:48

could fall in. I almost fell so

56:50

many times. Into the falls. Into

56:53

the falls themselves. Which we know is basically

56:55

just run off. Yes, just run off. In

56:58

these crazy times but you know you can drown

57:01

in half an inch of

57:01

water. Yeah, usually if you're a baby

57:03

but

57:04

that's usually for babies. But if you're face down

57:06

you don't get up. So does that's

57:08

true.

57:10

Right. Wow, I didn't

57:12

know that. I never knew that story. Well,

57:15

it's not a fun story. Sorry for your loss. Thank

57:17

you. Thank you. It's good stuff

57:19

for you to go down. And how is it that... And

57:21

it's connected you

57:24

because it's what she made so how did

57:26

you... Where did you get this brownie sandwich?

57:29

Did you come around my shelf trying to think I probably came

57:31

around your shop. Pam's Pots

57:34

and Plants. Pam's Pots and

57:36

Plants. Why is it called

57:38

Pam? That's right. You guys remember Pam died.

57:40

Yes, that's right. Pam died. Pam

57:42

retired and died immediately. It

57:46

was just so sad

57:48

that he got to enjoy retirement. She

57:52

finally had a rest.

57:53

She was going to visit every national

57:56

park. Yes, that

57:56

was a huge plan. Sequoia.

58:02

She took out an ad in the

58:04

Digny Falls Cryer Flyer and

58:07

like an entire page

58:10

which was not something anyone had ever done before. No,

58:12

only half page and she said, and she said,

58:16

here's what I'm going to do with my retirement. And

58:18

it was like this very detailed plan. She got

58:21

to the first park and she dropped dead

58:24

from a bow and arrow. Yes.

58:27

That's

58:29

right. It is really, really fortunate.

58:32

There were cosplayers in the area and

58:34

it was the

58:38

Hawkeye, right? Yes. They were

58:40

recreating Last of the Mohicans. No,

58:43

I was thinking the Marvel of Terrors.

58:46

Wrong

58:47

time. No, it was from the Last

58:49

of the Mohicans and Madeleine Stowe,

58:51

herself was there. Yes. She

58:55

cut the ribbon on the cosplay.

58:57

They were opening up a new cosplay center

59:00

in Sequoia National Park. That's right. Well, you know what she left

59:02

us with? A hell of a story. That's right.

59:05

It sure is true. What's really remarkable

59:07

is that the arrow was

59:10

technically safe. There was no point on it. No point. But

59:12

there was the strength of the man playing

59:14

Hawkeye, pulling that bow. God,

59:16

he was hot. They called him the hot manslaughter.

59:19

Oh, dear. Slaughter

59:21

her.

59:23

And women went crazy because, you know,

59:25

they can't get enough.

59:27

I can't get enough. I'll tell you what my husband

59:29

would see. Sometimes

59:34

I need a little something to wet my whistle. You know what I'm saying?

59:37

I mean, I think I do or maybe I don't

59:39

at all. Anyway, you got the sandwich from my shop.

59:41

Yes. Okay. That must have been it. And

59:43

I don't know why I was buying a sandwich

59:46

at Pam's. It's

59:49

confusing. We don't carry pot. We

59:51

don't carry plants. But we'll pot your

59:53

plant. And we do have sandwiches. I

59:56

did. I came in with a with

59:58

a plant that I just found. And I

1:00:00

just, a loose plant cradling it. And

1:00:04

I said, it's got minutes to live. We

1:00:06

gotta plop this thing. I

1:00:08

checked that hole with the bar. It's like

1:00:10

UPS. You can just bring a bunch of shit and they'll put it into a box

1:00:12

for you. In this case, you bring in whatever

1:00:15

living plant you find

1:00:16

and you can pot it right away. Yeah, I put two irons

1:00:18

on it, I clear, and then I put it in the pot. Okay.

1:00:21

I revived it. And then she said,

1:00:23

would you care for a sandwich? And I

1:00:25

said, well, again, I skipped

1:00:28

lunch. I forgot. And I said, I should let you know it is

1:00:30

gutted.

1:00:31

Yes. But you

1:00:33

might have a little surprise in there if you're lucky. It

1:00:35

was one of those times where I pretended I knew

1:00:37

what the person was talking about. Oh,

1:00:39

what a terrible moment for that to

1:00:41

happen.

1:00:41

We should ask for

1:00:43

clarity. I would have told you there were drugs. I wish

1:00:45

I'd asked more questions. Or even one. Even

1:00:48

the single question. Hey, Gwen,

1:00:50

I have an idea. Okay.

1:00:53

And let me know what you think of this. Alright. Because

1:00:55

that turtle will never be found. Oh, dear. So what if

1:00:57

you don't do that? Well, what if you were

1:00:59

to buy a new turtle

1:01:02

and then put a note on your door saying, I

1:01:05

found

1:01:06

a turtle. Is it yours? Right.

1:01:09

So what do you suggest? I leave the loose turtle

1:01:11

on the doorstep. No, I'm not suggesting that at all. I don't think that was

1:01:13

what you suggested. So what you're telling me is leave

1:01:15

the turtle somewhere random in a remote location.

1:01:18

No, no, no. Let's forget the word leave.

1:01:20

Let's just... So I drop

1:01:22

the turtle. No. Oh, no. What

1:01:24

is it? Escalist? No.

1:01:27

So I go to Sequoia with the turtle. No. Oh, don't

1:01:29

do that. Where Pam died. Get a turtle. Start

1:01:31

there. Yes.

1:01:34

Get a turtle. Okay. And put

1:01:37

another post in another... Make another post, right? Yeah.

1:01:40

With a picture of the turtle saying, could this be your turtle?

1:01:42

In hopes that the child would maybe see that post.

1:01:45

And, you know, again, possibly in the same

1:01:47

way that when a hamster dies, you know, unfortunately

1:01:51

parents sometimes try to buy another one that looks the

1:01:53

same

1:01:53

and pass it off as the same. A lot

1:01:55

of times the child knows, but sometimes they don't. And with the turtle,

1:01:57

I have to say they do look a lot alike. They do.

1:01:59

a lot of like I don't want to say

1:02:01

there's a commercial running now where a

1:02:04

dad a harried dad goes

1:02:06

to buy a new guinea pig for

1:02:09

his daughter and we are you

1:02:12

know we're in a hurry to buy this guinea pig and then

1:02:14

he gets a guinea pig and then he puts it

1:02:16

in a little cage and then the daughter

1:02:18

looks at the guinea pig and says that's not you know

1:02:20

spoon or whatever but

1:02:23

this child seems too

1:02:26

old to care about a guinea pig in the commercial

1:02:29

like how old

1:02:30

I would say oh I would say like

1:02:33

almost teens oh wow okay that was my son

1:02:36

you let

1:02:37

your son was in a commercial maybe too

1:02:39

old to have is missing is that are you looking

1:02:42

for detail that comes around now

1:02:44

so I would say

1:02:49

you could go down

1:02:51

to Pete's Pest and

1:02:53

Pot and it's

1:02:55

amazing how many businesses sell pots

1:02:57

on the side well not

1:02:59

say no

1:03:00

you know I know you're like very upfront

1:03:03

about one of

1:03:04

the main things

1:03:06

you do with pots right yeah but but

1:03:08

there's a lot of stores where and pots seems

1:03:10

very much like an afterthought

1:03:11

absolutely yeah it's I

1:03:14

guess you know it's back in the in the in the early

1:03:16

days of Dignity Falls when it was

1:03:19

a ceramics town

1:03:21

that's true and people were selling pots

1:03:24

vases God figurines

1:03:27

all sconces bowls cups

1:03:30

mugs dip

1:03:34

tubs dipped dip dip

1:03:36

and dipped tip a bowl for

1:03:38

dip dip bowls

1:03:41

dip bowls yeah dip bowls dip

1:03:44

them dip bowls okay

1:03:46

we need a basic right well you know

1:03:48

what I'm telling you the bird a lovely tamar

1:03:50

to a voice all I can do I can only

1:03:53

sing the one note

1:03:55

you really almost

1:03:56

sung to you almost think to I

1:03:58

really almost Wow The men's

1:04:00

over 42 needs up someone just

1:04:02

to sing the last note well

1:04:10

They cannot stress enough that you are not

1:04:12

allowed to do anything else Do you wait the whole song

1:04:14

come in right at the end? What is the word? What kind

1:04:17

of like kind of like men? That's

1:04:26

the one Dignity Falls

1:04:29

fave What

1:04:32

more So

1:04:35

many fan group there's such a high

1:04:37

percentage of Tuna

1:04:40

have men viewers in dignity falls

1:04:42

and weirdly for the Ashton Kutcher version Because

1:04:46

the mayor's there are within dignity

1:04:48

falls Secretly

1:04:51

said in dignity falls the show makes

1:04:53

me reference to Los Angeles

1:04:59

You know rocky horse style Recreations

1:05:02

of it in right

1:05:03

there was that you that Chuck Laurie himself

1:05:05

came to town That's right that to

1:05:07

be the grand marshal of the Thanksgiving

1:05:10

parade. That's right and and he

1:05:12

was so unpleasant Everyone it

1:05:14

was awful. It was it was it was really

1:05:17

but well used to term gutting to a lot of people

1:05:19

Getting who were so excited to

1:05:21

meet him and say how much they love your heroes

1:05:24

He was just a there's no other word for

1:05:26

it. He's a real prick People

1:05:28

despised him. Yeah, it's awfully

1:05:31

made me cry me and I know that's nothing new There's

1:05:35

that statue of him That

1:05:37

exists solely for people to deface it well. He's

1:05:39

in an uncompromising isn't a compromise in position. Yes,

1:05:41

he is

1:05:44

But that's never been done. We've never made

1:05:46

commission to statue You

1:05:59

Well, Gwen,

1:06:02

I feel like we should let you go. We

1:06:04

really appreciate you taking the time

1:06:07

out for rehearsal. I can't believe that you're able to

1:06:09

come here. I'm an hour late and I have six demerits

1:06:11

against me. Oh no. Are they going to

1:06:13

dock you? Do we charge you? You can seven demerits, you lose a finger.

1:06:16

Oh my god, do you find what? This, this, this. It's

1:06:18

like the handmaid's tail. Women's

1:06:20

over 42 cores has to be stopped. Well,

1:06:23

you can sing without a finger. And they

1:06:25

say... This, boy. They're

1:06:27

not. It is true. I prefer

1:06:29

the show must go on, but you can sing without a finger. You can

1:06:31

sing without a finger. Much more present. Let me know

1:06:33

if you wanted to do the last note. What's

1:06:36

the word

1:06:37

again? What is the word that he sings on?

1:06:39

Is it just a law or a bop? Did

1:06:41

I do it?

1:06:43

Whoopie? Pot. Oh,

1:06:46

is it pot? Is that the word? That's the one.

1:06:48

Look at that. Isn't that good? I

1:06:50

mean, there's auditions next week, so we'll see. There's

1:06:53

auditions. Oh, I'm off only. Just one. Just

1:06:55

one. Can

1:06:58

you stop dinging the glasses? Everyone

1:07:00

in here... Oh, my gosh. It starts

1:07:03

hooping and hollering every time we do this. There are still

1:07:05

people here. I don't want 20 tables for the people to come back

1:07:07

in. Unbelievable. Do they think there's a wedding

1:07:09

coming? In another room? Speech,

1:07:11

speech, speech. What is

1:07:14

going on? Yeah. This

1:07:18

is

1:07:18

madness. I do have to go deal with that.

1:07:21

Gwen, is there

1:07:23

any message that you would... Let's say this little child

1:07:25

is listening. Yeah.

1:07:27

Is there any message that you would like to impart

1:07:29

to this little

1:07:30

turtle-less child? Hey, little guy. Talking to the turtle.

1:07:33

My fingers. Find your parent.

1:07:38

Find them. Unfortunately,

1:07:40

I'm not going to... With my busy schedule,

1:07:42

I'm not going to be able to buy any turtles, so this one's

1:07:45

on you. Okay, I don't know if that would be

1:07:47

helpful, but... So, the message to the turtle.

1:07:52

That was basically... We don't know. Turtles don't listen

1:07:54

to

1:07:54

this. That's true. True.

1:07:57

That's true.

1:07:59

Yeah. Turtle.

1:07:59

You cannot prove a negative. No,

1:08:03

I'll leave the turtle with this. Final thoughts. In

1:08:06

these crazy times, all we have is love. All

1:08:12

you need is love. But

1:08:15

it's saxophones that do it.

1:08:17

There's some saxophones on the actual

1:08:19

recording too.

1:08:20

Yeah, I think so

1:08:21

too. That's right.

1:08:24

It's rock and roll. Best

1:08:26

of luck to you. Come

1:08:28

by Pam. Sure.

1:08:32

Don't eat the sandwiches first. Ask

1:08:34

questions first. Ask questions first.

1:08:36

Sand was

1:08:38

later.

1:08:38

We'll see

1:08:41

you at the pharmacist parade. I'll see

1:08:43

you at the big pharmacist parade. The

1:08:46

pharmacist

1:08:46

parade. The pharmacist parade.

1:08:50

I'll bring my bottle. Sounds

1:08:53

fantastic. You take care,

1:08:55

okay? You take care. Wow!

1:09:00

How did she get out so fast? She just

1:09:02

left like a shot. Wow! She

1:09:06

was just immediate. She never

1:09:08

even drank her tea.

1:09:09

I nuked it for her. It's

1:09:12

piping hot. I

1:09:14

hope she's okay. I hope that turtle

1:09:16

finds its way home. I hope that little child is not

1:09:18

inconsolable. Me too. I

1:09:22

guess we'll take a break. If we

1:09:24

come back, we'll have more of that. You're

1:09:26

okay.

1:09:46

I'm

1:09:54

sorry. I'm

1:09:56

sorry. I'm sorry.

1:09:59

one is that I'm looking for picture

1:10:02

frames and I'm going to hang up some dole

1:10:04

and hang it through my room. Please text

1:10:06

me if you want help. First up, first

1:10:09

up.

1:10:12

So give me picture frames. Wow,

1:10:17

welcome back to The Neighbor Listen.

1:10:19

You

1:10:20

know, sometimes it just doesn't

1:10:23

pan out, you know. Sometimes we're not able

1:10:25

to help and I feel like this

1:10:27

might have been one of those I don't know

1:10:29

if she's going to do what we suggested, you know.

1:10:31

I think she made it very clear she's not

1:10:33

going to do that and that's really a shame because

1:10:36

you know she came in here seeming so broken

1:10:38

up over this and all the in

1:10:40

this world, this crazy world, all

1:10:43

that and then very what I thought was

1:10:46

I mean maybe not the the best solution

1:10:49

but it was an idea at least you could

1:10:51

build on it. Yes,

1:10:53

I'd say that most illuminating things come out

1:10:55

of that was that you unwittingly from

1:10:57

her.

1:10:58

Yes, which I did not. I really

1:11:01

feel like the onus is not on the person buying

1:11:03

the sandwich to ask is there drugs in there.

1:11:05

Fair enough. I really think it's the person

1:11:08

serving the sandwich to say buy the

1:11:10

way. You can't just say there's a surprise in

1:11:12

here and expect me to know I'm going

1:11:14

to be tripping balls.

1:11:17

I think that's very fair. Terrible,

1:11:19

terrible experience. I'm so sorry. Anyway,

1:11:21

we have time for one more post.

1:11:23

Yes, I just want to check. Hey, babe, is everybody gone

1:11:25

now? Is everybody gone? We're

1:11:28

not even dessert yet. Oh my

1:11:30

god. I mean it's not even dessert. It's

1:11:32

a buffet style restaurant. Yes,

1:11:35

but of course they have to change over. They

1:11:37

take away the meat, they take away the shrimp and

1:11:39

they bring out a soufflé and

1:11:41

they bring out a cake and they bring out the

1:11:43

stuff was just there at the same time.

1:11:45

Well, sometimes the dessert sometimes

1:11:47

you have to make room for the dessert. Well, we don't have the size

1:11:50

that Sizzler does. This is a smaller.

1:11:51

That's true. That's

1:11:54

true. You've taken it and struck it down to a room. I'm

1:11:58

also building this based on my memory. of

1:12:00

sizzler. Oh, that I didn't know.

1:12:02

That's interesting. That

1:12:04

makes a lot of sense actually. I guess

1:12:06

that's why you're so hazy about what a tile

1:12:09

is. One brick.

1:12:10

Just one burnish shiny

1:12:12

brick. Alright,

1:12:15

well anyways. Oh gosh,

1:12:17

okay so this is a really interesting post.

1:12:20

Someone was really taking a stand here. You know

1:12:22

we sort of, we mentioned

1:12:25

this, you know, it's sort of a known thing of, oh

1:12:27

one of the things that happens on the neighbor half is most

1:12:30

often coyotes can be

1:12:31

posted about, right? Yes.

1:12:34

So this person, basically,

1:12:37

this is her post

1:12:39

but then, and this is normally not what I would do, but she continues

1:12:42

her post to explain it in

1:12:44

the comments.

1:12:44

Oh wow, okay. This is really all part of the post.

1:12:48

And she is angry and

1:12:51

it's about coyotes and she just says, let's stop

1:12:54

acting like prey.

1:12:55

Wow.

1:13:00

And she just says,

1:13:03

I

1:13:04

don't let my dogs out by myself. I carry

1:13:06

one of those boxes of those things that

1:13:08

you throw on the ground that make noise like

1:13:11

a firecracker being lit as well

1:13:13

as an umbrella to flap open

1:13:15

at them. But

1:13:18

see, Sean Connery in the third

1:13:20

Indiana. Of course, of course. With

1:13:23

the rocks and the trees and the birds

1:13:25

in the sky. Junior!

1:13:28

Junior! I

1:13:34

have a friend who is a junior and that's what I call

1:13:36

her. That's so funny. Junior!

1:13:41

You named the dog Indiana? And

1:13:43

they were two years apart. Isn't

1:13:45

that interesting? Something like that.

1:13:48

All right, so anyways, an

1:13:50

umbrella. Great. Scares

1:13:53

my dogs. So I think you're running at coyotes

1:13:55

and yelling at them when with

1:13:58

it. I ought to scare those.

1:13:59

So she's doing something that already scares

1:14:02

her dogs. It doesn't seem like a great

1:14:04

idea.

1:14:04

Is she experimenting with the dogs? Like, I'll

1:14:06

try this on these idiots first?

1:14:07

No, she's saying, well, I bring the umbrella

1:14:09

because I know when I shake an umbrella, my dog scares

1:14:11

them. So it should scare away coyotes.

1:14:13

But it would scare her dogs

1:14:14

away. Exactly. And make them run away. And

1:14:16

what's the thing with the box on the ground that

1:14:18

also scares her dogs? It sounds like he's trying to say

1:14:21

firecrackers, but has decided instead it's

1:14:23

a different name. It sounds like firecrackers.

1:14:25

So she says, um,

1:14:27

hmm, I wish, I wish I had a paint gun.

1:14:30

Cause that, that would help. In

1:14:32

other words, I am not running from a coyote

1:14:35

or just standing by helplessly by if

1:14:37

we're just standing helplessly by if I see one.

1:14:40

I figure the best defense is a good offense

1:14:42

and will hopefully make them scared of humans. We

1:14:44

aren't doing anything that scares them right now.

1:14:47

I think that...

1:14:48

Starting to sound like

1:14:51

Starship Troopers.

1:14:52

I think that we

1:14:54

need to change that. No animal is going

1:14:56

to be afraid of a creature that is afraid of

1:14:58

the animal. And let the animal

1:15:00

do whatever. That's what prey

1:15:03

does. It runs away or hides or

1:15:05

freezes. Stop being

1:15:07

prey. Wow. She is dying on

1:15:09

this hill. This

1:15:11

is a bold stance. This is a bold

1:15:13

stance. What did she go on to explain?

1:15:17

So much. Please stop yelling

1:15:19

at me. She said, let's stop acting like prey. That was

1:15:21

the whole post. It was just, let's stop acting.

1:15:22

Oh, that was... The rest of that

1:15:24

was the explanation. Someone

1:15:26

underneath said, use wolf urine

1:15:28

spray. It keeps coyotes away. And

1:15:31

that infuriated her. So she started her whole

1:15:33

own post. Let's stop acting like

1:15:35

prey.

1:15:35

Do you know what? She

1:15:37

sounds like a cheapskate to me. She doesn't want to shell

1:15:39

out for the wolf urine

1:15:40

spray. Is that expensive? I can't be

1:15:42

cheap.

1:15:43

Is that a high mark up the wolf urine

1:15:44

spray? I can't be cheap. Please say

1:15:47

this is an actual wolf urine spray. No, exactly. It's

1:15:49

going to be an actual wolf urine. You've got

1:15:51

to pay

1:15:52

those guys. No, it's got to be a synthetic

1:15:54

wolf urine. That

1:15:56

would be a good... Who has those shows? The

1:15:58

History Channel? It's like...

1:15:59

truckers most dangerous job. Wolf

1:16:02

urine collector. We're working out

1:16:04

here 24 hours a day sometimes trying

1:16:10

to catch these wolves. Got a tip

1:16:11

on some wolf urine down on the

1:16:14

ridge.

1:16:14

Foot fire hydrants everywhere. We saw

1:16:16

a wolf drinking a lot of water so

1:16:19

we're monitoring. We're tailing him. A

1:16:24

lot of times you get to see this happen. You get

1:16:26

a fresh load of urine and then you spill

1:16:28

it all over the road. All liquid gold.

1:16:35

It's really hard on marriages. I

1:16:37

haven't seen my dad. He's just out

1:16:39

there getting that wolf urine. You see all those movies

1:16:42

where it's like, you know, a wolf urine collector

1:16:44

and then you see his home life and it's just

1:16:47

the wife is so mad. He's never over dinner.

1:16:49

And he's trying to collect enough urine

1:16:51

to get the quota so the kid can like play

1:16:53

sports. Exactly. Or

1:16:55

the daughter can do her dance. Her

1:16:57

dance. Her dance. Her daughter can

1:16:59

do her dance. It is an unsung. They're

1:17:04

the unsung heroes. So this person

1:17:07

is suggesting we go and haul out

1:17:09

a pack of coyotes. This is exactly

1:17:11

what people misunderstand about nature. This is everything

1:17:13

against what we should be doing. Of course the coyotes

1:17:15

are afraid of us. Yes, they are not afraid

1:17:17

of our dogs and they are hunting our animals and that's terrible.

1:17:21

But we always are told that

1:17:25

they're always more afraid of us than

1:17:27

we are of them. I don't know. Is that not true? I could

1:17:30

see. Do we actually think coyotes are sizing us

1:17:32

up?

1:17:33

I think coyotes are. They no

1:17:35

longer have any fear of us at all.

1:17:38

I do think that's true. I don't know that they're necessarily

1:17:41

going to attack us because we are bigger than

1:17:43

they are. But I don't think that they,

1:17:45

I think that they look at us as amusing distractions.

1:17:47

Now a mountain lion is a very different story. We actually

1:17:49

hear of the, or a bear, whatever. I haven't heard of

1:17:51

a coyote attacking an adult. Has

1:17:54

that

1:17:54

happened? I have not heard of that. But

1:17:57

in the first segment

1:17:58

we heard Gwen.

1:17:59

say that she saw the coyote standing up

1:18:02

and dancing. So standing

1:18:04

up on its top legs though, which that gives

1:18:07

you pause. I'm

1:18:10

sorry. I

1:18:12

fell right into your chest.

1:18:13

I'm so sorry. Okay,

1:18:16

so then I just feel like it's a little bit of an

1:18:18

aggressive stance and again, she does

1:18:22

protest too much. You

1:18:23

think she's a coyote? Like she's an adult? Because I think

1:18:25

she's a coyote!

1:18:29

Maybe the phrase doesn't apply.

1:18:32

You know, I just think that... She's

1:18:37

a girl, sometimes she's just a simple duck. He's

1:18:40

like, what does d dessert mean? HAHAHA

1:18:48

HAHAHA HAHAHA

1:18:52

I guess I mean to say

1:18:54

I feel like she's overcompensated.

1:18:57

I think that she is afraid. I think she's acting too

1:18:59

tough. She's terrified. She's terrified. Of

1:19:01

course

1:19:01

she is. And this isn't the way to

1:19:03

go about it. To make everybody else feel

1:19:06

bad for taking

1:19:08

their own self-defense measures. And

1:19:10

I just think coyotes are an issue

1:19:12

in what seems like almost every

1:19:13

neighborhood. Yes. No matter where

1:19:16

you are. All over the United States. All

1:19:18

over the United States. They're everywhere.

1:19:20

And you just gotta do what you gotta do to do what makes

1:19:22

you comfortable. But I'm not sure that we need to go

1:19:24

start an all out human against coyote

1:19:26

war. I don't think we should do that. I don't think we

1:19:28

should do that either. I would like to see people do the umbrella thing though.

1:19:32

Choo choo choo choo

1:19:32

choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo

1:19:34

choo choo choo choo

1:19:36

That's the sound he makes in Indiana.

1:19:39

I just watched it recently. Did

1:19:41

I do good? You think you can throw up? There

1:19:43

you go, that's another sound effect I do very

1:19:45

well. Oh there you go!

1:19:46

I went with the iPhone alarm earlier. That's

1:19:49

what I can do. What was the first one that was good? I can't remember.

1:19:51

Well it was a dishwasher but

1:19:54

it wasn't the dishwasher. I can't remember what I did.

1:19:56

Oh oh oh! Oh yeah!

1:19:59

Like the sound of...

1:19:59

Rubbing something

1:20:00

yes rubbing a squeaky clean Yes

1:20:07

So so there

1:20:09

you go, that's another thing I can do very well

1:20:11

there we go we got to Henry

1:20:15

Jones senior Chasing

1:20:17

away a flock of birds to down

1:20:19

a Nazi down a Nazi playing big

1:20:21

totally work. They all he doesn't And

1:20:24

you know it's they didn't go in the engine they went through

1:20:26

the windows and

1:20:27

just

1:20:28

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. That

1:20:30

was what happened. Otherwise you would have

1:20:32

been fine You

1:20:36

really just startled more than anything and it caused him

1:20:38

crashes play

1:20:39

Now I'm just thinking of all the ridiculous

1:20:41

things

1:20:41

of them. I still haven't seen the

1:20:44

most recent one

1:20:45

You know what? There's some fun stuff in it. I love it. Yeah

1:20:50

Well, of course Doug

1:20:52

loves I he's gone as Indiana Jones for Halloween

1:20:55

five times real in a row Can't

1:20:57

get no no there was one. There were two years

1:21:00

that were in a row back to back. Yeah Can't

1:21:02

get it. He just listen. I'm not gonna. I'm gonna

1:21:04

lie now if it's sexy sure

1:21:09

Let me ask you this have you

1:21:11

guys done couples costumes.

1:21:13

Oh, this is the end of the show by the way

1:21:18

If

1:21:20

I were you I'd turn this off right now Yeah,

1:21:28

so what we

1:21:29

well we've done Rhett Butler and Scarlett

1:21:32

Roll

1:21:34

reversal

1:21:34

we did. Oh, oh well that

1:21:37

that could be good

1:21:38

This is here I would say this to any

1:21:40

couple if you're considering a couples costume get

1:21:42

two years out of it You do it one year

1:21:44

then you switch the roles the next year. Love it. Hmm,

1:21:47

and somebody says weren't you this last year? It's like

1:21:50

oh,

1:21:50

that's right. No now I

1:21:53

am gold figure

1:21:54

I

1:21:59

That's what most couples

1:22:02

do. James Bond and Goldfinger. One

1:22:05

of the famous duos. Name

1:22:08

a more iconic one. I'll wait. He

1:22:10

won't be waiting long. Alright,

1:22:13

well I guess it's time to wrap it

1:22:14

up.

1:22:16

Yes, we really should wrap it up properly. Thank

1:22:19

you so much for listening. We

1:22:21

really do appreciate it and if you'd like to hear ad-free vergence

1:22:23

of the show, you could... Did I

1:22:25

say vergence? I did. If you want to hear

1:22:28

ad-free vergence, best of luck to you. You've

1:22:30

come to the wrong place. If you'd like to hear

1:22:32

ad-free vergence of these episodes, you

1:22:34

can sign up at CBBWorld.com

1:22:38

where you'll also get additional

1:22:40

content from us called The Bonus Room.

1:22:42

Yes, that's right. It's just

1:22:44

like sort of our rooms in our house

1:22:46

that are extra. So

1:22:48

extra. But it's a full-size room. So

1:22:50

random.

1:22:51

It's a full-size episode.

1:22:52

Exclusive. That's right. VIP. It's

1:22:55

where we do... We have different things happening.

1:22:58

Sometimes we won't even be on those episodes. It might be other

1:23:00

people from Dignity Fall. That's right. But

1:23:03

it's things that deviate from our

1:23:05

standard format. But just to

1:23:07

give you more of a peek inside

1:23:09

the world of Dignity Fall.

1:23:12

Yes, peek behind the dignity curtain.

1:23:14

That's exactly

1:23:15

right, Joan. Well,

1:23:18

that's it for us. We will see you again

1:23:20

next week. And until then, goodbye. Goodbye.

1:23:24

And bye.

1:23:51

So freaky.