0:03

This is the Pete and Sebastian

0:05

chef. With Pete

0:07

Korea legal. And

0:09

Sebastian Manisco gold. Diggers.

0:22

Even remember this job match always.

0:26

While listening to them.

0:31

Are going to the because. You're

0:37

both bouncers. It Zero. Nine,

0:40

seventy degrees rehearsal. Let us.

0:44

Go. To

0:47

their assailants Eileen either. Eventually,

0:54

Ship Pro put something. Back on,

0:56

I'm on my nerves. Okay, five

0:58

people Years is a V neck

1:00

or. Another

1:02

and another reason I phone out of

1:04

love with a high. Very good that

1:07

Gillies the crushes gone. Kind

1:10

of these self. A

1:13

few hundred? yeah In high rise with one

1:15

hundred and twenty one guy. He looks for

1:17

what it is. I'm sweltering hot but where

1:19

I am going to get into. Leave

1:21

I'm very hot. I just I'm a professional

1:24

and. I'm going to trudge for women are we

1:26

are boiling and here there's went to do to

1:28

the jacket off I'm so. Sorry. Do

1:30

not have air conditioning and we we

1:32

sound studio in your and we do

1:34

holiest apparently not that I. Know

1:38

it's it's it's it is and but we that we're not getting a.

1:40

There's lighting and everyone in years wearing more close.

1:42

the new guys not gonna drain. I'm going to

1:45

change. Oh, you really needs is too much of

1:47

the same alphabet. But. They are. You

1:49

know that the thirty five zero be role is your

1:51

like this doesn't know what what you think so it's

1:53

going to change. The channel is my runaway not that

1:55

I bet they have is v neck so it's not

1:57

like I was going to go get you around and

1:59

found. The only good signs use of it

2:01

out your gum or how this is an audio

2:03

plan on I confess I knew of never have

2:06

the right on a show to you or should.

2:10

I got had some of the take our mouths are.

2:13

Other dissuade no other designs and find

2:15

it even a writers' room into the

2:17

hot An audio denial of had this

2:19

is an audio they I mean the

2:21

one rule in don't you Mom had

2:23

it with kids crawling on the table

2:25

two minutes ago. Elemental Madden or Star

2:27

or The Guy That's True and Surgery

2:29

When was. The next orange or what

2:31

he's talking about. Those who is not

2:33

guilty to go now futures or grant

2:36

or deny me out burger know I'm

2:38

surprised you have it into our own

2:40

journalists. bigger never Seward Mercy would go

2:42

moment ago when never that had gone

2:44

on my mouth hadn't had news yeah

2:46

knows that. know that's a mouthful of

2:49

I've never seen through more intelligent people

2:51

at one thing. be so confused about

2:53

a bad rap singers always suing gum

2:55

and Sebastian's whisper it was her like

2:57

a where we have no he didn't

2:59

accept. That I don't have

3:01

a set as be in an interview. I've

3:04

lived here and I yet and I am

3:06

a weed on guy you want to remove

3:08

as religion on it aligns. Itself

3:11

would is is is like Nascar ah

3:13

but where I would write on a

3:15

show your own ha Zola take a

3:18

job away from my cell or I

3:20

know I a lot of not. last

3:22

time I know when I got good

3:25

jokes. No

3:27

one. when I got my first job. I move away

3:29

from what. To do you have. To

3:33

say that entire season deleted. My god,

3:36

I say that our economy. Is

3:42

is the zones are now. What's wrong with

3:44

no? I live on us. out

3:49

of his we're going on

3:51

this is is recorded or

3:54

less ah yes it does

3:56

it get a fair assessment

3:58

the internet or photos How

4:00

many episodes are you guys on?

4:05

Oh yeah, we do this for the fun of it. You're

4:14

almost in 600 episodes? Not

4:17

making a dollar. It costs money. The

4:21

emotional cost, incalculable. And

4:24

there was one show I forgot to hit record, so 601. This

4:30

is actually kind of funny to me because, okay,

4:32

so Pete, you're the only comedian I've ever

4:34

for a second had a crush on. One

4:37

second. I didn't know you were married

4:39

at the time. I don't know. Who cares? Why

4:42

does it have to be one second? It was very quick. All

4:44

right. But could you tell

4:46

us where this was? Was he performing?

4:48

Did you meet him at the... Yeah.

4:52

It starts with my terrible childhood. In

4:54

the fact that I'm attracted to

4:56

people that are somewhat curmudgeonly and

4:59

come off miserable because I'm like, I

5:01

can save them with my personality. You

5:04

were leaning against a wall in, I

5:06

want to say Montreal. I

5:09

don't know if you were practicing for West

5:11

Side Story. I don't know what was happening, but

5:13

you were like this guy at Montreal and all

5:15

the other comedians, you know what I mean? Were all

5:17

like so autistic and shaky and insecure and you just

5:19

weren't. And I was like, who's that guy?

5:22

And this was, oh my God, I don't

5:24

know when it was. When would Montreal have been like 10? Did

5:27

you do it like 12 years ago, maybe? Yeah. I

5:30

mean, I've done a few different times. So I remember that we

5:32

were in a gym. That's the one time I remember. We're both

5:34

in a hotel gym at the same time. So I don't remember

5:36

that. Well, I mean, there's a lot of people working out, but

5:38

my point is that was like the

5:40

one year I was. I remember you being there one year.

5:45

I did a podcast yesterday and I mentioned that, you

5:47

know, we do a podcast, you know, if you call

5:50

it, she was got to have the biggest crush on

5:52

him. I go, what? She

5:54

goes, yeah, it's just for laughs. I saw

5:56

him. I'm like, she's like, man, got it.

5:58

He's so fucking a town. In an

6:00

Alpha right up, my alley well for

6:02

now on, I'm gonna have to say

6:05

where they tell me one follies female

6:07

comedians on the play. Yes,

6:14

Anyway, ones who the dates or a long

6:16

time ago? okay. I will. This

6:18

is even though we're bringing up Noble that

6:20

was the gym miss out there was a

6:23

hotel. the mean hotel at Montreal yes wrong

6:25

I don't remember I was over you buy

6:27

that far but it became room I would

6:29

I saw you a new kind of ignored

6:32

me when I entered his do and I

6:34

find that hot I guess our accident I

6:36

was doing do some. I introduced myself to

6:38

you and you ignored be ah and you

6:41

were like got kind of rude probably not

6:43

on purpose. New. A ah

6:45

ha ha ha ha ha ha una

6:47

cat's meow back then as you know

6:49

so yeah probably that so high and

6:51

then i just was like ah okay

6:53

are now and there are are so

6:55

luckily to crush was the second even

6:57

when they didn't you are nice to

6:59

me and and I was over his

7:02

thing with that a key every bit

7:04

as be them and. Then Sebastien and

7:06

I has when I tell you.

7:09

Like. I mean done

7:11

things that are so romantic. I've

7:13

never done as romantic things with

7:15

anyone else. Before or since I'm

7:17

still isn't violently platonic of room

7:20

for hims this, it's a more

7:22

romantic moments we have to gesner

7:24

the more brother and sister. This

7:26

dynamic hour ago we went to

7:28

Dubai to gather sat. On a plane

7:30

next to. Each other I mean hands kept hitting

7:32

each other and is vastly like and what can

7:34

you move up. Nothing

7:37

out of a gun for didn't the time. I

7:39

do not have a boyfriend but I'm I

7:41

have pictures of you and I on the be

7:43

earlier in bathing suits. There's. Photos of me

7:45

it like the frolicking in a bathing suit

7:47

that he tugged. I mean I'm so nervous

7:49

because he's a good News is that he's

7:52

is so annoyed by i look like I'm

7:54

being trafficked. I'm spectator. except

7:56

we've done so many romantic things

7:58

that zero i wow bao All

8:00

I had to do was lead against the wall. It

8:03

was all the way into my nothing.

8:08

I think that is any possible

8:11

anything Sebastian could have ever thought

8:13

like, oh, no, no, Whitney, he

8:15

was so disgusted by my behavior

8:17

on a plane. No, it wasn't.

8:21

This is where I knew I was like,

8:24

where I knew, well, I knew she was taken

8:26

off. She was

8:30

writing jokes

8:32

and she had like

8:35

papers and shit. I

8:37

had an iPod. Her

8:42

whole thing was like, oh man,

8:44

making movies. I'm fucking doing TV.

8:47

What are you doing over there? And I told

8:49

Pete this before you got here. I didn't

8:51

know how successful you were just

8:53

because I wasn't piped into what

8:55

was happening with you. This

8:58

is embarrassing. In the hallway, I don't

9:00

know if you remember this, I said, hey

9:02

Whitney, I got

9:05

a contact over at Premium Blend. It

9:08

was like one of these shows where you get five or six

9:10

minutes. I

9:12

think I could get you on and you looked at

9:14

me like, I'm doing

9:16

an hour special. You did not say

9:18

it like that. No, no, no, but

9:20

it was like, oh, you

9:23

don't know what's going on. You were

9:25

far beyond that and I didn't know

9:27

what was happening. I had no idea

9:29

you were doing a TV show. The

9:31

broker, I had no idea what you

9:33

were doing. I just saw, oh, she's

9:35

coming to the comedy store and she's

9:37

really funny and maybe I could give

9:39

her like a helping hand. Little

9:41

did I know she

9:43

was getting me specials. I was like, what

9:45

the fuck? Yeah, I didn't

9:47

know where you were and I don't even know if

9:49

you remember that I came. Do you even remember

9:51

this story? No, I don't. No. I

9:55

mean, I feel like if you talk

9:57

to. Be

10:00

an hour away at all. I would have remembered

10:02

the bashing can get in and out of the

10:04

companies door at like an ostrich with his head

10:06

in the sand but he keeps his will walk

10:08

by you make eye contact with you know it's

10:11

just not Tonight to my son Snipes two nights

10:13

out the I'd he's er he's gonna say with

10:15

my effort listen and we talked about the Sun

10:17

earlier podcast I feel Whitney is one of these

10:19

people. That is. In the

10:22

know like you be on your Instagram

10:24

or f home? Have you ever done

10:26

the she was the Queen A Motorola

10:28

was a yeah. Why? he doesn't mind.

10:31

Whitney. Why don't I flight? You're

10:33

not popular. Unity within the first

10:35

man, a personal preference or policy

10:37

all have in mind I know

10:39

and blow with. Unlimited

10:42

against the war one is met be unfortunately

10:44

the top model and. A

10:47

seizes yeah looks like than.

10:51

I am innocent, will test and.

10:55

Then I'll add you have witnesses you're talking about Light

10:57

her have the our I'm I'm una children go I

10:59

didn't even know you will have to two broke. Girls

11:01

was you only always you go

11:04

from lot to lot to check

11:06

the luggage showings of yeah unbelievable

11:08

they in a key anywhere in

11:10

the know with like. Celebrities:

11:13

Right now I hear this news why

11:15

wasn't or years from and and in

11:18

the this was. Back. From ago.

11:20

She knows a lot of people right now

11:23

I don't see those much fun. And the

11:25

guy who like hangs out with De Niro

11:27

know on Ohio with the narrow. I work

11:29

with Deniro and there was no going out

11:31

to dinner for nine weeks after it was

11:33

there was no he would you do and

11:36

after yeah I knew was opening up a

11:38

know book and while we were you probably

11:40

had Popstars bring over their latest album so

11:42

you it here before it comes out. My.

11:45

My. Right away. I mean, no.

11:48

I don't know. Why do people do think I'm

11:50

friends? A lot of celebrities. I think it's an

11:52

Iguana say. The most annoying part is adding when

11:54

you're a female comic I don't have this happens

11:56

with guys. Do. really

11:58

beautiful women one to be my

12:00

friend, like models, like big pop

12:02

stars, because I think it makes

12:05

them seem funny. It's every beautiful

12:07

woman's dream to be thought of as funny, right? So

12:09

these like, I'll go to like an event or, you

12:11

know, the People's Stories Awards or whatever, and all the

12:13

like super gorgeous actresses will like want to hang out

12:15

with me and like, like so that other

12:17

people think they're funny. And I'm like, I don't want to be around

12:20

a model. Like this is my nightmare. Like

12:22

I don't want to be friends with you, but you want to

12:24

come off as funny. So I end up sort of like having,

12:26

I guess. It's like an accidental

12:28

leader to pack sort of a thing. Like she

12:30

would be at the Skybox if she went to the

12:32

Super Bowl. Oh, absolutely. What? Like

12:35

you don't sit in like, listen,

12:38

you don't sit in like Jen Pop. Right? No. No.

12:41

I didn't even get invited. You were

12:43

at the Super Bowl. Yeah. You were there.

12:46

I get it. And I wasn't invited. Isn't

12:48

it boring? Yeah, it is. And I slept at

12:50

92 score last night, by the way. Do

12:53

you have one? I don't have one. Okay.

12:55

Because why, like what's the, so you need

12:58

a device to tell you how you slept.

13:00

It's fun. It's fun. You

13:02

wake up, you're like, I've no, can you

13:04

just ask Lana? How many other ways are

13:07

you trying to replace your wife with technology?

13:09

No, my wife would not even know if

13:11

I was on fire. And that's how that's

13:13

how you sleep. If you slept,

13:15

you felt you slept well, but then your

13:17

ring says you didn't. You go, oh, you're

13:19

right. I do feel fine. You know what?

13:22

I do feel fine. I want to see if

13:26

the science backs up the feeling.

13:28

So last night, I'll take this

13:30

for example. I did Pilates

13:32

for the first time yesterday. I

13:35

was exhausted at night. I

13:38

got up. I felt so refreshed.

13:40

I'm like, wow, let's see

13:42

what the ring says. And

13:44

it matched my feelings. So

13:47

I'm like, okay, I'm right. My

13:49

feelings match the science. But

13:52

before the ring, you'd be like, I slept

13:54

a lot. I'm pretty sure. But I

13:56

just had to prove that. Yeah. Yeah. I

13:59

need science to back this up. Yeah, I mean sometimes the groundhog

14:01

don't see a shadow and it does be

14:03

a short winter But that's all just a

14:06

coincidence. You know I'm saying just wear jewelry

14:08

if you want. Yeah, no, no I'm not

14:10

a jeweler. Yeah, this is just where you

14:12

want to you want to wear a

14:15

ring. No, how are we doing? Just what you're

14:17

trying to ease us in. Thank you for seeing

14:19

that. Okay,

14:22

you can wear a ring. It's fine.

14:24

Lana doesn't like that I wear the

14:27

ring when I'm not sleeping. She's

14:29

like what the fuck are you wearing now? It's

14:31

ugly and you shouldn't have it on. And I

14:33

said... A little Armenian. Like

14:37

most people don't know it's a Nuva

14:39

ring just so you know people just

14:41

think it's a ring. Yeah, you're fine

14:43

with that. I'm fine with it.

14:45

Like it looks like you think that's

14:48

cool and it's on the worst binger. I would

14:50

think it was from a dead relative and you're

14:52

paying homage like because it's not the cord. I

14:54

think he got it at Ed Hardy. Edit this

14:56

out. Does

15:00

it do anything for you during the

15:02

day? No, it monitors heart rate, exercise.

15:04

Where's the charger for it? Where do

15:06

you put the charger? Charger's bedside. Okay,

15:08

okay. Oh, that's a big commitment. And

15:12

you know what? I can't a lot of

15:14

times get it off because I'm swollen. Shouldn't

15:17

the ring tell you like take

15:19

me off now you're gonna get swollen? It

15:21

should say. A lot of salt in your

15:24

diet. I'm swelling up. I can't even get

15:26

off. Take me off. Even though like I'm

15:28

trying to get this off as it's talking

15:30

about it, it's not coming off. It's

15:37

like you can't even charge it. It's just loose.

15:41

Wearing it as jewelry. I

15:44

probably had a good six minutes in that hour.

15:46

I'm from Washington, DC. I grew up half Washington,

15:48

DC, half a rural town in Virginia called

15:50

Roanoke, Virginia. Okay, okay. Now do you go back

15:53

to either one light to have a home in

15:55

either place? No, sir. Not often, but I'm thinking like

15:57

where would we go if we were going to move somewhere else?

15:59

I'm obviously like everybody else thinking about moving,

16:01

but I just haven't figured it out yet.

16:04

I was looking at places in Virginia, I

16:06

was looking at places in Texas, but

16:09

I'm just not there yet. Where would you,

16:11

you're here? I'm already in the small town. Yeah. I

16:14

live like an hour outside of Buffalo.

16:16

Okay, nice. Yeah. Is there Lyme

16:18

disease up there? Wait, oh my god, my wife died. Shut up. Yeah,

16:21

we're in the woods once and she got crazy. How's it going?

16:23

You said Lyme disease. Yes. From Medea.

16:26

Yeah. Yeah. A

16:28

deer. I said from Medea. I

16:30

said from Medea. Medea. Wow.

16:33

That happened. It was from a deer. Because

16:36

it's my only fear in life is Lyme disease.

16:38

Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Really?

16:42

It's a nightmare. Well, your wife got it. Yeah. I

16:44

know it was a nightmare. And what happened? Yes,

16:47

that's a big deal. I know. She got

16:50

medication and it took a while. She got better, but I remember her

16:52

hands would be swelled up and it was

16:54

bad. That's my whole thing with living.

16:56

I looked at places in Connecticut, upstate New York.

16:58

I was like, baby, that's the deal. I will

17:00

not live in a place where going outside with your

17:02

truck, you have to spread each other's butt cheeks

17:04

to look for a killer bug. I'm not doing it.

17:07

And I live in a village. It's called Fredonia. So

17:09

I live in the village and you can't hunt deer

17:11

in the village. And now there's like, I walk my

17:13

dog in this one spot, herds of them. Herds

17:16

and deer. And they talk about bringing in

17:18

these hunters that'll take care of these deer.

17:20

But then the people in town are like,

17:22

well, it's not safe for all here. So

17:25

something's got to be done because now it's just getting

17:27

to be so much, your dog goes a little bit

17:29

off the sidewalk. And we'll say, get the dog, bring

17:32

it back. Fucking deer, man. It's ridiculous.

17:34

Okay. So the Lyme disease

17:36

thing, I went to the Hamptons to do

17:38

a gig. There's that Hamptons, whatever,

17:40

whatever it was. You've

17:43

done it. Hamptons. Hamptons, fancy. What

17:45

can I? Yeah, what did I

17:47

have? Alumimani. No big deal. It

17:50

was for a show and I go outside

17:52

and the Hamptons supposed to be super fancy. It's

17:54

not that fancy. Yeah. Usually when

17:56

I go to rich, fancy places, I'm like, I don't,

17:58

this is not, I want like Mar-a-Lago. I

18:00

want like gold toilets. I

18:02

want, it's like what is this world pretending to be

18:04

poor with the sheds and the windmills? Like all these

18:06

rich people that are like cosplaying poor with like a

18:09

fruit stand and shit. Like I just, I'm like, why,

18:11

what are we doing? You guys are so rich. Fruit

18:13

stand with no work and just buy what you want,

18:15

put it in the box. Yeah,

18:17

totally, like honor system. Like it's all these

18:19

criminals, you know, and it's like the richest

18:21

people in the world that are like, let's

18:23

live in a cottage for the weekend, like

18:25

and be like ironic about it and have

18:27

a basket. Like it's just like I want

18:29

literally, we, Sebastian and I actually, when

18:32

we went to Dubai, why did

18:34

it happen that you stayed at

18:36

the Burj Hotel, which was the

18:38

seven star hotel, and I was

18:40

at like the Hilton, South, uh,

18:43

Yeah, I had a private gig there

18:45

for a wedding. Separately, okay. Yeah, so that's

18:48

what I asked, I think you and,

18:50

uh, Dwayne Perkins. Dwayne Perkins to come and

18:52

say, see the, oh, like, oh, this

18:54

is, you want to see the room or

18:56

whatever. We go in, the walls are

18:58

a fish tank. Yeah. Okay, we go up,

19:00

the room is just like covered in

19:02

gold, just marble, purple, purple, why is purple

19:05

the color of money? Either total trash

19:07

or money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like purple velvet

19:09

curtains. I was like, this is, this is,

19:11

as a growing up poor, this is what

19:13

I thought rich looked like. Yeah, yeah, right. And

19:17

so I'm at a gig there, we go outside, I'm like

19:19

in the pool or something, and then I get the tick,

19:21

I pull it off. Holy shit. Where

19:24

I come from in Virginia, you pull a tick off, you

19:26

bite its head off, you set it on fire, it's fine.

19:28

You don't have to worry about Lyme disease and stuff. So

19:30

then I like post it on Instagram, just being an idiot,

19:32

content, content, content, we got to push those tickets, hey guys,

19:34

like tick. And then

19:36

Avril Lavigne calls me, okay? So she is,

19:38

I guess she got Lyme disease and was

19:41

out for like four years. She was napping

19:44

for like, and she called me and she's like, you got

19:46

to put the tick in a bag and you got to

19:48

take the tick to the hospital and get all like an

19:50

antibiotic drip or something. I didn't do any of that shit,

19:52

but. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was fine. Wow.

19:56

Greg Fitzsimmons is, I think, aunt, great comedian Greg Fitzsimmons, was on an

19:58

IV drip for a long time. years

20:00

because of my disease. I

20:03

called my wife's early because she was not going

20:05

to do anything about it and I was like

20:07

how do you know it's not a tick bite

20:09

so then she went in and the doctor could

20:12

tell, she didn't have the tick but he could

20:14

tell from the bite what it was, medication right

20:16

away pumping it in and got it but I

20:18

mean otherwise I live there. Wait a

20:20

minute. Are you, was

20:22

that a joke about biting the head off? No. What

20:24

do you have to do? You want to just bite

20:27

the head off the tick. What does that do? Just

20:29

kills it. Because if you just try

20:31

to kill it, I mean unless you like it's a big

20:33

gray one and you get all the blood out they'll

20:36

stay alive. On your body you got to get the

20:38

head off basically. Yeah. You want to rip the head

20:40

off. Yeah. What do you mean on your body? So

20:42

a tick embeds in your skin. Yeah. And if you

20:44

take the tick out you're saying the head is caught

20:46

in the skin? Usually but it

20:48

depends on what like

20:51

status it is I guess at the time but if it's just crawling

20:53

on you and you pull it off you do want to bite its

20:55

head off so that you know it's dead. I

20:59

would think biting the head off the tick you would

21:01

get the disease just through the bite. No? But

21:04

in Virginia they don't have Lyme disease.

21:06

It's only in the Connecticut New York

21:08

area which is why there's the rumor

21:10

that it's a bioweapon. Oh

21:12

wow. That's heavy. I don't think about

21:15

that. Where are y'all on conspiracy theories?

21:17

I feel like I feel like I'm

21:19

not there on that. No. But then

21:21

why is that? I feel like we're

21:24

on Joe Rogan. Yeah. They call me

21:26

ho Rogan. So why though is Lyme

21:29

disease only on the ticks in

21:32

the Hamptons affluent, political,

21:34

important people. Connecticut

21:37

affluent, important people. But not

21:40

Virginia. People not worth killing. Ticks

21:44

with Lyme disease are only in that

21:46

area. And what about what about I

21:48

mean like you know how come a certain

21:51

plant grows? How come there's no redwoods on Long

21:53

Island? You know what I mean? Like you could

21:55

say that about anything right? Totally but the thing

21:57

is it's one bug that's everywhere but it only

22:00

gives that disease in the New York and

22:02

Connecticut area. Oh

22:04

man, get right in. Lidle me this. I

22:07

worked with Roseanne, okay? My facts are different

22:09

than yours. I

22:12

believe that. All right,

22:14

I'm at alexjones.net, not even.com, okay? All

22:18

right, we don't normally go down these. No,

22:20

we don't. By the way, why not? Why

22:22

not? I'm kind of at the point, where do you

22:24

get your news? Listen. I've

22:29

had a Yahoo email for a while, and

22:31

I just go to Yahoo News, and I

22:33

look at the four squares there. So how

22:35

is Cher doing? And Cher's doing great. And

22:40

Taylor Swift has an album

22:42

coming in. She does, I

22:44

know. She plugged it into

22:46

Grammy. And that's tornado and Boise, only two

22:49

people hurt. I

22:51

mean, I'm not a big news guy. Me either.

22:53

I'm not looking for a lot of news, you know? So

22:56

where am I? So when I hear stuff

22:58

like this, I'm like, I kind of prefer

23:00

gossip to news, quite frankly. And then my

23:02

dad, one thing that he did, it's interesting,

23:04

like I'm sure, knowing you and your audience already

23:06

knows, I'm sure that like, yeah, I don't know

23:08

you as well, Pete, but like the way you

23:10

became a comedian, the way your brain was trained

23:13

to kind of question everything, my dad

23:15

was really obsessed with making sure that I

23:17

got good grades. I think because I was a girl, he

23:19

had a boy before me, he really wanted to make sure

23:21

I was gonna succeed in life. I think he was just

23:24

like being a girl as a nightmare. He would wake me

23:26

up in the middle of the night and like quiz me

23:28

on spelling words when there wasn't even a test. Like I

23:30

think he just didn't know how to have a daughter and he

23:32

just wanted me to be smart. And

23:34

he would drill me, drill me, drill me

23:36

on future chapters. He would make

23:38

up his own quizzes on a yellow legal pad to try to

23:40

make up what the quiz was gonna be. He would wake

23:42

me up. He'd make me take the quiz before I ate

23:44

breakfast in the morning, before I had anything, because he'd be

23:46

like, you don't know what the circumstances of the tests are

23:48

gonna be. Like you don't know, you're gonna be distracted. Like

23:51

anyone can get this right when they're on

23:54

the right mind. But so prepare me

23:56

for all these things. And he would drill me on all

23:58

this history stuff. Then when I

24:01

was done and got everything right he closed the book

24:03

and go Well,

24:05

how do we know the book is right? Like

24:10

they weren't there they don't know I mean this is

24:12

like this probably isn't true But like you need to

24:14

memorize it all and it always got me thinking like

24:16

what? Even the stuff

24:19

we know like it's kind of true, you

24:21

know, even the news you're like in in 15 years This

24:24

is all gonna be debunked. Anyway, it's like science Like I'm

24:26

not gonna bother learning anymore science because every 15 years

24:28

remember when like acai berry was good for you

24:30

And now sugar is the worst thing

24:33

Like what are we doing now that we think is so healthy that

24:35

in 15 or what words are we not allowed to say now? And

24:38

we then know we have to say, you know Homeless,

24:41

but what is it? I'm currently unhoused or something instead

24:43

of homeless. Yeah, why do you think it's gonna go

24:45

back to homeless in 15 years? Or

24:49

is it just gonna be? In the head

24:51

there will be none like you said it

24:53

keeps changing. So why does it matter? It's

24:55

like insane, you know, that's my thing with the news

24:57

So I'm like the true thing is gonna be debunked.

24:59

I'm sure at some point So why not go

25:01

with the crazy conspiracy theory anyway, you know, I was

25:04

watching in my hotel room last night this old movie

25:06

I just called under siege with

25:08

anette bending Denzel Washington and there's

25:10

like a terrorist right? I'm this

25:12

is years ago This movie

25:15

came out in like 25 years ago Maybe at

25:17

least 30 years ago and the people coming on

25:19

go we got no more immigration I'm like, oh

25:21

my god, how embarrassing was saying the same shit

25:25

The same shit may make you

25:27

realize what idiots it's all bullshit It

25:29

cracks me up when people like America's never

25:31

been more divided and you're like, do you not

25:33

remember that there was a civil war? Where

25:36

they literally the north and the south were fighting

25:38

each other in like fields like I'm pretty sure

25:40

we've been more divided Yeah, I feel like everything

25:43

happening today has happened. It's just look different. I'm

25:45

so afraid I'm gonna be if I'm lucky enough

25:47

to get to a certain age, you know, just

25:49

sitting in my backyard and going what the fuck?

25:51

Did I waste all that? Asshole

25:54

you like yeah, but it's like news. I feel

25:56

like news people like don't have sports news is

25:59

kind of impolit It's like sports for dorks, you know,

26:01

if you don't have a sports team, you're gonna kind of

26:03

do that Does you ever meet Tom Cruise? Get

26:05

down the brass patch I'm sorry, you guys think we

26:08

landed on the moon? Okay Uh, Whitney, I don't care

26:10

what we did or where we did it. Did you

26:12

ever hang out with Tom Cruise? Tom Cruise Okay, we're

26:14

running out of time. I wanna know Tom

26:17

Cruise, no, but I did have a little

26:19

bit of a brush with Scientology Um, yeah

26:21

Like, when I first moved to LA, a

26:23

friend of mine who was, like, they kind

26:25

of tracked people that were, are sort of

26:28

like making it in the business And she

26:30

was in a movie, they invited her to

26:32

go to brunch, like, at the castle At

26:35

the castle on Franklin, right?

26:38

And we go, and I'm in Like,

26:40

I'm so sold on this thing, because again, like,

26:42

I grew up poor, I come out to Hollywood Hollywood's kind

26:44

of a shithole, and I was just like, what, this isn't

26:46

Hollywood, like, this isn't at all what I, and then I went

26:48

to the Scientology Center It's like, I was like, this is a

26:51

cat, this is where I wanna be And they take us

26:53

on this tour, and I was like, I'm, yes, please, I'm

26:55

in, I'd like to do this But what's in

26:57

there? Is it, is it, like, is

26:59

it people, quiet, is it like, mingling,

27:01

what is in? It's kind of just

27:03

like a weird, like, you know, extra, it feels

27:05

like, now that I'm older and I've been on

27:07

TV shows, you know, extras in the background are kind of like, but

27:10

it's like a little mutt You know what I

27:13

mean? It's like that, everyone just kind of feels like

27:15

they're all, like, laughing, like, a little too hard They're,

27:17

like, doing an impression of happy people, people doing an

27:19

impression of happy people Oh, man So it's like the

27:21

opposite of comedy That's like North Korea, when you're in

27:24

public, you have to do that That's

27:26

exactly what it is, totally It's not like looking Yeah,

27:29

it's all very, um, it

27:32

just feels like everyone's been dressed by a costumer, you

27:34

know what I'm saying It's just

27:36

kind of like two on the nose, but I went there on

27:38

a Sunday, which is their big recruiting day, so

27:40

I think everybody dresses up And it's

27:42

like a beautiful apartment complex, and they give, if you

27:45

sign up, they will give you a place to live,

27:47

they give you a job, they promise to put you on TV I

27:50

was like, I would love, I would love to do

27:52

this They're like, we're good, they said no to

27:54

me Because they were trying to recruit my friends,

27:56

you know, so I was rejected by Scientology's side

27:58

of the French themselves now man

28:01

by the way every time I

28:03

talk about them on the podcast

28:05

it gets taken off Instagram so

28:07

really mm-hmm I did it having

28:09

James show Leah was on season

28:14

two she came on and like season one we're on

28:16

a Long Island the lot was pretty basic by season

28:18

two they had to put up a whole gate and

28:21

I'm like what's for the gate this year and they're

28:23

like well Leah's on season two and it's for the

28:25

Scientology and it would be a van out in the

28:27

parking lot and she pointed out and tell us that's

28:29

the van and it was so crazy because it

28:32

was like she was doing that show

28:34

at the time the reality show sure about

28:36

them and it was like if you just

28:38

don't come with the van she's got no

28:40

show you're giving her a show by being

28:42

a man a hundred was crazy man I

28:45

couldn't believe it was real no way

28:47

that man really yeah yeah yeah no

28:49

fascinating religion but if Tom Cruise asked

28:51

me to join him to be in

28:53

a movie the

28:57

guy doesn't mess around I mean I've heard

28:59

some pretty wild stories about him like I

29:02

think it was Bill Hader who's such a

29:04

genius was on SNL

29:06

obviously for ages and

29:08

Tom Cruise came on SNL right he was

29:11

like on for something and

29:13

he was married to Katie Holmes at the time

29:15

and you know when like a really famous

29:17

person tries to act like they're like us and

29:19

you're like what do you what let's I don't

29:22

want you to be like me be Ben Stiller

29:24

be DeNiro you know what I'm saying

29:26

and so like I worked with a really big celebrity on

29:28

something once and he was like talking to us it was

29:30

like me and a couple scumbag comedians and we're sort of

29:33

like oh what do you want to do for lunch he's like yeah what do you guys want

29:35

to do for lunch and his assistant brought up like a cup

29:37

a glass Tupperware of like steamed broccoli but

29:39

like here's your lunch it's like I'm eating

29:41

with them what is that like he's like

29:46

I don't want that why would you bring me that so what

29:48

are we gonna do guys got layers got

29:50

layers listen right here anyway so

29:52

Tom Cruise is like trying to

29:56

like be cool around the

29:58

you know SNL writers are in the room or whatever and

30:00

uh who I

30:02

don't know who it is who said um so

30:04

Tom like what's it like being Tom

30:07

Cruz like someone just like asked him that

30:09

and apparently he goes ah you know it's

30:11

it's it's I'm just like you guys me

30:14

and Katie we have the same exact problems

30:16

you know she'll come home and she'll be

30:18

like ah they were out of ravioli at

30:20

the ravioli store so

30:25

like does he think there's a ravioli

30:28

store or he's like I'm just

30:30

like you guys oh oh I didn't know

30:33

no I I go to a

30:35

ravioli the only two

30:38

people that actually no

30:41

but to be clear Tom Cruz doesn't

30:43

know that some of his system goes

30:45

somewhere or else is made in his

30:47

basement you go to a store with

30:49

just ravioli yeah it's beautiful it's a

30:52

pasta store no it's called raviolis are

30:54

us and it's an amazing it's right

30:56

by the way ring came off oh

30:58

no but how are

31:00

we gonna know I mean I'm on the edge

31:02

of my seat a pod

31:05

came off about no just your pulse yeah you're just

31:07

winging it right now I'm gonna wing it for the

31:09

last next half hour when you open it back up the

31:11

hot hangs in and then is it in your app

31:14

it's an app okay gotta go yeah the

31:18

Pete and Sebastian show I thought

31:20

when you said ravioli store like

31:22

meaning the store where you'd get

31:25

ravioli I didn't know like yeah

31:27

I'm in front of Italian people

31:29

okay most people would be like

31:31

oh he's so rich and out of

31:33

touch that he thinks there's a store

31:35

there like he was just in positano

31:38

yeah you know what I mean where

31:40

they do have ravioli stores I

31:42

think I don't know but I'll let that slide I

31:44

don't know if they should say that they're

31:46

out because I'm out at all

31:48

this is like I don't

31:50

Well that was crazy to everybody else you know

31:52

him trying to make small well I saw it's

31:55

interesting you say? because I was watching the Grammys

31:57

and I saw A Tale of Swift lean over

31:59

to another. They will go high A

32:01

sore loser. I'm Taylor and I'm like

32:03

alright. Alright, who wouldn't be of

32:05

Knox's if she didn't introduce? There's no,

32:07

I don't. I didn't I don't know.

32:09

I feel like it reaches a point

32:11

where he is so famous you just

32:13

say hi. this and I think that's

32:15

annoying. Files? are you just. Said you can

32:18

stay. I'm I'm famous. People try to act

32:20

like it or not. you just said

32:22

damn sight agreements. Not as brutal as

32:25

a half hour after hour. A professor

32:27

of not like a wave still sitting

32:29

on your end was as I say,

32:31

yes. right? Or then

32:34

I go to him or Romo made since and

32:36

yeah, how else. Would

32:38

be solved Not says I think that's just

32:40

like basic human decency and like. A habit

32:42

of but but you're ripping on Tommy. see

32:45

for corner ravioli. A

32:47

fine line that they did not know

32:49

my audience on Icon off a. Ravioli

32:51

stores all wild times that to someone

32:53

that like did not. Grow up either.

32:56

Really Ravioli store in L A

32:58

known oh okay gun and okay

33:00

see dogs are allowed to fly

33:02

off liar that not know about

33:04

got other things have gotten Sam's

33:06

it's that generally. I would say it's

33:08

not a ravioli Iraq when you could call

33:10

would have you get like those in Yoga

33:12

Imbroglio. Good store layers only go ahead or

33:14

though that's our and there's a manager ha

33:16

ha ha. Literally hall yogurt is sold on

33:19

loan at the store and it's own thing

33:21

arise I think the how you know the

33:23

just he said the road the united to

33:25

say you have a back seat or hitler

33:27

wrap. It around

33:29

the store. Know right now would you like. A

33:33

bad. Mojo?

33:36

Who's. I have you ever

33:38

been starstruck? The All Yeah of

33:40

Iowa dinner with Billie Joe I.oh

33:42

so girls fly and was meet

33:45

seven James Chazz Palminteri Billie Joe

33:47

after his concert Wait Hans solo

33:49

down. Chazz. Palminteri.

33:51

Owns a restaurant.it and use that

33:53

of Bronx Tale Ultimate This or

33:56

that it had that are on

33:58

a headline. I

34:00

mean I knew that same feeling

34:03

and putting him on Ryan Arrow

34:05

task home routers rise well as

34:07

others. I. Saw

34:10

the dairy. Oh My. God. Delusion.

34:15

My goal moment and think about might

34:17

as crazy this guy's life so does

34:19

is huge. For. Some moves and I

34:22

guess I'm supposed to let me get some

34:24

time tags their ranks as he owns a

34:26

restaurant Loma, he's an actor. Oh thank God

34:28

of course. Of course there's a lotta time

34:30

zone is another What? What's what's? the other

34:32

one with the. Did. A big

34:34

movie with all the celebrities stars in

34:36

it. Weighed

34:38

Seward. I realize now that

34:41

I'm gonna, it's. Usual

34:43

suspects desert processor is a suspect such

34:45

an occurrence. Anyway he's out to dinner

34:47

with the with Palminteri who owns a

34:49

restaurant and glad I went to as

34:51

right nine seven shows I just known

34:53

so I to is Kevin his from

34:55

loyal to and he knows l of

34:58

Billie Joe and he's like you could

35:00

friends have wanted wounds of seem to

35:02

Nine god I says or me Billie

35:04

backstage. And. He's talking about

35:06

Tony Bennett singing tonight and I go And

35:08

he goes Tony We gotta keep up with

35:10

a museum and overtones Him ago and I

35:12

go to believe of the I Saw You

35:14

at Shea Stadium only one thing new is

35:16

outdoors. Ah and Billie last a little. And.

35:18

Then I'm bring in of is about two minutes

35:21

later he goes to Kevin movements is a. Potentially.

35:24

Know mine isn't the school I'm in

35:26

a denim Goons has volunteers are some

35:28

for dinner and and in my head

35:30

on like illicitly many com accounting I

35:32

have me and right? So then I

35:34

go there. And. Again I had

35:36

been drinking the whole show so I also

35:38

did mana like nightly am singing drink inside

35:40

one same as as drunk. At

35:43

Yale which Adams very little I didn't say

35:45

much. It was when the royals thousand and

35:47

then believes when woman and Chaz his wife.

35:50

And then as the and you know so nice to

35:52

meet you. He took a photo of me I said

35:55

and big fan of law and then he's waiting for

35:57

his limo and on my get a few Emir I

35:59

go Baghdad. My Billie. I.

36:01

See where in the med had i'm a

36:03

yankee say do you like the A to

36:06

ah and I can I can make it

36:08

rain for on like then sponsored and says

36:10

let it go There was almost yeah like

36:12

I had to sabotage I did I ruined

36:14

the some my cell and that yeah yeah

36:16

I like them both and I'm like oh

36:19

my god you're imitating what I do to

36:21

people outside the forty miles As a matter

36:23

of of. Thing about I used do this

36:25

and when I first moved to L

36:27

A it when I first met celebrities

36:29

my first moved here I would just

36:31

ask them how much money they had.

36:34

I didn't think it was a weird

36:36

question, like I didn't realize how certain

36:38

tacky that is. A Measure Slippers,

36:41

Earth or her. Leg

36:44

take his area. He was nice to meet you and

36:46

I was like how much money do you have. Like

36:48

total and is like one of the oh the

36:50

league I'd it is. It examines weird at all.

36:52

I was. Like Cure is and I would

36:55

the Friars Club once. I think of hers

36:57

was for the Quentin Tarantino Rose and I

36:59

am Sam Jackson and he answered right away

37:01

he would eighteen million dollars. On the oh

37:03

I, I had no money I'd

37:05

that didn't sound like. A lot right?

37:07

And the here I'm I'm like it. And

37:09

twenty two years old? So exams add

37:12

to that I think he got five hundred

37:14

billion dollar like utter on. In in word

37:16

for no surprise, if he moves that's what own

37:18

with then he. And that's what I did of the

37:20

oh and he and then he got like he was like

37:22

i'm. In liquid. You know it. The I got

37:25

a bottle on behalf. Of.

37:28

I gotta admit I'm at all because I'm size of know

37:30

I met a negative. Morning down with her thousand

37:32

celebrates of the river like spiraled into

37:34

as they got the axe way but

37:37

I got property over here How out

37:39

together I as Abba ah encounter guys

37:41

are Iraqis that photo ago for is

37:43

a goal for volume down the first

37:45

person to actually tell me I was

37:47

like I'll add said like. What

37:50

I was trying to figure out: Legs. How. To

37:52

be a person in the world, Have you been sponsored? Yeah,

37:56

I got starstruck once by Forest Whittaker in

37:58

a star mark and I was so starstruck

38:00

that I like when I'm starstruck, I just

38:03

act rude cuz I respect the person's time

38:05

so much and I don't want to wasted

38:07

or embarrass myself after I did that so

38:09

many times. Area though, he was. Like Winning

38:12

Cummings like such a big fan of

38:14

Like Banks. And I walked outside nice out

38:16

my car. Know you have to go back and now

38:18

if you have.to go back and and apologize like that

38:20

was so rude. Why do you have a duck on

38:22

your knee Cans of this. Pig

38:25

farmer you run and over here of the

38:27

earth notifies us of of time so. It's

38:31

is funny no one else has rushed recognizes

38:33

V I prefer. Good for the committee that

38:35

is becoming what is of even funnier was

38:37

funny isn't it? You even hear his attention

38:39

on the tape See the but since the.uncharted

38:41

say my goes always walking around with that

38:44

says. It's

38:47

roots are aligned with development of

38:49

sorts of because those. Enforce

38:52

dump over my daughter.

38:56

Was around a little bit off but I

38:58

know have had you know the my the

39:00

lot. To show that's awesome man I never do

39:02

And up. A. Path that no one was like pack

39:04

in. Just Go. Know. Like can't

39:07

patches hold his hand up Few: He's the one

39:09

affected set of the has breathed doc in here.

39:11

Wasn't a her that's what he says. oh my

39:13

god I see some goes back to when he

39:15

goes. I have losing any thoughts. Or

39:24

God. I know why

39:26

we don't admit I don't notice the doc

39:29

is north is normally their p so weird

39:31

looking that you would think maybe he has

39:33

a doctor who signed quit smoking I'm not

39:35

so he breaks Harrys the doctor foot smaller

39:37

cameo like somebody that has like pedophile brings

39:39

it over to try to taunt the your

39:41

can the only one who got a duck

39:43

out as the most people would notice for

39:45

you though there were none of your dad

39:48

have noticed know it was no no not

39:50

and then all the sudden or nobody has

39:52

voiced it's and have actually know who does

39:54

this and and other know it Bobby. Leaders:

39:56

Something like this: Where's your mommy?

39:58

Least mentally ill? Yeah I

40:00

think the more from you feel that this

40:02

is this. This was supposed to be over

40:05

there. You are not supposed to see the.

40:09

Anyway, when he has about his knees like it's

40:11

a fucking. Rates

40:14

of with this as it is but also

40:16

by the way I am. A new mom

40:19

and I am like a very interested in.

40:21

Ducky that the moment. So my. And

40:23

like is this the one that tells the temperature? Of

40:25

the black ones what it's still very

40:27

new bad snacks you to show people

40:29

that have my messages and than a

40:31

dozen other ah have a father says

40:33

this is a duck defenses or does

40:35

it suggest that we don't particularly for

40:37

when I have another happened yet but

40:39

we're having a bad time. It's good

40:42

to know when the hours over and

40:44

ten rapid fire service you know they

40:46

ignored a dusty been fantastic moonves vr

40:48

about your beyond that made him is

40:50

his whole to run an. Embolism

40:53

Sails. Boy. Scout

40:56

Movement will disavow your finger in

40:58

her own are suffering Alamos. Listen.

41:00

Listen. To say it's

41:03

been in our no military the weather duck into

41:05

you. Ever worry

41:07

about? So. On Air

41:09

Force before he leaves you, you beautiful

41:11

child Here. And so gracious and

41:13

I sit on my voice or two from

41:15

gradually when you mean and say though you

41:17

are my Guys and Mansfield female comedians as

41:20

they don't have kids, they become activists, won't

41:22

affect the. This could have

41:24

gone down you don't talk about. Came

41:26

here. Poor. And and

41:28

from the Los Angeles are

41:30

female comedians and a C

41:33

gender. Oh, it's

41:35

as. Simple as

41:37

I have. This. Is

41:42

where this is why and movie or

41:44

in on off with guests to female

41:46

comedians are they supportive of one another

41:48

in where you get in touch my

41:50

arms as gear is. I was bruce

41:52

too far for have her a saucer

41:54

seats movie smith said. I

41:57

saw sure. Like

42:00

idea of without a way to make her not

42:02

in Iraq Me and you're going to do like

42:04

this larva of later about a little bit of

42:06

ancestry are the most as ghosts wait a minute

42:08

them into. A

42:10

I got this. Far from

42:12

Atlanta and sexist view like feel Like my

42:14

questions said that they've had their to falling

42:17

on deaf ears and I tried to bring

42:19

back the other one and then you may

42:21

me bail on and off with his was

42:23

was too far gone with the the female

42:26

the Sea Malibu by Eliseo as she for

42:28

though pounds is a woman's a troublemaker. I

42:30

could never ladies and like vs his father

42:32

did great He wanted to raise you sir

42:34

way and boy did a young person's your

42:36

that as a sense of power is shutting

42:38

my voice down Your sit on were you

42:40

supposed to mean no. Saddles

42:43

the cheese it's as that

42:45

italians a hurry and nine is

42:47

sad. Want I got or

42:49

doesn't have the only ah

42:51

I gotta. Soldiers

42:54

disclosure is is there is there

42:56

a support system was in the

42:58

female stand up community known. For

43:00

it's a very competitive okay so

43:02

I bullied or with everybody like

43:04

with the support Now Oh supporting

43:06

this mess is that is that

43:08

as a front. Or. As

43:10

are people really happy for other

43:12

people that are making it I mean

43:15

it's are you not really for me

43:17

I haven't really looms support of them

43:19

are don't male partner fits sushi

43:21

so how was and I'm as you

43:24

of material for. Me

43:27

is like I beg. You know when you get to the point where.

43:29

People it. I got the comedy because of you and you're like.

43:33

Why? Is it

43:36

is all these like the comedy store that are

43:38

getting grades and mans like you're my hero. You're

43:40

lying on the how many little. Upper

43:43

House again. The

43:46

minimum wage jobs as well have s

43:48

you know it's a night I truly

43:50

do like supporting just any one died

43:52

grow. I don't really see the gender

43:54

part of it. not to they don't

43:57

see gender. I definitely do. And of

43:59

spotlight. Enjoy seeing people do

44:01

well. I'm and I think doing

44:03

podcasting like you want people? Come

44:05

on. And kill dirt and you wanted to

44:07

be money and I want people to come on.

44:09

a bomb You know we need. Guess I think

44:12

that there is a symbiotic relationship with podcasting where

44:14

you you know bedroom young ones possess the now

44:16

so you know if you want them to come

44:18

on your tears. his eyes were know as a

44:20

female offer in a mutually beneficial feel like they're

44:23

now but I do think that it's also forced

44:25

me to be more so so you know and

44:27

also it's also nice way does not have to

44:29

be social when you got to the clubs. someone

44:31

to talk to your like. With.

44:33

Podcast was do This for Money.

44:37

For free you know as do this you know with

44:39

monetize our conversation so it's also. But I do think

44:41

a little bit like you know I used to find

44:43

a lot of comfort and sanity and being able to

44:45

talk to comedians in the Green room even have some

44:48

five seconds here. Five seconds. I like how was that

44:50

good for you? How is this thing for you? What

44:52

was your walk out? Just whatever and now everything is

44:54

for public consumption and we stopped and for us to

44:57

being real friends of ours is that might not be

44:59

healthy but there I don't know. I

45:01

don't. Yeah, I don't. I don't release. I mean, girls

45:03

luck, I am. sort of. There's the same. Kind of

45:05

competition with guys, but I do think that because there's

45:07

such a scarcity complex with the girls because it used

45:09

to be like Nicky Laden I was talk about. That

45:11

was a d used to be Muriel. There. Was one

45:13

that needs to be on the line up as know me or

45:16

it was going to be years. So we're sort of more pitted

45:18

against each other. But let us you know. That.

45:20

Says no no I think. Maybe I

45:22

don't. I don't really think about it like

45:24

comedies so hard. I'm not. I'm not looking for

45:26

ways to make it harder and with limited be enemies

45:28

and like I don't care of you don't as why

45:30

we say I'm when I'm on the road. A lotta

45:33

times I did personal them for me like on they

45:35

were sown so. I'll. I'll have a

45:37

set person when I go someplace in I

45:39

like them to somebody anna oh he's hanging

45:41

Obama I go britain bring him or her

45:43

endless chat yeah but because that same thing

45:45

I like the vibe and yeah but so

45:47

often out a legit. So different now that

45:49

if the little while mice or it's a

45:51

good luck out there the heck out of

45:54

my way things are summit of hall and

45:56

old com a friend of mine see if

45:58

he's on status as a result. Remember

46:00

because I can relate to the some the sometimes

46:02

an odi so and are alone say that they

46:04

love somebody who I don't like. The.

46:06

On the committee like all my you are we just

46:09

so so so less we go my head on my

46:11

desk. With somebody

46:13

or you're trying to make small talk to

46:15

make you like them. you know mean they're

46:17

more like was also in so they were

46:19

awesome and they think they're getting an undergrad

46:21

side in her Dislike: Bob was telling him

46:23

out sir was playing Portland and I've never

46:25

been an Or Or Or again. I was

46:27

overwhelmed by everything else and all that. You

46:29

know it's arrives, just ever nice. it all

46:31

messages mess and was bringing me down and

46:33

the show was great. Had a great time

46:35

to people but was like a weird Nine

46:37

was an ice storm and I come off

46:39

in the M C was a weird dude.

46:41

The opener. I go back to the green

46:43

room and he goes on. This. Is my

46:45

how was it. How. Was it like

46:47

a like like of systematically and I

46:49

had just had another Merola? You'll stay.

46:51

Pete. I'd say it's been so far

46:53

more. Really nice to me. Hope I

46:55

can do it again. Jesus said you do

46:58

that at all That I good seizes fatigue

47:00

and I walk. I suppose I could do,

47:02

don't even bother now. So the set wasn't

47:04

great so it was fine. Ah,

47:08

that's really. Sad since

47:10

they. Go

47:13

out golf is it all. And

47:16

I do those things Yeah,

47:18

I, I, I, I hit.

47:20

I could not stand it

47:22

when people say like backhanded.

47:24

Compliments when you come must say that you

47:26

compensate you think he did well in some

47:29

insights. Near too smart for them both. Here

47:31

to say I like under that is that?

47:33

why the right time for me? That shit

47:35

that's when I'm talking about like you come

47:37

on stage in their sights. Weird cause they're.

47:40

Like. I didn't. I don't

47:42

think there were were right. Would you say

47:44

that are do just go digit because he

47:47

he's gonna wear group. Fc

47:49

saw what that means. You actually saw that

47:51

my he's that yeah, my eyes. And are

47:54

you able to hold that in or do

47:56

give a snide comment back? How do you

47:58

handle. I. Definitely. N Because.

48:00

I have been in security that people are

48:02

d think i'm a bet's because i just

48:05

haven't i guess bit seeds they say sorry

48:07

if i you know either either so. Now

48:09

if it someone at my let like of you said

48:11

that to me. I'd be like let doing. What

48:14

He knew: I'd like to make fun of it

48:16

or whatever without a job out of. as someone

48:18

who is like and speech or and openers something

48:20

I'm dislike. But. They get

48:22

away with this poor behavior so much as

48:24

a young people today the sony this like

48:27

mousy bullshit I cuccinelli a cold or yeah

48:29

yeah although it is disease you don't have

48:31

a community and it's more. just don't at

48:33

all done and or don't at all. I've

48:35

done that for my years. I've always made

48:37

a point when playing some places idol like

48:39

the guy on own more yeah I'll I'll

48:41

think they're funny. I've actually a farm in

48:44

the past when they come off and on

48:46

moves like as a comic. I won't stand

48:48

because I don't wanna say to you could

48:50

set because it's such rules. Last time. I

48:52

was in Portland. I'm sorry to cut you off your

48:54

head on the sidewalk. The was really am I did

48:56

that. He'll it like I got there. Does that work

48:59

out? New material. Small clubs. And I always

49:01

had a say like look at a local Seats are

49:03

local Opener Local Hosted the Give Them Work. Yeah,

49:05

I mean yeah, hard to get yeah Simon done

49:07

to help map right to censor to move away

49:09

or where do it's? almost any size in the

49:11

bathroom. Pile. And green

49:13

room, oh so. One

49:15

Friday. Seventy.

49:18

Am So Friday night. That.

49:21

I had to bite my tongue about

49:23

the entire weekend. Oh My. God. I

49:25

know, I saw myself. level of death

49:27

threats, the fact that he. Dies

49:30

is there's a bathroom. I mean truly like

49:32

forty yards away. I wrote in the Green

49:35

Room Road and I didn't say anything but

49:37

that's of birth of with a big move

49:39

badges that. I have

49:41

ever as it's have you ever had does

49:43

them into green Room the opener and his

49:46

girlfriend or boyfriend and then that that open

49:48

to go to go on. The girlfriend says

49:50

there are some. I didn't steal a push

49:52

as the fuck out a less money they

49:54

are the more people they have witnessed or

49:56

it's all Israel. Has I understood as I'm gonna

49:58

make and he never one time. The name of

50:01

the comedy store with one person

50:03

that I'm not a friend at

50:05

no no longer nobody guy is

50:07

as as coffee that as far

50:09

as ah I see I assume

50:11

that he comes in like a

50:13

panther to in our to he

50:15

was in rehab agree poison. I

50:18

never perform. Any with anything

50:20

in my pocket, a wallet, keys or

50:22

anything whom and when she take on

50:25

this. My take is I feel like

50:27

if you're performing that's like that's the

50:29

uniform for her and if you came

50:31

up there with were a wallet in

50:34

your pocket you are. You

50:36

almost become one of the audience cause

50:38

that. Isn't. To do a Jay Leno were

50:40

saying if you get a band aid on your finger

50:42

people Rio, what's with the band Easier address if your

50:45

fingers bleeding than ago. what's with the bleeding on us.

50:48

As as I mean he'd also just

50:50

caught on fire and about her. ah

50:52

but for those using a feeble was

50:54

in so wallet in her pocket Saturday

50:56

was acting they would associate you with

50:58

of I wonder what he's got my

51:00

wallet.the cash in the wall. It brings

51:02

a little of the illusion of magic

51:04

like me as if Michael Jackson was

51:06

was performing. had a fucking wallet annum

51:08

I delete. Them Fact: If this guy's

51:11

one of us air, you know how

51:13

long as I'd like. I

51:15

think in this don't even have a

51:17

wall as I'm totally man and all

51:20

Neither is A is like you come

51:22

on stage like. With

51:24

any like a personally I eat that

51:26

why was that the of ha from

51:28

one hour now I'm not I would

51:30

be your was one of his like

51:32

hell it was a an excel I

51:34

really I really haven't a good said.

51:36

the take he heals author does. There

51:39

are other offers. A

51:41

lousy Oh My God. Why. Keep

51:45

your. Keys in your pussy. It like that. So

51:49

subtle. Things number one I sense

51:51

is Elise Vines in I'm just

51:53

saying this as a person when

51:55

someone comes on a plane with

51:58

nothing. That's more to. Reacting

52:00

to me. So I'm trying to think if I'm

52:02

coming to see Sebastian. I see no wallet, know keys

52:04

and like with some. Weird as he as does a

52:06

given the current where's is what does he does

52:08

have led us I would probably because I've comedian

52:10

brain I would be noticing. The thing nobody else

52:13

noticed. You know, I come out usually with

52:15

a purse. Yes, because I'm not gonna leave

52:17

a marine room with the celtics that know

52:19

as rattled animals at the combo startle and

52:22

on. Certain

52:24

Comedy Club Blitzer We see you in.

52:26

Fear. Of an incremental diverse

52:29

no, no, no, no, no, nothing,

52:31

Nothing. Nothing. Earth. Sony. Not pockets.

52:33

Frankly, Usually don't have my kids at

52:35

all because I try to dress up more. You've actually

52:37

inspired me a lot about that. I went to Vegas

52:40

one time and I was so ashamed I was doing

52:42

the when or something. And I was wearing like

52:44

a nice hoodie. You. Know that? a

52:46

nice one. I have a guess they can be dazzled

52:48

tank top underneath. I was kind of still on the

52:50

stage rather daughter want to come off too feminine. I

52:52

don't want it like be a distraction. I don't. I

52:54

just kind of want to neuter myself as. I'm very

52:57

the word is calculated by put a lot

52:59

of thought into what I wear for. Things

53:01

as to not be distracting but also be comfortable

53:03

and you know I'm pretty says go on stage

53:05

and I wore this like and fancy hoodie over

53:07

a thing and I came out. I saw this

53:09

woman and like it's down. And like a sparkly.

53:12

Gown and I the whole time with the fuck

53:14

am I wearing the said he idol It's a

53:16

nice thirty second look like a heady you don't

53:18

mean and it made me So we're saying but

53:20

I think sometimes you need moments like. That kind

53:23

of love a lot of was in

53:25

a woman like two feet away. his

53:27

dirty Switzerland you're okay, I'm I'm applying

53:29

as the nearly moral voice was it

53:31

a magazine? your frogs tube top amount

53:33

of a by it was. just as moment

53:35

where it was like i was just embarrassed and i'm

53:37

sure nobody hair and the relax you so really the

53:40

ball and you know. I'm sure nobody thought about

53:42

except me, but I really you know sick now

53:44

you see people show up on stage in pajamas.

53:46

And years? what are you doing you know? But I

53:48

also think as you get old driving for me when

53:50

I was younger, it was, it made a little more

53:52

sense, you know. But now it's kind. Of like I

53:54

really want to convey that. I mean I'm showing

53:56

respect. I do ice, don't wear jeans on states

53:58

anymore. Usually things that. You know

54:01

I were. I have a pair genes I wear my

54:03

like I'm and of sweater but I've come to the

54:05

point now it's my uniform. Sell. His

54:07

I would spend so much time and freakin'

54:09

a hotel. Me where it is reality and

54:12

sunlight. same thing every night. Just.

54:14

Like our takes a load order and ever thought

54:16

about that. But. I wasn't listening.

54:18

A sour note. And

54:21

a soured repeating itself were all guys that are

54:24

going to talk about this a duck's back out

54:26

how his years as as have we have a.

54:29

Month I didn't think you are getting

54:31

some nights me on it of method

54:34

for ha I don't oversell. Ah Legacy

54:36

where cannabis as as I didn't realize

54:38

you give it a deposition. Was

54:41

not authorized to know who's ever

54:43

since I have is already thinking

54:45

about like oh the. Blazer, we did

54:48

Gov Nag ah Israel, I do you bring

54:50

your phone on stage because I was like,

54:52

oh, when I do have a pocket, I

54:54

will break my. Now it's put it on

54:56

a. Stool Kids and at

54:58

the end of so now it feels like you gotta

55:01

do that. Audience shot or like shooting at

55:03

you know to mean sometimes I will bring

55:05

my own. Only does. I don't either, but it

55:07

feels like you gotta do it or else people like. You

55:09

were never there, you are referred by a

55:11

rather a few hundred tired from com any,

55:13

I don't even wanna do I know how

55:15

to do at. Am and Military Council to

55:17

do an eye on Instagram. And you're like

55:19

doing this embarrassing saying cel but you don't

55:22

bring your phone on sets I record with

55:24

it that says but I don't hold it

55:26

up and do to backdrop of the crowd

55:28

where we with the power fails would improperly

55:30

and oh god no none none of that

55:32

then it on you find that the audiences.

55:34

I find the audience has now been trained

55:36

to just yell. At you. Heckling.

55:38

All is an all time high because everyone's

55:40

there and get in your video as the

55:42

tell him I'm not filming. As for my

55:45

mom that says have a cell I try

55:47

to meet the crowd or to die of

55:49

is no place level others size sometimes as

55:51

you guys so's play like a place in

55:53

a guy Tyler was light of thousand of

55:55

his on the line was sold out I

55:57

told them I tim I tears to my

55:59

immediate cycle. You want to take a photo? Pull

56:01

him out. Take a yeah right I do that. I mean

56:03

besides me nuts when I look out my see someone's face.

56:06

Lit by their phone i'm a Miami is

56:08

always the worst I murmured i was performing

56:10

Miami's and shows are always at nine like

56:12

the first shows that Nine in Miami raid

56:15

never and stick on. Blow Sadler mindlessly harding

56:17

their first. So at nine o'clock and nobody's

56:19

girl the audience and was like filming the

56:21

entire show and I. Was. Like doing some new material

56:23

and I was like six and I finally just said to

56:25

them you know they're just I'm just looking at their phone

56:27

the whole south. As a good as mine.

56:29

just like not sell Mayor's. Haven't done this until I got in.

56:31

There were like. Oh, we're not. We're.

56:34

Not sell me you with filming are a

56:36

lot of Up Up Up Up Up Up

56:38

Up Up like the arrogance of the thinking

56:41

that I. Would say a word. Filming

56:43

their gray were filming themselves watching the

56:45

show you around and sars like I

56:47

could never I like I'm so traumatized

56:49

and bears my dad and I will

56:51

never as some of the sub cel

56:53

mean butts. Yeah, don't do that. You

56:56

do that. Your audiences are probably pretty

56:58

now an idle idle. I notice though

57:00

my whole set was up on you

57:02

tube from Las Vegas and resembles a

57:04

lower get a paper call you at

57:06

going as isn't they take it down.

57:08

Yeah. I mean like I have a friend

57:11

who he makes money from Cel mean. Clips from

57:13

football games and putting the money to do

57:15

and then will make the like some add

57:17

money and then we'll take it down right

57:19

away you know in but it's like so

57:21

some people I guess are just trying to

57:23

make money or amount or bercow yeah warm

57:25

Indiana for those usually take them right away

57:27

that on a regular busted out on but

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