0:00

Hi friends and welcome to the

0:02

Robcast. This is episode 371. This

0:05

episode is called Death Fists Feels.

0:10

Part one is called Death. There's three parts of

0:12

this episode, all happening within this

0:14

episode. Part one is called Death. Part two

0:16

is called Fists. Part three is

0:18

called Feels. Hence the title Death Fists

0:21

Feels. And if you're thinking that might

0:23

be the most awkward title ever, I

0:26

completely agree with you and I'm oddly quite

0:28

proud of it. So welcome to

0:32

Death Fists Feels. And

0:35

literally all I want to do in this episode

0:37

is give you a couple words, a couple images,

0:40

a couple phrases, a mantra or two that

0:42

have helped me so much

0:45

in the past year. And

0:48

have helped me specifically clean up

0:52

the clatter and clutter and chatter.

0:54

Oh, look at that. The clatter,

0:56

the clutter and the chatter in

0:58

my mind. They have helped

1:01

make my mind a much

1:04

calmer, quieter place because

1:07

it can get a little loud up there. You might

1:09

know what I'm talking about. It can get a little

1:11

chaotic up there. And so

1:15

that's what Death Fists Feels is.

1:19

It's just me trying to capture essentially

1:22

what I've been learning. In

1:26

other news, before we get to Death Fists

1:29

Feels, I'm going to do another

1:31

space, sit like, I can't even still can't even

1:33

say it. Spaceship session. If you come up with

1:35

a thing from an event and

1:38

then you give it a name that's like a

1:40

tongue twister that you can barely pronounce, that is

1:42

an issue. But I did

1:45

three spaceship sessions in April and

1:47

I enjoyed them so much. I'm

1:49

going to do another one. It's

1:51

part art show, part book

1:55

club, Q and A signing,

1:57

hangout. People just come. I

2:00

did one in Costa Mesa one in Pomona

2:02

one in slow San Luis Obispo and And

2:06

I did the one in San Luis Obispo in

2:08

the middle of the street Which I put a

2:10

picture on Instagram just because the picture just makes

2:13

me laugh but June 15th I'm

2:15

going to be in Antelope Valley. So it's north

2:17

of LA Antelope so all

2:19

you Bakersfield folks if you want to come

2:22

over to Lancaster, which is in the Antelope

2:24

Valley I'll be at three one three four

2:26

Patti Lane and all

2:28

the info is at my site it will be seven

2:30

to nine on a Saturday night the night

2:32

before Father's Day and So

2:36

you'll come in through the side of a house You'll

2:39

walk along between the side of the house and

2:41

the fence and then you'll go in the backyard

2:43

and I'll be sitting there And we'll hang out

2:46

and it'll be the best so all

2:48

that information Once again is

2:50

on the site spaceship session in

2:53

Lancaster, California the Antelope Valley

2:57

Three one three four Patti Lane. How is that not a good

2:59

time? Oh Also,

3:04

oh this is so cool I'm

3:08

working with Jacob the printer in Colorado

3:10

and we

3:12

he took a

3:15

number of my art pieces and

3:17

has made them into prints and

3:21

He'll also frame them if you want, but

3:23

I swear to you some of my the

3:26

pieces I like them better as prints than

3:29

even the original and obviously it's like Way

3:32

way cheaper than the original So

3:34

I have one He

3:37

sent me one framed. It's a painting that says it's

3:39

of a UFO and it says I took this trip

3:42

To see if I could make some new

3:45

friends I Love

3:49

it. So anyway, if you go to my site

3:51

and just hit prints you'll see the first and

3:53

there's more coming But we'll just keep adding new

3:55

prints, but you'll see the prints and you'll see

3:57

how to like pick your size and all that

4:00

That's just so cool. Some of you people have the

4:02

best ideas. Oh and then um

4:04

two days in There's

4:07

a June one, but it filled up. So we're

4:09

putting up dates You'll see at

4:11

my site dates to come sit under the trees

4:13

with me for August

4:15

September October November December so

4:18

dates are up for the

4:20

rest of The

4:22

year so plan ahead Send

4:25

your kids send your partner

4:27

bring yourself Well, you know, I'll see

4:29

you under those trees yeah,

4:32

so that's all of that and

4:37

oh and let's just talk about a couple episodes ago

4:39

how having

4:41

pressed and bell on The

4:43

number of you who have contacted me to tell you

4:45

me how much you enjoyed that was that not just

4:47

I mean if you enjoyed that imagine what it was

4:49

like for me and Yeah,

4:53

it's just so great and so many

4:55

of you listening to the heaven now and

4:59

Yeah, that's just so cool. So Serious

5:03

dad smiles going on right now. I got a Okay

5:10

Let's do I don't know if this is

5:12

gonna work I should always I never knew

5:14

if a Robcast is gonna work by the

5:16

way Sometimes I literally start and I try

5:18

like the other day maybe three or

5:20

four episodes ago I counted

5:22

how many times I tried to do the

5:24

episode I tried to start the episode like

5:27

17 times this was just whatever episode

5:30

360 three six something and

5:33

it just wasn't right so Some

5:37

of you are like you just start talking no I start talking

5:40

that doesn't sound right so I just keep I talk again I

5:42

talk again. So this episode

5:44

it might work it might not but let's just try it.

5:46

See what happens part one Death

5:49

I also could have called this death a soad you're

5:51

right. I could have made the title even

5:54

Awkward er if that's even

5:56

a word I could have had it called death fists

5:58

feels parentheses a

6:00

death aso'd that's

6:04

so bad ah

6:06

okay here we go part

6:09

one death so basic

6:11

fact the general agreement seems to be

6:13

that about a million cells die

6:16

in our bodies every second

6:18

some people estimate that 60 billion

6:20

cells die every day in our

6:22

bodies that would be 10 to

6:24

the 11th power every day our

6:26

body also our bodies keep

6:30

producing new cells so

6:33

the cellular death

6:35

is happening on a

6:38

massive billions of

6:40

times a day scale but

6:43

our bodies are also producing

6:45

new cells that

6:47

somehow know to be me it's not like you're

6:49

suddenly becoming your neighbor Kyle you're

6:52

not morphing into Janet from

6:54

the sales department so

6:58

weird just the most basic facts about being

7:00

a human are just bizarre

7:03

so picture this

7:06

try to find that

7:09

as an image there is a

7:11

you there is a me there is an eye so

7:14

we all know that it's like you almost know nothing for

7:16

life and sure but we for sure but we do know

7:18

each of us there is somebody

7:21

some I who's

7:24

aming that's how I'd say it there's

7:26

there's an I am with each of

7:28

us I'm I do know for sure

7:31

there is somebody in here somewhere somewhere

7:33

in this body is a self

7:36

and that self is having an experience

7:38

of being here if you

7:40

were just to take the most basic starting

7:43

point so what

7:45

we know from basic biology is

7:49

that our bodies are

7:53

these Material Composite

7:56

structures that are actually

7:58

coming and. Going

8:01

from us. So

8:03

your body right now is dying and

8:06

leaving you. But. Your body is

8:08

also at the same time. Producing.

8:10

And birthing essentially. New

8:13

cells. meaning a new body. So

8:15

there's all sorts of different estimates

8:17

that your body replaces itself. everyone.

8:20

Seven years, Ten years, or. So.

8:24

Your body is something that is

8:27

coming and going. From

8:29

you. Suffer from

8:31

many people. There's sense of self. Is there's

8:33

a body in the question becomes, You know

8:35

what's happening in the body? Is there a

8:37

soul? Is there a spirit? The or consciousness?

8:40

How does the mind work? What our thoughts

8:42

et cetera, et cetera. That's actually backwards. Ah,

8:46

We aren't something happening our our body. Our

8:49

body. Is something

8:51

happening with in us and

8:53

the thing that's happening. Is

8:56

our body is coming? And

8:58

going from us. Constantly.

9:02

So if I were to say. Point. To

9:05

yourself. And

9:08

you were to point or point. If you're in

9:10

the if you're losing his right now and somebody

9:12

elses round point to them you would be pointing

9:14

to their body. So feel

9:16

like same rebel point to yourself I would

9:18

point. To. Myself But I

9:20

agree point my body. And

9:23

my body is simply something that is coming.

9:26

And going from my.

9:28

Cells. So

9:31

is your cells.

9:34

Can. Not. Be. Located.

9:38

That. This this I this me the sense

9:41

of self that we all have. Is

9:44

and locate a boy you can't point to

9:46

it. So the one thing you know for

9:48

sure about your existence is that which. You

9:51

cannot point two or essentially prove

9:53

in any. Sensible.

9:56

Logical, Meaningful. Way.

9:58

because you just be point your body body is something

10:00

that is just coming and going. And obviously

10:03

parentheses for those of you are like yeah

10:05

and then you think about a body's made

10:07

of atoms and atoms made of particles subatomic

10:09

particles which are essentially relationships of energy which

10:11

if you think about Heisenberg's uncertainty principle you

10:13

really have no solidity anywhere because

10:16

even the things that appear to be most solid

10:19

are really just patterns

10:21

and relationships of energy. Clouds of possibilities

10:23

as a number of quantum physicists would

10:25

describe it but that's a whole different

10:27

thing for another time. So

10:30

this dying and

10:32

birthing these cells

10:35

ending and other cells

10:38

beginning this death

10:40

of our cells and birth

10:42

of new cells is central

10:45

to life. Like

10:48

the problem isn't that

10:51

right now a million

10:53

cells just died in our bodies another

10:56

million cells another million cells another million

10:58

cells the problem isn't dying the problem

11:01

would be not dying. If

11:03

those cells stop dying that

11:06

would be the problem. So

11:08

this dying and then birthing that

11:10

is happening millions of times a

11:12

second billions of times a day

11:16

is absolutely necessary for

11:18

you and I to keep

11:21

living. So what

11:23

you and I call being alive is

11:27

actually a dance

11:32

that's kind of the word for it is

11:35

actually a coming

11:37

and going of life and death.

11:41

So what we call being alive

11:43

what we call life is actually

11:45

life and death coming and going

11:48

from within us all the time

11:50

a coming and going within something

11:52

larger than life and death.

11:55

So life and death are not ultimate

11:57

life and death are things

12:00

that are happening within something

12:03

larger than themselves. So

12:05

our bodies and our sense of self,

12:07

this you, this me, life

12:10

and death are something that our thing

12:12

are always happening within what you and

12:14

I know to be me, I, us.

12:20

Yeah, neither is ultimate.

12:23

So think about for the

12:28

modern mind, for many of us, if you

12:30

say life and death, what you mean is

12:32

you're either alive, meaning you're here now alive,

12:35

or you're dead, meaning you're gone.

12:38

So for many people, life and death are

12:41

ways of talking about an experience

12:45

in space and time, meaning you're alive

12:47

right now and then if you die,

12:49

you leave here, you leave us and

12:52

you're dead. Life and then, notice

12:55

the linear time unfolding, and then

12:57

death. That's

12:59

not actually, that's one

13:01

dimension of it, but

13:04

at the most basic cellular level,

13:07

these two are happening all the

13:09

time and not only are they

13:11

happening, they're absolutely necessary

13:14

for you and I to

13:17

be alive. Both

13:20

are present right now

13:22

both are

13:24

necessary right

13:27

now. Yeah,

13:30

and there are no tangents, but let's, let's, let's head

13:32

off into deep weeds for just a moment. We actually

13:35

have no idea how it works when we die. We

13:38

have no idea. We have no idea if there's a green room, someone

13:41

opens a door, there's a plate

13:44

with watermelon and rutabaga and

13:47

lasagna. We, we have no idea if there isn't a

13:49

lot of laughing. We have no

13:51

idea. We

13:53

do know that our

13:56

cells are coming and going

13:58

from within something larger

14:00

than themselves, namely our sense of

14:02

self. So if you

14:05

were just to do basic extrapolation from

14:07

that, how do

14:09

you and I not know that life

14:11

and death, as we know it here

14:14

on planet Earth, are not a coming

14:16

and going from some larger

14:18

reality that

14:21

we will call something else once

14:23

we find ourselves in it? And

14:25

we'll see this experience of life and

14:27

then death as the same way that

14:29

you and I right now are

14:33

reflecting on the nature of the life

14:35

and death happening within us all the

14:38

time, which we know is central

14:40

to the experience of being

14:42

us. See

14:44

how once you pull this thread, the whole thing

14:47

just goes in all sorts of interesting directions. Also,

14:49

while we're at it, we

14:53

have no idea how close

14:56

the dead are, or

14:58

where. We do know,

15:00

was it string theorists to talk about

15:03

for the Earth to be, for our existence to be

15:05

the way it is, there have to be at least

15:07

11 dimensions? So

15:09

you think about 2D height and width,

15:11

you think about 3D height, width, and

15:13

depth. Some would

15:15

say that time is essentially a dimension

15:17

of sorts, a half dimension, however

15:20

you say that. So we

15:23

know that we have, like if you draw on a piece

15:25

of paper, you're essentially

15:27

drawing in height and width, and then

15:29

if you do a sculpture, you've moved and added a

15:31

third, now you're moving in 3D. What's

15:36

four, what's a fourth D? What's five D,

15:38

what's six D? I mean,

15:41

we know from basic science that there

15:43

are 11 dimensions,

15:45

who knows? Last week they could have discovered 12, 13, 14, who

15:47

knows? Yeah,

15:52

so, where are those? And

15:57

how is it that in pretty much every

15:59

culture, or everywhere, there were people

16:01

who seemed to have

16:04

all sorts of interesting connections with those who

16:06

have been here and moved

16:09

on. Yeah, yeah.

16:13

Those that you have loved who

16:15

have died, think about the

16:17

experiences that you've had where they felt close,

16:20

where you felt guided, where you felt a

16:22

sense of communion. Yeah,

16:25

who do, how

16:28

much do we not know? And

16:31

here's why I'm talking about this. Notice

16:36

because we grieve when we lose people we love. We

16:39

shed tears, we mourn. Yeah,

16:42

of course. We do all we

16:44

can to protect life. Of course

16:46

we're against war, we're against bombs,

16:48

we're against killing,

16:50

we're against all the things that degrade and dehumanize

16:52

and take. Of course, of course, of course, of

16:54

course. Yes.

16:57

But notice how

16:59

much, and this is one of those things where

17:01

once your radar gets turned on you see it

17:04

everywhere. Notice how many times

17:06

when people are talking about what happens when you die

17:09

they actually have absolutely no idea.

17:12

Notice how much talk

17:15

about death the

17:18

person actually has no idea. We

17:21

have no clue. Yeah.

17:24

So now let's move it to this moment. Why

17:26

is all this compelling? Cells

17:32

die not because

17:34

something is wrong, but because

17:36

the body is healthy. So

17:41

within each of our bodies at

17:43

the most biological level, cells are

17:45

dying and new cells are

17:47

being born not because something

17:50

is wrong with our system, but

17:52

because the system is functioning properly

17:55

in a healthy way. You

18:01

being done with

18:04

something you've been doing and

18:07

now it's time to do the next thing. Might

18:13

not be because anything's wrong. Might be because you're

18:15

done doing that. You doing something

18:17

and doing it well and being successful, maybe you

18:19

make a bunch of money at it, maybe people

18:21

give you all sorts of achievement and you get

18:23

all sorts of achievement, people praise you for it,

18:25

you're known for it. You're a very solid ego

18:28

structure built around doing this and yet something within

18:30

you was like why

18:32

does this feel like a weird sort of trap

18:34

or prison? Why do I feel caged in by

18:36

this? Why do I feel like just pulling the

18:38

plug and leaving it? Yeah, maybe you're done. Yeah,

18:41

maybe that has come to an end. And

18:45

perhaps it's not because there's anything wrong with you. It's

18:48

because it's time to do something else. Yeah,

18:51

this feeling like something is ending and

18:54

sensing that something else is starting. And

18:57

you don't have logical, reasonable

19:01

case you can make for why something's

19:03

ending or why it feels you just

19:05

you have, you know, almost at a

19:07

cellular level. Now, this is

19:09

why sometimes endings and the next thing that

19:12

you're going to do, rationalizing

19:14

it, defending it, trying to explain

19:16

it to your coworkers,

19:18

neighbors, friends, just don't waste your

19:20

time. Yeah. Yeah.

19:23

Jobs, relationships, living in

19:26

particular places. Perhaps you

19:28

have a sense that certain systems are coming to

19:30

an end like they they're done. Yeah.

19:33

Yeah. Yeah. Perhaps

19:35

you're feeling right now like a whole era,

19:37

a whole way of doing things, a whole

19:39

way of thinking about power

19:44

control, money, work,

19:46

rest, nervous systems,

19:50

how social you're expected to

19:53

be, how extroverted,

19:56

how think about all of the

19:58

ways that the conditions and programming

20:00

was like, this is how to be. And yet

20:02

you have some sense, like, oh, there are other

20:04

ways to be, other ways to arrange

20:07

things. There's other ways to arrange structures,

20:10

institutions, academics, government,

20:12

business, healthcare. Yeah,

20:15

yeah, yeah, yeah. There's

20:17

death, then there's life. Some things

20:21

come, some eras,

20:23

some moments, some

20:25

chapters come to

20:27

an end. Yeah,

20:30

and it's okay, it's okay,

20:32

it's okay. The era that we're coming

20:35

out of was

20:37

so about control, right?

20:41

You know that person, that lovely person who

20:43

says to you, okay,

20:47

here's what you should do. And it sounds like

20:49

it's generous advice and it sounds like they care, but

20:51

it's control. That person who

20:54

was serving and giving and always making sure

20:56

that they let you know that they were

20:58

just doing all the extra good stuff

21:00

and is like, oh, actually, yeah,

21:02

actually that seems like maybe that was about

21:05

control. Getting people to do what you want them

21:07

to do, controlling the

21:09

outcomes, yeah, giving

21:11

a bunch of effort to something and

21:13

then deciding whether or not it was

21:15

worth it based on how people responded

21:18

to it. That's controlling things through controlling

21:20

the outcomes of things. Yeah,

21:24

we're moving into a whole new thing. A

21:26

whole way is dying. And

21:30

you can see it, you can see it emerging. You

21:34

can feel it much more at peace

21:38

with how things actually are. Letting

21:40

what is dying actually

21:42

die, trusting that

21:45

what wants to be born will

21:48

be born. Yeah, yeah, life and death

21:51

are taking place within

21:54

something larger than themselves. So

21:56

each of us loosening our ground, grip

22:01

on how we decided a while ago

22:04

it was supposed to be, air quotes

22:06

around, supposed to be loosening

22:08

our hold on how it

22:10

should go. Yeah.

22:13

Letting go of all of that so

22:15

that we can actually enjoy this experience

22:19

that we're having here. Now

22:25

this. Yeah. All

22:28

right. That was part one. It's called

22:30

death. I don't even know what that

22:33

was, but it was a good time. Now let's

22:35

do part two. Part two, and these

22:37

are, you know, you can connect

22:39

them all. However you'd like. Part two is called

22:42

fists. I'm just going to give you an image here.

22:45

I've been using this image. It

22:48

happens often at two days

22:50

here as I just start riffing. And then I'm like, I

22:52

kind of like that riff. And then I use it again.

22:54

I really like it. So I have this image and I

22:56

used it the other day, Kristen

22:58

and I were at the table eating dinner

23:00

and I used it and she laughed and

23:03

she was like, that's a pretty good, that's a pretty good

23:05

one. I was like, thank you. She's like, wait,

23:07

did you come up with it? And I was like, yeah. And

23:09

she was like, yeah, that's pretty good one. And suddenly I was

23:11

a 19 year old who's still trying to

23:13

impress her. Some things don't

23:15

change. So, and, uh,

23:18

so the image and I've done it a bunch

23:20

of times and then

23:22

I've done this riff and I was like, let's just do the riff

23:25

on the Robcast. Cause a couple of times recently I said it and

23:27

I was like, this, whoever I was with, I was like, does this

23:29

sound like a Robcast? Sorry about that. Um, here's

23:32

the phrase and then we're going to take it apart. That's

23:35

like punching yourself in the fit. I

23:38

just messed it up. Sorry. Let me try it again. Okay. Here's the phrase.

23:42

Uh, and it's feel free. Take this and run with

23:44

it. Here's the phrase.

23:47

That's like punching yourself in the

23:49

face and then searching for

23:51

fists. See what

23:53

I mean? How dumb it is, but now

23:55

I'm going to pull it apart and show you why

23:58

it's been so unbelievably helpful for me and then. we'll

24:00

see because you might find yourself turning to

24:02

somebody and saying that's like punching yourself in

24:04

the face and then searching for fists See

24:06

I can't even say without laughing and I

24:08

give that gift to you as well. Try

24:10

to say that without laughing. So Here's

24:14

here's what I'm getting at Let's

24:18

say pick some

24:20

event where somebody did

24:23

something to you and You

24:26

wish they had it and you're holding

24:28

on to it. So they hurt me.

24:30

He betrayed me. She lied to me

24:34

all those sorts of things pick just

24:36

pick one of those or pick a couple or Something

24:40

I've been holding on to and It

24:44

is causing me angst suffering pain.

24:46

They hurt me. He betrayed me.

24:49

She lied to me whatever it

24:51

is now Did

24:54

they hurt me? Yes. Did he betray?

24:56

Yes. Did she lie? Yeah. Okay, so

24:59

that's what happened aka reality That's what

25:01

happened But

25:03

notice How

25:06

it can easily

25:08

become something else in Our

25:12

mind which is they shouldn't have done

25:14

that he shouldn't have done that she

25:16

shouldn't have done that Now

25:20

anytime we do they shouldn't have

25:23

The question is did they? Yes,

25:26

they did. Okay So

25:29

when I am

25:32

going around pointing out what

25:34

they shouldn't have done But

25:38

they did do it. I Am

25:41

pointing to reality Because

25:44

they actually did do it. She did lie. He did betray

25:46

me. They did hurt me I am

25:48

pointing to reality and my problem is

25:50

I am pointing to Reality

25:53

and saying reality shouldn't

25:56

be what it is It's

26:01

that thing our minds do when

26:04

we grasp on to how

26:06

we wish it had gone, when

26:09

it hadn't gone that way, when

26:12

we grasp and cling to something

26:14

other than reality. Words

26:17

like should, words like supposed. Reality

26:20

was supposed to be something else.

26:23

Now, let's slow it way down. Think

26:26

about those moments. Think about the

26:29

people we're carrying around that we're angry

26:31

with that hurt us, that we have

26:33

that low level bitterness, that like battery

26:35

drain that just sits there. Where

26:40

was it supposed to be something else? Where

26:43

was she supposed to have acted in some

26:45

other way? Where

26:47

was he supposed

26:49

to have not done what he did?

26:51

Where were they supposed

26:54

to have not treated you like they

26:56

did? Where was

26:58

it supposed to be something else? Because

27:01

reality is what happened. So

27:04

notice when you sit with

27:06

some basic self inquiry, where

27:08

does that happen in our minds? Yeah,

27:12

our minds. So

27:16

when we are carrying around, they shouldn't

27:18

have, he shouldn't have, she

27:20

wasn't supposed to, they weren't supposed to, they

27:22

shouldn't have done that, they ought not to.

27:26

Yeah, essentially what we've done in

27:28

our mind is

27:31

we have picked a fight with reality. I

27:34

have this wonderful friend named Katie and she has this

27:37

great line. She says, and when

27:39

you pick a fight with reality, reality

27:43

always wins. By

27:46

the way, Katie has written a number

27:49

of books on this. Her

27:51

name is Byron Katie is how

27:54

you might know her and the work that

27:57

she leads people through which is all about this. By the way, her book,

27:59

Love and Love. what is. Oh my

28:02

god that yeah if you're the reading

28:04

sort or if you're not that book

28:07

she's essentially the work of Byron Katie is

28:09

all about what I'm talking about here and

28:12

I just love her

28:14

and Steven and we just we

28:16

get together and oh it's good

28:18

good good times so shout

28:21

out to Katie for all for reality

28:24

and this line

28:26

that I love when

28:28

she says when you pick a fight with reality

28:31

reality always wins

28:35

so let's slow this down a

28:37

bit more there is the pain

28:39

of what happened so

28:43

there's the very normal natural

28:45

human response to what

28:47

happened we grieve we mourn we're angry we're

28:50

irritated we're sure sure sure feel the feels

28:52

let yourself be a human being just

28:54

let's just set that let's just let that be what it

28:56

is there is the thing that

28:58

happened and then there are all the

29:03

moments since

29:05

it happened that

29:08

I have been saying it shouldn't

29:10

have happened there

29:13

is the event and let's just

29:15

separate these two just for now for purposes

29:17

of what we're exploring here there

29:19

is the thing that happened and then

29:23

there is what's been happening in

29:25

my mind ever since

29:29

in which my mind has just looped

29:32

sound familiar has just revved has

29:34

just glitched has just over and over

29:36

and over that shouldn't have happened that

29:38

shouldn't have happened that shouldn't have happened

29:41

that should have happened which is me

29:43

picking a fight with reality there

29:45

is the event and

29:48

then there is every moment

29:50

since then that

29:53

I clung in my

29:55

mind to my belief

29:58

that it shouldn't happen So

30:01

the really compelling and interesting question becomes, which

30:04

is more painful? The

30:07

event or what I've

30:09

been doing to myself over

30:11

and over and over and over and over again

30:14

since the event. Now,

30:17

we're not minimizing the awful things that people do

30:20

to each other. So disclaimer, in case you're going

30:22

to run off on those weeds. Disclaimer

30:25

here, obviously people hurt each other. Obviously people

30:27

do horrific injustice to each other. Obviously people

30:29

exploit each other. We're not

30:31

talking about whether or not the event itself. But

30:36

when I continue to point to them, which

30:38

doesn't in any way minimize what

30:41

happened, I

30:44

have created so much

30:48

suffering for myself.

30:51

I'm punching myself in the

30:53

face because I've picked

30:55

a fight with reality and then I'm searching for

30:57

fists. Yeah,

31:01

yeah. So

31:03

to calm the mind down, to find

31:06

some peace in all this. First,

31:12

the invitation is to become fierce with reality.

31:17

So if it happened, it happened. Yeah,

31:19

and so we grieve and we mourn and we

31:21

feel all those feels. Sure, but

31:23

fierce with reality. It did happen. Then

31:27

second, I would say there's that split where

31:33

we're learning our mind

31:35

is getting sharper, quicker,

31:38

more tuned into that split between

31:42

what actually happened reality and then

31:44

what my mind keeps insisting

31:46

shouldn't have happened all the ways I'm

31:49

punching myself in the face and

31:51

then searching for fists. So

31:55

that then means getting clear on that

31:57

split means owning how much of it

31:59

is there. is actually happening in my mind.

32:01

And that's where we do the work. That's

32:04

where we settle in

32:06

and examine how

32:08

much of the suffering

32:11

I'm actually creating. In

32:14

my experience, a

32:17

minimum amount of self-inquiry, wait,

32:20

what actually is this? What is actually

32:22

happening within me? Where is my suffering coming

32:25

from? And

32:28

I, it's like you're building up the muscles to

32:33

stop and go, wait, wait, wait, what is this? What's

32:35

true here? How

32:38

much of this is me punching myself on the face? How

32:40

much of this are just the feels that are asking to

32:42

be felt, because I'm a human? In

32:45

my experience, how much more quickly than

32:47

the pain passes through?

32:52

Yeah, like it's extraordinary

32:55

how quickly the mind calms

32:57

down and how quickly

32:59

the suffering decreases. Yeah,

33:04

because you become fierce with reality. Yeah,

33:08

yeah, and we're no longer punching

33:10

ourselves. I just love saying it,

33:13

punching ourselves in the face and then searching

33:16

for who punched me. I did, I

33:18

did, I did. I'm trying, perhaps

33:21

you do this with somebody. Is there somebody

33:23

in your life who you

33:26

wish they were somebody other than they are

33:29

and they aren't that person? They just

33:31

aren't who you wish they were. And

33:33

so you keep pointing to them going, if they

33:35

would just wake up, if they would just get

33:37

it, if they would just apologize, if they would

33:39

become enlightened, if they would just get more whatever,

33:41

whatever, whatever, but you're punching

33:45

yourself and they are who they are. They

33:47

are who they are. You keep pointing

33:49

at them going, they're punching me in the face.

33:51

No, you're insisting reality is

33:53

something other than it is.

33:57

Or some, oh God, some workplace,

33:59

some job. Some playing field where

34:02

every single day is like this place should be

34:04

like this. Well, it is it is Or

34:08

the number of people who it's the government it's School

34:11

it's whatever it shouldn't be that well it is

34:13

it is It

34:15

is so becoming fierce with reality is the first step

34:18

to peace or a calm

34:20

mind where we're not constantly creating

34:23

even more Suffering for

34:25

ourselves by insisting things be something other than

34:27

what they are now think about all the

34:29

people who most move you and have How

34:33

would I say this inspired you? Are

34:36

they people? Who charge into

34:38

your life and insist that you are? Somebody

34:42

other than who you are or are they people who

34:44

meet you? Exactly

34:46

where you're at and just accept

34:48

the reality of you as it is Yeah,

34:52

they just go this is who you are. Okay Okay,

34:55

got it. I see you Yeah,

34:58

when you begin to move with how

35:01

things actually are it doesn't

35:03

mean you don't call them what they are you just This

35:05

is reality. Okay. Yeah, then

35:08

then your love for the thing as it

35:10

is Yeah,

35:12

the whole game changes Yeah

35:17

Punching ourselves in the face and then searching for

35:19

fists. Oh Let's

35:21

do one more. Shall we let's call this feels and

35:25

this one God

35:28

this has helped me so much. This has helped me

35:30

with Anger

35:34

anxiety depression sadness

35:36

disappointment euphoria

35:38

joy Overwhelming

35:41

gratitude this this has helped me in

35:43

the past year this mantra

35:48

So here's the mantra this

35:50

feels Exactly

35:52

like this feels exactly like

35:54

this feels exactly like this

35:57

feels exactly like this feels

36:00

So the mantra is like an infinite loop. It just goes

36:02

round and round. This feels exactly like this feels. This

36:06

one phrase has

36:08

helped me so

36:11

much. And

36:13

here's what I mean. Once again, there's a split.

36:15

So let's go into the split. There

36:18

is the thing that you're feeling,

36:20

the sensation of motion, feeling, sense,

36:22

perception. You're feeling

36:25

hurt, wound, sad, depressed, anxious, whatever

36:29

it is. Okay, so that's just that the thing is happening

36:31

all the time. And

36:33

then does this not sound familiar? There

36:36

is the running commentary in

36:38

your head about how

36:40

you're feeling, which is usually

36:43

and let's get the right phrase here,

36:46

which is usually slightly judgy.

36:49

Does that sound familiar? Is the voice

36:51

on your shoulder? If

36:53

it's going to air in a direction, it generally

36:56

airs in, it's

36:59

meaner, nastier, judgier. It

37:04

does fine with shame. So

37:07

let's pick one, anger. You're

37:11

angry about something. But

37:13

then what does often that

37:15

running commentary in your head? The

37:17

mind goes, what are you doing being angry? You

37:19

have no right to be angry. What's your problem? You

37:22

should be farther, notice the should, you

37:24

should be farther along. Other people wouldn't be

37:26

this angry. Where's your discipline, self-control? You should

37:28

be more stoic. Why can't you just glide

37:31

through life and sort of brush those sorts

37:33

of things off? Sound familiar? So

37:35

notice the split. Notice the split

37:37

between whatever the instantaneous

37:39

response is to the moment and

37:43

then the mind doing

37:46

play by play commentary

37:49

on how you're feeling

37:52

about it. So

37:56

there are two ways, if I were

37:58

to articulate how my... mind does it. My

38:02

mind judges. So it

38:05

judges... what are you

38:07

doing being tired?

38:10

What are you doing... that

38:12

was like a touch of cynicism there. What

38:14

do you... what do you have the... you don't

38:16

have your right to be... it just...

38:18

it's so quick and

38:20

it's so... what

38:25

do you have to be sad about? Like

38:28

it just goes so fast or

38:30

it judges or it compares.

38:35

I will feel the feel

38:39

and the mind will race in

38:41

with... there are other people who

38:43

wouldn't feel this because they would be

38:45

more disciplined. They would be more Zen.

38:47

They would... or it says

38:49

they're essentially and behind those...

38:52

behind that voice is

38:54

there is some sort of ideal

38:56

Rob Bell that if you

38:58

could just be the ideal Rob Bell everything would be

39:00

better but you're not. Yeah

39:03

some other me but when there's only... there's only this

39:05

me. Like you. There's only one you.

39:10

So the voice in your head that keeps speaking

39:13

of some ideal you somewhere... well we got to

39:15

work with is the one who's here right now.

39:19

But what happens what that other voice does is

39:23

essentially what it picks up is you need to be somebody

39:25

else. Better, stronger, fitter,

39:27

do more, try harder, believe

39:29

better. It's

39:32

just brutal.

39:35

Yeah so that's why this mantra... this

39:38

feels exactly like this feels. It

39:41

has no judgment. It has

39:43

no comparing. It

39:45

just observes and notices what's

39:48

happening as this

39:50

is what's happening. You're

39:53

like filled with rage right now. This is exactly

39:55

how it feels to be filled with rage. You're

39:58

quite disappointed in the... disappointment is

40:00

sort of melting into sadness. Oh

40:02

yeah, this is how this feels

40:05

when disappointment melts into sadness. You're impatient.

40:07

You'd like that to happen. It hasn't

40:09

happened yet. You're sort of angsty impatient.

40:12

Yes, this is what angsty impatient feels

40:14

like. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. This

40:16

is that feeling. You nailed it. You're

40:20

jealous right now? This is how

40:22

jealousy feels. This is exactly how

40:24

jealousy feels. You're killing it. You

40:26

are absolutely nailing jealousy right now.

40:32

I'm telling you this mantra

40:35

because what it does is it moves us

40:37

from either the judging or the

40:39

comparing and moves us simply to observing.

40:42

Oh look, those

40:45

critical thoughts. There they are. These

40:48

are what those feel like. This

40:50

moves us into simply observing what's happening and

40:53

the moment you're observing, the moment

40:55

you can see it, you can see

40:57

it. Oh look, there's

41:00

irritation. Whoo-wee! It comes

41:02

in hot. There's

41:04

irritation. The moment you're observing, we simply have

41:06

to ask who's observing. Who's

41:09

observing that sense perception

41:11

feeling emotion response reaction?

41:13

Who's observing? Because there's some

41:15

me that that is happening

41:18

within. Yeah, and

41:20

it detaches me from the response. Otherwise

41:22

we get swallowed up in it. There's

41:25

anger so then we are angry. So then

41:27

anger becomes everything as opposed to, oh look,

41:29

anger. Yeah, and

41:31

then we just move into grace. If

41:34

I was me in this moment, I would feel exactly like

41:36

this. Yes, this feels exactly

41:38

like this. If I was Rob Bell, this was happening to

41:40

Rob Bell, this is exactly what it would feel like. Well,

41:42

it turns out I am Rob Bell and you are whoever

41:45

you are. And if that was

41:47

happening to you and you were in that moment and it

41:49

would feel exactly like this, yeah, it probably would feel exactly

41:51

like this. Oh it does. Oh interesting. I'm reporting from the

41:53

front lines of my own existence. Yeah, yeah,

41:56

and so what happens is the thoughts get quiet because

41:59

you just have observation. and the observations

42:01

are in line with

42:03

reality. We are no longer fighting

42:06

this. We are

42:08

simply noticing what is. Yeah,

42:11

this feels like this feels.

42:15

Anything with money. Yeah, money's

42:18

funky, money's strange, money's scarcity,

42:20

abundance, money. Yeah, this feels

42:22

exactly like it feels. Yeah.

42:26

Anything with kids. Oh,

42:28

you're terrified. You're proud, you're

42:32

fearful. Yeah, this is what it feels like to

42:34

make humans and then turn them loose in the

42:37

wild. Yeah, this is what this feels like. Yeah,

42:40

if your heart's broken because you love somebody and

42:43

now they're gone, yeah, that's what it feels like. This

42:46

is what heartbreak feels like. Yeah.

42:50

Notice, I'm telling you, try

42:52

doing this and notice how

42:54

it takes so much chatter

42:58

and clutter and chaos out of the

43:00

mind. Yeah, watch

43:02

your mind get quiet and watch

43:04

your sense of peace escalate.

43:08

Yeah. Yeah,

43:11

don't have a lot of energy today. Probably

43:13

not going to get a lot of done.

43:15

Probably a fair bit is sitting around, not

43:17

that productive. This feels exactly like

43:19

this feels. And

43:24

then notice when you begin to do this, new

43:27

energies arise, the mind gets clear.

43:31

You feel things way more deeply, but then the

43:33

feelings pass through. Things go from,

43:36

often can feel it go like for me from

43:38

black and white to color. The whole thing gets

43:40

way more compelling because I'm not fighting this

43:42

as if there are good and bad emotions or

43:44

responses as opposed to just, this

43:47

is the emotion. This is what it is. It's

43:50

telling me about myself. This

43:53

feels exactly like

43:55

this feels. If you're with somebody, partner,

43:59

friend, etc. et cetera. And

44:02

you're talking about something that's tense or

44:05

dicey, or it's like you're recounting for

44:07

them some event from the day that

44:09

has you like, ah, try

44:11

just pause and say to them, well, you know what? This

44:14

feels exactly like this feels. And

44:23

watch. Yeah, watch

44:25

what happens. Yeah. Watch

44:28

how quiet that voice gets on

44:30

the shoulder. Yeah, this does.

44:32

This feels exactly like this feels. Yeah.

44:35

What a wondrous thing to be a human being and

44:37

to be here and to be having this experience. What

44:39

an interesting episode this is. Yeah.

44:41

This, this, yeah, Kristen will often

44:43

say that to me. We're going

44:45

through something difficult, tense.

44:48

It's got us like, whoa, and she'll turn and

44:50

she'll say, I wonder how this episode ends and

44:54

immediately refrains it immediately refrains

44:56

it something far more

44:58

compelling and fascinating. And if it's heartbreaking

45:01

or difficult, then yeah, that's what this

45:03

is. Yeah. Death,

45:07

fists, feels.

45:10

There you are, my friends. Another

45:14

episode of the

45:16

Robcast is

45:18

funding you. Peace and love.