0:00

Yea I'm I'm nice gentleman. the.

0:02

Bill Gain hello hello hello beautiful

0:05

people Hope you are ordering Wow

0:07

the been funky demon Fresh

0:09

and feeling good we especially if

0:12

anybody gets hello. Hi

0:14

welcome to this episode of your

0:16

receipts deed the receiver we had

0:18

woah but I let alone and

0:21

every episode. Even. When.

0:23

We help you guys that little dry

0:25

land measure predicament of and that you

0:27

are going to be we are here.

0:29

Your resident Big sisters on skis Ryan's

0:32

Enemies best these to help you out.

0:34

Know we have a special guest neighborhood

0:36

in to help us out. A very

0:38

special guess that there was a visa

0:41

while starving because it's not normal is

0:43

that usual? That. We have anybody taller

0:45

than friend in the. Building or could write.

0:48

This manhattan like duel a bend as he

0:50

walked. I'm not small small Commodore if you.

0:53

Are introduced myself. we should go Quality just whom

0:56

you dream and alpha show. Guess we have acts

0:58

her. Am superstar.

1:01

King of or kings A man

1:03

amongst men. Miss Darwin, didn't you?

1:07

Ah, you can

1:09

learn how. Are

1:11

you on fence? Asked us that

1:14

like a man on earth? Are

1:16

you guys have club? Winston is

1:18

taking a fire alarm and I.

1:21

Mean that I am here are my own

1:23

advice and I am here. Welcome Welcome Sir!

1:25

How are you? I'm on the most

1:27

popular show in the Uk. Never thought

1:29

of opening the I have to do

1:31

your research more corridors for big show

1:34

that unlike us are you are big.

1:36

And bad and the boys that became a token

1:38

students and he said he hates England. At

1:43

the larger, the. Opposite

1:45

that is alive and they don't have

1:47

it on record so he didn't my

1:49

politely very know. Like we said we

1:51

hate on Illinois I put a sheet

1:53

uk fans and that's not that good.

1:56

know he was don't ask him m when the sun

1:58

came out and out in the it's Everyone

2:01

laughs in my face. That's really how

2:03

that works. So does it change colors

2:05

today? No. They all laugh. Yeah. How

2:07

are you, sir? Great. Great.

2:09

Give us more. We're living. Well, you know

2:11

we're on tour for the Fall Guy, for

2:14

Universal. Yeah. Bop bop bop bop. Bop bop

2:16

bop bop bop. So we

2:18

are doing a nice tour and just

2:20

getting ready for this big premiere. Nice.

2:23

It's different for you. Uh, in

2:25

what way? Funny. I

2:28

think I felt, I felt judged on that

2:30

statement. No. Um, no,

2:33

never. It's not judgment.

2:35

It's just you don't give money. Really?

2:38

So that's testament to your actions. Like

2:43

you give Stern Stritz a

2:47

man amongst men. Is this what you want? Yeah.

2:49

I think so. Okay. I think

2:51

she's projecting what she wants from me. How

2:55

was it playing that though? How was it playing that role? She

2:58

doesn't want Stryx. She doesn't want... I followed

3:00

my badge. Help me go. No, no, no. It's

3:02

complicated babe. Let me keep talking. Stop. Okay. Yes,

3:04

sir. I'm sat. Ooh. I'm

3:08

sat. Got warm in this

3:10

guy. I

3:12

will not talk for the rest of the episode. Thank you. Thank

3:16

you. Thank you. Thank you. No, tell us about Fall Guy.

3:19

So the Fall Guy is

3:21

Universal's latest offering. It's an

3:23

action comedy starring Emily

3:25

Blunt, Ryan Gosling and

3:28

myself. It's an action

3:30

comedy based on an old TV show. So

3:32

it's a remake of a TV

3:34

show called The Fall Guy. It's

3:36

about people making a film. So we're all

3:39

making a movie in the movie. And

3:41

some wild things happen on Tint. They

3:43

do. And we have to use our

3:46

stunt abilities to solve this crime. So

3:48

they become a little bit like

3:50

fledgling superheroes. Okay. You know, falling

3:52

out of buildings, you know, fighting

3:54

and using blank weapons to

3:56

intimidate people and things like that. And

3:59

it's fun. You know what, it's not

4:01

usual that action makes us a comedy of a

4:03

genre. I feel like that's relatively quite new. Action

4:05

used to tend to take itself quite seriously. Well,

4:08

I tried. I feel like there's been

4:10

a lot of iterations with it, even,

4:13

what was it back in the

4:15

day, let's see, Die Hard and

4:17

those movies. They had a lot of comedy. I

4:20

think what's great about this movie is even though

4:22

it's very funny, it's got a big heart. Yeah.

4:25

So there are moments that make you feel like

4:27

you might want to cry. So

4:29

the point of the movie is that it's a

4:31

bit of a love letter as well to

4:33

the stunt community. Okay. Yeah. Because

4:36

they don't care how much they

4:38

do. Exactly. So essentially, it's one

4:40

of those departments that

4:43

essentially the entire

4:45

movie industry was all was

4:47

almost built on stunts. So

4:49

the movies that travel the

4:51

best internationally are action movies.

4:54

Right? Because they have a lot of stunt

4:56

sequences. And they translate

5:00

better. So you could put some

5:03

sort of voiceover and

5:05

you can still watch the movie pretty easily. So

5:08

those movies translate the best. To make

5:10

those movies, you need the stunt community.

5:12

People who hurt themselves on set, fall

5:15

out of buildings. The reason the movie

5:18

is called The Fall Guy

5:20

is because there is no way.

5:22

Yeah. There's literally a man that was

5:24

literally called The Fall Guy. So he

5:26

would do the high falls. Yeah. The

5:28

falls are like 100 feet, 200 feet

5:31

up. So that was his job to do all

5:33

the high falls that the actors would not do.

5:36

I want to say that I love the fact

5:38

that stunt doubles and stuff like that. If the

5:40

technology has gotten better. I remember I was watching

5:43

the biopic of

5:46

Michael Jordan and they had like,

5:49

there was a scene with his

5:51

mum and the stunt double

5:53

was just a man in a dress. The

6:00

musicians were so like poor. Yeah.

6:03

This is a really long time ago. I mean,

6:05

that was on purpose. But yeah, but now, because

6:07

it's so slick. Like I feel like you would

6:09

watch something, wouldn't notice those kind of like areas.

6:12

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Good. I

6:14

mean, that was on purpose to show that she's

6:16

like dunking and things like that. And then she

6:18

comes, they cut to her being like, hey, baby,

6:20

that pal was nothing. But

6:24

it's always been that, because it's a very

6:26

dangerous thing. And the

6:28

stunt community tends to be very small as

6:30

well. So a lot of family members

6:32

and things like that. Some people are

6:34

even like groomed into stunts people. And

6:38

it's one of those things where any small mistake

6:40

could cost you your life. Which

6:42

is why the actors tend to not do these

6:44

dangerous, dangerous stunts, of course. Do you do your

6:46

own stunts? I just stand up. That's what I

6:48

do. I

6:51

end up doing a lot of my own stunts because of

6:53

the height. And we didn't notice.

6:55

You did you? Mm-hmm. It's

6:58

all out at home. It wasn't enough.

7:01

She's making deep, deep eye

7:03

contact right now. I'm being a jerk. I've

7:08

been interviewed many times, but she is giving me

7:10

soul right now. I don't want to take you

7:12

no more. OK, let's go to the dilemma. That's

7:15

nice and safe. So

7:18

I first dilemma. It's less of a dilemma, more of

7:20

a question. OK, so hello,

7:23

gorgeous ladies. As everyone

7:25

starts with, you light up my life, now

7:27

twice weekly, and you're both such balls of

7:30

energy and love. In the

7:32

last episode, you spoke about whether some

7:34

character traits are genetic or

7:36

picked up. And I wanted to share my experience with you.

7:39

My dad is biologically Nigerian, but was adopted

7:41

before he was won by a white British

7:43

family in the 60s. And

7:45

his facial expressions are all the same as

7:47

his adopted dad. Oh, so much

7:50

so, people often say they

7:52

look alike, even though they have zero similar

7:54

features. But nurture obviously plays a huge role.

7:57

A few years ago, however, my dad met

7:59

his biological father. mom. We went on

8:01

to have more kids and these kids have loads

8:03

of similar interests as my dad. They're all in

8:05

their 50s now. He's really 40 and

8:07

there's a lot of running etc. which no

8:10

one in the adoptive family was into

8:12

and his biological siblings all run marathons

8:14

etc. So it must be both. You

8:16

assume the facial expressions etc. were

8:18

more nature than nurture and interest

8:20

would be more nurture than nature

8:22

but this is the opposite. So thoughts

8:24

on nature and nurture basically. I

8:28

mean that's a really interesting question. So

8:30

yeah the

8:33

people that you're around will influence how

8:36

you look and behave deeply. So I'm

8:38

sure you've heard people talk about

8:40

couples. Yeah they eventually start looking like. Yeah

8:43

they start looking like and I was reading

8:45

this thing recently. It's funny that they're asking

8:47

about that but I was reading this thing

8:49

recently that said the reason

8:51

that happened is because you start looking

8:54

at the world in similar ways. So

8:56

you adopt each other's like humor which

8:58

means that you laugh at

9:00

the same things. If you're

9:02

a couple and your reasoning is

9:07

similar because your reasoning has to

9:09

start matching to serve the relationship

9:12

that means like the things that are going to

9:14

surprise you the things are going to get you

9:16

upset sometimes are very similar. So you start adopting

9:18

the similar posture

9:21

physically on issues which means that you're

9:23

going to start looking the same. You're going

9:25

to start looking alike. You also dress similar

9:27

because your tastes tend

9:29

to be similar. People are mirrors

9:32

as well in relationships. So

9:34

I always say a big part

9:36

of your life is you're really going

9:38

through kind of interrogating yourself

9:40

when you meet people. Does it

9:42

show you especially when you're in something good? I think

9:45

that's when it shows a mirror to all of

9:47

your bad traits and when you're not because you're

9:49

in something that's better. It's you.

9:51

It's your choices. I always

9:54

say that because we're

9:56

going to have a couple conversations I guess. When it comes

9:59

to relationships. relationships, I

10:01

think being single is important and I

10:04

think being in relationships is important. So

10:07

I look at being single as

10:09

being an architect. So

10:12

you're the architect of your life, you're the

10:14

architect of your person, personhood. So

10:16

you are building yourself, you are

10:18

accountable just to you, not to

10:20

anyone else, hopefully. And

10:23

you're going to build this structure so you're liking,

10:26

but you can't see it. And that's the whole

10:28

thing because nothing is reflecting it. It's just you.

10:31

And then when you get into a relationship, it's really

10:33

necessary as well because finally you get to see what

10:35

you built. Because

10:37

whatever you built is what's going to be

10:39

interacting with that person. And that person is

10:41

going to reflect what you did. So if

10:44

you're a bad communicator, you won't know it

10:46

because you're communicating with you all the time.

10:48

If you put up walls, you understand you, it's

10:51

not really a wall to you, it's just you.

10:54

But if you're a bad communicator and you're with somebody, they're

10:56

going to be like, why do you shut down when I

10:58

do this? You're going to finally

11:00

hear that you shut down. You're going to see

11:02

your anger issues, you're going to see your trauma

11:04

reflected. So you get to build this structure and

11:07

then when you're in a relationship, you finally see

11:09

it. Right. And

11:11

if you're in a really good structure, you're

11:13

going to know because it's going to be reflected

11:15

at you. If you're in

11:17

a bad structure that you built, bad

11:20

timing, bad communication, you can't

11:22

show up for others, you're

11:24

selfish, what's going to be reflected? That.

11:29

So it's similar. And I think

11:31

when people are in relationships and they look like each

11:33

other and act like each other, it's all a big

11:35

part of that. Right.

11:38

Right. The nature versus nurture

11:41

conversation, I think is super interesting because I

11:43

think there are a lot of things that

11:45

like you've heard of epigenetics. Yeah.

11:47

Is that where like, where like

11:50

our mothers are born with us and to be

11:52

part of our trauma? One hundred percent. I can't

11:55

believe that. Yes. I had a

11:57

general problem with the thing. I think the

11:59

ultimate get the more. I realized I'm a lot like

12:01

my mother and it scares me but also like

12:03

I see I see my reactions I see Think

12:07

like my therapist who says mission was like

12:09

something living that your mother's life Like

12:11

cut the biblical cord you are your own person figure

12:13

that out sort of things like I do believe that

12:15

So there are different studies that say you carry up to

12:17

like 15 or more In

12:21

your body right so that's when people say

12:23

like you're you're gonna be the one that

12:25

breaks Generation exactly.

12:27

It's a real thing. Yeah scientific as

12:30

well So I do believe in

12:32

that nature versus nurture thing you would I

12:34

think what's powerful is That

12:36

we're in a generation where we get to

12:38

have all these conversations Yeah, I think the

12:40

generation that we're in is a generation of

12:42

connection because The

12:45

most popular successful show in

12:48

all of the UK I Think

12:55

it's really cool that people get to connect

12:57

with you guys I connect with your story

12:59

and you get to connect with so many

13:01

people that's not been something that's happened any

13:03

other time In history, you know what I

13:05

mean? Like we've all been usually very regional

13:08

and separated Yeah a different way all through

13:10

history up until now someone could

13:12

say someone in I don't

13:14

know Legos could look at you Oh So

13:19

you get to connect yeah, and now you get

13:21

to make choices because so much more is So

13:24

much more access so much more accessible.

13:27

You get to make choices Any

13:34

people who know nurtured you where your family

13:37

has connections, but now you're getting nurtured by

13:39

so many Yeah, yeah by so

13:41

many different people But

13:43

I don't know it shapes you differently because you're not

13:45

just left it to the same I'd like I think

13:47

if I use my mom for example my mom very

13:49

much made friends with my dream And has like

13:51

stuck with that group of people that she's nurtured

13:53

very differently to me She was opened

13:56

up my world and met so many different people so

13:58

many different sexualities mother blah blah. I'm just no actually

14:00

a bit different to her. Isn't that crazy? I

14:02

know right? That's huge. Which means that

14:04

your kids, they are

14:06

going to be different.

14:08

They are going to be different. They are going

14:10

to be different. I always like actively

14:12

try to be, do things

14:15

differently sometimes with the things that I deem

14:17

that my mum maybe you've gotten wrong or doesn't really

14:20

understand and it's always like an active thing to be

14:22

like I don't want to do this, I don't want

14:24

to pass it on to my children kind of thing.

14:26

But I also think that what you were saying about

14:28

how couples start to reflect each other,

14:30

I think especially if like when it comes

14:32

to like dressing, if

14:34

one person they deem themselves as like

14:36

the fashionista or whatever you do kind of lead in

14:39

your areas of strength and if dressing is one of them

14:41

you might, you know, because I buy stuff for my husband

14:43

all the time. He doesn't really care about fashion that much

14:45

but I'll be like oh you look good in this and

14:48

I think naturally it probably does reflect more my style and

14:50

I feel like in terms of

14:53

like humor and stuff it was so funny

14:55

because yesterday we were in a restaurant and

14:57

I'd say we have similar sense of humors

14:59

but still very different. He thinks it's funny,

15:01

he's funny but he's not and when three

15:04

girls walked in one of them had like

15:06

guys their hair yellowed, the other one had

15:08

like a blue wig and the other one

15:10

had red hair and I swear to god

15:12

we looked at each other we went the

15:15

power rangers, like the exact same time and

15:17

he was like oh my

15:19

god we just looked at each other like

15:21

how did we like it was so spooky but

15:23

I thought like yeah our sense of humor is

15:25

just intertwined. Yeah yeah it was spooky because

15:27

it was so specific I was like no

15:30

this is weird and that's what happened

15:32

when you met you recognized yourself

15:34

in the other so it's funny

15:36

I always say you know people

15:39

think you're funny but the people who

15:41

think you're funny share your sense of

15:43

humor. Yeah true yeah um and even

15:46

if it might not be something immediate

15:48

I always think you see something that

15:50

could even be aspirational food and that's

15:52

why it's like oh you're so smart you're

15:54

smart too you just

15:56

see a version of yourself in that

15:58

person as well. Right. So

16:01

we recognize ourselves in others, which is why

16:03

we need to be around so many people

16:05

as well. In some ways, you got to

16:07

guard yourself and all that. But I think it's

16:10

great that we have all this explosion. Hit

16:13

me. No,

16:16

I think I think it's great. But I think what

16:18

it doesn't allow for is individual thinking. I think we

16:21

often don't know what you think because you're so

16:23

looking at what other what other people think or

16:25

like you're seeking approval for what other people think

16:27

to confirm what you think. I think

16:30

maybe because it's the space I mean, because New Year's

16:33

resolution for me was to be like, make trust

16:35

yourself with your choices. It doesn't have to be

16:37

what other people do, that sort of thing. But

16:39

and I think that's because for so long, we're

16:41

like, OK, what does everyone else think? I think

16:44

we are in an issue of collective thinking. And

16:46

I don't know that always. I

16:48

think society

16:51

is doing a thing right

16:54

now on purpose, which is

16:56

conditioning us away from critical

16:58

thinking. Exactly. And critical

17:00

thinking is like one of

17:02

the most important things for your

17:05

life as a responsible

17:07

human being. You need it

17:10

for survival. Yeah. But survival

17:12

means something totally different. It's not,

17:15

you know, hunter gatherer. Yeah. You know,

17:17

you're not looking for food.

17:19

You're not hunting. You're not exposed to

17:21

the elements. Yeah. Same way. Survival is

17:23

like, how do I discern information that's

17:26

coming in? She's like, no,

17:28

sorry, I was just bit. I'm silent. I'm such an uncle.

17:30

It's like, hey, I'm talking. I'm

17:36

like, OK. But, you

17:38

know, discerning like what's real and what's not

17:41

going to be so crazy

17:43

moving forward with AI and all this stuff.

17:45

Right. I'm so scared of that. It's so

17:47

scary. Right. So being able to discern

17:49

reality. Yeah. And what is real and

17:51

what's not. That's my biggest fear. Data

17:53

is crazy. It's a world full of

17:55

data now. But it's also data that's

17:57

always being messed with. Yeah,

18:00

exactly. Right. Understanding

18:03

arguments when

18:05

you're not taught debate in school.

18:08

Like you used to be, that was like a debate club. That's

18:14

a really big problem. It's something that's really

18:16

small and simple. Right.

18:18

But it's a big thing to

18:20

understand what is an argument. Right. And

18:23

what's an argument? Well, argument and debate.

18:25

Yeah. That's it. But understanding

18:27

what's an argument versus just

18:30

facts. Right.

18:32

So a lot of things today are

18:34

put forward as facts when it's just

18:36

an argument. Someone just went and

18:38

say, this is my position. And

18:40

I found ways to defend my

18:42

position. I found information to justify

18:45

my position. And people who don't

18:47

understand the difference between an

18:49

absolute law and facts. And

18:52

argument will say, oh, that makes

18:54

so much sense that it must be true. And

18:57

that's not true. Yeah. There's tons of

18:59

things that make sense. Well, they just

19:01

not true. Yeah. And

19:04

understanding that is so powerful for moving

19:06

forward in this day and age. Yeah.

19:08

And that's a thing we're being conditioned

19:10

out of. And that's a dangerous world.

19:12

Yeah. Because you can believe and fall

19:15

for anything as long

19:17

as it makes sense. And someone's

19:19

used really clever language and position themselves

19:21

in the way to act like they were leading

19:23

in it. But actually they're talking shit. Yeah. I

19:25

think just a half ball

19:27

or just stick some big words in it.

19:29

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who's

19:35

saying it? How like people present as well

19:37

can determine what people take from it as

19:39

well. It's really, it's really mad. Like that's one

19:41

of my biggest things I can always like,

19:44

I'm chronically online. So I just

19:46

see these things all the time. And like

19:48

on like X now, that's one of

19:50

the new features that I like that if someone I can't

19:53

even tell them, but I will never ever do that. This

19:58

is the first time I've ever called it X. And

20:00

they have it they have a feature now if

20:02

someone's like spreading misinformation the fact is underneath Which

20:05

I really appreciate it will be like this is

20:07

actually incorrect information Yeah, and like people don't delete

20:09

those two. I'd be so embarrassed Something

20:13

I'd said but yeah people position

20:15

opinion as fact often and it's

20:17

really scary and we all have

20:19

I Is

20:50

within that too. That's why so

20:52

why they place kids in

20:54

these things have a lot of

20:56

socioeconomic reasons racial reason

21:00

So I don't know if I I

21:02

support the like that

21:05

kind of People

21:10

in so Set

21:12

eight or set eight set eight set eight So

21:15

set eight in the US and other

21:17

places will probably be some of the

21:19

remedial class. Yeah I

21:21

think there's stuff to learn from everyone.

21:24

I think there is wisdom inside

21:26

wherever you may sit Right. There's

21:28

a position there. There's a viewpoint

21:30

from there and there's something to

21:32

learn from everybody I think us

21:34

being like these are the people

21:36

that we should listen to versus these are the

21:38

people that we shouldn't listen to is wrong We

21:42

need to be able to that information.

21:44

Yeah at all times We should be

21:46

able to have a platform though I

21:49

think if I think there is a there is a

21:51

danger in the people have huge platforms But

21:53

but take the tapes of the world say

21:55

that man should not have a platform. He

21:57

should not you should I

21:59

would I think so. I think you

22:01

should. Okay. We

22:06

should all be exposed to

22:08

all these different waves of

22:10

thought, but we should

22:13

have the tools to discern

22:15

what's real and what's not. The

22:18

problem is we are not exposed

22:20

and conditioned to the tools to

22:22

be able to say, Oh, that's actually very wrong. Yeah.

22:25

I think let's happen to people or

22:27

target people that they know don't have the

22:30

tools. And that's how they essentially build

22:32

up their platform and make it bigger

22:34

and have people with absence following them.

22:36

What they do is they

22:38

take something that may be truthful

22:41

and then sprinkle in a bunch of

22:43

lies to justify their position when there

22:46

is truth inside that. And

22:48

you have to be able to say, you know what?

22:50

That part of what was said is actually quite truthful.

22:53

Like some of these pro male

22:55

blah, blah, blah, they use

22:57

the truth of there is a

23:00

problem with men expressing themselves.

23:03

Men have a higher rate of

23:05

committing suicide and unaliving themselves. Then

23:08

all those things are fine. And you should be able

23:10

to hear that and say those things are true. But

23:16

these things that it's women's fault.

23:18

We're in a toxic email society

23:21

and destroying us and that you

23:23

should be able to say those

23:25

parts aren't true because we have

23:27

to have the tools. You have

23:29

to understand that that is an

23:31

argument that's being

23:33

justified. And that's not a fact. There

23:35

are facts inside it. You

23:38

know what I mean? And usually everything

23:41

is just so black

23:43

and white. And it's not that. So

23:47

much nuance and great. And

23:50

you should be able to find that like you'll

23:52

hear some things that are new

23:54

in some of those arguments. But if you

23:56

know the truth, you're like, that's new. And

23:59

I'm going to go look that up. up, oh wow, that's really

24:01

true. The next eight

24:03

things are completely wrong. And I could just

24:05

throw that out. But it's great that I

24:07

heard that. It's great that I heard that.

24:10

And I've built my mind and strengthened

24:12

my mind and position so that

24:14

I could be able to pull out what is necessary

24:16

from that. And I wouldn't have learned that from the

24:18

echo chamber that I live in. Because

24:20

we all live in a lot of echo chambers

24:22

today where like everyone's just saying the same thing

24:24

that you think. And then you

24:27

think that's the world and that's not the world.

24:29

The world is never echo chambers. So I actually

24:31

think everyone should have these platforms

24:33

and be able to speak. But

24:35

we have to, within our systems

24:38

of learning, within our

24:40

systems of education, within our

24:42

systems of edification, you have

24:44

to be able to

24:46

get the tools to be

24:48

able to discern what's right and wrong

24:50

and to be able to create your own moral

24:53

compass. Because we all need our own. You

24:55

know what I mean? That was the first dilemma

24:57

guys. Yeah. Yeah. The nature versus the

25:00

nature. And here is

25:02

the second dilemma. Next. The

25:04

heavy one, right? Yeah. Okay. That

25:07

was so rich of you. Oh, what's up? Who

25:09

taught you that? Which one? Geeze. Who taught you

25:11

that? Yeah. I'm around. I'm

25:14

around. I'm exposed. I'm exposed to

25:16

the receipts. You said globalization. Okay.

25:18

Next dilemma. Next dilemma. Hey

25:20

big sister. Hello. I've been a listener since 2020

25:23

and I've been in love with you ladies. And

25:25

thank you for being there for us ladies and helping us

25:28

figure out our dilemmas and everything else happening in our

25:30

lives. God bless you honestly. Amen.

25:33

Dilemma. I've been in a relationship with my baby daddy

25:35

for over three years now. Backstory. We met

25:37

in 2021 January and he's my first time

25:39

and I don't regret it in any way.

25:42

But got pregnant in 2021 September and had

25:44

our first son in 2022 June. Oh,

25:47

that's sad. Gone through birth all alone. There's

25:50

a lot I expected from him giving he became

25:52

supportive with the pregnancy. I shouldn't have

25:54

had such expectations. Fast forward to 2022

25:56

July. I

25:58

went to a culinary school. I lived near my

26:00

school, but problems began when my

26:02

school practical started. I was working long hours, barely

26:04

got time to be on my phone, but I

26:07

always ensured that I texted before going to work.

26:09

Hey babe, I'm going to work now. I will

26:11

try to text you when I get a break.

26:13

I said try because I never had a break.

26:15

So I always told him about my day the

26:17

following day since I knocked off at 11 PM

26:19

and got to my apartment at 12 midnight.

26:22

Sometimes I had worst days in that place

26:24

because of this one chef. I told my

26:26

boyfriend about what's been happening and also told

26:28

him that the chef called me the B

26:30

word. What I didn't expect was my boyfriend

26:32

and I got into an argument, nothing major.

26:34

He told me now I wonder why me

26:36

and the chef guy think you're a B. What's

26:39

the B like a bit? A bit. Yeah. Okay. I

26:41

haven't gotten over that. Even after his cold,

26:43

sorry, we've been fighting a lot for like

26:46

over a year straight, August 22 to November,

26:48

2023. And

26:50

we got, we got to a point where

26:53

we don't really talk much to avoid fighting.

26:55

I broke up with him in 2024 January

26:58

and he thought sex could fix

27:00

our issues. Yes, we've talked and

27:02

we, and we

27:04

both know that we're not happy. And

27:07

that's why I initiated the breakup in the

27:09

first place. So I feel like we're just

27:11

tolerating each other now. Thing

27:14

is he doesn't want to work or go

27:16

to school. He's ruined his life by saying

27:18

his name with a criminal record. He thinks

27:20

he's somehow going to wake up being a

27:22

boss of some company. He's used my words

27:24

against me in the past as his weapon.

27:26

And he cheated. And I've also cheated two times

27:29

and some with someone very close

27:31

to our family around September or October, 2023.

27:35

We've been sex in the past couple of months.

27:37

He has a wife and four kids. Yeah.

27:41

Yeah. Yeah. He

27:43

has a wife and four kids, but he still

27:45

wants more and he thinks he's going to get

27:47

that from me. Hell no. And makes me his

27:50

second wife. I'd know I fold if I were

27:52

to see him now. That's how good he is.

27:54

Now I'm worried that we've caught feelings for each

27:56

other. And I definitely want to leave my boyfriend

27:58

not for the sneaky link, but because I

28:00

know I will be successful without my

28:02

boyfriend and I feel like he's gonna depend on me

28:04

for small cash favors when I'm doing Something with my

28:07

life. What should I do? But she's like

28:09

broke up with him. Are they still like I think they're things

28:11

are still in the air She's been

28:13

cheated on him. I think this is the same conversation

28:16

Right. Okay. Uh Who

28:18

wants to start you can go sir. You are the guest.

28:20

Yeah, man So

28:24

her what should she do I think she needs to be

28:26

alone Oh She

28:28

needs to be alone. Um so

28:33

You're dating the same man Her

28:36

ex and whoever this person is is the

28:38

same person. Yeah And the reason

28:40

that she's with the same person is because that's who she is

28:43

She's no different No,

28:48

she's she's she's dating the same person

28:50

because that's who she is she's disorganized

28:53

She is like she she

28:55

doesn't understand I'm sorry.

28:57

I'm I also have to remember that i'm speaking to

28:59

a person. No, we believe in self-love You're

29:04

a lovely person So

29:14

like There's tons of things

29:16

that's gone through in her life that

29:18

she didn't put into that message There

29:21

are things that she's currently going through She's also

29:23

trying the reason she wrote in is because she's

29:25

trying to make a better choice Yeah So we

29:27

have to also acknowledge and see that like the

29:30

reason that you're reaching out is because you want

29:32

to do better Right, and that's

29:34

a vulnerable thing to do. Yeah Um,

29:37

there's a lot of self-awareness because you

29:39

have to also be able to see

29:41

yourself to like say this is what's happening

29:43

So you are self-aware. So there's tons of really

29:46

great things that you have going for you and

29:50

You're not going to be shit by me But

29:53

you gotta like like like it's a real person

29:55

that's on the other side of that absolutely and

29:57

it's like yeah, you're doing a lot of You

30:00

have a lot of great things, but also the

30:02

thing that you're in, the construct that you're in.

30:05

And I say construct because at

30:07

some, you have to take responsibility for

30:09

the things that you're building, the

30:12

you that you're building, you know, as

30:15

your life. So the

30:17

construct that you're creating is

30:19

disorganized, is

30:22

unhealthy, is chaotic.

30:25

There are children involved. Yes. Children

30:28

involved, which means that you're also

30:30

shaping someone else's reality actively. And

30:35

you're not prepared. So at no

30:37

point in your statement, have you

30:40

mentioned therapy? No. For

30:42

you or your partner and your

30:44

partners who are all connected to tons

30:47

of other people. So there's a wife

30:49

and potentially other family involved in this.

30:51

So like all your actions are impacting

30:53

you, your kids, them,

30:56

their children, your ex, your

30:59

ex's family, and then all the people that you're actually going

31:01

to be with. So that's you. She's

31:05

doing that. She can participate in

31:07

the part that she can control, which is her. And

31:10

she keeps going into these things. So

31:13

you should be alone. You should

31:15

be alone because you

31:17

need to work on the construct that you

31:20

live in, which is you, your body, your

31:22

mind, your decisions, and

31:24

you need professional

31:28

reflections back. So

31:30

everyone outside you has a reflection back at you. But

31:33

if the people that you're attracting are

31:35

also messy, they can't give you a

31:37

good guidance. Absolutely. So you need to

31:40

seek professional help and you need to

31:42

be able to say, oh shit, the

31:45

things around me can't be the things that

31:47

are helping me because everything is messy. Like

31:51

you can't get clean washing yourself while you're

31:53

standing in like a dirty pond. So

31:56

you can be like, oh man, I'm washing everything

31:58

around dirty. So like

32:00

you gotta go clean water somewhere. So that's why you

32:02

need to go to a doctor Believe

32:09

every lead your baby dad like absolutely even

32:11

there was no part of that that sounds

32:13

positive like no part of it sounds messy

32:16

Not any does it feel like it's not fulfilling you like

32:18

emotionally It's not feeling you in where you want to go

32:20

in life Like it's holding you back like it just doesn't

32:22

sound like that's something that's good and you know, it's something

32:25

You know, it's something that's good and I don't know

32:28

Correct me, but I don't think there's ever been a point

32:30

where sex is fixed of terribly bad situation It

32:32

might be for that however long it lasts for but

32:34

once that once you've knotted

32:36

Clarity comes and you're back in the same

32:38

shit. Hey, you have been technically masturbation.

32:41

Basically. Yeah Yeah,

32:43

so I don't think you should have a

32:45

sex your ex and also leave I I don't know

32:47

how amount of for kids has time to Like

32:58

she's busy Be

33:06

by yourself concentrate on your life figure out what it

33:08

is that you want to do and be the best

33:10

of you for you And your child I think for

33:12

you have to need your baby dad and you guys

33:14

have to find a good place that works for your

33:16

Child at the moment now section of your priorities Getting

33:19

a notion be your priority Like what should be your

33:21

party has been the best version of you for

33:23

your child and leave these two men alone And

33:26

you need to leave everybody Sex

33:29

is great, but if you ever had peace of mind, yeah That's

33:33

better. Yeah, you need to

33:35

leave everyone alone until you're better

33:37

and then you'll see like

33:39

you'll see your ex coming from Two

33:43

miles away. Yeah, no matter how whoever

33:45

he's disguised as today Yeah, and I

33:47

mean by your ex will

33:49

be in the body of some people You know,

33:52

I mean like you'll be able to see that

33:54

man. Yeah that woman Coming from

33:56

like two miles away. You'll be able to

33:58

see because you've changed you. Yeah.

34:00

Yeah. So you've changed the

34:02

instrument of detection, right? I

34:05

always say you

34:07

put on a sweater and you go in

34:10

the mirror. Yeah. You don't like the sweater. Yeah. Like

34:12

you don't like what's reflecting back. Do you break the

34:14

mirror? You change

34:17

the sweater and you go in the mirror. Oh

34:20

shit. But often we break the

34:22

mirror. I totally

34:24

agree with both of you guys. I

34:26

don't really have that much else to

34:29

add. I just think that

34:42

like, yeah, get the professional help. What do you think?

34:45

To find yourself in this position,

34:47

like you're going from one chaotic situation and

34:49

then you've entered another one. Yes. And it was like, she

34:51

was really upset about him cheating, but you were also cheating

34:53

kind of things. And that was the plot twist I wasn't

34:56

expecting. But I think, yeah, fix yourself. And if

34:58

you're not in a position to get therapy at

35:01

the very least, just leave the situation

35:03

now and just park that. Focus on

35:05

cooking school. And just

35:08

focus on you and bettering your life. I've

35:10

even had a friend that was in I've

35:14

had a friend that was in group therapy, right?

35:16

Right. And she went into

35:19

group therapy and, you know, you were

35:21

with like five people and

35:24

she was like, tell me about all the

35:26

people in the center. And

35:30

she's like, oh, there's this woman that's doing

35:32

this and then there's me. You know, I

35:34

have like some like things that

35:36

make me angry and so on. And then there's

35:38

this man who he's

35:41

like real angry. And

35:44

she talked and I listened. And

35:46

then I was like, you do

35:48

realize that every single person that

35:50

you described in therapy with you

35:52

is you as a version is

35:54

a version of you. And

35:56

she like sat down, she was like. And

36:04

literally like your whole world like you

36:06

two reflect each other so much. Do

36:09

you think? What

36:11

have you been as well? Oh

36:13

come on, no you do. It's a

36:15

sense of humor. It's like you guys beam

36:17

the same kind of energy, the light, the

36:20

fact that you guys can have this kind

36:22

of conversation day to day is a reflection

36:24

of both of your intellect, both

36:27

of your openness. Like if you

36:29

couldn't listen to each other you could never talk, you could

36:31

never do things. I feel like you fit in quite well.

36:34

For me? You should come here every time you're

36:36

in England. Every time you're in England please. I'd love to. You said

36:38

that in the end. I would love to

36:40

be here. Look how you deepened your voice, I

36:42

think you were such a whore. I've

36:46

been recognised. I've been recognised. I've passed on

36:48

to you. Right, next dilemma. Next dilemma. I've waited

36:50

here a few months ago and your advice was

36:53

so helpful. Thank you so much for your honesty

36:55

and thoughtfulness, just everything you do. You

36:57

are both such role models to me. I'm sorry for

36:59

the length of my dilemma. My heart is multifaceted so

37:01

it's a bit long thanks in advance for reading it.

37:05

I'm a bisexual girl in her 20s. My

37:07

ex-girlfriend and I broke up last year after being

37:09

in the serious relationship for two years and in

37:11

each other's life for eight years. She was my

37:13

first real love and when we were together I

37:15

always felt without a doubt that I was with

37:17

my soulmate. She knows me and gets

37:19

me better than anyone, makes me laugh the hardest

37:22

I've ever laughed in my life. She was my

37:24

best friend in the world even years before we

37:26

got together and the connection I felt with her

37:28

was so strong. Living with her may

37:30

have been the happiest and most at home I've ever been.

37:33

I ended it with her because of her

37:35

combination of going long distance and her breaking

37:37

my trust more than once by failing to

37:39

communicate with me about major life decisions. It

37:42

was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made but I think

37:44

it was at the right time. A

37:47

few months after my breakup I met a man. In

37:50

our context the previous fellow Malvoti was about the

37:52

white guy I was 13 who had some problematic

37:54

racial views. He told me to give him a

37:56

chance and I'm glad I did. He told you to give

37:58

him nothing you thought. I'm not

38:01

so sure he was like... I

38:04

remember that one. OK, well, yeah. OK,

38:06

cool. He is truly a catch.

38:08

The way he shows up for me and shows

38:10

me love is what I always wanted from my

38:12

ex. Access service is an important love language for

38:14

me and something that I felt was lacking in

38:16

my previous relationship. This man anticipates

38:18

my needs before I do, and I always

38:20

feel like he's got me. He's a dream

38:23

boyfriend in so many ways, although

38:25

he's not officially my boyfriend. And

38:27

any girl would be so lucky to have him. However...

38:31

Can I join you down there? I love him. OK, let's go. However...

38:37

You see some differences in politics and

38:39

worldviews and continue to come up as

38:41

well as my able-got feelings. I

38:44

know he is not the one for me. I

38:46

do have so much love for him, but I

38:48

am not truly in love. And I'm not sure

38:50

if I can see myself getting there. For a

38:52

while, we were both OK. We were just enjoying

38:54

our current situation for what it was. But

38:57

he wants to take the next step and become

38:59

official. I just can't give that to him right

39:02

now, and he deserves better. My

39:04

ex and I are still in communication with friends,

39:06

which he knows about. A few

39:08

weeks ago, I found that she was moving

39:11

back to my city. We have plans to

39:13

meet for lunch for the first time, and

39:15

I keep finding myself counting down the days.

39:17

I miss her so much. When I picture

39:19

my future, I think about getting married. She's

39:21

all I can see. Despite her having been

39:23

very flawed as a partner, I see so

39:25

much potential for growth in her, and I

39:27

want us to grow together. I am so

39:29

in love with her, even after the time

39:31

apart. She builds up a missing piece to

39:33

my life. I don't know if it's the first

39:35

fake-up lose, or if it's something real

39:37

that I should pay attention to. I also don't

39:39

know whether or not she builds a fame. Would

39:42

I be making a mistake by ending things with

39:44

my man, even though he's amazing? If I do

39:46

end things, do you think there's any way I

39:48

can do it without ruining our friendship? We were

39:50

close friends before, and I don't want to lose

39:52

that. We are also part of the same close

39:54

knit yet. Spend great. Second,

39:57

should I shoot my shot with my ex, and see if she's still

39:59

for the next time? or should I

40:01

try to get over the feelings I have for her? I

40:03

care about them both so much and I

40:06

know there was a strong possibility of me

40:08

ending up without either of them, but as

40:10

scary as that is, I feel somewhat unauthentic

40:12

staying in a relationship knowing that I'm in

40:14

love with someone else. Please help, I'm so

40:17

lost. P.S., I'm not one of the people

40:19

that's not comfortable being alone. I'm okay with

40:21

being single. It shows by coincidence that these

40:23

two relationships happen back to back. Thanks for

40:25

reading my Long Ask essay. You

40:28

are welcome, honey. That's

40:30

a beautiful contribution right there. Complex.

40:33

You're right. Thoughts?

40:35

I think that she, I mean,

40:37

she really had me sold when she was describing the

40:40

guy and then she threw me completely when she said

40:42

that they've got different political views and she basically isn't

40:44

in love with him. So I feel like that's the

40:46

answer. I think that she probably needs to

40:48

end it with that situation. And at

40:50

the end of the dilemma, she says she's healed. She

40:52

doesn't have an issue of being alone. This just happens

40:55

to be the circumstance. The fact that she's

40:57

still in love with the ex and the ex

40:59

is coming back into town, I

41:01

personally would go for that. If she was

41:03

not the ex. I would shoot my shot. I might

41:06

because she still loves her. It's not like if she'd

41:08

healed from that relationship and wasn't in love with

41:10

her, anyone didn't still have these lingering feelings.

41:12

Then I'd say, do you know what? Don't

41:14

resurrect something that's gone. But she

41:16

still has the feelings. So why

41:18

not? So I'm a big believer

41:20

in telling people how I feel. I don't think

41:23

there is a person that I've ever felt something for

41:25

that I didn't know how I felt about them. I

41:27

think my action is show it how I am

41:30

sure it. And I will also say in words. But

41:35

I don't know if she should tell her ex how she

41:37

still feels. Really? I

41:41

feel like you break up for a reason. You wasn't,

41:44

what you needed wasn't served to you. You felt like access

41:46

services is a big thing for you. And this person didn't

41:48

see to that. I think you go back to telling your

41:50

ex how you feel you get back with her, whatever an

41:53

ideal world. But I think you go back to the exact

41:55

same problems you had before. I

41:57

don't know if this person changes. they

42:00

are and I don't know what it's like to consistently

42:02

ask them for something that they can't give you regardless

42:06

of how much they might want to how much you might want to

42:08

they don't have it in their arsenal to give it to you So

42:11

I don't know And I think because

42:13

she's met someone who was a mate like there's more

42:15

than two amazing people in the world Yeah, and

42:17

thankfully for you, you don't just like men because

42:19

it was two men. I'd be like, honey Because

42:25

All the options and like I think yeah, I'm gonna push back okay

42:27

go Like

42:40

I like looking at the individual. I like

42:42

looking at the speaker Okay, and if it's

42:44

the outside i'm gonna definitely be like I

42:46

think it's the outside. I think it's

42:48

the inside. I think it's the speaker I

42:51

think our speaker is a

42:54

like problematically Romantic

43:00

I know there's tons wrong.

43:02

There's tons wrong because you're not living in

43:05

reality There's

43:11

a there's like toxic romanticism happening which

43:14

means that she's going to be stuck

43:16

and she keeps chasing the

43:18

like What do you

43:20

call that like the butterfly phase? Yeah Like

43:22

the honeymoon honeymoon she keeps chasing the honeymoon She

43:26

always gets to me where I heard I

43:28

kept hearing that you get to The

43:30

power struggle phase which is like phase two of

43:32

any relationship once you get past Oh,

43:35

man, you're just like me You're

43:37

so perfect. Everything is great about you. I'm

43:39

so into you you're gonna get to the

43:41

phase where you're like Oh, we're not so

43:43

similar We're different people

43:45

you're gonna struggle for power. You're gonna struggle

43:48

for who is communicating more You're not gonna

43:50

meet and you have to get through that.

43:52

Yeah And she hasn't gotten

43:54

through that with anyone and what she

43:56

does is she has a habit Right

43:58

because you've only given me two

44:01

examples, but it's again similar

44:03

stuff. You get to the

44:06

problematic phase and instead of

44:08

working through it and communicating hardcore

44:12

and saying that you communicate hardcore, because you don't

44:14

say that, you end it because

44:16

I didn't hear cheating, I didn't

44:19

hear abuse, I didn't hear

44:21

anything that was like so toxic or

44:23

problematic, it was like communication, yeah,

44:26

I'm not you. Yeah, you're talking to another person,

44:29

I can't intuit what you're saying. So you have

44:31

to keep communicating even if you have to say

44:33

the same thing over and over, you

44:35

have to condition me to come sometimes

44:37

understand you. But it does get tiring,

44:39

you have to

44:42

get to a point where you decide, hey, I

44:46

can't keep doing this if I keep saying the same

44:48

thing, there's no change, but you don't go back to

44:50

that. Her issue as well is

44:52

that she keeps she stays in contact

44:54

enough to

44:56

then fall in love with the honeymoon

44:59

again, through friendship. So you're

45:02

literally saying, Oh, my ex is like

45:04

perfect again, you're not with your ex

45:07

daily. Yeah, you're not talking

45:09

to your ex, your ex is getting the

45:11

best of you. Yeah, because the man is

45:13

getting the harder, harder part of you right

45:15

now. Right. And whoever they're with, because they

45:18

always got somebody to everybody needs something. Yeah.

45:20

So the person they're talking to and their

45:22

outlets are getting the harder part of them.

45:24

So they're only giving you the best. Right

45:27

back to the mast. And

45:30

now she's like, Oh, yeah, you're perfect again, because

45:32

you're getting the best. So

45:35

she's chasing honeymoon. Yeah.

45:37

And she's only going to get to there's like five

45:39

stages. You

45:42

feel me? So it's like she keeps chasing the

45:44

honeymoon. And you're going to

45:46

just keep running into the honeymoon over and over. And

45:48

then when it gets hard, you cut in the

45:50

right. And then he was

45:52

just I think he was wrong at that time. And

45:55

you know, I think he's just evolved

45:57

and he's just perfect. And I forgot. Yeah.

46:01

Because the thing is that X was doing all

46:03

the access service stuff, she claims she wanted and

46:05

she's not happy. She still wasn't happy. I mean,

46:07

she still wasn't happy. She still not, she hasn't

46:09

found herself in love with that person. So

46:11

what do you do? Because the X wasn't giving

46:13

her the things she claimed she wants, but she's in love

46:16

with that person. So it's like, you have it and

46:18

you don't want it. Then you don't

46:20

have it and you also want it. So I think. Is

46:22

there a sense of self-fabotage here somewhere?

46:25

Definitely. Yeah, because it's like the manual,

46:27

which seems to be great. It's going to be all

46:29

the things that you want. Where

46:31

do we stand on sharing different political views?

46:35

You have to decide that. You have to then

46:37

get to a place where you go, I

46:40

can't, that's just so not me. And

46:43

it's not contributing to the future

46:45

that I want to be in. Like

46:48

if you are voting against everything that

46:50

is going to benefit me, maybe

46:53

his political views are against the

46:55

LGBTQ. Yeah. Yeah. And

46:58

then you can't, the nuances of what

47:00

your position actually means, and she can't

47:02

align herself with what that means. And

47:06

that is so divergent from her

47:08

core that she needs to

47:10

leave. Then you can't be like, we

47:13

stayed in touch and everything else is

47:15

great when you're with somebody else. Because

47:18

you keep sabotaging your presence to

47:20

try to chase something that's an

47:22

illusion from your past. Okay.

47:24

So practical advice. Should she meet up with her ex

47:26

when she's in town? No. You're

47:29

in a relationship. Yeah, you don't listen to her

47:31

boyfriend. And

47:34

she's thinking of breaking up with him. If

47:36

you have to break up with a person, you're with them. Okay.

47:41

So an innocent lunch of an

47:43

ex is bad. Because she has intentions. No, I'm

47:46

joking. Yeah. It's

47:48

not innocent. So first of all, I think

47:50

if you're going to work through it, her

47:52

issues is making concrete decisions. Like

47:55

just boil it down. Yeah. So I

47:57

think she's got to make a decision.

48:00

Do you want to be with the man or not? Yeah. And

48:02

if you're going to leave him, leave him

48:04

alone. And if you're going

48:06

to leave the ex, leave her alone.

48:08

Yeah. Right? She needs to stop.

48:12

She keeps. So the ex

48:14

also can't move on. So there's also

48:16

that. Yeah. The ex can't move on

48:18

because she has kept

48:21

her energetic attachment.

48:25

And that's the thing. If

48:28

you keep holding on to energetic attachments, neither

48:30

of you can move on. Explain what's what

48:32

you mean by energetic attachments. When

48:35

you're in really close,

48:38

intimate relationships, you

48:40

get to a place where you almost become psychic

48:42

with that person. And

48:44

that's because your energies, you're on the

48:47

same wavelength, whatever like potential

48:49

mysticism thing you want to say. I

48:53

think it's real. Right? If

48:55

something happens to your husband and

48:58

you're at work, you might just be like, something doesn't

49:00

feel right today. Yeah. There's certain phone calls you can

49:02

tell the difference when your phone rings in a certain

49:05

way. I think mothers feel it about their job. If I could have

49:07

a feeling they're like, oh, OK. We're

49:10

powerful beings. I think we're all powerful

49:12

beings. And we're very connected. And we've

49:14

been also conditioned out of how

49:17

much the spiritual is in our day

49:19

to day. So when you're

49:21

in love, real

49:23

love, deep love, connected love, you

49:27

get really connected. When

49:30

you break up, it's

49:32

like shifting

49:35

that energy as well. That's

49:38

why people are like, I knew you cheated. I knew you

49:40

were cheating on. I just can feel it. You

49:42

can feel it. Do you think that

49:44

energy is also shared when you have sex

49:47

with someone? Yes. Yeah, because I believe

49:49

that. Well, yeah, because I don't really believe in

49:51

casual sex as in for me to participate in.

49:53

Because I think there was something shared in that. And

49:57

when did we go through different things?

50:00

things, it's because you are willing to accept

50:02

it, or you have different barriers, and you're

50:04

like safeguarding different things.

50:06

There's levels to everything, right? I

50:09

think. But

50:12

going back to the thing of energetic

50:14

attachments, you get into that. And

50:16

when you're in these relationships, when

50:20

you say goodbye, and you really say goodbye,

50:22

you kind of cut off a

50:25

big part of that, and you have to really

50:27

cut it off. And it hurts. And

50:30

that's what hurts too. You cut off

50:32

that part, whether you

50:35

block them or whatever, you

50:37

cut it off. So you

50:39

create space for the new person to

50:41

come in. But if

50:43

you keep that energetic attachment where you're

50:45

checking in, and you're talking all the

50:48

time, you're still attached. And

50:50

they're still attached. They're still feeling you, you're still

50:52

feeling them, which means that whatever

50:54

they're in, they're sabotaging it as well. You're

50:57

sabotaging your thing as well. And

51:00

until both of you let go, you're

51:03

always going to keep kind of coming back with each

51:05

other. I totally agree with that, you know,

51:07

because I feel like it's really rare for

51:10

people to break up and go cold

51:12

turkey completely. Do you know what I mean?

51:14

No one really does that. Like you can have the

51:16

biggest, you can even have a deep conversation where you sit

51:18

down and say, this is not for us. Most

51:21

people don't break up and never

51:23

speak again. Like that's very hard.

51:25

It's very rare. But I think it's the

51:27

best way to get over something. Definitely. It's the only way.

51:29

I remember we still were still like the point of each

51:31

other's call. Like I said, like let's say something happened, I

51:33

was still called and something like that. And then I remember

51:35

one time I called him, like a few years ago, he

51:38

picked me up from somewhere. He was like, what's your point

51:40

of call anymore? And I

51:42

feel like I stopped. I'm

51:48

very empathetic. I'm like super empathetic.

51:50

I'm very empathetic with like, I'm

51:53

dating someone and they have a person

51:56

from their past. Like I'm

51:58

okay with it. to what point

52:00

it goes. No. To a point where I

52:03

recognize that it's not good for us. And

52:05

again, that's all conversation. Also,

52:10

one of the things that I think is the greatest

52:12

gift when I'm dating somebody is when

52:15

they're clear with me and

52:17

honest with me so

52:19

I can make decisions before I get attached.

52:23

If you can help me... I always say that.

52:25

Tell me the truth. I decide from the truth.

52:28

Before I get attached. Like it's when I

52:30

get attached then shit gets painful. But if

52:32

I'm not attached then I could be like,

52:34

I hear you, I see what's going on

52:37

with you and your life and

52:39

I want to support you and I could support you

52:41

from a friendly position and I

52:43

could still protect myself because I understand

52:45

how vulnerable and sensitive I am. I'm

52:47

hell of a... No way. I

52:50

would have never given up. You

52:52

cannot help me. You cannot help me. You cannot

52:54

help me. No,

52:58

but it's like I know I'm

53:01

sensitive. So if I can make

53:03

a decision that protects

53:05

me before I get attached, I'll

53:07

be okay. And I really

53:09

value that. So be open and cool

53:11

and honest about the thing before

53:14

I get attached. And

53:16

I also try to protect people where they also

53:18

get attached to me. It's

53:23

important. And if I know

53:25

that you have someone else in your life, please

53:27

tell me. And then we

53:30

can make a decision. It's like, okay, if we're going to

53:32

get and take this real serious, that

53:35

can't continue anymore. And you know why.

53:37

And I'll explain this. I'm like, energy

53:40

is real. I'll explain it to you.

53:42

And the other thing is, you will

53:45

know after I explain it to you because

53:47

it will literally show up the way

53:49

I explain it to you. When

53:52

the energy is still attached, the second

53:54

you're about to make that big decision to

53:57

cut that person off, they'll text you. Yeah, that's

53:59

why. We always say that. As

54:01

soon as you're ready to move on, we always say that we feel

54:03

like we date men, have

54:05

a radar. Like they know it's the

54:07

minute they go in a better, stronger

54:09

place and suddenly you get that hey

54:11

big head. Like why? Why? Because it's

54:13

still connected and you should understand that

54:16

should also show you how connected you

54:18

are. You should actually stop looking at

54:20

all these things. I never think they're connected to me.

54:23

They're not problems. No, they're connected to

54:25

you. No, not me buddy. I

54:27

always think like it's, never

54:30

mind, that's a story for another day. I wish you

54:32

had more time. I always

54:34

feel like it's one-sided kind of thing.

54:36

Like when I feel really strongly, I'm

54:38

just like there's no way you feel

54:40

that strongly back. And

54:43

I don't know why. I think

54:45

maybe they show it differently. Maybe

54:47

because of how we are, we're more overt with

54:50

how when I feel strongly. Like I said, people

54:52

will always know that I feel strongly. They might not

54:54

say. I've been having a conversation with a guy from

54:56

the other day and then he was like, once a

54:58

guy, it was more for him. I don't know if

55:00

it's true. You tell me if it's true. Once a

55:02

guy realizes that he's in love with someone, it's terrifying.

55:05

Like it's not this, you know what I mean? Like,

55:07

oh lovely. He was like instantly, he's terrified.

55:10

Now like I'm saying I'm willing to lay my

55:12

life down for you. Like I'm saying that I'm

55:14

willing to look like you are now my person.

55:17

So it's so terrifying that I don't,

55:19

I almost don't, it's not this fun,

55:21

really. Because I think for us, we identify

55:23

love more than we do the person. Yeah.

55:26

So we're more fascinated with like, so

55:28

any man can be the love. We

55:30

just like love, but we've also been conditioned

55:32

differently. Yeah, yes. So any man can fit

55:34

into that. And

55:38

we also aren't supported in the

55:41

same way that women are supported

55:44

by each other in moments of like

55:47

deep emotional vulnerability. So like for a

55:49

man, a man gets into a place

55:51

of like deep emotional pain. It's

55:55

lonely because one, you

55:58

don't feel as comfortable expressing it. around

56:00

you. You feel and the

56:03

thing about all the

56:05

toxic isms, the toxic isms

56:07

are internalized by everybody. So

56:09

women also internalize toxic

56:11

patriarchy. There are women

56:13

who I don't like to see America.

56:16

I don't like it. Women will reflect

56:18

that as well as other

56:20

men. So like depending on who you are,

56:22

who you're around, you might not get that

56:24

support. I

56:26

went through a horrible, terrible, hard

56:29

breakup with someone I was with for

56:31

seven years. It was so painful. I

56:34

was inside the recovery of that.

56:36

I saw how differently men and

56:38

women. Right, okay. How do you reckon

56:41

you, did we have male listeners? Well,

56:43

women, my female friends supported

56:45

me totally different than my male friends.

56:47

And I got pissed off at my

56:49

male friends. Did you talk

56:51

to the huge fight? I did. I did.

56:54

I did. And then I had like couple

56:56

really good. I had to identify the male

56:58

friends I could go to. That's another thing. But

57:00

the female friends, this shit like, I didn't

57:03

know women send each other books. Oh, cool.

57:05

For breakups, women send each other breakup gifts.

57:07

Yeah, when I was going for a hard

57:09

time, we don't even live close to each

57:11

other and totally drove all the way down just

57:14

to sit. Just sat? She didn't even talk

57:16

to the satins. I

57:19

got like breakup gifts. So my

57:21

female friends, my cousin, a woman

57:23

sent me like a gift box

57:25

with like soaps and smells

57:27

and shit. You sent your coffee to your

57:30

house just in case you needed it. And this man.

57:38

One of my friends was like, look at this,

57:41

look at this ass. He's holding his phone.

57:43

He's holding his phone. I'm

57:46

dying. I'm

57:49

literally dying inside like they

57:51

can help me. Help me.

57:53

Help me. I

58:01

was like, I don't... And

58:03

it was like, I got real upset

58:06

at different things. And it wasn't until

58:08

like, I found the male friends though.

58:10

That were deep. That

58:12

held space. How did you

58:14

find that they had that for you? Because I guess... You

58:17

guys first. Hmm? Because

58:19

you know someone's got to be like... Someone's got to

58:21

open that door to be like... Yeah, exactly. How

58:23

did you feel that that friend was a good

58:25

friend to go to with that? They

58:27

just identified themselves. You could feel

58:29

that. But... I mean, I've

58:31

had a very tough three years. Okay. In

58:34

the sense of like, I've been through big

58:36

breakups. I lost my mother a year and a

58:38

half ago. Sorry. And like,

58:40

you know, my mother... My mother...

58:45

It was, you know, it's

58:47

something where losing

58:49

a parent, any parent is tough, but

58:51

like a mother, a

58:53

black mother in

58:58

our

59:01

modern context of

59:03

black parenthood. Right? Is

59:07

hard. Right? When I come

59:11

from a family dynamic of

59:13

a father not being around whatsoever.

59:16

So my mother was average. My

59:19

mother lived with me. Right? So, you

59:21

know, we came here, came to the US

59:23

as immigrants from the Caribbean based on my

59:26

sister's dream to be a doctor. And my mother made

59:28

that happen. My

59:30

sister is now a reproductive endocrinologist

59:32

and fertility specialist with an MD and

59:35

a PhD. My mother made that

59:37

happen. Working

59:40

in houses and cleaning bathrooms

59:42

and taking care of old people. My

59:45

mother did that. I...

59:49

First money I got, I was like, I'm buying us

59:51

a house. That was just gonna be our first purchase

59:54

in our family in this

59:56

new country. And I was

59:58

like, you're moving in. This is your house. house,

1:00:00

right? Like I lived with her. Yeah. And

1:00:02

then in like six

1:00:05

weeks, I watched her die. Unexpectedly.

1:00:10

And gone through a lot

1:00:12

of pain and understood that not

1:00:15

everybody's gonna understand that. And you're

1:00:17

part of this weird club. I

1:00:20

know. I hate it. Yeah. You lost a parent?

1:00:22

Yeah. Yeah. I call it a dead

1:00:24

flag club. Yeah. It's not crazy. Yeah. And

1:00:29

most people won't understand it. Yeah. And you will

1:00:32

hear every cliche in the world. And the people

1:00:34

who get it don't have to say much.

1:00:37

And sometimes it's in the them

1:00:39

not saying much. You understand that they get

1:00:41

you. You know?

1:00:43

Yeah. And that was a

1:00:45

similar thing where grief

1:00:49

is real. And

1:00:52

grief when it comes to relationships,

1:00:55

it's akin. Right? It's not the same, but

1:00:57

it's akin to grief of

1:01:00

losing people to death.

1:01:03

Relationships die. Yeah. And

1:01:05

your dreams die of who

1:01:08

you're gonna be with that person. It's the

1:01:11

hope that goes with them. The hope dies.

1:01:13

Yeah. That's fun. You know?

1:01:15

All those things die. Like you literally

1:01:17

watch that go away. And then you're

1:01:19

now faced with the unknown again. And

1:01:22

there's tons of grief that comes with

1:01:24

that. And people will identify themselves. They will

1:01:26

identify themselves in what they say and sometimes

1:01:29

what they don't say. Yeah. And

1:01:31

those male friends showed up. And some of it

1:01:33

was what they didn't say. That made me go,

1:01:35

you get me? Yeah. It's safe here. And

1:01:38

it was some of the things that they did say, which was

1:01:40

like, great.

1:01:43

I also understood how different

1:01:46

men and women are too when

1:01:49

it came to some of those female

1:01:51

friends. They were the ones like, burn

1:01:53

that bitch. Burn her shit. What

1:01:56

you gotta do is put her shit in the back yard. That's

1:02:01

not the answer either. So

1:02:04

I got great advice from my female friends.

1:02:06

I got terrible advice from my female friends.

1:02:08

And I got horrible advice from a lot

1:02:10

of male friends. And I got incredible advice

1:02:13

from some male friends. I think that's the

1:02:15

thing with getting older. I'm going

1:02:17

to be 35 this year. I

1:02:19

went through a hard time with my mum who got diagnosed with

1:02:22

cancer last year. And I always give

1:02:24

credit to Audrey for just how she showed up

1:02:26

to me. And it's physically showing up.

1:02:28

And I've got nothing to say to you.

1:02:30

Because often there is nothing to say. It's

1:02:32

just be present. And I think I'm finding

1:02:34

that more the older I get in that my

1:02:36

friends' parents are also getting old. And

1:02:38

then we have new problems now. The problems

1:02:41

of, oh, he hasn't texted me back. Or

1:02:43

it's so small compared to, guys,

1:02:45

my parents and I. It's

1:02:48

such big things. And because these are

1:02:50

people that have been staples our whole

1:02:52

life. Just now being like,

1:02:54

the elders are going. I'm

1:02:57

a baby. How old are you? Can't

1:02:59

go yet. Like, what now? And

1:03:02

again, especially if you come from a family, my mum is very

1:03:04

much like the big mummy of my family. Like, it's

1:03:06

our house that people come to when they travel. It's

1:03:08

like we are like the center of, again, Singaporean

1:03:10

house, where the center of the thing.

1:03:12

And you think, when's that person go? It's traditions

1:03:14

go with them. Like, then what

1:03:17

does life look like? And

1:03:19

I think it's the friendships that you have. Because

1:03:21

eventually we had a very morbid conversation

1:03:24

with someone to be like, what's bad? It's really

1:03:26

bad things have happened. But the worst things haven't

1:03:28

happened yet. Yeah. I

1:03:31

mean, when I see that, I was like, fuck.

1:03:34

Because I remember with Cheymanza, I think both her parents

1:03:36

and her dad, she was just like, you

1:03:38

can't do anything to me anymore. The worst things have happened to me.

1:03:40

She's like, nothing. She's like, I'm going to do

1:03:43

exactly what the fuck I want because nothing can

1:03:45

touch me anymore. Like, I'm convinced the worst has

1:03:47

happened to me. And it gives you real empathy. Yeah.

1:03:50

Yeah. It gives you real empathy when you're

1:03:52

actually in some of these conversations, especially in

1:03:54

the relationship in your life. When you're like,

1:03:57

I understand the difference between this is.

1:04:00

communication and

1:04:02

I can work through this. Yeah. And

1:04:06

this is like real life stuff. Yeah.

1:04:08

Yeah. And I could tell that you can't do

1:04:10

real life stuff. And this

1:04:12

man, this bad communication thing is not so bad.

1:04:15

I can work through that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because

1:04:19

cancer happens. Cancer's

1:04:21

coming. You know what I mean?

1:04:23

It feels really like, it feels

1:04:25

really like, you see the

1:04:27

facts, I'm one in three. You're like, wait, I'm the one

1:04:29

in three. Yeah. That's

1:04:37

not good for the sick. And yeah, yeah. Live

1:04:39

your life, man. Yeah. Like, we're not, it's

1:04:49

a journey. You're going through it. You're not stuck

1:04:51

here. It's literally like, you're going to go

1:04:53

through it. So make the most of that

1:04:56

journey. Make the most of this. Around yourself

1:04:58

with the best people. Yeah. That can support

1:05:00

the lows. You

1:05:03

know, the highs will happen.

1:05:05

It's the lows that you

1:05:07

have to prepare for and

1:05:09

you have to guard against

1:05:11

with great people. You know

1:05:14

what I mean? Great people will, there's never, there's

1:05:16

never a

1:05:19

lack of people when

1:05:21

it comes to celebration. Oh, of course. You can fill

1:05:23

a whole room up. We're

1:05:26

having a party. Yeah. Come on,

1:05:28

come through. Yeah. When you fill,

1:05:30

yeah, sure. Come, come, come. Proximity.

1:05:32

Yeah. Exactly. Of course. But it's

1:05:34

guarding against and having really

1:05:36

good support systems for the

1:05:38

tough thing. Can I ask, it's not personal,

1:05:41

how it was after that

1:05:43

big race, going back to work. Because

1:05:45

I think when something like that happens, nothing is important

1:05:47

anymore. I did this

1:05:49

movie. I

1:05:52

did this movie and it was hard. But

1:05:55

nothing matters. Obviously, no, I understand. So

1:06:00

I did this movie, I actually

1:06:02

walked right on to set. So

1:06:05

Black Panther 2 came out two

1:06:07

weeks after my mother died. And

1:06:10

then I had no idea that that's what I was

1:06:12

shooting. A shooting of the movie

1:06:14

where the mother dies. And

1:06:17

it was hard being on that set without Chadwick. We

1:06:19

were grieving, we were all grieving together.

1:06:22

And I always say that I did not understand what his

1:06:25

wife was going through until I lost my mom. So,

1:06:28

you know, that was hard.

1:06:32

Shot that Angela Bassett's

1:06:34

character dies. Queen

1:06:37

Mother dies in the movie. And

1:06:39

then having to watch that scene in

1:06:41

the movie theater two weeks after my

1:06:43

mother passed away, I literally was just,

1:06:45

I was sitting there shaking

1:06:49

and just bawling in the seats at the

1:06:51

premiere. And

1:06:54

then having committed to this movie,

1:06:57

like a month prior, two months

1:06:59

prior. And they're like, so.

1:07:02

You ready? We need you to be on set in 12

1:07:04

days. And

1:07:07

I showed up and I did, I just worked. I

1:07:11

literally worked. And

1:07:13

I'd get up and ball at 4 AM,

1:07:17

put on my clothes and be out of the door at 4.45. The

1:07:21

great thing is that as an

1:07:23

artist, trained artist, your body knows

1:07:25

how to do what it does. So it was

1:07:28

cool to like turn my brain off. And I

1:07:31

wasn't in a drama. I was

1:07:34

in an action comedy. So I

1:07:36

was like in my body, doing

1:07:38

stunts, you know, fighting

1:07:40

and doing the thing I did as a

1:07:42

kid, you know, like jumping off of high

1:07:44

stuff and making noise. And

1:07:47

it was really cool. And I was

1:07:49

far away. We shot this movie in Sydney,

1:07:51

Australia. So I was far

1:07:54

away from home. I

1:07:56

was in a whole nother energetic space

1:07:58

because that whole. you know,

1:08:01

island continent is its own

1:08:03

thing. And it

1:08:05

was good to be away, right?

1:08:07

And then I had to find ways

1:08:10

to help myself. I finished

1:08:12

that movie and I

1:08:14

said to myself, you know what, I'm gonna actually

1:08:16

take the next year off because I

1:08:19

learned in the movie that I can't run

1:08:21

away from Microsoft because

1:08:24

there were some days where I was like, I don't

1:08:26

think I can do this, not today. I don't think

1:08:28

I can actually do this today. And

1:08:31

sometimes I always meet. And

1:08:34

I said, I can't run away because this thing is

1:08:36

with me, it's just life. And

1:08:39

I traveled, I was in 14 countries

1:08:41

last year. Yeah. And

1:08:44

travel is this incredible thing

1:08:47

where you

1:08:49

confront narratives,

1:08:51

right? So

1:08:54

you're in different spaces and people can tell you

1:08:56

what a place is like, people can tell you

1:08:58

what different people are like. There's

1:09:01

tons of narratives, but most

1:09:03

narratives are sales. Yeah. Right?

1:09:06

It's tourism. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:09:08

It's tourism, it's economics, it's

1:09:11

socioeconomics, it's the isms, right?

1:09:13

So it's racism, it's colonialism,

1:09:15

it's nationalism. So most stories

1:09:18

are fabricated, but

1:09:20

travel is a confrontation of

1:09:22

truth. Because once you're there,

1:09:24

you're like, oh, this is the truth. And this is what

1:09:27

it's about, yeah. So on TV,

1:09:29

Bali is just landscapes. In

1:09:32

reality, Bali is people. Yeah.

1:09:37

On TV, Bali is, oh man,

1:09:40

I can have a whole meal

1:09:42

for $10, right? Two pounds. And

1:09:44

you go there and you confront,

1:09:47

oh, this is why I

1:09:49

can have a meal for two pounds. And this

1:09:51

is not okay. I

1:09:53

shouldn't be able to have a meal for two pounds. And

1:09:56

that is not okay. And that's not sustainable.

1:09:59

Yeah. And in that time, I

1:10:01

became a UN ambassador for sustainable tourism.

1:10:05

Because now you understand what's real and

1:10:07

what's narrative and what's sustainable. Because when

1:10:09

you confront the truth, you actually have

1:10:11

to confront, you have to deal with,

1:10:13

you have to deal with real people

1:10:15

and the consequences of narrative. Yeah. Right.

1:10:18

The consequences of saying, I can

1:10:21

go there and do whatever I want. You cannot. And

1:10:24

correct me if I'm wrong, but it feels

1:10:26

like you experience things and hold on to them.

1:10:29

We all do. I

1:10:32

think I can be quite fleeting of an experience. That was the thing that

1:10:34

happened then that can carry on. I can count on my life and not

1:10:36

think about it. You might think that,

1:10:38

but it's in your skin. So is

1:10:40

this going to stay with you? This conversation? I'll,

1:10:44

it's changed me already. You think back for the

1:10:46

best of your life. I

1:10:49

don't need to. You never think of it. It's

1:10:51

in my, it's in, it's epigenetic now. My kids

1:10:53

will remember the conversation because we had it. Okay.

1:10:57

And we do a thing where we like to call

1:10:59

the will of fortune. And we

1:11:02

ask our guests to give a little theme tune as the

1:11:04

will comes. So it's

1:11:06

just the will we spin and

1:11:09

a very investment bread is going to bring this will

1:11:11

along. I like it. Do you want to think

1:11:13

of your theme tune? You

1:11:16

know what? Since

1:11:22

cowboy Carter is hitting right now, let's

1:11:24

pick something from there. What one? Beyonce

1:11:27

is our girl. Yep. Bucking. Oh,

1:11:30

I was going to say two hands to heaven. I thought you

1:11:32

had to say. Let's do it. Let's sing it. I'll

1:11:35

have to sing it. You sing it. I'm

1:11:38

really good. Sing about it. If

1:11:42

it wasn't for this, I would be talking. I'm

1:11:44

it guys. I'm

1:11:49

not going to sing it. We're just all the thing you have

1:11:51

not spoken. I'm going to say that. What

1:11:57

would you do a podcast about? Oh,

1:12:00

do you know the whole thing of sort of talking? I

1:12:02

did think you'd be a good podcast host. Really?

1:12:04

Yeah, what would you do about? Travel.

1:12:08

Okay. So I think traveling is really cool.

1:12:11

And there's like just an abundance of stories

1:12:13

that can come from what angle would you

1:12:15

go about? Would you go with people who've traveled

1:12:17

the world? Would you? Every global

1:12:20

travel. Okay. Every global travel. I'd

1:12:23

like to hear different cultural stories that people

1:12:25

haven't heard before. I love

1:12:27

folklore. Okay. So I think like

1:12:29

folklore coming from different parts of

1:12:31

the world would be dope. What

1:12:33

if by this is a piss? Yeah, here we go. I

1:12:37

think hearing about different, just

1:12:42

like cultural travel customs as well would

1:12:44

be great. Like how do people from

1:12:46

other places, how do they travel? How

1:12:48

does that shift as well? Yeah. So

1:12:51

I think there's a lot

1:12:53

of convergence on a travel podcast

1:12:55

that could be like segmented. Where's your

1:12:58

favorite place you've

1:13:00

been? Easiest answer

1:13:03

would be Singapore. Okay. Why?

1:13:05

So I'm from a small

1:13:07

island nation. I'm from Trinidad

1:13:09

and Tobago. And

1:13:13

seeing. I'm

1:13:16

from Trinidad and Tobago. That's

1:13:21

what it means. Yeah, I'm from

1:13:23

Trinidad and Tobago. And to

1:13:26

see how a country like

1:13:28

Singapore, right, came

1:13:31

out of colonialism, is now one

1:13:33

of the leading like economic forces

1:13:35

on the planet. It

1:13:37

gave me a lot of hope. It

1:13:39

gave me a lot of hope for all our

1:13:41

countries. It gave me a lot of hope for what

1:13:44

is possible for the future of

1:13:46

the Caribbean. What is possible for

1:13:48

the future of Africa? What is possible

1:13:50

for, I hate saying

1:13:53

the word developing world, because

1:13:55

it implies that they're

1:13:57

going through something and stuff. That's just what.

1:14:00

That is the development that happened

1:14:02

as a result of everything else

1:14:06

So I don't think of them

1:14:08

as developers like no, that's the development that's

1:14:10

what happened, but I it's a lot of

1:14:15

Hope for me for a lot of

1:14:17

our backgrounds post-colonial

1:14:21

And I saw just like it's possible. It was

1:14:23

a really great thing to be like, oh my

1:14:25

god And

1:14:27

you know what everybody loved about black panther

1:14:29

in particular was like Wakanda was and

1:14:36

We all need one we all need a welcome

1:14:38

yeah, I'll need you know what's great about these

1:14:40

movies is that they think They

1:14:43

truncate these big ideas and add them on

1:14:45

to a cool story that make you digest

1:14:47

them but it's not really the story it's

1:14:49

the idea and Fall

1:14:51

guy black pants are all these things

1:14:53

like their conversation. Yeah

1:14:57

and Being in Singapore

1:14:59

was this conversation of what can

1:15:01

be So it's traveling

1:15:03

with the juke traveling You

1:15:08

know a friend of mine just called

1:15:10

my fan base the kingdom Yeah,

1:15:13

I like it. I like it. I like

1:15:15

it. I like it. So travel in the

1:15:17

kingdom in the kingdom I

1:15:20

like it again The

1:15:29

wildest the end from a fan I

1:15:34

don't know if you've met my fans

1:15:37

or followed my fans

1:15:39

are racy I see

1:15:41

why about you that I mean you just Talking

1:15:48

about it for using you know, you're what you

1:15:50

put out there you are the reflection Wow That

1:15:56

brings that out of your band that they become

1:15:58

very little fucker of

1:16:00

you. So far could you be a racy

1:16:02

little fucker? I'm the most. The racy

1:16:04

as fucker. So the thing is

1:16:06

I admit, I admit to myself

1:16:08

who I am and I'm all

1:16:10

things you know I mean and

1:16:13

I think what people might be

1:16:16

drawn to and something that I do cultivate

1:16:18

is I like to be permissive. I

1:16:21

like to give permission in

1:16:23

life so when you look at me a lot of

1:16:26

people tend to be like oh I saw and I felt

1:16:28

like I could do the same thing right

1:16:30

in many ways but like

1:16:32

I like to be permissive so like I

1:16:34

like people to feel comfortable I

1:16:36

like I can hear your

1:16:38

life story and still and always say

1:16:40

that's awesome and

1:16:42

I accept that now what

1:16:45

else you know I mean so I think

1:16:47

it makes people feel like

1:16:51

connected in every way I think

1:16:54

I that might

1:16:57

come out energetically so they

1:16:59

go I want them thighs.

1:17:01

You definitely have good energy.

1:17:03

You can not. You are

1:17:06

getting out of it now.

1:17:08

You are done. You're guilty

1:17:10

pleasure film. Yeah,

1:17:17

guilty pleasure film Soul

1:17:19

Plane. Ah, that

1:17:21

is a real guilty. That is a real guilty. That is real

1:17:23

guilty. Yeah, I've watched that movie

1:17:26

too many times actually but I love that

1:17:28

movie. No, that's a good one to pick.

1:17:30

That's a good one to pick. Thank you.

1:17:32

We've taken up more time than you have.

1:17:35

That was great. That was a good 15

1:17:37

minutes. That was great. It felt fast. It

1:17:39

felt fast. That's a fun of a good

1:17:41

time. That's it. Guys, thank you so much for

1:17:43

listening to this episode of Your Receipt. We hope

1:17:46

that Winston of all of his wiseness and you

1:17:48

know all of

1:17:50

the strengths you have all of the wisdom that

1:17:52

you hold feel like somehow he's inspired you guys.

1:17:55

Follow him. Follow him. Absolutely.

1:17:58

If you haven't already. He is

1:18:01

still a capitalist and also still

1:18:03

watches films. He loves the

1:18:05

conversation. The

1:18:07

Father University. The

1:18:10

Fright is out in cinema. Go and

1:18:12

watch it for Winston alone. And

1:18:15

just because of the strength he took in the film, it's like he's

1:18:17

definitely the shaker. I'm going to say that, hopefully.

1:18:20

So go watch the film and thank you

1:18:22

so much for coming. I bring your girl to

1:18:24

the stage. Just call me Audrey and...

1:18:27

Winston Duke! I

1:18:30

think that's what she was supposed to say.