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The Otis AdvisoryEpisodes
Episodes of The Otis Advisory
Mark All
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Maybe it's time to bring back Pom Poms on gym socks. Those little fuzzy balls on the back of a girl’s socks told you she was fun, and probably drove a Charger. What else do you need to know? So where are the pom poms now? Well they’re hard
When Hunter was little his mama used to take him to the store for the Husky-size jeans, since everything young Hunter could get his hands on went in his mouth. “You’re overwhelming your outfit again – we’ll have to go up another size,” said mam
No more Boy Scouts for you. The campfire and whittling business is over. Time now to climb into a nice chiffon outfit and drive your edible electric car to the mall for some more Botox. But Boy Scouts was fun while it lasted. Passing around
You’re a lot easier to control when you’re numb and dumb. So enjoy some more morphine drip before sending 'Lil Whiskers out in the back yard to pick off another tank-full of watts from that electricity tree. Yes, now you're powered by rainbow
The roving bands of marauding youth now rioting outside the window have a long list of DEMANDS for you - a shopping list of what they need delivered up to Angry Village. Remember, these are special children who don’t eat olive loaf or burnt we
Who would have thought that winding up in a pot of boiling water somewhere in New Guinea would turn into a campaign line eighty years later? VOTE FOR JOE - CANNIBALS ATE HIS UNCLE! It’s damn creative, I’ll give ‘em that. Just falls right off
Here at the Discount Think Tank we’re always on hot standby for the next big thing. And in America that would be losing weight. It's all they can talk about at the Waffle House. No exercise, just take the shot and get skinny. It’s a sweet de
Their you are, coming back from somewhere you’re not supposed to be, when suddenly your Crown Vic slows to a crawl all by itself. You got gas, what's going on? Welcome to the New America Jerry Wayne, where the correct people can turn off you
If the insult of turkey bacon wasn’t enough for you, say hello to AI for Pets. Let’s say your pup is outside waiting for the snow cone truck when suddenly he gets a terrible itch. He can’t let that itch to win and miss the snow cone truck (ev
Now you can get the same IV drip the President gets before he has to talk. It's called The Weasel, and it helps you yell out in short, sassy bursts for at least an hour if you need to impress the media. And nobody has to know! If The Weasel
Those cats at the Wuhan Lab are all excited about their new 100% lethal brew they've been cooking up for the west. “No more fooling around,” said the Veloso-raptor of the wet market, “Our newest Chinese virus is 100% deadly to humanized mice.”
Thanks to a new government program, your spare bedroom can help welcome the rest of the world to your house, right here in the New America! TicTok knows if you have a spare room and is ready to tell on you - it's so international. Otis explai
Everybody deserves a shot, even Blind Pilots. So what if they can’t see. Overcoming diversity and stuff is way more important. Enter Activist Airlines who quietly announced a brave new equity and inclusion program that is set to hand the key
Just because you’re dead doesn’t mean you can’t still sell tickets. Say hello to AI Elvis, in case you missed it the first time while he was still warm. Relive it all with AI Elvis - pretend entertainment from the time before filtered water
Sleepy Joey really likes being the Big Cheese, and now he wants you to make him big cheese again. Four more years Joey, that’s a lot of cheese! Remember, after Bernie you were just the other white meat. When you’re the big cheese you can sa
In California, drinking toilet water is the next step in the transformation to full crazy. “People are naturally moisture wicking,” said Governor Tapeworm, and we’re going to squeeze it out of ‘em to keep the pipes full.” What a pant load! S
If you’re at least 16, the Donkey tribe says you’re ready to vote. They're sure you’ll vote for them, so why not. Whispering Joe and his dark passenger Giggles are getting desperate, so this might be the only move left. But here’s the thing,
Your kitchen appliances listen to everything you say. They hear it all and nark on you to cyber command. Mention buying a Lexus in front of the toaster and a salesman will be headed your way before you can snap out of it and come to your sense
California Governor, the one who wears the wreck of the Exxon Valdez on his head, decided to pack up all the street people in San Fran, have them smell checked, and then shipped them out of town before heavy cats coming in for the big meeting g
It's Musk vs. Soros in our first Otis Speed Dating Debates. Musk opens by explaining that the word Soros comes from the Flemish root word “sore” which means “make everyone miserable,” a life-long passion for young George that began when rootin
If you are still on the fence over Bidenomics, maybe this will shove you off. If you’re being punished and have to live in New York, you'll get to pay eighteen bucks for a Big Mac, and that’s before global warming tax and diversity tax there t
The ThighMaster lady who used to be on TV showing you how to tame those saddle bags is gone now. So you’re on your own to squeeze and release. When there's just too much groceries, ThighMaster has to work overtime trying to put it all back in
The lady in the pant suit is done trying to convince you of anything. That takes way too long, and she and Bill just don’t have that kind of time. What we need now, says Mama, is Formal Deprogramming for your sorry behind so just give up and
You’ve got your good AI and you’ve got your discount AI. How do you know which one you’re getting? Two tin cans and a piece of string? “Hello – can you hear me.” And the string has a knot in it! That’s discount AI. Never leave any AI alone
Half of everywhere is infested with men. So finding a husband isn’t that hard. Finding the right one is. As an international man of mystery I can help with that, since you’re gonna need to know what you’re dealing with. Now remember, men ar
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