1:30

Do it scared , do it alone

1:32

, feel the fear and do it

1:34

anyway . We talked a little bit about

1:36

that in the previous

1:38

episode with Jeanette Anderson

1:41

when it comes to entrepreneurship , but

1:43

I think that advice is true for so

1:45

many things in life To

1:48

do it scared , do it alone

1:50

, feel the fear and

1:52

do it anyway . It

1:59

alone , feel the fear and do it anyway . Recently , I went to an event that I found

2:01

out about online , on social media , and it was called you Deserve

2:03

Flower Sis by

2:06

Be Free , my Love , and it

2:08

was such a sweet event down

2:10

in Harlem in a park , and

2:13

we had the opportunity all

2:16

of the attendees to paint

2:18

vases and adorn them however

2:20

we wanted to , and then assemble our

2:22

own small bouquets , and

2:25

we had an opportunity to

2:27

learn more about each other , more

2:29

about some of the folks

2:31

who showed up to share art or

2:34

share products and services

2:36

, and it was such a sweet event and I

2:39

went on my own and I

2:42

was nervous about going on my own . I'm always

2:44

nervous a little bit when I do things by

2:46

myself , but once I get there and I settle into

2:48

it , I'm fine and it was so beautiful

2:51

and I had the opportunity to connect with

2:53

some new people , some

2:55

of whom I've been able to stay

2:57

connected with in some capacity since that

2:59

event and it's been really

3:01

, really nice . And that was

3:03

something that I did , scared

3:05

, and I did alone and I did anyway

3:08

, had

3:15

to think to myself and remind myself . There are so many instances where I've done things

3:18

alone and done them anyway in my life , just being open

3:20

to doing it , despite feeling a little

3:22

bit nervous . I've

3:24

done a bunch of things . I remember one

3:26

time , one summer

3:28

I want to say

3:31

maybe it was 2017

3:33

, 2018 . I

3:36

can't even remember at this point . My brain and

3:38

time like many people

3:40

since 2020 , is so skewed it's

3:44

hard for me to remember certain timelines

3:46

. But yeah , there was this

3:48

event called Currency Conversations

3:51

that I think Chase Bank , in

3:53

partnership with another group group , was putting

3:55

on and Angela

3:57

Simmons was there as a guest speaker and I found out

3:59

about it and it was especially during a season

4:02

where I was really interested in learning more about

4:04

just budgeting and investing and

4:06

saving . I went on

4:08

my own . I

4:10

got dressed up because I was like this is an extra

4:13

black affair . I know everybody's

4:15

going to be showing up dressed to the nines , so

4:17

let me put on the best dress I have

4:19

. That was in my like I

4:22

was about to say bald-headed scallywag that

4:24

was in my shaved head

4:26

era Like I wore like a really

4:29

, really low cut during

4:31

that time . Confidence during

4:33

that time was on a different level cut during that

4:35

time . Confidence during that time was on a different

4:38

level . So

4:43

I went on my own and it was a really informative event

4:45

. I went to that event and then I

4:47

took myself out to dinner after I went to a vegan restaurant in Harlem

4:50

and sat down by myself and ate

4:52

and at first it was uncomfortable

4:54

because I thought people were gonna be looking at me and

4:57

whatever , but nobody was paying me any attention . Actually

5:00

, two women

5:02

who were sitting at a table next to me got

5:05

my attention to tell me that they really liked

5:07

my dress and that I looked really nice . And , da-da-da

5:09

, I don't know if they were just doing that because it was genuine

5:12

or maybe they felt bad for me because I was by myself

5:14

. Either way , I really

5:16

loved that moment and that compliment

5:19

. So I definitely took it . But

5:28

I felt proud of myself after

5:30

for doing it , scared and doing it alone and doing it anyway , once

5:35

upon a time when I was looking for just more connection and more folks who

5:38

were interested in reading as much as I was reading at the time

5:40

. I'm definitely not

5:42

reading to the level that

5:44

I was at that time

5:46

Still reading , currently

5:49

working my way through two

5:51

books , but at

5:53

that time I had sought out a book club and

5:56

a New York chapter of a book

5:58

club and that was something

6:00

I showed up to the first event alone

6:02

and I don't remember what

6:04

all transpired at that time

6:07

. But somehow myself and

6:09

another book club member ended up

6:11

becoming the leaders of the New York

6:13

chapter . So we were organizing the events

6:15

, like we were doing the social media for the

6:17

New York chapters Instagram , like all

6:19

kinds of stuff and eventually

6:22

that it

6:25

just became something I didn't want

6:27

it to be anymore , like I didn't join

6:29

it to like lead

6:31

a chapter of it . I joined

6:33

it because I wanted to be a participant and

6:36

I started losing that

6:39

ability to be a participant

6:41

because I was so busy being an organizer

6:43

for it . So I eventually stepped

6:45

away from that . But in the beginning

6:47

, when I first went and I first went to one of the events

6:49

, I was going as a

6:52

participant and I went to that alone

6:55

and I feel like that experience was

6:58

definitely valuable for what it was in

7:00

all capacities , not just reading

7:03

but also connecting with other women . In the group

7:05

I had hosted an event . One

7:07

of the events that we organized was me just hosting

7:09

it at my place and doing a vision

7:11

board event with many

7:14

of the women , among several

7:16

other events , and I

7:18

think it taught me what it needed to teach me

7:20

. But I went from

7:23

joining and doing it scared

7:25

and alone and feeling the fear of

7:27

doing it anyway , to growing

7:29

within that chapter of that book club

7:31

at the time until I stepped away from it . So

7:33

I think about that a lot . And

7:37

another time I remember

7:39

that there was this performance

7:42

at the Lincoln Center called Under

7:44

Siege and it was a modern

7:48

spin or reenactment

7:50

of Farewell my Concubine

7:53

. It was part of a mostly Mozart

7:55

festival . At the time I

7:57

think I had wanted to do it with someone

7:59

or go with someone , but for whatever reason it couldn't

8:01

work out . But I was . I didn't let that deter

8:03

me . I was so determined that I wanted to see it , so

8:06

I went by myself . The

8:08

good thing about that is , you know , during

8:11

the performance it's it's dark out

8:13

in the crowd , like nobody could really see that I

8:15

was there alone . It was a little bit uncomfortable

8:17

because the audience wasn't that diverse , you

8:20

know , age wise

8:22

or race wise , like it was a pretty

8:24

specific crowd that was there . And then here

8:27

came my self

8:30

showing up

8:32

to enjoy it . But I'm glad that

8:34

I did that for myself . I'm glad that I went

8:36

alone and that I did it

8:38

scared and I did it anyway . It was such an incredible

8:40

performance Moved me to tears by

8:42

the end . I was so in awe

8:45

of the performers

8:47

, the dancers , the actors and

8:49

artists who worked to

8:51

put that together . It still has an

8:53

impact on me . I'll never forget that experience

8:55

. I still have pictures and video

8:59

from the end of it , where they come

9:01

out for their bows and

9:03

everything from the audience . Like I

9:05

still have that . It's a memory that still lives me

9:07

and that's another example of me doing

9:10

it scared and doing it alone and doing

9:12

it anyway . Another

9:15

literal example of doing it

9:17

scared and doing it alone anyway I think

9:19

about is at a former

9:21

organization I was part

9:24

of a racial equity working

9:26

group and at that time it

9:30

was around the time when the Peace

9:32

and Justice Memorial in

9:34

Alabama was opening O'Brien

9:36

Stevenson , who does a

9:38

lot of work around

9:41

just getting

9:43

people exonerated and off

9:45

a death row who are wrongly accused and wrongly

9:47

convicted in

9:50

Alabama and beyond was

9:52

doing that work . Some

9:54

of you might remember the movie Just Mercy

9:56

where Michael B Jordan

9:58

plays Brian Stevenson in that

10:00

movie . Anyway

10:03

, it was around when the Peace and Justice Memorial was

10:05

opening . So there was the museum and

10:08

the actual memorial and

10:10

as part of that racial equity working group

10:12

, I had the opportunity to go to

10:14

the opening ceremony for that , which was just

10:16

phenomenal and incredible

10:19

. It was a very short turnaround

10:21

, which was just phenomenal

10:23

and incredible . It was a very short turnaround Because of the flight home that I had chosen . I wouldn't

10:25

have been able to participate with a

10:27

bunch of folks who were going to go to Selma

10:29

, and I

10:32

was determined that , even if I couldn't go with the group

10:34

, I was still going to go to Selma and nobody

10:36

was going to tell me anything . I took it

10:38

upon myself to rent a car , of course on the company's

10:40

dime . I got the rental

10:42

and I was going to drive

10:45

myself out to Selma and

10:47

at the time I really didn't think

10:49

about anything , despite

10:51

being in that group , despite my lived experience

10:54

and knowing how the world operates , despite

10:57

the fact that once upon a time I lived in Arkansas

10:59

, once upon a time I lived

11:01

in Florida , I forgot completely

11:03

forgot in the moment , that I was

11:05

in the deep South . So

11:08

, whereas people had genuine

11:10

concerns for me renting

11:12

the car and driving out there by myself

11:15

, I was so stubborn

11:17

and just in my head that I

11:19

couldn't even I couldn't think

11:21

about that in the time . I can only think about it now , in

11:23

hindsight , and I don't like people telling me

11:25

what to do . So everyone was like

11:28

you really shouldn't , someone should at least go

11:30

with you ? And I was just like no , if no one can go like

11:32

if I can't join the group , I'm still going to go , like

11:34

I don't care , I'm going to go , and I was very defiant about it , and

11:37

I was going to go by myself . Fortunately

11:40

, though , and luckily for me , my

11:50

dear friend Angela , who was also on the trip , ultimately we went together . It worked out

11:52

that we were able to go with each other . We had a time , and

11:54

I bring that example up because

11:56

I was going to do it scared

11:59

, and I was going to do it alone

12:01

. I was going to do it alone , and I was a little nervous about it , but

12:03

ultimately I didn't have to , you

12:05

know , and it turned

12:07

out being an incredible experience and

12:09

an incredible memory that I really

12:11

treasure with my friend Angela , that

12:13

we were able to do that and have that experience

12:16

together . To go to Selma to

12:18

see what it looks like now , to think

12:21

about the history and the significance of

12:23

that place , to walk across the Edmund

12:26

Pettus Bridge where Bloody

12:28

Sunday occurred , and to have

12:30

that experience together was just so

12:32

impactful and so meaningful

12:35

and an experience and a memory

12:37

that I'll just never forget . I

12:39

think another example of doing it scared

12:42

and doing it alone , doing it anyway in my personal

12:44

life was going on my first real

12:47

solo trip for

12:49

my birthday in 2023

12:52

and doing that trip

12:54

on my own . I ,

13:50

for the most part , felt relatively

13:52

calm . Like a

13:54

lot of times for me , I

13:57

don't know , I don't want to say I don't know Sometimes

14:01

my anxiousness

14:03

around situations or my anxiety around

14:05

situations doesn't manifest

14:08

in like high strongness or agitatedness

14:10

. Sometimes it manifests in like deep

14:13

dissociation and calm . That

14:22

to say that every moment leading up to it I was just kind of going through the motions

14:24

to the point where I was like sitting in my plane seat , like I wasn't feeling excitement per

14:27

se , but I wasn't

14:29

feeling dread . I

14:31

was just like unnaturally

14:33

calm . The excitement didn't hit

14:36

me until we were coming in for the landing

14:38

and I started seeing , you know , just the beautiful

14:41

crystal blue water

14:43

and yeah . But the

14:46

only thing that I felt nervous

14:48

or uncomfortable about in that experience

14:50

was like when I first got

14:52

there and the taxi driver I had

14:55

from the airport to my Airbnb

14:57

asked me like flat out , like oh

15:00

, are you here by yourself ? And I don't , I

15:02

know for sure . Well , I believe

15:05

I know for sure in my body that he didn't

15:07

mean that in a harmful way . He actually ended

15:09

up being my taxi driver for like everything

15:11

the rest of the trip , every restaurant , everything . When

15:14

he directly wasn't available , he would send

15:16

someone else to like , you know , come get me

15:18

and take me places . He

15:21

helped me go on my first tour , like

15:23

everything . But I definitely

15:25

lied at first . I

15:28

was like no , I'm not here on my own , like I'm meeting

15:31

other people , and then eventually I had to

15:33

explain that that wasn't the case but for

15:35

safety reasons , like I didn't want to tell

15:37

this person I didn't know like right off the bat . That

15:40

was the only time I really felt a

15:42

little cringe

15:44

. Eating on my own wasn't

15:47

as difficult as

15:49

I think I might have anticipated . There's

15:51

no requirements to have conversation

15:53

. Any waitstaff I had was really

15:55

nice and if

15:58

anyone looked they didn't look for long

16:00

. I didn't really think much

16:02

about what other people were thinking about me eating

16:05

on my own . I just enjoyed my meals

16:07

and settled my bills and dipped , went

16:09

on to the next activity or beach

16:13

time or like whatever I wanted to do

16:15

on my own schedule . But there's

16:18

an aspect of that where there was at

16:20

least a moment of you

16:23

know reality setting in , like hey

16:25

, like you are on your own , like

16:27

think about your safety type thing . But otherwise

16:30

I did it alone and I did it anyway

16:32

and

16:36

it was great and I'm looking forward

16:38

to say that , whether it's business

16:40

or whether it's personal , showing

16:42

up and doing it scared and

16:44

doing it alone and feeling the fear

16:47

and doing it anyway is a

16:49

natural part of life . I

16:51

hope that if there's anything you're contemplating

16:54

for your personal life or maybe for

16:56

your business , that you

16:58

recognize those feelings and

17:00

if it is the right move and the right decision

17:02

for you , you go forth and do it anyway

17:04

. I think there

17:07

is a way to do things

17:09

alone and still find community

17:11

, and I think that's really special and

17:13

important . Don't limit yourself

17:16

from experiences and opportunities

17:18

to connect . If that's what you want

17:20

to do when you show up to certain spaces

17:23

or you move forward with certain plans . But

17:25

if you're also just in a space

17:28

where you have to do

17:30

the thing alone , community is not

17:32

a part of that decision or not

17:35

a part of the end goal . You're doing something

17:37

alone for yourself , in

17:39

your personal life or for your business

17:41

, that you really sit with those thoughts

17:43

and those feelings and you move forward and

17:45

you do it anyway , especially if it's

17:47

something that will help to bring

17:50

you to the place that you want

17:52

to be Personally

17:54

, even if that's trying a

17:57

new hobby . You might meet

17:59

friends or make friends in pursuing that

18:01

hobby . So don't ever

18:03

discourage yourself

18:06

from that . Even if you go maybe

18:08

with the intention of connecting with someone else , remember

18:10

that the hobby is still for you regardless

18:13

. So even if you do it for that , you're

18:15

still showing up for yourself in that way . I

18:18

think another way that

18:20

I've shown up alone

18:23

and done things anyway is even in volunteering

18:26

. I've done more volunteering work , a lot

18:28

more in the past than , unfortunately

18:30

, I'm doing now , and I

18:32

am wanting to really get

18:35

back into a space where I'm doing more volunteer

18:37

work . But in the past

18:39

I've joined

18:41

groups doing work in school

18:43

. So one time I joined a group

18:45

who was doing some work at a school in Harlem

18:48

where they were painting some walls that needed

18:50

to be painted but also assembling some

18:52

just chairs and tables for

18:54

, like an outdoor area for

18:57

the students , and I randomly

18:59

found out about it and I showed up because I was

19:02

like , oh , this , this seems like something

19:05

meaningful and community centered . I

19:07

want to participate in this . And I

19:09

ended up having a really good time . I actually

19:11

very randomly and ironically

19:13

reconnected with someone I went to like elementary

19:16

school with , which is just not

19:19

in the like a long term reconnection way , but we were

19:21

were very surprised to see each other and we

19:23

had a moment where we were just catching up

19:25

about life and all the things as adults now

19:28

, which was really cool and surprising . But

19:30

also I challenged myself in

19:33

the way of working with

19:35

someone new that I had never

19:37

met before . I ended up getting paired

19:39

with this guy to like help assemble

19:41

a chair and at first

19:43

, despite the fact that I'm like really

19:45

good at assembling things and putting things

19:47

together like furniture and stuff , like I just

19:50

was like , oh , I'll

19:53

let this man do all this

19:56

stuff . I'll just kind of like stand here

19:58

and like help pass

20:00

the pieces of the chair

20:02

and like help with the instructions , because he was really determined

20:05

not to use the instructions . I was like , okay , I'll

20:07

be the instruction person , you'd be the assembly person . But

20:10

we went through the process and we actually shared a lot

20:12

of it . At one point he just kind of like he

20:14

was like get over here , like you use the drill

20:16

, like you do this , like just kind of encouraging

20:19

me to like put

20:23

the instructions down and actually use my hands , and I thought that was nice

20:25

and it made me feel really good

20:27

after having that experience . In

20:30

the past I've worked

20:33

with a group to help assemble

20:35

in bags some small

20:37

meals like sandwiches and chips and stuff

20:39

, and we went out into the city in

20:41

Manhattan and handed out as many

20:43

as we could to people experiencing homelessness

20:46

and it was an opportunity for

20:48

me to connect with other volunteers

20:50

and you know just

20:52

practice speaking with other

20:55

people . But it was also rewarding

20:57

because even if we weren't in that moment

21:00

solving homelessness , we were

21:02

helping people who

21:04

might have been experiencing hunger

21:06

to at least know that

21:09

they had access to a meal that day

21:11

and it was a great way

21:13

to connect with like-minded people

21:15

who were there for the same reason and the same

21:18

purpose , to offer

21:20

the same support , and that

21:22

was interesting . Another instance

21:25

of just showing up on my own but

21:27

finding community to volunteer

21:29

was volunteering one evening

21:31

with a group of folks to build and assemble

21:34

some raised flower beds on

21:36

a an alternative

21:39

like housing space for people

21:41

with varying mental abilities

21:44

. They had a garden that was

21:46

just like overrun , so I

21:48

was able to work with a group of folks to

21:50

clear out that garden , like get

21:52

it down to a manageable level , cut the grass

21:55

, like do all the weeding . And then we all

21:57

worked together to build some raised flower

21:59

beds and , you know , put soil in

22:01

there so that the people living

22:03

in that house could garden

22:05

and grow their own food

22:07

and flowers and vegetables . And

22:10

that was something that was just

22:12

really rewarding . But that was another

22:14

example of me showing up to do something

22:16

on my own , not knowing

22:18

anyone , but coming together

22:20

for a common purpose and a common

22:23

good , to do something meaningful

22:25

and to help people . I

22:27

say all that to say that volunteering is another

22:30

way to do something alone

22:32

and do

22:34

it scared , but have a meaningful impact

22:36

and do it anyway . On

22:39

the other side of that . I volunteered in

22:41

the past in the sense that I

22:43

have a dog my

22:45

doggy stormy girl but I've

22:47

also fostered a dog in the past

22:50

. I've only done

22:52

it once because I was devastated

22:54

by the end of it . I couldn't , you would

22:56

have thought . The dog I fostered died

22:59

the way I was crying when she

23:01

got adopted . Guy

23:06

fostered died the way I was crying when she

23:08

got adopted . I would say I'm emotionally recovered from that now . Obviously

23:10

this was 2021 , going into 2022

23:13

, something like that . I keep thinking

23:15

about fostering again because I

23:17

would love for Stormy

23:19

Girl to have some company . I

23:22

just don't necessarily

23:24

want the responsibility of

23:26

permanently having a second dog

23:28

. So I've thought about fostering as

23:31

a way to like so she can have some engagement

23:33

and play and it will give those

23:35

dogs a break from , you

23:38

know , being in a kennel all the time while

23:41

they're waiting to be adopted . I just haven't

23:43

brought myself to do it , but in the past

23:45

I did do it and I had

23:47

fostered this senior

23:49

Doberman named Honey . I

23:52

don't know anything about Honey's backstory

23:55

. I don't know how she

23:57

ended up . You know , being up for adoption

23:59

when it looked like she was someone

24:01

clearly had her . Some of the

24:04

sorry . Let me take a sip of water y'all

24:06

. Some of the

24:08

staples for that breed even though I

24:10

don't support it because I think it's slow-key , kind of

24:12

cruel are cropping their

24:14

ears and cropping

24:16

their tail . That's

24:18

why sometimes when people see a

24:21

Doberman with their ears not cropped

24:23

and their tail not stubbed , they don't always

24:26

realize it's a Doberman , because a lot of people

24:28

are used to seeing the ears cropped and the tail stubbed

24:30

. But Honey , at

24:32

her age , was moved

24:35

into , you know , a space of

24:38

needing to be adopted and her ears

24:40

were cropped and her tail was stubbed

24:42

and then also

24:44

, like their paws , something that

24:46

some people will do is like remove

24:49

something about their paws that they do . Anyway

24:51

, all of those things had happened to Honey

24:53

. So it was very clear to me that someone

24:56

had her and someone invested

24:58

and did all of those things . So

25:00

it was really sad at her age to see her up

25:02

for adoption . I had her . It was supposed

25:04

to only be one or two weeks , ended up being like

25:06

five , going on six weeks and

25:09

by the time her perfect mom

25:11

for her was ready to adopt her

25:13

. Storm and I were so attached

25:15

to her that I literally cried

25:19

that whole day and the

25:21

day before , if I think about it too much , I start

25:23

to get teary-eyed . Now , and

25:25

for a while , I think , because her

25:27

newly adopted mom knew I needed

25:29

it . We stayed in touch . She kept sending me

25:32

pictures and updates and

25:34

all kinds of things for a while I would say

25:36

months after

25:38

Honey went

25:40

home with her and it eventually

25:42

slowed and stopped because life

25:44

reality . But that's also

25:47

one thing to do

25:49

. I wasn't sure

25:51

I'd be able to do

25:53

it or do it well , and I feel like

25:55

I did , and I could be Storm

25:58

and I could be a great foster family

26:00

for a dog in the future . But

26:02

that's another form of volunteering

26:05

, that it might be different , especially

26:07

if you've never had a dog before

26:09

, but that's another way

26:11

to give back . So , anyway

26:14

, if you're still here

26:16

, shout out to you . But I

26:18

say all that to say that you may

26:20

be scared to try something new

26:22

or go on a new adventure , but

26:24

more often than not , freedom and joy

26:27

live on the other side of fear . So

26:29

you have to make a choice Be

26:31

scared or live

26:33

life and be free . I hope that you

26:35

always give yourself permission to choose

26:37

the latter . Choose the latter . If you listen to the previous

26:40

episode with Jeanette Anderson , she

26:49

talked about entrepreneurship requiring that we do the scary thing , feeling

26:51

the fear and doing it anyway . So I hope that if you're considering doing something

26:53

alone , doing something scared and doing

26:56

it anyway , whether that be in business or

26:58

your personal life that you take the leap , because

27:01

we owe it to ourselves to try

27:03

things . We owe it to ourselves

27:05

. Life is short . You don't want to look back

27:07

on your life and regret that you

27:09

didn't try to do a thing at least

27:11

once . Another version of

27:13

doing it scared , doing it alone and doing it

27:15

anyways . Continuing this

27:18

podcast . All the OGs know

27:20

it has evolved and it's been kind

27:22

of scary continuing

27:25

it on my own , but

27:27

I still find it rewarding and fulfilling

27:29

and it's allowed me the opportunity to pivot

27:31

the show in a way that feels good

27:34

and that feels valuable

27:36

. For as long as I feel called to do

27:38

it , I'm going to continue doing it with

27:41

breaks . As I've said before , I

27:43

value breaks a lot . So anyway , thank you

27:45

for tuning into this episode . I hope

27:47

you found it valuable

27:50

. I hope you're able to take something away from

27:52

it . I hope you feel encouraged to do

27:54

the scary thing , to feel the fear and

27:56

to do it anyway . Next week we're talking

27:58

to the incomparable Ashante

28:01

Rene , who is a friend and

28:03

a mentor and a former boss of

28:05

mine , about her businesses

28:07

, the Axon Group and Susu House

28:09

, and a bunch of the other exciting campaigns

28:12

that she has . I will

28:14

meet you back here next week and I hope

28:16

you'll tune into that episode . Thanks

28:19

so much . Catch you on the next one .