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gold card There's

2:00

a presence, there's a power, a

2:02

command, an authority, a

2:04

humble confidence, there's like this essence

2:06

about you. Thank you. And

2:09

I'm really curious, what do you think

2:11

made you you? What were

2:13

the elements growing up that made you

2:16

all the things you are now? Thank you, that's nice

2:18

to hear. I am, because by the way, I love

2:20

people that have that combo. Like, I love

2:22

people with a lot of self-confidence, a lot of humility. Because

2:24

people with a lot of humility that have no self-confidence, you're

2:26

kind of dragging them through life as a friend. Someone with

2:29

all their self-compens, no humility, they're gonna burn out, they're gonna

2:31

make a mistake, they're not curious, they don't grow. I

2:34

think that, I think even the reason I'm in the

2:36

personal development space, why do I believe so much that

2:38

people can change? I watched my dad do it.

2:41

And then in my case, I

2:43

had to learn these things, man,

2:45

to be like a baseline functioning

2:47

person. So my default personality is

2:50

insecure. Even today? Even

2:52

today. Come on. Very

2:54

much, very much. How is that default? You wake up

2:56

and you say, I'm a nobody, what's

2:59

the score? I lack this, I'm fooling everybody. Really?

3:02

They really knew, you know, pretty,

3:05

some imposter syndrome mixed with just like

3:08

tremendous, I was bullied as a kid, my dad

3:10

was an alcoholic, I wasn't a real big guy.

3:13

The only thing I wasn't good in school, the only thing

3:15

I was good at was sports. A

3:18

lot like with you, you were a great athlete. So

3:21

my default is tons of insecurity. So

3:23

that's probably never gonna go away, the

3:25

humility part. So the part that I've

3:28

worked on really hard is

3:30

the self-confidence part. And so

3:32

I've got all this stuff in the book on

3:34

those tips and what have I done to build

3:36

it? Because I had to get there just to

3:38

get to baseline. And then I'm like, this stuff

3:40

works. What if I refined it and made it

3:42

my own and started to build these other strategies

3:44

and stuff. So the confidence part is a thing

3:46

I'm always gonna have to work on. Even today,

3:48

even with all the success and the massive show

3:50

and the big businesses and all the homes and

3:52

everything that people see. Yeah, the truth is. What

3:55

else do you need though to feel more confident?

3:57

I don't need other things. It's an internal game.

3:59

I don't need other. stuff. In other words, the

4:01

stuff is really fleeting and temporary. So

4:04

I don't need another, you know, I bought

4:06

an island lately, you know that, right? Like when I

4:08

bought this island, it didn't give me, they didn't make

4:10

me more confident. It just was something that I've always

4:12

wanted to be able to do. But

4:15

I, it's not stuff. What

4:17

needs to happen for me is that I'm

4:19

most confident when I'm living in my intention,

4:22

which is to serve, which is to

4:24

like help other people. When I'm not doing that, Wayne Dyer,

4:26

when I met him, really, really young told me, you're going

4:28

to change the world. Ed Millett and I'm like, and he

4:30

then even, I'm sure he said this to a lot of

4:33

people, but he had complimented me. I met him on a

4:35

beach. We watched the sun come up together

4:37

in Maui. Yeah, I was running on the beach. That's where he lived. Yeah.

4:39

I was running on the beach and we were raising the beach. What was

4:41

he like? I never met him. Incredible. So we

4:43

became a dear friend of mine, but I'm running, you

4:45

know, you get up before the sun comes up, I'm

4:48

running on this. I'd won this incentive trip and there's

4:50

this bald dude running towards me with this hairy back.

4:52

I'll never forget this sweaty hairy back. And it was

4:54

so long ago because I had a Sony Walkman on.

4:57

Wow. And he had one and he ran by me.

5:00

I go, that was Wayne Dyer. And I said, Dr.

5:02

Dyer, you changed my life. And he had this deep

5:04

voice like mine and he pulls it out. He goes,

5:06

well, I doubt that. Wow. And he goes, I bet

5:08

you changed your life. But he goes, how

5:10

did I help you? And then he

5:13

walked towards me and we literally get emotional. Like God's been

5:15

so good to me. We sat on this beach together and

5:17

watched the sun come up for about an hour and a

5:19

half. And about an hour into

5:21

it, he goes, you're going to change the world. And

5:24

I'm sure he said this to a lot of

5:26

people. And he's like, and it's, you're very talented.

5:28

You're brilliant. You're a good communicator. And he

5:31

goes, and that's not the reason why. And he

5:33

was writing a book at that time called The

5:35

Power of Intention. That's a great book. Great book.

5:38

Incredible book. And he goes, you really intend to

5:40

help people. And he goes, all these things with

5:42

your father and your upbringing and all that ed,

5:44

he goes, that's all made you. And he

5:47

goes, you have such a heart to want to help

5:49

people. And he goes, would you do me a favor

5:51

if we never meet again? And we ended up meeting

5:54

many times. I said, yeah. And he said, never link

5:56

your confidence to your ability. Because I know you struggle

5:58

with your confidence that's predicated on your. your abilities

6:01

or your achievements, you're always

6:03

gonna be chasing it. He goes, but

6:05

if you'd link your confidence to your intentions, man,

6:08

do you have beautiful intentions. And that is something I knew

6:10

about me. I know I have a good heart and

6:13

I've never forgotten that. So when I do a podcast or

6:15

a speech, I just connect to my intent, you

6:18

know, and it's been the one thing that's brought me

6:20

confidence. Because if you said, hey, you gotta be confident

6:22

because you're great or you got a house or you

6:24

have a plane, I go, yeah, but,

6:26

yeah, but. But if you go, you gotta be confident because

6:28

you have beautiful intentions to help you, but I go, mm.

6:32

I'm not the listy. You might be right. Yeah, yeah.

6:35

So as an athlete,

6:37

I gained confidence from results,

6:40

from actually getting the result of becoming

6:42

better. Yeah, that's one way to get it. Right, I

6:45

was not good. And then I put in the effort

6:48

and all the mistakes or the failures of the feedback,

6:50

well, I like to call it, gave me the lessons

6:52

and taught me how to get better to accomplish the

6:54

result that I was looking for. You have the goal,

6:56

win the game, or just improve

6:58

my abilities. So what I'm hearing you say

7:00

is, link, also link

7:03

confidence to intention. Some

7:05

people say, link it to the effort,

7:07

right? Like the effort that you show up, that you

7:09

just keep showing up. And others talk

7:11

about the results. Should we be thinking

7:13

about it? There's two, I have a whole, I

7:16

call it the holy trilogy in the book of

7:18

self-confidence. What is this? But the confidence trilogy is

7:20

faith, have confidence. So if you're a person of

7:22

faith, no matter what you believe in, it's amazing

7:24

to me how people that believe in energy, they

7:26

believe in quantum energy, or they believe in, they're

7:28

a Christian like me, and I believe in both,

7:30

by the way. But whatever their

7:32

faith is, that they have it on

7:34

Sunday, they have it in Bible study, or they have it when

7:36

they get together with their friends or when they meditate, but somehow

7:38

when they walk into a business meeting, they're alone. So

7:41

why are you alone then, but you're not alone these other

7:43

times? So I'm never alone. So

7:45

that's number one. Number two is my intention. And

7:48

third is my associations, change my

7:50

confidence. But here's the biggie. If

7:52

you don't have self-confidence, here's what you have. You have

7:54

a really bad reputation with yourself. You

7:57

have built a habit of not keeping the promises you make

7:59

to yourself. heard this before, but there's a level. I

8:01

have a book, chapter in the book called One More Standard. Here's

8:04

how I built what I would call

8:06

almost superhuman confidence in spite of my

8:08

insecurity. Think about that. Superhuman

8:10

confidence in spite of my insecurity. That's exactly

8:12

what you just said. It's an effort play.

8:15

If you don't have self-confidence, you've never kept the promises you make

8:17

to yourself. Check that box. If you

8:20

have self-confidence, you've started to keep the promises you

8:22

make to yourself. If you want to have superhuman

8:24

self-confidence, you keep the promises you make to yourself

8:27

and one more. If I'm

8:29

going to get up and I'm going to work out and

8:31

I'm going to do 10 reps in the gym, I do

8:33

one more. If I'm going to do 45 minutes on the

8:35

treadmill, I do one more. If I want to make 10

8:37

contacts in a day, I do that and one more. If

8:40

I'm going to tell my daughter I love her every day,

8:42

I'm going to do that and

8:44

one more. That higher standard, because in

8:46

life, we don't get our goals, we get our standards

8:48

long-term. If your standard is

8:50

one more, what starts to happen is you go, I'm

8:52

willing to do things other people aren't willing to do

8:55

and I combine that that I

8:57

have great faith, great associations and

8:59

I intend to help people. This

9:02

is a formula to build wonderful

9:04

self-confidence and never lack humility when

9:06

you have it. So when did you

9:08

learn this one more mindset? Was this from your dad

9:10

or the honor? It was from my dad. So we

9:12

talked about this a little bit earlier, but my dad

9:14

had these couple theories he would always say

9:16

to me. And so one was when he got sober, he gave it

9:18

one more try. He was going to stay sober one day at a

9:21

time. And then my dad, there's no

9:23

dreaming in my house. There's no like my jet,

9:25

you know, I've had, I've been blessing like multiple

9:27

airplanes, right? In my life, my jet was in

9:29

almost walking distance of my dad's house. He's never

9:31

been on any of them. Wow. And I would

9:34

say to my dad, I would say, Hey, let's

9:36

go, go play golf in Maui. Let's

9:38

go. There's these great golf courses in the ocean. And my

9:40

dad would say, well, why would I go all the way

9:42

to Maui to play golf with my

9:44

favorite person, my son, when we can play here in Chino?

9:47

It's not about there. I want to be with my son. So

9:49

this, my family had none of that

9:51

stuff, but my dad knew I was

9:53

a dreamer. And my dad would always

9:55

say, you know, I was

9:57

one decision away from changing my life the whole

9:59

time. one choice and

10:01

he'd say, Eddie, you're not as far away from

10:04

these dreams as you think you are. And

10:06

I'd say, really, dad? And he goes, no, you're

10:08

actually a lot closer than you think. But because

10:10

you think it's so far away, you behave in

10:12

accordance with that belief system, and it always keeps

10:14

it that far away from you. So how do

10:16

we bring our dreams closer to us? The

10:18

first thing is, that's a great question. The first

10:20

thing is you need to believe and know that

10:22

you're one decision, one relationship, one meeting, one

10:25

book, one thought, one something away from a completely

10:27

different life. And when you know that, then you

10:29

begin to look for them. And so

10:31

in the second chapter of the book, I have a thing in the

10:34

book called the matrix. And your

10:36

matrix is your reticular activating system in your brain.

10:38

It's the filter for your entire life. Okay.

10:41

And this filter reveals to you the world that's in front

10:43

of you. Again, an example of it is, I like

10:46

what Musk is doing. So I just bought a Tesla. I

10:49

drove it here today. I got a Tesla too, the Model X? What

10:51

do you got? I got a Plaid. It's a good one. Nice.

10:54

And so I bought this Plaid and all of

10:56

a sudden man, everywhere I go, there's Teslas. See

10:58

it everywhere. Oh yeah. Like, whoa, I see it.

11:00

In other words, three lanes over other side. Freaking

11:02

Tesla. This is crazy. They were always there. Why

11:04

didn't I see them before? Because they weren't part

11:07

of my RAS. So the key thing I teach

11:09

you in the book, how to slow down time

11:11

and create the matrix of your life, when

11:13

you make the Teslas of your life, those

11:16

relationships, those meetings, those thoughts, those encounters, you

11:18

can very easily do this, but there's a

11:20

process of repeated visualization you do that's not

11:22

complicated. It's chapter two of the book and

11:24

it will shift you. The other component too,

11:27

I have a chapter in the book called,

11:29

Become an Impossibility Thinker and a Possibility Achiever.

11:32

Here's how most people's frameworks, they don't have

11:34

an RAS program, they're not intentional. So they

11:36

keep getting, if things most important to you

11:38

are your worries, fears, anxieties, problems, bills, you

11:40

will continue to have people, places and things

11:42

revealed to you that confirm it. And

11:46

if you operate out of your memory and your

11:48

history, if this is your pattern, your framework, you

11:50

will continue to find those things. You need to

11:53

learn to operate out of your imagination and your

11:55

dreams. This is a different framework for life. Imagination

11:58

is different than dreaming. This imagination

12:00

causes you to create dreams and

12:02

thoughts that never happen. When

12:04

you imagine something, you create a space. Once

12:06

you have a thought, this is powerful, when

12:09

you have a thought, you create a space that did not

12:11

exist in the world before you had that thought. And

12:13

that space now exists. And the way your brain

12:16

works and your life works and the universe works

12:18

is it tries to furnish that space, whether it's

12:20

a negative or a positive thought, it starts to

12:22

hear things it wouldn't hear. That's why like when

12:24

you're in a crowded room and they say, Lewis,

12:27

you can hear Lewis auditorily over all the

12:29

noise, why it's in your RAS, it's why

12:31

you see the Tesla, okay? So the key

12:33

thing is being able to operate on this

12:35

imagination. Why is imagination so important? When

12:37

you were a child, three, four, five years old, you were

12:39

probably happier than you are right now. Why?

12:43

Two reasons. A, you were closer

12:45

to God, you had just been with God more recently. And

12:48

two, you operated out of your imagination. You

12:50

didn't operate out of a history and a memory because you didn't

12:52

have one. And slowly over time, by the time you were 10,

12:55

11, 12 years old, loving

12:57

people installed their limiting thoughts and

12:59

beliefs, their software into you. Because

13:01

most things in life are caught,

13:04

not taught. You catch them. And

13:06

so now you're starting to operate out of history

13:09

and memory and you repeat it and your RAS

13:11

begins to see the things that reinforce that history

13:13

and memory. And so you basically have the same

13:15

life over and over again with a different cast

13:18

of characters in a different environment,

13:20

but the same emotions. You have the same

13:22

emotional home. My dad used to say

13:24

to me, every call, bro, till

13:26

the day he died and I'm 50 years old, blah,

13:28

blah, blah, whatever time I'm up. Last thing he

13:30

would always say to me, be careful. Be

13:33

careful. What the heck? And I

13:35

go, careful with what? I don't know. I never

13:38

knew. But what is that programming from the time you're

13:40

eight years old? Be careful. Hey, go to school. Watch

13:42

out. Be careful. All

13:45

of them. And you need to be careful.

13:47

You need to be careful. But don't make this risk.

13:49

Don't take that business. Don't do this. Don't do that.

13:52

You say that to an already-unconfident, insecure person.

13:54

He meant it lovingly. By the time I'm

13:56

50, worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Be

13:59

careful. He was not only was saying it to

14:01

me, but what was he doing? He was installing, God

14:03

bless him, his limiting beliefs into

14:05

me as a little boy. So,

14:08

a lot of these things that you believe,

14:10

you were defenseless when you started to believe them. They

14:12

were installing you by loving people who were around

14:14

you. And even though your life may look differently,

14:17

your emotional home, the four, five, six

14:19

emotions you experience pretty regularly, might be

14:21

very familiar from your parents, one

14:23

or two of them, right? And so, you need to look at

14:26

your emotional home. What's your most powerful emotion that

14:28

you wish you could let go of? Love

14:31

is the most powerful emotion in the world. We

14:33

will all do everything for love. If there were more

14:35

love in the world, the way

14:37

we treat one another, the way we express our thoughts,

14:40

you know, you'll do anything for love, right? So,

14:42

love is by far my most powerful emotion.

14:45

It's like, I love you. Then,

14:47

like, when I just saw you, we didn't just, like, people, we

14:49

didn't just hug for, like, one second. Yeah. And

14:52

you do this better than I do. I hold people. I make

14:54

it uncomfortable because I just want to hug and love on people.

14:56

But it's not uncomfortable, bro. Right, right. Because

14:58

the reason you're so successful is you truly

15:01

do love people. Yeah. And you come

15:03

from that place. And I know we're

15:05

bigger dudes, and, like, that's a

15:07

beautiful expression of a man. A real man is

15:09

capable of real love. That's a sign of real

15:11

strength. So, that's the most powerful one. And then,

15:13

for me, I know the emotion that I wish

15:16

I didn't have. It's chaos.

15:18

Really? How often do you experience chaos in

15:20

emotion? Less because I'm aware of it. But I'm going to tell

15:23

you, all the time, till about five years ago, even when we

15:25

first met, I used to say

15:27

this. Why? I used to

15:29

even say this. Man, I operate great under chaos.

15:31

Man, you should see me operate under chaos. Most

15:33

people can't handle chaos. I'm calm under pressure. Well,

15:36

the reason for that was I grew up

15:38

in an alcoholic home. So, I'm very familiar with

15:40

chaos. It became a very

15:42

familiar emotion. And what we do is

15:44

we gravitate towards the familiar emotions in our life, even

15:47

if they're not ones that serve us. And

15:49

I don't think there's negative or positive emotions. I say

15:51

this in the book. They're just are. Yes. Fear

15:54

isn't negative. But some fear, being

15:56

afraid to do this podcast, to some extent, causes

15:58

a negative. us to

16:00

prepare. So a dose of it, it was

16:02

given to us in the caveman days, so

16:04

T-Rex didn't need us, right? So some fear

16:06

is good, some anxiety is okay, some

16:09

frustration, some anger is appropriate. It's

16:11

to the dosage level. And we get these four

16:14

or five of them. For me, some chaos is

16:16

okay. It's fun. It's exciting. It's exhilarating, right? But

16:18

getting it every day, every week, every month,

16:21

all the time. And so how do you get rid

16:23

of it? Well, one way you get rid of it

16:25

is just be awareness. When you have an awareness of

16:27

a thought, it loses its impact and power over you.

16:29

It almost becomes like this. I'll do it. I'm like,

16:31

I'm doing it again, aren't I? I'm doing

16:33

the chaos thing. Everything's great right now.

16:35

All the houses are paid off. My kids are

16:37

happy. Mary, do a great woman. Got great friends.

16:39

I'm doing the chaos thing again, aren't I? You

16:41

dummy, you're doing it again. And it kind of

16:44

loses its power over you. So I have a

16:46

chapter in the book called One More Emotion and

16:48

how to take an inventory of

16:50

the emotions you have. And so yeah,

16:52

man, mine's definitely love. And the one I don't

16:54

want is chaos because chaos causes me to act

16:56

out of anger and frustration. It can depress me.

16:58

And your intentions are not going to be as

17:00

I guess, pure. It's a

17:02

gateway emotion. Chaos is my

17:04

gateway emotion to the ones I don't

17:06

want. Chaos gives me stress. Chaos gives

17:08

me anger. Chaos gives me frustration. Chaos

17:10

gives me fear. So it's a gateway

17:12

emotion. What is the result when you

17:14

create from that space of chaos? It's

17:16

funny. I have found the

17:19

ability to externally create

17:21

something pretty productive. But

17:24

stay with me on this. But the process

17:26

in getting there is destructive. The

17:28

process in getting there is not beautiful.

17:31

And I used to think, and a lot of

17:33

successful people- It's forcing your way to get the results. Almost through

17:35

force. And

17:37

I still do it sometimes. I'm thinking of a situation this week

17:39

where I did it. And I used

17:42

to think, well, that's a superpower though, because I've

17:44

created all these external- Look what I made. Look what

17:46

I did. And I'm doing it because

17:48

of that. The truth is I did it in spite

17:50

of it. You did. And there's a lot of things

17:52

in our lives that we have linked to our formula,

17:54

our recipe of success that we hold on to that

17:57

you've done in spite of those things, not because

17:59

of those things. So you're 51 now? When

18:03

you were 40, on

18:06

a scale of 1 to 10 of the

18:08

self-confident happiness joy scale, 10 being

18:10

like you loved yourself fully, you

18:12

were peaceful, you had an abundant

18:15

mindset, you were, had

18:17

inner peace, you know, joy, one

18:19

being you hated yourself, you were miserable, you

18:21

were in chaos 24-7. Where were you on

18:23

that scale at 40? Okay. The

18:26

answer is probably a 3 of happiness. But

18:31

if you met me, I could convince

18:33

you that it was probably an 8. That you

18:35

were super happy and you had it together. Probably

18:38

a 3. And since your father passing where are

18:40

you now? Probably a 9. Really?

18:43

Yeah, and I no longer feel the need to convince you because

18:46

I've learned that this

18:48

has already existed within me. I didn't have to go get

18:50

it. I just had to allow myself

18:52

to experience it. And it took

18:54

me a long time to treat myself

18:57

in such a way that I allowed myself to feel

18:59

these things that have always been there. I had them

19:01

when I was a little baby boy. I

19:03

just lost them along the way in these

19:05

patterns and programs that were installed in me

19:08

and my experiences. And I got

19:10

to share something with you, brother, that just dawned on

19:12

me. I wrote this whole book and

19:14

two weeks ago I had this, this is just for me and you but

19:16

everybody can hear it. And

19:19

I've always tried to disqualify myself.

19:22

I've always, you're not this. Why is that? It

19:24

always shocks people, even people that know me really

19:26

well. They're like, not you. I have that but

19:28

there's no way you have it, right? You're too

19:30

confident, too talented, too. And I

19:32

don't know that I'm too talented but I think I can fake it pretty

19:34

well. And

19:37

I disqualify myself because the

19:40

truth is that maybe for

19:42

a while everything that I

19:45

got that was love when I was a child only came when

19:47

I achieved something. So I

19:49

started to conflate early on in my life recognition

19:52

and significance with love. In other words, my dad would love

19:54

me if I hit the home run. My dad would love

19:56

me if I get straight A's. And

19:58

so then when I would feel these things. But

20:00

something really amazing and I also like I'm

20:03

really big at holding myself. I love to beat myself

20:05

up with mistakes I've made I Did

20:07

this I did that I should have done this I didn't do that and

20:11

I've always thought these mistakes these

20:14

weaknesses of mine disqualify me

20:16

for being happy or helping people and this

20:20

amazing breakthrough the one decision that changed my family

20:22

forever is my dad's decision to get sober and

20:26

It changed my family forever. I'm talking to you because my

20:28

dad made that decision And I've always

20:30

been so proud of my dad for that, but this is just

20:32

two weeks ago 315

20:35

in the morning. I wake up. I'm crying and I

20:38

wake Kristiana up. I go babe Someone

20:41

helped a dad. She went what honey? I said

20:43

someone helps dad She's

20:45

what do you mean? I said babe? I never thought about

20:48

this and my dad's darkest

20:50

worst moment of his life Hmm in

20:52

some coffee shop or some room somewhere

20:55

Some precious soul helped my dad reached

20:57

out to him talked to him Talked

21:00

to him and got him sober Wow, and I

21:02

said babe That's not the powerful part and I

21:04

have no idea who this person is But I

21:06

wonder if they know the difference they made in

21:09

Max and Bella's my children's lives or your life

21:11

Wow the millions of people I've helped that one

21:13

decision they made and she goes oh

21:15

my gosh I said I never thought about this beautiful

21:17

human being always gave the credit to my dad, but

21:19

some stranger Helped him and

21:22

I said babe. This is the bananas

21:24

part. Do you know what qualified them to

21:26

help my dad? Their

21:28

messed up life. Wow. They were an

21:30

alcoholic They were a drug addict

21:32

little did that person know the things they

21:35

were the most ashamed of the biggest mistakes

21:37

of their lives When they were

21:39

using drugs and drinking and stealing it that

21:41

was qualifying them to change my dad's life And

21:44

all of us we run around carrying these bags

21:46

of I'm not qualified because I made this mistake I

21:48

had this bankruptcy this relationship didn't work. I did

21:50

this thing. You don't know about I'm so ashamed of

21:53

that's why you're qualified That's the thing that qualifies

21:55

you the human this in

21:57

you you are the only human

21:59

being with your combination of gifts that

22:01

you were given, whatever they are, and

22:04

your experience. And real

22:06

human beings help real human beings by

22:08

being vulnerable and transparent, saying, I know

22:10

where you are, I've messed up worse.

22:13

I've made greater mistakes. I felt worse.

22:16

I know that depression. I know that anxiety.

22:18

I know that shame. I know what that

22:20

feels like. That beautiful soul who

22:22

was a drug addict and alcoholic, they

22:25

didn't know all those mistakes they're making were leading

22:27

them out of their heart. And they finally got

22:30

to a point where their intention was

22:32

to help my father. In

22:34

the lowest moment of his life, they changed

22:36

my dad's life. And they're changed mine, and

22:38

maybe me and you are changing a few

22:40

today because of that person's mess. It's

22:43

crazy. Is that crazy? That's amazing. I

22:46

know, I know. Love them and thank them. That's

22:49

amazing, man. Ever

22:54

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25:18

Where's the biggest wound in the last

25:21

few years that you've had to realize

25:23

still wasn't fully healed for you? That

25:25

if it was on a

25:27

deeper mending process, you'd be able to go to

25:29

the next level. Is there something

25:31

that has come up that you've realized or

25:34

paid attention to that you're like, I thought I

25:36

healed that fully, but it's still kind of there.

25:38

And maybe it's holding me back from more love,

25:40

more peace, more service, more... I'm

25:43

great at giving love to people. I've

25:46

never very rarely ever allowed myself

25:48

to receive it. Really? Yeah.

25:50

Even with your family or with friends

25:53

or... Yeah. I love them. But

25:55

me allowing myself just to go, they

25:58

love me. I've

26:00

never said that out loud till right now. Once

26:03

I'm really worth it, then I'll

26:05

get around to having it. I'll get it, but I don't have it yet.

26:07

What would it take for you to be really worth it? Well,

26:09

that's the thing is that line keeps moving.

26:14

Yeah, okay. And so that line keeps moving. I

26:16

wanna do that. I'm worth a million, okay, but

26:18

not till 10 million, till 100 million, till. The

26:20

line moves, and where it's been healing for me

26:23

lately is like, I'm

26:25

worthy of it now. Yeah. I've always

26:27

been worthy of it. And the truth is, the

26:30

right type of love has no conditions on it. Like,

26:34

my children, I love

26:36

them unconditionally. There's literally nothing either

26:38

one of them could do to make me love them less

26:40

or more, and I tell them that all the time. You

26:43

get this or that, I can't love you more, and I can't love

26:45

you less. My daughter could, worst case

26:47

scenario, I mean, never, she could literally end

26:49

someone else's life, and I'd be like, all

26:51

right, where is it? Let's bury the body.

26:53

You know, like, I mean, that's just, you

26:56

love your children unconditionally. And

26:59

then I realize something in my faith. God loves me even

27:01

more. He's always loved me even more. He's made

27:03

me in his image and likeness. And for all of you

27:05

that are listening to this, you were born to do something

27:08

great with your life, but that's not the condition to receive

27:10

love. All this achievement, you and

27:12

I are both about to max out. You're about

27:14

greatness. The highest

27:16

form of maxing out in greatness is to give

27:18

and receive love. Yeah. But you didn't

27:20

receive it that well. No. And

27:22

I think lately I'm like, I feel you, thank

27:25

you. I accept that. When someone compliments me, I

27:27

always go, yeah, but you know, you're, and

27:29

lately I go, I'll take that, thank you. I'll

27:32

take that, thank you. And at first

27:34

it even felt a little insincere, disingenuous.

27:37

But I've had many more moments the last, since

27:39

my dad died, candidly.

27:42

Since my dad died, I'm like, I

27:45

robbed myself of that. And I'll tell you what happened. Right

27:47

before my dad died, we had a

27:49

conversation, and my dad said

27:52

to me, I'm so proud of

27:54

you. Wow. And I love you

27:56

so much. I said, dad, I want you to listen to

27:58

me. And he said this to me. He goes, I

28:01

can't believe God gave you to

28:03

me as my son. Wow. And

28:06

I felt, I felt loved. And

28:10

I went, he's felt that way all of his life.

28:12

Why did I wait till his last breaths to receive

28:14

it? And I'm not gonna do

28:16

that again in my other relationships. I'm not gonna wait

28:18

till they're gone. My dad's impact, you

28:21

and I were both talking about our dads, my dad's

28:23

impact is far greater on me now than

28:25

it was when he was gone. And you don't need to wait

28:27

for that. You need to wait

28:29

around for that in your life. You can receive it

28:31

now. And I allow myself to receive it much more

28:33

often now. There's probably nothing that you regret that you

28:36

would change differently in your past about

28:38

situations because it's made you who you are. But

28:41

let's just say you were going back to before

28:43

you got married. Yep. Is

28:46

there anything that you would do differently with

28:50

yourself in the relationship or

28:52

as you were starting to have kids

28:54

about emotions, connection, intimacy, receiving, giving, love,

28:57

is there anything you'd change? Tons. The

29:00

biggest one is my lack of presence. I

29:02

was always in the future, which is a good place

29:05

to be. I'm not a guy who's in the past

29:07

a lot. Because then you're innovating, you're resourceful, you're creating

29:09

something from nothing. It's powerful. Yeah, I'm not a past

29:11

guy. But I am a

29:13

future guy. But the truth is

29:15

the best people are able to be in the

29:17

present and still operate, be in

29:19

the future, but be present in the present time. And

29:21

I didn't do that very well. There's a lot of

29:24

times, man, when my kids would do things and now

29:26

Christian goes, do you remember when Bella? And

29:29

I'll go, I don't remember. And she goes, but you were actually

29:31

there. But I wasn't. So

29:34

when I changed that, yes. I should have given myself the

29:36

gift of being more present where I was. And I do

29:38

that very well now. I'm very much a

29:40

present person. You turn your phone off after you get

29:42

home and you're putting a car or whatever you do,

29:44

you spend 10 minutes closing things out and then you

29:47

go into the house and you connect. I

29:49

do, yeah. I have strategies for it because I know

29:51

me. And then anger. You

29:54

were angrier then? Way more. I'm an intense dude.

29:56

In fact, people who see me now on social

29:58

that knew me back then, like, wow, man,

30:00

you've really changed. I just

30:02

thought that my intensity and even what moved

30:05

into anger was strength because I saw

30:07

it in my dad. Because it got results,

30:09

certain results. And I think I modeled it a little

30:11

bit. My dad was a yeller before

30:14

he was sober and even a little bit

30:16

after Truth Be Stowed and my dad would operate,

30:18

my dad could go to anger pretty quickly. And

30:21

I used to think that's what a man did. I've

30:23

watched my dad in many physical fights, many

30:26

angel games. I watched my dad side of the

30:28

freeway. We came

30:30

out of church one Sunday, St. Dennis Catholic

30:32

Church in Diamond Bar. Some

30:34

guy said something my dad didn't like in the donut line.

30:37

And we got in the car and my dad calls

30:39

the guy over to the car and he says, hey,

30:41

what did you say? Bam, and headbutts the guy at

30:43

church in the parking lot in front of all the

30:45

other parishioners. So I think I

30:48

modeled a little bit, I didn't do anything like that,

30:50

but I modeled, hey, anger, men, men

30:53

can do that thing. Don't

30:56

disrespect me. You know, that whole thing.

30:59

I had a lot of that when I was

31:01

young. Like, don't, you know, I'm gonna assert my

31:03

authority. And as I got older,

31:05

it's almost become funny to me. And

31:07

what the change for me was having kids. I'm

31:10

like, if someone ever spoke to my daughter

31:12

or my son the way that I have talked to some

31:14

of these people that have been around me. And for someone

31:16

like you that knows me now, they'll be like, there's just

31:18

no way, man. No, man,

31:20

I really did. I really said things I regret.

31:23

I really did things that were out of anger

31:25

too often. And I don't

31:27

like that guy. He hasn't been around

31:29

for a while, but every once in a while, he'll

31:31

rear his head. He can be there once in a

31:33

while. What makes you angry today? Anytime I

31:35

see someone operating out of anger, I think they're

31:37

afraid. And so for me, it's

31:40

when do I get angry? I got angry today.

31:43

Today is, I said recently I had one

31:45

of those episodes. So my show got posted

31:47

today and someone on my

31:49

team posted it incorrectly and it wasn't on

31:51

YouTube. Oh yeah. Okay. And so my default

31:53

when that happened was anger. Who

31:55

did this? What happened? You know the feeling,

31:57

right? Of course. But what was I really? I was afraid.

32:00

I was afraid the show wouldn't do well. I was afraid

32:02

it would be embarrassing I was afraid the guest was gonna

32:04

be upset with me. So when I operate out of anger,

32:07

it's always fear I'm always afraid but what about back in

32:09

the day when you're hard on people? I was afraid I

32:11

was gonna be broke I was afraid we were gonna lose

32:13

the business. I was afraid this situation was gonna happen I

32:15

was afraid someone was gonna shame me. So I'm gonna get

32:17

in front of it and be angry with them So

32:20

for me anger is just a manifestation of

32:22

fear and when I see it in other

32:24

people men or women I have

32:26

empathy for them because I know they're afraid. Yeah,

32:28

and I really do believe that I think anger

32:30

is always a result of some type of fear.

32:32

Hmm What do you

32:34

think is the biggest things that hold all of

32:37

us back from achieving our dreams faster? Three

32:40

biggest things. Well, one is the proximity to it

32:42

We really do believe it's further away Like we

32:44

honestly believe this thing is like a 20-year thing

32:46

and so because we believe that we keep it

32:48

there and we miss out On these, you know

32:50

possibilities in our life. The second one is I

32:52

have a chapter in the book called on equanimity

32:54

I say one more level of equanimity equanimity

32:57

is our ability to be calm under duress

33:00

So I said earlier slow things

33:02

down the greatest athletes that we admire can

33:04

slow things down under pressure They're calm if

33:06

you think of a Tom Brady who's everybody's

33:08

example in this age is That when it's

33:10

the noisiest and the crowds the craziest and

33:12

it's the playoffs and it's the highest stakes

33:15

For the average person everything speeds up

33:18

and they lose control Good friend of both

33:20

of ours Michael Chandler fought this last weekend.

33:22

It's great win great win And normally Michael

33:25

he's one of the greatest fighters in the world But when

33:27

he has been in duress in some of his fights Things

33:30

speed up and he starts to do this

33:32

brawl mode and I watched him

33:34

in this fight things started to not go

33:37

his way and he slowed things down and

33:39

he started to show some equanimity under

33:41

duress and That's when things slow down

33:43

and we can perform at our best so the second thing

33:45

I would say is equanimity the third thing is I have

33:47

a whole chapter in the book on the way you manage

33:49

time and This

33:52

is just there's so many heavy things in the

33:54

book But the idea that still people manage a

33:56

day in 24 hours is hilarious to me that

33:59

this arc K-it concept that a day is 24

34:01

hours is bananas. The 24

34:03

hour day was just made up by somebody about

34:06

the sun and the earth going around each other.

34:08

Building, you know, 100 million years ago or whatever

34:10

it was. And this is before there was electricity.

34:12

There were cars. There was the internet. There was

34:14

a smartphone. So you're gonna tell me I should

34:17

measure my day the same duration of time, I

34:19

calibrate time, when the same dude didn't have the

34:21

internet. I used to have to do

34:23

a project in high school. We'd have to go to the

34:25

encyclopedia, go down to the library and research for hours. My

34:28

kids can Google something in 10 seconds now and get, I

34:30

can text message you instead of mailing you something that takes a month

34:32

to get to you. So I've shrunk my

34:35

days. My days now are from, my first

34:37

day is from 6 a.m. to

34:39

noon. In that day, it's called a

34:41

mini day. 6 a.m. to noon, I get into

34:43

that day, whatever I want. Some days are chill, some days are

34:45

faith, some days are working out. But the amount, we've all had

34:47

that morning where you go, I got done more this morning than

34:49

I have in three weeks. Right? So why

34:51

can't that be every day? And it is, I can tell

34:53

you. So my first day is 6 a.m. to noon. At

34:55

noon, a clock goes off. We're in day two. And

34:59

I reevaluate really quickly for five seconds. What just

35:01

happened? What did I do? What do I need

35:03

to do more of? Next day is noon to

35:05

6 p.m. I'm gonna get the same amount of

35:07

business, context, faith, fun, whatever it is in that

35:09

ecstasy, in that day. Third day is 6 p.m.

35:11

to midnight. It's a third day. This

35:13

gives me three days in one day. I get 21

35:15

days a week. If I get 21 days a week,

35:18

you get seven, stacked it up over a month, a

35:20

year, five, 10 years. I'm going to

35:22

smoke you in life. Right? And

35:25

I've ended and manipulated time so that my accountability is different.

35:27

It's not the end of a day or end of a

35:29

week or end of a month. It's at the end of

35:31

a basically a six or eight hour window. That's interesting. And

35:34

other people respond to you differently because

35:36

what is scarce is valuable. People

35:39

begin to respond to you differently when your time

35:41

is more scarce, when it's more precious. And

35:43

so it's completely changed my life. The last 25 years

35:46

running many days as opposed to 24 hour days. Here's

35:54

what everybody gets wrong about manifesting. What

35:56

you're trained to think about when you

35:58

think about manifesting is this. vision

36:00

boards. And when you hear the

36:02

word vision boards, you think about the big stuff.

36:05

Should you have big dreams? Of course

36:07

you should. Should you dream of building a

36:09

mansion on the ocean if that's your thing?

36:11

Yes. Should you dream of the log cabin?

36:13

Yes. If you want a Lamborghini or the

36:15

new Ford Bronco, should you put? Yeah. Yes,

36:17

yes, yes. If you want the family, if

36:19

you want the body, should you think about?

36:21

Yeah, absolutely. Here's where everybody goes wrong. Dream

36:24

about the end. You make

36:26

this gorgeous collage of all this

36:28

stuff that has nothing to do with

36:30

your current life. That

36:33

literally as you're sitting in your studio

36:35

apartment with the cat box that hasn't

36:37

been changed in two weeks. No food in

36:39

the fridge. No food in the fridge. And

36:41

you're looking for a job and you're

36:43

staring at a mansion going someday. It's

36:46

going to make you feel like a

36:48

loser because the gap between where you

36:51

are and where you want to go

36:53

seems insurmountable. And

36:56

so what happens based on the research is when

36:58

you only visualize the end game, Louis, it's demotivating.

37:00

At first it's really fun to like have a

37:02

bottle of wine and make your like collage. I'm

37:04

going to visualize. I'm going to slap this up.

37:07

There's my vision board. That's fabulous. Law of attraction,

37:09

baby. Come on. I'm going to think about it.

37:11

It's going to come to me. Okay. I've been

37:13

doing this for two days. I'm not, I'm still

37:15

in this apartment with the cat box that needs

37:17

to be changed. The way to visualize properly is

37:20

to visualize the bridge between

37:22

where you are and where

37:24

you need to go. The bridge. Yes.

37:26

And particularly the horrible stuff. Visualize

37:29

working a day job and telling your

37:31

friends that you're not going to go out tonight

37:33

because you're working on something. Visualize making cold calls

37:35

and being told no. Visualize not

37:37

going to that party because you're

37:39

staying in on a Saturday and

37:42

not going to the barbecue because

37:44

you're putting in the work. Visualize

37:46

sitting in a seminar and learning

37:48

for other people. Visualize watching YouTube

37:50

videos. Visualize your first ever course

37:52

failing miserably. Like literally

37:54

that's the sort of thing that you

37:57

want to visualize yourself doing and pushing

37:59

through. because that's going to help you do

38:01

the work. Yeah. Isn't that cool? I think that's

38:03

great. Yeah, visualizing. So in order

38:05

to manifest what you want, don't just visualize

38:07

the good things happening, visualize the bridge, all

38:10

the things that's going to take together. Yes,

38:12

and the hard parts of the bridge. Because then you're

38:15

ready for it. I didn't expect

38:17

this to be this hard. I mean, it's still going

38:19

to be hard. Right. But you're less likely to quit.

38:21

Yes. So

38:23

what have you done in the last five

38:25

years to help you manifest after the first

38:28

book? Were you doing this as well? Or

38:31

kind of once you get on a rhythm and

38:33

build momentum, does it become easier to manifest in

38:35

your opinion? Well, so I am constantly

38:37

training my mind to work for me.

38:40

And there's this little trick that I talk

38:42

about in the book that is all sort

38:44

of the beginning of having a high five

38:46

attitude. And a high five attitude is the

38:48

ability to catch yourself when

38:50

you're going mentally low and

38:53

to flip yourself back up into a high five

38:55

attitude. Okay. The

38:57

thing that I know to be

38:59

true is that you cannot

39:01

control the things around you. You

39:04

can't control what's going to happen. You can't

39:07

even control how your nervous system might respond or

39:09

what thoughts might pop into your head. But

39:11

you can always choose what you do next and what

39:13

you make it mean. Right? And so

39:16

that's where all the power is. Yes. And

39:18

so I do this thing where I,

39:24

this is again, it's going to sound so

39:26

dumb. But

39:28

it's a way for me to introduce you

39:31

to the power that your mind has to

39:33

change in real time. Okay. We've

39:35

talked a lot about negative self-talk. And

39:37

part of the reason why negative self-talk

39:39

is so crippling is not only

39:42

because you've repeated it for so long

39:44

and now it's a pattern, but

39:46

it's also because you have a filter on

39:48

your brain called the reticular

39:50

activity system. Okay? This

39:54

puppy is the keys to everything.

39:57

And it's remarkable that you can't

39:59

control it. that most of us have never heard

40:01

of it, we've experienced it,

40:04

but we don't know how to use it to our advantage. So

40:07

first let me tell you what the RAS does.

40:09

Then I'm gonna give you an example of when

40:13

you've experienced it in your life. And

40:15

then I'm going to explain to you how

40:17

to use it to get what you want

40:20

in life. This is like the super attractor

40:22

manifesting and it also works for interrupting

40:25

negative self-talk. Like it's gonna supercharge all the

40:27

work you're doing with the mirror and interrupting

40:29

thoughts. So first let's talk about the RAS.

40:31

So the RAS, imagine a hair net on

40:33

your brain. Only it's

40:36

like electric, meaning it's

40:38

alive, okay? Now the RAS

40:40

has one job and the job is

40:42

block out 99% of

40:44

what's going on and let in 1% of what's

40:46

going on. Our brains at this

40:48

moment in history are having to process

40:50

about 34 days worth of

40:54

cell phone data in one day.

40:57

Crazy. It's crazy. And so your RAS has

40:59

a monster job. It's like a bouncer at

41:01

a bar. You're not coming in, you

41:03

can come in. And you've experienced

41:05

this. So have you ever shopped for a

41:07

car? Yes. Okay, so

41:09

what's the last car you bought? Tesla. Oh,

41:12

Tesla, oh, fancy. Lewis Howes, I like

41:14

that. Well, I never had a

41:16

nice car until three

41:18

years ago. I had a $4,000 car for

41:20

five years before that. Yeah, yeah. And

41:23

then I was like, you know what? I have no

41:25

Bluetooth. I have no, it's like, I just needed an

41:27

upgrade. Yeah, no, I love it. It was 1991. Dude,

41:29

you deserve it. I had a 1991 Cadillac. And I

41:31

was like, okay, we'll buy a car. So I bought

41:33

a Tesla, yeah. Right, and so before you thought about buying

41:35

a Tesla, you drive down the road, you don't really think

41:38

about it. The second you're like, you know, I think I'm

41:40

interested in a Tesla. What do you see everywhere? Teslas.

41:43

Yes, everywhere. Everywhere. My husband just bought a

41:45

pickup truck. I'd never even noticed him. Now

41:47

I'm like, there are baby blue pickup trucks everywhere.

41:49

What is going on? That's the

41:51

bouncer in your brain. And let me

41:53

tell you how this works. There are

41:55

only four things that automatically get through

41:57

the bouncer in your brain, the RAS.

42:00

Number one, your name. So you've experienced being

42:02

in a crowded place and somebody's like, you think you hear Lewis

42:05

and you're like, huh, somebody call my name? That

42:07

was the bouncer in your brain. The

42:09

second thing that always gets let in is any threat

42:11

to your safety. So there are loud

42:13

noises all the time, but only ones in

42:16

close proximity make you go like this. That

42:18

was the bouncer in your brain letting it in. The

42:21

third thing that gets

42:24

let in is when you sense that your

42:26

partner is interested in sex with you or

42:29

somebody else. You're like, Chris, stop

42:31

looking at her. You know

42:33

what I'm saying? You kind of pick up on the signals. That's

42:35

the bouncer in your brain. And the fourth

42:37

one, and this is where this

42:41

is the billion dollar thing that everybody needs

42:43

to know. The

42:45

bouncer in your brain lets in whatever you think

42:49

is important to you. So

42:52

when you get intentional about

42:54

telling your brain what's important to you, like

42:56

I'm interested in a Tesla, your

42:58

brain's literally like, oh, let

43:01

all the Tesla's in, come on in. Here's

43:03

the downside to this. If you

43:05

have told yourself that

43:08

you are a bad person for

43:10

the last 10 years, guess what your brain thinks

43:12

is important. Examples

43:14

that mean you're a bad person.

43:18

So I'm gonna give you a very specific example.

43:21

So I personally don't think I'm a bad person. I

43:24

don't think I'm perfect, but I know I do

43:26

my best. I mean, well, I don't

43:28

have that story about myself at all. I

43:31

used to, but I don't. And

43:35

let's say I oversleep and I miss the dentist. I

43:38

miss the dentist appointment, I'm like, oh, I

43:41

gotta pay the 25 bucks. I had to

43:43

reschedule that thing. That kind of blows. That's

43:45

all I think. And then I go on. My

43:49

daughter, who constantly beats herself up and

43:51

says she's a bad person, this

43:53

is a real example, by the way, she

43:55

oversleeps, misses a dentist appointment, and it

43:57

becomes, see, I always screw everything up.

44:00

I'm a terror, I'm always messing things up.

44:02

I'm a bad, like everything that gets let

44:04

in confirms that you're a

44:06

bad person. She finds proof in

44:08

evidence. Yes, that's the bouncer in your

44:10

mind. I'm here to tell you

44:12

that when you get intentional about what you

44:14

want to think about yourself, it

44:17

changes in real time

44:19

what your brain lets in and what

44:21

it doesn't. That helps you with

44:23

the other things that you're doing. The high

44:25

five in the mirror, the I'm not thinking

44:27

about that, the pathetic mantra, hey,

44:29

just because I missed the dentist appointment doesn't mean

44:32

I'm a bad person. I'm doing the best I

44:34

can here. Give myself a break. High five, you

44:36

know what I'm saying? Shake it off, get back

44:38

in there. It's

44:42

true, right? Because it's these little

44:44

things. Somebody cuts you off,

44:46

somebody reaches for the last thing, a cereal, that you

44:48

wanted to buy at the grocery store. You think it's

44:50

like a sign that the world's out to get you.

44:53

This is all your story and

44:55

your mind skewing the world to

44:58

prove all of the stuff you keep repeating. And

45:01

the only way to get a handle on

45:03

it is to start acting the opposite, like

45:05

high five yourself, even though you don't feel

45:07

like it. Interrupt the crap that you keep

45:09

saying, put your hands on your heart and settle

45:12

your body down. All

45:16

of these things are things that somebody

45:18

does when they care about themselves,

45:21

when they think they deserve to be treated with goodness, when

45:24

they think they deserve support. And

45:27

when they realize they need it. And

45:30

when you start to build yourself back

45:32

up, you'll show up very differently in

45:35

other relationships. Absolutely. You

45:37

know, if you tolerate this kind of treatment from yourself,

45:39

you'll tolerate it from other people. It

45:42

does begin with you. And when you

45:44

create boundaries, you don't abandon yourself, then you

45:46

won't abandon yourself with other

45:48

people either. You won't let them cross the boundaries.

45:51

Correct. Like if you stand in front of the mirror

45:53

every single morning and you're like, I look like crap,

45:57

I am not good enough. I'm unhappy

45:59

with my life. and

46:01

then you step into a relationship and Somebody

46:04

leaves you on red and they ghost you

46:06

for three days Like you come to expect

46:08

that because that's how you believe you

46:11

think you deserve to be treated when you

46:13

stand in front of a mirror and you're like Hey

46:17

You're awesome. We got this. I got

46:19

you. I know it's hard, you

46:21

know, we're gonna go do this or hey This is

46:23

a big day today. I've got this huge presentation. I

46:26

am going to Destroy this

46:28

like you like you get into it.

46:30

You're excited like then you're creating momentum

46:33

for yourself. Yeah Otherwise

46:36

what you're gonna stand around? Oh my god, I

46:38

screwed this up. I'm not prepared I did it

46:40

like it's like the negative morning routine. Mm-hmm. It

46:43

leads to negative Actions. Absolutely.

46:45

So this training thing training your areas. So

46:47

here's what I want you to do starting

46:50

tomorrow After you wake up

46:52

and make your bed and kind of settle your

46:54

nervous system and high-five yourself after setting your intention

46:56

So now you're like sending yourself into your morning

46:59

routine in a totally different way With

47:02

a calm down nervous system and

47:04

intention and this boost of feeling

47:06

supported and loved and celebrated I

47:10

want you to Find

47:13

one Naturally occurring heart shape

47:16

as you go through your day. Mmm. I saw this in your

47:18

book. Yeah, it could be a stone It could be a

47:21

leaf on the ground. It could be a cloud shape. It could

47:23

be a coffee stain It

47:26

could be an oil stain on the floor of a

47:28

garage. It could be a spot on a dog walking

47:30

by I want you to tell your mind Let's

47:33

find a heart. Let's see if we can find our and

47:36

something weird is gonna happen You're a

47:38

see something and then I want you to

47:42

Literally supersize what's

47:44

going on in your brain and what you do is when you see

47:46

the heart I want you to then take

47:48

a moment and literally Congratulate

47:52

yourself like feel like oh my god. I

47:54

found it like whatever you believe in God

47:56

the universe like greater connection You

47:59

put that there for me for me and I found it.

48:01

And I want you to feel this kind of

48:03

wave of, that's kind of cool. I

48:06

just saw a heart. And

48:08

then that positive thing, remember

48:10

how I told you the bouncer in your brain pays

48:13

attention to what's important to you. When

48:16

you get your nervous system celebratory

48:18

involved, that makes your brain really

48:20

pay attention. Just like trauma makes

48:22

your brain pay attention. It does. So

48:25

you supercharge the experience

48:27

by celebrating it. And

48:29

then look for another one of our, I see hearts

48:32

all day long. And what happens when

48:34

you start to play this game, is

48:36

you will start to realize you are

48:38

walking by an entirely different

48:41

world every

48:43

single day because you're not looking for it. There

48:45

are opportunities, there are

48:47

signs, there are mile

48:51

markers on your path that

48:54

you are literally tuning out.

48:57

And we can all sit in this moment, Lewis,

49:00

and look back and see how the dots

49:02

of our life connect us here. The

49:05

coolest thing about practicing the high

49:07

five habit, this training of finding

49:09

hearts and the high five attitude,

49:11

is that you start to ground

49:13

yourself in the idea that

49:16

this too is a dot on the

49:18

map of your life. And it is

49:20

leading you somewhere incredible. And

49:22

when you start to have that kind of high

49:24

five attitude, that there are signs, whether

49:26

it's the little hearts that you're now seeing, or

49:28

it's your ability to catch guilt, or people pleasing,

49:31

or insecurity, or the negative self talk, and be

49:33

like, nope, not going down, not thinking about that,

49:35

five, four, three, two, one. Let's get that high

49:37

five attitude back. I can

49:40

do this, I can have my own back. It's not

49:42

gonna be perfect, but I can keep going. When you

49:44

stand in front of a mirror and ignore yourself, you're

49:46

like the losing NBA team. Oh, interesting. Selfish

49:49

on your own, isolated. You're not in

49:51

partnership with the person you're staring at

49:53

in the mirror. You don't have your

49:55

own back, because you're ignoring yourself. Yes.

49:58

There's another study, and this is... This one

50:00

is, I think, even more powerful.

50:07

One of my favorite parts about my job

50:09

is that I get the opportunity to travel

50:11

a lot. And actually, I was thinking about

50:13

something I wanted to share. I get a

50:15

lot of questions from you about different side

50:18

hustle ideas. So here's one for those of

50:20

you out there who are often on the

50:22

go, like I am. When you're staying in

50:24

your Airbnb on your trips, have you ever

50:26

thought about how you could be making some

50:28

extra money by hosting through Airbnb while your

50:30

home is vacant? If you're interested in an

50:33

extra stream of income, Airbnb hosting is an

50:35

easy place to start and it's like giving

50:37

your home some company while you're away. Many

50:39

people host on Airbnb, including some friends of

50:41

mine who have raved to me about their

50:44

experience. But there are some people out there

50:46

who've never imagined their space could be an

50:48

Airbnb. Hosting can easily fit

50:50

into your lifestyle and it's a great

50:53

way to earn some extra money. So

50:55

if you have a home, but you're

50:57

not always at home, you've got yourself

50:59

an Airbnb. Your home might be worth

51:01

more than you think. Find out how

51:03

much at airbnb.com/host. The

51:09

famous Abraham Lincoln quote says, good things come

51:12

to those who wait. But that's only part

51:14

of the quote. The full quote is good

51:16

things come to those who wait, but only

51:19

the things left by those who hustle. Well,

51:21

if you're a business owner and want the

51:23

best people on your team, the same applies.

51:25

Thankfully, ZipRecruiter puts the hustle in your hiring

51:28

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51:30

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51:32

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51:43

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51:46

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52:10

smartest way to hire. So

52:12

they did this study where they wanted

52:14

to know what's the most motivating thing

52:16

to help somebody get through a really

52:18

big challenge. They divide, the researchers divide

52:20

kids into three groups, right? And

52:23

they gave each of the groups of kids

52:25

very challenging problems to work through. And they

52:27

wanted to measure, okay, how resilient, how long

52:30

would they work, what were their attitudes like?

52:33

And then they measured it based on,

52:35

well, what form of praise or

52:37

support are we gonna give each one of

52:39

these groups? And let's see what's the most

52:41

empowering. First group

52:44

gets what we know to be the fixed

52:46

mindset stuff. The praise was all verbal praise

52:48

and it was simply about a trait. Louis,

52:51

you are so smart. Louis, you

52:53

are a super student and

52:56

they're praising something that is just sort of a compliment

52:59

about you. The second group of

53:01

students working on a challenging problem got

53:03

praise based on work ethics. So something

53:05

in their control. Oh, Louis, you're working

53:07

so hard. Louis, you got such good

53:09

perseverance. Louis, you're really like just grinding

53:11

away over there. Good job. Those

53:14

guys did better than Louis, you're smart.

53:17

Louis, hardworking, better. The third group,

53:19

the researcher simply walked up, did not say a

53:21

word and high-fived the kid. Really?

53:25

That's it, that's it. That

53:27

group literally, exponentially,

53:32

more motivated, worked longer, worked through more

53:34

challenging problems. Now here's the big question,

53:37

why? Why would a simple high-five

53:39

with no verbal praise be

53:42

more empowering and motivating

53:44

and inspiring and develop

53:46

more resilience and confidence and motivation

53:48

inside somebody? And the reason why

53:50

is this. A

53:52

high-five affirms

53:54

your deepest fundamental needs.

53:58

It's not just a gesture. When

54:00

you high five somebody, particularly somebody

54:03

who has either blown the free

54:05

throw shot or is working

54:07

on something difficult or going through a really

54:09

hard time, when you high five

54:11

them, you're saying, I see you. When

54:15

you high five them during a challenge, you

54:17

actually are acknowledging, I know this is hard.

54:21

So the person feels heard. And

54:24

because it's one to one, and you

54:26

have to be really intentional. Like if you and I go to

54:28

high five, like we have to focus on it. That was a

54:30

good one. If you miss it, what do you do? You

54:33

have to do it yet. Correct. So there's an

54:35

intentionality behind it. And

54:37

that makes you feel like you're being affirmed

54:39

as a unique individual.

54:42

Interesting. And so all

54:44

of those things are in that

54:46

one gesture. Now it goes even

54:48

more. So there's even more

54:50

here. So I was talking to our buddy, Dr.

54:53

Daniel Eamon, right? And so one of

54:55

the world's leading experts on brains, he's got like 60,000 brain

54:57

scans. I think it's like 120,000. Oh,

55:00

isn't it this one? Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. So

55:02

he was so excited about the high five

55:04

habit. He completely geeked out. He's like, oh

55:06

my gosh. Yes, yes, yes. He's like, yes,

55:09

aerobics. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So

55:11

we then he said, let me

55:13

tell you what else is going on, Mel. And I'm like,

55:15

really? There's more? He said, yeah. He

55:18

said, you know how when you do it, you said

55:20

you felt like a little kind of boost in your

55:22

mood. He said, well, there are two things

55:24

going on there. He said, first of all, when you

55:26

cross a finish line in a race, what do you

55:28

do? Put your hands up. Yeah. What

55:31

do you do in your favorite team sports? High five someone. Yeah,

55:33

you high five somebody. What do you do at a musical

55:35

concert? Yay. What do you do? You

55:37

know, you're raising your hand in celebration when you high five

55:39

somebody or fist bump them or put your arm around them.

55:42

That raised arm gesture in a

55:44

positive sense triggers your

55:46

nervous system to

55:49

tangle with celebration. The

55:51

energy of celebration, even if you're

55:53

going through something difficult and even

55:55

more, you get a dopamine drip when

55:58

you do this. And so. part of

56:00

the reason why you feel this kind of shift

56:02

in your mood and you feel a little

56:04

bit of like, oh, okay, I can do it. I can

56:07

face this. I can do this. I got this is

56:09

because of the dopamine. It's because of the

56:11

nervous system and it's because of all of

56:14

this positive programming associated with that gesture. Isn't

56:16

that crazy? That's powerful. That's

56:18

powerful. I mean, so what does someone do though,

56:21

if they just constantly have the negative self-talk on

56:23

their mind that they're no good? Do they go

56:25

in front of the mirror, you know, every 10

56:27

minutes and do this or is there another strategy

56:30

behind the negative self-talk? Well,

56:32

okay. So first things first, definitely

56:35

make this high five in the mirror a

56:38

habit. Okay. So start practicing it. Give it

56:40

five to 10 days and start to see

56:43

what happens. The second thing

56:45

that you can do with negative self-talk,

56:47

okay, is you need to start

56:50

to interrupt it. So

56:52

the thing about negative self-talk is

56:55

that it is typically something you've engaged

56:57

in since you were yay high. And

57:01

in addition to it being wired into

57:03

your brain, it is

57:05

also something that can get triggered by

57:07

your nervous system and stressful situations. And

57:10

so the first step, and we can talk more

57:12

about the filter in your brain and how the

57:14

filter in your brain is causing you to stay

57:16

stuck in a lot of this negative

57:18

self-talk and how to use your mind to help

57:21

you. But the first step is

57:24

you got to do the awful part of

57:27

getting self-aware of what

57:30

the voice is saying. And

57:32

the way that you do that, there's

57:34

a couple techniques that you can use

57:37

to create what researchers or psychologists call

57:39

objectivity. You want to separate yourself from

57:41

the voice. So you can do

57:43

what Lewis is doing. He's writing down right now

57:45

in a journal. You can keep just a little

57:48

notebook with you and you can kind of catalog

57:50

when your attitude tanks. And what are

57:52

you actually saying to yourself? So

57:54

should we write down all the things we're

57:56

saying negative about ourselves? You can. I personally

57:58

do it this way. I

58:01

start to notice when I feel down or

58:05

I start to notice when my energy drops and

58:08

then I tune in to what I'm thinking

58:10

about and if it's negative I go five

58:12

four three two one yeah I literally notice

58:14

oh you're sitting there thinking you're a bad

58:16

person again oh you're sitting there thinking

58:18

that somebody's mad at you again oh you're sitting

58:21

there thinking that you screw everything up again oh

58:23

you're sitting there thinking that you that nothing

58:25

ever works out for you oh

58:28

you're sitting there thinking that you

58:30

you've blown it interesting and then I go five four

58:32

three two one and I go I'm not thinking about

58:34

that that's the most basic technique

58:36

to use because what I want

58:39

you to do since this is like operating

58:42

on autopilot it's encoded right here when you're not

58:44

really thinking this is what's running kind of like

58:46

the soundtrack of your life when you just start

58:49

to notice that you have a thought that's not

58:51

helping you you

58:53

can't control that it popped up but guess what you can

58:55

do you can smack it down

58:57

yeah and so I use the five second

58:59

rule which we've talked about a lot on

59:02

your show count backwards five four three two

59:04

one the counting backwards awakens your prefrontal cortex

59:06

it gives you a moment of control and

59:09

then the way to build distance Lewis is say

59:11

I'm not thinking about that and here's why you're

59:14

so used to thinking this way I can't

59:17

just say stop thinking you're fat and start thinking

59:19

that you love your body right it's not gonna

59:21

happen yes it's not gonna happen right right so

59:23

you've got to go oh there I

59:25

am I'm trashing the way that I look I'm telling myself

59:27

that I'm overweight I look like it I'm hideous no one

59:29

is gonna love me be like five four three two one

59:31

I am NOT thinking about that it's

59:35

an act of defiance mmm see

59:38

I want you to go from these negative

59:40

thought patterns to

59:42

a more positive empowering

59:45

high-five attitude mmm because

59:48

if you continue to live in I'm fat

59:50

I'm unworthy no one's gonna love me I've

59:52

screwed up my life that

59:55

will be your life right and

59:57

the trick on this is I'm

59:59

not saying change your

1:00:01

thoughts and unicorns appear. I'm

1:00:05

saying change your thoughts

1:00:08

so you stop the 24 seven

1:00:12

beat down and

1:00:14

learn how to lift yourself up so

1:00:17

that you can face the things that are going

1:00:20

on in your life. And so

1:00:22

that you can take the actions that

1:00:24

you need to take to change your life. Because

1:00:27

the reason why you're not changing

1:00:30

is not because you're not capable. It's not because

1:00:32

of the trauma or your past or anything else.

1:00:35

It's because of the beat down. That's

1:00:37

why you're not changing. It's draining.

1:00:39

It's draining. It's demoralizing.

1:00:42

It is, and by the way, if you

1:00:45

constantly are like, I'm unlovable, I'm worthy, I'm

1:00:47

this, I'm that. Why on earth

1:00:49

would you feel motivated or do you think you

1:00:51

deserve to change? If that's the thing in your

1:00:53

mind. It doesn't work. And

1:00:56

so pay attention. When you feel

1:00:58

your energy go negative, oh,

1:01:00

okay, what am I, oh, whoa, that's disgusting. I'm

1:01:02

not thinking about that. You don't have

1:01:04

to insert anything else. The second thing you can do is

1:01:07

once you kind of get good at interrupting it, I

1:01:10

want you to name,

1:01:13

like let's turn it into a character. So

1:01:16

I did this with our son Oakley when

1:01:18

he was struggling pretty profoundly with anxiety when

1:01:20

he was in the fifth grade. He

1:01:24

named his anxiety Oliver. And

1:01:28

then we asked him to describe

1:01:30

Oliver. And Oliver was

1:01:32

like this pimply-faced kid that, what

1:01:34

is that, the diary of the

1:01:37

wimpy kid kind of bully looking kid? And

1:01:40

whenever the negative worries and stuff

1:01:42

would come up, he would

1:01:44

literally, you could literally hear him go, Oliver, shut

1:01:46

up. And it

1:01:48

is the ability, what's happening when you

1:01:51

name it and picture the person is

1:01:54

that you're able to

1:01:56

detach yourself from that voice

1:01:58

in your mind that's talking. because that voice

1:02:01

is typically a caregiver that either

1:02:03

talked to you that way or talked to themselves

1:02:05

that way or some bully or some trauma experience

1:02:07

or some nasty coach that beat this into your

1:02:09

head. It's from somebody else.

1:02:11

And so we want you to separate yourself

1:02:13

so you can be like, oh, that's what

1:02:16

Oliver sounds like. That's not actually

1:02:18

how I want to talk to myself. And

1:02:20

so identifying it, interrupting it, and

1:02:23

then you can get into the

1:02:25

really incredible magic of

1:02:27

rewiring your brain to work for you. I

1:02:34

think we all agree we all want more.

1:02:36

We have dreams. We

1:02:38

have goals. We got to ask ourselves first, more

1:02:42

what? And

1:02:45

that starts, I think, by going and answering that question, well, what

1:02:47

do I value the most? And so look

1:02:49

at the things that you already got in your holster that

1:02:51

you value because you

1:02:53

don't want to be reckless with those things and cast

1:02:56

them off and let all the weeds grow around those. And

1:02:58

then all of a sudden you can't even recognize that garden. So I

1:03:00

think that the first things were about taking

1:03:04

care of things that

1:03:06

I value. They were very personal. They would take care

1:03:08

of myself. They would take care of my mom, take

1:03:10

care of the family, take care of

1:03:12

my relationship with God. They were very, very,

1:03:15

very personal things to me that

1:03:17

I knew and believed would

1:03:19

be lifelong maintenance journeys

1:03:23

and that things that I believed at that

1:03:25

time that no, taking care of those

1:03:28

is never going to go out of style for you,

1:03:30

but pick out the things that are not the fads

1:03:32

because we'll write things down. Those three Maserati's, hey, man,

1:03:34

you get 20 years from now, you're going to like

1:03:36

Maserati, you're going to like Bugatti. You know what I

1:03:38

mean? So I'll write Maserati. You know what

1:03:40

I mean? Watch out what proper nouns we're using because some

1:03:42

of them may be just fickle. You

1:03:44

know what I mean? So those, the proper

1:03:47

nouns, family, God, myself, and so those are

1:03:49

things that I, I think, gave

1:03:51

value to and gave me value and meaning in my

1:03:53

life. And so I was like, I

1:03:55

was already in the, I was already in the midst of those. And those are

1:03:57

things that I said, I'm not going to forgive these. I'm

1:04:00

not gonna, no matter who I become, I'm not gonna say,

1:04:02

oh, these are no longer on my plate. I don't

1:04:04

need to worry about these. Like

1:04:07

you said, the Oscar, that's a new one. That's

1:04:09

something that was out there. That's big. Becoming

1:04:12

a father, that's out there. But since

1:04:14

I was eight years old, the one thing I knew it wanted to be was

1:04:16

a father. I

1:04:19

knew it wanted to meet the right person, right

1:04:22

woman for me. Didn't

1:04:24

have her, hadn't met her yet at that

1:04:27

point. Far from it. So

1:04:32

start with the things that we got in the saddle

1:04:34

that you do already give you meaning about,

1:04:36

that already give you meaning and value in your life and

1:04:39

double down on those. Project forward.

1:04:41

And if that happens,

1:04:44

what I dreamed it

1:04:46

to become. And

1:04:51

then if you're gonna talk about, I

1:04:53

think, when we're talking about a career, we

1:04:59

gotta ask ourselves first,

1:05:01

I think, this would be really valuable for everyone

1:05:04

to ask yourself first, what

1:05:06

do you have an innate ability for, an

1:05:09

innate talent for? And

1:05:12

what are you willing, is that

1:05:14

the same thing you're willing to work here

1:05:17

for? And then

1:05:19

thirdly, which is a little bit more of an asterisk, is

1:05:23

that something that the world would

1:05:25

demand? If we're

1:05:27

gonna go straight capitalism, supply

1:05:29

and demand. But we often

1:05:31

look at things, and

1:05:34

I've done it, I'll bust my rahump

1:05:36

for it, but I'm like, I

1:05:39

really got that good at it. Okay,

1:05:42

or I've got something that sometimes we have things that we're

1:05:45

really good at, we're like, but

1:05:47

I kinda just, a natural, I don't

1:05:49

wanna work at it. If

1:05:53

you can find something that you have an innate ability for, and we

1:05:55

love doing things we have an innate ability for, right, we

1:05:58

have an innate talent, it's in our DNA for. and

1:06:01

then go, now I'm ready to educate

1:06:03

myself, learn, hustle, go after,

1:06:05

see, create opportunities, bam, bam, it's going to

1:06:07

be in the prism of my how I

1:06:09

measure every situation where I am going forward.

1:06:12

Hunt it down and

1:06:15

do what you got to do to get better at it and

1:06:17

then it's hopefully something that the world

1:06:20

could demand. That's a sweet spot. Now

1:06:22

you're paying your rent, man. Now

1:06:24

we got food on the table. Now we're rolling,

1:06:26

now we're waking up with some purpose, now we're

1:06:28

waking up with, you know, yeah,

1:06:31

it's going to be a hard day today, but

1:06:33

I'm not dreading Monday morning, you

1:06:36

know. I

1:06:38

may want to sleep in, but I'm building something.

1:06:40

I'm building something here. I'm in construction. One

1:06:44

of the things that you, I want to connect

1:06:46

that to this thought here. 622, Matthew

1:06:49

622, 9iv

1:06:51

single, the whole body will be full of

1:06:53

light. I believe that's your favorite

1:06:55

passage. Yeah. You

1:06:58

went on a journey, you know, after the, it was

1:07:00

either in the middle or at the end of the

1:07:02

tail end of your rom-com, you know, stardom. And

1:07:05

you went to, on a trip, went on a

1:07:07

journey with yourself. I think for 22 days. In

1:07:12

the Amazon. Yeah. And

1:07:15

there was a moment in the book where you talk about, essentially

1:07:17

you had to kind of have

1:07:19

a coming to, you know, moment with yourself where

1:07:21

you had to shed all the identities that you

1:07:23

were heading onto your rings, your

1:07:26

heritage, your background, your clothes, your,

1:07:29

I'm famous. I'm a rom-com guy. I'm an actor. I'm

1:07:31

a, you had to shed all of it. And

1:07:34

what was the thing that you found when

1:07:36

you let go of your identity in the

1:07:38

outer world? That I was a mammal. A

1:07:41

mammal,

1:07:44

and for me, as a believer, a child of

1:07:47

God. That's it. I baseline

1:07:51

it. And

1:07:56

the mammal we can all agree on, right? The

1:07:58

child of God, that was... for me and

1:08:00

any other believers, but the baseline.

1:08:03

I got rid of, I remember my dad's

1:08:05

ring, which had M on it, gold melted

1:08:07

down from there. My mom and dad's class

1:08:09

rings and gold from my mom's tea, meant

1:08:11

a lot to me, but it was an

1:08:13

identity marker. I'm a McConaughey. This is about

1:08:15

my dad. I had my American cap that

1:08:17

I'd worn for two decades. I'm an American.

1:08:20

I'm gonna get rid of that. Got rid

1:08:22

of all these little talismans that were

1:08:24

identities and titles that meant something. They

1:08:26

weren't random. They were healthy

1:08:28

ones, but I stripped them all off.

1:08:31

It was like, bull. No, you're

1:08:33

not famous. And no, it's not. Before

1:08:35

you were ever an actor, before, what are you? What

1:08:38

were you? Before you were

1:08:41

McConaughey, before you were Texan, before you were an

1:08:43

American, before you were an actor, before you were

1:08:45

a movie star, before you were a celebrity. Well,

1:08:49

come on, get it all off. And it was

1:08:51

a purge, basically. And I ended

1:08:53

up, that was there. I

1:08:55

was a naked, sweating

1:08:58

mammal. I

1:09:00

was like, you're a

1:09:03

mammal, child of God. And that's

1:09:05

what you are. So we've

1:09:07

stripped off all the

1:09:10

accoutrements. We've stripped off the ornaments. Here

1:09:12

we are. And that

1:09:16

is the night that I was like, miss

1:09:18

out a couple of times in my life. And I think this

1:09:20

is important for us all to do at some point. That's

1:09:23

when I was like,

1:09:25

okay. And what other truth do we

1:09:28

know, McConaughey? Tell you what

1:09:30

another truth I'm realizing right now is that

1:09:34

you're the only son of a can't get

1:09:36

rid of. So

1:09:38

we're going to duke it out for the rest of

1:09:40

our life here, or we're going to figure out how to get

1:09:43

along. Wow. What

1:09:45

are we going to forgive right now? And what

1:09:47

are we going to say, the buck stops here.

1:09:49

No more. I'm not putting up with it because

1:09:52

I'm tired of playing grab with yourself. I'm gonna

1:09:54

cut the man. Let's

1:09:57

get along. I can't get rid of you. Everybody.

1:09:59

Everybody else, every other relationship out, there's a choice. You're the

1:10:02

one person I don't have a choice to hang it out

1:10:04

with. So let's work this out. And

1:10:09

just like going back and saying the embarrassment and

1:10:11

shame turned into giggles, I began to go like,

1:10:15

man, maybe you're being too hard on yourself on

1:10:17

this thing. You know what, to get that monkey

1:10:19

off your back, you're human, man. Forgive yourself. And

1:10:21

these other things, dude, you've been a repeat offender.

1:10:23

It hadn't been paying you back. You've been regretting

1:10:25

that choice every time you make it and you

1:10:27

keep freaking making it. Cut that, man. Evolve,

1:10:30

turn the page. No

1:10:32

more. And

1:10:34

next morning, I

1:10:37

remember even the sharpest stuff

1:10:40

in Peru. I came

1:10:42

out of the tent and they also gone, la-loos,

1:10:45

la-loos. Light.

1:10:48

The light, the light. And they were talking about me

1:10:50

and the way I was moving. Interesting. And I went

1:10:52

for a walk. And

1:10:55

for the first time during

1:10:57

that trip, I

1:11:00

didn't give a damn where I was around the, about what was around

1:11:02

the next corner. You weren't

1:11:04

thinking about the destination. I wasn't thinking about

1:11:06

the destination getting to the Amazon and

1:11:09

how it's been 11 days. When are we

1:11:11

going to get there? Mind

1:11:13

you, this 11 days prior, I had not really been

1:11:15

present in the trip because I was thinking about the

1:11:18

result, getting to the destination so much. And

1:11:20

then this morning after that night, I'm walking, I'm

1:11:22

not even thinking about what's around the next corner.

1:11:26

And when I did turn the corner, I

1:11:30

was stopped by this sea of

1:11:33

atomic, plugged

1:11:35

in neon blue like a puddle, like

1:11:38

a bubbling puddle in the middle of

1:11:40

my jungle pad. And

1:11:42

it stopped me. And I looked at

1:11:44

it, I've never seen colors this neon

1:11:47

and bright. It was like it was

1:11:49

not manmade. It was

1:11:51

glowing. I'm completely soaked this

1:11:53

time. I wasn't on the way out of that. This

1:11:55

is straight eyed, right? And

1:11:58

it stopped me and I just stared at it. for

1:12:00

about 30 seconds, all of a sudden

1:12:02

it started to flutter

1:12:04

and rise and dissipate.

1:12:08

It was tens of thousands of these Amazonian

1:12:13

butterflies. Wow. And

1:12:16

I stayed there for a minute. And

1:12:19

then this little word,

1:12:22

words came into my brain from the

1:12:24

prime mover that said, all

1:12:27

I want is what I can see and what I can

1:12:29

see is in front of me. I

1:12:34

was free. I was light. It was magical.

1:12:37

I walked. I turned the corner and went down the trail. There

1:12:40

was the Amazon. I finally made it. I made

1:12:43

it to the river right

1:12:45

after that moment. Wow. Did

1:12:47

not know if I was still days away, weeks

1:12:49

away. What? Stuff

1:12:52

like that happens. We

1:12:55

got to listen. Those are

1:12:58

some of those truths that come that you go, nobody

1:13:00

else was here to witness that. That

1:13:02

was not for the whole class. That was not on

1:13:04

the speaker. That was not on the bulletin. That

1:13:07

was not on the nightly news. That

1:13:09

was not even at church on Sunday with

1:13:11

the congregation. That wasn't at school. That wasn't

1:13:13

sitting around the dinner table with mom and

1:13:15

dad learning lessons. It wasn't for my mentor.

1:13:17

That was for me in this moment. I

1:13:20

must heed that truth. You've

1:13:22

been on this journey of a

1:13:24

lot of people seeing you on screen and

1:13:26

your personalities on screen and your talent in

1:13:28

characters. But now over the

1:13:30

last three to four years, you've been revealing yourself

1:13:32

more and more through your book, through all of

1:13:35

your amazing content online, all the interviews you've been

1:13:37

doing and all the solo content, which I think

1:13:39

is amazing. Please keep doing that. Oh, good. Thank

1:13:41

you. I think it's amazing these lessons that you

1:13:43

share. The last story you just told, you know,

1:13:46

had the entire room just like on and shocked

1:13:48

and just silent here as you were

1:13:50

talking about this truth that you

1:13:53

realized from within essentially came through

1:13:55

God and you realize from within no one was

1:13:57

around you. And

1:14:00

I mentioned this quote before that, if

1:14:02

thine eye be single, thy whole body

1:14:04

will be full of light. Matthew

1:14:07

6.22, what does that

1:14:09

mean to you? If

1:14:11

thine eye be single, thy whole body

1:14:13

will be full of light, and that

1:14:15

light came to you in that moment,

1:14:17

and these Sherpas were saying,

1:14:20

you know, la lus, la lus, you

1:14:22

are radiating

1:14:24

light after this came

1:14:26

to you. Why is this

1:14:29

your favorite passage, and

1:14:31

what does it mean for you, and how can

1:14:33

we start to step into that? So, the

1:14:38

mandorla, this is what

1:14:40

the mandorla, so we see,

1:14:42

we're so often interested in life

1:14:44

and contradictions, right? Future,

1:14:46

the past, heaven, hell,

1:14:50

technology, culture, and

1:14:53

we see them as contradictions.

1:14:57

And when in truth, that's

1:15:00

two eyes, right? And there's judgment on

1:15:03

either side, and there's a

1:15:05

duality there, but the truth

1:15:07

is in that third eye,

1:15:11

where they overlap. And that's

1:15:13

not a shade, so we go, oh, that's a shade of gray.

1:15:16

No, that's not a shade of gray. What the

1:15:18

verse is saying, what I get from it is, that's where

1:15:20

all the colors live. All

1:15:23

the colors of the truth live. That

1:15:26

passage, when I always tell myself, keep

1:15:29

a high eye, keep the high eye.

1:15:32

It's third eye. It shows up in all the

1:15:34

religions, too. It shows up everywhere. It's

1:15:39

a way of perceiving the truth, I think, which lives

1:15:42

in the paradox. Paradox

1:15:44

is a word that some people go,

1:15:46

oh, don't get into paradoxes, too, I don't know, academic

1:15:49

or whatever. No, paradox is where it's,

1:15:52

both are true. Two things can be true at the same

1:15:54

time. Today we

1:15:56

could utilize it. If

1:15:58

I seek to understand... you

1:16:00

and where you're coming from first, I'm

1:16:02

probably gonna, before I

1:16:05

seek to be understood, we

1:16:08

don't usually, it has to

1:16:10

do with listening, has to do with how we see things,

1:16:13

it's how we judge. We,

1:16:17

it's very easy, especially today, I think

1:16:19

we love to be judge and jury

1:16:21

on others and ourselves. It's a

1:16:23

very arrogant thing for us to do. And

1:16:25

this passage, if I be

1:16:28

single, and not

1:16:30

a dual contradiction and seeing the contradiction of

1:16:32

things we've done, oh, this is true and

1:16:34

that's true. And instead of or, right?

1:16:38

That's where the truth lives, I believe. And

1:16:41

it doesn't mean that you

1:16:44

just straddle the fence and you're non-committal about

1:16:46

anything. That's not what it

1:16:48

means. It doesn't mean you're just misty

1:16:50

in between. So that's true and that's true and

1:16:52

it's all okay. No, you can then have judgment,

1:16:54

but see both first. See

1:16:56

the overlap of the truth and understand it from

1:17:00

both sides and then be understood. And you

1:17:02

can then have judgment, but see

1:17:04

it through that lens first. Because we

1:17:06

just don't do it. We come in with one eye or

1:17:09

we, me, us

1:17:11

versus them, me versus

1:17:13

you, my idea versus yours,

1:17:16

left versus right, Democrat versus

1:17:18

Republican. Even,

1:17:21

how far can you go? Can you go down to

1:17:24

right versus wrong, good versus bad? I

1:17:26

mean, we see them as contradictions and

1:17:28

they're not. We

1:17:30

all got a little good in us, but only a little

1:17:32

bad in us. It's a choice we make where we then

1:17:34

have judgment. So

1:17:37

that passage has

1:17:39

elevated my POV quite a bit. And

1:17:44

it's one that I daily remind

1:17:47

myself of. If

1:17:49

I'm getting a low eye on somebody, if I'm condescending

1:17:52

people, if I'm objectifying people,

1:17:55

I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. High

1:17:57

eye, buddy. Come

1:17:59

on. Open that third eye. It's not open.

1:18:01

My kids can see it in my eyes when I'm

1:18:03

talking to them. If I'm talking at them,

1:18:06

or if I stop and really look at them and maybe

1:18:08

there's something, maybe it's a form of discipline. But

1:18:12

then they can see if I'm looking at them like,

1:18:15

I love you, man. This is why I'm trying to teach

1:18:17

you this. All of a sudden they go,

1:18:19

my son said it. I see your third eye.

1:18:22

Really? I'm

1:18:25

like, yeah. Yeah. He's like, I

1:18:28

heard you. I didn't hear you

1:18:30

before when you were talking just at

1:18:32

me. So

1:18:35

it's a great reminder. Matthew 622. The

1:18:38

whole body will be full of light.

1:18:41

And you will move lightly and

1:18:43

with discernment. Doesn't take away

1:18:45

discernment. Doesn't take away judgment. Just saying,

1:18:47

see it through that lens first and

1:18:49

understand that that truth is where those

1:18:51

overlap. And then make your decision.

1:18:54

Wow. I hope you enjoyed today's

1:18:56

episode, and it inspired you on your journey

1:18:58

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