0:00

This next theory is going to really piss

0:03

off Riley. Are you ready for this? Uh

0:05

oh. I'm gonna be cool, calm, and collected.

0:07

I'm practicing staying chill. It's not about that.

0:10

Okay. We're done with the

0:12

dress. We're done? For this year. Oh.

0:14

Until new news comes out, we're done. We're

0:17

done. We're done. We're done. We're

0:19

done. We're done. We're done. We're

0:21

done. We're done. We're done. We're

0:25

done. We're done. We're done. We're

0:27

done. We're done. We're done.

0:29

Oh wow. This is so exciting, man. Oh

0:33

yeah. Maybe

0:36

this year it's gonna get even colder. If

0:38

you're listening in on rainfall. You're

0:40

probably the only person in this world who's got the temperature

0:42

of the opposite way. You're otherwise going to be wishing luck

0:44

on last year, in any case, you

0:47

will be wishing luck. So don't watch Christmas

0:49

apps that give away when you know all

0:52

tramps relationships might be between and

0:55

until you do, you will try all of theasants I

0:58

have a purple shirt with the purple pig and there's a

1:00

brown shirt with like a gold pig. And so many of

1:02

you guys have been messaging me and tagging me and saying

1:04

that you're ordering it. And I don't know, it just makes

1:06

me very happy because I was very nervous about this merch

1:08

in general because I thought maybe people wouldn't care about the

1:10

pig or they'd be over it. So the fact that you

1:12

guys are supporting it and wearing it and just, I don't

1:14

know if it's very exciting. All right, anyways, happy holidays. Hope

1:17

you guys have a good holiday. I can't believe I'm not

1:19

going to see you. Well, I'll see you in the next

1:21

ad, but yeah, I hope you guys have a really good

1:23

holiday. And by the time you're watching this, I'm probably already

1:25

a dad. That's crazy. Because I'm filming this

1:27

before. Oh my God. Okay, I'm

1:30

fine. No, I'm excited. I'm not stressed. I'm not

1:32

nervous. It's going to be great. Enjoy the rest

1:34

of the show. Bye. Hey,

1:38

welcome back to whatever the hell this

1:40

is, Christmas edition. Yes. Or

1:43

holiday, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah,

1:46

I don't believe in anything. Whatever you believe in or

1:48

not. Yay. Yes. So,

1:51

okay. I have some fun stuff planned for

1:53

today's episode. Some Christmas

1:55

Mandela facts, some

1:58

Christmas movie trivia, maybe. Ooh. What?

2:00

What was that? What was

2:02

that? Oh my god, it's Santa!

2:05

Santa? Oh my god, Santa's here!

2:08

What is Santa doing here? Is he

2:10

acting for change? Santa,

2:13

do you have some presents that you're gonna hand out?

2:16

Oh, presents? This is a good

2:18

little boy and a girl. Yes. Oh my

2:20

god, what a surprise! We have no idea.

2:22

It's a Christmas miracle. I

2:25

didn't even bake you cookies. Oh my god,

2:27

this is so exciting! Santa, I'm your big

2:29

fan. So let me explain what's happening. I'm

2:32

not gonna tell you who Santa is yet. But

2:35

the plan was, I wanted to play

2:37

that game we played last year where

2:39

somebody got my credit card and went out and

2:42

went shopping for us and then we had little

2:44

secret Santa. So then Rylan texted me from Costco

2:46

and he was just like, I

2:48

mean from Gucci. And

2:51

he was like, you forgot to get me your card. So

2:54

Rylan actually bought these presents. I

2:57

didn't choose out the gift, but I paid for the gift. That's

3:00

all that matters. Santa didn't make these

3:03

for us. Oh sorry, yes. The elves

3:05

in terrible working conditions. And you know

3:07

what, I thought this was also on

3:09

cash out. Santa

3:13

QR code is on the screen right now.

3:15

So Santa, explain your process of picking us

3:17

out presents and how did it go and

3:20

are you excited for us to open them?

3:22

I'm excited, but also for me presents

3:24

are a major expression of ICU. I

3:28

love you. These

3:31

do not represent how much I see and love you

3:33

people. Okay, okay. It was really,

3:35

really hard. With one day's notice and a

3:37

limit of $50, it was hard. And just

3:39

at Costco basically. Wow. This

3:42

is heavy. This feels super heavy for

3:45

$50, whatever this is. I

3:47

gave her a budget of $50 per person. And

3:50

I also want to say I gave you a budget of $150 for

3:52

your costume and you sent me one for only like

3:54

$50. So you have a hundred bucks in

3:57

the pocket already, baby. Thank God. So

3:59

yeah. You should have got yourself something. You're

4:01

present? Yes, I'm present.

4:03

How do we do this? Well, okay, should we say

4:06

who you are? Are we presenting? Oh yeah, this is

4:08

my podcast co-host, Lizzie. A prize! Is

4:10

this it? No way. Oh no, it's all

4:12

over. No way. Nothing. Guys,

4:15

I can't fix this. This is what I'm gonna be

4:17

the whole time. It was good. No,

4:19

we could touch you up. I don't think it

4:21

was coming back from this. I said Jeffrey Starling

4:23

with Lips. Oh, it's their baby, yeah.

4:25

It's okay, but it's a plug. Dang, what a plug. I

4:29

can't. Okay, should we

4:31

open up these presents? How do we start? It's

4:33

happening this fast. I think it should. Whoa. Or should

4:35

we do it throughout the show? Let's

4:37

do one person at a time. Krit go.

4:40

Okay, I'm excited. Ooh,

4:43

I'm nervous. Are

4:46

you laughing because it's like... It's mugs. It's

4:48

mugs so he can be like the little

4:50

teacup Easter bunny that he is. Oh,

4:53

it's a present for us. Because

4:56

I keep losing your mugs in weird spots. Well,

4:58

I'm there for you to lose in your own

5:00

house. Thank you. That is

5:02

really cute. I'm a tea boy. I

5:05

drink a lot of tea. And Lizzie thought the designs were so

5:07

cute. Rylan looks like a

5:09

real big asshole fashion

5:11

photographer guy. Oh yeah. He's

5:13

holding his arms like that. He looks like my mother.

5:15

I wish you guys knew my mom, because you would

5:18

die. Okay, so those are some mugs. Those are very

5:20

nice. I was expecting more of like a butt plug

5:22

or... I guess you can't get that. It's Costco, bro.

5:25

I wanted to give you a shit ton of raw chicken.

5:27

And Rylan was like, don't do that. Raw

5:30

chicken. Because you love chicken. You're right. You

5:32

know me. How do

5:34

you say Merry Christmas in German? Oh God.

5:36

It's so funny because Merry Christmas in Spanish

5:38

is like very... It sounds very sweet. It sounds

5:40

very nice. It's going to be very nice. But

5:44

in German... Oh God, I have to remind

5:46

myself now. It's crazy. What's that? It's...

5:49

Froheweinachten is Merry

5:51

Christmas. Froheweinachnachten. I

5:54

like how we're saying it like villains. I mean,

5:57

is it nice? Froheweinachten. That's the only

5:59

way to say it. Wow. Germans

6:01

sometimes are terrifying. What are hilarious? Wait, what is, what

6:03

was your, what was your present? Yeah, what was your

6:05

present? Oh, the Marvel dinner. Oh, the Marvel special. Hi,

6:07

guys. Hi. This I

6:09

do love. I love Marvel. I love Star

6:11

Wars. You read? I don't read

6:13

enough. I

6:16

do read when I'm very excited about it. And

6:18

this is like perfect for me because there's for sure

6:20

pictures. That's what I said. It's a yearbook

6:22

of work. So it's perfect for... And you go on the coffee

6:24

table. Yeah. This is cute. I

6:27

really like this a lot. I don't know if you've seen that or actual

6:29

comic books, but I figured you were a cinematic

6:31

guy. Yeah. No, this is

6:33

like great. And I really like, I like whole universe.

6:35

What Marvel character do you identify as? Identify us? I

6:37

don't know. I don't know. He told me he wants

6:39

to be the first gay Marvel character. I would love

6:41

that. I feel like there's already a few. I, when

6:43

I said this though. Oh really? When

6:45

I said this, there was not one yet. Maybe pause it.

6:48

Now I think there's a game. Maybe it could be called Marvelous. Right?

6:51

Oh my God. Yes. I'm

6:53

just saying. I'm down for that. I

6:56

think Jared should go. I was going Jared

6:58

for a laugh. Oh, kind of worried after

7:00

you threw raw chicken in the mix. I don't know. Shane,

7:02

what do you mean? What I got here. Do you want

7:05

Jared for last? Yeah. It's your Christmas. Okay.

7:08

I like to be last. Okay. Go ahead,

7:10

Rylan. You want me? Yeah. So

7:13

you guys went together. How did you keep this a secret? What

7:15

was the... He didn't know.

7:18

He picks these out there. I didn't. I

7:20

didn't. You look insane. Where

7:22

is Thanksgiving at our house? I like it. I

7:25

like it. Why? You

7:27

just got chocolate. You just got the necessities. He was like, I

7:29

need a new hard drive. You probably got some scissors. Nice.

7:32

Okay. And then this is going to be good for

7:34

all of us. How are we going to go? We're all going to be thinking, oh,

7:36

I don't. Let me see what it is. Yeah. Oh,

7:38

chocolate. All of us can bust into these

7:41

when you give us nasty food later. This is a palate

7:43

cleanser. Hell yeah. I'm going to

7:45

be like, oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be like,

7:47

oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm

7:49

bust into these when you give us

7:51

nasty food later. Oh, yeah. Great

7:54

job. Thank you, Santa. This is

7:56

incredible. Okay. I was like,

7:58

three. And

8:00

they're filled with raw chicken. I fucking wish.

8:04

First present. Any guesses? It feels like

8:06

a c- Oh! You

8:09

have it. No, I don't! That's

8:13

my government hero, Dustin, and it's winter. Wow,

8:16

that's beautiful. You might as well just open the other

8:18

one while we're here. I

8:20

went to five different Starbuckses looking for

8:22

the Stanley Starbucks collab. Okay, that is one

8:25

of the conspiracies that we'll talk about today,

8:27

but yeah, there's a lot of drama with

8:29

the Stanley Starbucks collab. Drama? There's drama. I

8:31

feel like they're doing a short stop. Not

8:33

only did she go to five, we called

8:35

a bunch of others too. Yeah, nowhere. Sounds

8:37

like a super chase. And for a hundred dollars. Ooh! A

8:40

little- Yeah! A little girl! I

8:43

love them. I thought those were two separate Starbuckses. I love them.

8:46

She went to five. No, I love you. Say

8:48

thank you. No, I love them. I love them.

8:51

I was making a joke, I'm funny. Okay, what

8:53

is this? Let's see. I love it already.

8:55

Ooh, it's a candle. Santa's cooking. Fuck that,

8:57

you bitch! Oh my god. This- Oh

9:00

god. And

9:03

this is crazy because he wasn't letting me get

9:05

candles anymore because he said they're bad for babies.

9:07

Yeah, we can't have them when- you gotta use

9:10

it all before they come. Wow, the lid is

9:12

so cute. It's so good. Thank you. I know

9:14

you like a dessert flavored smell. I love it.

9:16

Thank you, I love them. Those will kill you

9:18

though. Really? It'll smell good. Okay, Jared. Well,

9:21

you have two more things. No, I don't. Yes,

9:23

you do. And what? Okay, this is

9:25

spoiling me. I thought the

9:27

gift limit was 50 bucks. I think this is- how

9:29

much are those trips? We- Somebody's

9:32

covering $25 each. Yeah. So

9:34

you already passed it. I'll question that one.

9:36

Oh my god, look at the little mad

9:38

guy! What is he? He's so

9:40

cute. I think he's an alpaca. He's so cute.

9:42

An ornament since we don't have them at this

9:44

house. I love it, I love

9:46

it. Okay, let's see what this one is. And

9:48

then this because I think you moved Barry to

9:51

your new house, right? Oh, it's a

9:53

little holler bear! Wow,

9:55

that's so cute! I know.

9:57

You definitely went over $20 in a barrel. I know, nothing says I

9:59

love you. a $12.95 for

10:01

nothing else. That's what I said too. We went

10:03

to check out. It was like $25 for those

10:05

things and I was like, what the fuck? We're

10:08

returning these. Wow. Thank you guys. I love that.

10:10

I should totally wear that on the necklace. I

10:12

think that's a new trend that's going to happen

10:14

in the near future. I'm sure if you want

10:16

to back massive. No, Jared, open your present. Are

10:18

you kidding? There's a lot of pressure on this

10:20

moment. Jared never wants to talk to you again.

10:22

I'm out of this. You said this was funny.

10:24

Uh-oh. What? Oh, no.

10:27

What? Shade's reaction. What is

10:29

it? There's no way. This was 50 bucks.

10:32

First of all, it was 399. What? What the hell is

10:34

it? A Dyson hair blower. A Dyson

10:36

hair blower. 350

10:45

on a, all right, blur it out

10:47

because I'm giving it to Sandy for

10:49

Christmas. Yeah. Your gift

10:53

is behind the couch. What? Oh, here's another

10:55

gift. I was going to say, I'm not able

10:58

to give this to Sandy for Christmas. You're going

11:00

to have to buy it off. Those are

11:03

always sold out everywhere. You can have fun.

11:05

This is his actual gift. This is an

11:07

axe throwing

11:10

challenge. Thanks Shane. Thank you, Santa.

11:12

Thank you, Shane. Sandy, thank you,

11:17

Rylan for the $400. Well,

11:19

Sandy, it was for someone

11:21

else, but you're welcome. Wow.

11:25

This was

11:27

so fun. Oh my God. I had so much

11:30

plans, you guys. Okay. This is random, but first

11:32

of all, I had learned a lot about myself

11:34

in the last week. First of all, we're four

11:36

weeks out from having babies. By the time you

11:38

see this episode, we might have babies. So we've

11:40

been, you know, we took a CPR class, which

11:42

was crazy. Like we were literally doing CPR on

11:44

baby dolls. Chris, if you ever

11:46

choke, I got you. I figured it out. Um, I feel like

11:49

choker. I feel like out of all of us, you would choke.

11:51

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. I know exactly how to get it

11:53

out of you, baby. So then we did that. Also,

11:55

I learned something. So we were talking about what to

11:57

do if somebody has an allergic reaction in front of

11:59

you. Cause it could get really bad. So we're talking about it

12:01

and she's like, are you allergic to anything? I was like, I don't think

12:03

so. And she's like, and I was like, well, what's like the first sign

12:05

of an allergic reaction? She goes, oh, if your tongue

12:07

starts to get really itchy. And I was like, oh, like every

12:09

time I eat ice cream. She was

12:12

like, oh, no, I hate where this is going

12:14

for you. I was like, yeah. Like when I

12:16

eat ice cream, which like, I don't really eat

12:18

it that much, but when I do, my tongue

12:20

is so itchy. I just, and then I'm like,

12:22

but that's just cause it's cold. And she goes,

12:25

she goes, no. And I was like,

12:27

what? And she's like, you're allergic to ice

12:29

cream. And if you eat too much of

12:31

it, or you could like literally have a

12:33

whole reaction and like need to go to

12:35

the fucking doctors. Oh my God. I did not

12:38

know I'm allergic to ice cream. What is there like

12:40

an ingredient in it? I don't know. But that literally

12:42

every time I eat it, itchy tongue. But do you,

12:44

I guess we don't really drink milk. Is it dairy?

12:46

I don't know. So then I started thinking, I was

12:49

like, well, how would I know if I'm allergic to

12:51

something or like whatever? And she goes, well, it can

12:53

happen at any time. She's like, so when I was,

12:55

uh, when I turned like 35, I ate an almond,

12:58

which I was never allergic before. And then out

13:00

of nowhere throat swells up. I start to panic.

13:02

I feel like I'm going to blackout ended up

13:04

in an ambulance. She's like, one day I just

13:06

became allergic to almond. It's like, why? Someone

13:09

probably tried to like poison her that day.

13:11

They said, you're probably allergic to almonds all

13:13

of a sudden at 35. Every time you

13:15

eat the thing that

13:18

you're allergic to, the reaction comes on

13:20

quicker as well, depending on how your

13:23

reaction to whatever you're allergic to is. And I

13:25

guess it can't just come on any time. It

13:27

was interesting because like, even when we got Cheeto,

13:29

I was never allergic to cats. I grew up

13:31

with cats. And then I was, had an allergic

13:33

reaction when we got Cheeto after I hadn't lived

13:35

with a cat for five years. So it's crazy.

13:37

So yeah, guys out there, if you're eating something

13:39

and your team gets itchy, stop eating it. Don't

13:42

think it's fun because it does feel good to

13:44

scratch. It does stop eating

13:46

ice cream. Also, the other thing I learned

13:48

about myself really quick, and I just want

13:50

your guys' thoughts on this, is I realized

13:52

that my hair is going gray. And then

13:54

I like posted it on Instagram. And

13:57

my friend texted me and was like, Oh my God, my hair went

13:59

gray five years ago. And I was like, Like, oh, is this a

14:01

thing? Am I that age now where I'm 30? And

14:03

then my friend was over today cutting my hair and

14:05

I was telling her, I'm like, oh my God, my

14:07

hair's going gray. She's like, literally, so is mine. And

14:09

I was like, wow, we're fucking old. We're

14:11

dying. That happens in like your 30s? I

14:14

guess, it can happen sooner. I think that

14:16

was like a 50s thing. I think it

14:18

also depends on like the pigment of your

14:20

hair or whatever, because we have lighter hair

14:22

in essence. I didn't even know I had

14:25

gray hair in my beard until I got

14:27

new glasses. Yeah, I thought gingers didn't gray.

14:30

It's more or less white. Blonde. Blonde.

14:33

It's white, I can't say blonde. Blonde is too generous.

14:35

But I didn't even know how much I had until

14:37

I got new glasses and I could see clearly, because

14:39

my other glasses were like a layer of fog in

14:41

front of me. Whoa. Crazy. Are

14:44

the cubes gonna go gray? Because that's where I draw the line.

14:46

Yeah, they probably will. You'll have to fill their fox. I

14:49

mean, no offense if you have gray cubes. You

14:51

posted a picture on your Instagram story with gray hair and I thought

14:54

you looked good. I did like a

14:56

little Photoshop, because I was curious, like what would I look

14:58

like? And I look like a fucking insane. You

15:01

don't watch my Instagram. He's a fake fan. Okay,

15:03

we're gonna take a quick little break and when we

15:05

come back, it's a lot. We have a lot of

15:07

show today, get ready. Ho

15:11

ho ho, Merry

15:13

Christmas, happy Hanukkah.

15:16

Happy Kwanzaa, happy I

15:18

don't believe in anything day. Whatever you believe in,

15:20

I hope you're having a good holiday season. And

15:23

when you go to bed at night and you

15:25

rethink everything that happened during the day and you

15:27

start questioning, like did I say something weird? Oh

15:30

my God, is that person mad at me? Does my

15:32

family even care about me? You know what will help

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that experience of paranoia and spiral? Puffy bedding. I

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don't know if that's the best way to sell this.

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15:45

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15:51

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15:53

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15:55

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15:57

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16:00

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16:02

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16:04

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that works out. All right, thank you Buffy and enjoy

17:06

the rest of the show. Bye. Okay,

17:10

first let's start with some viewer

17:12

interaction or as Jared calls it,

17:14

vagina. What? Viewers

17:17

are great, I need another.

17:19

Okay. Dang.

17:24

Okay. This is where life starts, right?

17:27

It really is. Think about it. No matter who you

17:29

are. Well, I didn't come out of a vagina. Huh?

17:33

You came out of your mom's ass? I was a C-section

17:35

baby. Oh. Out of your mom's ass. I

17:37

was gonna say, where else? Like what kind of lies

17:39

about to unfold here? You didn't come out of a

17:41

vagina? You're so gay, you came out of your mom's

17:44

ass. Shout

17:46

out, this is from Sarah. She

17:50

said she got her and her husband matching grower

17:52

and farmer hoodies for Christmas. And then she put, he's

17:54

warming up to it. Yeah. That's

17:57

a good place to be. That's

18:00

a good place to be. Look how cute

18:02

they are. I love it. Very cute. Okay,

18:04

so, and shout out to Sarah's husband. You

18:07

are a trooper. Yeah, dude. This is from Liberty. She

18:09

said, Hey, Shane, been watching your videos for 13 years

18:11

now. Wow. And you've always been one of your favorite

18:13

YouTubers. Thank you so much. She said

18:15

that she got her and her boyfriend matching

18:17

hoodies, and look at them in their grower

18:19

hoodies. Oh, my God. And look at the

18:21

dog. The dog's like red. The dog's not

18:23

for this. That was dude.

18:25

He wants one. Wow. Should

18:28

we meet dog? Yeah, I mean, if

18:31

this isn't a sign. Yeah. I

18:33

could put Bubs in a grower shirt because he is

18:35

constantly masturbating to the point that the entire member

18:37

comes out of the penile sheets, and sometimes it

18:39

gets too dry, and we have to put coconut

18:41

oil on it to get it back inside. It's

18:43

so fucked up. I'm not cutting anything. Are

18:47

you sure? You have to say it. Oh, no. And

18:49

by the way, the first piece of advice

18:51

you ever gave me about our podcast is

18:53

to never say that on it. Yeah.

18:55

Yeah. Well,

18:58

I love you. That was a gift. Yeah. Really?

19:01

My husband does it, too. Flipping. That makes it

19:03

better. That makes it better. We do it together.

19:05

We do it better. We don't

19:07

do it at the same time. No, Liberty.

19:09

Oh, my God. I forgot to show you

19:11

the best part. Okay. So Liberty actually filmed

19:13

her boyfriend's reaction. The best. Okay. Yeah. This

19:15

is a good one. Here we go. Oh,

19:18

no. Come on, baby. Come

19:21

on, baby. My boy's starting to leave.

19:25

I love that she's so excited to rock it herself.

19:28

Yeah. Oh, thank you.

19:31

Yes. Yes.

19:36

I want to say something, but I don't know if it's gross. It

19:39

probably is. And you're still doing it.

19:42

I feel like there's no way that

19:44

they're not fucking after that. Oh, dude,

19:46

he's definitely he's fucking for sure. Like

19:48

if you're there's growth happening after that.

19:51

Oh, yeah. Like whenever I give Ryland like a really

19:53

good present, he's just in the

19:55

mood. He's like right away. Right. Because that's he's a tourist.

19:57

She likes things. That's not helping the comment.

20:00

Wait, what do you mean? What are

20:02

the comments that you're like

20:04

obsessed with materialist? Oh fine, right? Whatever. That's

20:06

just you at me But

20:09

yeah I feel like if your girlfriend is giving you

20:11

a grower hoodie because she loves your you and your

20:13

grower so much that she spent Money on it. Oh,

20:15

yeah, like there's a dick getting sucked. Oh, yeah To

20:19

watch a man get into that has to be

20:21

an aphrodisiac for the hoodie on during the ad

20:23

hands off So for all the girls that

20:25

call in and leave voice mails and say like I don't know what

20:27

to do My husband doesn't want to fuck me anymore. Get him a

20:29

hoodie. Yeah, she definitely said right after that

20:32

now show me some growth Let's

20:34

do this. Oh my god. I

20:37

love it. Okay and shout out to the single girls

20:39

out there This is from Silla and she said she

20:41

loves the podcast now. I gotta get oh wait. No,

20:43

she's not single Shout

20:49

out to the single girls though, right? We don't want

20:51

to tell shout out to you Yes,

20:54

so this is silly and her farmer hoodie and she said

20:56

that she loves us and she has to get her boyfriend

20:58

A crower hoodie now, but she said she

21:00

doesn't think that he'll wear it sadly Okay,

21:03

so we're working on getting him proud. Well

21:05

video David. Okay. Now, let's

21:07

get to the matchmaking. Are you ready for this? Yes Okay,

21:10

this is so exciting. I was freaking out when

21:12

I got this. Okay, so this is from Jay

21:14

He didn't give his full name literally just the

21:16

letter J. Hey guys, so this might be a

21:18

long shot But I'm listening to the podcast where

21:20

you talked about a rebate and she

21:22

sent an email saying she was looking for someone

21:25

on bumble To wear grower merch and take cute

21:27

pictures with so if you don't remember here is

21:29

the bumble account or rebate I think is

21:31

her name and she put I'm honestly just trying

21:33

to find somebody who will wear grower and farmer

21:35

merch and get Take cute pics by the pumpkin

21:37

patch. Okay, if he said I'm here writing Officially

21:41

inquire I'm also single and

21:43

I'm looking for someone who understands my humor

21:45

And I would totally love to be the

21:47

guy that she takes grower and farmer pics

21:49

when you think they're in the same state

21:51

I don't know. I'm six foot six. I'm

21:53

from Los Angeles. I'm a canine behaviorist I

21:56

would describe myself as a big cuddly bear back off

22:00

And definitely a grower! I know

22:03

this is a long shot and hoping I can

22:05

get Arrive's Arrive's attention and say hi. I would

22:07

love to be her match. So here's a picture

22:09

are you ready? So Arrive, if you're out there

22:11

watching... 6'6, a bear,

22:13

loves dogs. 6'6, all bear, loves

22:15

dogs. Chris... So

22:18

here's him with a dog in

22:20

his overalls. I love him. I'm

22:22

like, bullshit, I think I know

22:24

that guy. Really? I think I

22:26

know Jay, dude. Really? Hit me

22:29

up, Jay. Why did

22:31

you know him? This man looks so familiar

22:33

to me. No way. Yeah, I think I've

22:35

met Jay. I think I know Jay, maybe.

22:38

So this is really exciting because what if...

22:40

Okay, Arrive, if you're interested in Jay, email

22:42

us, jayanddawsonpodcast.gmail.com and put in the subject like

22:44

matchmaker, just so I see it. And if

22:46

you're not, Arrive, please don't put that in.

22:48

Like, I really want this to work. And

22:51

I think we should match them up. And

22:53

what if we have our first podcast marriage? I guess

22:55

we've already had a baby. That would be the best

22:57

case scenario. Isn't Cece married? Oh,

22:59

you're right. But they didn't meet through the podcast. We

23:02

basically coached her through her relationship, I would

23:04

say. That was like we accommodated, we assisted

23:06

it. How far are you willing to go?

23:08

Like, are you willing to fly them both

23:10

out here and put them on the couch

23:12

for the first date? For the first fucking

23:14

date. How crazy? I just see a 1%

23:17

chance this could end up as one of

23:19

the creepiest moments in video history. Like

23:22

it all started with the fun. I want to

23:24

meet her, you know, like a true crime. But

23:27

you know what? We don't know until we get there.

23:29

True. Let's fly them in. I like Jay. Jay

23:31

looks like a nice guy. All I know is

23:33

that Arrive, I haven't seen much of her. Well,

23:36

Jay's local, so that's easy. Yeah, we need to

23:39

get Arrive on a flight. Well, Jay and Arrive,

23:41

I hope this works out. And I'll keep you

23:43

guys updated to see where this goes. Yes. Okay.

23:46

Are we ready for some voicemails? Hi,

23:48

Shane. It's Aaliyah. I'm from North Carolina.

23:51

So I've been through a fight with

23:53

my boyfriend. Basically, I found

23:55

it a problem that he can up and just go hang

23:57

out with his friends and like plan it last minute and

23:59

do it. everything but he

24:01

can never plan a simple date with me like

24:03

even if it's just going to McDonald's am I

24:05

wrong for being mad at him for that girl

24:08

I love all you guys thank you so

24:11

much bye okay I love the

24:13

simple day idea to make don't McDonald's

24:15

yeah you should I love on that

24:17

Shane yeah I'm mad at him too

24:19

girl I'm he sucks I'll come over there now

24:21

that I'm thinking about it have you ever planned

24:23

a date for me Oh boy I

24:26

don't think you had named one Raylan that's all

24:28

even to McDonald's yeah even to McDonald's something easy

24:30

oh you're trying to turn this around on me

24:32

when I said you could do something as simple

24:34

as taking me to McDonald's I take you on

24:36

so many days that's really cute and I hope

24:42

that you tell him that because I feel like if you told him

24:44

that he would want to do it I think when it comes to

24:46

men you know sometimes we need to be told what

24:52

you want in order for us to be able

24:54

to fulfill that and if you bring it up

24:57

you men like to say that as

25:01

a woman married to a man I gotta

25:03

say it a lot it

25:07

never results in a McDonald's date

25:10

that's only because men are scientifically proven

25:12

to be trash right I think if

25:14

you said I'll suck your dick if

25:18

you take me to McDonald's for a date but

25:20

then is that not romantic I've said that

25:22

so many times out delivering that now I

25:24

have to suck the drink before I get the

25:26

date and then my husband feels used which is

25:28

insane it's like my dog I can't

25:30

just say I can't I can't

25:33

just say come on go to bed treat treat you

25:35

gotta I have to produce on the tree

25:37

you do if I and she knows that I haven't

25:40

a few times so she'll wait for me I'm so

25:42

happy that one is a treat oh my god same

25:45

thing I feel like you would if Sandy said

25:47

I feel like you're the type of person that

25:49

yeah well I would especially now I'm kind of

25:51

holding my feet to the fire on it you

25:53

know I feel like I got you but yeah

25:55

I think you just have to express yourself and

25:58

give him an opportunity to either prove you right

26:00

or wrong that he does care. What's like a

26:02

fun little because I feel like you are kind

26:04

of a love doctor in a way. Like you're

26:06

very loving guy. What would you say is a

26:08

simple, cheap, nice, loving, cheap trick of a date?

26:13

I think just go some, I mean obviously dinner or

26:15

something is the easy one, but take

26:17

her somewhere fun, maybe like

26:19

with some good people watching, maybe the beach

26:21

if you're in North Carolina and just

26:23

go from there you know. I like to have an outside

26:25

adventure and I'm a big observer so I like to go

26:27

places where there's a lot of people and hang out. Next

26:31

voicemail. Hey my name is

26:33

Pamela and I'm searching for some

26:35

legal advice because I found a

26:38

tooth in my sandwich earlier at

26:40

McDonald's and I just don't

26:42

know what to do so let

26:45

me know and I love

26:47

how gay y'all are so I'm not

26:49

gay! Okay first of all thank you

26:51

we love that okay. Did you get a tick?

26:53

A tooth. Oh first of all I thought

26:55

it was a tick. I have dreamed about this.

26:58

I have manifested this. Every time I go to

27:00

fast food I pray for this. If you find,

27:02

here's the problem though is you waited too

27:04

long. If you go to McDonald's and if you

27:06

find a tooth in your burger you instantly you're

27:09

on live. You're taking pictures of it. You're calling

27:11

the cops. You're doing all that because you literally

27:13

I don't know I think karma's gonna come

27:15

back to the house. You could literally get like

27:17

20 million dollars. You literally could win

27:19

so much money in a log. Win? Yes if

27:22

you get a tooth in your food but you

27:24

waited too long so now nobody's gonna believe

27:26

you. I've never wanted a tooth before. Yeah I

27:28

was gonna say I feel like the window of

27:30

opportunity has kind of closed for you. Is this

27:33

tooth specific? I would go

27:35

through the kitchen and ask everyone to give me their

27:37

best smile you know. I honestly want to give you

27:39

an open mouth smile. I'd be like this motherfucker. Yes

27:41

that is so gross though. I used to so when

27:44

I was a kid a woman at McDonald's

27:47

somebody spilled hot coffee on her and she literally won

27:49

like 20 million dollars because we burned her. Oh yeah.

27:51

So every time I've been to coffee every time I've

27:53

been to McDonald's since I was a little kid I

27:55

was like praying like somebody spoke coffee on me or

27:57

somebody. That would be such a

27:59

fun Funny prank to go through the drive-thru and make

28:02

your window like the biggest obstacle day into your

28:04

coffee. Like come on, yeah, right here, right here.

28:06

When you order it, you're like, can I

28:08

get the hottest possible coffee with the shakiest

28:10

can? They actually did

28:13

the like, I asked Starbucks one time to make the drink extra

28:15

hot because it was going to take a while to get it

28:17

home. And they have a limit they can heat it up to

28:19

and they can't do any hotter than that. It's

28:21

like 120 degrees I believe is the hottest

28:23

they can get the liquid. Wow. Yeah. Well,

28:26

shout out to you and I hope that

28:28

you get 20 million dollars because if

28:30

you do, that would be iconic. I'd

28:32

go public and go public right now. Yes, right

28:35

now. Although this podcast is going up late.

28:37

I feel like it doesn't matter. Do you still have the tooth?

28:39

Hang on to that tooth sister girl. Yeah, because you could get a

28:41

DNA tested maybe, right? Yeah. They could have meat particles

28:43

in it. You're going to have to prove you

28:45

got it from McDonald's too. I hope you did something about

28:47

that. Okay. What did she

28:49

do? She asked you guys. Hey,

28:53

sorry to interrupt again, but I want to give some love

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Bye. Okay,

30:58

I'm so excited because we have a

31:00

special treat today. Ooh.

31:03

So, okay, here's what happened. About a year

31:06

and a half ago, maybe two years ago, Ryland said, guess

31:08

what? I'm making a Christmas movie with Lizzie. And I was

31:10

like, what? And he's like, yeah, we

31:12

want to make one of those terrible, like Netflix, Hall

31:14

of Mar... Not that I'm not terrible. It's the best

31:16

solution. I'm loving the pitch so far. Have you seen

31:19

what Netflix is putting out at Christmas? This would be

31:21

a treat. So,

31:23

yes. So he was telling me about it, and I was

31:25

like, oh, that's fun. And he's like, yeah, we want to

31:27

make a Kickstarter and talk about it on our podcast. We

31:29

didn't want to do all that. And you let him finish

31:32

this. You're telling the story wrong. We wanted to get

31:34

straight up funding. I don't want to kickstart. That sounds

31:36

like so much work. Really, I think that's fun. Because

31:38

it's about the... So the movie, I'm not going to

31:40

give it away, but the Christmas movie is kind of

31:42

about you guys being podcasters and then crazy things happen

31:44

on Christmas. And I was like, oh, you should do

31:46

a Kickstarter or something so the audience can be a

31:48

part of it and help produce the movie with you,

31:50

whatever. So don't do it if you don't want to.

31:52

Anyway. So if you guys are down, green light up

31:54

below. So Lizzie wrote a

31:56

full script, like a movie script. I think I read it

31:58

like a year ago. writer it's and

32:01

yeah it's really it's a really good script so

32:03

I was like it's a Christmas episode you guys

32:06

should read a scene from

32:08

the movie and give us all apart and

32:10

then we should read the scene and see

32:12

if it sucks or not or

32:14

no if it's good like I wish we would

32:16

have had a week to decide on a great

32:19

scene because the thing is if we want to

32:21

include you and give you characters like we can't

32:23

be shining so you guys have been having this

32:25

idea for over a year and a half and

32:27

you don't know what a good scene is? That

32:30

could be a problem. I think more than anything it's just

32:32

that there's not a scene where there's five shining. We

32:34

wanted to include you and give you all parts

32:36

and a lot of the themes are between the

32:38

two of us. I'm an asshole I'm sorry. Right.

32:40

So okay what characters are we? Okay

32:43

so you can be Zach Rylan. Okay.

32:45

So Chris you can be Wyatt. Okay. I love

32:47

that name. So Wyatt is this fucking

32:50

Adonis like he's just hot as shit.

32:52

What's Adonis mean? Oh like a hot like a perfect

32:55

man like he's very hot he's chiseled

32:57

he's tall. He's also Drake's son.

32:59

I don't think I should be

33:02

Wyatt then. Yes. You're not with

33:04

that attitude Chris. You better step up but

33:06

he's also very in touch with his emotions

33:08

and he's a sweet boy. Oh okay. So

33:10

Jared I think you can be Gigi. Nice.

33:12

Your grandma. And the nurse. And

33:14

the nurse. Oh two roles. Do we ever talk

33:16

to each other though? No no no don't worry

33:19

about it. You good. You good. You have to

33:21

change your voice for each role. Shane I think

33:23

is the doctor. Okay Shane you're the doctor and

33:25

narration. And narration okay. Oh well that's too much.

33:27

Why? Do you mind being both? Can you handle

33:30

the load? Yeah. Okay. Okay and

33:32

then I think that settles it. Oh so this is inspired

33:34

by Rylan's fear of getting a boner at the doctor's

33:36

office. Which is a true thing. Okay. Can we also

33:38

talk about the actual what the movie is about? Oh

33:41

okay so the movie is about a character

33:43

named Lily who has some big high school

33:45

trauma. She got traumatized in high school she

33:47

took the jury early and hasn't been back

33:50

to her hometown ever since. Ooh. And

33:53

the Zach's character is inspired by

33:55

Ryland and he is

33:58

desperate for like a home for

34:00

the holidays moment with like a

34:02

family and a hallmark moment. Because my

34:04

family is like absent. Yeah. Right.

34:06

So the Lily character was traumatized

34:08

by a bully and she

34:10

goes back home to sort of ruin

34:12

his life the way that he ruined hers. Oh,

34:15

I love that. Toxic. But what accident like

34:17

and her plan is to just sort of hate fuck

34:19

him to get revenge. Whoa. And

34:22

then it turns out. And then and then

34:24

Zach accidentally fucks him and falls in love with them. And

34:26

so the secret is that Zach's in love with the bully.

34:28

This is good. Yeah, no, it's okay. Yeah.

34:31

So set up the scene. Okay. So

34:34

Zach has been fucking the high school

34:37

bully. Okay. Is the bully a male or female?

34:39

It's a male. Okay. That's gay.

34:41

He's Ryland's gay. But she doesn't know

34:43

that and she's seeking a vengeance. Yeah.

34:45

So and he's not. I can't like the

34:47

Lily character can't know that he fucked the bully because

34:49

it would ruin her life. Where

34:52

does this scene take place in the movie? Where are we at here?

34:54

What just happened is Ryland's character,

34:56

Zach shot Lily in the hand

34:58

with a nail gun. And

35:00

so now they're in the hospital dealing with that.

35:03

I've actually done that. I've shot myself with a nail gun. Nice.

35:05

You know what? I'm going to use that.

35:07

I've done it. I've done it. I believe you've never told us

35:09

about it. It'll happen. Are we all ready? I'm

35:11

nervous. I'm so nervous because

35:14

I haven't read this in a long time. Neither

35:16

and I'm nervous. Okay. And if it's good, start

35:18

a Kickstarter. Yeah, you're barely in the hospital. And

35:20

if it sucks, don't. Okay.

35:23

Ready? Yeah. Interior, the exam room

35:25

later. Nurse one leads Wyatt

35:28

in. Lily, Zach and

35:30

Gigi, follow. The doctor will

35:32

be right with you. The nurse's eyes linger on

35:34

Wyatt as she leaves. Wait. Wyatt as she

35:36

leaves. Because Wyatt's super hot. Or sorry. The

35:38

nurse leaves and she's like, I fucking Wyatt

35:40

on her way out. Oh, God, got it.

35:42

Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Lily's

35:46

just on the bed. Wyatt goes to her. How

35:48

can I best support you in this moment? Just chill.

35:51

Anything for you. The doctor in

35:54

his fifties enters. Zach aggressively mouths

35:56

his don't get hard mantra. All

35:58

families here, huh? Yeah. not my

36:00

family. Okay, Zach's dick gets hard.

36:03

Fuck! Okay.

36:07

He wheels Gigi in in front of him

36:09

to hide it. Ew. Doctor

36:11

goes to Lily. Alright, let's see the

36:13

damage. He unwraps her hand and her

36:15

rusty nail is still in her palm.

36:17

Oof, nail gun. Lily nods.

36:20

Alright, well we'll clean this up, give you

36:22

a tetanus shot and hope for the best.

36:25

Lily turns gray. Sorry, did you just say

36:27

shot? Yeah, that's a very rusty nail. I'll

36:29

risk it. Really? Mm-hmm. Do

36:32

you know the risk? Lily shrugs. Yeah,

36:35

the risk is death. That's it? Huh,

36:37

you're being silly. The doctor gathers his shot

36:39

supplies. I don't do shots. Sorry

36:42

for shouting. Fighter flight kicks in and I get a

36:44

little bit crazy. You'd rather die slowly

36:46

and painfully over the next few days? No.

36:49

That's what I thought. The doctor prepares

36:51

a shot. You've got this. Aside, Gigi

36:53

wheels away from Zach. Does Gigi have

36:55

lines? Okay, they're

36:57

coming. Gigi wheels away from Zach. He

36:59

pulls her toward him. The two of

37:01

them have a hushed argument. I gotta

37:04

pee. Don't you wear a diaper? That's

37:06

offensive assumption. Alright now, just

37:08

look away. The doctor turns around with

37:10

a needle. Lily jumps

37:12

on the exam table. I'm so sorry. Lily

37:15

kicks him. Gigi wheels away. Zach

37:17

pulls her back. Stop it, you.

37:19

I don't mean to

37:21

be this way. I'm calling security. Call whoever you

37:23

want. They'll never take me alive. Lily leaps to

37:25

the door. Wyatt grabs her mid-air and then lays

37:27

her down on the bed and gets on top

37:30

of her. His body weight acts like the temple

37:32

grandin. What? Like a temple- It's an autistic thing.

37:35

What? Okay.

37:39

Okay. Like a temple grandin squeeze machine. She

37:41

shushes her. Wait, what does that mean? Am

37:43

I going to get canceled? Am I going

37:45

to get canceled? I don't know. I'm

37:51

reading the line. Okay. Is this movie going to

37:53

get funded? What's happening here? Okay. He I

38:00

have no lines! No, shut up! You

38:02

bitch! You can't shut up! Shut up!

38:05

Everyone's impressed. Why? I learned this working with

38:07

Farrah Woolf. Uh, Woolf. They just want to

38:10

be held. He leans into Lily's ear. You

38:12

are a strong, capable woman who can do

38:14

anything she says her mind to. Lily's jello.

38:16

The doctor's also jello. Wyatt

38:18

clears his throat. The doctor remembers his

38:20

purpose and gives Lily a shot. She

38:23

whimpers as the doctor puts a band-aid on

38:25

her. I'm allergic to the adhesive on band-aids.

38:27

Oh, he rips it off. Ouch. Gigi wheels

38:29

away. Zack tries to hold her in place,

38:31

but she breaks free. Zack's

38:34

got a boner, and I got a pee.

38:37

Haha! Hey, that was

38:39

good. Uh, everyone looks like Zack's boner! Gigi

38:41

rolls out. I'm not gay. You're not

38:43

gay? I am, but my boner's not. Oh,

38:45

okay, well then. Zack takes in

38:48

the moment. That's it? What else could there be?

38:50

I guess I've never really considered what

38:52

else would happen after I got hard at

38:54

the doctors. What? Zack's boner goes

38:57

away. I'm cured! Thank

38:59

you, doctor. Thank you! Do

39:01

you have time for a quick physical? It's

39:04

all stopped, so we're... Woo-hoo!

39:06

I think we all did it when we left. That's

39:08

the point. Jared got me. Gigi got me. Yeah. I

39:11

think Jared is great. I told you it was a dining role at

39:13

the end, Jared. I think you put Jared in like

39:15

an old lady prosthetics and like a wig and

39:17

everything. I think we should all be in this

39:19

movie. Oh, yeah. I'm down. Yes. It might be

39:21

the only option. You need an iPhone. Hahaha! What

39:25

is this? I don't know. I'm not...

39:27

No, I'm thinking... It's

39:29

just joking, guys. Come on. I'm pushing here.

39:31

You guys want to see a coming out

39:33

Christmas. I know I do. I

39:35

haven't convinced them yet, but if there's a

39:37

Kickstarter... You think they're on the

39:39

screen? You should really not. Fuck it. I think...

39:42

No one donates clothes. I think we have to make

39:44

this movie, guys. I think so, too. You

39:46

could always do the thing that happens like a lot

39:48

nowadays with horror movies where you make like a short

39:50

that goes super viral and then the feature. You know

39:52

what I mean? I don't think that happens for shitty

39:54

Christmas. Hahaha! Like, you know it

39:56

worked for Whiplash? Yeah. It wasn't really a

39:58

Whiplash. Imagine. December twenty... 24 it's happening

40:01

guys I can feel Shouted

40:04

the whole movie at the airport waiting

40:06

in line Read

40:08

my scripts. I just tell him she's seen for seen

40:10

while we're waiting in security lines in the airport You

40:12

should do that at Starbucks and see if like a

40:14

producers in the building and just see if they'd notice

40:17

you But what she did that and I heard it

40:19

like with your enthusiasm and you're very good storyteller Like

40:21

I was like, this is great. Like I really want

40:23

to watch this All

40:25

right, we're gonna take a quick little break And

40:27

we come back And

40:30

conspiracy kitchen Baby,

40:33

I won't focus Oh

40:41

Didn't see you there. I was practicing for my

40:44

arena tour tickets are very very expensive. They're going

40:46

very fast I mean luckily if you get tickets

40:48

on sea geek, you'll save a lot of money

40:50

You will leave the concert with temporary hearing damage

40:52

from my whistle notes, but the experience would be

40:54

worth it. What am I doing? I'm not on

40:56

tour that was supposed to be a joke and

40:58

I can sing better than that I was like

41:00

trying to be like, you know, look how bad

41:02

I am but like hold on Okay,

41:05

I'm not the best performer in the world

41:08

But you know who is Drake bad bunny

41:10

so many other artists who are currently on tour in

41:12

concert And you know where you can get tickets for

41:14

them. See keep see what I did there So thank

41:17

you so much see geek to sponsoring today's episode If

41:19

you don't already know which I'm sure you do because

41:21

people have been talking about see geek for years They

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are literally the number one rated ticketing app in the

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world with over 28 million downloads and over 70,000

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go on the app and you're looking at a concert you'll

41:45

see little red dots a little red dots mean no Do

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not get this ticket. It's way overpriced not worth it

41:50

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their buyer Guarantee and see geek is the only site

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42:01

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42:03

out the website and see what's going on Use code

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42:07

So download the c geek app or just go to

42:09

the link in my description below click on that Download

42:11

the app and use code grower for 20 off of

42:13

your tickets And let me know if you use this

42:15

and you go to a show or something Send me

42:17

an email to shanedawsonpodcaststuff@gmail.com and let me know. What'd you

42:19

see? How was it? How did it compare to my

42:21

notes? All right, you guys I think that's is that

42:23

the last ad of the day it is Okay,

42:26

this is it. This is i'm not gonna see you guys for

42:28

a while Oh, this is i'm gonna like cry. This is

42:30

sad. Okay. No, it's happy though So yeah, I

42:32

probably already said this in the actual podcast, but

42:34

thank you guys for such an incredible year I'm,

42:36

so grateful this year has been just so beautiful

42:38

and fun and creative and I don't know. I

42:41

just loved it I loved doing the podcast. I

42:43

loved making videos and like it was just a

42:45

really good year And thank you guys for being

42:47

so supportive and yeah Wish

42:49

me luck. Uh, this is gonna be

42:52

crazy And

42:54

i'll see you guys, uh in the new year with babies,

42:56

I don't know if i'll show them I don't know what's

42:58

gonna happen with that, but that's gonna that whole thing is

43:00

crazy. This is okay so as it is currently we're about

43:03

three weeks away, so Hope

43:06

you guys enjoy the rest of the show. Bye I

43:11

have a little gift for everybody here A

43:14

little video from our favorite buzzkill.

43:16

This is the new peppermint mocha

43:18

swirl here at dunkin donuts It

43:20

has a record breaking 186

43:23

points It's

43:26

kind of hard to visualize sometimes so

43:28

visualize this my friends it's the same

43:31

amount of sugar as No

43:34

way No

43:36

way one drink That's

43:39

insane Need another frame of

43:41

reference. It has that much sugar Six

43:45

and a half teaspoons of white cane sugar

43:48

in a freaking coffee now read the comments

43:50

sometimes and people say bobby Are they trying

43:52

to kill us? They

43:54

kill us we can't be consumers of

43:57

their products make us hooked on their

43:59

food Fat and sick and nearly

44:01

dead that way we keep my next book

44:08

This is a prime example of probably they're

44:10

not kicking him out at the end. He's

44:12

just taking a sip delicious World

44:17

Dunkin killers You got each of

44:19

us a shower My

44:22

favorite thing about this guy is he's doing this

44:24

right in the store right in there no fun

44:26

Oh, do you know sugar from home or do

44:28

you think he opened up individual packets in the

44:30

store? I don't think anyone goes to Dunkin

44:32

Donuts thinking Two

44:40

license CPR people in the building so if you

44:42

have a Home

44:46

reaction I don't have a pen. Oh wait. I'm

44:48

allergic to this no don't worry

44:51

because you don't like Professionals

44:53

and in the you know we had

44:55

the medical people I also have for

44:57

reference I have little munchkins Well, I

44:59

never had one of these so these are a

45:01

little Dunkin munchkin So I remember there's 10 times this

45:04

amount in one cup You know what I don't have

45:06

to worry about this anyways cuz Duncan kind of sucks

45:08

and their donuts are on sale Okay, have you ever

45:10

got a fresh donut at Dunkin you're lying if you're

45:12

saying yes Alright

45:17

here we go thanks for killing us Oh

45:24

Okay, mine is bland no you know

45:26

right when you were saying bland I

45:28

thought there is a hint of flavor

45:30

like on the center of my tongue,

45:32

but it's barely hitting my palate I'm

45:34

allergic I kind of love

45:36

it. Oh, okay. Is that what I'm feeling? I

45:38

don't know how tongue is burning they put this

45:40

much sugar and not have that much flavor I

45:43

immediately feel it in my jaw really yeah, I think

45:45

my heart is that good and I'm ready to murder

45:48

with my bare hands Yeah, I

45:50

don't taste anything okay. I will say though. I hate

45:52

man. I'm literally allergic to me I know I

45:54

do know that I don't know if I'm a little

45:56

kind of a lie my skin's allergic to men Oh,

45:58

that's what you mean well. I don't I think

46:00

taste-wise, skin allergy, yes, for

46:02

sure. But wouldn't I have both? I don't

46:04

think so. What do you

46:06

mean taste-wise? So if mint touches my

46:09

body, I turn like red. It's

46:11

probably usual. It can't be good if I put it in

46:13

my body. Either way, I don't like drinking. Can you hand

46:15

this over? I love it. Am I throwing

46:17

the munchkins? Throw it in his mouth. Try to get it in

46:20

his mouth. Good idea. That's fine. OK, ready? These are so cute.

46:22

You've got to open your mouth. Lizzie's offering

46:24

an opening. Oh

46:27

my god. Yeah,

46:29

yeah, yeah. Wait, both open. Both open. Oh, this is funny.

46:31

I love it. OK. Oh

46:34

my god. Oh, that was hard. I

46:36

hate her, dude. That was not hard. Here,

46:38

I think I could get one into Lizzie's

46:40

mouth from here. Are you OK? It looks

46:42

like she's nervous. I just tossed it. Are

46:44

you OK? Wait, are you OK? I

46:46

really loved it. OK, good. Well, here, let me see

46:48

one. Lizzie, do you think I can make one in your mouth from here? Yes.

46:51

OK. I want to do it.

46:54

I'm most fun. We've had all day. A powdered sugar

46:56

donut is so delicate. These are like rocks. Are you

46:58

sure about this? Why tossed it?

47:00

I really didn't throw it at hard. All right,

47:02

guys, watch. Blob

47:04

it. I'm scared. Oh,

47:06

it sounds like a

47:08

brick. That

47:16

was close. I feel like that was the biggest

47:19

thing in the game. Did we scream, lock it

47:21

by face? For what? Did we

47:23

hit the same place on your fucking face?

47:26

You both hit our glasses. Chris, do you want to

47:28

throw one at Lizzie? Come

47:31

on, thank you. Lizzie, do you want to throw one

47:33

at me? Do you want to make it fair? Do

47:35

you want to throw one at Jared? Good. But Rylan,

47:37

to prove your point, that sounded hard as fuck. All

47:39

right, here, Lizzie. Come on. Let's redeem ourselves here. You

47:42

want to try? Oh, yeah. We got to. Move that

47:44

mic out of the way. I mean, I don't know

47:46

if I'm a forehead commit like you, but you guys

47:48

have munchkin blockers. Are you ready

47:50

for that? Yeah. Oh,

47:54

I was so close. Yeah. That was all you, though,

47:56

Jared. That was good. We didn't do it, buddy. Yeah.

47:58

We fucked up. They all dunking. product

48:00

I've ever had and they feel

48:02

like rocks. That's saying something. Have

48:05

you seen the TikTok trends where they throw soft-serve

48:07

ice cream at each other? I've seen

48:09

one where the girl throws it at her head. I

48:11

thought that was so funny that I wanted to do it with Rylan

48:13

but my dumb ass wasn't thinking and I got

48:15

hard. I didn't mean to! I

48:22

didn't mean to! Sir, my throat was injured for

48:24

days. Wow. And it was so bad. Yeah.

48:27

Wow. Um, okay. Well,

48:29

anyways, um, I'm gonna show

48:31

you a reel that I found that even

48:34

me, the sick fuck I am when it

48:36

comes to my drinks, this

48:38

is too far. Here we go. Oh

48:41

no. All right,

48:43

y'all hear me out. The other day on TikTok

48:45

I saw someone mixing Kool-Aid and milk together. Well,

48:47

I do have some milk that I need to

48:49

use before it goes bad. No. Orange

48:52

vanilla mio so I thought let's give it a try.

48:56

Literally! You went... That

49:02

was crazy on the moment. Mio

49:04

so maybe this will taste like an orange

49:06

creamsicle. I don't know how much to put

49:08

so we're gonna try that. Sir,

49:13

it looks kind of delicious. Yuck.

49:17

Yuck. Yuck.

49:21

So this is a thing now, I guess, mio... oh fuck. Mio's

49:24

and milk. Um... Milk

49:27

alone is gonna make me barf. It's

49:30

pronounced milk. Mio. I actually,

49:32

for some reason, feel like this won't be

49:34

bad. So there's another girl I saw who

49:36

did berry flavored. Is this

49:38

too good at all? It closes me out. I

49:40

love mio's. I put everything in my water that

49:42

shouldn't be. This shit is too

49:44

fucking far. Yeah, they're too allergic. This flavor.

49:46

Oh my god, yeah. Orange

49:49

vanilla and milk sounds good to me. Because this...

49:51

do you know those orange creamsicles? Right. That's what

49:53

it reminds me of. Okay. Jared, what are you

49:56

gonna do? I have orange and vanilla as well.

49:58

Here, Jared, try black cherry. Yeah,

50:01

oh, yeah, okay,

50:03

oh You

50:05

know it's not like mixing really lowkey.

50:07

This does smell delicious. Are

50:10

you a milk? It's

50:13

mine's curdling at the top going you gotta

50:16

make the real I don't have a mixing

50:18

agent She's like can't wait.

50:20

She's salvating. Are you ladies ready? Yeah,

50:22

okay here we go. It's gonna be

50:25

chunky See

50:31

I knew it it's like orange creamsicle No, it

50:33

is the consistency makes me want

50:35

to yeah, it is now How about this no

50:37

the flavor all in all is good But the

50:40

way that I got there makes me disgusted with

50:42

the flavor once I get there, you know I

50:45

don't even taste the milk. It's like pepper bismol.

50:47

It's exactly that's a really good way to put

50:50

it It's like pink bismuth you like it It

50:52

just it tastes like not as good as an

50:54

orange creamsicle, but kind of like an orange creamsicle

50:56

You know what here's our grand finale more.

50:58

Oh my god the final Food

51:01

related thing of the year. This

51:03

is the final episode of the year. I don't know if we said that but it

51:05

is Okay,

51:08

so yeah, this is it baby here we

51:11

go here is a real that

51:13

is real Fucking

51:15

disgusting. Oh, I can't trust

51:17

her I hate it already

51:26

You're warning E.D. Why

51:32

did you gag also

51:34

cut to her in the bathroom eating her own shit like that My

51:39

favorite part and listen like I'm not Hey,

51:42

I'm making her nasty. I'm

51:44

not for hate comments, but they put comments were very good on

51:46

this There is this people thing.

51:48

I will literally kill my White

51:53

ass shit She's

51:56

trying to keep herself from throwing up with that

51:58

chuckle she I'm telling

52:00

you someone just said don't piss me off.

52:02

Oh my god I'm

52:14

gonna do a random I'm just gonna put a

52:16

piece of cheese in my mouth and

52:18

then no you gotta make the pillow Oh,

52:20

honestly gonna be a palate cleanse to what

52:22

we just drank Oh, I want this cheese

52:24

is just like and this is not even

52:26

like actual cheese This is like making a

52:29

wonton the problem with this cheese is One

52:31

time I got a piece of it that was hard and

52:34

I tasted a crunch Do

52:36

you and I got PTSD cheese from it? Are

52:38

you ready? They're not real cheese. No, they're not

52:44

Did you smell it no I

52:49

want it so bad. Okay, here we go. Jared already

52:51

I love real cheese I

52:59

can't do it at all. Wait really?

53:10

It's good I like it it's

53:13

really good you gotta check the couch I

53:26

Got that bad no, it's bad. I'm

53:28

about to eat this much in exit.

53:30

I don't know what it was. It's munchkin I didn't

53:32

even think it was that bad Whoa,

53:38

thank you girl who just I hate

53:40

you I'm

53:42

sure you're nice. But oh my god. Oh

53:45

where I guys go. That was the

53:48

Okay, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I

53:50

just Okay,

53:56

welcome to conspiracy corner we have some

53:58

really good ones today This first

54:00

one is insane. Are you ready for this?

54:02

I got cheese in my teeth. I bet

54:04

you guys all thought these glasses were real.

54:07

Right. Our

54:10

first conspiracy. I don't

54:12

know what to say. Was that it? This

54:14

is insane. OK. I

54:17

got sent this by a few people to the

54:19

email. This is really crazy. We

54:21

have found the Rylan

54:23

Doppelganger of all time.

54:25

Hit me with it. Are you ready for this? Is

54:27

it good enough that you would mistake him for me?

54:31

Him? Oh. Is it you

54:33

here right now? Was I

54:35

ever really here? And if you deny

54:37

this, you're a fucking liar. Ready? Oh

54:40

my god. Whoa. Oh

54:42

my god. Whoa. That

54:45

is literally you. I've face tuned you so many times.

54:47

I know exactly what you look like. She's got a

54:49

better upper lip than me, but it's like the prettier

54:51

version. Fuck you. That

54:55

is literally you. How are you not? No,

54:58

no, no, no, no. It's like 9.9 out of

55:00

10. That's crazy.

55:02

It's as close as you're ever going to get.

55:04

I need to see a video of this person.

55:06

Who is this person? OK. Is she living a better

55:08

life than me? It looks like she's in a

55:10

high fashion now. Yes. It's like she's a movie

55:13

designer. I'm sitting here like this. I

55:15

mean, to be honest, she's great. I

55:17

wouldn't be surprised if those were black paper bags

55:19

that they're doing at fashion. We could probably make

55:21

that right now. I want her life. OK.

55:24

So that is Nicole Linkletter. She's

55:26

living. She's so much like you to me that I'm

55:28

wondering if that literally is you. Is him. That's

55:30

what I said. Or Rylan. I didn't mean

55:32

to tell you guys about my holiday campaign.

55:34

You wish. Can we confirm you're not a

55:36

twin? Vicki.

55:40

Bruce. I guess she was

55:42

on America's Next Top Model. Oh,

55:45

thank you, guys. What season? What's

55:47

her name? Nicole Linkletter.

55:50

Wow, I watched her season. I know who that is.

55:52

Yeah. OK, well, this next theory

55:54

is actually something that Jared brought

55:57

up. Ooh. Ooh. OK. Jared,

55:59

do you remember last week? So you were here

56:01

you were telling me about mystery flavored

56:03

their heads. Yes, I do Okay, this

56:05

blew my mind tell them tell them

56:07

about it So basically the mystery flavor

56:09

in airheads is what they do is

56:11

they have piping that pumps

56:13

all the flavoring through and into their

56:16

concoctions and Instead of cleaning

56:18

it out at some point They just

56:20

put all of the piping into the

56:22

same mix and that's the mystery flavor

56:24

So it's all the like yeah left over

56:27

remnants exactly It's like what's left in those

56:29

tubes that they push through all into one

56:31

mix because by itself it wouldn't be enough So

56:33

it's just me and it's not And

56:36

it hasn't been colored yet. So that's why it's just white So

56:39

all airheads are just white and then they get

56:41

I guess that makes sense. Yeah, so the colors

56:43

nothing really to do with the flavor No, the

56:45

color. Yeah, so the idea is it's a mystery

56:47

because if they haven't they didn't color it so

56:50

you could guess But really it's just

56:52

it's a cheaper airhead to make this has to be

56:54

like really like to make rib like isn't the make

56:56

Rib we talked about before but isn't the make rib

56:58

literally just like they take all the

57:00

meat that's left over on the floor and they Put

57:02

it all together Okay,

57:05

so let's see if we can guess what

57:07

the flavors are in it because what our

57:09

normal area oh my god I

57:12

have one of these I thought these were expired

57:14

first do Kind of time.

57:17

It kind of tastes like soap or something Right

57:20

good till we tasted it but

57:22

the flavor isn't incredible. So are they

57:24

all different flavors? Right, so

57:26

they're probably all not the same because they're all

57:29

from like old machines if it's a mystery They

57:31

got to be different right? You know what? I

57:33

should have planned this out properly. I

57:35

should have come I should because

57:38

I bought a box of airheads. I should have

57:40

combined all the flavors and I Don't

57:44

know what a missed opportunity. This looks

57:46

like the lady that did the jizzy

57:48

jewelry made this whole Okay,

57:55

so the flavors are okay we

57:57

have cherry grape watermelon orange and

58:00

blue raspberry. You know what's crazy is now that I

58:02

just said them all out loud I taste all of

58:04

them. I don't taste the grape. Holy shit. That's a

58:06

fun game. The grape one's a really strong flavor and

58:08

I do not taste it in this bitch. I

58:10

should make my uncle like Jarhead's. I hella taste

58:13

blue raspberry. Do you want

58:15

to throw that in my mouth too? Okay. This

58:17

is gonna break my glass. Fair enough. I've washed my

58:19

hands in the past day. Oh god. Oh that's a

58:21

good thing I know CPR. That

58:25

was so

58:27

hard. Ew!

58:29

There you go with the assist. Oh.

58:31

Wow. That was an alley-oop. It's

58:33

delicious. Alright I'm gonna take a

58:35

bite of all the flavors together

58:37

and see if it tastes like

58:39

a mystery. You're so

58:41

silly. I'm like no matter what it is.

58:46

I want to bite that so bad. There's no

58:48

way it's not good. Wait throw it over here.

58:50

Does it taste like the mystery? Are you sure?

58:52

Oh I'm sure. He really wants it. Does

58:55

it taste like the mystery? The mouth!

58:57

Put it right in the mouth! You

58:59

begged for it. It's a bagel for

59:04

it. It's gonna be covered in Santa hair. Ew.

59:07

It really fucking tastes like a mystery

59:09

really exactly. Confirmed. Oh my god. Misconfirmed.

59:11

We know exactly how you make it

59:13

Airheads. Now make a Gere head flavor.

59:16

I think the mystery is a little

59:18

more elegant than that. Well

59:20

I did mush it together with my hands and throw

59:22

it at your face. This is more different

59:25

experience than the mystery. This

59:29

next theory is going to really piss off Rylan.

59:31

Are you ready for this? I'm

59:34

gonna be cool, calm and collected.

59:36

I'm practicing staying chill. It's not

59:38

about that. We're done with the

59:40

dress. We're done? For this year.

59:43

Oh. Until news comes out, we're done. Okay

59:45

this was from Eden. So

59:47

Eden sent me an email and she

59:49

said, did you know that you're not

59:52

allowed to film in Target or Walmart

59:54

anymore? What? And there's a reason why.

59:56

It's because grocery stores and Target and

59:59

Walmart they send undercover employees

1:00:01

to their competitors, especially

1:00:03

the ones doing better or getting better sales

1:00:06

on them, and they film and take videos

1:00:08

of the store shelves so they can see

1:00:10

and steal their product placement strategy. Oh.

1:00:12

So literally, okay, literally, this week, we

1:00:15

went to Target, Rylo was filming for

1:00:17

his Vlogmas, and we were in

1:00:19

the Christmas section, and for the first time I

1:00:21

think ever, ever, Walmart always never lets us film.

1:00:23

Target has always welcomed it, and I always thought,

1:00:25

this is a genius move on their end to

1:00:27

just let us do what we want and let

1:00:30

everyone do what they want because it's free marketing.

1:00:32

So many vloggers make Target videos, and they

1:00:34

do really well. Target videos do well. Yeah,

1:00:37

and literally, it's because they thought we were secret

1:00:39

undercover people from Walmart. And I was so thrown

1:00:41

out, she was like, no filming in here, and

1:00:43

I was like, really? She was like, really in

1:00:46

Target? I've never been told that. She's like, no,

1:00:48

and then I kind of got mad because I

1:00:50

was like, this is fucking Target. I've done this

1:00:52

five years. Which makes sense because when we used

1:00:54

to work at Jenny Craig, they would have secret

1:00:56

shoppers, and they would come in, and they were

1:00:58

fake clients, and one time I had

1:01:01

a secret shopper come in, and I was really nervous, and I

1:01:03

was doing really bad because I had never sold a program before

1:01:05

or whatever, and then she stopped me and she goes, I'm

1:01:08

a secret shopper, and I'm gonna let

1:01:10

you start all over again because that was really bad, and

1:01:12

you're really sweet, so I wanna give you a chance. And

1:01:14

I was like, oh, it was scary. Were

1:01:16

you like, this is my first day? I mean, it wasn't,

1:01:18

but. But I

1:01:20

had those waiting tables, too. They'd send in, that's a

1:01:23

good job, to go to restaurants for free and judge

1:01:25

the service. And then, like, if you're in a life

1:01:27

hack, you should pretend to be a secret shopper when

1:01:29

you go to restaurants so that they give you good

1:01:31

service. They took it very serious. Like, if you got

1:01:34

a bad secret shopper as a waiter, it's like two

1:01:36

and you're out. Me and Sandy have actually done that

1:01:38

a few times. We have, like, certain conversations. They

1:01:40

say, let's talk as if we were, like, critiquing

1:01:42

the food. You know what I mean? I'll even

1:01:44

use my fork and knife for how I see

1:01:46

Gordon Ramsay do it. So they say, holy shit,

1:01:49

dude, you see that guy's fucking fork ticked? That

1:01:51

is genius. I think he's a chef's secret shopper.

1:01:53

That's genius. Well, there you guys go, a conspiracy

1:01:55

and a cheap trick. Hold

1:01:57

on. Don't go anywhere. Please do not.

1:02:00

skip this ad because I have some life updates. This

1:02:02

is a couple weeks after I filmed the last ad

1:02:04

so I know on the end of that ad I

1:02:06

was like oh my god I'm not gonna see you

1:02:08

guys for a while. All that. Well here I am,

1:02:10

Rocket Bunny. Thank you so much Rocket Bunny. I'll get

1:02:12

to that in a second. But let me give you

1:02:14

some life updates. So it is really close right now

1:02:16

obviously Christmas tree. It is really close right now. We

1:02:18

are on call. I don't know what is happening at

1:02:21

any moment we could have to get on a plane to

1:02:23

go meet our babies. It's all so crazy. We'll talk about

1:02:25

it in the next episode but yeah I don't know. I'm

1:02:27

just excited to see what happens. Like am I gonna be

1:02:29

a different person? Like once I'm a dad am

1:02:31

I gonna be like not the same me? So

1:02:34

this truly could be the last time you meet

1:02:36

me as this version of me. Is that crazy?

1:02:38

Why am I thinking about this? How should you

1:02:40

get to the ad? I just want to give

1:02:42

you a little life update. Also yes I'm wearing

1:02:44

my merch. I'm still wearing it. I wear this

1:02:46

pretty much every single day and I love it.

1:02:48

So thank you guys so much for supporting this

1:02:50

merch. I know I filmed the last ad before

1:02:52

but as of now this ugly color that Ryland

1:02:55

was like offended by and that people

1:02:57

around me were like are you sure? You guys

1:02:59

made this the top selling thing

1:03:01

on my site. So thank you guys. That's so

1:03:04

very nice. I'm so excited. I've never said so

1:03:06

very nice in my life. What was that? I

1:03:08

told you I'm changing. So yeah I'm so happy

1:03:10

that you guys love this ugly bold crazy color

1:03:12

collab. Okay anyways sorry. Back to Rocket Money. So

1:03:15

yes if you don't already know Rocket Money is

1:03:17

an all-in-one finance app that makes you save more

1:03:19

and spend less. So I've talked about it before

1:03:21

but the one thing they do that is so

1:03:24

incredibly helpful. Is it help cancel your unwanted subscriptions?

1:03:26

I'm sure you were subscribed to so many random

1:03:28

things on your phone or maybe you're not. Maybe

1:03:30

you're like you know a very put together person. I'm

1:03:32

not and when I look to see what I was

1:03:34

subscribed to I was subscribed to like 37 things. Most

1:03:36

of which I had never

1:03:39

even used. Weird apps like

1:03:41

were charging me a dollar a month for like weird

1:03:43

things like I don't know. So just with the tap

1:03:45

of a button Rocket Money will go through and get

1:03:47

rid of all of those unwanted subscriptions for you. It'll

1:03:50

save you money. I mean even if it's only a

1:03:52

few bucks a month saving you that adds up. They

1:03:54

also help lower your bills. This is a big one.

1:03:56

If you take a picture of your bill and submit

1:03:58

it Rocket Money will help negotiate that bill. for

1:04:00

you to get it to the lowest possible price. And you

1:04:02

don't have to do it. You don't have to call and

1:04:04

be like, hey, can you help lower my bill? No, Rocket

1:04:06

Money will do all of that with the tap of a

1:04:09

button. They also will monitor your credit, which is huge. Anytime

1:04:11

something happens in your credit where, you know, if you miss

1:04:13

a bill or something happens and it goes on your credit

1:04:15

score, Rocket Money will notify you and help you figure out

1:04:17

how to fix it. They'll give you tips and ideas, but

1:04:19

more importantly, they monitor it. So they will let you know

1:04:22

right away because you don't want to be sitting at a

1:04:24

car dealership and they run your credit and you're all excited

1:04:26

about getting your car and then they're like, your credit score

1:04:28

is really bad. There's something weird on it. And you're like,

1:04:30

oh my God, I wish I would have known about that sooner.

1:04:32

Well, Rocket Money will help keep you informed. So to save more

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and spend less and join me over 5 million

1:04:36

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1:04:41

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And you can also unlock more features

1:04:45

with premium. That's rocketmoney.com/grower to get started

1:04:47

for free. So thank you so much

1:04:49

Rocket Money for sponsoring. Thank you for

1:04:51

being such an amazing sponsor this year.

1:04:53

I love them. I trust them and

1:04:55

they're really great company. Now

1:04:57

officially, I'm going to say my

1:04:59

goodbyes. Hope you guys have an amazing

1:05:01

holiday and a good new year and all of that.

1:05:03

I'm so excited about life and about everything and I

1:05:05

can't wait to see you again. Bye.

1:05:11

Okay, this is huge. This is big

1:05:13

news. Are you ready? Okay. I found

1:05:15

another hidden penis in Disney. Oh

1:05:18

my gosh. I've been waiting on it. I've been

1:05:20

looking for another penis because you guys know we've

1:05:22

talked about it the Little Mermaid the penis on

1:05:24

the cover. It's iconic. I have one.

1:05:26

The rumor penis or the Little Mermaid? Whoa.

1:05:31

Is that what you said? It is not

1:05:33

what he said. No, I think it's the

1:05:35

little penis on the cover. That's funny. The

1:05:37

Little Mermaid. He's not such a bitch. I

1:05:39

did not mean that, Jared. So,

1:05:43

okay, you guys know we talked about it before. There's

1:05:45

a hidden penis and it's because one of the artists,

1:05:47

supposedly, it's a myth, but one of the artists was

1:05:49

mad at the rates that he was getting paid. So

1:05:51

he's like, fuck it. I'm cleaning the dick on it.

1:05:54

So here is another one. I cannot believe this one

1:05:56

got through. This is crazy. This is a gift card

1:05:58

that was in stores everywhere. And as you

1:06:00

can see, Minnie Mouse! Woah!

1:06:03

Woah! Fuck! It's

1:06:05

a winner! I'm making you fucking jerky! Woah!

1:06:08

Wait, that was really in store! I heard

1:06:10

a different rendition of why there's so

1:06:12

many wieners in the art. It's

1:06:15

because it's a game within the illustrators

1:06:17

to see who can get the most

1:06:19

like sexual references into

1:06:21

the final version. So

1:06:24

like this person probably was like, bro you seen the $100 card? That

1:06:27

was me. You know, like you guys all

1:06:29

owe me money? He's like fully

1:06:31

around the people. It looks like not only

1:06:33

is he jacking it off but he might lick it. But it's turning

1:06:35

me on. So

1:06:38

Minnie has a fat cock. Is that what

1:06:40

this is? That cock's huge! And

1:06:42

look at how the end of the dick

1:06:44

splits into exactly like a dick.

1:06:46

Do you see what I'm talking about? The split? That's

1:06:49

crazy. You're kidding me. I'm not okay.

1:06:51

Yeah, so there you go. That's

1:06:54

crazy. Okay, this is really stupid. It's not a conspiracy. I'm gonna

1:06:56

have to go to Instagram and I screenshotted it because I was

1:06:58

like holy shit. You know Hey Arnold. What

1:07:00

is he wearing? Hey Arnold, the football

1:07:02

head gentleman is wearing yellow. No. He's

1:07:06

wearing a blue shirt with a

1:07:08

red collar. Okay, I always

1:07:10

thought and this is stupid. And a little hat. A

1:07:12

little hat and a blue shirt. Okay,

1:07:14

I always thought he was wearing a kilt. He

1:07:17

was. It's the... You

1:07:19

got so too, right? It's his shirt hanging out the back of

1:07:21

his sweater. Okay, I always thought it was a kilt

1:07:23

because I was and I was always waiting for like the

1:07:25

Scottish episode because like he looks like he's wearing a kilt

1:07:27

to me. But Lizzie's right. That

1:07:30

is literally just his shirt on top. I was

1:07:32

like what? I very much see why you would

1:07:34

think that. I thought it was a kilt. What?

1:07:38

I thought it was a kilt. I still think

1:07:40

it's a kilt. No, it's his shirt on top.

1:07:42

I see the collar. How stupid was I as a

1:07:44

kid? No, but I was wondering.

1:07:48

Literally what an idiot. It's just how it's

1:07:50

drawn. He's the one that bought a way too big

1:07:52

shirt. Okay, I have another Christmas theory. So this was

1:07:55

crazy. Have you guys seen the movie The Santa Clause?

1:07:57

Of course. Yeah about Kim Allen and Santa.

1:08:00

dies and he takes over right?

1:08:02

Yes. Okay so before he takes

1:08:04

over throughout the movie they

1:08:06

will I'm just gonna show you. All

1:08:30

the little elves have been monitoring the family.

1:08:32

It's been a few years since I seen

1:08:34

the movie but it's in the if you

1:08:36

watch the movie you know that they're there.

1:08:38

It's not a secret. No.

1:08:40

Really? Yeah. No they're not like called out

1:08:43

in those scenes though like they're

1:08:45

very much like a part of

1:08:47

the landscape. Yeah. I watch that

1:08:49

movie every Christmas and I've never

1:08:51

noticed that. Shocking me. I

1:08:56

never noticed that either. This is not

1:08:58

really a theory I just want to talk about it because it like pissed

1:09:00

me off but then also I feel bad

1:09:02

for being pissed off. Let me explain. So

1:09:04

as we talked about earlier the Starbucks Stanley

1:09:06

Cup Christmas collab. It is beautiful. It is

1:09:09

red. It's a Starbucks ex Stanley on it.

1:09:11

It's everything right? I've been looking

1:09:13

for this fucking cup for everywhere. It is nowhere. It

1:09:15

is gone. It's sold out at every Starbucks. Now

1:09:17

I saw this video of this Starbucks

1:09:20

employee unwrapping it. Can I just

1:09:22

say I finally googled it and it was

1:09:24

much less than I expected from what you had

1:09:26

been building up. I was dreaming

1:09:28

up like this gorgeous cup. It's just a

1:09:30

red Stanley cup. Well yeah but it's exclusive

1:09:33

and fun and cool. Don't ruin my Christmas

1:09:35

magic. I'm praying that you'll find it. Thank

1:09:37

you. Okay so here

1:09:39

is a little video. Unboxing

1:09:42

Starbucks holiday Stanley Cup. I'm

1:09:45

already pissed off and I think I know why you are too. Okay

1:09:49

so she's opening it. I

1:09:52

wish I was her. Opening up the cup. Oh look

1:09:54

at it. That's far

1:09:57

from Ms. Ryland. Now

1:10:00

I looked at the comments on this and

1:10:02

all the comments were like, okay, basically the

1:10:04

consensus is that these Starbucks employees who I

1:10:06

love, by the way, are stealing

1:10:08

them. Well, they're buying them themselves, but

1:10:10

only for a store. Like they get

1:10:12

four Stanley cups per store. So the

1:10:15

employees are buying them. And then guess

1:10:17

what they're doing? This is selling them

1:10:19

on eBay. This is crazy. They're reselling

1:10:21

them on Poshmark for $300. Good

1:10:26

for them. I know it's genius. I

1:10:28

was mad for a second. And then I was like, wow,

1:10:31

I respect the hustle. Wait literally to 50 to 50 to

1:10:33

50 three 50. For

1:10:37

a cup for a cup. Don't think

1:10:39

I wasn't tempted. I bet you

1:10:41

bought. So when you have one, I'll know that

1:10:43

you spent. Yeah. Wow.

1:10:46

Isn't that crazy? So the store managers

1:10:48

are like, which employees and the employees

1:10:50

probably duke it out for the four. One

1:10:54

of the Starbucks's I went to today, they literally said, we

1:10:56

only got four and we bought them and

1:10:58

we fucking bought them. That

1:11:00

is wild. That's crazy. Okay. This

1:11:02

is, this is just funny, but

1:11:04

somebody sent me this. This is

1:11:06

from Sandy. Not

1:11:09

your Sandy. And she said that this popped

1:11:11

up on her Instagram. So

1:11:13

this is crazy. So this is once again,

1:11:16

we're not getting sued. We all good with

1:11:18

them. We love them. Shout out. Chuckie. Hope

1:11:20

you're doing well. But

1:11:23

take a look at the

1:11:28

show. So I went to check

1:11:30

each cheese and they're promoting this new pizza. So

1:11:33

I'm like, you know, I'm going to get it. It's cute. This

1:11:35

is what they're advertising. Right. This

1:11:41

is what I got. Chuckie

1:11:45

cheese at this point, guys. Come on. Shame.

1:11:48

If you look, you can actually see, like, look

1:11:52

at the two olives that are supposed to be.

1:11:54

No way. Our pizzas are expensive. You know what?

1:11:56

How about this guys? I'm reconsidering because

1:11:58

the more I look at. this it

1:12:01

looks like I'm seeing the face wait

1:12:04

you know like I think this is

1:12:06

more artistic then we looked at it

1:12:08

at first with the lens through we're

1:12:10

not giving it enough credit is like

1:12:12

Picasso type Picasso look at I'm saving

1:12:14

my opinion because we have we have

1:12:17

babies coming I've never had a problem

1:12:19

with the taste how do you make

1:12:21

a pizza look real the thing like

1:12:23

I know this is crazy you made

1:12:25

many videos about this so many times

1:12:27

but like the pieces don't fit there's

1:12:29

no good explanation for it it's crazy

1:12:33

it doesn't make sense but Chris is not the lawyer

1:12:36

on the case now listen this is this

1:12:38

is stupid

1:12:41

have you seen this okay there's a Simpsons

1:12:43

theory have you seen this one yet what

1:12:45

is I don't know I've seen so many

1:12:47

okay series I thought this is hilarious and

1:12:49

I'm honestly a little scary kind of give

1:12:51

me chills so as you guys know that's

1:12:53

officer wiggly officer weekly and

1:12:56

then his son right Wow okay

1:13:01

what if I told you that

1:13:03

actually officer wiggly's wife

1:13:06

cheated on him and if

1:13:08

you look in the background that's the

1:13:11

dad fucking

1:13:14

crazy oh fuck whoa

1:13:16

crazy they're the

1:13:19

same hair and everything whoa holy it

1:13:22

and they paint Piggly or what's the name

1:13:25

they they make him like a little cock

1:13:27

on the show like he's a little yeah

1:13:30

fuck and it's because his wife

1:13:32

was like yeah this cock and

1:13:34

look how nervous the cops are

1:13:36

looking at us I know he's

1:13:38

in fact not yeah that's trashy

1:13:40

I know makes me want to

1:13:42

go back and rewatch crazy whoa I know fucking so

1:13:44

they're good so okay I'm gonna show you a quick

1:13:47

optical illusion and you guys tell me what you see

1:13:49

ready legs there's

1:13:51

like something on our legs yeah

1:13:54

like okay never mind what

1:13:57

if I thought they looked like plastic wraps well

1:14:00

Oh, you don't see it again plastic wrap legs.

1:14:02

Yeah, but then if you look closer, it's just

1:14:04

paint Oh, I thought it was really sure. Yeah.

1:14:06

I also thought it was shiny. I don't your

1:14:11

Whoa, I don't

1:14:13

know. I do I thought it was like baby

1:14:15

or something like yes shiny. Yeah, but it's

1:14:17

white Lizzie

1:14:19

would you see? Oh, I thought the paint cuz there's paint around

1:14:22

her right? What are we looking at? I? Thought

1:14:25

the white paint was like shine this

1:14:27

one goes dumb woman's legs, right? The

1:14:34

new dress Let

1:14:40

me do a quick time on okay, here we go the

1:14:42

circles don't move That's

1:14:48

a lie they're not moving that's a

1:14:50

Not moving they're not moving. That's a

1:14:53

lie. You're not moving here. That's not

1:14:55

if you cross. Okay, they're not moving

1:14:57

I buy it. They're not moving Cuz

1:15:00

look at the look at the space between the base

1:15:02

of it and the base of the rectangle and

1:15:04

the top of my Single might stupid but

1:15:06

the thickness of them is changing so that

1:15:08

no, it's not they're not moving fucking

1:15:12

idiot I Told

1:15:17

I like each other

1:15:19

after this I manifested it. I don't

1:15:21

think they're moving But it's an optical

1:15:23

illusion right I was watching my favorite

1:15:25

show at the moment house of villains

1:15:27

It's so good and there was a

1:15:29

commercial break During the commercial break and

1:15:31

I just thought this was weird and I feel like this

1:15:33

is an invasion of like Hodes

1:15:36

and ethics and I don't know it no shade. I

1:15:38

love the show, right? I don't want to get sued

1:15:40

but this was crazy to me So I'm watching the

1:15:42

show and then this happens Isn't

1:15:49

that crazy I feel like

1:15:51

Ryland I don't get it really the

1:15:53

commercial is activating your phone to set

1:15:55

in the Set

1:16:00

a reminder to watch House of Villains every

1:16:02

Thursday, and it's hoping that everybody's phones is

1:16:04

like okay Wow, isn't

1:16:06

it crazy? I can't say we haven't done

1:16:08

it before in a vlog where you said

1:16:10

hey Alexa subscribe to Rylan vlogs Okay, that

1:16:13

was kind of a joke Yeah, that would

1:16:15

literally be like yeah like we didn't pay

1:16:17

it into an advertising budget to do that

1:16:19

Can I just really quickly say hey Alexa

1:16:21

subscribe to Lizzie Gordon's vlog? Hey

1:16:25

Siri send Lizzie Gordon money on

1:16:30

You know I gotta

1:16:32

I just have to

1:16:34

applaud it yeah, right

1:16:36

that's fucking genius How is nobody done that

1:16:39

I was House of Villains of course they're

1:16:41

the first ones to do that course it's

1:16:43

fitting Yeah, okay now. This is the final

1:16:45

thing. This is sad. This is the last

1:16:47

time. We're gonna do this this year I

1:16:49

mean We have the

1:16:51

final psychopath I Gotta

1:16:54

get this one. I love gotta get to

1:16:56

20 30 what fucking year is it? 13

1:17:02

me too what year is it 2023? What

1:17:09

so many times throughout the year I'll I won't

1:17:11

know what year it is and I have to

1:17:13

Google what year it is I meet all but

1:17:15

you know I look when I write checks. I

1:17:18

always look no way yeah, I like I read

1:17:21

He just said I don't like looking dumb Everything

1:17:27

I put on the internet is me looking if you don't

1:17:29

know what year it is they can literally lock you up

1:17:34

Yeah, who's the president Okay

1:17:39

here we go are you guys ready for the

1:17:41

final psychopath test of the year this is big

1:17:43

Yeah, yeah, Eddie here. We go do it. Okay?

1:17:46

This was sent in by Jess there are

1:17:49

two girls eating dinner together They

1:17:52

both ordered iced tea one girl

1:17:54

was very thirsty and drank was very fast Then

1:17:57

order two more and drink those fast as well

1:18:00

The other girl, she slowly sipped her tea.

1:18:03

The girl who drank one

1:18:05

tea slowly died. But

1:18:07

the girl who drank all those teas

1:18:09

really fast survived. All

1:18:12

of the tea was poisoned. So

1:18:14

how did the girl survive? Uh,

1:18:18

the girl that survived had an

1:18:20

antidote before or something? Non-psycho-path

1:18:23

guess. Damn it. She

1:18:26

practiced and built up an immunity?

1:18:28

Non-psycho-path answer. Yeah, man. I

1:18:31

wish I hadn't spoken so soon. Can

1:18:33

I take a bath? I'm

1:18:36

just trying to think of an answer in

1:18:38

general. If I wanted to kill a bitch,

1:18:40

yeah, you'd want to show them that the

1:18:42

tea's safe. Yeah. So she drank three. Fast.

1:18:46

Yeah, the fast part is what's getting me. Because

1:18:49

only the first one was poisoned? No, they're all

1:18:51

poisoned. She drank them fast, went in the bathroom,

1:18:53

and threw up. Oh. No.

1:18:55

No, but that sounds like my 20s. Shit.

1:19:00

OK. So it would pass through her

1:19:02

faster? She would pee it out quicker?

1:19:04

I don't know. Damn, I really wanted to get it.

1:19:06

Ready? This is kind of crazy. The

1:19:09

poison was only in the

1:19:11

ice. Oh,

1:19:13

no. The girl that drank it all fast

1:19:15

didn't get poisoned. But the girl that took

1:19:17

forever was sippy sippy. That's good. Who comes

1:19:19

up with these? Psychopaths. I

1:19:22

don't know. She's a crazy gentleman. Never

1:19:24

drinking at your house. Well,

1:19:27

speaking of fabulous, the

1:19:29

last of the year. We're going to be back

1:19:31

in two weeks. What are you doing? No, we're

1:19:33

not. Oh. We're having babies. We're taking a break.

1:19:35

We're going to be back in four weeks. We'll

1:19:37

be back in January. No, we'll be

1:19:39

back in January. Take us

1:19:42

out with the final recap.

1:19:44

Final recap. I can't remember.

1:19:46

Yeah. Light

1:19:50

camera action, right? And recap

1:19:52

is about to happen. Yeah.

1:19:55

Final recap. Like today's episode

1:19:57

of the Shane Dawson podcast. It's Christmas.

1:20:00

And Seth is here! Yes!

1:20:04

Why are you judging that? Is

1:20:06

it because my voice cracked? No, it was good, isn't it? Or

1:20:08

you just didn't like the headline. You got a better one? Let's

1:20:10

try it all. Whoa. What

1:20:14

do you got? How about, um, well,

1:20:16

Santa, what do you got? I'm still

1:20:18

stuck on my wet line. Oh, holy

1:20:21

night! The stars are shining so bright

1:20:23

as Lizzie Gordon joins the season. Yeah!

1:20:28

How am I going to get a reaction like that?

1:20:30

Maybe you should be better. I'm

1:20:32

sick of who's been around forever. Um, we're CPR

1:20:34

certified now. Shane

1:20:38

and Ryland are CPR certified. Nice! It's

1:20:42

live, CB! You gotta keep it rolling. Just

1:20:44

in time for their twin baby boys to be here

1:20:46

for Christmas. Aww. If

1:20:50

you ever are in an emergency, you

1:20:52

definitely want me around. Well, here, let's

1:20:54

see. I think we should try

1:20:56

to redeem ourselves. And if you happen to choke, he could

1:20:58

save you. Yeah. Elizabeth

1:21:02

Gordon's been trying to catch donuts in her

1:21:04

mouth. Yeah!

1:21:07

You got a monster! Yes.

1:21:11

And because it's Christmas, I thought I could toss

1:21:13

to my co-host and have them all give you

1:21:15

a headline of the year. Perfect code. Shane? Oh,

1:21:18

me? Yeah, you. Since

1:21:21

you think it's so easy to do my job. Wow.

1:21:25

I would throw that wig away. What did

1:21:27

I do wrong? Go back to his reaction to my

1:21:29

first line when he went. Oh,

1:21:31

okay. I'm sorry. I thought it was good. Thank you.

1:21:33

Okay, but I'll be better. In

1:21:36

today's hot, hot, hot news, we have

1:21:38

a new celebrity couple that's brewing up

1:21:40

the scene. We have a rebate

1:21:42

and Jay, who Jared knows. Call her

1:21:44

in his seat. Will they? Won't they? Hopefully

1:21:47

they do it right on our couch. You

1:21:49

want my segment? That was incredible.

1:21:52

I'm sorry. That was incredible. I wasn't trying to speak.

1:21:54

I could never. Thank you, Shane.

1:21:56

Jared? I could never do that. In

1:22:00

conspiracy news, does Mio actually

1:22:02

make milk taste good? The

1:22:05

boys and girl try it

1:22:07

out, and the answer is...

1:22:09

...meh. BAAAAAA! Yeah? That

1:22:11

meh? Sold the show. I

1:22:13

felt like I was lagging, and then I

1:22:15

needed something major. That would be your catchphrase

1:22:18

if you were like a news anchor, and

1:22:20

you'd have Mertz's head like, meh, on it.

1:22:22

Fuck yeah. Meh. Fuck meh. Fuck meh. Fuck

1:22:24

meh. Chris? Oh god, I don't know. On

1:22:26

the last episode of the year for the

1:22:29

Shane Dawson podcast, we learned that all

1:22:31

the boys must have been nice because

1:22:33

Santa Claus came to visit and gave

1:22:35

us all personalized cute gifts for all

1:22:37

the good night's mail. Wow! Wow!

1:22:39

Wow! That was a very good one. My favorite part

1:22:41

was... I don't

1:22:43

know if I could... Oh! I was thinking about

1:22:45

it the whole time, stressing. It was good. It was good.

1:22:48

You couldn't have told, dude. The more that I look at

1:22:50

this, by the way, it's like, so it has everything I

1:22:52

love. It has a llama, and it has a French bull. I'm

1:22:54

just realizing more and more how much I

1:22:56

love it. I'm getting somewhat nervous about Ryland

1:22:58

returning right now. I was just gonna... Okay,

1:23:00

go ahead. Okay, Ryland. You got some, baby.

1:23:03

I was gonna say, in a first ever

1:23:05

event, we had Jared spit up one of

1:23:07

our TikTok kitchen items. That was the closest

1:23:09

I've been to actually throwing up. That was.

1:23:12

That was wild. I looked over, and it

1:23:14

was coming out of your mouth. I

1:23:17

felt like an insane way. Like, I'm worried to look

1:23:19

at my couch and your plate. Oh no, you're good.

1:23:21

You're good. I sensed the worry for the couch, and

1:23:23

it's good. It looked rough on cake. There was

1:23:25

a tooth in McDonald's. Oh, lawsuit

1:23:27

alert. We're coming for

1:23:29

McDonald's, seeking 20 milli

1:23:32

for the tooth she found in her food two months

1:23:34

ago. I hope she eats it. You should have gone

1:23:36

on it sooner, but we're still gonna help you out.

1:23:38

Yeah. I tried to wait. I can't wait.

1:23:40

I backed you out. Oh, Chris came out of his mom's... Yes!

1:23:43

He's a butt baby! He is!

1:23:46

He is! My poor mother. We've learned

1:23:48

that Chris is the first baby to

1:23:50

come out of an asshole because he

1:23:52

refused to meet a vagina. Well, funny

1:23:54

joke, how long did it take Chris's mom

1:23:56

to take a dump? How long? Nine months.

1:24:00

Yay! Quick

1:24:03

one. Yikes! You

1:24:06

really think about that. You're

1:24:08

following her, Chris, in the future. It's

1:24:10

my brow. Chris, have

1:24:12

you had sex with a woman? No. Really?

1:24:18

Is that that shocking? I've had sex with

1:24:20

a woman. I've gotten

1:24:22

head and I tried to go down for a little bit. That's not

1:24:24

very gay, Chris. I

1:24:26

couldn't. But I

1:24:28

tried, my heart is. Oh! Starbucks

1:24:32

employees are scamming us! And

1:24:36

quite possibly the biggest scam of the year.

1:24:38

We have learned the Starbucks employees are stealing

1:24:40

the only 4 Stanley X

1:24:42

Starbucks cups that arrive to every

1:24:44

store and turning them around on

1:24:46

Poshmark for $250. Like

1:24:49

10 times the value market price. Not

1:24:52

all Grinches are green. Some

1:24:54

would say it's genius. That sounded

1:24:56

like something you'd see at home, good. I'm

1:24:58

a sign like not all Grinches are green. They wear

1:25:00

green aprons so they are green. Oh

1:25:04

my god, the biggest news of the day! You guys

1:25:07

are running and starring in a movie

1:25:09

with a Kickstarter! A

1:25:12

very Merry Christmas it is. Ryland

1:25:14

and Lizzie are starring in their very

1:25:16

own Christmas movie that hopefully you all

1:25:18

are funding. If we're confident in it,

1:25:20

there will be a Kickstarter live now.

1:25:24

You'll be able to find the link to it in the

1:25:26

description section below. If it's not there, we

1:25:28

decided we're not doing it. Can

1:25:30

you imagine what if you guys get like $10 million

1:25:33

and I can't get my

1:25:35

movie fucking done? If you

1:25:38

know somebody that knows somebody that

1:25:40

makes movies at Netflix, Hallmark or

1:25:42

Lifetime, call your girl. And

1:25:44

if every one of you just drops a

1:25:46

single fucking dollar in that Kickstarter, we will

1:25:48

make this movie. One dollar from all of

1:25:50

you, that's all it takes. I was

1:25:52

just going to say, if it was literally one dollar, how many people

1:25:54

would follow you? That would be a big budget. I'm having a sugar

1:25:57

over time. She was very

1:25:59

anti the Kickstarter. That was very good.

1:26:01

You know how many airheads I mean

1:26:03

a lot of munchkins All

1:26:08

the good night I thought that was

1:26:10

a wonderful time spent with friends and

1:26:12

family are you guys okay? Subscribe

1:26:18

to everyone here following us all on

1:26:20

Instagram Jared has a daily podcast now

1:26:22

Chris is uploading more frequently on YouTube

1:26:24

Elizabeth has a vlog channel. We have

1:26:26

a Kickstarter and Shane has merch for

1:26:28

this podcast You can shop it at

1:26:30

Shane Dawson merch comm make sure you're listening

1:26:32

to this podcast every other week There will

1:26:34

be a little hiatus because we'll have children

1:26:37

But Shane will keep you updated

1:26:39

on the Instagram Shane Dawson podcast

1:26:41

when we'll return Thank you

1:26:43

guys for watching. We'll see you soon Well

1:26:46

there you guys go Merry Christmas.

1:26:48

Happy Hanukkah. Happy everything and Happy

1:26:50

2023 we have such an image. That's the

1:26:52

year, right? Are you kidding me? Are

1:26:56

you kidding me after you were making fun of me

1:26:58

for looking up a year happy home best of this

1:27:00

for the rest of this? Yes, and

1:27:02

we had such a good year. Thank you guys for being

1:27:04

a part of our year We had so much fun doing

1:27:06

this podcast is in the show for you guys and hopefully

1:27:08

you join us back here in 23 more

1:27:10

I will see you guys