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1:15

sarah silverman welcome to the show

1:17

let's get right into some voice mails

1:21

you asked me a message galore

1:24

plan was

1:28

you soon

1:31

as

1:36

i thrive on the podcast on

1:39

some time and a summary had a caller

1:42

who was worried about dealing with

1:44

her trump her relatives at

1:47

family gatherings i've got a couple of

1:49

trips should i use do with

1:52

people like that first one is

1:54

on the reply

1:59

is that true though I had

2:02

to use this one over New Year's when

2:05

a guy at a party made some fantastic

2:08

claim, which was probably false, about

2:11

COVID. And

2:14

I didn't want to take the party and the conversation

2:16

in that direction. So I simply said, is that

2:18

true though? Which put

2:22

them on alert that I'm not buying it because

2:25

you really can't change people's minds but you can

2:27

let them know that you're not buying

2:30

what they're saying and you could do it in a way that brings

2:33

them back to the party.

2:36

Another one I like

2:39

to say can you provide one

2:42

example of that? That

2:45

often shuts them up and when

2:48

they say they can't don't be

2:50

smug simply say okay

2:53

you know hey can you pass

2:55

the mashed potatoes to bring the conversation

2:58

back to the party. I find

3:00

that helps. Thanks. I

3:02

love you. I think that's good.

3:04

You've got to be earnest with it too. You can't be like,

3:07

can you, or condescending,

3:09

you know?

3:11

But yeah. Oh, where'd you

3:13

hear that? Could

3:15

you give me, you know, it's not

3:18

like, can you give me one example? It's more like, can

3:21

you give me an example just so I can get my head around

3:23

it? What do you mean, you know, but

3:26

um, yeah, that's

3:28

good. Thanks What

3:31

else? Hey Sarah, this is Amanda

3:33

over the winter break your usual podcasts

3:36

aren't going on So it gave me time to catch up

3:38

on something else I had wanted to list to called Rachel

3:40

Maddow ultra and

3:42

they went over a whole lot of details about

3:45

different Nazi propaganda

3:47

that was being spread in

3:49

America by Americans

3:51

during our war with the

3:53

Nazis. Lots of code words. Before and

3:55

after and all of that. and the extreme

3:58

length that was going on. even

4:00

in our own Congress, our own Congress,

4:02

mailing out not to propaganda on

4:05

our dime. I was just really surprised

4:08

at how, I guess, prevalent

4:10

that was. My understanding

4:13

in school was that we

4:15

were just on the right side of history on that, of course, of

4:17

course, of course, they taught us in school, right? We were on the right side of history.

4:20

I was unfamiliar with how many

4:22

people on our side of the ocean

4:25

were participating in that.

4:27

But that would make sense, right? because we know how

4:29

many people

4:32

are so anti-Semitic in

4:34

the United States, right? They didn't just show up overnight. They just always

4:37

been here for a while. Oh, they're huge Nazi.

4:39

We didn't see them, right?

4:40

What did they say when Trump was

4:43

elected? The lights turned on and all of

4:45

a sudden we could see all the cockroaches. I was

4:47

just wondering your opinion.

4:49

What do you think is better? When

4:51

the lights are off or when the lights are on? When

4:53

we can see and be aware

4:56

of how many anti-Semitics around

4:58

us, how many racist, how many disgusting fascists

5:01

are around us at all times, or when

5:03

the lights were off and they were hiding and

5:05

at least we didn't have to, I don't

5:07

know, at least they weren't able to just share each other

5:09

on out in the open like that. Which one's better?

5:11

What do you think? That's

5:15

an interesting question. Yeah, I was just gonna

5:17

say like if you look in the, There's video

5:19

in the, oh yeah, maybe late 30s

5:23

of, there's a Nazi

5:25

rally at Madison Square

5:28

Garden, packed. Anyway,

5:31

um, hell, my instinct is that I

5:34

think knowing who is out there is

5:36

an advantage. Unfortunately,

5:38

it's not just like, you

5:41

know, moving the stove and seeing the cockroaches

5:43

that live underneath, you know, these cockroaches

5:45

have microphones and platforms

5:48

and influence people. I don't

5:50

actually feel comfortable calling them. I know that was

5:52

an analogy, the cockroaches, but it feels very

5:55

much how like people call Jews Furmen. So,

5:57

but yeah, My impulse is it's.

6:00

It's better to see the disease so we can

6:03

try to stop the spread of it.

6:05

But then does the light on it help

6:08

it spread? I don't know anymore because the

6:10

platform anti-Semitism is getting

6:12

is both causing awareness to squash

6:14

it and correct misinformation.

6:17

But of course we know for a fact that misinformation

6:20

spreads

6:21

much, much, much, much faster and wider

6:23

than truth or any of

6:26

its corrections, you know. So, you

6:29

know, I subscribe to the notion that

6:31

darkness cannot exist in the light,

6:34

but boy, sometimes I'm not

6:36

sure. I

6:38

don't know.

6:42

I don't know. What else? Hi,

6:44

Sarah. This is Rachel calling from

6:46

Brooklyn. I am a woman

6:49

and my partner, who was socialized

6:51

as a man, came out last

6:54

year as non-binary. and I'm really

6:57

proud of them. And they sort of

6:59

still identify as a man and sort of don't and are

7:01

sort of still

7:02

figuring it all out. But

7:05

a big part of that is the way that

7:07

they dress and they love to

7:09

wear dresses. But

7:11

like they have a beard, they present as male

7:14

in a lot of ways.

7:16

And I feel so much

7:19

fear for them in the world,

7:21

even where we are in Brooklyn, which is an amazing

7:24

place full of diversity and lots of queer

7:27

people, but I still, I

7:29

just know that I have this innate sense

7:32

of, not fear, but alertness

7:34

that you have from being a woman in the world.

7:37

You know, you're always looking over your shoulder, you're

7:40

always aware of your surroundings

7:42

and just making sure that you're safe.

7:47

And they have never had to do that. and

7:49

now they're existing in the world

7:52

as a queer person, and

7:55

I'm just so worried that they're a target. So I'm wondering

7:57

if you have advice for me. I

8:02

don't know how to allay

8:04

my own fears of that something's going

8:06

to happen and just let them live. Yeah,

8:08

I don't know. But

8:10

I love you and you give advice. Thanks, Sarah. Yeah,

8:13

I think your instincts are right in that, you

8:15

know, they would be ideal if

8:17

you could allay your own fears.

8:19

I mean, I know it comes from love, love,

8:22

love, but I'm

8:24

not sure how helpful

8:27

this fear is to them.

8:29

I mean, yeah, as

8:32

a woman, like you said, we live with a

8:34

certain amount of guard

8:36

up for protection, a healthy fear.

8:41

As Gavin DeBecker says, the gift of fear,

8:44

that gut

8:45

that protects us. Let

8:47

me ask you this, how would you ideally like

8:50

to handle the fear

8:52

you have for them? What

8:54

can they do to allay your fear?

8:57

Should they be in that position? I don't know. But

9:00

what can you do to allay that fear? You

9:03

brought the word allay into this conversation

9:05

and I've really taken it to the next level.

9:08

But the world as it is, is

9:10

the world as it is right now.

9:13

And this may not be a

9:15

beautiful answer, but

9:19

I say get some mace. Get

9:22

some mace, keep it on you. Have your partner keep

9:24

it on them and then just live your life,

9:27

you know, and hope you never need it. It's like

9:29

having Klonopin in your backpack. Just

9:32

knowing it's there if you need it keeps you from

9:34

needing it. Well, no, that's not a

9:36

good analogy. That's not a good analogy.

9:40

Not being in danger keeps you from needing it. So

9:42

that's a shitty analogy. Hey,

9:44

they're

9:44

not all gems. I

9:47

have had mace on me

9:49

since I was about 19. I still do. I

9:52

have it right here. Let's see. I'll show you.

9:54

I mean, the hilarious thing about it is that

9:57

it's in my backpack. So it's like if somebody. tries

10:00

to hurt me, I'll be like, hold on, it's in one

10:02

of these, one of these

10:04

comp, you stay there, it's in one of these compartments.

10:07

Okay, here, full,

10:10

safety's on. If I'm nervous,

10:13

walking to my car, or down

10:15

a dark, scary street,

10:19

I walk, I just walk with it in

10:21

my hand like this, and that's, with

10:23

my hand on the, with my thumb on the safety, and

10:26

I never need it. I've used it twice in my life,

10:29

saved me. But it just, boy, I always

10:32

think walking with this in my hand

10:35

when I'm going to my car at night or something makes

10:38

me think, I wonder if this is, it

10:40

gives me such a feeling

10:42

of safety and security,

10:45

and just knowing I can

10:48

take care of myself if I need to, that

10:50

I think, I bet this is what it feels like to be

10:52

a man just walking around, you know?

10:55

There you go. not

10:57

totally beautiful, earthy,

11:00

bohemian answer to that.

11:03

Set it in, forget it. It's just

11:05

a tangible solution. It's

11:07

small, it's locked. You

11:09

just throw it in your bag, boom.

11:12

Cause you want them to enjoy this experience.

11:14

So there's a practical, tangible thing

11:17

you can do, have, give,

11:20

and then just live your lives. You

11:23

know, just this, you

11:26

want them to really enjoy this feeling

11:28

of just true identity, whatever it is.

11:31

You know, you say that they're kind of going

11:33

in and out of like male identity, non-binary

11:36

identity. That's what all that's about, is that

11:38

it's,

11:40

you know, that gender is a construct. So

11:43

it just is, you know, it's

11:45

like, I think the people

11:47

have a problem with it because They need things to go

11:49

in boxes so they understand life, you

11:52

know, and that and that things that are not

11:54

black and white or not

11:56

you know that that are more fluid

11:59

make them uneasy. But

12:01

really, I feel like for those

12:03

people, I just wanna say, you don't have to fucking worry

12:06

about it. Don't worry about it. You're

12:08

fine. You might have to refer to some people

12:10

as they. If

12:13

you're so inclined to have

12:15

that respect for others, but it doesn't have

12:18

to change your life, don't worry. So

12:21

funny, isn't it? Anyway, also

12:23

I just wanna say that I think When

12:26

you gave me that visual of

12:30

your partner with a beard and

12:32

a dress, like that's for some reason, I'm

12:34

just finding that looks so fucking

12:36

hot. Like the bearded

12:39

person in a dress with maybe a

12:41

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12:43

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And we're back. Hi Sarah, this is your listening

15:48

pal Amanda

15:49

and I was listening to some of your best of episodes

15:52

recently and came across a

15:54

few of those calls where people are men,

15:56

specifically, are mad about your feminism.

16:01

There's a lot of traits that they're just unhappy about

16:04

and it's your feminism. They're not. And

16:07

I've kind of thought about why

16:09

is it that somebody would

16:13

potentially be

16:15

getting angry about something that doesn't affect them. These

16:19

people are typically married and seem happily

16:21

married and they seem confident. So why

16:23

is that? Why does it? And I think it's

16:26

because they actually are not confident. I think it is

16:28

about

16:29

a

16:30

lack of confidence that they

16:32

have,

16:33

that they feel like you threaten. And

16:36

I'm just going to put this out there. My belief

16:39

is that

16:40

it's because they're unable

16:41

to perform satisfactorily

16:44

in the bedroom. They're

16:48

having very basic intercourse

16:50

with their wives. And I don't know if you ever heard the Ben

16:53

Shapiro thing where he was reading

16:55

the lyrics of web. And

16:57

I said to myself, that man has never

17:00

made a woman climax in his whole

17:02

life. And I just wonder

17:04

if that's a common theme. And

17:05

I just,

17:08

it's just a theory. I feel pretty confident

17:10

that I'm correct. Thanks. Yeah.

17:13

I mean, I think that when people are truly

17:15

living their best lives, they're, they're not

17:17

spending it judging

17:19

other people or getting mad

17:21

about how other people, I mean, yeah, And men

17:23

have a problem with how I live my life,

17:27

and they're strangers, mostly,

17:29

or what I'm about. It's

17:31

just so very odd to me, but

17:35

I also am pretty sure it has

17:37

just about zero to do

17:39

with me.

17:41

That's ego stuff. That's fear

17:44

stuff. When it comes to that stuff, I

17:46

always think, what do

17:48

you give a shit? It's always

17:50

so odd. For

17:52

me, I don't care how you live your life as long

17:54

as it doesn't affect

17:56

other people negatively as long as it doesn't

17:58

hurt others. You know, I have

18:01

an old friend

18:03

who became a kind of well-known

18:06

anti-feminist. And when

18:09

I've talked to him, and he was so mad

18:12

at me that I was happy being alone,

18:21

that I was happy being single. He was

18:23

so annoyed that his kids had to watch

18:25

Wreck-It Ralph, where my character is

18:28

a princess but decides to be a president

18:31

instead. He was just so put out

18:34

by any progress reflected

18:36

in life or art. And I just think, why do

18:38

you give a fuck? Like,

18:43

live your life the way you want

18:46

and I will do the same. Isn't that

18:48

freedom? But the truth is

18:50

it really does not bother me at

18:52

all.

18:54

I mean, I'm

18:56

sorry if it ruffles their feathers or

18:58

they're uncomfortable with knowing

19:00

that I exist in the world, but it's

19:02

just not my problem. For

19:07

some reason, it's really, it does not bother

19:09

me. What he or any

19:12

of these people think of me, to be honest,

19:14

is none of my business. But

19:17

the thought that me living my own life affects

19:19

their happiness feels so bizarre.

19:22

But that's ego shit, you know,

19:24

and I hope that they figure

19:27

that stuff out for themselves so they can experience

19:30

some happiness in this life. But

19:32

again, really not my business and certainly

19:34

not my problem.

19:35

What else? Hello, Sarah. My

19:38

name is Shanda, like a chandelier.

19:40

I was going to call to ask for advice

19:43

regarding my husband and I. A

19:45

couple years ago, he had what I call

19:47

a long distance emotional affair

19:49

with an ex whom my shell not name.

19:52

She has things in common with him like,

19:55

um, outdoor shit. Yeah.

19:58

The affair ended and he invites me to go- on

20:00

adventures, but I have this like

20:02

emotional trigger that it's not really me

20:05

that he wants to go with, it's her. I'm

20:07

very open with him and he knows I have this

20:10

feeling. He says it's

20:12

me he loves and that I am the

20:14

one he wants to go with. So I

20:16

was going to ask you what you think, but

20:18

then I thought what would Sarah say?

20:21

And I imagine you would say, oh leave

20:23

him, go for an adventure, maybe

20:25

Maybe you'll accidentally have fun. Good luck.

20:28

I also want to thank you for reminding

20:30

me that darkness cannot exist in the light.

20:33

That's funny. Hearing someone as strong as you say that

20:35

got me through some dark shit,

20:37

as well as your astonishing performance in

20:39

I Smile Back. I love your face. Also,

20:42

I exist, right? Bye. You

20:46

do exist. I think she's referencing

20:48

because I always say that like the

20:51

subtext of any

20:53

heckler, you know, you know people that

20:55

heckle during a show is, I

20:58

exist, right? Yes.

21:01

Well, I already gave you great advice, but

21:04

yeah, I, I,

21:05

I think that's exactly right. I think your imagined

21:09

advice that I gave you is, is, is

21:11

right. You know, take him at face

21:13

value and go,

21:16

you know, I mean, listen.

21:18

he was having an emotional affair but it sounds

21:20

like he fully owned up to it without

21:23

being caught or something and

21:25

that you're close and that you communicate

21:27

so yeah

21:29

go maybe you'll have fun

21:31

that said if you're not someone that enjoys

21:33

outdoorsy shit um surely

21:37

his ex is not the only person in his

21:39

life with whom he shares this passion he could

21:41

go with a buddy or somebody else But

21:44

I, you know, in other

21:46

words, don't go to

21:48

keep him from

21:52

going with her, thinking about her or,

21:56

you know, go and that

21:58

experience is going to be an experience only. you guys

22:00

can have together because it's you guys. But

22:02

if you're inclined to go and try something

22:05

new, then go. Listen, I

22:07

don't know that I want to go camping. Rory

22:10

and I really enjoy a lot of the same stuff,

22:12

but we also enjoy

22:14

very different things and we

22:16

know that we do them on our own and that's good

22:18

too. But

22:21

if you're inclined to go, go. Yeah,

22:24

you got this. You don't need me. All right.

22:27

What else? Hi Sarah, I'm

22:30

looking for a piece of advice. I

22:32

was hoping you had a suggestion

22:34

or a strategy perhaps for

22:38

letting go or getting over very

22:40

deep rooted anger at

22:43

the patriarchy and misogyny.

22:46

Currently I don't have any strategies

22:48

or ideas that are working for me. Yeah,

22:51

any advice you can offer would

22:53

be appreciated.

22:54

Great question.

22:57

Thank you for asking it because I sometimes need to

22:59

figure this shit out too. I think

23:03

the better question to ask is how

23:06

is this anger serving you and

23:10

how is it not serving you? The

23:12

one way it serves you is

23:15

to be aware

23:17

of it when you see it, to point it out, to have boundaries

23:20

around it, etc. Blah,

23:22

blah, blah. the way it does not

23:25

serve you is that it feels bad

23:27

and the anger can easily be

23:30

misplaced and

23:32

it

23:32

doesn't feel good. In

23:35

general, this is a

23:37

well-placed anger and working

23:40

or volunteering around this topic can

23:42

be a good place to put

23:45

that energy. And

23:47

that energy working towards

23:49

something positive could be converted into something

23:52

more hopeful and less angry.

23:55

Maybe I don't know. But for instance,

23:58

I can get really frustrated and then- they said

24:00

this example recently where i expressed

24:02

frustration about it to worry and

24:06

he very supportive li

24:08

said you know that's okay and

24:10

my knee

24:11

jerk reaction was oh is it

24:14

he don't like keep

24:17

you don't like oh is it is it ok

24:20

just because he was a man close by

24:23

you know and luckily immediately

24:25

apologized for aiming that anger at him

24:27

you know be more ideal when i can stop

24:29

myself it

24:31

before that happens instead of

24:33

apologizing after but you know

24:36

maybe even acknowledging the mail

24:38

allies you have in your life maybe that

24:41

is a good place to start feel good at

24:43

are now but

24:44

remembering that that

24:46

that that anger

24:48

doesn't hurt the patriarchy unless

24:51

it's focused and clear headed and

24:54

without those things it's it pretty much just only

24:56

hurts you because you're feeling it and

24:58

that some real a bite your nose

25:00

to spite your face kind of shit so

25:02

ultimately i think

25:05

anger is a kind of powerless feeling

25:07

and that's not what

25:09

this moment should

25:12

ideally be about so put

25:14

that anger where it belongs don't

25:17

squelch it but you can use

25:19

that energy for good and and there can

25:21

be joy and rising up are working

25:24

on its are volunteering your time

25:26

are working towards

25:27

change

25:29

you know there can be joy in the fight

25:31

for equality or and so

25:35

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28:16

Tennessee.

28:16

A gigantic

28:20

fan. So

28:23

I've noticed from

28:26

listening to your podcast that you have such

28:30

positive, loving,

28:32

caring, thoughtful things

28:35

to say about maybe

28:37

exes who have wronged you in the past,

28:40

people from your

28:42

past that you've had bad relationships with.

28:45

And so I've experienced my

28:47

share and then some of unhealthy

28:49

relationships and I'm wondering

28:52

how you're

28:53

able to get

28:57

there, how you're able to get to a place

28:59

where you can

29:01

say such loving, patient

29:03

kind things about

29:06

people from

29:08

your past that have

29:10

wronged you. I see that as

29:12

a path toward reconciling,

29:16

bad experiences

29:19

from your past. And I want

29:21

to get there also. So

29:25

any help or words that you have about

29:27

that would be amazing. Thank you so

29:29

much. I don't know that I'm thinking

29:31

in terms of being wronged. I

29:34

think most of the relationships

29:36

I've been in ended for

29:38

not because I was wronged, you

29:40

know, just they just ended, you

29:43

know, you don't and I love

29:45

these people. So the

29:47

love changes, but

29:49

it I don't know that it's listen,

29:52

I don't have great relationships with everyone

29:54

ever every day ever dated, but probably

29:56

like 95% of them.

29:58

You I

30:00

don't know that I think in terms of being wrong. There have been

30:03

one or two where I would say I was wronged,

30:05

but that's not something I particularly

30:08

care to

30:10

hold onto because it doesn't

30:13

serve me. I

30:17

guess my advice would be, what was

30:19

it? How do you stay

30:21

friends with someone who's wronged you? How

30:25

do you be friends with that? I would say by

30:27

living your best life.

30:30

You

30:30

know by prioritizing

30:32

your happiness in this one

30:34

lifetime We have that we know of

30:37

when you take full responsibility

30:39

for your happiness and you know when you make

30:42

choices for yourself that

30:44

favor Joy your

30:47

joy and

30:48

most importantly when you accept your whole

30:51

self and treat yourself with Love

30:53

and care You will find

30:55

that you have an immense amount of space

30:58

for others

31:00

and empathy and acceptance

31:03

for others.

31:05

So you stop thinking in terms

31:07

of people who have wronged you.

31:09

I mean, listen, there are various

31:12

degrees of that. So I mean, there are other there

31:14

are situations of being

31:16

quote unquote wronged that are

31:18

wildly palpable and

31:22

need to be dealt with. But in terms

31:24

of, in general, in terms of relationship,

31:27

I think if you're living

31:29

your best life, you don't really think in terms

31:31

of that.

31:33

You see other people's

31:35

faults and quirks with a

31:37

little more leeway,

31:39

a little more kindness, because

31:41

you give yourself that

31:43

leeway and kindness, ideally.

31:46

And most of all, you know, you don't have to live a life with

31:48

these people anymore.

31:52

meaning you don't

31:54

have to live a life with these people anymore. It's

31:57

easier to love them when you...

32:00

aren't their partner.

32:03

I think when you are no longer with

32:05

these people, for

32:08

me, it's a lot easier to love them

32:11

just as they are. I

32:14

have friends that I love to pieces

32:16

that I would not be happy in

32:19

a relationship with, a

32:21

love relationship with. Right?

32:24

Sometimes you find that out by

32:27

being in a love relationship with them, you know,

32:29

and, and realizing this is the sucks,

32:32

but loving them as friends. And

32:35

that's the experience I've had a lot of

32:37

the time, you know, just like I've, I

32:40

have exes who I am able to

32:42

love to pieces as friends, but I would

32:44

not want to go back to dating them,

32:46

you know, but

32:47

just because I have exes that are

32:49

good friends or like have become siblings,

32:52

you know, brothers to me, It doesn't

32:54

mean that it's the only healthy

32:57

way to do it. It isn't even always

32:59

healthy, maybe. Sometimes

33:01

a clean break works best for

33:03

you, and that's okay. I'm

33:06

not

33:07

doing it better.

33:10

There's probably some, an

33:13

unhealthy element to it, to

33:16

my way as well, I don't know. But

33:19

maybe zero contact ever again

33:23

is the best for

33:25

certain situations. Only you can

33:27

know, but there, there's

33:29

some tools and

33:31

hacks for you. I don't work, I don't

33:33

know. Good luck. What else? Hey,

33:36

Sarah, this is Jason from Brooklyn. This

33:39

just happened to me, okay? Staying

33:42

at a friend's apartment, and I had

33:45

to go number two, and so

33:48

I went to the bathroom,

33:50

and I put on your podcasts, and I'm glad

33:53

I did because it

33:55

was the last episode of 2022.

34:00

As I was finishing my business, the

34:02

episode was ending and it was the

34:04

final voice message and someone wanted

34:07

to know what question you would ask

34:09

a person to get to know them better. But

34:11

right before you shared that, I noticed

34:15

that my friend has this attached bidet. I

34:19

was so excited because I've never used one before. So

34:22

there's this knob you turn and it controls

34:24

the water pressure and the water temperature. Hello,

34:27

Tiffany. and it was sporting the

34:29

most perfect

34:30

amount of water at the perfect

34:33

temperature. I was

34:35

amazed at how direct it was to

34:37

the asshole. And

34:40

as this was happening,

34:43

your question came out and it was, how

34:46

do you clean your asshole? And

34:48

I'm like, I'm cleaning my

34:50

asshole as you're asking the question. What

34:53

is happening right now? right now.

34:56

And I just couldn't believe

34:58

the timing of that. So

35:00

here I am leaving this voice message. It

35:02

was, it's called the Vekin by the way, and I recommend

35:05

it. All

35:07

right. Well, what

35:11

do you know? I think they

35:13

call that Kismet or

35:15

Besharat. It was Besharat. No,

35:17

I don't know. Well, it's a

35:19

coincidence, but one of the great coincidences.

35:22

Uh, Thanks for calling in.

35:25

Hehehe.

35:27

Ahh. Ahh. Alright,

35:30

what else? Hey Sarah. I'm

35:33

almost 30, and I just got diagnosed

35:35

with autism spectrum disorder. I

35:38

am happy that I got diagnosed, because

35:41

my whole life I've kind of just been treated

35:43

as weird or quirky, and

35:46

obvious signs that I had were

35:50

ignored or they didn't know about

35:52

them back when I was a kid. But

35:55

I find myself having a bit of a crisis

35:57

of identity because even

35:59

though I I have always thought I have

36:02

been accepting nonjudgmental,

36:05

open-minded. I apparently hold

36:08

a lot of bias for autism that I didn't even

36:10

know about. And now that it's placed on

36:12

myself, even though nothing has

36:14

technically changed,

36:17

I find myself struggling with it. And

36:19

I don't even know whether I should tell people

36:22

or if they might have those same biases and

36:24

treat me differently.

36:26

Anyway, I was just wondering what you would do in my

36:28

situation. I

36:29

love your show. Thank you

36:32

Yeah, boy perspective is everything

36:34

isn't it? I mean You're

36:36

the same person you were before you do this.

36:39

I don't know. I think you feel it out you just

36:42

you know Look,

36:43

the autism spectrum is so vast

36:47

You know, I have misophonia and that's categorized

36:51

on the autism spectrum On

36:53

one hand,

36:54

you owe it to absolutely no one

36:57

to inform people of this, but you may find

37:00

that you are

37:01

or you may become completely comfortable

37:03

with it. Maybe some people will

37:05

look at you different.

37:07

I would guess mostly your friends

37:10

will be unchanged in how they

37:12

view you. Look, I'm a comedian.

37:15

A huge percentage of my

37:17

community is on that. When you say, Raj, that

37:20

a massive

37:22

percentage of comedians are on the spectrum,

37:25

maybe more than half, maybe

37:27

a lot more than half. Some

37:29

people are like, there were never trans

37:32

people before. It's a new thing.

37:35

There were never non-binary people before.

37:38

Yes, there were. We

37:41

didn't have awareness of it. thought

37:44

something was wrong with them, you

37:47

know, selves. There wasn't a name,

37:50

there wasn't awareness. There

37:53

weren't avenues towards living

37:56

that life out loud. It

37:58

was

37:59

massive. stigmatized,

38:02

you know, and people

38:04

aren't suddenly autistic or

38:06

on the autism spectrum. It's just always

38:09

been this way. We're just

38:11

becoming more aware of it.

38:14

So, you know, your business is

38:16

your business, but

38:17

talking about it, aka

38:21

normalizing it, is

38:23

only going to help others know

38:25

that there does not have to be a stigma attached

38:28

to this.

38:30

It just is.

38:32

And knowing about it,

38:33

like you said, is so helpful. And

38:36

that's great.

38:37

Okay? Good luck. What else? Hey,

38:40

Sarah. My name is Mike. I'm an artist and educator

38:42

and not really into gender roles, gender

38:45

norms, sorts of things. And

38:47

for the past five years, I've been a stay-at-home

38:50

dad, taking care of two toddler

38:53

children. I've got a master's

38:55

degree. I've been making art and doing all that

38:57

sort of thing, just kind of left it behind to take care

38:59

of the family and all

39:01

of the things while my wife,

39:04

who's a physician, does

39:06

her thing. But lately

39:09

I've been left with basically nothing,

39:11

which kind of is creating

39:14

a hardship for me. I'm trying to use my skills

39:17

to survive and

39:19

it's very difficult. And

39:21

I mean, if it was, if I

39:24

was another gender, If I was in another, I

39:26

don't know, if things were a little bit

39:29

different, I think I would have a better opportunity

39:33

to survive. But being

39:35

a white guy, unfortunately,

39:40

I feel really bad about my

39:43

position. I know I shouldn't because

39:46

white privilege is a thing. But anyway,

39:48

I'm wondering what advice you have for me

39:51

to go forward and to

39:53

do better, to

39:55

keep motivated, to keep moving with

39:58

my creative endeavors.

40:00

and doing more

40:02

than just surviving. Anyway, thanks

40:04

for your advice. My friend, you

40:07

are experiencing what life has been

40:09

like for everyone else

40:11

besides straight white men up until now.

40:14

Is that your cross to bear? No,

40:17

but also yes. You know,

40:19

it turns out I, you know, the good news

40:22

is

40:23

life is still far

40:26

easier for straight white

40:28

men than for others, just less

40:30

so now. And, you know, maybe

40:33

you feel it because you're in the art world.

40:35

You're in a more

40:38

progressive world, I guess. I don't know.

40:41

You know what I always say is that, um,

40:43

what you can do is what everyone

40:45

else has had to do up until now, which is

40:48

be

40:49

undeniable. Just be great.

40:52

Be that good. You make art,

40:54

make art. You

40:57

know, your wife supports the family financially.

41:00

Having financial support as an artist

41:02

is massive. Massive

41:05

help.

41:06

You're raising two toddlers, so that's your

41:08

day job. You're a house husband. You

41:10

know, that's

41:13

a real job. And it's massive.

41:15

So, plan

41:18

dedicated time to your art. You

41:21

know, maybe you open an Etsy page. I

41:23

buy art on Etsy. I love

41:26

getting art on Etsy. But

41:28

if you make art that moves you, you win. If

41:34

you make art that appeals to others, double

41:36

win. You know, nobody can

41:39

keep you from being an artist but

41:41

you. I

41:44

hope this is inspiring and not depressing, but

41:46

good luck. Express yourself.

41:51

However you see fit. Dad,

41:53

it's that time of the show where

41:56

I say we are winding down. Don't

41:59

want to

42:00

be too abrupt for you, Dad?

42:03

This

42:03

is when I say subscribe, rate, and review

42:05

wherever you listen to podcasts, and check us out

42:07

on YouTube if you like watching with your beautiful

42:11

peepers.

42:14

Bye. Hey! Hey,

42:16

I wanna- Hey! Bye.

42:19

Hey, you fucker! Hey!