1:30

Hey y'all , welcome to the Tree

1:32

Tingz podcast . I'm your girl , Tasia

1:34

Marie .

1:35

I'm Mikaela Ray and I'm Leah .

1:37

And welcome , welcome welcome to

1:39

our podcast . So today we're going

1:41

to be talking about Tree Tingz

1:44

specifically , and those Tree

1:46

Tingz would be relationships

1:48

, these gender norms that

1:50

are currently evolving but still sticking

1:53

somehow some way . And , of

1:55

course , new Year's resolutions , because we've got New

1:57

Year's on the horizon and everybody

1:59

got some goals they try and get to . So

2:02

what should we ?

2:02

kick it off with first . We can start with gender

2:06

roles and how they've

2:08

not necessarily like

2:12

. People want us to like stay in the 1950s

2:15

and it's like 2022 . And

2:19

basically , I'm not

2:21

saying that . I'm not saying certain traditions

2:23

are incorrect or not good to have

2:25

, but women

2:28

are doing a lot more nowadays than they

2:30

were before and they're not necessarily

2:32

they're not bound to the same

2:34

things that they used Like , basically

2:36

like back in the days when women

2:38

weren't allowed to access a bank

2:41

account without having a husband . We're

2:43

not in those times anymore .

2:44

Definitely agree . And , like I always say

2:46

, when it comes to gender as well as sexuality

2:49

, everything is on a spectrum . It's not black

2:51

or white , it's not that little gray

2:53

in between , but that little gray in

2:55

between is what gets us that whole realm of

2:57

everything else . So , yeah , we definitely

3:00

need to start moving forward .

3:02

I was gonna say . I think that I

3:04

feel like that conversation is kind of I

3:08

don't know , it's kind of tired at this point . I see it a lot on Instagram

3:11

too , and people's

3:13

expectations are tied to things

3:16

that are outdated . It's like men

3:18

don't expect much from women except

3:20

for sex and their ability

3:22

to cook and clean . A lot

3:24

of them don't have jobs , so then

3:26

it's women

3:28

who are like well , traditionally men

3:31

have been the providers you guys , paper dates

3:34

and things like that and , like a lot of men are not doing that anymore

3:36

. So it's just like a cesspool of trash and

3:39

it's hard to get

3:42

to a place where there's common ground when people

3:44

have some of these expectations that are

3:46

out of place . So it's an interesting

3:48

like reckoning I think we're coming to

3:50

when it comes to these gender roles and gender norms

3:53

, especially like as it pertains to relationships

3:55

. I think , at the end of the day , people just need to do what works

3:57

for them within their own relationship , like what

4:00

might be outdated for some is not outdated for

4:02

others , and what works for some people

4:04

is not gonna work for other people . I

4:06

think there are plenty of kept women

4:09

. There are plenty of kept men . There

4:11

are plenty of men and women that don't function that way there

4:13

are plenty of people who don't identify as men and women , who

4:15

have a dynamic within their relationship that

4:17

works for them that might not work for other people

4:19

. So I think , at the end of the day

4:22

, like it's really just about what

4:25

works for the parties in that

4:27

relationship , what

4:29

standard they say , and what dynamic they have

4:32

. Like it's really not on anybody

4:34

else to really dictate what

4:37

one group must do

4:39

versus another . I think it just depends on the relationship

4:41

and what works for them .

4:43

So what's

4:45

good for the goose is not always good for

4:47

the gander . Oh Sheila

4:49

.

4:50

And I think everybody has to be on

4:52

the same page , like be on the same page

4:55

about it , like

4:57

within their own relationship

4:59

. And I think sometimes people

5:01

like you go through a process where you're

5:03

dating , you're getting to know each other . Maybe

5:06

certain conversations are not had in the beginning

5:08

and then , when you get serious later

5:11

on , things come up because , like y'all

5:13

never discussed education , you

5:15

never discussed , like , how you wanted your partnership

5:18

to work . There's an unwillingness

5:20

to like , adapt and evolve

5:22

, like , so maybe

5:25

that leads to a breakdown or

5:27

for some people , that leads to

5:29

an awakening , like it's a new

5:31

, newer level

5:34

or evolution in the relationship when you

5:36

have those conversations . So then

5:38

you guys know how to move

5:40

together . You know , like I

5:43

know couples where the woman is the breadwinner and

5:46

the guy is figuring it out . I know

5:48

couples where it's not like that

5:50

, like the woman might be kept at home and

5:52

somebody else might be doing something on the outside

5:55

or whatever the case may be , like

5:57

people understand the function of their own relationship

5:59

and it's like up to them to determine what works

6:01

best .

6:01

So Right

6:04

, what's understood doesn't have to be explained Now

6:09

, but , like going back to the meme

6:12

that I saw , like again

6:14

, it says I want a relationship with no gender

6:16

roles . We both hustlers , we both cook , we

6:19

both clean , we both pay , we're both

6:21

romantic and we both spoil each other

6:23

. Like , first of all

6:25

, open communication is what is lacking

6:27

in a lot of relationships . A lot of us know

6:29

exactly what the fuck we want and what

6:31

we expect out of things , but we go into

6:34

these relationships not really being

6:36

open and honest with ourselves , like

6:38

we're really just infatuated

6:41

with the right here

6:43

and the right now . And

6:45

then , like , when it really boils down

6:47

to it and this is me speaking from

6:49

a personal standpoint , right , just coming out

6:51

of a relationship that I've been in for nine years I

6:54

feel like my thoughts , my

6:56

experiences , like my

6:59

personal values have just grown and evolved

7:01

so much . When we

7:03

have conversations now it's kind of like

7:05

, hey , I'm really you

7:08

never said this , like in the beginning , and I'm

7:10

like , ooh , well , that's a fault of mine , I

7:12

need to open up and communicate

7:14

and express like what I'm feeling , because

7:17

now I'm realizing like well

7:20

, that's for a whole , nother conversation . But

7:22

, yes , open

7:24

communication and honesty like being

7:26

real . If this is the person that you really want

7:28

to vibe with and rock out with , y'all should be able

7:30

to talk about every and anything . And

7:33

sometimes that is not there in the beginning

7:35

and you don't realize it . And then sometimes

7:38

it is there in the beginning and it's

7:40

dope .

7:40

but I was gonna say like that

7:42

could also be . Like when people try to like

7:44

dismiss the red flags that they see

7:47

or they don't want to see . You want to change . Like

7:49

you see so much in the person , you see so much potential

7:51

or whatever it is that you

7:53

overlook , like

7:56

the person might have certain

7:58

bad qualities , that one

8:00

relationship that you will tolerate with them .

8:03

I also think , just going

8:06

back to the whole gender role , gender

8:08

norm thing , like there's nothing to say

8:10

that that has to be maintained

8:14

throughout the entire duration of the relationship

8:16

, as if people don't change and grow . You

8:18

know , like so it's necessary

8:21

within the relationship to reassess

8:23

where things stand

8:25

and what might need to be adjusted

8:28

. And if , whether or

8:30

not folks are on the same page

8:32

or not , like what about

8:34

? This relationship dynamic needs to change

8:37

. Like , do we stay together ? Like

8:39

, is this something we can work through or are there deeper

8:41

things that we need to discuss ? And

8:44

like just thinking about what you said , teja

8:46

, like not like I'm in a relationship right

8:48

now , but one

8:51

thing that I think is so important in

8:53

the beginning is to just like ask

8:55

a lot of questions Like I don't , like

8:58

I love question

9:00

games . I have math skin deep games I

9:02

have we're not really strangers

9:05

and my last like serious dating

9:07

experience in the very beginning even though

9:09

I was unsure a lot throughout that

9:11

relationship In the very beginning , like

9:13

I was really invested

9:16

in getting to know that person Like

9:18

almost every conversation we

9:20

were having , like we were playing a question

9:23

game , and I liked that you

9:26

know he was flexible enough and like willing enough

9:28

to entertain those things with me and

9:31

like go deep with me

9:33

. But I feel like I got to know what

9:35

I'm getting myself into and that's something I always

9:37

haven't done in the past , like I haven't really always

9:39

taken time to really get to know someone

9:42

as much as I possibly can . You're not always going to know

9:44

everything about someone , but I really haven't

9:46

in the past . But like I've

9:49

invested enough time really

10:45

getting to know people before I make a

10:47

decision about whether or not I want to commit to them . That's

10:50

something I'm like overly intentional

10:52

about now . And I love the question

10:54

decks that I have , because they have questions

10:56

like that . Like one of the questions

10:58

in one of the skin deep games like the dating

11:01

version is like what

11:03

is your view on gender roles ? Like , how

11:05

does that apply in the relationship

11:08

? You know it poses

11:10

questions like that so that on the

11:12

onset you get a better understanding

11:14

of where that person's at and what they're thinking

11:16

and whether or not that aligns with what

11:19

you think and what you feel and you guys can have a conversation

11:21

about it . So I

11:24

say all that to say that it's important

11:26

to like dig a

11:28

little deep in the beginning and

11:30

also throughout , because people change and they grow

11:33

. But I agree with that .

11:34

And it just brought something actually up . Like

11:37

I just thought of something . I feel like people

11:39

do need to communicate , as I said , but like

11:41

sometimes the dynamics do change , in

11:43

that there's like , basically

11:45

I know that there's a woman and she has four

11:48

children and basically

11:50

she's the breadwinner , her husband does not cook

11:53

, he does not clean , he just stays home all

11:55

day and like baby , basically baby sits , but

11:58

I know that she resents

12:00

him for that . And it's

12:02

like , as opposed to just telling him , hey , we

12:04

need to change the dynamics , maybe you

12:07

need to , basically you need

12:09

to do something to be more productive in this relationship

12:11

it's just like she just takes it out on everybody

12:13

else . That's tough

12:15

.

12:16

I mean , things definitely do evolve and change . I

12:19

would say I'm not even gonna

12:21

lie at the beginning of my past

12:24

relationship , or just my last

12:26

relationship , like I more

12:29

so wanted to be like the breadwinner

12:31

and like the

12:33

lead , I guess , so

12:36

to say and this is

12:38

also me being in the same sex relationship . But

12:40

as the relationship progressed

12:43

, like I kind of evolved

12:45

and I was like , well damn , I don't always wanna be

12:47

in the lead . Like I wanna

12:49

be told like okay , we're

12:52

going here at five o'clock today . Like

12:54

be dressed . Or I don't wanna

12:56

be the one that's always making the plans . Or

12:58

like setting everything . Like

13:00

that gets very monotonous

13:03

. Like I would love to be submissive

13:05

. Like tell me what the fuck we're doing . Like

13:08

tell my ass , get dressed . Tell

13:10

me , go to the fucking the bedroom and do this . I

13:13

don't always want to be the one that's

13:15

taking the lead . So like that

13:17

definitely has changed . And then when you're thinking

13:19

of same sex relationships too , it's

13:22

very non-traditional in

13:24

a sense of gender roles . Like I hate

13:26

when you run into people and

13:28

they're like well , who's the male and who's the female ? Well

13:31

, first of all , bitch , we're both females

13:33

, so

13:35

let's get that out the window . Secondly

13:38

, like why does there have to be a role , like both

13:40

of us should be bringing the same

13:42

thing to the table ? Yeah

13:44

, like I , just sometimes I do wanna

13:47

take the lead and then sometimes I do wanna fall back

13:49

and like watch you take the lead . So

13:51

, having that equality , yeah

13:54

, like an evolving in that sense , and not

13:56

being able to communicate and express that to your

13:58

partner , like that really leads

14:00

to the breakdown of the relationship

14:03

, cause either you're gonna keep it in and then

14:05

just fucking explode when

14:07

they put the ketchup on the wrong shelf

14:09

in the fridge oh no , or

14:12

yeah , random shit or you're just gonna

14:15

like have those conversations along the way

14:17

, like I find

14:19

that now we're having

14:21

more of these tougher conversations

14:24

, now that we're not in a relationship , more

14:26

so than we did like when we were reaching

14:28

the end of our relationship . For

14:31

me , us not being together now

14:33

it makes sense to me because for the past two

14:35

years we've essentially been like best friends

14:37

. You know what I'm saying , sure , but

14:39

again , I have evolved in my

14:41

thought process . I cannot exactly

14:44

tell you where she

14:46

is , but communication

14:48

, communication

14:51

is key .

14:52

Yeah , definitely I

14:54

was laughing like shit at the ketchup example

14:57

, like who was the ketchup

14:59

on the wrong shit ? Cause I really knew me those tiny

15:02

things . No legit Stenual

15:04

Like when you have that

15:06

resentment and stuff filled up . It's the smallest

15:09

dump of shit that we say .

15:10

Legit though .

15:11

And I'm like I mean , I feel like it's kind of a talk

15:13

to laugh , but I

15:17

can't help it Like

15:19

I'm laughing cause I can't relate so big . You have a

15:21

problem , Like

15:25

even when you were

15:27

talking , I think about

15:29

like a lead , Like taking turns

15:31

being a lead or other case maybe . And

15:33

my last dating situation

15:36

I want to call it full relationship . We didn't get to that point

15:38

, we were just dating for like a while .

15:41

And .

15:41

I was trying to figure out whether or not I wanted to commit to them

15:43

. But one thing that came up for

15:45

me is like we would both

15:47

have like date ideas and stuff

15:49

, but he

15:52

would put a lot on me to like plan

15:54

and figure out logistics and stuff . And

15:56

I know , like that's my personality

15:59

, like I am a planner , I don't do all

16:01

of this organization and stuff , so like I have

16:04

to kind of do that , but it doesn't

16:06

mean that I always want to be the one to do

16:08

it Right . So

16:11

it's , I started building instead of just communicating , like

16:13

hey , I need you to figure some stuff out

16:15

sometimes . Like I started building up some resentment

16:17

to the point

16:20

where over dumb shit .

16:22

I , you know , flipped out a little . God

16:25

damn that nigga blinked too much . The

16:28

fuck , yeah . Basically , like

16:31

you know why the fuck

16:33

are you breathing so hard , bitch ?

16:36

So wait . So I

16:39

think ultimately like yeah

16:41

, it was something dumb , I don't really irritated

16:43

and we had a moment , we

16:46

had a conversation after , and

16:48

the whole time he was thinking

16:50

he's like I know you like to plan , so I thought you

16:53

wanted to do that . If that was not the

16:55

case , all you had to do is tell me Right

16:57

. And I was just

17:00

sitting there like oh

17:02

, like , damn it , unhealthy

17:05

communication Again , like

17:08

figure it out

17:10

, you know . So I definitely think

17:12

there's some like valuable moments and lessons

17:14

from that . But I

17:17

can relate to I

17:19

forget what it's called Like I'm not a therapist or

17:21

a psychologist , whatever the case is . I think it's called like withholding

17:24

or something , because withholding will

17:26

withholding in a relationship

17:28

, like when you're not communicating your needs or that like

17:30

a boundary has crossed or something it

17:32

will lead to resentment and the

17:34

resentment will grow and if you

17:37

don't get that under control , like it

17:39

will ultimately contribute to

17:41

the like destruction of the relationship

17:43

. So doing it too

17:45

much and for too long is

17:48

not healthy For you like

17:50

holding all of that , but also not

17:53

for your partner either , you know .

17:55

I feel like , first

17:57

of all , no relationship is perfect . No one

17:59

person is ever gonna give you 100% of

18:01

what you want . Whoever

18:03

you decide to take that journey with , you're

18:05

deciding to take that journey because you

18:08

know that person embodies maybe

18:11

a majority of what you

18:14

want . But one person is never going

18:16

to be 100% of every

18:18

single thing that you want and need . But

18:22

having those

18:24

conversations like in the beginning

18:26

, like I wish

18:29

we had more open

18:31

conversation shit , I wish this skin

18:33

deep games were around at

18:36

the beginning of our relationship , because those

18:38

are actually some pretty deep thought

18:40

provoking questions to ask , even

18:43

when you're just getting to know each other . Right

18:45

, because that can be determined like oh shit

18:47

, or it'll make you dive a little deeper

18:49

in . But Having

18:51

that open communication and not having

18:54

any expectations like my whole

18:56

purpose of breaking up and

18:58

getting rid of labels was because of

19:00

the expectations . When

19:03

you put a label on something , you're expecting

19:05

shit . So now that you're in a relationship

19:08

, you're expecting that that person is

19:10

going to be this

19:12

and do this . And

19:14

if they weren't doing that prior to y'all

19:16

getting into a relationship , why do you think it's going

19:18

to happen once you put that title on ? So

19:21

getting rid of those titles

19:23

on relinquishing expectations

19:25

and just like really enjoying the person

19:28

for who they are . You can really

19:30

help lead and build to something even better

19:32

. But also making sure that you're having

19:34

those deep , those deep conversations

19:37

is shit .

19:39

Sometimes I go into a rabbit hole with my thoughts

19:42

and I be like I should really say this , but

19:44

I don't know if

19:46

I really want to go there or

19:48

if I want to have that conversation , but

19:51

I think sometimes

19:53

it's necessary , like , regardless of

19:55

if you heard somebody's feelings yes or no , like you

19:57

need to get it off your chest Because

20:00

, I mean , I'm probably the worst person to say this

20:02

, because I have a tendency of like repressing

20:04

how I feel , just to like , please somebody else

20:07

, but what's

20:09

?

20:09

your size .

20:10

I'm a Scorpio , I

20:16

mean we're all water signs , so Okay

20:24

, well , technically you're almost like you're like a various

20:27

, those like it should have been in the water , but you

20:29

know it just didn't happen . That way I

20:33

have a tendency of repressing how I feel just to make sure

20:35

somebody else is good , and

20:37

I ended up getting very upset . Either I

20:39

get overwhelmed or I get like frustrated

20:41

, so like it's not really

20:43

good to like get it off your chest so the other person

20:45

can know how you feel .

20:49

Basically , I feel like we slowly but

20:51

surely just headwayed into relationships

20:53

.

20:55

I think we've been talking about relationships . Yeah

20:57

, pretty much I feel like it's

20:59

just been a blend of generals and nice

21:01

, large , but

21:04

what I was thinking before

21:07

is like what you were saying

21:09

to me about like titles and stuff . It's

21:11

, I feel , like it's on the people involved

21:14

to decide that , like how you

21:16

made a decision about what works for

21:18

for you , you know

21:20

, and for people who do

21:22

want titles , like for people who prefer

21:25

that , to like to have a relationship

21:27

, like coming to an understanding about what

21:29

you mean by that . Like , and I think

21:31

also even in just like

21:34

outside of marriage because I've heard this a

21:36

lot with , like , married people talking

21:39

about or unmarried people talking

21:41

about defining what marriage

21:43

means to them , what a

21:45

husband means to them , what a wife means that

21:47

, what a spouse means to them , and

21:50

like understanding all parties

21:53

, understanding of what those

21:55

terms mean and what value

21:58

they hold , so that people

22:00

are not having that conversation and

22:02

then they are getting married and then

22:04

the expectation creeps in and it's

22:06

like , hey , but we never discussed that . I

22:09

don't think that's what a spouse is Right

22:12

. Oh , really like why you

22:14

have that conversation after the break

22:16

. Yeah , they didn't talk

22:18

about that beforehand and continue

22:20

to talk about it because , like we've said before , like

22:22

relationships evolve and they change

22:24

and people grow . I don't know if it's a direct

22:27

quote , but I've seen something before

22:29

where it's like in

22:32

a relationship , depending on the length of the

22:34

relationship , you're going to meet

22:36

like 10 people maybe . You

22:38

know like if y'all have been together for decades

22:40

, like the person you're with in the beginning

22:42

might not be the same person 60 years

22:45

later , like so , and

22:47

there's no requirement that

22:49

relationships like last

22:52

, you know , like sometimes they end

22:55

one in

22:57

one capacity but they might start in

22:59

another you know , like . It's up to the

23:01

people involved to define what their relationship looks

23:03

like for them and how , if and how they show

23:05

up in each other's lives , like outside

23:08

of , like a romantic capacity

23:10

, you know .

23:12

But I completely agree , though I

23:14

agree too . Yeah

23:17

, people definitely evolve . I

23:19

feel as though throughout the course of our relationship

23:21

I've all a lot like

23:23

I hate to say it and I've said it all

23:26

the time throughout our relationship , but I feel like monogamy

23:29

is unnatural . I'm not saying

23:31

that coming from a , I

23:34

ain't cheat on nobody or nothing

23:36

, but monogamy

23:38

is very unnatural , and I say

23:40

that because one person

23:43

is not going to give you everything

23:45

you need . But if

23:48

you are in a relationship with this person , y'all have

23:50

those conversations right . Maybe you're in

23:52

a relationship with someone who doesn't necessarily

23:55

like to do certain

23:57

things that you'd like to do , okay

23:59

, hopefully y'all have an understanding and you're able

24:01

to do the things that you'd like to do with you

24:04

know someone who may like

24:06

that . Or y'all find some kind of

24:08

equal balance . I don't know . You grow

24:10

. I feel like I've become a bit more open

24:13

as my

24:15

last relationship grew and

24:18

the more open that I became . I

24:21

think I became a little too open for my ex

24:23

. So again , like at the beginning

24:25

of our relationship , I was just like , oh no

24:28

, it's just me and you . And

24:30

then , as the year started to progress , I was like , oh , okay , well

24:32

, it would be kind of cool to add someone let's

24:34

, let's try a little , three some . But

24:37

it was like that little , that little , you

24:39

know , add a little bit of salt here , and we're

24:41

not going to talk about it again . And then a few months later

24:43

, oh okay , three some . And

24:46

then it just turned into like a oh

24:48

, I'm more open , go ahead

24:50

.

24:51

I was going to say does that you were

24:53

in a like a long term relationship ? Does

24:55

that like dynamic ? Did that dynamic

24:57

happen ? Because , like y'all got I don't say bored

24:59

of each other , but like a

25:02

custom to each other .

25:05

I would say yes , yes

25:08

, a custom , and also like

25:10

, remember , one person is not

25:12

necessarily going to give you 100 . Yeah

25:14

, so just

25:16

something different . But again , people are

25:18

on different pages . True , it

25:21

is what it is .

25:23

I think that goes back to the

25:26

importance of making sure that

25:28

you Are you checking yes

25:32

, check in with in your relationship . But like just going

25:34

back on what he just said about , like

25:36

Someone is not going to give you a hundred percent

25:38

of what you need all the time . You know like you

25:40

have to have your own like friends and

25:42

life and hobbies and stuff outside

25:45

of the relationship , because if you're

25:47

putting all of that on the relationship you're

25:49

bound to be like , unhappy

25:51

, like . I don't know any , anyone any

25:54

relationship that gets everything they need just

25:56

from their partner . I don't know that that

25:59

exists . So that's

26:01

why a lot of people say it's important to like maintain

26:04

your life outside of that , like have your friends

26:06

. Don't don't like lose your friends

26:08

just because you're in a relationship like you

26:10

know , like have your interests

26:12

and your hobbies and stuff to do . Like McKaylee

26:16

, you were saying the other day , like you

26:18

know , or was it I

26:20

think it was you and Kayla or Tasia . What do y'all think ?

26:23

I have poor memories . We've established

26:25

this .

26:26

But we were talking about how , like the

26:29

pandemic has been especially hard on people

26:31

in relationships because a lot of people have been

26:33

forced Inside just with their partner

26:35

, like they've lost Access

26:38

to , like during this time you

26:40

know , with places closing and restrictions

26:42

about , you know who can get in , whatever the case may be

26:44

like people may have lost

26:46

access to some of their hobbies , like they may

26:48

not have been able to go see their friends and talk to

26:50

their friends . It's often you know like a lot of people have just

26:53

been With their partner

26:55

like , yeah , unhealthy amount

26:57

of time , like too much time

26:59

and like Some relationships

27:02

have survived that and

27:04

like evolve like it was a test

27:06

for them and they moved a different direction

27:08

. And for other people , they had an awakening

27:10

and they realized okay , actually , maybe

27:14

this doesn't work , maybe I need

27:16

something different , you know .

27:17

So , um , that sounds kind of familiar

27:19

. That's like maybe we were talking about the

27:21

situation with Megan good and her husband .

27:24

Oh yeah , that's what we were talking about

27:26

.

27:26

Yeah , I love so , just

27:29

to kind of take it off , but I love the statement

27:31

that she released after . Yeah

27:34

, she said statement was so beautiful . Oh

27:38

, they both posted the same thing . Yeah , I love

27:40

it because both of them on their Instagram . They

27:42

posted a picture with them together

27:45

. Um , of course , their backs were turned

27:47

. So basically , she was just saying after

27:49

much prayer and consideration , we've decided

27:51

to go into our future separately , but

27:53

forever connected . We celebrate almost

27:55

a decade of marriage together and I love that's

27:57

eternal . There's no one at fault . We

27:59

believe this is the next best chapter in the evolution

28:02

of our love . We're incredibly grateful

28:04

for the life-changing years We've spent together as

28:06

husband and wife . We're also extremely

28:09

thankful to God for the testimony being created

28:11

inside us both and for blessing

28:13

our lives with each other . Like

28:15

that's so dope . That is such an amicable

28:18

Like parting , yeah

28:21

, like that . And I feel like

28:23

that's how all and

28:25

like . All endings do not have to be detrimental . It

28:27

doesn't have to be a oh , I fucking hate you . I hope

28:29

you die . I'm gonna burn your PlayStation

28:31

5 . Like it should

28:34

never be that way . I love the way how

28:36

it was just real , like serene . Like look

28:38

, we've run our course . Just because

28:40

you're in a relationship With someone for

28:42

over five years , over Eight

28:45

years , over ten years , twelve years , twenty

28:47

years , does not mean that you all have

28:49

to stay together for the rest of your life . Yeah

28:51

, and society just has it ingrained

28:53

on us . Oh my god , oh yeah , I've been together for so

28:55

long . When are you getting married ? When are you having kids

28:58

? When are you doing this ? Like no

29:00

, as a society , we need to chill . Like

29:02

let people do them . People

29:04

who've been together for like 20 years , no marriage certificate

29:07

in sight , and they have the best relationship

29:09

ever . And then there are some people who've been together

29:11

for like a few months and they get married and they

29:13

get divorced within my

29:16

parents . Like

29:18

just to let people do them . I think

29:20

we're too worried about what

29:22

the outside is going to

29:24

think and what the outside is

29:26

going to say .

29:28

But sadly enough , the people that are outside

29:30

are usually the most miserable . Like it's usually

29:32

like you're drunk on that has

29:34

never been married saying . Oh what are you

29:36

having kids ? What are you doing this

29:38

? How's college going ? Purge , you didn't get that

29:40

job you want . Like shut up , bitch

29:42

Roto , like

29:46

go find your , your , your deadbeat baby daddy

29:48

, and leave me alone , oh shit .

29:51

But for real , though , we need to learn to do things on

29:53

our own terms , like I Don't

29:56

know , and every breakup does not

29:58

have to be horrible . It can be

30:00

amicable . You can still be friends with your

30:02

ex . Sure , everything

30:04

can still be copa static .

30:06

There's a page that I like on Instagram

30:08

. I think her name is Ashley Stempo

30:10

or something like that , um

30:12

, and she made a post

30:14

after Megan and Devon

30:17

whatever his name is . Yeah they announced

30:19

their divorce and

30:21

she was talking about how , like a , a

30:24

successful marriage does not

30:26

have to be tied to people staying together

30:28

. Sometimes the successful marriage is one that

30:31

ends like if you realize

30:33

the relationship is not working for

30:35

you in that capacity , it's perfectly

30:37

okay To end it and it

30:39

has no bearing on whether or not the

30:42

marriage was a quote . Unquote success

30:44

Like . There are plenty

30:46

of people who look at relationships

30:48

where marriages last , like

30:50

our grandparents' marriages last

30:52

.

30:53

But to our generation .

30:55

Sometimes , when we look at our grandparents , it's like ehh , I

30:58

don't know if I want that . Had

31:00

it been a different day and a different era for y'all

31:03

, we're not sure that y'all would

31:05

have been together this long . You know what I'm saying , Like so- .

31:09

She wants to be told . Actually , my grandmother had said

31:11

that if she was dating in the time

31:13

now she doesn't know if she would have gotten married

31:15

. Like cause , this generation is different

31:18

.

31:18

I think it's just like we have to redefine

31:21

what we and to ourselves

31:24

Like I'm not talking about like one

31:26

that a one standard that the

31:28

whole society holds . Like we have to define

31:30

to ourselves like what a healthy

31:32

quote , unquote successful

31:35

relationship looks like . Like

31:38

that's not on anyone else to

31:40

define for us . Like

31:42

you know what I'm saying , so- .

31:45

I think we just need to get out of our heads , like , get

31:47

out of these societal norms

31:49

and get out of these societal roles

31:51

. Stop worrying about what other people think

31:54

. Love who you want , love them how the fuck

31:56

you want to love . Do whatever

31:58

y'all want to do , as long as you understand

32:00

, within your relationship with that person

32:02

, what y'all are doing and

32:05

what's permissible and what's

32:07

not . What's understood does not have

32:09

to be explained to any others . All

32:12

right , oh yeah , new Year's resolutions , new

32:14

Year's goals . What are y'all working on for this New Year's

32:16

, ladies ?

32:18

Just paying off my debts and trying

32:20

to find better situations to be in Fuck

32:23

depths . Yeah

32:26

, she wanna tell Joe bye . Give

32:29

me my $10,000 , motherfucker

32:31

.

32:32

Bang my arm , Okay

32:37

. Paying off debts okay , yeah

32:39

.

32:40

What are the goals ? Oh , those , that's really

32:42

it as of right now .

32:44

What goals you got , Leah , I

32:47

think for me . I

32:49

saw something the other day that was just like

32:51

exactly the way

32:54

you're saying it , like think about it as goals

32:56

, because a lot of times resolutions

32:58

fail and

33:01

don't work out . But I think my goal

33:03

for next year is to

33:05

I don't know continue to

33:07

try to get in

33:09

this shape that I would like to get into , making

33:12

it day by day and

33:14

like making progress as

33:17

I can . Not every day is great

33:19

, but

33:21

when . I have the motivation

33:24

to like eat , write and work out . I

33:26

will . So that's one

33:28

. And surviving another year

33:30

of this pandemic , because I feel like I don't

33:32

know what 2022 is gonna hold

33:34

, but it's not starting off great right now

33:37

. But still hoping that

33:39

you know there will be opportunities to

33:41

explore and like be

33:44

in my soul through travel when I can

33:46

and I think I

33:49

don't know . Just being open to

33:51

receiving like good

33:53

things , like opportunities

33:55

, work wise , open

33:57

to like healthy love and relationships

34:00

. Yeah , just just being

34:02

open to those things . I think my goal is just

34:04

to be open , because I'm not , I haven't

34:06

always been open , so there's

34:09

that I love it what about you , Teja .

34:12

So my biggest

34:14

goal of next year is to

34:16

dive more into

34:18

my creativity bag . This

34:21

year I really let that go , and

34:24

the past like three days

34:26

I've been working on this big ass canvas

34:29

and I fucking love it and

34:31

it really brought back like all of my little creative

34:34

juices . So my goal for 2022

34:37

is to make sure that I'm being

34:39

a bit more creative and actually

34:41

trying to hone in on my side

34:44

hustles , because I can make money

34:46

off of my creativity and

34:48

, you know , hopefully get the fuck

34:51

out of the classroom . But

34:53

that's definitely one of my goals to just tap

34:56

back into my creative side

34:59

. And there are like

35:01

one or two ventures that I

35:03

really need to start mapping

35:06

out , like putting it into

35:08

an actual plan . So I'm

35:11

going to get that done by March , and

35:14

I still want to have this baby Wait

35:17

what ? Yeah

35:20

, you know a little human

35:23

person thing . So

35:26

that is one of my potential

35:28

goals . But I also want to travel and like live my

35:30

best life . I don't know if I want to broke

35:32

best friend to travel on my hip with me every time

35:34

I go out of town . So

35:38

we'll see .

35:40

So what do you want to have ? I want a boy

35:42

.

35:44

I would love a boy , but

35:46

, you know , as long as it's a healthy

35:48

, happy baby

35:50

, it

35:53

is just the best version of

35:55

me , which I know probably

35:57

won't be .

35:57

But you know , are you looking into donors

36:00

or I am . Okay

36:02

, I was going to say , is it going to be like a friend

36:05

situation to our best , like you know that you can

36:07

have like an , not an attachment , but like

36:09

they can develop , or like maybe an uncle

36:11

. Yeah , yeah , son

36:13

bond .

36:14

I don't know . Yeah , I

36:16

have like a few actual donors online

36:19

that I have in my cart

36:21

, whatever . Okay , oh

36:23

, yeah , yeah , yeah , and

36:25

, of course , to travel more . I just want to be the

36:27

fuck out of here . But with this , oh Marion

36:29

Byron , I don't know , I mean

36:31

variance . I said , oh , marion Byron

36:34

, or Marion .

36:37

The way that he was at mean this year and went

36:39

from like that that one day he

36:42

had to now he's like associated

36:45

with Corona . I mean he's

36:47

right , he ain't saying nothing yet . At

36:49

least he's straight , yes .

36:51

I think with that .

36:54

I think , yeah , that was that

36:58

was our episode .