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sci-fi comedy series called The Unlikely

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about a forlorn shell of a

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man, his egotistical laptop, a cartoon

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alien fuzzball and a mysterious

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woman with telepathic abilities. You

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can find The Unlikely Adventures on the

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web at unlikely.show or wherever you

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find your podcasts. Give it a listen and let

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me know what you think. And

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thanks! Elex

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here, written by Kev Harrison and narrated

2:04

by Josh Curran. I'm serious

2:06

friends, that was me. Three

2:09

years ago, the flickering image on the big screen showed a

2:11

very different guy, Keith,

2:14

as he was known then. Rotund,

2:17

midriff bulging over the wall, and

2:20

the other guy, and the

2:22

other guy, Keith, and

2:26

the other guy, and the other guy, and

2:29

then, return,

2:33

midriff bulging over his shorts, while

2:35

he tried to bite into a gargantuan burger, catch

2:38

up bleeding down his shirt. I'm

2:40

not proud of who I was, but

2:43

now, after two years,

2:47

on future herb supplements, I

2:49

look different. Would you

2:51

like to see how different? Was

2:53

it really the future herb, but that

2:56

wouldn't sell spirulina or miracle algaia

2:58

to these screaming idiots. Oof,

3:01

oof, oof. The

3:03

champ boomed through the theatre. Kai

3:06

loosened his tie, before tossing it

3:08

to the ground. He teased the

3:10

first button of his pristine shirt, then

3:13

ripped it open, revealing his ripped

3:15

torso. Pecks pre-oiled for

3:17

maximum effect. Women

3:21

covered their mouths, men

3:23

cheered. Thanks, ladies and

3:25

gentlemen, for listening tonight.

3:29

If you want to join me on my future herb journey and

3:31

start working for you, instead

3:33

of a man, I'll see

3:35

you in the foyer at 9.45. Good

3:38

night. God bless. He

3:42

blew a kiss and exited, stayed left. Waiting

3:44

in the wings was Amy, his PA.

3:48

She stared at Kai with starry eyes, towel

3:51

in hand. He snatched the

3:53

towel and wiped his face and walked the

3:55

dimly lit corridor toward the dressing

3:57

room. A tall

3:59

figure in the room. a trench coat,

4:01

stood outside his dressing room door, a

4:03

wisp of cigarette smoke drifting over their

4:06

shoulder. Who the fuck?

4:08

The woman turned, and Kai's words

4:11

died in his mouth. Slick,

4:13

ink, black hair fell below

4:16

her shoulders. Her

4:18

face was narrow, dark skin offset

4:20

by brown eyes with flecks of

4:22

amber. She momentarily

4:24

allowed them to linger on his,

4:28

silently asserting her dominance.

4:31

Hello, Kai. I

4:33

like your act, but I've come

4:35

to make you an offer. Something

4:38

bigger. Look,

4:41

I don't know how you got back here. Amy

4:43

began, but Kai cut her off. It's

4:46

okay, Amy. I'll talk to Miss,

4:48

uh... Ahra.

4:51

Unusual? I am. Give

4:54

me fifteen to shower and change. In

4:57

the cafe, before my meet and greet. Do

5:04

you like what you do? Ahra

5:07

said, over her steaming cup. Kai

5:11

sipped his drink, eyes

5:13

skyward as he thought about his

5:15

answer. I like

5:17

the freedom, but this he

5:19

gestured to the cheap furniture. No

5:22

fucker wants to come to South End. Excuse

5:24

my French. Still, it pays my mortgage. Sporty

5:26

motor, I beat her twice a year, and

5:28

I don't walk into no office on Monday

5:31

morning, get me? Sounds

5:33

like your pitch from earlier. Kai

5:36

leant back, hins behind his head. Take

5:40

the piss if you want. I thought you had

5:42

an offer for me. Ahra's

5:44

expression softened, and she pulled

5:46

a bag from below the

5:48

table, slipping a manicured hand

5:50

inside. She produced a jar,

5:52

fashioned from smoked glass. Kai

5:56

squinted to make out the lettering etched

5:58

into the glass. Aedara,

6:02

that's some new chemical. He

6:04

lifted the jar, turning it, looking for

6:06

a label. No

6:08

ingredients, creating standards will have you for

6:10

that. I assure you,

6:13

they will not. What is

6:15

it though? What's it do? You have

6:18

to tell me if I'm pushing the stuff. She

6:20

narrowed her eyes. What

6:24

does your future herb shit do?

6:27

Really? Kai swallowed.

6:30

Listen, it gives them something

6:33

to believe in. Exactly. They'll

6:36

believe in this. Trust

6:38

me, and for every client

6:41

you sign up. She

6:43

took a napkin from the dispenser and wrote

6:45

on it, passed it across the

6:48

table. Kai grasped

6:50

it, turned it upside down.

6:53

The other way. Yes,

6:56

that much. How

7:00

is this possible? I'll

7:02

worry about that. Just

7:04

do your charming speech

7:06

and the shirt thing. Keep

7:10

the herd eating from your hand.

7:14

Kai felt his face flush,

7:16

then glanced at the arresting figure on

7:18

the napkin. All

7:21

right, fuck it. Where do I sign?

7:24

We don't do it like that, Aaras

7:27

said. She was chasing to her feet. She

7:30

moved around the table, held Kai's

7:32

face in her hands, and kissed

7:34

him, hungrily, before correcting a

7:36

smear of her lipstick. Do

7:39

I need to give you my bank details? We

7:42

have everything we need. Just

7:45

start selling aedara. She

7:48

gestured to the corner where

7:50

black boxes emblazoned with the

7:52

strange logo were stacked floor

7:54

to ceiling. Were

7:57

they there before? Kai

7:59

asked. Aura was

8:01

gone. Apprehensive

8:05

at first, sales picked up

8:07

as people will load in

8:09

by the classy bottle and

8:11

exotic name. Guys skill

8:13

at slathering everything with sweet smelling

8:15

bullshit didn't hurt, either. By the

8:18

end of each night, there was

8:20

a stack of empty boxes in

8:22

the foyer. If

8:24

we saw this many up on the remaining

8:26

nice of this talks are three two million

8:28

in a week Amy said. No.

8:30

Es know bucks we're gonna do it. Come

8:33

on I'm can be right to the hotel.

8:36

I so he might want to. Celebrate

8:39

Not so The end of the

8:41

tour aims. These apps are the

8:43

key to that million. Ties

8:48

phone buzzed in his locker as

8:50

he returned from his morning wait

8:52

session. Amy Eleven

8:55

missed calls. What's.

8:57

Up. He said. He. Been on

8:59

social this morning. I've only

9:02

been up to forty minutes banana than

9:04

smashing a p Be on the bench.

9:06

Press is Doris. Is trending every

9:08

last. One. More

9:10

people saying. Best Thing I've

9:12

ever tried. Limitless energy New

9:14

me. Preface: makes a difference

9:16

a feature hub but is

9:19

blown up kites your website

9:21

don't see many hits with

9:23

else so much as venue

9:25

twice over when moving. To a

9:27

bigger place. Over tonight.

9:30

Yet. Have a look over breakfast, then

9:33

we should get moving. Smitten with the lighting

9:35

Guys Eleven! Kind some

9:37

through instance reams of posts

9:39

with a hashtag a Dora

9:41

alongside cause was like Power

9:43

and No Limits to open

9:45

Tic Toc then closed. It's

9:47

disturbed by a red faced

9:49

woman repeatedly screaming that she

9:51

could do anything. The

9:55

venue was sold out by noon. This.

9:58

despite the capacity being three

10:00

times the original theatre. Just

10:02

before he hit the stage, a bookings

10:05

manager from southeast to north, the local

10:07

news programme, called to say they'd be

10:09

sending someone for an interview. This

10:12

was it. The big

10:14

time he'd always craved, and if Ara

10:16

kept her promises he was on his

10:19

way to early retirement. That

10:21

thought brought a smile to his

10:23

lips, a smile he carried on

10:26

stage. The packed audience hung

10:28

on his every word, and when it came

10:30

to the sales and sign-up session in the

10:32

foyer, he broke his record from the night

10:34

before, another heap of boxes

10:36

standing empty. Kai batted

10:38

away suspicious questions from the

10:41

journalist with characteristic charm. The

10:44

woman softened as he worked

10:46

his magic, metamorphosising from arch-interrogator

10:48

to blushing fan before the

10:50

five minute segment was finished.

10:53

As the last customer shuffled outside

10:55

around 11 o'clock, Kai's smart watch

10:57

pulsed, telling him a five figure

10:59

deposit had been made into his

11:02

bank. We've

11:04

done it, Ames. With tonight's sign-ups,

11:06

we'll be millionaires tomorrow. He

11:09

opened his banking app and showed her

11:11

the screen. She tried to speak,

11:14

but seemed incapable. The

11:16

next day followed the same pattern, upsizing

11:18

from a pokey theatre and woking to

11:21

a larger one in nearby Guildford. Social

11:24

media was still going haywire,

11:26

every platform bombarded with posts

11:29

about Adara's users, boundless stamina.

11:32

He scrawled through the feeds while

11:34

eating a disappointing baguette at Starbucks

11:36

on the A3. About to take

11:38

a sip of his skinny moccaccino,

11:41

he froze. See,

11:43

moose. He passed the phone

11:45

to Amy, who was dipping bread

11:47

into a vibrantly orange carrot soup.

11:49

She glanced up, disinterested. They'll

11:51

always be haters, especially when we're doing

11:53

this well. Did you see what she

11:55

wrote? Two days into

11:57

my new life with Adara and the When

12:00

these blotches are all over my body, high

12:03

energy has turned to rage, afraid

12:05

I'm losing control. Those

12:08

tears look genuine, Ames. One

12:10

nut job, Kai. Don't sweat it. Amy

12:14

glanced at her watch. Come

12:16

on, eat up. We need to find the hotel,

12:18

put your other suit in for cleaning, and hit the

12:20

theatre. Kai

12:22

stood before the gelatinous image of

12:24

himself on screen and gripped his

12:27

tie. They'd done this a hundred

12:29

times and more, but the way those

12:31

eyes were fixed on him tonight, he

12:33

was nervous. Most of

12:35

the audience chanted as they had throughout the

12:37

tour. Those that didn't

12:39

simply stared, mouths gaping. A

12:43

scattered few scratched obsessively at their face

12:45

and body. Kai took

12:47

a breath and finished his

12:49

performance before inviting the crowd to

12:51

the usual selling and sign-up party

12:54

and hurrying off stage. Something's

12:58

going on, Kai said, snatching

13:00

his towel. Besides us

13:02

making a fortune, he

13:04

spun on his heels. Did you see him

13:06

out there? Half of them are

13:09

like zombies. A few scratching like that weird

13:11

girl on the net. Amy lowered her eyes.

13:14

Tomorrow's the last night. Then we can take

13:16

some time away. Check it in

13:18

if you want. We'll be made for life. Kai

13:21

remained silent. Oh, I didn't tell

13:23

you, did I? They called during your show.

13:27

Tomorrow's been upgraded to the MK

13:29

Bowl. 65,000 people! You're

13:32

joking. I'm not. You'd

13:34

better get a hold of Ara. Get more stock. I

13:37

haven't got her contact details. I

13:39

thought you did. How'd she know about

13:42

the venue changes? The larger

13:44

audiences? The payments? Kai's

13:46

mouth hung open as he searched

13:48

for a response. I'm

13:51

gonna get changed. Kai

13:56

was sitting outside the stage door on

13:59

a beer- when the truck arrived.

14:02

Amy Evans asked the driver. If she's

14:05

my assistant, I can sign. Kai

14:08

squiggled his initials and watched the flatbed

14:10

lower the tower of boxes. I'll

14:13

show you where to leave them, said Amy,

14:15

emerging from inside, then leading the

14:17

driver and his trolley away. Two

14:21

hours till showtime, she said when she

14:23

returned. Last one aims has

14:25

to be. If that's

14:28

what you want, let's grab a cuppa.

14:31

Kai hauled himself up and followed

14:33

her inside. He spent

14:35

the following hour pacing, unusually

14:38

agitated. Over the

14:40

prior 48 hours, social media

14:42

reports of aidara users developing

14:44

sores had grown from a

14:46

handful to a significant minority,

14:49

still dwarfed by the number who were clamoring for

14:51

their fix. Twenty

14:53

minutes before showtime, Kai suited up

14:55

and prepared to hit the stage.

14:58

Applause rippled across the arena as he

15:00

took his position. Two spotlights,

15:03

like something from a Prisoner's Scape

15:05

movie, followed his every move from

15:07

a schoozled. Even

15:09

against the bright lights, Kai could see

15:11

the vacant expressions of the crowd. Hollow,

15:14

dead eyes, dozens scratching at sores

15:17

on their arms, torsos and faces.

15:20

He clutched the microphone with both hands

15:22

to stop them shaking. Who's

15:25

ready to start a journey to

15:27

a completely new you? His voice

15:29

echoed around the arena. Can

15:33

you hear me? He tapped

15:35

the microphone. Where's

15:37

the aidara? Shouted

15:40

a young woman at the front, crusted

15:42

sores stretching from her left eye to

15:44

her ear. Give us

15:47

the aidara. A

15:49

group of young men screamed from the other side of

15:51

the venue. There'll be

15:54

aidara, a feminine

15:56

voice soared from the PA system. Kai

15:59

turned to see the man. Arah,

16:01

gliding on stage in a dress

16:03

so black it absorbed the stage

16:05

lights, creating a dark halo around

16:08

her. Arah,

16:10

I quiet, she said

16:12

off mic, and moved to

16:14

centre stage. The spectators

16:17

were captivated. My

16:19

name is Aridia, and

16:22

Arah is my life's work,

16:25

a long lifetime in the shadow

16:27

of my brother, the

16:30

Fallen One. That,

16:32

the crowd decided, warranted

16:34

an ovation. Arah

16:37

waved her hand, quieting them. Tonight,

16:41

though, is the

16:43

end of Arah. What

16:46

you see here, she gestured

16:48

to the stack of boxes on a platform

16:50

in the middle of the audience area. It's

16:53

all that's left. Members

16:57

of the crowd alternated between staring up

16:59

at the boxes and eyeing the people

17:01

around them. Who

17:04

wants it? Arah

17:06

said. A cacophony of

17:08

voices shrieked that they did. Who's

17:10

going to take it? A

17:13

wave of violent energy rushed through the

17:15

crowd as they stormed the stack of

17:18

boxes. Camera and lighting

17:20

operators switched their focus to the

17:22

swine horde of people. Like

17:24

ravenous animals, they attacked one another,

17:26

biting and scratching as they made

17:28

for their prize. Then,

17:30

the first skull cracked, blood

17:32

and brains spewing onto the

17:34

concrete. The rabble didn't

17:36

seem to notice, shoes and boots

17:38

stamping through the mush on their way

17:40

to bludgeon the next of their competitors.

17:44

Unable to look any longer, Kai

17:46

ran toward Arah, but froze when

17:48

he saw her. Arms

17:50

open, eyes closed, inhaling, something

17:53

from the melee below her with an

17:55

open mouth. He grabbed her

17:57

shoulders. What are you doing? We have to... stop

18:00

this, they're killing each other!" Beautiful,

18:02

isn't it? Kai

18:05

shook his head. No, it isn't!

18:08

Ara narrowed her eyes, took

18:10

up her microphone once more.

18:13

Stop, ladies and gentlemen,

18:15

please! The brawl paused,

18:17

as if it were a video recording. There

18:20

is more of the product. The

18:23

eyes of the crowd lit up,

18:25

dim lanterns against the darkening sky.

18:28

He has it! She

18:31

pointed toward Kai. The

18:33

audience swarmed, piling on stage like a

18:35

plague of locusts. He lowered himself to

18:37

the floor and crossed his arms over

18:40

his face. Then they

18:42

were on him. The

18:59

episode illustration was provided by Luke Spooner

19:01

of Carry On House. A

19:07

quick thanks to our community managers, Josh Dubouche and

19:09

Jasmine Arch, and to Josh Dubouche for helping with

19:11

our submission reading. And

19:14

in the ever-evolving landscape of

19:16

social media, Ben Errington

19:18

stands as a titan of digital celebrity

19:20

culture. His fame, a

19:23

testament to his unwavering dedication

19:25

and unparalleled creativity. His

19:27

post and updates a symphony of

19:30

innovation and influence that reverberates throughout

19:32

the digital ether. Thank

19:36

you. Kev Harrison is

19:38

a British writer of horror and dark

19:40

fiction living in Lisbon, Portugal. His

19:43

novella, Below, is out now from

19:45

Bridget's Gate Press. You can find

19:47

more about him and his work

19:49

at kevharrisandfiction.com. Josh Curran

19:52

is a narrator and writer. He's narrated many episodes

19:54

of the other stories of the show's lifetime. He's

19:57

also the creator of the Horror Audio Drama

19:59

Podcast, Mr. Creation a couple of

20:01

on Twitter at At J Current

20:03

greater. Good. Stories is

20:05

of distance Thursday a hook and cleaver

20:07

and as brought you have Creative Commons

20:10

attribution Noncommercial no differences, Lessons from his

20:12

tinge It. To. Sell it. For.

20:14

By all means said, I love it. So.

20:18

Until. Next day. Hello

20:23

My name is Alex Smartly and

20:26

I'm inviting you to check out

20:28

my new podcast. It's a surreal

20:30

Psi Phi comedy series called the

20:32

unlikely centers of an improbable family.

20:34

It's about a forlorn sell of

20:37

man is egotistical, laptop, a cartoon

20:39

alien fuzz ball and I'm serious

20:41

telepathic abilities of you can find

20:43

the unlikely adventures on the web

20:45

and unlikely.show or wherever you find

20:48

your podcasts. Give it a listen

20:50

and let me know what you

20:52

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